Consent is important, and guys looking for "vibes" are often saying the same thing after they go past the line saying "I thought I was getting signals". It’s better to ask than to assume, and I know it’s awkward, but screaming into a pillow is not a great reaction to a guy trying to make sure he’s okay to do something very personal that might not be welcomed. And even if it is awkward at first, it becomes normal after it becomes your norm.
I have to disagree. I feel like consent for kissing and holding hands is unnecessary. In my last relationship, asking made it REALLY awkward, and if I could have gone back, I wouldn't ask if I could hold hands or put my arm around her. When it comes to sex, consent is important in that case. For kissing, hugging, or holding hands, I think that consent is unnecessary. Even if a girl doesn't like what a guy is trying to do, like kiss her, she can pull away, go into a hug instead, or say I'm not ready for that. Asking really ruins the mood.
@@alaningersoll9483 That's only because you don't put much weight into kissing and holding hands. As Drew Barrymore once correctly stated "kissing can be far more intimate than sex."
Spoiled females with bad standards. If a girl gets weirded out when you ask if it's ok, instead of smiling and laughing, she's not innocent, and she's corrupt.
I was introduced to my husband by my Dad, go figure! He was new in our ward. After two hours of meeting he called me, and asked me out! I said yes,and I really started to like him, so I waited to kiss him until the eighth date, because I wanted to know who I was giving my liss too! We were married in the LA Temple 26 years ago!💜🌷
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
Gotta do the 70-30. Kiss initiator goes 70% of the way and the other goes the other 30%. If they don’t come to you, they can avoid being kissed nonconsentually, but it flows smoothly if both people are cool with the kiss.
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
Missionaries are called of God to serve and they go on missions to answer question and help people. Talk with the missionaries if you want to learn more about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately one important idea left out in this discussion is how LDS/Mormon culture is very judgmental . . . mainly this is because from an early age we're taught that dating is for marriage, marriage is meant to last for eternity, and 'you marry who you date'. The result of that teaching, however, is that girls won't even take a second look at you if you don't fit the mold of a perfect guy. This cultural belief adds pressure and risk to going out - even on a single date. (Girls and boys have become very selective on who they ask out and accept dates from). Because of this I'd say that it feels like women 'don't like men' anymore - or that they're not interested in going out at all. Girls in the church only want to date the most attractive / top 10% of men in the church - and no-one else even has a chance.... as if to say "I can't let this man talk to me. . . he'll try to marry me or something". Very perplexing cultural element.
women are only interested in dating someone who is better looking than themselves so they can show off to all their church member on how tall dark and handsome or rich their boyfriend is also a good plus on Christmas dinner to show off to family members. so if a women is a 3 in the looks category they will search for a 6 and friend zone him for awhile but still hold off for a 8 or 9 and they will pray really hard to summon an 8 or 9 never get one get mad then goes for a 6 about five year later making that guy wait. this is the secret agenda of feminism that because women wear makeup take longer to dress up and having babies so they deserve more in life - like a hot tall handsome rich guy and men also buy the agenda too and worship the golden vagina and just turn into a yes-man. been there seen it million times and now im going MGTOW and trying to become a monk. the older you get the more you experience things and men who are older are sick of the games and simply opt out.
Keys: 1) Know that you are a loved daughter of our Heavenly Father. Never forget your worth. 2) Remember that it's not going to work out with every person, so don't beat yourself up if something goes wrong! 3) Don't take things too seriously and have FUN with it! Dating can be an awesome experience if you allow it to be! You got this, girl.
Ian Bond Thank you for your concern! He swims in a big tank all week and then for the one hour a week that we film, he's in the little tank. He's well taken care of :)
I'd say a post-date text is important because if you didn't enjoy the date, it can be really awkward to straight-up say that, especially in person. If there's no post-date text from either person, you can assume that there won't be a second date.
I have WORKED in the singles program for the older singles for 7 years with my husband, he was over them , from the high council! The men really complained, about women not staying healthy and fit! And they don't like it when women have to much drama! And the women, complained the men not asking them out!
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
But also, not all girls are like this either, with several of the points they made. Like some girls are very academic and even if they are interested in a guy they will still not drop everything to talk to the guy. And there were a few other things that these girls mentioned that not everyone is like this, so I think really just being honest truly is the best thing! And not being offended when someone is honest with you! I liked the whole corn and strawberry analogy 😉😂
Most girls today are fake, like these ones. When you spend the majority of your life putting on a face to narcissistically manipulate others... Well there's a hell for that, and an app too!
Dating is the worst way to get to know someone. Make lots of friends and do lots of fun things. After 101 lame relationships, I married my best friend who had been there for me all the time.
I've found that my biggest issue is that I didn't serve a mission (because I just joined 2 years ago); the majority of the girls won't date me because I didn't serve a mission. I've had over a dozen women tell me that that is the main reason as to why I'm single. Pretty dumb reason not to date somebody.
The easy solution for you, if you never served a mission, would be to never pursue such Mormon women for dates, or any Mormon women at all. Just save yourself some heartache & frustration. Case closed.
Bradley Morrison ignore the insensitive comment above because there are plenty of mormon ladies who don’t care about that. I’m lds and I’m not going on a mission. I don’t care if a dude has gone on one either and if a girl is going to judge your character on whether or not you have served then she should really be judging her self and if she’s really following the gosple like Jesus taught rather than be a stuck up prude. I always say find the mormon to your mormon. Someone who shares the same beliefs as you do and has compatible values. That’s important in a relationship and in marriage. Our culture is a bit crazy sometiems but it’s important to focus on the gosple and god rather than the imperfections in the church culture. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say and that it helps :)
@@wolfgang7037 Thank you, that means a lot. My comment was from a while ago. I ended up going on a mission for about a month (Los Angeles, Persian speaking) before returning home. I went for the wrong reasons, mainly to fit in and such. I'm at BYU-Hawaii these days, currently on the island doing classes online. I still struggle with the cultural aspects, and women in the Church still look through me like I"m a ghost; which is odd because I'm not ugly or anything. It's just that I don't look like a Provo boy. I'm almost 25, I'm 5'7", have a northeastern accent, a little overweight, and wear a gold chain. Lol I just don't look LDS, so maybe that's what drives them away these days. Who knows. But thanks for you insight, it's nice to hear from people that aren't caught up in the culture.
Bradley Morrison of course 😊 and that’s super cool! Hope you’re surviving corona and if the dating scene isn’t in your favor right now I always say to work on yourself and your goals. The things you learn along the way will help you be a whole individual which will better your future relationships:)
I think the guys that ask permission for a kiss are a bit shy and they need some encouragement. I know this because I used to be like this (perhaps I am still but within the years in marriage I have grown out of this type of asking). If a guy is shy but a good and virtuous (read: husband material), definitely build up his character by words of affirmation. That is the point of relationships that people forget these days: We come to relationship to give, not to get.
People play games because they don't want to be rejected so they find roundabout ways to see if the other person reciprocates the feelings without coming on too strong.
So, I run into the awkward situation where the girl didn’t act like we were on a date. It seems easier to just say “let’s go dancing this Saturday” than “would you like to go out this Saturday”. I am curious to see what y’all think the best way to ask a girl out in a “this is definitely a date” kinda way without automatically getting turned down? I’ve had some experiences where girls automatically jump to “let’s be friends”, even before the date. Do you think there is some sort of pressure for girls behind the phrase “let’s go out this Saturday” vs. “let’s go dancing this Saturday”?
3:36 ah yes, in order to “be nice” it’s ok to ghost. That is a very distorted understanding of what it means to be nice. Provo girl nice= unfeeling ignorance.
To be fair, it's not a "Provo girl" thing, it's all women. We're always told all our lives to be nice, to be gentle, to not hurt guys feelings but no one ever taught us how to actually do that so when we're young we're kind of on our own trying to figure it out. It's a learning process and unfortunately both genders get hurt due to misunderstandings on both sides. I have been ghosted many, many times by men, so it's really not fair to assume it's only one tiny little group of people. All people can fit in the category, unfortunately. It's not fair and it's not right, but I people do learn from their mistakes.
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
This is truly inspiring! Being a mormon, I can really relate. Speaking of which, would it okay to make our own perspective using the similar topic but considering the culture and traditons we have? We just want to acknowledge your channel since this is where we got the whole idea of voicing out our concerns towards the topics? Thank you! Really!
Hey, I've been prowling the Internet for sources like this and you guys seem really good! I am going through a bit of a rut because no one ever asks me out or asks me to dance or ANYTHING. I don't think it's that boys are scared or nervous because they ask everyone else around me and in my ward. I have been on a few dates and we've had a lot of fun, but it's always been ME asking. I know there's nothing wrong with the girl asking, but it doesn't feel too good to know that no one wants to put forth the effort to ask me. I'm trying to not let this bother me so much, but it really does and I don't know what to do. Advice??
Since I don’t know anything about you I’ll just say as a general rule I would think guys like girls who are healthy and fit (check out the comment just above this).
Man I know this video is so old but I wish someone would give me their perspective on this: What about age gaps? I feel reluctant to ask out girls who are 7 or more years younger than me. I'm 30 now and I live in the East. Not a lot of members of the church and options here. I feel like if I ask out a girl nearly 10 years younger than me it might be creepy. But again, I have very limited options.
Ive been ghosted an like it sucked alot like i would have been totally understanding if they didnt want to see me again but dont just leave me hanging.. btw ghosting isnt just a date it has different definitions you could be dating and he left you hanging or he only wanted one thing and got it and left you hanging or you wouldn't give it to him... ect theres alot of different perspectives on ghosting. With the dating times im cool with a long date i went on a date with my friend we went to his house and watched movies and ate just talked an chilled for like 5hours. But i known him for a while.
I think it is good if the girl offers to help pay for the first date. The guy should then say thanks but Ive got it covered and pay. The fact that the girl offered shows she will be committed to making any potential relationship work. Something to think about
21:12 more bad representation of what to do and choosing the wrong way. Just like ghosting, making up stupid excuses that you’re busier than every other person ever is almost just as bad and makes you equally deceitful.
Guys _asking_ permission is stupid, but guys _assuming_ permission instead of being aware and sensitive to the woman's reaction goes past stupid to abusive. That close difference leaves a lot of room for women feeling like they _have_ to go along with something they don't want to do. I hope you all think about that. You do not have to give up your agency. Heavenly Father does not ask you to give up your agency. The hierarchy of the Church some times asks you to give up your agency, but that is obviously and clearly not in alignment with Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father does not ask you to do things that harm you. The obverse, (in a gender sense), is also true. The analogous permission for LGBTQ folk also leaves a lot of room for abuse. Heavenly Father _created_ people gay and the Church being uncomfortable about that doesn't change what Heavenly Father created. He did not make a mistake. This video is an LDS perspective (I've had a temple recommend so don't judge me), which over-empowers men. Men are supposed to pick up on the cues/clues. It is too much power to men. Women should be able to make things much more clear instead of just crossing their arms or sitting on their hands -- they should be able to say back off. There is nothing wrong with that. Heavenly father wants all of us to be safe and wants all of us to have control over our own destiny. Just sayin'. I grew up with sisters and I don't want men to think that they can just blunder along and try things without knowing. Taking away someone's agency is always abusive even if the LDS culture and the woman liking the guy combines to say ok. Just sayin'. Ghosting is not wrong. You do not have responsibility for the other person's comfort. You do not have to prolong a relationship which to you is not a relationship at all. Someone who keeps pursuing a one sided relationship is abusive. Do you have to continue taking care of their feelings? No. Their mother should have taught them that if all of the effort is from their side, stop, you are being oppressive. Someone who does not reciprocate is not a match. Let them go and turn your attention elsewhere. It is abusive to expect someone without an iron in the fire to take care of some stalkery human. They are clearly abusive. I so wish you hadn't talked about _leading people on._ That is not even a thing. You tried the stuff to your comfort and then it was uncomfortable and you quit. There is nothing remotely wrong with that at all unless you think that people should keep doing things that aren't comfortable/right. Maybe you weren't able to quit as soon as you felt uncomfortable. It was hard for you. That is ok. That's just what happened. You have no responsibility for someone else's feelings. To me that is clearly and obviously abusive to ask someone to continue with something that is REALLY uncomfortable in the name of _well you lead him on so you should just do whatever he wants._ No. That is abuse. If someone makes you uncomfortable you should be able to stop at whatever point you feel strong enough/empowered enough to stop. That is what we humans do. Leading him on is nothing. It doesn't mean anything. There is not such a thing. Any sentence that includes it is asking someone (usually women but sometimes men) to give up their agency and to let someone abuse them at will. The whole we can control our own emotions and we don't have to give control (and we really can't give control) to others is such a Buddhist thing. In Buddhism it is just delusion to pretend that someone else controls our feelings and the converse, that we have the agency so use it, reduces what Buddhists call dukkha (or suffering) so why keep doing it and making ourselves suffer needlessly? We are making up most of the suffering so we can let it go. I love all three of you. You are great great great women. Scientifically we understand that all of you are my cousins at some remove so of course, you are my tribe, I want the best for you. It is possible that not all of you are hetero-normative. That will be great for me. I know that it will be horribly hard for you as LDS. I get that. But if it turns out to be true for you, I've got your back. Don't trip. Heavenly father made you just the way you are, and sometimes, the earthly church gets out of touch with Heavenly Father. Don't be mad at them. Don't be mad at you. Everything is cool. Whatever is is. The truth is the truth. Truth is _always_ in alignment with Heavenly Father. Don't make up stories about how the truth is somehow wrong. That's just delusion. Truth is truth. Pretending something else is the truth is delusion -- and frankly kind of weird. Love y'all. So. Let me be clear. I know that at your stage of life it is a lot more confusing than for me in my sixties. So let me give you one clear bell weather. You have been created perfectly the way you are supposed to be. You are in alignment with Heavenly Father perfectly. Some with worldly desires/ambitions will want you to change. You do not have to. Heavenly Father wants you to be exactly what you are, and in truth, you can not be any thing else. Heavenly Father wants you to like what you like. Heavenly Father wants you to reject what you reject. Other's strange opinions trying to get you to be different from how Heavenly Father created you is wrong. You know right away it's wrong. You can feel that Heavenly Father wants you to be exactly what you are even if the earthly church says something different. Sometimes earthly humans try to assert their own weird opinions, to say that the church or heavenly father agree with their biases, but be clear. It doesn't change Heavenly Father's plan. People do not control Heavenly Father. I love the part about how the girls (or guys) don't owe anything. I wish this obvious thing did not have to be stated, but the truth is that some will try to manipulate you for their own interests and want to make you believe that you are required to do whatever they _want_ you to do. No. Heavenly Father does not want you to give up your agency. You do not have to do anything you do not want to do *ever.* Ever. Ever. There is no situation that changes that. Never/Ever. You do you boo. If someone tries to convince you that they have done something that results in you having an obligation to do something that you do not want to do then they are being abusive/creepy/wrong. Excuse me, but they are being a dick. Just sayin'. Can't believe you brought up NCMO, (Non-Commital Make Out). It is such a creepy horrible thing. LDS misogynists try to make it seem that this is a woman thing, that the normal thing is that women want this horrible thing and men try to resist it but sometimes they can't so if they succumb to it, then it is all the woman's fault, so they have _no responsibility_ for their own actions. You can see the flaw in this right away. I'm going to try to be super super super careful. Women are not super confusing. Humans are humans. The whole women are super confusing thing is an excuse to do what you want and then to say, _Hey! I didn't know. Women are super confusing!_ It isn't true. It's a meme. Women are not super or even at all confusing. This only comes up when some guy (or gal) wants to do something that is out of line and then they say that they are not really responsible (for their own damn actions) because, _hey, women are confusing._ It isn't true. Women do not have to feel like they have to put up with behavior that is clearly out of line because, _hey, we are confusing._ It is an urban myth. You are human just like the rest of us. Those people aren't confused, they are abusive/bullying. Let. It. Go. Heavenly Father wants you to be you boo. Out of everything you said, the _Honesty is the Best Policy_ thing was the best. The truth is truth. Everything else is not. Love you guys. Grow up happy and healthy and true to yourselves.
Recently, I started dating again. I have come a cross several sisters whom seem to found the wrong LDS guys. Men of God should not miss lead, but be direct and let them know how they feel. We are talking about eternal companionship. Most of the time I do not get feed back what makes these guys bad lds. Just saying it does not help a priesthood holder out when he uplifts inspires and builds up whom ever he s around. Just saying. Should have goals, should be lead by the spirit.
Personally I don't know anything about dating, hugging and kissing, comfort zones and etc. I just enjoy shoving food in my face and spontaneously crying while screaming random BoM verses and gospel lessons in hopes everyone will think I'm crazy and leave me alone. I enjoy being left alone so I can feel lonely in peace. Of course I don't really need to do this but it's fun to be dramatic some times
I got NCMO'd once (first kiss, too -_-) by a girl who wasn't wanting to pursue a relationship with me despite her telling me she liked me. I later found out she was getting married the next year, so I cut off all contact with that snubh. moral of the story: don't toy with a guy's heart
men don't have it easy. with education focusing on consent and also the me too movt yet girls think asking isn't hot or cool? what isn't hotter than knowing the guy you like wants to kiss you? mixed messages. call a guy a creep if he gos for it yet if he respects enough to ask hes not confident. geez.
is very easy to ask consent, the more we practice that the more normalized it becomes. I honestly think it’s even more attractive because I can understand their intentions right away
I went on a date up at BYUI and I wasn't really feeling it too much so I was trying to give him signals, like not sitting too close, obviously putting my hands in my jacket pocket and continuously moving away when he would get closer and he just didn't get it. He asked me if he could "see my hand" then he held my hand and kept pulling me closer. ALL BOYS NEED TO SEE THIS VIDEO
I don't need to see this video because I am an aromantic asexual and this does not apply to me at all, I hate dating and I don't wanna have anything to do with it
Lol its gender bias if a girl touches you without consent in an appropriate way it's fine but if I guy does hes a creep unwanted or inappropriate touch is never ok either gender but consent is king. No matter what the situation
Oh jeez I disagree completely! Guys reading this, about the asking to kiss thing... it doesn't have to be awkward. The girl in the video reacted immaturely and she doesn't reflect everyone. If you very sincerely say that you want to kiss a girl and ask if you can, it will likely go very well. Consent is important! Don't go launching at a girl's face out of the blue!!!
Play the game, play it again and again, wait for the outcome until you get what you're waiting for. There's no much more than that. Oh, and don't get bitter while playing. Please!
I do not think guys are zooming in on “body language” as much as they are aware of your Body physicality or just the sense of your body if that makes sense. Like the surge of feeling. If a guy was fishing 🎣 in the ocean he might watch every move of a fish. But... a woman I think he will just lose his mind with if that makes sense. :)
I'm 29 and I know its too late for me. I'm not attractive and I don't make as much money as the average lds guy. I've accepted that I'll probably die alone.
I thought so for years myself. Part of it was my attitude. I was engaged twice that both failed. After that, I had zero interest in dating, and even less interest in marriage or even the church. Just before turning 29, I met my future wife. I am definitely not what I'd consider attractive in the physical sense(my wife says I am and hers is the only opinion I care about in that regard). My job was in the care giving field and I was only making $9 in hour. When I was 30, I married my wife in the Temple. 34 now and I'm happier than I ever thought possible before.
Hang in there brother. God has a plan for all of us and We really need to Look at what God's will is for us. I totally agree that the dating game is difficult. I'm with you.
maybe long time ago people got married at younger ages so maybe people really didnt date much but got married instead. maybe back then people learned meditated on the bible all the time to train their belief on how to make a marriage work maybe two people who want to live a godly life and repent from sin come together and make a marriage work and this can be done even at the age of 16 or 18 maybe.
The first two minutes of this are scary. Unfortunately these young women have been heavily influenced by patriarchy. You want men to read your mind that you consent? That makes NO sense. You actually have to verbally consent for consent to happen. So no there is no such thing as “men should know the signs are consent” because that’s just rape culture. I hope you girls know you have rights and unless you say YES and want to then consent is there. And on the other side men Have to ask. That guy that asked to kiss you - keep him around! Men can’t read minds nor can we expect them to know when we consent. Get educated women!!
This isn't the influence of 'patriarchy' quite the contrary. THEY are complaining about MEN asking for consent. THIS is feminism in the west current year.
Alex - This is an easy question. Rape is a formally defined legal construct. Your definition doesn't match that construct. Your (and I) are not lawyers. Stop giving bad advice. What about holding a persons hand - that could be equally illegal if it your are forcing the person. Did I mention stop given bad advice? Get educated? I am sorry but Alex you are very poorly educated in the US legal system.
@@phoenixrising6028 Technically that are referring to (without knowing it) they are giving consent through body language which is a legal valid way to give consent for such a mundane thing that doesn't have a lot of repercussions legally if either party misunderstands the other (it this situation) as well as giving social consent through non-verbal signals. Alex misunderstands just about everything about non-verbal consent and the legal system (as well as from a romance point of view that these girls are actually referring to).
I know you're saying that you'd like guys to be more assertive (in planing and paying for dates), but surely you can see that the current cultural message to guys is: don't be assertive. The dating game is dangerous for guys. My cousin, for example, was falsely accused of rape by a girl who regretted sleeping with him. Even though he was found innocent, and the girl recanted her accusation, my cousin tried to kill himself. And now he going to be in a mental hospital for the next couple of years. What would you guys say to a young man who hears some girls asking for an assertive man, but also feels the current social message to aspire to be docile?
I am sorry for your friend but that is objectively bad advice. You may choose not to date that is also a valid choice but if you were analytical you would realize that situation is extremely rare and you can't count a 1 percent or less the .1 percent case as the normal. People get falsely accuses of things all the time including in relationships - it is just something you will have to deal with if it happens to you - or seek help if you have problems dealing with it.
I'm in 7th grade, and on Friday was are last school dance. I had been hoping and praying that I wouldn't have to dance with anyone. The second to last slow song, someone I did not know asked me to dance with them. I was scared to death, but I wanted to be nice so I said yes. I really wish the person didn't ask to dance with me.
Thats 5he problem... girls can give the signed....and go for it but then after panics and says she doesn't give permission.......legal problem.. so guys are caught in a bad situation.....
You should do a video on what dating was like during The Times of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. Polygamy. Did they just go through the congregation and pick out which ones they liked?
Someone correct me if i'm wrong but i think a lot of polygamy marriages were assigned because there was a lack of men, and so it was like a church calling to have a second wife because you had to provide for a third or fourth person. Haha so i don't think dating played into it much.
@@datuallen9614 Except for the times when Joseph Smith married women that were already married to other men or young women (half of the 30+ wives) - this is not an anti-Mormon claim, but confirmed even by the church's essays.
How to let a guy know when you are not into him? If I’m into him I’ll treat him differently. If not, I’ll treat him the same as I treat all the other guys in my life. Social👏🏽ques👏🏽and👏🏽 social👏🏽patterns👏🏽
I mean the first time I was ever kissed I turned my head to ask him a question, and he attacked my face. I'm not sure. I didn't think I was giving him signals. I feel like it can be a lose lose situation sometimes. There was also a guy I knew. I thought we were just friends hanging out. Then one day he said "so we've been dating for awhile. I was wondering if you wanted to take it to the next level. " i got so confused and asked him when did he ask me out of a date? Lol apparently we had been "dating" for a month without me knowing
If it is awkward to communicate about kissing then you shouldn't be doing it. That said the first kiss should always be something that is moved into slowly (verbally or non-verbally). That gives the other person time to answer back (verbally or non-verbally) and those cues should always be respected as much as anything in this life.
Now every girl has to sit on her hands if she doesn't want a guy to hold her hand (can't just be herself) and has to watch how exuberant she is or the guy will jump her. You girls are terrible at communicating! Why are you doing a podcast giving bad advice?
At the start you say it is easy to read the girl's body language and then later "if she seems like she's having a good time" and one of you means that she isn't really having a good time and the other says the opposite. Then that guy's cannot pick up on it at all. Maybe people aren't that easy to read and open communication is absolutely necessary. You also said that you don't carry on text conversations but later that if you like a guy you will drag on text conversations (after saying a guy should know that you don't like him because you act normal when you don't). So you want better communication but don't want to give it. Got it. Also I went on dates that were too long at 1 second and dates that were too short that lasted several days. Also the running out of things to talk about? Been married decades and that still hasn't happened so I wouldn't set an arbitrary cap so easily. Dating serves but one purpose and that is eternal marriage. A lot of what you promote muddies that. I realize that in Utah it is a game, but it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be sport, recreation, a game, etc... It should be a way to decide whether the person you are with is somebody that you are willing to walk farther down the path of eternal marriage with in such a manner that takes nothing away from the one you do end up making covenants with. Physical affection is always wrong if it is with the wrong person, always. Really glad that my children share my old-fashioned (old as eternity itself) belief that kissing somebody you aren't engaged to is foolish. I always hoped that they would be better than I was and not make the same mistakes I made so it's nice to see long hard work paying off.
I don't think asking permission would ruin the mood. I feel like for boys it's a damned if you damned if dont. That might not be fair.
Consent is important, and guys looking for "vibes" are often saying the same thing after they go past the line saying "I thought I was getting signals". It’s better to ask than to assume, and I know it’s awkward, but screaming into a pillow is not a great reaction to a guy trying to make sure he’s okay to do something very personal that might not be welcomed. And even if it is awkward at first, it becomes normal after it becomes your norm.
Rapists be like “she was flirting and smiling and didn’t say no” a lot of guys take being nice and friendly as flirting
I have to disagree. I feel like consent for kissing and holding hands is unnecessary. In my last relationship, asking made it REALLY awkward, and if I could have gone back, I wouldn't ask if I could hold hands or put my arm around her. When it comes to sex, consent is important in that case. For kissing, hugging, or holding hands, I think that consent is unnecessary. Even if a girl doesn't like what a guy is trying to do, like kiss her, she can pull away, go into a hug instead, or say I'm not ready for that. Asking really ruins the mood.
@@alaningersoll9483 That's only because you don't put much weight into kissing and holding hands. As Drew Barrymore once correctly stated "kissing can be far more intimate than sex."
The really weird thing is that she wanted him to kiss her and then reacted that way. His actions weren't awkward, hers were!
Spoiled females with bad standards. If a girl gets weirded out when you ask if it's ok, instead of smiling and laughing, she's not innocent, and she's corrupt.
I was introduced to my husband by my Dad, go figure! He was new in our ward. After two hours of meeting he called me, and asked me out! I said yes,and I really started to like him, so I waited to kiss him until the eighth date, because I wanted to know who I was giving my liss too! We were married in the LA Temple 26 years ago!💜🌷
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
More girl perspectives with these three!!
Gotta do the 70-30. Kiss initiator goes 70% of the way and the other goes the other 30%. If they don’t come to you, they can avoid being kissed nonconsentually, but it flows smoothly if both people are cool with the kiss.
I love this channel. You guys make me want to be Mormon.
vespazian do it 💪
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
He heard the word of God from a rock in a hat
Missionaries are called of God to serve and they go on missions to answer question and help people. Talk with the missionaries if you want to learn more about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Saints unscripted you are legit serving God as missionaries by doing this channel you rock!
Step 1: Believe there is someone out there for us. Step 2 - Be patient until you find him / her. Step 3 - Live righteously. You WILL find the one.
Waiting till marriage squad? Where ya at?🥳🥳😂
LOVED watching you girls! Please tell me there will be more videos with you 3 in them :D
Unfortunately one important idea left out in this discussion is how LDS/Mormon culture is very judgmental . . . mainly this is because from an early age we're taught that dating is for marriage, marriage is meant to last for eternity, and 'you marry who you date'. The result of that teaching, however, is that girls won't even take a second look at you if you don't fit the mold of a perfect guy.
This cultural belief adds pressure and risk to going out - even on a single date. (Girls and boys have become very selective on who they ask out and accept dates from). Because of this I'd say that it feels like women 'don't like men' anymore - or that they're not interested in going out at all. Girls in the church only want to date the most attractive / top 10% of men in the church - and no-one else even has a chance.... as if to say "I can't let this man talk to me. . . he'll try to marry me or something". Very perplexing cultural element.
The best thing to do is, be casual about dating, just go to have a really good time! And if the time is right, you will find someone to love!
women are only interested in dating someone who is better looking than themselves so they can show off to all their church member on how tall dark and handsome or rich their boyfriend is also a good plus on Christmas dinner to show off to family members. so if a women is a 3 in the looks category they will search for a 6 and friend zone him for awhile but still hold off for a 8 or 9 and they will pray really hard to summon an 8 or 9 never get one get mad then goes for a 6 about five year later making that guy wait. this is the secret agenda of feminism that because women wear makeup take longer to dress up and having babies so they deserve more in life - like a hot tall handsome rich guy and men also buy the agenda too and worship the golden vagina and just turn into a yes-man. been there seen it million times and now im going MGTOW and trying to become a monk. the older you get the more you experience things and men who are older are sick of the games and simply opt out.
The devil takes shallow females, all is going as I have foreseen hehehe
@White America they aren't loving they just want money.
@White America I mean look at these skanky narcissists.
Love it, girls! Cool that we have some awesome efy counselors representing YSA dating 😂 Great job!
Going to be entering the Mormon dating sphere in a few months. I am scared as heck
Keys:
1) Know that you are a loved daughter of our Heavenly Father. Never forget your worth.
2) Remember that it's not going to work out with every person, so don't beat yourself up if something goes wrong!
3) Don't take things too seriously and have FUN with it! Dating can be an awesome experience if you allow it to be!
You got this, girl.
Well how is the dating going?
Please please please put the goldfish in a bigger bowl.
Ian Bond Thank you for your concern! He swims in a big tank all week and then for the one hour a week that we film, he's in the little tank. He's well taken care of :)
for real Ian!
Is he joking 😂
I'd say a post-date text is important because if you didn't enjoy the date, it can be really awkward to straight-up say that, especially in person. If there's no post-date text from either person, you can assume that there won't be a second date.
I have WORKED in the singles program for the older singles for 7 years with my husband, he was over them , from the high council! The men really complained, about women not staying healthy and fit! And they don't like it when women have to much drama! And the women, complained the men not asking them out!
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
But also, not all girls are like this either, with several of the points they made. Like some girls are very academic and even if they are interested in a guy they will still not drop everything to talk to the guy. And there were a few other things that these girls mentioned that not everyone is like this, so I think really just being honest truly is the best thing! And not being offended when someone is honest with you! I liked the whole corn and strawberry analogy 😉😂
Most girls today are fake, like these ones. When you spend the majority of your life putting on a face to narcissistically manipulate others... Well there's a hell for that, and an app too!
Dating is the worst way to get to know someone. Make lots of friends and do lots of fun things. After 101 lame relationships, I married my best friend who had been there for me all the time.
I've found that my biggest issue is that I didn't serve a mission (because I just joined 2 years ago); the majority of the girls won't date me because I didn't serve a mission. I've had over a dozen women tell me that that is the main reason as to why I'm single. Pretty dumb reason not to date somebody.
The easy solution for you, if you never served a mission, would be to never pursue such Mormon women for dates, or any Mormon women at all. Just save yourself some heartache & frustration. Case closed.
Bradley Morrison ignore the insensitive comment above because there are plenty of mormon ladies who don’t care about that. I’m lds and I’m not going on a mission. I don’t care if a dude has gone on one either and if a girl is going to judge your character on whether or not you have served then she should really be judging her self and if she’s really following the gosple like Jesus taught rather than be a stuck up prude. I always say find the mormon to your mormon. Someone who shares the same beliefs as you do and has compatible values. That’s important in a relationship and in marriage. Our culture is a bit crazy sometiems but it’s important to focus on the gosple and god rather than the imperfections in the church culture. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say and that it helps :)
@@wolfgang7037 Thank you, that means a lot. My comment was from a while ago. I ended up going on a mission for about a month (Los Angeles, Persian speaking) before returning home. I went for the wrong reasons, mainly to fit in and such. I'm at BYU-Hawaii these days, currently on the island doing classes online. I still struggle with the cultural aspects, and women in the Church still look through me like I"m a ghost; which is odd because I'm not ugly or anything. It's just that I don't look like a Provo boy. I'm almost 25, I'm 5'7", have a northeastern accent, a little overweight, and wear a gold chain. Lol I just don't look LDS, so maybe that's what drives them away these days. Who knows. But thanks for you insight, it's nice to hear from people that aren't caught up in the culture.
Bradley Morrison of course 😊 and that’s super cool! Hope you’re surviving corona and if the dating scene isn’t in your favor right now I always say to work on yourself and your goals. The things you learn along the way will help you be a whole individual which will better your future relationships:)
@@wolfgang7037 Yeah we're safe here in the town. The dating scene doesn't exist anymore haha. But I'm still working towards my individual goals.
This is awesome!!!! More from these 3!!!
I don't like kissing people unless we are officially dating so I'd prefer someone to ask if they are unsure
I think the guys that ask permission for a kiss are a bit shy and they need some encouragement. I know this because I used to be like this (perhaps I am still but within the years in marriage I have grown out of this type of asking). If a guy is shy but a good and virtuous (read: husband material), definitely build up his character by words of affirmation. That is the point of relationships that people forget these days: We come to relationship to give, not to get.
in every aspects girls should always be respected. Love this! :)
Jippi I loved this. I love Learning everything I can learn! Thank You😘
Edit: lol you had so much to learn you are still single
You have great verbal chemistry y'all should do this host group again.
People play games because they don't want to be rejected so they find roundabout ways to see if the other person reciprocates the feelings without coming on too strong.
Guys will never learn signs. Don’t tell us to learn signs. We like it when women are direct. Women’s signs are not obvious. Not to men.
Right?
So, I run into the awkward situation where the girl didn’t act like we were on a date. It seems easier to just say “let’s go dancing this Saturday” than “would you like to go out this Saturday”.
I am curious to see what y’all think the best way to ask a girl out in a “this is definitely a date” kinda way without automatically getting turned down? I’ve had some experiences where girls automatically jump to “let’s be friends”, even before the date.
Do you think there is some sort of pressure for girls behind the phrase “let’s go out this Saturday” vs. “let’s go dancing this Saturday”?
3:36 ah yes, in order to “be nice” it’s ok to ghost. That is a very distorted understanding of what it means to be nice. Provo girl nice= unfeeling ignorance.
To be fair, it's not a "Provo girl" thing, it's all women. We're always told all our lives to be nice, to be gentle, to not hurt guys feelings but no one ever taught us how to actually do that so when we're young we're kind of on our own trying to figure it out. It's a learning process and unfortunately both genders get hurt due to misunderstandings on both sides. I have been ghosted many, many times by men, so it's really not fair to assume it's only one tiny little group of people. All people can fit in the category, unfortunately. It's not fair and it's not right, but I people do learn from their mistakes.
Love this! Haha especially about being bold!
Why are you people always asking me stupid personal questions about wether or not I am dating anyone, inviting me to go to church to meet girls and trying to set me up with them without my consent? I am an Aromantic asexual and I do not feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, why do you people even care if I wanna stay single , not get married or have children? You should stay in your own lane and mind your own business, stop worrying about my lifestyle and start worrying about your own
I'm so glad that I am not dating in these days and times. It's not like it used to be.
If not into a person just say sorry I'd rather be friends.
You guys should do a part two for this and also The guys version. That's be dope
This is truly inspiring! Being a mormon, I can really relate. Speaking of which, would it okay to make our own perspective using the similar topic but considering the culture and traditons we have? We just want to acknowledge your channel since this is where we got the whole idea of voicing out our concerns towards the topics? Thank you! Really!
other than the law of chastity there seem to be no rules. If she is interested she will bend the world in half ,if not she cannot be found,lol
Hey, I've been prowling the Internet for sources like this and you guys seem really good! I am going through a bit of a rut because no one ever asks me out or asks me to dance or ANYTHING. I don't think it's that boys are scared or nervous because they ask everyone else around me and in my ward. I have been on a few dates and we've had a lot of fun, but it's always been ME asking. I know there's nothing wrong with the girl asking, but it doesn't feel too good to know that no one wants to put forth the effort to ask me. I'm trying to not let this bother me so much, but it really does and I don't know what to do. Advice??
Since I don’t know anything about you I’ll just say as a general rule I would think guys like girls who are healthy and fit (check out the comment just above this).
Man I know this video is so old but I wish someone would give me their perspective on this: What about age gaps? I feel reluctant to ask out girls who are 7 or more years younger than me. I'm 30 now and I live in the East. Not a lot of members of the church and options here. I feel like if I ask out a girl nearly 10 years younger than me it might be creepy. But again, I have very limited options.
Ive been ghosted an like it sucked alot like i would have been totally understanding if they didnt want to see me again but dont just leave me hanging.. btw ghosting isnt just a date it has different definitions you could be dating and he left you hanging or he only wanted one thing and got it and left you hanging or you wouldn't give it to him... ect theres alot of different perspectives on ghosting. With the dating times im cool with a long date i went on a date with my friend we went to his house and watched movies and ate just talked an chilled for like 5hours. But i known him for a while.
Emily Lee wait what? So was it ur friend or a date?
Dang these girls are really funny
Yay!!
I feel like you could use the 90-10 rule for kissing guy leans in 90 percent of the way and the girl leans in the rest
Yo thanks for the hack lol
They can ask and you CAN say no.
when i was dating, i didn't kiss her until about a month into dating
I think it is good if the girl offers to help pay for the first date. The guy should then say thanks but Ive got it covered and pay. The fact that the girl offered shows she will be committed to making any potential relationship work. Something to think about
I can super relate about feeling obligated on going to more dates with a person. Thats so true! They shouldn't let the sisters feel that way! haha
My English teacher had a stocker story with someone she went on a marathon date with, luckily now she is married.
21:12 more bad representation of what to do and choosing the wrong way. Just like ghosting, making up stupid excuses that you’re busier than every other person ever is almost just as bad and makes you equally deceitful.
Guys _asking_ permission is stupid, but guys _assuming_ permission instead of being aware and sensitive to the woman's reaction goes past stupid to abusive. That close difference leaves a lot of room for women feeling like they _have_ to go along with something they don't want to do. I hope you all think about that. You do not have to give up your agency. Heavenly Father does not ask you to give up your agency. The hierarchy of the Church some times asks you to give up your agency, but that is obviously and clearly not in alignment with Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father does not ask you to do things that harm you.
The obverse, (in a gender sense), is also true. The analogous permission for LGBTQ folk also leaves a lot of room for abuse. Heavenly Father _created_ people gay and the Church being uncomfortable about that doesn't change what Heavenly Father created. He did not make a mistake.
This video is an LDS perspective (I've had a temple recommend so don't judge me), which over-empowers men. Men are supposed to pick up on the cues/clues. It is too much power to men. Women should be able to make things much more clear instead of just crossing their arms or sitting on their hands -- they should be able to say back off. There is nothing wrong with that. Heavenly father wants all of us to be safe and wants all of us to have control over our own destiny. Just sayin'.
I grew up with sisters and I don't want men to think that they can just blunder along and try things without knowing. Taking away someone's agency is always abusive even if the LDS culture and the woman liking the guy combines to say ok. Just sayin'.
Ghosting is not wrong. You do not have responsibility for the other person's comfort. You do not have to prolong a relationship which to you is not a relationship at all. Someone who keeps pursuing a one sided relationship is abusive. Do you have to continue taking care of their feelings? No. Their mother should have taught them that if all of the effort is from their side, stop, you are being oppressive.
Someone who does not reciprocate is not a match. Let them go and turn your attention elsewhere. It is abusive to expect someone without an iron in the fire to take care of some stalkery human. They are clearly abusive.
I so wish you hadn't talked about _leading people on._ That is not even a thing. You tried the stuff to your comfort and then it was uncomfortable and you quit. There is nothing remotely wrong with that at all unless you think that people should keep doing things that aren't comfortable/right. Maybe you weren't able to quit as soon as you felt uncomfortable. It was hard for you. That is ok. That's just what happened. You have no responsibility for someone else's feelings.
To me that is clearly and obviously abusive to ask someone to continue with something that is REALLY uncomfortable in the name of _well you lead him on so you should just do whatever he wants._ No. That is abuse. If someone makes you uncomfortable you should be able to stop at whatever point you feel strong enough/empowered enough to stop. That is what we humans do. Leading him on is nothing. It doesn't mean anything. There is not such a thing. Any sentence that includes it is asking someone (usually women but sometimes men) to give up their agency and to let someone abuse them at will.
The whole we can control our own emotions and we don't have to give control (and we really can't give control) to others is such a Buddhist thing. In Buddhism it is just delusion to pretend that someone else controls our feelings and the converse, that we have the agency so use it, reduces what Buddhists call dukkha (or suffering) so why keep doing it and making ourselves suffer needlessly? We are making up most of the suffering so we can let it go.
I love all three of you. You are great great great women. Scientifically we understand that all of you are my cousins at some remove so of course, you are my tribe, I want the best for you. It is possible that not all of you are hetero-normative. That will be great for me. I know that it will be horribly hard for you as LDS. I get that. But if it turns out to be true for you, I've got your back. Don't trip. Heavenly father made you just the way you are, and sometimes, the earthly church gets out of touch with Heavenly Father. Don't be mad at them. Don't be mad at you. Everything is cool. Whatever is is. The truth is the truth. Truth is _always_ in alignment with Heavenly Father. Don't make up stories about how the truth is somehow wrong. That's just delusion. Truth is truth. Pretending something else is the truth is delusion -- and frankly kind of weird.
Love y'all.
So. Let me be clear. I know that at your stage of life it is a lot more confusing than for me in my sixties. So let me give you one clear bell weather. You have been created perfectly the way you are supposed to be. You are in alignment with Heavenly Father perfectly. Some with worldly desires/ambitions will want you to change. You do not have to. Heavenly Father wants you to be exactly what you are, and in truth, you can not be any thing else. Heavenly Father wants you to like what you like. Heavenly Father wants you to reject what you reject. Other's strange opinions trying to get you to be different from how Heavenly Father created you is wrong. You know right away it's wrong. You can feel that Heavenly Father wants you to be exactly what you are even if the earthly church says something different. Sometimes earthly humans try to assert their own weird opinions, to say that the church or heavenly father agree with their biases, but be clear. It doesn't change Heavenly Father's plan. People do not control Heavenly Father.
I love the part about how the girls (or guys) don't owe anything. I wish this obvious thing did not have to be stated, but the truth is that some will try to manipulate you for their own interests and want to make you believe that you are required to do whatever they _want_ you to do.
No. Heavenly Father does not want you to give up your agency. You do not have to do anything you do not want to do *ever.* Ever. Ever. There is no situation that changes that. Never/Ever. You do you boo. If someone tries to convince you that they have done something that results in you having an obligation to do something that you do not want to do then they are being abusive/creepy/wrong. Excuse me, but they are being a dick. Just sayin'.
Can't believe you brought up NCMO, (Non-Commital Make Out). It is such a creepy horrible thing. LDS misogynists try to make it seem that this is a woman thing, that the normal thing is that women want this horrible thing and men try to resist it but sometimes they can't so if they succumb to it, then it is all the woman's fault, so they have _no responsibility_ for their own actions. You can see the flaw in this right away.
I'm going to try to be super super super careful. Women are not super confusing. Humans are humans. The whole women are super confusing thing is an excuse to do what you want and then to say, _Hey! I didn't know. Women are super confusing!_
It isn't true. It's a meme. Women are not super or even at all confusing. This only comes up when some guy (or gal) wants to do something that is out of line and then they say that they are not really responsible (for their own damn actions) because, _hey, women are confusing._ It isn't true. Women do not have to feel like they have to put up with behavior that is clearly out of line because, _hey, we are confusing._ It is an urban myth. You are human just like the rest of us. Those people aren't confused, they are abusive/bullying. Let. It. Go. Heavenly Father wants you to be you boo.
Out of everything you said, the _Honesty is the Best Policy_ thing was the best. The truth is truth. Everything else is not. Love you guys. Grow up happy and healthy and true to yourselves.
Um, let's maybe not discourage the whole consent thing. . .
I've seen singles ward I know everything there is to know.
Wait wait wait.... if you just stop talking to a guy, that's ghosting. That's whether or not you've been dating a long time or not at all.
Recently, I started dating again. I have come a cross several sisters whom seem to found the wrong LDS guys. Men of God should not miss lead, but be direct and let them know how they feel. We are talking about eternal companionship. Most of the time I do not get feed back what makes these guys bad lds. Just saying it does not help a priesthood holder out when he uplifts inspires and builds up whom ever he s around. Just saying. Should have goals, should be lead by the spirit.
Personally I don't know anything about dating, hugging and kissing, comfort zones and etc. I just enjoy shoving food in my face and spontaneously crying while screaming random BoM verses and gospel lessons in hopes everyone will think I'm crazy and leave me alone. I enjoy being left alone so I can feel lonely in peace. Of course I don't really need to do this but it's fun to be dramatic some times
I got NCMO'd once (first kiss, too -_-) by a girl who wasn't wanting to pursue a relationship with me despite her telling me she liked me. I later found out she was getting married the next year, so I cut off all contact with that snubh. moral of the story: don't toy with a guy's heart
men don't have it easy. with education focusing on consent and also the me too movt yet girls think asking isn't hot or cool? what isn't hotter than knowing the guy you like wants to kiss you? mixed messages. call a guy a creep if he gos for it yet if he respects enough to ask hes not confident. geez.
Yeah my bf asked if he could kiss me it wasn’t awkward. Helped that we were both drunk but I didn’t find it weird at all
is very easy to ask consent, the more we practice that the more normalized it becomes. I honestly think it’s even more attractive because I can understand their intentions right away
One friend described being in a YSA ward as being on display in a meat market.
I went on a date up at BYUI and I wasn't really feeling it too much so I was trying to give him signals, like not sitting too close, obviously putting my hands in my jacket pocket and continuously moving away when he would get closer and he just didn't get it. He asked me if he could "see my hand" then he held my hand and kept pulling me closer. ALL BOYS NEED TO SEE THIS VIDEO
Sounds to me like you need to be more vocal.
I don't need to see this video because I am an aromantic asexual and this does not apply to me at all, I hate dating and I don't wanna have anything to do with it
Omg don't kiss someone you don't already like and don't judge a relationship on a kiss I mean no one's always in the mood.
loved it 🙃
Izzy I love you!!!
Clear as mud
Lol its gender bias if a girl touches you without consent in an appropriate way it's fine but if I guy does hes a creep unwanted or inappropriate touch is never ok either gender but consent is king. No matter what the situation
Oh jeez I disagree completely! Guys reading this, about the asking to kiss thing... it doesn't have to be awkward. The girl in the video reacted immaturely and she doesn't reflect everyone. If you very sincerely say that you want to kiss a girl and ask if you can, it will likely go very well. Consent is important! Don't go launching at a girl's face out of the blue!!!
Play the game, play it again and again, wait for the outcome until you get what you're waiting for. There's no much more than that. Oh, and don't get bitter while playing. Please!
I had a gf once who grew up in Japan and the culture where she grew up it was expected that you ask to kiss or whatever other intimate move first.
For kissing, I like the 90/10 rule.
I do not think guys are zooming in on “body language” as much as they are aware of your Body physicality or just the sense of your body if that makes sense. Like the surge of feeling. If a guy was fishing 🎣 in the ocean he might watch every move of a fish. But... a woman I think he will just lose his mind with if that makes sense. :)
honestly I disagree almost completely haha
which is fine I just wish there were more perspectives shown
I'm 29 and I know its too late for me. I'm not attractive and I don't make as much money as the average lds guy. I've accepted that I'll probably die alone.
I thought so for years myself. Part of it was my attitude. I was engaged twice that both failed. After that, I had zero interest in dating, and even less interest in marriage or even the church. Just before turning 29, I met my future wife. I am definitely not what I'd consider attractive in the physical sense(my wife says I am and hers is the only opinion I care about in that regard). My job was in the care giving field and I was only making $9 in hour. When I was 30, I married my wife in the Temple. 34 now and I'm happier than I ever thought possible before.
Hang in there brother. God has a plan for all of us and We really need to Look at what God's will is for us. I totally agree that the dating game is difficult. I'm with you.
No idea why im watching this 😂
same
maybe long time ago people got married at younger ages so maybe people really didnt date much but got married instead. maybe back then people learned meditated on the bible all the time to train their belief on how to make a marriage work maybe two people who want to live a godly life and repent from sin come together and make a marriage work and this can be done even at the age of 16 or 18 maybe.
what's Izzy's last name?
does she have a channel?
The first two minutes of this are scary. Unfortunately these young women have been heavily influenced by patriarchy. You want men to read your mind that you consent? That makes NO sense. You actually have to verbally consent for consent to happen. So no there is no such thing as “men should know the signs are consent” because that’s just rape culture. I hope you girls know you have rights and unless you say YES and want to then consent is there. And on the other side men Have to ask. That guy that asked to kiss you - keep him around! Men can’t read minds nor can we expect them to know when we consent. Get educated women!!
This isn't the influence of 'patriarchy' quite the contrary. THEY are complaining about MEN asking for consent. THIS is feminism in the west current year.
Alex - This is an easy question. Rape is a formally defined legal construct. Your definition doesn't match that construct. Your (and I) are not lawyers. Stop giving bad advice. What about holding a persons hand - that could be equally illegal if it your are forcing the person. Did I mention stop given bad advice? Get educated? I am sorry but Alex you are very poorly educated in the US legal system.
@@phoenixrising6028 Technically that are referring to (without knowing it) they are giving consent through body language which is a legal valid way to give consent for such a mundane thing that doesn't have a lot of repercussions legally if either party misunderstands the other (it this situation) as well as giving social consent through non-verbal signals. Alex misunderstands just about everything about non-verbal consent and the legal system (as well as from a romance point of view that these girls are actually referring to).
Women should ask for consent as well.
I know you're saying that you'd like guys to be more assertive (in planing and paying for dates), but surely you can see that the current cultural message to guys is: don't be assertive. The dating game is dangerous for guys. My cousin, for example, was falsely accused of rape by a girl who regretted sleeping with him. Even though he was found innocent, and the girl recanted her accusation, my cousin tried to kill himself. And now he going to be in a mental hospital for the next couple of years.
What would you guys say to a young man who hears some girls asking for an assertive man, but also feels the current social message to aspire to be docile?
Suq Madiq When they said that I was like really? Their comment seemed to be very naive in the dating culture in the country.
I am sorry for your friend but that is objectively bad advice. You may choose not to date that is also a valid choice but if you were analytical you would realize that situation is extremely rare and you can't count a 1 percent or less the .1 percent case as the normal. People get falsely accuses of things all the time including in relationships - it is just something you will have to deal with if it happens to you - or seek help if you have problems dealing with it.
@@alexislane1035 And?
I learn this same thing in seminary last year. We choose to be offended or not
Enough
How far do u go before marrage
I learn this same thing in seminary last year. We choose to be offended or not 🙂.
Is
I'm in 7th grade, and on Friday was are last school dance. I had been hoping and praying that I wouldn't have to dance with anyone. The second to last slow song, someone I did not know asked me to dance with them. I was scared to death, but I wanted to be nice so I said yes. I really wish the person didn't ask to dance with me.
Girl you have full right to say no! Nevera forget that
Dating?
It's this a YSA perspective?
Believe you me it is hard for guys to read girls. LOL
Nice vid
Thats 5he problem... girls can give the signed....and go for it but then after panics and says she doesn't give permission.......legal problem.. so guys are caught in a bad situation.....
Dating is very hard. I'm still struggling with rejections... 😢
Hang in there man! The end goal is more than worth it.
@@biganimefan84 Not really , most relationships end in break up or divorce , it's better to stay single
the real question is...
are you the corn or the strawberry?
Better yet just don't date😂😂
Yes
Do an episode on single adult firesides.
The one in the middle is cute. Is she Hispanic or Asian or what?
...going Dutch? perspectives?
A gentleman always pays.
I'm confused, I thought mormons didn´t kiss, hug or touch before marriage o___o
Rocio Suarez Galan of course we do 😂 As long as they aren’t things that are taken to far and lead to pre-marital sex.
You should do a video on what dating was like during The Times of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. Polygamy. Did they just go through the congregation and pick out which ones they liked?
they won't talk about it and find it offensive
so edgy
Someone correct me if i'm wrong but i think a lot of polygamy marriages were assigned because there was a lack of men, and so it was like a church calling to have a second wife because you had to provide for a third or fourth person. Haha so i don't think dating played into it much.
@@datuallen9614 Except for the times when Joseph Smith married women that were already married to other men or young women (half of the 30+ wives) - this is not an anti-Mormon claim, but confirmed even by the church's essays.
Just don't kiss avoid all kinds of problems🤣
Exactly.
How to let a guy know when you are not into him? If I’m into him I’ll treat him differently. If not, I’ll treat him the same as I treat all the other guys in my life. Social👏🏽ques👏🏽and👏🏽 social👏🏽patterns👏🏽
It seems like aliens.
I mean the first time I was ever kissed I turned my head to ask him a question, and he attacked my face. I'm not sure. I didn't think I was giving him signals. I feel like it can be a lose lose situation sometimes.
There was also a guy I knew. I thought we were just friends hanging out. Then one day he said "so we've been dating for awhile. I was wondering if you wanted to take it to the next level. " i got so confused and asked him when did he ask me out of a date? Lol apparently we had been "dating" for a month without me knowing
Don't say c#*p say crud.
If it is awkward to communicate about kissing then you shouldn't be doing it. That said the first kiss should always be something that is moved into slowly (verbally or non-verbally). That gives the other person time to answer back (verbally or non-verbally) and those cues should always be respected as much as anything in this life.
Now every girl has to sit on her hands if she doesn't want a guy to hold her hand (can't just be herself) and has to watch how exuberant she is or the guy will jump her. You girls are terrible at communicating! Why are you doing a podcast giving bad advice?
"I don't want to be rude" so I'm rude... But wants to do a podcast about communicating!!!
At the start you say it is easy to read the girl's body language and then later "if she seems like she's having a good time" and one of you means that she isn't really having a good time and the other says the opposite. Then that guy's cannot pick up on it at all. Maybe people aren't that easy to read and open communication is absolutely necessary.
You also said that you don't carry on text conversations but later that if you like a guy you will drag on text conversations (after saying a guy should know that you don't like him because you act normal when you don't). So you want better communication but don't want to give it. Got it.
Also I went on dates that were too long at 1 second and dates that were too short that lasted several days. Also the running out of things to talk about? Been married decades and that still hasn't happened so I wouldn't set an arbitrary cap so easily.
Dating serves but one purpose and that is eternal marriage. A lot of what you promote muddies that. I realize that in Utah it is a game, but it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be sport, recreation, a game, etc... It should be a way to decide whether the person you are with is somebody that you are willing to walk farther down the path of eternal marriage with in such a manner that takes nothing away from the one you do end up making covenants with. Physical affection is always wrong if it is with the wrong person, always. Really glad that my children share my old-fashioned (old as eternity itself) belief that kissing somebody you aren't engaged to is foolish. I always hoped that they would be better than I was and not make the same mistakes I made so it's nice to see long hard work paying off.
I learn this same thing in seminary last year. We choose to be offended or not 🙂.
Once