2 BOYFRIENDS!? - POLYAMORY
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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In this video I give an overview on the relationship style called polyamory. I start out by answering the question: what is polyamory? I compare polyamory to polygamy and swinging. Then I talk about the normative features of monogamy and how polyamory might compare. I then talk about common myths and misunderstandings about polyamory and the polyamorous.
BOOKS & WEBSITES
The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton
The Myth of Monogamy by David Barash & Judith Eve Lipton
Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan
The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory by Francoise Simpere
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
Polyamory 101, Jealousy Guide, Relationship Guide
www.xeromag.com...
Poly in pictures
www.polyinpictu...
What Psychologists Should Know About Polyamory
ncsfreedom.org...
Polyamory Society
www.polyamoryso...
polyamory 101 poly polyamorous group relationship open multiple boyfriends many girlfriends partners responsible loving ethical slut dossie easton sex at dawn mormons polygamy polygynyn positive sexuality gender sex+ dating options perspectives monogamy myth monogamous and god "Human Sexuality" big love utah
I know a trio who has been together for over 20 years. They all love each other deeply. I certainly see nothing wrong with it.
My dad recently came out to me as Polyamorous, and I'd like to thank you Laci. I've been watching you since July, and you've helped me learn so much. He didn't have to explain it, I was just like, "Okay. Cool." Love your videos Laci!
Lis Gabrielle That's awesome! I would honestly have been weirded out if my dad said that, it's hard to be open minded, but I'd at least understand.
:0 :')
Incest u mean?
Polyamory is wrong, it should be multiamory or polyphillia, but mixing Greek and Latin words roots? Terrible!
That's almost as old as "why'd the chicken cross the road?"
And James is right. There are *dozens* of English words that blend Greek and Latin (as well as other languages).
Finally, why insist on only one lingual root? polyamory is about not having to choose.
EyeLean5280
Finally, a logical rebuttal to that nit pick about mixing Latin and Greek argument!
noxvita83
Eh. It's not clever but it shuts down arguments :)
I am an asexual polyamourous. Polyamory is not sex, it's romance, and maybe it includes sex, but our relationship doesn't.
May I ask, do you define yourself as being in one relationship or a set of relationships?
James Russell Depends. When all three of us are together, it's one relationship, but there are alone times and one-on-one relationship building as well.
That is really interesting, thank-you.
:)
James Russell
There are many flavors of relationships. Some polyamorous people don't have group relationships, just multiple one on one relationships, it's all what feels right with each person involved.
yeah for poly ace people *give you high five* im poly ace too
I am totally okay with polyamory I just don't like polygamy that is done based on religion because most of the time
1. it is sexist, since the husbands get to pick how ever many trophy wives they want but never vice versa. This is done to emphasize male "superiority" and promiscurity.
2. it is oftentimes not done because of love, but rather as an arranged marriage.
3. it encourages pedophilia, where teens (16+yrs) are married to 40 year old adults.
+Grace Truth That's polygamy, which is different from polyamory.
+petra chase That is what I said in the first sentence :)
But that can happen without the motivation of religion.
Would you honestly respect a man as your lover, who is willing to share you sexually?
My "boyfriend" is dating my best friend and I, and I had no idea that was an actual thing...
No one at school seems to understand it, and they sit there and bicker about it talking about how it's "wrong" and "gross"... but I never saw anything wrong with it. We're all happy, and I thought that was all that mattered. My close friends are alright with it, and don't see me any differently.
I just want people to not hate what they don't understand, but instead do the research, put themselves in our shoes, and THEN make an opinion.
thank you for the video, Laci. It's awesome :)
On a personal level, I would never be okay with this. To each his own of course, but just the idea of this is very uncomfortable for me. I'm probably just brainwashed to believe that, but it really just doesn't feel right to love move then one other person romantically/sexually. Just imagining being a part of a polyamory makes my stomach quiver up.
I agree so much
So do a lot of other people dude, I don't think you're brainwashed either.
I think there are a lot of people who are braimwashed into thinking that if they aren't fucking ten people at once, of both sexes then they are closed minded, backwards, white, male, heterisexual, cis scumbags (and they are the kinds of conclusions they draw and horrible things they say)
***** I guess the benefits could outweigh being in a one person relationship, but there is no way in hell I would ever feel comfortable being in a committed relationship with more then one person, that kind of ruins the definition of "committed"
***** Why yes it does make sense logically, it can also make sense by the chaos that is love also. There isn't any reason that the mind is unable to love more then one thing at a time.
lacigreen The link at the end of this video links to a video that is private, unsure if that is on purpose or not, but just thought I would bring it to your attention.
If you want to learn more the book Sex at Dawn is a history and explanation of sexuality. It is very interesting and can help you understand more what the relationships are about. They also explore modern cultures that practice.
I have been in some ployamorous relationships, I found them to be very loving and fulfilling.
im polyamorous :)
2 boyfriends and a girlfriend :)
That's awesome! I myself, am not polyamorous, but I would be open to dating a person who is. As long as they tell me about other potential partners, then I'm good. 😊
+Julia Price For me it's zero boyfriends, zero girlfriends, oh well...
+Katie Jones That doesn't stop you from being polyamourous fyi> There are single polyamourists out there just like there are single monogamists out there.
+Julia Price You ain't shit.
Fucking cheater
I was invited into a polyamorous relationship, and having 2 amazing girlfriends is great! Especially since I know that they've been together for a long time and that they love me and eachother lots.
I'm polyamorous. I have two hands.
+jake stockton this is the best comment ever im littrely crying from laughing
Oh boi.
yes but its only useful if you can use them Both at the same time .
Jake Stockton
Luckiest Bastard in the world eh?
I don't even have two hands.
LOOOOL! Same dude 😂
I just got into one of these relationships myself. I met a couple through a good friend of mine. The three of us hit it off with each other. We've started to hang out a lot until one day I was asked by the male of the relationship if I was bi sexual. I honestly don't like to put a label of my sexual preferences because I'm open to fall in love with anyone.
He contacted me with this question because his girlfriend was. She also started to message me. Since we've gotten together and we are enjoying it so far. Nothing wrong with it in my eyes so far. They've told me how much of an awesome person I am for being so open about it with them and they tell me everyday.
I love these two and we have a great strong, open relationship. :)
+Randi Matthews wow. I've just met a unicorn :))
How are things going? Everything still good? :D
I love being polyamorous! Having a boyfriend and girlfriend has been an amazing experience. It feels like we're all a team, and it's the best relationship I've ever had. I tried swinging and an open relationship, but neither of those things made me happy. Being exclusive with two people makes me complete, and we don't care if people judge us because we're happy
***** You are so freaking beautiful! And no, I'm not talking just about your body. Your opinions, your mannerisms, and your attitude are all wonderfully beautiful. I enjoy watching your videos because of the interesting (and much needed) content but also because I just love watching such a sweet person have fun and be themselves. :)
I've never been in a polyamorous relationship but if it were with the right people I would be open to it
+xx Lovesick Avenger xx Humans nature desires to be fulfilled and being able to love your mates or partners freely like you can love all your children, friends, and pets is beautiful.
+xx Lovesick Avenger xx it sounds fun i would too do it
What irritates me is the assumption that anyone comfortable in a monogamous relationship is oppressed/conditioned by society. If you want an open relationship that's fine, but don't act like some enlightened superior being for subscribing to some free love concept. Monogamy works for some people for many reasons, including comfort, security, trust and stability. If others prefer that with multiple people then so be it, it's a choice, not the massive issue some people seem to make it;
My experience is that there are some people who are, but then again, they really aren't monogamous and live similarly to someone who is LGBT but in the closet. True monogamous people aren't, though, which you are correct.
The purpose of educating people about polyamory is the discrimination against those who choose that relationship style. There still are pockets of society where if someone was open about their polyamorous relationships, they'd actually get fired from their jobs, and evicted from their homes.
And I'd also like to point out that the choice is to pursue said relationships, in my opinion, not in the inclination of being monogamous or polyamorous.
Alissah Cat From my own anecdotal experience talking with other poly people, I've seen 25% of them say it is a lifestyle choice for them, and 75% say it's more like an orientation.
I apologize if you took what I was saying as implying that I meant that sexual orientation follows the same guidelines. When I brought up LGBT into the equation, I was making the statement that there are many people who are oriented for poly that have monogamous relationships due to societal pressures. Think of it similarly to how a man (or woman) would enter into a marriage as a cover for their non-heterosexuality. It's not a choice, but rather adding additional locks on their closet door, if you follow that metaphor.
Laci, I have to thank you. You're one of the few people in my lives that help my mind become more open and tolerant with things that are typically unacceptable or looked down upon, such as polyamory. Keep doing what you do, girl. :)
TRANSCRIPTION:
A person, seemingly female, sits on a purple couch against an orange background. She is talking directly to the camera.
Contrast! It looks nice in videos, politics, and sometimes, even relationships.
[Opening music intro]
We're all familiar with the idea that relationships come in pairs, one person with one person - except for those crazy mormons!
Today I wanted to talk to you about a different kind of relationship type that doesn't often get much spotlight called Polyamory. It refers to having multiple loves. Now before you freak out that and say that this very idea betrays the natural order - in the olden days, polygamy, which I will explain in a second, was practiced in many different religions. To be honest I'm not really sure if that's because we've become more narrow, in how we see relationships, or if because we don't see people as property anymore. Well... mostly... ugh. I'm not going to open that can of worms.
So when I was first starting to understand polyamory it helped me to think of it as a group relationship. With everyone's knowledge and consent, polyamorous people form relationships with, say, three people, or four people, multiple couples, it can go really, in so many different directions. Within the groups, some are open, so you can pursue relationships outside of the group; and some are closed, where it's kind of like, a committed relationship, you stay within the group. But it's all based on this idea, that you can love more than one family member, more than one friend, maybe we could love more than one lover, person, romantically-ish.
[black screen, "romantically-ish" on screen, music]
Polyamory differs from swinging in that there is an emotional connection that's encouraged and it's not just about casual recreational sex. Polyamory differs from polygamy, polygyny, and polyandry, in that those three are types of group marriages, which are illegal in the US.
[Music while black screen with "alien ideaz"]
Now, growing up, and living in the individualistic, cut-throat, everyone-for-themselves style of living that we see in the western hemisphere, the idea of a more community based relationship may sound a little bit alien, but, as with all ideas that might seem a little bit alien at first, we gotta think about it, question it, assess the facts! Maybe it's easier to raise a baby with four or five people instead of two. Maybe it's easier to get your needs met when there's two couples instead of one. Maybe more people could provide us with different or more plentiful opportunities to learn more, grow more, and explore ourselves more.
But relationships are a lot of work...
When I hear that people say that polyamory is an easy way out, I know that they obviously don't know what polyamory is.
This philosophy requires:
Trust in all the people involved.
Honesty from all the people involved.
Really great communication from all the people involved.
Make sure that everyone's in the loop, everyone's
happy, everyone's satisfied.
Peeps, I'm talking about some legit-ass teamwork and that doesn't even begin to address that big green jealousy monster in the closet, but it can be done.
Obviously since there are many happy and successful polyamorous.
A black screen comes up on the video and white words spell out: myth bustin'
Alright, so now let's look at some of the ideas that people have about polyamory and break that shit down.
"Polyamory is an excuse to cheat!" the speaker quotes from a piece of paper.
No! Cheating is when they don't know about it or aren't okay with it.
"Polyamorous people have limitless love," the speaker states.
I'd like to believe that love is limitless, but when it comes to time and energy for relationships there are limits and those apply to monogamous and polyamorous people.
The difference between those two relationship styles is how each chooses to expend that time and energy.
"Polyamory is one of those new-age hippie philosophies!" the speaker reads.
Mmmmmm, no. Polyamory isn't anything new. Hundreds of years ago there was much more variety in the types of relationships that people had. More specifically, polyamory and polygamy were practiced by the upper classes.
It wasn't until the Romans rose to power that we started to see monogamy as the default setting for relationships.
"Polyamorous people are more enlightened," the speaker reads.
While it's true that polyamorous people by necessity have probably had to question relationships, cuz it's not really the status quo, a polyamorous relationship is just as valid as a monogamous relationship.
When it's about personal, consensual issues, the facts, data and research that you need to make the right choice come from how you feel about it and what works for you.
And that, dearest viewers, is the beauty of choice.
So for those of you who are interested in learning more about how to make a polyamorous relationship work, I'm hopefully going to be having a very special guest come host a video with me and, uh, I'm not sure when that'll happen.
Realistically, probably in a couple of months.
Give me some time to work that out, in the meantime I've listed some good books, some websites, in the description for those of you who can't wait a few months.
So check it out. I love you all oh so much! And I'll see you next week!
The speaker sends a kiss to the camera with her hand pressed to her lips and then the video fades to a screen that asks the viewer to subscribe, and has details about being facebook friends and a preview for the next video.
****
Minutes 1:00-2:20 transcribed by Jeremy Winstead.
I just made a new friend that happens to be polyamorous and she has more than just two lovers. She was trying to explain it to me, and as I said to her, personally it's too complicated for me, but if she want's to do it and it's cool with all parties involved, then she can go to f***ing town with it. I'm not judging.
lol it's less complicated, not more :)
Deshara That's a personal opinion. For other people it is more complicated.
I personally could never be in a polyamorous, and not because I see my beautiful fiancee as a "property" but because I consider being in a relationship as a big commitment that requires giving both time and effort to that one person.. Having more than one person means that you'll be attracted more to one over the other at different times, in other words it's hard to treat both persons equally..
That might work if you're just talking about casual sex between three friends.. But if love was involved the experience will be very sad for the person in love.. Jealousy is a human emotion that you just can't shove in a closet and forget. Not when you're in love... (Btw I'm talking about normal jealousy not the obsessive harmful jealousy)
I think timing is everything. If you get into a polyamorous arrangement, three years into the relationship, it will be very difficult because of the level of emotional investment, However if you start it a month in, I think its easier to maintain.
Alaska Elisabeth McMillan Its probably jealousy, Watch ask them if they want to join, and see how fast they do a 180
Its not a contest. Polyamoury for me and for many people I know is about letting each relationship be itself in every moment. Yes you can damn well bet that I made sure he had a rose for her too last night when we went in the party as I wouldnt rub that in her face (my bf's other gf) but to say that he must feel the same way for me that he does her or vice versa is ridiculous.
I dont think parents even love their kids "equally" When me and my three sisters ask my mom "who is your fav" she will reply to each of us "you are" Because its true.
My guy can have as many feelings for others as he wants but I know it doesnt harm our relationship. Is it easy? No. Is it fun and full of growth? You bet.
The question of equality is an important one, no doubt. And committing to any love relationship is indeed a big deal. Finally, it's true that jealousy comes up sometimes in polyamorous situations.
But many polyamorists have healthy ways of responding to/coping with these issues, just as many monogamists have healthy ways of responding to/coping with the challenges that come with that relationship style.
Some people simply are born polyamorous. They remember always feeling that way and have never wanted exclusivity. Others choose it for philosophical or other reasons. But in both cases, they really want it and so make it work.
I'm in a polyamorous relationship and I rarely feel jealously. In fact, I feel less jealous and insecure than I have in any other relationship. I was the MOST insecure and jealous when I was in an exclusive monogamous relationship. I love my boyfriend and girlfriend equally, and they love myself and each other equally. It's difficult to describe the feeling, but when I'm with both of my partners I feel complete, happy, and secure. Being part of a team with my best friends where I can be open and honest about anything is beautiful. It's not impossible to love multiple people at once.
I first heard about polyamory 4 years ago when I was 20 and couldn't wrap my head around how they weren't jealous, lol. I met a girl who used to be in a poly amorous relationship. Props to anyone in a poly amorous relationship.
You can be poly and still be jealous! Lack of jealousy isn't a requirement, nor is polyamory a cure for jealousy. It's just a different set of circumstances in which to experience such feelings :) (although hopefully you don't!)
Not only does polyamory have nothing to do with "wanting dick", but you speak as if it was a bad thing, too.
You speak as though you know women really well. Are you a woman yourself? If not, then stop speaking in absolutes. You're making yourself out to be a total wingnut and an idiot on UA-cam. This column is for intellectuals seeking further enlightenment, not more intense headaches.
People hate polygamists because they don't understand them. I don't really either, but I am not in a position to judge. I know a polygamous threesome. They aren't religious and their love has nothing to do with any kind of spirituality. They simply love one another. They all love everyone in their little group and when you see them together, they are really beautiful, they really look like a family
The Librarian From Oz that sounds more like polyamory. polygamy is one person in several relationships while polyamory is more like three or more people all in a relationship together. that's my understanding
AiRenji you're wrong, polygamy is a man with several wives. polyamory is three+ ppl together, but also one person with lots of relationships
N Harmonia polygyny is multiple wives, polygamy multiple partners or spouses. polyamory has always been explained to me as more than two people all in a relationsip together versus polygamy as one person being in several relationships. they're pretty similar actually in that everyone is okay with the non monogamy. but whatever, I've not done either nor do i think I've met someone who has, so I can't say from like experiecne or whatever
AiRenji Well you are wrong, A simple google search will tell you that you are wrong. There are all sorts of polyamorous relationships a relationship between three people (where they all love each other equally is sometimes called a Tri) another common type of similar relationship including three people is when one person is the hinge or the person that connects the other two basically two people loving the same person.Then there are even bigger poly families who all love each other.
As said before polygamy is being married to more then one person generally the term is used to describe a man with more then one wife.
...why not be with a guy whose both middle eastern and Latino?
I had a negative view on polyamory before seeing this and the comments because I thought it meant the main person (like the one who everyone else has a relationship with in the group) was kind of viewed as the superior one in the group and the other people seemed kind of like property (because they only have one option whereas the main person has several). But now reading the comments of all the people who sound like they have a healthy relationship that everyone in the group enjoys, I'm thinking hey, I see nothing wrong with this! :D
Why do you asume there is only one person who has a relationship with all the others? It's also possible all people love (and have sex with) eachoher... I saw a docu about a familie with two women and one man recently. They lived toghter and slept in one big bed. They found eachother after the two women fell in love with eachother (one of them was married to the man).
What you are talking about is more polygamy... I wouldn't be in a relationship with that kind of inequality myself. As it is, I've been in a successful poly relationship for over three years.
Windy I used to have that idea too, cause through history it was indeed like that, and still is today in some filthy countries. Women were property of men, so you would never see a woman with more than 1 men. With that kind of extreme gender inequality, "polyamory" just benefits the male while degrades the females. At least things are changing (sexism) and some people in polyamorous relationships are really mature & responsible, and capable of loving & caring for everyone equally.
That which you're describing is a master-slave fetishist relationship, it would seem, which isn't exclusive to polyamorist relationships. After all, BDSM is a grey area.
As someone who has very happily enjoyed a polyamorous relationship with two steady, loving partners trust me when I say it isn't anything weird or scary. It means you have to talk a whole lot more but so long as you are still treasuring each and every new person in your life and not just collecting lovers for kicks it is incredibly warm and rewarding.
Yay other poly people DO exist!!!!!
I'm Poly-amorous. I have 2 very long term gf's & I'm looking for a 3rd Laci Green ^_~.
Out of curiosity, can I ask why? I've always looked oddly at my friends who date others just so they can have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm sure you love them both very much
David Enderman It's not about looking for another person it's about just meeting someone and realising you like them/ like to pursue it. I guess this person poorly worded it, and actually mean that he likes Laci and would like to date her... i dont see it happening though but that is the idea.
I personally don't find polyamory to be for me. I'm the kind of person who needs space every once in awhile. I like having a companion, a partner, someone to cuddle and be able to tell everything to, but I only want one. I also need some me time now and then. I don't think I could really manage that if I had several partners and still give them all the attention and work those relationships would need. I also have a lingering feeling that somebody would become jealous and become hurt, I know that isn't necessarily the case with poly relationships but it's just a fear I have in the back of my mind due to seeing it happen before. I'm also *not* proud to admit that I myself have a jealous streak and I can easily feel left out or like a "third wheel" or not good enough, etc. Perhaps it's just because it's what I'm used to, but I feel the most comfortable and secure in a monogamous relationship.
That being said, I'm not religious, I have no moral objections to polygamy, as long as everyone involved are communicating openly and honestly with each other, treating each other fairly, and anything they do is consensual, etc, but that goes for everything.
Kenni Raine Wanting space actually makes the case for polyamory since rotating date nights become a common theme. When you want your space your partners go out with each other. To prevent jealousy you also have date nights with your partners or one on one. Communication is the key to everything working. When done right everything balances out.
i think it depends on if the people all know about each other. if they do and they are happy and safe thats totally fine. if not thats just cheating.
i personally couldn't do it, im quite territorial.
A lot of polyamorists start with like that, but if an individual sees the trade offs worth it, then the jealousy issue is one that is worked out. Not eliminated, but more comfortably managed.
Vermin E i don't see any trade offs
Vermin E Not everybody's territorial. Like, I'm crazy jealous, even of people I shouldn't be, but I recognize the fact that that's just me being crazy and needy and hating the thought of missing out on something that could have been, but since I've stopped internalising it oh so many years ago, I've ceased to care.
People change. Now personally I would be polyamorous but it takes two (lol) to tango so it's regular ol monogomy for me (since hurting people isn't an option, natch)
Deshara i don't really understand why you're tellling me this
i was telling vermin
From bad experiences with men in the past, I REALLY like the idea of not putting all my eggs in one basket.
Wow....just wow
+Captain Freedom and still hold your vcard
Speaking as a practicing polyamorist (although... that sounds a lot more bizarre than I thought it would...), thank you for making this video. Me and my partners are SUPER lucky to have a circle of friends who are very open (da-dum sha!) to lots of things that people don't usually consider 'normal.' It's always refreshing to to see someone point out that alternate relationship styles are 100% valid, provided they're entered into by consenting adults.
I've been watching a lot of your videos over the past few days, and I've been struck over and over again by how intelligent, witty, and straightforward you are. You can present some of the most controversial topics is a way that comes across as both funny and strikingly accurate.
Thank you for all that you do! :)
I've been in a polyamorous relationship for over three years. While it's not perfect (no relationship is!), I am with a very loving and dedicated partner. He has other partners as well, and I don't really have a problem with it. I am glad he can have all of his needs met, and I'm free to find other relationships as well, to be fun and flirty without the fear of jealousy from him.
The biggest comment I get is some variation of, "You must have no self-respect" or "I hope someday you can find someone who loves you enough that you are enough for them," but I simply don't see it that way. I see it as a way that he can have his needs met, and I can have greater freedom to pursue other relationships, for a more varied experience.
Note: When I refer to "his needs," it's nothing derogatory. I happen to be asexual, which my significant other has supported from the beginning. One of the benefits of polyamory is that I don't have to feel like I'm "holding him back" from pursuing those perfectly normal and human desires.
T'Shara Brown That sounds perfect! I'm bisexual. A polyamorous relationship sounds fun, but for now my bf is too jealous.
leave him before you break him, Msl. its clear he's not satisfying you in some way and you're just putting off the inevitable.
Polyamorous, Pansexual, and Proud!
Same. I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend and i love it.
Same! I have a boyfriend,a girlfriend, and a new male love interest!
nice!
stay positive.
Here is something to think about further. Hey moms out there!? How great would it be to have 2 hubbies [of some gender etc] to help you with that whole pregnant and kids having thing? 2x the support and runs to the grocery store at any hour!
Me and my friends used to openly talk about how this would be cool.This was one of our conversations:(talking about a guy we liked at the time)
Me:"We both like him like why couldn't we share him?If he liked us both that could work right?"
Her:"yeah I guess so.Knowing me I'd end up falling in love with you and that would be weird"*laughs*
Me:"to be honest I'd probably do the same with you.But that could work."
Her:"Yeah!We could be a three way couple!"
The true OT3
When I told my girlfriend (at the time) that I might be polyamory a friend of mine said " isn't that just another word for Cheating." Ummmmmm no. My mam was in a very good poly relationship for many years and had a perfectly normal breakup with them before she met my dad, she is still very good friends with them and I just dislike the stereotype that it's cheating so much because it as normal a relationship as a monogamous (I think that's how you spell it) is.
Digital Style thank you
the bonds are much more weaker then in a normal relationship.
I'm a 14 year old girl, and polyamory seems good for me. The idea of being with just one person for the rest of your life doesn't appeal to me. But relationships in general don't appeal. It's my time to focus on me, but in the future I could see myself in a polyamory relationship
That's the point of bringing up Polyamory in this video, to show that there are choices and we should be free to follow what we feel is right. If you feel like you don't want a relationship, at the time, by all means, go ahead and do so! If you feel later in life that polyamory isn't for you, go be monogamous. The choice rests with you and you alone, regardless of what other people say.
Thanks! Ive been feeling relly confused and this seems to answer my question.
noxvita83
You're 14/15. You don't know shit about anything. You have too many hormones racing through your body to understand what a real relationship even is.
This shit would piss me off. Not because I don't understand it I'm just very selfish with who I'm dating
i WANT to be open minded to this so much but i just cant seem to get past how ridiculous and immature this sounds to me, i guess what im saying is to each their own but if someone ever asked me to take part in a poly relationship i would break up with them on the spot
That's the thing, you said it yourself: to each their own. Could we just start to live and let live? Of course you don't have to and you should never feel forced to have a poly relationship, just don't look down on people because they have one. And it has nothing to do with mature or immature.
***** wow ... you linked terrorism to this topic? ... terrorism involves not just religion (it plays a role, but it is not central). What makes them do what they do is politics and economy (in their view the other country killed or stole from them, and they don't want to put up with this, however they are weak and can't afford a full on war).
Molly Likovich I don't have *much* problem with that really, I understand that a lot because I kind of had a group of friends _that_ close for a loooot of years when I was a little younger; we all grew up together in a veryyy small town and kind of learnt how to kiss, and prepare for the world really, with one another, and we would promise each other to keep it that way forever, only amoung us 7, and seemed like the most racional thing until I hit 18 and I felt inlove with someone else and I told everyone and most of them were liking different people as well, so we decided to 'enter the real world' for good, but we all still very close.
But the problems I have with it are: All of our families would be weird out about it. And all of us _do_ care about what our families think. I would never want to dissapoint/not make my parents proud if I can, so we would always had to hide it and that's a little absurd..
And IF is not hidden then... like, what about the kids? If you happen to have kids, sure must be amazing to be surrounded by people that love you above all... it's better than NOT having a family obviously, but... you _can_ do better than that. Because I still think it's soo dysfunctional.. and that to have kids you need to be more selfless and try to built the best household that you *possibly* can for their sake in all aspects (and that includes, YES, society acceptance).
Polyamory means many loves. It's where one can love another, and maybe a second person, and everyone is consented and informed. A lot of times partner's partners become very close. Polyamory isn't for everyone, and that's fine. But keep those comments to internet only and not to someone's face, they're very ignorant and hurtful.
Smh lol i feel u
I was in Polyamory relationship for two years-ish (bbg me being one of the males) It was very complicated but also THE best relationship that I was in. Something you forgot to mention was being in one of these doesn't necessarily mean you have to be part of the LGBT in order for it to work. Both me and the other male simultaneously focused on the female (and did not focus on each other) This has been IMO why Polyamory is so "taboo" because of the myth that you have to be bi to have a quality threesome. The only reason it ultimately failed was the female tried to bring in another male, while the other male and I did NOT want to bring anyone into the relationship (at that time at least) so she decided to go behind our backs.
Moral: Polyamory can be very beneficial, and yes, can make a [formerly] monogamous relationship stronger. However trust is ABSOLUTELY Paramount (as it is in any form of relationship...)
I've been in relationships like this before. I just never knew there was a name for it. I dated a girl and her friend. I thought that I was just living the typical guts dream. It soon became one of the greatest experiences. I went from dating 1 to 8 within 6 years. All were women and they all knew each other from childhood. I found myself in love with them all. It didn't last though bc its hard for people to except that you love someone just as much as you love them. We're all still very close .
It just sounds like and excuse to cheat on someone tbh
A bond between one person is stronger then multiple bonds.
+Anun Kash that's an opinion
Eamonn K indeed it is. i'd attempt to support it with research if i wasn't too lazy to get off of youtube. then maybe it would become a theory.
NDRgaming unless all 3 parties involved were more invested in their own selves then the other 2.
Cheating only occurs when one party doesn't consent to there being multiple partners
Hmmm... Well, I am polyamorous, and I have never heard of it as a group-relationship before. Sure, some people dates as couples, and one of the central points of this kind of relationship is that you and your partners negotiate and define exactly how it works best for you.
In my case I have a lifepartner and we each have different partners that we know of, but we don't also date them. Yet. We're open for opportunities, and we'll process whatever will need processing along the way. To me honesty, negotiating and processing is the essential keystones in most poly relationships. But then again, it varies.
Well, it is a group relationship in that everybody needs to be in the loop and be okay with everything. It also works out best when everyone is at least friends with each other, I think.
Those keystones you mentioned; I've been telling others that those are my fundamentals of a relationship for years and about 80% of them just respond to me like I'm trying to find a loophole for cheating like someone who's evading their taxes. How is it cheating if everyone is honest with each other and consenting. Apparently that question isn't good enough for them though.
Oh and read The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein. It's about a future lunar population where polyandry is the most common marriage type because men outnumber women 2 to 1. It's my favorite book.
It sounds like you're in an open relationship if you don't believe polyamory is a group effort. It's definitely a group effort if more than two people are involved.
i was researching polyamory when i found this video. i am subbed to your channel. i appreciate your heads up on this topic. i believe i am a polyamorous person myself. i also happen to think it is part of a person's sexual orientation, ergo, we are born this way.
Well said.
I'm curious to know how others, who are into this lifestyle, approach people for dates. When/how do you let them know that you are polyamorous? There have been a few people who I'd like to explore with, but most of them are in relationships.. as am I. I don't want to be disrespectful or offend, but I'm still not entirely sure how to drop the hint. And most people tend to miss it. If they don't, they generally assume the worst.
I have nothing really against Laci Green... well of ok just one thing she is insufferably pedantic all the while not having any real insight into a lot of the topics she talks about. Has she been in a polyamorous relationship? Does she personally know anyone who is?
I've recently discovered that I'm poly and I feel so alone...
Nah
+Abby Tully You're not alone! If you're on facebook, join this group - facebook.com/groups/polygroup/
It might take a couple of days to be approved. There's always a waiting list.
I know how you feel, but you are NOT alone
But I thought being "poly" is all about being with MORE people?
Thanks for the links! Me and the partner have just decided to be polyamorous and it's good to know there's a place to go when looking for further information. I love the video, communication is definitely key!
so whichever one of yall who didn't come up with the idea to be polyamorous is the one being torn apart inside...
Let us know how this works out for you.
How long before you realize you ruined your relationship????
prince ive been with the same lady for 14 years..been poly for 8 years. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Keeping in mind im not even 30 yet. You wont find many at my age who've maintained a relationship this long monogamous or polyamorous.
Im "so gay" because we have honesty, transparency, and multiple girlfriends. Im such a loser 😂😂😂😂😂
You keep beating it to mff porn while i get to live it. 😂😂😂😂
To each their own! Relationships can be with 2 or 20 or whatever. I just want people to be happy and healthy together. :)
I am Polyamorous and just want to say THANK YOU for bringing some light to this subject. You did very well, in fact!
So you are willing to share your woman? What if she gets pregnant from the other guy and decides to keep it? Where does that leave you?
@@kageshinobigames3216 well, first of all, she belongs to herself. People aren't property. Secondly, if there is another child in our home, wonderful! It takes a village!
I've been approached twice by polyamorous women to try something with them. One of them took me out to a poly meet and greet type thing. Everyone seemed friendly and happy enough but in the end I decided it just wasn't for me. I already know what would happen, I'd be super jealous, I'd try to hide it to not hurt the other person's feelings and then I'd just get passive aggressive to the point where the whole thing would derail. No thanks.
thats about 99% of people
Wow, what a stupid philosophy.
Best philosophy ever.
Fear what is different.
(Don't actually)
Wow, what a stupid comment.
@lacigreen I would be interested in seeing an updated video on this topic.
imagine that this was a dude talking about having more than one girl...
then the world cries sexism. so I cry SEXISM on this!
not really? what ur think of is guys with 'side hoes' who dont know about each other which makes it not polyamoury but cheating. if a guy wants multiple girlfriends then all the power to him as long as everyone involved is aware and consenting
Sophie Webb I'm not talking about cheating, I'm talking about multiple girlfriends
well as long as everyone involved is consenting and comfortable i dont see the issue. regardless of whos involved society has a very low view of polyamorous people. theyre hypersexualized and treated like garbage.
Polygyny is frowned on by the public, and if you think it's oxygen potassium that's fine, but 99.99% of the time western society thinks of it as undermining women. That's all I was say.
Well no. Polyamory is a thing, even for guys.
I'd love to watch more videos on this! I like the idea and talked about it with my boyfriend, but I think it scared him....
+trixie tang I'm surprised he didn't dump you on the spot.
I am Polyamorous. One of my favorite Poly-slogans is "Love does not subtract, it multiplies." That said, yeah, ongoing Poly relationships do take more work. Just remember how much work and balancing a monogamous relationship takes. Now, add a third person (or more) to that. It requires a high degree of maturity and communication. Of the successful, long-term Poly relationships that I know, almost all of them have been monogamously married at least twice before. I have never seen a Poly relationship last more than a year when the primaries (the main relationship members) are under 30.
Please get Cunning Minx to co-host with you. I liked but I think you focused too much on the group aspect. Many polys (is that redundant :o) aren't in group relationships. It's more like branches or spoke and hub. While some want to be involved in the relationships of their partners, other prefer not to. While polyamory means many loves some maintain a central marriage relationship with mortgage and kids while allowing for outside sex and encounters as long as it's kept somewhat on the dl (think Will and Jada Smith or Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee). Many professional entertainers or people who travel for long periods of time have these kinds of arrangements. Even a former Supreme Court Justice (O'connor) had this type of relationship (although complicated by Alzheimer's).
i'm a white gay man. and i've been with all different kinds of guys. a black guy, a guy who's black and white, a guy who was native american and black, latinos, white guys, a korean man, middle eastern men, and a guy who was indian. out of all of them i have to say latin and middle eastern men are my weakness.i thought about being in a polyamorous relationship because i just can't choose between them. if i'm with just a latin man i feel empty without the middle eastern man. and vise versa. life's so complicated :(
Am I the only one who sees this guy as a weird racist?
Aubren Lewis how so?
I've been in one of those relationships before. Extra work and definitely more complicated, though one party in particular was so not okay with it even though he said he was, so yeah, that would make it really complicated. Anyway, this choice is probably not my general preference I've learned, but I don't judge.
One of my exes is a polyamorist (who was in a monogamous relationship with me as stipulation for us to be together) and he does try really hard to find true love in these kinds of relationships, but it's extra hard in this society where jealousy is practically beaten into us as a society.
Jealousy by the way is not why I decided against polyamory. It was because it's exhausting since I'm really introverted. I really only want one person who meets my needs and I theirs. (And as of this post, for nearly 2 years I've had one ;) )
SO much communication! I haven't been in a poly relationship yet, but I hope to have one, one day. I think it would be great! But for me and my man, we would want to add in another Female. I'd want more cuddles and a close girl friend for sappy movie nights. ;)
I'm not sure if I can trust that much I mean I'd had to love the other two people a awful lot but I....I guess I'd B open to it if I wasn't skipped out of anything important like family events surtan outings any trips and sex to lay it on thick everything would have to B 50/50 at all times and we all would have to sleep and and have sex together and at times even showers and take our turns cooking and U know what as a pansexual I've never ever really considered a three some I mean not that I don't have a lot to give but I really really get way to jelly-jelus and concerned with fairness but If I found the right group of people I can see my self trying it
Thank you so much for this awesome video! You've explained it in such a perfect way. I'm going to have to show this to some people who don't understand mine and my partners' choices!
@xaddictive that's awesome :) my hope is that practicing w/ me will make it easier for you to successfully question various concepts in your life. not just with sex & relationships either -- with everything (and I do mean eeeeeeverything!) XD
I finally have a name for what I feel in my heart.
The LDS Church "Mormons" do not practice polygamy. It was only for a time, and stopped when leaders said it was unnecessary .
@obaeyens Poly peeps don't have any specific sexual orientation - it's true that threesomes may not be more prevalent, but it's not necessarily bc all poly people are hetero. Agreed on all other accounts :P
Thank you so much for making this video for people! I am asexual and polyamorous so my partners sexual needs can be met. I'm so happy we have so many open minded youtubers like you.
I'v never had a good handle on my friend's relationships as she is polyamorous and bisexual and I'm pretty much the complete opposite. I think this is a great way of explaining it for people who aren't a part of that world.
I don't see what's wrong with it.
Personally, I think it sounds like too much work, but if someone wants to have multiple partners then power to em'!
I'm Polyamorous and proud! Though it's a hard thing to be in the little town that I live in, but luckily I'm gonna move soon enough :P
Laci, you did a fabulous job on this. It's so concise, yet it hits all the important parts. Bravissimo!
If more people got into this, less people wouldn't be lonely, single, or sad.
Hi laci, in the beginning of the video you said relationships are supposed to be in pairs, except for those crazy Mormons. I am just here to inform you that us Mormons (yes, I am a mormon) have relationships with only ONE PERSON just like everyone els
she was joking. she used to be mormon.
"Where do you get your worth from?"
Knowing that my mere existence is a miracle.
And so is Laci's.
We both know we're awesome. ^_~
why is the link in the video for the selling sex?! video leading to a private video?
I dont get why polygamy is illegal, if everyone in the relationship is consensual about it, what does it matter to people outside the relationship.
It's illegal because Christian morals have dictated it so. In Israel, it's optional (albeit not mandatory) to have multiple married partners in the harem. Same for the rest of the Middle-East, India, and Pakistan. However, the active subversion of women in the Middle-East and the surrounding areas is quite disturbing to say the least, to the point that the men would abuse the laws governing polygamy for their own ends. I think, politically, that is wrong, but none of those countries I reside in, and I am thankful for that. As for the matter of marriage into a polygamy, I wouldn't be so keen on it, myself. I'd much rather be in a common-law monogamous marriage, personally speaking. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with the drama that comes with being a Hutterer.
Lacy! I am from Utah.. By the way just wanted to let you know most Mormons are not polygamists. Polygamy is actually illegal here, I live in a college town here in Utah and I have never met a polygamist!
OMG I'm from there too and I was just thinking that...
I realized that laci is actually post mormon. so i take back what i said she knows whats going on here
Sophie, you've never met a Polygamist.... that you KNOW of. most of them are not broadcasting it to the world... :P
Well
Ceara Holden
I think its not that they keep it hidden i think its the fact that they live together in rural areas of utah that ive never been to
Cheers Laci, I found this very helpful
@LadyChibby starting in january! :)
Wow for the first time i actually agree with her.
I'm polyamorous.
I'm also single.
:/
I was thinking about more money
Personally, I would find the idea of sharing my boyfriend with someone else hideous. Let alone the fact that I myself don't wanna be with anyone other than him. So I don't really understand polygamy.
But hey, my motto when it comes to sexualities and preferences is "Do whatever the fuck you want, I don't wanna know who or how many people you are banging, just don't involve me in it". So. Peace.
Personally I think poly relationships are horrible for people. Humans were made for one person in a relationship. Jealousy would get in the way always. While yes, thousands of years ago in history like for example, ancient Egypt, it’s mostly because of business and money and king and queen sort of stuff. So no poly is not good
I was in a polyamorous relationship once... sort of. I see no problem with bisexual people having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend if both partners are aware and okay with it, but my first girlfriend sort of took advantage of that, and while saying she was dating me, she would also boyfriend-hop and while I was okay with it at first, after a while it started to bother me, and I found out one day that her latest boyfriend was one of my friends from school, which struck a nerve for some reason. It was only a few months later than I learned that she ditched him and had been dating ANOTHER guy... for three months. Without telling me. That was right before I dumped her a day later.
I love what she’s wearing!!
this is my Favorite Laci Green Vid 2 reasons! First she's talking about one of my Fetishes... and 2... Because she Showed Her Butt In Jeans!!!!
I literally can't fathom loving, REALLY loving more than one person. This is one thing I'll never understand how it works.
Polyamory may work for some (and I pass no judgement for those who choose to practice it), I personally won't go for it.
The way I see it, I want a romantic relationship with one person who loves me, enjoys my company and whom I get along with (and vice versa).
From my experience, I can only really be in love with any one person at any given time and those open relationships don't work for me. The way I see it, it's either you're in love with me or your not.
And it's not even worth talking about because a vast majority of people aren't comfortable with this idea applying to their own life.
So because MOST people are not comfortable we just give up on the ones who are
Jesus, you people try entirely too hard to be social justice warriors. I never expressed any prejudice. Just a boring topic to talk about, with an equally boring host.
Yeah, whatever the fuck that means.
Not all mormons are polygamists, there are lds people(mormons) and flds people (also mormons) but they participate in polygamy. Lds people are taught it is best to only have 1 spouse for eternity and to choose them carefully to avoid divorce.
"But sharing love is not losing love. Love is INFINITE." - Peter Rabbit
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love is polyamory. Compersion. :p That's what 1 Corinthians actually means when it says love does not envy and is not self-seeking/doesn't insist on its own way. I know this isn't going to be a popular truth with the fundamentalist pharisees, but it is the truth about love regardless. The hippies were right about free love. That's also what Jesus meant when he said freely you have given, freely you shall receive. He was talking about love too.
Great job. I've been poly for a number of years and this video is one of the best and most informed descriptions of our lovestyle. Thank you so much!
Sounds great in theory, but I haven't seen it really work once, yet. I live in a pretty liberal place with very open minded friends. I've known a lot of open-relationship & polyamorous types. All the poly trios, quads, 'pods' etc., I've known inevitably fall apart due to jealousy or neglect. All of them. 100%.
When you consider that it's basically part of the playbook to swallow your feelings of jealousy, that just seems like a red flag.
i support poly relationships, but i'm not sure how i would feel in one personally. i came close to one for a while but i just didn't really vibe enough with the girl in the long term.
I am poly. Have been for about 4 years now. It has the same stresses and worries and problems as monogamous relationships do. I have 2 male partners. 1 is my main partner that I live with and the other is also my partner, he just lives farther away. My Main SO is dating another woman. When it first comes to the new "first time intimate" I can be a bit jealous. But honestly, that's more out of my insecurity because of my previous dbag relationships. His newest partner is Married as well. Communication is a HUGE part of this. Also respect for the other person(s) feelings in this. Just because we are open to having multiple partners doesn't mean jealousy or insecurity isn't there. We just have to face it as soon as it happens. I wouldn't change who I love for the world. And I do love both my partners very much.
Some countries Polyandry is normal esspecially in parts of Africa and when men are hard to come by! So yes ladies you can have more than one husband!
This was all done in the 60's. It worked as long as everybody was young and cute, but went to hell in a handbasket when aging intruded. Aging will be the "uninvited" partner in every such scheme. It's there with the 2-person relationship also, but it acts on these novelty experiments in a different way. It usually ends with two people who bond the normal way and then have the awkward chore of telling the third, (or more), that "it just ain't working anymore."
THANK YOU! I am polyamourous- I have a husband and a boyfriend. It has its challenges but it's been working for me! I am a people pleaser- it gives me great pleasure in life to care for people and having two men to love and care for makes my life much more fulfilling.
As a guy who has been down Polyamory Lane for a year or two, I can say no other type of relationship has ever been more difficult or rewarding. And I also can't say I originally planned on being polyamorous to start with. But I have to say, the three of us (my two boyfriends and I) feel like a family. The only hiccup we have hit is jealousy, which we dealt with quickly.
I feel like millions of years ago, polygamy was just an excuse to further treat women like sexual objects and baby makers/incubators, but nowadays it seems to be different. As long as everyone is happy, treating each other with respect, and it's consensual then I have no problem with it. It's just not for me.
Polyamory is not for me. I like to feel special, and wanted. I don't find the idea of having more than 1 partner particularly appealing. I want one very deep connection.
Monogamy is simpler, because I only have to worry about communicating clearly with 1 other person.
There are still disagreements and fights in polyamorous relationships, and that can be complicated. A lot of the time, polyamorous people seem to resolve problems more easily with more close partners to rely on, but if everyone is angry at eachother, it's a huge mess.
I don't want children, that's not really an issue for me.
I consider myself kind of selfish in a relationship, because I love the emotional physicality. I enjoy being casually affectionate. I don't necessarily want to share that.
I like being genuine and full hearted. I like originality. I'm not saying that it doesn't exist in polyamory, but it's harder to find.
I also don't like the idea of having to let go of that many people that are important to me should they decide to leave the relationship.
It works for some people, and that's great, but it's not for me.