This song is so powerful, she wrote this song in hospital when she had a stroke at 18 and the kid in the same room as her had cancer and passed away. Now if you listen to the words again, it will make you cry if it didn't already, I love her with all my heart.
Sometimes we forget that her music isn't all "Price Tag" and "Who's Laughing Now." Some of her best work is when her soul is bared and she exposes the things that make her so wonderful.
I honestly think one thing that helps her vocals is the fact that she doesn’t care what she looks like when she sings. She just move with what ever the song does. Most artist care to much about looking cute and sexy. But she doesn’t and that what makes her standout, plus I think that’s even more attractive
This song is almost too painful for me to listen to. I was a Freshman in high school when this came out, and February 2011 I was diagnosed with depression. Later, in March 2012, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and went through hell. I was almost admitted to a mental hospital. I will NEVER forget how it felt to sit in that big white room by myself crying because of the pain I felt but couldn't describe. Being forced to be a part of a day program in a mental hospital. I'll never forget all those times I was in school and had to sit in the guidance office because I was in so much mental pain because of everything. The sensation of not being able to breathe because you're crying so hard to the point of vomiting. Wanting to die, and watching your family feel helpless and myself feeling hopeless. That's what this song makes me think of. It's a stunning song, but I was alone. I was scared, young, and hurting. I was alone. "I feel young, broken, so scared. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be somewhere else normal and free, like I used to be. But I have to stay in this big white room with little ol' me. I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind, I'm going crazy in this big white room of mine." ❤️ 2020 update: I’m doing good! I still struggle but I use that struggle to build strength. The mental hospital I mentioned in my original post? I work there now, helping kids and teens like me everyday. I’m getting my Masters in Psychology and plan to get my Doctorate and be a Psychologist at the hospital. Stay strong everyone. ❤️
+Tiffmidon This is inspirational to me. I hope you're fine now. I've been thereas well so I can guarantee you, you are not on your own. Life gets better. Just be true to who you are ! :)
Isthat faik Thank you so much! I'm in a good place right now; I'm 19 going to school full time and I work full time. I'm happy, and it feels amazing. I know I'm not alone; no one is all alone.
She wrote this song when she was 17, about when she was in the hospital at age 11, The boy she shared a room with was praying one night that he wouldn't die, the next day he died. She didn't understand why, so she ended up writing this song.. So go ahead and call it shitty pop music, but this comes from her soul.
her vocal acrobatics always amaze me but this is a new level. anyone who says she cant sing has no clue what they are talking about . her control and range are undeniable.
the best female vocalist ever in my opinion,,her vocal words are sang with such truth and conviction and vocal ability,ive been through thru some bad times and her music as helped me so much,as im sure as a lot of other people out there has been through too.sing on jessie,and thank u for ur music,and to all the people out there,that may be suffering,stay strong.and have faith.x
The meaning of this song is when jessie was in hospital for a medical condition treatment the boy opositte her was ill too. They talked but on one night the boy was begging for forgivness and praying. The next morning he died. Jessie and her mom were sat on her bed mourning then jessie said "why didnt god save him?" Jessie if u saw this ur an insparation
We know how to worth our artists. Jessie, Adele, Ellie, Jess, AMY, Leona. Although Little Mix lose yourself in generic pop this girls are great vocalists.
I came here from Danica Shirley's blind audition but stay here (and keep coming back) for Jessie's voice. They are both amazing singer and each of them has an unique tone. But I have to say that Jessie is one of a kind, she's so original and powerful, i can hear Jessie's singing her heart out
I first heard Big White Room when India Carney sang it on The Voice some years ago. Then again when Mackenzie Thomas sang it on The Voice. I've been here several times to hear Jessie sing it.
So true! She has a special connection with people when she sings! Seeing Jessie live is a special experience! Don't expect a Lady Gaga show though you will be disappointed! Her voice is the BOMB!
Why I love Jessie- She is completely HERSELF. From the makeup she wears, how she does her hair, the clothes and accessories that she puts on, and last but definitely not least, how she sings. I don't see or hear anyone else like her in the pop industry and that's a GOOD THING. Keep doing you, Jessie, you da bomb.
Chills...straight chills. I love her ending vowels and expressions...and the grit and softer lighter notes. She always gives it her all....never half hearted. Go girl!
Jeesie J....Wow! she is such an accomplished singer. Her voice is superb. This song is a perfect vehicle for her beautiful tone and lyrical improv. She is worth more than pop. She deserves to be likened to Whitney, Streisand and any other singing female icon you can think of. Utterly brilliant!
Power, control, personality, expression and beautiful ! she is one of my favorite singers ! a great role model! Big white room is a song that has changed me in many ways
Makenzie Thomas picked a great song and delivered it beautifully. Jessie J is such a talent, reckon she listened to this & loved it! Funny, every time I hear a cover I go to the original to compare. JJ stands the test every time!
She's the most talented singer so far. Nobody can sing her songs perfectly but her...Her music fits her voice, and it's awesome. Never had I seen Mrs. Jessie miming as most of these basic bitches! Jessie is my biggest pride.
It’s my first time listening to this song, and I love it so much. I’m listening to 35 Jessie J songs to celebrate her 35th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Jessie J! ❤❤🥳🎉🎊3/27/2023
Jessie is 1of the most underated vocalists ive everheard simple.SHE IN MY TOP 10 WITH LUTHER WHITNEY ETC.SIMPLE ,ADEX.U ALL NEED TO JUST LISTEN.SIMPLE.ADEX
I wish it’s that easy to smile and not to feel like going crazy, and feeling alone. I can’t help myself but to cry. I wish it’s that easy. I recently lost my Grandfather and it lead me to this song.
Manong_of_SanFrancisco everything will be better soon. You’ll move on from the lost of your grand dad. But for now, grieve. Don’t force yourself to smile. Cry if u must. Let it all out. I’m not sure if that makes sense but I wish you well. My condolences, brother.
This is an amazing song! I've heard Nathan Parret and Pip's version, Danica Shirley's version and this one. They are all good, but I think Jessie brings the most emotion to the song. All versions give me chills and goosebumps. The songwriting and arrangement speaks huge volumes.
Sitting in a big white room alone Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down Close my eyes to see in the dark I feel young, broken, so, so scared I don't wanna be here anymore I wanna be somewhere else Normal and free, like I used to be But I have to stay in this big white room With little old me I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine Sitting in a big white room alone Close the door Don't want the pain to come in I clench my fist And try to stay strong I cry, feel sick My heart is beating out of control Can I run run faster than you I wanna feel my body again Feel the wind in my hair But I have to stay in this big white room 'Cause no one else cares, no I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine Everybody's looking at me Everybody's staring at me What do I do now Smile, yeah Everybody's looking at me Everybody's staring at me What do I do now Smile, yeah I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine I'm going crazy I'm losing my mind I'm going crazy In this big white room of mine
This morning, as trapped I sit in this big white room of mine (literally) day in and day out, I stumbled across this song for the first time. Every single word feels like it's been ripped from my soul. I have unusually rapid degeneration of the discs in my spine coupled with myofacial dystonia that became a permanent fixture of pain in my life at 21. I fought these illnesses, tooth and nail. Despite the pain, I graduated from college with 2 honor cords for a B.A. in Psychology. My dream was to attain a doctorate & work with children who struggle with mental illness and/or problems created by traumatic events. I was only able to do this work for 2 yrs before my pain stole my entire identity. Friends and family called me their "rock" for most of my life; especially, my Mom who suffered from MS & Bipolar Disorder, among other illnesses (which malevolently hid her light from the world) and who I took care of from the time I was 15 until she died in 2012. She was the reason I tried SO HARD. I did not give up when she died...My body completely betrayed me 1 & 1/2 yrs later. For the past 4 yrs, I have been disabled to the point of very limited mobility that has resulted in utter isolation. My body and home have become a prison. I struggle to do even the most basic tasks, like washing my own hair. And, I am a master of the forced smile, which is a real feat for me since the dystonia causes spasms in my face. I cling to the only remaining piece of my old identity as a disembodied voice on the phone, offering as much love, support, and encouragement to my family and a few close friends as a living ghost can. I'd love to feel the wind in my hair again.
Makenzie Thomas version (The Voice 2018) brought me here 🤔
Me too! And i loved makenzies version of it too! ❤❤❤
Me too
Me too
Yup...duet sounds good to me.
Me too! I love both versions! Hope they do something together 😍
One of Jessie's most underrated songs. Always been one of my favorites
This song is so powerful, she wrote this song in hospital when she had a stroke at 18 and the kid in the same room as her had cancer and passed away. Now if you listen to the words again, it will make you cry if it didn't already, I love her with all my heart.
Didn't know this back story but this song has always felt so deep brings me to tears cause she makes you feel it ❤
My daughter’s favorite song before she passed.. RIP Jessica
💓
So sorry for your loss Luv. ❤️
Rip 💕
Rest In Grace Little 👑 Queen.
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏼💔
Sometimes we forget that her music isn't all "Price Tag" and "Who's Laughing Now." Some of her best work is when her soul is bared and she exposes the things that make her so wonderful.
Who's Laughing Now seemed to me a song with a personal meaning behind it too! But that's my interpretation
don't drag us down, what do you mean we? bitch I been knowing big white room
Mine too...maybe the “Big white room” is a metaphor for something else?
One of the best voices around - amazing!! Don’t hear anything from her now - shame 😢
Still my fave in 2023! Her voice is just incredible 🥹❤️
I honestly think one thing that helps her vocals is the fact that she doesn’t care what she looks like when she sings. She just move with what ever the song does. Most artist care to much about looking cute and sexy. But she doesn’t and that what makes her standout, plus I think that’s even more attractive
Jazlyn Syvret Like this girl who was a contestant on American Idol last season: ua-cam.com/video/pYk0c12zOUo/v-deo.html
Isn’t she beautiful with all the facial expressions! I love her!
Alright 😭💘💘💘💘
That's a read jazlyn😭😭😭
Rose short’s performance on the voice 2019 brought me here 🤗
Merícia Soares 🙋🏾♀️ me too
Me too!!!!
Same
me tooooooo
Me too
She was so young. I was sooo young listening to this an feeling it completely
This woman’s voice cannot he touched! There is absolutely NO ONE out there that can out sing Jesse J period!
This song is almost too painful for me to listen to. I was a Freshman in high school when this came out, and February 2011 I was diagnosed with depression. Later, in March 2012, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and went through hell. I was almost admitted to a mental hospital. I will NEVER forget how it felt to sit in that big white room by myself crying because of the pain I felt but couldn't describe. Being forced to be a part of a day program in a mental hospital. I'll never forget all those times I was in school and had to sit in the guidance office because I was in so much mental pain because of everything. The sensation of not being able to breathe because you're crying so hard to the point of vomiting. Wanting to die, and watching your family feel helpless and myself feeling hopeless. That's what this song makes me think of. It's a stunning song, but I was alone. I was scared, young, and hurting. I was alone.
"I feel young, broken, so scared. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be somewhere else normal and free, like I used to be. But I have to stay in this big white room with little ol' me. I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind, I'm going crazy in this big white room of mine."
❤️ 2020 update: I’m doing good! I still struggle but I use that struggle to build strength. The mental hospital I mentioned in my original post? I work there now, helping kids and teens like me everyday. I’m getting my Masters in Psychology and plan to get my Doctorate and be a Psychologist at the hospital. Stay strong everyone. ❤️
+Tiffmidon This is inspirational to me. I hope you're fine now. I've been thereas well so I can guarantee you, you are not on your own. Life gets better. Just be true to who you are ! :)
Isthat faik
Thank you so much! I'm in a good place right now; I'm 19 going to school full time and I work full time. I'm happy, and it feels amazing. I know I'm not alone; no one is all alone.
+Tiffmidon Thank You for sharing that
Bi polar doesn't exist. You are fine
Eric Eggleston
You're such an idiot.
Her runs are LETHAL. *clap clap clap*
Jessie j has one of the best voices I’ve ever heard
Boy she can sing!🥰Jessie J
The voice of an angel
'Cwazy' just makes me melt
lol cwazy has me dead
She's one of the best voices of generation , beautiful colour of voice and amazing technique, she's awesome, love her personality, I love her :)
Period 💓
Her voice can't be contained in anything it's just crazy the way she sings💓💎
Totally agree
She wrote this song when she was 17, about when she was in the hospital at age 11, The boy she shared a room with was praying one night that he wouldn't die, the next day he died. She didn't understand why, so she ended up writing this song.. So go ahead and call it shitty pop music, but this comes from her soul.
Incredible vocals! To anyone who says she doesn't sing well live, I'd just show them this vid and be like "You were saying?"
nobody ever said she can't sing live xD
David Kal NO ONE CAN SAID THAT XD
+xExpressUrSelfx A year later and it's such a shame she no longer sings such vocally demanding songs.
Johnny Jacobsen yea she doesa
brionna M SHE MOS DEF SINGS SUPER TECHNICAL SONGS
Not only is her song so soothing, the lyrics are so deep. She is such an inspiration
her vocal acrobatics always amaze me but this is a new level. anyone who says she cant sing has no clue what they are talking about . her control and range are undeniable.
Cause of death: Jessie J's vocals (compliment btw)
Yasss 😩😍
Lol
Absolutely flawless placement and brilliant artistry. I don’t understand why she isn’t Whitney Houston-level famous
Thank you Ms. Jessie J. This reminds me of my little brother who passed away 🙏 BEAUTIFUL 🙏
the best female vocalist ever in my opinion,,her vocal words are sang with such truth and conviction and vocal ability,ive been through thru some bad times and her music as helped me so much,as im sure as a lot of other people out there has been through too.sing on jessie,and thank u for ur music,and to all the people out there,that may be suffering,stay strong.and have faith.x
Agreed
thank you music video queen,you obviously know a good vocalist that sings with ability and passion
one of the best vocalist and song writer of our time!!!!!
This will always be the one song I resonate with the most. It means the world to me.
Yep...the story behind the song makes it so emotional...She's just a "GUN" singer...Untouchable at her best--and this is right up there..10/10!!
Love Jessie such a strong and beautiful voice….a force to be reakoned with!!!!
Her voice lifted me up in the darkest moments of my life...
Shimi OMG me too!!! And she still does :)
It waa nice to realize that I'm not alone :)
The meaning of this song is when jessie was in hospital for a medical condition treatment the boy opositte her was ill too. They talked but on one night the boy was begging for forgivness and praying. The next morning he died. Jessie and her mom were sat on her bed mourning then jessie said "why didnt god save him?"
Jessie if u saw this ur an insparation
When I hear this song and to understand the story behind the song truly proves that Jessie J is a fantastic vocalist and song writer.
Raedyn Randall (The Voice 2024) brought me here 🥰 so proud of you darling ✨
when i was 17 i was doing nothing relevant. just wasting my time. this woman is a blessing
The story is sooo sad! No child should have to go through that type of loss. I felt her purpose to do the song was very strong!
She sounds amazing on this beautiful, sad song.
England should be proud. She is a damn good vocalist. Love her music and voice a lot. Thank you
We know how to worth our artists. Jessie, Adele, Ellie, Jess, AMY, Leona. Although Little Mix lose yourself in generic pop this girls are great vocalists.
She’s amazing! Probably one of the greatest singers today.
Jessie J is a great artist,she can sing her ass off no cap ..
HOW did I miss this song by Jessie J all this time ago - this is classic, classy & such talent - LOVE the tone, vibrato & riffs - don't ever stop!
I came here from Danica Shirley's blind audition but stay here (and keep coming back) for Jessie's voice. They are both amazing singer and each of them has an unique tone. But I have to say that Jessie is one of a kind, she's so original and powerful, i can hear Jessie's singing her heart out
I have no words to describe how good is she...she has singing in her soul...
I'm still here and i never stop to listen this song
underated female vocalist
Rose Short version (The Voice 2019) brought me here...
Ivoryetta Zilla me too
Me too.
Me but in Mackenzie's performance💘
I first heard Big White Room when India Carney sang it on The Voice some years ago. Then again when Mackenzie Thomas sang it on The Voice. I've been here several times to hear Jessie sing it.
She's such an amazing singer.
Wow...Goosebumps. Its so nice to know that some of the people on the radio are actually amazing talented artists that deserve. You go Jessie!!!!
So true! She has a special connection with people when she sings! Seeing Jessie live is a special experience! Don't expect a Lady Gaga show though you will be disappointed! Her voice is the BOMB!
Why I love Jessie- She is completely HERSELF. From the makeup she wears, how she does her hair, the clothes and accessories that she puts on, and last but definitely not least, how she sings. I don't see or hear anyone else like her in the pop industry and that's a GOOD THING. Keep doing you, Jessie, you da bomb.
I'm going crazy and losing my mind too.. Them vocals are mind boggling ! How can any human sound so amazing?
love this girl ! she killed it. one of the best singing voice of all time hands down ! she so under rated, it a shame.
Excuse me while I cry my eyes out....
Damn, I felt that!! Did you feel that? 👊👊❤🖤
THE ONLY SINGER WHO CAN MAKE ME CRY! I LOVE HER!
her voice is absouletely amazing
I remember watching Jessie J on UA-cam before she was famous, always has been one of my fave singers and inspirations 💕🥰
There is no better voice control in this whole while youtube world.
This was on my mp3❤
This woman is amazing I don’t understand how she isn’t bigger then she is I don’t understand at all!
Chills...straight chills. I love her ending vowels and expressions...and the grit and softer lighter notes. She always gives it her all....never half hearted. Go girl!
not gonna lie... this is the best things my ears have ever experienced
Jeesie J....Wow! she is such an accomplished singer. Her voice is superb. This song is a perfect vehicle for her beautiful tone and lyrical improv. She is worth more than pop. She deserves to be likened to Whitney, Streisand and any other singing female icon you can think of. Utterly brilliant!
Control, Power, Personality, Expression, Beauty. She is flawless.
This is the most talented performance I've ever saw.
Still EVERYTHING in 2018!
This is by far my favorite song of Jessie. It is so raw and fragile. Love it. What a talent!!
Sang Jessie. Sang baby.
Everyone's gotta admit that this woman has major talent and does music with all her heart and soul! I love it.:)
Jesse J is super talented
She's an incredible song writer too, she's written many hits for others!
Is she like an angel or something
Power, control, personality, expression and beautiful ! she is one of my favorite singers ! a great role model! Big white room is a song that has changed me in many ways
Makenzie Thomas picked a great song and delivered it beautifully. Jessie J is such a talent, reckon she listened to this & loved it!
Funny, every time I hear a cover I go to the original to compare. JJ stands the test every time!
This is probably the best written song I have heard in a very long time. Very well written and sung.
To all the australians hyping on about this Angel girl, plz come back when she has atleast 10million views on youtube, thanks bye.
Excuse while I go get tissues; her voice just brings tears to my eyes, it's THAT beautiful.
She is just brilliant! Love Jessies music. Her songs and voice get better each time I listen to them. Amazing voice.
She's the most talented singer so far. Nobody can sing her songs perfectly but her...Her music fits her voice, and it's awesome. Never had I seen Mrs. Jessie miming as most of these basic bitches! Jessie is my biggest pride.
It’s my first time listening to this song, and I love it so much. I’m listening to 35 Jessie J songs to celebrate her 35th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Jessie J! ❤❤🥳🎉🎊3/27/2023
Jessie is 1of the most underated vocalists ive everheard simple.SHE IN MY TOP 10 WITH LUTHER WHITNEY ETC.SIMPLE ,ADEX.U ALL NEED TO JUST LISTEN.SIMPLE.ADEX
most unique voice i've ever heard !!!
SHE'S AMAZING !
and always tend to give me the goosebumps..
Still my favorite, and will always be my favorite, Jessie J song.
This song brings back the goosebumps I had when I first heard this song.
I wish it’s that easy to smile and not to feel like going crazy, and feeling alone. I can’t help myself but to cry. I wish it’s that easy. I recently lost my Grandfather and it lead me to this song.
Manong_of_SanFrancisco everything will be better soon. You’ll move on from the lost of your grand dad. But for now, grieve. Don’t force yourself to smile. Cry if u must. Let it all out.
I’m not sure if that makes sense but I wish you well. My condolences, brother.
Well, there's 150 people that does not know anything about good music.. Jessie J is an amazing singer!
For fuck sake.
just incredible.
WOW.... WOWWWWW.... How the hale does this ONLY have 3.4million views?? Vocal Mastery, again WOW!
The bigger mystery is why on earth 209 people voted it down??? They are completely batty!! ;)
This is an amazing song! I've heard Nathan Parret and Pip's version, Danica Shirley's version and this one. They are all good, but I think Jessie brings the most emotion to the song. All versions give me chills and goosebumps. The songwriting and arrangement speaks huge volumes.
Maybe because Jessie wrote this song?
her voice is like watching the sun come up in the morning , it brightens up my day , its so smooth and soleful , awwwwww ahhhhh i lovelove her
I was locked up in a mental hospital when I was a teenager... This song never fails at making my eyes water
I'm still waiting on that acoustic album ❤❤❤
Mohona Doe WON'T HAPPEN UNFORTUNATELY. JESSIE IS GREAT VOCALLY BUT SHE STILL HASN'T HIT SUPER STARDOM. RECORD COMPANY WON'T GO FOR IT AT THIS POINT.
This is such an awesome song! Amazing performance!
jess simply one of the best vocalist ive ever heard,and ive heard a lot .adex
Fantastic version
And she's gorgeous.
I love not only the melody but also the meaning behind the song.
I used to BLAST this on my iPod. This was before streaming, I downloaded the MP3.
Simply amazing! I love this woman
Jessie knows my heart. I wish my runs sounded like hers... real talk. 😭😭😭
Sitting in a big white room alone
Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down
Close my eyes to see in the dark
I feel young, broken, so, so scared
I don't wanna be here anymore
I wanna be somewhere else
Normal and free, like I used to be
But I have to stay in this big white room
With little old me
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
Sitting in a big white room alone
Close the door
Don't want the pain to come in
I clench my fist
And try to stay strong
I cry, feel sick
My heart is beating out of control
Can I run run faster than you
I wanna feel my body again
Feel the wind in my hair
But I have to stay in this big white room
'Cause no one else cares, no
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
Everybody's looking at me
Everybody's staring at me
What do I do now
Smile, yeah
Everybody's looking at me
Everybody's staring at me
What do I do now
Smile, yeah
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
noor mohammed 💚💚
Most under-rated artist of all time!
This morning, as trapped I sit in this big white room of mine (literally) day in and day out, I stumbled across this song for the first time. Every single word feels like it's been ripped from my soul. I have unusually rapid degeneration of the discs in my spine coupled with myofacial dystonia that became a permanent fixture of pain in my life at 21. I fought these illnesses, tooth and nail. Despite the pain, I graduated from college with 2 honor cords for a B.A. in Psychology. My dream was to attain a doctorate & work with children who struggle with mental illness and/or problems created by traumatic events. I was only able to do this work for 2 yrs before my pain stole my entire identity. Friends and family called me their "rock" for most of my life; especially, my Mom who suffered from MS & Bipolar Disorder, among other illnesses (which malevolently hid her light from the world) and who I took care of from the time I was 15 until she died in 2012. She was the reason I tried SO HARD. I did not give up when she died...My body completely betrayed me 1 & 1/2 yrs later. For the past 4 yrs, I have been disabled to the point of very limited mobility that has resulted in utter isolation. My body and home have become a prison. I struggle to do even the most basic tasks, like washing my own hair. And, I am a master of the forced smile, which is a real feat for me since the dystonia causes spasms in my face. I cling to the only remaining piece of my old identity as a disembodied voice on the phone, offering as much love, support, and encouragement to my family and a few close friends as a living ghost can. I'd love to feel the wind in my hair again.