I am an Arabelle, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my early 20s. I refused counseling. What little I had tried never seemed to help. Was just ways to cope with life being more difficult than it seemed it should be. Then it always led to pills. At the time my brother was going through similar problems and had tried anti-depressants. While on them there were a few close calls. They made everything worse. So I refused. Any one that suggested pills I would avoid. I never got diagnosed as a child because of other issues I had. My father thought other kids were making fun of me because I had to wear a back brace for a while after a major back surgery where I had missed lots of time in school. Before that they thought it was acting out over my parents divorce and my new stepmother. In my 30s I finally met some one diagnosed as autistic. At one point they told me I should see some one to get diagnosed. I never thought much of it though as other stresses in life were more important and draining. Recently one of your videos popped up on my recommended. I hadn't had any other autism videos on there before. So when I saw it I remembered the person I mentioned and decided to click the video. Now I have dug through almost all of your videos and feel like I finally understand what happened in my life. And have a better Idea of how to maybe make it better in the future.
You sound very much like me and my journey! I’m a male Arabella. You articulated very well what I have experienced with depression, anxiety (also diaged with cptsd). Yes, always leads to pills and they didn’t work for me, in fact, they made me feel worse (as yourself). I’m glad you have found solace and answers and I hope your journey goes well for you. All the best
"life being more difficult than it seemed it should be" Same feels Arabelle. Been medicated since I was a toddler, and got DX in my 20's. It's not me being wrong, but it is the rest of the world expecting me to exist like the rest of the people. We are different, mentally and physically, so life in the NT world has been harder since we were born. Anti-depressants were awful for me too, had to put seroquel on my allergy list because that one is bad for me and doctors tend to think that's the thing they need to feed me if I am unconscious again. Mood stablizers work much better for me, as well as gabapentin that helps relieve the pain in my nervous system.
@@theanticrystal burnout, yes, but a psychiatrist once told me that a modern human is exposed to more impressions and unforseen events in one month than our ancestors two hundered years ago experienced during their entire lifetime. No wonder so many of us break…
I get asked the question (why do i think I'm autistic?) frequently, particularly by family members and rather than explain myself in detail (I like to keep my family at a distance because they're pretty problematic in areas that are important to me) I just tell them a very simple truth: nothing in my life made sense to me until I learned about autism, and most importantly, I didn't even have the language to adequately describe my life before learning about it. They remain unconvinced. As a gen Xer, looking forward to your video on the mess that is generation X!
And why do you describe us as a 'mess'? If you are going to make assertions, please do us the courtesy of clarifying so that you do not appear insensitive, arrogant or disrespectful. You cannot know all of us so what is your evidence that we are a 'mess'? Although this is clearly an opinion, without qualification it becomes couched as a statement of fact - preposterous unless you can come up with the goods.
I was dating a man that is initially diagnosed with Asperger’s. I felt so connected with him, but he also kept hurting my feelings and insisting that it wasn’t his intention. I’ve always been labeled as extra sensitive, amongst other things. I started researching to understand him better because I wanted him in my life. I felt like I could completely be myself around him but I didn’t want to keep getting hurt by his bluntness. The algorithm started showing me how autism can present in women, and it was like someone dropped the house on me. I started looking at all the checklists, criteria, and assessments, and I could meet all the criteria even in childhood! Researching autism in adults and reading several books became my new special interest and hyper-fixation. My entire life clicked into place. I’ve always been a person that had to find the answer. The biggest puzzle that I couldn’t put together was me. Suddenly, all the pieces fit in place. I’m Christal, late diagnosed in February of 2024 with AuDhd at age 42.
"kept hurting my feelings and insisting that it wasn’t his intention" I believe him on this. I often got accused of hurting people's feelings, being so blunt as I was. Over time due to the shame and punishemnts for not being like other people... I learned to add so much potpourri that people get annoyed I type too much. I'm a woman in my 40's and I find people still getting offended at me when I have zero intent of malice. My own neigbors think I'm a bad person and abuse me as a result of their mistaken judgement. I hope you and him can make up and understand eachother much better. The bluntness is part of my nature that got beaten out of me. I wish I retained that simplified version of speech. My current soulmate would prefer I chatter less... and I agree with him. Oh how the neurotypical world messed us all up. I hope we all get better recognition in the future, so the ongoing abuse can take a hike and let us be our genuine autistic selves.
@ No, we are not still together, and I thought it ended badly, but I recently spoke with him and remembered that he doesn't hold on to anger, and we had a good conversation as friends.
I'll share my story because it makes me laugh. It revealed to me not only that I had a lot in common with autistic people, but also that I'm a lot worse at introspection than I thought lol. Justin, 31, IT Technician. I was always the kid who didn't quite understand most people. I didn't know when to participate in conversations. I was so quiet that some teacher's thought I was mute. Occasionally I'd find a place to speak up. But when I did I'd often get strange looks (either because I'd said something weird or because people were genuinely taken aback that I could speak). I did have good friends though who in retrospect may have been neurodivergent themselves. It wasn't until a few years ago though that anyone brought up the topic of autism to me. A long time friend just flatly asked me the question "are you autistic?". Their wife slapped them for it and said "You don't just ask people that!" But my friend I think knew me better. They knew how I'd respond. In that moment it didn't even register with me that this was a question that might offend someone. I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Oh I dunno. I've never been tested for it." And then I carried on like nothing even happened. It wasn't until recently that the topic came up again. Before I connected any of the dots on my own I needed a second friend to talk about it. And apparently before I would get it I needed them to say straight to my face "I think you're autistic." I was confused at first, but not upset. So I asked them why. We had a long conversation, around 2 hours I think. I was shaking by the end. I spent the next few weeks researching autism, spending my free time absorbing all the information I could, and re-evaluating my entire life. I was going through some pretty significant life changes at the time as well. Lost one job and had to quickly find another. One day in particular was stressful enough that I briefly went non-verbal (something that doesn't happen to me very often these days). It was far from an ideal situation to say the least. But in some sense there was an opportunity in it. I had words to describe what I was feeling now. I could identify in real time the things I was going through and compare them to what autistic people report feeling. The evidence mounted. Eventually I brought it up to a third friend. I told them that I was starting to think I might be autistic. And their response?... "Oh is this news to you? I'm sorry I thought you knew. I could tell from the very first moment we met." And that's how I learned that I was the ONLY person who didn't know XD.
I’ll share mine too, but on the ADHD side (suspect may have ASD but I’ll chat to my psych). Aged 39! Always considered myself allistic but just geeky / nerdy, thus the reason I didn’t fit in. Also moved countries twice, so being a migrant automatically makes you different, at least that was my excuse, and I wore it well! So no prompts there. Where I grew up, culturally eye contact wasn’t super important but I do remember my dad giving me a pep talk about ‘you must make eye contact to be successful!’ I was around 16 maybe? I just shrugged and said Ok, and I’ve seen in movies how dads teaches their sons about How To Male. It still sticks to this day as living in the West means I do have to actively look at people eyes, but again, thought it was cultural upbringing. I did think it was normal to overthink / get stressed about which part of the face I need to look at, like the right eye? Left eye? Right eye 5 seconds then left eye? Nose? Mouth when they’re smiling? Eyebrows when they smile with their eyes? But don’t keep staring at their eyebrow or they would think there’s something on it! And if they have a turn in their eye? Play mental geometry to eliminate parallax error when looking at their good eye. However I don’t think I have trouble reading facial expressions… but guess I’ve been wrong before lol. I resonate with your story because during a Christmas dinner, my husband was just chatting about my quirks (and I also bumps things, spill things , drop things etc… I get random bruises at random parts of my body with zero memory how I did it…he even got me to do a hearing test as he thought I had hearing deficit… surprise! Ears fine, concentration maybe not lol). My brother’s wife asked whether I might have ADHD, but in my mind, ‘Why on Earth would I?’ Second comment came while I was at work; AuDHD kid noticed I was doing things with my fingers and asked if I had ADHD, cause they did the same thing. Again, I dismissed it (at this point you’d think I get the hint but nope). But the question was so earnest that I didn’t dismiss it as quickly. Third: this time I was actually trying to help a colleague, who was struggling with memory, as basic parts of the job have been forgotten very easily. When I tried to explain and reexplain how to do things, I can visibly see his eyes drifting away from looking at me. I queried if they had ADHD and if so we need to make accommodations for them! But what I did NOT know how memory , working memory rather, is impacted by ADHD… and I have absolutely terrible memory since childhood (also an annoyance for my husband, he can ask me to stop by the grocery store 5 minutes before we drive past it…. And then I drive past it forgetting we were supposed to stop there). So when I read about working memory with ADHD, and learning as much as I can via internet, I started ticking my own boxes… oh dear. So I decided to ask directly to my husband and a work colleague who I work very closely with, and since they don’t know each other I knew I would get independant responses free of bias. They didn’t even hesitate to say ‘Yeah you’re definitely ADHD’ despite my protests that they should at least spend a minute before answering. And here we are lol. That was a month-ish ago.
I (24) was looking for self-help content regarding depression and anxiety, and found it all so unhelpful! A lot of it required you to not constantly struggle with executive function, and I couldn’t relate to it. Then I remembered how my mom tried to get me assessed for autism as a kid (the doctor refused, I think because I was “too self-aware”), and how one of my siblings was autistic and the other has adhd. I’ve been researching autism and adhd for over a year now, and what I’ve learned has resonated with me so deeply and I’ve found it so helpful. Getting a formal assessment has been such a struggle though
Several month ago my friend sent me a list of female autistic traits. I cried as I read it, cause it clicked very well with all the struggles I had in my life. I was so shocked and felt so offended, that I thought about abandoning that friend, cause I thought they had understood this about me and that's why they shared it with me. I was lucky not to do so, because in the end it appeared that it was them sharing info about themselves :) Now I've got my good friend who is also autistic. Since then we've learned that we both are also ADHD. I am 25 and it was a great relief, because in my country there is not that much known about autism, even less about female type. So now I'm happy that I learned about it pretty early while I still have chance to have a good life for myself.
Took two years of reading and learning about it until I realized I fit not just autism but adhd. I spent 3 years around others who were clinically diagnosed with autism or adhd (or both) and realized their struggles were the exact same as mine. Took some preliminary tests and saw all of them with "strong case for diagnosis". My life suddenly made sense. 47/female here.
Same boat, I always though I was ADHD, but then learned about autism and learned that I relate to most things diagnosed people were explaining. And that was fairly confusing until I heard that you can be both and that was huge. Sudenly all of it fit, things that did not really fit one diagnosis or even went against it were perfectly explained by the other. I am seeking oficial diagnosis now because while relating to everyfing I learn about both there is no way to directly compare other people experiences so there is always this doubt that, what if I am making it all up, looking for excuses and am just lazy, ill-adapted mess of a human.
“A single echo of recognition” oh how the creator AND these comments have helped me! My self-doubt (among other things), is horrendous, but it gets shunted when I read others experiences in their lives, and that “echo of recognition” resonates. It hits home, and is sooo very validating for me…especially after all the dismissiveness, ignoring etc, by those allegedly supposed to be helping. Love channels and its commenters like this one, UA-cam IS good for some things. Thank you very much everyone!
I’m gen X and still not sure if I’m actually autistic. I have never felt like I fit in with the rest of the world, but it never occurred to me that I might be autistic and that there might be others like me. Then I saw an autism “put your finger down” video about 3-4 years ago. I related to so many signs mentioned in that video I started researching it (and seeing more videos recommended by the algorithm).
I am 46 and have taken medication for depression and suffered with anxiety for a long time. I had a rushed online ASD assessment this year where I feel I didn't have the adequate communication skills to respond well to the assessment and I often feel unseen where my communication and social difficulties aren't validated. Thank you.
thank you for this... I'm Marc, and I'm AuDHD . I have been assessed as ADHD Inattentive. I have been studying my behavior and self diagnosed as Autistic + ADHD. I can't afford to get a formal diagnoses for Autism. I worked my whole life in a mask and didn't realize until I was forced to take it off and not work because of a disability. I had to look up why certain things were bothering or hindering me. And when the returns all piled up I kept getting the same result. I even kept taking the "online assesment' tests and even waited months apart to take again and the results always put me in the upper 90 percent group. I could go on and on and talk about how breaking free from masking and accepting who I really am . Once again , thank you. I know i'm on the right path now...! Peace and Love, Always! -Marc
In my case I had just gotten hearing aids and was walking back to the car. I noticed that there were tears in my eyes, so I figured that I was either really disappointed with the new aids or perhaps I was in a lot of pain. In that moment I realized that it's probably not "normal" to have to work out what's causing tears. I realized that I was probably autistic and indeed got a formal diagnosis 6 months later. It turned out I was in pain, I was passing a kidney stone :)
@@balliolmunster7687 Yep, but it was my path to understanding that I might have autism. Then when I looked more at autism, it explained so much of my life. Knowing I had autism allowed me to figure out situations that were uncomfortable for me that I hadn't figured out in 60 years previously. Also now that we've looked at it more closely it turns our that we have at least eight autistic people in four generations in the family, (four diagnosed formally) - the symptoms are much more obvious each generation: I don't know what that's about.
Like a lot of people I guess, I always felt like an alien (different from typical peers). Hyper focus on things; helicopters, wales, weapons, and cake books from the 1950’s. As I got older my anxiety got worse as I tried to mask my way through society and my job in general. After fainting several times at work (military) I was evaluated by a mental health doctor. Many many tests… it all makes sense now. Autistic with anxiety (likely a complex developed from years of undiagnosed autism).
Since you asked, here's my tale of discovery/ self diagnosis: I'd always been an outsider socially, finding the normal social interactions with people in school and life anxiety inducing and confusing. I got by, but didn't think much of it beyond that I just wasn't good at it. In 2012 a little before my 25th birthday, I suffered a very unexpected Hemorrhagic stroke on my right side. While thankfully I'm alive and well, the experience compounded my introspective nature and I became fascinated with neurodiversity as a traumatic brain injury survivor. As I read, and learned over the years more and more of the traits associated with autism resonated with me, and it simply became undeniable in my view that I was an autist given how well I fit with the things I read. While I have no need or desire for a formal diagnosis, I now have a vocabulary to describe my quirks, and I know I'm no longer alone in my thinking or mannerisms. It's a wonderful feeling.
John, 62, IT Worker - 😀 - Couldn't resist. I know I'm actually a boomer but lots of the ideas and thought are common among all ages...I found my way to where I am via my wife's recent diagnosis of ADHD, which led us to various Neurodivergent web sites and UA-cam videos which then opened my eyes to my own situation; Followed the trail to my own diagnosis for Autism. My two millennial children, one has found that they are also ADHD like their Mom and one is looking at ASD as it seems to fit her situation as well. Can't wait to watch your future video on us older folks finding our way finally to our understanding of our world. BTW - I turn my search history off in google just because I hate getting things stuffed in my results/ads that someone else thinks I might be interested in.
Hi John, IT Worker too. I have it turned off as well. Also NoScript blocks Google add scripts for me. And rarely use Google anyway, only for work searches. Nice to meet you. My kids were diagnosed before me, so only makes sense that I was too. Just got the diagnoses to be sure. Apparently my dad was as well, sadly he died before we could tell him.
Claude, 64, printer. When I was young (If I ever was young) few people were diagnosed with autism. I myself was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980. (Existed prior to entry, not aggravated by military service. Honorable discharge). I never gave it much thought, until I recently wondered exactly what that meant. It meant somebody else entirely. I obviously not schizoid. But the more I hear about autism, the more familiar it sounds. The doctor said I'm too old and a proper diagnosis would be more difficult and expensive than it would be worth.But she agrees I sure look autistic.
Thank you for doing these! Autism could be understood much better by the general public, but especially for those providing mental health services. I think channels like yours are quite valuable resources for those like me who've been misunderstood and misdiagnosed throughout their lives(30 years for me). The steam valve bit really cracked me up, too. The algorithms are a topic of much consternation for me.
I'm an older gen Zer, so I think this partly applies to me. I don't remember too much about how I discovered I might be autistic. what I do know is that I've struggled with depression all my life, I've struggled with my mom (who might also be autistic) telling me that my autistic traits are something you just gotta suck up so you can pretend you're neurotypical, enabling masking. I've been bullied the majority of my life and it's not until fairly recently that I realized the reason I've been bullied. It's all about misunderstandings, on both ends. I have been told to my face that I've been wrong about myself countless of times, trying to explain my point of view and my experiences, to the point I've given up arguing. And now they're surprised I'm autistic??? I'm still self diagnosed at this point and I want an official diagnosis, however I'm in a situation where I can't get a diagnosis just yet. But I know, after years of researching, that I'm 99% sure I'm autistic.
You’re not alone. I relate to this so much, it’s scary (right down to the mom thing). I know firsthand how much of a struggle it is to get an assessment (if it’s even possible in some circumstances), but I hope you’re able to get the help you need soon.
You absolutely nailed it with that last bit about answer seekers. I'm still seeking my own answers. There was something quite interesting that you said about diagnosis; that it is still largely done through external observation rather than what's going on inside the brain. This has really pushed me into considering the idea of self-identifying. I think what it really comes down to is trust; I trust the people in my life right now who over the past 2-3 years have asked me "hey, are you autistic?" or have said "I think you're autistic."--all of who are autistic themselves. I trust those people, far more that I trust the myriad of doctors, teachers, and instutitions that were either willingly or unwillingly trapped within an ableist framework and perception that caused me to feel ostracised as a child. You always give me a lot to think about and I thank you for it.
Hey Quinn, please do one about us wrinklies. There doesn't seem to be much out there about us. I haven't found any specific UA-cam channels, or other online communities. John (real name), 69, retired, discovered autism through BBC Radio 4 aged 55, diagnosed at 63, discovered ADHD aged 66, diagnosed at 68.
Looking back now, there were many signs, I or others could have noticed. Liking to take toys and electronics apart, creating websites on the family computer, having told by a professional you are "like an 18 year old" in your thinking, getting the INTP bucket in the MB personality test with very high introversion and lots of social awkwardness. It always seemed like the problem was with the world around, people especially. They seemed to act in ways beyond reason. Or rather beyond what I thought was rational at the time. People all around were always up to date, as if they had a briefing before every event and a secret manual to how social interactions worked. Well, turns out autism run is the family and I was all but normal in that context.
I was taught from a young age that I was bad at communicating and bad at socialising. Therefore I wasn’t autistic. It wasn’t until I did my own research on the diagnostic criteria and realised that I had so called “rigid thinking” and sensory processing differences and that when combined with “bad at socialising and communicating”, no other explanation and having a significant impact on my day to day life, that this is autism. At the same time, UA-cam helpfully popped a video on alexithymia into my feed.
I definitely never believed I was just like everyone else 😂 I knew there was something very very different about me. I just thought I was broken and incapable of living life. Realizing I was autistic just meant I became infinitely nicer to myself and understood better how to avoid the things that burn me out
When I was about 27, I realized I had been living with undiagnosed OCD since childhood. I assumed that this was why I was always struggling, that it was what made me different. My mother said that I always had an "obsessive personality" because whatever I was interested in, I got into deeply and made it my sole focus. She attributed this to my OCD, but never bothered to research what OCD really is or actually understand it. For a while, I thought she was right, which didn't make sense to me. My OCD is a painful, unpleasant thing which often attacks the things I love the most. Meanwhile, my interests were the exact opposite- making me happy beyond measure, making me feel alive and whole. How could this positive side of me, this intense and delightful focus, possibly have a thing to do with the horror that was ocd? It made no sense to me. It felt as though two opposing forces were fighting one another within me. I knew I had OCD, without a doubt, but always felt as though there were a missing piece to the puzzle that was my life. (Apologies for the puzzle metaphor, it was the only one that fit) later, Id learn that this intense focus was a trait of autism, and having special interests. As I've gotten older (38 now) I have realized I struggle in other ways. My fine motor functions are incredible, allowing me to make beautiful art, but my gross motor functions (walking, doing things that require quick reflexes) are poor, making me clumbsy. It is for this reason that I avoid wearing shoes- people assume discomfort, but its more than that. Shoes make my feet feel "too big" and I have trouble with awareness of where I am placing them if I can not feel the ground underfoot. I constantly step on my own feet in shoes. I also struggled to learn to read as a kid. People said I was stubborn. The truth is, I could not focus when forced to read in a chorus of other children. Once allowed space of my own, I grew up to be a voracious reader, and I love to write stories. These, among other things, like struggling to feel "like an adult", made me feel that something else aside from OCD was "wrong" with me. I kept thinking, could I have something like autism? But my ignorance of what autusm is kept me from ever looking into it. Addmittedly, I was scared. And then I began learning to crochet last year, a hobby which has now become one of my special interests. And one day a youtube short popped up about an autistic crocheter... I watched it. It lead to more autism videos popping up. I thought...could this be the answer...? I eventually found my way to your videos, and it was through you, through your vivid, beautiful descriptions of both the trials and the wonders of autism, that I knew... I'm Angus, and I'm autistic. It made sense. It all made sense now. To top it off, my best friends throughout my life had all been autistic. Im so happy that I was born autistic, even if I have my struggles. I feel at home among my fellow autists.
I'm one of the many people who got called by the algorithm... The main issue that started my research was a persistent high stress level, leading to symptoms that might easily be read as depression. However, I've been journaling and tracking some relevant biomarkers long enough to notice patterns that don't really fit that idea. Trying to research all of this eventually lead into the algorithm deciding "You are likely interested in autism content!". Well, it wasn't wrong... And I found myself looking squarely at a single, consistent and logical explanation for most of the issues I've had over the years as well as a lot of mostly harmless oddities people around me tend to pick up on very quickly. I've always been the kind of person that sticks out everywhere, no matter how much I try not to - and now I have the words to explain myself. I'm not at the end of that journey yet by a long shot, but for the first time in many years, it feels like I'm making actual, tangible progress.
One of she Joshuas here 😊 I am not much around on most social media platforms (yt is actually the only one), but looking back I have been getting recommendations on autism content since the summer vacation before I started grade 11… that is over 10 years ago! It was very few and far in-between at first, but the frequency spiked considerably since the beginning of the pandemic. Never clicked on one until an ADHDer friend brought the possibility up to me 🙈 Once again a great video. Thank you! 💜
I'm a late 40s Arabelle. On a waiting list for formal testing of those beliefs. I thought this video was going to be a don't be so silly, you're probably not autistic. That's the imposter syndrome getting revved up in advance of the official evaluations. Absolutely, it's the YT algorithm which brought me to this place of what I believe is an understanding of who I am. MY path followed what you described for Arabelle. I've read a pile of books, done all the questionnaire tests there are, watched youtube videos from you channel and many other channels of autistic folk. Now just waiting for an evaluation and trying to keep that out of my mind so I don't have to be anxious about the possibility of the carpet being pulled out from under my feet again. It does seem incredible that in a few hours a team of specialists can make a definitive judgement as to the validity of my conclusion following the, not hours, or even days or weeks, but probably months of cumulative time spent of researching soul searching I've done to arrive at this self evaluation over a number of years. It feels extremely vulnerable to expose myself to the judgement of a few people I don't know, will never know and have no relationship with so they can give me a thumbs up or thumbs down wrt what I believe I have learned about myself over years of research and introspection. If I actually endulge myself and allow myself to think about it, then the big question is - well, if they say I'm not autistic, then what on earth is it instead??? What label are they going to pin on me instead and if they won't pin any label at all, what does that mean? If I'm not autistic, it's a heck of a realistic and believeable delusion I've generated in my mind! And then there's the consequence of being told that actually no, I'm not autistic. Then it's definitive. Then I would have no business watching videos on your channel and others and feeling I fit in. Self-identified as autism is OK, formally diagnosed is OK, but what happens if a self-identified autist tests the notion by asking for formal diagnosis and the diagnosis is not given. What does that person become then? Funnily enough an image from Charlie and the Chocolate factory (or the great glass elevator?) came to mind of floating as a transparent ghost in minus-land, or being in limbo between to parallel universes - having decided myself I don't belong in one, seeking entry into another and then being refused entrance by the official guards. It's amusing in a way that the YT algorithm seems to have picked up on my anxiety about the evaluation and being judged as NOT autistic, because these days it feeds videos about NOT being autistic rather than ones about BEING autistic like it used to. I guess I eventually got to the stage I was confident I am autistic and reduced the number of videos I was watching about being autistic, so it reduced the number it presented me with. And I'm sure it will be taking notes from what I write here to tweak what it sends. Creepy in one sense, certainly very powerful, and just like your Arabelle character, if it hadn't been for such algorithms, I wouldn't have come across autism at all. If I thought about it long enough, I could get quite worked up about the validity of authority figures I don't even know having such power over something as fundamental as who I am. And I often wondr why did I ask for a formal evaluation, couldn't I just have stopped at self identification... Round and round the thoughts go. Formal evaluation might be a way of stopping the rumination by answering the question once and for all. But, that requires absolute control to be given over to a bunch of authority figures I do'nt know and for whom I am just a name on a form. It doesn't make a jot of difference to them. There lives won't be impacted one way or the other depending on what they say. It feels like standing stark naked in the town square and just saying to complete strangers "look at me, what do you think?". Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you for your work Quinn, it's very much appreciated.
for what its worth, i hope everything went well with your assessment. Congratulations on having the courage to seek an official diagnosis, i am not there yet... you explained it so well, "I'm not autistic, then what on earth is it instead?" and i dont have the courage to risk being left in limbo
I met the Spiers family several years ago and their young daughter and I connected very quickly which seemed strange as we are several decades apart in age. When my daughter was moving away they came and said, "don't worry about your father as we are going to adopt him," i thought that rather strange but it was nice to have someone on whom I could depend for help if needed it. one day I heard her mother say something about Grace being autistic. I had noticed some eccentricities about her behaviors but they did not bother me. I started researching autism in women {she is 18 now}. one day she said, "you do know that you are autistic too." I started to deny it when the lightbulb went off and 79 years of questions were answered in a split second. I responded in the affirmative. A few days later I mentioned this to her parents who said, "you mean you did not know you were autistic, we figured that out years ago." Now I understand their comment to my daughter. Grace has been going with George for about 5 years, George is autistic also. We do a lot of things together and enjoy each others company. Grace and George were married about a month ago. I am not self diagnosed but rather was diagnosed by autistic people and their families. We call ourselves the three autistics.
I don't remember not feeling odd. As a child I just couldn't quite meet my parent's expectations of being 'normal', but adapted as best I could anyway. Eventually, I was in college when I saw a science article about masking and how its common in autistic women, often the ones who manage to go undiagnosed or slip through the cracks. That's when I started looking into it in more detail. and did get an official diagnosis later, mostly because I questioned myself too much to believe myself at the time. I've since gained a lot of understanding of myself and confidence because of it. After talking with my parents, I found out my mom's side had a history and also started to put together that my mom is probably also 'high functioning'.
Hi Quinn, hi community. I'm 40, male, self diagnosed, German, and trees are my job and one of my Spins. I'd say I'm team Arabelle, but only kind of. My first encounter with autism must have been many years ago, some documentary on TV, probably. While this may have sparked my curiosity, I didn't think much of it. Then, The Big Bang Theory happened. I did like it and watched it regularly, mainly because the 4 guys were all quirky outsiders, and I could relate a lot. But since autism was nowhere mentioned in the show, I still didn't realise my own set of quirks and struggles had a label. So I kept living my life, making progress in some areas and struggling in others. Until about 2 years ago, when one event left me in a state of depression. I didn't seek professional help because "others need it more", "man up", "will disturb my daily routine" and other BS excuses... But I started watching UA-cam videos. About depression and loneliness first, then ADHD, and finally autism. I scored 46 in the AQ-50 questionnaire, broke down crying when learning about the alien syndrome (all my teenage years, I knew I couldn't be a part of this weird human race), and related to so so so many of the traits described. That feeling of having found my tribe, of not being alone anymore, basically mended my depression one day to the next. Now I'm on the waiting list for formal assessment/ diagnosis, which is required to receive help where I actually need it.
I “contracted” (piss take 😅) autism a few years ago when I went to the doctors about a severe overwhelm with the world and the human like animals that inhabit it along with my memory/concentration issues I’ve been chasing for 20 years. He stuck me on antidepressants and sent me to the psychiatrist thinking I may be in autistic burnout. After a few months of visits with the psychiatrist and psychologist, Congratulations! You’re autistic, inattentive ADHD and dyslexic! A lot of people close to me still don’t believe it, but I don’t care. Turns out my best friends are also autistic and ADHD, they’re the only ones I’m able to be able to talk sense with.
I have known Im Dyslexic & Adhd w/ out a Diagnosis since being young. I got lead to Autism being a possibility due to several people & several factors. I will prob never get any papers to prove it cuz I'm Diabetic, dont work, & can't afford to try for anymore medical bills. It's sad actually. I want my deserved diagnoses. Many people just laugh when you try to tell them how you know or why you think so. However, many prob wouldn't care anyway, bt I care! I deserve to have proof. We all do! The issue of money & already having a few disabilities shouldn't be what prevents me from accessing my papers. Im tired of every one telling me it's my Diabetes thats to blame for everything! It's not me being a Diabetic. I Am several Neurodivergence's 2 &ND I Know This. I just cant afford the price tag As a Me Gen, I'M a Millennial Who Knows Y I Am Who I Am. I Want My F*ing Papers! The US says I have to buy my spot so they can screw me more because I haven't paid or suffered enough. It's Not Just About Me &ND That's The Point! Aur people are getting left behind &ND We shouldn't Be! I'm tired, I'm sad, &ND I'm angry. I want for No One Else 2 have 2 be left behind like Me. People don't deserve this! Life shouldn't be this hard, just to be known 4 who you already AUR
I'm in the first group. Youngest child sent for testing and in doing my research a lot of it resonated with me as well. I went for assessment, then my oldest child and my mom. Yup, we're all in the club. 😃 Thanks Quinn 💜
Great video! I'm a linear combination of Joshua and Daniel. - First 3rd party reference for autism were two friends in college that told me "you are a bit Sheldon Cooper". - Best/only childhood friend was diagnosed as AuDHD in his 30's. - Autistic colleague at work requested my boss for me to give her the initial training due incompatibility with other co-workers.
2:38 One of the things for me finding out was because I never felt like an ordinary Joe or Johanna. I've felt very alien compared to all other people, so much that I remember even telling someone when I was 17 that I was part alien. A few months back when I was researching autism more so I could understand my daughter's autism better as she gets into her mid-teens, I learned that that feeling I'd had my whole life of not belonging to the Average Joe's and Johannas was an extremely common feeling among Autists. And it wasn't just that, it was every other common Autistic trait that made me go "omg that's literally me since I can remember". And once I knew all the other common traits, that reason for feeling like an alien on this planet made so much sense. Being able to see and hear and feel (or not feel) things that neurotypical people can't just sounds like a super power from an alien being. (It's kind of cool, though, to think of these abilities as super powers).
That stood out for me too. I have never been apart of humanity and thought in my teens, I must have been left by aliens, because nothing about being human felt familiar.
I also remember telling my friends at school that I was an alien in disguise, it was a long lasting game of pretend. Although I didn't have to pretend much, because being an "alien" is what came naturally to me. I'm glad that you have a positive outlook on your neurodivergence, did you have trouble accepting yourself in the past? I ask because it's something I've been struggling with.
@@mudotter It is so weird how the difference is that contrasted from the mind of an Autist. It's kind of crazy that all of us feel like that growing up.
@@Rextone-x2s In the past, yes. I'm still embarrassed about my hand flapping, so I tried really hard as a kid to hide it. I think if I knew then what I do now about autism, it might not have been that bad, but struggled really hard growing up. My first friend was when I was 5, a little immigrant girl from Vietnam, I didn't really have a friend after that until I was ten, and my next friend after that was also an immigrant (people who also didn't fit in). I remember wanting to dye my hair black when I was 10, my mom even let me get a box of hair dye but never let me dye it. Black felt more normal to me when I didn't even fit in with my own family. It was kind of like, I don't act like any of them so I might as well not look like any of them. With the exception of when I was 12 and hit a growth spurt, I was the overweight kid of the class too, so that didn't help. I was just the weird person, I felt like the only weird person in the world. I ended up reading books and writing (what I now know is) fanfiction to help me be part of fantasy world like Lord of the Rings that I loved so much more than real life. But the problem with that is, as soon as you put down the book, Real Life is right there smacking you around again. I studied religion after religion trying to find a place in the world, I tried to "fix" myself with anorexia, when I was 27 I tried to be super athletic and make that my persona. I didn't fit in with the smokers when I smoked, I can't even keep friendships very long. I just burnout of everything. Really the only thing that helped me feel comfortable enough to keep it up was trying to make food like how the Pioneers did. It doesn't help with the social situations at all, but it felt pretty natural at home. Every food from the pioneer era was hand made from scratch, much like authentic Mexican food or Middle Eastern food. It's very hands-on, and it takes a lot time, but it's very good as a stimming activity. Like kneading dough is really good as a stim, especially if you really need to stim but feel embarrassed to do it with company over. Sewing by hand is another good one, or crocheting. Things are like a constant stim have helped me the most. I didn't realize they were stims at the time I discovered them, but they definitely are. And at least with these things, like pioneer-era stuff, there's a smaller community of people who really appreciate that stuff, so when you find them, it's easier to connect socially. It's not as awkward as trying to talk to regular people.
I was hoovering up cPTSD content, and the algorithm started serving autism content all of a sudden. Clicked out of idle curiosity and was like, well this is familiar but couldn't possibly be me. Many gigabytes later, it finally sank in.
American millennial, diagnosed with ASD at 39 in 2020. Several years before that, I searched my quirks and tendencies online, and an autism quiz popped up. I got a crazy high score, but i thought it must be because it's a silly internet quiz, so i didn't take it seriously. Then I became a mental health therapist who had clients a few years ago who identified as autistic. For some reason, those clients seemed to "click" with me somehow. I did a lot of telehealth sessions at the start of the pandemic, and I didn't understand why I felt so comfortable being alone in my office, unlike my suffering colleagues. I thought, "why not just check?" That summer I answered so many questions about myself by getting the diagnosis. Now, i try to help my new autistic and ADHDer clients as best I can. 😊
My doctors were all oblivious my entire life. But my first girlfriend took one look at me and went "you know you have ADHD, right?" She began sending me a lot of content by online creators with ADHD. Without even realizing it at the time, I found the creators whose content I resonated with the most were the AuDHD creators. Pair that with my childhood best friend telling me he suspected he was autistic and the realization that all my closest relationships where I felt a genuine, deep connection with the other person were all autistic and it sent me down a massive rabbit hole of research.
"Sue Perflewuss" Hahaha, I see what you did there! BTW, I'm 39 and thought I was Autistic because I never knew what to do with my eyes and never fit in around people. I got diagnosed right after my 38th birthday. Oh, also my daughter is Autistic which is what led to me connecting the dots concerning my own issues and experiences.
I never realized I was autistic, but most of my family and friends apparently always knew. I started my journey after my formally diagnosed autistic friend suggested about 2 years ago I might be too. YT served me up some videos about autism too and I started to watch and the more I watched, the more things clicked, until February this year when I had that light bulb moment and I knew for sure at age 48. The years of meltdowns, the experiences/behaviours, the workplace and school bullying, the constantly being misundersood, and everything else made sense. Now thanks to a recent windfall I was able to book a combined ADHD/ASD assessment. I have to say that my journey has been absolutely transformative!
I always felt weird and "off-step" my entire life, and at 23 an online friend of mine suggested that I might be an "aspie". I wasn't sure at first about it, it slowly stewed in my head, and 10 years later I started looking into it in earnest. It took longer still before I could find someone willing to do an assessment. When I finally found one, it turned out that they didn't actually have anyone available to do an adult assessment, and while the therapist agreed I'm likely autistic, her overseeing psychologist angrily said she was wrong, and I have BPD... a diagnosis he gave without having ever spoken to me himself. I was fortunate enough to finally get a proper assessment and diagnosis back in July, at 46. Long road behind, long road ahead. EDIT: Surprise bonus, I'm autistic and ADHD.
Late 30s, 0 friends, not socially anxious. I seem to just avoid ppl and socialising. Used to be bullied, singeled out early on in life, got parents into hot water many times by unwittingly telling the truth. Ppl complain I have to be more empathic. They mean I should be more like other sycophants who offer no actual solutions. Funny, the dogs seem to love me. The problem with seeking a diagnosis is that it gets in your medical record, and if you are functional enought to be employable it makes finding a job difficult.
I accidentally wrote a 750-word article so here is my TL;DR. I felt like an alien when I was a child but didn't know it meant something. A traumatic marriage sedated by untreated OSA hid ADHD and likely autism until a fresh start made room for questions, treatment, and learning about myself.
Was told within the past year that around 15-18 years ago (can’t quite remember how long), I was evaluated for autism. While I *did* get an ADHD diagnosis, the results came back that I had, “some autistic behaviors,” but it was still deemed inconclusive. I was born female, so it was a lot harder to reach that diagnosis back then. Went down the rabbit hole for months after that, and while I still have not tried to go in for evaluation again, I can’t help but feel like I do lie somewhere on the spectrum. Listening to other people’s experiences growing up (especially those who were diagnosed later in life) really helped me put a lot of my childhood into perspective. Looking at a lot of things that happened during my school days through the lens of, “oh, this makes so much more sense looking back now,” has honestly been an eye-opening process. I feel both happy that I finally discovered more about who I am, yet a part of me wishes I had found my answers sooner. Even without realizing it, I’ve learned over the years what noises or experiences will set me off, and I am a lot more perceptive these days on when I’m reaching burnout and/or meltdown levels, and know when I need to remove myself from a situation to feel whatever I need to in private.
Male 41 teacher from denmark 😂 Just diagnosed a few weeks ago. But I have known for atleast 5 years. Iv always felt different, then I worked as a technical drawing assistant, didnt work out but I realised that I didnt fit in with the normal smalltalk office groups. Later I started working at an afterschool club and things started falling into poace slowly. Then my brothers children got diagnosed, and my child got diagnosed. Now I have a phd in paedagogy and work at a specail needs school where me and the autistic children normally have a really good time with each other.. a mutual understanding.
I was in high school and one of the girls at the lunchtable was very upset with me and I didn't know why. She said, "Stop doing that, it makes me think you're autistic." I'd never heard that word before, so the next time I saw my mom I asked her what autistic meant. Her head snapped around like someone in a movie. She sounded like she was growling when she said, "Where did you hear that word?" I told her what had happened. She looked at me and then shrugged and said, "Oh that. Don't worry about that. The doctors said you were, but they were wrong."
”We have tried all sorts of medicines and treatments on you and nothing has worked. We will send you to the neuropsychiatric team for further investigations”. Six months later had a couple of new diagnoses…
Me too, well, I say me too…I mean, I’m 60, I’ve been diagnosed with cptsd, depression and anxiety. The SSRI’s, etc they gave me haven’t worked, CBT etc hasn’t worked. Currently in therapy and that seems to be not working very well either. I’m also on the ADHD waiting list, but I suspect I’m both adhd and autistic. Are these some of your experiences also? Very best wishes
@ That pretty much sums it up for me. I am a handful of years behind you, diagnosed with gad, depression, and a few other disorders. I went through the neuropsych assessment and can now add autism and ADD to my merit list. And a couple of new medicines... None of the meds are miracle drugs, but ssri+sleeping pills+stimulants help me get through one day at a time. This is obviously not a long-term solution; I just want to make it until I can retire
Hey Quinn. At the end of the video you asked us to share our story, so here’s mine. When I was in my early thirties I was seeing a councilor for anxiety. My mom was seeing the same councilor to work on some of her own issues. One day she came home and said at her appointment they got to talking about me and a lightbulb went off for the councilor and she said “I think maybe she has aspergers” (that was still in the dsm at the time.) she got out a book and they went through some of the criteria in the book and it fit me very well. Through a friend who worked as an aid in a special education classroom we found a LCSW who specializes in Asperger’s and autism. We got an appointment to see her and my parents and I were there for a long time answering a bunch of questions. (I realize now that the book she was looking at when asking the questions was the current at the time dsm the dsm 4) At the end of the appointment she was like “well you are rather unique on the spectrum but you are definitely on the spectrum.” We went back to her several times to have her help me understand what I thought was my new official diagnosis. Since my knowledge of autism and aspergers was very limited. I finally had answers as to why things that seemed easy for everyone else were so hard for me. Why I felt like I was constantly swimming upstream and yet getting swept away by the current while everyone else floated by me in the direction I was trying to swim with seemingly no effort at all and yet I didn’t make any progress until I stopped trying to do things their way and started doing them my own way even though it wasn’t the way things are done. That was that, for awhile. Then in 2020 I decided I really wanted to know more so I went searching online and found autistic UA-cam creators making content about autism. Hello new special interest! My brain wanted to know everything! Finally I found people who I could relate to better than anyone and who put my experiences into words. Since that time I now identify as autistic rather than “having aspergers”. I also found out that my diagnosis wasn’t official because the woman who did it didn’t have MD after her name. (To be clear she never claimed it was an official diagnosis.) Due to circumstances that I won’t go into I decided I needed to get an official diagnosis and I got it earlier this year! Level 2 autism. It is a relief to have my struggles officially validated! I just hope the reason that I got the diagnosis for will work out. But even if it doesn’t, I don’t regret it and I’m glad I had the ability to get it. I’m Cat and I’m autistic. Thank you for reading. 😉
From the age of 11, I related to autistic people. However, I was told I was imaginative, I wasn't as rigid, and I am female. I was bullied and found other labels for myself (INTP). I pushed away feelings of not being normal, and tried to act like everyone else. 15 years later in the workplace, I felt like I had a place even though I was still able weird. I got a new ma ager who made comments on my behaviour and told me to mask. I have tried this but I felt exhausted. I started thinking what is wrong with me. I started watching videos on Autism. I am now seeking a diagnosis to see if this is what makes me feel the way I do. I am now 31.
Burnout at work led me to self-diagnosis I’ve been diagnosed ADHD since I was a child and started finding more and more strategies that autistics use were working for me. workload piled on at my job and I got less and less time to isolate and self-reflect, and interruptions/distractions from co workers started occurring every 15 minutes while I have 10+ hours of work to do, just PRAYING that I can summon the ADHD hyper focus superpower to catch up. Of course it never happens when you want it to. Eventually I completely spun out and had to take extended medical leave, as I was having several meltdowns per day and started damaging professional relationships. Have yet to get a formal diagnosis, as I’m hesitant to bring up autism with my physician out of fear of rejection or embarrassment.
I found you through your interview with Claire. I got diagnosed 2 years ago at 46 years old. Younger people get a diagnosis for peace of mind. Autism runs in my family. Thank you quinn for the video.
My journey to my diagnosis really got started about 15 years ago. I had a friend with a little boy. He was just starting the autism assessment stuff through their local school. I had barely even heard of autism before that, so being curious and wanting to support my friend and her boy, I started looking up info. I was reading a description of Asperger's and saw a lot of my struggles listed. It made me wonder, but when I talked to other friends and family about it, my concerns were dismissed. Then my life really crashed, lost my job and couldn't get a new one, had to drop out of school, and had several health crises. I stopped masking and started to voice my previously unmet needs. I couldn't explain why I needed a nap between going out to lunch to celebrate my aunt's college graduation and going out to dinner to celebrate my grandma's birthday that same day. I lost nearly every single friend I thought I had when I could no longer keep up with their lifestyle. About 7 years ago, my mom and I were talking, and we came to the conclusion that I was likely autistic, but that it was going to be impossible to get me a formal diagnosis. Then, my behavioral health clinic switched psychiatrists on me just over 3 years ago. The first time I met him, he asked me if anyone had ever suggested that I might be autistic. He had read my chart, seen me on crutches, and then talked to my mom and I. Based on his many years of experience diagnosing and treating autistic kids, he felt it was highly likely that I was autistic, but he couldn't do the testing because our clinic didn't do that kind of thing. Last year, we realized that my grandpa was probably autistic, too. Then I realized that at least 15 of his descendants are non-neurotypical. That is 30% of his descendants in 3 subsequent generations. Learning about autism has helped me understand myself better, and my close family and friends understand me better, too.
So my story... I been labeled a "problem" since I was two. Found myself pondering "did my parents forget to give me the book about how to life"? Watching my older brother growing up, he seemd to know how to do everything right, and no matter how hard I tried, I kept getting in trouble, even tho I wanted to do right always. After torturous years in special education, feeling like school was never for me, never had good schooling, begging for one-on-one classes and parents kept rejecting for it was too expensive. Drugged by my parents with meds that made me fat, because parents wanted me to "calm down"... therapy every year, never had a year without summer school too. I chose social studies as an elective as I thought "finally! The lessons I need to understand how to communicate" then found myself disapointed in being in History Class. Therapy age 17 diagnosed me with schitzophrenia. In my new fresh adulthood wth supports for being schitzophrenic, I met other schitzophrenics that I could not relate with. So I asked my adult therapist to re-evaluate me, because Schitzophrenic didnt feel correct, as I didnt exist in fantasy worlds nor hear voices. I had been put into 3 months every two weeks appointments... didnt have solid results. Got put into another set of 3 months every two weeks, and given tests for kids. Therapist said, she talked to some people, and her mentor said I was textbook Aspergers Syndrome. I asked "Aspergers, what's that?" and she said it was a form of autism. Kept hating myelf and looking for a "cure" until I was in my 30's. Almost 40, saw someone in Twitter talking positively about autistic people. My mom died in 2017, dad died in 2012... what is important about their deaths is that is when my real life began, where I accepted myself for the first time. I feel like a baby when it comes to learning how to live genuinely autistic. I wish no one had to feel this torturous life that I have lived. We could have better if the world knew how to treat us well, instead of treating us like human defects.
My path to diagnosis began when I was in my mid 50s. I was at a conference and finding myself in a conversation with a clinical psychiatrist who worked with late diagnosed middle aged men, and as she went through the symptoms, I couldn't help think "That's me!", "That's me!". So I contacted my doctors who gave me a questionnaire, which was submitted to my local diagnosis service and two years later I was diagnosed. I'm Alan, I'm 60 and I'm autistic!
For me, it was a weird case. I'm a 21-year old Electrician. I'm not sure of how to properly word everything, as my life is multi-faceted like everyone else's, and explaining things in exhaustive detail (as I used to be able to) has become a lot harder for me in recent years than it was previously. I recently found out via my Mom that I had been recommended to be screened for ADHD as a child; as my behavior was hard to predict, and I had a hard time sitting still for extended periods of time. She ignored it, citing that "kids will be kids", not believing that I was any different from any other kid. It's important to mention here that that teacher had taught multiple dozens of children up to that point, and my mom had only raised one child up to that point (myself). One party had far more experience with what was "typical" than the other party. I don't believe myself to have ADHD, it doesn't properly align with what I understand of my cognitive processes, and my problems with motivation have more to do with depression than problems with attention (as in, dopamine response). I can pay attention to a given task, even if I don't like it, for extended periods of time; something that is typically very hard for someone with ADHD. The only major part of my cognition that can be "identified as an ADHD symptom" is my absolutely terrible working memory. It's very small, and very unstable. To copy text from one document to another, I very often have to glance at each page and copy words one-by-one. Writing, reading, and remembering what to write are 3 different tasks that I'm unable to coalesce into one seamless task, so I'm forced to handle them all separately. That works against my tiny and unstable working memory. It's such a major problem for me that I need to have many, many workarounds in order to properly handle basic tasks. I have notes for every tiny topic, plan out every detail of my activities, write myself reminders of what I need to do, make myself checklists of how to properly execute a task, etc. It might seem like ADHD on the surface, but it absolutely is not. My objective problems with working memory only scratch the surface of how my differing cognitive patterns make my life hard to adapt to what everyone expects from me. I also commonly had "issues" understanding verbal and written communication, and would often be the one kid to ask a dozen questions about the simplest assignment imaginable. Were it not for the fact that I was learning both English and Spanish at the time (I am a Latino), they might've considered something other than sending me to an Elementary School ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages) class to remedy the problem. I found the classes to be absolutely useless. I had understood practically every English grammar rule nearly perfectly and was even able to separate Spanish and English grammatical concepts far better than the other kids assigned to the class. It was to the point where the ESOL teacher had even questioned why I was in the class if I near-perfectly understood everything before it was even taught to the ESOL class. As I would later find out, my grammatical understanding of English and Spanish wasn't the problem; it was how others used their written and spoken language to convey information, and refused to clarify anything to me when I asked for it. It was always framed as a problem with me, never a problem with them. An important turning point in my life was when I was in 2nd grade. It wasn't a very good turning point, it was more of a bandaid that provided a temporary fix. I'd had a "meltdown" in the hallway while getting back to class, and a teacher asked me what was wrong. I had told her that "I'm stupid", because everything being taught in class felt so hard to understand while everyone else understood it very easily, with little effort. It was a mixture of all subjects. Of math, of reading, of literature, of social studies (especially social studies, i was never able to convince myself to memorize the practically useless dates and event orders for tests), practically everything. It was then that she told me something that turned my inferiority complex into a superiority complex that I'm still attempting to destroy to this day, "You're not stupid, you're very smart. All of the other teachers tell me they want you in their classes." That teacher's push, among other factors, convinced me to pour an ungodly amount of mental and temporal resources into maximizing my scholarly performance at school, because I realized that being told I'm smart felt good (especially when contrasting against all of the times i'd been told I'm problematic and stupid, believing myself to be such). I began to brute-force every subject that was possible to brute-force, like Literature and Social Studies, and Math; not really understanding what Mathematical principles are supposed to represent, or what the significance of Historial events actually was, or how to think for myself when analyzing literature, or other critical thinking aspects. I did exactly what the educational system wanted me to do: meet their arbitrarily defined standard of "mastery". It was at that point onward that I objectively became the arrogant stereotype that some believe autistic people to be. I was never nasty to people, but I made comments that denoted a feeling of superiority over others, and quietly believed myself to be such. I had rewired myself to bury my feelings of inferiority with feelings of superiority as an unhealthy coping mechanism. I am still in the process of dismantling this complex, returning to my roots of feeling inferior to everyone around me, and rebuilding my self-image to be more practical and realistic. I don't want to be dependent on comparison to others anymore in order to maintain my self-esteem. I sometimes wish that I didn't interact with people at all, so that I would have nothing to compare myself against; but I know that that's unhealthy for a social organism like a Human. It is very hard to feel like you're a child again at 21 years old, relearning how I interact with others, and relearning my own concept of what I am. As for what actually lead me to discovering that I actually am autistic, the previous 3 paragraphs are related. Some reading this may become immensely infuriated with it, some may be understanding, some may be indifferent; but it's what happened nonetheless. I don't care what your reaction will be, I will be honest with what my thought process was. I once had a literature class in Middle school with a girl whom had an autistic brother. I happened to overhear "doesn't autism make you super smart?" during a conversation she was having with another classmate. I had never thought much about autism at this point and had little concept of what it was, but my mind fixated on the word "smart". I didn't feel intimidated, I didn't feel "being smart means you're autistic" (or vice versa), but the fact that the word "smart" was thrown into the sentence piqued my interest. I began to investigate it on my own, and found nothing but the general pathological descriptions of Autism. The description of being detail-oriented was something I'd identified in myself, but I couldn't identify anything that would satisfy the "repetitive/restricted interests" symptom listed in the DSM-5 (perhaps because my idea of a restricted interest was... restricted. my focus on academic performance was definitely "abnormal"). At this point in time I didn't find reason to identify myself as autistic, despite feeling that I related somewhat to the symptoms listed. Nonetheless, it began to stick to me in the back of my mind. I had the thought that I was "neither neurotypical nor autistic", as I felt that my behavior and thoughts didn't align with either category of neurology (curiously, i would never fail to fall into the "probably autistic" categories of those "are you autistic" quizzes that you can readily find online. i didn't think it conclusive enough, though). This next part is very familiar to most of you reading, so I'll be brief as this comment is long enough already. Fast forward to my high school years, and my adult life, and I began to grow tired of prioritizing grades in school. I began to experiment with my interests and explore more about myself, and noted that I had more in common with autistic people than I did with neurotypical people. I found that, even though I behave differently to many autistics and neurotypicals, I have more in common with autistics, and thus identify more strongly with the category. Thus began the process of questioning myself, who I was, what I wanted, why I behave the way I do, what my history had to do with it, how things could've gone differently, etc. I am a radically different person to who I was even just 3 years ago (as a high school graduate). It feels like I've mostly reset my understanding of the world and am rebuilding everything from scratch. Of course, this time I have prior knowledge, a mostly developed brain, the internet, and people similar to me. I'm not anymore limited to what's physically available to me. I still feel myself stupid, but now it has nothing to do with failing to meet other's expectations. It's now because I realize just how damaging it was for me to push myself to meet other's expectations. It seriously hurt my ability to logically process what's presented to me, as I focused only on oversimplified metrics of "grades" and "mastery". I can do better, and I want to do better. I have an entire lifetime ahead of me for that, assuming I don't die a premature death due to an accident at work. I am a construction worker after all.
I have gotten a referral for ASD from my physician before, but have had an incredibly hard time finding a place that evaluates adults. Literally (and i do mean literally) every single location I've contacted only does evaluations for children. Not a single one I've contacted or been forwarded to does evaluations for adults. I've since given up on it and have decided that I'm fine with simply knowing that I'm autistic. I'm not open about it however, as there's a lot of stigma and preconceived notion surrounding autism.
In case it helps you any, I also know you are autistic. Welcome to this community. You have valuable insight and are a great writer. I wish you optimism and success day by day.
I'm 37, undiagnosed. my journey has been a weird sort of connect-the-dots sort of thing starting when I was 17 with suspecting being ADD, and finding out that as a kid, I was diagnosed with an emotional dysregulation disorder. somehow that led me to start learning about Asperger's, finding similarities to Asperger's with issues I've struggled with most of my life. and finding out some family members suspected I might be autistic. it wasn't until maybe 5 or 6 years ago that I felt I even had enough information to go from saying "I might possibly be autistic" to saying "I'm pretty certain I am autistic", though I still for some reason don't have the confidence to follow through for a diagnosis, nor do I necessarily have the means to seek one, sadly
Steam Deck!!! I'm pretty sure I'm AuDHD, and my realizations started with me googling something along the lines of, "What is it called when you can't track the passage of time'" and kept finding ADHD and time blindness when I was burning out in a time sensitive job. I quit that job after 4 years, slept for basically 6 months straight, and started seeing a therapist. As we talked, they asked in passing if I'd ever considered ADHD, then another time, autism. I said no, because when I'd found time blindness previously, I'd just assumed it was a trait you could have without the whole package and hadn't looked further. After they asked though, I started actually doing research on both autism and ADHD, and found a lot of what people were sharing about their own experiences was a lot more familiar feeling than I expected. It also prompted me to realize just how much my family and schools supported me without ever needing to figure out why so much support was necessary, that it took until years after I'd graduated from college and started working for it to even cross my mind that I was different in any way other than just being a quiet, book loving introvert.
I see a great video like this and I want to write pages, but I'll stick with this. In 2022 I was coming across quite a few things about how narcissistic Trump was. I looked up narcissistic traits and although there were definite things that made me feel I probably wasn't, especially empathy and the belief that all people are equal, I felt I wanted to know more and looked it up on UA-cam. That's when all the late diagnosed autism videos popped up, and of course, I had to follow the thread. Ended up self-diagnosed AudHd at age 70, originally diagnosed ADHD at age 45.
I got a Steam Deck this past summer and did research on various accessories for it around that time. Needless to say, I was getting similar ads to you for a while 😂
I've been living with depression and anxiety (among other things) for most of my life, struggling and specializing at ignoring it because I believed that's what I'm supposed to do, that's how everyone else feels and lives as well, and they just do not talk about it, do not complain. It never dawned on me that most people love to complain, nor that the world would be a very different place if everyone experienced things the way I do. Which is bizarre, because I'm logical usually. But because I've been struggling, I've devoted most of my conscious life to self-analysis to try to find out what the F is not right - first regarding gender dysphoria, but after I removed that major stressor, only at 30, it became apparent there is a lot.... like, A LOT more. So over the next years I slowly started becoming a hobbyist psychologist, digging through different psychological issues, different "disorders" and just trying to make sense of it all. And I found a Hell of a lot, I learned so much about myself, how it all works, how everything has developed over time and why, yet not all that much insight about how to help myself that actually felt like it'd work. All this time, I was sort of jumping from one thing to another too, finding new and new things, each of them explaining part of the picture and certainly providing SOME answers.... Perhaps like modern physics, I had a bunch of different theories that address different problems and spheres of my psyche.... yet no unifying theory. I didn't realize that at first though. Autism must have begun sneaking into my version of YT a while ago, already a few years probably, and I ignored it because I thought it's irrelevant - I am not trying to actually become a well-rounded psychologist, I am just trying to understand what's going on in this one brain I happen to live in. But one day YT spat out at me a video about the link between autism and transgender - and I thought, why the Hell not, I've listened to so many lectures on all manner of different transgender-related topics or views on it, I might as well. Transgender is such an integral part of me that it is enough to spark my interest in almost anything. I didn't expect that what I'd learn would be interesting more because of the autism though. I didn't expect that it would show me a picture of autism as something I never knew it was. It was the first drop of a really eye-opening waterfall. Ever since then most of my psychology research has been heavily autism-focused. Because my physics finally found its unifying theory. That was just a few months ago. I feel like I see things with clarity I never imagined. How did I miss such a giant chunk of my own experience? The doctor degree of self-ignoring I've gotten has certainly helped.... To me, this is more self-discovery and, now that I've found the big central piece of the picture, rethinking much of my life. I'll have to do that on my own, relying on my close ones rather than external support because in my country all that stuff doesn't exist.... But well, better know than not. But that makes me wonder, what do allistic people imagine autistic people get as support? I get it, they struggle too, they feel it's unfair that someone who looks no different gets it "easier". Except.... I think most of the supports that ARE accessible (where any at all) mostly are things they never would care for anyway....
"It never dawned on me that most people love to complain" THIS so much! We were totally told to Suck It Up, but everyone instead complained the entire time. They never got the memo that said "suck it up" doesn't mean whine about it. I've always been very logical, too, I think that is a major autism trait. Lots of Hobby studies, too, because college didn't let me study what I wanted without first taking a whole bunch of unrelated and completely unnecessary courses first. I never thought gender dysphoria was a thing, probably because I'd never heard of it until my mid-30s, but I distinctly remember feeling like an alien and telling people I was. I still don't feel like part of this planet. I know now that's the Autism speaking, but it really is a huge disconnecting element. There has been a LOT of jumping from one thing to another as well, for me. Religion, sciences, quantum physics made perfect sense to me the first time hearing it, paranormal research, ETs, world mythologies, literally anything and everything I could get my hands on to see if maybe I'm different because I really belong to one of those things instead. The Lost city of Atlantis was a HUGE special interest of mine my entire life, even today, I remember as a kid wishing I was secretly from Atlantis and maybe I was just lost up here in this world and someday my real people would come rescue me. It is SO underrated the LENGTHS autistic people will go to try to find out who they really are before we ever come across the possibility of being Autistic. In the end, we know a bunch of stuff about things no one else wants to talk about, but the whole journey of Life as an Autist with a late diagnosis (like, 30 or 40 yrs old-Late) is just a bunch of apathy toward most things in real life that would actually make it possible for us to feel like we fit in.
And also yeah, I agree with the whole bit around "what do allistic people imagine autistic people get as support?" I think they imagine is as an Easy Button or a Free Pass through lines or using special bathrooms. Most normal people think that all Autistic people have no problems with numbers and math and for some reason that automatically makes us savants at everything, like they think it's a super power and nothing is hard for us. Literally the opposite is true. Even for those of us who ARE great at math, most things in life are still difficult, and it's always thing that allistic people never consider to be a struggle - socializing, not standing out, dating, friendships. They don't have to worry about the lights flashing and buzzing or hearing someone's pen scratch from across the freaking room. They never consider we need help around those things. They can't even imagine what it's like to see the lights flashing and hear them buzzing.
@@homesteadgamer1257 I know what you mean. I didn't have the word for "gender dysphoria" either, I didn't even know transgender is a thing and that other people in the world feel that as well until I was in high school. Pretty lonely childhood in that sense. All I knew is people identified me as the wrong thing for some reason and that the body I inhabit does not feel mine, nor this life felt mine. I was playing a role, like in a film or something. Still doesn't feel like me in many ways. So yeah, that feeling, just each of us has had their own take and explanation. I found mine in spirituality - and I remain spiritual now. Autism is the thing that finally made all things click in this life, but I also see it as the way my very much non-human soul interacts with a human world through a human body with which it cannot quite identify. Of course I'm different. I'm like a different animal stuck in a human body expected to behave like one of them. Ummm let me think: No. And I cannot speak for anyone else obviously, but the incidence of transgender or otherwise queer people among autists, the incidence of therianthropy too, is so much higher than in the general population than it cannot be random. Whether you see it as how people cope psychologically with their neurological difference or vice versa - that autism has a spiritual aspect and what we really experience is a life in a non-native kind of body (my take), or somewhere in the middle even.... I think it's still worth digging into the phenomenon because it's definitely there. In any case, I now see being autistic as the explanation to all those lifelong struggles, a source of a lot of sorrow and loneliness in my life but also as a source of creativity and uniqueness, and also as what has brought me to discover spiritual past life things that maybe otherwise I wouldn't have, or definitely not as easily. This "mismatch" and feeling alien in my body definitely gave me the kick to self-exploration, and it was the hard way.... but it was well worth it.
Hopefully this won't end up being too long, but here's my millennial diagnosis story (which interestingly doesn't fit into any of the broad categories in the video): As a young adult I was told by a boyfriend something along the lines of "you're so rude sometimes, do you think you might be on the spectrum?" I was of course angry at the way he phrased it like an insult, but I asked a psychiatrist what he thought. The psychiatrist said "maybe you're autistic for California (where I was born), but not for New Mexico (where I was living at the time". Not knowing that was a load of complete nonsense, I accepted it. Then I moved back to CA and came across a book that my employer was advertising for Autism Awareness Month. It was Unmasking Autism and as I was reading it I thought "why did someone write a book about me??" I already knew at that point, but then my employer fired me for my communication style and asking too many questions, so that cemented it in my brain. I got an official diagnosis a few months later, just so I could ask for accommodations the next time around. Interestingly I had been in therapy and psychiatry for a decade or so leading up to that point, was diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD, and had every SSRI in the book thrown at me until they ran out of SSRIs and referred me for ketamine instead. My therapist even used to constantly tell me that my thinking was too black and white, but never did he or anyone other than that one boyfriend bring up autism.
I had a major meltdown at work I searched for ways to block the adrenaline surge that accompanies an uncontrolled meltdown UA-cam served me up a Jessie gender video where she discusses Star Trek characters that show autistic traits Next thing I know I'm watching a video where an autistic creator described her experience growing up with autism I felt like she was describing my life It was surreal, overwhelming and validating all at the same time The only way to avoid the almighty algorithm is to stay offline
think i would be a joshua but i was still very much in a "couldn't be me" phase before i fell down the algorithmically-assisted rabbit hole of autism information, starting with ADHD (which ironically might've partly been because I searched for it directly a few times after having put off watching a video for so long I lost the link). also my brain really appreciated the steam deck reveal, a perfect illustration of the phenomenon, honestly
I'm 41. I took the AQ test online twenty years ago on a whim, scored much higher than I expected, and was too scared to look into it any further. Back then the "common knowledge" about autism was that autistic people have an "extreme male brain" and lack empathy. I'd always felt out of place , but I definitely didn't want to be autistic. In the twenty years since then, I've simply had to come to terms with my struggles with work and communication. I didn't realize how much my parents had accommodated me until I was on my own. I've been an early childhood educator and met many autistic children and felt a kinship with them I couldn't explain. Hitting burnout and then starting therapy made me start to really pay attention to the way my mind works, memories of my childhood, and my parents' eccentricities. It's funny how I even chose an autistic therapist simply because I felt comfortable with their vibe, without having any idea at the time we are both autistic. It all came together at once, and a psychologist's assessment later confirmed it.
Since I was a kid I learned to hide my weird behaviors, my mother constantly pointed them out. When I was 13 I started to say "I must be broken", because I couldn't understand my peers. I pushed through college, got married had kids, balancing it all with episodes of depression, anxiety, meltdowns, and burnouts. Last year my son was informally diagnosed by a group therapist. He came home and told me, so as I always do I started my research, and found the Embrace Autism site. I entered the rabbit hole of making test after test and all the results pointed to me being autistic. Then I read Devon Prince's Unmasking Autism and cried through it all. Every new book and every new video helped me come to terms with my autism. I discovered that I could never be me without it, I was never broken. I am 52 and I am autistic.
I really, really, don't like my morning and night routine changed(unless emergency). I will be able to handle everything else changed now that I'm 41 but I Need my morning routing undisturbed to handle the rest of the day and relax and sleep well so I don't wake up in an extremly bad mood.
I thought I had a good, normal childhood, but in my 40s I figured out normal and healthy aren't the same thing. I think I am autistic, but I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, which is highly correlated, so I feel like autism fits, but I doubt if it is real.
When I was starting seeing autism videos popping up in my suggestions feed (which I thought would mostly stick to things like what I've been showing the most interest in, which often bores me), I was looking up things having to do with my research for a novel I'm writing. A lot of things having to do with anthropology, ancient beliefs, battles, maybe some environmental psychology, and fusion belly dancing (for my own entertainment). I've clicked on various things other than that that piqued my curiosity. _Maybe_ environmental psychology is a possible connection? But the algorithm "gods" took years to finally start pushing autism and adhd videos _very_ heavily. I kind of think it had more to do with timing. I lived homeless for a winter, and I frequented a library 90% of the time. I could tell I was regarded as someone different (my time there was vastly different than other places I'd been), the librarians were super nice to me, even engaging me in conversation. Understanding my being autistic now might explain why it was being pushed by the algorithm all winter and spring. I think that maybe librarians may have discussed it, or started looking it up. But, how it ended up on my account is questionable. Maybe they whispered it while I went to the restroom, and there may have been a microphone listening. 🤷♀ But, I resonate with your example of Arielle. Then the self-tests were interpreted as me being likely autistic. Now I'm working on changing my life (starting over, more accurately) again. Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness has been delayed and has been taking a long time. I've been looking for my tribe for a long time. INFJs, Highly Sensitive, and now Autistic (which has filled in a lot of gaps left by the first two types in the list). I've been looking for my tribe, because it seemed I never fit in, but I have always known that I can't be the only one.
Sophie, 21 lol. I'm not a millennial but i was pretty similar to the second path you talked about. My husband (who has an autistic sister and friends) mentioned that my sister seemed possibly autistic. That rang true for me so started looking into autism traits in girls and realised it fit my sister and I to a T. Then got to know my sister in law and she peer reviewed me lol
I was never really solidly social as a kid, I enjoyed my time alone but I could slip in and out of social groups fairly well. At least before someone decided I was too "weird" and should therefore be avoided or harassed. I got through school easily because I had a good memory and an interest in learning. I spent most of my free time with "edutainment" and still do, but I nearly always dreaded homework or projects. Anything that had a due date and I was expected to complete on my own outside of the context of the class. I love learning, but not when it's turned into a chore that gets in the way of "not school" time. I have cousins that were diagnosed with Aspergers and clearly had *some* social support needs, but everyone else I knew about that had Autism in some way had dramatic support needs. I went to college to study education and biology. One time I mentioned to a professor that I had particular sensitivity to very high frequency sounds that most people my age could no longer hear. He asked if I had ever talked with a professional about maybe being on the autism spectrum (since that was finally a recognized way of referring to it by then). I was puzzled but curious. As I spent more time working with children, with a broad range of special needs, as a paraprofessional/aide, I began to see more and more of my own childhood reflected back at me. A friend of a friend got a diagnosis and it made more sense how we got along so well in particular ways. My partner at the time said he thought I was also probably a little bit "spectral" 😁. Later after we separated and he was seeing a therapist for all kinds of help, he was diagnosed with ADHD. Yet another moment of connection, "ohhh, that thing we both do and understand each other for is an ADHD diagnostic trait...." A rather striking moment that I will never forget: I was working with a student and helping others in the class. The teacher made a comment about how much she appreciated my help. Then I said something along the lines of, "I wish all the time that I had a person like me to help me out, lucky you guys!" The teacher looked back at me with this odd sort of mix of confusion and recognition, then I heard my own words replay in my head. Followed by a quiet internal, "but I do have a me, I am me. What does that mean that I could use the sort of help I'm providing for others..." Since then it's been little realizations here and there, and support and confirmation from friends. Now that I'm at a point in my life where things are less of a crisis barreling down the mountain, but also with much more responsibility in my daily life, I'm seeing myself get more caught up in difficulties and problems that I'm having to find "systems" to deal with like I find people talking about all over neurodivergent social media. It helps having a community I can see myself in instead of just feeling like a failure because "I know how to do better, I'm smart enough to accomplish these things, why am I somehow incapable of meeting my own expectations of myself?" Even some things about my own family are starting to make sense and come together. My dad's side of the family (that those cousins are on) has widespread examples of less obvious but still pervasive signs of being on the autism spectrum. My mother is probably not just scatterbrained, particular, flaky, and spacey. She likely has ADHD in some form herself and never had the tools or perspective to see herself as someone with a wiring difference instead of someone inherently flawed or incapable.
I came about my discovery an a sideways sort of fashion - instead of a child who is autistic, I have a brother and a niece with ADHD. Researching neurodivergence through that lens, the algorithm suggested a video by Dr. Tony Attwood that hit me up the side of the head like a brick. I've been looking into autism ever since, and that was almost three years ago. Knowing what I know now about how ASD presents in adults that were raised as girls, it seems obvious.
In the US a lot of people can't afford health insurance to even get "a diagnosis". And there is no treatment that I'm aware of. Not sure I'd want to be neurotypical...
I’ve gotta do it, I’m sorry 😂 I’m 38, no formal diagnosis but I’ve had soooooo many people ask me if I’m Autistic throughout my life and I know I’m not typical, I see it, people around me see it, the experiences I hear from others just make so much sense to me.
20:00 Oh, that time, that "does not compute" section describes me. Watching my bro and parents get along so smoothly, and me feeling like I was put into this world on "Hard Mode" and they have it easy. I never met someone like myself until I was an adult. I got my autism dx when I went for a re-evaluation for my earlier (wrong) Dx of "schitzophrenic" did not compute.
Yes! When I went to a psychologist went LOOKING for help. I thought 100% I'm ADHD. Before someone else put it in my brain, I would have so melt downs near my cycle. I also have PMDD. I'm now 48, so I'm in perimenopause. Anyhow, I prayed that I just couldn't LIVE this way anymore. I simply could NOT keep UP! I was too happy and excited often. I would notice people would respond to me with a look that I didn't understand at times. It confused me. So, when I went to the psychologist I was hoping for an ADHD diagnosis because I was so desperate I was about ready to do something I hated the thought of...getting some medication. I'd been to this mental health office before on a few occasions, but couldn't last long. It felt so awkward to tell my story to a stranger. The last psychologist was a male, probably in his early to mid-30s. He asked me if I minded that they all share notes to help patients. I was fine with it. He also asked me to write down 10 things that made me most anxious. I recalled how every time my husband and I had to leave town I would yell for 2 hours sometimes at something seemingly small. I had been so anxious for the weeks leading up to the travel I would explode. It was horrible. It still happens for various reasons. Mostly if I'm rushed or overwhelmed. To make a long story short he told me I matched the DSM-5 for autism spectrum disorder. An autism video popped up in my feed beforehand after I had typed into the search box, " What is wrong with with me?? And WHY am I so different?? I've CHANGED in SO MANY ways. The thing is he was trained for children, not adults. However, after realizing that it's actually harder to catch in older adults because we have practiced masking for so long. I believe I'm AuDHD. However, I need money for an official diegnosis.
I realized I was ADHD and got diagnosed when I was 29. But I still had these intense sensory issues that weren't explained by ADHD. I would notice when I was hanging out with people or like I was on the train that I was the only one suffering with all this sensory input. So I would have kind of like a mini freakout wondering what is still wrong with me if it's not just ADHD. Eventually, I stumbled upon a tik tok describing a highly sensitive person. And if you identify with highly sensitive person, you should look into autism. So I went and read the HSP list on some website. And I was like holy shit. That's me my whole life like I've been so sensitive. Then I started deeply researching autism and quickly realized it filled in all the missing gaps that weren't explained by ADHD. It's a really big relief having autism to describe almost every aspect that I struggle with throughout my whole life.
I'm an elder Millennial (early 40s) who doesn't quite fit any of your example-people. My brother was diagnosed with Aspergers when we were young, and I knew I wasn't like him, so I couldn't be autistic. I knew I filled Criteria B in the DSM 5 (repetitive behaviours, special interests, desire for routines and structure, etc.), but not Criteria A (social deficits). I'm social! And outgoing! And friendly! I have friends and don't find socializing exhausting! (Of course, many of my friends are also neurodivergent, but certainly *that* wouldn't have anything to do with anything lol.) Last year, I stumbled across a meme that mentioned that cracking your knuckles could be an example of stimming, and that led me down a year-long rabbit hole of, "wait, is it actually autism after all?" 13 months later and... yeah, I'm pretty sure it's autism after all. Just a different presentation from many of the other autistic people I know. I'm an outgoing, social autistic person, and even though I'm apparently a minority in the autistic community, I'm coming to accept that.
I love your videos and get great insight from your diverse explanations. However, as soon as the background video started playing, I couldn't follow any more, I was so focused on trying to read and imagine what was going on there.
I grew up not knowing my father and ended up with my grandmother in the 90's. I was non-verbal and in retrospect, clearly autistic. I learned to read before I spoke and loved the dictionary and when I started kindergarten I didn't hit any "milestones" and the school said I was no longer enrolled and won't be until I hit those milestones. I've been in therapy virtually my whole life not counting when I was homeless for a good portion. My grandma wouldn't accept autism as a diagnosis because for some reason her family lied about mental illness or neurodivergence. She agreed to an ADHD diagnosis when I was a child because she thought it was similar to bipolar disorder, by 13 I was in the full throes of psychosis and when I turned 26 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia paranoid type. It turned out my therapist specialized in both autism and schizophrenia and told me they often comorbid especially if it develops very early, and I developed hallucinations shortly after I started talking and was told I had an "overactive imagination" yet I was on antipsychotics specifically for schizophrenia when I was 13. I'm 33 now and have been studying it since and now I understand why I love things like science, sharks, Vincent Van Gogh, and Nikola Tesla for very specific reasons that aren't mainstream.
I'm 38, stay-at-home mom. I'm still working things out. I got my ADHD diagnosis in college. My son I noticed was behind on a few things. I started researching autism stuff a bit for him, then noticed how some of it might fit my husband. He got his AuDHD diagnosis a month or so before our daughter was born. The more I keep looking into it though, the more I'm slowly realizing that maybe I'm AuDHD as well, but I'm not sure yet if it's just the overlap in symptoms from ADHD, though I feel like I don't always fit the ADHD chaos, and have some more "restricted" or ordered things that might fit autism better.
im a disabled joiner , its took me 5 years to claim disability benefits for my various problems ,main problem my upper spine has deteriorated ive got arthritis and permanent pain , i was also told by an autistic friend gently to consider asking my doctor to be transfered for diagnosis , ive had two courses of cbt which makes no sense to my brain ,one by phone one by face to face , then 8 weeks of therapy by the folk assessing me , ive been on the list now for maybe 3 year , its the waiting that is driving me mad im often doubting i am autistic , then other times im positive in my own head , appointments at the dwp drive me crazy , they keep going on and on about my undiagnosed autism as if its a threat to them , one supposed health adviser at the dwp said the clasic , ive got a friend with autism and he maanages work fine , its not a block to work , which i replied , i know if i am autistic ive not just caught it yesterday , ive worked for the last 35 years with autism , , another question by my dole advisor , why do you need diagnosed , its not a reason to not work , err i need diagnosed because i will explain why ive wrecked everything in my life over the years
My path to autism was a cognitive breakdown (memory issues, inability to process language or perform basic tasks). After many medical tests, doctors declared no physical cause, so I had to find my own answers as I slowly recovered. A book by an autistic psychologist planted the seed that I may be autistic, but I spent the next 7 years with imposter syndrome, because there was limited information, and the DSM-5 contained no context that I could use to directly relate the obtuse criteria to my life. I attempted a clinical diagnosis, but as is too often the case, the medical community refused to even acknowledge the possibility (insert ignorant excuse here - too educated, too employed, not suffering sufficiently) so no assessment was administered. Then the events of 2020 came, and in isolation my brain finally found rest, and I knew that environment was the cause of my lifelong distress. UA-cam also started feeding me autistic content, and it was through these creators and educators that I found the context that tied my life to the DSM-5 definition of autism. As the community of autistic creators, and followers in the comments sections, grew, so did the number of stories of struggles that mirrored my own. There was no longer doubt that I am autistic. I was then able, like many, to reframe my life with this new understanding and everything made sense for the first time. I’ve had a few years to adapt my life and it is much improved relative to pre-identification. As to my age, I’m in the same generation as Quinn, if that is relevant information.
I am an Arabelle, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my early 20s. I refused counseling. What little I had tried never seemed to help. Was just ways to cope with life being more difficult than it seemed it should be. Then it always led to pills. At the time my brother was going through similar problems and had tried anti-depressants. While on them there were a few close calls. They made everything worse. So I refused. Any one that suggested pills I would avoid. I never got diagnosed as a child because of other issues I had. My father thought other kids were making fun of me because I had to wear a back brace for a while after a major back surgery where I had missed lots of time in school. Before that they thought it was acting out over my parents divorce and my new stepmother. In my 30s I finally met some one diagnosed as autistic. At one point they told me I should see some one to get diagnosed. I never thought much of it though as other stresses in life were more important and draining. Recently one of your videos popped up on my recommended. I hadn't had any other autism videos on there before. So when I saw it I remembered the person I mentioned and decided to click the video. Now I have dug through almost all of your videos and feel like I finally understand what happened in my life. And have a better Idea of how to maybe make it better in the future.
You sound very much like me and my journey! I’m a male Arabella. You articulated very well what I have experienced with depression, anxiety (also diaged with cptsd). Yes, always leads to pills and they didn’t work for me, in fact, they made me feel worse (as yourself). I’m glad you have found solace and answers and I hope your journey goes well for you. All the best
@@thedrunkshinobi Welcome as One of Us!
"life being more difficult than it seemed it should be" Same feels Arabelle. Been medicated since I was a toddler, and got DX in my 20's. It's not me being wrong, but it is the rest of the world expecting me to exist like the rest of the people. We are different, mentally and physically, so life in the NT world has been harder since we were born. Anti-depressants were awful for me too, had to put seroquel on my allergy list because that one is bad for me and doctors tend to think that's the thing they need to feed me if I am unconscious again.
Mood stablizers work much better for me, as well as gabapentin that helps relieve the pain in my nervous system.
@@thedrunkshinobi
@@Green_Roc o thank you for commenting this because I'm thinking of trying a mood stabilizer
Burnout is what is making it very apparent now that I'm older.
@@theanticrystal burnout, yes, but a psychiatrist once told me that a modern human is exposed to more impressions and unforseen events in one month than our ancestors two hundered years ago experienced during their entire lifetime. No wonder so many of us break…
Gen X didn't get diagnosed, they got punished.
This for sure.
This is so true! By the teacher, by my mother, and then caught hell when Dad got home when my mother unloaded her frustrations on him.
Yup, even more so if you were "gifted". Because then it isn't a developmental issue, it is because you are just bad...
O dear ❤
Solidarity! Us boomers, too. Also bullied by our peers, sometimes with teachers' "subtly" encouraging the bullies.
I get asked the question (why do i think I'm autistic?) frequently, particularly by family members and rather than explain myself in detail (I like to keep my family at a distance because they're pretty problematic in areas that are important to me) I just tell them a very simple truth: nothing in my life made sense to me until I learned about autism, and most importantly, I didn't even have the language to adequately describe my life before learning about it. They remain unconvinced.
As a gen Xer, looking forward to your video on the mess that is generation X!
And why do you describe us as a 'mess'? If you are going to make assertions, please do us the courtesy of clarifying so that you do not appear insensitive, arrogant or disrespectful. You cannot know all of us so what is your evidence that we are a 'mess'? Although this is clearly an opinion, without qualification it becomes couched as a statement of fact - preposterous unless you can come up with the goods.
I was dating a man that is initially diagnosed with Asperger’s. I felt so connected with him, but he also kept hurting my feelings and insisting that it wasn’t his intention. I’ve always been labeled as extra sensitive, amongst other things. I started researching to understand him better because I wanted him in my life. I felt like I could completely be myself around him but I didn’t want to keep getting hurt by his bluntness. The algorithm started showing me how autism can present in women, and it was like someone dropped the house on me. I started looking at all the checklists, criteria, and assessments, and I could meet all the criteria even in childhood! Researching autism in adults and reading several books became my new special interest and hyper-fixation. My entire life clicked into place. I’ve always been a person that had to find the answer. The biggest puzzle that I couldn’t put together was me. Suddenly, all the pieces fit in place. I’m Christal, late diagnosed in February of 2024 with AuDhd at age 42.
Are you guys still together? Did you make peace with him ?
How’d it end up with your partner?? I’m in a very similar situation cept im your partner in the story.
"kept hurting my feelings and insisting that it wasn’t his intention" I believe him on this. I often got accused of hurting people's feelings, being so blunt as I was. Over time due to the shame and punishemnts for not being like other people... I learned to add so much potpourri that people get annoyed I type too much. I'm a woman in my 40's and I find people still getting offended at me when I have zero intent of malice. My own neigbors think I'm a bad person and abuse me as a result of their mistaken judgement.
I hope you and him can make up and understand eachother much better. The bluntness is part of my nature that got beaten out of me. I wish I retained that simplified version of speech. My current soulmate would prefer I chatter less... and I agree with him. Oh how the neurotypical world messed us all up.
I hope we all get better recognition in the future, so the ongoing abuse can take a hike and let us be our genuine autistic selves.
@ No, we are not still together, and I thought it ended badly, but I recently spoke with him and remembered that he doesn't hold on to anger, and we had a good conversation as friends.
I'll share my story because it makes me laugh. It revealed to me not only that I had a lot in common with autistic people, but also that I'm a lot worse at introspection than I thought lol. Justin, 31, IT Technician. I was always the kid who didn't quite understand most people. I didn't know when to participate in conversations. I was so quiet that some teacher's thought I was mute. Occasionally I'd find a place to speak up. But when I did I'd often get strange looks (either because I'd said something weird or because people were genuinely taken aback that I could speak). I did have good friends though who in retrospect may have been neurodivergent themselves.
It wasn't until a few years ago though that anyone brought up the topic of autism to me. A long time friend just flatly asked me the question "are you autistic?". Their wife slapped them for it and said "You don't just ask people that!" But my friend I think knew me better. They knew how I'd respond. In that moment it didn't even register with me that this was a question that might offend someone. I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Oh I dunno. I've never been tested for it." And then I carried on like nothing even happened.
It wasn't until recently that the topic came up again. Before I connected any of the dots on my own I needed a second friend to talk about it. And apparently before I would get it I needed them to say straight to my face "I think you're autistic." I was confused at first, but not upset. So I asked them why. We had a long conversation, around 2 hours I think. I was shaking by the end.
I spent the next few weeks researching autism, spending my free time absorbing all the information I could, and re-evaluating my entire life. I was going through some pretty significant life changes at the time as well. Lost one job and had to quickly find another. One day in particular was stressful enough that I briefly went non-verbal (something that doesn't happen to me very often these days). It was far from an ideal situation to say the least. But in some sense there was an opportunity in it. I had words to describe what I was feeling now. I could identify in real time the things I was going through and compare them to what autistic people report feeling. The evidence mounted.
Eventually I brought it up to a third friend. I told them that I was starting to think I might be autistic. And their response?... "Oh is this news to you? I'm sorry I thought you knew. I could tell from the very first moment we met." And that's how I learned that I was the ONLY person who didn't know XD.
I’ll share mine too, but on the ADHD side (suspect may have ASD but I’ll chat to my psych). Aged 39!
Always considered myself allistic but just geeky / nerdy, thus the reason I didn’t fit in. Also moved countries twice, so being a migrant automatically makes you different, at least that was my excuse, and I wore it well! So no prompts there.
Where I grew up, culturally eye contact wasn’t super important but I do remember my dad giving me a pep talk about ‘you must make eye contact to be successful!’ I was around 16 maybe? I just shrugged and said Ok, and I’ve seen in movies how dads teaches their sons about How To Male. It still sticks to this day as living in the West means I do have to actively look at people eyes, but again, thought it was cultural upbringing. I did think it was normal to overthink / get stressed about which part of the face I need to look at, like the right eye? Left eye? Right eye 5 seconds then left eye? Nose? Mouth when they’re smiling? Eyebrows when they smile with their eyes? But don’t keep staring at their eyebrow or they would think there’s something on it! And if they have a turn in their eye? Play mental geometry to eliminate parallax error when looking at their good eye.
However I don’t think I have trouble reading facial expressions… but guess I’ve been wrong before lol.
I resonate with your story because during a Christmas dinner, my husband was just chatting about my quirks (and I also bumps things, spill things , drop things etc… I get random bruises at random parts of my body with zero memory how I did it…he even got me to do a hearing test as he thought I had hearing deficit… surprise! Ears fine, concentration maybe not lol). My brother’s wife asked whether I might have ADHD, but in my mind, ‘Why on Earth would I?’
Second comment came while I was at work; AuDHD kid noticed I was doing things with my fingers and asked if I had ADHD, cause they did the same thing. Again, I dismissed it (at this point you’d think I get the hint but nope). But the question was so earnest that I didn’t dismiss it as quickly.
Third: this time I was actually trying to help a colleague, who was struggling with memory, as basic parts of the job have been forgotten very easily. When I tried to explain and reexplain how to do things, I can visibly see his eyes drifting away from looking at me. I queried if they had ADHD and if so we need to make accommodations for them! But what I did NOT know how memory , working memory rather, is impacted by ADHD… and I have absolutely terrible memory since childhood (also an annoyance for my husband, he can ask me to stop by the grocery store 5 minutes before we drive past it…. And then I drive past it forgetting we were supposed to stop there). So when I read about working memory with ADHD, and learning as much as I can via internet, I started ticking my own boxes… oh dear.
So I decided to ask directly to my husband and a work colleague who I work very closely with, and since they don’t know each other I knew I would get independant responses free of bias.
They didn’t even hesitate to say ‘Yeah you’re definitely ADHD’ despite my protests that they should at least spend a minute before answering.
And here we are lol. That was a month-ish ago.
I (24) was looking for self-help content regarding depression and anxiety, and found it all so unhelpful! A lot of it required you to not constantly struggle with executive function, and I couldn’t relate to it. Then I remembered how my mom tried to get me assessed for autism as a kid (the doctor refused, I think because I was “too self-aware”), and how one of my siblings was autistic and the other has adhd. I’ve been researching autism and adhd for over a year now, and what I’ve learned has resonated with me so deeply and I’ve found it so helpful. Getting a formal assessment has been such a struggle though
Several month ago my friend sent me a list of female autistic traits. I cried as I read it, cause it clicked very well with all the struggles I had in my life. I was so shocked and felt so offended, that I thought about abandoning that friend, cause I thought they had understood this about me and that's why they shared it with me. I was lucky not to do so, because in the end it appeared that it was them sharing info about themselves :) Now I've got my good friend who is also autistic. Since then we've learned that we both are also ADHD.
I am 25 and it was a great relief, because in my country there is not that much known about autism, even less about female type. So now I'm happy that I learned about it pretty early while I still have chance to have a good life for myself.
Took two years of reading and learning about it until I realized I fit not just autism but adhd. I spent 3 years around others who were clinically diagnosed with autism or adhd (or both) and realized their struggles were the exact same as mine. Took some preliminary tests and saw all of them with "strong case for diagnosis". My life suddenly made sense. 47/female here.
Listening to autistic people was the first time I could relate to the experience of another human.
Same boat, I always though I was ADHD, but then learned about autism and learned that I relate to most things diagnosed people were explaining. And that was fairly confusing until I heard that you can be both and that was huge. Sudenly all of it fit, things that did not really fit one diagnosis or even went against it were perfectly explained by the other. I am seeking oficial diagnosis now because while relating to everyfing I learn about both there is no way to directly compare other people experiences so there is always this doubt that, what if I am making it all up, looking for excuses and am just lazy, ill-adapted mess of a human.
“A single echo of recognition” oh how the creator AND these comments have helped me! My self-doubt (among other things), is horrendous, but it gets shunted when I read others experiences in their lives, and that “echo of recognition” resonates. It hits home, and is sooo very validating for me…especially after all the dismissiveness, ignoring etc, by those allegedly supposed to be helping. Love channels and its commenters like this one, UA-cam IS good for some things. Thank you very much everyone!
I’m gen X and still not sure if I’m actually autistic. I have never felt like I fit in with the rest of the world, but it never occurred to me that I might be autistic and that there might be others like me. Then I saw an autism “put your finger down” video about 3-4 years ago. I related to so many signs mentioned in that video I started researching it (and seeing more videos recommended by the algorithm).
I am 46 and have taken medication for depression and suffered with anxiety for a long time. I had a rushed online ASD assessment this year where I feel I didn't have the adequate communication skills to respond well to the assessment and I often feel unseen where my communication and social difficulties aren't validated. Thank you.
thank you for this... I'm Marc, and I'm AuDHD . I have been assessed as ADHD Inattentive. I have been studying my behavior and self diagnosed as Autistic + ADHD. I can't afford to get a formal diagnoses for Autism.
I worked my whole life in a mask and didn't realize until I was forced to take it off and not work because of a disability. I had to look up why certain things were bothering or hindering me.
And when the returns all piled up I kept getting the same result. I even kept taking the "online assesment' tests and even waited months apart to take again and the results always put me in the upper 90 percent group.
I could go on and on and talk about how breaking free from masking and accepting who I really am .
Once again , thank you. I know i'm on the right path now...!
Peace and Love, Always!
-Marc
In my case I had just gotten hearing aids and was walking back to the car. I noticed that there were tears in my eyes, so I figured that I was either really disappointed with the new aids or perhaps I was in a lot of pain. In that moment I realized that it's probably not "normal" to have to work out what's causing tears. I realized that I was probably autistic and indeed got a formal diagnosis 6 months later. It turned out I was in pain, I was passing a kidney stone :)
Difficulty recognising one's own emotional state is actually Alexithymia. It often co-occurs with autism but is also not co-occurring.
@@balliolmunster7687 Yep, but it was my path to understanding that I might have autism. Then when I looked more at autism, it explained so much of my life. Knowing I had autism allowed me to figure out situations that were uncomfortable for me that I hadn't figured out in 60 years previously. Also now that we've looked at it more closely it turns our that we have at least eight autistic people in four generations in the family, (four diagnosed formally) - the symptoms are much more obvious each generation: I don't know what that's about.
Must be difficult to have aids in the ears. How does that look!? Immunsystem shutting of around the ears!? Seems dangerous for the brain.
Like a lot of people I guess, I always felt like an alien (different from typical peers). Hyper focus on things; helicopters, wales, weapons, and cake books from the 1950’s. As I got older my anxiety got worse as I tried to mask my way through society and my job in general. After fainting several times at work (military) I was evaluated by a mental health doctor. Many many tests… it all makes sense now. Autistic with anxiety (likely a complex developed from years of undiagnosed autism).
Since you asked, here's my tale of discovery/ self diagnosis: I'd always been an outsider socially, finding the normal social interactions with people in school and life anxiety inducing and confusing. I got by, but didn't think much of it beyond that I just wasn't good at it.
In 2012 a little before my 25th birthday, I suffered a very unexpected Hemorrhagic stroke on my right side. While thankfully I'm alive and well, the experience compounded my introspective nature and I became fascinated with neurodiversity as a traumatic brain injury survivor.
As I read, and learned over the years more and more of the traits associated with autism resonated with me, and it simply became undeniable in my view that I was an autist given how well I fit with the things I read. While I have no need or desire for a formal diagnosis, I now have a vocabulary to describe my quirks, and I know I'm no longer alone in my thinking or mannerisms. It's a wonderful feeling.
John, 62, IT Worker - 😀 - Couldn't resist. I know I'm actually a boomer but lots of the ideas and thought are common among all ages...I found my way to where I am via my wife's recent diagnosis of ADHD, which led us to various Neurodivergent web sites and UA-cam videos which then opened my eyes to my own situation; Followed the trail to my own diagnosis for Autism. My two millennial children, one has found that they are also ADHD like their Mom and one is looking at ASD as it seems to fit her situation as well. Can't wait to watch your future video on us older folks finding our way finally to our understanding of our world.
BTW - I turn my search history off in google just because I hate getting things stuffed in my results/ads that someone else thinks I might be interested in.
Hi John, IT Worker too. I have it turned off as well. Also NoScript blocks Google add scripts for me. And rarely use Google anyway, only for work searches.
Nice to meet you. My kids were diagnosed before me, so only makes sense that I was too. Just got the diagnoses to be sure. Apparently my dad was as well, sadly he died before we could tell him.
Claude, 64, printer.
When I was young (If I ever was young) few people were diagnosed with autism. I myself was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980. (Existed prior to entry, not aggravated by military service. Honorable discharge).
I never gave it much thought, until I recently wondered exactly what that meant. It meant somebody else entirely. I obviously not schizoid.
But the more I hear about autism, the more familiar it sounds.
The doctor said I'm too old and a proper diagnosis would be more difficult and expensive than it would be worth.But she agrees I sure look autistic.
Thank you for doing these! Autism could be understood much better by the general public, but especially for those providing mental health services. I think channels like yours are quite valuable resources for those like me who've been misunderstood and misdiagnosed throughout their lives(30 years for me).
The steam valve bit really cracked me up, too. The algorithms are a topic of much consternation for me.
I'm an older gen Zer, so I think this partly applies to me. I don't remember too much about how I discovered I might be autistic. what I do know is that I've struggled with depression all my life, I've struggled with my mom (who might also be autistic) telling me that my autistic traits are something you just gotta suck up so you can pretend you're neurotypical, enabling masking. I've been bullied the majority of my life and it's not until fairly recently that I realized the reason I've been bullied. It's all about misunderstandings, on both ends. I have been told to my face that I've been wrong about myself countless of times, trying to explain my point of view and my experiences, to the point I've given up arguing. And now they're surprised I'm autistic??? I'm still self diagnosed at this point and I want an official diagnosis, however I'm in a situation where I can't get a diagnosis just yet. But I know, after years of researching, that I'm 99% sure I'm autistic.
You’re not alone. I relate to this so much, it’s scary (right down to the mom thing). I know firsthand how much of a struggle it is to get an assessment (if it’s even possible in some circumstances), but I hope you’re able to get the help you need soon.
You absolutely nailed it with that last bit about answer seekers. I'm still seeking my own answers.
There was something quite interesting that you said about diagnosis; that it is still largely done through external observation rather than what's going on inside the brain. This has really pushed me into considering the idea of self-identifying. I think what it really comes down to is trust; I trust the people in my life right now who over the past 2-3 years have asked me "hey, are you autistic?" or have said "I think you're autistic."--all of who are autistic themselves. I trust those people, far more that I trust the myriad of doctors, teachers, and instutitions that were either willingly or unwillingly trapped within an ableist framework and perception that caused me to feel ostracised as a child.
You always give me a lot to think about and I thank you for it.
Hey Quinn, please do one about us wrinklies. There doesn't seem to be much out there about us. I haven't found any specific UA-cam channels, or other online communities. John (real name), 69, retired, discovered autism through BBC Radio 4 aged 55, diagnosed at 63, discovered ADHD aged 66, diagnosed at 68.
Looking back now, there were many signs, I or others could have noticed. Liking to take toys and electronics apart, creating websites on the family computer, having told by a professional you are "like an 18 year old" in your thinking, getting the INTP bucket in the MB personality test with very high introversion and lots of social awkwardness.
It always seemed like the problem was with the world around, people especially. They seemed to act in ways beyond reason. Or rather beyond what I thought was rational at the time. People all around were always up to date, as if they had a briefing before every event and a secret manual to how social interactions worked.
Well, turns out autism run is the family and I was all but normal in that context.
I was taught from a young age that I was bad at communicating and bad at socialising. Therefore I wasn’t autistic. It wasn’t until I did my own research on the diagnostic criteria and realised that I had so called “rigid thinking” and sensory processing differences and that when combined with “bad at socialising and communicating”, no other explanation and having a significant impact on my day to day life, that this is autism.
At the same time, UA-cam helpfully popped a video on alexithymia into my feed.
I definitely never believed I was just like everyone else 😂 I knew there was something very very different about me. I just thought I was broken and incapable of living life. Realizing I was autistic just meant I became infinitely nicer to myself and understood better how to avoid the things that burn me out
When I was about 27, I realized I had been living with undiagnosed OCD since childhood. I assumed that this was why I was always struggling, that it was what made me different. My mother said that I always had an "obsessive personality" because whatever I was interested in, I got into deeply and made it my sole focus. She attributed this to my OCD, but never bothered to research what OCD really is or actually understand it. For a while, I thought she was right, which didn't make sense to me. My OCD is a painful, unpleasant thing which often attacks the things I love the most. Meanwhile, my interests were the exact opposite- making me happy beyond measure, making me feel alive and whole. How could this positive side of me, this intense and delightful focus, possibly have a thing to do with the horror that was ocd?
It made no sense to me. It felt as though two opposing forces were fighting one another within me. I knew I had OCD, without a doubt, but always felt as though there were a missing piece to the puzzle that was my life. (Apologies for the puzzle metaphor, it was the only one that fit) later, Id learn that this intense focus was a trait of autism, and having special interests.
As I've gotten older (38 now) I have realized I struggle in other ways. My fine motor functions are incredible, allowing me to make beautiful art, but my gross motor functions (walking, doing things that require quick reflexes) are poor, making me clumbsy. It is for this reason that I avoid wearing shoes- people assume discomfort, but its more than that. Shoes make my feet feel "too big" and I have trouble with awareness of where I am placing them if I can not feel the ground underfoot. I constantly step on my own feet in shoes.
I also struggled to learn to read as a kid. People said I was stubborn. The truth is, I could not focus when forced to read in a chorus of other children. Once allowed space of my own, I grew up to be a voracious reader, and I love to write stories.
These, among other things, like struggling to feel "like an adult", made me feel that something else aside from OCD was "wrong" with me. I kept thinking, could I have something like autism? But my ignorance of what autusm is kept me from ever looking into it. Addmittedly, I was scared.
And then I began learning to crochet last year, a hobby which has now become one of my special interests. And one day a youtube short popped up about an autistic crocheter...
I watched it. It lead to more autism videos popping up. I thought...could this be the answer...?
I eventually found my way to your videos, and it was through you, through your vivid, beautiful descriptions of both the trials and the wonders of autism, that I knew...
I'm Angus, and I'm autistic.
It made sense. It all made sense now. To top it off, my best friends throughout my life had all been autistic.
Im so happy that I was born autistic, even if I have my struggles. I feel at home among my fellow autists.
I'm one of the many people who got called by the algorithm... The main issue that started my research was a persistent high stress level, leading to symptoms that might easily be read as depression. However, I've been journaling and tracking some relevant biomarkers long enough to notice patterns that don't really fit that idea. Trying to research all of this eventually lead into the algorithm deciding "You are likely interested in autism content!". Well, it wasn't wrong... And I found myself looking squarely at a single, consistent and logical explanation for most of the issues I've had over the years as well as a lot of mostly harmless oddities people around me tend to pick up on very quickly. I've always been the kind of person that sticks out everywhere, no matter how much I try not to - and now I have the words to explain myself. I'm not at the end of that journey yet by a long shot, but for the first time in many years, it feels like I'm making actual, tangible progress.
One of she Joshuas here 😊
I am not much around on most social media platforms (yt is actually the only one), but looking back I have been getting recommendations on autism content since the summer vacation before I started grade 11… that is over 10 years ago! It was very few and far in-between at first, but the frequency spiked considerably since the beginning of the pandemic. Never clicked on one until an ADHDer friend brought the possibility up to me 🙈
Once again a great video. Thank you! 💜
I'm a late 40s Arabelle. On a waiting list for formal testing of those beliefs.
I thought this video was going to be a don't be so silly, you're probably not autistic. That's the imposter syndrome getting revved up in advance of the official evaluations.
Absolutely, it's the YT algorithm which brought me to this place of what I believe is an understanding of who I am. MY path followed what you described for Arabelle. I've read a pile of books, done all the questionnaire tests there are, watched youtube videos from you channel and many other channels of autistic folk. Now just waiting for an evaluation and trying to keep that out of my mind so I don't have to be anxious about the possibility of the carpet being pulled out from under my feet again.
It does seem incredible that in a few hours a team of specialists can make a definitive judgement as to the validity of my conclusion following the, not hours, or even days or weeks, but probably months of cumulative time spent of researching soul searching I've done to arrive at this self evaluation over a number of years. It feels extremely vulnerable to expose myself to the judgement of a few people I don't know, will never know and have no relationship with so they can give me a thumbs up or thumbs down wrt what I believe I have learned about myself over years of research and introspection.
If I actually endulge myself and allow myself to think about it, then the big question is - well, if they say I'm not autistic, then what on earth is it instead??? What label are they going to pin on me instead and if they won't pin any label at all, what does that mean? If I'm not autistic, it's a heck of a realistic and believeable delusion I've generated in my mind!
And then there's the consequence of being told that actually no, I'm not autistic. Then it's definitive. Then I would have no business watching videos on your channel and others and feeling I fit in. Self-identified as autism is OK, formally diagnosed is OK, but what happens if a self-identified autist tests the notion by asking for formal diagnosis and the diagnosis is not given. What does that person become then? Funnily enough an image from Charlie and the Chocolate factory (or the great glass elevator?) came to mind of floating as a transparent ghost in minus-land, or being in limbo between to parallel universes - having decided myself I don't belong in one, seeking entry into another and then being refused entrance by the official guards.
It's amusing in a way that the YT algorithm seems to have picked up on my anxiety about the evaluation and being judged as NOT autistic, because these days it feeds videos about NOT being autistic rather than ones about BEING autistic like it used to. I guess I eventually got to the stage I was confident I am autistic and reduced the number of videos I was watching about being autistic, so it reduced the number it presented me with. And I'm sure it will be taking notes from what I write here to tweak what it sends. Creepy in one sense, certainly very powerful, and just like your Arabelle character, if it hadn't been for such algorithms, I wouldn't have come across autism at all.
If I thought about it long enough, I could get quite worked up about the validity of authority figures I don't even know having such power over something as fundamental as who I am. And I often wondr why did I ask for a formal evaluation, couldn't I just have stopped at self identification... Round and round the thoughts go. Formal evaluation might be a way of stopping the rumination by answering the question once and for all. But, that requires absolute control to be given over to a bunch of authority figures I do'nt know and for whom I am just a name on a form. It doesn't make a jot of difference to them. There lives won't be impacted one way or the other depending on what they say.
It feels like standing stark naked in the town square and just saying to complete strangers "look at me, what do you think?".
Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you for your work Quinn, it's very much appreciated.
for what its worth, i hope everything went well with your assessment. Congratulations on having the courage to seek an official diagnosis, i am not there yet... you explained it so well, "I'm not autistic, then what on earth is it instead?" and i dont have the courage to risk being left in limbo
HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED😊
No way??? 🤯
Yeah spotted that too lol 😁
Lool
I met the Spiers family several years ago and their young daughter and I connected very quickly which seemed strange as we are several decades apart in age. When my daughter was moving away they came and said, "don't worry about your father as we are going to adopt him," i thought that rather strange but it was nice to have someone on whom I could depend for help if needed it. one day I heard her mother say something about Grace being autistic. I had noticed some eccentricities about her behaviors but they did not bother me. I started researching autism in women {she is 18 now}. one day she said, "you do know that you are autistic too." I started to deny it when the lightbulb went off and 79 years of questions were answered in a split second. I responded in the affirmative. A few days later I mentioned this to her parents who said, "you mean you did not know you were autistic, we figured that out years ago." Now I understand their comment to my daughter. Grace has been going with George for about 5 years, George is autistic also. We do a lot of things together and enjoy each others company. Grace and George were married about a month ago. I am not self diagnosed but rather was diagnosed by autistic people and their families. We call ourselves the three autistics.
That's a beautiful story - thank you for sharing it! ❤
I don't remember not feeling odd. As a child I just couldn't quite meet my parent's expectations of being 'normal', but adapted as best I could anyway. Eventually, I was in college when I saw a science article about masking and how its common in autistic women, often the ones who manage to go undiagnosed or slip through the cracks. That's when I started looking into it in more detail. and did get an official diagnosis later, mostly because I questioned myself too much to believe myself at the time. I've since gained a lot of understanding of myself and confidence because of it. After talking with my parents, I found out my mom's side had a history and also started to put together that my mom is probably also 'high functioning'.
Hi Quinn, hi community.
I'm 40, male, self diagnosed, German, and trees are my job and one of my Spins.
I'd say I'm team Arabelle, but only kind of.
My first encounter with autism must have been many years ago, some documentary on TV, probably. While this may have sparked my curiosity, I didn't think much of it. Then, The Big Bang Theory happened. I did like it and watched it regularly, mainly because the 4 guys were all quirky outsiders, and I could relate a lot. But since autism was nowhere mentioned in the show, I still didn't realise my own set of quirks and struggles had a label.
So I kept living my life, making progress in some areas and struggling in others. Until about 2 years ago, when one event left me in a state of depression. I didn't seek professional help because "others need it more", "man up", "will disturb my daily routine" and other BS excuses...
But I started watching UA-cam videos. About depression and loneliness first, then ADHD, and finally autism.
I scored 46 in the AQ-50 questionnaire, broke down crying when learning about the alien syndrome (all my teenage years, I knew I couldn't be a part of this weird human race), and related to so so so many of the traits described.
That feeling of having found my tribe, of not being alone anymore, basically mended my depression one day to the next.
Now I'm on the waiting list for formal assessment/ diagnosis, which is required to receive help where I actually need it.
I “contracted” (piss take 😅) autism a few years ago when I went to the doctors about a severe overwhelm with the world and the human like animals that inhabit it along with my memory/concentration issues I’ve been chasing for 20 years. He stuck me on antidepressants and sent me to the psychiatrist thinking I may be in autistic burnout.
After a few months of visits with the psychiatrist and psychologist, Congratulations! You’re autistic, inattentive ADHD and dyslexic!
A lot of people close to me still don’t believe it, but I don’t care. Turns out my best friends are also autistic and ADHD, they’re the only ones I’m able to be able to talk sense with.
I have known Im Dyslexic & Adhd w/ out a Diagnosis since being young. I got lead to Autism being a possibility due to several people & several factors. I will prob never get any papers to prove it cuz I'm Diabetic, dont work, & can't afford to try for anymore medical bills.
It's sad actually. I want my deserved diagnoses. Many people just laugh when you try to tell them how you know or why you think so.
However, many prob wouldn't care anyway, bt I care! I deserve to have proof. We all do! The issue of money & already having a few disabilities shouldn't be what prevents me from accessing my papers. Im tired of every one telling me it's my Diabetes thats to blame for everything! It's not me being a Diabetic. I Am several Neurodivergence's 2 &ND I Know This. I just cant afford the price tag
As a Me Gen, I'M a Millennial Who Knows Y I Am Who I Am. I Want My F*ing Papers! The US says I have to buy my spot so they can screw me more because I haven't paid or suffered enough. It's Not Just About Me &ND That's The Point! Aur people are getting left behind &ND We shouldn't Be! I'm tired, I'm sad, &ND I'm angry. I want for No One Else 2 have 2 be left behind like Me. People don't deserve this! Life shouldn't be this hard, just to be known 4 who you already AUR
I'm in the first group. Youngest child sent for testing and in doing my research a lot of it resonated with me as well. I went for assessment, then my oldest child and my mom. Yup, we're all in the club. 😃
Thanks Quinn 💜
Great video! I'm a linear combination of Joshua and Daniel.
- First 3rd party reference for autism were two friends in college that told me "you are a bit Sheldon Cooper".
- Best/only childhood friend was diagnosed as AuDHD in his 30's.
- Autistic colleague at work requested my boss for me to give her the initial training due incompatibility with other co-workers.
2:38 One of the things for me finding out was because I never felt like an ordinary Joe or Johanna. I've felt very alien compared to all other people, so much that I remember even telling someone when I was 17 that I was part alien. A few months back when I was researching autism more so I could understand my daughter's autism better as she gets into her mid-teens, I learned that that feeling I'd had my whole life of not belonging to the Average Joe's and Johannas was an extremely common feeling among Autists. And it wasn't just that, it was every other common Autistic trait that made me go "omg that's literally me since I can remember". And once I knew all the other common traits, that reason for feeling like an alien on this planet made so much sense. Being able to see and hear and feel (or not feel) things that neurotypical people can't just sounds like a super power from an alien being. (It's kind of cool, though, to think of these abilities as super powers).
That stood out for me too. I have never been apart of humanity and thought in my teens, I must have been left by aliens, because nothing about being human felt familiar.
I also remember telling my friends at school that I was an alien in disguise, it was a long lasting game of pretend. Although I didn't have to pretend much, because being an "alien" is what came naturally to me.
I'm glad that you have a positive outlook on your neurodivergence, did you have trouble accepting yourself in the past? I ask because it's something I've been struggling with.
@@mudotter It is so weird how the difference is that contrasted from the mind of an Autist. It's kind of crazy that all of us feel like that growing up.
@@Rextone-x2s In the past, yes. I'm still embarrassed about my hand flapping, so I tried really hard as a kid to hide it. I think if I knew then what I do now about autism, it might not have been that bad, but struggled really hard growing up. My first friend was when I was 5, a little immigrant girl from Vietnam, I didn't really have a friend after that until I was ten, and my next friend after that was also an immigrant (people who also didn't fit in). I remember wanting to dye my hair black when I was 10, my mom even let me get a box of hair dye but never let me dye it. Black felt more normal to me when I didn't even fit in with my own family. It was kind of like, I don't act like any of them so I might as well not look like any of them. With the exception of when I was 12 and hit a growth spurt, I was the overweight kid of the class too, so that didn't help. I was just the weird person, I felt like the only weird person in the world. I ended up reading books and writing (what I now know is) fanfiction to help me be part of fantasy world like Lord of the Rings that I loved so much more than real life. But the problem with that is, as soon as you put down the book, Real Life is right there smacking you around again. I studied religion after religion trying to find a place in the world, I tried to "fix" myself with anorexia, when I was 27 I tried to be super athletic and make that my persona. I didn't fit in with the smokers when I smoked, I can't even keep friendships very long. I just burnout of everything.
Really the only thing that helped me feel comfortable enough to keep it up was trying to make food like how the Pioneers did. It doesn't help with the social situations at all, but it felt pretty natural at home. Every food from the pioneer era was hand made from scratch, much like authentic Mexican food or Middle Eastern food. It's very hands-on, and it takes a lot time, but it's very good as a stimming activity. Like kneading dough is really good as a stim, especially if you really need to stim but feel embarrassed to do it with company over. Sewing by hand is another good one, or crocheting. Things are like a constant stim have helped me the most. I didn't realize they were stims at the time I discovered them, but they definitely are. And at least with these things, like pioneer-era stuff, there's a smaller community of people who really appreciate that stuff, so when you find them, it's easier to connect socially. It's not as awkward as trying to talk to regular people.
@@homesteadgamer1257 Big Hugs. My hands never stop moving, I also crochet, sew, grow and process my own foods, and I'm a ceramic artist by profession.
Really outstanding video. ❤
I was hoovering up cPTSD content, and the algorithm started serving autism content all of a sudden. Clicked out of idle curiosity and was like, well this is familiar but couldn't possibly be me. Many gigabytes later, it finally sank in.
American millennial, diagnosed with ASD at 39 in 2020. Several years before that, I searched my quirks and tendencies online, and an autism quiz popped up. I got a crazy high score, but i thought it must be because it's a silly internet quiz, so i didn't take it seriously. Then I became a mental health therapist who had clients a few years ago who identified as autistic. For some reason, those clients seemed to "click" with me somehow. I did a lot of telehealth sessions at the start of the pandemic, and I didn't understand why I felt so comfortable being alone in my office, unlike my suffering colleagues. I thought, "why not just check?" That summer I answered so many questions about myself by getting the diagnosis. Now, i try to help my new autistic and ADHDer clients as best I can. 😊
My doctors were all oblivious my entire life. But my first girlfriend took one look at me and went "you know you have ADHD, right?" She began sending me a lot of content by online creators with ADHD. Without even realizing it at the time, I found the creators whose content I resonated with the most were the AuDHD creators.
Pair that with my childhood best friend telling me he suspected he was autistic and the realization that all my closest relationships where I felt a genuine, deep connection with the other person were all autistic and it sent me down a massive rabbit hole of research.
"Sue Perflewuss" Hahaha, I see what you did there! BTW, I'm 39 and thought I was Autistic because I never knew what to do with my eyes and never fit in around people. I got diagnosed right after my 38th birthday. Oh, also my daughter is Autistic which is what led to me connecting the dots concerning my own issues and experiences.
Lee King and Neil Ithic as well.
@tabularasa0606 Those names went right over my head at first lol.
I never realized I was autistic, but most of my family and friends apparently always knew. I started my journey after my formally diagnosed autistic friend suggested about 2 years ago I might be too. YT served me up some videos about autism too and I started to watch and the more I watched, the more things clicked, until February this year when I had that light bulb moment and I knew for sure at age 48. The years of meltdowns, the experiences/behaviours, the workplace and school bullying, the constantly being misundersood, and everything else made sense. Now thanks to a recent windfall I was able to book a combined ADHD/ASD assessment. I have to say that my journey has been absolutely transformative!
I always felt weird and "off-step" my entire life, and at 23 an online friend of mine suggested that I might be an "aspie". I wasn't sure at first about it, it slowly stewed in my head, and 10 years later I started looking into it in earnest.
It took longer still before I could find someone willing to do an assessment. When I finally found one, it turned out that they didn't actually have anyone available to do an adult assessment, and while the therapist agreed I'm likely autistic, her overseeing psychologist angrily said she was wrong, and I have BPD... a diagnosis he gave without having ever spoken to me himself.
I was fortunate enough to finally get a proper assessment and diagnosis back in July, at 46. Long road behind, long road ahead.
EDIT: Surprise bonus, I'm autistic and ADHD.
Late 30s, 0 friends, not socially anxious. I seem to just avoid ppl and socialising. Used to be bullied, singeled out early on in life, got parents into hot water many times by unwittingly telling the truth. Ppl complain I have to be more empathic. They mean I should be more like other sycophants who offer no actual solutions. Funny, the dogs seem to love me. The problem with seeking a diagnosis is that it gets in your medical record, and if you are functional enought to be employable it makes finding a job difficult.
I accidentally wrote a 750-word article so here is my TL;DR. I felt like an alien when I was a child but didn't know it meant something. A traumatic marriage sedated by untreated OSA hid ADHD and likely autism until a fresh start made room for questions, treatment, and learning about myself.
It seems like the tendency toward 750 word articles and the like is also a hint toward this community.
A.K.A. Me too!
Was told within the past year that around 15-18 years ago (can’t quite remember how long), I was evaluated for autism. While I *did* get an ADHD diagnosis, the results came back that I had, “some autistic behaviors,” but it was still deemed inconclusive. I was born female, so it was a lot harder to reach that diagnosis back then. Went down the rabbit hole for months after that, and while I still have not tried to go in for evaluation again, I can’t help but feel like I do lie somewhere on the spectrum. Listening to other people’s experiences growing up (especially those who were diagnosed later in life) really helped me put a lot of my childhood into perspective. Looking at a lot of things that happened during my school days through the lens of, “oh, this makes so much more sense looking back now,” has honestly been an eye-opening process. I feel both happy that I finally discovered more about who I am, yet a part of me wishes I had found my answers sooner. Even without realizing it, I’ve learned over the years what noises or experiences will set me off, and I am a lot more perceptive these days on when I’m reaching burnout and/or meltdown levels, and know when I need to remove myself from a situation to feel whatever I need to in private.
Male 41 teacher from denmark 😂 Just diagnosed a few weeks ago. But I have known for atleast 5 years.
Iv always felt different, then I worked as a technical drawing assistant, didnt work out but I realised that I didnt fit in with the normal smalltalk office groups.
Later I started working at an afterschool club and things started falling into poace slowly.
Then my brothers children got diagnosed, and my child got diagnosed.
Now I have a phd in paedagogy and work at a specail needs school where me and the autistic children normally have a really good time with each other.. a mutual understanding.
I was in high school and one of the girls at the lunchtable was very upset with me and I didn't know why. She said, "Stop doing that, it makes me think you're autistic." I'd never heard that word before, so the next time I saw my mom I asked her what autistic meant. Her head snapped around like someone in a movie. She sounded like she was growling when she said, "Where did you hear that word?" I told her what had happened. She looked at me and then shrugged and said, "Oh that. Don't worry about that. The doctors said you were, but they were wrong."
”We have tried all sorts of medicines and treatments on you and nothing has worked. We will send you to the neuropsychiatric team for further investigations”. Six months later had a couple of new diagnoses…
Me too, well, I say me too…I mean, I’m 60, I’ve been diagnosed with cptsd, depression and anxiety. The SSRI’s, etc they gave me haven’t worked, CBT etc hasn’t worked. Currently in therapy and that seems to be not working very well either. I’m also on the ADHD waiting list, but I suspect I’m both adhd and autistic. Are these some of your experiences also? Very best wishes
@ That pretty much sums it up for me. I am a handful of years behind you, diagnosed with gad, depression, and a few other disorders. I went through the neuropsych assessment and can now add autism and ADD to my merit list. And a couple of new medicines... None of the meds are miracle drugs, but ssri+sleeping pills+stimulants help me get through one day at a time. This is obviously not a long-term solution; I just want to make it until I can retire
Hey Quinn. At the end of the video you asked us to share our story, so here’s mine.
When I was in my early thirties I was seeing a councilor for anxiety. My mom was seeing the same councilor to work on some of her own issues. One day she came home and said at her appointment they got to talking about me and a lightbulb went off for the councilor and she said “I think maybe she has aspergers” (that was still in the dsm at the time.) she got out a book and they went through some of the criteria in the book and it fit me very well. Through a friend who worked as an aid in a special education classroom we found a LCSW who specializes in Asperger’s and autism. We got an appointment to see her and my parents and I were there for a long time answering a bunch of questions. (I realize now that the book she was looking at when asking the questions was the current at the time dsm the dsm 4) At the end of the appointment she was like “well you are rather unique on the spectrum but you are definitely on the spectrum.” We went back to her several times to have her help me understand what I thought was my new official diagnosis. Since my knowledge of autism and aspergers was very limited. I finally had answers as to why things that seemed easy for everyone else were so hard for me. Why I felt like I was constantly swimming upstream and yet getting swept away by the current while everyone else floated by me in the direction I was trying to swim with seemingly no effort at all and yet I didn’t make any progress until I stopped trying to do things their way and started doing them my own way even though it wasn’t the way things are done. That was that, for awhile. Then in 2020 I decided I really wanted to know more so I went searching online and found autistic UA-cam creators making content about autism. Hello new special interest! My brain wanted to know everything! Finally I found people who I could relate to better than anyone and who put my experiences into words. Since that time I now identify as autistic rather than “having aspergers”. I also found out that my diagnosis wasn’t official because the woman who did it didn’t have MD after her name. (To be clear she never claimed it was an official diagnosis.) Due to circumstances that I won’t go into I decided I needed to get an official diagnosis and I got it earlier this year! Level 2 autism. It is a relief to have my struggles officially validated! I just hope the reason that I got the diagnosis for will work out. But even if it doesn’t, I don’t regret it and I’m glad I had the ability to get it. I’m Cat and I’m autistic. Thank you for reading. 😉
Brilliant video, Quinn! Thank you ❤
From the age of 11, I related to autistic people. However, I was told I was imaginative, I wasn't as rigid, and I am female. I was bullied and found other labels for myself (INTP). I pushed away feelings of not being normal, and tried to act like everyone else. 15 years later in the workplace, I felt like I had a place even though I was still able weird. I got a new ma ager who made comments on my behaviour and told me to mask. I have tried this but I felt exhausted. I started thinking what is wrong with me. I started watching videos on Autism. I am now seeking a diagnosis to see if this is what makes me feel the way I do. I am now 31.
Burnout at work led me to self-diagnosis
I’ve been diagnosed ADHD since I was a child and started finding more and more strategies that autistics use were working for me.
workload piled on at my job and I got less and less time to isolate and self-reflect, and interruptions/distractions from co workers started occurring every 15 minutes while I have 10+ hours of work to do, just PRAYING that I can summon the ADHD hyper focus superpower to catch up. Of course it never happens when you want it to.
Eventually I completely spun out and had to take extended medical leave, as I was having several meltdowns per day and started damaging professional relationships.
Have yet to get a formal diagnosis, as I’m hesitant to bring up autism with my physician out of fear of rejection or embarrassment.
I found you through your interview with Claire. I got diagnosed 2 years ago at 46 years old. Younger people get a diagnosis for peace of mind. Autism runs in my family. Thank you quinn for the video.
For me it was my passion for psychology/sociology/culture (basically all the stuff that helped me understand how tf do people work) that led me there
My journey to my diagnosis really got started about 15 years ago. I had a friend with a little boy. He was just starting the autism assessment stuff through their local school. I had barely even heard of autism before that, so being curious and wanting to support my friend and her boy, I started looking up info. I was reading a description of Asperger's and saw a lot of my struggles listed. It made me wonder, but when I talked to other friends and family about it, my concerns were dismissed. Then my life really crashed, lost my job and couldn't get a new one, had to drop out of school, and had several health crises. I stopped masking and started to voice my previously unmet needs. I couldn't explain why I needed a nap between going out to lunch to celebrate my aunt's college graduation and going out to dinner to celebrate my grandma's birthday that same day. I lost nearly every single friend I thought I had when I could no longer keep up with their lifestyle. About 7 years ago, my mom and I were talking, and we came to the conclusion that I was likely autistic, but that it was going to be impossible to get me a formal diagnosis. Then, my behavioral health clinic switched psychiatrists on me just over 3 years ago. The first time I met him, he asked me if anyone had ever suggested that I might be autistic. He had read my chart, seen me on crutches, and then talked to my mom and I. Based on his many years of experience diagnosing and treating autistic kids, he felt it was highly likely that I was autistic, but he couldn't do the testing because our clinic didn't do that kind of thing.
Last year, we realized that my grandpa was probably autistic, too. Then I realized that at least 15 of his descendants are non-neurotypical. That is 30% of his descendants in 3 subsequent generations. Learning about autism has helped me understand myself better, and my close family and friends understand me better, too.
So my story... I been labeled a "problem" since I was two. Found myself pondering "did my parents forget to give me the book about how to life"? Watching my older brother growing up, he seemd to know how to do everything right, and no matter how hard I tried, I kept getting in trouble, even tho I wanted to do right always.
After torturous years in special education, feeling like school was never for me, never had good schooling, begging for one-on-one classes and parents kept rejecting for it was too expensive.
Drugged by my parents with meds that made me fat, because parents wanted me to "calm down"... therapy every year, never had a year without summer school too. I chose social studies as an elective as I thought "finally! The lessons I need to understand how to communicate" then found myself disapointed in being in History Class.
Therapy age 17 diagnosed me with schitzophrenia. In my new fresh adulthood wth supports for being schitzophrenic, I met other schitzophrenics that I could not relate with. So I asked my adult therapist to re-evaluate me, because Schitzophrenic didnt feel correct, as I didnt exist in fantasy worlds nor hear voices.
I had been put into 3 months every two weeks appointments... didnt have solid results. Got put into another set of 3 months every two weeks, and given tests for kids.
Therapist said, she talked to some people, and her mentor said I was textbook Aspergers Syndrome. I asked "Aspergers, what's that?" and she said it was a form of autism.
Kept hating myelf and looking for a "cure" until I was in my 30's. Almost 40, saw someone in Twitter talking positively about autistic people. My mom died in 2017, dad died in 2012... what is important about their deaths is that is when my real life began, where I accepted myself for the first time.
I feel like a baby when it comes to learning how to live genuinely autistic.
I wish no one had to feel this torturous life that I have lived.
We could have better if the world knew how to treat us well, instead of treating us like human defects.
My path to diagnosis began when I was in my mid 50s. I was at a conference and finding myself in a conversation with a clinical psychiatrist who worked with late diagnosed middle aged men, and as she went through the symptoms, I couldn't help think "That's me!", "That's me!". So I contacted my doctors who gave me a questionnaire, which was submitted to my local diagnosis service and two years later I was diagnosed. I'm Alan, I'm 60 and I'm autistic!
For me, it was a weird case. I'm a 21-year old Electrician.
I'm not sure of how to properly word everything, as my life is multi-faceted like everyone else's, and explaining things in exhaustive detail (as I used to be able to) has become a lot harder for me in recent years than it was previously.
I recently found out via my Mom that I had been recommended to be screened for ADHD as a child; as my behavior was hard to predict, and I had a hard time sitting still for extended periods of time. She ignored it, citing that "kids will be kids", not believing that I was any different from any other kid. It's important to mention here that that teacher had taught multiple dozens of children up to that point, and my mom had only raised one child up to that point (myself). One party had far more experience with what was "typical" than the other party.
I don't believe myself to have ADHD, it doesn't properly align with what I understand of my cognitive processes, and my problems with motivation have more to do with depression than problems with attention (as in, dopamine response). I can pay attention to a given task, even if I don't like it, for extended periods of time; something that is typically very hard for someone with ADHD. The only major part of my cognition that can be "identified as an ADHD symptom" is my absolutely terrible working memory. It's very small, and very unstable. To copy text from one document to another, I very often have to glance at each page and copy words one-by-one. Writing, reading, and remembering what to write are 3 different tasks that I'm unable to coalesce into one seamless task, so I'm forced to handle them all separately. That works against my tiny and unstable working memory. It's such a major problem for me that I need to have many, many workarounds in order to properly handle basic tasks. I have notes for every tiny topic, plan out every detail of my activities, write myself reminders of what I need to do, make myself checklists of how to properly execute a task, etc. It might seem like ADHD on the surface, but it absolutely is not. My objective problems with working memory only scratch the surface of how my differing cognitive patterns make my life hard to adapt to what everyone expects from me.
I also commonly had "issues" understanding verbal and written communication, and would often be the one kid to ask a dozen questions about the simplest assignment imaginable. Were it not for the fact that I was learning both English and Spanish at the time (I am a Latino), they might've considered something other than sending me to an Elementary School ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages) class to remedy the problem. I found the classes to be absolutely useless. I had understood practically every English grammar rule nearly perfectly and was even able to separate Spanish and English grammatical concepts far better than the other kids assigned to the class. It was to the point where the ESOL teacher had even questioned why I was in the class if I near-perfectly understood everything before it was even taught to the ESOL class. As I would later find out, my grammatical understanding of English and Spanish wasn't the problem; it was how others used their written and spoken language to convey information, and refused to clarify anything to me when I asked for it. It was always framed as a problem with me, never a problem with them.
An important turning point in my life was when I was in 2nd grade. It wasn't a very good turning point, it was more of a bandaid that provided a temporary fix. I'd had a "meltdown" in the hallway while getting back to class, and a teacher asked me what was wrong. I had told her that "I'm stupid", because everything being taught in class felt so hard to understand while everyone else understood it very easily, with little effort. It was a mixture of all subjects. Of math, of reading, of literature, of social studies (especially social studies, i was never able to convince myself to memorize the practically useless dates and event orders for tests), practically everything. It was then that she told me something that turned my inferiority complex into a superiority complex that I'm still attempting to destroy to this day, "You're not stupid, you're very smart. All of the other teachers tell me they want you in their classes."
That teacher's push, among other factors, convinced me to pour an ungodly amount of mental and temporal resources into maximizing my scholarly performance at school, because I realized that being told I'm smart felt good (especially when contrasting against all of the times i'd been told I'm problematic and stupid, believing myself to be such). I began to brute-force every subject that was possible to brute-force, like Literature and Social Studies, and Math; not really understanding what Mathematical principles are supposed to represent, or what the significance of Historial events actually was, or how to think for myself when analyzing literature, or other critical thinking aspects. I did exactly what the educational system wanted me to do: meet their arbitrarily defined standard of "mastery".
It was at that point onward that I objectively became the arrogant stereotype that some believe autistic people to be. I was never nasty to people, but I made comments that denoted a feeling of superiority over others, and quietly believed myself to be such. I had rewired myself to bury my feelings of inferiority with feelings of superiority as an unhealthy coping mechanism. I am still in the process of dismantling this complex, returning to my roots of feeling inferior to everyone around me, and rebuilding my self-image to be more practical and realistic. I don't want to be dependent on comparison to others anymore in order to maintain my self-esteem. I sometimes wish that I didn't interact with people at all, so that I would have nothing to compare myself against; but I know that that's unhealthy for a social organism like a Human. It is very hard to feel like you're a child again at 21 years old, relearning how I interact with others, and relearning my own concept of what I am.
As for what actually lead me to discovering that I actually am autistic, the previous 3 paragraphs are related. Some reading this may become immensely infuriated with it, some may be understanding, some may be indifferent; but it's what happened nonetheless. I don't care what your reaction will be, I will be honest with what my thought process was.
I once had a literature class in Middle school with a girl whom had an autistic brother. I happened to overhear "doesn't autism make you super smart?" during a conversation she was having with another classmate. I had never thought much about autism at this point and had little concept of what it was, but my mind fixated on the word "smart". I didn't feel intimidated, I didn't feel "being smart means you're autistic" (or vice versa), but the fact that the word "smart" was thrown into the sentence piqued my interest.
I began to investigate it on my own, and found nothing but the general pathological descriptions of Autism. The description of being detail-oriented was something I'd identified in myself, but I couldn't identify anything that would satisfy the "repetitive/restricted interests" symptom listed in the DSM-5 (perhaps because my idea of a restricted interest was... restricted. my focus on academic performance was definitely "abnormal"). At this point in time I didn't find reason to identify myself as autistic, despite feeling that I related somewhat to the symptoms listed. Nonetheless, it began to stick to me in the back of my mind. I had the thought that I was "neither neurotypical nor autistic", as I felt that my behavior and thoughts didn't align with either category of neurology (curiously, i would never fail to fall into the "probably autistic" categories of those "are you autistic" quizzes that you can readily find online. i didn't think it conclusive enough, though).
This next part is very familiar to most of you reading, so I'll be brief as this comment is long enough already.
Fast forward to my high school years, and my adult life, and I began to grow tired of prioritizing grades in school. I began to experiment with my interests and explore more about myself, and noted that I had more in common with autistic people than I did with neurotypical people. I found that, even though I behave differently to many autistics and neurotypicals, I have more in common with autistics, and thus identify more strongly with the category.
Thus began the process of questioning myself, who I was, what I wanted, why I behave the way I do, what my history had to do with it, how things could've gone differently, etc. I am a radically different person to who I was even just 3 years ago (as a high school graduate). It feels like I've mostly reset my understanding of the world and am rebuilding everything from scratch. Of course, this time I have prior knowledge, a mostly developed brain, the internet, and people similar to me. I'm not anymore limited to what's physically available to me.
I still feel myself stupid, but now it has nothing to do with failing to meet other's expectations. It's now because I realize just how damaging it was for me to push myself to meet other's expectations. It seriously hurt my ability to logically process what's presented to me, as I focused only on oversimplified metrics of "grades" and "mastery".
I can do better, and I want to do better. I have an entire lifetime ahead of me for that, assuming I don't die a premature death due to an accident at work. I am a construction worker after all.
I have gotten a referral for ASD from my physician before, but have had an incredibly hard time finding a place that evaluates adults. Literally (and i do mean literally) every single location I've contacted only does evaluations for children. Not a single one I've contacted or been forwarded to does evaluations for adults.
I've since given up on it and have decided that I'm fine with simply knowing that I'm autistic. I'm not open about it however, as there's a lot of stigma and preconceived notion surrounding autism.
In case it helps you any, I also know you are autistic. Welcome to this community. You have valuable insight and are a great writer. I wish you optimism and success day by day.
Hang in there, take 1 day at a time. Your job sounds interesting
I'm 37, undiagnosed. my journey has been a weird sort of connect-the-dots sort of thing starting when I was 17 with suspecting being ADD, and finding out that as a kid, I was diagnosed with an emotional dysregulation disorder. somehow that led me to start learning about Asperger's, finding similarities to Asperger's with issues I've struggled with most of my life. and finding out some family members suspected I might be autistic. it wasn't until maybe 5 or 6 years ago that I felt I even had enough information to go from saying "I might possibly be autistic" to saying "I'm pretty certain I am autistic", though I still for some reason don't have the confidence to follow through for a diagnosis, nor do I necessarily have the means to seek one, sadly
Steam Deck!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm AuDHD, and my realizations started with me googling something along the lines of, "What is it called when you can't track the passage of time'" and kept finding ADHD and time blindness when I was burning out in a time sensitive job.
I quit that job after 4 years, slept for basically 6 months straight, and started seeing a therapist. As we talked, they asked in passing if I'd ever considered ADHD, then another time, autism. I said no, because when I'd found time blindness previously, I'd just assumed it was a trait you could have without the whole package and hadn't looked further.
After they asked though, I started actually doing research on both autism and ADHD, and found a lot of what people were sharing about their own experiences was a lot more familiar feeling than I expected.
It also prompted me to realize just how much my family and schools supported me without ever needing to figure out why so much support was necessary, that it took until years after I'd graduated from college and started working for it to even cross my mind that I was different in any way other than just being a quiet, book loving introvert.
20:00 that remark hits so hard 🩷😳 so true
I see a great video like this and I want to write pages, but I'll stick with this. In 2022 I was coming across quite a few things about how narcissistic Trump was. I looked up narcissistic traits and although there were definite things that made me feel I probably wasn't, especially empathy and the belief that all people are equal, I felt I wanted to know more and looked it up on UA-cam. That's when all the late diagnosed autism videos popped up, and of course, I had to follow the thread. Ended up self-diagnosed AudHd at age 70, originally diagnosed ADHD at age 45.
I got a Steam Deck this past summer and did research on various accessories for it around that time. Needless to say, I was getting similar ads to you for a while 😂
I KNEW it couldn't be just me😉
I like how your videos include many different perspectives and don’t rely on aspire/autistic supremacy to hold a community together. Thank you.
I've been living with depression and anxiety (among other things) for most of my life, struggling and specializing at ignoring it because I believed that's what I'm supposed to do, that's how everyone else feels and lives as well, and they just do not talk about it, do not complain. It never dawned on me that most people love to complain, nor that the world would be a very different place if everyone experienced things the way I do. Which is bizarre, because I'm logical usually. But because I've been struggling, I've devoted most of my conscious life to self-analysis to try to find out what the F is not right - first regarding gender dysphoria, but after I removed that major stressor, only at 30, it became apparent there is a lot.... like, A LOT more. So over the next years I slowly started becoming a hobbyist psychologist, digging through different psychological issues, different "disorders" and just trying to make sense of it all. And I found a Hell of a lot, I learned so much about myself, how it all works, how everything has developed over time and why, yet not all that much insight about how to help myself that actually felt like it'd work. All this time, I was sort of jumping from one thing to another too, finding new and new things, each of them explaining part of the picture and certainly providing SOME answers.... Perhaps like modern physics, I had a bunch of different theories that address different problems and spheres of my psyche.... yet no unifying theory. I didn't realize that at first though.
Autism must have begun sneaking into my version of YT a while ago, already a few years probably, and I ignored it because I thought it's irrelevant - I am not trying to actually become a well-rounded psychologist, I am just trying to understand what's going on in this one brain I happen to live in. But one day YT spat out at me a video about the link between autism and transgender - and I thought, why the Hell not, I've listened to so many lectures on all manner of different transgender-related topics or views on it, I might as well. Transgender is such an integral part of me that it is enough to spark my interest in almost anything. I didn't expect that what I'd learn would be interesting more because of the autism though. I didn't expect that it would show me a picture of autism as something I never knew it was. It was the first drop of a really eye-opening waterfall. Ever since then most of my psychology research has been heavily autism-focused. Because my physics finally found its unifying theory.
That was just a few months ago. I feel like I see things with clarity I never imagined. How did I miss such a giant chunk of my own experience? The doctor degree of self-ignoring I've gotten has certainly helped.... To me, this is more self-discovery and, now that I've found the big central piece of the picture, rethinking much of my life. I'll have to do that on my own, relying on my close ones rather than external support because in my country all that stuff doesn't exist.... But well, better know than not. But that makes me wonder, what do allistic people imagine autistic people get as support? I get it, they struggle too, they feel it's unfair that someone who looks no different gets it "easier". Except.... I think most of the supports that ARE accessible (where any at all) mostly are things they never would care for anyway....
"It never dawned on me that most people love to complain" THIS so much! We were totally told to Suck It Up, but everyone instead complained the entire time. They never got the memo that said "suck it up" doesn't mean whine about it. I've always been very logical, too, I think that is a major autism trait. Lots of Hobby studies, too, because college didn't let me study what I wanted without first taking a whole bunch of unrelated and completely unnecessary courses first. I never thought gender dysphoria was a thing, probably because I'd never heard of it until my mid-30s, but I distinctly remember feeling like an alien and telling people I was. I still don't feel like part of this planet. I know now that's the Autism speaking, but it really is a huge disconnecting element. There has been a LOT of jumping from one thing to another as well, for me. Religion, sciences, quantum physics made perfect sense to me the first time hearing it, paranormal research, ETs, world mythologies, literally anything and everything I could get my hands on to see if maybe I'm different because I really belong to one of those things instead. The Lost city of Atlantis was a HUGE special interest of mine my entire life, even today, I remember as a kid wishing I was secretly from Atlantis and maybe I was just lost up here in this world and someday my real people would come rescue me. It is SO underrated the LENGTHS autistic people will go to try to find out who they really are before we ever come across the possibility of being Autistic. In the end, we know a bunch of stuff about things no one else wants to talk about, but the whole journey of Life as an Autist with a late diagnosis (like, 30 or 40 yrs old-Late) is just a bunch of apathy toward most things in real life that would actually make it possible for us to feel like we fit in.
And also yeah, I agree with the whole bit around "what do allistic people imagine autistic people get as support?" I think they imagine is as an Easy Button or a Free Pass through lines or using special bathrooms. Most normal people think that all Autistic people have no problems with numbers and math and for some reason that automatically makes us savants at everything, like they think it's a super power and nothing is hard for us. Literally the opposite is true. Even for those of us who ARE great at math, most things in life are still difficult, and it's always thing that allistic people never consider to be a struggle - socializing, not standing out, dating, friendships. They don't have to worry about the lights flashing and buzzing or hearing someone's pen scratch from across the freaking room. They never consider we need help around those things. They can't even imagine what it's like to see the lights flashing and hear them buzzing.
@@homesteadgamer1257 I know what you mean. I didn't have the word for "gender dysphoria" either, I didn't even know transgender is a thing and that other people in the world feel that as well until I was in high school. Pretty lonely childhood in that sense. All I knew is people identified me as the wrong thing for some reason and that the body I inhabit does not feel mine, nor this life felt mine. I was playing a role, like in a film or something. Still doesn't feel like me in many ways. So yeah, that feeling, just each of us has had their own take and explanation. I found mine in spirituality - and I remain spiritual now. Autism is the thing that finally made all things click in this life, but I also see it as the way my very much non-human soul interacts with a human world through a human body with which it cannot quite identify. Of course I'm different. I'm like a different animal stuck in a human body expected to behave like one of them. Ummm let me think: No. And I cannot speak for anyone else obviously, but the incidence of transgender or otherwise queer people among autists, the incidence of therianthropy too, is so much higher than in the general population than it cannot be random. Whether you see it as how people cope psychologically with their neurological difference or vice versa - that autism has a spiritual aspect and what we really experience is a life in a non-native kind of body (my take), or somewhere in the middle even.... I think it's still worth digging into the phenomenon because it's definitely there. In any case, I now see being autistic as the explanation to all those lifelong struggles, a source of a lot of sorrow and loneliness in my life but also as a source of creativity and uniqueness, and also as what has brought me to discover spiritual past life things that maybe otherwise I wouldn't have, or definitely not as easily. This "mismatch" and feeling alien in my body definitely gave me the kick to self-exploration, and it was the hard way.... but it was well worth it.
Hopefully this won't end up being too long, but here's my millennial diagnosis story (which interestingly doesn't fit into any of the broad categories in the video): As a young adult I was told by a boyfriend something along the lines of "you're so rude sometimes, do you think you might be on the spectrum?" I was of course angry at the way he phrased it like an insult, but I asked a psychiatrist what he thought. The psychiatrist said "maybe you're autistic for California (where I was born), but not for New Mexico (where I was living at the time". Not knowing that was a load of complete nonsense, I accepted it. Then I moved back to CA and came across a book that my employer was advertising for Autism Awareness Month. It was Unmasking Autism and as I was reading it I thought "why did someone write a book about me??" I already knew at that point, but then my employer fired me for my communication style and asking too many questions, so that cemented it in my brain. I got an official diagnosis a few months later, just so I could ask for accommodations the next time around. Interestingly I had been in therapy and psychiatry for a decade or so leading up to that point, was diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD, and had every SSRI in the book thrown at me until they ran out of SSRIs and referred me for ketamine instead. My therapist even used to constantly tell me that my thinking was too black and white, but never did he or anyone other than that one boyfriend bring up autism.
I had a major meltdown at work
I searched for ways to block the adrenaline surge that accompanies an uncontrolled meltdown
UA-cam served me up a Jessie gender video where she discusses Star Trek characters that show autistic traits
Next thing I know I'm watching a video where an autistic creator described her experience growing up with autism
I felt like she was describing my life
It was surreal, overwhelming and validating all at the same time
The only way to avoid the almighty algorithm is to stay offline
Fantastic content. I always enjoy your videos. Keep up the great work!
think i would be a joshua but i was still very much in a "couldn't be me" phase before i fell down the algorithmically-assisted rabbit hole of autism information, starting with ADHD (which ironically might've partly been because I searched for it directly a few times after having put off watching a video for so long I lost the link).
also my brain really appreciated the steam deck reveal, a perfect illustration of the phenomenon, honestly
I'm 41. I took the AQ test online twenty years ago on a whim, scored much higher than I expected, and was too scared to look into it any further. Back then the "common knowledge" about autism was that autistic people have an "extreme male brain" and lack empathy. I'd always felt out of place , but I definitely didn't want to be autistic. In the twenty years since then, I've simply had to come to terms with my struggles with work and communication. I didn't realize how much my parents had accommodated me until I was on my own. I've been an early childhood educator and met many autistic children and felt a kinship with them I couldn't explain. Hitting burnout and then starting therapy made me start to really pay attention to the way my mind works, memories of my childhood, and my parents' eccentricities. It's funny how I even chose an autistic therapist simply because I felt comfortable with their vibe, without having any idea at the time we are both autistic. It all came together at once, and a psychologist's assessment later confirmed it.
Excellent video Quinn. 😊
3:10 this whole segment is an amazing point! definitely needs to be said more often.
Since I was a kid I learned to hide my weird behaviors, my mother constantly pointed them out. When I was 13 I started to say "I must be broken", because I couldn't understand my peers. I pushed through college, got married had kids, balancing it all with episodes of depression, anxiety, meltdowns, and burnouts. Last year my son was informally diagnosed by a group therapist. He came home and told me, so as I always do I started my research, and found the Embrace Autism site. I entered the rabbit hole of making test after test and all the results pointed to me being autistic. Then I read Devon Prince's Unmasking Autism and cried through it all. Every new book and every new video helped me come to terms with my autism. I discovered that I could never be me without it, I was never broken. I am 52 and I am autistic.
I really, really, don't like my morning and night routine changed(unless emergency). I will be able to handle everything else changed now that I'm 41 but I Need my morning routing undisturbed to handle the rest of the day and relax and sleep well so I don't wake up in an extremly bad mood.
I thought I had a good, normal childhood, but in my 40s I figured out normal and healthy aren't the same thing. I think I am autistic, but I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, which is highly correlated, so I feel like autism fits, but I doubt if it is real.
When I was starting seeing autism videos popping up in my suggestions feed (which I thought would mostly stick to things like what I've been showing the most interest in, which often bores me), I was looking up things having to do with my research for a novel I'm writing. A lot of things having to do with anthropology, ancient beliefs, battles, maybe some environmental psychology, and fusion belly dancing (for my own entertainment). I've clicked on various things other than that that piqued my curiosity. _Maybe_ environmental psychology is a possible connection? But the algorithm "gods" took years to finally start pushing autism and adhd videos _very_ heavily.
I kind of think it had more to do with timing. I lived homeless for a winter, and I frequented a library 90% of the time. I could tell I was regarded as someone different (my time there was vastly different than other places I'd been), the librarians were super nice to me, even engaging me in conversation. Understanding my being autistic now might explain why it was being pushed by the algorithm all winter and spring. I think that maybe librarians may have discussed it, or started looking it up. But, how it ended up on my account is questionable. Maybe they whispered it while I went to the restroom, and there may have been a microphone listening. 🤷♀
But, I resonate with your example of Arielle. Then the self-tests were interpreted as me being likely autistic. Now I'm working on changing my life (starting over, more accurately) again. Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness has been delayed and has been taking a long time.
I've been looking for my tribe for a long time. INFJs, Highly Sensitive, and now Autistic (which has filled in a lot of gaps left by the first two types in the list). I've been looking for my tribe, because it seemed I never fit in, but I have always known that I can't be the only one.
Sophie, 21 lol. I'm not a millennial but i was pretty similar to the second path you talked about. My husband (who has an autistic sister and friends) mentioned that my sister seemed possibly autistic. That rang true for me so started looking into autism traits in girls and realised it fit my sister and I to a T. Then got to know my sister in law and she peer reviewed me lol
Always appreciate your work.
Thanks Quinn!
I was never really solidly social as a kid, I enjoyed my time alone but I could slip in and out of social groups fairly well. At least before someone decided I was too "weird" and should therefore be avoided or harassed.
I got through school easily because I had a good memory and an interest in learning. I spent most of my free time with "edutainment" and still do, but I nearly always dreaded homework or projects. Anything that had a due date and I was expected to complete on my own outside of the context of the class. I love learning, but not when it's turned into a chore that gets in the way of "not school" time.
I have cousins that were diagnosed with Aspergers and clearly had *some* social support needs, but everyone else I knew about that had Autism in some way had dramatic support needs.
I went to college to study education and biology. One time I mentioned to a professor that I had particular sensitivity to very high frequency sounds that most people my age could no longer hear. He asked if I had ever talked with a professional about maybe being on the autism spectrum (since that was finally a recognized way of referring to it by then). I was puzzled but curious. As I spent more time working with children, with a broad range of special needs, as a paraprofessional/aide, I began to see more and more of my own childhood reflected back at me. A friend of a friend got a diagnosis and it made more sense how we got along so well in particular ways. My partner at the time said he thought I was also probably a little bit "spectral" 😁.
Later after we separated and he was seeing a therapist for all kinds of help, he was diagnosed with ADHD. Yet another moment of connection, "ohhh, that thing we both do and understand each other for is an ADHD diagnostic trait...."
A rather striking moment that I will never forget: I was working with a student and helping others in the class. The teacher made a comment about how much she appreciated my help. Then I said something along the lines of, "I wish all the time that I had a person like me to help me out, lucky you guys!" The teacher looked back at me with this odd sort of mix of confusion and recognition, then I heard my own words replay in my head. Followed by a quiet internal, "but I do have a me, I am me. What does that mean that I could use the sort of help I'm providing for others..." Since then it's been little realizations here and there, and support and confirmation from friends. Now that I'm at a point in my life where things are less of a crisis barreling down the mountain, but also with much more responsibility in my daily life, I'm seeing myself get more caught up in difficulties and problems that I'm having to find "systems" to deal with like I find people talking about all over neurodivergent social media. It helps having a community I can see myself in instead of just feeling like a failure because "I know how to do better, I'm smart enough to accomplish these things, why am I somehow incapable of meeting my own expectations of myself?"
Even some things about my own family are starting to make sense and come together. My dad's side of the family (that those cousins are on) has widespread examples of less obvious but still pervasive signs of being on the autism spectrum. My mother is probably not just scatterbrained, particular, flaky, and spacey. She likely has ADHD in some form herself and never had the tools or perspective to see herself as someone with a wiring difference instead of someone inherently flawed or incapable.
Please do Gen X if you are so inclined ❤! Thank you for your time and energy 😊
I came about my discovery an a sideways sort of fashion - instead of a child who is autistic, I have a brother and a niece with ADHD. Researching neurodivergence through that lens, the algorithm suggested a video by Dr. Tony Attwood that hit me up the side of the head like a brick. I've been looking into autism ever since, and that was almost three years ago. Knowing what I know now about how ASD presents in adults that were raised as girls, it seems obvious.
In the US a lot of people can't afford health insurance to even get "a diagnosis".
And there is no treatment that I'm aware of.
Not sure I'd want to be neurotypical...
I’ve gotta do it, I’m sorry 😂 I’m 38, no formal diagnosis but I’ve had soooooo many people ask me if I’m Autistic throughout my life and I know I’m not typical, I see it, people around me see it, the experiences I hear from others just make so much sense to me.
20:00 Oh, that time, that "does not compute" section describes me. Watching my bro and parents get along so smoothly, and me feeling like I was put into this world on "Hard Mode" and they have it easy. I never met someone like myself until I was an adult. I got my autism dx when I went for a re-evaluation for my earlier (wrong) Dx of "schitzophrenic" did not compute.
Yes! When I went to a psychologist went LOOKING for help. I thought 100% I'm ADHD. Before someone else put it in my brain, I would have so melt downs near my cycle. I also have PMDD. I'm now 48, so I'm in perimenopause. Anyhow, I prayed that I just couldn't LIVE this way anymore. I simply could NOT keep UP! I was too happy and excited often. I would notice people would respond to me with a look that I didn't understand at times. It confused me. So, when I went to the psychologist I was hoping for an ADHD diagnosis because I was so desperate I was about ready to do something I hated the thought of...getting some medication. I'd been to this mental health office before on a few occasions, but couldn't last long. It felt so awkward to tell my story to a stranger. The last psychologist was a male, probably in his early to mid-30s. He asked me if I minded that they all share notes to help patients. I was fine with it. He also asked me to write down 10 things that made me most anxious. I recalled how every time my husband and I had to leave town I would yell for 2 hours sometimes at something seemingly small. I had been so anxious for the weeks leading up to the travel I would explode. It was horrible. It still happens for various reasons. Mostly if I'm rushed or overwhelmed. To make a long story short he told me I matched the DSM-5 for autism spectrum disorder. An autism video popped up in my feed beforehand after I had typed into the search box, " What is wrong with with me?? And WHY am I so different?? I've CHANGED in SO MANY ways. The thing is he was trained for children, not adults. However, after realizing that it's actually harder to catch in older adults because we have practiced masking for so long. I believe I'm AuDHD. However, I need money for an official diegnosis.
I realized I was ADHD and got diagnosed when I was 29. But I still had these intense sensory issues that weren't explained by ADHD. I would notice when I was hanging out with people or like I was on the train that I was the only one suffering with all this sensory input.
So I would have kind of like a mini freakout wondering what is still wrong with me if it's not just ADHD.
Eventually, I stumbled upon a tik tok describing a highly sensitive person. And if you identify with highly sensitive person, you should look into autism. So I went and read the HSP list on some website. And I was like holy shit. That's me my whole life like I've been so sensitive.
Then I started deeply researching autism and quickly realized it filled in all the missing gaps that weren't explained by ADHD.
It's a really big relief having autism to describe almost every aspect that I struggle with throughout my whole life.
I'm an elder Millennial (early 40s) who doesn't quite fit any of your example-people. My brother was diagnosed with Aspergers when we were young, and I knew I wasn't like him, so I couldn't be autistic. I knew I filled Criteria B in the DSM 5 (repetitive behaviours, special interests, desire for routines and structure, etc.), but not Criteria A (social deficits). I'm social! And outgoing! And friendly! I have friends and don't find socializing exhausting! (Of course, many of my friends are also neurodivergent, but certainly *that* wouldn't have anything to do with anything lol.) Last year, I stumbled across a meme that mentioned that cracking your knuckles could be an example of stimming, and that led me down a year-long rabbit hole of, "wait, is it actually autism after all?" 13 months later and... yeah, I'm pretty sure it's autism after all. Just a different presentation from many of the other autistic people I know. I'm an outgoing, social autistic person, and even though I'm apparently a minority in the autistic community, I'm coming to accept that.
Thanks!
Do Gen Z next pleez!
Well articulated Quinn
I am awaiting a diagnosis. I am anxious about the result because I am afraid I won't be diagnoised as I expect. Your video actually calmed me down.
I love your videos and get great insight from your diverse explanations. However, as soon as the background video started playing, I couldn't follow any more, I was so focused on trying to read and imagine what was going on there.
I grew up not knowing my father and ended up with my grandmother in the 90's. I was non-verbal and in retrospect, clearly autistic. I learned to read before I spoke and loved the dictionary and when I started kindergarten I didn't hit any "milestones" and the school said I was no longer enrolled and won't be until I hit those milestones. I've been in therapy virtually my whole life not counting when I was homeless for a good portion. My grandma wouldn't accept autism as a diagnosis because for some reason her family lied about mental illness or neurodivergence. She agreed to an ADHD diagnosis when I was a child because she thought it was similar to bipolar disorder, by 13 I was in the full throes of psychosis and when I turned 26 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia paranoid type. It turned out my therapist specialized in both autism and schizophrenia and told me they often comorbid especially if it develops very early, and I developed hallucinations shortly after I started talking and was told I had an "overactive imagination" yet I was on antipsychotics specifically for schizophrenia when I was 13. I'm 33 now and have been studying it since and now I understand why I love things like science, sharks, Vincent Van Gogh, and Nikola Tesla for very specific reasons that aren't mainstream.
I'm 38, stay-at-home mom. I'm still working things out. I got my ADHD diagnosis in college. My son I noticed was behind on a few things. I started researching autism stuff a bit for him, then noticed how some of it might fit my husband. He got his AuDHD diagnosis a month or so before our daughter was born. The more I keep looking into it though, the more I'm slowly realizing that maybe I'm AuDHD as well, but I'm not sure yet if it's just the overlap in symptoms from ADHD, though I feel like I don't always fit the ADHD chaos, and have some more "restricted" or ordered things that might fit autism better.
“The Algorithms are strong with this one” 🤖
im a disabled joiner , its took me 5 years to claim disability benefits for my various problems ,main problem my upper spine has deteriorated ive got arthritis and permanent pain , i was also told by an autistic friend gently to consider asking my doctor to be transfered for diagnosis , ive had two courses of cbt which makes no sense to my brain ,one by phone one by face to face , then 8 weeks of therapy by the folk assessing me , ive been on the list now for maybe 3 year , its the waiting that is driving me mad im often doubting i am autistic , then other times im positive in my own head , appointments at the dwp drive me crazy , they keep going on and on about my undiagnosed autism as if its a threat to them , one supposed health adviser at the dwp said the clasic , ive got a friend with autism and he maanages work fine , its not a block to work , which i replied , i know if i am autistic ive not just caught it yesterday , ive worked for the last 35 years with autism , , another question by my dole advisor , why do you need diagnosed , its not a reason to not work , err i need diagnosed because i will explain why ive wrecked everything in my life over the years
Extremely disappointed you did not introduce her as "Heather, Age ??, profession." All joking aside, loving and appreciating the video!
My path to autism was a cognitive breakdown (memory issues, inability to process language or perform basic tasks). After many medical tests, doctors declared no physical cause, so I had to find my own answers as I slowly recovered. A book by an autistic psychologist planted the seed that I may be autistic, but I spent the next 7 years with imposter syndrome, because there was limited information, and the DSM-5 contained no context that I could use to directly relate the obtuse criteria to my life. I attempted a clinical diagnosis, but as is too often the case, the medical community refused to even acknowledge the possibility (insert ignorant excuse here - too educated, too employed, not suffering sufficiently) so no assessment was administered.
Then the events of 2020 came, and in isolation my brain finally found rest, and I knew that environment was the cause of my lifelong distress. UA-cam also started feeding me autistic content, and it was through these creators and educators that I found the context that tied my life to the DSM-5 definition of autism. As the community of autistic creators, and followers in the comments sections, grew, so did the number of stories of struggles that mirrored my own. There was no longer doubt that I am autistic.
I was then able, like many, to reframe my life with this new understanding and everything made sense for the first time. I’ve had a few years to adapt my life and it is much improved relative to pre-identification.
As to my age, I’m in the same generation as Quinn, if that is relevant information.