The perfect mirroring, done by the narcissist, of the genuine loving parent and the cognitive dissonance makes it hard, even for the loving parent, to not see itself as the narcissist. The narcissist is so hidden, that it is hard to be believed by others as being the loving parent. The abuse was so covert, so seeding, that it is hard to touch the subconscious mind, telling it was the abuse you felt. The mind knows. The feelings of guilt and shame linger on, rooted deeply in the subconscious mind by the seeding of the narcissist.
it's as if Dr. Linda was seeing everything that happened in my marriage and his mother was the Queen narcissist. No one would have believed me, expect for pictures of bruises I saved over the years. My one daughter he showered with gifts, the other he abused. Neither of them speak to me. The one he abused doesn't speak to him either. Both adult children are also narsisstic. But with therapy and faith I have been healed.
Sorry for you Marlene and Robin, my kids are ok thank goodness! Never left them alone with my toxic family or at a daycare. My older siblings are overt. They've ruined their spouses and children lives. Bro actually had an affair with his mother in law, ate teen years. He married a best friend of mine, bought a house 5 houses over from her mom. The wife won't divorce him. Weirdness all around. My sister left home at 14, 3 kids by 20. A real repeat of covert mom... I'm no contact.. Nothing but misery with them...
What an incredibly timely video. Sage advice that has taken me well over a decade to learn, digest, contemplate, reject, try harder, fall harder, and finally feel it at my core to be true. It's been a long hard road and I now know I must accept this to be a no-win situation. At 56 yrs old I must say this has been a truly life long lesson. I've been raised by, related to, attracting and attracted to dating, these kinds of draining types since the get go in one way or another. I was on auto pilot, I and attracted these damaged and damaging people. It's been a very mind-bending, heartbreaking bittersweet journey. It's not over and I am truly weary and feel like I can't muster the strength to get back to work and get a car and make my getaway plan. I am unemployed, completely broke, sole provider since I was pregnant with our second child 20 years ago. I am a mere shadow of the vibrant, happy, cheerful, healthy, physically fit, career driven woman I was 25 + yrs ago. I Lost EVERYTHING over the past 2 decades!!!!!Huge irreparable damage to my kids who Protective services took for almost 2 years, foreclosure of our brand new home, cars repossessed, I relapsed into drinking after 20 yrs sobriety. I have no friends or family of origin in my life, no social life, I have become as reclusive and depressed as he now is at 61. He now is sick with end-stage liver disease issues that are endless and painful. My codependency and lack of self-love and care and nurturing everyone but me have almost done me in in more ways than I can express. Don't stay for the kids, don't think to be fit, attractive and attentive will win them over. Nothing is ever good enough and they truly make us look unstable after years of hot and cold treatment, entitlement, laziness, cruel and parasitic behavior that eventually literally will suck the life and soul out of you. The freaken infidelity was the one trait I truly thought I was free of. After 25+yrs I am finding internet clues that isn't so. Unreal. Thanks for listening. XO.
Perfect description Dr Linda. I just wish we could expose them. I try to raise awareness and will continue to do so. Write to politicians, Womens aid groups, influential radio/tv personalities. Anyone who can bring them out in the open and shine a light on them. Help spread awareness and heal yourself.
Thank you for addressing this subject on covert narcissists and their children. My soon to be ex successfully convinced his children that their mother was crazy, all the while buying their love. I can only imagine the lies he has told them about me.
Im sorry but your daughter is a shallow person and probably a narcissist like her father. You are well better off alienated. You wood be abused by the narc daughter as well. She has just proven this to you with her decision. Parental alienation dosent apply to 31 year olds. She is an adult able to make her own decision. Best advice is to LIVE YOUR LIFE for yourself now Youve earned.it.💖
23 years waitin for my youngest to turn 16 got 1 year to go gonna get him a car and drivers license and at that point im gone i dont know how i survived this life with this man i married
Wow, this is exactly my life for 18 years until I found out a month ago that narc is not a joke. Thanks so much for this insightful resources, good people are suffering from relationships with these narcs (the spiritual name is jezebel spirit). I'm on my way to healing and to thrive as I come up with exit plan. My prayers to all of you who've been through this difficult road, we'll heal and thrive!
kɛpt Woman 23 years with him it nearly killed me he crushed me on the inside and i am better now but still with him as i am waiting for my youngest to turn 16 one more year two at the most and i am gonna leave and divorce him and never look back when the divorce is finished im moveing far away from him dont ever want to see or hear his voice again he is a demon waiting to pounce
There was always something immature about mine. Once my children were aware he was a Narcissist the game was up. I am trying to divorce him now and he texted me ' let's try and sort it out between us '. Behind my back he objected to the terms of the divorce and then counter sued me. My Solicitor is aware he is two faced and agrees the sooner I get rid of him the better. She has empathy for me financially and spiritually.
Boundaries boundaries boundaries!!! ... And if they will persist in crossing them, something is going to break. The question is ... will it be the perpetrator or the victim?
So glad I found your video's, love the softness and relaxing quality of your voice and yet your voice is powerful in what your saying, compared to many Ive listened to, found them loud and put me more on edge rather than taking on what they were saying so didn't take in the content, yours however are the opposite, every word you said was concise but total understood, including healing ourselves and the beauty of nature to heal. Thank you 🙏
The narcissistic mother did this to her "husbands" especially if "they" dare side or defended me, I then became the "scapegoat" and the primary focus of her wrath, which was her ultimate goal for destruction. I made the mistake (which I don't mean literally) of loving my father and being the apple of his eye, when it was only she who was entitled to his attention (according to her) . How dare he show me affection and attention !!!! I paid the price all my life. Thankfully she is deceased now and I am healing in peaceful quiet as I learn to develop healthy relationships. That inner critical voice is not very loud anymore and now I understand where it originated from. I am glad I had the integrity to not sell my soul to her, I stood my ground in defiance of her tactics - but it was sheer hell mostly. All I ever wanted was a decent, loving, respectful relationship with her, but that never happened. The family "Last Will & Testament" became my only sibling's HOWEVER my conscience is clean. I didn't want her money, or her junk or stuff - I never did. People get mad at me when after 50 years of being religious, I am not anymore. They say things like you are going to hell and there is no hope for me. It doesn't affect me anymore because I have been to and through hell and I have overcome the overruling satan - my mother.
Maybe your mother was like mine. She took all my father's pay checks. She encouraged him to beat me or she would beat him. He never touched me. She pushed and shoved him around, berated him etc. When I got old enough. I would intervene to stop her attacking him. He died young. A workaholic and a worthy cause of humankind. Both were devoutly Catholic. She ALWAYS had to be SEEN at church on Sunday!!!! If you study theology in the bible. Jesus could not stand the Pharasees who were the church going hypocrites of the day. My father truly was an angel and didn't feel the need to flaunt his faith. However she did. Wander if Jesus has her card marked as a church going wrong Un?
OMG....you described my older sister exactly!!!! We lived in the same small town and she had most people in the town convinced that she was a wonderful, caring person. What people in the public don't know is that she is a covert narcissist! And most of the time, I was her main target besides her husband. He did everything for her and exactly the way she wanted and yet she would always find fault with it and belittle him in front of us. She wanted to control my life 100% after my divorce and when I took that control back, she wrote me nasty letters calling my everything in the book and making up stories about stuff I had supposedly done to her, which was all bogus. I kept my mouth shut until after our mother passed away and then I called her on her shit. She of course didn't like that and told our entire extended family that I was a bad person and was mean to her. I have stopped all communication with her and don't miss her crap and drama one bit!!!!!
Behind closed doors says it all. I've often said / thought if the flying monkey's who don't see this side of the coin did, would they toss that coin into a fountain to make a wish as it has no value otherwise.
I bet you learned to not put your significant other on a pedestal and handle your business first. If nothing else it's been a good lesson learned. After this last go round I doubt I will get fooled again. I will not put up with passive aggression anymore.
My first husband was a covert with money . He had off duty police on his payroll. He ran a major hotel in Cleveland. His attorney worked for one of the owners. He had political pull and friendships with the unions. He bought two of my attorneys. The therapists appointed by the court were friends of his attorney. I got permission to move to Texas from the court and he came to visit the kids. Took off with them. Had to go through missing children . He abused my oldest daughter and the judge hid the evaluation until he got three of the kids. Gave them things bought them constantly. He married someone 20 and he was 43. My kids now adults have abandoned me the last 30 something yrs. they have I’m sure over yrs been told destructive things untruths. I have wanted and grieved for my children since 1985. Thinking that one day they would come home or call as my second husband said they know where you are. Looking back I don’t know but what he didn’t want the responsibility and was appeasing me for 20 years . My oldest is like a mini him bent to cause further separation. Like a horrible nightmare
been through that mine had the deputy sheriff as his drinking buddy even on the night he tried to kill me and was jailed for terroristic threats ,he used all these high up friends to make me feel at fault and get him back home the courts removed him for several months.my mind is still in shock as i process what ive lived through thanks to a good therapist who told me to look up narcs i had never heard of it before and as i read and cried i thought it was a book about my life!
Yes, But you have a husband that LOVES you now. Live your life with him and put the children out of your mind. Love them from afar. Thats what Ive had to do.
Arline, Write letters to your children and grandchildren that reveal the truth. Your story. Share on paper who you are, What you do in your everydaylife, express the love to your husband and Pray and most of all : Enjoy Life ❣️🌸⭐️
You are speaking about my past life. Thanks for your information. I had no clue what was going on, now I know, it was all an immature game and a waste of my time. We have a wonderful and handsome son she abandoned and still plays mind games with, but I let him know she's sick and he has no control over that. I need more support from all of you who have been through this horrible and unfair relationship. It's amazing how many people are like this, including my mother. Love is love, and Love to you all.
Its really especially painful for me to recall seeing my mama get up in church and act so Godly knowing just the day before she was smacking me and belittling me for some real or imagined sin I had committed. I just couldn't never see that the reason she was that way with me was because I was her target. Another thing I have learned about narcissists is you can never live down anything they do for you. My mama bought a college text book (around $100) for me many years ago and to this day she will bring that up as a way for her to feel superior and to make me feel stupid because in her mind she went out of her way to help me get a college degree, and because I didn't go get a four year degree with her $100 that just goes to show you how "stupid I must be"....seriously it used to make me feel bad, but now I laugh at how anybody could actually believe something like that. I just started learning about a week ago what exactly I have been dealing with all these years ( although I knew in grade school something was wrong with my mama's mind) and its been amazing having these vlogs to help me. I live in a small southern town and there aren't a lot of resources for this type of thing. I actually had a local therapist to tell me "Well that's just how families are put together around here". Like it was normal. My mama doesn't physically hit me anymore cause I've threatened to call the police on her if she ever does that again, however, she still does the covert behaviors, and put downs and anything she can't get me to do she will act like a two year old. I am learning so much now and its helping me to continue limiting contact with her and possibly go no contact eventually. By the way, is there ever a healthy way to expose their behavior? She had friends that are genuine caring people that have no clue how she really is. I think they would be horrified if they knew. Thank You so much Dr. Martinez-Lewi!
I have been placed in the center of a circle of narcissists. The HOA chair at my condo complex...there are numerous flying monkeys and my every move is followed. It's incredible that the Lord has increased my gifts to guide me through. There's a lot to be said about trials...
because my ex was able to fool dcf and the courts, my ex was able to take my children and they have been trying to get away from him for 6 years. He is a monster and the people outside of me and my family refuse to believe my kids. "he's such a nice guy". Its a nightmare they have grown up motherless from ages 8 and 11 and they are girls. He is so abusive to them and no one cares.
elsa blue i hear you. No one cares. I feel like we're in the 1920s. The world is so advanced, yet people turn a blind eye to emotional abuse against children as if they will get infected if they give you a hand. Only money speaks, i feel in my age if i pay for it, someone will listen. But they still wont help. Its cruel.
He must have money or a good job. All the flying monkeys bow to that. Give it time your daughters will soon be old enough to speak out ! But I wouldn't stop fighting for them. Stay sober and live your best life so when the time comes you will be ready for them back. Also I subscribed to your channel. Seems we follow the same youtubers.😅
your Majesty , I'm in the same boat don't know where or when I'm going to be able to get out of this but it hurts me that I may have to leaving without my kids even tho. she can barely take care of her self or the children because of her spending habits etc... she definitely has a champagne spending on a beer budget...
I stayed for 43 yrs i met him in 1975 when i was 13 he was 21, we married in 77, and its been the most tormented hell i cant imagine hell being any worse
That sounds like a psychopath or sociopath more than a covert narcissist. A covert narcissist may very rarely if ever show OVERT anger or behaviour. They often sneak behind the scenes playing a board game. That's my experience anyway
How the hell can human kind put a stop to these monsters? After 1000's of years of human existence we have not made 1 tiny bit of progress towards this end. All the brilliant things human kind has done but these monsters continue to propagate and exist.
Problem with these types an what makes them a pain is they spend a majority of their time managing their reputation to a point unheard-of. A genuine person does not go out of their way to look a particular way to people. Narcs live on Facebook social media an spend lots of time crafting a mask.
I am grateful our 6 year old daughter is an indigo child and a true empath. I don’t nor ever would say anything negative about her narcissistic Dad, she just knows something is wrong with him. Our nearly one year old daughter thou, I sense doesn’t seem to carry these traits. I absolutely do not say that in an negative way or love her any less. In fact it’s driving & motivating me more to get all 3 of us out if this abusive hell we live. I won’t lie and say it’s going to be easy, as I don’t know how to save my daughters ‘COMPLETELY’ from his abuse. X
Dee Irish, I completely understand what you are going through. I have a 5 year old daughter and her dad is a covert narcissist. I am currently 4 days no contact with him. He hasn't even asked to see his daughter and I'm hoping he will just walk away as I am so scared for her future if she has not only influence from her narc dad but his mother is a narc as well. They buy her anything she wants and there are no rules or structure so of course she thinks daddy is way more fun than mommy. I try to set rules and teach her about responsibility, but he will always make a point to undermine me in front of her. It amazes me how evil these people can be, but in the public eye, they are just the nicest people. Anyway, just wanted you to know I feel your pain and wish you the best! ❤
This describes perfectly how my father operated and still operates. I cut off all kind of communication and contact with him after he physically assaulted in front of my daughter (and pregnant with my son). But he's so skilled at playing the victim and twisting things that everyone sides with him, including my mother
Pain real pain, they listen, but can't understand why. Destroy before you are destroyed and you will be, can't reason or argue with what is not there. Pain is the answer, if it is alive pain will get attention. Again, there is a void, how to understand nothing. Best to run this is the work of the devil. Listen good to this lady.
Wow. I wish i would have known who I was married too. My husband divorced me almost 2 years ago. I was oblivious. Had to live with him for 6 months during the divorce. He ended up throwing me out of the house. He idolized, devalued, scapegout, gaslight me and tgen discarded mw like yesterdays trash. During that time our son was going through drug treatment . he turned his back on pur son and very sorry to say we lost him in june to a drug overdose. We have a daughter left 15. He turned his back on her also and is living with me now. He has moved on to new narcistic supply and bult a new house together. These people are also very delusional in their thinking and live in another universe. He told me he is divorced me because I slept in until 11 and was on the computer. They will say any stupid thing to justify them leaving. Even I am deep grief on the loss of our son glad I dont have to be his victim any more. I educate myself all the time now to these people. They are the most evil and toxic ever but have several mask s to the public and only unveil their most evil at home or jeckel and hyde mantality.
Awsome dctr. Thanks a ton. I do all that you have mentioned in your video. I'm blessed in abundance that I'm healed completely. I'm also blessed by the grace and mercies of my savior Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth that my Lord has delivered me from this demon.
The spouse of A narc is A freaking coward.....guess What I'm the daughter of one of these creeps and I'm pissed you can't call a coward a man. My father is NO man he is a coward !
Raven Smith That describes the enablers but I refuse to be one of those. My grandfather allowed my narc grandmother to ruin the family. He was a nice man away from her but I lost all respect for him in the end.
What counts as enabler? I stayed 10 yrs more after i knew i have to leave, i stayed but stood up to him when he gradually overpower and abuse the children emotionally. Believe me, nothing is easy with these people. If i left earlier, he still has rights to be with the children, i couldnt bare leaving them alone with him, he is ruthless and feels nothing, so i stayed 10 more years to protect them as much as i could, until i broke into pieces and realized he is destroying me, and my most important job is to be a mother, i felt i couldnt be a good mother anymore, cause he broke me. I left, my daughter was 10, son is 7. Its never easy, at least now when they are with me, they know they are taken care of, im healing from his abuse and i am able to function better for the children. Im sorry you harbor bad feelings. They say we can only give what we have inside of us. I did my best all the way. I am glad my daughter is not angry with me, she can see he is insane and now she has a lot more of a mother than she had before. I can tell you as the non narc parent, that it was the hardest decision i had to make in my life, stay or leave. Its a trap and nothing is perfect with so much sickness. There was no one to help me with his behaviour, no one cares, he tortured me and the kids, i couldnt bare seeing that anymore, he is a millioner and im broke, i took a chance that ill be homeless if i leave, but if i stayed i would die, i was well on my way. Sorry for your pain.
Words of wisdom... thx. Mum's brother said , I cannot win against my f. I will not give up, though. I want to leave. The narcs' worst fear is EXPOSURE.My ex.
We just started marriage counseling. How is the therapist going to figure this out about him? He lies so confidently, telling the stories of the things he has done to me, reversing the roles as if I were the instigator, yet I am the one receiving the brunt. He claims that only I need counseling, not him at all. All blame falls my way.
Keep a journal. Write down every narc behaviors he displays each day. And describe how it made you feel. Keep time and days of episodes. Hide it for heavens sake dont let him find it. Save these episodes for several weeks or days even.THEN one day bring it to the session and say there are some things you want to talk about. The counselor will surly read it. P.S. I subscribed to your channel. You are a very intelligent and attractive person. Your personality is very likable. Love your channel.😊
Just let him do all the talking while you are with the counselor. Give them enough rope, then they will hang themselves. Eventually the counselor will say something they don’t like and the true colors will show. Don’t argue or disagree with anything he says. Don’t react to his lies-it’s the easiest way to get them to react-they hate when they can’t goad you!
Sorry for you Terry, perhaps you got toxicity overload. I find peace with the critters and in nature. My toxic narc family doesn't. I tell them: "Reap what you sow!" That only confuses and convinces them that I'm messed up. I really shouldn't have said anything. It was a waste of time.
Omg, my narcissistic ex used to take his narc kids to Disney every year. Also, to Lake Tahoe, Hawaii, Dominican Republic, cruises and he was a painter.
Thank you for your videos. I have known someone on/off f/25years and came to painful conclusion -chances are he is covert narcissist. I still love him, but am greatful to God that it did not permit me to have a child w/him although I wanted it very much. Am ok now but was totally destroyed for a while and could not understand why. What's wrong w/him. I wish there could be a cure for/this people as they genuinely suffer from self sabotaging their own life.
Although I think my stepfather might’ve been an overt narcissist and was certainly arrogant, to an extent, he was an innocent child. Now that I’ve discovered that my mother is a covert narcissist and my stepfather passed away a decade ago, I question everything my mother told me as, I was her confidante during that marriage. Although my stepfather certainly had problems, was my mother narcissistic back then? I still question that. But, I feel that, if she was, I now feel great sorry for my stepfather. He might’ve been a soft, unaware, unintended overt narcissist. But, with what I see in my mother right now, I see a hardened, conscious scheming covert narcissist. As a result, I wonder if my stepfather, who was embattled between the rage of an ex-wife, the raising of 2 adopted stepsons, when he actually wasn’t a father type and the possibility of a raging covert narcissist in my mother, were in part to blame for his demise. For this, I’d gladly smack my own mother with a cast iron pan.
Me too, now that mom's 81 and so many of her victims have passed away, oh oh, shark time for me... I'm no contact 3 yrs soon. She lives far, moving back to the Maritimes. I find it a dump, let her know as much. Narcs are immature to say the least. I'm so glad I've discovered just how severe her NDP is. She's always been so hateful. She should have been committed long ago. I hope to swing it one day, I really dread her ability to call me! My older siblings are overt. They're horrible to their spouses and children.
Josee Noel I have to say that, as far as the person I and everyone else thought they knew, my mother was a stellar human being, but that is often the case with covert narcissists. They appear to be perfect people and, one day, BOOM. It doesn’t always happen that way but, for me it did. She might have a bit of dementia but, her main issue is NPD and, as I am her primary target, as she ages, she’s just cut one leg out from under herself as, she will only have my sister - unless she wakes up, too...
Can you tell me if counselling n supporting my mum in her struggles is CEN . She said that sis was not on her side but with the narc F. I was like a dustbin. N the missing non- negotiating spouse. I had to be there. Thanks
I heard this over and over when i would try to talk about a problem with him he would turn it all around that somehow ive found time to be a whore when i do nothing but kids wife home,nothing i do or feel or say is valid, A LIFE OF PURE HELL NOW HE WANTS ME TO STAY
Janus-faced adjective: Janus-faced having two sharply contrasting aspects or characteristics. "the Janus-faced nature of American society" insincere or deceitful. "a Janus-faced politician"
Hi, all that laugh, cry and nature stuff is ok but you need to study Personality Disorder and learn it inside and out. Find out what a Cluster B Personality Disorder is and stay far, far away from anyone who has one, never associate with one or let one into your friend or relationship circle ever again.
Roman mythology, God of crossing boundaries, it represents well the two faced mask, public innocence and victimhood vs private abuse and dimise of others self esteem.
Your female bias makes these otherwise useful videos utterly worthless. I can’t share with anyone because my WIFE is the covert and your “him” or “his” insertions make it very confusing for other innocent family members to understand. This is very irresponsible of you!
They certainly do hide their real despicable selves from others. Their abuse is extremely selective.
The perfect mirroring, done by the narcissist, of the genuine loving parent and the cognitive dissonance makes it hard, even for the loving parent, to not see itself as the narcissist. The narcissist is so hidden, that it is hard to be believed by others as being the loving parent. The abuse was so covert, so seeding, that it is hard to touch the subconscious mind, telling it was the abuse you felt. The mind knows. The feelings of guilt and shame linger on, rooted deeply in the subconscious mind by the seeding of the narcissist.
Yes!
Yes, it is so creepy like you've seen a ghost- and, it haunt you.
it's as if Dr. Linda was seeing everything that happened in my marriage and his mother was the Queen narcissist. No one would have believed me, expect for pictures of bruises I saved over the years. My one daughter he showered with gifts, the other he abused. Neither of them speak to me. The one he abused doesn't speak to him either. Both adult children are also narsisstic. But with therapy and faith I have been healed.
Wonderful! I have the same outcome as you. Kids are narcs like him.
Sorry for you Marlene and Robin, my kids are ok thank goodness! Never left them alone with my toxic family or at a daycare. My older siblings are overt. They've ruined their spouses and children lives. Bro actually had an affair with his mother in law, ate teen years. He married a best friend of mine, bought a house 5 houses over from her mom. The wife won't divorce him. Weirdness all around. My sister left home at 14, 3 kids by 20. A real repeat of covert mom... I'm no contact.. Nothing but misery with them...
What an incredibly timely video. Sage advice that has taken me well over a decade to learn, digest, contemplate, reject, try harder, fall harder, and finally feel it at my core to be true. It's been a long hard road and I now know I must accept this to be a no-win situation. At 56 yrs old I must say this has been a truly life long lesson. I've been raised by, related to, attracting and attracted to dating, these kinds of draining types since the get go in one way or another. I was on auto pilot, I and attracted these damaged and damaging people. It's been a very mind-bending, heartbreaking bittersweet journey. It's not over and I am truly weary and feel like I can't muster the strength to get back to work and get a car and make my getaway plan. I am unemployed, completely broke, sole provider since I was pregnant with our second child 20 years ago. I am a mere shadow of the vibrant, happy, cheerful, healthy, physically fit, career driven woman I was 25 + yrs ago. I Lost EVERYTHING over the past 2 decades!!!!!Huge irreparable damage to my kids who Protective services took for almost 2 years, foreclosure of our brand new home, cars repossessed, I relapsed into drinking after 20 yrs sobriety. I have no friends or family of origin in my life, no social life, I have become as reclusive and depressed as he now is at 61. He now is sick with end-stage liver disease issues that are endless and painful. My codependency and lack of self-love and care and nurturing everyone but me have almost done me in in more ways than I can express. Don't stay for the kids, don't think to be fit, attractive and attentive will win them over. Nothing is ever good enough and they truly make us look unstable after years of hot and cold treatment, entitlement, laziness, cruel and parasitic behavior that eventually literally will suck the life and soul out of you. The freaken infidelity was the one trait I truly thought I was free of. After 25+yrs I am finding internet clues that isn't so. Unreal. Thanks for listening. XO.
30 years married to horrific man that I felt
Unworthy to leave
My mother his female counter part
Perfect description Dr Linda. I just wish we could expose them. I try to raise awareness and will continue to do so. Write to politicians, Womens aid groups, influential radio/tv personalities. Anyone who can bring them out in the open and shine a light on them. Help spread awareness and heal yourself.
Thank you for addressing this subject on covert narcissists and their children. My soon to be ex successfully convinced his children that their mother was crazy, all the while buying their love.
I can only imagine the lies he has told them about me.
Im sorry but your daughter is a shallow person and probably a narcissist like her father. You are well better off alienated. You wood be abused by the narc daughter as well. She has just proven this to you with her decision. Parental alienation dosent apply to 31 year olds. She is an adult able to make her own decision.
Best advice is to LIVE YOUR LIFE for yourself now
Youve earned.it.💖
23 years waitin for my youngest to turn 16 got 1 year to go gonna get him a car and drivers license and at that point im gone i dont know how i survived this life with this man i married
Thank you
@@jipsiemune did you leave?
Wow, this is exactly my life for 18 years until I found out a month ago that narc is not a joke. Thanks so much for this insightful resources, good people are suffering from relationships with these narcs (the spiritual name is jezebel spirit). I'm on my way to healing and to thrive as I come up with exit plan. My prayers to all of you who've been through this difficult road, we'll heal and thrive!
kɛpt Woman 23 years with him it nearly killed me he crushed me on the inside and i am better now but still with him as i am waiting for my youngest to turn 16 one more year two at the most and i am gonna leave and divorce him and never look back when the divorce is finished im moveing far away from him dont ever want to see or hear his voice again he is a demon waiting to pounce
There was always something immature about mine. Once my children were aware he was a Narcissist the game was up. I am trying to divorce him now and he texted me ' let's try and sort it out between us '. Behind my back he objected to the terms of the divorce and then counter sued me. My Solicitor is aware he is two faced and agrees the sooner I get rid of him the better. She has empathy for me financially and spiritually.
Boundaries boundaries boundaries!!! ... And if they will persist in crossing them, something is going to break. The question is ... will it be the perpetrator or the victim?
So glad I found your video's, love the softness and relaxing quality of your voice and yet your voice is powerful in what your saying, compared to many Ive listened to, found them loud and put me more on edge rather than taking on what they were saying so didn't take in the content, yours however are the opposite, every word you said was concise but total understood, including healing ourselves and the beauty of nature to heal. Thank you 🙏
The narcissistic mother did this to her "husbands" especially if "they" dare side or defended me, I then became the "scapegoat" and the primary focus of her wrath, which was her ultimate goal for destruction.
I made the mistake (which I don't mean literally) of loving my father and being the apple of his eye, when it was only she who was entitled to his attention (according to her) . How dare he show me affection and attention !!!! I paid the price all my life. Thankfully she is deceased now and I am healing in peaceful quiet as I learn to develop healthy relationships. That inner critical voice is not very loud anymore and now I understand where it originated from.
I am glad I had the integrity to not sell my soul to her, I stood my ground in defiance of her tactics - but it was sheer hell mostly. All I ever wanted was a decent, loving, respectful relationship with her, but that never happened. The family "Last Will & Testament" became my only sibling's HOWEVER my conscience is clean. I didn't want her money, or her junk or stuff - I never did.
People get mad at me when after 50 years of being religious, I am not anymore. They say things like you are going to hell and there is no hope for me. It doesn't affect me anymore because I have been to and through hell and I have overcome the overruling satan - my mother.
Maybe your mother was like mine. She took all my father's pay checks. She encouraged him to beat me or she would beat him. He never touched me. She pushed and shoved him around, berated him etc.
When I got old enough. I would intervene to stop her attacking him. He died young. A workaholic and a worthy cause of humankind.
Both were devoutly Catholic.
She ALWAYS had to be SEEN at church on Sunday!!!!
If you study theology in the bible. Jesus could not stand the Pharasees who were the church going hypocrites of the day.
My father truly was an angel and didn't feel the need to flaunt his faith. However she did. Wander if Jesus has her card marked as a church going wrong Un?
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
How about the look smirk. When you are getting defended
OMG....you described my older sister exactly!!!! We lived in the same small town and she had most people in the town convinced that she was a wonderful, caring person. What people in the public don't know is that she is a covert narcissist! And most of the time, I was her main target besides her husband. He did everything for her and exactly the way she wanted and yet she would always find fault with it and belittle him in front of us. She wanted to control my life 100% after my divorce and when I took that control back, she wrote me nasty letters calling my everything in the book and making up stories about stuff I had supposedly done to her, which was all bogus. I kept my mouth shut until after our mother passed away and then I called her on her shit. She of course didn't like that and told our entire extended family that I was a bad person and was mean to her. I have stopped all communication with her and don't miss her crap and drama one bit!!!!!
Smear campaigns are the worst I'm sorry you went through that
Behind closed doors says it all. I've often said / thought if the flying monkey's who don't see this side of the coin did, would they toss that coin into a fountain to make a wish as it has no value otherwise.
Brad McEwen No, they see it and just stand by and watch you get abused.
@@foxiefair123 ~
:(
@@maryfarrell2296 I have since gone no contact with my abusers.
I bet you learned to not put your significant other on a pedestal and handle your business first. If nothing else it's been a good lesson learned. After this last go round I doubt I will get fooled again. I will not put up with passive aggression anymore.
My first husband was a covert with money . He had off duty police on his payroll. He ran a major hotel in Cleveland. His attorney worked for one of the owners. He had political pull and friendships with the unions. He bought two of my attorneys. The therapists appointed by the court were friends of his attorney. I got permission to move to Texas from the court and he came to visit the kids. Took off with them. Had to go through missing children . He abused my oldest daughter and the judge hid the evaluation until he got three of the kids. Gave them things bought them constantly. He married someone 20 and he was 43. My kids now adults have abandoned me the last 30 something yrs. they have I’m sure over yrs been told destructive things untruths. I have wanted and grieved for my children since 1985. Thinking that one day they would come home or call as my second husband said they know where you are. Looking back I don’t know but what he didn’t want the responsibility and was appeasing me for 20 years . My oldest is like a mini him bent to cause further separation. Like a horrible nightmare
been through that mine had the deputy sheriff as his drinking buddy even on the night he tried to kill me and was jailed for terroristic threats ,he used all these high up friends to make me feel at fault and get him back home the courts removed him for several months.my mind is still in shock as i process what ive lived through thanks to a good therapist who told me to look up narcs i had never heard of it before and as i read and cried i thought it was a book about my life!
Yes,
But you have a husband that LOVES you now. Live your life with him and put the children out of your mind. Love them from afar.
Thats what Ive had to do.
Arline, Write letters to your children and grandchildren that reveal the truth. Your story. Share on paper who you are, What you do in your everydaylife, express the love to your husband and Pray and most of all : Enjoy Life ❣️🌸⭐️
You are speaking about my past life. Thanks for your information. I had no clue what was going on, now I know, it was all an immature game and a waste of my time. We have a wonderful and handsome son she abandoned and still plays mind games with, but I let him know she's sick and he has no control over that. I need more support from all of you who have been through this horrible and unfair relationship. It's amazing how many people are like this, including my mother. Love is love, and Love to you all.
Its really especially painful for me to recall seeing my mama get up in church and act so Godly knowing just the day before she was smacking me and belittling me for some real or imagined sin I had committed. I just couldn't never see that the reason she was that way with me was because I was her target. Another thing I have learned about narcissists is you can never live down anything they do for you. My mama bought a college text book (around $100) for me many years ago and to this day she will bring that up as a way for her to feel superior and to make me feel stupid because in her mind she went out of her way to help me get a college degree, and because I didn't go get a four year degree with her $100 that just goes to show you how "stupid I must be"....seriously it used to make me feel bad, but now I laugh at how anybody could actually believe something like that. I just started learning about a week ago what exactly I have been dealing with all these years ( although I knew in grade school something was wrong with my mama's mind) and its been amazing having these vlogs to help me. I live in a small southern town and there aren't a lot of resources for this type of thing. I actually had a local therapist to tell me "Well that's just how families are put together around here". Like it was normal. My mama doesn't physically hit me anymore cause I've threatened to call the police on her if she ever does that again, however, she still does the covert behaviors, and put downs and anything she can't get me to do she will act like a two year old. I am learning so much now and its helping me to continue limiting contact with her and possibly go no contact eventually. By the way, is there ever a healthy way to expose their behavior? She had friends that are genuine caring people that have no clue how she really is. I think they would be horrified if they knew. Thank You so much Dr. Martinez-Lewi!
I have been placed in the center of a circle of narcissists. The HOA chair at my condo complex...there are numerous flying monkeys and my every move is followed. It's incredible that the Lord has increased my gifts to guide me through. There's a lot to be said about trials...
You must know the ex. Word by word on that quote. The Bar equalized the biased judge and the ex narcissist. Wow.
because my ex was able to fool dcf and the courts, my ex was able to take my children and they have been trying to get away from him for 6 years. He is a monster and the people outside of me and my family refuse to believe my kids. "he's such a nice guy". Its a nightmare they have grown up motherless from ages 8 and 11 and they are girls. He is so abusive to them and no one cares.
elsa blue i hear you. No one cares. I feel like we're in the 1920s. The world is so advanced, yet people turn a blind eye to emotional abuse against children as if they will get infected if they give you a hand.
Only money speaks, i feel in my age if i pay for it, someone will listen. But they still wont help. Its cruel.
elsa blue awww man that's awful i wanna cry
elsa blue Yeah, I feel ya.
❤
He must have money or a good job. All the flying monkeys bow to that.
Give it time your daughters will soon be old enough to speak out !
But I wouldn't stop fighting for them. Stay sober and live your best life so when the time comes you will be ready for them back.
Also I subscribed to your channel. Seems we follow the same youtubers.😅
I'm going through this now. I don't know how long I'm going to last in the kids life ,
your Majesty , I'm in the same boat don't know where or when I'm going to be able to get out of this but it hurts me that I may have to leaving without my kids even tho. she can barely take care of her self or the children because of her spending habits etc... she definitely has a champagne spending on a beer budget...
I stayed for 43 yrs i met him in 1975 when i was 13 he was 21, we married in 77, and its been the most tormented hell i cant imagine hell being any worse
That sounds like a psychopath or sociopath more than a covert narcissist. A covert narcissist may very rarely if ever show OVERT anger or behaviour. They often sneak behind the scenes playing a board game. That's my experience anyway
How the hell can human kind put a stop to these monsters? After 1000's of years of human existence we have not made 1 tiny bit of progress towards this end. All the brilliant things human kind has done but these monsters continue to propagate and exist.
joseph raccuia Ikr!!! It pisses me off to see these assholes get away with everything!... this has to STOP now... the question is HOW??
Problem with these types an what makes them a pain is they spend a majority of their time managing their reputation to a point unheard-of. A genuine person does not go out of their way to look a particular way to people. Narcs live on Facebook social media an spend lots of time crafting a mask.
I am grateful our 6 year old daughter is an indigo child and a true empath. I don’t nor ever would say anything negative about her narcissistic Dad, she just knows something is wrong with him. Our nearly one year old daughter thou, I sense doesn’t seem to carry these traits. I absolutely do not say that in an negative way or love her any less. In fact it’s driving & motivating me more to get all 3 of us out if this abusive hell we live. I won’t lie and say it’s going to be easy, as I don’t know how to save my daughters ‘COMPLETELY’ from his abuse. X
Dee Irish, I completely understand what you are going through. I have a 5 year old daughter and her dad is a covert narcissist. I am currently 4 days no contact with him. He hasn't even asked to see his daughter and I'm hoping he will just walk away as I am so scared for her future if she has not only influence from her narc dad but his mother is a narc as well. They buy her anything she wants and there are no rules or structure so of course she thinks daddy is way more fun than mommy. I try to set rules and teach her about responsibility, but he will always make a point to undermine me in front of her. It amazes me how evil these people can be, but in the public eye, they are just the nicest people. Anyway, just wanted you to know I feel your pain and wish you the best! ❤
This describes perfectly how my father operated and still operates. I cut off all kind of communication and contact with him after he physically assaulted in front of my daughter (and pregnant with my son). But he's so skilled at playing the victim and twisting things that everyone sides with him, including my mother
Pain real pain, they listen, but can't understand why. Destroy before you are destroyed and you will be, can't reason or argue with what is not there. Pain is the answer, if it is alive pain will get attention. Again, there is a void, how to understand nothing. Best to run this is the work of the devil. Listen good to this lady.
He was far too selfish to even try and win the kids over. They were competition for attention.
I’ve never listened to what is so exactly what I’m dealing with, thank you so much x
Wow. I wish i would have known who I was married too. My husband divorced me almost 2 years ago. I was oblivious. Had to live with him for 6 months during the divorce. He ended up throwing me out of the house. He idolized, devalued, scapegout, gaslight me and tgen discarded mw like yesterdays trash. During that time our son was going through drug treatment . he turned his back on pur son and very sorry to say we lost him in june to a drug overdose. We have a daughter left 15. He turned his back on her also and is living with me now. He has moved on to new narcistic supply and bult a new house together. These people are also very delusional in their thinking and live in another universe. He told me he is divorced me because I slept in until 11 and was on the computer. They will say any stupid thing to justify them leaving. Even I am deep grief on the loss of our son glad I dont have to be his victim any more. I educate myself all the time now to these people. They are the most evil and toxic ever but have several mask s to the public and only unveil their most evil at home or jeckel and hyde mantality.
I love you for the beautiful, well informed videos you share with us! You have helped me so much with your lovely videos. God Bless You 🙏❤️🌈☀️
Awsome dctr. Thanks a ton. I do all that you have mentioned in your video. I'm blessed in abundance that I'm healed completely. I'm also blessed by the grace and mercies of my savior Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth that my Lord has delivered me from this demon.
The spouse of A narc is A freaking coward.....guess What I'm the daughter of one of these creeps and I'm pissed you can't call a coward a man. My father is NO man he is a coward !
Raven Smith That describes the enablers but I refuse to be one of those. My grandfather allowed my narc grandmother to ruin the family. He was a nice man away from her but I lost all respect for him in the end.
What counts as enabler?
I stayed 10 yrs more after i knew i have to leave, i stayed but stood up to him when he gradually overpower and abuse the children emotionally. Believe me, nothing is easy with these people.
If i left earlier, he still has rights to be with the children, i couldnt bare leaving them alone with him, he is ruthless and feels nothing, so i stayed 10 more years to protect them as much as i could, until i broke into pieces and realized he is destroying me, and my most important job is to be a mother, i felt i couldnt be a good mother anymore, cause he broke me.
I left, my daughter was 10, son is 7. Its never easy, at least now when they are with me, they know they are taken care of, im healing from his abuse and i am able to function better for the children.
Im sorry you harbor bad feelings. They say we can only give what we have inside of us. I did my best all the way. I am glad my daughter is not angry with me, she can see he is insane and now she has a lot more of a mother than she had before. I can tell you as the non narc parent, that it was the hardest decision i had to make in my life, stay or leave. Its a trap and nothing is perfect with so much sickness.
There was no one to help me with his behaviour, no one cares, he tortured me and the kids, i couldnt bare seeing that anymore, he is a millioner and im broke, i took a chance that ill be homeless if i leave, but if i stayed i would die, i was well on my way. Sorry for your pain.
@@musicandeye Its like these people have read the same "how to be a narcissist " handbook.
Im so glad you were brave enough to save your own life!
Words of wisdom... thx. Mum's brother said , I cannot win against my f. I will not give up, though. I want to leave.
The narcs' worst fear is EXPOSURE.My ex.
We just started marriage counseling. How is the therapist going to figure this out about him? He lies so confidently, telling the stories of the things he has done to me, reversing the roles as if I were the instigator, yet I am the one receiving the brunt. He claims that only I need counseling, not him at all. All blame falls my way.
Keep a journal. Write down every narc behaviors he displays each day. And describe how it made you feel. Keep time and days of episodes. Hide it for heavens sake dont let him find it.
Save these episodes for several weeks or days even.THEN one day bring it to the session and say there are some things you want to talk about. The counselor will surly read it.
P.S.
I subscribed to your channel. You are a very intelligent and attractive person. Your personality is very likable.
Love your channel.😊
Just let him do all the talking while you are with the counselor. Give them enough rope, then they will hang themselves. Eventually the counselor will say something they don’t like and the true colors will show. Don’t argue or disagree with anything he says. Don’t react to his lies-it’s the easiest way to get them to react-they hate when they can’t goad you!
Both my parents are narcissists. And I was the scapegoat and I am now on disability
Sorry for you Terry, perhaps you got toxicity overload. I find peace with the critters and in nature. My toxic narc family doesn't. I tell them: "Reap what you sow!" That only confuses and convinces them that I'm messed up. I really shouldn't have said anything. It was a waste of time.
You must have rock solid spiritual protection built around you to protect yourself in every single way .....
Call on JC and come to him for help ... reach out and prayers Bec you need to protect yourself in this realm from such pure evil.
Wonderful advice...thank you
Thanks. i never had a father. I never will. Staying out. Mum explained who he was.
Uncle daddy is coming to visit. My kids are mortified.
Omg, my narcissistic ex used to take his narc kids to Disney every year. Also, to Lake Tahoe, Hawaii, Dominican Republic, cruises and he was a painter.
Thank you for your videos. I have known someone on/off f/25years and came to painful conclusion -chances are he is covert narcissist. I still love him, but am greatful to God that it did not permit me to have a child w/him although I wanted it very much. Am ok now but was totally destroyed for a while and could not understand why. What's wrong w/him. I wish there could be a cure for/this people as they genuinely suffer from self sabotaging their own life.
Hi Dr Linda. Thank You. Bob
Although I think my stepfather might’ve been an overt narcissist and was certainly arrogant, to an extent, he was an innocent child.
Now that I’ve discovered that my mother is a covert narcissist and my stepfather passed away a decade ago, I question everything my mother told me as, I was her confidante during that marriage. Although my stepfather certainly had problems, was my mother narcissistic back then? I still question that. But, I feel that, if she was, I now feel great sorry for my stepfather. He might’ve been a soft, unaware, unintended overt narcissist. But, with what I see in my mother right now, I see a hardened, conscious scheming covert narcissist. As a result, I wonder if my stepfather, who was embattled between the rage of an ex-wife, the raising of 2 adopted stepsons, when he actually wasn’t a father type and the possibility of a raging covert narcissist in my mother, were in part to blame for his demise. For this, I’d gladly smack my own mother with a cast iron pan.
Me too, now that mom's 81 and so many of her victims have passed away, oh oh, shark time for me... I'm no contact 3 yrs soon. She lives far, moving back to the Maritimes. I find it a dump, let her know as much. Narcs are immature to say the least. I'm so glad I've discovered just how severe her NDP is. She's always been so hateful. She should have been committed long ago. I hope to swing it one day, I really dread her ability to call me! My older siblings are overt. They're horrible to their spouses and children.
Josee Noel I have to say that, as far as the person I and everyone else thought they knew, my mother was a stellar human being, but that is often the case with covert narcissists. They appear to be perfect people and, one day, BOOM. It doesn’t always happen that way but, for me it did. She might have a bit of dementia but, her main issue is NPD and, as I am her primary target, as she ages, she’s just cut one leg out from under herself as, she will only have my sister - unless she wakes up, too...
Thankyou for this video x
God bless you !
These things aren't happening for the first time....Our life. NF. Etc. I chose to remain with the weaker half. Mother. Against NF....TY.👣💕
Can you tell me if counselling n supporting my mum in her struggles is CEN . She said that sis was not on her side but with the narc F. I was like a dustbin. N the missing non- negotiating spouse. I had to be there. Thanks
I heard this over and over when i would try to talk about a problem with him he would turn it all around that somehow ive found time to be a whore when i do nothing but kids wife home,nothing i do or feel or say is valid, A LIFE OF PURE HELL NOW HE WANTS ME TO STAY
Janus-faced
adjective: Janus-faced
having two sharply contrasting aspects or characteristics.
"the Janus-faced nature of American society"
insincere or deceitful.
"a Janus-faced politician"
deksper ** thanks for the definition ....
My covert sisters name is Janice. Hahaha.. How ironic!!
You are telling me....
Hi, all that laugh, cry and nature stuff is ok but you need to study Personality Disorder and learn it inside and out. Find out what a Cluster B Personality Disorder is and stay far, far away from anyone who has one, never associate with one or let one into your friend or relationship circle ever again.
Can they control their behaviour or not ??
Waw waw waw. 👏👏👏👏👏 what you are saing is Just fine fine I do all what you said
They twist people s words to fit their narrative
This is all evil, so nothing works but Bible meditation, and focusing on your God given talent/ambition.
Korero tika tonu....
What is a Janus face?
Two faced.
Look up Janus, Greek mythology, he had two faces.
Roman mythology, God of crossing boundaries, it represents well the two faced mask, public innocence and victimhood vs private abuse and dimise of others self esteem.
Y
Your female bias makes these otherwise useful videos utterly worthless. I can’t share with anyone because my WIFE is the covert and your “him” or “his” insertions make it very confusing for other innocent family members to understand. This is very irresponsible of you!
You can easily exchange male for female. You are not alone.💜