The Inner Struggle

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  • Опубліковано 13 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 754

  • @mattih
    @mattih 3 місяці тому +693

    Sooooo you’re gonna do the marathon with me?

    • @jeanclaudedowning
      @jeanclaudedowning 3 місяці тому +11

      hell yea the boys better vlog it

    • @This-one-Troy
      @This-one-Troy 3 місяці тому +28

      If Matti can get 500 likes on this comment Pete has to do it right? That’s just the rules. 💁‍♂️😏

    • @PeterMcKinnon
      @PeterMcKinnon  3 місяці тому +65

      Next time hahahahaha

    • @benjamin.kelley
      @benjamin.kelley 3 місяці тому +13

      TCS New York Marathon 2025, the return of Matti and Pete?

    • @DLivingston
      @DLivingston 3 місяці тому +1

      Only if you give us an update video on what you been doing?! lol

  • @ryanmcwalters8080
    @ryanmcwalters8080 2 місяці тому +9

    Pete.
    I've been watching your videos for almost 8 years now. In the beginning it was to learn more about photography and better my skills. But much like the book "Sun Tzu: The Art of War" I often learn from your videos how to better my life. You lift my spirits in ways I could have never imagined 8 years ago. Thank you for being such an influencial part of my life and always being there in hard times. Don't stop being you. I'll be sure to get those miles.
    Much love,
    Ryan

  • @JoshuaTimothy
    @JoshuaTimothy 3 місяці тому +33

    The story, the inspiration, the craft. This brings the feel back of the feelings of a new videographer all those years ago, when I first discovered your videos and tutorials. Thanks for everything Peter.

  • @UTjordan
    @UTjordan Місяць тому +3

    Ohhhhhh "Get Those Miles" at the end just gave me chills. That final line gave it SO MUCH MEANING!! Running, sure. But also getting back to the consistency of making videos...wow. Thank you. Needed this today.

    • @UTjordan
      @UTjordan Місяць тому

      It also gave the double meaning to everything Casey said...sheesh.

  • @rishidubey3390
    @rishidubey3390 3 місяці тому +7

    "you can't hide behind writing a journal", that's a golden line!!!

  • @Awytoo
    @Awytoo 3 місяці тому +5

    UA-cam is a huge social experiment where over the years creative people got ability to do anything possible. Some of them went nuts, some going crazy, some - managed to survive. Stay strong, Peter!

  • @KeepTheTime
    @KeepTheTime 3 місяці тому +134

    Dude your voice even sounds different. Less stress and pressure. Share what you've done, I think I need to try whatever it is.

    • @BeergrYT
      @BeergrYT 3 місяці тому +8

      It honestly sounds like they used Premiere's AI voice enhance speech tool. When you listen with headphones, its bothersome, it goes in and out and hurts my brain lol. The only person that can pull it off is Peter M

    • @AZSH.TRACKZ
      @AZSH.TRACKZ 3 місяці тому +6

      Im glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed and thought.. “am I crazy?” 👀 it sounds youthful and free ♥️🥰

    • @Shurehlm
      @Shurehlm 3 місяці тому +7

      This is all so self-indulgent.

    • @BoozyMovies
      @BoozyMovies 3 місяці тому

      @@BeergrYT I thought the same thing and commented on it above. I have the same issue when I use it on some of my videos. I think if you have a deep voice it can sometimes incorrectly accentuate it incorrectly. Good ear!

    • @HollyHargreaves
      @HollyHargreaves 3 місяці тому +1

      ​@@BeergrYT Agree. I've used the AI tool on my videos & sounds bad.

  • @pranjalsoni17
    @pranjalsoni17 2 місяці тому

    Thanks

  • @pierrebauduin1615
    @pierrebauduin1615 3 місяці тому +3

    It gets easier after a while... if you run forever at the same pace but nobody does. I've been running for 8 years now and I only enjoy this for 1 year now. Also because it took me so much time to get the result I wanted. Good luck on your journey, glad to see you're back, thanks for inspire me for so many years now and get those miles!

  • @WillBowers
    @WillBowers 3 місяці тому +1

    happy to see you back my man! we've never spoke but your work was massive in inspiring me to chase my own creator journey and now I do this stuff full time. you were huge in making that ever a reality for me. keep pushing man, much love from Vancouver BC

  • @Carsandbikes13
    @Carsandbikes13 Місяць тому

    Pete never doubt yourself budd. Your incredible and can do anything you want to do. When I and many other are feeling like yourself we go to your channel and get inspired and gives us a kick up the butt and off we go making content etc. Take it steady and just do you. 👍👍

  • @samicaptures
    @samicaptures Місяць тому

    Love that you started this healthy method. I've been doing it since September, i feel crazy high in mind and health and whatsoever. And Peter is my serom of creative life.

  • @PaulaHeartland
    @PaulaHeartland 3 місяці тому +1

    So good. Good on you listening to your willingness to not push, yet trying to push your health to see what happens. Casey's explanation was so helpful. I've never tried running long enough to find out if I love it or don't. Welcome back Pete! We're all here when you are.

  • @elliotnemeth
    @elliotnemeth 3 місяці тому

    This hits home big time. I don't think I've met a creator out there who hasn't wrestled with the burnout, but what I get from this is that sometimes you really just gotta step back till the fire comes back.
    Looking forward to the next chapter!

  • @GiulioLavenuta
    @GiulioLavenuta 3 місяці тому +2

    I feel like this video came at the right time, I've been where you are multiple times and it's kept me from uploading. You have motivated me to go for a run this afternoon, thank you!

  • @TheTotMan
    @TheTotMan 2 місяці тому

    I don’t know why but I really needed to see this. 2024 has been the roughest year for me, mentally, creatively and physically. I felt like I was letting myself down. I felt like I was a disappointment to the people I love and care about. I recently quit my job, due to feeling like I was being walked all over and taken advantage of and I’m not gonna lie I’m scared and nervous for what happens next. I’m not saying that it makes me feel better that “Peter McKinnon also feels disconnected to there old self” but I’ve been watching and following your life for almost 12 years now. And it’s almost comforting to see that someone that I find inspiration from also is having a hard time, and seeing you come back from it is just motivating. So thank you for this, if you see it or not. Thank you.

  • @TommasoValentini
    @TommasoValentini 3 місяці тому

    Great job Peter! I've been feeling down and low on energy for a while last year and embracing the path you are on now really lighten my fire again and gave me the sparkle to create images that I'm proud off. Keep at it and you'll be rewarded, plus I enjoy too much your videos to live without them :). Loving to see you smile! Take care!

  • @hat4pooh
    @hat4pooh 3 місяці тому

    As someone who is trying to get "back in the saddle" this resonated with me hard. Still mounting and dismounting. I feel like when you create something huge, there is a mourning period, where you grieve the loss of that moment that will never be the same again. Finished my 2nd feature-length documentary in Fall of 2022, getting it through to distribution and then I collapsed and had a series of starts, stagnation and mis-starts. I had a moment this week where I was in a flow state at the office, creating and remembering why I like this medium. I have never been a big writer, but documenting life with a camera made storytelling, not just the words coming out of my mouth, but something that would be there to look back on. Thanks for helping me put what I have been going through on a medium that I could relate to from someone who I have watched loyally for years do the craft. You are a real one Pete! 🙏🏼

  • @jtthorn
    @jtthorn 3 місяці тому

    I'm so excited to have you back! I, too, started running at the beginning of this summer. I'm just now starting to love it. It feels good on my brain.

  • @michaelleon2583
    @michaelleon2583 3 місяці тому +3

    I can totally relate to this. I recently took 10 months off after 8 years of nonstop shooting and man is it great when you come back and are just in love with it again.

  • @user-cn4tw6ox5b
    @user-cn4tw6ox5b 3 місяці тому +3

    I called it last year. Jeez, did I call it. Because Pete’s playing out the exact same story I played out in my photography career. It’s classic burnout.
    It started with shooting film to give myself a new creative edge. That lasted 2 years. Then I totally redecorated my office. Then I started running marathons in an attempt to look after myself better.
    I left the industry in 2017. I’m only starting to dip back into it now, 7 years later.
    It’s straight from the burnout playbook, Pete. Give yourself time.

  • @av_photog
    @av_photog 3 місяці тому

    This one keeps motivated to get healthier. I´ve been struggling with my weight since a kid, now I´m 41 and lately been feeling worse than never. Last 2 weeks have been hard but trying to do it day by day, healthy food, no sugar low carbs, no sodas, better sleep, excercise. Thank you Pete for making this video, right on time!

  • @joshuamelendez2967
    @joshuamelendez2967 2 місяці тому

    Thank for your transparency Peter!! Hope to meet you one day!

  • @KimSol90
    @KimSol90 3 місяці тому +1

    Welcome back, Peter! Your energy and creativity have been missed! Excited to see what you have in store for us. Let’s go!!

  • @yenkiso
    @yenkiso 3 місяці тому +2

    Glad you’re back!! Running helps you refreshing /charging /relaxing. I start running before 3 years ago. Every times before start the running, there's always inner struggle. Should I run? I feel exhausted today. I should pass today. But after finish, you will feel reborn and thanks to the guy persist to do it. Again Glad you’re back!!

  • @rawformatphotography
    @rawformatphotography 3 місяці тому +1

    I really like this video. I was recently forced to leave everything behind in another city/town and it’s gotten me to a really low point
    Your videos are such an inspiration to us all

  • @zen_bush
    @zen_bush 3 місяці тому

    Your a huge inspiration for me not just in photography which you are but in life. It's hard out there and it's good to show people that even when you go through these dips you can come back it just takes a little effort every day

  • @georgemalcolmtv
    @georgemalcolmtv 3 місяці тому

    Bro just always leading the trends in anything video and photo... Forever one of the BEST TO DO IT PETER!

  • @RaulRodriguez-fj4mo
    @RaulRodriguez-fj4mo 3 місяці тому +1

    Peter McKinnon
    you are the best thank you
    happy to see you back

  • @SPProps
    @SPProps 3 місяці тому

    Glad to see you back and rejuvenated!!! The burn-out is real! Glad you're taking care of yourself! Onward!

  • @pedromaldonado4291
    @pedromaldonado4291 3 місяці тому +1

    Pete, I bet how much people here miss you too... Your videos, your essence, the moments of laughter and the moments that we simply smile because you're smiling, in the videos, miles away. Being around of amazing people and getting yourself always something new like the running shoes means not letting your expertise kill your inner self. Thanks for moment, thanks for the inspiration and please, run a marathon with Matti and Casey :) much love from a big fan

  • @tomas.svedlund
    @tomas.svedlund 3 місяці тому

    It feels good to see you again Peter, you are such an inspiration and one of the biggest reasons why i picked up a camera a few years back.
    I can't thank you enough, but: Thank you, alot 👊

  • @indianaanders567
    @indianaanders567 3 місяці тому

    Wow... I haven't watched your videos in maybe a year. I was losing myself, even thought of quitting photography. Then, two days ago, I was like, "I remember when I used to watch Pete's videos, excited every time I saw his name on my homepage... damn, I miss that!" And here you are with a "comeback," more mature than ever. There is literally no other creator that makes me feel the way I do when I watch your videos. More than just inspiring me to go out and shoot, you make me want to be a better person.
    Love from France

  • @phillippuschel
    @phillippuschel 2 місяці тому

    Just watched this after having been out for a while. You were the reson I got into photography and filmaking as of late, so inspiring. Keep getting those miles.

  • @montanaguy51
    @montanaguy51 3 місяці тому +1

    That truly was a one in a million shot! So well done! I wish you’d create a book with some of your favorite photos with stories behind the photos!

  • @chenrycreative
    @chenrycreative 3 місяці тому +1

    Needed this today. Creative burnout & imposter syndrome have been weighing on me the last two months.

  • @Anecdotron_
    @Anecdotron_ 3 місяці тому

    Such a genuine creator, thanks for making it real even if it’s uncomfortable and you can’t quite tell what it is or should be.

  • @satkinson29
    @satkinson29 3 місяці тому

    Fantastic video Peter! Best and most honest in a long time! Looking forward to seeing what comes next.

  • @LightHarmonies
    @LightHarmonies 3 місяці тому

    Pete, thanks for the inspiration today! I am about to begin a pretty epic little adventure and this was what I needed to hear today! Looking forward to us both getting back in the saddle!

  • @WALTimages
    @WALTimages 3 місяці тому +1

    Yup, I’ve found that slowing life down a gear (or two) is key. After two-yes, two-open heart surgeries, I started seeing life very differently. I’m turning 55 in October, and I feel great. Walking daily, stretching, eating better, and nurturing my relationship with God and others have become essential, helping me stay mentally focused. It also makes taking images much more enjoyable. Keep the faith and stay focused, brother 👊

  • @morgannelson884
    @morgannelson884 3 місяці тому +1

    I needed to hear this for myself. Thank you Peter.

  • @emilyskelton458
    @emilyskelton458 3 місяці тому +1

    The exact dose of inspiration I need every time, the smile that came across my face when I heard the words "I gotta make videos again"

  • @KEVINRICHARDS
    @KEVINRICHARDS 3 місяці тому

    I feel we all are experiencing something like what Peter went through. What has helped me is teaching photography to children, senior citizens and mental health adults. It really feels good teaching someone who doesn’t know anything about photography how to shoot like a professional. It has help me deal with photography burn out.

  • @TheEpicUnknown..
    @TheEpicUnknown.. 3 місяці тому +1

    Dude, I was literally thinking of you (your channel) yesterday and thought to myself, “damn I really miss seeing Pete’s videos.” And here you are. You posted a new video. Thx man.

  • @Shot4ShotPhoto
    @Shot4ShotPhoto 3 місяці тому

    I’ve been putting PM vids on in the background while filming 120 for so long that when that first banjo note hit, i stopped what i was doing because i could immediately tell it was a new vid. I’ve been shooting photos for over a decade but Pete is the reason i bought a newer camera and started taking honing my skill more seriously. Also the reason i started dabbling in video. Pete, Peter Lindgren, Matti, Teppo, all of you have molded so many new photographers and cinematographers. Thanks so much for instilling this knowledge and passion into me and so many others.

  • @portodbs
    @portodbs 3 місяці тому

    I’m actually in a un-inspired mood lately a lot of things have fallen apart all at once. Life has thrown me a couple of curve balls and set my motivation to zero. But I will kick those balls in the nuts and get back to it. Just feel like I’m missing something these days. I’m not myself. This video helped but it’s up to me to really bring it home. Glad you’re back man, can’t wait for the next one!

  • @shaunahart4642
    @shaunahart4642 3 місяці тому

    I think after following you for over 6 years-you’re the best you you’ve ever been! Age and wisdom! We’ve missed you! Welcome back, Mr. McKinnon!!❤️

  • @CreativeRyan
    @CreativeRyan 3 місяці тому +1

    Many things. Tight video. Journaling coming in clutch. Love to see the running. I'd come to NYC to run w/ ya bro. Bronco is so flame 🔥 Glad to see you back!

  • @christopherbuckel9180
    @christopherbuckel9180 3 місяці тому +2

    I started running end of July! The addiction to running comes from knowing you can push yourself farther. I’m addicted to the challenge, but I also hate losing😂

  • @TrueNorthLens
    @TrueNorthLens 3 місяці тому

    Welcome back Pete! As always, keep getting after it and leaving us with these gems....oh and thanks for making me feel like I need to try running as I watch this from my couch!

  • @berniebarac
    @berniebarac 3 місяці тому +1

    Missed you more Pete. Good to see you here again my guy. 👊

  • @CharlieNaebeck
    @CharlieNaebeck 3 місяці тому

    Man, I really dig how you combined the journey and authenticity from your experience with everything in this video. I am on a similar path as a creator right now and started back to the gym and such 3 months ago. I feel better and better each day, and it is showing in my work and enthusiasm towards my personal photography, and also towards what I do with my own creative business. So I believe healthy body is a healthy mind to take it all on. Welcome back man, and enjoy the journey! 🤘🏻📸

  • @jeroencornelisse
    @jeroencornelisse 3 місяці тому +1

    Back from never really been gone, Peter!

  • @HeyThisIsAndrew
    @HeyThisIsAndrew 3 місяці тому

    Thanks for the video today. I’ve not been in a good place and I almost wasn’t here anymore. Your videos helped me out the last time I was dealing with these kind of mental health issues where I didn’t want to be here anymore and I am kinda scared to be open with writing a comment like this especially here where people can be so mean, but I just want you to know that your videos help me and I appreciate it. You inspired me to find a passion in photography and I need to start shooting photos again now to overcome this difficult time in my life again. So, thank you Peter McKinnon.

  • @wildzenventures
    @wildzenventures 3 місяці тому

    Welcome back!Sometimes a comeback is all you need to be reminded of what an inspiration you are to so many! Cheers on your time off and your amazing bucket shot photo 👏

  • @kylehuntxr
    @kylehuntxr 3 місяці тому

    Everything in this video kind of strangely enough felt like a window into my own mental. That struggle of both wanting to create and do more but also not feeling the energy, the motivation, or hunger. Gotta feed the fire by feeding the body and soul. Good on ya. Get them miles in!

  • @cwTheDrummist
    @cwTheDrummist 3 місяці тому

    I appreciate you letting us work through this with you. This actually helped me a lot.
    Your Bronco is giving me major flashbacks... especially the dome light at 4:05. That was the style back in the day. Super cool!

  • @_atila
    @_atila 2 місяці тому

    One of my favs, Peter!! Let's Get Those Miles!

  • @falguniandmanish_
    @falguniandmanish_ 3 місяці тому +1

    Seeing Casey in your videos always brings a huge smile on my face! Great to see you back!

  • @TomHubbard-fn9ch
    @TomHubbard-fn9ch 3 місяці тому +1

    Powerful video, PETE! Keepin' it real!

  • @clairejohn-lewis5138
    @clairejohn-lewis5138 3 місяці тому

    Glad to have you back Pete! You bring me a sense of peace - now I need to find my way back

  • @JosefFoti
    @JosefFoti 3 місяці тому +1

    About the bucket shot: I believe that sometimes a little bit of motion blur just helps to convey the story better. Of course only if there's real motion in the frame 🔥 Good to have you back.

  • @sachadebaveye6766
    @sachadebaveye6766 3 місяці тому

    The intro sooo dope. Always love hearing the stories and challenges. Welcome back.

  • @thornwicktv
    @thornwicktv 3 місяці тому

    I loved the journal element in this, a great story telling segue. Never stop being interesting Peter, you inspire us all.❤

  • @babsdebipopsLiz
    @babsdebipopsLiz 3 місяці тому

    The writing views are really look like the "Into the Wild" movie. Love it. You are so creative. Thank you for the inspiration

  • @JurajPadych
    @JurajPadych 3 місяці тому +1

    Dude, love you! Remember, there is no growth in comfort zone, discipline equals freedom 💪 Take care!

  • @halohalohikers3571
    @halohalohikers3571 3 місяці тому

    Thanks for the inspiration. Feels good to watch you back in action. I’m trying to get the juices flowing and this is what I needed.

  • @StanceMitchell
    @StanceMitchell 3 місяці тому

    Your step into a healthier lifestyle was the missing key to what you can do! Great job!

  • @MattBones311
    @MattBones311 3 місяці тому +1

    So I think I enjoyed this more than the bucket shot 2! Felt really genuine

  • @javierdarder3710
    @javierdarder3710 3 місяці тому +1

    I missed the videos so much, it's a great feeling.

  • @JoshuaThomasGray
    @JoshuaThomasGray 3 місяці тому

    Loved the VO and journal. I actually loved this entirely new style-it feels like a familiar vlog but leveled up and fresh. This got me pumped!

  • @ParsonsDesigns
    @ParsonsDesigns 3 місяці тому

    This is great Peter. I just took a trip here in the PNW alone out in the woods for the night with my cameras, Bible, and My thoughts. It was so refreshing especially as a creative We need to step back and get some perspective and re-connect with our "Why" we do what we were Designed to do. Thanks for all the tips over the years. Big fan here 🤜

  • @nrjonesy
    @nrjonesy 3 місяці тому

    Got to 44, never ran a mile in my life, began to run to prove to myself I couldn't.. it was hard but found out I could. I think it saved me from a heap of serious future health problems.. now love it. Running does get easier.. and rest days are as important as run days. Go run a Parkrun.. any Saturday you can.. they are awesome.

  • @BrianBearButler
    @BrianBearButler 3 місяці тому +7

    It never becomes easier, you only go faster.

  • @josh.temple
    @josh.temple 3 місяці тому

    Selfishly, I want more of this. I find your videos inspiring and I like the personal touch of your vlog-style videos. Unfortunately, I discovered you more recently when you seem to have stopped the vlog thing for the most part. Hoping to see more of it. Thanks, Pete.

  • @Itsmattbane
    @Itsmattbane 3 місяці тому +2

    I feel every bit of this. It's a lonely road.

  • @blackflagimages5436
    @blackflagimages5436 Місяць тому

    I've watched this video AT LEAST 4 times now. It's always a kick in the ol' kiester to get in gear and be proactive!

  • @iamndaba
    @iamndaba 3 місяці тому

    Welcome back. We are happy you are back and we’ve been wondering where you’ve. And congratulations on the bucket shot. Beautiful 👌🏽

  • @DivineCornbread
    @DivineCornbread 3 місяці тому +2

    In an age of ai generation it's awesome to see another photographer value motion blur! I was with Nicole Ashley in Banff back in 2022 and she was saying the same thing for couples wedding photography "A little bit of motion blur gives this a sense of motion and of realism that when done right can turn an image from good to exceptional!"

  • @popartmediaPL
    @popartmediaPL 3 місяці тому

    Now that is a proper come back of the Legend - thank you for this video Peter!

  • @stew411
    @stew411 3 місяці тому

    Welcome back bro, we are ready for the next adventure. Totally missed out on the bucket shot but congrats to everyone that was able to grab one of these works of art.

  • @cilend
    @cilend 3 місяці тому +2

    SETUP, CONFLICT, RESOLUTION, love the hidden message.

  • @zburghstudio5174
    @zburghstudio5174 3 місяці тому

    Damn, this is one of your best videos in some time. Welcome back after a well deserved break. Can't say I didn't miss ya. I have been in a very similar place as well but feel like I'm starting to come out of it finally.

  • @Ricky.Pestana
    @Ricky.Pestana 3 місяці тому

    Makes my heart happy every time you two make content together, literally the perfect duo!

  • @aclarkedesign
    @aclarkedesign 3 місяці тому +1

    I always wanted one of those late 80's early 90's Ford Broncos when i was a kid. My baseball coach had one. I loved that the back window was an electric window.

  • @GilbertKfilms
    @GilbertKfilms 3 місяці тому

    Welcome back Peter!!! Always inspiring.

  • @dannysilva5025
    @dannysilva5025 3 місяці тому

    You never fail to inspire me Pete. Thank you for this!

  • @dhirajsah_
    @dhirajsah_ 3 місяці тому +1

    intro is becoming cinema both story and cinematography style. Love it

  • @JonDavis
    @JonDavis 3 місяці тому

    Just started trying to run myself so feel your pain here. I’m hoping it brings balance and peace and escapism from all the business. See you at the marathon 😉

  • @secretfader
    @secretfader 3 місяці тому

    We all need a break, thanks for continually bringing the best of yourself.

  • @morethanfarmers
    @morethanfarmers 3 місяці тому

    Epic cinematography! You’re an inspiration. Good on ya for taking up running and clean eating. Just don’t push the running too hard and throw some weight training in there.. you’ll feel even better. Rock on man 🤙🏻

  • @EdZissou
    @EdZissou 3 місяці тому +1

    We miss you too. Hope to see you making more and more.

  • @danielmower5261
    @danielmower5261 3 місяці тому

    Glad you're back! I miss all the videos.

  • @cheyenne7022
    @cheyenne7022 3 місяці тому

    Damn I forgot how much I love a McKinnon video. Always so inspiring and glad you are back!

  • @ckhicks
    @ckhicks 3 місяці тому +2

    I'll take these all day, please don't feel like you need to do polished films each time. We love watching you (or anyone) on the journey.

  • @Diary_of_an_Artist
    @Diary_of_an_Artist 3 місяці тому +1

    i mean this....ford is just a beauty!

  • @MaineMountainMedia
    @MaineMountainMedia 3 місяці тому +1

    "Get those miles" is great advice for anything in life.

  • @forleica
    @forleica 3 місяці тому

    I'm rooting for you in Korea.
    I often need motivation, too.
    You are often my motivation.
    Thank you for coming back alive.
    sail on.💪

  • @PattyBlogs
    @PattyBlogs 3 місяці тому

    Will forever support look up to you as a filmmaker Peter! Keep making your art 🙌

  • @aaqilnizam3374
    @aaqilnizam3374 3 місяці тому +1

    ive been running for years and sometimes i love it sometimes i hate it, sometimes its easy sometimes its hell. but its become a part of me, i dont feel whole without it. and honestly it feels like it took years to get to this point