Ask This Question When You Run Out Of Things To Say
Вставка
- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
- Join Over 14,000 Members At Charisma University:
bit.ly/CoCSmallTalk
Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s UA-cam Account:
bit.ly/COC-Subscribe
We’ve all been stuck in an awkward conversation that feels forced or boring. You want the person to like you, but you have no idea what to say.
So in today’s video, we’ll go over five habits that instantly make conversation more fun and help you connect with anyone.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - Intro
0:11 - #1: Set a playful tone early in the interaction
2:31 - #2: Give a genuine friendly compliment
4:25 - #3: Share your imperfections (without shame)
5:42 - #4: Ask open-ended questions
6:37 - #5: Be a likeable listener
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#CharismaOnCommand
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Connect with us further:
Website: www.charismaoncommand.com
Facebook: / charismaoncommand
Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand - Навчання та стиль
The real skill here is making this all feel natural. Most people instinctually know the information in these videos. The problem is most people don't have enough practice to blend the two.
The trick to being natural with these inquiries is that it can't be a trick. You have to genuinely want to get to know more about the other person.
@@karenryder6317tbh its not even that. It's practice based, being sociable is a skill like any other
Just go join somewhere with a laaaaaarge variety and number of people, interact (assuming you are confident enough to do so), and push yourself out of your comfort zone.
It’s gonna be awkward at first because you have to actively think about what you’re doing but the key is doing it enough times where it’s instinctive and you get comfortable doing it. All confidence is is comfort in the situation that your in
@@kaibalfour2318 exactly. Once you feel comfortable with it, others will feel comfortable with you.
Everyone knows these tips instinctively, but if you’re not confident or comfortable with doing it, it’ll still be awkward
Just like anything in life, it takes practice. Go out and talk to people. The idea is to have a point of reference to help guide your practice.
i dont know these things instinctively, that's why i watch these vids
right. it's hard enough to keep up dialogue, now they tell you are supposed to laugh, give compliments too. just humans making it more difficult for other humans
I disagree. A lot of these tips i did know instinctively, sure, but i didn't understand why certain conversations went well and some fell flat. Being able to hone and identify why something went well has helped me immensely. Now instead of 50% of convos going well, 75% of them do. And the remaining 25, i can usually see where i dropped the ball and work on reflection and self correction. Hoping to get to as close as 100% as possible before i die and this channel has and will continue to be a huge part of that
More or less, autistic people or people raised in a low social environment not necessarily at all
One thing I'm learning as a young adult is that it's usually okay to not say anything or be okay with being silent. You don't have to absolutely crush every single interaction with people. Being okay with most get togethers being a little boring, doesn't mean that YOU are a boring person of that other people don't value being around you. I think adopting a mindset of aiming for good enough instead of perfection, makes it easier to relax and then you can really enjoy the moment that you're in.
Well said!
something that I saw in another video was that if possible go into a conversation knowing that it would be fun if the other person liked you but, as you said, just know that you are an intrinsically worthy and amazing person regardless of how the conversation goes. This leads to confidence which often does draw people to you. But your worth is not attached to how other people see you.
Agreed
@@miriamvegoda1580 Yes! If I may add on to that, one thing I've been thinking about recently is that often, finding a way to think of yourself in a larger communal context can help you realize your value and uniqueness. Even if you aren't close with you immediate family, if you think about your ancestors from many years ago and their stories as they navigated life as well as imagining their similarities to you, it can tend to help you realize that even if there are or were rough patches, you'll always be the unique culmination of that huge history of people whose lives ultimately led to your own. Some of them would have been wise and kind and would have understood you and unconditionally rooted for your success if they had had the chance to meet you.
My problem is to avoid making the darkest joke that comes into brain
👆👆👆Thanks for watching and congratulation 🎊you have been selected among my shortlisted winners.
Telegram only to claim your prize 🎁🥰🎁💬!
Let's high five but not too loud
That’s how I weed out the good friends from the too serious ones LOL
I lean into it and hope they think I'm weird enough to be cute or cute enough to be funny.
My people ❤
"Dormammu so fat..."
Bro I can't 💀
I still don't get it
ur momma so fat she walks down the street it registers on the richter scale.
@@k.5425 dormammu sounds like your mama
@@k.5425it's a yo mama joke
It's real nice when you speak to people and they don't just hear what you say but fully understand you. That is very rare these days!
If you ask a truly open ended question you will indeed understand more about the person. Asking an open ended question is more than just avoiding "yes/No" responses. Try to also avoid questions where the person will be tempted to give back what they think you want to hear. For example "How ya doin'?" which generally gets the one word response: "Good." A better choice would be "What do you think?" which usually gains a lot more understanding of what the other person is feeling.
I hear you....
You’ll eventually reach a point in your life where you couldn’t care less. It’s so refreshing to walk away and talk to someone where you don’t
Need tips and conversation flows.
Hopefully this applies to me someday.
Facts !!
Agreed…I hate making small talk for the sake of it. Either I’m engaged in the topic or not.
me too i hate small talks thats why i ran out of words to say immediately@@krokovay.marcell
If you’re learning how to be funny and take a joke cues from Jimmy Fallon…. I think you’ve got bigger problems.
Open ended questions don't always get an open response. I know people you can ask an open ended question too and they still say Yes or No
Right. Some people are experts at keeping a surface-level convo.
Literally most conversations I have on a dating app, where open questions end up with a closed response. Next please haha
@@RasheedBarnes That's 100% of "normal" sheepeople
"Why did you kill them?"
"Yeah totally"
Mirror their energy more. Use humor to bring them out. Chances are, they’re rude people.
Top Moments
00:45 People want to have fun conversations. They just don't know how.
1:20 How to do this? When someone asks you a Q, answer with a joke
How to do this well? Take your answer and exaggerate it so much it is impossible for others to take you seriously
2:10 Example: How was your summer? It was just too much time with my family
25% rule is answer 1 in 4 questions playfully
2:36 If you are worried a compliment is awkward, follow up with a joke to diffuse = Tension Rule
6:08 Ask open ended questions. Joe Rogan asks Why …
6:24 Best open questions are ones they are excited to answer. [Hence ask the correct Why questions]
Lewis Howes to Kobe Bryant: Why do you want to tell a great story?
Be a likeable listener
Oprah to Pharrell Williams: Happy. Boom !!
Thank you kindly.
@@rainerzufall5438 You are very welcome
My favourite point was
2:10 Example: How was your summer? It was just too much time with my family
25% rule is answer 1 in 4 questions playfully
2:36 If you are worried a compliment is awkward, follow up with a joke to diffuse = Tension Rule
How about you? What was your favourite point ?
I appreciate you taking this as seriously as me and writing down notes , thank you!
@@hallokitty8616 You are welcome !
You left out the most important thing at the end : make the conversation enjoyable for yourself and thereby filter out people you don't want to surround yourself with. Be you.
For the first time in 60 years people tell they like talking to me. Unbelievable. And thank you.
rizz on command
charizzma
🤣🤣🤣
Noooo….
If you practice enough it'll be autorizz
We are in training arc right now
These are actually really great tips, and they made me realize that I've been doing these things subconsciously. 😅
Like, I've had people tell me that they find me charming, but I haven't felt like I do anything specific, so it was good to hear specific examples to put words on it, because now I know that those things are what they mean.
I'm not saying this to blow my own horn, but rather to confirm that these things genuinely give results.
Just starting off the conversation with a joke - and especially the kinds of jokes you mentioned - is something that has really made it easy for me to meet new people.
It's not 100% fool proof - sometimes you just don't "Get" each other - but like you said in the video, most people want to have a fun conversation.
What kinda jokes do you mean about starting conversations with exactly? If it’s not too cringe for you to spell it out lol 🙏
@@raftingorange6085
Well Sometimes it's hard to literally Start conversations with jokes, but if you can fit in a joke answer to a question very early, it's essentially right at the start.
And to be specific, like they said in the video, if someone asks you a question, either answer with such extreme over exaggeration that it's completely implausible, OR give the exact opposite of the expected answer.
Make sure you don't sound like you're mocking the person (check your tone of voice), but the examples given in the video "I skate 4 times a day" and "it was Too much time with my family" are pretty good examples.
Or doing a "yes! And..." where you fill in the blank in someone else's story; like with Jordan Peterson (at 0:40)"He uses a gun now instead of a Knife".
I really like that "yes! and..." one because it can get the other person feeling like they're the funny one; you just 'teed' them up so They can make a smashing joke.
For example, a guy at my work was asked about his wrist watch, and he said that he got it from his mom, she apparently just found it when she was out on a walk. And then I said "yeah it was just laying on someone's porch", and he followed up with "yeah, and it was inside a package too.. it was weird". My first joke got a little bit of a laugh, but his Second joke made the whole table laugh. Sort of like Chris Evans' "ribbon routine" joke.
It might not seem like that funny of a joke, but it's a way that you can make the other person feel funny.
And people will like you if they feel like you're the funniest person in the room, but they will *Love* you if you make them feel like _They're_ the funniest person in the room.
That's also why it's good to laugh generously when you think someone is funny, it's very good encouragement.
If you want to Actually start with a joke: one way is to ask someone else a funny question. Like if you're at a vegetarian dinner with only vegetarian food - and everybody knows that it's only vegetarian food - you can joke ask: "Oh so I take it the whole roast pig is coming later?"
(or.. you know, something Actually funny "-_-). That's also a way to set other people up for giving joke answers. "oh, no the roast pig was too raw, so it ran away" (or again... maybe something actually funny 😅)
Were those the kind of examples you were looking for, or was it something else?
I'd love to help in any way I can. 😁
EDIT: the tip at 8:36 is also VERY good. If you don't know the people, just make the conversation fun for yourself. Make the kind of jokes You would find funny, and see how people react to them.
You literally just wrote the exact same way that you are describing of how you act in real life. Subconsciously.
Bro literally same 💀
@@JokerCrowethats useful, thank you
I love the sentiment at the very end about making the conversation a good time for you! Too often I (we?) worry about what the other person thinks, having a good impression- and being overall likable. But it feels like you’re taking back over and it’s empowering to think that “just being yourself” will filter the right people into your life and send away the rest.
I guess I needed to hear that
So true so true. Being genuine is the most free you can be
Absolutely, authenticity is one of the greatest ways you can make someone else open up to you, that willingness to share your some hidden truths about yourself is a recipe for success in getting others to connect with you, because those you speak to are more likely to open up following you! Just don't over do it because there's a sweet spot with relatability and authenticity that you have to hit to really hit it off with someone.
what gets me about this channel is the numeric value added to the suggestions. i’m autistic and realistically these videos just help me understand how neurotypical people interpret others and act, and how to be more approachable with less masking. being able to quantify the conversation makes it so easy. i struggle with things like knowing *where* to look or when to say something this way instead of that way, or how to be taken seriously without being interpreted as condescending, or literally just what to say next. just the simple tip of answering 25% of the small talk questions will change so much of my ability to casually talk with people without working myself up over nothing. what a time to be alive
This is the perfect way to understand my own brand of humor and why I use it the way I do.... And how I can be better and more real than I feel comfortable being. But really... I find comfort in the people I who have given me hope, and comfort, and inspiration to change.
The worst, though, is when you try to make it playful and they give you nothing back and act as if you're weird for not sticking to the most boring and strict code
Yes.
Those aren't good people to interact with anyway, so it's also a good filter 😂
I love your videos man.
Thanks alot .
Some of them, especially this type of videos really help.
I really fill more connected to people than before, to the extent some do share some really good secret with me.
Thanks alot once again
This is a really good video.
I like the idea of asking why as an open ended questions. I also like the idea of talking about things you like and jokes you like with new people to filter out who you want in your life. That pretty powerful.
This channel is very helpful! I'm the shy guy that wants to be a people person. Sometimes I give the wrong impression because I never learned some of social skills I need, but everyone who truly knows me knows that I love people. Thanks!
It’s crazy how I’m watching this because i feel inadequate and insecure around people, but I literally do everything on this list when I talk to people.
maybe you're being too hard on yourself? maybe they like your vibe but you're so nervous you don't feel it?
@@RcsN505 people usually are their own worst critiques.
These skills are just like any, if proficient enough there's a fluency that's beautiful. If just one or two things or off though, it becomes stilted, awkward or even forced.
Its like Dunning-Kruger effect but for charisma, not knowledge. Douches think they are perfect and everybody likes them. Charismatic people tend to see how much there is for their social skills to evolve.
Welcome to the club... yes, it is a very awkward club. But still, welcome.
Another very excellent video. Excellent editing and content. I’m sure many of us are feeling overwhelmed by all of the great points and desperate to immediately put them all into play. But just start off small. Small incremental wins now equal bigger wins later.
My go-to question to get a conversation started with someone I don’t know well (if nothing else about the current situation comes to mind) is to ask what their first job was and how/why there. It’s an easy subject for people to talk about and almost always results in an interesting conversation. I’m often surprised by the answer and learn things about the person.
My go to question when i meet a cute girl is "do u want to watch the titanic? i hear it's a good ice breaker.
I agree. Having been a newspaper reporter, I discovered that most people enjoy talking about themselves. Ask one question and they do the rest. On the other hand, it can be annoying if they don't return the favor and ask about you.
One of the most insightful valuable yet short videos I have watched ❤
This video made me think of times when I did (and didn't) do what you described. Great stuff! Thanks!
Another great way to remember all these tips and put them into practice is starting conversations with strangers. I’m in sales and a lot of these tactics I’ve implemented where it becomes second nature for me.
As someone on the spectrum, I'm drawn to these videos to help me figure out how to "people". They are helpful! At the same time they are confusing because videos like these encourage humor as a way to endear yourself to others, but other videos emphasize how using humor too much, or humor at the wrong moment, can make people dislike you. I guess what I need is a video to know when humor is appropriate and when it isn't.
It's definitely a tricky balancing act on how much to use, and the worst part is there's no EXACT formula, since people and situations are different XD I'm also on the spectrum so I feel your pain. It's a lot of trial and error, and also just learning to accept it when sometimes it just doesn't land. Easier said than done, I know, but you got this!!
Neurotypical here, and I’ll be the first to say goddangit its just hard to to know when humor is the right thing. Especially if you’re one to attempt humor as coping mechanism for generally stressful or traumatic experiences. But fortunately, that’s one social faux-pas that is usually easily forgiven
Totally agree! I’m also on the spectrum and humor is a tricky balancing act for me. I’ve always tried the be a humerus person who others enjoy being around, but sometimes I unintentionally go too far with it. I’m constantly trying to learn where that line is.
When you use too much humor/tease and they may look offended, I always say “just kidding” and they calm down almost all the time lol
Respectfully, aren’t we all on the spectrum to some extent?
I like that first tip, just be more fun in the conversation to make them more fun. imma try this everywhere in life, just be healthier, happier, wealthier, smarter and more attractive
It's always fun learning about someone. When you make it all about the other person, you gain so much knowledge.
Bro u r soo good at the research.
Just imagining how much u must have inculcated makes me intrigued have a convo with you 🙏🏻👍🏻
yeah I feel like these are intuitive and these videos, while helpful, can make human connect seem like something you have to study for like the SAT in order to do well in lol!
Fantastic video! Lots of great tips. 😃
What an amazing channel. I've actually watched myself and cringed with my behaviour now you've highlighted it, for example re framing the conversation to make it about me...many thanks dude.😎
👆👆👆Thanks for watching and congratulation 🎊you have been selected among my shortlisted winners.
Telegram only to claim your prize 🎁🥰🎁💬!
Same! I made every conversation about me and wondered why I wasn’t likeable. *facepalm*
I was very lucky at Uni to have 2 lecturers who joked occasionally during their lectures. I now make sure to include jokes in my own training materials - not only does it lighten the atmosphere, but I see my audience sit up and pay more attention. I also believe I get more and deeper questions when I ask for them.
This really is a great video with awesome advices and examples!
8:30 is truly the key to great relationships and overall happiness. As much as it hurts, sometime you have to remove yourself from others. My best friend is a great example. We were inseparable from age 17-20. I had moved on to different things but when we would see each other, it was as if time had stopped and our lives would pick back up. Her personality evolved to selfish, manipulative and so sad for her. I and my family had to back away because she and her husband became truly draining. I wanted it to work but sometime the stress isn't worth the friendship. Dont let persons bad attitudes be your anchor. Create your own anchor!
I might not have everything else that you teach, but boy do I have this predisposition to just push the conversation to some kind of humour. It's natural.
Having done what this video speaks of, for most of my life, my problem was the opposite. I realized early on to curb my talkativeness.
At times I do relapse a bit then, catch myself.
Keeping several very brief jokes in my head at all times, I use one or two when I see that someone is having a bad day. Mostly, the ones who seem to need it are people who are stuck where they are such as cashiers in stores, servers, drive through workers. I always hope that I'm made a difference in their day even if only a small one.
These videos are fantastic! I feel like I should be paying for this knowledge. Thanks so much
I started doing these unknowingly as soon as i stopped trying to impress people. Once i decided to be myself unapologetically, i started having great conversations
Just make sure you place yourself in situations where you need to talk to people. My social skills were horrible, then I forced myself to travel alone and to work at jobs where I needed to be very social. I’m not a social beast now, but I feel very confident and people like to talk to me.
amazing video!! I'm gonna be completely honest with you though I'm probably not gonna remember half of this so I will probably rewatch a number of times.
This is awesome I love these helpful, engaging videos
I'm glad i found this video. I will meet with my girl colleague and i want to know her more. Thanks!
this is gold thanks!!
That last point is so important. I hate making small talk at work, because I find most people there don't have the same vibe as me. I am super comfortable making small talk and new friends at running events. I should probably stop beating myself up about not having friends at work!!
Dude this is such useful video, thanks man!
Thanks!
That very last bit was the most useful for me - Focus on making sure you have fun and talk about things you find funny, and let others filter themselves in or out of your life based on that. Simple but elegant, just like most truths.
This video is taking about the different ways that you banter basically. Also, talking about the why and how vs what, where, or who makes things a lot more interesting.
Yeah incredible it actually works thanks a lot
I tend to do most of these things but still don’t always know what to talk about.
However, I noticed that it may depend on the type of person I’m talking to and the mood that they’re in.
My vibe is similar to Jim Carrey The Mask were sometimes I come across as confident and funny and others I am awkward and quiet.
The fact that I've been Googling and trying to learn how to talk to people easier without being so serious all the time, makes me feel like such a failure as a human being. Even with this "knowledge" I don't think it's possible for me to put into practice. It's just not who I am, it's not my personality. I wish I was just naturally like this. Maybe I would have been successful in life and happy.
Excellent advice!
Great video guys
Let me tell you i have this habit of talking to different people knowing their experience but I would often find myself stumbling at some point and as I watched this video it really helps me specially the why part❤
'Start things off light and funny and filter people in or out of your life based on whether their response drains you or energizes you.' Genius!!
amazing vid!!
Thanks
Even though I had a long successful IT career, including training adults worldwide, I'm an extreme introvert and painfully shy - but I heard a joke/riddle that I use when I'm uncomfortable that ALWAYS works great for me: 'I have a great joke! What is brown and sticky?'.... 🙂great tutorial!
Was glad to find out some of these are things I already do
Hell yeah boys we out here learning how to be humans
Hope everyone doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is a nice example of how to avoid awkwardness.
I NEED this
I love COC!
Wow, this is super informative! Trying not to make this a stock comment, but I really can’t say anything else! Me personally, I feel like I’ve been using some of these just by myself. But I Also feel like this will help me improve abit, as I have never learnt how to speak charismatically before and just did it, so in this way I can see what I have done, overdone, or haven’t done! I believe this video will probably be very useful to people of all skill levels when concerning speaking, and a guy somewhere above / below me summarised what was talked about pretty clearly if someone doesn’t want to spend 10 minutes on this video.
This first tip will also filter out people who take themselves too seriously. You don't really want to talk to them anyway.
I love this ❤
Good
We need more videos of this kind
Hey, really helpful man
I have a lot of these things naturally and all this time I thought I was being awkward 😂
Heat as always
This video will be confirmative for those who don't need it and will frustrate people who do need it :)
Do I really need to watch a youtube video about how not to be awkward?
Yes… yes I do
another great video
main thing i remember is the film Hitch when he gave dating advice. Listen and respond.
so many people, myself included, will not really listen to what the other person is saying and is just waiting for the chance to start speaking again. its why the repeating the sentiment of what the person has said is so well received. you are listening to them and in a way clarifying that you have understood what they are getting at. this makes them feel heard understood and validated. this means if they disagree with your statement instead of letting it become an arguement figure out where the misunderstanding has come from. did they mean something else or did you not come across well when clarifying?
Guess I‘m already radiating charisma and confidence naturlly🧐
Yoo let this channel cook 🔥
Once I was such a good listener, that my partner doesn't even counter with a single question towards me, for 3,5 hours strait XD
4:43 this interview was right after jim therapy session. He was really in a sharing mood
You know you are terrible at being social when you are literally watching videos on it, gotta love life :)
Silence is the BEST. Don't scare to be silent.
1. Set playful tone
2. Give genuine compliment
3. Share you imperfections
4. Ask open-ended questions
5. Be a likeable listener
I think the best way is to literally just be comfortable and confident, and all dis will come naturally
im going on a first date and i struggle with just keeping a conversation alive and playful so hopefully this will help me
how did it go?
@@manu1788 this was a while ago, it went really well but me and her really didn’t pair together well, and since then i went on another date with a different girl and it went even better
Me at 3 am binging how to rizz video and never going out is the kind of irony people get in a steel plant
That's when you know you've found someone special, when you can both shut up and enjoy silence
My problem is that I don't understand social cues very well so it makes me uncomfortable when people make jokes cause I often don't know if they're joking or not. If it's like a really big exaggeration I can easily pick that up but it's more subtle things that confuse me, so I tend not to like to make jokes cause I also don't know how to respond if they joke back (unless I'm with a really good friend)
This video is basically saying: "be witty"
I never realized I have done this lol, like I always that I was awkward but in reality I actually carried the conversation
It’s hard for me-I do these things but so much of the time I get a disconnect. I feel like people are confused by me. At times I wonder if I speak to everyone as if they know me well and will understand my dry responses, quirky takes on things, etc.. Maybe I just need to keep it simple and also keep my interactions as short as possible. I definitely need to avoid intensity.
i like this
You kidding me? Awkward silence is the best! I actually like it so much, it never happens to me😢
So, basicslly be witty and fun, and a good listener, people will like you.
How did I not think of that 🤷♂️
Damn, kinda funny how I got from not knowing how to speak with anyone to doing almost everything out of this video automatically
I’d be careful with “why” questions. While open (which is great) they can sound judgemental, loaded or prying. What and how follow-up questions are more engaging.
😊 Classic, sensational 😊
I'll try incorporating these things.