What about the shame? Shame to admit to yourself that you have a problem and that you need help. Some people are afraid to be judged if they go to therapy, especially by their loved ones
Some of these applied to me. The biggest reason was not trusting the integrity of our mental health system. Family and community that were discrediting and abusing me and my kids are connected and/or working in the education, medical and mental health systems. Everytime we asked for help we were revictimized and discredited all over again. I have found content like this, my only source of authentic care, validation and advice. Thank you! You help!🙏❤😇
I also think that people fear therapy because therapists have the power to ...commit you to a mental institution against your will, call CPS on you, or the cops. So there's trust issues to deal with when it comes to therapy. No-one wants to feel like they are walking on eggshells.
What if what triggered your depression isn't a big serious dark history? What if you never had anything traumatizing that needs to be uncovered? You just get too sad to function sometimes for no real reason? How could therapy help that? What can help? ..
I went to counseling for a year and a half because my life was fine but I wasn't. For me it turned out that what seemed like "boredom" was depression. I didn't want to get out of bed and do anything; but didn't feel activity sad. Just empty. She ended up having me journal allot and really try and figure out my emotions. I bottled up everything to the point that I didn't even know it. So when I journaled I had to figure out the basic emotion tied to a thought; am I sad, mad, happy, or afraid. That might not help you since you might not be suffering in the same way. A big thing she did was listen. Like really listen. No judgement, no quick fixes; but a caring active listener. That can do wonders. I know this response is months later, I hope you are doing well.
Therapy will help you uncover the real reason(s) you feel sad, regardless of large traumatizing events or not. You dont deserve to feel sad for "no reason". No one does. I highly recomend journaling your feelings to start with.
Thank you for this video. I've been to numerous therapists. Some I saw for years, others for only a couple of sessions. I feel like the process of finding the right therapist has made me lose faith in the benefits of therapy. If anything, I feel like it has hurt me. I have talked to several therapists about my trauma to the point where I am able to openly recall events without hesitation. However, I cannot get through a story or a discussion without hysterically crying. I'm glad you mention how recalling traumatic events is not beneficial for many people. I have been advised to try EMDR and ECT therapy, however I am very hesitant to try any other form of therapy because of the intense emotions and therapy "failures". It's almost like I am traumatized from therapy...
Going to a therapist is not unlike enrolling in a weight loss programme. Everyone is nice and helpful and you feel enthusiastic going in. Sooner or later, however, you have to show results. You have to prove that you have actually used the advice given to you. If you're not really committed then you are lying to yourself and others and it shows. You're wasting your time and money. You feel more and more guilty and stressed and one day you quit. My family member is a cancer patient in remission. He's a man's man from a generation that does not go to psychologists. One of my other family members suggested that I should go to the therapist in his stead. Crazy, right? I should solve somebody else's problems. I ignored this ingenious idea.
Someone who doesn’t want therapy, won’t get better from therapy. They have to want to be treated or it won’t work. I have depression, and if they say no they won’t try to do the things the therapist recommended.
There is one thing that makes you unable to receive therapy even if you want to go, or even if you can afford it. Guess what?... Well it falls in line with what you said the second, "I'm too messed up." but this one is not a false belief. When we are too messed up, our relationships with people are messed up too. I tried some therapists, and I have seen that I can't have proper relationships with them. They are not careful enough for people who are struggling with having healthy relationships. So, by natural selection, everyone who is unable to have a normal relationship with people won't be able to receive proper therapy. You probably don't have any clients like this. They probably never come to you or even if they come, they just leave after a few sessions. They just need to overcome a lot of their relationship problems by themselves... And I am one of those people. And that just sucks.
Hüseyin Öztürk \ Japonca same here, being a mess is what I am good at, and I just have to live with it you know? No therapy no meds are going to help, it actually made me worst so I stopped.
In both my under graduate and graduate degree they introduced the work of Byron Katie. It is Psych courses, they introduce her work. She is the way to show there is nothing to fear. We meet ourselves with Kindness.
Sometimes therapy has limits like any medicàl modality be it orthopedics or oncology ! One of the best resources for people that are hurting is anything from Dr Daniel amen but even he has limits ! Remember every thing in life has limits !
What do you do when they have been emotionally abusive and respond harshly saying they don’t need therapy? We have had some serious family issues where they want to sweep everything under the rug instead of dealing with Drama. When I looked up Narcissists it fits then to a T. It affects my mom a lot. Id like to go into more detail privately.
I've been through therapy before with a really good psychologist. He got me through some really rough stuff. However, I experienced a very traumatic situation and went to a therapist that did not help at all. She was an idiot that just wanted to talk about herself. Unfortunately, the good psychologist I went to, who was a man, retired. It's hard to trust a new therapist because of this. How do I find a really good therapist now? I'm afraid of opening up to another therapist who is no good and I've been to several like that who did absolutely nothing for me.
What about the person who won't go because nothing is ever wrong with them? That it's always you or someone else? Maybe they are right but then what's the harm of going to try it? I love your videos they've been super supportive and helpful. Thank you so much for sharing!
Having been one of the people who was reticent to start therapy, this really rang true to me, reminding me of some of the things that were in the back of mind. Anyone watching this that is considering therapy, I would say go for it, it really helps. Thanks Julia
The video leaves a most important reason out of the discussion. What about a “loved one” or “Significant other” or “soul mate” who has been to therapy with SEVERAL different therapists, SEVERAL attempts - over the time frame of more than a DECADE - SOME of it worked - for a while...as time goes on - mostly not. Then that “loved one” does their own self-help routine that was working and “loved one” was feeling great - self-help books written by THERAPISTS, better nutrition, healthy lifestyle etc., - then meets the love of his life, who is in therapy, and her therapist tries to do therapy on the loved one via sending psych assessments or advice or whatever to the loved one, through the client, WITHOUT seeing that “loved one” in person, while depending on the client to do the work of the therapist, thus further distressing the relationship while trying to "fix" that loved one, and by doing so psychologically traumatizes the “loved one” and sabotages the relationship. Or worse yet - therapist purposely SABOTAGES that couple into breaking up and breaking a man’s heart in the process because therapist thinks the man is in denial because he has the audacity choose a therapy alternative. At a most crucial time in the “loved ones” life while at university and the psychotherapy induced trauma ruined the education as well, so a “loved ones” life gets entirely ****ed up, ends up FAR worse, unable to finish studies due to the stress and anxiety that the therapist is causing the couple, loses his career and gets left with a pile of student loans he can’t pay back, and all the self-help work he did gets thrown out the window, with his soul mate now out of his life, forever, because THERAPIST tells client that the “loved one”, is not capable of a long term love relationship. Many of these things are the reason why I often told my love of life, that her therapist and herself together, are not giving me any credit for all the work I had done the previous ten years I met her. This is so damn common - people who DON"T want therapy have their reasons - many of them are good reasons. It is time for ALL therapists to REALIZE that and STOP trying to fix people therapists know NOTHING about. Professionals need to examine THEIR roles and therapeutic sense of self as part of the equation. Maybe the problem is not the “loved one”. Maybe the problem is a therapist who sabotages couples. As for me, I will NEVER trust going to psychotherapy again. Never. Simply put, I had some issues I admit it. What ever problems the therapist THOUGHT I had, were made far worse, by her HORRIBLE treatment. Psychotherapy however, especially my last experience with it, truly RUINED my life. RUINED it. Therapists need to realize that some people will never go because they already TRIED psychotherapy and may not want to try again and ALSO may not want to share that fact with anyone - ESPECIALLY another therapist or someone they just met as a love interest. The one thing that infuriates me as a 61 year old man who has been through the mental health meat grinder so many times before, is so many therapists are telling their clients that their loved ones are "in denial", or “broken” or unwilling to get help or they had an unhappy childhood and are not worthy to be a part of clients lives - so therapists encourage clients to break up and find someone new. So then many therapists have the gall to tell clients to break up with their loved ones, because the "loved ones" were so audacious to refuse to come in to see the next therapist in the Psychotherapy train of life. Some people do much better with self help books and such, than in front of a therapist, and that's just a fact of life, and therapists need to respect that, and stop badering the "loved one" about not coming in for therapy, and stop Sabotging couples if one partner, or spouse or loved one will not come in for couple therapy. This is far more true today than 20 years ago, with all the free on line mental health resources people can take advantage of. If a therapist is struggling with a client about relationship issues and after a few weeks is unable to get that “loved one” in for couples counseling, what therapists need to do is TERMINATE that therapeutic relationship and refer the couple to a different therapist, because if a therapist cannot get a third party to come in, that’s the THERAPISTS fault, not the “loved ones” fault. Because even if a therapist DOES get that “loved one” to come it, that Loved One, is going to feel ganged up on, the first time he or she walks into the door - therapist has already seen that client for individual counseling, and the loved one will feel that the therapist has already taken sides against the “loved one”, because it’s not really a true “couples Counseling” situation - it’s an INDIVIDAL counseling situation, with the “loved one” there for the ride. I have been suffering for over 20 years now about my very painful breakup - a woman who I loved dearly, still do, a breakup that one in your profession directly caused. I wish professionals worked hard to make these kinds of activities illegal. I filed a complaint against the therapist, and the State of Michigan said this kind of therapy I described above, is perfectly legal. Which is a major factor why I don't trust any psychotherapists any more. For someone like me who was made WORSE by the process. Because just the thought of getting therapy now upsets me. I am not going to sit across from another individual therapist who most likely has done the same kinds of things to other clients, that happened to me a few decades ago. If a “loved one” of a client of a therapist is doing their OWN work, on their own, therapists need to start respecting that, and STOP meddling in relationships and stop trying to do “Couple Counseling” on one person. Better yet, the Psychotherapy trade as a whole should just BAN couples counseling, until your collective profession figures out how to fix a broken mental health system, with several hundred different kinds of psychotherapy and psychotherapists all doing their own thing with clients, using un tested methods. I am not making this all up - and am posting under my REAL name. True story and I can prove it. In the end, what my soul mates therapist ultimately taught her, after transforming her AWAY from a sweet, caring fun to be with person - therapy taught her how to behave in CRUEL manner, and walk away from our relationship while telling me I was not capable of loving her and not capable of a long term love relationship, even though the entire four years I was with her, i was deeply in love with her - and told her so, often. Which is why I told her when we were together, that her therapist and her are giving me absolutely no credit for what I had done for myself, and was doing for myself with my self help situation. So at the worst time of my life, even though I was begging her therapists firm for help to correct the damage they did to our relationship, they all throw me under the bus and treat me like some kind of an insect. Last time I saw her, she acted as if she did not even know me. I have been broken ever since. THATS what psychotherapy did for me, for my woman friend, and our "couplehood", that therapist Sabotaged. Ya know - therapists tell people all the time it is important to open up to their significant others or close friends or a therapist, open up emotionally that is, instead of keeping things bottled in. So when men actually DO that with their women who are in therapy, we have to assume that our significant others take all that personal third-party info into their therapy sessions and tell the therapist. So assume anything you tell your "loved one" who is in therapy, that any and all that information will end up in the hands of the therapist, and they will be dissecting any or all that information behind closed doors, and likely will use that against the man and gang up on the man emotionally and try to gaslight them. Had I to do it over again, I would never have told my soul mate a damn thing. I actually thought I could trust her therapist, because they are not supposed to hurt people. Boy, was I ever wrong - I should have just kept my mouth shut. I was a total idiot for telling my love anything about my thoughts and feelings or family history, other than the fact that I was in love with her. I was an idiot, because that therapist in the end I learned, shold not have been trusted, by either my ex or myself. Why is this just not enough for therapists to accept? They think they have to open up a "Loved Ones" can of worms to help the relationship the client is trying to get help for. Yet what often happens, what the therapist in this video says is true - is therapists often DO open up cans of worms. And then when it's once opened, they often throw the empty can and the worms into a trash bin and just walk away, after sabotaging couples relationships and think it's all good. Dumping ones love of life is a sign of so called therapy "progress", right? I actually felt I had to feign or exaggerate some of my issues, just to PLEASE my loves therapist, to show her I was not bottled up, and so that the therapist would not think I was in denial about anything. That's how horrible it was. Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of men actually DO have feelings, and truly love the woman they choose to be with. So just give me the meds, and I'll be on my way. They work better anyway, and besides, the entire profession has yet to do enough Randomized Controlled trials to prove out efficacy, and Psychotherapy is STILL TO THIS DAY, largely an experimental exercise. Based on my experience, I concur.
Your just covering up the problem . Is it wrong? That is for you to decide everyone is different. I watched this video myself to try and get my spouse to therapy. She is a chronic pot smoker (No pun intended), however she has some issues that are affecting our relationship and escaping into being stoned is not solving anything.
Numbing the pain is just another way of running from it. Eventually it will catch up with you. Facing it is the better solution. Yes it's hard but it will help overcome the issue and the pain can go away.
My ex girlfriend and my past relationship didn't work out but I have seen BPD trait told her many times that lets go therapy we will both will be benefit from that she says that she is all right and she says will help her not a therapist how can I convince her and she cancelled last minute need help?
My wife is making me go. I dont want to go because the therapist is going to tell me what i already know. We need couples counseling. She wants me to go but she wont go with me. The frustrations I have are with her. I could just talk to her about it but she dominates all conversations and I never get to speak...like the conversations about me needing to go to counseling alone.
For me, the last point you brought up is true. Therapy is too expensive. Also, I don't believe I deserve to spend or have anyone spend their money to cover for a therapist. I've done it in the past and it helped .... temporary. I don't want to open up again to a stranger. It's mentally draining. If I start talking and then I have to stop because the session is over, it makes me feel worst. I wish I could talk as much as I can for as long as I can, not just having to talk on a schedule. Depressed people also have "good" days. So, if my therapy session is on a day that I feel fine, it's a waste of time and money.
Jen Shaw Even I’m good days you can still talk on how to handle your depression. And therapy has to be something that is done consistently. Just like medication
Another one that I have seen, myself included - there's not enough time for it. I work in a job whose hours change on a weekly basis, so going once a week isn't really practical. On top of that, I do a lot of extracurricular activities, which often take up at least 2-3 hours.
I make some notes during my bad days so I could bring it to the appointment especially when it‘s not in the same week. I know and could relate to how you feel. Just sharing my strategy 😄
I was guilty of this. Not going when I should have with my partner. I'm pretty sure if we would have went our relationship wouldn't have tanked. It wasn't until the end that I agreed to go and my partner said no. I'm still going even tho my partner is not. It is a real trial of tribulations. I wish I would have listened and went. I hope one day if we ever get back together then we can try to go as a couple... Therapy does help and you will better by it.
Don't sell youself short. It sounds to me like your partners therapist sabotaged your relationship and did not respect your wishes of not wanting therapy at that time. That's what happened to me. Now, I suffer for it every day, and there is nothing any therapist can do to repair that kind of damage.
@@dbsabo2 yea I only went for a sessions and I started doing my own research. After some DD, I figured what I needed to do. Like most institutions, its more about treating the issue than finding a cure. I'm sorry that it sabotaged yours, if anything, it gets better. Trust your journey and know that after some time it will get better. Its crazy that the people on the INTERNET are more compassionate and willing to help than the ones we fund...
@@Ssengel69 Julia Kristina Counselling just deleted my post you responded to. Lovely empathy there. The other problem - therapists are in denial about the damage that Psychotherapy can cause, and they just don't want to hear it. I expect this post will be deleted as well in a few minutes. Bye all.
Hi Julia, I was deeply moved by this video topic. The genuine sincerety and warmth in topic delivery is amazing!...Yes, what are some ways to deal with the "can of worms"? I struggle with letting go from past heartbreak and acceptance (divorced parents).
Hi Brent, honestly, a big part of learning to deal with it is to let ourselves tolerate with discomfort that comes when we start opening up. If we can allow ourselves to experience that discomfort mindfully and cope with it in healthy ways, it will get better. Sometimes things to get worse before they get better in therapy.
Hi!!! First of all thankyou so much for addressing this topic. You are right, it does hurt seeing ur loved one suffer. I wanted to ask you tht one of my loved one needs a therapist but she thinks therapist wont help her..she says no one can be better therapist than her. How can i convince her.?
And am a I a bad friend for not wanting to sit around and watch this fire burn? He used to go to therapy but he stopped and won’t go back and his drinking has got way out of hand but I’m on my own journey of healing and I can’t have this negativity in my life. It’s weighing me down everyday
You share great videos, thank you, How can I help a love one who is depressed and not eating and losing a lot of weight plus doesn't talk or say almost nothing and resisting to go to therapy to get help?
Thanks for the video I have a question as someone I know has been on antidepressants for decades but they have issues they have never dealt with -I have suggested therapy but they don’t agree -what can I say to them as I feel the antidepressants are a mask covering the truth of the situation. Let me know what you think
Please Help....! My friend is depressed because of something serious but the problem is she don't want to share it with anyone (even with therapist also).... What I can do Julia please help.... Moreover she say that she don't love me but she can't live without me. She become restless if she don't talk with me even for single day. She wanted to meet me but after we meet, she wanted to leave me as soon as possible. What is really happening with her?
If she doesn't want to talk about it, you do need to respect that. You can let her know you are there for her if and when she's ready, but it is up to her to decide what she is willing to share with who she is willing to share it.
You know, in all honesty my freinds all want me to go therapy. I'm glad they care about me and I feel really bad because all I do is resist. I still can't figure out why.
Its a fantastic chance to look inward and reprogram your own brain to do what you need it too. I had an experience that I would liken to removing a canerous tumour. Once you figure out how to do that its like you have a super power. If you have the resources why not?
I was in a relationship and when it was getting bad I suggested to go to couples therapy and when his dad passed I suggested about therapy and both he resisted now that we broke up he says he wants to do both..
What about the shame? Shame to admit to yourself that you have a problem and that you need help. Some people are afraid to be judged if they go to therapy, especially by their loved ones
Some of these applied to me. The biggest reason was not trusting the integrity of our mental health system. Family and community that were discrediting and abusing me and my kids are connected and/or working in the education, medical and mental health systems. Everytime we asked for help we were revictimized and discredited all over again. I have found content like this, my only source of authentic care, validation and advice. Thank you! You help!🙏❤😇
I sure as hell don't trust mental health professionals.
Thank you!!!! This is what I have been looking for!!! It is amazing how the sessions I need have been popping up for me on my feed! 💕💕💕
I also think that people fear therapy because therapists have the power to ...commit you to a mental institution against your will, call CPS on you, or the cops. So there's trust issues to deal with when it comes to therapy. No-one wants to feel like they are walking on eggshells.
This 👆
😮
What if what triggered your depression isn't a big serious dark history? What if you never had anything traumatizing that needs to be uncovered? You just get too sad to function sometimes for no real reason? How could therapy help that? What can help? ..
I went to counseling for a year and a half because my life was fine but I wasn't. For me it turned out that what seemed like "boredom" was depression. I didn't want to get out of bed and do anything; but didn't feel activity sad. Just empty.
She ended up having me journal allot and really try and figure out my emotions. I bottled up everything to the point that I didn't even know it. So when I journaled I had to figure out the basic emotion tied to a thought; am I sad, mad, happy, or afraid. That might not help you since you might not be suffering in the same way. A big thing she did was listen. Like really listen. No judgement, no quick fixes; but a caring active listener. That can do wonders.
I know this response is months later, I hope you are doing well.
Therapy will help you uncover the real reason(s) you feel sad, regardless of large traumatizing events or not. You dont deserve to feel sad for "no reason". No one does. I highly recomend journaling your feelings to start with.
Thank you for this video. I've been to numerous therapists. Some I saw for years, others for only a couple of sessions. I feel like the process of finding the right therapist has made me lose faith in the benefits of therapy. If anything, I feel like it has hurt me. I have talked to several therapists about my trauma to the point where I am able to openly recall events without hesitation. However, I cannot get through a story or a discussion without hysterically crying. I'm glad you mention how recalling traumatic events is not beneficial for many people.
I have been advised to try EMDR and ECT therapy, however I am very hesitant to try any other form of therapy because of the intense emotions and therapy "failures". It's almost like I am traumatized from therapy...
I know exactly what you are talking about and had similar experience. For me, Psychotherapy re traumatized me. Made me far worse, not better.
Being weak is being strong
Going to a therapist is not unlike enrolling in a weight loss programme. Everyone is nice and helpful and you feel enthusiastic going in. Sooner or later, however, you have to show results. You have to prove that you have actually used the advice given to you. If you're not really committed then you are lying to yourself and others and it shows. You're wasting your time and money. You feel more and more guilty and stressed and one day you quit. My family member is a cancer patient in remission. He's a man's man from a generation that does not go to psychologists. One of my other family members suggested that I should go to the therapist in his stead. Crazy, right? I should solve somebody else's problems. I ignored this ingenious idea.
How to convince a depressed person to attend her talk therapy?pls. Plssss Have a video how to convince her..ty
Someone who doesn’t want therapy, won’t get better from therapy. They have to want to be treated or it won’t work. I have depression, and if they say no they won’t try to do the things the therapist recommended.
There is one thing that makes you unable to receive therapy even if you want to go, or even if you can afford it. Guess what?... Well it falls in line with what you said the second, "I'm too messed up." but this one is not a false belief. When we are too messed up, our relationships with people are messed up too. I tried some therapists, and I have seen that I can't have proper relationships with them. They are not careful enough for people who are struggling with having healthy relationships. So, by natural selection, everyone who is unable to have a normal relationship with people won't be able to receive proper therapy. You probably don't have any clients like this. They probably never come to you or even if they come, they just leave after a few sessions. They just need to overcome a lot of their relationship problems by themselves... And I am one of those people. And that just sucks.
Hüseyin Öztürk \ Japonca same here, being a mess is what I am good at, and I just have to live with it you know? No therapy no meds are going to help, it actually made me worst so I stopped.
In both my under graduate and graduate degree they introduced the work of Byron Katie. It is Psych courses, they introduce her work. She is the way to show there is nothing to fear. We meet ourselves with Kindness.
I have these fears. I am refusing therapy. does NOT work for everyone. My choice.
Sometimes therapy has limits like any medicàl modality be it orthopedics or oncology ! One of the best resources for people that are hurting is anything from Dr Daniel amen but even he has limits ! Remember every thing in life has limits !
What do you do when they have been emotionally abusive and respond harshly saying they don’t need therapy? We have had some serious family issues where they want to sweep everything under the rug instead of dealing with Drama. When I looked up Narcissists it fits then to a T. It affects my mom a lot. Id like to go into more detail privately.
I've been through therapy before with a really good psychologist. He got me through some really rough stuff. However, I experienced a very traumatic situation and went to a therapist that did not help at all. She was an idiot that just wanted to talk about herself. Unfortunately, the good psychologist I went to, who was a man, retired. It's hard to trust a new therapist because of this. How do I find a really good therapist now? I'm afraid of opening up to another therapist who is no good and I've been to several like that who did absolutely nothing for me.
The reason why someone is not going to therapy is because they lack being ready to go.
What about the person who won't go because nothing is ever wrong with them? That it's always you or someone else? Maybe they are right but then what's the harm of going to try it? I love your videos they've been super supportive and helpful. Thank you so much for sharing!
These people should stay single instead of inflicting their pain on others.
Having been one of the people who was reticent to start therapy, this really rang true to me, reminding me of some of the things that were in the back of mind. Anyone watching this that is considering therapy, I would say go for it, it really helps. Thanks Julia
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback! Glad it resonated with you.
The video leaves a most important reason out of the discussion. What about a “loved one” or “Significant other” or “soul mate” who has been to therapy with SEVERAL different therapists, SEVERAL attempts - over the time frame of more than a DECADE - SOME of it worked - for a while...as time goes on - mostly not. Then that “loved one” does their own self-help routine that was working and “loved one” was feeling great - self-help books written by THERAPISTS, better nutrition, healthy lifestyle etc., - then meets the love of his life, who is in therapy, and her therapist tries to do therapy on the loved one via sending psych assessments or advice or whatever to the loved one, through the client, WITHOUT seeing that “loved one” in person, while depending on the client to do the work of the therapist, thus further distressing the relationship while trying to "fix" that loved one, and by doing so psychologically traumatizes the “loved one” and sabotages the relationship. Or worse yet - therapist purposely SABOTAGES that couple into breaking up and breaking a man’s heart in the process because therapist thinks the man is in denial because he has the audacity choose a therapy alternative. At a most crucial time in the “loved ones” life while at university and the psychotherapy induced trauma ruined the education as well, so a “loved ones” life gets entirely ****ed up, ends up FAR worse, unable to finish studies due to the stress and anxiety that the therapist is causing the couple, loses his career and gets left with a pile of student loans he can’t pay back, and all the self-help work he did gets thrown out the window, with his soul mate now out of his life, forever, because THERAPIST tells client that the “loved one”, is not capable of a long term love relationship.
Many of these things are the reason why I often told my love of life, that her therapist and herself together, are not giving me any credit for all the work I had done the previous ten years I met her.
This is so damn common - people who DON"T want therapy have their reasons - many of them are good reasons. It is time for ALL therapists to REALIZE that and STOP trying to fix people therapists know NOTHING about.
Professionals need to examine THEIR roles and therapeutic sense of self as part of the equation. Maybe the problem is not the “loved one”. Maybe the problem is a therapist who sabotages couples.
As for me, I will NEVER trust going to psychotherapy again. Never.
Simply put, I had some issues I admit it. What ever problems the therapist THOUGHT I had, were made far worse, by her HORRIBLE treatment. Psychotherapy however, especially my last experience with it, truly RUINED my life. RUINED it.
Therapists need to realize that some people will never go because they already TRIED psychotherapy and may not want to try again and ALSO may not want to share that fact with anyone - ESPECIALLY another therapist or someone they just met as a love interest. The one thing that infuriates me as a 61 year old man who has been through the mental health meat grinder so many times before, is so many therapists are telling their clients that their loved ones are "in denial", or “broken” or unwilling to get help or they had an unhappy childhood and are not worthy to be a part of clients lives - so therapists encourage clients to break up and find someone new. So then many therapists have the gall to tell clients to break up with their loved ones, because the "loved ones" were so audacious to refuse to come in to see the next therapist in the Psychotherapy train of life.
Some people do much better with self help books and such, than in front of a therapist, and that's just a fact of life, and therapists need to respect that, and stop badering the "loved one" about not coming in for therapy, and stop Sabotging couples if one partner, or spouse or loved one will not come in for couple therapy. This is far more true today than 20 years ago, with all the free on line mental health resources people can take advantage of.
If a therapist is struggling with a client about relationship issues and after a few weeks is unable to get that “loved one” in for couples counseling, what therapists need to do is TERMINATE that therapeutic relationship and refer the couple to a different therapist, because if a therapist cannot get a third party to come in, that’s the THERAPISTS fault, not the “loved ones” fault. Because even if a therapist DOES get that “loved one” to come it, that Loved One, is going to feel ganged up on, the first time he or she walks into the door - therapist has already seen that client for individual counseling, and the loved one will feel that the therapist has already taken sides against the “loved one”, because it’s not really a true “couples Counseling” situation - it’s an INDIVIDAL counseling situation, with the “loved one” there for the ride.
I have been suffering for over 20 years now about my very painful breakup - a woman who I loved dearly, still do, a breakup that one in your profession directly caused. I wish professionals worked hard to make these kinds of activities illegal. I filed a complaint against the therapist, and the State of Michigan said this kind of therapy I described above, is perfectly legal. Which is a major factor why I don't trust any psychotherapists any more. For someone like me who was made WORSE by the process. Because just the thought of getting therapy now upsets me. I am not going to sit across from another individual therapist who most likely has done the same kinds of things to other clients, that happened to me a few decades ago.
If a “loved one” of a client of a therapist is doing their OWN work, on their own, therapists need to start respecting that, and STOP meddling in relationships and stop trying to do “Couple Counseling” on one person.
Better yet, the Psychotherapy trade as a whole should just BAN couples counseling, until your collective profession figures out how to fix a broken mental health system, with several hundred different kinds of psychotherapy and psychotherapists all doing their own thing with clients, using un tested methods.
I am not making this all up - and am posting under my REAL name. True story and I can prove it.
In the end, what my soul mates therapist ultimately taught her, after transforming her AWAY from a sweet, caring fun to be with person - therapy taught her how to behave in CRUEL manner, and walk away from our relationship while telling me I was not capable of loving her and not capable of a long term love relationship, even though the entire four years I was with her, i was deeply in love with her - and told her so, often. Which is why I told her when we were together, that her therapist and her are giving me absolutely no credit for what I had done for myself, and was doing for myself with my self help situation. So at the worst time of my life, even though I was begging her therapists firm for help to correct the damage they did to our relationship, they all throw me under the bus and treat me like some kind of an insect. Last time I saw her, she acted as if she did not even know me. I have been broken ever since. THATS what psychotherapy did for me, for my woman friend, and our "couplehood", that therapist Sabotaged.
Ya know - therapists tell people all the time it is important to open up to their significant others or close friends or a therapist, open up emotionally that is, instead of keeping things bottled in. So when men actually DO that with their women who are in therapy, we have to assume that our significant others take all that personal third-party info into their therapy sessions and tell the therapist. So assume anything you tell your "loved one" who is in therapy, that any and all that information will end up in the hands of the therapist, and they will be dissecting any or all that information behind closed doors, and likely will use that against the man and gang up on the man emotionally and try to gaslight them. Had I to do it over again, I would never have told my soul mate a damn thing. I actually thought I could trust her therapist, because they are not supposed to hurt people. Boy, was I ever wrong - I should have just kept my mouth shut. I was a total idiot for telling my love anything about my thoughts and feelings or family history, other than the fact that I was in love with her. I was an idiot, because that therapist in the end I learned, shold not have been trusted, by either my ex or myself. Why is this just not enough for therapists to accept? They think they have to open up a "Loved Ones" can of worms to help the relationship the client is trying to get help for. Yet what often happens, what the therapist in this video says is true - is therapists often DO open up cans of worms. And then when it's once opened, they often throw the empty can and the worms into a trash bin and just walk away, after sabotaging couples relationships and think it's all good. Dumping ones love of life is a sign of so called therapy "progress", right? I actually felt I had to feign or exaggerate some of my issues, just to PLEASE my loves therapist, to show her I was not bottled up, and so that the therapist would not think I was in denial about anything. That's how horrible it was.
Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of men actually DO have feelings, and truly love the woman they choose to be with.
So just give me the meds, and I'll be on my way. They work better anyway, and besides, the entire profession has yet to do enough Randomized Controlled trials to prove out efficacy, and Psychotherapy is STILL TO THIS DAY, largely an experimental exercise. Based on my experience, I concur.
For some people, it is more convenient and less expensive to smoke pot once every two weeks. That's just me being honest.
Your just covering up the problem . Is it wrong? That is for you to decide everyone is different. I watched this video myself to try and get my spouse to therapy. She is a chronic pot smoker (No pun intended), however she has some issues that are affecting our relationship and escaping into being stoned is not solving anything.
Pot doesn’t help his anger issues and inability to rationalize because he still has scar tissue on his brain
Numbing the pain is just another way of running from it. Eventually it will catch up with you. Facing it is the better solution. Yes it's hard but it will help overcome the issue and the pain can go away.
Only every two weeks? xD
Pot causes anxiety , it actually makes things worse
My ex girlfriend and my past relationship didn't work out but I have seen BPD trait told her many times that lets go therapy we will both will be benefit from that she says that she is all right and she says will help her not a therapist how can I convince her and she cancelled last minute need help?
How can I convince my husband to take medication for his mental health??
Thank you very much! I'll check the document and your other videos
My wife is making me go. I dont want to go because the therapist is going to tell me what i already know. We need couples counseling. She wants me to go but she wont go with me. The frustrations I have are with her. I could just talk to her about it but she dominates all conversations and I never get to speak...like the conversations about me needing to go to counseling alone.
This communist old but if you do go alone it many help you deal with how to approach your wife without pressure of how she may respond.
Hai, my mening i dont believe in therapie why ? I know that i must fait with my zelf 🙏
For me, the last point you brought up is true. Therapy is too expensive. Also, I don't believe I deserve to spend or have anyone spend their money to cover for a therapist. I've done it in the past and it helped .... temporary. I don't want to open up again to a stranger. It's mentally draining. If I start talking and then I have to stop because the session is over, it makes me feel worst. I wish I could talk as much as I can for as long as I can, not just having to talk on a schedule. Depressed people also have "good" days. So, if my therapy session is on a day that I feel fine, it's a waste of time and money.
Jen Shaw Even I’m good days you can still talk on how to handle your depression. And therapy has to be something that is done consistently. Just like medication
Quit lying to yourself
Another one that I have seen, myself included - there's not enough time for it. I work in a job whose hours change on a weekly basis, so going once a week isn't really practical. On top of that, I do a lot of extracurricular activities, which often take up at least 2-3 hours.
I make some notes during my bad days so I could bring it to the appointment especially when it‘s not in the same week. I know and could relate to how you feel. Just sharing my strategy 😄
I was guilty of this. Not going when I should have with my partner. I'm pretty sure if we would have went our relationship wouldn't have tanked. It wasn't until the end that I agreed to go and my partner said no. I'm still going even tho my partner is not. It is a real trial of tribulations. I wish I would have listened and went. I hope one day if we ever get back together then we can try to go as a couple...
Therapy does help and you will better by it.
Don't sell youself short. It sounds to me like your partners therapist sabotaged your relationship and did not respect your wishes of not wanting therapy at that time. That's what happened to me. Now, I suffer for it every day, and there is nothing any therapist can do to repair that kind of damage.
@@dbsabo2 appreciate the reply friend. I went on and became a better person and I'm SO glad that my ex and i never got back together lol WHEW!!!
@@dbsabo2 yea I only went for a sessions and I started doing my own research. After some DD, I figured what I needed to do. Like most institutions, its more about treating the issue than finding a cure. I'm sorry that it sabotaged yours, if anything, it gets better. Trust your journey and know that after some time it will get better. Its crazy that the people on the INTERNET are more compassionate and willing to help than the ones we fund...
@@Ssengel69 Julia Kristina Counselling just deleted my post you responded to. Lovely empathy there. The other problem - therapists are in denial about the damage that Psychotherapy can cause, and they just don't want to hear it. I expect this post will be deleted as well in a few minutes. Bye all.
Hi Julia,
I was deeply moved by this video topic. The genuine sincerety and warmth in topic delivery is amazing!...Yes, what are some ways to deal with the "can of worms"? I struggle with letting go from past heartbreak and acceptance (divorced parents).
Hi Brent, honestly, a big part of learning to deal with it is to let ourselves tolerate with discomfort that comes when we start opening up. If we can allow ourselves to experience that discomfort mindfully and cope with it in healthy ways, it will get better. Sometimes things to get worse before they get better in therapy.
Hi!!! First of all thankyou so much for addressing this topic. You are right, it does hurt seeing ur loved one suffer. I wanted to ask you tht one of my loved one needs a therapist but she thinks therapist wont help her..she says no one can be better therapist than her. How can i convince her.?
And am a I a bad friend for not wanting to sit around and watch this fire burn? He used to go to therapy but he stopped and won’t go back and his drinking has got way out of hand but I’m on my own journey of healing and I can’t have this negativity in my life. It’s weighing me down everyday
It is not your responsibility to fix people or put up with people ruining their lives. Especially when it starts to affect you. You take care of you.
Wow
You share great videos, thank you,
How can I help a love one who is depressed and not eating and losing a lot of weight plus doesn't talk or say almost nothing and resisting to go to therapy to get help?
Par. PG that's a hard one because you can't make that person go. But if you think it is an emergency you should def seek prof. Help.
Thank you so much Julia. I'm happy but there is anger frustration and other emotions underneath. So really I am not happy.
Thanks for the video I have a question as someone I know has been on antidepressants for decades but they have issues they have never dealt with -I have suggested therapy but they don’t agree -what can I say to them as I feel the antidepressants are a mask covering the truth of the situation. Let me know what you think
Thank you for vindicating my contempt for your profession
Please Help....!
My friend is depressed because of something serious but the problem is she don't want to share it with anyone (even with therapist also)....
What I can do Julia please help....
Moreover she say that she don't love me but she can't live without me. She become restless if she don't talk with me even for single day. She wanted to meet me but after we meet, she wanted to leave me as soon as possible. What is really happening with her?
If she doesn't want to talk about it, you do need to respect that. You can let her know you are there for her if and when she's ready, but it is up to her to decide what she is willing to share with who she is willing to share it.
You know, in all honesty my freinds all want me to go therapy. I'm glad they care about me and I feel really bad because all I do is resist. I still can't figure out why.
Its a fantastic chance to look inward and reprogram your own brain to do what you need it too. I had an experience that I would liken to removing a canerous tumour. Once you figure out how to do that its like you have a super power. If you have the resources why not?
I guess therapy would be the best thing for me. It's a lot I need to talk about.
No one understands... that's the sad part...
In this society now a days ...e all need to know ours mind 's movements ...so therapy is needed ...
I was in a relationship and when it was getting bad I suggested to go to couples therapy and when his dad passed I suggested about therapy and both he resisted now that we broke up he says he wants to do both..
Thank you so much for such a tender and thoughtful talk!
Why indonesia didn't have chanel like this? Becoz netizennya komennya sering nggak relate dgn isi konten😧 whatever~
video very helpful