How Retirees Use SILENCE as a Powerful Tool
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- Опубліковано 23 жов 2024
- This video discusses how retirees use "Silence" as a secret weapon in their everyday lives. It discusses using the gravitas of silence to deal with bad people and the kindness of silence to help those that you care about most.
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Disclaimer: this video is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not meant to be a substitute for legal, accounting, tax, or professional advice. If you have any specific questions about any legal, accounting, tax or other professional service matter you should consult the appropriate professional services provider.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak - James 1:19
Silence helped me a great deal a couple days ago. In a nutshell, a strange man acted like an as*h*le towards me, and I held my tongue and walked away. I could have said something insulting (since then, I've thought of many zingers, lol), but I didn't. Kept my mouth shut and walked away. Why? Because some people are sociopathic - they are more common than you think, and the best way to deal with them is to avoid them. If you engage them, you are putting yourself at risk, because they *like* violence, they do not care about anyone but themselves, and they have nothing to lose. I have plenty to lose, I like people, and I'm not interested in putting myself at risk (physically, financially, legally, etc.). I think it's mostly an ego thing that makes me want to say something back, but holding my tongue is the wiser course of action.
I've noticed that silence often speaks louder than words, especially when dealing with tricky situations.
Silence is an incredibly valuable negotiating technique. I recently purchased a used car. The young salesman was unaware that my pauses to read documents, calculate and verify costs, were all part of the theater on my part. After a few moments, he would grow impatient and throw out another option to “sweeten” the deal. When I finally reached my target price, that extra 5 minutes of “checking the paperwork” added 4 oil changes and tire rotations to the deal.
Brilliant!
My son found himself a single parent to two kids. I have the privilege of taking and picking them up from school - rule #1: no electronics around grandma - except for special occasions. When they asked why, I simply stated I enjoyed actually talking with them. I started this in K-garden & 1st grade so now in 5th & 6th grade it is second nature. They even regulate each other.
We talk about their day, their friends, big events and anything 'bothering' them. We cook together once or twice a week (I cook dinner for my dad, their Papaw).... no, my son doesn't want money from me, and yes, I've 'babysat' many times ... but it is because I love my son and his kids and we enjoy being together ... not out of obligation. Being silent and looking them in the eyes when they talk has helped them through the troubles of life and we share their successes .... Silence can be powerful with younger children when it involves direct communication with them. Great video!
You’re doing amazing things! The skills you are imparting will stay with them and they’ll better people for it.
I don't have any grandchildren. I makes my heart hurt.
@@ithacacomments4811 I'm sorry that your heart is hurting. Before I had my own grandchildren, I "borrowed" my neighbor's kids and grandmothered them. We started out with the parents being involved so that the parents would trust me with their kids. Over the years, the trust was built and their kids became like my own grands. We built beautiful bonds and I am thankful to have had the opprtunty to be a "grandmother" to my neighbor's kids. Maybe you could do the same. Diane
I love your rule of my electronics around grandma. I am so blessed that my grands and I enjoy being together without the distraction of electronics. My youngest grand (I have 7) is now 20 and we spent time together often. The secret for me has always been to listen more than to talk. I am genuinely interested in what they have to say and what's going on in their lives. Consequently, they feel comfortable sharing their lives with me. Such a joy it is to have them in my life. Diane
It is annoying when my 14 year old granddaughter starts looking at her phone when grandpa gets to pick her up from school. She is such a good girl I’m not going to impose a no electronics rule on her. At 14 you don’t realize how precious time spent with a loved one is. At family events I make it a point to engage her in conversation. The love I feel for her and her mother is almost overwhelming sometimes.
Reminds me of the old expression - we should listen twice as much as we talk. That is why God gave us two ears and one mouth.
I heard that in AA.
My grandpa would carefully listen to me when I was young. He would then share some of his life experiences dealing with the Great Depression. These priceless stories totally impacted my life for the better.
Write them down!
Retirement is now more difficult than it was in the past. I've been saving for a long time instead of investing, and right now I only have about $400K. considering all the inflation, i'm thinking of investing in stocks, i dont just have idea on market strategies.
At a point like this, when the pressure is already on you to retire, its best recommended you seek the services of an advisor, as this allows you make smarter investing decisions.
It's unfortunate most people don't have such information. I don't really blame people who panic. Lack of information can be a big hurdle. I've been making more than $30k passively by just investing through an advisor, and I don't have to do much work. Doesn't matter if the economy is misbehaving; great wealth managers will always make returns.
Do you mind sharing info on the advisor who assisted you?
Annette Christine Conte is the licensed coach I use. Just research the name. You'd find necessary details to work with a correspondence to set up an appointment.
I appreciate it. After searching her name online and reviewing her credentials, I'm quite impressed. I've contacted her as I could use all the help I can get. A call has been scheduled.
Being in sales my whole life, listening to my customers was my best sales tool. Customers don't want to hear you talk. They want to talk . Not necessarily to get responses. Many of them said the same basic things over 10, 20 or even 30 years. I always acted interested, never interrupted. There was only a very tiny percentage that I disliked, and I treated them the same. Treat people like you want to be treated. You will be sought after for advice and friendship.
Geoff, I am a retired university professor that taught human behavior and development for over 30 years. So impressed with your video, comments, and analysis. Well said.
I've been retired now for 5 years, but still part-time programming professionally as I still find it mentally stimulating. I found active listening a great tool when mentoring and coaching younger colleagues. Never providing the solution to whatever the issue was, but getting them to vocalise it - perhaps with the odd "prodding" question from me - they would most times find the solution on their own. All they had to do was hear the problem described.
I learned the power of silence many years ago. It is especially useful during encounters with strangers asking you for money on the street. As you mentioned, they usually start by asking, "Can I please ask you a question?". My response is always a hard stare as I walk past them. I find that this often confuses the scammer.
Totally agree with you,i allowed someone to talk to me and i felt sorry for him and gave him some money,the next day there he was again hanging outside of a supermarket,he made a move on me again with another scenario for me.
I love being able to hear silence 🤫
Unfortunately my 83 yr old mother never learned the art of silence or active listening. It's exhausting to spend time with someone who just doesn't stop talking.
Hahaha, we feel for you.
One of my favorite Frank Zappa lyrics "she carried on without a comma, til it was useless anymore".
Yes. They like to hold the floor. Maybe teach her how to blog and start a UA-cam channel?
My husband does this too. Someone will start telling a story and he interrupts to tell HIS story. I either put my hand on his shoulder (a signal to shut up), break in and say to the other person "So what happened then?," or say to my husband "Let him/her finish!"
I'm naturally a quiet person and I love conversations with my husband, but I know that he lacks self-awareness in this area. He had a friend visit once who was the same personality. It was like they were competing to see who could suck up all the air in the room! :)
Silence can be golden.
Silence can also be seen as ENABLING
When the kiosk hucksters at all three warehouse clubs bide for our attention, we casually walk past, saying nothing, not even reacting. They are not worth our time, energy or attention.
Learned a long time ago, in general, it is very often wise in everyday interactions, to remain silent rather than open your mouth and prove yourself either ignorant or an arse. We learn a lot more by listening rather than by talking.
@M22: I think it's important to acknowledge another's existence - especially as western society continues to unravel - so in the example you give, my own behavior is to not break stride but make eye contact while simply signaling w/ them, "No"; gently blinking as well. I've both acknowledged the vendor's existence & declined his/her sales pitch.
@@gottadomor7438no, it’s not decent to stand in my way or solicit me without eye contact first. That’s simply aggressive and we refuse to reward it.
Aggressive, impolite solicitation is an example of “unraveling western society.”
I agree with about 90% of what you say about silence as a tool. But you and I do not agree on hiding ones values, beliefs, and political views that have now become unfortunately part of a frightening future in this country I also believe in teaching your grandchildren, courage of convictionthrough verbal expression, and how one lives one’s life
I've used silence in salary negotiations to good effect. After making my case for how I was doing an excellent job and getting great results I would ask for a raise double what I actually needed. When the excuse came (we can't afford it at this time, etc.) I would just look my boss in the eye and say quietly "Well, I'm disappointed." No argument, no outrage. I'd just leave. And voila! I'd get half of what I'd asked for, which was just what I wanted. :)
using this one. thnx😊
To all strangers, phone calls, door to door, walk ups, my response is always-“I’m sorry but I do not answer questions.”
I don't pick up calls from numbers I don't know. (Legitimate calls will leave a voice mail that I can listen to and return if needed.) I don't open my door to people I don't know. I don't respond at all to walk ups on the street. For the last I find it best to smile absent-mindedly without eye contact and keep walking as if I don't really hear them.
@@jainthorne4136 same with me. My phone has many contacts in it and I don't answer those that come up with no ID. We have a sign on our front door that says No Soliciting, but many leave stuff which means either they don't care or have no clue what it says or means. When on the street, including a foreign country, I ignore folks trying to sell me something either by saying nothing or a stern NO. Far too many scammers out there and we retirees need to be smart and aware.
If in the street, I don't make eye contact and side step them. Phone: I disconnect and block that number. Home: that's not allowed in the UK.
Great strategy. My response is often, “you don’t need to know that.” No additional discussion or explanation needed.
Now that they can use your voice to replicate yours and imitate you, probably it's best to not say anything at all.
I think this video deserves an Oscar.
As a Nurse I've used quiet time to be able to assess situation. I use it in my Family be a Good Listener before giving input.
I love this. You have reminded me of the quiet strength my elders communicated to me. Thank you for sharing this.
Silence is golden
The power of silence is wonderful. I've been married 51 years and when my wife wants to communicate, daily, she does 90% of the talking. I get in big trouble if I say anything. Then she accuses me of not listening. (humor but true)
😂😂
Sounds like a horrible way to live.
She's lonely. She is trying to fill the silence. Try starting a conversation.
ugh. I had so called friends like that.
Pretend you’re listening to her, then after about five minutes look at her with a quizzical look and say, “what?”
One of your best!
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver 😅
Excellent video! Feeling good about silence… much needed in today’s life.
Wise advice on so many levels. Thanks for the reminder!
Unexpected topic for this channel but so very welcome. Thank you.
Loved this video. Great reflection on family morals. Peace and quite 🌞
Silence is a super-power.
Yes! Thank you for discussing the powerful use of active listening…too few people understand the value of this.
This content is just inexpressibly good. Really an extraordinary outside the box thesis that can change lives and potentially the world. “All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal, Pensées
Your words about silence were amazing. You are deeper than we knew.
Indeed. And here we’ve been thinking he was just another pretty face.
So true! I do use silence in the ways you mentioned. My niece thinks I'm her wise auntie. 😇
Thank you for the reminder about the strength and importance of silence.
I've recently retired and am finding silence quite a novel way to chill out. It's good for me. I'm sure I'll eventually rejoin the human race, but until then, this is an interesting (and unplanned/expected) experience.
Excellent Recommendation Jeff. Than k You.
I think of marketers in the context of wasting time. When I reach the end of the journey, I don’t want to regret wasting time on them.
I believe the retirement crisis will get even worse. Many struggle to save due to low wages, rising prices, and exorbitant rents. With homeownership becoming unattainable for middle-class Americans, they may not have a home to rely on for retirement either.
Consider buying stocks when the economy is not doing well, like during a recession. It could be a chance to buy them at a lower price and sell later when prices go up. Just keep in mind, this isn't financial advice, but sometimes it's better than keeping a lot of cash.
I’m closing in on retirement, too, and I have benefitted so much from using a financial advisor. I didn’t start early, so I knew the compound interest of index fund investing would not work for me. Funny how I pulled in more profit than some of my peers who had been investing for many years.
Could you kindly elaborate on the advisor's background and qualifications?
The advisor that guides me is Amber Dawn Brummit, most likely the internet is where to find her basic info, just search her name. She's established.
Thank you! I entered her full name into my browser, and her website came out on top. I filled her form and i hope she gets back to me soon.
What good advice! Great advice! Thanks! ❤️
Loving your content, it and other folks on youtube have given me the confidence I need and a way to plan for my upcoming retirement a few years earlier than I had hoped. Thank you!
The beauty of silence is, people don’t know what you’re thinking. Especially with direct eye contact.
more practical wisdom from Holy Schmidt!
Silence is golden.
My absolute favourite teacher. 🙌🙌🙌
Interesting perspective. Thanks
Good reminder, thanks Geoff. This is very timely for me.
Great content! I totally agree. Silence and choice of words are so important.
Wonderful advice!
I learned the hard way that keping your mouth shut is the best way to end an argument or better yet not to start one.
great insight.... thank you
Now that was holy. Thx a mil.
Shh...you're giving away the secret superpower of silence.
This is one of your best videos. Thank you.
Encourages reflective thinking.....
A definite attribute to have in many work related situations. Many times I could have been much more effective in hindsight of this!
Thank you Mr S
Oh, timely! And from such an unexpected source! I watch "holy" people to get this advice but don't expect it from "holy schmidt" lol
Such excellent advice! Thanks for the reminder.
I love this video. Such an interesting topic. I have a post it that says "Talk Less, Listen More." I would love it if you created a training program for seniors about how to avoid the sophisticated scams out there now. I would purchase a course for myself and my mother. I watch scam videos to get educated and have been stunned just how sophisticated they are.
Lol! I had someone approach me in a name brand store asking if I was interested in getting a famous cellphone company. I said no. They asked me who I had and I told them. When they tried to get me to trade my cellphone account for theirs, I said, "Are you crazy??!! You just had a massive breach, you think I want to be with your company?" He was so embarrassed, he was speechless. Knowledge is power.
Sometimes these young people think we older people are stupid.
A young man tried to sell me bug protection and he got way too much information from me. He learned that I didn’t have a dog and that my air conditioner wasn’t on (open windows). You can bet they were closed and locked that night! But the next day there were some smashed down weeds in front of one of my windows. Sure, it could’ve been a rabbit bed for the night……….
This is an insightful message! Thank you.
Love this message 😊🙏
SILENCE..... a word which has a deep meaning..... GO INSIDE YOURSELF..... GAUTAMA BUDDHA..... the enlightened one.. ... went into silence for years.... & found..... NIRVANA.... GOING INTO SILENCE FOR FIVE TO SEVEN DAYS is part of yoga which we do in meditation in India.... ONE CONNECTS WITH THAT ELUSIVE ENERGY WHICH CONTROLS EVERYTHING ON EARTH.
It took me a lifetime to shut my mouth and just listen 90 percent of the time. Normal conversations with friends or family are much better when you just listen.
HONESTLY I thought your video was going to be about not participating in some of the craziness going on today as a way of protest... I am silent on a lot of things because I do not want my life in turmoil over my opinions or beliefs. I have learned most of this from FB groups and working with a variety of people. NOT from friends or family. When you speak your mind in a FB group you either get extreme HATE or agreement. So I have learned to just watch what happens. I have observed a huge shift in our society. We are no longer a truly "free" society any longer. And people that did not sense this shift are living a life that I never wanted. I never wanted to be in a society of censored News like they have in China or Russia. True we have always had 'unwritten rules'. Like honor the flag, and support the President no matter who he is. Our society is upside down and I can only be silent... most of the time.
Not to be in;proprietary, ur I must comment on how good your skin looks.!
Possibly the best video on this site - AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT!!!!!!!
Great advice
The sheet of money in the frame is it real. years ago my girlfriend worked at the post office and could buy money in sheets and wrapped Christmas gifts in sheets of money
OK
I've used this technique for years, ... I simply act as if I did not even hear the other person. If I want information or I want to talk to someone, I know how to initiate such communications.
What is your opinion on Fisher Investments?
Thumbs up !
Liked!!!
I am a blabber mouth. It is going to be interesting to learn how to remain silent.
It is worth the effort.
My MIL couldn’t stop talking, I learned how to tune her out.
My family will think I’m angry if I don’t chat😉
@@carolynt.4455 I get that too. But I talk way too much.
With some people, it seems every thought they have comes out their mouth. They haven’t figured out their brain and their mouth are separate.
I tell these people, you are intruding on my peace, GO AWAY.
I saved $10,000 when I bought my house by listening to the realtor instead of making a higher offer which I was planning to do.
No comment.
I AGREE....GOODBYE SPIES
Could be a song title...
Silent but deadly.
"hmm, and then what happened?"
Silence works great , lots of people think you seem smart until you open your yap and prove them otherwise.
i reply to help your algorithm . you need the numbers to be a youtube star🕺😂
Since, according to this video, all retirees are grandparents, I am curious to know why the title isn't, " How Grandparents Use Silence As A Powerful Tool". 🤔
As an lnvesting enthusiast, I often wonder how top level investors are able to become millionaires off investing. . I’ve been sitting on over $545K equity from a home sale and I’m not sure where to go from here, is it a good time to buy into stocks or do I wait for another opportunity?
I think the safest strategy is to diversify investments. Like spreading investments across different asset classes, like bonds, real estate, and international stocks, they can reduce the impact of a market meltdown.
A lot of folks downplay the role of advlsors until being burnt by their own emotions. I remember couple summers back, after my lengthy divorce, I needed a good boost to help my business stay afloat, hence I researched for licensed advisors and came across someone of utmost qualifications. She's helped grow my reserve notwithstanding inflation, from $275k to $850k.
Im too old to argue
👍 ❤❤
👍. . . H S . . .👋
Plyoung people dont want tp learn
.
You are ready for living on 3500 per year????