Why Do I Hurt So Much in Limerent Grief?
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- Опубліковано 17 лют 2024
- I offer personal counseling with a scheduled appointment or on an "emergency" basis.
followingfenna.com
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fenna@followingfenna.com or on followingfenna.com
My editor is the best!! : Heymel Visual
Graphics: Studio Ilse van Klei ilsevanklei.nl/
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Followingfenna.com for my help in your limerence
Thank you so much, I never felt allowed to grief an talk about it because they were not mine.
Indeed, many people feel like that.
"Grief is Love with no place to go" were wise words I once read. Maybe that's why they say bring it (Love) back to yourself as you grieve and heal. Blasting you all peace in the process!
Super beautiful and true. We need compassion in grief
Wow! Great
Quote!
And I thought I'm over the stage of crying, I was wrong. Still, the quote is beautiful and painfully precise.
Some of us get into limerence because of grief (death of loved one), then comes the grief of unreciprocated love... grief upon grief. Life serving up layers of grief... yay lol.
Very true.
Most people lost someone prior to the start of the episode
Yes. I got sucked into a limerent relationship after my husband died. Sooo much grief
16 years of hell....finally getting over it.
I'm so happy to read this ! Good luck!!!
@@followingfenna I always come back to your channel and listen. The breadcrumbs are the worst!
It's the love that makes this person special. This great love comes from us. I felt it with my whole being. This is me who loved deeply, it was little to do with this person, because this person acted like shit. And I know I acted with integrity. And my ability to love is still mine
Poor all that love into the right person
I will one day :) I am happy and not in a hurry
I'm a widow for almost 3 years. My limerent object of two years now is a married man; we've been no-contact over 10 months. I never did anything to hide or regret with him. There seems to be a current mindset of personal unaccountability, that if a married person is giving us interest, it's a green light to get involved with them. My principle is, it's not my place to decide if someone else's marriage is expendable or not; he decides that alone, without my influence. If he comes to me after that, our getting together feels more maturely motivated to me. If he doesn't, it shows his behavior towards me was impulsive and unintentional. At 70, I have a strong mixture of loneliness, grief, longing, and cold sobriety.
I hear you biondna.
I got a real wake-up call recently. I had not seen my LO for seven months and was feeling much better, starting to enjoy life and feeling more like myself. Out of the blue, he showed up in my driveway one day, offering to do snow removal after a major storm. We talked for about 10 minutes and what followed for me was 5 weeks of excruciating pain. I began to think that I just couldn’t go on this way! This is week number six and the pain is easing, thank God! It really shows me how powerful this situation is to throw me into despair and not functioning. I think it’s really about the severe neglect in my childhood and the emotional unavailability of my mother. I’m starting to feel mad about all of this and I think that’s a good thing. All of this pain and sadness for all of this time (three years), and, for what? This is going nowhere! It feels like it helps to be angry. I hope I’m ready to let go.
Being angry is healthy ! It gives us power and it helps us to set boundaries and to see what we don't want.
It's also a phase in a grief proces.
I so so hope you will start to feel better again soon Tina.
@@followingfenna Thanks, Fenna! I was feeling rather confident after 7 months of No Contact. It shows me that I really have to avoid this person. Why would I be happy about a little crumb from him followed by serious ongoing pain? It’s crazy! I’m pretty sure this is really about my mother. She withheld kindness, approval, and affection . I exhausted myself trying to please her.
Best channel on this subject. Only Fenna gets it.
Thank you so much!
Fenna you're such a generous treasure to us all-there's something in the natural cadence and tonality of your delivery that helps make digesting and absorbing the message more palatable. Thanks for helping to make sense of what appears to make absolutely no sense at all.
That's such a big compliment starlight thank you
Thank you always Fenna.
You are very welcome
Your videos help a lot. Thank you!
Beautiful and normalizing!!! Thank you❤
You are so very welcome
Hi fenna I bumped into LO twice recently. It hurts like hell.
I'm so sorry for you, and yes it does.
A proposal from the LO to meet in 2 months…. As friend…. It has been 2 and Half years and I still think about what we had. I know it’s not a good idea but it is hard to let go……
I soo understand.
Yet I hope you will say no. :)
That is interesting, the 3 dementions!
I have a slight bit of anger, so that's a good thing I guess. The addiction is fading. My limerence is not the kind where I feel sick all the time, mine is just thinking about them much of the day and night and a slow lingering want or desire for the companionship. I emailed them asking if they would like to meet up soon (just as friends btw), and they took 8 days to reply and said that they are swamped with work but how about in two weeks? So they tried to toss the ball back to me in my court is what it feels like - a week to respond and two more weeks to then meet up (maybe), I feel like I am being jacked around by the LO. I think I will not reply to that offer, and let them come back with the time and date we should meet up. And if they do not, then let this one die out for good. I'll stay busy doing other things. For now the longing remains, not that sick feeling. It's because I really am staying busy with projects and I have other dreams to keep in my mind. The LO is not interested in me in any way is what it looks like don't it.
If you don't contact them and let go of them completely, you will get your happiness back sooner.
@@lisaschmidt8466 I'm not the kind of limerent that suffers bad mentally and physically. I'm a slow-burner who feels lonely even if not in limerence. So I'm only trying to fill a bit of loneliness that is always there. My most recent LO fills that somewhat. And from knowing that LO I met an entire other social group which I am making other friends with. I was lucky to know this LO in fact.
So I am making lemonade out of the lemons, is how I think of it.
I am not all that miserable in limerence. The highs are pretty good and the lows have gotten easier. I'm a creative person with tons of unfinished projects to do. I can stay busy which helps as well. I will be ok if my LO calls me in two weeks and we go have a nice lunch. And if they don't call, I can be fine as well as I get over them completely.
I am having a hard time with just "stating what I feel". There are too many objections within me that tell me I shouldn´t be feeling what I am feeling because of another person - the suicidal ideations, the withdrawal symptoms, subconsciously comparing others to my LOs and thinking that other people don´t give me as much of a high, not allowing myself to missing the highs because it it "only" neurochemistry...
It's a little practice to just name what you feel, not if thats okay, if you should feel that, etc.
Like:
I'm sad
I'm tired
I'm fed up ....
Point.
I have my doubts about the concept of normal, healthy grief with regards to limerence. My gut tells me that there is something off about those withdrawal symptoms one gets from going no contact. My take is that there´s a difference between healthy, normal grief and sadness/ depression from drug withdrawal. I have no way to prove that though, I wish I did. Don´t people who give up severe drugs also go through that kind of awfully painful "loss"? Would one call that "grieving" as in "grieving a person"?
Hi Tobias thank you for the thought, whatever it is or we call it, we have to go through it.
Our nervoussystem thinks LO is an important person so will will have to go trough grief, whether we find it normal or not, even people whom are in a parasocial relationship will go through some grief. Its not just the withdrawal, its also the grief of the relationship / perceived / possibility of a relationship.
I agree with you it feels off..
❤