Thank you for all of the amazing thoughts, experiences and advice shared in the comments section! 💕 If you would like to familiarize yourself with your personal style beyond this point, or you're curious about topics related to personal style, make sure to check out my playlist:ua-cam.com/video/u6CTrW622Z4/v-deo.html I'm excited to keep making this type of analytical content, so if you have any requests/suggestions, please let me know!
Coming from a gay man from the Philippines, fashion in general is rather looked down upon here for men, not only due to the focus on practicality due to weather and finances, but also due to gender stereotypes. Fashion is seen as effeminate here, and any way to deviate from that norm will get you called homophobic slurs or an attempt to demasculate you. Even among fashion spaces online here, there tends to be a greater focus on styles that emphasize masculinity, a focus on brands or specific aesthetics, and certain rules you have to follow to fit in, even if you want to dress up outside of the style they pre-selected for you. I was always allowed to explore my style as a kid, especially with an abundance of secondhand clothing stores near me. So when I started shopping for myself as an adult, it didn't take me too much time to stop feeling like a poser in what I wore. However, that hasn't really stopped the comments about my style being too "extra" or "gay." This includes simple things as well, such as wearing a hat or wearing a thrifted shirt from the women's rack instead of the men's. College has been a blessing for me in that I can finally explore all aspects of my style in a safe enough environment with people who do accept my queer identity. However, it is rather privileged of me to have this environment and to be able to explore my style this freely, and many queer people in my country often don't get this luxury, either financially or culturally.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience❤ I had a hunch that fashion for men was considered as "bad" in most places, but I wish we'd get over the gender stereotypes already 😩 I think parts of Europe have gotten better about it over time, but it doesn't take long for me to be reminded of how little we've accomplished in all this time in those areas overall. I found NYC to be very refreshing in that aspect, some of the most fashionable people were men and non-binary individuals, they were just ✨STUNNING✨I've definitely noticed how even skincare and makeup, when tried to be sold to a male audience, is always turned into a masculinified (idk a better word) version of the product so men wouldn't feel "weird" about basic things they think are exclusively for women. 🙄 And I'm so glad that despite sh*theads trying to bring you down, you stayed true to yourself ❤ But I hate how so many of us have been hurt by gender conforming and patriarchal systems😞 College is definitely something I also considered a safe space, because it allows us to explore and learn more about ourselves outside of our little bubbles at home ☺
as a trans person I appreciate the inclusion of gender and sexuality! It has a large influence on who I am and how I dress. Growing up I wasn't allowed to wear anything I want and now I get to make my own personal style, which is SO fulfilling!
I always want to create a safe and welcoming environment in my content for the LGBTQ+ community 💕 So glad you're finally able to fulfill yourself, it really does wonders to many aspects of our lives! 💗
with this, and the childhood video i somehow realize why i dont have a style 🙃 i spend more time in home, and online as a kid, so there was not need to pick clothes? not outside clothes, i just hated to see everyone else to pick what's trendy, and that lead me to like the opposite, but not in a emo/gothic way, i simply refuse to chose. and the times to pull a outfit where non existent since i always used uniform for school, and piyamas at home. looking back it does have sense because why would i have to participate in something just because it's what it's expected, but then im also like??? plwase stop being so bitchy about this (myself) everyone looks really happy using clothes that just likw them and i wsnt that😭😭 and it's crazy because i have my liking of stuff, and accesories, and shoes. but the literally "clothe" part bring me emotional conflic.
Sounds like perhaps your relationship to fashion was strained as a child (which I think, due to the very many factors I mentioned in the video, is super common). It's perfectly acceptable for your personal style to also simply be not wanting to participate in fashion in the traditional sense! Would you want to develop a different look/style from what you have now? If you imagine yourself in five years, would you like to look more or less the same, or is there an ideal version of you that you're picturing in your head? These questions might help with any internal conflict you're having. It's important to also respect yourself and what it is that truly makes you happy - so if your personal style comes out in your accessories rather than clothes, you can give your accessorizing the attention others might give to clothes 💕
I came to incorporate a lot of military officer style. Like the fancy ceremonial style. Not into government, I am anarchist, eat them, but I would lie if I said they do not look sleek AF. Think like fetish leather and latex, the y2K style and the 90's runway. Like Balmain and Mugler. Black and red and sexy. Feminine but with masculine power edge. I use this in home decor and my artwork as well. The world is my runway and art gallery. It is so exhiliarating. 'Walk, walk, fashion baby, make it work, that bitch crazy' ~ Lady Gaga, Bad Romance > is the vibe
You had me at 90s runway! I totally get what you're saying (and I agree) - that's the nice thing about fashion in most cases, you can morph it into something of your own (even if its origins are somewhat iffy). I love how fashion really can be an art form too, if we let it be.
Thank you for the tip, I'll have to look into it! 🥰 I knew there has got to be something a little more casual out there, I just didn't know where to start looking.
I'm a man from Texas. I think a lot of my style is informed by a dislike for enforced societal standards. I dislike uniforms so I love wearing baseball caps (they also work with headphones and keep hair out of my face/work), tight pants like leggings or baseball pants, extreme shirts (tank tops or non button up long sleeves, I want to be completely protected from the sun or feel the air on my skin), etc. I grew up Christian before realizing how much I dislike the church and how hypocritical a lot of it is, so I stopped being Christian. I definitely dont want to be associated with that crowd, so I avoid red (Republican Party brand color) unless I'm balancing it out in some way (blue, sunset colors, or white and black). I also dont like jeans because of how theyre often required for events that want to seem casual (denim is a great material, but it reminds me of stuff I hate like how florescent lights remind people of hospitals. I think I prefer a mix of sexy, active, and punk clothes because a lot of patriarchal logic denys the sexiness of the male form (Im also gay and have large genetics, so I dress for what I find hot about men and because Ive realized I like how my body looks), I need to be able to move in my clothes (walk/bike long distances, go outside, carry things, bend down to pick things up, etc), and punk because its cheap and easy to do (plus I like rebellion and dont own many clothes that truly fit my deepest preferences because I dont buy much and the clothes I like are not very available where I live and secondhand). I do have the very usual man color palette of white, black, and blue though because thats what clothes come in though. (Especial cheap packs of clothes for underwear or basics). I think for other men, it really depends on their relationship with male beauty standards and such though. I'm gay, so I care more about attracting men than women and can also appreciate more aspects of my body, but I'd imagine straight men would probably think more about what they think women like or seek approval from male friends in a non sexual way. I also dislike a lot of the culture I was raised in (people are nice, but people that over romanticize the past or the rich are annoying), but I imagine men that dont feel the same dislike for it would be more likely to like historical costume adjacent items. Mens clothing available in person is really boring too, the sections in stores are always kinda small and dont have much variety, so I wind up shopping online, but I think other men probably wind up either choosing from what's available in person or shopping online as well. Edit: note about thrifting: I'm 6ft 200lbs so they dont often carry my size in much interesting. I think Im like a 2X in woman's jackets, so they rarely have items more interesting than generic mens wear. They do have good underwear at the one near my house though (its new ofc, just more interesting than at the store). In general the things available in person are too modest for my preference though Edit 2: no hate to people that are religious. A lot of extremists just use relgion as a facade to justify violence against normal people, which makes me want to distance myself from them Edit 3: for the questions at the end: Left, left, either extreme, either extreme, left, left or either, either extreme, right since I want to be able to handle extreme heat and extreme AC everywhere runs
Thank you for your insights on fashion in your world! Re: dislikes, this is why I encourage people to initially explore their dislikes, because it will help them find what they liked more easily! Re: religion & gender, I've noticed how religious associations + gender roles played a huge part in how my style developed into what it is now - I wouldn't say my style necessarily pushes against most patriarchal systems etc, but I've definitely been labeled as "extra" and you don't wanna know what some people have said to me in a church😭 I hate Finnish "masculinity" because it's super toxic (they're not allowed to visibly feel any emotions, can't talk about their feelings, can't stray from "masculine" fashion etc etc), I think it has really harmed a lot of my guy friends who had more distinct or "different" personal styles. It's getting better, but slower than I hoped. I feel you about the whole "what's available locally" in stores, I struggle finding my more whimsical/ethereal clothing where I live, or at least for any decent price, all the vintage pieces get marked up like crazy in my local thrift stores. I'm so glad though that you're dressing the way YOU want no matter what anyone else says!
ive always been super particular about my style. when i was a toddler i used to throw tanrums if i didnt like the clothes my mum had picked out for me that day. fashion for me is my source of confidence, so im a completely different person depending on what i wear. if im dressed up in my style, which i can best describe as "dark academia elite meets most popular girl at monster high" im more upbeat and open, but if im wearing anything that others would find "cosy' like joggers or hoodies i can barely look people in the eye.
I definitely feel this, how we feel in the clothes we wear has a huge impact on our confidence! I definitely feel "off" whenever I wear something that doesn't quite align with my preferences or how I wish to be perceived.
Cool being so cute in this video 🥺 From the perspective of religion, one of the things I've noticed is how creative people can get with fashion within religious guidelines and how that interacts with other influences. For example, being Christian I've gotten really into layering in an effort to be more modest, but I also live in a very warm climate. Trying to balance these two has ended up resulting in most of my favorite outfits, styled with pieces I would have never thought about! I love seeing people develop their personal style in a way that connects to their beliefs
Just wait till the next video, he took over 2/3 of it, he's the star of the show 🐈⬛You have an interesting take on religion and style! I've definitely found easy ways to wear some of my favorite outfits to more modest occasions (whether it's respecting my or someone else's religious beliefs, I wore pretty modest clothes during my vacation to Japan too because of the many temples and shrines). There's a line between disrespecting a religious space and wearing something another individual in that space doesn't like/is a bit too into (thanks, patriarchal systems...), and I think I've come to a point where I've found a good medium :)
My influences: -My parents didnt let me wear anything "whore-ish" when i was a teen so now as an adult, i casually wear mini skirts with sheer tights and kitten heels. -My roommates in college were Japanese and i adopted the habit of dressing up nicely even if it was just to the grocery store -I lived in NYC for a few years and learnt how to dress for colder days. Now i live in California and i'm That Person who goes out in knee/calf-length coats when it's below 17degC. However, i'm also that person wearing thin base layers or merino wool sweaters whereas everybody else is wearing chunky sweaters bc i learnt to efficiently layer
That's so interesting how the many people in your life have also affected your style, but it makes total sense! :) I think my Japan trip definitely affected how much more I'm geared towards modesty these days (that, and being in a semi-professional setting a lot of the time). And yes, I had that same thing with my parents, it was interesting to see their reactions when I initially started dressing differently 😆 NYC winters can be such a reality check - they never beat the Finnish winters I grew up in, but walking 30min through piled up snow between every block was definitely a workout~
another personal style video from jemi?? today is a good day ❤ the whole reason i found your channel in the first place is because my environment/climate just changed drastically. i got promoted at my job and moved from the satellite office in california to headquarters in washington state. i’ve never had to dress so professionally, and i’ve never had to dress for cold weather having lived in one of the warmest and sunniest states. i moved with basically no clothes since they were all too light weight and/or casual for washington. i’ve been trying to buy and thrift new clothes, but it’s been hard to keep my personal style (which i was better at placing/describing after i watched your videos) in this new environment. i keep reaching for things i can’t actually wear to work or outside. but i’m being patient and when i find something that sparks joy and fits my environment, i take note of that. i noticed i lean towards very structured fabrics like denim, corduroy, and thicker leather. i think these days i’m dressing a bit 00s, but not like the past it girls, more like… disney channel 00s 😅 it’s fun though and it keeps me warm while still being stylish
Oh wow, that's a pretty drastic move! I had an office job for a while, but the dress code was pretty relaxed, so I never REALLY had to dress in complete corporate fashion. I'd definitely recommend getting some thermal layers from Uniqlo (if you haven't already), especially the thin ones you can use as bottom layers underneath other clothes. It gives you some more flexibility with your styling options, and I love it because it allows me to wear my skirts/dresses during the winter too. I do have some videos on how I keep my style throughout the winters if you want to check them out! I definitely understand though, my personal style is not one that alongs with winter weather, so I always find myself feeling a bit "dulled down" during winters. I actually never watched Disney channel because it wasn't available where I'm from, but I know exactly what you're talking about!
@@jemi_at the california office, people would wear shorts and flip flops… definitely not acceptable in washington 😂 i did go to uniqlo for layers! i’ve always seen ads for their heat tech but never needed it until now. i didn’t know you had videos on keeping your style in winter so i’ll check those out. yes the “disney channel” look is classic, you’d know it when you see it even if you’ve never watched disney channel😂
I was growing up so poor that even the cheapest things which costed like 3 € were like luxury to me. There was this very cheap brand „New Yorker“. I remember that I saw myself as so unworthy that I didn’t even have the courage to go into a „New Yorker“ store by the age of 20. For me, this was „unreachable“ luxury. I have some challenges to overcome in the next time, but encouraged by videos like yours, I plan on sewing clothes and upcycling second hand clothes to style I like. ATM, I literally own nothing I like except a super fancy coat, I bought from my very first salary. It was so expensive, but this bright red with this pattern… I love it. It makes my most boring outfits look fancy.
I remember New Yorker, I used to think it was THE store when I couldn't afford much. And finnish thrift stores were great, people would sell shoes for 2e sometimes and I'd wear them till they physically broke. I definitely recommend taking up sewing if you can, I'm hoping to do so too eventually when my budget and space allows it. 😊
@ I am envious of your thrift stores. When I was a child, I literally only found ugly stuff there. Super frustrating. Now I find nice stuff which doesn’t fit me. 😂 I hope you can pick up sewing soon. I made a lot of mistakes when I wanted to buy my first sewing machine. Now, I always recommend everyone to buy old full metal sewing machines. Even if they are 100 years old and you need to power them with your foot… in my opinion those are still better than the new plastic ones. And no computer included industrial machines. 🙄 completely mechanical is better also for repair. But that’s only my opinion. 🤗
omg you're from finland!! tha's so cool! i'm from here too :D and i can relate to the experience of moving to different places affecting your style. i was born and raised in russia (my mom is russian) and moved to finland in my teenage years. i feel like one reason why i didn't have any personal style as a teenager was that it was very hard to switch between my russian idetity and finnish identity and i felt like it's easier to just complitely hide my identity and forget i even had one.
Ai kiva, moi! 🇫🇮💗 I'm so glad I'm not alone in this experience, I feel like it definitely affects our behavior, style, and self expression pretty heavily. It sucks that our identity often feels like it has to be tied to how the people in our environment dress :/ But I think it's absolutely worth it to find your own identity in your style that isn't necessarily tied to a specific country or place 🥰
thank you for bringing up how body image influences your style! i've dreaded going clothes shopping since i was a child, and always opted for loose/baggy clothing that would help me disappear, because i always felt like people were noticing me for my size. i'm trying to accept that this is how my body will always look, and learn how to dress myself in a flattering way, while finding my personal style.
It's absolutely a huge influence! My body developed very fast for a 13yo, it was actually scary how many grown men would pay a little too much attention to me - so of course I avoided anything tight fitting. I definitely support finding peace with your body - I've often wished mine was different but eventually came to terms with it (though ofc it's never a 100% confidence thing) and even began finding many parts of myself unique and beautiful. Another thing that can really help is knowing what flatters your body type! :) Sometimes the clothes we want aren't the best fitting for us, and it most likely means we just have to find the right pieces that work with our body types. As an example, since I'm an hourglass figure, I often need my dresses to sinch in at the waist or flare out. There's a lot of good "dress for your body type" videos out there!
This is a brilliant video. But I wanna add something. I am 45 years old. I‘ve had a very strong sense of self snd sense of style, and a very strong personal style from early childhood on. I lost it as I got heavily into fashion&style content on social media. This is maybe something to think about. Never in my Twenties up to my late Thirties ever have I had style issues or shopping issues whatsoever. I didn‘t overspend on clothes, I bought solely what I liked and never - I repeat, never - did I end up not wearing the clothes I bought. Also my personal style wasn‘t something I thought about during the day. It just was. And that was awesome.
I'ave actually noticed this as well, but forgot to add it in! I talked about my experience with starting to lose my personal style when I was chronically online, and then how quitting social media for a while brought it back to me (it's here if you wanna see my take on it: ua-cam.com/video/tqYNKAxZJIo/v-deo.html). Has your personal style eventually come back around to you?
@@jemi_ eww, that‘s so sweet that you answered - they normally don‘t do that. I‘ll watch the linked video as well. I‘ve just found your chanell, but I already think you are the most reasonable and in-depth creator on those issues here, besides Hannah Louise Poston. At least that‘s my impression. No, my style didn‘t come back to me yet, because I have to deal with several health issues from 2021 onward, and my body changed - I changed, I have many physical restrictions now. I‘m still figuring it out.
@@niemodna Thank you so much for your kind comment! 🥹💕 I'll have to check out the other creator you mentioned! And I'm sorry your style didn't come back, but hopefully soon - I've had some big recent lifestyle changes happen as well that are ultimately going to affect my style a little bit as well, so I understand how you're feeling!
Tbh best way for me to honor my inner child in this is to learn to sew. The clothes i want don't come in my size to begin with, so i might as well reject fashion all together.
I think this is a wonderful idea! 🥰 I'm also considering learning sewing when I have a bit more space and can afford the machine and tools for it. I love the way a lot of clothes were made in my mom's era, most of her dresses had adjustable corseted strings in the backs that changed the shape of the dresses (thus allowing her to wear them even when her body size fluctuated and when she was pregnant). I would love to make dresses like those one day ❤️
I was traumatized by wearing too small handmedown clothing by my older sister and my neighbour so with my kids as soon as I see their clothes becoming too small I just buy bigger clothes even if they don't mind ... I have two boys so they just don't care about what they wear... I'm the one nagging them to wear clothing that fits! LOL as for my personal style I always make sure my clothing fit well (tailored) and my pants are usually looser then tighter because of my childhood ''trauma'' I just can't feel my thighs being tight in my pants I will order a size bigger and bring my pants to the tailored to fix the waist.
I didn't even think to include this, but I totally get what you're saying! I have often had a lot of issues finding clothes that fit my body type and so does my mom, so she actually learned to tailor our clothes for us when they didn't fit right. It's so important that they feel good on you and fit you, rather than you "fitting in them". So sweet of you to look after your kids in that aspect too ❤
Thank you about talking about restrictive parents and not being able to express yourself in healthy ways because of the restrictions. I thought I was alone in that.
this is the best video about personal style I've seen so far, thank you for all the details and the article! and Cool is absolutely cool 💕 so glad you popped up in my recommendations!
Thank you so much for watching 💕 I also have more related topics/articles in my childhood and personal style video, if you want to read more research-based content 🥰 And yes, Cool is 100% a cool cat, we named him Cool before realizing his personality matches the name we gave him. 🐈⬛
It could be the reason you dont feel the girl Japanese would fit you is because it doesn’t match your “essence”. Maybe ingenue isn’t part of your essence blend. I’m finding it hard to reconcile my personal tastes with what looks and feels right on me based on my body type and essence.
Yeah, I think my issue with specifically lolita is that it's very high-effort and high-cost + it can come off as more child-like than I'd want to look. That's why I've been feeling revitalized by these shoujo-like outfits I've been seeing, because I find them to be a lot more manageable and lower effort while still maintaining those feminine, pretty elements! And body type definitely plays a role, a lot of the kinds of tops I love look bad on me, unfortunately 🥲
I've been bullied my entire youth because I was "weird". Apart from that, because of my autism I also had to learn how to behave in social settings. This has turned me into somewhat of a wallflower, which sucks because I actually like it when fashion is more "out there". I like things like 18th century gowns, Chinese fashion (what you can see on Douyin and Xiaohongshu), lolita, some goth styles and whatever the elves in LOTR. I'm also trans and still have most of my masculine clothing from before I found out, and most of that is as basic as you can find. So yeah, it's tough to really create an outfit I actually like.
Lovely, engaging content... truly a cut above the rest of this website. I looove the all the questions you propose that we ask ourselves to better define our personal style. We should all put a little more thought into what makes us truly happy.
Thank you so much! 💕 And I 100% agree, it's vital to learn to think critically, and to strive to understand ourselves better. It's weird because even though fashion is just one part of me, understanding my personal style has also helped me understand other parts of my identity - like, just like parts of my style, I am a romantic at heart. It's very interesting, I feel like our identities are an endless well, and we keep discovering more and more about ourselves as we age and grow (and I find it to be a beautiful thing) ❤️
fantastic video! both your message in itself but also you presentation. also you feel so calm and nice to listen to. just subbed, will def watch more. thank you for this!
I love the scales you made! I was surprised that I already know exactly where I am!!! I also love your pumpkins and sunflower 🌻🧡 Oversharing/rant below haha Evangelical christianity, and the resulting religious trauma, caused so much trouble for my sense of self and expression. Thankfully I’ve left mentally but leaving physically/socially is even harder. Realising “modesty” isn’t biblical was a turning point for me! The passages actually mean women shouldn’t flaunt their wealth because character matters more than beauty (in other words, you’re a person not a status symbol) and please don’t dress in a way that misrepresents your marital status. How anyone spun that into hide yourself so men aren’t tempted to assault you is beyond me. Especially when Jesus told men to pluck their eyes out and cut off their hands if they couldn’t control themselves! Getting mixed up between cultures can be confusing! I identify with my birth country but it’s changed since I left so I’m a bit stuck in the past. I’ve also been influenced by cultures I’ve never lived in because it was easier to make friends with other immigrants (due to xenophobia)
So happy to hear you had confident answers to the scale questions! I grew up in a similar setting, it took immense work to deconstruct and find my own way in my faith, cuz a lot of what was taught to me as a kid would literally be going against what's said in the Bible (or twisted out of context/blown out of proportion), the irony 😅 That's so interesting about modesty, cuz I never had any evidence about my thoughts on it too, I would just recite the "pluck their eyes out" phrase if someone tried to put me down or shame me. ✨ And yeah, I definitely have many conflicting feelings about my cultural identity, because when I went back to Finland for a visit last year, I noticed how "Americanized" I was in so many ways. Somehow I'll never shake off my bluntness though, it seems haha. I'm so sorry you've experienced xenophobia 😞 I have a lot of friends who've suffered because of it as well, it's important to stay close to safe people and communities - I want to cuss xenophobes etc so bad, but I'm not trying to get my content flagged 😩 but they can go [insert curse words here] themselves~
@@jemi_ Yes it’s so difficult! And so hard to find good education on. People project so much onto the bible and say things so confidently even though they have no evidence 😭 I can’t remember where I learnt the stuff about modesty from but if you have trouble finding info I can try and find out! I’m happy you stood up for yourself 💕 Omg the bluntness is the thing I find hardest to shake off too!!! I think indirect communication relies on shared assumptions so it takes me forever to figure out. By then everyone’s used to my bluntness 😂 Completely agree about xenophobes! I was talking to some of my friends who live in my home country but are also immigrants about it one day and they were shocked by how I’m treated in the country I moved to. One of them said if that’s how they treat people like me (white) imagine how much worse it is for other immigrants. She was exactly right 😞
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! 💕 And thank you for saying that! I often hesitate including potentially sensitive/triggering/heavy topics in videos cuz I'm scared someone will walk away triggered or crying 😭 It's why I try to be super careful whenever I include those topics, but I'm so relieved to hear my message has been received well🥹❤️
I love your deep dives into this topic! I have been figuring out a lot of this advice through my own trial and error and I love being given even more things to ponder as I build my wardrobe. I think it is so fun to look at your personal style and see how it compares to your childhood self 🤎
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! 🥰 I agree, ever since my mom sent me pictures from my childhood, I've been so positively surprised by how they make my heart so happy to look at - just knowing how unfiltered and honest I was with myself, even in artistic expression and fashion, without judgement from others. 💕
I'm so sorry 😩 I think I just think of Florida as a VERY warm place, I went there in late May once and I remember I constantly felt like I was in a sauna. Don't think I've ever been that overheated in my life haha
@@jemi_ No no! I 100% agree! I am currently trying to improve on my style and my main concern is the fact that it’s so hot here for the majority of the year and that makes layering very difficult lol
@@KiahRenamae There's definitely ways to layer despite the heat, I'd actually take some inspiration from East Asian warm weather layering hacks if I were you. When I was in Japan in June it got really hot some days and I noticed that people were still layering a lot - but the fabrics their clothes were made of were usually very light and airy like chiffon, linen etc. And then of course there's the famous cooling gels that help keep the body temperature down (and allow you to still layer/dress warmer). And also, if you're into vintage/retro clothes, a lot of button-ups I've found in thrift stores are made of silk and they've been some of the lightest/airiest fabrics I've ever had. Wish I had more tips to give, but truthfully I can give better advice on cold weather 😅
idr if i commented with this account or my other one, but i cant remember what i wanted to try as a kid 6.6. the only thing i do remember was i wanted to be a fashion designer (or doc) because it was a way to express . what i wanna know is how can u make yourself not be like ew youre trying to fetish bate by wearing plaid skirts etc. (the shcool girl thing but i like plaid skirts 6.6 )
That's a great question! I actually struggled with this specific "eww" self-cringe a lot when I wanted to embrace the more fairy/cutesy parts of my style. I talk about it in a lot more detail in my style transition video (ua-cam.com/video/ljseQtqiyj8/v-deo.html), but basically a lot of it is building confidence from the comfort of your home and then very slowly implementing parts of the style you want to have into what you're currently wearing. So in my case, I started off with simple kinda fancy corsets paired with turtlenecks and pants. Eventually I'd wear a long skirt to go with the corset. Then accessories, then more elaborate hairstyles or makeup etc. It's all about a slow buildup that also builds up your confidence as you experiment (and fail, until you find what feels right). And a huge help in my journey was having friends who could help me brainstorm my outfits, how to make them better etc. With the fetish-specific topic, I think if you change your perspective from "how others see me" to "how I see myself", you may find yourself feeling less weird about it. And as a final note, we can't control peoples reactions. You could be wearing a trash bag and someone would still go nuts over it....I've learned that there are....so many different types of preferences etc. There's zero chance of avoiding falling into one or another as the perceived person - you can choose to not let it affect you and your choices in what you wear though (as long as you're being respectful if your style is derived from any subculture etc of course)! :) Re: school skirts specifically, I like to flip the narrative in my head to "shoujo outfits" rather than "I'm gonna look like I'm wearing a high school uniform". And what you pair your skirts with can really change the entire vibe of the outfit, so experiment and see what makes you feel more/less comfortable! I hope this helps~
Maybe theres something im missing here but why is that particular style called "Lolita?" Why would anyone want to name their style after something that reminds folks of such a sad and gross topic? Nothing against the style, the name is whats giving me the ick. Not knocking anyone actually named Lolita lol, but in this case where the style is obviously trying to mimic something traditionally girlish/childish and calling it Lolita... Why??? Ew. Edit: just wanted to add that i did a little googling and read that most folks in japan don't know the association with the book and are often dressed that way in order to rebel against traditional culture, which is awesome! Still, the name probably came from the book and if this were my style i personally would want to rename it after learning the origin. But im curious what others think.
It's interesting because I never heard of the Lolita movie until my early 20s, and I think the two have nothing to do with one another (apart from sharing a name). While lolita is definitely girly/cutesy and over the top fancy/princess-like, it isn't supposed to be a style that is based off of infantilization etc from what I've undersood. I've seen the style and its many subcategories irl since I was 8, and I do think it can also be used as a way to claim back the girly elements we tend to shy away from as we age because of different forms of harassment from adult men. You might be interested in looking into "sukeban" (aka japanese delinquent girls) as well, which is a style that was formed also in rebellion to traditional Japanese standards of living and dress-code (+treatment of women in society). Maybe not changing the name of the style is also a way to rebel against it being categorized as a fetish etc and a way to reclaim "girlhood", but honestly I don't have enough information to give a good answer.
@@jemi_ thanks for the thoughtful response and recommendation! I'm reading about the history of sukeban now and it's really cool AND it's also the name of a women's pro wrestling league. Badass! Yeah I don't know enough about the lolita thing either/if they're connected at all, I guess that's just my initial reaction. But even if it is where the name originated from, if it means something totally different in that culture, it doesn't need to change just to make me more comfortable 😂
Thank you for all of the amazing thoughts, experiences and advice shared in the comments section! 💕 If you would like to familiarize yourself with your personal style beyond this point, or you're curious about topics related to personal style, make sure to check out my playlist:ua-cam.com/video/u6CTrW622Z4/v-deo.html
I'm excited to keep making this type of analytical content, so if you have any requests/suggestions, please let me know!
Coming from a gay man from the Philippines, fashion in general is rather looked down upon here for men, not only due to the focus on practicality due to weather and finances, but also due to gender stereotypes. Fashion is seen as effeminate here, and any way to deviate from that norm will get you called homophobic slurs or an attempt to demasculate you. Even among fashion spaces online here, there tends to be a greater focus on styles that emphasize masculinity, a focus on brands or specific aesthetics, and certain rules you have to follow to fit in, even if you want to dress up outside of the style they pre-selected for you.
I was always allowed to explore my style as a kid, especially with an abundance of secondhand clothing stores near me. So when I started shopping for myself as an adult, it didn't take me too much time to stop feeling like a poser in what I wore. However, that hasn't really stopped the comments about my style being too "extra" or "gay." This includes simple things as well, such as wearing a hat or wearing a thrifted shirt from the women's rack instead of the men's.
College has been a blessing for me in that I can finally explore all aspects of my style in a safe enough environment with people who do accept my queer identity. However, it is rather privileged of me to have this environment and to be able to explore my style this freely, and many queer people in my country often don't get this luxury, either financially or culturally.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience❤ I had a hunch that fashion for men was considered as "bad" in most places, but I wish we'd get over the gender stereotypes already 😩 I think parts of Europe have gotten better about it over time, but it doesn't take long for me to be reminded of how little we've accomplished in all this time in those areas overall. I found NYC to be very refreshing in that aspect, some of the most fashionable people were men and non-binary individuals, they were just ✨STUNNING✨I've definitely noticed how even skincare and makeup, when tried to be sold to a male audience, is always turned into a masculinified (idk a better word) version of the product so men wouldn't feel "weird" about basic things they think are exclusively for women. 🙄
And I'm so glad that despite sh*theads trying to bring you down, you stayed true to yourself ❤ But I hate how so many of us have been hurt by gender conforming and patriarchal systems😞 College is definitely something I also considered a safe space, because it allows us to explore and learn more about ourselves outside of our little bubbles at home ☺
as a trans person I appreciate the inclusion of gender and sexuality! It has a large influence on who I am and how I dress. Growing up I wasn't allowed to wear anything I want and now I get to make my own personal style, which is SO fulfilling!
I always want to create a safe and welcoming environment in my content for the LGBTQ+ community 💕 So glad you're finally able to fulfill yourself, it really does wonders to many aspects of our lives! 💗
with this, and the childhood video i somehow realize why i dont have a style 🙃
i spend more time in home, and online as a kid, so there was not need to pick clothes? not outside clothes, i just hated to see everyone else to pick what's trendy, and that lead me to like the opposite, but not in a emo/gothic way, i simply refuse to chose. and the times to pull a outfit where non existent since i always used uniform for school, and piyamas at home.
looking back it does have sense because why would i have to participate in something just because it's what it's expected, but then im also like??? plwase stop being so bitchy about this (myself) everyone looks really happy using clothes that just likw them and i wsnt that😭😭
and it's crazy because i have my liking of stuff, and accesories, and shoes. but the literally "clothe" part bring me emotional conflic.
Sounds like perhaps your relationship to fashion was strained as a child (which I think, due to the very many factors I mentioned in the video, is super common). It's perfectly acceptable for your personal style to also simply be not wanting to participate in fashion in the traditional sense! Would you want to develop a different look/style from what you have now? If you imagine yourself in five years, would you like to look more or less the same, or is there an ideal version of you that you're picturing in your head? These questions might help with any internal conflict you're having. It's important to also respect yourself and what it is that truly makes you happy - so if your personal style comes out in your accessories rather than clothes, you can give your accessorizing the attention others might give to clothes 💕
I came to incorporate a lot of military officer style. Like the fancy ceremonial style. Not into government, I am anarchist, eat them, but I would lie if I said they do not look sleek AF. Think like fetish leather and latex, the y2K style and the 90's runway. Like Balmain and Mugler. Black and red and sexy. Feminine but with masculine power edge. I use this in home decor and my artwork as well. The world is my runway and art gallery. It is so exhiliarating.
'Walk, walk, fashion baby,
make it work, that bitch crazy' ~ Lady Gaga, Bad Romance
> is the vibe
You had me at 90s runway! I totally get what you're saying (and I agree) - that's the nice thing about fashion in most cases, you can morph it into something of your own (even if its origins are somewhat iffy). I love how fashion really can be an art form too, if we let it be.
If you haven't seen it you might be interested in larme fashion its a Japanese style thats quite feminine and elegant but more casual than lolita
Thank you for the tip, I'll have to look into it! 🥰 I knew there has got to be something a little more casual out there, I just didn't know where to start looking.
I'm a man from Texas. I think a lot of my style is informed by a dislike for enforced societal standards. I dislike uniforms so I love wearing baseball caps (they also work with headphones and keep hair out of my face/work), tight pants like leggings or baseball pants, extreme shirts (tank tops or non button up long sleeves, I want to be completely protected from the sun or feel the air on my skin), etc.
I grew up Christian before realizing how much I dislike the church and how hypocritical a lot of it is, so I stopped being Christian. I definitely dont want to be associated with that crowd, so I avoid red (Republican Party brand color) unless I'm balancing it out in some way (blue, sunset colors, or white and black). I also dont like jeans because of how theyre often required for events that want to seem casual (denim is a great material, but it reminds me of stuff I hate like how florescent lights remind people of hospitals.
I think I prefer a mix of sexy, active, and punk clothes because a lot of patriarchal logic denys the sexiness of the male form (Im also gay and have large genetics, so I dress for what I find hot about men and because Ive realized I like how my body looks), I need to be able to move in my clothes (walk/bike long distances, go outside, carry things, bend down to pick things up, etc), and punk because its cheap and easy to do (plus I like rebellion and dont own many clothes that truly fit my deepest preferences because I dont buy much and the clothes I like are not very available where I live and secondhand).
I do have the very usual man color palette of white, black, and blue though because thats what clothes come in though. (Especial cheap packs of clothes for underwear or basics).
I think for other men, it really depends on their relationship with male beauty standards and such though. I'm gay, so I care more about attracting men than women and can also appreciate more aspects of my body, but I'd imagine straight men would probably think more about what they think women like or seek approval from male friends in a non sexual way. I also dislike a lot of the culture I was raised in (people are nice, but people that over romanticize the past or the rich are annoying), but I imagine men that dont feel the same dislike for it would be more likely to like historical costume adjacent items. Mens clothing available in person is really boring too, the sections in stores are always kinda small and dont have much variety, so I wind up shopping online, but I think other men probably wind up either choosing from what's available in person or shopping online as well.
Edit: note about thrifting: I'm 6ft 200lbs so they dont often carry my size in much interesting. I think Im like a 2X in woman's jackets, so they rarely have items more interesting than generic mens wear. They do have good underwear at the one near my house though (its new ofc, just more interesting than at the store). In general the things available in person are too modest for my preference though
Edit 2: no hate to people that are religious. A lot of extremists just use relgion as a facade to justify violence against normal people, which makes me want to distance myself from them
Edit 3: for the questions at the end: Left, left, either extreme, either extreme, left, left or either, either extreme, right since I want to be able to handle extreme heat and extreme AC everywhere runs
Thank you for your insights on fashion in your world! Re: dislikes, this is why I encourage people to initially explore their dislikes, because it will help them find what they liked more easily! Re: religion & gender, I've noticed how religious associations + gender roles played a huge part in how my style developed into what it is now - I wouldn't say my style necessarily pushes against most patriarchal systems etc, but I've definitely been labeled as "extra" and you don't wanna know what some people have said to me in a church😭 I hate Finnish "masculinity" because it's super toxic (they're not allowed to visibly feel any emotions, can't talk about their feelings, can't stray from "masculine" fashion etc etc), I think it has really harmed a lot of my guy friends who had more distinct or "different" personal styles. It's getting better, but slower than I hoped. I feel you about the whole "what's available locally" in stores, I struggle finding my more whimsical/ethereal clothing where I live, or at least for any decent price, all the vintage pieces get marked up like crazy in my local thrift stores. I'm so glad though that you're dressing the way YOU want no matter what anyone else says!
ive always been super particular about my style. when i was a toddler i used to throw tanrums if i didnt like the clothes my mum had picked out for me that day. fashion for me is my source of confidence, so im a completely different person depending on what i wear. if im dressed up in my style, which i can best describe as "dark academia elite meets most popular girl at monster high" im more upbeat and open, but if im wearing anything that others would find "cosy' like joggers or hoodies i can barely look people in the eye.
I definitely feel this, how we feel in the clothes we wear has a huge impact on our confidence! I definitely feel "off" whenever I wear something that doesn't quite align with my preferences or how I wish to be perceived.
Cool being so cute in this video 🥺 From the perspective of religion, one of the things I've noticed is how creative people can get with fashion within religious guidelines and how that interacts with other influences. For example, being Christian I've gotten really into layering in an effort to be more modest, but I also live in a very warm climate. Trying to balance these two has ended up resulting in most of my favorite outfits, styled with pieces I would have never thought about! I love seeing people develop their personal style in a way that connects to their beliefs
Just wait till the next video, he took over 2/3 of it, he's the star of the show 🐈⬛You have an interesting take on religion and style! I've definitely found easy ways to wear some of my favorite outfits to more modest occasions (whether it's respecting my or someone else's religious beliefs, I wore pretty modest clothes during my vacation to Japan too because of the many temples and shrines). There's a line between disrespecting a religious space and wearing something another individual in that space doesn't like/is a bit too into (thanks, patriarchal systems...), and I think I've come to a point where I've found a good medium :)
My influences:
-My parents didnt let me wear anything "whore-ish" when i was a teen so now as an adult, i casually wear mini skirts with sheer tights and kitten heels.
-My roommates in college were Japanese and i adopted the habit of dressing up nicely even if it was just to the grocery store
-I lived in NYC for a few years and learnt how to dress for colder days. Now i live in California and i'm That Person who goes out in knee/calf-length coats when it's below 17degC. However, i'm also that person wearing thin base layers or merino wool sweaters whereas everybody else is wearing chunky sweaters bc i learnt to efficiently layer
That's so interesting how the many people in your life have also affected your style, but it makes total sense! :) I think my Japan trip definitely affected how much more I'm geared towards modesty these days (that, and being in a semi-professional setting a lot of the time). And yes, I had that same thing with my parents, it was interesting to see their reactions when I initially started dressing differently 😆 NYC winters can be such a reality check - they never beat the Finnish winters I grew up in, but walking 30min through piled up snow between every block was definitely a workout~
another personal style video from jemi?? today is a good day ❤ the whole reason i found your channel in the first place is because my environment/climate just changed drastically. i got promoted at my job and moved from the satellite office in california to headquarters in washington state. i’ve never had to dress so professionally, and i’ve never had to dress for cold weather having lived in one of the warmest and sunniest states. i moved with basically no clothes since they were all too light weight and/or casual for washington. i’ve been trying to buy and thrift new clothes, but it’s been hard to keep my personal style (which i was better at placing/describing after i watched your videos) in this new environment. i keep reaching for things i can’t actually wear to work or outside. but i’m being patient and when i find something that sparks joy and fits my environment, i take note of that. i noticed i lean towards very structured fabrics like denim, corduroy, and thicker leather. i think these days i’m dressing a bit 00s, but not like the past it girls, more like… disney channel 00s 😅 it’s fun though and it keeps me warm while still being stylish
Oh wow, that's a pretty drastic move! I had an office job for a while, but the dress code was pretty relaxed, so I never REALLY had to dress in complete corporate fashion. I'd definitely recommend getting some thermal layers from Uniqlo (if you haven't already), especially the thin ones you can use as bottom layers underneath other clothes. It gives you some more flexibility with your styling options, and I love it because it allows me to wear my skirts/dresses during the winter too. I do have some videos on how I keep my style throughout the winters if you want to check them out! I definitely understand though, my personal style is not one that alongs with winter weather, so I always find myself feeling a bit "dulled down" during winters. I actually never watched Disney channel because it wasn't available where I'm from, but I know exactly what you're talking about!
@@jemi_at the california office, people would wear shorts and flip flops… definitely not acceptable in washington 😂 i did go to uniqlo for layers! i’ve always seen ads for their heat tech but never needed it until now. i didn’t know you had videos on keeping your style in winter so i’ll check those out. yes the “disney channel” look is classic, you’d know it when you see it even if you’ve never watched disney channel😂
I was growing up so poor that even the cheapest things which costed like 3 € were like luxury to me. There was this very cheap brand „New Yorker“. I remember that I saw myself as so unworthy that I didn’t even have the courage to go into a „New Yorker“ store by the age of 20. For me, this was „unreachable“ luxury.
I have some challenges to overcome in the next time, but encouraged by videos like yours, I plan on sewing clothes and upcycling second hand clothes to style I like.
ATM, I literally own nothing I like except a super fancy coat, I bought from my very first salary. It was so expensive, but this bright red with this pattern… I love it. It makes my most boring outfits look fancy.
I remember New Yorker, I used to think it was THE store when I couldn't afford much. And finnish thrift stores were great, people would sell shoes for 2e sometimes and I'd wear them till they physically broke. I definitely recommend taking up sewing if you can, I'm hoping to do so too eventually when my budget and space allows it. 😊
@ I am envious of your thrift stores. When I was a child, I literally only found ugly stuff there. Super frustrating. Now I find nice stuff which doesn’t fit me. 😂
I hope you can pick up sewing soon. I made a lot of mistakes when I wanted to buy my first sewing machine. Now, I always recommend everyone to buy old full metal sewing machines. Even if they are 100 years old and you need to power them with your foot… in my opinion those are still better than the new plastic ones. And no computer included industrial machines. 🙄 completely mechanical is better also for repair. But that’s only my opinion. 🤗
omg you're from finland!! tha's so cool! i'm from here too :D and i can relate to the experience of moving to different places affecting your style. i was born and raised in russia (my mom is russian) and moved to finland in my teenage years. i feel like one reason why i didn't have any personal style as a teenager was that it was very hard to switch between my russian idetity and finnish identity and i felt like it's easier to just complitely hide my identity and forget i even had one.
Ai kiva, moi! 🇫🇮💗 I'm so glad I'm not alone in this experience, I feel like it definitely affects our behavior, style, and self expression pretty heavily. It sucks that our identity often feels like it has to be tied to how the people in our environment dress :/ But I think it's absolutely worth it to find your own identity in your style that isn't necessarily tied to a specific country or place 🥰
JEMI
10/10 I FEEL YOU about cold, darkness and snow!!! I never look forward to nov/dec when temps drop drastically and winter officially begins DX
I was literally grieving today over the sun setting at 6PM now - whyyyyy can't we at least keep the sun even if it gets dreadfully cold 😭
thank you for bringing up how body image influences your style! i've dreaded going clothes shopping since i was a child, and always opted for loose/baggy clothing that would help me disappear, because i always felt like people were noticing me for my size. i'm trying to accept that this is how my body will always look, and learn how to dress myself in a flattering way, while finding my personal style.
It's absolutely a huge influence! My body developed very fast for a 13yo, it was actually scary how many grown men would pay a little too much attention to me - so of course I avoided anything tight fitting. I definitely support finding peace with your body - I've often wished mine was different but eventually came to terms with it (though ofc it's never a 100% confidence thing) and even began finding many parts of myself unique and beautiful. Another thing that can really help is knowing what flatters your body type! :) Sometimes the clothes we want aren't the best fitting for us, and it most likely means we just have to find the right pieces that work with our body types. As an example, since I'm an hourglass figure, I often need my dresses to sinch in at the waist or flare out. There's a lot of good "dress for your body type" videos out there!
@@jemi_ ooh thank you! i’ll start looking there ❤️
This is a brilliant video.
But I wanna add something. I am 45 years old. I‘ve had a very strong sense of self snd sense of style, and a very strong personal style from early childhood on. I lost it as I got heavily into fashion&style content on social media. This is maybe something to think about. Never in my Twenties up to my late Thirties ever have I had style issues or shopping issues whatsoever. I didn‘t overspend on clothes, I bought solely what I liked and never - I repeat, never - did I end up not wearing the clothes I bought. Also my personal style wasn‘t something I thought about during the day. It just was. And that was awesome.
I'ave actually noticed this as well, but forgot to add it in! I talked about my experience with starting to lose my personal style when I was chronically online, and then how quitting social media for a while brought it back to me (it's here if you wanna see my take on it: ua-cam.com/video/tqYNKAxZJIo/v-deo.html). Has your personal style eventually come back around to you?
@@jemi_ eww, that‘s so sweet that you answered - they normally don‘t do that. I‘ll watch the linked video as well. I‘ve just found your chanell, but I already think you are the most reasonable and in-depth creator on those issues here, besides Hannah Louise Poston. At least that‘s my impression.
No, my style didn‘t come back to me yet, because I have to deal with several health issues from 2021 onward, and my body changed - I changed, I have many physical restrictions now. I‘m still figuring it out.
@@niemodna Thank you so much for your kind comment! 🥹💕 I'll have to check out the other creator you mentioned! And I'm sorry your style didn't come back, but hopefully soon - I've had some big recent lifestyle changes happen as well that are ultimately going to affect my style a little bit as well, so I understand how you're feeling!
Tbh best way for me to honor my inner child in this is to learn to sew. The clothes i want don't come in my size to begin with, so i might as well reject fashion all together.
I think this is a wonderful idea! 🥰 I'm also considering learning sewing when I have a bit more space and can afford the machine and tools for it. I love the way a lot of clothes were made in my mom's era, most of her dresses had adjustable corseted strings in the backs that changed the shape of the dresses (thus allowing her to wear them even when her body size fluctuated and when she was pregnant). I would love to make dresses like those one day ❤️
I was traumatized by wearing too small handmedown clothing by my older sister and my neighbour so with my kids as soon as I see their clothes becoming too small I just buy bigger clothes even if they don't mind ... I have two boys so they just don't care about what they wear... I'm the one nagging them to wear clothing that fits! LOL as for my personal style I always make sure my clothing fit well (tailored) and my pants are usually looser then tighter because of my childhood ''trauma'' I just can't feel my thighs being tight in my pants I will order a size bigger and bring my pants to the tailored to fix the waist.
I didn't even think to include this, but I totally get what you're saying! I have often had a lot of issues finding clothes that fit my body type and so does my mom, so she actually learned to tailor our clothes for us when they didn't fit right. It's so important that they feel good on you and fit you, rather than you "fitting in them". So sweet of you to look after your kids in that aspect too ❤
Thank you about talking about restrictive parents and not being able to express yourself in healthy ways because of the restrictions. I thought I was alone in that.
this is the best video about personal style I've seen so far, thank you for all the details and the article! and Cool is absolutely cool 💕 so glad you popped up in my recommendations!
Thank you so much for watching 💕 I also have more related topics/articles in my childhood and personal style video, if you want to read more research-based content 🥰 And yes, Cool is 100% a cool cat, we named him Cool before realizing his personality matches the name we gave him. 🐈⬛
It could be the reason you dont feel the girl Japanese would fit you is because it doesn’t match your “essence”. Maybe ingenue isn’t part of your essence blend.
I’m finding it hard to reconcile my personal tastes with what looks and feels right on me based on my body type and essence.
Yeah, I think my issue with specifically lolita is that it's very high-effort and high-cost + it can come off as more child-like than I'd want to look. That's why I've been feeling revitalized by these shoujo-like outfits I've been seeing, because I find them to be a lot more manageable and lower effort while still maintaining those feminine, pretty elements! And body type definitely plays a role, a lot of the kinds of tops I love look bad on me, unfortunately 🥲
I've been bullied my entire youth because I was "weird". Apart from that, because of my autism I also had to learn how to behave in social settings. This has turned me into somewhat of a wallflower, which sucks because I actually like it when fashion is more "out there". I like things like 18th century gowns, Chinese fashion (what you can see on Douyin and Xiaohongshu), lolita, some goth styles and whatever the elves in LOTR. I'm also trans and still have most of my masculine clothing from before I found out, and most of that is as basic as you can find. So yeah, it's tough to really create an outfit I actually like.
Lovely, engaging content... truly a cut above the rest of this website. I looove the all the questions you propose that we ask ourselves to better define our personal style. We should all put a little more thought into what makes us truly happy.
Thank you so much! 💕 And I 100% agree, it's vital to learn to think critically, and to strive to understand ourselves better. It's weird because even though fashion is just one part of me, understanding my personal style has also helped me understand other parts of my identity - like, just like parts of my style, I am a romantic at heart. It's very interesting, I feel like our identities are an endless well, and we keep discovering more and more about ourselves as we age and grow (and I find it to be a beautiful thing) ❤️
fantastic video! both your message in itself but also you presentation. also you feel so calm and nice to listen to. just subbed, will def watch more. thank you for this!
very comforting in some way that still feels real
Thank you so much for the support and the sweet comment, you just made my day! 🥰
I love the scales you made! I was surprised that I already know exactly where I am!!! I also love your pumpkins and sunflower 🌻🧡
Oversharing/rant below haha
Evangelical christianity, and the resulting religious trauma, caused so much trouble for my sense of self and expression. Thankfully I’ve left mentally but leaving physically/socially is even harder. Realising “modesty” isn’t biblical was a turning point for me! The passages actually mean women shouldn’t flaunt their wealth because character matters more than beauty (in other words, you’re a person not a status symbol) and please don’t dress in a way that misrepresents your marital status. How anyone spun that into hide yourself so men aren’t tempted to assault you is beyond me. Especially when Jesus told men to pluck their eyes out and cut off their hands if they couldn’t control themselves!
Getting mixed up between cultures can be confusing! I identify with my birth country but it’s changed since I left so I’m a bit stuck in the past. I’ve also been influenced by cultures I’ve never lived in because it was easier to make friends with other immigrants (due to xenophobia)
So happy to hear you had confident answers to the scale questions!
I grew up in a similar setting, it took immense work to deconstruct and find my own way in my faith, cuz a lot of what was taught to me as a kid would literally be going against what's said in the Bible (or twisted out of context/blown out of proportion), the irony 😅 That's so interesting about modesty, cuz I never had any evidence about my thoughts on it too, I would just recite the "pluck their eyes out" phrase if someone tried to put me down or shame me. ✨
And yeah, I definitely have many conflicting feelings about my cultural identity, because when I went back to Finland for a visit last year, I noticed how "Americanized" I was in so many ways. Somehow I'll never shake off my bluntness though, it seems haha. I'm so sorry you've experienced xenophobia 😞 I have a lot of friends who've suffered because of it as well, it's important to stay close to safe people and communities - I want to cuss xenophobes etc so bad, but I'm not trying to get my content flagged 😩 but they can go [insert curse words here] themselves~
@@jemi_ Yes it’s so difficult! And so hard to find good education on. People project so much onto the bible and say things so confidently even though they have no evidence 😭 I can’t remember where I learnt the stuff about modesty from but if you have trouble finding info I can try and find out! I’m happy you stood up for yourself 💕
Omg the bluntness is the thing I find hardest to shake off too!!! I think indirect communication relies on shared assumptions so it takes me forever to figure out. By then everyone’s used to my bluntness 😂 Completely agree about xenophobes! I was talking to some of my friends who live in my home country but are also immigrants about it one day and they were shocked by how I’m treated in the country I moved to. One of them said if that’s how they treat people like me (white) imagine how much worse it is for other immigrants. She was exactly right 😞
@@jemi_ As an aussie I can fill in many curse words with my own imagination 😌
ily jemi what a scrumptious video (ty for the inclusion of gender/sexuality its had such a big impact on my personal style!) ♡
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! 💕 And thank you for saying that! I often hesitate including potentially sensitive/triggering/heavy topics in videos cuz I'm scared someone will walk away triggered or crying 😭 It's why I try to be super careful whenever I include those topics, but I'm so relieved to hear my message has been received well🥹❤️
I love your deep dives into this topic! I have been figuring out a lot of this advice through my own trial and error and I love being given even more things to ponder as I build my wardrobe. I think it is so fun to look at your personal style and see how it compares to your childhood self 🤎
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! 🥰 I agree, ever since my mom sent me pictures from my childhood, I've been so positively surprised by how they make my heart so happy to look at - just knowing how unfiltered and honest I was with myself, even in artistic expression and fashion, without judgement from others. 💕
Amazing video, you just made my day!
Thanks so much! 💕Also I love your username🥰
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9:39 I live in Florida…this feels oddly targeted to me 😂
I'm so sorry 😩 I think I just think of Florida as a VERY warm place, I went there in late May once and I remember I constantly felt like I was in a sauna. Don't think I've ever been that overheated in my life haha
@@jemi_ No no! I 100% agree! I am currently trying to improve on my style and my main concern is the fact that it’s so hot here for the majority of the year and that makes layering very difficult lol
@@KiahRenamae There's definitely ways to layer despite the heat, I'd actually take some inspiration from East Asian warm weather layering hacks if I were you. When I was in Japan in June it got really hot some days and I noticed that people were still layering a lot - but the fabrics their clothes were made of were usually very light and airy like chiffon, linen etc. And then of course there's the famous cooling gels that help keep the body temperature down (and allow you to still layer/dress warmer). And also, if you're into vintage/retro clothes, a lot of button-ups I've found in thrift stores are made of silk and they've been some of the lightest/airiest fabrics I've ever had. Wish I had more tips to give, but truthfully I can give better advice on cold weather 😅
idr if i commented with this account or my other one, but i cant remember what i wanted to try as a kid 6.6. the only thing i do remember was i wanted to be a fashion designer (or doc) because it was a way to express .
what i wanna know is how can u make yourself not be like ew youre trying to fetish bate by wearing plaid skirts etc. (the shcool girl thing but i like plaid skirts 6.6 )
That's a great question! I actually struggled with this specific "eww" self-cringe a lot when I wanted to embrace the more fairy/cutesy parts of my style. I talk about it in a lot more detail in my style transition video (ua-cam.com/video/ljseQtqiyj8/v-deo.html), but basically a lot of it is building confidence from the comfort of your home and then very slowly implementing parts of the style you want to have into what you're currently wearing.
So in my case, I started off with simple kinda fancy corsets paired with turtlenecks and pants. Eventually I'd wear a long skirt to go with the corset. Then accessories, then more elaborate hairstyles or makeup etc. It's all about a slow buildup that also builds up your confidence as you experiment (and fail, until you find what feels right). And a huge help in my journey was having friends who could help me brainstorm my outfits, how to make them better etc.
With the fetish-specific topic, I think if you change your perspective from "how others see me" to "how I see myself", you may find yourself feeling less weird about it. And as a final note, we can't control peoples reactions. You could be wearing a trash bag and someone would still go nuts over it....I've learned that there are....so many different types of preferences etc. There's zero chance of avoiding falling into one or another as the perceived person - you can choose to not let it affect you and your choices in what you wear though (as long as you're being respectful if your style is derived from any subculture etc of course)! :) Re: school skirts specifically, I like to flip the narrative in my head to "shoujo outfits" rather than "I'm gonna look like I'm wearing a high school uniform". And what you pair your skirts with can really change the entire vibe of the outfit, so experiment and see what makes you feel more/less comfortable! I hope this helps~
Maybe theres something im missing here but why is that particular style called "Lolita?" Why would anyone want to name their style after something that reminds folks of such a sad and gross topic? Nothing against the style, the name is whats giving me the ick.
Not knocking anyone actually named Lolita lol, but in this case where the style is obviously trying to mimic something traditionally girlish/childish and calling it Lolita... Why??? Ew.
Edit: just wanted to add that i did a little googling and read that most folks in japan don't know the association with the book and are often dressed that way in order to rebel against traditional culture, which is awesome! Still, the name probably came from the book and if this were my style i personally would want to rename it after learning the origin. But im curious what others think.
It's interesting because I never heard of the Lolita movie until my early 20s, and I think the two have nothing to do with one another (apart from sharing a name). While lolita is definitely girly/cutesy and over the top fancy/princess-like, it isn't supposed to be a style that is based off of infantilization etc from what I've undersood. I've seen the style and its many subcategories irl since I was 8, and I do think it can also be used as a way to claim back the girly elements we tend to shy away from as we age because of different forms of harassment from adult men.
You might be interested in looking into "sukeban" (aka japanese delinquent girls) as well, which is a style that was formed also in rebellion to traditional Japanese standards of living and dress-code (+treatment of women in society).
Maybe not changing the name of the style is also a way to rebel against it being categorized as a fetish etc and a way to reclaim "girlhood", but honestly I don't have enough information to give a good answer.
@@jemi_ thanks for the thoughtful response and recommendation! I'm reading about the history of sukeban now and it's really cool AND it's also the name of a women's pro wrestling league. Badass!
Yeah I don't know enough about the lolita thing either/if they're connected at all, I guess that's just my initial reaction. But even if it is where the name originated from, if it means something totally different in that culture, it doesn't need to change just to make me more comfortable 😂