She literally spoke of my entire life and doesnt even know me. Think again when you call someone shy, or quiet. This world also really needs to stop putting extroverts on a high horse
Victoria Shembo same. i have had selective mutism my whole life and these words just explaned my life. i'm so glade there are actually people out there who really understand what it is like to have social anxiety before i watched this i felt so alone but now knowing there are actually people like this out there makes me feel a lot better.
Theramchepser That’s funny because introverts are smarter and think in depth and think about the outcomes of their decisions almost twice as good than a extrovert And almost every scientist and smart person in the world is introverted We are the ones who innovate the world while extroverts focus on drama and entertainment We know how to have fun but we have the skill of knowing when to stop for the better good while you guys can’t shut up Introverts are perfect human beings but from day one are made to feel as if something is wrong with us due to society Also there are many introverts out there who are not socially inept (bill gates, Albert Einstein, Elon musk etc...) It’s just that due to how we are treated and ostracized we gain social awkwardness and then get low self esteem Extroverts are usually put on high horses only increasing their egos and they just continually feel good without even thinking twice that something is wrong with them Sincerely an introvert.
It's almost unbeliveable how she is able to speak in front of people while having anxiety. I have the same and i just haven't find my way to be capable of doing anything against being socially anxious. I'm so proud of her
Brigitta she is not comfortable while speaking.her voice is shaking her body is uncomfortable she's trying to use her hands and body language to look chill.so yeah,she has.
Totally agree! It's crazy how S.A.D. can seem so contradictory sometimes; where she is able to give a public speech, but not go to a party. When you think about it from the perspective of someone with SAD, it makes sense because giving a speech can be rehearsed, while social interactions come with a larger degree of unpredictability.
As someone with SA disorder I can say that this girl displayed an incredible amount of courage to get on that stage and give that speech. I'm at a loss for words.
This was great, I've been looking for "tips for dealing with social anxiety at work" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qanwen Donuke Approach - (search on google ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my buddy got great success with it.
I recently had to tell my best friend that I wont be able to speak at his wedding. It’s the worst feeling. I feel like such a bad friend but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Public speaking is the absolute worst for people with social anxiety disorder
This speech brought me to tears because everything is so recognizable and she succeeded to manage it so well! Beautifull to see how music helps her. I have social anxiety since childhood and it does not go away. You can only accept it and try to manage it in a positive way that fits you. I would not be where I am today without the help of horses. Teachers and so many other people do not understand what social anxiety is. Forcing people to talk more or push them in to social events is not the way to help them. Neither is isolation or suppressing social anxiety trough drugs or alcohol. If you have social anxiety too: know you are not the only one ♡ "From the outside we are silent. Within we have to deal with a tornado"
Thanks, it sometimes feels like I'm the only person like this and everyone else is normal, happy people and I'm like 'Why can't I be like that? Happy?' I learnt that I can, if I can get close enough to my friends and people around me, it's way easier to talk to them and feel like they understand me. I learnt how happiness felt like, I loved it, and I cherished it. And after I found out I had SAD which was only a few years ago, I started wishing everyone else with it would feel this happiness I managed to experience. Now I just keep fighting to get close to others and then relax until I meet a new bunch of people. It feels really good to have people close to you, but it's hard to keep everyone there, we fall out sometimes, only to come back together and restore the bonds. And I think that no matter how hard it gets, we should keep pushing on, bouncing back, stronger than ever and ready for anything.
"Can you talk?" "Why are you so quiet?" "Oh she's just shy." I have had social anxiety my ENTIRE life and gone through all of this. It's so comforting to see others who struggle. I am considering seeing a doctor for the first time ever at the age of 23. It has held me back from opportunities in life and so many friendships. You are not alone.
Everything she said was so true to me that it got me to tears. I've watched some other people talk about how they overcome social anxiety but they seemed so confident that it was hard for me to believe that they've ever had this disorder in the first place. And this is why I love every single moment that Anna's voice cracked during this speech - it made it obvious that it is hard for her to speak in public, that she really is struggling with it the whole time but she doesn't give up and keeps saying what she came there to say, and it gave me more hope than any other video about SA I watched. Anna - you're my hero!
They're not saying other speakers haven't struggled with anxiety, just that its hard to believe, sometimes its nice to see and hear the evidence of the struggle. In life we are so often surrounded by confident, outgoing and outspoken people its easy to feel alone, and Anna's speech is nice because we believe every second of it, without doubt.
I suffer with severe social anxiety and I feel like the disorder is so commonly ignored, people just put it down to shyness or 'being rude' and not wanting to get involved with things and I feel like because we can't talk about it ourselves nobody tells our truth and most people don't even realise it exists and how common it is
Whoever this person is, I admire her deeply! For someone with social anxiety disorder, giving a public speech like that is the equivalent of hell! Well done for your courage and perseverance despite your condition!
My experience with public speaking is the fear that I will visibly gulp, and make an awkward silence, but the feelings I get are extremely intense, such as: dry throat, loss of saliva, rapid heartbeat, overheating like a fever etc. It's my life goal to overcome this fear and become comfortable with speaking socially; amazing speech Anna
I have social anxiety and my psychology class watched this. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and getting choked up while watching it but I became scared that my class would see me crying.
Thank you so much. I often worry that social anxiety sufferers will never be properly understood, because by nature our disorder prevents us from talking about it. I'm not brave enough to do that just yet, but thank you Anna for being incredibly brave and sharing your story, I admire your strength.
I really like the differentiation between shyness and social anxiety. It manifests itself in different ways with different people. I can get up in front of people at karaoke but i have trouble with face to face conversations. People don't "understand" this.
I love how she says that “shy” is a personality trait and that social anxiety is a mental disorder. People would describe me as shy and it honestly just pissed me off too, being “shy” isn’t really something that anyone wants to be called, we are social creatures and being called something that you’re struggling to not be is the worst. We need to become more open to people who struggle with these things, we’re all human and we all go through our own sh*t
You are so brave for doing this, thank you so much for that talk. People think SA can just be "fixed" by "talking more", but it's not that simple. It's true that there has to be some kind of exposure element, but it's so hard when anxiety brings you down.
As someone who has social anxiety, I can’t imagine myself standing there doing a Ted Talk. Props to her for being so brave and finding comfort in public speaking using music.
I have sooo much respect for this young women! I don’t know if you will ever read these words Anna but I just want to say that what you did up there is so brave and full of courage! I can relate from my heart because I have been dealing with anxiety as well and I also in many cases feel like it’s being viewed at and treated not in the best way that it could. For you to stand on a stage and talk to people about this is so so brave and I admire you for that. Thank you for using your voice and letting your desire to say what you have to say be stronger than anxiety. Thank you. I hope you are doing very well
At first, I thought this would be another "X steps to overcome anxiety video" where a confident person speaks all about how he/she turned the tables. She summarized what I've been going through my entire life in those 12 minutes. The 150+ comments here represent people like me who've been feeling exactly the same way, and we all want to change, but I think where she stands out is she accepted it openly and was willing to face anything but not compromise. While I'm feeling overpowered by my anxiety even while confessing it here in the comments, I can very well imagine the fight she'd have been putting against herself while delivering that talk. I still wonder how she managed to get such tremendous amount of courage :) Hats off!
The FIRST thing my mom would say when introducing me to new people is "This is my daughter. She's quiet." I always hated that!! It was as if she knew people would catch on that something was wrong with me, so she had to warn them right from the start so they would be prepared. I'm 36 and she still does this lol.
this is the first time i've ever heard someone stress the difference between social anxiety and shyness; or stress the fact that social anxiety is merely a chemical imbalance; something out of one's control. just as you don't have to have a bad life to have chemical depression, you don't have to have insecurities or low self-esteem to have social anxiety. those neural pathways just associate socialization with anxiety. also love how she describe her experience as an out-of-focus camera. that's exactly my experience. and how she said she loses all aspects of her personality. that hit so hard. one of my greatest wishes, is to be able to be myself uninhibitedly. how i usually describe my own conceptualization of the social anxiety, is by comparing it to the "double-slit experiment," wherein electrons behaved differently when observed.
Her speech really hit home for me. I had an incident a couple of months ago where I went to a concert by myself (my friend bailed on me last minute). I sat at the bar waiting for the show to start and the band actually sat next to me and we're eating dinner before the show. I was too nervous to converse with them which just made me look really awkward. I sat there scrolling on my phone. I saw other people asking them for autographs and pictures. I kept thinking about how cool it would be to get a pick with the band but I was too nervous and was already embarrassed because I had been sitting next to them for all this time and never acknowledged them. I wanted to leave but then again I wanted to stay for the whole show because I loved the band. I couldn't wait for the show to be over. Afterwards, the band stuck around to talk and hang out with people after the show and I left as quickly as I could. I hate myself so much for having to deal with disorder and how much it interferes with my life. And like Anna it's so frustrating that there's really no cure for it.
Social anxiety disorder is very underrated. People don't understand. I even got fired once mainly for "lack of communication" because my manager thought I was just making up an excuse.
The comparison she made to an unfocused camera really hit home I believe I have Social Anxiety and my mind feels like this all the time. interacting with people at work especially upper management is so stressful!!! I am married and have kids but everytime we go to my I laws I feel so nervous all the time. I have tried to explain how I feel to my husband but he just doesn't get it now none does.
Never thought a video on SAD would make me happy! I also had selective mutism and was picked on for not talking when I was little and I still struggle to socialize now. But it's so nice to know I'm not alone and there are positives and hope!
this was good. Anna was very relatable and everyone should watch this. I would get depressed from it and the fact that I didn't have many friends because of it. When I went to people about it, they would say it's my fault and I should just be more outgoing. Well, obviously they were wrong but I am taking small steps. I've had to manage living on my own and working in retail were I am constantly forced to talk to strangers. I'm getting there, but like Anna says, it will ALWAYS be a part of who I am.
Who ever this girl is, she deserves all the praise she just does. I wish SA was easy easy to over come and just like everyone else it's a pain in the a*s. I wish I can break free from this long lasting cure, I'm not sure how i'll break free. But I do know one thing is that this will not stand by forever.
I relate to this so much!!! Every example she gave I have experienced before. I think my anxiety was created by my environment, though. The judgement my mom passed on others makes me feel insecure and like I need to do things to gain her love. Even writing this I feel like I'm not coming across as clear enough. I have a voice in my head judging my every move. It chokes me.
1237crazygirl I feel the same way. I have always been shy but could make friends like any normal kid. It wasn't until my mom married my step-dad when I was around the age of 11 and since then I only remember things getting so much worse. He is a police officer and the most judgemental person I've ever known, it rubbed off on my mom and then to us kids. I try not to be like them but it's hard to not be critical on myself now, and think I have to be nothing like the people they would judge. It sucks, but I'm glad I am able to realize their wrongdoing, although I do tend to wonder if I was like them if it's easier to live that way without social anxiety..
I mean i can talk to people but I can’t look at a person directly in the eyes. Am a freshmen in high school and she kinda explains the pain I have to go through every day, and When I want to talk people that I want to talk to in my classes that am afraid to talk too. But this helps me a lot.
This has given me so much hope... Lived with SA for so long and have felt nothing, in all that time, that has made me feel even a slither of the hope I feel now.
I admit I sometimes have a hard time believing people when they say they have social anxiety or social anxiety disorder, mostly due to those same people socializing freely minutes later. But some of the things she described felt almost too real to me- things like being too nervous to eat in front of others, not being able to take notes unless everyone else is, etc. I remember only being able to eat lunch at school if most of the kids were out at recess and only 2-3 kids tops were seated on opposite ends of the table than me (the tables could easily seat 20+ kids.) I find being called shy has both pros and cons. As a girl, people feel more comfortable calling me shy as opposed to someone with a mental disturbance, and the term also makes me feel better about myself. It gets frustrating when people try to tell me I can stop being shy at the drop of a hat- yes I realize there's "no reason to be shy" but that doesn't stop the overwhelming emotional and physical symptoms I get. People with social anxiety are usually aware that their fears don't make sense, but they're afraid of them anyway. I can always try to interact with more people, but I don't think this is something that will ever leave me. I will remember all of those encounters, and feel anxious about them for days or even weeks later even if nothing bad happened.
There's different severities of social anxiety, so someone who doesn't seem like they have it to you could just have a lower severity of it. Like for me, one situation I'll be fine, but in another my heart is beating really hard, palms sweating, I wanna cry, I'm shaking, I'm fighting with my brain to just *speak* but it's so hard. So for me personally, the level of anxiety varies significantly from situation to situation. I relate to the frustration of being told to just *not* be shy ugh -.-
Xela D You're right of course, but when I'm getting crushed by anxiety, my frustration kind of rules my emotions at that point. I immediately empathize with people who are quiet, but I get jealous of less-severe cases and almost feel kind of cheated on? As in, "why do they know how I feel and yet have it better off than I do" kind of thing, but I know it's a faulted way of thinking. That latter bit is frustrating, ESPECIALLY from extremely extroverted people who don't seem to get that it isn't just a minor lack of confidence.
@@Tijopi11 I’ve experience both sides, low level SA and high SA. When I was high functioning, I appeared cool and at ease but my thoughts and feelings wasn’t matching my exterior at all. Yes, I was called shy and quiet, the usual comments people with SA get. At its worst, I ended up with a panic disorder and becoming more hermit like than ever before. That’s the stage I am at now.
This video helped me avoid the thinking that I'm the only one out there who is suffering from this ... None of the people around us , neither our parents and also not the teachers can understand the pain of social anxiety , I hope this video help the others same as me to feel comfort
I'm glad that someone similar to me understands everything i deal with everyday. even my closest friends try to understand but it's still something i don't talk about EVER.
Props to Anna for getting up there and bringing awareness about SA. I wish I had that same courage to speak. And it's a shame that social anxiety is underrated and looked down upon in society according to those psychologists. Well sorry I don't participate in class or don't talk because most of the time I don't know what to talk about without having that feeling of being judged negatively.
Everything you had said made me realize how I’m really not alone in this juncture, I was diagnosed with the same disorder when I was 4 years old and my mom says I have really grown out of it. In my head she is wrong on all types of levels because I still get nervous around people, starting conversations, friends leave every so often, and just all around freezing in social situations. It’s definitely been a battle but I’m very relieved that someone close to my age knows how not being social can really put a strain on our mind.
Anna Vite: you're an intelligent and perceptive young woman. When you realize that you can think for yourself, ask intelligent and perceptive questions, you have no reason to behave the way you are defined by others as 'a person with social anxiety.' And you will -- easily -- no longer behave the way when you told yourself that 'I have social anxiety.'
Me encanta lo que has hecho Anna, la informacion es crucial. Si yo hubiera entendido lo que me pasaba, tal vez no hubiera sufrido tanto. Tal vez no hubiera pensado que era rara, callada, que en cierto punto algo estaba mal conmigo que parecia que me iba a volver loca, nerviosa, que era la persona mas extraña del mundo por todo lo que sentía adentro, que todos me rechazaban, siendo que la primera en hacerlo era yo. Si tuviera tu valor, de comunicarle al mundo y de sacar la parte mas intima de mi ser, como lo es mi ansiedad, creo que podria ayudar a muchos como lo estas haciendo tu. La información es poder. No dejen de buscar ayuda. Apoyo. Contención. Crean en ustedes, y aferrense a lo que ustedes le tengan fe. Creanme, la he pasada muy mal, pero siempre se puede estar mejor. Bravo Anna.
Wow, thanks so much for doing this. I'm a 32 year old guy and still struggle with this a lot. No one ever really understands it, and I've never met anyone who's quite as bad as me even if they do have it. If it's so common which I don't think it really is, I don't understand why no one knows about how bad it can be. I thought I had aspergers a couple years ago, I was only diagnosed when I was 30.
I've never met anyone who is quite as bad as me either, or at least that's what it looks like from my perspective. I would say plenty of people have experienced anxiety with social interaction, but the depths that social anxiety DISORDER entail apply to far less people.
Same here man! And i also thought i was all alone because i never found someone as damaged as me! I only discovered that i had social anxiety because i fell in depression during an internship where i was badly treated everyday by my boss because i had difficult to do the job, that consisted to talk to people and that scaried me a lot!! I have a degree in engineering and i work less demanding jobs because i can´t handle the pressure! I´m 31 years old and i never had a long relationship with a women and at the moment i don´t have a job. But i´m fighting more now, i discover that bulking in the gym gives me confidence, enough to fight and expose me to social events with a lots of people. Still i have difficult to talk especially to women but at least i see a light. But as you see, you are not alone!
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I recommend the video in my lectures on emotional disorders to show psychology students what it feels like to have social anxiety when growing-up.
I get what you are saying. I am 38 and once in a while had the experience of easiness in social settings outside my immediate family growing up. Personally, I rather be myself than anyone else. I think most of us should think this way. We are fine the way we are, social anxiety is the only roadblock towards our true path in life, and it’s something we need to work towards constantly to reach inner satisfaction.
Awesome. Anna is a really brave young woman. For me personally, Social anxiety has devastated my life... during my childhood and teenage/ early twenties, I didn't even know there was a name for what I was feeling...until I had access to the internet in my early thirties. By then it was too late.
My parents doubt my social anxiety because I love performing. I love singing. I love theater. I don’t really get much stage fright other than some butterflies. By the time the performance comes, I’ve prepared. When I go onstage, I have a plan. I have had months to prepare. I know where I’m going stand, what I’m going to say, and how I’m going to say it. I’m not scared of the audience. I’m scared of the rest of the cast. There is no script for when someone tries to talk to me during rehearsal. I have no clue where to go, what to say, or how I’m going to say it. It’s like I have stage fright all the time. Except when I’m on a stage. It’s like constantly forgetting your lines. But, there are no lines. I try to plan out questions someone might ask me and how I’ll respond, but I panic when someone goes off the script I’ve built in my mind. Its like I’m horrible at improve. It feels like there is a spotlight on you constantly and you can never escape it.
There are a few things that worked for me. 1. Avoid everything that causes self-consciousness like dress extremely well, look great... 2. Always say "I can be more smart" and "I can behave better" 3. Daily reminder on mobile to always "Focus on others" Please try and let me know how it goes, it works, I can guarantee!
Was really illuminating to hear someone else describe my exact feelings/symptoms, especially when I was little. Now that I know I have social anxiety hopefully it will be easier to find help/understand how to better manage it.
FINALLY someone Who understand me :'''''-) im not alone with what im going through :''''-) im not shy, shy is not when you are too scared to get something out of your bag because it would attract attention
listen to music while talking i guess.. i'm used to acting that forgot the name cause i couldnt spell it and shaking my hands or making signs with my hands so the letter could come out.. but it gets hard day after day
Duncan Durman well she didn't exactly read out a list but I would say she has given some advice indirectly e.g. she found something that worked for her, which was music.
Duncan Durman I believe the purpose of this talk wasn’t to give solutions but to create awareness about this misunderstood illness. She herself had not gotten out of it.
When I listen the definition of Social Anxiety that it's usually given, it makes me laugh because it's obvious they don't have a clue about what this problem is. The problem is not being anxious in a socially challenging situation, like giving a speach, or talking to someone you lke, becouse it's socially acepted to be anxious at least to certain degree on that situations. The problem is that your are anxious as well in situations where is not socially acepted. And it's like an iceberg, the first kind of situations, the visible ones, are only a minority. The others, are the majority but they pass unadverted for the people that hasn't got this problem.
Haghenveien like feeling anxious about having to buy something and worry that the cashier will ask a question Or feeling anxious about the way you walk in public And being caught off guard and stutter when asked something as simple as "what's the time?" I am a tattoo artist, but I limit myself because I have this anxiety that keeps me from relaxing, I am constantly thinking that I will fuck up because I will be distracted by the worry of interaction with the client
It infuriates me to think that many people in that audience still likely don't understand. I just know many of them still trivialize this issue even after listening to this heartfelt speech. It is impossible to truly understand how debilitating it is unless you have it. Hopefully some will learn to empathize instead of sympathize.
I've seen so many SA vids and this is the first one I showed my family to help them understand the debilitating struggle that I go through every day. You're amazing, it brought us all to tears. I'm so glad you're speaking out about this to help people get it. Is there an email address I can contact you? I'd like to finally seek help.
yo I don't think she'll see your comment dude. But if you are wanting help try to find a good counsellor near you, I've recently started going to a counselling group, and I'm hoping that will help me a little bit with my struggles. Good luck :)
This got me real hard. And the calling shy thing tho, it's so fucking annoying and the worst is that I can't explain I have social anxiety, I feel bad or self-petty saying it..
I feel now that I'm not the only person who's struggling with this. I've been struggling with social anxiety since my teenage age and I'm now 28 and haven't been able to overcome it yet. People who suffer from social anxiety are just judged by others as mental and emotionally week, but the reality goes way beyond that. It's really hard to try to feel oneself comfortable in social contexts and having thoughts bombarding your head about going away and lock oneself away from people.
How much I relate to this made me cry. I had selective Mutism too and I had a teacher scream in my face to talk. I am not 18 and I still can not talk and it’s taking a toll on my life
This is so so so similar to what I went through in my childhood, I have overcame it by a lot but still hard to do a lot of things. Thank you for your story.
AMAZING JOB! I also had Selective Mutism, and I guess SA just comes along with it. I also didn't speak (to other people) until the 3rd grade! Don't take notes unless e/o is too! In 2nd grade, I was held back from gym class to finish my math problems. I needed help, but I physically COULD NOT ask the teacher! Before I knew it, my class was back from gym and looked like they had a fun time. My early years of elementary school were not fun. I have many stories of people calling me "shy" and telling me to "just talk!" I was offered stickers and prizes if I did, but of course...I didn't. "Anxiety is a constant battle in your brain"-8:43 It's true. It's very tiring always over thinking every little conversation you plan to have or just getting up to leave class. Thankfully, with time, I have overcome the struggles of SM and can live a little more freely, though some days are harder than others, IK e/t will only get better with time. :)
When we have our little pep rally’s the music is so loud and there are tons of people in the gym together and I start shaking and crying, but I can’t help it 😢 it hurts me inside. Literally
She literally spoke of my entire life and doesnt even know me. Think again when you call someone shy, or quiet. This world also really needs to stop putting extroverts on a high horse
Victoria Shembo the world isn't doing it... The extroverts used their communicative skills to put themselves up.
Victoria Shembo same. i have had selective mutism my whole life and these words just explaned my life. i'm so glade there are actually people out there who really understand what it is like to have social anxiety before i watched this i felt so alone but now knowing there are actually people like this out there makes me feel a lot better.
The extroverts get out and work hard for their dreams and make good relationships
The introverts just keep in their room watching youtube Instead
Theramchepser introverts can work hard too 🙄
Theramchepser
That’s funny because introverts are smarter and think in depth and think about the outcomes of their decisions almost twice as good than a extrovert
And almost every scientist and smart person in the world is introverted
We are the ones who innovate the world while extroverts focus on drama and entertainment
We know how to have fun but we have the skill of knowing when to stop for the better good while you guys can’t shut up
Introverts are perfect human beings but from day one are made to feel as if something is wrong with us due to society
Also there are many introverts out there who are not socially inept (bill gates, Albert Einstein, Elon musk etc...)
It’s just that due to how we are treated and ostracized we gain social awkwardness and then get low self esteem
Extroverts are usually put on high horses only increasing their egos and they just continually feel good without even thinking twice that something is wrong with them
Sincerely an introvert.
It's almost unbeliveable how she is able to speak in front of people while having anxiety. I have the same and i just haven't find my way to be capable of doing anything against being socially anxious. I'm so proud of her
Brigitta she is not comfortable while speaking.her voice is shaking her body is uncomfortable she's trying to use her hands and body language to look chill.so yeah,she has.
Simgem Büber
At least she is trying, that is the first step!!! It takes a lot of guts to do !!
Totally agree! It's crazy how S.A.D. can seem so contradictory sometimes; where she is able to give a public speech, but not go to a party. When you think about it from the perspective of someone with SAD, it makes sense because giving a speech can be rehearsed, while social interactions come with a larger degree of unpredictability.
As someone with SA disorder I can say that this girl displayed an incredible amount of courage to get on that stage and give that speech. I'm at a loss for words.
amen. completely agree. God bless her.
This was great, I've been looking for "tips for dealing with social anxiety at work" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qanwen Donuke Approach - (search on google ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my buddy got great success with it.
I recently had to tell my best friend that I wont be able to speak at his wedding. It’s the worst feeling. I feel like such a bad friend but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Public speaking is the absolute worst for people with social anxiety disorder
This speech brought me to tears because everything is so recognizable and she succeeded to manage it so well! Beautifull to see how music helps her. I have social anxiety since childhood and it does not go away. You can only accept it and try to manage it in a positive way that fits you. I would not be where I am today without the help of horses. Teachers and so many other people do not understand what social anxiety is. Forcing people to talk more or push them in to social events is not the way to help them. Neither is isolation or suppressing social anxiety trough drugs or alcohol. If you have social anxiety too: know you are not the only one ♡ "From the outside we are silent. Within we have to deal with a tornado"
Yes very yrue
Thanks, it sometimes feels like I'm the only person like this and everyone else is normal, happy people and I'm like 'Why can't I be like that? Happy?' I learnt that I can, if I can get close enough to my friends and people around me, it's way easier to talk to them and feel like they understand me. I learnt how happiness felt like, I loved it, and I cherished it. And after I found out I had SAD which was only a few years ago, I started wishing everyone else with it would feel this happiness I managed to experience. Now I just keep fighting to get close to others and then relax until I meet a new bunch of people. It feels really good to have people close to you, but it's hard to keep everyone there, we fall out sometimes, only to come back together and restore the bonds. And I think that no matter how hard it gets, we should keep pushing on, bouncing back, stronger than ever and ready for anything.
"Can you talk?" "Why are you so quiet?" "Oh she's just shy." I have had social anxiety my ENTIRE life and gone through all of this. It's so comforting to see others who struggle. I am considering seeing a doctor for the first time ever at the age of 23. It has held me back from opportunities in life and so many friendships. You are not alone.
Emily Jane same
did seeing a doc tor helped you ?
Emily Jane same
Everything she said was so true to me that it got me to tears.
I've watched some other people talk about how they overcome social anxiety but they seemed so confident that it was hard for me to believe that they've ever had this disorder in the first place. And this is why I love every single moment that Anna's voice cracked during this speech - it made it obvious that it is hard for her to speak in public, that she really is struggling with it the whole time but she doesn't give up and keeps saying what she came there to say, and it gave me more hope than any other video about SA I watched. Anna - you're my hero!
They're not saying other speakers haven't struggled with anxiety, just that its hard to believe, sometimes its nice to see and hear the evidence of the struggle. In life we are so often surrounded by confident, outgoing and outspoken people its easy to feel alone, and Anna's speech is nice because we believe every second of it, without doubt.
I suffer with severe social anxiety and I feel like the disorder is so commonly ignored, people just put it down to shyness or 'being rude' and not wanting to get involved with things and I feel like because we can't talk about it ourselves nobody tells our truth and most people don't even realise it exists and how common it is
Whoever this person is, I admire her deeply! For someone with social anxiety disorder, giving a public speech like that is the equivalent of hell!
Well done for your courage and perseverance despite your condition!
My experience with public speaking is the fear that I will visibly gulp, and make an awkward silence, but the feelings I get are extremely intense, such as: dry throat, loss of saliva, rapid heartbeat, overheating like a fever etc.
It's my life goal to overcome this fear and become comfortable with speaking socially; amazing speech Anna
I have social anxiety and my psychology class watched this. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and getting choked up while watching it but I became scared that my class would see me crying.
Thank you so much. I often worry that social anxiety sufferers will never be properly understood, because by nature our disorder prevents us from talking about it. I'm not brave enough to do that just yet, but thank you Anna for being incredibly brave and sharing your story, I admire your strength.
I really like the differentiation between shyness and social anxiety. It manifests itself in different ways with different people. I can get up in front of people at karaoke but i have trouble with face to face conversations. People don't "understand" this.
This video makes me cry because it describes me exactly. I wish more people would watch this video so people could understand.
I love how she says that “shy” is a personality trait and that social anxiety is a mental disorder. People would describe me as shy and it honestly just pissed me off too, being “shy” isn’t really something that anyone wants to be called, we are social creatures and being called something that you’re struggling to not be is the worst. We need to become more open to people who struggle with these things, we’re all human and we all go through our own sh*t
It is always so painful to be with people and them not understand, or worse, come up with demeaning assumptions about what could be wrong with you.
it sucks, no doubt. or family members or even friends judge you for it. I've lived with this all my life
You are so brave for doing this, thank you so much for that talk. People think SA can just be "fixed" by "talking more", but it's not that simple. It's true that there has to be some kind of exposure element, but it's so hard when anxiety brings you down.
As someone who has social anxiety, I can’t imagine myself standing there doing a Ted Talk. Props to her for being so brave and finding comfort in public speaking using music.
I have sooo much respect for this young women! I don’t know if you will ever read these words Anna but I just want to say that what you did up there is so brave and full of courage! I can relate from my heart because I have been dealing with anxiety as well and I also in many cases feel like it’s being viewed at and treated not in the best way that it could. For you to stand on a stage and talk to people about this is so so brave and I admire you for that. Thank you for using your voice and letting your desire to say what you have to say be stronger than anxiety. Thank you. I hope you are doing very well
such a strong girl. it must have been hard for her facing a large audience.
At first, I thought this would be another "X steps to overcome anxiety video" where a confident person speaks all about how he/she turned the tables. She summarized what I've been going through my entire life in those 12 minutes.
The 150+ comments here represent people like me who've been feeling exactly the same way, and we all want to change, but I think where she stands out is she accepted it openly and was willing to face anything but not compromise.
While I'm feeling overpowered by my anxiety even while confessing it here in the comments, I can very well imagine the fight she'd have been putting against herself while delivering that talk. I still wonder how she managed to get such tremendous amount of courage :) Hats off!
The FIRST thing my mom would say when introducing me to new people is "This is my daughter. She's quiet." I always hated that!! It was as if she knew people would catch on that something was wrong with me, so she had to warn them right from the start so they would be prepared. I'm 36 and she still does this lol.
I liked it when my mother said that about me because it meant that the people would leave me alone.
this is the first time i've ever heard someone stress the difference between social anxiety and shyness; or stress the fact that social anxiety is merely a chemical imbalance; something out of one's control. just as you don't have to have a bad life to have chemical depression, you don't have to have insecurities or low self-esteem to have social anxiety. those neural pathways just associate socialization with anxiety.
also love how she describe her experience as an out-of-focus camera. that's exactly my experience. and how she said she loses all aspects of her personality. that hit so hard. one of my greatest wishes, is to be able to be myself uninhibitedly.
how i usually describe my own conceptualization of the social anxiety, is by comparing it to the "double-slit experiment," wherein electrons behaved differently when observed.
Her speech really hit home for me. I had an incident a couple of months ago where I went to a concert by myself (my friend bailed on me last minute). I sat at the bar waiting for the show to start and the band actually sat next to me and we're eating dinner before the show. I was too nervous to converse with them which just made me look really awkward. I sat there scrolling on my phone. I saw other people asking them for autographs and pictures. I kept thinking about how cool it would be to get a pick with the band but I was too nervous and was already embarrassed because I had been sitting next to them for all this time and never acknowledged them. I wanted to leave but then again I wanted to stay for the whole show because I loved the band. I couldn't wait for the show to be over. Afterwards, the band stuck around to talk and hang out with people after the show and I left as quickly as I could. I hate myself so much for having to deal with disorder and how much it interferes with my life. And like Anna it's so frustrating that there's really no cure for it.
I love how music helps her cope with social anxiety disorder. I like the difference between shy and social anxiety disorder because it is different.
Social anxiety disorder is very underrated. People don't understand. I even got fired once mainly for "lack of communication" because my manager thought I was just making up an excuse.
just looking at the word "talk" gave me goosebumps
The comparison she made to an unfocused camera really hit home I believe I have Social Anxiety and my mind feels like this all the time. interacting with people at work especially upper management is so stressful!!! I am married and have kids but everytime we go to my I laws I feel so nervous all the time. I have tried to explain how I feel to my husband but he just doesn't get it now none does.
Never thought a video on SAD would make me happy! I also had selective mutism and was picked on for not talking when I was little and I still struggle to socialize now. But it's so nice to know I'm not alone and there are positives and hope!
this was good. Anna was very relatable and everyone should watch this. I would get depressed from it and the fact that I didn't have many friends because of it. When I went to people about it, they would say it's my fault and I should just be more outgoing.
Well, obviously they were wrong but I am taking small steps. I've had to manage living on my own and working in retail were I am constantly forced to talk to strangers. I'm getting there, but like Anna says, it will ALWAYS be a part of who I am.
Hat's off!! I truly admire your courage :) Stay strong, you're not alone!
Who ever this girl is, she deserves all the praise she just does. I wish SA was easy easy to over come and just like everyone else it's a pain in the a*s. I wish I can break free from this long lasting cure, I'm not sure how i'll break free. But I do know one thing is that this will not stand by forever.
I relate to this so much!!! Every example she gave I have experienced before. I think my anxiety was created by my environment, though. The judgement my mom passed on others makes me feel insecure and like I need to do things to gain her love. Even writing this I feel like I'm not coming across as clear enough. I have a voice in my head judging my every move. It chokes me.
So much anxiety just posting that. Hate to admit it.
1237crazygirl I feel the same way. I have always been shy but could make friends like any normal kid. It wasn't until my mom married my step-dad when I was around the age of 11 and since then I only remember things getting so much worse. He is a police officer and the most judgemental person I've ever known, it rubbed off on my mom and then to us kids. I try not to be like them but it's hard to not be critical on myself now, and think I have to be nothing like the people they would judge. It sucks, but I'm glad I am able to realize their wrongdoing, although I do tend to wonder if I was like them if it's easier to live that way without social anxiety..
it's amazing that she's speaking about this in front of so many people
I mean i can talk to people but I can’t look at a person directly in the eyes. Am a freshmen in high school and she kinda explains the pain I have to go through every day, and When I want to talk people that I want to talk to in my classes that am afraid to talk too. But this helps me a lot.
That was absolutely one of the best TEDX TALK I have ever heard. I intend to listen a few more times. Thank you for posting 😃
This has given me so much hope... Lived with SA for so long and have felt nothing, in all that time, that has made me feel even a slither of the hope I feel now.
I agree
bRAVO FOR This girl. She has anxiety but trying to conquer is just amazing
She is amazing at delivering this message about social anxiety!
I admit I sometimes have a hard time believing people when they say they have social anxiety or social anxiety disorder, mostly due to those same people socializing freely minutes later. But some of the things she described felt almost too real to me- things like being too nervous to eat in front of others, not being able to take notes unless everyone else is, etc. I remember only being able to eat lunch at school if most of the kids were out at recess and only 2-3 kids tops were seated on opposite ends of the table than me (the tables could easily seat 20+ kids.)
I find being called shy has both pros and cons. As a girl, people feel more comfortable calling me shy as opposed to someone with a mental disturbance, and the term also makes me feel better about myself. It gets frustrating when people try to tell me I can stop being shy at the drop of a hat- yes I realize there's "no reason to be shy" but that doesn't stop the overwhelming emotional and physical symptoms I get. People with social anxiety are usually aware that their fears don't make sense, but they're afraid of them anyway. I can always try to interact with more people, but I don't think this is something that will ever leave me. I will remember all of those encounters, and feel anxious about them for days or even weeks later even if nothing bad happened.
There's different severities of social anxiety, so someone who doesn't seem like they have it to you could just have a lower severity of it. Like for me, one situation I'll be fine, but in another my heart is beating really hard, palms sweating, I wanna cry, I'm shaking, I'm fighting with my brain to just *speak* but it's so hard. So for me personally, the level of anxiety varies significantly from situation to situation.
I relate to the frustration of being told to just *not* be shy ugh -.-
Xela D You're right of course, but when I'm getting crushed by anxiety, my frustration kind of rules my emotions at that point. I immediately empathize with people who are quiet, but I get jealous of less-severe cases and almost feel kind of cheated on? As in, "why do they know how I feel and yet have it better off than I do" kind of thing, but I know it's a faulted way of thinking.
That latter bit is frustrating, ESPECIALLY from extremely extroverted people who don't seem to get that it isn't just a minor lack of confidence.
@@Tijopi11 I’ve experience both sides, low level SA and high SA. When I was high functioning, I appeared cool and at ease but my thoughts and feelings wasn’t matching my exterior at all. Yes, I was called shy and quiet, the usual comments people with SA get. At its worst, I ended up with a panic disorder and becoming more hermit like than ever before. That’s the stage I am at now.
She sure made the cameramen earn his paycheck! You seem like a beautiful person Anna, stand tall and be proud !
I can relate in so many levels. Thank you for being brave Anna, I'm proud of you
This video makes me so sad... I've watched it so many times and it makes me cry every time. This is me exactly. She said this so perfectly
im just impressed she up there speaking in front of ppl
IM SO PROUD OF YOU ANNA
I thought about giving a speech and just talking to my classmates and my heart starting pounding...
Huh...
+That Guy anxiety.
+Hugh Mungus YOU JUST SEXUALLY HARASSED ME
i know exactly how you feel. you have it extreme just like me :(
It’s so hard the teachers hate me for it 😓
More like huuuuuuh!!!!
This video helped me avoid the thinking that I'm the only one out there who is suffering from this ... None of the people around us , neither our parents and also not the teachers can understand the pain of social anxiety , I hope this video help the others same as me to feel comfort
I'm glad that someone similar to me understands everything i deal with everyday. even my closest friends try to understand but it's still something i don't talk about EVER.
Props to Anna for getting up there and bringing awareness about SA. I wish I had that same courage to speak. And it's a shame that social anxiety is underrated and looked down upon in society according to those psychologists. Well sorry I don't participate in class or don't talk because most of the time I don't know what to talk about without having that feeling of being judged negatively.
She is so brave
Everything you had said made me realize how I’m really not alone in this juncture, I was diagnosed with the same disorder when I was 4 years old and my mom says I have really grown out of it. In my head she is wrong on all types of levels because I still get nervous around people, starting conversations, friends leave every so often, and just all around freezing in social situations. It’s definitely been a battle but I’m very relieved that someone close to my age knows how not being social can really put a strain on our mind.
Anna Vite: you're an intelligent and perceptive young woman. When you realize that you can think for yourself, ask intelligent and perceptive questions, you have no reason to behave the way you are defined by others as 'a person with social anxiety.' And you will -- easily -- no longer behave the way when you told yourself that 'I have social anxiety.'
Me encanta lo que has hecho Anna, la informacion es crucial. Si yo hubiera entendido lo que me pasaba, tal vez no hubiera sufrido tanto. Tal vez no hubiera pensado que era rara, callada, que en cierto punto algo estaba mal conmigo que parecia que me iba a volver loca, nerviosa, que era la persona mas extraña del mundo por todo lo que sentía adentro, que todos me rechazaban, siendo que la primera en hacerlo era yo. Si tuviera tu valor, de comunicarle al mundo y de sacar la parte mas intima de mi ser, como lo es mi ansiedad, creo que podria ayudar a muchos como lo estas haciendo tu. La información es poder. No dejen de buscar ayuda. Apoyo. Contención. Crean en ustedes, y aferrense a lo que ustedes le tengan fe. Creanme, la he pasada muy mal, pero siempre se puede estar mejor. Bravo Anna.
Wow, thanks so much for doing this. I'm a 32 year old guy and still struggle with this a lot. No one ever really understands it, and I've never met anyone who's quite as bad as me even if they do have it. If it's so common which I don't think it really is, I don't understand why no one knows about how bad it can be. I thought I had aspergers a couple years ago, I was only diagnosed when I was 30.
so do u have asperger's ?
no. I was just talking about social anxiety. Aspergers is autism.
I've never met anyone who is quite as bad as me either, or at least that's what it looks like from my perspective. I would say plenty of people have experienced anxiety with social interaction, but the depths that social anxiety DISORDER entail apply to far less people.
Same here man! And i also thought i was all alone because i never found someone as damaged as me! I only discovered that i had social anxiety because i fell in depression during an internship where i was badly treated everyday by my boss because i had difficult to do the job, that consisted to talk to people and that scaried me a lot!! I have a degree in engineering and i work less demanding jobs because i can´t handle the pressure! I´m 31 years old and i never had a long relationship with a women and at the moment i don´t have a job. But i´m fighting more now, i discover that bulking in the gym gives me confidence, enough to fight and expose me to social events with a lots of people. Still i have difficult to talk especially to women but at least i see a light. But as you see, you are not alone!
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I recommend the video in my lectures on emotional disorders to show psychology students what it feels like to have social anxiety when growing-up.
Have had it for 57 years. It has controlled my life from day one. I wish I were someone else. Someone normal.
I get what you are saying. I am 38 and once in a while had the experience of easiness in social settings outside my immediate family growing up. Personally, I rather be myself than anyone else. I think most of us should think this way. We are fine the way we are, social anxiety is the only roadblock towards our true path in life, and it’s something we need to work towards constantly to reach inner satisfaction.
Awesome. Anna is a really brave young woman.
For me personally, Social anxiety has devastated my life... during my childhood and teenage/ early twenties, I didn't even know there was a name for what I was feeling...until I had access to the internet in my early thirties.
By then it was too late.
Thank you so much, may God bless you!☺
The best speech I've ever heard
My parents doubt my social anxiety because I love performing. I love singing. I love theater. I don’t really get much stage fright other than some butterflies. By the time the performance comes, I’ve prepared. When I go onstage, I have a plan. I have had months to prepare. I know where I’m going stand, what I’m going to say, and how I’m going to say it. I’m not scared of the audience. I’m scared of the rest of the cast. There is no script for when someone tries to talk to me during rehearsal. I have no clue where to go, what to say, or how I’m going to say it. It’s like I have stage fright all the time. Except when I’m on a stage. It’s like constantly forgetting your lines. But, there are no lines. I try to plan out questions someone might ask me and how I’ll respond, but I panic when someone goes off the script I’ve built in my mind. Its like I’m horrible at improve. It feels like there is a spotlight on you constantly and you can never escape it.
Thank you. I'm not alone
There are a few things that worked for me.
1. Avoid everything that causes self-consciousness like dress extremely well, look great...
2. Always say "I can be more smart" and "I can behave better"
3. Daily reminder on mobile to always "Focus on others"
Please try and let me know how it goes, it works, I can guarantee!
I needed this. So many young people need this.
Thank you Anna you're so brave
Was really illuminating to hear someone else describe my exact feelings/symptoms, especially when I was little. Now that I know I have social anxiety hopefully it will be easier to find help/understand how to better manage it.
Anna!! You are my hero... Thank you.
What she said in the end is so true
Love your self even if you have social anxiety! Love your self with every flaws :) It's alright for having social anxiety, accept your self.
I struggle with this every single day. 😢
i like her top, i also suffer from social anxiety, so great talk!
Social Anxiety Disorder (S.A.D)
you are a very brave person
FINALLY someone Who understand me :'''''-) im not alone with what im going through :''''-) im not shy, shy is not when you are too scared to get something out of your bag because it would attract attention
I literally feel like she just read my soul. Where can I talk to this girl?! Does anyone know if she has twitter or facebook??
well yeah,, but she offered no information on how to improve
listen to music while talking i guess.. i'm used to acting that forgot the name cause i couldnt spell it and shaking my hands or making signs with my hands so the letter could come out.. but it gets hard day after day
Duncan Durman well she didn't exactly read out a list but I would say she has given some advice indirectly e.g. she found something that worked for her, which was music.
Duncan Durman I believe the purpose of this talk wasn’t to give solutions but to create awareness about this misunderstood illness. She herself had not gotten out of it.
When I listen the definition of Social Anxiety that it's usually given, it makes me laugh because it's obvious they don't have a clue about what this problem is. The problem is not being anxious in a socially challenging situation, like giving a speach, or talking to someone you lke, becouse it's socially acepted to be anxious at least to certain degree on that situations. The problem is that your are anxious as well in situations where is not socially acepted. And it's like an iceberg, the first kind of situations, the visible ones, are only a minority. The others, are the majority but they pass unadverted for the people that hasn't got this problem.
Haghenveien like feeling anxious about having to buy something and worry that the cashier will ask a question
Or feeling anxious about the way you walk in public
And being caught off guard and stutter when asked something as simple as "what's the time?"
I am a tattoo artist, but I limit myself because I have this anxiety that keeps me from relaxing, I am constantly thinking that I will fuck up because I will be distracted by the worry of interaction with the client
I'm crying! I related to this so much!
It infuriates me to think that many people in that audience still likely don't understand. I just know many of them still trivialize this issue even after listening to this heartfelt speech. It is impossible to truly understand how debilitating it is unless you have it. Hopefully some will learn to empathize instead of sympathize.
I love this cause she said everything i struggle with
I've seen so many SA vids and this is the first one I showed my family to help them understand the debilitating struggle that I go through every day. You're amazing, it brought us all to tears. I'm so glad you're speaking out about this to help people get it. Is there an email address I can contact you? I'd like to finally seek help.
yo I don't think she'll see your comment dude. But if you are wanting help try to find a good counsellor near you, I've recently started going to a counselling group, and I'm hoping that will help me a little bit with my struggles. Good luck :)
This got me real hard. And the calling shy thing tho, it's so fucking annoying and the worst is that I can't explain I have social anxiety, I feel bad or self-petty saying it..
Lordivamort same!
I feel now that I'm not the only person who's struggling with this. I've been struggling with social anxiety since my teenage age and I'm now 28 and haven't been able to overcome it yet. People who suffer from social anxiety are just judged by others as mental and emotionally week, but the reality goes way beyond that. It's really hard to try to feel oneself comfortable in social contexts and having thoughts bombarding your head about going away and lock oneself away from people.
I simply just struggle on relaxing In a conversation, I would get thoughts of what people think when I honestly wouldn’t care
It’s so hard 💕😓 she did so good.
Had social anxiety
Followed KAIZEN
Did Mindfulness Meditation
Pushed Myself
Now my silence is my COOLNESS
She's amazing i would never have the courage to do this...
How much I relate to this made me cry. I had selective Mutism too and I had a teacher scream in my face to talk. I am not 18 and I still can not talk and it’s taking a toll on my life
Why is this so relatable
This made me cry, i know how you feel
anna vite u did great job..i also had SAD
This is so so so similar to what I went through in my childhood, I have overcame it by a lot but still hard to do a lot of things. Thank you for your story.
Kudos to you, Anna!!
This is so right. This really spoke to me.
AMAZING JOB! I also had Selective Mutism, and I guess SA just comes along with it.
I also didn't speak (to other people) until the 3rd grade! Don't take notes unless e/o is too! In 2nd grade, I was held back from gym class to finish my math problems. I needed help, but I physically COULD NOT ask the teacher! Before I knew it, my class was back from gym and looked like they had a fun time.
My early years of elementary school were not fun. I have many stories of people calling me "shy" and telling me to "just talk!" I was offered stickers and prizes if I did, but of course...I didn't.
"Anxiety is a constant battle in your brain"-8:43 It's true. It's very tiring always over thinking every little conversation you plan to have or just getting up to leave class.
Thankfully, with time, I have overcome the struggles of SM and can live a little more freely, though some days are harder than others, IK e/t will only get better with time. :)
I don't know how to help ....my heart is yours ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for helping me understand.
When we have our little pep rally’s the music is so loud and there are tons of people in the gym together and I start shaking and crying, but I can’t help it 😢 it hurts me inside. Literally
💖 she represents people like me
God bless her
Thank you so much for this.
Would love to know how she got over it. She done amazing to do this talk, wow! I know how it feels and she should be so proud!
Thank you for talking about this issue
Great speech. Thank you.
Spot on.