Are You Resisting You Are Trans?
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
- It's not easy to admit you are struggling with gender dysphoria and that you are transgender. Especially when that may lead to making a decision about transition.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation
Great video..omg I denied being transgender male for 20yrs plus when I first found out about transgender. I didn't know about it because in the 70's there was no internet, so I just claim I was lesbian which I hated but it was all I knew..then when I learned about transgender it still was hard for me because I was like can't what will my family, friends and God do to me .I was scared and lost but I knew that was my path to be happy, not angry at the world, and be the man I have always been..but now I'm 3yrs on T, 1yr 2 month post op top surgery and next month about to do ALT Phalloplasty and I'm happy being a Transgender MALE. I am a man..tku for this video
Wow what an incredible turnaround in your your life and shows that the path of less resistance, even terrifying, ultimately leads to happier you. Wishing you all the best on Phalloplasty!
what was bad about being a female?
@@kenhuisingh2970 being trans isn’t about disliking your birth assigned sex, it’s not a choice. There’s nothing bad about being female, but for some people it’s not who they are
Interesting- I was born in 1970 and I knew I was a boy when I was two. But I had a girl body. Didn’t know the trans word but I definitely knew I had a boy brain. Even my teddy bear had a girl name and a dress but I would yell at anyone who called him a girl.
I was a girly Tom boy- attracted to boys.
Went through a spiritual phase in my teens and decided my soul was on the wrong body- puberty was a pain. I am lucky to have a strong personality so anyone who defined me as girl or treated me that way etc I could tell them to stop it. Treat me like a person.
I had kids so my body became useful in that sense - and as I have issues with body dysmorphia - I knew that it didn’t matter if I tried to change my body into a male, I would definitely not be happy with it - it would never be like other men- plus I figure more difficulties plus medical issues with meds or surgery etc
So I just stick with my body - I’ve never shaved anything- I don’t wear makeup - if I wear a dress ever it’s me doing drag-
Still annoying when people try to make people line up by gender. I still struggle with the gender issues especially if it’s closer friends or family who misgender me.
But I’m glad the way my younger self handled and processed it all.
Not everyone can avoid medical intervention or surgeries etc and I understand that’s necessary but it can be hit and miss. My friend ended up with his back and arms totally covered in hair - that’s too much hair for me and most men- and I couldn’t be bothered getting my back waxed.
Also I wouldn’t have been able to have my kids etc.
I think autism means I was pretty logical about it and aware of it from a very young age. I didn’t have the words but I knew who I was! And I knew who my teddy was too!
And my kids give me presents on mothers and Father’s Day :-)
Once I discovered the definition of a transgender person I too knew that was who I have been tiring to be... peace🏳⚧🏁✨🖤🤍❤
Imagine being stuck on an island for life.
On this island is enough food and a hutt to live in, but no other people. Just fruit trees and some animals.
You find a big mirror, a blank diary and a pen. Also a magic wand that lets you change your body in any way you like.
What you use that wand to do is the real you. What name you sign on the last page of that diary is how you wish to be remembered.
Accept that person is the real you before you make any decisions about life here off the island.
Not being short and petite is definitely one of the biggest inhibitors of me accepting myself. I built up this ideal version of what a woman looks like and not being able to look like that makes it super difficult to not feel disgusted about myself
In addition, I'm still dealing with the fallout of bullying when I was younger, where the girly in my class DESTROYED my self-esteem and I'm still scared of women and outright terrified of attractive women
I am so sorry to hear of your pain.
Honestly, I have the same experience, but the opposite. I’m 5’2 and a trans guy.
I have been fighting this thing for 54 years and would not wish it on anyone. I finally came out 5 months ago. I know it is not a fad or a fetish, it is something I have to do or die. I try to explain it to the couple Cis friends I have and tell them that it has been there since I was 5 and I tell them all the discussing things I have done all my life because of this thing and they still don't get it. One of my friends thinks I should just cross-dress at home and be a man at work. I am almost to the point of not talking to Cis people about it anymore.
I am so sorry about the lack of understanding you have in your life. Yes, it is not a point of feminizing yourself once in a while, it is a lifestyle of walking this life as a feminine person. Big difference.
Hello. I came out to myself and then the world at 62 and knew I had to start to live my life as I only dreamed about. "I felt left out" in life as a "guy" from age 5 also! Living my life every day "feminine" as a woman is the happiest day in my life now!🏳⚧🏳🌈🏁⚧🖤❤🩹❤ peace/bkind/safe (a!) (yes!) @@DRZPHD
My trans sister from another mister, I hope you are well.
Whether you are living authentically now or not, I wish you happiness, pride and courage.
I'm 51 .........going through it 2 understand u completely!!!!
tbf lot of women dress up in a masculine way for work. we all put up a mask when we present to outsiders.
This video arrived just on time!
I'm extremely close to going on hormones. I've been waiting forever.
And I feel like there is now just this massive wall in front of me saying "no" "you aren't allowed to do this" "You're just mentally ill"
My brain is just throwing every reason it can at me for me to not go through with it.
But I know I have gender dysphoria. I know I hate being a man.
I've been on blockers for a few months and am so happy with how they've effected me.
Making this big step and going on Estrogen is just so terrifying
Small steps. Assess how you feel. Proceed forward. You did it already with blockers :)
Gosh, I can relate to the whole excuse thing, and blaming "mental illness". Good luck with your transition!
Wish you the best, sister! 😘
Truly an important perspective on the realities of transitioning. Thank you! One of the scariest parts of the experience is it can feel like going into a dark tunnel and you don't know what it's going to be like on the other side... having one public identity you've relied on falling apart and what it's replaced with is... something forbidden and ridiculed. It takes a long time to feel integrated much less grounded.
Thank you for sharing and yes, for some, especially more mature people, it takes time and its a struggle.
Well said! I can really relate to your description.
When I first realized I was trans I was really shocked to hit the amount of internal resistance that I did. I've always felt like an ally to trans people, and always felt I really understood what they were going through, so I was kind of stymied as to why I hated the idea of being trans myself. I think this video hits the nail on the head -- that it's due to having at least some understanding of the magnitude of what it means. Major medical changes to the body, losses or big changes in relationships, financial burdens... transition is like playing life on extra hard mode, sometimes.
I think, like you suggest, the resistance was ultimately healthy for me. The decisions I needed to make were huge ones and they deserved a lot of thought. Working against that resistance was the process that helped me give everything the due consideration it deserved.
One thing I would say to others, though, is not to let the resistance rule you with too much fear. Mine did. I was so afraid. I'd never had surgery, and thinking about getting it was frightening. I knew my husband wouldn't want to make this journey with me and that I'd lose my marriage of fifteen years, and feared friends and family would feel the same. I worried I might be making the wrong choices, which terrified me because many of my transition goals involved permanent changes that couldn't be undone. Some of my fears were justified and it's good that I took a lot of time to think things through in preparation of what would happen. But many of my fears were unjustified and only stopped me from being so much happier so much sooner.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I agree, resistance should be there to help make mindful and considerate decisions but not to stop you in the tracks. Sorry about your fears, they can be very paralyzing.
"Always felt like an ally..." I can relate to this feeling so much. I thought I was a cis, straight ally, but when I realized transitioning would make me trans and gay, the resistance came on STRONG, and it was yet another nuance of confusion to my self-acceptance, like "Am I actually transphobic and homophobic and I didn't know it?!" It's been pretty brutal. But Dr. Z's videos are helping.
Dr. Z, I resist my trans identity because I live in the South US- the bible belt. I work for a company thats very conservative and religious, so I'm really afraid of being rejected and fired. I need this job so bad to support my family, so I deal with the constant masc passing and not being myself. But it is destroying my mental health and I don't know how to not be crushed by the fact that I can't be myself. I'm so tired of hiding Dr. Z :(
I am so sorry to hear. That is a REAL challenge and sadly there are places where acceptances is very limited to non existence and survival takes over. I totally hear you and I am so sorry for your struggles.
I can't help but believe there is inevitably going to be a tipping point, because right now, those very conservative/religious anti-trans/anti-LGBTQ groups have within their ranks, far more LGBTQ members than they know or admit to, because those members are still, for the moment, suffering in silence and fear. But that permafrost is melting and truth will out.
Hi! You can try to do the smallest transitions first, like grow/cut your hair, talk with a bit higher/deeper voice etc...
I'm in a similar situation. I live in Wyoming and its a terrible place for LGBT people. I'm done resisting I'm trans. I'm resisting transitioning out of fear. Wish things were easier for people in our situations. Feels like a curse to be trans in wyoming.
Me too
....
I still purged
A few times
I wish I had been practicing voice, hair, makeup, waist trainer .... stuff that can hide under my clothes
Or a tiny tattoo that would represent, - I love you God, I love you girlie person inside ....I miss you? Become me
I knew I wanted to be a girl very early in my life. I remember I was 9 years old when I looked in the mirror and said to myself out loud, "I don't just want to wear girls clothes, I want to BE a girl!" My parents and sisters never scolded or ridiculed me for putting on dresses, but I grew up in a time when "boys don't do that stuff." I tried playing sports (wasn't a half bad wrestler). After high school it was binge drinking and partying. I do wish I had started younger but I don't regret waiting. I wasn't ready then. And... I wouldn't have known the joy of being a parent. Although I wish I could've been her mom, my daughter is still my life. Not to mention my biggest supporter 😊. Thank you for the lovely videos Dr. Z. They really help me in my down times.
So awesome to have a supportive daughter, how wonderful.
I discovered it a few years ago. I had a mental breakdown and started losing my hair and was depressed for two years trying to come to terms with it. Even while experimenting, my spouse would make me feel horrible for it all. She was one of the reasons I went to counseling because I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I told my brother who told me everyone is going to make fun of me and I'm going to lose friends if I transition. I told other friends who said I couldn't be because I was too old to start thinking this. There is more to the story on how my discovery drove me to this, but now I'm 3 weeks on HRT.
So sorry to hear and I gotta say, between loosing your health, which sounds like you started to experience and confronting fear of transition, sounds like confronting fear is way to go. It may also help with improving your health and stress levels.
Salizhar,
It's not your fault. It's not even their fault. Guidance for what we experience is at best a lost technology in most cultures. That doesn't just rob us of our needs. It robs everyone of the good we can do. It's tragic but we are learning so have a little faith in yourself. It never ceases to amaze me how much a little self-love can help ones health improve. ❤
My roommate's first reaction was to try and talk me out of it. So he's like the first and last person I've told other than my best friend whom I trust with my life. So I feel the pain of people trying to make you feel it's not yourself.
It's a LIE. YOU ARE BEING LIED TO! IT'S A lie from the prince of lies. You are FINE, as God made you!!! This transgender nonsense is an abnormal response to common stresses from modern living. It is the result of a perverse system of brainwashing that has gone after normal society. NONE of your perceived unhappiness has anything to do with the gender GOD GAVE YOU!! Don't attack your own God-given being!
Don't put yourself in chains. You are exchanging one set of solvable problems for physical sickness, confusion, perversion, financial troubles, and a lifetime of pretense until an early death caused by ruining your body with toxins it is NEVER supposed to have inside it.
that's a year back, how's things going today?
Thanks for this video! I have spent a lot of time in denial, but once I realised I was transgender my dysphoria was crushing me so much I knew that transition was the only way in order to stay alive (and I was lucid enough at these time to know that dying would be worst for my relative than transitioning), so after weeks of constant panic attack where I couldn't move and self harm thoughts I didn't had the luxury to resist (if that would have been less strong I might have indeed search for ways to cope but I also prefer to be myself instead of live a life under antidepressants waiting to die).
Glad to hear you are here and well.
@@DRZPHD Being "trans" is a lie from masons, search about them, be not deceived by them.
none are "trans", all are victims of masonry depopulation agenda.
I was so scared when I finally acknowledged being trans. I'd heard so much about the obstacles and risks involved and it really pushed me into a desperate sort of denial, wanting the desire of transition to go away or imagine some way I could repress it and maintain the easy comfort of a cis-normative life.
Eventually, I just realised that my only chance for happiness would be through transition. I'm still early, there's still plenty of challenges ahead, but I was able to move forward only when I accepted this as the only realistic pathway for me to be happy and comfortable in myself.
Glad to hear you are taking steps to better your life. Many things we choose to do that involve big changes is scary, I totally get it.
so relatable it hurts. But thank you for sharing because it helps to know we're not alone.
it's amazing, this video summarizes my last ten years of life. When I realized I was a trangender I had a nervous breakdown and unfortunately I went for two years to an ignorant and judgmental psychologist who made me believe otherwise. More years of suffering and now I finally accepted it, leaving the resistances. Right now I am going to an informed and experienced psychologist and have started my transition. Thank you very much for these videos
Glad to hear you are working with a right person.
This resonates Enrico. My transition has been going on for over a year, and consciously for the past 6 months. I had to contend with a lot of transphobia from my provider. In retrospect, I feel so disrespected and unheard. Statements like "I don't know how you expect to do that", silence of the lambs references, and hyper-sexualization in the context of my trans experience. It's hard enough to deal with your own internalized transphobia, let alone when it comes from a mental health professional. I'm with a queer therapist now, and feel validated and on the right path. Glad you have found a validating provider.
@@DKUIAVA1 I understand you. this first therapist said that transgender people are mentally disturbed. the positive thing about this terrible experience is that by repressing the dysphoria I managed to have two wonderful children
Thanks again for another great vid Dr Z-Back in 2006 (I was 16) and I remember joining an online transgender forum and I would post my conversations with my therapist. I ended up buying like some hormones from another country and didnt want to order them to my home address so ended up using and having to walk to a UPS Po box. However when I turned 18 the gravity of everything caught up with me (lol early naivety) and I threw away all the medications, deleted my forums accounts and asked the moderators to delete all my therapy posts.
Now I am 31, back on medication. More experienced and mature. But yea, the resistance has been a constant back and forth until one day I understood that I could overcome whatever fears or challenges I needed to.
Aghh the resistance is such a rubber band that tends to stretch until one day it is no longer has a tight hold on us! Glad to hear you are doing well.
Always happy to listen you 💜 You are right. Life is full of struggles and it's challenging for every one. As soon I accepted my self as what I am, I started to transition. Each baby steps that are giving me joy, peace or wellness in my gender affirmation are a sign that I'm doing the right thing even if it's difficult by moment. Overall my life is better now than before. So, I wish everybody to be the person you are and not a the person the others want you to be. Thanks again Dr. Z 🥰
So well said! I appreciate you sharing and yes, baby steps that feel affirming helps build confidence.
I recently started looking up more stuff on this and found your channel. Yikes it been quite something. I was raised by traditional conservative parents and a being an only child a boy was a boy. Never got to experience any feminine traits. I can relate to a lot of this. Video gaming is my thing. While I do enjoy them I have definitely been using them to stay out of my head. I've been in therapy on and off 8 years now. I'm 34 and finally started my journey with hrt back ib February. It has definitely helped me feel more calm in mind and just affirms me. Slowly but surely I will finally accept my self knowing this isn't going away.
I wish you all the best!
Thank you Dr Z. And thanks to everyone in the comments section. I’m at the most painful stage of my transition for me anyway. Waking up everyday is a struggle. I cope with substance abuse which I know makes facing the truth even more complicating. My family and friends accept me. I met a man who supports my transition. I’m getting closer to coming out to my co workers if they don’t already suspect it. I’ve been on HRT for about 5 months and haven’t taken any other steps forward. If there is anyone else out there in a dark place, you are not alone. WE are not alone. I wanted to share this quote and hopefully shine some light on someone who maybe reads this and is an even worse place than I am. Because things could always be worse. “ Life remains the same, until the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change.
Glad to see you on here and glad you showed up to share how you feel. Hang in there. I call this space "the deep" and its all about sitting it out until you are out of it.
Yes, the pain of remaining the same is currently, for me, becoming greater than the pain of changing.
Dr Z, I have to say this is one of my favorite videos you made. I have been transitioning medically for almost 6 months and still struggle with resistance (albeit a lot less so): 'am I really trans', 'is it a phase', 'maybe I can live as a man', etc. etc. etc. It's good to hear that not only is this healthy but that not questioning is actually the red flag. I have to say that the media narrative I grew up with is '4 year old amab insists he's a girl' - and this is what I understood to be trans people. I thought my questioning was a sign that I wasn't -- surely I would know if I were a girl like that 4 year old. Well I'm glad to hear that that's not the case for many (and somehow I honestly suspect, most) people.
Glad to hear you found it helpful.
Thank you Dr. Z. I've really struggled to understand my identity for years and I did everything I could to push it down and out of the way and tried to focus on other things in my life. But like a fog or shadow it constantly shrouded my view and lingered behind me whispering, and stalking me. I couldn't keep hiding from it. Its now been a year since I started my real journey where I finally follow through to understand my self. I've never been happier with my self. It started very slow and incredibly resistantly and flip flopping telling my self I cant be transgender. The idea was absurd! lol. But now, I'm finally getting an idea of a direction to go. I'm finally making steps towards being the happiest me I could be.
Glad to hear and I wish you well.
I've got to say that I absolutely love your videos, they've resonated with me in a way that I've been craving for a while now. I'm still early on in my journey so I don't have many outlets for the questions and frustrations that I've been wrestling with but your videos make me feel a lot less isolated.
Glad to hear! There is a LOT of content on here and I try hard not to repeat info so each video is stand alone.
Wonderful video. ❤️ I’ve have also been struggling with self acceptance….because I wonder if what I am going through even counts as transgender. I’d love to see a video on the gender identity “Genderfluid” - I am AFAB and daily, almost all the time I feel male…but sometimes I feel female again…or at least “androgynous” it can be very confusing and even distressing. Anyway, love your channel!
Thanks for sharing and for a great idea. And yes, it does count. If you are genderfluid, going back and forth may lead to confusion. Trick is, not to box yourself in. You are not meant to be within parameters of restrictions.
I’m Identify as genderfluid too/ AMAB!
But as I start exploring my identity, I realised I want to explore being more trans feminine.
Currently in my voice training, one of the biggest challenges I realised now is that aside from the training and control over my biological voice , the behaviour voice (ascent) is something I’m struggling with - especially with the lack of worldview / perhaps even bias stereotypical voice.
I was wondering if there’s some resources you could share towards a step there Dr Z!
You’re not alone. Although I’m becoming more comfortable with trans male identity the longer I medically transition, there are still parts of my AFAB identity and experiences that feel important to me to not lose. This is and can be very confusing but I just wanted you to know someone else gets it. Keep listening to yourself and exploring your feelings in safe spaces like this. Reddit is another good space.
@@rileygoh3522 did you checked TransVoiceLessons UA-cam channel? It's amazing!
I love you and your videos so much. You are part of the reason that I finally reached out to a therapist who specializes in gender affirming mental health care. I’m 45 and my “egg cracked” a year ago after a literal lifetime of repression. I absolutely experience resistance, and this video was perfect timing as I was starting to waiver on my resolve to start therapy. I’m going to face my fears like the adult that I am. ☺️
Love your videos and guidance as always.
My resistance was so bad that I actually suppressed it. I actually FORGOT that I took up a full-time job in order to facilitate a possible transition. Until the pandemic happened, I had time on my hands again and everything came back.
But even now, just like you said, I'm exploring every other possible avenue hoping that I don't have to go through a transition. A phase of some sort. Or hoping it's some other underlying issue. Autism. Childhood emotional neglect. Romanticizing the other gender. Confused about gender. Running away from assigned gender roles. Too depressed to think straight. Personality disorder. Schizophrenia. Bipolar. Maybe just really, really, really feminine, but still a man.
I have so much resistance that I'm wondering if that's a red flag in itself. How can I be so uncertain about my gender identity?
So sorry to hear of so much residence. You also brought up a lot of potential secondary diagnosis. If you seriously question you may have any one of those, best to seek therapist to rule out. Only by ruling out can you thank focus on if it is a gender issue or not. All the best to you.
@@DRZPHD Thank you for your reply! I've went to 7-8 therapists, but I'm afraid none of them were adequate in providing me any new insights into my issues.
It's not a coincidence I listed those potential secondary diagnoses, as I'm aware they could very well be the underlying issues. I'm relying on myself to read psychology books, other trans experiences, and helpful materials such as your wonderful channel in helping me understand my own issues.
Thanks again for doing what you do. Looking forward to your next videos.
Love.
I estimate that I repressed my feelings for a solid 8 years of my life. In that span of time I begin to dislike myself intensely. Nothing ever felt right about being male. Not a single thing. Ever since accepting myself and getting my parents support and acceptance I am on my way towards starting hormone replacement therapy. One unintended consequence of coming out to my parents was that my dysphoria is now more intense than it ever was, but I am seeking therapy weekly and taking the necessary steps to beginning HRT. Throughout my day I can experience intense euphoria and intense dysphoria. I really enjoy practicing makeup and looking online for clothes that I want to wear some day. But above all, since choosing to come out and coming to terms with my gender identity, I feel like I actually like myself now, even on more dysphoric days. It is extremely refreshing to no longer loathe myself.
Thats so powerful, to stop loathing yourself, thats huge. Good for you.
I relate to u
I want to thank you so much for this video. I feel the resistance almost everyday, even though I make efforts to take care of me and the dysphoria. I forced myself to watch some videos or photographs of people with breasts and being happy to feed my mind with those images, like I would embrace what I saw but it felt like torture because I know I will never be okay with that. no matter how much I talk to myself and look at it, it feels wrong. I think I only fully realized a few weeks ago all the things I would have to go through once I finally accept I want to transition. I am already living glimpses and it breaks me so most of the days I just don't know how I will continue. the challenge seems unreal, I want it to stop. I already started to transition socially and it feels better. but every step is painful. I tried to find excuses to not buy a better binder because "I dont have money for this" or "not having it will force you to not wear the other not-fitting one, this way you will crush the fake dysphoria and adapt to your body" or other excuses. I finally have it, the binder. And I almost cried of relief and joy. I resisted for several months. I dont know where I would be now without it. I was feeling, and still feel, ashamed and scared to tell potential psychologists I have dysphoria, and that I want to transition medically. like I dont deserve this, no one will see me so why trying? resistance comes in little remarks in my head. I'm saying to myself that I deliberately make my life worst, that I could just perform until it feels real. I'm scared at the beginning of every conversation, every encounter, I nervously wait for the moment they will misgender me. how long will it takes? 1 minute? 10 seconds? and every time it comes and I am not surprised. But after 15 times I just want to go home and go to bed. its like I can exists nowhere but in my own head and I hate it. it seems unreal that I have to go through this, its not fair and a part of me resist with all their strength to not put me in this vulnerable road.
Sorry to hear of your struggles and I wish you all the best.
Dr Z, I agree with you that no resistance to the process of transitioning is a red flag - and a huge one at that. I have nothing more than my opinion to back this up, but I guess that everyone who is transgender, would rather not be - I know that is what I would rather. But it is accepting that I am female and was born this way that I have that self-awareness and confidence that transitioning is the RIGHT thing to do. There are struggles, ups and downs - but a support group and a counselor have been invaluable to me in this process.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Great video! Many people think if they are questioning and resisting their decisions, then they are not the right decision, but this is not true at all, resisting and questioning, as you wisely say, is a healthy part of working through things.
When I first though I was trans, I heavily resisted it, I didn't trust myself, how could I have got to the age of 37 and not know I was trans and male?! My mind came up with all sorts of reasons why I couldn't possibly be trans!
Looking back now, this stage of my journey now, this deep wrestling with my thought, is what helped me to arrive at a place of certainly.
So yes, questioning and resisting is vital!
Thanks for a fantastic and relatable video!
Hello my friend and thanks for sharing. Well said about decision making.
I'm a retired senior who grew up at a time when revealing you felt you're in the wrong body would probably mean a stay in the local mental facility so I suppressed
those feelings as best I could and nobody suspected. When the dysphoria raged I would usually drink beer until I became more or less numb and then I would fall
asleep. I couldn't understand these feeling that tormented me most of my life and there was little to nil information available about the condition. The first information
I found was about something called transsexuality and it was supposedly very rare (something like one in thirty thousand people) so I just knew that couldn't be me because
I was a strong alpha male so I continued the delusion and suppression. Through will power and sheer determination I was somehow able to keep the charade going until I
retired. Then, probably because I had lots of free time the dysphoria got so bad I hit the wall and could no longer suppress the feelings and was forced to seek help.
I am so sorry to hear of your long term struggle. It is harder for people who are older due to lack of understanding and resources. Just brutal really. Wishing you all the best.
Your struggle is similar to mine. I turn 65 next month and have been on HRT for 2 years and 2 months. I think our generation grew up repressed due to the repressive environment we were raised in.Thow in a repressive religious experience and you have a recipe for self-repression. After coming to terms with who I am and why I did the things I did, I decided I had to be my genuine self. Once I began my transition, I thought people would jeer and throw rocks at me when I walked down the street. That turns out to have been untrue but that way of thinking was generated by my repressive experience and the over-hyped media. I am so much happier now that I can finally be myself! Like you described the dysphoria became so much stronger that I am now determined to complete my transition. My FFS is tentatively scheduled for July and my bottom surgery consultation is scheduled for next month. I am living a much healthier lifestyle now and looking forward to a much more satisfying future. Let's be ourselves and have fun in our retirement! 💓😸💋
Felicia
I finally came out at 60 years old I can relate to your story. I do not know why I could not tell my mom when I was 6?
I am 47 so just a pup but would encourage all of you to forgive yourselves for waiting so long. I had the benefit of a supportive father and a sibling who transitioned in the 70s and she did face violence and was shunned by society for it. The medical interventions were haphazard at best and she suffered greatly because of it. My hats off to all of you for your endurance and strength. The example you set no doubt opened the door for the acceptance we enjoy today. It was not in vain.
I'm going through this now, Davina. I have trust issues getting help.
My resistance manifests as a little voice inside my head that tells me that the small steps I'm taking to affirm my gender (painting my nails, for instance) make me look ridiculous and aren't how a 40 year old man should behave. "The acetone and nail clippers are right over there. It would be so much easier." I just acknowledge their opinion, and let is pass (sometimes more successfully than others). I try not to dwell on it anymore because I know it is the shame voice speaking, built up over years of living in places that stigmatized the departure from the binary. The awareness that the self-doubt comes from internalized transphobia doesn't make the voice go away, but it does help me not fixate on what it is saying.
Thanks for these videos.
Great video! Le length i went to deny myself, to deny my happiness, almost cost my life.
I am so sorry to hear!!!
I am 56 yr old and have been dealing with this for years. I tried hormones a small while in my past and stopped and started over a one year period in 2018. You have enlightened me and talked about symptoms I have been dealing with for years substance abuse promiscuity etc.. now I know why and now I'm ready to get back into therapy and back on my hormones. Thank you for your insight on transition and ability to help us understand. Sending positive thoughts and lots of ❤
So glad the content is helpful and I wish you all the best.
Dr Z -- Our shining light in everything trans! Dr Z states that those people who think opting to be trans is just following a fashion are most rudely misinformed. There are many trials and tribulations to overcome including: hostility from society; fear of acceptance; fear if you are doing the right thing; visits to Drs; surgery; being able or not to have children; costs in both money and time. Anyone who decides to take transitioning lightly is not fully aware of what the transitioning process involves and needs more time to consider if they are doing the right thing.
Hi. Thanks for sharing. Transition in my opinion is never to be taking lightly.
All I can say is
...."YIP"
Took the words right out of my mouth holy shit 🥵 You're bloody good Dr Z, reeeeeally good. Thank you so much, you nailed it ❤️💙💜💛💚
Glad it was helpful.
Thank you, Dr. Z. I am 73, AMAB, have spent my life in clumsy denial of enjoying the feminine and feeling the feminine and being attracted to the feminine, but also completely clumsy attempt at "being the Man". I was taken to 2 psychiatrists as a young high schooler because my parents were afraid I was a Sissy. I was never told why I was taken there. They were told not to worry, that things would work their way out. I recently heard of Trans and Non-Binary and the light exploded within me. This is also overwhelming me. My heart was so bursting with love for life and all creatures, life seen in a new light: Shakespearean delightful "madness". My doctor suggested I test for testosterone deficiency, and now I'm on Test. Gel, which has started to diminish my feminine emotions for real, though my underlying NBB awareness is sharper than ever. Now my gender dysphoria is raging again. I want to be out fully as a feminine NB person. I have a grown son and female wife at home, I'm out to my wife, who is positive towards my situation, but haven't told my son, who must be noticing my painted finger and toenails. As a musician and guitarist, I started getting 1, then 2, then three nails to keep up the demand for industrial picking nails, but then I colored them, and now 10 years later,...voila...ALL NAILS! Before the testosterone reintroduction, I was happy and bright out and about and the female energy was profound. Now I am feeling somewhat depressed, and feel a profound loss inside, though now I see the whole pattern of my life, and I feel so foolish for wasting all that intense energy to please my parents, who were never ever pleased with me or each other, of course! Being in this between state is all consuming, as well. Lonely again. I love wearing androgynous or feminine clothes, which can be difficult for a tall "man". I'm happy that a custom sandal maker from Texas is making apair of wedge sandals for me and I can't wait to wear them. I feel this might be self-destructive behavior on my part. I just wanted to share. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you being such a positive voice and sharing your knowledge for us to better understand ourselves through this journey. I am very grateful to you. Thank you so, so much, Dr Z
You are so welcome!
I cannot express the value your nuanced understanding of the issues you have discussed have to my life, thank you so much. This resistance had kept me off transitioning and trying to live expectations for almost a decade, so it's definitely real for me.
I so hear you on resistance! Don't let it be a wall. And remember, every wall can be climbed, moved, or torn down.
At 9 yrs old mom made it very clear that I was a boy and that is that. Took many years of thinking I was crazy plus a long heroin addiction to find myself. 1 yr. HRT now. Never give up! We do have the capacity to be happy, takes a lot of work- but so worth it.
Dr. Z you are awesome!
So glad to hear you are doing well now!
Oh doctor Z once again you are so spot on I struggle with this everyday everything that you said I find myself binge drinking beer to forget I find myself trying to do home improvement projects to make sure that I'm the man in the house I try to suppress my desires I tried to in my mind try to make up scenarios why I can't transition I want to tell myself that I won't make a very attractive woman that I'll never be able to go through all the surgeries but I won't be able to take the hormones or the hormones won't do what they're supposed to do I fall into everything that you discussed here and the way that you come across And make it so non shalon makes me Want to transition right now I love you doctor Z you are the most are the most amazing person that I have come across regarding being transgendered and I would so love your help to transition fully as the woman I am meant to Want to transition right now I love you doctor Z you are the most are the most amazing person that I have come across regarding being transgendered and I would so love your help to transition fully as the woman I am meant to be
Thank you for sharing.
I resisted for way too long by immersing myself in to work or things that would keep my mind occupied. The worst thing I did was getting married hoping a relationship and a family would some how overcome my being transgendered. I broke down a few years ago and finally stop denying who I am. It has been painful at times like coming out to my family and medically transiting for the last year and a half. Even going the next steps like letting my job's HR department know I'm transgendered and will present female after I have my surgeries this coming June. Even with the ups and downs I never felt better in my life knowing I'm moving forward with my transition and becoming who I truly am.
Wishing you all the best.
I do experience resistance and I have been coping for years simply by keeping my mind busy with things that consume attention and driving myself to physical exhaustion (sports or demanding activities). There are moments I forget my thoughts/feelings or I'm so tired I don't care about them at all, but I know they'll be back
Wishing you all the best.
I am eager to start but I've been thorough all of the resistance for decades now and I'm tired of fighting. I'm ready to be me, in spite of the cost.
Oh wow, things do pop up when needed, I accepted that I'm MTF 2.5 weeks ago, after nearly 60 years of knowing I'm different on the inside. The last couple of days have been a nightmare, so much doubt! I now know its part of the process so I should be able to move on. Thank you xx
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Dr Z, thank you for this timely reminder! 🌈💜🏳️⚧️🙏🏽💗🥚
You are most welcome.
Thank you Dr. Z! This helps a lot! 🥰💕
My God how did you know I was just going through this. I had an episode yesterday where I told myself that I wasn't a trans woman, that it was just in my imagination. I was able to block out my feminine feelings for a few hours and felt I had conquered them. But when I got ready for bed it was like a wave came over me and I had to get dressed in my feminine attire for bed. In the morning I had strongest feeling of gender euphoria that I had ever had. It was like she was showing me who was boss and that she wasn't going away. I ended up feeling like a woman for almost the entire day. I finally accepted that she is who I am. In the past it has caused me a lot of anxiety when I have come to this realization, but I have crossed one more bridge I guess. The fear of the unknown is my biggest stresser now. Thank you for this post, I realize I am not alone.
Thank you for describing your relationship with yourself. I can relate to that sence of duality. My femininity was recognized when I was a child and my masculine started off as an imaginary friend protecting the feminine. It's become a road block for transition. Instead of fighting for control both sides want the other to have their time in the sun and rely on each other too much to give the other up. Who knows, maybe we really are the result of fraternal twins that merged. That would explain the brain body mismatch. 🤷♂️
Thank you for sharing.
@@dr.redphdleasurestudies.5399 its kind of the same with me. During quiet times at night she comes out and during the day when I am doing manual labor my guy side is out, or when I'm stressed. Mornings are for her.
@@morgan6999 so kinda like a time share only with a body instead of a condo? Do the two interact much?
Example: A hug from within or random displays of affection were one or the other will well up from within to offer affection or encouragement to the other without "taking over."
Once again, great video Dr. Z. Ive been learning more about the unconscious self and I can see how I've put roadblocks up for myself without even being aware of doing so. Our brains are so much more aware than we give them credit for. Id like to say, to my brain, "thank you so much for protecting me, but I am ready to embrace 100% of myself. Lets work together to continue exploring me and starting a new understanding of self!"
OMG love how you talk to your brain, spot on! Yes, the coping, especially unconscious if often to protect because brain can sense when something may be too much or too traumatic. However, when one knows what they should be but afraid and are still negatively coping, thats now us hurting ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
At 9 yrs old my mom made it very clear that I am a boy and that’s that. Turned to heroin for 25yrs. Finally realized if I want to stay alive I need to start HRT. THAT led me to rehab and finally finding myself. Now I know why people like to live. Thank u Dr. Z. Love ur channel!!
Thanks for sharing.
I never resisted my identity (unless it was subconscious).
When the words "I'm a woman" first crossed my mind (at the age of 49) I suddenly felt at peace. It was... I found myself while I wasn't even looking. It was a short period of me experimenting with what I then thought of as crossdressing.
Of course, there were practicalities to consider. I was married, and I was well aware that my wife hated the slightest whiff of me possibly wanting to wear anything at all feminine. Even men's nightshirts. So I was closeted at both stages. I fully embraced myself from the start.
The forest you mentioned - I was afraid of the idea to venture in. But after reaching it, I was less and less afraid. It was quite a journey, it wasn't easy. I got through, and even while still inside, I was glad I ventured in.
Now I'm happily divorced. True, I was sad to part our ways after 20 years of marriage. But it was the only way. The day I moved out was the day I fully socially transitioned.
Life was hard. Technically an adult, I'd never before lived on my own, never been independent. My wife was always in charge. I didn't really have friends, and my parents live in another country, so no local family. In a way, that meant I was pretty much free to move wherever I felt like. (I just had to find a job first.) And despite life being hard, I was happy. I was myself, and I answered to no-one. Scary, but also liberating.
The place I moved to got upgraded from somewhere to stay (so I could be myself freely) to my home. For I now have a circle of friends whom I can relate to. They're basically my family. I'm in a relationship with a (non-binary) person who fully accepts who I am.
Dr. Z I've been watching a lot of your videos and I want an apology. I've never felt so called out in my life xD. For real though thank you. I'm going to be talking about my feelings with my therapist next appointment.
Ahhhh wish you all the best!
Hello I’m married, 43 male, who thought all along that I was a cross dresser. I have 3 boys 7,8,11 yo. Been married for 13 years. I told my wife 4 years ago that I’m a cross dresser. I’m realizing now that I’m a transgender woman. I became so well at coping with the dysphoria that I never thought myself to be a women or it be possible, and yes there had been lots of denial and resistance to accept it . And all I see right now is everything I’ll lose in the near future. Not sure what to do.
I am so sorry to hear. When one has family it’s a tough decision.
My coping was very destructive to myself, and others around me. I turned to "toxic masculinity" as a means to cope, trying to push myself and prove to myself that I was a man. And the only way that I knew how to be a "man" was to be a giant jerk to others as I tried to show how much more superior and "manly" I was to others. Most of this was done online, but it did impact a friendship I had with a young person that came out as a trans man to me. What got me out of this cycle was realizing who the people were that I was hanging around. It's a long story, but once all the old German flags started flying in the Gamergate crowd, it snapped me out of it. This opened me up to new ideas and started letting me talk to others who were transgender. I had called myself a "crossdresser" for over a decade by then, and I knew a little about trans people, but it hit me that crossdressers don't have constant dreams about being a woman every single day of their life.
As for now. It has been a very slow process. I'm in that area of self-doubt about whether I want to transition or not. I'm in that tug-of-war where I crave the changes to my body, but I'm also very afraid of them as well. I'm also stuck financially dealing with outside mental health issues that cripple my life and make it impossible to work (agoraphobia, to start with), so I'm very much afraid of taking any action that would be financial. My only coping mechanism is to just try to ignore it and push it away. Video games are probably the way I'm doing that, as being in another imaginative world distracts me of my worries, but I've also become an expert at pushing my emotions and desires away, especially my trans identity as I had to wear a mask for so long.
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and I am glad you are taking one step at a time. Sometimes there are other issues that need to be dealt with.
I denied being trans gender because I didn't want my family to be abused and ostracised as we lived in a rough area .and I have to admit I was scared of losing family and friends but in the end I couldn't deny who I am and I had to be true to myself and become strong and people will just have to accept me as the person I want to be
Thank you Dr Z. I am in my mid thirties mtf. One month on HRT. I am waiting for the effects of treatments ( laser hair removal too) to happen before moving on to full time to help me pass. I plan on switching at the end of the year.
I do question myself about my decision to transition about three evenings per week but I keep moving forward knowing that I would be so disappointed to cancel this project.
If the steps you are taking, HRT, electrolysis, etc, make you feel affirmed and good, you are no the right path.
@6:22 it depends. By the time I took the decision to transition a few years ago, I wasn’t even shaved on my legs. I was eager to start already. And the doctor thought that me not being shaven was a ‘red flag’. I told him that wasn’t the case. Appearances do not dictate our inner state. Not everybody is at their first day of school when they talk to a therapist. Some of us are simply spending our last straw and probably deciding if it is worth keep living if we hear a negative resolution.
Thank you for sharing.
I know you're the kind of person that means well. I personally can see it in your eyes. Take care.
Thank you. I see from your previous comments you have a different point of view which I fully welcome for you to share on here.
6:22 or maybe that person has been through so SOOO much thinking and self-doubt and the most painful inner struggles they'd thought they had no other option but to go through alone because of huge trust and attachment issues - that they talk with a therapist about that only at the very end of this journey when they've basically cleared out all the main doubts on their own plus the help of media - and they just want their decades-long ordeal to turn into something productive as soon as possible. and of course i'm speaking completely hypothetically here, it being a bit specific and emotional doesn't mean it relates to anyone in particular. okay okay, who am i kidding, it does.
❤no one chose to be trans , its with u since the beginning
I just love how you put everything into perspective so gracefully thanks x
Thank you so much!
Extremely informative video, helped understand a lot of things.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Another great video, Dr. Z. Thank you!
My pleasure!
The knowledge of being in direct opposition with the world around me really hit home for me...... it's an opposition I've always felt most of my life, that this world just doesn't want me to be happy, this world doesn't want me to be my authentic self, this world will only accept me if I embrace the illusion it's molded for me, and have to suffer through that unhappiness of living a falsehood. This world, this humanity, this society...... a machine engineered against me and my existence, and by coming out, transitioning, and being myself, accomplishing things, as a woman., this is like me breaking that machine.
I feel the pain and struggle every day that people around me don't want me to transition, but I need to break the machine..... the machine is a design of death and enslavement. It's time to destroy that closet now and forever, and be me, whether the world can accept it or not.
Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear.
💗 this! The machine....(makes me think about Pink Floyd) Good luck! I bet you win! 👏🌈
@@quadencaroline3368 That's a good way of describing it!! I was listening to "Welcome to the Machine" earlier today, I love that song!! It very much connects with me being a transwoman in a very bio-essentialist-normative society, where they try to control us from birth by the bodies we're born in..... like the Borg. I know that's not exactly what the writers intended, but that's what it means to me ;)
Thank you so much!!! May we all win against the machine
I've done several things to cope and resist such as chewing my nails till they bleed, immersing myself in video games, but the wrist one was throwing myself into a job that was constantly fast paced working 14-16 hours a day with 1 day off every two weeks. It caused physical health problems, but kept my mind to tired and occupied to think or feel anything. Took 3 months to recover after finally having to leave the job due to the strain and stress
I am so sorry to hear of your coping styles. They sound painful.
Thanks for the informative Video, great material as per usual.
For me personally, I had spent most of my life consciously unaware (not sufficiently knowledgeable) of my transgender state due to a low level of LGBTQIA+ education/awareness in the UK through the 70's/80's. I was aware of homosexualism but I did not feel it applied to me. While I considered myself a cis male, I never really got to the point of actually establishing a relationship as such.
Through my pre "coming out to myself" part of my adult life, I have never really felt things were quite right and probably was mostly hiding behind my career development without realising what I was doing.
Since coming out to myself and others, things have been mixed. Mostly positive but I know some people I have known for years will have a harder time adjusting and have come to believe that some of those may take years (if ever) to truly adjust.
That realisation does cause me some concerns, but I have no regrets yet about my transitioning.
Most of the time, in public I have found people accepting and polite with few issues. A few isolated cases of being on the recieving end of funny looks, but that is it thus far.
Do I have concerns going forward? Yes, but none that make me question what I am doing.
Do I want the transition process to be over and done with as quick as possible? Yes, because I feel like I have spent most of my life lying to myself and feel like (on a personal front) I have already wasted a significant part of my life being unaware of my true nature.
Am I sure about how I want the transition to progress? Both yes and no, part of me has an idealised view of what I want to happen but I am also aware of the limitations and variables.
In my mind, my transition is primarily about me being happy with me and the views of others in regards to that are secondary.
I know that there may be further personal costs down the road, and that the implications of being trans may carry personal safety concerns. However, being aware of these facts does not fill me with either dread or doubt but rather more a sense of resolve - they are potential challenges I will deal with if/when they occur.
You said the golden sentence: "In my mind, my transition is primarily about me being happy with me and the views of others in regards to that are secondary." THIS is how it should be. Thank you for sharing.
I also watched your video, "Reasons Why You May Feel Worse vs Better on Hormones" and posted a long epistle there. Much of it is in response to this video.
Thank you.
Dr. Z, you hit the nail on the head. I go through cycles where I don't feel Trans. Then other times It comes back, and I feel as if something is wrong. Funny as it sounds, my coping mechanism is wearing panties and shaving off my body hair. As for now it is working. When I am around my father I feel as if I'm hiding something. I need to see a therapist to see if this is what I am or not. One side says I'm not and the other side says what if you are?
Therapist will be a able to give you clarity. Wish you all the best.
I Love You DR Z.... Your Videos help me a lot with my Major Depression. I am constantly struggling wondering if Its worth to be here. I struggle with my Dysphoria every day. So I just live day by day. When I feel down I like to go and watch your videos and feel like you are talking to me directly. Thank You for making these Videos... they help me a lot 💗 Plus I have a very homophobic family and to tell them I am Gay is one thing, but to tell my family I am Trans and want to transition is another....But I did decide that I want to be on HRT to try to be happier for my self and not care of what my family will say when they find out its my life... and tell them later when I cant hide it any more.... 😢😖🥺
So sorry to hear of your struggles and I am so glad you find content on here helpful and supportive. Wishing you all the best.
@@DRZPHD 🧡💚💜
Thank you for the video. I am a male teacher wearing only female clothes since 2 years and nothing happened at work, only positive comments from my students in the age of 16+. Here in Germany, it seems, mental tolerance and acceptance reached a qualitativ new higher level. I am just trying different forms of "feminization" in real live before my students in the classroom and this experiences indicates me, in which live spheres i appear like a women and where it is still impossible. Live is such a good teacher for me and shows me in the end of every schoolday the REAL resistance of my disphoria and where i only imaginde resistance, but in real live i am accepted as man with an overwhelming feminity Nicole Jeannette
So glad to hear you have support of your students.
It's scary how personal this video feels. I've been coping with my gender dysphoria by sleeping, reading, gaming, watching UA-cam and TV shows etc... some of those healthy (like reading) but overall extremely unhealthy. I've been avoiding real life so much except for when I'm with my friends (or kind of). I'm even struggling to go to school and make a future for myself. It's so bad
I am so sorry to hear and wish you all the best.
My fears are so great that it makes it impossible to move forward. I'm trying to talk to my therapist about it but theres just too many things for only 50 minutes of talking per week. I was hoping that I would be able to go for a handful of sessions, do my own work outside of therapy sessions and be able to get over my fears that hold me back, and even if my therapist wont tell me, I can tell that these negative thoughts are so ingrained into me that I don't even know if I'll ever be able to get over them. Reason being, I don't pass > causes me stress, anxiety, depression, etc > makes me have no motivation > makes me doubt myself > makes me feel worse > makes it impossible to think. It just becomes a vicious cycle of hating myself and my choices/lack of choice being made. This has been an ongoing issue I've dealt with by myself for 6 years, and then only in the last 6 months when I started sociallty transitioning by coming out to important people, having them use my name and pronouns its gotten way worse because now I HAVE to think about it, I can't just sho away the thought and go "I'll deal with it later" because it's now, and it's now or never.
Wishing you all the best.
thank you for your many kindnesses
You are most welcome.
Growing up this wasn't even heard or thought about. Just remember feeling apart from others not fitting in and still was myself in interests but by Senior year decided if they wanted a guy to be a guy I'd do it and did to the extreme, you wanted a bad boy you got it. I started a lot of bad habits that have caused health issues to this day and did extremely stupid risky things to prove that I was a "man". Finally trying to try and accept and be myself but seem to be hitting roadblocks at every turn but also am at a peace in myself I hadn't felt for a very long time.
Thank you for sharing.
It’s a really good video . I tend to blame work related things and myself for the feelings that gender dysphoria brings on and for some reason slimming makes me feel I am doing something about it’
Thanks for sharing.
Yes this is what I'm going through now! I've been on T for 2 weeks but my parents are constantly telling me I am not really transgender. They don't believe in it at all, think it's just a new fad, and that I'm making a huge mistake. They're transphobic and scared for my safety. I'm excited for my transition but I'm right in the struggle and they're making it much harder for me to stand my ground and stay strong. I've been coping with tons of marijuana and sleeping. It's a difficult journey.
Thanks for sharing and wish you the best.
I am attempting to resist, not because I don't believe I am transgender. I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I am resisting because I have a family, great wife and kids, am in the community and older. So I just want to play out the hand I was dealt.
Thanks for sharing.
Im nerodivergent and I remember as a child I didn’t really understand gender. I always thought I was a boy and I always felt like one. I wasn’t pledged with dysphoria until at age 9 or ten When I was forced to wear bras and people began to acknowledge my breast development. I was mortified I didn’t want to wear bras or have breasts. So I cried.
After that I became even more tomboy then I already was. I would only shop in the mens section. My first ever school dance I came with baggy jeans and a plan mens shirt. Everyone at school bullied me and called me lesbian. I was so confused by that because I’m not attracted to woman. I was constantly daydreaming about picturing myself as a boy.
Eventually I got older and gained internet access and I found UA-cam The majority of the videos I watched were mlm anime and trans guys starting transition. Never not once did I consider being trans or that it could ever be an option for me because of my family.
So I suppressed the feelings I was having and as I entered high school I began to over feminize myself in order to fit in in order to not be bullied in order to be loved. During this time I was extremely depressed/suicidal. Not only cuz of gender but because of home life.
As time went on I Got a boyfriend and my body has progressed so far as a woman I just gave up all hope and was going to live as a woman because I felt I had too I had no other choice. I got pregnant at 19 and being so young and it being my first real relationship and my partner wanting the baby I went through with the pregnancy. I’m 24 years old now with a son who is 4 years old and I love him with all my heart.
Only now that I’m older I feel like I have a chance to still be the person I was meant to be. I’m starting the onenten group therapy and soon trying to start plume just need that 100 to start and money is a problem for me rn. I am only out as trans to two of my friends and I’ve told my sister and my significant other and they just disregarded me because maybe they don’t believe me. Honestly I’m way too afraid to come out to any of my family that is like my Nana my Tia and others because I know it will be bad. Honestly I was thinking about just starting my transition and telling them I have PCOS…if they start asking what’s happening to my voice and body..
Thank you for so openly share your life. I am sorry that your family is not supportive but please do realize there is an army of trans and gender diverse people behind you. Most are on here commenting on the same content and others are ghosts, longs gone but the spirit remains.
I've been thinking about it for 15 years and I'm 60 now; it's too hard to go through
I am so sorry to hear.
I’ve been thinking about it for 25 years, but Transitioning wasn’t a choice for me. Literally. I suspected I was Intersex for years but didn’t know for sure until my Low T started Feminizing myself for the last three years. I developed Menopause symptoms and started treating it with Estrogen which made me feel at peace with myself for the first time in years. My body is now Transitioning itself as much as a Transwoman on HRT and I’m okay with that. I accept being born partly Female and don’t mind living the second half of my life as a Woman because there’s always been a part of me who was Female inside.
For me the resistance that I may be trans comes in the form of fear. Fear of what others would think. Fear of loosing people I love. Fear of being ridiculed and discriminated against for something I cannot control. Fear of having just a harder life overall just because I might have been born in the wrong body (still figuring it out). The one thing that gave me tremendous freedom is to not put a label on how I'm feeling. Not denying it, "Thats ridiculous, I've always been comfortable with being a female" or embracing it "I know that I'm trans because of this or that or the other" I'm just letting myself be. Simply existing in the grey space.... I know if i just stop fighting and give it time, it'll work itself out. No need to force the issue. It only harmed my mental health when i tried to have a clear black or white answer. Some things don't have answers right away, and that's okay. To any questioning trans/nonbinary person reading this, just know that it is OKAY to take your time.
Thanks for sharing and I second your feedback that is not only OK to take your time when questioning but prudent.
I finally made a call to schedule an appointment to talk to my doctor about gender affirming care, and the person I spoke to on the phone sounded uncomfortable the moment the words left my mouth. They told me to bring it up at my next appointment, which is for something else entirely, but it's a start?
It was the exact response I expected. Not necessarily the worst case scenario, but now that it's happened there is really no going back. I've been avoiding confronting the reality of my circumstances for a while now. 3 years ago I decided I wanted to transition, and have always had an excuse to avoid going through with it. I struggle to speak about it to anyone I know, even those I've already told.
The emotional pain of watching my body continue to change in ways I don't want as a result of my fear and indecision has been a living hell. I'm still young, but I feel like I've aged a lifetime in the last year alone. I'd bet the stress isn't helping my hairline either lol.
Wishing you all the best! The first steps are often the hardest.
I know I'm transgender, 💯. I even know why. It's something I've been fighting my whole life.
This is what I experience now, exactly, I did a lot of things not to accept my gender dysphoria, now with my psychologist we talk about this a lot. 2 years ago I started already to grow my hair (I lied to myself why, but now I know that I wanted to be more feminine, etc...) and I want to have a really slow transition, because I am 42 and I have 3 kids. It is really scary to think about to show my true self to the public, and the question, who can love me then? So yes, it is really hard... Thanks for your video! It is really helpful what you are doing!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
watching this video makes me feel anxious now, which is a token that I should draw my attention to
Sorry to hear about anxiety.
I realised very recently to be honest, and I can still feel the resistance. I'm scared and really wish there was another option than HRT. I done everything I could to "fit in", I desperately tried, I laugh along when men say misogynistic things, I nod and "listen" never objecting when I hear men go on transphobic rants and it's gotten to a point where it's become a present thought in my mind, it's no longer just something I can avoid by keeping myself occupied. It's heartbreaking too because I absolutely love strength sports, I wanna be able to compete and my physical peak but I know that if I deny myself in order to do that then I won't ever be able to find the happiness that I truly desire later on in life. It's difficult to deal with, if I transition I either won't be able to compete or I will face a lot of hardships about competing as a trans woman.
I've tried so hard to suppress this and I just can't anymore. I don't know if I'll transition socially very soon either due to several factors regarding my home environment. Even at that, part of me still wants to resist, life would be easier right? I graduated in engineering, a field dominated by men, I'd fit right in. All my friends are men, I'd fit right in there too. My family are transphobic and I still love them they showed me nothing but love and support with every decision I made "as a man" including with my sexuality, why would I want to do anything that can be seen as disappointing to them or cause them to hurt?
Despite all this I know what I need. I can't run from the truth anymore because if I do I'll end up spiraling, I've never spiraled before, yeah I've been not so present, yeah I've not felt any real emotion in years, but other than that I've been very mentally healthy, and able to cope with something that had been subconciously eating away at me since puberty.
Your videos are helping a lot, even if it's a few years till I transition, I'm 23 so it's still not "too late" but I do wanna be able to do it as soon as possible, I want to pass as a woman, I want to pass because I fear for my safety in a world where things are somehow getting even worse for us, and I'd resist it for the rest of my life if I could, I'd give up that happiness for safety but I know I'd end up being more of a danger to myself the longer I resist it.
Thank you Dr Z, even though I'm terrified you've helped me come to understand who I am and how I should plan ahead for the future, I'm scared but I know there's hope there, while I still feel the dysphoria I can acknowledge that it's there and that there are ways to manage it even pre-HRT. Sadly I'm not financially secure enough to take my first steps, I can only hide it and be myself in private and online, but now I'm no longer afraid to move away, I feel free to move to a different area or country just because at the very least it would give me the option to be myself and not this persona I manufactured as a defense mechanism.
One small step at a time. Each step will help you affirm, clarify, and set new sails.
Exactly! I'm really glad I found your channel because it's genuinely helped me become more comfortable with exploring my identity some more even if it's just in the very small confines of my room. You're the best!@@DRZPHD
I guess the biggest resistance I experienced was when I first realized that in fact I needed to transition and I cried my eyes out knowing how hard and cruel its gonna be. I came to terms with it, I socially transitioned, saved money, picked the best doctors and now I have another wave of resistance having hormones in my hand but not taking them, still thinking if I really want to do this. It hit me that all the struggle I went through to get the hormones was just a warm up and the real struggle of being trans is only gonna begin, that I won't be able to hide that I'm trans even when a doctor or employer is not safe to come out to, that running out of money to keep taking hrt is gonna be awful for my body, that in my country I'll have to wait years to have my documents changed having to use a legal loophole to do so... Even the thought that having children in the future will be more than a bumpy rode and I'm gonna make myself potentially infertile its a hard pill to swallow, even though I know birthing a child would be catastrophical for my mental health because I'd hate being called a mother rather than a father, it's still an impossible decision to make, because i cant afford to freeze my eggs and even if I did, I read about how hard the process is... but it's reassuring to hear that it's normal that I still have doubts, because my intrusive thoughts say it's because I'm not really trans and that every real trans person would be over the moon having the hormones already and wouldn't be able to wait any longer and would want all the changes to happen instantly... I know now im eventually gonna start taking them but I need more time to grief a less complicated and cruel life I could have had
Thank you for sharing.
I always love your videos. Lately, I have been feeling resistance towards my transfemme identity. But I keep reminding myself of who I am. Unfortunately some of the points you mentioned about people denying the trans identity, fall perfectly into what my parents would say to deny who I am. This is what gives me great fear and anxiety
I hear you and I am sorry to hear that.
What you said is very sad, but it is a reality that will be with us all of our lives, regardless how far we get into transition, and how "passable" we become, I know that I will always resist what I am and what I have become, but the way I see it, this a a cost benefit analysis, and transition delivers the best outcome.
Thanks for sharing.
I continue to go very slow about losing 100 pounds so that I can have top surgery.
I have been seeing a therapist for help.
Wishing you all the best!
You are a amazing person,and your channel has helped me know that there is someone that understands my situation and what i go through daily.I need your therapy as i havent been able to address my desphoria until later in my life.I have tried to ignore it and that makes things harder on me so i will continue press forward in finding my true self.I am thankful for your content
Thank you and I wish you all the best.
If I have to be honest I feel like a complete mess. I have soon watched your videos in over a half year and am still battling with the thought that I may be transgender I started with coming out as gay for the thought that I was attracted to the masculine type no matter what. but when I began to hear about the word transgender I felt like I had found a lost piece of the puzzle. Then my mind started opening up to the thought and my life has just gone down from that. I can't stop thinking about anything else when for example they put me under the category of "he" I get sad. While I keep denying to find help in the way to figure out if am transgender or just gay even though I think it may be otherwise. But also the thought of having to go thru even more hate and problems with the process of being and transitioning to be transgender isn't making it essayer. But your videos are really making comfort for me and give great information about what transgender really holders. Thank You doctor Z.❤️
I totally hear your fears and worries. But just read so many comments of people below who have moved forward and are so happy as a result.
I'm sorry about all the implications.
The voice in my head kept telling me I was Trans but I kept telling it to shut up for years.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I denied myself over 24 years and now I'm 25, I totally make myself happy for who I am. I'm about 5-6 months on hrt and it kinda challenge me on how I will present in public 🙂
I was raised in a very judgemental decade and home. I still have the insults running through my head every time I explore myself. It keeps me in fear of being true to myself in public
I am so sorry to hear.
To thine own self be true
~ Shakespeare
For 30+ years, I was told I was just a tomboy or masc woman. I heard it so much, that I thought it had to be true. It wasn't until I learned about gender euphoria that I realized I'm trans. I felt like an idiot for not having figured it out sooner. That said, once I did realize, it felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Still took me a few months to decide to start socially transitioning though.
I've been struggling with the resistance somewhat. It was worse in the beginning, after about 5 or so years of thinking about it now it's just like a 1% in the back of my head "what if you're wrong tho" type thing. That's why I'm seeking counseling/therapy.
Glad to hear you are seeking support.
Workaddict was the easiest and a socially acceptable solution and decades to dig my transness. With more than 3 years of full-time, I realize that I don't "transition" as commonly described by the community. I made the steps I needed, but I realize that I'm not trans because I don't fill the requisites to be trans (and many said that I'm not trans enough).
Think its important to find what aligns with you, whether it fits anyones defined label/context or not.
Not trans enough? Yeah I can relate to that kind of rejection. Sucks.
Dr Z, thans for this lovely information. I also have another topic to check with you - what would be typical lifespan of a Transwoman after surgery?
Hi and thanks for sharing. Let me dig into research on that.
Hi Dr. thanks for your videos. I like your accent, where are you from?
I am originally from Uzbekistan.
Why the resistance? I'm a bit older. A long time ago I figured out that if I mimicked the people around me to a certain extent, then I wouldn't get picked on. I created a version of me that allowed me to feel safe. We know this story, you've heard that before. But, along the way I decided I liked him. It was around 33 when I sort of stopped really longing to be a woman. Now it's like if I don't let her out she gets sad and angry but he feels the same if I don't also honor him. I don't want to harm any of me. I really just want to feel whole. Testosterone has done it's work on me. I don't feel like I would turn out very well. Also, I'm deeply entrenched in male privilege. I've worked very hard for the life I have. The thought of starting over is terrifying. I am inches away from never having to work again and retiring well ahead of schedule. I don't want to struggle again, I'm tired. I do feel like I want to be less afraid and more comfortable being out femme. It is exhausting going between my public and private self. I would like to be more honest about my presentation. I would like to be more a part of the LGBT community and be around people who would understand and be supportive of me and the sort of person I am. I don't want to feel like I can't wear earrings at work or be as colorful as I like. I don't dance in public, because I know everyone will see her. I have terrible trouble forming attachments, I keep literally everyone at arms length. I have every reason to be happy, I should be excited. But the feelings I have rob me of feeling any joy. My mother went to her grave without ever knowing her son is queer. I feel like a prisoner.
I am so sorry to hear and wish you all the best.
What if we are the missing link between men and women? Am I crazy for thinking that maybe our lack of participation in society has contributed to the lack of understanding that men and women have for each other?
Ha! I wonder the same thing! There is SOOOO much trans and non binary people can teach, design, elaborate, create, etc, from their vantage point of gender perspective.
@@DRZPHD
That and I can't count the number of times people have turned to me to bridge the gap between them and their significant other because I can help them understand each other's perspective and needs. It's almost like we evolved to be married councilors.