How Can You 100% Know You Are Transgender?
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- Опубліковано 21 гру 2022
- When the world teaches you to mistrust yourself, how can you 100% know you are transgender?
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🙋♀️Hello! My name is Natalia Zhikhareva known as Dr Z in transgender community and I am a clinical psychologist or gender therapist, specializing in transgender field and I work with adults only. I provide online therapy for California, New York, Texas and Florida residents. My pronouns are she/her and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/aboutdrz
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😀DISCLAIMER: Note as a clinical psychologist I created this channel to share information. Therefore I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information, and not to provide medical advice and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information, understanding, and to gain awareness.
I never thought I was transgender for about 75 years. When I started learning about transgenders I decided to see a therapist and discovered I was truly transgender. I have never had any doubts. So I guess I am as close to 100% as is possible. I just finished my 15th month on HRT!!!
Thanks for sharing.
Congrats!
I thought that my dysphoria would pass, but like an idiot I had to move to a conservative part of the country. I'm psychologically screwed
it is never to late
I have crossdressed since I was 11 yrs old. As you say yes it was sexual but when I undressed I felt very much disappointed in that I couldn't be a girl. It was frustrating and I didn't know why. Now later in life, and being on finesteride and spirolactone for their prostate and high blood pressure uses. I am pretty hairless and my breasts have enlarged both of which please me greatly. Even my personality has softened. I would say I am gender dysphoric and never realized it. Decades of feeling frustrated and depressed without any reason have plagued me I never connected the two yet I always looked at women with a thought of what's it like to be her.
I've lived with dysphoria for 20+ years. I didn't understand for a long time because everybody pointed out everything else but what was in front of me. For 5 years, I went on a healing journey, read books and therapy, and asked inner questions. Only recently, I acknowledged it was dysphoria, and now my life isn't uncomfortable anymore. My life feels more solid and true, and I can plan the rest of my life more comfortably than before. Before, if somebody asked me where I could see myself in 5 years, it was only work-related because I hide my true self and I can't plan for something hidden away.
Healing journey! I wish all of us could carve out at least a few hours a week for this! So important to go inwards, to look within, to sit with oneself and listen. So glad you shared this on here and I wish you all the best.
Perfect ...I was a healing aholic- meanwhile not knowing I created more suffering and have ptsd as a result. 👍👍
Lisa Carson take hormone pills
I totally agree and identify
Thankyou x
I didn't know I was trans until I was almost 27 years old. Constant depression, disassociation & being uncomfortable with myself since I was 13 then I experienced gender euphoria when I crossdressed at age 26 & then after questioning for months, I finally realized I've been experiencing dysphoria all my life, I just didn't have the words for it but now it makes sense why being male always felt meaningless to me.. 6 months on HRT now & I'm still not 100% sure but that's okay because I trust what I do know & what I do know is that my life makes much more sense when I see myself transgender & all the happiness I've been getting from changes due to hormones :)
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Im going through the same situation, I honestly domt know what to do
Maybe you’re just AGP
It took me 30 years to admit to myself that I am transgender. I didn't even know that trans identity was a thing until about 15 years ago. I always had crossdressed since I was eight and really wanted to go outside as a woman in my teens but I was so scared it took me until I was 38 to take my first step outside. I was depressed, unhappy, and felt I was in the wrong body until I decided to admit who I truly am, and now I am having a great life as a bigender woman. I'm engaged, my family life is amazing, and my depression has nearly gone away except for typical depression that we all have on occasion not related to my identity. I totally agree with you Doc, social transitioning is a great way to see if how you are feeling lines up with your true self. I did it, and never looked back! Thanks again for a great and much needed video 💜
I am so glad you didn't wait another x years! So incredible to hear how well you are doing and such a testament to those who are suffering and are afraid to move forward. Thank you for sharing.
Hi! How I can talk to you?
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
It sounds like you have autogynophilia. Have you looked into that?
Thank you for making this video.
I'm now 21 and only started to re-open those nasty wounds of gender dysphoria about 1.5 years ago. I'm AFAB and started feeling dysphoric as a kid (not that I had a word for it); not feeling like I belong with girls or boys, always feeling like there's something in the back of my mind that I just haven't scratched open yet. When I was 12 I started feeling heavy gender dysphoria and figured out the word for it. My dysphoria was so bad that I thought I was fully a trans man - and from ages 13 to 15 I dressed like a boy, made myself a homemade binder, and went by the name Alex in my school. Then I made the mistake of coming out to my mom. I was super careful, I just remember walking outside with her with my phone on recording in my pocket, excited to see how my mom would react - maybe with surprise, maybe with discontent but she'd come around, something like that. I opened with "So... I've been feeling a lot more masculine for a while." And that was all I got out. She shot me down and told me I am not a man. That 'What do you want me to do, huh? Go book you a surgery right now?' All that jazz. I was heartbroken. I'm almost crying just writing this. Every time she would see the name Alex written on my school notebooks she would call me out, tell me to stop pretending. She even accused me of "pretending to be a boy to have some weird kind of fetish play" with my then gf when I went to get my binder beforehand. So I went back into the closet. I ridiculed myself. I made fun of all the exploration and the time I spent feeling so much better about my identity, calling myself awful names in front of people that also laughed at me. I remember so vividly my mother's tongue teacher pulling me aside after class, and he asked me for my new name, wrote it up in his name list and smiled, shaking my hand; "Nice to meet you, Alex." That was probably the most accepted I've ever felt in my life. I cry every time thinking about this.
The dysphoria never went away. No matter how girly I dressed, how feminine I acted, it never worked. It always felt like I was wearing a mask. My mental health kept deteriorating at incredible speeds and a year ago I had to go to the mental hospital because of it. Intense eating disorders have also dictated my life. And never did I - not once - associate any of these feelings with being transgender. I just thought "well, this is who I am. I will be miserable for the rest of my life until I eventually end it all." It makes me so incredibly sad to think back even just 2 years ago, trying so hard to conceal who I am.
Cis people don't spend their entire lives questioning their gender. Cis women don't cry until they can't breathe for many nights in a row because they have breasts. Cis women don't cringe every time someone calls them their sister, their daughter, ma'am, girl, woman or miss. And yet I still haven't fully accepted myself. But now that I'm trying - I'm slowly asking my friends to call me by a name I'm testing out for the first time since I was 13 and going by Alex - my life has gotten better already. I have more energy, I take care of myself, I'm not constantly harming myself or having mental breakdowns. I feel like a person, I feel like myself. I am a transmasculine person.
I hope one day my family will understand and choose to support me. I feel so distant from them all, scared of being rejected and ridiculed like in the past. I want to medically transition (I've been sure of this since I was 12) and start living life as myself. Not for anyone else - for me. I owe it to myself.
Not accepting your identity kills you. There are people who will love you no matter what you are. I'm trying to believe that myself, too. x
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Alex, best wishes. I hope that whatever your journey you find acceptance, peace and fulfilment in the rest of your life.
Alex, go ahead! You deserve it! Best wishes ❤
I am 90% sure I am trans, been living a life of denial for over 50 years, thanks to narrow minded society, and that last 10% will be confirmed positive when the fear of the unknown becomes reality.
Thank you for all your content, it has answered many many questions and confirmed so much for me.
Thats a very high percentage of knowing. Glad the content is helpful.
Lisa Carson I take home on pills
I started transitioning two months ago at the age of 49, but looking back I now see clear signs of gender dysphoria from early stages of puberty. I don't think I had a sense of gender identity prior to puberty and as a young child I was just being me. It's interesting looking at photos of me as a young child (before elementary school) because in most of them I'm playing dress up in my sister's and mother's clothes.
I was a really happy child until puberty hit and suddenly everything seemed to go wrong. I didn't understand why I suddenly started to feel estranged to my old male playmates and no longer could connect with them. I felt more connected to the girls, but I couldn't hang out with them because I was a boy. As we developed and matured throughout school I felt more and more lost. I felt like I couldn't keep up with the boys and that I somehow wasn't like them. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for me to be a boy when it seemed so easy and natural for them. Because of that I ended up withdraw from socializing and seek refuge into the world of books, computer games, and Internet. I guess that's the way I dealt with the gender dysphoria. It is not as strong if you avoid social interaction and tell yourself that you are happier alone. Looking back, I can also see signs of dissociation and depersonalization starting around puberty,
As an adult I still struggled with my gender identity and didn't understand why. I thought it might be because of childhood trauma, abuse at home, bullying at school, etc, and that I just needed to overcome that. I thought that if I just did A, B, or C, then something would click. I got married, I had a child ... it didn't work. I joined the military and fought two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq ... it didn't work. I never felt happy and secure in my role as a man. I still detested masculinity and felt drawn to femininity but couldn't allow myself to embrace it because after all I was born and man and just needed to learn how to deal with it somehow. I was never truly happy and since puberty I had struggled with anxiety, depression, and a strong feeling of not belonging.
The last ten years, I spent mostly by myself while slowly rebuilding my life after leaving the military and working hard on overcoming divorce, depression, suicidal ideations, anxiety, PTSD, etc. The last five years I have been able to put myself in a better position, I sought treatment for PTSD and depression, I got a new fulfilling job that pays well, I bought a house, and my daughter moved in with me. I was slowly getting into a place in life where I felt more comfortable challenging myself to reach out for social interactions and start building new friendships. However, I didn't know where to go. I was attracted to women's spaces, but I wasn't welcome there because I was a man. I didn't want to be in men's spaces because I couldn't connect with them and masculinity. So the only option left was the local LGBT community. While I had in the past been very supportive of LGBT rights and especially trans rights, I had always seen myself as just an ally and never asked myself why I felt such a strong connection to to them.
During a couple of LGBT social events, I met a few trans women and after a while I started to ask myself what was the difference between them and me? The only logical answer that I could come up with is that they had transitioned and that I hadn't. At the time I wasn't 100% sure if I would be happier transitioning and start living as a woman. BUT I knew that I wasn't happy being a man and that I have never been comfortable in my male identity. I also knew that nothing I will ever do will make me one day become happy and comfortable with being a man. I tried for 40+ years to be a man and I have always failed. It was a leap of faith to start transitioning, but I knew it was something that I had to do for myself because what I had been doing up to that point wasn't working.
I'm only a month into HRT at this point, but I have never felt happier and more fulfilled since I was a young child. Deciding to start transition was definitely the right option for me and I 'm looking forward to a bright future finally living as my true gender.
Thank you for sharing Sofia... I can totally relate. I too was a happy child... then it all went downhill at puberty... never was interested in the usual 'boys' activities... always gravitated to being with the girls...
My Wife and I were at a barbecue at my Stepdaughter's house about 20 years ago... the guys were in the garage talking sports and the ladies were in the backyard... I decided to join the ladies with my wife... was the only 'male' at the table... I got a disapproving look from the lot...
A few years ago I discoverd that I am a Trans Woman... waiting to see my GP to start HT...
Thank you so much for sharing and I am glad you took steps forward and feel so much better as a result.
Your story resonates so much, Sofia. Not so much in the specifics, but in the overall arc and emotions. Thank you for sharing -- it has helped me.
My god! I feel as if you just explained my life and feelings to me. I cant begin to tell you how much this means to hear this from someone. I, too, served in the Navy at the same time as you and have had the same life experiences! I’m 45 and just now figuring this all out…
Thank you so much for sharing your story and may your transition be everything you’ve ever needed and wanted!
After 25+ years of struggling I transitioned and started taking HT. August 2022. I'm so appreciative of people like you in this world Dr. Z! If anything, we all need to know there are loving, mindful, caring people all around us. They are selfless and do things for others to simply bring love and keep that necessary energy we all need to exist. I'm so grateful for you and what you do. Even though you don't know me. That is the magical thing about LIFE! Just knowing others actually care and they don't have to be related, talk to you, or live near you. You still know they are a connection. A LIGHT. That's what you are Dr Z. Again, Thank You! We love you! Happy Holidays. 🤗
Yet another video that is SO helpful, Dr. Z -- thank you!!! I have been questioning for a little over a year... gradually gaining confidence towards a transition... but with PLENTY of the usual setbacks, u-turns, etc. When I look INSIDE, I am confident in my feelings. It's when I look OUTSIDE that the doubts and fears rear their ugly heads. So this tells me what I need to know: that it's time to be me -- and damned be the consequences -- and that is how I am proceeding. I LOVE my good days! I also realize when I am tired, stressed, or otherwise compromised, that is when my resolve weakens, so those are not times to make decisions, or even think too much about it at all. Have a lovely Holiday, and thank you so much for all you do for us! Hugs, Kat
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
I love watching your videos on days when I question or just don't feel "it". But this morning, I'm really feeling "it". I'm going to come back to this one later when I'm questioning, for some reason, again.
Thanks for all your effort to help me on this path!
Glad to be here for you.
Thanks dr. The fact that you’re out here helping people for free speaks volumes. Your advice has definitely touched our hearts and I’m thankful for what you do. Especially taking the time to reply to comments on UA-cam…it’s truly admirable and appreciated.
Thank you! I feel it is important to provide information when one is specialized in the field and especially when my services are not accessible to all. I am touched that free content helps others.
I'm so excited to start therapy not JUST so I can gain access to medical transition, but because I want to trust myself again. Trust my feelings, my intuition, trust my appraisal of reality, trust my decisions. It's been hell & I look forward to finding the way out.
You know how people pick a word to symbolize the year ahead or to aspire to. Sounds like Trust just might be word for you for 2023 and I feel you will begin trusting yourself above all else again.
@@DRZPHD Thank you for your kind & inspiring words!! I haven't done a "word of the year" before, but... This sounds like such a wonderful idea. I think I'll include it in a drawing & hang it up. 😊
At this point, knowledge is your friend. Therapy is good and so is actual experience. Taking steps to gain knowledge will help you. Don't be too hard on yourself, you will gain the answers. I also recommend journaling, writing your thoughts down. I did this in a very specific way. I wrote as two sides of the same person. I let male me speak without censorship, then I also let female me write the same way. It really helped make things clear to me. For me, I discovered male me was only there for security, female me was the three dimensional person. It might help find some of your answers.
One more thing, some online forums are good for bouncing thoughts off others with similar experience. Good luck!
Another video by Dr. Z right on target. I would only add that I find myself doubting my dysphoria and who I really am because of my existing relationships. I am married and in my sixties, but when I look back I have the data telling me I am gender dysphoric. I am in therapy and starting MtoF HRT, but yet I am pulled back because of existing loving relationships and then neglect my true feelings. It is easy to go back to the old way of being and neglect who I really am. Especially with many doubts about transitioning in a satisfying way at my age . Yet, Dr. Z is correct! Look at the data, accept who you are. You are better for that.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thank you Dr Z,
This need to be 100% has possibly led me to having a much harder life than otherwise might have been!
Its a long and complex story because it also involves things like being raised in a cult and other traumas that have also had to be considered when exploring who I am! My female alter ego, called Steph first 'appeared' around 23 years ago at a time I was going through some really bad things as I tried to heal from my 2nd Mental Health Breakdown. I had so many questions about Steph that just seemed impossible to answer and so, as my life improved, thinking about Steph faded and no longer seemed necessary.
23 years later im going through my 5th breakdown and Steph has started to be in my thoughts again. So much so that she has been the main subject being discussed with both of my therapists. As part of this process I wrote an Essay about her titled 'Ive Been to Paradise but ive Never Been to Me'. Which was my way of trying to explain Steph to others and what she means to me.
I will share it here because its seems pertinent to this '100%' question:
"I've Been to Paradise, but I've Never Been to Me"
(Who is Steph?)
All I knew for CERTAIN was how being Steph made me feel. I loved the way she moved through the world and the different way she was treated by others and the way she looked and the time, The effort and therapeutic nature involved in getting her to look that way, Also the time I would take as I noticed how I would also act differently in my mannerisms and how I would hold myself (posture and micro expressions etc. This was not AGP. There was nothing in the experience that was sexual about Steph. It all felt so 'natural' and I had NEVER cared about 'myself' SO much before! Why did I clearly 'care' so very much about Stifannie? She was the me I loved and wanted to be, that could exist independent of me yet obviously still was 'me'! It was all so confusing!
Her 'appearance/birth', the catalyst, I believe, was a matter of need and timing.
At the time I was living with my landlady. An awesome woman. And we would spend a lot of time doing stuff together when we were not working (watching movies, going out for drinks a karaoke etc). Which involved sharing in each others loves and passions. Well she knew how much I loved Prescilla Queen of the Desert (which is a bit of a chicken ad egg thing when I think about it).
She discovered that there was going to be a Special PqotD event held in the city and suggested that we go together. So we did and Steph was conceived!
Everything about that night, from the preparation of Steph (even her name Stifannie), creating Steph, and the movie screening, competition and clubbing afterwards, was amazing beyond words that I have to express it all.
So I became kind of both intrigued and addicted to Steph and would just spend evenings with my friend and landlady as Steph just sitting on the couch watching movies together. All that time and effort just to 'be' Steph for a couple of hours, but it didn't feel like an effort at all, quite the opposite.
It was a pleasurable experience unveiling Steph (As an aside I did wonder that if some part of that plausible experience was the 'artist' and perfectionist in me, and thus part of the reason I found the process so satisfying and rewarding).
Then one day, on one of my days off, I decided to take Steph out again into the world. I got a cab and went for a drink at my place of work. ALL of which I did on my own (which, in hindsight, seems INCREDIBLY ballsy. But, despite my propensity for EXTREME anxiety, I wasn't nervous one bit!)
Steph then made several appearances as friends and colleagues heard about her and requested to meet her (even for an entire shift at work where we all dressed in costumes for charity)!
As time moved on I started to question why Steph made me feel this way. Was there more to her than just 'escapism' because I hated being 'me' so much (with all the baggage I carried from the many horrendous experiences I had had). I concluded that there was. Like how much I disliked being 'male' because of what others expectations of being a member of that group meant. I think I mentioned before that I don't have many male friends because I detest the way many of them view and talk about women (I don't mean flirting and banter between consenting parties. That's different). Which is a problem because it seems that many women now 'expect' men to 'be' like that and are suspicious of you if your not! And I hate being judged as part of that group! But I also knew that I didn't hate my physical 'body'. So I hated being Male but didn't hate being a Man!
Then there was the 'being admired and found attractive' part. After pondering on that it seems that the pleasure I derived from that was not actually 'in' the part of being found attractive (I experienced that as a man also after all) but more in it being a 'complement' to how successfully I had erased 'Simon'. That's why it I derived more pleasure from even the people I worked with every day not recognising me even when I was sat right besides them at the bar, let alone complement me, finding me attractive.
Then there was the whole gender/sexuality thing. I am only sexually attracted to women so I couldn't get my head around the idea of being a lesbian trans woman. Something about that whole concept didn't 'feel' like Steph or me. I questioned several gay friends about this.
So this was also about the culture of the world around me and not just me physically/mentally. Therefore what 'label' I would put on her and me? I still don't know really!
So Steph was 'born' from the timing of the PqotD event, but persisted because I actually needed her!
And I think that's partly why she 'disappeared', because as my career progressed and my life became 'successful' I didn't 'need' her so much any more. But there 'could' also be other reasons centered around not really being confident in who Steph is! I do remember going to a drag club/bar in Blackpool and thinking “This is where I would love to work”!
Who knows if I made the 'right' decision or not with regards to her? Would my life have been better as Steph? Its something I can never know for sure. I do still think about her to this day and even talk about her with my therapists. She certainly hasn't completely disappeared!
Will she make a reappearance? What would it take for that to happen?
It seems that there is much to my personality that values others WAY more than I do myself. That if others are not present to 'appreciate' something I do then it holds little to no 'value' for me. And I think there is some part of Steph for which this also holds true. That there is no point to her if there is nobody present to appreciate her. So I think much would need to change for her to return but its not impossible.
Is the book closed? Has Stephs story been written? Honestly, I just don't know.
I hope I am explaining things well. I'm currently but a shadow of myself which I think is partly why I enjoy our conversations, because you brought to the for the one part of me that's left that doesn't 'hurt'!
Thank you for letting me share Stephs story, which i've never done in such depth before!
-------------------------------------
ADDITIONAL
Because I have such low self esteem and self worth that causes me incredible hardships when it comes to self-care it seems that Steph was also 'created' to try and fix that problem! Because I care about others WAY more than I care about myself my brain created an 'other' for me to care about but that would also, in so doing, would result in taking care of me! I take care of her and in so doing 'she' takes care of me!
This would seem to possibly explain why it is she re-emerges at the times I am struggling the most!
But, conversely, it 'could' also be that part of the reason I am struggling so very much in the first place is because I keep suppressing her! See what I mean about 'complex'? How does one even begin to try and figure out which one of those is true?!!!!!!
That's why the scene in Kinky Boots where Simon (Lola) is chatting with Charlie about how hard it is to explain how Lola makes him feel so 'different' resonated so well with me and impacted me HARD when I watched the movie.
----------------------------------------
UPDATE
One of my therapists asked me this question: "How would you like to be remembered?" I replied that I didn't mind if peoples memories of me were favorable or not as long as they were accurate! That whatever those memories are I feel like they need to include Steph. Otherwise they are seriously incomplete. Like a biography that has significant parts missing"
Since writing this Steph has made two more appearances, and I have shared her story with my immediate family, including my partner who I have been with for 16 years, and a few others.
There are indicators that Steph existed long before her first appearance 23 years ago!
I am, in most ways, at the beginning of this journey despite now being 53 years old and still uncertain as to how this will all unfold but Steph definitely seems a part of my future though at this point I don't yet know how much!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I've struggled for over 50 years about this. I felt I needed to know for sure. Once I was pretty much convinced, I was afraid to try anything because I didn't know where I was headed and how I wanted to be seen in the world. I wanted to try HRT but because I didn't know where I was headed, I didn't try. My therapist finally convinced me that I could feel my way towards what I wanted and I didn't need to know where I would end up. She said I was obviously not an impulsive person. HRT doesn't change things over night. I could stop any time.. I started low dose HRT a little over a year ago and feel much better. I don't present any differently but feel great about the subtle changes. This past month I decided to bump up my HRT (with the help of a doctor of course) to see if that is something I really want. It's let me feel my way through. Maybe I'll never present differently. We shall see. Just feeling my way forward and I feel much better.
So glad to hear you are feeling better. Your therapist is correct, often we dont know where we are going but its how the process makes us feel thats important.
Thank you Claire. I'm seriously considering HRT now -- and this idea of a slow start to feel it out really sounds helpful!
@@kataka2654 Thanks Claire. I am about where you are now and share the same feelings about not knowing where I will end up, but I am glad to have started the process and am delighted with the changes I see.
Dr. Z, thank you. I have been trying to figure out why I feel most comfortable in woman’s cloths for a long time. I’m 78 and it’s only been within the past few years that I know that I have a woman within. She has been screaming to get out for at least 50 years. I have been letting her out slowly. I fully accept that I am a woman. I have been very afraid of losing my wife and family.
My two daughters know, a friend and a few others but even though my wife knows what I wear every day (always woman’s cloths) she doesn’t want to accept my inner gender. I’m not hiding who I am and will continue to be honest with her.
Thank you again and Happy New Year. Sandra
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
You go girl!
Dr Z, OMG! Thank you for helping me understand. Long story short, you’ve given me clarity where I’ve never had it before. Thank you so much. ❤
You are very welcome!
What you said about hating a career, that really hit hard. Wow. Great example, thank you
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thanks Dr Z. - another great video 😀 Things really started to become apparent for me a year ago and a lot has changed in my life since then. I'll be turning 40 at the end of this year. It's strange because I know in my heart I'm nonbinary/trans but there's a part of me that just feels comfortable staying as I am. I do present in a more feminine way now, compared to before, but I feel I would like to start making more strides towards expressing more of who I truly am. I don't want to spend the next 40 years of my life only being half of who I really am. I feel the next decade of my life will, and should be, a period of further transformation for me. Thank you for creating and sharing your wonderful videos 😊
I so wish you a life you truly want, desire, and deserve. There are a lot of assholes out there who say things about gender they have absolutely no idea about. You know yourself best. Trust in yourself.
@@DRZPHD Thank you Dr Z. ☺
I recently started to get into these things because I've been debating about it for the past 3 years and this video is helping me just to trust myself and now with the changes I'vr made I feel so much more comfortable with myself. Thank you so much for making this video
The dysphoria became so much, I've been happier for the last few months since I started transitioning than I was in the decades before suffering from it. It's a seriously long road, and there's so much to do but being yourself is definitely worth it.
Glad to hear you feel better as a result of taking steps forward.
What a great xmas gift! You nailed it. You also said take a leap of faith. I didn't even know I had gender dysphoria for so many decades , but as soon I found out. I became a woman and never looked back.
Happy Holidays!
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
Love you Dr. Z and love this video, thank you. I’m 100% confident and I’ve been so for a while now thanks in large part to your videos.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
This was something that I needed to hear. I am constantly questioning myself, even with 40+ years of disphoria. I want to push forward, however I find that most difficult without a support system in place, or the fact that I cannot find a therapist (with ANY LGBTQ+ experience) that is interested in taking on a new client, has room to take on a new client, or doesn’t cost more than a weeks wages for a single visit. I'm beginning to understand the statistically high self-harm rate of people of transgender experience.
Sorry to hear of your challenges. I would suggest even a general therapist so that you can start opening up and processing things. Many can't see a gender therapist and thats ok too.
I think there are some online gender therapists.
Lisa Carson hormone pills
Wow! Not sure what to say as this video addressed my internal dialog very accurately. Thank you Dr.Z for yet another very informative video… you certainly gave me a couple very good points to act on. Excellent video… thank you again
Glad to hear it was helpful.
You've got real style, Doctor Z. Seeing your signature style of clothing, hair, jewelry-everything- each time you air is worth it in and of itself, let alone the talks you give.
Ohhh thank you! It's simple really. Black clothes and bold jewelry :)
@@DRZPHD 😄Simple is often underrated, as it is the most elegant.
@@DRZPHD Is it merely simple or deceptively simple?
I've been living with dysphoria for 30 years, since I was six, and with deep dysphoria for 20 years since I was 16.
The reasoning you've used in this video is actually a line of thought that I also came up with on my own as well and is a big part of what's motivated me to finally transition. There are many other factors involved as well, but this was a really big one. Like, it's painfully obvious at this point that this is never going away. A "phase" doesn't last for decades. It's still hard, though. I've actually brought this up with people, and a few people have actually turned it back around on me and said that the fact that I've been questioning it for so long is indicative of the "fact" that it's NOT what I really want.
But I don't think that it takes someone 20 years to figure out that they don't want something. Cis people don't have to spend 20 years figuring out that they're not trans, right? Straight people don't have to spend 20 years figuring out that they're not gay, do they? It doesn't take a straight guy 20 years to figure out that he doesn't want to sleep with another man. If he were questioning whether or not he was gay (or at least not fully straight) for 20 years, I think just about anyone would say, "Hey, guy, wake up and smell the coffee already." But, when it's a matter of questioning one's gender identity, all of a sudden, (some) people magically think it's indicative to the contrary.
This is the first video of yours that I've watched, but I just popped open, like, six or seven tabs of further content that really feels like it's speaking to me, like your "Are You Afraid To Be Ugly if You Transition?" video. I haven't watched it yet, but that was a HUGE obstacle for me. Hell, I didn't even know that passable trans people even EXISTED until just a few short years ago, because the only trans people you ever see in the media are never passing (which I think now is probably by design), so I thought that's just how it was, and I didn't want everyone to look at me like a freak, or to feel like a freak. I've finally let that one go, though, because I'm already ugly anyway, so what difference does it really make? But, strangely, when I'm dressed en femme, I actually really feel like I'm somehow LESS ugly. I'm still terrified of not passing, though, but that's part of why I feel like I need to do this NOW. I'm 35, and I'm not getting any younger, and I've ALWAYS felt like 35 is the "now or never" age for this (at least for me). I know there's technically nothing stopping a person from transition at any age, but it does also appear to me that 35 seems to be where the downhill slope of "less likely to come out the other side of transition passing" starts to rapidly set in. But I'm even more scared of what I might do in my forties if I never go through with it.
Just today, a couple of hours ago, I got back from an appointment at a government bureau to renew my health card. That should be arriving in four to six weeks. As soon as I have it, I'm going to a walk-in clinic to get a referral to an endocrinologist. A specific endocrinologist whom the head of the local trans clinic has told me is the best in the city. Unfortunately, the trans clinic has a waiting list that's more than two years long, so I can't go through them, which would be so much simpler. And, if I really have to, if the endocrinologist's waiting list turns out to be unacceptably long as well, then I'll fork over the obscene amount of money needed to go through the uninsured online clinic despite the fact that I live in deep poverty.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thank you !!! It's a point of view that I never thought about but is so obvious.
Ty DrZ.I cryed for half the video, I've had gender dis since I was 4. I knew but everyone in my life didn't want that. I will not waste another day of my life .Social transition, brilliant.
Ty 🙏❤
So sorry to hear of your pain.
Thank you for your videos. I cracked a month ago, and every day, i stop to question, and i get hit with another memory that was a clear sign that i am not happy with my gender. This video has pushed me to being 120% sure this is the right direction for me. Again that you so much
Thank you for using your career as an example. This actually made a big difference for me as I have recently made a large career shift. I was a teacher, and even thought there were several aspects that I truly enjoyed, I would regularly day dream about quitting and doing something else with my life. I thought these were just fantasies that would eventually go away after I got further into my career. However, now that I quit being a teacher, I realize that if I spent a decade in that job, I would have just spent a decade hating my job and wishing I could be something else. Leaving that job what the hardest decision I have ever made, but it was easily the best and made a such a noticeable improvement in my life. I think about gender in many of the same ways that I did about being a teacher and am starting to think transitioning may be similarly life-changing for me.
Glad it was helpful. I think many of us engage in so much suffering without realizing this life is all we got.
Your so right I am 52 years old and I have known I have been trans since I was at least 5 years old and I have been dressing continually for years and have never been happy with my gender. I started December 10 2023 on estrogen and my body is beginning to feel normal and I love how it has already started making noticeable changes. My last visit at the doctor office I found out I was low testosterone and it is amazing. I started developing small breasts and nipples already and my skin is softer and my body smell has become more feminine if that makes sense, all I know is I feel so much better. Krista.
I love you, you are truly amazing and a huge help. I have been struggling with this for over 30 years, finally I am moving forward. Thank you.
Glad to be here for you.
Yes indeed. You described me perfectly, Doctor Z. I always second-guessed myself. I always gave myself alternative paths to make myself feel better. I joined the military, got married, had kids, worked hard in my career, etc. The one person I could have helped the most was myself but I failed in my responsibilities to myself.
Thank you again Dr. Z! 💕
Thank you, Dr. Zee, I have been fighting myself for more than 40 years, I finally accepted the real me,and I finally feel right and good about myself
Good for you!
Oh damn, I really needed to hear some of those words, made me a bit emotional. Thank you for talking about this topic so well, you're a really good helper! I have finally accepted in my 32yo age that I am trans, called my mental health contact and now we're in process of getting me to the right places. I've been a bit scared during this process, but still felt like 90% sure, because my whole life there's been strong signs all over the place, even how I feel now. I've been gender affirming things to myself for some time and how I feel has come really clear to me, but still I'm like "should I go through this process..." But I've been thinking the same things, like how you said what makes me think I'm gonna be happy with myself in the future. I actually admitted to my therapist that I don't want to get older as a male, I just can't anymore. Now that I hear these words from another person and not just my own thoughts, these things really hit me. I hope it won't be too long before I get HRT, but I hate that it's gonna be about an year of waiting time before they actually begin treating these, and I constantly feel "I'm already 32 years old, then I'm gonna be 33, time's ticking, I want to get this thing going forward now so that I don't feel too old when I start with it!" I actually have a huge want to feel cute and girlish, it's something I feel that I have missed the chance to be in my life, and I feel that I can't feel that way so easily the more time passes by... Well I do feel younger internally than what I am, but it's hard when I look at myself in the mirror and see that I don't look so young anymore as I did 10 years ago, and then HRT effects take time and sure I'll be a woman at some point, but maybe not so girlish and cute anymore... Well, all these depend on how you feel about yourself, if I were to talk to someone else, I'd say you can still be playful and happy and feel cute even if you were 40. But to myself, it's hard, almost something that I don't want to accept. I have so much regrets that I didn't start sooner, but as I have talked about this to my therapist, I also said that I aknowledge that now my mental health has been better and it was the right time now, and I wouldn't have been able to make such good progress 10 years ago, so I needed to first find myself. It actually helps to see many people say they're over 30 and just started. Phew, I got some thoughts out, thanks for being a place where people can find support, I have found that talking about these really affirms me about my choice, and that's good.
You are so right. I'm incredibly grateful for all your help. Thank you so much.
You are so welcome. Glad to help.
i love the information in this video,, i love dr z ,,, yes for decades i didnt know i was transgender i had never even heard of the term trans or dysphoria until someone asked me if i was trans ?
i said i dont know ,,, i found and spoke with a transgender therapist told her my history and she said yes you are !!
then everything made sense and then seriously started my transition ,,, and now have found much more joy in my life with the successes through transition but still experience dysphoria which im dealing with ,,, thank you tata for all your very important videos
So glad your life is so much joyful!
Lisa Carson hormone pills
When I was 19 I accepted my "problem", when I was 30 I first thought about doing something about it but chose marriage and kids because I thought that could fix me... now I'm 47 and have been in evaluation process for over 3 years. With some luck I can start on hormones in 1 year. Am I 100% sure? I don't know and I don't care. I've tried to live the life as supposed for so long and it hasn't worked out. Constant depression wears you down. Still have managed to keep my family through the process which I'm grateful of. Love my wife and kids above everything.
Wishing you all the best!!! Glad you are facing it.
I just began medical transition after several months of social transition.
I’m married. We have a couples therapist. I have a gender therapist…
I’ve been ready for a long time. I’m 35.
It doesn’t feel like a choice anymore.
I’ve had crippling anxiety with derealization and depersonalization.
Since I started social transition I no longer dissociate from my body and am ready to start GAHT.
Thank you. This video really spoke to me.
Thank you for sharing. Witnessing symptoms of dysphoria, derealization and depersonalization, go away with affirming steps is always encouraging to know you are moving in a right direction. I wish you all the best.
DR Z! This is by far the BEST video you have put out! This is so much me! 41, just accepting myself. I cannot remember a time in my life that I didn't have the thoughts or feelings of wishing I was female. Not knowing what I was dealing with or how to do anything about it I attempted to repress this part of myself. So I did what i thought i was supposed to do. Got married and had kids. My mental health has suffered for decades and I'm almost positive it is related to gender dysphoria. I'm out to only my wife for now, she is truly an amazing woman. She's still here, and is supportive. So many stories out there of people telling there significant other and it resulting in immediate divorce and loss of children. Not knowing 100% is awful. But I'm not going to know until I know. I'm not sure where to begin. Im doing small things like wearing women's deodorant, perfume, and panties. Painting my toe nails, too scared to do my fingers unless it clear but it's still soooo shiny 😆. Keeping as much body and facial hair off as I can. Growing my hair long. All these tiny things have had a tremendous effect on my mental well being. I'm excited about every little advancement I'm making. 2023 is going to be my year of self discovery. Going to try to get hormones early next year and go even further with my social transition. It's the only way to know for sure. This one seriously made me cry. Happy tears, because I finally feel like someone gets it. I dont know if you remember, I'm sure you deal with so many people so I wouldn't blame you, but I reached out to you months ago for assistance in finding a therapist in my state. To my shock and delight you actually responded with an answer for me! Thank you so much Dr Z for that and all of your videos that have helped me so much to discover myself! ❤️
So glad to hear you have the support of your partner, thats so beautiful. I am always a fan of small affirming steps and sounds like you are doing things just right. I am glad I was able to help you and feel free to reach out if you need any resources in your area.
Good luck Hon!
Thanks Monica! 😊
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
Thank you for your channel.I find it most affirming. Like most of us I have been plagued by internalised transphobia for many years. Only recently have I realized who the voices belong to. I thought it was my conscience but, no it's all the people who have undermined me. Telling me I'm perverted or a sexual deviant. It's been eight years since I transitioned and I'm much happier but every now and then I feel like an imposter.
Thank you for sharing and I am glad you realized the voices belonged to society.
Great video as always! I used to ponder the notion of being 100% certain that I was transgender, but that was before I began my transition and then I did what you suggested, I looked at the facts of my life and discovered the decades of struggle with dysphoria and how I had made a pitiful attempt at self expression very early and even more the fact that as a small child I knew that I was not the gender I had been assigned at birth. With all of that I lost all doubt and devoted myself to transitioning regardless of any possible obstacles. I’m always happy that I made that commitment and there have been no regrets. Another thing I did that helped me was to move to a different city in a different state where no one knew me and then eventually to a different country altogether. I’m not suggesting that anyone can uproot their lives with a huge move like me, but if it’s possible I do believe it could be beneficial because it can get you away from all those voices that are constantly trying to undermine your confidence and resolve. Trust yourself that’s the bottom line.
YEs! If possible, I agree, moving to a new city can feel very liberating for so many. Great point.
I think it's worse, in some ways, when you figured it out that you're trans pretty young but internal and external transphobia keep you locked in patterns of behaviour reinforcing expected gender roles for one's apparent sex. It came to my attention recently that my ex spouse thought that I wanted to leave her for a man, and I'm afraid to ask her how long she thought that. It was never true the whole time we were together, and I told her about my gender identity crisis at the start of our engagement, so I'm perplexed why she insisted on marrying me and stayed with me for almost 16 years. My point being that I think I was trapped in the notion that I required certainty, and that some, even if not all of said notion, came from inside myself as well as from my ex. We both did the whole "gender roles" song and dance trying to address how we, as a couple, would address this in our lives while ignoring the elephant in the room regarding my actual gender identity all because of this.
"Being trapped in the notion that I required certainty". THIS is such a common problem and often one perpetrated by others. So glad you moved forward in your life.
That first part of what you said is me. I can remember very far back into my childhood having these thoughts and feelings of wishing I was a girl. It's been a rough ride but finally after decades of denial I've finally accepted myself and I'm out to my wife at least.
Yes Me too except . Except . That I’m about 33 years. With my wife. Still and do too the fact she had surgery’s . Inorder to make her feel better like mastectomy
That reduced DDDs down to a B . I loved the fact that she had large breast. She didn’t care how I felt . She had her tubes tied without considering my feelings. Not expecting children . Or considering my feelings on the subject. My body non of your business. So the hormone treatments and my Journey are not her business . The treatment will change me but will not change my sex drive but because of the blue pill helps. Wife doesn’t get it but we’re staying together because I’m her main care taker and driver. She is strongly influenced by her sister
Who says she is staying with me. What ever. Sis was the main drive behind her decisions. Which I feel was not fair to me. So now any surgery . That makes me feel happy is my business . I’ll share some to a certain point. I just find only . Trans folks that are going through the same process are really the only Trans folks that are having something in common. You know I really didn’t understand
The fact that I had issues with my genitals. Till Middle school. When my school mates asked why I was in special gym with no physical contact . Turned out some Boy did not follow the rule about wearing a jock strap for protection he had the similar affliction that I had . Which resulted in non at all. I don’t no the out come except the lawsuit was kicked out of court. So my senior year was messed up. I got the green light to participate in contact sports. So football was flushed down the tube.
Although I was outed in my sophomore year. Denied. Because I was. Closeted . I always wanted too wear womens clothing but their was an appendage
That did not make me look exactly like a young women or haveing a chest that would not fill a bra. Oh man I wanted that so bad . I had extreme body issues. Mom let me wear extremely short shorts at times.
So now forty year forward. Finally finding my self as a Trans Women . Just saw the Dr. Starting medication Tuesday. Need to lose weight to get estrogen.
@@Kira-zm7vy I remember my dysphoria with my body and appearance didn't start until I started going through puberty. I remember thinking about the changes my body and face was going through. I felt insecure that I looked like a boy and was growing body hair. I thought I would be happier and prettier if I was a girl. I told my friend I felt like I was born in the wrong body and them mentioning that I might be transgender. Looking back into prepubescence I was afraid that if my parents or friends found out that I liked girly shows or wanted stuff for girls they'd make fun of me. A fucking 7 year old should not have to be afraid of transphobic parents.
@@ciel1083 I'm 42 and still afraid my parents will be transphobic.
I'm one of those late bloomers. I didn't realize until it all crashed down on me like an avalanche at the age of 50. Looking back, I hated my skin while at the same time, I don't think dysphoria is the right word. I was ok looking the way I did because it was aligned with the role I was "given". Nothing out of place,at least on the outside. I just hated the way it felt. I came out and transitioned a year and a half ago. Never have I felt more comfortable with the way the world sees me. Or how I feel. It's brought a sense of confidence I never knew I had. It feels all so natural and right. Yet, I too wonder. My dysphoria has just increased since coming out and stepping into ME. Now that the world sees me the way I want to be seen, it just gets worse. It's like all the things I was dead to are now making themselves known the more things fall into their proper place. I was ok with not having a vagina at the start. I didn't "look the part". As I bloomed into the woman I needed to be, that has slowly changed. Now, it feels wrong not to. Now, the world sees a woman and the things I was ok with as a man is just all wrong. As I said, at least I looked the part before. It was the way the world saw me as. But now, the world sees a woman. It sees me. As I am meant to be seen and anything less is now making itself known that I can no longer simply exist on complacency. That's all I did before. Exist. I'm ME now and I demand more. So, why do I still have doubts?
Hi and thanks for sharing. If you have having doubts, working with a gender therapist in your area can be helpful.
im at about 99% and i feel personally ready to go forward from here. it has taken me several years of ruminating and several videos of yours for better understanding to get to that 99%
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I went so many years with everything buried so deep. I hurt and didn’t know why. Then something happened and I started asking myself, am I trans?
I started reading other’s experiences. Started watching your videos while I searched for a gender specialist in my state.. And things all over my life started making sense. I found a wonderful psychologist who also specializes in gender. And she has been amazing in helping me to find the answers I’ve been looking for.
Your videos are a part of my journey. I watch them in between my therapy sessions and they are very much a part of helping me find myself.
I know I’m trans. still from time to time I ask myself if that’s real, but I realize like in your video, I’m listening to others telling me not to trust myself.
So glad to hear you found a gender therapist you connect to and who is helpful. Trusting oneself is huge and I am glad you are doing more of it. Wishing you all the best and I am glad the content is helpful.
I have listened to a few of your videos today. I've been experiencing a wave of dysphoria that I haven't been able to repress.
I really appreciate your guidance. I feel more calm hearing examples of how I am not alone.
I'm over 40, and I have been repressing for so long. I am trying to let it out a little bit.
Glad to be of support.
I totally agree that doubt arises from social pressure; for years I tried to convince myself of the opposite, I don't think it was doubt but denial, I believe there is a thin line between denial and doubt, but I can only talk from my own struggles
Yes, totally societal, starting at a young age.
Thank you for your insightful videos Dr. Z!!
Most welcome.
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
excellent video once again Dr Z, very helpful for me. Happy holidays.
So glad to hear and happy holidays!
@@DRZPHD Thank you! I have my assessment for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria in six months so things like this really help me work out my story in my head before I have to open up to a professional and get the help I need
Well said as always DR Z ... Be well all and be the genuine you..
Likewise and Happy Holidays!
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
Everything you say is so different from what my gender clinicians/conversion therapists said. They did everything they could to make me question my inner knowledge. I didn't have doubts before. They made it their life mission to doubt everything I said and everything I thought and everything I knew, and to find what was 'really' going on.
I was silently convinced all gender clinicians would be like them. I thought nobody would believe I am capable of knowing myself. Some would pretend to believe me to be polite, sure, but they wouldn't believe that people could really be trans.
I've been getting your videos in my recommendations and each time I internally have a 'f*ck off, I don't need more people telling me to doubt myself' reaction, but I decided to trust that you wouldn't, and I click anyways. Watching your videos is healing. It is healing both the doubts they implanted in me, and my faith in psychology as a field.
I only realized that I was truly transgender at 48.
So many of my friends and my GF helped me see it so glad I found all your videos. Your advice is incredibly helpful
That thought that maybe I'm wrong is so painful but every time I take a step forward I feel a little more free. At this point I'd rather make a horrible mistake and find out I was completely confused than go my whole life knowing I never faced this. I'd rather get to the end of my life and know I can die with some peace knowing at least I did my best and faced it.
"Making mistake" in my experience only happens when people move vary fast with surgical/medical transition. Those who take steps, feel affirmed, take another step, feel affirmed, another....seldom express making a mistake because there was so much in the process of validating their identity.
Lisa Carson I take hormone pills
Hi dr z since then When i was young i felt already i have something in me, that something in my heart is telling me you are in prison in the wrong body which i carried it for a decade and as what said it struggling me how sure am i about me that im a transgender the fact that my feelings,emotions,my heart are keep telling me that i am a transgender and i invalidate it but as what i has heard you and listened you i realized and trusty self to not fear about the fact that i keep on denying for a long time that to trust and my feelings and within me is valid thank you so much for open up my heart of my true self and im now a clarity in mind and confidence to face the world and moat especially to trust my self of who am i to be. God bless you Dr. Z for sharing your knowledge is really a big help to trans who aren't came out and start to trust their true one self.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I always feel like I'm late in the game since I'll turn 39 this week and just started therapy in December for insurance to pay for some of my transition (but I plan to stay in therapy, I think therapy is important!), but then I read a lot of comments of people in their 60's and higher 🤯 I'll hopefully be able to go on hormones soon. I'm not glad I'm only starting now, but I'm glad I knew since puberty for sure that I'd rather be a woman (since there are a lot of trans people who say they didn't know), though I buried it because of society. Especially at this transitional state it's even harder when I'm not out to everyone and I keep being misgendered, one needs patience for transitioning. But I'm sure it'll be worth it! ❤
Thank you for your video!!!
I grew up knowing i felt different between the ages of 5 and 6.When, I first started school i refused to wear dresses and skirts.I would go around my school and tell people to call me by a male name. In any role play, I would always play as male.Most of my friends were boys and I was a very sporty person.One of the things, I hated was when the teacher would divide us up into boy and girl order. I would often be confused when i would go to the toilets as i thought i was supposed to be in the mens and felt embarrassed if i was in/outside of the women's toilets.I would sneak into the bathroom and put my dads shaving foam on and join in him when he was shaving.Most people would be confused and constantly ask if i was male or female.
Growing up, I would look at men and initially confuse it for attraction as i felt i wanted to be them and couldn't understand those feelings. In all my dreams, growing up it would always be of me living as a man.I would also dream about dating women as a man and never as a woman.I struggled to picture my future, as i could only see myself fully developed as a man and living as a heterosexual man. From a young age, i always thought i would grow up and develop like my father or my grandfather and thought i would be the husband as well. I remember learning about puberty and thinking i would not develop breasts or menustrate and that i would develop like the boys.I also had an obsession with fitness and keeping my body really skinny.I would try not to eat much and would constantly do exercise that focused on upper body strength.I had hoped by doing this i could prevent puberty.The biggest thing that gave me anxiety was the mere thought of developing breasts, and i always was obssesed with developing pectorial muscles.I hated getting undressed or showering and became very conscious as i developed an hour glass figure.
I initially thought i was gay and came out as that at 17 briefly.However, I still felt something was off and it didn't answer my unresolved confusion.I felt there was a block and couldn't understand why i didn't want to date women.I struggled to picture myself being intimate with women as I didn't feel comfortable being perceived as a woman.I didn't feel comfortable by the thought of having breasts and felt they did not exist on me.I also had a lot of discomfort over my private areas and always felt there was something missing and that i should always have had a penis.
I also felt a lot of anger, frustration and sadness growing up as I felt i could never live as myself.I always felt I was trying to live being two different people.I felt quite jealous of other boys around me but not in a malicious sense, I couldn't make sense of that envy.I also would look at men dating women and this upset and anger that was directed at the man.Although, I never felt that frustration when i saw gay men or lesbian couples.When i was younger, if i ever developed feelings for a girl i had a lot of frustration because i felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed that i was seen as female by them as the feeling i was a man was very strong.I don't know whether that is a normal feeling for trans men?
Sorry, I know i wrote a lot i just wanted to offload part of my experiences growing up.I never knew anyone who was LGBT so i felt like a complete alien or weirdo.
I absolutely LOVE your energy
If I could like this video over and over again I would. You are so amazing and have helped me so much through all your videos feel comfortable to be me. After a decade of hiding, i am openly telling people I am trans. 🎉🥰
Glad it is helpful.
Another great video. Thanks for this.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Living with my parents is like taking a step back because of the lack of support. They hardly eve call me Cristina. And they call me by him. I know it will get better.
I am so sorry to hear about that.
I'm 34 i've spent 20 years questioning my gender i always knew something was off when i was a kid but i didn't know entirely what and that caused bad depression to the point that in my late teens i turned to self harm that eventually turned to alcohol abuse, continued self harm and just a full on negative outlook on everything. I have lived for so long in denial repressing who i really am and i'm done with it! a big thing for me is everywhere i look online, on tv etc i see transphobia social media even suggests transphobic hate groups to me i have no clue why but seeing things like that and all of the hatred towards us saying we don't exist, we're apparently ill, it's somehow politics etc is extremely draining. We do nothing but exist and we go through so much within ourselves that the external hate we face can be overwhelming and force a lot of us to continue to live a lie just to fit in to a society that doesn't accept us. What i have realized getting older is you can't contain dysphoria or make it go away it doesn't happen it's there unless you do something about it. I'm not 100% trans but i'm 70-80% trans, there are things about my personality and some things not masculine but things society typically would expect guys to do that are a big part of who i am! I'm alternative, i like heavy metal, i'm a geek i love pc's and other tech, i can be feminine or quite androgynous in how i present i think it's important to fully explore every avenue but as you said socially transitioning is a great way to figure this out. I find out more about myself and my identity as i progress but i'm certainly not willing to continue repressing my true self for anyone or anything. Thank you for making these videos i'm so happy i found your channel 😊
I just needed this! Tons of facts! So i took the chance to social transition for +1year and part time, and yeah, i feel right as a woman, and awkward acting as a man, since child hated the fat distribution of the masculine body, i hated the facial hair and the little mustache on the start of puberty, then i decided to leave the razor sharp and start with the depilatory wax bc i didn't wantes it to grow more and more. And alongside all this, i wanted a bi or lesbian girlfriend, why being a man would you desire a lesbian if that just won't work!? I wanted to wear the clothes of mi GF and she sometimes looked at me very confused about it, although she let me use their "girl" clothes.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi Dr. Your videos are great I recently started watching them and I am non-binary but I feel like I’m having dysphoria about my gender as well, I really enjoy being feminine and doing feminine things and I think I feel like I need to take that next step and get that affirmation I desire and talk to a Dr about getting on hormones, I really have that desire to have the femininity of my body the breasts, the moods and everything that comes with the therapy. I like to present myself clothing wise as masc but I feel I need to have that femininity underneath. Thank you for the motivation!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I'm 27 and rescently realised I might be trans. Please listen to your feelings! I buried them for decades, behind guilt, shame, denial and excuses. The very thought of me being trans was ridiculous to me. It manifested into social anxiety, depression and intense trust issues instead. I never could build a happy life and I nearly did the worst thing you could do to yourself. I made the first step in healing now. So many things were I thought I was just fundamentally broken make sense now. I know it is scary, because of what this all might mean for you. Always know that you don't have to do anything. You don't need to transition, dress up or even tell anyone. You can have this moment and then just go on with your life, if you want that. But please don't deny yourself because of what others might have told you.
Beautifully shared and I am so glad to hear you have found yourself!
Dr. Z would you please do a video showing how you do your makeup, styling and fashion for your amazing look every day.
Hi. Thank you. Sorry I won’t but if this helps: I keep it as simple as I can when it comes to makeup. NARS foundation, Mac eyeshadow in Omega, Mac liquid eyeliners upper lead only in black, Mac blush in Harmony and NARS lipstick in mysterious red. Mascara by Lancôme.
Lol hope that helps. Hair is super simple, slick with straightener. Always black top and junky jewelry.
This video rules. I have struggled with this my whole life, I'm not a very confident person, and my parents didn't really understand me and were uncomfortable with it. That part about how I wouldn't have even started this if I had felt comfortable with my gender assigned at birth felt like a lightning bolt in my head. So simple and I had never once seen it that way. TY
Glad to hear it was helpful.
I have been struggling for decades. My excuses are varied, but in the end you can come up with two main groups of questions. One: if I am unable to make a living now, how will I do it after, if I end up alone and ostracized (I already pay a price for long hair)? Two: will I really be better? The latter comes from the doubt about really being trans, and the reason for that is that it is not constant. Recently I understood, thanks to you, that GD comes in "crisis" so to speak, and, in addition to that, this video closes the circle, so thank you so much. Still, I just don't know if I am able to transition. I don't trust society or even the medical establishment, I've been told by a GP that she didn't know anything about this, and even if they did, the guidelines use approaches I don't really agree with like no injectables, no progesterone whatsoever or use of cyproterone, and this thing of going through a bunch of people you have to proof you are who you say you are... I'm just so close to go on DIY somedays...
Hi and I am sorry to hear of your struggles. The thing is you won't know if you are better if you try. In fact, many questions you pose don't have an answer because they require trying to see how it all will plan out. I wish I had a better answer for you.
@@DRZPHD you do more than enough just shedding light. Thank you so much!
Finally admitting to myself that my gender dysphoria is real and that I have to live for ME. I "came out" to my family as non-binary late 2022 after too many years of trying to subvert my true self with alcohol and antidepressants which didn't fix anything. Don't know where this adventure will take me but I am happier in my self now than I have ever been and there is so much more to experience. Thank you Dr. Z for your kind encouragement.
I’ve always wanted to know how women feel and what it is like to be a woman. I think a lot of not knowing that I was transgender is that I live in a very conservative area in a small town 2-3000 people and my family is also. Now in my mid 40s after 2 marriages and 7 kids I am learning about what being trans is. Another issue I have is that I have a good paying job I enjoy most of the time in the construction industry. While there are more and more women in the industry and they are accepted but being trans isn’t really. There are a few I know of but they are from the city.
I felt like you spoke directly to me doctor. I’m so very grateful for everything you said in this video. Everyday I get closer and closer to accepting the fact that I truly am a trans woman. But there is one thing a few of those conservatives say that kinda got me thinking. They said that God has made us all perfect in his image both male and female. What does this mean? Is it a lye? To be honest I’ve never picked up a bible before so I don’t know. But that line keeps ringing in my head
After 55 yrs. I agree with you.
I have struggled with this for 6 decades. I have finally come out to my daughter and her friends as well as my best friends. I have changed churches to one that supports transgender individuals. There is a support group there. I will take the first steps of social transition there.
Wishing you all the best.
I’ve been struggling with gender dysphoria (Amab) on my recent year but when I was a teenager I hated my hair being short and my body hair bothers me especially my arm hairs I always wanted to shave it, right now after socially transition for about 1.5 years and loved it…I really wanted to start hormones but I’m at the point that I am struggling with my mental health (severe anxiety) and I want to start but I know my parents would not support me, and how the society dislike the trans community always scares me, I’m also afraid about getting jobs and not being hired by companies 😭
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Very early in my childhood, before I had any filters to see the world through, I knew that I was a girl. Then I was told don't play with those dolls, don't walk around the house in your mother's heels your a BOY. 50 odd years later I'm still a BOY dealing with a lot of regret, I wish someone like you Dr. Z were around when I was a confused young person(I hate to say man).
Sometimes I feel as if my own regrets might consume me. You're not alone dear, so many of us never had someone the likes of Dr Z in our corner, but I sometimes think of people in my past who might have been had I just a smidge more courage to open up to them. Be kind to yourself and don't let those regrets hold you down.
I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. I am glad my content can at least help validate what you felt wasn't insanity.
I thought this was my deepest secret. I never felt good in my own skin for over 20 years, and I'm 29M. I'm only beginning to ask myself those questions, and to consider transition. I just want to be myself 100%, to live without fear of misgendering you know... So thank you, Dr Z. I hope I'll be able to find my answers.
Hello Dr Z.🙋♀️Thank you for your support for the community. I find your videos very helpful, informative and inspiring.
If I may take a minute of your time please?
I was only 4 or 5 years old when I started wearing girls clothes. When I put on my first dress, it was a life changing moment. I knew then I wanted to be a girl, needed to be a girl, I was meant to be a girl. It’s curious to know that at such a young age a child would recognize that something is broken and wrong about my gender identity.
It’s been about 60+ years since that realization. Life is a struggle every single day.
I am so happy I found your channel. It seems to me that everything happens for a reason. If I do transition and start HRT, your wealth of knowledge and experience will be invaluable. If it wasn’t for the fact that money has always been an issue, I would’ve been a complete woman decades ago.
That being said, I love your makeup, your taste in clothing is impeccable and I can only dream of having your beautiful complexion. 🙋♀️ Sheila
46 Years of running from myself finally caught up with me. It is amazing what you don't have to think about if you keep busy enough. Thanks to lockdown I had to stop and finally listen to the woman crying in the locked basement.
I killed the guards, and let her out.
Now she is here, demanding a voice. I'm navigating this the best I can, trying to keep the life I have made.
Sometimes I think, if I can get busy enough I can get back to the life I was told to lead and she will be gone in the morning.
But then I wake up and she is still here.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I'm 19, and I've felt a certain disconnect from myself for roughly 6 years. Living in a conservative area, I have been uncomfortable with myself due to judgment. I frequently ask myself why I couldn't be leading that life. The alienation I have with myself has existed for a few years ( approximately 6) there's some stuff I wish I could do beforehand ( ie: going on the Appalachian trail,etc)
Hi Dr Z!! This video is amazing!! Im
49 years old and since i remember i hace struggle with my identity, until this day!! I have been on hormones on and off because im not sure im 100% transgender , also since i have little kids for me it’s very difficult to leave them, my wife knows and we agree to be together until the children are old enough , but i dont know if i can do it 😞
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
This is the absolute hardest thing to do, ( trusting yourself) especially as an over 50 transitioning person. There are a great deal of signs that are presented for every year of that over 50 years. There is also a great deal of negativity.
Sadly true, but possible.
wish I heard this talk 30 years ago..........maybe longer than that..... going on 68 but since 8, this "dysphoria" maifested, mostly feeling of being an outsider and tho my friends were male, I felt more like being with the girls. and back then there were no means of discovery that we have now..... will start a search for a therapist to help untie these knots..........
Wish you all the best.
For a long time, I thought I was just crossdressing that it was something sexual, but it began when I was 5 years old, I always dreamed of being a girl, I remember thoughts like "when I live alone I will live full time as a woman" or "when I die I will tell my family that I feel as a woman" or "maybe God will create me as a woman in the next life"
I really tried to repressed these feelings, I always thought and dreamed in ever sense of my life as a woman, I remember this time when I was around 17 and I dressed up but I stared myself at the mirror and I took off the clothing (now I realized it was gender dysphoria) it's been a really painful process to understand that this is not something that's gonna go away just like because it's been always there, I always felt more comfortable among women and with men even though I've made good friendships a don't feel that related but I just couldn't understand why, now every day I ask this question to myself, what stops me from transitioning? It's not me, it's society, I always make this question, if I could have one wish only one wish in my life and it would be 100% for me and nobody else what it would be? And the answer isn't money or fame, I just wish I was a woman.
Thank you for sharing.
I’m 21 and earlier this year I’ve been feeling very confused about my identity in general. I’ve been desiring to cross dress and act feminine overall, I was in denial about being bisexual simply just assuming that it was normal for everyone to feel that way from time to time. Been doing that again recently whenever I wear something girly or question my identity. The fact I’m even questioning my gender identity as much as I am is what’s really confusing for me and has to be some kind of sign I don’t understand. I’ve never really felt this way until now yet all of my friends tell me I’ve always came off as an egg who just didn’t realize. I’m very comfortable being a man and love it too, but if I was given the opportunity to be on the complete opposite of the spectrum and live my life like that, I would. I want to try going by any pronouns just for a while to get a feel for it and see if I’d be willing to commit but I’m honestly scared to do so.
Thanks for sharing.
I couldn't agree more! I wasn't 100% confident in my gender until 2 years of HRT, 1 year after SRS, and all that time spent living as my authentic self.
However, I still felt ok with taking those steps because of all the history you mentioned. I'd wanted estrogen for 15 years. I'd wanted laser hair removal ever since my facial hair finally came in. I'd felt like my genitals were wrong since I was 4-5. I'd always hated my name. I'd hated being lumped in with guys and longed for acceptance from women my entire life.
So, while I wasn't 100% sure about gender, I was confident that none of those things would change suddenly. It was much easier to answer the little concrete questions than the one giant abstract scary question.
So I went for it! And I'm so very very glad I did.
I'm definitely bookmarking this video! It's so frustrating seeing so many stuck on this exact issue and this video is perfect for addressing it.
SO glad to hear you took steps forward! Wish you all the best.
Great video I have been uncomfortable with my gender at birth for 35 years and three years ago at age 38 I couldn't take it anymore and I let close friends and family know that deep down I have always felt that I was suppose to be a girl and I did everything to suppress it and all that did was tear up inside and I couldn't take it anymore because I never have felt like I fit in being a guy I always felt out of place
Wise words!
The only gender dysphoria I had encountered until now was feeling uncomfortable being myself in a relationship with women. I just didn't feel right when I was playing the male role I guess. I felt very inadequate. I feel I dont know if that is dysphoria enough. I was otherwise always happy with my male personality and being a man. This is what is keeping me from feeling 100% sure of my gender.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I personally believe that a little doubt is reasonable. Of course people have doubts. I had doubts, it was through exploring them that I was able to put them to rest and know I'd made the right choice in pursuing transition.
Very true.
The biggest
concern I had during my questioning phase was that by exploring my gender identity, I was unknowingly creating a self fulfilling prophecy.
Fortunately, I worked through this with my therapist, and gained a better understanding of my fears and apprehension.
Thank you for sharing this! And get out of my head. Stay safe.
that's an interesting thought. whenever I engaged in something gender affirming before I accepted I was trans I always thought I was reinforcing those feelings and it was just something I accidentally pushed myself into (by first engaging in those things at a youngish age).
UGHHHH, RELATABLEEEE.
Love your blouse. You look good in black, but great in patterns. Re: This video on being 100% sure….I am more confused now than before watching it. I am almost 80, thought I was a girl since age three and have grown my hair onto my shoulders, have been on increasing doses of HRT for 14 years and have the encouragement of my wife of 58 years, wear light makeup and am out to friends and family, but am struggling with taking that last step to commit to full time, which may require FFS. How do I know 100%, so I can overcome my fears, particularly of being harmed or killed, because I do not pass? Or, does it even matter whether I know 100% that I am trans? Is that what you are saying? Please dispel my confusion. Thank you.
As I continue my transition journey at this kinda late stage in life, the only time I question things anymore is when I'm not accepted socially or by others. When that happens I just remind myself that other people don't and will not dictate who I am and how am comfortable living. Their lack of acceptance is THEIR problem - not mine.
Thanks for sharing.
Howzabout Six Decades!!!!!! DR Z?,
To be continued..., sent while absorbing ur vid
6? No!!!! Stop! Enough! You deserve better.
@@DRZPHD , unfortunately I self-medicated 2010-15 w/online meds and developed a skin cancer. Chemo n radiation last March and today simply grateful 🙏 to be among the living. I'm a 31 year recovered alkie also. Booze numbed the feelings and thots fo 24 yrs...,
I told the new medical doctor at the VA hospital here in town, to whom I was assigned about five years ago, "I have just been pretending to be a man. This is how I feel in my bones." She disagreed saying I was not being factual. I know me better than she does. Why would she say this? btw, you are such a gem...a diamond in the rough...a great American.
Hmmm that sounds like pretty factual self reporting to me. I am sorry it felt so dismissive.
@@DRZPHD thanks, Doc...if you didn't read my last reply, the VA Administration just changed their policy and will now pay for transexual surgeries...so next year i will finally be a eunuch: no balls, no scrotum, small doses of Estrogen. maybe 2 mg per day?
I hit puberty at 13 and with it I got dysphoria without knowing, it took me 10 years to find out... At 23 I started to question my gender seriously and took my time, I found a lot of factors, signs and facts that I can't run away from, that I indeed have gender dysphoria.
In those 10 years I didn't hate my life per say but it was more of "everything felt wrong" or "there was something always off" but I didn't know what was it exactly... I didn't completely hate my life or my life wasn't objectively bad but for some reason I was depressed and I don't know why like I wasn't supposed to be depressed but I was and many facts not just during those 10 years but also in my childhood that proves I had gender dysphoria.
After I knew what gender dysphoria and after months of continuous researching, I came to the conclusion and came out as a transgender woman... the moment I realized I'm trans, It felt like it was a "hard to swallow pill", it was the reality that I didn't like at the beginning but I had accept as I don't think I can escape this feeling any longer... I can no longer be in denial and I don't feel that I can be the same person I thought I was anymore.
I slowly started to accept the reality and my new identity (or let's my true identity that was always hidden) I felt like everything makes sense now and I wouldn't say that my life changed and 180, I did though... Me finding out that I'm trans was like the answer/key for everything I couldn't understand or answer... Now I can understand and know who I really I'm and all the vague darkness in my life was gone the moment I came out of my closet, I feel like I'm more honest myself now and It's my goals/future and what I really want or aim for.
It's all crystal clear, I'm not socially transitioning since I'm in a country where being trans or LGBTQ or even any related expression is illegal.
But I'm already taking steps before social transitioning or even medical transitioning (i.e. Voice Training, Using new online identity, etc...) I still have to hide a bit for my safety but I think I like already took the first step in the way of no return but tbh, I feel a lot happier with progress and comfortable in my "new" and "true" Identity and I don't feel like going back.
I'm currently 24 and it has been 6 months since coming out as a trans woman, It's slow but I feel my life is indeed changing for the better despite all the hate and transphobia.
Thank you...
This was a powerful video that said some things that really needed to be said. "Trust yourself." Nobody's said that too me in this process. It was always just trust them, or distrust yourself.
As a follow up, I might ask for clarification on what social transition means.
I also wonder about codependency and transitioning. Codependents find love and comfort in making those around them safe and happy, to the exclusion of their own wants and needs. So if being trans /gay is socially unacceptable and will necessarily make those around you Unhappy and Angry, admitting your gender/sexuality to yourself *necessarily* feels unsafe. I think this is why so many of us kill ourselves rather as "the solution" to the logic problem. For instance, I was never allowed to be happy--my happiness was a threat to others, and my needs hurt the people I cared about. My brain is programmed that way. So how can codependents who were raised in that environment overcome that social conditioning? Any thoughts on the matter is much appreciated. Thank you!
Hi. Thank you for asking. I hold a view that any brain programming can go through unprogramming and that people with codependent tendencies can learn to first take care of innate needs before helping others. Thats what I call a balance vs. living for others. I also do not think that those who take their life do so due to codependency.
Social transition is a part of transition were a person engages in social aspects such as expression via clothing, hair, name change, and pronouns.
I'm at the verge of HRT. "Are you 100% sure? " is holding me back... I'll probably go for it.
This helped because now I have a reactionary anger at a society that is gaslighting everyone. I will now continue out of spite when I am in doubt. Took me 20 more years than I would have preferred, but I've still got a pretty blessed life.
Wishing you all the best. I also feel carrying anger takes a lot of energy and the anti trans society is not worth it.