I am constantly rereading my messages and emails, whether it’s work related or just causal messages with friends. When you said that, I gasped lol. It’s almost a curse for us INFJs to be stuck in our own heads about how we are coming across to others.
I have found that hiding the sent folder and setting up filters helps me to avoid obsessing over emails. I still struggle with running conversations I've had over and over in my head. Only thing that seems to help there is to focus on Next Steps.
The mind matrix is so deep for INFJ's, it can be an endless and unbearable pit of suffering that does leave us bitter, even seriously depressed. It is brutal to see the world's pain and know we can do nothing to stop it, so we can easily be consume by the idea that everything means nothing and become nihilistic. I think we all have a way out of our minds emptiness by embracing our body and our truth. Just walking outside and being kind to others. We change the world with the smallest acts of kindness towards ourselves and others, and this is a clear and powerful way out of our frozen darkness. We can lift ourselves up, move outside and in share our presence in this world as compassionate beings.
I've just recently tried to change the pattern of trying to make sure people were happy, where I went out of my way to not hurt anyone. This meant holding back a lot of things I would have liked to say, or editing to the point of diluting the meaning where I let people off the hook. It was very hard for me to call people out or challenge them on their behavior, so I ended up internalising everything and it caused me so much pain. I felt like something vital was withering inside through never getting to express myself or share the full range of my feelings. Then something snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I paid attention to situations where I felt like being myself and called someone close to me out on their comments about me. They were shocked as this was out of character for me and they blew up at me. It was difficult to manage in the moment and the aftermath as it generated a disproportionate level of conflict....but I realised that it was foolish of me to be so concerned about hurting others as they didn't have the same consideration for my feelings. When opportunities arose and I felt up to it, I did the same thing and every attempt was similarly challenging. I saw that people expected me to play roles and if I went off script, they couldn't accept it. The conflicts only showed me that I could either continue pretending to be someone else and not be allowed full expression, or be myself and potentially pi##ss off the people who supposedly loved me as they couldn't accept me being myself. Now I don't really care anymore about upsetting anyone as they are not worth me sacrificing my true nature. I'm prepared to lose everyone if they don't allow me the right to have needs, opinions, and the right to challenge things that are unacceptable to me. Just because I have been caught up in a dysfunctional pattern of people pleasing doesn't mean I should have to continue it if it is soul destroying. I choose soul and self expression ✨
Identifying my personality type as an INFJ was a kind of revelation, but now I find it a useful tool only to a certain extent. It's really easy to fall into the trap of justifying yourself and explaining everything that happens in your life from the position of being a certain type, and this is the thing I got so tired of. Exploring yourself is the essential part of everyone's journey, but it's so important to do it through action as well, not only through constant rumination that in the end renders you paralized and bitter towards the whole world, and, first of all, to your own self. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Clay.
I actually love labels. Everytime I find some name for something I strugle with It's a hudge relief. Because I know it exists and It's not only in my head and usualy then I can find solution for it 😊
Labels, not limits. I've found the INFJ label so very helpful in understanding myself, but I'm trying not to let it limit my growth, which can be a really difficult thing to do. It would be so much easier to get all comfy in my INFJ box and never come out, but I'm trying not to let it limit me in terms of what I'm capable of doing or being. Better that I keep the INFJ information in the box, and refer to it now and then, but not tattoo it like a label on my forehead, if that makes sense! :)
@@megan2176 I don't see with this label anything bad. I think if I ever hurt anybody it was most of the time myself and then defense if I hurt somebody else. There is plenty channels about INFJ, which show us as superheros and create perspective like this which I didn't have before. It helped me to encourage myself a lot. I trust my intuition more because of it and now I can see it works and I can relly on it more.
It's like I'm looking in the mirror talking to myself. It's amazing how listening to you is like thinking back to conversations of me trying to explain to my wife, few close friends and my kids about how my brain works.
Support Network is huge. I do not like labels either. However, being a INFJ can be so isolating. I'm often so misunderstood, because of the way my brain works. Humans are tribal creatures and I think the scarcity of the INFJ, validates and connects me to like minded individuals who, often share my set of beliefs and values. I have to give you credit for addressing the elephant in the room. Research indicates, the INFJ is no longer the rarest personality.
It's like I'm looking in the mirror talking to myself. It's amazing how listening to you is like thinking back to conversations of me trying to explain to my wife, few close friends and my kids about how my brain works. So glad I found your page. Your insights have really helped me.
A solution to consider for those dealing with rumination paralysis is to tell yourself that you can either analyze these thoughts in your head now and ruminate, or you can do the practical things you need to do and have more information/content to ruminate on in the future. In essence, you either ruminate now with the information you do have, or do the practical action-oriented work you need to do and have more things to possibly ruminate on in the future and have a richer ruminating experience. This might help reduce the time we might spend ruminating!
I MAKE A LIST OF DUTIES/CHORES. Even though I even often dream about the tiniest mistake and get overwhelmed with shame, I cannot ruminate on any error until my jobs are done! Then I MUST write out all my analysis to EXORCISE it, (otherwise it spins forever energized in my mind, destroying my inner peace). Once it is written, I FORCE myself to drop it, and even do meditations letting it go (imagining it leaving my brain and body). This really helps me MOVE ON with my life.
Honestly I always found the label of "the rarest type"very depressing. I agree with your thoughts now, it helped me sort things out but I want to just live life and learn through experience and real life relationships. But do appreciate everything I have learned.
I know each person requires acting in a way that resonates truest to them. But.. I would keep the INFJ label, because as you said it helps others to better understand they are not alone in how they view and perceive the world. Whether we are the rarest or not, in my view, is not the issue. But from my own experience. And what I am experiencing, is I sometimes question if anyone else could ever understand how I see and perceive the world and if so. In terms of being a small aspect to a larger universal whole and who also rationalizes emotion. I want to hear them speak. I want to learn how they see parts of the world functioning as a part of the greater whole. For someone like me, it brings some comfort in knowing there are others out there who sees these different parts and questions.
@@AnyaAnnika67 True a label should not stunt an individuals growth, but there are two ways to perceive it. One can do the inner work and say. ‘Oh I am an INFJ I guess there is nothing I can do,” and then there are others, who also do the inner work and say, ‘Oh, I am an INFJ, let’s better explore and integrate these INFJ’s qualities of myself.’ Despite being familiar with the work of Jung, Archetypal Theory, Psychoanalytic Theory and Shadow Theory I still find it a positive thing to encounter those who consider themself of the same personality type, as it enables us to learn from them and to develop healthy coping mechanisms the resonate closest to our innate nature and personality.
Let's all just take ourselves a little less seriously. I have enjoyed your channel for a while and have learned so much from your personal journey and insights. Thanks, Clay.
Us INFJ people greatly value certainty. I think this stems from the INFJ habit of taking in all information and automatically filling in the blanks - a desire for certainty - finding certainty it if it exists, and creating it if it does not. It's an exhausting life. 😅
Ha ha ha ha. Yes, I’ve tried to change quite the number of people! It hasn’t worked so far. My last relationship ended because of this same reason. I cannot save, rescue, or change anybody. And I’m starting to free myself from it. I don’t know what’s best for anybody but myself. I wasn’t put on this earth to sacrifice myself and save others. Even if I love them and I want the best for them.
it is reassuring to know that my search for identity eventually returns to the infj personality, i believe i have become very logical and rational with time and less lost in my thoughts when talking to other people. But playing music and TTRpgs helps me create and structure my own world inside my mind. Now my problem is that i feel a bit split in half, my emotional side is a bit locked up in my mind and I can't really explicate them to others
I've spent my whole life analysing and I've been addicted to strategizing and trying to control in my head, acting in, instead of acting out. As an older INFJ I realised I've got to just go and live a little. The comfort zone needs to be left behind at times and the portal of fear calls to be stepped through. The need for self actualisation pushes from within...
I LIVE AS A HERMIT with two people in my life now and my beloved dog and I wish more than anything that I had found my rainbow tribe and STAYED true to my OWN PERSONAL BOUNDARIES instead of wasting my life serving others while sacrificing my own dreams.
Yes Clay we are intellectuals, thanks for pointing out the over use of FE in many videos while "Ti" shadows in the back ground. "Stubbornness!" I've learned that I would rather hold on to Stubbornness and die (by "digging my hills in") on the hill. Thanks for the vid. Really helpful.
I believe there is no true weakness or strength, everything is dependent on how you use and perceive it. I think one key thing to helping INFJ types of people is by learning about it. Than we have a foundation to build from, and your videos really do help with that.
We see the world in PATTERNS & the BIG PICTURE missing out on all the social cues that keep a group bonded and laughing together. I cannot tell how many times( I did not understand a gross or degrading joke that some bully spewed while everyone laughed. at someone elses expense) We LIVE OUTSIDE of SOCIETY.
Great video as always. One way to be healthy that I would add is to fully engage in work that you find meaningful. Meaning is where you find it. I find meaning in creatively engaging with people and helping them self-actualize. I get to do this as a psych nurse on a PTSD / Substance Abuse unit at the VA. However, my wife would not find meaning in my job as she is an INTP and finds meaning in understanding the universe, as Einstein (a notable INTP once said), "I want to know God's thoughts, the rest are details." However, everything you said comes into play when you fully give yourself over to meaningful work. For me, it is devastating when a client drinks himself to death. Although I am part of a team that helps so many, the few that we don't "save" always leaves me devastated and emotionally depleted. It is hard for me to then give myself permission to escape into my solitude and recharge so that I can be of use to help others. One can find themselves consumed with stuff that one finds meaningless. I find that prioritizing and leveraging my time toward real-world problem solving that I find meaning in is the way to leading a life of meaning and purpose. However, this path is not easy but is worth the sacrifice.
I appreciate this video, I did learn about myself till I was in my early 50s and I am glad people are starting to look at themselves and what they need to work on at a younger age.
Great gob Clay, I have followed you for some time now and you have really evolved towards a more Assertive INFJ over that time. You may feel that you are still more Turbulent than assertive however this is become you recognize your weaknesses in your third and fourth functions so you are focusing more on developing those functions to work more harmoniously with your first and second functions while also leaning in more and trusting your first and second functions. I believe that as I do the same, I have become more and more Assertive over the years. I am a 60 year old male INFJ and I can tell you that I was very Turbulent in my youth. We should all work towards becoming more Assertive INFJ’s as we mature and watching your podcasts have helped me to maintain that goal. Thank you so much for your work and contribution in this area…🙏
Good words Dude. About the time I'm comfortable with INFJ, I realize I'm a lot of things. You have to have a trained Nervous System to deal with some of the encountered Entities and Quantum effects. You're in 4D Conscience and you speak plainly. It's been my pleasure listening to you. Namaste
I completely agree with everything you said and especially with INFJs being intellectuals. Glad you pointed that out because sometimes the focus on being kind, empathetic, a people-lover is too much and not something I personally feel as fully describing my personality or preferences. Love listening to your podcast and videos! I feel understood for the very first time. You are kind of a psychotherapist to me. Thank you for the amazing content! I would love to know more about how was your experience finding like-minded people, who meet your standards. I struggle with finding friends/partners with whom I identify with and I tend to be quite judgemental about the ones I have or used to have, ie, it's very easy to me to focus on their flaws and lose my respect for them.
Several of your insights now lives as a mantra on my fridge. Thank you! I think a big reason why I am a high-function INFJ-T is that I decided as a young adult that I strongly embrace my childhood traumas. Yet, still, I have many times been susceptible to narcissists. After extensive research into narcissistic behavior and tactics to deal with them, I now feel like I am better able to identify, avoid, and or manage them.
Really liked your video. These tips are very good. Just want to add some value. Ad point 1: Just because someone is upset with you, it doesn't mean that he/her doesn't like you anymore. Often it means "I'm feeling overwhelmed/threatened by this situation, help me or fck off.". Ad point 2: Jordan Peterson's Self-authoring helped me in this point very much (and also in other points). May help with point 3 too, since it' helps analyzing the reality and coming back from that metaphorical nightmares that your brain comes up with. Ad point 4: I don't think that never saying anything in these situations is good. You can ask the person to clarify for you how this works and if this person doesnÄt come up with a working explanaitin, then you just say "Ah, ok" or similar. This way you can accept them, but give the people who want to know if they talk crap, a chance. Concerning that you MAY come across as critical, if you are like me than you are critical. Being critical isn't bad, but it's the same point most INFJs seem have to learn. That being imperfect is good (point 2). You still have worth when you are not perfect, but everyone else too.
This video is really very near, I felt that you are very near for me. And felt that I am not alone. This id the first time I feel this way. You said all the things I had in my mind as views, conclusion or opinions.
I think we can simulate in our mind so much that we can forget the importance of reality- that we may be wrong or not aware of a different perspective. I know I have been wrong or unaware (probably many times) and I am always happy when I realize it. Having a grounded reality based person in our lives in one way or another is probably a good thing.
Your raccoon example “maybe accommodate their nature” made me think of Mark Rober’s back yard squirl challenge. I appreciate your work. Not an infj but very helpful.
I relate so much to the need for people and stuffs they say, need to make sense! it drives me mad the nonsense and lack of in depth analysis.... I'd rather go away than listen to it, it really hurts me, my body becomes tense... I really have a very big issue with this..... I feel stuck with it
Weird I just found your first video discussing what INFJ is and I figured with how society is now that more people are INFJ. Very interesting to see your perspective now. I definitely think there is more to be said based on your life experiences because a lot of people in your comments were able to fully comprehend what INFJ means from how beautifully you explained parts of your life and how you see the world. So hopefully you find a new spark in this topic to propel you on because I enjoy the reflections!
I took the personality test a long time ago and got the INFJ result. Something that I find interesting is that outside of the personality test their are other things that describe my identically to the INFJ archetype. In numerology my life path number is 11 which description is pretty much the same as a INFJ, I also got diagnosed with inattentive adhd which also has similar symptoms and struggles that sound like INFJ. Just find it interesting. The synchronicity 🤔
Thanks you for the meaningful video and content. As INFJ, I always struggle with my self-worth and it affects badly on my professional and love life. Your video has definitely helped me to untangle some of my self-doubt thoughts.
Clay, we all appreciate you. You have such a sensitive and beautiful soul, and that is all that matters. I feel like you are a treasure hidden deep in the depths of the ocean waiting for someone to discover. What an exciting and amazing discovery that would be?!
Thanks for your insight and perspective. You are a solid thinker. I like how you have taken action and made tangible results happen in your career and channel.
Thank you. This video actually is serendipitous to where I'm finding myself at currently - it really helped me today! Again, much appreciated, keep doing what you're doing ;)
What I perceive to be hypocrisy and lack of self insight in others is what I struggle with greatly, strangely more so as I've aged. The irritation I create in myself has led to me then thinking I'm arrogant and very judgemental, which leads in a circular way to my wondering if I'm a hypocrite who lacks self insight. This has made me fearful of trusting both myself and others, as I always expect the worst. I get chest pains a lot these days, probably as a result of overthinking and am trying to learn to make myself meditate to give my mind a break. The increased aloneness I've sought may well have led to the difficulties I'm experiencing and Stoicism helps on a thinking level but not on a feeling level. Aloneness and social disconnect seem inevitable and are both desired and feared in equal measure, for me anyway.
Thank you clay , I started out researching my passive aggressive behavior . J P Sears helped me there and I continued all the way to you and I appreciate your service to others. Positive influence is the goal. You nailed it. A'HO MY BROTHER. 😎
i honestly think this is one of the best youtube videos i've watched, can't help but save it for reference for when i get caught on another existencial crisis that i'll certainly have in the future. althought im an INFJ i do study all functions both extrovert and introvert and that point about labeling ourselves as INFJs is kinda of a trap really... it serves to understand our strenghts and weakness, but instead of focusing on this we should focus on how to use this to achieve what we want... im really thankful i've found your channel and this video, it helped me A LOT in this crisis that im going through, Thanks!
Hi thanks so much for this video. It was just what I needed. I had a rough day at work where I lost my confidence. This helped me rationalize it more :)
I guess it has to do with confidence the A/T dichotomy. An assertive person is more decisive when it comes to decision making, whereas a turbulent person keeps questioning the decision making process and is not sure of the right choices to make, which causes a great deal of anxiety. So the more assertive, the less anxious about taking decisions and vice versa. Being a turbulent is a pain, but being self aware you can at least do something about it. Of note, the A/T dichotomy is not a Jungian/Myers Briggs concept. It is adopted from the the big five model.
You have described all aspects of me..I wish I could meet another INFJ..always I have felt out of step..so your advice is very helpful 🙂 my appreciation 💛
5 Tips for Becoming a Healthier INFJ Tip 1: Taking Back your Self Worth INFJ have people pleasing tendencies, thus they have this feeling of worthlessness. My greatest fear is actually of a bad person and some day, someone will find dit out. INFJ have this desire to connect on a deep level. I think, INFJs do crave that connection or somebody who crave that. We want to give people good experience. FE craves social harmony, and we have this tendency to over analyze conversation. - have proper boundaries, - have self-confidence: takes practice. - INFPS have this very good dominant function of knowing their values. Tip 2: Past Mistakes Give yourself a break of past mistake. Stop beating yourself up of things that you did in past and stop wondering in a loop that you could have done things like this rather than what you did. In the past you had a limited information and you acted along. Now, in the present moment, you have more information and so, you acted differently or better, but keep in mind to not beat yourself up for it. SO JUST MOVE FORWARD Tip 3: Verify your Intuition Learning to trust your intuition and also verify the data. Data forms to become an abstract picture. If you use your intuition to come to a picture, you can use your logic because INFJs are very logical. You can use your logic to come to settled aggreement. INFJs are known to be emotional, empathetical and feelers but at our core, we are known to be intellectual. This Introverted thinking can combine with introverted intuition can combine to create an amazing thinker. We want things to make sense. One place INFJs can go wrong is in the area of Extraverted thinking. If INFJ uses N.I & T.I to come to these logical conclusion and moves past that to verify that with facts, data, rationality, i think infj can become unstoppable to becoming intellectual. Tip 4: Accepting People One more thing: Sometimes Intuitions are wrong. Maybe you had missing information and your intuition was wrong, you should learn to admit your wrong. Separate your self-worth with your ego and need to be right. Learning to accept people even though you think they are wrong and less educated. INFJ are good at analyzing. INFjs are very good at analyzing. At our core, we are good analyzers. To not point things out: Takes alot of patience Tip 5: Coming Back Down to Earth Come out of the abstract and come to the concrete. The guardian personality is concrete
We can JOIN ANY GROUP but CAN NEVER STAY long because we never fit in completely. We WANDER OFF THE RANGE and unlike the cattle who cling to their LEADER running over a cliff,., not only do we call out the danger, we even appreciate the WOLVES!
I'm certainly not a healthy INFJ. Much of this hits home. But I'm trying to work on them. Its nice to know other people out there think in similar ways & struggle with similar things. That alone helps me cut myself some slack. I come back to the INFJ UA-camrs every so often. You're certainly one of them that resonates with me the most. I can see the gears turning behind your eyes as you look away & get lost in your head for a brief moment. Mulling over what you're saying as you say it to check if its right or to trail off into something else for a quick second. Or maybe I'm just heavily projecting right there lol.
When I found out that I was a INFJ advocate, I cried, because I dont want to be the silent but deadly debater who can gut people like fishes with my piercing honesty when Im angry or see the end the world knowing I cant stop it.
Another interesting video. Thank you for creating the content! Not an INFJ but several INFJ friends, so I love gaining understanding. The "Wondering if I'm a bad person... " That kind of sounds like enneagram 1 stuff, but I could be off-base too. Just a thought I'm throwing into the internet ether.
This video is super on-point. All amazing recommendations that I personally also intuitively followed through the last years, making me feel so much more in tune with myself and the world.
Clay if you ever write a book I’m buying it. You’ve helped me a lot. I’ve snapped out of this dark hole I fell in. I was literally just hanging out next to the titanic waiting for my head to implode. Ok so basically now I know I’m wierd as shit with some psychic abilities 😂😂😂 I knew I wasn’t hallucinating like my mom said😭. I just know now to keep it to myself and I’m not the only one. That’ll make it easier. Moving forward. Thanks.
It took me quite a while to fully identify as INFJ, in no small part because of what a joke it has become in the typology community to think you might be one. Obviously I'll never know for "sure" that I really am one, or if such a thing truly exists. So I wonder sometimes if this strange interest around the INFJ has devalued the already extremely conflicting experience of discovering this about one's self. I completely relate to questioning if embracing the label is actually even useful. All that having been said, I have found several incredibly poignant and deeply meaningful commonalities in the content of several INFJ UA-camrs, very much including you, Clay. I'm a little earlier on in the process of learning how to cope with certain weaknesses and grow into a healthier version of my personality, but I relate to every one of these points. So, thank you for continuing to put your thoughts out into the world in spite of doubts about its usefulness both to yourself and others. It's helping me, and no doubt many others seeking to better understand themselves and others. Your efforts are greatly appreciated!
It's hard to be a healthy INFJ in today's messy energetic climate. We all know something's amiss, but when we try to warn people they look at us like we're nutty. Sucks.
Been growing up with INFJs and always loved their depth. The self checking in mechanic to distinguish your own perception from others is truly so important. Looking forward for more inspiring videos! You are on your path. - ENFP-A, 4w5, num 22, HSP, Libra, Earth Dragon, Sanguine-Melancholic
Hi Clay, very short steno version of first part of my message; after being attended to the MBTI scale and seeing the INFJ-type as the only logical one for me i started searching for more info. Your channel was the first one for me which went indept and made really sense. For the first time i felt related to some one. Now i also found the YT channel Psych-o which brings me a lot of clear insights.forme it is astonishing to see the resemblance. About that intuition ; It only works when you are not consciously thinking about it. The feeling or thoughts must pop up and be there. Those are the ones which turn out to be true all the time (everything in mention here is my peronal experience, so inspeak for myself). So when getting suspicious about something and thinking conciously about it will generate thoughts and feeling which are a part of wishful thinking instead of real feelings. But when things just happens and then feelngs or thougts about it occur, they tend to be true as time progresses. So, for me, it's the concious mind that blurs the mind. While at the same time, for most people it's the opposite.
I don't really like the label either, but I agree it helped when I was first diagnosed, I mean typed... it's funny that the rarity of it makes it seem like were sooo special, and I think thats why I don't like it, I don't want to make it seem like I'm bragging that I'm a rare type. Because this is one of those cases that yes, just because it's rare doesn't make it valuable. I've disliked my INFJ personality because we're so different than others. And human nature, we want to fit in, naturally. But connecting with another infj is like 🤯 like wow there's more of you! (Kinda like Miles Morales or Peter Parker finding out theres more Spider-Men) It's a neat experience and you almost feel like you're able to break away from the world in a conversation, like go deep in your thoughts, while simultaneously going deep into their thoughts. And you truly don't feel alone. I've, over much time, come to accept my personality, and instead of try to change it (which I only tried once and was exhausted), just be a healthier version (: so thank you for these tips!
I'm sooooo totally with you... I'm on my own journey, I guess you can say. But I got into some trouble by saying to my sister that I thought people were ignorant if they can't keep an open mind and have rational conversation about topics that they don't particularly believe in. Ex. Religion or anything else of reference that is important to another.
I don’t know if this could help with your existential questioning, but I personally view MBTI as a tool (amongst many other) to better understand people (including myself). But it doesn’t define me as a person, or put me in a box with all the other INFJs!
Definitely still majorly working on n:o 4 when it comes to people I care about. Not so much about what they say, but mostly how they don't process emotions, which leads them to treating themselves and others badly and not caring, like not waking up to life. I only recently started telling myself to just let it go. Let people make their own mistakes, support them if they ask for it, but even though you see what they do to themselves, don't take it on yourself to analyze it for them. Because ultimately, people don't learn that way. It's sad to let people go over and over because they just aren't awake in their emotions and in the wonder of life, and take everything for granted. If I try and fix everything for them, I will only help them take even more things for granted. This realization makes me incredibly sad, but also releases a lot of energy into my own use.
You describe my fury with humanity perfectly. For me there is a truly awful grittiness to humanity's ease at blindly using people to shine their dirty shoes. There is a beautiful Sufi saying, 'trust people with your gut, but only give your heart to Allah/God/Creation'( because they know people will always break it). I always tell my sister to keep people arm's length away and hold your heart close.. But as INFJ's we do the very opposite of this, we embrace everyone and give ourselves away without thinking. We get so involved in supporting other peoples dreams, we easily lose our own. But it is painful to let go of ourselves as heroes in someone's else's story, because often this is our only social connection and otherwise, we are very much alone. We walk into rooms like servants and mice and leave ashamed like raging evangelists thinking we are fighting the devil. Everyone should learn to step into their power and introduce ourselves as the powerful emotionally insightful beings they are rather than hiding in the shadows and saying BOO! We constantly misled people by accidently making them think we are a member of their elite club because we listen, and nod ,and respond kindly. Our silence is taken as agreement, but really, we are just absorbing another socially interesting prototype in humanity. Then we scare the trust right out of them because we tell them their entire life story as if we were lifetime friends and wonder why they run away. Or we go across the room and have a friendly conversation with their worst enemy. We are not very good friends., not really, we are just looking right thru them and collecting data to evolve our understanding of the world and then we move on. INFJ's can engage deeply with anyone, but then drop them like a hot potato the minute they dont met up to our unreachable standards. We act like tragic loners because we cannot find anyone who understands us. We just dont admit how superficial we can be when it suits us. The hidden truth is that we don not only care personally about any one specific person (because humanity is our true interest, not one individual but everyone as a whole), And this devastates people who think they are 'special' to us, (when in fact we can talk to, love and hug anyone without drinking their cultist koolaid). After a huge lovefest, will inevitably hit their block wall and always point out our differences and escalate disagreements then walk out the door seeking other viewpoints. We are outsiders for life because any of way buries us alive. We leave people gasping and drowning in our energy and wonder why they run screaming from Godzilla. We have to learn painfully to be self -responsible for our incredible impact on others and move slowly towards them like a gentle wave instead of a Tsunami.
@@enlightndark6671 I would say - we are the best of friends to those who are brave enough to live in honesty. It's not a high standard, just an inconvenient one, because it's a scary way to interact, as you also described. Our patience is directed towards hoping that we might succeed in making honesty appealing to our loved ones, and walk away from anyone who shows, that they are going to let fear define their reality instead.
That's another INFJs negative trait, we convince ourselves that our united truths, our combined discoveries, or our common philosophies are the one true purpose in life. We're so lost in our heads that we can't see what's in front of us. And when we find our fantasies are just make-believe, we feel like we betrayed our own trust to reality or what's really real. (Smash Into Pieces - Wake Up) We need to develop an Ego rather then being co-dependent but making others happy is actually a selfish endeavor because we are the ones who feel the happiness. More so then the person we're trying to make happy. Don't get me wrong, being an empath can be really fun, especially watching porn, but it can also get us in trouble cause not everyone wants their feeling to be known. And we INFJ (and INTJ) can forget that.
Hi. Great video! I've been following you for a while and I like how you view things. As an INFJ, How do you think I can say no to people, without making them (or myself in most cases) upset for a whole day and keep regretting my decision?🙄 I just can't. When others, even a stranger, becomes upset because of my decisions, I just can stop thinking constantly about my behavior. Even if before that point, I was absolutely sure that I want to make that decision or say no to this person because he/she was bothering me too much. Ps: hope I don't delete this comment 1s after posting it😑
I hear you. May I say if someone is upset, it is because you just spoke truth and busted their ego. Well done! Its difficult and then the overthinking is a beast. (Re)watch his 3 Stages of Life by Nietzche. You can do it! Once you get to the 3 stage you'll feel so free to stop worrying about what other think. Then follow your heart doing what you want to do. Freedom from the system of tradition.
@@maliscavanheerden2880 Thank you! That's what I've been trying to achieve the whole time. To care less about others opinions. I will watch the video you recommended.
Also congratulation for not deleting your post. That's the first step of speaking up for yourself. Be you! Another powerful inspiration video is "Best Speech of Miss Universe 2021".
I work in retail and I feel you. Maybe you should realise that you are still human and humans make mistakes and there are some real a holes in this word (you are alowed to make them mad), you can't help everyone but help the ones you care about. I kinda got really good at work to avoid customer complains. 😅 p.s. I dont even post i just write and then klick cancel 🙃 but i try to work on that
You can tell this guy is a real infj just by the way he talks. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone in this world
I am constantly rereading my messages and emails, whether it’s work related or just causal messages with friends. When you said that, I gasped lol. It’s almost a curse for us INFJs to be stuck in our own heads about how we are coming across to others.
Absolutely.
Resonated with me, too. And, all else being equal, this excessive concern, can lead to or exacerbate social anxiety and even avoidance.
I have found that hiding the sent folder and setting up filters helps me to avoid obsessing over emails.
I still struggle with running conversations I've had over and over in my head. Only thing that seems to help there is to focus on Next Steps.
Obsessing over sent emails and texts 😂yes!
We usually hate labels, because they can put you in a box. We like our freedom to grow and change
First time heard: “Wear slippers, don’t carpet world”. Great INFJ advise. Thx Clay.
That stuck with me too, makes total sense. :)
The mind matrix is so deep for INFJ's, it can be an endless and unbearable pit of suffering that does leave us bitter, even seriously depressed. It is brutal to see the world's pain and know we can do nothing to stop it, so we can easily be consume by the idea that everything means nothing and become nihilistic. I think we all have a way out of our minds emptiness by embracing our body and our truth. Just walking outside and being kind to others. We change the world with the smallest acts of kindness towards ourselves and others, and this is a clear and powerful way out of our frozen darkness. We can lift ourselves up, move outside and in share our presence in this world as compassionate beings.
I've just recently tried to change the pattern of trying to make sure people were happy, where I went out of my way to not hurt anyone. This meant holding back a lot of things I would have liked to say, or editing to the point of diluting the meaning where I let people off the hook. It was very hard for me to call people out or challenge them on their behavior, so I ended up internalising everything and it caused me so much pain. I felt like something vital was withering inside through never getting to express myself or share the full range of my feelings. Then something snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I paid attention to situations where I felt like being myself and called someone close to me out on their comments about me. They were shocked as this was out of character for me and they blew up at me. It was difficult to manage in the moment and the aftermath as it generated a disproportionate level of conflict....but I realised that it was foolish of me to be so concerned about hurting others as they didn't have the same consideration for my feelings. When opportunities arose and I felt up to it, I did the same thing and every attempt was similarly challenging. I saw that people expected me to play roles and if I went off script, they couldn't accept it. The conflicts only showed me that I could either continue pretending to be someone else and not be allowed full expression, or be myself and potentially pi##ss off the people who supposedly loved me as they couldn't accept me being myself. Now I don't really care anymore about upsetting anyone as they are not worth me sacrificing my true nature. I'm prepared to lose everyone if they don't allow me the right to have needs, opinions, and the right to challenge things that are unacceptable to me. Just because I have been caught up in a dysfunctional pattern of people pleasing doesn't mean I should have to continue it if it is soul destroying. I choose soul and self expression ✨
So relate to this...thanks for sharing!!!
What you say to your daughter before school is so sweet 😭 it warms my heart to hear about healthy parenting
Identifying my personality type as an INFJ was a kind of revelation, but now I find it a useful tool only to a certain extent. It's really easy to fall into the trap of justifying yourself and explaining everything that happens in your life from the position of being a certain type, and this is the thing I got so tired of. Exploring yourself is the essential part of everyone's journey, but it's so important to do it through action as well, not only through constant rumination that in the end renders you paralized and bitter towards the whole world, and, first of all, to your own self.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Clay.
I hate labels, but they absolutely have helped put words to the weirdness around/inside us 🥰
I actually love labels. Everytime I find some name for something I strugle with It's a hudge relief. Because I know it exists and It's not only in my head and usualy then I can find solution for it 😊
@@martinahavelkova9828 oh, they absolutely are helpful! I will not deny that!
Labels, not limits. I've found the INFJ label so very helpful in understanding myself, but I'm trying not to let it limit my growth, which can be a really difficult thing to do. It would be so much easier to get all comfy in my INFJ box and never come out, but I'm trying not to let it limit me in terms of what I'm capable of doing or being. Better that I keep the INFJ information in the box, and refer to it now and then, but not tattoo it like a label on my forehead, if that makes sense! :)
@@megan2176 I don't see with this label anything bad. I think if I ever hurt anybody it was most of the time myself and then defense if I hurt somebody else. There is plenty channels about INFJ, which show us as superheros and create perspective like this which I didn't have before. It helped me to encourage myself a lot. I trust my intuition more because of it and now I can see it works and I can relly on it more.
@@megan2176 we do love being able to do our own thing!! Definitely don't like being placed in boxes 😂
Clay, you are my comfort person. I'm forever grateful for the content that you make.
It's like I'm looking in the mirror talking to myself. It's amazing how listening to you is like thinking back to conversations of me trying to explain to my wife, few close friends and my kids about how my brain works.
Support Network is huge. I do not like labels either. However, being a INFJ can be so isolating. I'm often so misunderstood, because of the way my brain works. Humans are tribal creatures and I think the scarcity of the INFJ, validates and connects me to like minded individuals who, often share my set of beliefs and values. I have to give you credit for addressing the elephant in the room. Research indicates, the INFJ is no longer the rarest personality.
It's like I'm looking in the mirror talking to myself. It's amazing how listening to you is like thinking back to conversations of me trying to explain to my wife, few close friends and my kids about how my brain works. So glad I found your page. Your insights have really helped me.
A solution to consider for those dealing with rumination paralysis is to tell yourself that you can either analyze these thoughts in your head now and ruminate, or you can do the practical things you need to do and have more information/content to ruminate on in the future. In essence, you either ruminate now with the information you do have, or do the practical action-oriented work you need to do and have more things to possibly ruminate on in the future and have a richer ruminating experience. This might help reduce the time we might spend ruminating!
I MAKE A LIST OF DUTIES/CHORES. Even though I even often dream about the tiniest mistake and get overwhelmed with shame, I cannot ruminate on any error until my jobs are done! Then I MUST write out all my analysis to EXORCISE it, (otherwise it spins forever energized in my mind, destroying my inner peace). Once it is written, I FORCE myself to drop it, and even do meditations letting it go (imagining it leaving my brain and body). This really helps me MOVE ON with my life.
Honestly I always found the label of "the rarest type"very depressing.
I agree with your thoughts now, it helped me sort things out but I want to just live life and learn through experience and real life relationships. But do appreciate everything I have learned.
I know each person requires acting in a way that resonates truest to them.
But..
I would keep the INFJ label, because as you said it helps others to better understand they are not alone in how they view and perceive the world.
Whether we are the rarest or not, in my view, is not the issue. But from my own experience.
And what I am experiencing, is I sometimes question if anyone else could ever understand how I see and perceive the world and if so. In terms of being a small aspect to a larger universal whole and who also rationalizes emotion.
I want to hear them speak. I want to learn how they see parts of the world functioning as a part of the greater whole.
For someone like me, it brings some comfort in knowing there are others out there who sees these different parts and questions.
@@AnyaAnnika67
True a label should not stunt an individuals growth, but there are two ways to perceive it.
One can do the inner work and say. ‘Oh I am an INFJ I guess there is nothing I can do,” and then there are others, who also do the inner work and say, ‘Oh, I am an INFJ, let’s better explore and integrate these INFJ’s qualities of myself.’
Despite being familiar with the work of Jung, Archetypal Theory, Psychoanalytic Theory and Shadow Theory I still find it a positive thing to encounter those who consider themself of the same personality type, as it enables us to learn from them and to develop healthy coping mechanisms the resonate closest to our innate nature and personality.
Let's all just take ourselves a little less seriously. I have enjoyed your channel for a while and have learned so much from your personal journey and insights. Thanks, Clay.
Us INFJ people greatly value certainty. I think this stems from the INFJ habit of taking in all information and automatically filling in the blanks - a desire for certainty - finding certainty it if it exists, and creating it if it does not. It's an exhausting life. 😅
We appreciate extroverted thinkers because they bring us back to reality when we wonder off too far
Ha ha ha ha. Yes, I’ve tried to change quite the number of people! It hasn’t worked so far. My last relationship ended because of this same reason. I cannot save, rescue, or change anybody. And I’m starting to free myself from it. I don’t know what’s best for anybody but myself. I wasn’t put on this earth to sacrifice myself and save others. Even if I love them and I want the best for them.
Agree that the T and A wing indicate mental health level. Wondered about it too.
it is reassuring to know that my search for identity eventually returns to the infj personality, i believe i have become very logical and rational with time and less lost in my thoughts when talking to other people. But playing music and TTRpgs helps me create and structure my own world inside my mind.
Now my problem is that i feel a bit split in half, my emotional side is a bit locked up in my mind and I can't really explicate them to others
I've spent my whole life analysing and I've been addicted to strategizing and trying to control in my head, acting in, instead of acting out. As an older INFJ I realised I've got to just go and live a little.
The comfort zone needs to be left behind at times and the portal of fear calls to be stepped through. The need for self actualisation pushes from within...
I LIVE AS A HERMIT with two people in my life now and my beloved dog and I wish more than anything that I had found my rainbow tribe and STAYED true to my OWN PERSONAL BOUNDARIES instead of wasting my life serving others while sacrificing my own dreams.
The fleeting/bouncing thoughts segment at the end of the video sums it up, from a fellow INFJ
Yes Clay we are intellectuals, thanks for pointing out the over use of FE in many videos while "Ti" shadows in the back ground.
"Stubbornness!" I've learned that I would rather hold on to Stubbornness and die (by "digging my hills in") on the hill.
Thanks for the vid. Really helpful.
I believe there is no true weakness or strength, everything is dependent on how you use and perceive it. I think one key thing to helping INFJ types of people is by learning about it. Than we have a foundation to build from, and your videos really do help with that.
We see the world in PATTERNS & the BIG PICTURE missing out on all the social cues that keep a group bonded and laughing together. I cannot tell how many times( I did not understand a gross or degrading joke that some bully spewed while everyone laughed. at someone elses expense) We LIVE OUTSIDE of SOCIETY.
Great video as always.
One way to be healthy that I would add is to fully engage in work that you find meaningful. Meaning is where you find it. I find meaning in creatively engaging with people and helping them self-actualize. I get to do this as a psych nurse on a PTSD / Substance Abuse unit at the VA. However, my wife would not find meaning in my job as she is an INTP and finds meaning in understanding the universe, as Einstein (a notable INTP once said), "I want to know God's thoughts, the rest are details."
However, everything you said comes into play when you fully give yourself over to meaningful work. For me, it is devastating when a client drinks himself to death. Although I am part of a team that helps so many, the few that we don't "save" always leaves me devastated and emotionally depleted. It is hard for me to then give myself permission to escape into my solitude and recharge so that I can be of use to help others.
One can find themselves consumed with stuff that one finds meaningless. I find that prioritizing and leveraging my time toward real-world problem solving that I find meaning in is the way to leading a life of meaning and purpose. However, this path is not easy but is worth the sacrifice.
Oh my gosh, I have the same serious fear I’ll be found out I’m such a terrible person deep down. Everything you’ve said is so relatable.
I appreciate this video, I did learn about myself till I was in my early 50s and I am glad people are starting to look at themselves and what they need to work on at a younger age.
Great gob Clay, I have followed you for some time now and you have really evolved towards a more Assertive INFJ over that time. You may feel that you are still more Turbulent than assertive however this is become you recognize your weaknesses in your third and fourth functions so you are focusing more on developing those functions to work more harmoniously with your first and second functions while also leaning in more and trusting your first and second functions. I believe that as I do the same, I have become more and more Assertive over the years. I am a 60 year old male INFJ and I can tell you that I was very Turbulent in my youth. We should all work towards becoming more Assertive INFJ’s as we mature and watching your podcasts have helped me to maintain that goal. Thank you so much for your work and contribution in this area…🙏
4:38 omg 😢 this is how I feel. Maybe the real me isn’t a good person. Hearing someone else say this about themselves just 💔🤯
Good words Dude. About the time I'm comfortable with INFJ, I realize I'm a lot of things. You have to have a trained Nervous System to deal with some of the encountered Entities and Quantum effects. You're in 4D Conscience and you speak plainly. It's been my pleasure listening to you. Namaste
Thankyou..this topic is spot on for me..
I figured that Turbulent and Assertive were just levels of maturity, myself. It's interesting that you thought similarly!
I completely agree with everything you said and especially with INFJs being intellectuals. Glad you pointed that out because sometimes the focus on being kind, empathetic, a people-lover is too much and not something I personally feel as fully describing my personality or preferences. Love listening to your podcast and videos! I feel understood for the very first time. You are kind of a psychotherapist to me. Thank you for the amazing content! I would love to know more about how was your experience finding like-minded people, who meet your standards. I struggle with finding friends/partners with whom I identify with and I tend to be quite judgemental about the ones I have or used to have, ie, it's very easy to me to focus on their flaws and lose my respect for them.
Several of your insights now lives as a mantra on my fridge. Thank you!
I think a big reason why I am a high-function INFJ-T is that I decided as a young adult that I strongly embrace my childhood traumas. Yet, still, I have many times been susceptible to narcissists. After extensive research into narcissistic behavior and tactics to deal with them, I now feel like I am better able to identify, avoid, and or manage them.
Really liked your video. These tips are very good. Just want to add some value.
Ad point 1: Just because someone is upset with you, it doesn't mean that he/her doesn't like you anymore. Often it means "I'm feeling overwhelmed/threatened by this situation, help me or fck off.".
Ad point 2: Jordan Peterson's Self-authoring helped me in this point very much (and also in other points). May help with point 3 too, since it' helps analyzing the reality and coming back from that metaphorical nightmares that your brain comes up with.
Ad point 4: I don't think that never saying anything in these situations is good. You can ask the person to clarify for you how this works and if this person doesnÄt come up with a working explanaitin, then you just say "Ah, ok" or similar. This way you can accept them, but give the people who want to know if they talk crap, a chance.
Concerning that you MAY come across as critical, if you are like me than you are critical. Being critical isn't bad, but it's the same point most INFJs seem have to learn. That being imperfect is good (point 2). You still have worth when you are not perfect, but everyone else too.
Past mistakes haunts me everyday even though i moving forward today. guilt and embarrassing past mistakes retain in my head.
This video is really very near, I felt that you are very near for me. And felt that I am not alone. This id the first time I feel this way. You said all the things I had in my mind as views, conclusion or opinions.
I think we can simulate in our mind so much that we can forget the importance of reality- that we may be wrong or not aware of a different perspective. I know I have been wrong or unaware (probably many times) and I am always happy when I realize it.
Having a grounded reality based person in our lives in one way or another is probably a good thing.
If we all do what little we can do, it will make a HUGE difference!
Your raccoon example “maybe accommodate their nature” made me think of Mark Rober’s back yard squirl challenge. I appreciate your work. Not an infj but very helpful.
Your honesty is refreshing!
I have just cried watching this- a cry of relief for being so understood, which I rarely am, you're doing great!
I relate so much to the need for people and stuffs they say, need to make sense! it drives me mad the nonsense and lack of in depth analysis.... I'd rather go away than listen to it, it really hurts me, my body becomes tense... I really have a very big issue with this..... I feel stuck with it
Weird I just found your first video discussing what INFJ is and I figured with how society is now that more people are INFJ. Very interesting to see your perspective now. I definitely think there is more to be said based on your life experiences because a lot of people in your comments were able to fully comprehend what INFJ means from how beautifully you explained parts of your life and how you see the world. So hopefully you find a new spark in this topic to propel you on because I enjoy the reflections!
I took the personality test a long time ago and got the INFJ result. Something that I find interesting is that outside of the personality test their are other things that describe my identically to the INFJ archetype. In numerology my life path number is 11 which description is pretty much the same as a INFJ, I also got diagnosed with inattentive adhd which also has similar symptoms and struggles that sound like INFJ. Just find it interesting. The synchronicity 🤔
I looked into numerology and I'm a 9 which also is similar to INFJ. Maybe just a coincidence? Not sure.
Thanks you for the meaningful video and content. As INFJ, I always struggle with my self-worth and it affects badly on my professional and love life. Your video has definitely helped me to untangle some of my self-doubt thoughts.
Clay, we all appreciate you. You have such a sensitive and beautiful soul, and that is all that matters.
I feel like you are a treasure hidden deep in the depths of the ocean waiting for someone to discover. What an exciting and amazing discovery that would be?!
Thanks for your insight and perspective. You are a solid thinker. I like how you have taken action and made tangible results happen in your career and channel.
It's so comforting listening to you, content and voice-like :) thank you for sharing this, it's so good to feel understood :)
Thank you. This video actually is serendipitous to where I'm finding myself at currently - it really helped me today! Again, much appreciated, keep doing what you're doing ;)
What I perceive to be hypocrisy and lack of self insight in others is what I struggle with greatly, strangely more so as I've aged. The irritation I create in myself has led to me then thinking I'm arrogant and very judgemental, which leads in a circular way to my wondering if I'm a hypocrite who lacks self insight. This has made me fearful of trusting both myself and others, as I always expect the worst. I get chest pains a lot these days, probably as a result of overthinking and am trying to learn to make myself meditate to give my mind a break. The increased aloneness I've sought may well have led to the difficulties I'm experiencing and Stoicism helps on a thinking level but not on a feeling level. Aloneness and social disconnect seem inevitable and are both desired and feared in equal measure, for me anyway.
Yeah yeah you are good in explaining things !😊 you are not the problem for
I have watched a “few” videos on the subject of this personality and I enjoyed yours the most.
👍🏼✌🏼
Thank you clay , I started out researching my passive aggressive behavior . J P Sears helped me there and I continued all the way to you and I appreciate your service to others. Positive influence is the goal. You nailed it. A'HO MY BROTHER. 😎
You articulate my thoughts better than I can, very honest and accurate with me!
Just love your videos Clay, so calming, insightful and reassuring.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and making sense in the world.
i honestly think this is one of the best youtube videos i've watched, can't help but save it for reference for when i get caught on another existencial crisis that i'll certainly have in the future.
althought im an INFJ i do study all functions both extrovert and introvert and that point about labeling ourselves as INFJs is kinda of a trap really... it serves to understand our strenghts and weakness, but instead of focusing on this we should focus on how to use this to achieve what we want...
im really thankful i've found your channel and this video, it helped me A LOT in this crisis that im going through, Thanks!
Hi thanks so much for this video. It was just what I needed. I had a rough day at work where I lost my confidence. This helped me rationalize it more :)
Thanks for being here with your channel! It helped (and still helps) me a lot!🙏
I guess it has to do with confidence the A/T dichotomy. An assertive person is more decisive when it comes to decision making, whereas a turbulent person keeps questioning the decision making process and is not sure of the right choices to make, which causes a great deal of anxiety. So the more assertive, the less anxious about taking decisions and vice versa. Being a turbulent is a pain, but being self aware you can at least do something about it. Of note, the A/T dichotomy is not a Jungian/Myers Briggs concept. It is adopted from the the big five model.
Helpful insights and coincidentally similar to what I've been trying to tell myself lately.
You have described all aspects of me..I wish I could meet another INFJ..always I have felt out of step..so your advice is very helpful 🙂 my appreciation 💛
Make a video about how to switch to "secure attachment style" ...
Pls, lot of us need it!!
5 Tips for Becoming a Healthier INFJ
Tip 1: Taking Back your Self Worth
INFJ have people pleasing tendencies, thus they have this feeling of worthlessness. My greatest fear is actually of a bad person and some day, someone will find dit out.
INFJ have this desire to connect on a deep level. I think, INFJs do crave that connection or somebody who crave that. We want to give people good experience. FE craves social harmony, and we have this tendency to over analyze conversation.
- have proper boundaries,
- have self-confidence: takes practice.
- INFPS have this very good dominant function of knowing their values.
Tip 2: Past Mistakes
Give yourself a break of past mistake. Stop beating yourself up of things that you did in past and stop wondering in a loop that you could have done things like this rather than what you did.
In the past you had a limited information and you acted along. Now, in the present moment, you have more information and so, you acted differently or better, but keep in mind to not beat yourself up for it.
SO JUST MOVE FORWARD
Tip 3: Verify your Intuition
Learning to trust your intuition and also verify the data.
Data forms to become an abstract picture.
If you use your intuition to come to a picture, you can use your logic because INFJs are very logical. You can use your logic to come to settled aggreement. INFJs are known to be emotional, empathetical and feelers but at our core, we are known to be intellectual. This Introverted thinking can combine with introverted intuition can combine to create an amazing thinker. We want things to make sense.
One place INFJs can go wrong is in the area of Extraverted thinking. If INFJ uses N.I & T.I to come to these logical conclusion and moves past that to verify that with facts, data, rationality, i think infj can become unstoppable to becoming intellectual.
Tip 4: Accepting People
One more thing: Sometimes Intuitions are wrong. Maybe you had missing information and your intuition was wrong, you should learn to admit your wrong. Separate your self-worth with your ego and need to be right. Learning to accept people even though you think they are wrong and less educated. INFJ are good at analyzing. INFjs are very good at analyzing. At our core, we are good analyzers.
To not point things out: Takes alot of patience
Tip 5: Coming Back Down to Earth
Come out of the abstract and come to the concrete. The guardian personality is concrete
Omg called us all out right off the bat *guiltily binging infj shit*
The racoon example fits perfectly 😜.
We can JOIN ANY GROUP but CAN NEVER STAY long because we never fit in completely. We WANDER OFF THE RANGE and unlike the cattle who cling to their LEADER running over a cliff,., not only do we call out the danger, we even appreciate the WOLVES!
It helps me to think that "And so about what they say about me today, no one will remember tomorrow." So it's a waste of time to get nervous;)
I love your videos! They are SO helpful and make so much sense to me. Thank you 🙏💜
I'm certainly not a healthy INFJ. Much of this hits home. But I'm trying to work on them.
Its nice to know other people out there think in similar ways & struggle with similar things.
That alone helps me cut myself some slack.
I come back to the INFJ UA-camrs every so often. You're certainly one of them that resonates with me the most.
I can see the gears turning behind your eyes as you look away & get lost in your head for a brief moment.
Mulling over what you're saying as you say it to check if its right or to trail off into something else for a quick second.
Or maybe I'm just heavily projecting right there lol.
This really resounded with me. Thank you.
All five tips were very helpful!
Thank you! Very helpful video.
- infj
When I found out that I was a INFJ advocate, I cried, because I dont want to be the silent but deadly debater who can gut people like fishes with my piercing honesty when Im angry or see the end the world knowing I cant stop it.
Another interesting video. Thank you for creating the content! Not an INFJ but several INFJ friends, so I love gaining understanding. The "Wondering if I'm a bad person... " That kind of sounds like enneagram 1 stuff, but I could be off-base too. Just a thought I'm throwing into the internet ether.
This video is super on-point. All amazing recommendations that I personally also intuitively followed through the last years, making me feel so much more in tune with myself and the world.
Clay if you ever write a book I’m buying it. You’ve helped me a lot. I’ve snapped out of this dark hole I fell in. I was literally just hanging out next to the titanic waiting for my head to implode. Ok so basically now I know I’m wierd as shit with some psychic abilities 😂😂😂 I knew I wasn’t hallucinating like my mom said😭. I just know now to keep it to myself and I’m not the only one. That’ll make it easier. Moving forward. Thanks.
your videos are so amazing. you always say exactly how I am feeling. helps so much, thank you.
It took me quite a while to fully identify as INFJ, in no small part because of what a joke it has become in the typology community to think you might be one. Obviously I'll never know for "sure" that I really am one, or if such a thing truly exists. So I wonder sometimes if this strange interest around the INFJ has devalued the already extremely conflicting experience of discovering this about one's self. I completely relate to questioning if embracing the label is actually even useful. All that having been said, I have found several incredibly poignant and deeply meaningful commonalities in the content of several INFJ UA-camrs, very much including you, Clay. I'm a little earlier on in the process of learning how to cope with certain weaknesses and grow into a healthier version of my personality, but I relate to every one of these points. So, thank you for continuing to put your thoughts out into the world in spite of doubts about its usefulness both to yourself and others. It's helping me, and no doubt many others seeking to better understand themselves and others. Your efforts are greatly appreciated!
I believe in the change
Thank you so much for doing these videos. They help me so much
It's hard to be a healthy INFJ in today's messy energetic climate. We all know something's amiss, but when we try to warn people they look at us like we're nutty. Sucks.
Have more fun. That’s what works for me.
Been growing up with INFJs and always loved their depth.
The self checking in mechanic to distinguish your own perception from others is truly so important.
Looking forward for more inspiring videos! You are on your path.
- ENFP-A, 4w5, num 22, HSP, Libra, Earth Dragon, Sanguine-Melancholic
Hi Clay, very short steno version of first part of my message; after being attended to the MBTI scale and seeing the INFJ-type as the only logical one for me i started searching for more info.
Your channel was the first one for me which went indept and made really sense. For the first time i felt related to some one. Now i also found the YT channel Psych-o which brings me a lot of clear insights.forme it is astonishing to see the resemblance.
About that intuition ; It only works when you are not consciously thinking about it. The feeling or thoughts must pop up and be there. Those are the ones which turn out to be true all the time (everything in mention here is my peronal experience, so inspeak for myself). So when getting suspicious about something and thinking conciously about it will generate thoughts and feeling which are a part of wishful thinking instead of real feelings. But when things just happens and then feelngs or thougts about it occur, they tend to be true as time progresses. So, for me, it's the concious mind that blurs the mind. While at the same time, for most people it's the opposite.
#@4 Agreed...working on this now!
I don't really like the label either, but I agree it helped when I was first diagnosed, I mean typed... it's funny that the rarity of it makes it seem like were sooo special, and I think thats why I don't like it, I don't want to make it seem like I'm bragging that I'm a rare type. Because this is one of those cases that yes, just because it's rare doesn't make it valuable. I've disliked my INFJ personality because we're so different than others. And human nature, we want to fit in, naturally. But connecting with another infj is like 🤯 like wow there's more of you! (Kinda like Miles Morales or Peter Parker finding out theres more Spider-Men) It's a neat experience and you almost feel like you're able to break away from the world in a conversation, like go deep in your thoughts, while simultaneously going deep into their thoughts. And you truly don't feel alone.
I've, over much time, come to accept my personality, and instead of try to change it (which I only tried once and was exhausted), just be a healthier version (: so thank you for these tips!
Wow everything you said is totally me
Thank you very much, I really really really like to watch you!
In this case, health should be synonymous with maturity.
Really enjoy your videos Clay. Thanks for posting! 🙏
I'm sooooo totally with you... I'm on my own journey, I guess you can say. But I got into some trouble by saying to my sister that I thought people were ignorant if they can't keep an open mind and have rational conversation about topics that they don't particularly believe in. Ex. Religion or anything else of reference that is important to another.
I don’t know if this could help with your existential questioning, but I personally view MBTI as a tool (amongst many other) to better understand people (including myself). But it doesn’t define me as a person, or put me in a box with all the other INFJs!
Definitely still majorly working on n:o 4 when it comes to people I care about. Not so much about what they say, but mostly how they don't process emotions, which leads them to treating themselves and others badly and not caring, like not waking up to life. I only recently started telling myself to just let it go. Let people make their own mistakes, support them if they ask for it, but even though you see what they do to themselves, don't take it on yourself to analyze it for them. Because ultimately, people don't learn that way. It's sad to let people go over and over because they just aren't awake in their emotions and in the wonder of life, and take everything for granted. If I try and fix everything for them, I will only help them take even more things for granted. This realization makes me incredibly sad, but also releases a lot of energy into my own use.
You describe my fury with humanity perfectly. For me there is a truly awful grittiness to humanity's ease at blindly using people to shine their dirty shoes. There is a beautiful Sufi saying, 'trust people with your gut, but only give your heart to Allah/God/Creation'( because they know people will always break it).
I always tell my sister to keep people arm's length away and hold your heart close.. But as INFJ's we do the very opposite of this, we embrace everyone and give ourselves away without thinking. We get so involved in supporting other peoples dreams, we easily lose our own. But it is painful to let go of ourselves as heroes in someone's else's story, because often this is our only social connection and otherwise, we are very much alone. We walk into rooms like servants and mice and leave ashamed like raging evangelists thinking we are fighting the devil. Everyone should learn to step into their power and introduce ourselves as the powerful emotionally insightful beings they are rather than hiding in the shadows and saying BOO!
We constantly misled people by accidently making them think we are a member of their elite club because we listen, and nod ,and respond kindly. Our silence is taken as agreement, but really, we are just absorbing another socially interesting prototype in humanity. Then we scare the trust right out of them because we tell them their entire life story as if we were lifetime friends and wonder why they run away. Or we go across the room and have a friendly conversation with their worst enemy. We are not very good friends., not really, we are just looking right thru them and collecting data to evolve our understanding of the world and then we move on. INFJ's can engage deeply with anyone, but then drop them like a hot potato the minute they dont met up to our unreachable standards. We act like tragic loners because we cannot find anyone who understands us. We just dont admit how superficial we can be when it suits us.
The hidden truth is that we don not only care personally about any one specific person (because humanity is our true interest, not one individual but everyone as a whole), And this devastates people who think they are 'special' to us, (when in fact we can talk to, love and hug anyone without drinking their cultist koolaid). After a huge lovefest, will inevitably hit their block wall and always point out our differences and escalate disagreements then walk out the door seeking other viewpoints. We are outsiders for life because any of way buries us alive.
We leave people gasping and drowning in our energy and wonder why they run screaming from Godzilla. We have to learn painfully to be self -responsible for our incredible impact on others and move slowly towards them like a gentle wave instead of a Tsunami.
@@enlightndark6671 I would say - we are the best of friends to those who are brave enough to live in honesty. It's not a high standard, just an inconvenient one, because it's a scary way to interact, as you also described. Our patience is directed towards hoping that we might succeed in making honesty appealing to our loved ones, and walk away from anyone who shows, that they are going to let fear define their reality instead.
That's another INFJs negative trait, we convince ourselves that our united truths, our combined discoveries, or our common philosophies are the one true purpose in life. We're so lost in our heads that we can't see what's in front of us. And when we find our fantasies are just make-believe, we feel like we betrayed our own trust to reality or what's really real. (Smash Into Pieces - Wake Up) We need to develop an Ego rather then being co-dependent but making others happy is actually a selfish endeavor because we are the ones who feel the happiness. More so then the person we're trying to make happy. Don't get me wrong, being an empath can be really fun, especially watching porn, but it can also get us in trouble cause not everyone wants their feeling to be known. And we INFJ (and INTJ) can forget that.
Hi. Great video! I've been following you for a while and I like how you view things.
As an INFJ, How do you think I can say no to people, without making them (or myself in most cases) upset for a whole day and keep regretting my decision?🙄
I just can't. When others, even a stranger, becomes upset because of my decisions, I just can stop thinking constantly about my behavior. Even if before that point, I was absolutely sure that I want to make that decision or say no to this person because he/she was bothering me too much.
Ps: hope I don't delete this comment 1s after posting it😑
I hear you. May I say if someone is upset, it is because you just spoke truth and busted their ego. Well done!
Its difficult and then the overthinking is a beast. (Re)watch his 3 Stages of Life by Nietzche. You can do it! Once you get to the 3 stage you'll feel so free to stop worrying about what other think. Then follow your heart doing what you want to do. Freedom from the system of tradition.
@@maliscavanheerden2880 Thank you! That's what I've been trying to achieve the whole time. To care less about others opinions. I will watch the video you recommended.
Also congratulation for not deleting your post. That's the first step of speaking up for yourself.
Be you!
Another powerful inspiration video is "Best Speech of Miss Universe 2021".
@@maliscavanheerden2880 Thanks😅
I work in retail and I feel you. Maybe you should realise that you are still human and humans make mistakes and there are some real a holes in this word (you are alowed to make them mad), you can't help everyone but help the ones you care about. I kinda got really good at work to avoid customer complains. 😅
p.s. I dont even post i just write and then klick cancel 🙃 but i try to work on that
Wow love your videos, they really help me to understand my friends and romantic partners