As a European, American Social Etiquette Left Me Speechless!
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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My name is André, and as a European (Portuguese), I always strive to bring a unique perspective to the topics I tackle. All my reaction videos are crafted with a playful and entertaining twist!At least I try... 🌍
✔️ European Reacts - American Social Etiquette Left Me Speechless as a European - Reaction For the First Time
About ten years ago, on Christmas Eve, my husband and I were going to have a special meal together. A friend of his stopped by, having just been dumped by his long-time girlfriend, so we invited him to stay. I served him my dinner, unbeknownst to both him and my husband. It was more important to feed him and provide him comfort and companionship than for me to eat. That’s just what you do, no?
you're a Southern girl, right? because that's how i raised my girls, and now, the way they're raising their own kids.
"That's just what you do, no?" Not everyone, sadly. Thanks for being a good person ❤
Very well brought up! Excellent person here!!!
@@JohnLeePettimoreIII I'm sorry if you think that's only a southern tradition! That's how you would be treated in Michigan and Ohio also, at least among my friends and relatives.
The etiquette I grew up with in the rural south was that if you were in someone's home and they were eating they would offer to feed you also. BUT, you were required to refuse the first offer, to accept the first offer was rude. Only if they offered a second time or insisted could you accept. The purpose of this was too allow those who were poor and couldn't afford to feed you or simply had to little to save face by making the first offer but not the second.
Americans ALWAYS feed the guests, we have huge refrigerators, we buy in bulk and basically have an open door mentality. Even if we are poor, we will scrounge up something for you to eat.
And if you visit a grandma who spends her life in the kitchen, be sure to come starving. But eat slow because you will never have an empty plate and she will be offering more and that is not a refusable request.
Afterwards, if you ate too much and can't drive home, or get snowed in, we'll set up the couch or spare bedroom for you.
The rule that has been in my house is this: your first visit, you're treated as a guest. The second time (if we expect you to visit again in the future), we show you where stuff is within the house, including things like drinking glasses, plates, and snacks. The third time, you're part of the family and you can get stuff yourself...
I always ask visitors to vacuum a bit
🤣.
Minus the vacuuming, that's how I was raised and how I treat guests. It feels more friendly, like, "You're in your own home now."
@@mbourque Beautiful... exactly. Food wrapped in a BIG HUG.
STILL so thankful we had the means to provide.
@@johnl5316 I should have let my chosen family do the dishes, mop the kitchen floor.😁
@johnl5316 hand them a dust rag too, then let them hit the liquor cabinet after vacuuming and dusting.
I can’t imagine having someone over and not offering them something to eat and drink. Even if they’re working outside or just swinging by, bottled water and a snack for the road are offered. And yeah…leaving a family member or friends home usually takes at least half an hour. When leaving close family, like a parent or sibling home, definitely going to take at least an hour. And the home owner will follow you outside to continue the conversation as you are literally leaving the driveway 😂
Yup! Anyone working outside in summer offering them water, iced tea, or Gatorade is essential!
His neighborhood is also old enough to have mature trees. Offering guests something to eat or drink is fairly common.
Nobody leaves my house thirsty, hungry, and sometimes sober if they're not driving.
@@lancekirkwood7922 Priorities!
When it comes to food we have a saying. It's better to have too much than not enough.
Definitely.
And everybody's getting a plate.
@@katiefountain2407 Exactly! Especially if a family member or spouse couldn't make it.
Seems like Europeans are afraid of abundance. Small meals, Small roads, small yards
I think it's a bit weird to have someone over at your house, have a meal and not even attempt to share. Why even have them over to your house then?
One could at least ask guests to serve and clean up if they are not offered food
@@johnl5316 That seems even more rude to me. Like they are "the help" and not guests.
@@johnl5316😂😂😂
@@jnmsks6052pretty sure that was a joke.
In Scandinavia, it’s a reaction to people like Egil Skallagrimsson abusing the ancient Norse hospitality culture.
I am a Midwesterner, and our BIG family parties were always dominated by loooong goodbyes. Either someone forgot to mention something and did it while leaving, or someone else answered a quick question while putting on their coats - either way, it sparked a renewed conversation. It was partly because they wanted to communicate info before leaving, but overall we just loved and enjoyed each other and didn't want the visit to end!
Us midwesterners are famous for our hour long goodbyes… 😂
See Ya Later!... Oh, by the way, did you hear... lol.
Point of derision for me is when folks think ALL Americans say”Like” every other word. 😉NOT TRUE. That started in California in the 80’s with the “Valley Girls.” It’s spread throughout the country, but most people do not say “like” alot.
Now a days people seem to start sentences with "So". I find it very annoying.
That's left over Valley Girl speech impediment from the 80s. Some women go to a speech therapist to get rid of the Valley Girl impediment so they can get a job.
I'm old and retired now, but during my working days I hired and fired a lot of people. I didn't hire Valley Girls or people with facial tattoos. ( Unless they had an education and experience. They didn't.)
The interview was over in 5 minutes.
We said “like” in he sixties and seventies. ‘Like-groovy man”
"Like" as a pause word goes back at least to the late 1950s. From Wikipedia: This non-traditional usage of the word has been around at least since the 1950s, introduced through beat (or beatnik) and jazz culture. The beatnik character Maynard G. Krebs (Bob Denver) in the popular Dobie Gillis TV series of 1959-1963 brought the expression to prominence; this was reinforced in later decades by the character of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo (who was based on Krebs).
@@DianeCasanova I'm trying to figure out why I find it annoying when people start sentences with so. I guess they are unsure of getting your attention? Is it like the thousands of times in the Bible where verses start with behold? : )
Coffee > Tea. I 100% agree with you, Andre. Also, fun fact, during the American Revolution, coffee became the preferred hot drink of a *lot* of Americans. Replacing your afternoon tea with coffee was kind of like a way of sticking it to the English at the time.
Tea only became a thing in England because of the East India Tea Company. Isaac Newton used to hang out and talk math and science at the coffee shop
@@Enochulator And before coffee houses, wealthy Englishmen socialized at the chocolate houses.
How can you not feed someone especially if you're eating right in front of them? I can't believe people do this! Unbelievable!
Ah, we did have family that conviently showed up RIGHT before meal time?
I have been taught to not judge, always be kind even when the other person is not, hold my head up and say hello and/or give a nice smile to everyone I see, hold the door for someone entering behind me, and try to make at least one person's day better. I have passed this on to my children and they are passing it along to their children. The majority of US citizens are kind, polite, and positive.
When at a social gathering, it cannot be dispersed until the elder slaps his knees and says "Welp I suppose its time to go" 😂
That's how you initiate the Midwestern goodbye
Minnesota here....Midwest goodbyes can last longer than the actual visit. "Ope. Better get home before the deer come out"
Slapping your knees, standing up, and saying, "Welp," is the universal signal for, "It's time I/you got the hell out of here."
😅
Welp, we're gonna skedaddle 😂
I don't keep much food in the house and only ever buy enough to get through the week. But I cannot even IMAGINE having a guest in my home and not offering them food and drink, even if I'm giving them the last thing I have in the house. The very idea is mind-boggling to me. (I"m in the US, by the way, but I never knew that wasn't a thing everywhere. Mind blown.)
PS The mention of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address makes me realize I don't think you've ever reacted to that. I think you'd like it a lot.
Must of us are friendly and hospitable.
Especially in the South. Never underestimate southern hospitality.
My grandmother who was from the Appalachian Mountains used to set one extra place at the table every evening for dinner. She did this in case a traveler came through and needed a hot meal. She would feed anyone who was hungry, even strangers. She passed it on to my mother, and I honor it as well. I don't always set the empty place but I am ready to make one real quick if I see a human or animal in need.
@@greatestcaitThere's not much of a difference between the south and the midwest when it comes to hospitality. The mid and upper east coast are the most unfriendly imo.
@@TruthWillFreeYouThat's great 👍🏿 My grandmothers & Great Grandmothers did the same!
@@greatestcait I’ve lived in the south, and it was more like the movie “Deliverance”. Must be a different part of the south that you’re referring to.
In the 1950s-60s, Tupperware parties were all the rage. If you aren't familiar, Tupperware is plastic bowls of different shapes with lids, so it's easy to put leftovers in, or take to a party (they were "pretty" for plastic), or give a neighbor food during a tough time, like a death in the family. The parties were where one neighbor hosted and others could stop by and see what Tupperware was being offered, and place orders. Much like a multi-level marketing today. Being pretty and popular, they were more expensive than other options, so "getting my Tupperware back" was kind of important. Between Tupperware and coffee tin cans (for bacon grease), the fridge would be packed with leftovers. Though the containers have changed (and unfortunately, Tupperware filed for bankruptcy in the past week), and the fridges are larger, we do eat a lot of leftovers, even if only as a side dish to something home-cooked.
I remember going to Tupperware parties in the “80’s.
And everyone knew someone who sold Tupperware… like my own mother!
Just read in the news Tupperware is going bankrupt and I guess closing up shop for good. I am 62, end of an era for sure.
I suspect that the proliferation of semi-disposable plastic containers is part of what did Tupperware in. No more sticking tape with your name on the container and hoping you'd find it again at the end of the potluck. No more screaming at the kids when they lost the container at school. No more weeping when the chiles or tomatoes in the microwaved leftovers stained the container or overheating the food etched the plastic.
I do love my Tupperware pie/cake saver. I couldn't get homemade pies to work or potlucks without it.
My 90 yr old mother still has and uses her tupperfrom those Tupperware parties in the early 70s!!!
on previous reactions, you have apologized for stopping and making a comment. well, please don't do that...we love to hear how you do things in Portugal. it brings us closer to your culture. besides, we might get a good idea to adopt and easier way to do something. when my family visits us, they help cook and they help clean up. makes having company more fun. oh yes, and my friends do the same thing. we all work together. and nobody cares if there is a little or a lot being served.
What Laurence is calling tag questions, I would call passive-aggressive behavior. 😂
That's not what that means though. Deserves a video... That phrase is actually really creepy in origin. A military disciplinary invention, not a "real" disorder...
Where I'm from, we have 2 rules when we have parties or gatherings. #1 NO POLITICS #2 NO RELIGION when those conversations are out, we all have a great time!
No politics, no religion, and most importantly, no discussing my weight
Best part of my family get together is politics, conspiracy, and after getting drunk religion. Every bonfire after 10pm became crazy religious talk. We have the most diverse thought in the family from communist to libertarian to flat earthers. We love each other and it never gets personal. I never understood how people disown family members over that stuff. Just last weekend me and my cousin argued over whether abortion is the "slavery" of our times or a human right. It ended by big foot talk started by my uncle. We were at a corn roast charity.
Exactly this, unless you know every single person present shares your views or is on the fence and needs a boost that they won't mind getting.
Those always some idiot at family gatherings that has to talk politics
By and large it is considered rude not to at least offer a beverage to a visitor in your home. Unexpected company at dinner time is to be given a place at the table. Tho' it is considered somewhat rude to show up unannounced at someone's home at mealtime. My mom was an expert at stretching a meal for 4 into a meal for 6. I keep pound cakes and some kinds of casserole in the freezer, and have some cornbread mix in the cupboard, so I can feed unexpected guests.
I'm not sure I buy the portion size argument. The huge portions you see in videos of American restaurant meals are not typical of portion sizes at home. When I have company, I do make much more food than I would for the same number of people at a family meal. This is in part to show unstinting hospitality but also because a company meal is a festive event.
you took the words right out of my mouth.
I'm going to be honest, I can't think of any situations in the USA where I have been invited to someone's house, or invited someone to mine, without Food being the main focus, or at least discussed ahead of time.
Even Gym Bro's go on Dinner Dates after lifting weights. Birthday Party, you already know there's gonna be a Cake 🎂 Thanks Giving... litterally the whole idea of the holiday. 24 - Hour Gaming or Movie Warching session under a sweet blanket fort? How many Hot Pockets and Mtn Dews do I need to stock up on?
Sports Ball game, there probably gonna be a Charcuterie Board with some Chips and somebody's home made Buffalo chicken dip.
Wise people avoid talking politics. But there's always someone that says something, and there's always someone that takes the bait
Politics are important you're just a child who can't talk about important stuff maturely Jesus and politics are what controls your life problem with America y'all are immature and act like kids go party talk about getting drunk is ok , sad
@@Majorpain32677 Punctuation is important. What the heck are you trying to say?
@@Majorpain32677 You make quite a bit of assumptions my friend. I am able to talk about politics maturely. But there are many who seem unable to, and everyone has a heated opinion, specifically in scenarios such as family get-togethers as depicted in this video. I am usually the one either trying desperately to smooth out the conversation, or get the hell out ASAP. Given the phrasing of your comment and what it indicates about your general attitude, you sound like you would fit in perfectly with said group of people and have a great time.
@@thelightshineth8848 same situation with me. and then there are those that have to inject politics/religion into *_EVERYTHING._* annoying.
@Majorpain32677, you have a problem with Americans because you are jealous. You aren’t American, and that makes you upset. Your sour comments make you sound ridiculous, and childish. Get a grip on yourself, and leave. Buh bye! 😂🤣
It is interesting that we in the US don't talk about finances or income, but the first thing someone will ask is, "What do you do?" We do like to talk about what we do, funny work stories that non-employees would understand, and the like. But don't ask what we get paid to do that job.
We spend so much of our lives working. Many people work at something their passionate about. Others have special skills or interesting knowledge from their work. Why would anyone think what you do is not important in your life? It's weird.
yep. where/when i'm from, it's considered VERY rude to ask about pay unless you're immediate family or have a damn good reason to ask.
Most people are uncomfortable with silence. It's a conversation starter
Americans are thrifty. We may go to a restaurant and order a large meal,eat 1/2 and box up the rest to take home. Yay i dont have to cook dinner tomorrow.
My partner is Scandinavian, it’s true that it is common to eat and not invite houseguests to join. Also do not act surprised if you are asked to chip in for the cost of the meal at a dinner party at the end of the evening. This would never happen in the US.
How about you don't rudely ask for money, you just accept the invitation to dinner you will get in the U.S if you invite us over.
I've only known Americans to ask others to chip in if they order pizza. Not groceries.
Your partner is Swedish, right?
@@jennifer1329 Yes!
@@payersystempro I knew it! Finnish myself.
We don’t talk about money because we don’t want people asking to “borrow” any..🤷🏻♀️
Same as asking a farmer how many cows he has? Like asking how much money you have in the bank? Very rude.
Americans went from tea to coffee on December 16, 1773. When the tea tax was implemented and the American Revolution went hot. By 1776 Britain went away from being tea drinkers to coffee.
And in the Midwest we end a phone call with an "mmm bye"
I'm from Minnesota and I don't say that. I just say bye
A relatively short time ago in our history, your neighbor might live 2 miles away from you and the only help you could expect in case of disaster was each other. If everyone didn't help their neighbors nobody survived weather, wild animals, and understandably angry Native Americans. It's still a part of our nature now. Even when my mom lived on a farm in the 1930's neighbors got together and helped with the harvest in the fall, they put some money together and paid to rent a gasoline powered harvester that went from farm to farm and brought in the crops without needing horses. Nobody could afford it otherwise. President Lincoln basically taught himself to read and write, and also studied to be a lawyer with no school, just studying books. He basically drove himself to the edge of collapse during the Civil War, and his strength of character kept the country together in the end.
my ancestors WERE those "angry natives". 😃
@@JohnLeePettimoreIII Mine were both, lol.
We always hear about how our portions are huge BUT having lived in Italy once for 3 years, Id argue that by the end of 3 hours and 7 or 8 courses from antipasto to digestivo, not sure we are served any more than a typical Italian meal in a restaurant.
With the difference that one is a mediterranean diet, the other has enough carbs and fat for the whole day in a single serving .
Congrats on 100,000 subscribers! Yep, I always tell people grab a plate. I typically make enough for the next day's lunch. I can have a sandwich the next day. It's really rude to ask someone how much they make. When people start bragging about their income, I don't typically believe them. Yes, my family talks politics all the time. It's our favorite topic. We don't talk it with others though.
Yes , we do not talk about money per se . In America a wealthy wealthy person can still dresses in jeans, ride around in a truck and appears like anyone else Being pretentious is considered snobby! The way we look at gatherings is the" more the merry: Pull up a chair and help yourself to the food!
Except most "trucks" are pure being pretentious. Just the other way round - it's trying to pretend a luxury vehicle is actually a workhorse. And no, don't come at me with the handful of exceptions. The numbers don't lie. Truck sales are way beyond realistic numbers of people needing them for work (and there are actual utility vehicles that would fit the job just as well if not better).
@@ohaussDepends on what truck, where the person lives , and if its a working truck or merely a vehicle to ride in.
@@ohauss My most recent truck is from 2011. Yeah, I use it for truck stuff once in awhile. It's dented up a little, but I'm ok with that. Bought it used.
We avoid politics with people we don't know well.
I agree because at family gatherings we will discuss politics and things tend to get heated. The young ones end up complaining and then everyone will change the subject.
Did you know it was Catherine of Braganza who brought tea to England from Portugal when she went to marry Charles II and made it fashionable?
You do not talk about money because no one should be seen to be bragging or making others feel less than.
Any guest that comes to my home is automatically offered something to drink and something to eat, even if it is just a small snack. I don't drink coffee, but I have coffee and a coffee maker just for guest. I disagree with the idea that we talk about politics. Especially right now. The topics to stay away from are religion, politics and money. There could be exceptions, especially if you are with someone you really know well.
Close friends might talk about politics but I disagree about the money part. I think most are pretty open about it. If a person is making more than the general group, it's understood that they shouldn't brag about it, of course.
Some grocery stores and restaurants donates to what we call "food pantry"
YES! MY MA WAS A MAIL CARRIER. Huge 3 story home's no furniture no curtains...no food
We started calling the common man Sir, it surprised noble that visited America. They said they sat down at a tavern and we're surprised that the barmaid was calling everyone sir.
Also the term “lady” was extended to non-aristocratic women.
@@Roikat I know, it was just an example
@@patrioticz2858 I could tell you’re the kind of person who knew that, it was more for other folks edification like your comment.
@@Roikat 👌
We do talk about work and we can strategically work in how much we make, but usually that is if one is to work in the same field or is looking for a reference to what to expect from a job recruiter. It is a faux pas to brag or directly compare wages.
We can discuss politics but it does have landmines so it is best to tread carefully, and a sporting event escape route to deescalate the debate.
You should watch comedian charlie berens explaining the midwest goodbye, where it might take two hours to leave the house your visiting and another half hour talking by the car.
LOL. This used to drive my Dad -- from the east coast -- nuts. He'd complain that half of my mom's relatives couldn't carry on a conversation unless they were plugging up a doorway.
There's the summer and winter variations. In the summer, you talk in the doorway until the mosquitos start coming in. Then you move to the porch. Then out onto the walk. Finally, leaning through the car window. In the winter, you start at the door of the bedroom where you've piled all the coats on the bed. Then you move to the hall where folks are putting on coats. Then exchange a few pleasantries before opening the door and before folks start sweating too much in their heavy clothes. Finally you have a last wave on the stoep, that goes on until the hostess is clutching her apron tight around her and shivering.
Unless you do an “Irish good bye” and duck out without seeing anyone..I’m Italian so def don’t get out without a 45 minute to hour long goodbyes.
About a year ago I went to a gathering where I was the only American and everyone else was Australian. I did not know the host and my friend that invited me was bring a bottle of wine and therefore I did not think to bring alcohol. I guess this was not okay. I was the American and I think they gave me a pass but I guess in Australia it is considered extremely rude to go to a party without bringing the alcohol you will consume. There was a couple that brought no alcohol but persisted to drink everyone's alcohol and this was making everyone angry. Eventually, this became a discussion and I stated that in American if I have a party then I am obligated to provide all the alcohol. Most of my guest will bring alcohol but what ever they bring tends to be a gift for me for later consumption. Once in a while if someone buys a very expenses bottle of booze, then with the gift givers permission I will open that bottle and the party will enjoy the decent booze. My Australian friends thought this was strange.
Interesting
As an American I learned that if you bring a bottle of wine to a gathering, you do not open it for consumption at that party. It would be an assumption that the host's wine is lower quality than what you brought. So you have to bring wine, but it's only as a gift.
I know someone that got caught out by the bring a plate culture in Australia. Here everyone is expected to bring their alcohol and also a plate of food. As a Brit having moved to Australia this is different to British culture. So when asked to bring a plate a friend of mine just assumed they didn’t have enough plates and bought her own empty plate. She was quite embarrassed when she realised what the actual statement meant.
In Australian it’s all very egalitarian, you bring your own food and drink but the host will often supply a few things. In the uk you bring your own alcohol but the host will cater all food and normally buy a case of champagne, and some bottles of spirits and mixers and a case of beer. So you’d take you own beer or wine but then the first drinks are the bubbles supplied by the host and once you’ve had your wine/beer and the spirits start you can drink theirs again or continue with the beers they have. Some will make cocktails for you out of them. So it’s a mixed bag in the uk compared to Australia and the USA. That’s probably because we’d drink a lot more than they do though. I’ve never seen any Aussies drink much at get together. Normally just their bottle they brought with them and that’s it
@@LythaWausW When I got back to the States, I went around and asked my friends if the host providing all the alcohol and food at a party was normal or if it was just me. Most said it was normal unless otherwise specified. And yes, I agree. the alcohol I provided was rather low in quality and the gifts people gave me tended to be higher quality spirits and wine. It was the bonus for having a party in the first place.
Thanks. It is great to learn cultural differences. My first experience with the Australian involved me meeting them in Singapore. I just completed a 22 hour flight and when I got to the party I made a pig out of myself with the food and booze. I was so embarrassed. However, after hanging out with the group for 3 weeks it was water under the bridge and the Australians were very gracious.
When neighbors were scarce and far away, showing hospitality was a matter of mutual survival, helping each other, and common decency.
Americans banded together for the "common good" and still do so. We come together & pitch in together what we have & can give.
Feeding a visitor is necessary. It might be ourselvrs or our loved one who is in need of food, water, or shelter nect time.
Politics is a topic that is avoided a lot. Unless you're talking with someone you know well. Then it comes up quite often. Because discussing Politis is a good way to understand what is going on. We just don't like talking about it with complete strangers.
One of my friend's mom was one of the "excuse the mess" kind of people. I couldn't even aee anything with dust.
Another friends mom was a hoarder and no one was allowed in that house.
some people I know well have very different political views, and militantly so, so I avoid discussing politics with anyone except my husband.
While I tend to agree in general us, US citizens are in general very friendly. You can catch us on a bad day and in general we can be very abrupt. I live fairly far off the beaten path by choice but my door is open to all who need shelter and food. I have been very fortunate in life and I am not shy about sharing with my fellow man. I also am just crazy enough that people won't over stay their welcome. PTSD has its upside.
to have someone at your house, while you eat and they wait 😮 i would legit, likely never care to see you again. id likey decline but in the wise words of Stephanie Tanner, "how rude"
We had an old saying when I was a kid. It was handed down from my folks and their folks. To avoid an argument at a get together, never talk about religion or politics. Certainly in the last 10 years, politics can cause big arguments at family gatherings. I just keep my opinions to myself. It's how I was taught to behave as a kid and it' has served me well.
You seem like such a nice guy! I like that, because-as preconceptions go-I hadn’t perceived people from your country to be particularly outgoing or welcoming. I’m glad to be corrected. And I agree with you…Americans generally do NOT like to talk politics. We do usually have political leanings, and most people take the right to vote seriously, but have traditionally kept those opinions private to avoid conflicts with those who are more emotionally charged over political issues. This privacy was common before the 2020 election, but since then, many people have gone mental. I’ve seen and heard many threaten to sever relationships completely with friends and even family members who (in their inflated opinions), plan to vote in Nov for the “wrong” candidate[s]. What?!?! This is America, right?? I feel that my vote is my own, and *no one* has the *right* to even know which people and policies I support, much less the *right* to try to argue or manipulate me in an attempt to change my mind! Bottom line, people are just nuts today. Seriously, people here and everywhere else in the world seem to be losing their minds. SMH.
Not everyone drinks coffee, some of us can't stand it.
I love the smell, but hate the taste. I’m definitely a tea drinker.
You must sleep a lot
@gregpettis1113 maybe I don't need stimulants because I've never relied on them.
Multiple social gatherings at my house growing up. There was always more than enough to go around, usually enough food prepared to double or even triple the attendees with no prior notice. This was very much so on purpose, as there's nothing wrong with leftovers, it's expected. Not being able to serve a guest would've been mortifying. It's pretty normal to eat the leftover meats, stuffings, baked mac n' cheeses, pies, potatoes, salads, and any associated desserts for lunch or dinner the next three to four days after a big one. If there's something a guest likes or if there was a family member who got left out or couldn't attend, they are always encouraged to take some home with them.
Americans can be weird. A lot of us will do our best to avoid talking about politics. This is because our families will usually have a highly polarized member of each party in our family. When you add in alcohol, that's generally served at all family outings, a loud debate will break out into a fight of some sort.
I was going to mention this. I came from a family with 8 children, and our folks were responsible republicans, as ex-miiitary, and those of the family that were in the military or members of religious orders tend to have some sort of 'group-think' demons to contend with, so we steer very carefully about anything that could be deemed political, but on the other hand, down underneath we know each other is decent and would never join up with the cuckoo crowd. We live all over the USA from AK to FL and so we didn't visit very often, and this was especially difficult with one sibling in WA who was subject to the reddest of red country, and since he didn't have broadband, we didn't actually communicate much. He died of COVID, and in recognition of the fact that he was the one brother with the least amount of communication vowed to start Zoom Sunday night calls which we've managed to make time for. Just wish Jimmy was here to be with us and join!
I'm not a coffee drinker.
But I'll go hang with you, get a bite to eat and drink a root beer, or Dr pepper. Haha
I am a USA citizen. I do not use the verbiage, "like" and I try very hard to stay away from the hesitation "um".
No one in my family uses "like" and none of my friends use it either.
I only talk politics with my sister because we have the same views. I don't talk politics with anyone else and if they bring it up I say nothing. If they ask me a political question, I just state I do not share my political views and will not converse in politics.
Religion conversations are on an individual basis, depending if the other person is casual about religion.
Every holliday growing up we had people that lived alone, were in the military that couldnt afford to go home or had duty or had no leave to go home, neighbors that were alone...we never knew who was coming. My Dad would go pick up the older people who didnt drive. It was always interesting, as kids we'd get a little gift that was always a surprise for us. My mom was a great cook & put on a huge spread for everyone, tables set up all festive. She would make enough food so she could send plates of food home for everyone. My dad worked at a Naval shipyard so we always had military men & women, my moms good friend owned a bar that alot of people living in the senior apartment complex by her bar would go to her bar for coffee & company, some waiting in the morning when she gets to work in the morning so anyone of them that had nowhere to go well they came to our house. Always enjoyed this! We always had food to offer anyone who were in our home when it was meal time. Oh it was a ton of work for us but we didnt care as kid's it was a holliday & to make a lonely person feel happy was what our holidays were about.
Yes, that is a very American tradition. To adopt stray single people for holiday dinner. A good tradition I regret to say I think we are losing more & more.
American young people use to say Like a lot, but I don't hear that much now.
Why we don’t talk about money… first many companies make you agree not to share your salary, as in we are not allowed to discuss it with other employees.
Second, talking about money is seen as very rude. It’s like bragging.
However, some of us will talk about money when sharing the fact that we got a good deal on something!
Coffee "not like Starbuck's but espresso" - Starbuck's coffee starts out as espresso, even made in Italian espresso machines. But it's a vast variety of "stuff" they then add to it that creates all the drinks they are known for. Still, you can get a regular espresso (n a tiny cup and all) in Starbuck's and other American coffee shops if you want and I often do. I actually don't care for Starbuck's because for me their beans are over roasted and taste burned but I have to defend them on this issue. I will also say that they do sell American-style drip coffee if you want it, but that's not their biggest seller.
My husband jokes that the economies of several South American countries and the Western NY dairy cooperatives rely on his addiction (seriously, he can have 6 cups of coffee with dinner then want to grab a large coffee on the way home only to make a couple more cups when we get home). And my Grandmother attributed her cooking enough to feed an army when guests came over to the Great Depression. She was raised during that time, and it was considered bad form to not have enough food for visitors, to the extent that you should not eat if it was necessary to feed your guest.
we used to be able to have intelligent & civil debates about politics before people became personally offended by others having differing opinions
I agree to an extent, depending on what the topic is. But at the same time, my human rights are not up for a "civil debate".
It’s also that some people deny proven FACTS. It shuts down sane discourse.
@@Me-wk3ixthis right here. But also I guess it depends on the family. I know of families that have been torn apart by politics. Being the odd one in my family to made an announcement one Thanksgiving that I wouldn’t be asking or answering any political questions and would be leaving the room if it came up. I just wanted a nice day but even everyone liked it so much it’s just a thing now. Maybe there will be a conversation between two people but if it starts to get heated the conversation ends. Life is too short to harm relationships. That said, yeah, if it comes to who gets to have rights and who doesn’t, that’s a different story. But that’s more about values than politics.
lol define human right? I completely agree with you unless you mean doing something that takes away from other’s human rights to grant your comfort. That is not a human right that is personal opinion and I am fine with you doing whatever you want just not by me. Go to your own city and do that.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but my family loved to talk about politics. We had a broad range of perspectives and loved to debate and challenge each other. Today I still would rather talk to people who disagree with me. Unfortunately, that all ended in November of 2016. On Thanksgiving my Aunt put up a sign saying anyone who talked about politics would be asked to leave.
By your comments it seems that Americans are quite alike Portuegese people at least in the respects presented here. He didn't cover politics too much, but in my generation we almost NEVER spoke about politics as it was considered a private right to vote for the person of your choice. Even the voting booths were completely surrounded by cloth curtains so no one could sneak a peak over your shoulder! I've noticed those curtains are not as common now a days. People are much more combative in America now about politics and it is my belief that this is because of the internet and the tactics of certain politicians to demonize the opposition with names such as Communist. This voting season seems to be the most urgent one in my lifetime and I've noticed that people in my town are actually speaking less about it than in 2020. Please pray for America. We are facing difficult times.
Yes, share what you have. Even if it is a little. My family has has abundance and very little at times. If you know what it is like to be hungry you are more likely to share. But most people sharing comes second nature.
The "like" thing started in the early 1980s with "Valley Girl" speak. Phrases included, "Gag me with a spoon!" "Totally awesome!" and like, stuff like that. It was THE word used instead of "umm," and came to mean "similar to." "Like" used to mean "I like your videos," so a verb meaning enjoy. But Valley Girl speak turned it into, "It's like, your videos are, like, really cool." The "are like" turns it into a verb.
Wow. No. Like is still a verb. I like your videos is totally valid. Like also has also meant similar to. An apple is like an orange in that they are both fruit. To make a comparison that way is to liken apples to oranges. These uses of the word like did not start in the 80s!
What someone earns, and religion, are off limits in most cases. We won't talk politics with people we don't know well, but once we know someone pretty well, we'll complain about politicians to each other. Americans are generally pretty social and will talk to most anyone. When I get in an elevator, I will almost always say something to someone if it is just 2 or 3 of us (less likely if it is pretty full of people). It just feels like the right thing to do.
Where I am we call it the midwestern goodbye! You say goodbye in the house, walk to the door and talk for another 20 minutes, you say goodbye again, walk out to the porch and talk another 20 minutes, say goodbye again, walk out to your cards and talk some more, then maybe just maybe you said goodbye an actually leave the gathering lol.
Whenever you have guests it’s polite to offer a drink and at things like a get together you always have a fresh pot of coffee and you keep it going
I love coffee, I love tea. I just like them for different occasions.
I always tell people when they come to my house, drinks are in the fridge, there's coffee and tea over there, there's food in the fridge and in the cupboards feel free to help yourself.
Using "tag questions" here in the US will come off as full on passive agressive to many
Seems like Brits want to talk about money too much
Coffee culture in the United States is completely different than Portugal 😊
I don’t keep money secret, thats how employers get away with discrimination and it keeps salaries stagnant and why we have to beg for a raise.
While the US consumes more coffee than any other nation in raw tonnage, Luxembourg has the highest coffee consumption per capita. The US isn't even in the top ten in that category.
That is good behavior. Breaking bread with your fellow man has been one of the oldest ways to say, "You know what, George, you're alright. Here, have some of my bread."
As for money. The only time it would come up is if a friend needed a loan. And, you'll loan him only the money you are willing to lose, because he might not pay it back. Most people, even poor people pay back their loans if they can, even if it takes them years.
One of the biggest insults to an American is to call them out as being inhospitable. Ive only done thus once to a hugely horrible person.
In the southern US if you come to our house we are going to feed you. Now what time of day or what kind of visit will determine what we feed you. If it's a meal time you're joining the meal there's no really nice way to get around that. You don't have to eat a lot but you need to eat something or it'll be seen as rude. If it's between meals it could be something as simple as cookies, cake, coffee cake, etc. again no real way of getting out of this without appearing rude so eat at least part of something. Also we tend to treat people we know well more as part of the family than a guest so if you're been to my house say 3 times I'll tell you to help yourself to whatever you want, at this point if you don't want anything it's not rude so you can just skip out on getting anything. Basic rule of thumb for us if it's served to you outside of like a party where food is planned, you're still a guest and to be polite eat at least a little, if you're told where stuff is and to help yourself at that point you don't have to and it's not rude. Some kind of drink is always offered as well, usually coffee, southern sweet tea, some kind of soda, what ever we happen to have at the time you come is always offered.
Political conversation happens very often, it's just that most people only talk to the people that also champion their own ideals, so it rarely turns into a debate. Right now there's a big divide in political ideals, so when people are inevitably forced into the conversation at Thanksgiving, it will ruin a lot of family dynamics.
Coffee is polite, beer is Social.
FINLAND has the highest per capita consumption of coffee
It is just WRONG to not have drinks and eats when anyone visits at any time of the day.
The word"like" is a filler word. Other languages have similar things.
My family is new york irish. My wife's French Canadian from New England. Let me tell you, they ARE loud and goodbyes take for ever. Im on the quiet side myself and have gone back to my roots; adopting the old Irish Good bye.
"I don't know, he was just here a second ago."
I will say re: the directness of Americans... it VERY much depends on the region. Southerners, for example, talk in a very passive way in some regards. I've been critiqued a lot for it since moving to the Pacific Northwest XD;;; Or roundabout (example: the weather being a frequent starter to a conversation before it spirals down into the meat of the conversation). Trust me when I say I was very caught off-guard by how people in the north are very direct like Lawrence presented.
We’re also considered impolite because of that directness and lack of ma’am and sir-ing. I notice Southerners care more about the words where northerners care more about the attitude with which the words were said. I’ve taught school in the south. Students “yes ma’am-ed” and “no ma’am-ed” me all day long, but a fair portion of them did not behave in respectful manners, not towards me and not towards other teachers.
@@adeleennis2255 there is that, but there's also the fact that I've only had northerners yell at me for "yes ma'am"ing them because "I'M NOT OLD!" And then I'm just like, "Ma'am. I am addressing you in the polite manner. And I would even use Miss First Name because that is the POLITE thing to do!" Northerners also have a tendency to give me nicknames when I did not give them permission to be so familiar with me, which is another one of those "casual to the point of directness and rudeness" aspects Lawrence was talking about. Southerners generally don't bother to try to act familiar with people unless they really do know the person, in my experience but ymmv.
@@jevana I’ve had southerners give me nicknames when I didn’t ask them too. Oddly, maybe because it’s a normal thing humans do in an attempt to foster camaraderie, I wasn’t offended by it. I’m not sure how you managed to find the only northerners that get offended by being ma’am’ed, but most of us didn’t care either way, no matter our age. We do call people “Miss” if they have some kind of authority. The demonstrators and assistants in my dance classes were “Miss ____,” even though some of them were in the same grade as me at school. Also, southerners don’t act familiar?!?! Y’all are known for “honey/baby/sugar/sweetie-ing” total strangers everywhere, no familiarity needed. I’m sorry that northerners are not flowery enough in their language with our directness. We don’t tend to beat around the bush when speak. You want to know something we’ll tell you flat out what you need to know. I’m not sure why people would want to circle the block six times, metaphorically speaking, before they get an answer to their question.
@@jevana What is true in The South is not true other places. I'm from Phoenix. There ma'am ONLY means very old lady. In businesses only MIss is used for women because ma'am isn't polite. I don't get offended here in Raleigh when people use it because it means something different here, but in AZ, it's a no no. If you use it there people will tolerate you because they think you don't know any better and you're too socially awkward to pick up on social norms, but won't yell at you.
In rural Maine where my dad's family is from, ma'am is deeply offensive. There are no polite uses of it there-it's only seen as sarcastic and insulting. My cousin's mid-elementary aged daughter and the rest of the class was shocked when a kid who had just moved there from TX and responded to his teacher at the start of the first day of school with, "Yes, Ma'am." He was immediately sent to the office for being so rude as to call her that and the principle called the kid's mom and told her that kind of disrespect wasn't tolerated there.
The subculture there is based on OLD Scandinavian culture, which is very direct and detests any hint of hierarchical language because Scandis are fiercely egalitarian and have been for millennia. (New York was originally colonized by The Dutch who are culturally similar to Scandis, so Northeasterners share those values.) Ma'am has old world British origins, which was a very hierarchical society as was The South until desegregation in the 1960s. British colonists brought it to the American colonies in The South. Southern indirectness is also part of that British culture which doesn't go over well with other regions in the US.
It's an important lesson is culture. What is polite in one region can be different degrees of rude in other regions. Adapt accordingly. You don't get points for doing what's polite where you're from if it's rude where you are.
I would never invite anyone to my to my house in the Afternoon without expecting and preparing to have them join me for supper. Now supper might be Pizza, Quick store bought Lasagna and garlic bread, roast and Potatoes (my go to if I have 3-4 hours ). Otherwise it would be out to favorite neighborhood hamburger restaurant, or some such.
The US right now produces 25% more calories than it needs. Heaven has blessed us.
Whether politics is an ok topic of conversation usually depends on who you are with. If in doubt I would probably not go there. I definitely wouldn't just bring it up with a stranger. Close friends and family are usually okay. Again, depends on the family. lol
I would never invite anyone to my to my house in the Afternoon without expecting and preparing to have them join me for supper. Now supper might be Pizza, Quick store bought Lasagna and garlic bread, roast and Potatoes (my go to if I have 3-4 hours ). Otherwise it would be out to favorite neighborhood hamburger restaurant, or some such. Drinks are different since I simply don’t keep beer, or even coffee in the house. I drink tea, lemonade, or non-name brand soft drinks that are kept in a cool spot, not the refrigerator (no ice cube trays either). If I know guests are coming I’ll get Coke or Pepsi in.
There's always some jerk who brings up politics at a family gathering. And that person is usually disliked but reluctantly put up with.
Is there a way to have conversations of substance? I feel like I don’t know my relatives at all. They’re good at not bringing up politics. What can people mention to hear other peoples point of view?
@Sunset553 Right now, it might not be the best time to talk politics. It's a very delicate subject during a very delicate time. Other people might have political suggestions but I can't help you there. Maybe someone else can. If you want to know your family, try getting to know them as people. Ask them what they're looking forward to in the next week. Or where they like to go on vacation and why? Or what their kids are doing now. Do they volunteer? Why did they choose that specific organization? How did they get involved. How did they meet their person? What was it that drew them together? Just a few ideas.
@@pauladuncanadams1750 thank you. I never thought of these. I don’t even know if they have a partner, most of them, and these are the only people I know. Thank you very much. You’re good. These will get me through the holidays.
@@Sunset553 Glad to be of service. Have a great life. 😊
@Sunset553 Ask them about hobbies. Sports. What do they like to do? Where? TV shows, movies...
You know it's funny I'm a single guy and I've lived alone for a long time recently I let someone move in as a roommate she needed a place to stay and I had a back bedroom that I wasn't using at all so I let her stay but it's nothing for me to cook and of course she's welcome to eat as much as she wants but I will make a plate and walk across the street to my neighbor who's an elderly gentleman and a great friend and then I have a renter in the house up front separate house and you know I'll ask him sometimes if he wants something it just is that normal from other people LOL cooking for the entire neighborhood I guess😂 I've always just been that way make way too much and invite everyone
I think Europeans forget that America has a very different background than European countries. Just 150 years ago people were pioneering, moving west in wagons through absolute wilderness. Hospitality is an extension of "Do unto others...", knowing full well that one day you may be hungry and in need of meal. Also partly explains the "smiling" Americans are known for - in a nation where there are a dozen European languages and even more native languages being spoken, a smile is a good way to let a stranger know you mean them no harm. And, guns - everybody needed guns to protect themselves from wildlife, outlaws, and the people whose land we were stealing.
any time someone comes over to my home, they can expec5t to be offered food and drink. no insult if they turn down the offer. but i will tell them, _"Being a Southern man, I have a social obligation to feed you. But I don't have an obligation to FEAST you. it may not be fancy. but it'll be good and there'll be plenty of it."_
*_EDIT :_* if company arrives at meal time, they'll eat what i am eating.
I am guilty of always having a lot to say when people are leaving. Somehow it is always at that very moment that I remember what I had forgotten earlier. My distracted squirrel brain magically finds its way back with my thoughts. This can be for any topic. 😂😂
It's true, talking about money here is extremely private; even my husband and I dislike having conversations about money. Somewhat paradoxically, however, in the midwest if you compliment an item owned or worn by someone it is standard response to say how you got it on sale. 😂 Our goodbyes are ridiculous too, it's either an Irish exit or a four hour long goodbye, there is no happy medium.
Eating in front of a guest blows my mind. You either offer them food too or not eat til the guest goes home
My family is of Italian decent here in America so the hospitality thing is extreme. Everyone who comes over gets offered something to eat at least three times. And even then sometimes my parents will just make them something anyways. Even had appliance delivery people given full sit down meals. Basically if you go to my parents house you will be fed!
Coffee makes sense in Portugal because Brazil is a top coffee producer
Oh it takes forever to say goodbye. Lots of hugging and cheek kissing and asking to be called over and over again to make plans to get together again.
In the United States, we always overdo making food. It stems from the old days where it could be a day or two journey to travel to a General Store, and you would buy as much food as possible and then bring it back home to feed your 6,7,8,9,10 children so they'd have enough strenght to go out and work in the fields the next day. Nowadays, we don't work in the fields like we used to, but we still (almost) hoard food for the same old-fashioned anachronistic reasons.
I am from Mexican ancestry and live in Colorado and everyone knows when they come over I make sure that 'mi casa es su casa', all are welcome and when I go to others homes they do not say it but they show it, which is better.