Guante: Handshakes (Spoken Word on Gender/Masculinity)
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- Full text below. For more on Guante, including booking & contact information, check out www.guante.info
Twitter: / elguante
Facebook: / guantesolo
Filmed by PCP (@pcpmeltsfaces)
Handshakes (FULL TEXT):
The weirdest thing about having your hand crushed is that the pair of eyes across from yours never stops smiling. As knuckles are compressed, as the skin is all but torn off the top of your hand, he always has this grin on his face. Even as the vein bulges from his neck he smiles, until you grudgingly mumble, "that’s quite a handshake," and he releases you.
As a young man, I was taught that one’s masculinity is tied directly to one’s handshake, that when meeting another man for the first time, no sin was more unforgivable than placing a limp fish in his hand, the dead husk of a greeting. Your grip must be firm, like the way you hold your briefcase as you walk to work, or the way you hold the handle while standing up on the bus.
Some men, however, prefer a grip like a battle-axe mid swing, like ripping the head off an antelope by tugging on the antlers. Some men treat every handshake like a gladiator’s death-match, a test of strength, a test of will.
And when I meet these men, as I often do, their tectonic plate handshakes never fail to illuminate my myriad inadequacies. Frozen there with purple fingertips, I am reminded that I cannot stand the taste of beer, that cars confuse and frighten me, that I don't really care about sports, that when faced with a barbeque and a pair of tongs, I will overcook the meat every time. These men attempt to squeeze the testosterone from my body.
Maybe I’m just insecure. But studying his smirk more closely, I think maybe that would make two of us. Because as he wrings the color from my fingers I find myself wanting to ask him:
Do you ever feel trapped? In the mornings, when you’re watching SportsCenter and happily downing that protein shake made from raw eggs, liquefied steak and Axe Body Spray, do you ever crush the glass between your fingers?
Do you ever get tired of the voice in your head, you know, the one that sounds like Dennis Leary, telling you to constantly reaffirm that you’re a “real man” by catcalling women, eating enormous hamburgers, and squeezing everything really, really hard?
I find myself wanting to ask him: Do you hold your wife’s arm like this when you’re angry with her?
Is there a teddy bear, somewhere in your history, being ripped away from a pair of hands that just aren’t strong enough? Do you remember the first time your father wouldn’t let you hold his hand when crossing the street? Do you remember the way he looked at you? Do you remember being handed your first-born son and not knowing how to hold him? Do you remember squeezing his shoulders like this the first time he disappointed you?
Do you remember what it was you were trying to hold on to?
And I know: there is so much space between us, as men, that sometimes we feel compelled to cram as much contact as we physically can into every touch. I know.
We’ve become so comfortable with crushing, so hypnotized by our own strength, we forget: how incredible it can feel to let go.
Have been following you ever since "Ten Responses to the phrase Man up" and I love what you do, Guante! Looking forward to hear more of your work in 2016
this is pure gold.
Thank you for breaking down the ideas surrounding gender and all the other topics you cover; your writing is amazing! (Also the Glider and Swordfish tattoos are killer :)
just received A Love Song, a Death Rattle, a Battle Cry for christmas, and this poem is one of my favorites
Oh yes, thank you, you sweet, sweet man. This is so important.
Part of our timeshare sales training was how to shake hands. It was the first impression and had to be strong. As a 1.6m tall woman who weighed under 50kgs at the time, this was joke. I was expected to use brute force that I didn't have to make a good first impression. I was also young and impressionable so I learned the power of a surprisingly firm handshake. You would not believe the number of times I have been told that I "shake like man" or "have quite a handshake, for a woman". It is actually pathetic how much emphasis we place on the gender stereotype of needing to physically dominate others.
Your work is amazing! Never stop ❤️
I really glad that no one has disliked this.
Do you remember a teddy bear being ripped away from hands that were not strong enough to hold on. WOW!
...and Axe body spray.
love your work
This is amazing
LOVE
Beautifully dismantled.