The Demons of Childhood Trauma | Aaron Stark | EP 405
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Dr. Jordan B. Peterson sits down with public speaker and mental health advocate Aaron Stark. You might recognize Aaron's name from his deeply impactful TED Talk, “I was almost a school shooter.” They walk through his life story and discuss the all-too-real result of deep parental trauma, the psychology of abuse that shapes self loathing and self harm, the drivers that nearly pushed Aaron from victim into monster, and the real, tangible act of kindness that saved lives.
Aaron Stark was almost a school shooter. As a dark and destructive teen, Stark almost committed a terrible attack. Today he is a happy father of four, and he wants to do all he can to help anyone on that path to find a way into the light again and to see that they matter.
After watching the news coverage of the Parkland school shootings, Stark wrote an open letter, “I was almost a school shooter.” This was sent to local news 9KUSA in Denver and was the feature story on “Next with Kyle Clark.” This story gained national attention and over 17 million views in a very short time, which propelled him into a life of activism for mental wellness awareness. He has been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC and has published an article in the Washington Post. These features were followed by his viral TEDx talk, “I Was Almost a School Shooter” that currently has over 14 million views and is shown in schools, colleges, and universities, all the way up to the Dept. of Education.
This episode was filmed November 15th, 2023
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- Chapters -
(0:00) Coming up
(0:12) Intro
(1:18) Raised in abuse
(9:00) Patterns of pathology across generations
(12:12) Separation, protest, and testing emotional barriers
(16:29) When darkness becomes a party favor
(17:56) Violence at home
(20:49) “They lost the ability to parent me” - help was impossible
(22:49) Kidnapped by his father
(26:10) Used for control, testing off the charts in school
(31:37) Personality traits then and now
(37:46) Step father was a career criminal
(40:45) Big enough to fight back
(43:27) Self detriment as self defense
(45:30) Primates and “predictable low status”
(49:27) Why people make a bad situation spitefully worse for themselves
(52:00) The reality of pain, blood sacrifice
(55:21) Being told your worthless until you champion that identity
(57:23) Three parallel lives: home, school, and Mike
(59:12) Treated like a normal human being, the tool shed
(1:04:07) Choosing not to die, calling social services
(1:05:45) Scorched earth
(1:06:56) Participating in your own torture
(1:08:02) Living in a field, surviving winter on free samples
(1:09:34) Nearly freezing to death, the bottom of the tsunami
(1:11:32) Troubled friends, “we talked about killing people”
(1:12:28) Planning an act of evil
(1:16:00) Saying goodbye to Mike
(1:17:32) What a friend is supposed to do
(1:19:30) Reminded of humanity, it only takes one effort
(1:22:50) Saved by one small act
(1:26:35) Cutting out the family hooks
(1:31:08) Living on his own, getting a job, adjusting
(1:35:22) A message to those on the edge
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Hello everybody.
I am the guy in the video.
If you have any questions ill try to answer them.
Im a regular guy, i work full time at a gas station in denver, and try to speak as much as possible to stop other people from becoming another Me.
Thanks for listening
@@AFringedGentian hug accepted 🙂 nice to meet you
Thank you very much for bringing your story to JBP's platform/audience. this is so important to understand root causes of pain that can lead to the darkest states of mind and actions (hugs)
Have you wrote a book ?
@@AFringedGentian Keep being a wonderful person :) Your positivity is beautiful!
Cheers man.
I wish Dr. Peterson would do more interviews like this where he psychoanalyzes people. I know politics is important, but I learn a whole lot more in these kinds of interviews.
yeah but the guest has got to be good like this one. trauma dumps are not always this well spoken.
@@Wingedmagician The guest has got to be "good"? What does that even mean? Useless reply
@@piquedcommenter6252 That the guess is well spoken and can follow Jordan's thoughts. The guest can handle the pressure speaking knowing millions will see the raw underbelly of their trauma. I believe your comment insulting someone else for suggesting most therapy sessions are not this articulate is less useful.
@@barrow_3490 I wasn't "insulting" him, I was "insulting" the reply, just like I"m going to insult yours: What a worthless reply on your part. You're not the OP, thus you don't know what he was thinking, so your reply was completely pointless. It's up to OP to articulate what he meant, so "I believe" that you should just sod off mate lol
Me,too
“I’m the one that broke the cycle.” You are the man, Aaron. You’ve made the world a better place because of your life. This is a great interview and very inspiring.
To Mike, a single act of love literally can change the world. Well done.
Right.
And if his family members, individually parted from their toxicity, I don't doubt to believe Aaron could have an impact similar to Mike's.
But they were lost in their hell self-chosen, and continued the cycle.
Love is best communicated individually.
Yay, Mike!!!!🎉
Very inspiring and I fully applaud Aaron Stark. Also thank you Dr. Jordan Peterson!
I was hooping and hollering after he said that!
Like Jordan has said, “People need so little encouragement to keep going.” to someone reading this: you either are the person that needs that little encouragement, or you are one of the thousands of people that have inadvertently given someone a new chance at life by saying hello, holding the door open for someone, or just saying, thank you. Keep it up.
this is a great advice to follow, another good one is from iroh from the avatar series when a dude trues to rob him"while it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing"
Jordan Peterson needs to stop interrupting, pay attention and let the man speak
This is the mindset everyone needs
We treat people like monsters, and then act shocked when people behave monstrously.
It’s a sin issue. Plenty of people who’ve had good fortune who do terrible things in spite of it.
Yh but some are just natural born monsters trust me
Don’t help that people are rage baited these days more than ever -
Yeah. Most people simply reflect how they have been treated.
Who's "we"?
I got emotional listening to how supportive Mike was and how he stopped 2 tragedies from occurring. Goes to show what a loyal friend can do for you.
Amen same
Proverbs 17:17
Yup, a good friend can be better than entire lineage of familiy
Reminds me of Samwise Gamgee
And « funny » to think what a bad friend can do for you…
Who else wants to tell Dr Peterson " Thank you" for this interview and Arron "Thank you" for the courage of opening up and allowing us to learn from his life!
I just thanked Aaron under his comment. This was an excellent conversation in my opinion!
AMEN.....and God Bless them both for the help they give others.
Aaron is my old boss at the store I transferred from, he was a great boss and a hell of a guy!
Yes indeed! Thank you both for making this happen!
What??
The guest gives speeches about his life.
It’s what he does.
You are exactly what is wrong with society.
Pay attention to the details.
I was shocked at your comment.
He listens, he presses, he’s empathetic, he’s cautionary. A true intellectual helper showing what a career of help can do in terms of a conversation. Thank you Dr. Peterson.
It is nearly incomprehensible to me how someone can experience so much abject malevolence and misfortune and not be utterly annihilated. I mean an upbringing like that logically seems about as lethal as a bullet to the head, but somehow the humanity persevered…
I love Jordan videos the best where he is interviewing like a psychologist and the other person answers like a patient.
@@moleenamountainlionIs there a specific way patients have to answer questions?
@@moleenamountainlion Maybe you should have said that then.
@@HaveAHuffWith honesty. Nothing else in particular.
@@HaveAHuffMaybe instead of like an authority on a topic? Don't be disingenuous.
Yep. It’s usually the other way around.
Mike is a real life superhero. Goes to show how it's the quality of friendship not quantity that matters. And undoubtedly congratulations to Mike's parents for raising a kind and emphatic child... Mike basically saved a dozen high school kids lives including Aaron's.
In fact “ quality” could go down when quantity goes up.
A superhero???
Growing up to be an adult.
Stop being a troublemaker.
That’s what it’s supposed to happen.
You are putting overcoming, tough life.
On a pedestal.
That’s should be normal behavior.
@@metalted6128 I don't think you watched the video.
This just means dude can snap at anytime just like most humans
" A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel its warmth". My childhood was similar in many ways to his upbringing (even if it was in a much less violent and psychotic way). I can really relate and it breaks my heart to hear him and I can even see myself separately as that child who was bullied and hated at school for being different. I recognize that I could have easily gone down a dark road myself. If they hate me, I might as well give them a reason. After I got to high school and got to "start over", I "became" a very different person. I never forgot what it felt like to be shunned for being different. I always reached out to those who were considered "weird". They were some of the nicest, most intelligent people ever. More importantly, they were people with feelings and needs. No different than anyone else. Please keep that in mind throughout life. Everyone is human and need to feel like they matter.
What is that quote from?
All my life I did this. Just treated people nice. Because as a young kid I was ugly and different. But as a teen and adult I became "hot." This made me just treat everyone the same, with respect. Plus the real Christians in my life taught me this. Didn't matter if I was punk, rap, goth, prep. I was treated the same with respect and love by these Christians.
A "MALE" child because of its co dependent nature, fragility and testosterone driven NATURE.
Biologically and neurologically violent and aggressive.
Women giving birth to xys is a complete disaster not knowing the science behind THEIR existence 😏
@@horsymandias-urJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
@@Kelli-ru7yyJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.For it is written, As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God [acknowledge Him to His honor and to His praise].😊❤
My only friend in the world since I was a child died a little bit ago. His childhood and upbringing was a lot like Arron's. During his funeral, his friends and family that he developed in his later years said to me he wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for me (his "Mike").
While hearing all this, I couldn't help to think how he got me through the dark times during my youth and that I wouldn't be here if he hadn't treated me as a person, much less a friend.
❤
So sorry to hear about your friend. Glad you got to have a friend like him though.
This brought me to tears. My childhood wasn't nearly as hellish, but it was a nightmare still and I can relate deeply. Even now at 38 I still struggle. I won't speak to my parents. Same as Aaron said near the end, I took the examples set by my parents and decided to do the opposite when I became a father. I am married for 20 years and have a 12 year old and a 2 year old and they're a couple of amazing boys.
Yeah same. Not as crazy, not as constant but still one trauma after another. There is a much larger epidemic of this than the world knows. I honestly wonder if it is the root cause of most women's attraction to dark triad personalities. CPTSD is a recent diagnosed mental disorder. Starting to control it changed my life. The trauma broke my mind. At 44 I'm still alone, but God literally saved me and in turn I use my broken state to help others. I'm glad you were able to get past it. Peace to you and yours.
Proud of you brother. Mine wasn't as bad obviously. But I had the full gamut, drunk father, him abusing my mother. Although he rarely hit us. Anyways I can sort of relate. And I'm so proud that you are turning out to be an amazing father. To becoming the best fathers we can be and breaking the cycle!!! 🥂
I cried hard, too. Sad and glad tears. Thank God his children will be ok and he is the reason!
Good job for stopping the cycle.
If the buck stops with you, then you're one of the most influential persons among your peers. Best of luck on your new life and good adventure!
I can't stress enough how valuable it is to put a conversation like this online, thank you Aaron and dr. Peterson
This made me tear up, especially when Aaron talked about his kids. He is proud not because they are smart kids, but that they are kind kids. Kudos Aaron! May all your days moving forward be happy and blessed. God loves you and gave you a great friend in Mike. Jesus has been and is the same for me.
The self awareness of this man (Aaron Starks) is absolutely astounding. Amazing. Keep up the good work and helping men in this world, sir.
While I believe he went through a lot of hardships as a child, I think he comes across as someone who likes to embellish situations and overdramatize the truths in his life. He did say he liked to read a lot and was into art and fantasy as a kid. That pretty much tells me a lot of his childhood story was overexaggerated.
@@henrythegreatamerican8136I agree
@@henrythegreatamerican8136 So, reading a lot automatically translates to him exaggerating his story? You don't know the guy at all. Worthless comment
@@henrythegreatamerican8136He has no need to embellish, find a different video to spread BS
@@GRA2itous His body language comes across that way. No need to spread BS. People do crap like that all the time.
Mike's a hero. As a middle school teacher, I find this very helpful and inspiring. Thank you both for this.
Don't be the teacher that stands there and does nothing. Please don't.
I think the best friend Mike is singlehandedly responsible for saving dozens of lives. The small acts of mercy we might consider inconsequential have very far reaching and life changing effects.
Mike is without a doubt a hero.
Life really can be hard at times and that’s an understatement. I’m 49 and I still feel lost.
This guy’s story is one of the best examples of how powerful loving your neighbor as yourself is. (Mike)
You referred to yourself as regular guy Aaron, but you are a walking miracle. People who haven't had to go to those incredibly emotional, deep dark and painful places have no idea how courageous you are for doing so, and I have nothing but respect for you, not only in doing so but for sharing your story with the world in such a public manner. Your work is not done my friend. Thank you!
Thank you very much I really appreciate that
Nailed it with this comment.
I mean, walking miracle is only one to me ever. Yet, there were good deeds of Him throughout moments of Aaron's story.
Aaron is certainly a bright light in our World. I'm happy that he exists.
He refused to tolerate being the eternal victim and instead took his blessings, in the little moments of light he eventually decided to reflect himself.
Thank you, Aaron. You're making a difference here.
This has been the best podcast I've seen Jordan do so far. So eye opening. Moral of the story: treat people with love and respect.
1:25:00 I don't cry at movies, but this part genuinely had me in tears. There is something about the tiny gesture of kindness from a friend as the singularly redemptive moment of his life that resonates deeply and profoundly.
me too! tears!!
This definitely increased my self worth. I never had it so bad as this guy. I always knew i didn't have the hardest life of many ppl, but some how still got stuck with feeling worthless. This felt like therapy. Thanks Doctor Peterson and thank you Aaron.
Exactly what Dr Peterson wanted with this interview 🙂👍
I do not think he had an agenda.
This was authentic. This was genuine.
He really just listened. And asked good questions.
For Aaron to show what he's made of, after all.
Good man.
I have lived a good life, loving family, good friends, all that jazz. But I have been in that self-destructive mode, and I know what it feels like to be empty and to be ready to end my life.
Hearing Aaron talk about that birthday party which changed his mind actually brought me to tears. I had my plan one year to end my life (also via overdose, funnily enough) in October, then less than a week away from my planned date of death I had written and printed my suicide notes, I had left instructions for who got my belongings, I had even pressed my suit and my favourite tie and left it out so it could be used for my funeral. I was ready. Then my best friend and housemate invited me to his birthday party, a trip away to take place in mid November. He was excited, only his closest two or three people were going, and he made it clear that I was one of those people. And suddenly I couldn't do it, I couldn't ruin his party by killing myself, so I postponed it. But mid-November was too close to the holiday season and that would spoil it for my family, and I didn't want to do that to them, so it was postponed again. Then again, then again. Very slowly I worked my way out of the pit, until now I have a good life and a woman I'm going to marry, and that self-destruction is far behind me.
All it took was a friend simply treating me as a friend.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your powerful story with us.
It's crazy how little of that is out there hey. Feels like you're taking on the world stepping outside your front door atm. Gotta find the others I suppose.
Did you ever tell your friend that him inviting you on that trip is what ended up saving your life?
Great to hear that you have turned your life around, well done. At 42 years of age I had a half-hearted suicide attempt, with notes written out, pain killers taken etc, but I chickened out, mainly because I knew that it would have had a devastating effect on my parents and siblings, who would probably be left blaming themselves. Seventeen years later, I feel much better and much of that is thanks to reading the two 12 Rules For Life books by Dr Peterson earlier this year. Creative activity has also helped me greatly over the years, be it playing jazz piano, composing piano pieces and doing artwork too. Have even tried creative writing in the past too, but that is much harder to get just right of course. Aaron was so interesting to listen to, what a remarkable man.
@@autumnleaves2766 We must never understate the importance of loved ones. You and I didn't follow through with a terrible, tragic act because we didn't want to hurt the people we loved. But even then it was a close call for me, and my self-loathing almost overwhelmed that feeling of shame and guilt at the thought of causing distress to them. In many cases they will never know they played that role, and it may be that we have played it for others and don't know.
I'm really glad you're doing well!
This was so heavy, but so good. Simple acts of kindness can have such a huge impact on others. I am humbled by this man's story.
Have you Matt or Dr. Peterson considered evaluating Singer Burton Lorne Cummings as a candidate for a psychotic patient for any program for a candidate for your program? He stole my home in Otter, Wisconsin township finally in 2014. He was a stalker and had been stalking my family for over 3 years. We lost our home and he took our land, he is a greatly desterburbed human, and refuses to leave our family alone. He is a very aggressive man. We are willing to press charges against him. It’s horrific.”situation.
How can we ever thank God enough for you Jordan!!! Providing antidotes to the darkness by reaching out to the people that have managed to recover from trauma!!! It takes both genius, and a loving heart!!! So hard to get both!!!! Thank you!!!
❤ By PAYING KINDNESS FORWARD EVERY DAY IN ...
YOUR LIFE !!
To keep helping all OF TODAY'S victims to become SURVIVORS !!!
And thrive like AARON !!
Thats HOW !!
🔥🧡💜❤💛💛🔥💜💜💜💜❤🧡❤❤❤❤💜💜💜🔥💜🔥🧡💛🧡🧡💜💜🔥🔥🔥💛💜💜💜🔥🔥🔥🙏🏼😇😎
Really found this conversation beautiful. Thank you both. He handled life well. Thank you Mike, you are a sign from God. Lord, have mercy on us.
I totally understand what he meant by holding his parents accountable for creating him by causing chaos and then dying. When my mother beat me, after so many beatings, I prayed she would kill me so that maybe she would feel bad for what she was doing to me. I thought I was the only one who ever had those thoughts.
my dad was 300+lbs and his favorite punishment was to lay on top of our little bodies with his hand over our nose and mouth to stop us from crying and shouting to the neighbours for help us (they never did)
he would force us to wear long pants and turtlenecks in summer to hide our bruises.
Oh wow, that is really rough :( Sending virtual love for you. Hope you're doing better
@@H.P.Blavatsky People can be horrible :( I'm sorry your dad was such a cruel person. I really hope you got away from him
@@MarianneHMiettinenpeople protect children.
Once someone takes deliberate action to harm a child? That *thing* can no longer be considered a human being.
Wish this was longer. Definitely one of my top 10 Episodes ever. Mikes a legend of helping you and so are you for being so tough.
It's scary how Aarons symptoms, thoughts, feelings and experiences match with mine growing up. It's good to hear him speak about it as someone being affected by a traumatic upbringing. It approves that what I experienced is real, so are my feelings and my pain. Great conversation, i love hearing Jordan reflect on Aarons experience. Clearly he listens and connects the dots really well. I wish I could have a talk with him too one day!
I haven't cried since I found out my girlfriend was pregnant i was so happy. But this guy really had my eyes watering. His story really open my eyes of my past It made me think of all of the people at school that had a hard time. Some of them were dirty or smelled. But I never thought when they went home what it was like for them. My mother took great care of me even though she Went through a lot of the same trauma. She broke the cycle and gave me a good life. And I am internally grateful for her. People The world is not all bad. If you are sad or depressed just remember the very air we breathe We should be thankful for.
I can't help myself... I think you meant eternally and not internally (though not mutually exclusive).
@@TheIndependenceThinker im hardly high school graduate grammer escapes my grasp most of the time. I was going to correct but internally works technically so I'll leave it for authenticity
You sir, have a devine spirit. Thank you
@@TheIndependenceThinker Out of everything you could have responded to in OP's comment, THAT was the thing you chose? A single word as opposed to the actual tenor of the comment? How pathetic. What a worthless reply on your part smh
I like hearing about what makes men cry. I did a lot of crying when I was a self destructive alcoholic but that was just feeling sorry for myself for my own actions. The last time I remember crying not related to suicide attempts or being in jail obervnight or wrecking my car was when I watched Roman Polanskis the pianist. I cried during the part the Polish or Russian army finds wladislav in a German winter coat and almost shoot but he is saved. Only movie I’ve cried to also. I think the time before that I cried because I COULDNT cry for my dead cat lol…. It bothered me so much I was sad sure, but that it didn’t HURT and I didn’t cry. I eventually cried and realized I was crying because I missed childhood. A cat dying is meh because I pickled my brain, drugged myself so hard and skipped childhood. My biggest issue in life is not heing a wondrous and creative child anymore. I was told life is beautiful and I can be whatever I want. Which is true, but not the way to go about living.
I do cry for happy things often actually but they don’t stick as hard as the negatives.
Great reminder that we can fundamentally change the course of someone's life for the better with a small act of kindness, even though it may seem insignificant.
Oh I love people who speak quickly like this guy! It’s so refreshing to listen to his cadence. And God bless him for pulling himself out of that HORRENDOUS situation. My mouth fell open so many times and I took a break to cry too. I just thank God for the miracle that he was able to build something beautiful from broken pieces.
Beyond fascinating. Dr. Peterson's ability to unpack such profound trauma is phenomenal. Mr. Stark's childhood would be terrifying to experience even for many criminals. The fact that he had a turnaround is nothing short of a miracle.
Brother, thank-you and your friend Mike for hanging onto humanity and choosing not to make the innocent pay for the terrible things you suffered through. Congratulations on having beautiful children, who are so successful. Just like their dad!
The hell this guy been through... man, I was in tears.
First I though to myself - why would anyone expose their most vulnerable parts so publicly?
As I kept on watching I realized that his story was helping me iron out some deep kinks I didn't even know were there.
Thank you Aaron for sharing you story. The word that comes to mind is heroic.
Great interview. Very moving and inspirational. I really enjoy when JP interviews a guest as though it’s a counseling session with a patient. The questions asked and answers elicited are so informative and interesting.
Aaron’s story of his friendship with Mike is very touching and beautiful.
I grew up similarly. I feel like I don't know how to interact with people or how to make or keep friends. I know how to be polite. But to keep anything deeper has always been a struggle.
Can relate 100%
Be proud that you know how to be polite. That's admirable & courageous concerning what you have been through. While having a solid social circle is good, it's not crucial. Most people won't be able to comprehend what you have been through appropriately & how difficult it was. You're not missing out on much. Give yourself grace.
Best 1.5 hours of screen time I’ll had in months. Dr. Peterson way of pulling the best out of an interview, and Aaron! Wow! That is a strong intelligent example of what is capable with hope and love. Great video!
Having suffered childhood abuse as he did, i have cptsd and i completely relate to this man. Especially the way he speaks faster about the trauma. It activates your sympathetic nervous system. I'm glad he's doing better.
My dad had the same job in the navy during the Vietnam War and was really messed up. He was very abusive when I was young and he was still drinking. He just passed away 2 weeks ago and in his final months, he softened and I saw a different side of him than I grew up knowing. My heart goes out to this man and what he went through but I am so glad to see how much of a better man he has become than who he was raised to be.
I loved his take home message: that tomorrow can be different .
This gentleman Aaron Stark has gained so much insight and wisdom from such a sad childhood which is truly inspiring for anyone forced into a dark childhood. It is possible to successfully break the cycle.
Exactly. It is just really tough. It is rough work.
And yet we say in German „wo ein Wille ist, ist ein Weg.“
Where there's a will, there's a way. Said like that by our English-tongued brothers too?
God bless you.
@@EncourageLegacyIndeed it is.
This is one of the most important conversations the Doctor’s ever put out. Share this, make this go viral! We can save lives!
The moment at 1:29:00 is the most powerful part of this conversation. Explaining that freedom isnt the same thing as retaliation is huge. Just incredible, thank you so much for sharing your story.
“You’re a good kid in a shit world”
Damn that got me emotional. I can relate with a lot of what this man talks about, for better or worse I suppose
JP’s content continues to get better 👍
Really? Did you read his tweets about killing civilians in Gaza?
If you think he is so horrible,, why waste your time watching his videos and commenting? Or do you not even watch the videos but merely post negative comments about Peterson because “group think” requires that opinion of him? I would think he was awful too if I based my opinion only on what certain activists say but I have learned to go to the source and decide for myself. Jordan Peterson has done some very important work, particularly with young men who have been made to feel worthless and incapable of love and a purposeful life. He is also a champion of free speech and has stood up to those who attempt to require certain speech while punishing speech which offends them. This started in Canada but is definitely in conflict with the First Amendment. (btw, “free speech” has as much to do with this video as whatever cherry picked comments you are referring to regarding the atrocities committed by Hamas & Israel’s response).
@@juzores1 I avoid twitter but I heard him talk about them. Still think his content continues to get better
@@lawsoncabell I think if you listen to him properly you realise he is a force for good. It’s easy for trolls to find things to hone in on and attack. You can spin just about anything if you want to.
@@lawsoncabell an evil person like him should not be promoted or trusted if you are as heartless person as him thats your problem. People who buy his books and support his youtube channel should think again.
Jordan, if you ever need someone to speak with about drug addiction and alcoholism and being successful in recovery I’ll do it in a heartbeat. You’ve helped me tremendously throughout the years and I think we could have a meaningful conversation that could help people. 11 years sober here. Let me know.
-Andrew S
I want to say "well done" and hope I don't sound patronising. I'd love to listen to you 😊
My best friend rejected me while we were seniors in High School and I didn't know how to deal with it well. I ended up acting out and making bad decisions and losing self respect.
It was a long rocky road to recovery after that.
My grandfather was also a Vietnam vet. Apparently he was pretty normal before the war, but when he got back he was a completely different person. He abandoned his wife and five children at the time and eventually met my grandmother. That war really destroyed people’s lives.
I don't know how to share how I feel about this. I cannot believe the hell that he went through. How evil everyone and nearly everything in his life was towards him. And I cannot believe how he came out of that with the ability to raise a family, aim towards food and be someone better. The only words I can find are thank you Aaron.
Such a fascinating interview, the story of what this man endured at such a young age is absolutely harrowing. Aaron almost chewed his tongue off the speed at which he was talking, like the dam walls broke, he couldn't seem to get his thoughts out fast enough!
Really happy this man turned his life around and is teaching good values to his kids. Truly inspiring.
One of my toxic trait of growing up in abusive family, is the uncanny ability to just cut family or people off my life that I think are hurting me. I have to stop that and try to have convseration and realize that it is not ever going to be 100% better. I have to try to have relationship. It is very hard for me to maintain or keep relationship because it is very emotionally taxing for me. I am sure in time it will get better
This needs to be made into a movie. It would be such a positive impact
I have never heard a person who speaks as if he lived my life and processed it in such a similar way. Thank you Dr. Peterson for this incredible interview with this amazing man
Having Mike as a friend changed his life. I wish we all had a friend like this.
@aaronstarkauthor I am 12 years older than you and had a similar experience as a child. Mine wasn't even half as bad. But thank you for speaking about it, this has left me in tears of grattitude for my "Mike" family that saved me. I was resilient, like you are and ended up making a success of my life, and not passing on the generational trauma. May God bless you, Brother, and your family.
This was incredibly moving and powerful. I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and all the time I hear about the terrible upbringings these people had and how it led to the absolute atrocities they commited. It is so so refreshing to hear about someone who took the darkest pain and fostered it into something beautiful. You really did break the cycle and that is something to be proud of.
WoW! Congratulations to Aaron and Jordan. A sinister story with the most positive and loving outcome. In a world of evil and dark forces, these stories need to be told. Thank you for providing the platform!
He finally got emotional towards the end when talking about his daughter. And I can notice Dr. Jordan eyes getting red and almost teary.
Love is truly the greatest thing we humans have.
Thank you for this amazing conversation ❤
Take care everyone, of yourself and those around you
Very possible to remember so young. My dad died at 4 and I remember so clearly what happened that day.
I interviewed Aaron about 3 weeks before Dr. Peterson but we spoke more about the psychology of an (almost) active shooter to ask Aaron about my theories on the matter. Aaron was great to speak to and had a tremendous impact on me and my perspective on the subject. I'm so happy for Aaron and respect him for his strength and perseverance to overcome his upbringing. And of course Dr. Peterson is always a pleasure to observe doing what he does!
This is amazing. I struggled with some severe depression in my teenage years as well and felt like an outcast myself. All anyone needs who is struggling is a good role model/someone who cares. Thank God for Mike and anyone like him who can see through the madness and reassure us that every life matters no matter how broken. This is truly inspiring. Thank you Jordan for all the work you do. You’re the man
Probably the best interview Dr. Peterson has ever done. Props to both these gentlemen
Thank you im glad you liked it 😊
Was only planning on watching part of this, but got sucked in just by the pure indomitability of Aaron throughout his life. Aaron is a fully inspirational human being who truly shows what peak humanity is. Congrats!
My life will never be as harsh as his but I identify with him. Being an alone, an alienated monster. Those days were dark for me
This is profoundly sad. My heart breaks for this young man and the thousands of children who endure this kind of abuse.
My childhood was a walk in the park in comparison to his and yet so many of his descriptions would've resonated with me just a few years ago. Thank God I've changed.
This shows how the most abused, neglected people just need one act of kindness or one friend ( Mike) to turn your life around!❤️
I lost my only child, he was 20. I remember feeling like an outsider in my own life until very recently. Its been more than a decade. Really strange.
These personal interviews or testimonies are way better than watching a movie! This video felt like 40 mins! God bless Jordan and Aaron! Well done!
I have heard so many stories having been in a 12 step recovery program myself....this guy is on another level. I can just imagine him doing a first step share and its like...how are you not addicted to everything under the sun?
Mike is the man. We need more of him.
I can be the one stopping these boulders of trauma decending further down. Strong message, Stark example.
The guest, Aaron is actually so correct about generational evil. Mortal sins committed by the fathers get passed down as strong temptations for their children.
Fr. Ripperger (exorcist) discusses this spiritual phenomenon.
Daily discipline of prayer, fasting and deliverance by a priest can greatly help and bring healing and peace to the person and ultimately heal the generation.
It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change somone's life. Words are incredibly powerful.
I used to look after young adults in a care setting. The children would manipulate and move people on shift to see the outcome, because as you said, testing the boundaries and commitment levels. The only way I managed to bring order into their lives was to never lie to them and never make promises i couldn't keep; which is what I think their ultimate goal was to expose in people. So many people try to appease, which leads to the game intensifying. These kids in our world are always at the precipice of making bad decisions. If you spot it, treat them equally and with kindness folks!
I haven't had this extreme experience, but my childhood was very rocky in parts. I can understand exactly where he's coming from.
God is so good. As a mother of three young boys, I too decided to stop the vicious cycle passed down to me from my mother. It can be so difficult to set boundaries and choose to put yourself first, but it’s so worth it when you do!
This poor guy.......wow. Happy that you are doing well and arent continuing the cycle.
Jordan, i cant explain how much ive learned about myself since you came on the scene. Thank u
Stunning conversation. Please do more of this. This type of discussion helps me understand and process things in my past a lot.
It's an absolute miracle that Aaron is alive and well. Just wow.
This is easily the most heartwarming Jordan Peterson episode I've seen yet.
You know, he's missing something. His mom told him she didn't care if he killed himself and then he started trying to erase himself.
He was always asking for help. When he purposely went to school filthy he was waiting for someone to decide he mattered enough... It sounds like nobody ever did. And for some reason, HE did anyway...
That's the worst part, no one stepped up for the child who couldn't do it for himself. We need to look out for each other. Ik it can be tricky when both parents are useless, but it's better to do or say something rather than nothing
@@racheltarentino3314 @freedomisrising
"It sounds like nobody ever did" "That's the worst part, no one stepped up for the child who couldn't do it for himself"
What about a teacher offering him clean clothes and school supplies? Or him being accepted to choir?
Why are you both crafting your own narratives over what he had said?
If only people truly understood how much courage this takes to openly discuss something this horrendous
Aaron is a stand up guy! He works a couple blocks from my house. Always looking up to seeing him and having some small talk!
Thank you for repping Colorado people who came up from the botom
Mike deserves an award!! This one hits home. Made me cry a couple times. Thank you Aaron for sharing your story. How awesome is it to give back like this !!
Aaron,
I believe your existentialism associated with your intelligence is a rare gift to humankind. Soo thankful... your message, if heard, is such a tangible experience to the suffering it is massively relatable. You are a gift. Thank you.
What an absolute trooper! You managed to turn around the cycle and now you are helping countless others with your story. So nice to see someone with such high intelligence and such a rough background not just turn to drugs and video games and bitterness. Also high 5 to Mike what a good soul 👏
I'm the exact opposite of this guy. High in Neuroticism, Low in Conscientiousness. Had an easy life, and still got bitter, made it worse, and drugged my brain.
Video games, self-loathing and wasted potential.
If you make it worse for yourself out of guilt,
you always inevitably verge toward risk for
aggressive hate and shadow dominance;
in other words,
Jung's worst fear will win, and...
all you loved, and feared, and hated, can in a very real sense become both lost, and realized, and victorious respectively.
Be very diligent.
@furiousgaming3111
So what's your advice?
And where are you now?
Also-I refuse to believe you are the exact opposite.
@@EncourageLegacy My advice would be
to know yourself deeply.
By greater self-knowledge we can come to better know the world, a la ego death. But very cautiously...paranoia becomes rampant when positive emotions have become impaired by unfortuate circumstance or malicious attack.
I have escaped the psychiatric "treatment" mill for the time being but they had me on 15+ drugs/medications at one time for 2 years, and I've been doing it to myself for 5 straight years. Both were deeply morally wrong and I had to grin and bear it in some sense. But...
I am lower than I have ever been (I think) but that means, in, I pray, a positive sense, that I have nothing left to lose. I have fallen, and maybe I (and anyone who wants it bad enough) can get back up again.
Anyway, Jordan's Self-Authoring and Big 5 Test are rather accurate as near as I can tell. I would however also suggest a Dark Triad Scales, and a full neuropsychological evaluation if you feel you need to understand your neurology better. If you have the cognitive skill to do the following, DIY your own health as much as possible while still recruiting others and collaborating positively & productively with them. I also have had genetic tests done and had my brain scanned by Daniel Amen.
It was very valuable to learn about methylfolate reductase dysfunction and the mental problems that can cause. Lead with your soul, but separate out your mind and body so you can synchronize each of them together at what will then/now be a much higher level.
Don't isolate yourself unless you truly need it, and lean into your strengths and strongly avoid what you hate. Basically, as you poignantly cited, follow 42 Rules for Life as best you can, and carve your own path out as well.
I appreciate the support insofar as not denigrating me further than I do myself, and _truly_ appreciate it to boot.
I don't know your life and would be out of my depth or my right to speak on such things, but I have left a breadcrumb trail detailing some things to avoid; I will be trying to make a stronger effort at some of those things seeing as I am literally a step away from having absolutely nothing.
As far as my struggles pertaining in any way to the typical person;
I have an 8-times-over exceptional brain, so that would be Gifted, p-ASD, ADHD-C, CACNA1C, polydysfunctional, unusual personality makeup from a clinical perspective, extremely rare life circumstances and brain damage among other things like bipolar tendencies and wrongfully internalized "ACEs". It's not good and it's not even slightly easy. It has been found that toxoplasmosis gondii infection can prompt low Conscientiousness, and I am 0 to 5th percentile in Industriousness. My verbal IQ is outstanding, but I have an ability-achievement gap due to the multifactorial neurological trauma and insult.
I am rambling now, but you lit a fire in me and I strongly respect your overall demeanor, so I figured I owed you a portion of my time this fine evening. Best of luck in every regard;😊🤙🏼
You know where to find me🙇🏽♂️
Good lord, I'm so glad this guy came out on the other end. Parts of this just made me feel dead inside. I can relate to a few things he said, even though I considered my family life growing up to be good, and I have a great relationship currently with my folks. I'll never take them for granted, that's for sure.
Anyhoot, wishing y'all well! ❤️
Excellent episode. I teach college course in LA county jails and I’ve used Aaron’s Ted talk in my anger mgmt course and boy, is it a tear jerker and conversation opener for my students. I have so much respect for Aaron and his healing process and of course I highly respect and appreciate the messages you bring to this world Mr. Peterson. Thank you
My mother is a mad woman. She does crazy things. I’m a guy- 18 gonna turn 19 next month. For me my life is a mess, it’s been miserable from the start. I don’t know where I’m headed, I got no future.
Ending my life is my way out, to escape everything.
My mother is a mad woman. She does crazy things. I’m a guy- 18 gonna turn 19 next month. For me my life is a mess, it’s been miserable from the start. I don’t know where I’m headed, I got no future.
Ending my life is my way out, to escape everything.
That was beautiful to watch. To hear the hell that some ppl go through and then overcome is absolutely amazing.
Wow my mother abused me but man this was on another level. I never abused my sons.
I really understand how the bitterness and pain can make you want to reinforce the negative view your family hold for you and make you want to go all out when you feel trapped like there is no other way. This interview was so astounding and insightful. Thank you to you both.
Poor kid. Great that he was actually able to recover from this kind of trauma. Well done man. Well done. 👏🏼
Great conversation, learned a lot! Thank you Aaron for sharing your story❤
Thank you for doing this interview and high respect for his willingness to tell his story.
Damn! I’ve cried and cried while listening to this.. may we all be more like Mike!
maybe one of my favorite Jordan Peterson interviews