dyeing my hair & LIFE UPDATE: why i moved out, dw i went to the hospital im ok now
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- hi how are you im doing ok thank you for your kind words always and I hope you like the finished result of my root melt blend in dye !!!
I have had to remove myself from my home to reduce distress within myself and everyone around me. I talk about some of the reasons here and the help myself and my family is getting.
Currently, some of my goals this year are as follows:
restart a regular vlogging + uploading schedule for my channel & social media
finish school year successfully
create income & pay debt
apply for Korean visa & US travellers card
apply for a university exchange program
I am so thankful for your kind words, thank you for showing me that I am not going through this by myself and I'm also not the only one having a difficult time. It is very meaningful to experience this with you.
If you would like to write me, please find my PO box below, I will be sending replies during this season:
Namee Park NachoFam
4-7025 Markham Rd #316
Markham, Ontario
L3S 0C2 Canada
Paypal link: www.paypal.com...
Thank you again for watching, please stay safe and healthy and happy I love you !!
D I S C L A I M E R S
All opinions owned by me, all products purchased by me unless stated otherwise, all things stated are 110% honest ! Please know some links are affiliate based and at no extra cost to you, we would get a small portion to help support the channel through these links. Thank you always for taking your time to watch our videos !
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I feel like you were forced to grow up waaay too fast Namee. I'm so sorry for all the pain you're dealing with. You have to put yourself first now, you've got that right. Please know lots of ppl relate as well, you're not alone. Take care, ok?
Sending hugs and kisses I love you so much we can do this 😭❤️🔥❤️🩹
Awww...
Nami, I'm going to law school and have some experience with family law. I really recommend you don't post these kinds of things because the lawyers during your separation and CPS will use this against you in court. I know this is what you use to cope and vent, but you should be prepared for lawyers to bring up when you said you are suicidal around your children. The only thing I can recommend is that you continue therapy, classes, and work because this will reflect well on you. My heart and thoughts are with you during this tough time.
I’m glad someone said this.
i have been watching you for a long long time years ago and recently came back and it breaks my heart to see you hurting and struggling like this. i feel like you've been fighting for your own happiness and peace since you were young and it's unfair to know you never got to achieve any of that.
please think of all of our support and properly take care of yourself now. get help wherever you can and finally attain your own wants and needs step by step. self care is so so so important and now it's definitely time for you to really prioritise it. ❤
Namee I've been watching your videos for so many years now it feels like talking to an old friend and I have to say I'm so deeply sorry for what you have to go through. But remember that you are bigger than what is making you feel small.. sending much love from Austria ❤ you got this girl!
namee, I have been watching your videos for years and they have always brought me a sense of quiet peace. it’s so sad to know that you yourself haven’t experienced that same peace. I hope you can find some sense of self and happiness soon and get the serenity you deserve. please let us know what we can do to help!!!! community is vital in dark times like these. sending love all the way from indiana 💖
This was really hard to watch 😔, are the doctors sure that you you dont still require in-patient care? You are incredibly manic in this video and its worrying, this is coming from a 40 yr old, mother of 3 who is also suffering mental illness, just full of concern for you Namee 😢
Haha thank you squirrel they asked me 2 days in out of 4 if i what to go home and I just told them I just wanna be ok 😅😅 the new medication is helping but for sure I’ve been chaotic since I was young 😅🤣🤣 I think I’m just super funny 😭😭💅 also my new meds bring out my ADHD and anxiety while whereas my antidepressants used to calm me down and numb me until I started getting suicidal again due to inability to reach the therapeutic dosage at 2x+ what I was taking. For now I’m taking it a day at a time and seeing how it goes, I have a family doc appt this week to follow up w everything (:
I'm sorry for tagging along bit I agree with this persons comment and I can tell she is not coming from a bad place , you had an episode on the video and from my experience - I am a psychologist- I say that you should stay in a facility care for one two days more. Seek a second opinion from another psychiatrist . Again I wanna show no hate; Namee you are far from ok, and definitely at this point you should go and stay in a center
Very late to the convo but @NameePark you having to deal with ADHD on top of everything explains so much❤. I'm a fellow neurospicy cupcake and everything you said felt so relatable 🥺. It totally get the frustration how those around us sometimes just expect us to function and not be ✨️so darn sensitive✨️. Glad you're getting the help you deserve and sending you tons of good vibes, hugs and healing your way.
She isn't that bad and ur being a dramatic cow
@ms.coleman8403 Relax. You don't have to be rude. They were expressing genuine concern and have experience with similar troubles. Don't forget that there's a person behind the username. Always be kind, because you never know what someone is going through.
This is your awakening and only the beginning!! Sending you so much love right now, your videos have always brought me comfort! ♥️♥️♥️
I’ve been your fan for years, and its upsetting to see you in a situation like this. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, and I truly hope everything works out and gets better. All the love 🫶🫶
As someone who is diagnosed with Bipolar & struggle with suicidal thoughts & other things in life that I'm stressed about... I'm sending plenty of love to you. We all got this! This is a time to focus on yourself, reach out with professionals, be involved with our support system (friends, etc), taking a breather, and so much more. Our self is important, so, let's do our best to not abandon ourselves. Although healing & treating our mental health can be just as painful too, it will help tremendously in the future & we can learn healthier coping skills when we have our worst days. I'm glad you're taking the steps to be getting better, even if it came down to leaving family members, we shouldn't allow toxic family members to continuously emotional abusing us & be in our lives. ❤❤
Namee--- throughout your journey it's always seemed like you had to grow up so unnecessarily fast. What you've done for your children and family is amazing but it's important to take care of your needs, wants, dreams, etc. as well. It was so amazing to hear that you're in school! That is so awesome. And you had the strength and courage to seek professional help. Amazing! You deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationships. You deserve to do the things you want. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and accept you for who you are! You deserve it and it's not impossible or unattainable.
Also regarding diagnosis-- I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when I was 17, then BPD when I was 19. At 30 I was diagnosed for ADHD, Autism and C-PTSD. There is a lot of overlap and comorbidity when it comes to emotional regulation, trauma etc. *At the end of the day they're all just labels used to determine how to best treat a person so they can live their best life.* PURR 💅🏾✨ Also-- personality disorders are trauma disorders! Literally the only way to develop the disorder is experiencing severe and/or repeated trauma as a child. This is the foundation for ALL personality disorders. The behavior that stems from that trauma was the difference between survival or dying young. It's how our little, undeveloped baby brains kept us safe when our parents didn't.
So please be kind to yourself Namee. A personality disorder is not the end of the world. If anything it's just a confirmation that the ppl who were supposed to protect us hurt us deeply. It's a reminder of our inner strength and adaptability! I've been subscribed since you were a teen and I would always be in awe of your life. You've come SO far and accomplished so much. You can't go out now! Like this is where things truly get interesting and fun because you are living FOR YOU!
Wishing you nothing but the best on this new journey Namee. Peace, joy and all good things. 💞💞 PS-- YOU FUCKING GOT THIS?? LIKE LETS BE REAL WHAT CAN'T U DO??!?!
If you had to change yourself for someone else and it’s affecting you negatively, and you’re not allowed to have certain friends, then that to me sounds like a situation you don’t need to be in, especially when there are children involved. I’ve been in a similar situation before where I had ppd and chronic depression and anxiety. My partner at the time didn’t understand how to deal with things like that, but for our daughter we had to part ways. Who knows, maybe if Michael really loves you like he says, then he also needs to make changes in himself and accept you for who you really are. I remember watching your videos years ago, and seeing the way that you are now and hearing that you’re in a situation like this now is sad. I hope you continue to get the treatment you need and get better for yourself and your children.❤ because something I was told was that they (your children) should be all the reason to keep going.
it worries me a lot seeing this video. I grew up in a christian cult and so much of what she's saying here is the experience of tons of women I grew up with. Got married super young, religious pressure to "serve/submit" to the husband, complete abandonment of self and even a discouraging of building an individual identity. It's so dangerous. a close friend of mine attempted her life 3x beginning of covid and divorced her husband at the same time, while being disfellowshipped from the church. I think when there's that religious element it makes working through problems like like 100x more mentally challenging.
I became a mother/wife very young and I can relate to how you're feeling. I'm now 32 and in a much better place in life. You're breakthrough is on it's way.
hi!!
I feel like I am listening to myself talk.. I have been struggling so badly lately.. I relate to so many of the things you're saying. I'm sorry everything feels so heavy right now, I'm praying it'll get better for you.
Praying for you too Alicia thank you for your kind words one thing the nurses said that helped me is to take it one step at a time and focus on one thing at a time especially when overwhelmed 🥹❤️🩹😞❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥😇
@NameePark thank you for sharing that 🙏🏻 ❤️ it is sometimes so difficult to remember to slow down when your thoughts are going a million miles a second. I appreciate your kind words here and your honesty in your video. You've reminded me that my feelings are valid.
Namee, please give yourself grace you’ve gone through so much. Something that has helped me that my therapist said is to think of yourself as a friend and that way you won’t be as mean to yourself, I’m very self deprecating (it works on and off). I’m glad that you now feel supported and are getting help.
Know that you are not alone.
I think is super important to put yourself and your needs first before you can take care of anyone else, so do that and don’t let people make you feel ashamed or anything of the sort, by putting yourself first you are doing right by you and your children.
xoxox
Dear Namee, watching this really made me feel for you even more and I truly wish my words can give you just a little bit of support.
I firstly want to say, that while watching I thought to myself, that you are very admirable in the fact, that you have always showed your emotions and the great variety of them on your channel. I thought so, before you said you couldn't show the entirety of your emotional situations through your familys suggestions to not show the negative ones. I believe though, that you did indeed truly succeed in creating a save place for you online here. You have the support of your viewers and we are here to hear you out and help in any way that we can from afar.
Namee, you have been doing so well for yourself and appear very strongly willed to me. For years, even though you were experiencing the ups and downs of your mental state, aswell as your lingering memories of growing up feeling misunderstood, you cared for your family, your children, and yourself! That is a lot to manage. And just because you've reached a point where from the outside, your church community etc. could think you failed, I believe just now, you are the strongest you have ever been. You decided, to take a step away from your surroundings, which hurt you. Allowed yourself to not be hurt anymore. By others and yourself. That is such a hard thing to do, and you managed to do it. I'm sure it was even harder of a decision because you are a loving mother and stepping away from your children must've been incredibly hard. I hope you know, that for your decision to get help, you needed to be the strongest that you have ever been. For once you did what was only for you and not pleasing for other people. In the long run it will be the best for you, your children and family.
I am wishing you well in your recovery. Don't ever stop believing in yourself. The hardships will never just vanish, but you surely will be able to learn ways to handle them well. You already did the first step. I am very proud of you and I know plenty of more people are so too. You are supported and loved. I wish you can truly love yourself soon, you deserve it. Keep going, you are doing so well! (If I can help in any way, please feel free to let me know.)
Super overwhelmed by your love Miya thank you so much if you are willing to sched a call we can chat more, pls feel free to see my avails here: calendly.com/parknamee/call-with-nami love you so much you are so incredibly large hearted and many must see that in you around you 😞❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🔥
I haven’t been here in awhile, so I feel like this video popping up in my feed only an hour after it was posted says something. I never comment, but just want to say that I think it‘s amazing you’re advocating for yourself, Namee. I’m so sorry for the struggles you’ve been facing, but from what I‘ve seen of you over the years I know that you’re strong and you can pull through this. Obviously, I can’t know exactly how you’re feeling, but know that your feelings are so so valid. Sometimes you just need someone to acknowledge how you feel and be there for you instead of trying to solve or trivialize everything; and I totally get that. We’re in different situations, but I feel like you encapsulated the same feeling that’s been looming around me lately, too. Just know that there are many people who love you for who you are, even if you don’t know who that is sometimes. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to be the “good girl“; you’re a woman, and women don’t need to adhere to the ideals society sets for them anymore.
Anyway, I sincerely hope you find the kind of friends you’re looking for, and I wish you luck in rebuilding your support system ❤️ Also, I think the book you’re talking about is Dear Dumb Diary! :)
YES DEAR DUMB DIARY THANK YOU ahhahaha i look like the blonde girl as a child 😅😅😅 thank you for your kind words love you so much we can do this !!!!!!!
hey nami. ive been watching you for so long and it breaks my heart to hear that you feel how youre feeling right now. please remember: you deserve to be yourself, you deserve to be loved and respected and you deserve happiness. i wish you all the best 💓 you can do this 🫶
You need to stay strong for your children and heal, then get away from whoever is making you feel like this. Putting videos out like this is just grounds for your husband to take your children, be careful what you put out on the internet. Sending love and hope you get some help❤
He already has the children because both CPS and our family therapists and myself and him have established I am unwell enough to need supervision around them. Putting videos like this is part of my healing to all I’ve been suffering through in that house and he told me to do what I need to do and he will do what he needs to do. I just feel bad that I’m not well enough to help out more. Thankfully we have a lot of family and community around that would help with pouring into the children. For now, I need to focus on my mental health, social health, community health, financial health, work health, and perhaps even sending money will help them a lot. Thank you Amanda
I just do my best and let God do the rest ! Nami I never forget those words that you said. Praying for you!
Thank you days now I am so tired of doing my best, I just want to rest and let God do His best 🥲🥲🥲😅🤣
I know He will for you love you ❤
When I listened to you It felt like I was listening to myself at various points in my life. As someone with emotional dysregulation I know life is sometimes a rollercoaster ( an intense one at times) Its frustrating when people close to you don't understand, show they care, or think you are exaggerating. I have no advice to give, as I'm still working things out myself, but you are not alone in your feelings.
Honestly I am not surprised hearing this from you. Even just seeing your before videos of you working constantly/taking care of 3 kids + doing all the chores made me tired for you. No one is able to keep that pace forever and I also feel like too many adult expectations were put on you at too young of an age. It made me feel sad for you as I feel like you were just being used and being disregarded on how you feel. I hope you take as long as you need to heal from trauma and burnout, but just know you are still young and there’s still a fruitful journey ahead waiting for you❤❤❤
I'm not diagnosed but I struggle with passive suicidal thoughts a lot, have no self esteem and just basically hate myself. I often feel like I'm missing something since I'm 24 years old, have no partner, just a few friends and still live at my parents house. But for some reason I want 2024 to be MY year. I want to be happy with who I am and also accomplish new things.
So here are a few advices that I can give to :
- take your time and try out new things ( work out, pottery, crocheting, learn a choreography......)
- travel with friends or alone!! sometimes a small 3-day vacation can be more healing than anything
- try to plan things in the futur you're going to be excited about : small little trips around the town, shopping, going at the restaurants....
- ask for help if you need it. nobody is going to judge you.
- listen to yourself because in the end nobody knows you better than yourself. for instance: if you need a break, take it.
I want 2024 to be your year too!
I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts sorry about that everything you been going through and no worries about swearing, let it all out. I’m glad you are getting the help you need and I hope your break makes everything okay for you or at least bearable. A big hug for you Namee I hope things will be stress free or at least easier.
Sending love thank you Steve I think you are my oldest viewer tbh 😭
Hey, Namee, I grew up with parents like yours and live in Toronto too.
I found you in one of your first Q&A videos about your relationship and teen pregnancy.
I was always worried about you, because you seemed like such a genuine soul, and the world tends to hurt people like us.
You’re right. Everyone failed you. I’m going through such a similar mental health crisis right now too. It really sucks.
I hope things start looking up for you.
That was hard to watch . I’m so sorry Nami. I’ve been watching you for years now . I hope and pray everything works out for you 💕
Hi Nami! Secret watcher for years here commenting for the first time, i hope you know you're not alone in your journey. I went through my own mental health crisis a few years back where I literally needed to hit my rock bottom to get help. It takes a little while to start getting your life back on track after starting medication, but I just wanted to tell you to remember to give yourself grace. Getting help is the first and hardest step and you should feel proud! You'll get through it and know you have people that have your back but most importantly please don't forget to give yourself grace! Much love!
I’m usually not one to comment on most videos and have been a casual follower for years. Hearing this is heartbreaking. I feel for you but also for your family.
Acknowledging that it takes courage to put yourself and your life out there for the world to see and judge but I agree that you definitely to take a step back and really see how this is affecting your kids lives and their own childhood as well.
You seem to graze over all the other comments that doesnt praise or acknowledge your woes. I hope you do get the help you need to be in a better stable position because its not your life anymore, you have 3 beautiful kids who are lost and confused with your absence and a husband who has supported you to the best of his abilities. No one is perfect but I wish you the best.
Namee, I feel you. You have been restrained by others your whole life and doubt yourself every second. You deserve to finally be free without anyone affecting your decisions. You don't owe anything to anyone and can do whatever you want to do. You will always deserve that.
Omg I feel so much for u! The part where u say he doesn’t acknowledge your feeling as a valid perspective, but keeps rationalizing situations. Are all of them like this? This is literally mansplaining! I’ve been wanting to elope with myself my whole life too. But then I realized what Paris Hilton realized, that the best way to escape others’ control and stop fulfilling others’ expectations, is to make a lot of money. The only freedom is financial freedom. You can do it! I believe in you!
Namee!! I understand what you're going through, and I'm so sorry about everything going on but the fact you're still here and able to do things on your own proves how strong you truly are even if you don't feel it. I'll always support you no matter what, I'll try to write you a letter soon. I love you so much, please stay healthy and eat lots
You're going from one extreme to the other Namee, it's very worrying to see. Wanting to be left alone is understandable but please get some MH help to work through this.
Sending you love xxx
I think it’s my new meds haha it’s an antipsychotic but it makes my ADHD go on high ramp 😭 my antidepressants before made me more PMS tho so idk there’s no way to win there’s just living or death and I’ve decided to choose living whatever that means 🥹🥹 Ty for affirming the medical help love you !!!
It's the psych drugs she's taking. She was never like this until she started taking the drugs.
Hi Nami. I'm so happy to see you choose yourself, your mental health, and your happiness. I hate the circumstances it's happening in. You deserve to be heard. You deserve the love you're asking for. You deserve the support you're asking for. Period. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for the things you say and the things you want. We're rooting for you and cannot wait to see you live life to the fullest ❤
hey girl. I've followed you for a few years and I just wanted to tell you everything you're feeling is valid. I think for the last few years, you've been selfless for your family, husband, children, and trying to heal from trauma (all at a very young age). As someone who hasn't had children yet, but had some unresolved trauma, I also feel like I haven't lived life still! Take this time to be selfish, live for yourself and your life. As long as you're taking care of yourself, you're also indirectly taking care of your children (and will eventually be able to return fulltime but with balance for yourself). I hope the best for you.
Let yourself swear, scream, cry, laugh, sleep, grieve the things you thought you’d have by now and just breathe! BE EXTRA AND NEVER APOLOGIZE. You held it in for so long namee , sometimes you need to be listened to and not given “solutions” or rationalize feelings. A happy mom is a healthy mom, investing in yourself will always always be worth it. It will hurt others feelings, but f*ck them! If someone only loves you when you’re performing well, they don’t deserve you.
Getting psychiatric support is the best most normalising thing ever. I have had my meds changed recently and i feel a bit better the last week.
So weird you upload today, i was thinking about you and wondering how you are last night. Im glad you’re still here.
hey Namee, I bet being an influencer isn't easy - I agree, it's not bad to show your real self, including hard times. It what makes you you and your channel unique. We don't need a perfect facade, since connection doesn't work that way.
I wish you the best, don't be to hard on yourself. It is ok to be sad and ok to not be well, just take one step after another. 😊
Girl, it's time for you to KNOW yourself. Live for yourself, queen. You've been married soooo young, you didn't have any time to figure out who you are as an adult. The most important thing right now is for u to keep having medical assistance and treat your mental health, it's okay to think about yourself rn, it's your life!!!!!!
I’m so sorry Nami, I understand how you feel with your husband I hate when they give you reasons or solutions when all you want is a huge and love and to hear that you’re beautiful and strong and that they’re there for you. Men are so stupid but I’ve learned that they are logical and not emotional and can’t comprehend our emotional needs , so definitely something your husband needs to learn to understand as well
I’ve dealt with a lot of this. It’s so hard. Praying and sending good vibes. Breathe, one day at a time.
Oh Namee I’ve been a fan for so long it even hurts me to c u hurting 🥺sending u all the love ❤ b kind 2 urself ❤
Namee I think you are experiencing mania. Please consider inpatient treatment.
I was hospitalized 4 days and discharged after put on an antipsychotic (:
I’ve been experiencing mania since I was 8 and though all my friends just thought I was hyper, I should’ve received the help I needed sooner. Now I’m the only one who can get me that help ): thank you Elle
Hi Namee! I’m glad to see that you have friends that support you while you’re going through this difficult time, I’m in a similar boat of having to move in with my partner instead because only he undestands me. I can relate to having invalidating parents and being around those who are simply unsupportive and trigger your suicidal thoughts constantly. I don’t agree with the comments berating you by telling you to be admitted and making you out to be a psycho. Not sure if it’s borderline personality disorder but it’s something I struggle with and those with the disorder are always stigmatized. We all need to vent sometimes and I guess it’ll just come off as unhinged to people who don’t understand. And switching from laughing to crying isn’t unheard of, I literally make dumb morbid jokes about death or laugh about how shitty my situation is. Years and years of trauma is going to make people snap. Hoping the best for you, and this video honestly made me feel seen since I’m going through a hard time too.
Come on, Nami, we have to fight together like a family ❤ we are here for you 🙏♥️
Hi Nami! I wanted to say I am glad you are taking the initiative to take care of yourself. I feel like it is important to surround yourself with people you trust when you are struggling with your mental health. I just hope you know you are not alone in your struggles. This is tmi, but I fell into depression and was suicidal during my time in nursing school last year. My self-esteem was all-time low and my partner of five years dismissed my mental health issues. He just told me life is hard for everyone and you just push through it. Still, I realized there was a limit to how much my partner could comfort me when I was struggling. Therefore, it is important to prioritize getting better so you can also be there for your friends, family, and your loved ones. I just wanted to share that mental health issues don't just magically disappear but it's all how you manage it. To this day, I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I try my best every day because I can't just give up when there are people in my life who care about me. Personally, seeing a therapist helped me. I really wish you the best so I could not help but leave a comment/share for the first time. You are worth it and you deserve to be happy!
Very worrying to see as a long time fan. I know Namee has had her struggles but this video hits way harder.. I'm worried for your safety Namee. Please take care of yourself to the best of your ability and allow everyone else to help you as much as they can. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage struggling. It sounds like you both may need counselling when you feel more stable ❤️❤️ Giving all my love to the children too, mental health is hard for everyone struggling with it but also around it. Your babies won't undestand and they just want their mummy happy and well❤️
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad but don't put too much pressure on yourself in this time, there's only so much you can do, only so much of your energy you can give...you sound very overwhelmed and burnt out girl❤️ As for your courses, its always something you can go back to so don't worry, I have made similar sacrifices when I've been physically ill❤️
We love you Namee, you've always been a joy to get to know and you've made your viewers lives just that bit more brighter too💖
I understand mental health crisises and what they entail because I'm a carer for someone with mental illnesses ❤️ I know how bad it can get.
Its so important to love yourself immensely and recognise you're a beautiful soul that's just struggling...not as someone who has no hope in life. You can get through this difficult period girl, we love you . I hope to see uodates in the future where you feel seen, heard, taken care of, and in a much better situation 💗 All the love, we care about you ❤️
Yes we def both need counseling I had depression and now he has anxiety so getting the therapy we need to heal will be so helpful 😞 thank you for sharing yes maybe I can take a break after this semester and see where things go I have only one more year left so hopefully that can be done in the next 3 🥹
I love you so much I hope many blessings for your kind heart in helping those around you and thank you so much for your encouraging words I’m so thankful for this ability to connect with you and will keep trying to live a life that is abundant 🥹❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Nami, a virtual hug for you. Even though we are not physically there but know that you have a ton of followers who really enjoyed your content and you for you. We love the authentic you alright so please do well. Take care of yourself, love yourself cause that’s the most important thing ever
Hey Namee, I’m wishing you the best rn ❤️❤️❤️ i just want to share my own personal story and advice in hopes they may help you a bit. I was also a people pleaser who had my world come crashing down.! Everything I did was for my mom not me. Going to church, doing well in school, having no friends, having certain beliefs and etc. After living like this for so long I reached a point where I was forced to ask myself what am I doing? Why am I doing all this? Do I want to do these things? Does doing any of this make me happy?!?! The answer to all these questions were no and so I went soul searching. I picked up a million hobbies and I started thinking deeply of all aspects of my life and rejected the ones that didn’t help me or make me happy. The backlash I got was immense and after going through it all I realized it hurt so much because this was backlash from someone who was my whole world, who I sacrificed so much for and it all felt like a direct attack on my attempt to be happy. I worked on everything alone for a while, cut off people and did some more soulsearching but I eventually reached a breaking point where I genuinely thought I wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. I ended up getting therapy because I told everything to a guidance counselor and she got me help. I am currently 2 years past the worst of everything and I’m doing better, I’m definitely happier, I know myself better and I’m still working on deeper problems. You right now remind me of myself in that soul searching period when I was facing all the rejection and backlash from people I cherished just because I wanted to do things that make me happy. I just want to tell you some of the things that really helped me carry on which is, it’s your life. You have been and are going to live with yourself for the rest of your life, longer than anyone else so you, before anyone else, should be happy with yourself. The people around you are there because you allow them to be there and don’t let them forget that fact! Don’t let them continue to take your agency! The backlash sucks and your relationships with these people will never be the way it was, but the way it was for you was miserable so do you really want to go back to that and sacrifice the potential of things getting better? The relationships may get better with time, communication, and understanding from both ends but do not allow yourself to lose yourself again.I try to understand why the people around me act the way they do and recognize patterns in their behavior so I reinforce the fact that none of their behavior is my fault, I don’t owe them any of the things they want from me/used to get from me and I can’t “fix” them, but I know how they operate so I can fight them, ignore them, or talk to them with the tools I acquired without getting stuck in a trap. You are one person and relationships are a 2 person game so you can only say and do so much. I don’t say this to say you should give up on them (It’s your life!) but to say you can tell them the same things a million times and they will never get it because they didn’t put the time and effort into thinking about those things the way you did so sometimes you just have to distance yourself to protect your peace and and accept the fact you have done all you can do(only come to this conclusion AFTER extensive therapy lol) and its up for them to take the time to work on themselves. I would also tell myself that I deserve to be happy and I don’t want to die and the narrative changes because no one is gonna advocate for me. I’m gonna spend the rest of my days on earth happy as a motherfucker and live out of spite! I’m getting everything that I want out of life and then I’ll die when I’m fulfilled ! So all this to say it’s gonna suck and it will be a hard process that you honestly will never fully escape but it gets easier you will be happier than you were before and it will all be worth it because you’re so young, you have so much to live for so why should others, self hatred, and depression force you to cut your life short, It’s fucking unfair!!!! I don’t want to project too much so I’m gonna shut up now. My final words of advice is that therapy will do you wonders but it is what you make of it,switch therapist if they don’t suit you or listen to you, communicate if your therapist does something you don’t like but may have interpreted weird (a good therapist is open to criticism about the words they say to you), and be open to criticism about your own behavior. Good luck! I wish the best to you and stay alive queen!!!!
"depression is the reward for being the "good girl"." In the Moment, you said, you tried to be a good girl, i feeeeeelt that! 😭💔 Love you namee! Love your energy and your extraness! 😘
namee i've been following you for a while, and your videos were always there for me when i was going through a hard time, and i'm so sorry about everything that's been going on for you lately. wishing you the best always
Just be gentle to yourself honey, and take care ❤ x
Namee I know some people are being rude they are not og nachofam I am glad you are now becoming yourself I remember watching your old videos and being like omg I see me in her when I tried to PRETEND I WAS OK
Please take care of yourself and take whatever time you need to get well. I wish the very best for you.
Just want to say sorry for everything you're going through. Please don't give up on life and all the things you still have to experience. Also, I love the way your hair turned out. So prettyyyyy xxxx
Hi Namee! I’m so sad to hear about everything that you went through. I’m sorry. As you had encouraged me throughout the years. I’m gonna try to do it too. Out off anyone, God loves you so much. He is the safest place to be in. Go to his arms. Ask for him to reveal more of who he is to you. His love is able to heal any dimension of pain. He has saved me through my childhood and the suicidal attempts till know. He sees you and wants to help you. ( sorry if I made a mistake, english it’s not my first language 😅) Love youuuu girl. I’m praying for you 🩶
I am praying for Michael and the kids 🙏 I am sure this is not easy for them either 🙏 😢
Namee, I found your channel when I was around 17 and I’ve always been so fond of you! I’m 21 now and I just rediscovered you. Even when I first started watching your videos I felt like you had SO much creativity and such a bright personality, and like it was being stifled by the expectations placed on you. This is a hard and scary transition for anyone but you have SO much going for you, and you’re such a bright, special person. Leaving a situation in which you’re trapped is hard, but the hardest step is having the bravery to leave to begin with. I’m wishing you so much success and joy, and I cannot wait to see what you’ll be able to do now that you’re able to live for yourself. Nothing you went through was fair. You deserve your flowers, you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and cherish your individuality and uniqueness. I’m so proud of you for doing what’s best for YOU. I’ll always be rooting for you!
girl, there's like hundreds or thousands here in your channel who wants to be friends with you. you're important to a bunch of people. cheer up, stay around people who makes you happy, leave those who doesn't make you happy.
Hi! I been a subscriber for years. Keep expressing yourself, take your time and embrace positive support and listening ears from your friends, viewers and acquaintances etc. Make sure have some fun along the way. When I first seen your videos, I was bleaching and dyeing my hair fire truck red. You being a social butterfly is what made you being you. Don't let others take that away. I remember you respond to comments and leave likes. You are dedicated and amazing person. Happy Spring! :D
On serious note you need to walk away. If you’re not happy to point of suicide you have to walk away! I am able to speak to my husband and get his support because i finally opened up to him. I was like you depressed and suicidal but now he knows he’s supposrtive. However your husband knows and still controlling your life. You have to walk away for your own health. Asian men (yes my husband is chinese) are controlling and they do have zero emotions. But we have a son now and I taught him to say sorry when he’s in the wrong. I taught him to hug me when im upset, i taught him to listen to me when needed. Things have been better the last year out of seven years relationship. Its your health thats on the line! You! And only you. Walk away if it’s what you feel is right. Follow your heart ❤❤
Hi Namee i don't know if I've ever commented on your videos but I've been watching you for so many years!!! I hope you get better soon and everyone involved can heal from their own struggles ❤❤❤ you are a strong queen let's gooo hahaha
Awww :( i feel so bad for her ... Now i see why she's trying to become independent. She doesnt feel like a whole person. Her husband doesnt have or show compassion towards her. And she became a mother so young. It sounds like he trapped you ... While you were niave and innocent....my sister in law went through something similar. Im torn over the fact you are a mother but you are also a person who needs to be respected and feel like you still have control in your own life. I hope you heal and get better.
Hey Namee, I have always enjoyed seeing your videos throughout the years and I want to say that you always inspired me as a person through my teenage years and growing into a young adult. I'm sorry that you're feeling trapped and alone, I wish that you will find your own happiness and help and support that you deserve. I'll be praying for you, girlie! 😟💙
Hi nami, I've been so busy these past few years. I'm watching this because I saw the instagram post. I really feel for you. You had children young, still trying to do school/course, meanwhile with a rough relationship with your mum, and trying to still live your life. You had to mature young. A lot of adults find the change of children hard, but you did this alongside school and all sorts. Give yourself grace nami. I've been watching throughout my teen years. I think i was around 12 or 13 when i first found this channel. I'm 18 now. You have grown in so many ways, and I want you to know that even if there was mistakes along the way, we learn and we grow. How will we grow if we don't make mistakes. This video did resonate with me, i have been there, and I sometimes still do. But we will get through this. Sending love to you
I feel you, sweet Namee. I had NO idea anything was going on with Michael, though I knew you had been struggling with your mental health and trying to be happy for a VERY long time. ❤
I think right now is a HUGE time of transition in your life, and one that you need to go through in order to come out the other side and be truly YOU.
We all love you, whether we see happy, funny Namee from years ago, bleaching her hair, or distressed, trying desperately to cope Namee right now. We love YOU and are ALWAYS here for you, no matter what.
I'm 44 years old, and have had chronic anxiety since age 4 from some prolonged trauma. I developed OCD at age 7 and now Complex PTSD and BPD, which I've had for many years but didn't realise until a few years ago. I also have major depression and have been on 8 different antidepressants over the past 11 years, most of which made me worse. I also don't really know who I am and my sense of self is unstable. I also feel empty a LOT, and it's really hard to deal with.
Try not to focus too much on any personality disorder diagnosis. Complex trauma / CPTSD like you've experienced in your early life, and still ongoing in some ways, goes hand in hand with BPD. There is no shame in seeking help for a mental illness, having a disorder, or just trying to survive and be happy. Being diagnosed with whatever can be useful, as you can then hopefully get more specific types of therapy to help you the best way possible.
PS. Your hair looks so good!!! 😍
PPS. When you were crying earlier on in the video, my cat Monty came up and put his nose on my phone screen, concerned. Even he loves you! 😂❤
Hi Namee, your videos helped me so much when I was going throught such a dark time in my life, giving me hope in life, in faith, and in people, and I'm so sorry that you are going through this... I hope you are able to find yourself and find hapiness in your own ways. I know how hard it is to need to be someone else for others, so I hope you can be yourself
Hi! I have been watching your videos since around 7 years ago! I lost the account that I first subscribed to you but have been following you on insta since 2017! This is my first time leaving a comment on youtube videos because I teared quite a few times throughout your video and really wanted to give you a virtual hug ❤. I hope peace will be with you soon and know that you might not know us but we are all here with you virtually ❤. Love from Singapore
I'm so sad to see you hurting and feeling like this. I've been there, I never got suicidal, but I know the feeling of not having any controls or being so unhappy. I hope you find goods friends and therapy. Therapy it's super important, but a good suportive group is priceless. Try doing things that will bring joy to your life, you'll find there the energy to heal yourself. And yes, this too shall pass, I know you'll find a way out of this
Hi Nami! Thank you for sharing with us. I know sharing is difficult but I hope you are able to talk about your struggles freely. Communicating is something that I struggle with a lot. I used to cry and not be able to talk and have anxiety attacks during conflicts.I’ve been working on not internalizing things and things have been getting better slowly. Wishing the best for you
Girl you so strong and kind
I hope you the best always
We all here supporting you
When you are a people pleaser to the point you hate it all.... You rebel. You feel bad yourself and love yourself without no one but who and what you want. You are blooming into yourself. "knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom.. " Oscar Wade.
Hi Namee. I found your channel a few days ago through your name change video. I watched a lot of those vids that day because I'm going to change my name too. But since then, I've subscribed to your channel because your videos are comforting to me, and I'm actually going through the toughest time of my life since my mom's death when I was a child. I have had so many heavy crying sessions, manic episodes, so many suicidal thoughts, and even last week I began attempting taking my own life. But that same night, I had a dream where I met a friend who recently did do that. We sat down at a fancy restaurant and I didn't know who I was meeting until he showed up. He told me not to take my life because it's not worth "the hype" (he spoke like this). My mother also came through and said that if I took my own life, her and I wouldn't be together. In fact I would have to restart with a new life where I would have to learn the same lessons again. And you know what? I don't want to do that. I know I can metaphorically die and shed my pain in this one. I know I can be reborn countless time in this lifetime, because it has happened several times already. Your videos have been an anchor for me and it breaks my heart to tears that you want to stop living. You can get through this and we all can. We're all here with you. Please don't give up. I also didn't get to be myself and I'm fighting every day to break away from the strong chokehold of my family. It's really, fucking hard but we're going to make it. The love and attention and freedom you're seeking is out there. ❤
Namee I'm so glad to hear from you and am so sorry to hear about your struggles-- as someone who has also dealt with similar feelings I can understand. When i feel lost and ngl not really feeling like living Psalm 139 comforts me by showing me that i'm not not the only one who's felt like this. David-- a guy God considered one after His heart, also struggled with mental and familial issues despite his close relationship with God.
Even when i feel like everyone has failed me and even i have failed myself -- it comforts me that only God will be able to carry me through what i'm going through bc only He knows why i'm going through this in the first place... i hope the psalm gives you as much comfort as it gives me.
i'm praying for you sis and am so happy you're still here
Hi Namee! Mariah hereeee 🩷
I'm deeply sorry with everything you are feeling and experiencing right now..
Mental health and life isn't fun when it treats us shitty. Now is YOU time! Time to focus on yourself, give yourself a hug, and see the people that genuinely care for you. 🩷 Love you! 🩷
Girlfriend! I wanted to say I love you. You always inspire me so much. I want you to know that everything is going to be fine in the near furture. I can promise you this. Im glad youre not with Michael. I know you invested so much in him, and everything but its time to let go. You deserve someone who loves you ❤ you are doing everything right. Take your time, dont stress. Dont talk to your family or send money. They havent done anything to deserve that. Let go! Your sucsess is yours because you are amazing, and we can see that. You are my hero ❤ The good thing about your depression is that it seems to be because of your childhood and abuse from family. That means that when you have a better situation around you, you will be happy again ❤ and some day you will. I know that.
Yeah, this is 5 months late, but I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you found joy.
Hey Hi , stay strong, you be the best version of yourself possible , do what makes you happy
Namee ive been following you for what feels like forever, and i know this js such a complicated life scenario, but i truly believe you are on the right path. My mum always raised me with "Be yourself and you will find people who love you just for you." And life is too big to be living someone else's view of life for you. I hope you keep sticking around and see all of how wonderful life can be ❤
Thank you for opening up to us!!! Sending love 🫶🏼
You will get through this, you will find your path, you will be truly happy. Find yourself first and accept you are wonderful, beautiful, strong and perfect. Its ok not to be ok, and you deserve to be mad, sad, happy or any way you feel you are. X
I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time. Please take care and be good to yourself and rest.
Hi! Your video just showed up on my fyp out of nowhere and listening to you talking your heart out like that made me realize i am dealing with the same issues. Recently i found out i'm emotionaly unstable meaning i laugh like a cow for a good amount of time and then like a switch i start crying hysterically and can't stop it. I don't even have a reason to cry. As a kid i was raised to do everything in my power to not embarrass my mother. She would tell me to not do this and that because people will look at her weird etc. Like...i was a kid. Of course i'm gonna do stupid stuff. We never had that kind of relationship like best friends. She never talked to me about se*ual stuff and p*riod so i had no idea what's happening. Every time i asked her what's this and that about human body she just ignored me. I have to thank the internet for teaching me more than my mother about this topic. She passed away when i was 12 which was 7 years ago and i lost my childhood that i never even had at that moment. I had to grow up so fast. Learn how to cook for my brother and i (he's 7 years older than me and my parents were already divorced so i live with him), how to do the laundry, shop important stuff.. A kid shouldn't think like that. A kid shouldn't think about what to make for dinner. I have a diary where i write my thoughts and basically put my emotions in there because most times my brother doesn't get me. I have anger issues because of what happened to me and when i have enter a rage i have a sudden panic attack and i have to deal with it myself because no one else is helping me with it. I'm still a student too and i basically raise my brother and myself. I have too much on my shoulders and just like you i thought many times of ending it or just making couple of br*ises or c*ts on my arms. But we have to be strong okay? We can't let the world and people shove us to the ground like we're nothing. Sometimes it's good to cut out people from our lives and find new ones. Ones that will understand and support us when we have our moments. Some people learn to accept us and give us space. Others think that if they push us to the limit and tell us to calm down we will be okay and just ignore the storming emotions and thought in ourselves. I just wish you the best and some space because you need it. Being surrounded by people with no understanding is the worst feeling because you feel like you're on your own. But trust me you're not. Maybe it's stupid to say but you've got us! Even if we can't talk in person. I'd like to meet all the people in the coments because what they have to say is really amazing and nice. And you are so brave to talk about this out loud. Don't bottle it up.
Hi Namee, Ive been watching your videos for yeeears. Ive never commented i think but i love you and with i could give you a hug
I think the Majority said it in the comments but I think YOU are saying what you need to do: give up! Your Mariage is over. I’m sorry to say those things so raw but that’s the Truth. It’s not even about who’s gonna do what to better this mariage. You guys are not compatible. You use to be another version of yourself with this man, that’s the person he loves. That’s the person your family and your husband think you are and think you should go back to. But you are not this person anymore so if they won’t let you go and be yourself, let them go and build yourself. You’ll be able to do things on your own build your self esteem and you’ll attract ppl who want to live you for you. I use to be in that same situation and once I let them all go, I felt 200% better. Do it for your kids
Nami, I’m glad you figured all this out now. You’re still young. Live girly, LIVE! For all of us that don’t have the choice go live. I’ve been watching you for so long and this is the first time I’ve seen you authentically 💕💕💕💕
I will be praying so hard for you, Namee. Know you are so loved by you’re creator and even though you feel completely alone right now you are not. Focus on you and take comfort in knowing there is always someone looking out for you even when it feels like the exact opposite. I love you and may God’s presence be made clear to you soon. I am sorry if the God talk is annoying but I know for me it is what saved my life after many years of suffering but only in His perfect timing He saved me from my severe depression. I went to church one day with my dad and during the worship started praying for the first time ever and I felt real joy for the first time in years. My depression didn’t magically go away that day but instead God gave me hope that day it could get better and it did. I pray and know He will do the same for you. A nondenominational Christian church online or in person is a great place to start. Maybe ask your friend or family if they’d like to find one for you to attend. I love you and will be praying for you, God is near.
This may sound strange but when I’m having a panic attack I actually put up your old hair colouring videos because your voice / vibe just helps me feel more peaceful. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a hard patch in your life, wishing you the best ❤️
You need to be around for your kids and be a good example for them and love them, be the best you can be for them. If you need to separate with Michael to be better for you and your kids then do that. Suicide isn’t worth it, it doesn’t take the pain away, it passes the pain to the people around you. Get the help you need to get better and feel better ❤ and also, are your friends supportive of your marriage and kids or are they trying to get you to be single? Be careful of the friends you have around you, sometimes people can pretend to be friends but want to ruin what you have in your life.
just saying hi :) :3 im glad you're able to talk about these things again, i know from when i was going through sorta similar stuff (and hard things in general) that its super reassuring to have other people recognize that you're being treated unfairly- i hope things start to get easier from here on out :3
While I can't relate to everything you're going through, I, too, grew up a people pleaser because of childhood trauma/abuse. It took me into my 30s to finally feel like I could speak up for myself and try to do what I wanted instead of what others wanted and expected. I'm hoping the best for you on this journey of figuring out what's best for you and finding yourself. Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts 💕
He should stop taking you for granted. Some men are just so damn clueless. Sorry hon, hope the meds kick in asap and you’ll feel a lot better.
Girl I'm so sorry to see you struggling like this. I got engaged on your baby Mina's birthday and now I'm divorced from him. He had a lot of issues and his own trauma but he wasn't ready to work through it and I don't think he ever will be. We loved each other but he couldn't help me get through my mental health issues. While a big part of my heart hopes and prays that is not the case for you and Michael, because divorce is AWFUL, I also hope that once you are stabilized you take the time to consult with a therapist about it and decide if continuing the marriage is for you (and for Michael). For me, I realized I was being emotionally abused after I just found myself wanting to die all the time whenever we fought. I sincerely hope that's not the case for you. Whether it is or isn't, I wish I could hug you... we're the same age, I know what it's like to start over, and rediscover yourself at this age. Weirdly enough I felt more like my old self once I was out of that situation.
I really recommend researching trauma, continuing to care for yourself, and continuing to see a mental health professional if you can! I can't imagine the stress you're in especially with kiddos. I know you love your children and you have always done your very best for them, so don't feel guilty. You made the right choice for your health and theirs. Love and hugs 💕
hi nami i’ve been a long time watcher. You’re on a path to a new journey for your happiness. You will thrive. You’re amazing. 💜
I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope it gets better❤❤ it's not easy being strong but your kids need u. In moments like this stop and take a deep breath. Hang on to your kids and let everyone else go because they will just pull you under. Think of the happiness of your happiness and your kids as well and strive for that. It's all that matters
I hope you'll get to a stable point 🤟🏼❤️ I believe in you, feel hugged
I feel like you were forced through your upbringing and church to live in a certain way, and you wanna break. I just recommend to not make any crazy life decisions before you're not stable. When i look at my psychic crisis in the past i always feel like: I definitely wasn't myself. Give yourself time❤
Btw i freaking LOVE your glasses where are they from
You may be emotionally unstable but girllll you still got it! Look at your hair! 🎉🎉😍❤️
I hope you get better soon, I send you much love
Hello Nami, I have watched you for a long time and enjoyed seeing another fellow Torontonian who likes Japanese stuff , Korean stuff as well as hair and make-up(my mom was a hairdresser & I went to Seneca College to take Cosmetic Techniques and Management but wasn't able to finish due to my oldest son and his Adhd outbursts), I know what you are going through as I also have a mother that was always controlling and judgemental in my life even now as I am 37 year old single mom of 4 (two half Korean boys)(I spoke with you before)and she still tries to control my life. I know the feeling of wanting someone to notice us when we are in pain and need someone and need love and affection and not to be judged at everything and our feelings to be made as if they are not valid. I have also been through alot since childhood even up until adulthood with people making me feel like I was less worthy. You are an amazing mom and I am sure you were an amazing wife, but we as women or as mom's are still people, we need breaks, we need to be able to do what we enjoy, to feel like a human and not just a shell. We do so much it doesn't always get appreciated. You did what was right in leaving and taking space to help yourself, better yourself and be yourself because if that is what makes you happy and feel alive, that is what needs to be done. I am hurting for you because when you explained those things, I can relate to many and I saw my past flash in my head and I literally cried with you because I felt your pain and sorrow with you and how hurt you were and just wanted to live an actual life instead of be there to make others happy. You are a worthy ,intelligent ,beautiful ,talented ,funny, hard working woman(I could go on) and you deserve happiness and to be healthy not only on the outside but inside most importantly. I am so proud of you for taking this difficult step towards a better you. You got this! More better things will follow. Aja! Aja! Hwaighting! If you ever need a listening ear online or on a messenger or wtv, without judgement with someone with similar obstacles in life, reach out anytime ^_^ Love ya girl 🥰
Awee Namee, I haven’t seen you in so longgg. You are literally apart of my childhood 🥹🥹 I’ll definitely pray for you and know that the Lord Jesus is with you and hears every cry 🩷