We need a big neon sign for this, no problem with polygamy, Allah made it halal, so of course we would never say that it is haram. In the beginning of the video, the sisters made it clear what the issue is. Polygamy done wrong is the issue for all the brothers who are obviously having a difficult time understanding...just hearing what they want then twist it to keep saying that we have a problem with polygamy as Allah has ordained. The fact that these men see nothing wrong with a man treating his first wife like a flavor of the week, a man being sneaky, and disrespectful while seeking a second wife says a lot. Most men can’t handle polygamy in the way that it should be, but can’t hold back from telling a woman how she should conduct herself when it comes to it. A woman knows what her heart can take, and Allah knows what is in her heart. A man can chose polygamy, but the wife doesn’t have to stay if it causing her distress over the way he went about it (if it was the wrong way). We get it, the man doesn’t have to say anything, but if any part of him cared in the least for his wife, he would handle her heart with care when it came to him seeking a second wife. He would listen to her and try to reassure her to make the transition easier. A good Muslim man would. If a man is willing to not tell you about something as major as him marrying a second wife, then no telling what else he is willing to not tell you. Yet, a woman is told that we shouldn’t have any secrets from her husband, but he can hide a whole family and never tell his wife about it. I feel as though women are expected to put everyone before herself, while she slowly fades into the background. Smile, and take whatever is thrown at you. If you cry, frown, or say how you feel that doesn’t speak of rainbows and glitter, then you are not a Muslim woman. At least that is how they try to make you feel. You have ask Allah to strengthen you to protect you heart and your mind because some people will trample all over you. Allah please guide us, have mercy on us, and forgive us.
@@masuma1 Fear Allah SWT from making up lies about the Noble Prophet Pbuh. The Prophet pbuh forbid Ali to not marry the daughter of his enemy whilst being married to his daughter. He didn't forbid polygyny.
@@jubairomar2676 Ali just wanted a second wife, The prophet forbid him from marrying a second wife because he knows how much it would hurt his daughter, what hurts her hurts him. Ali could have just got another woman other than the daughter of their enemies but he didn't. She's not lying, you lot should stop twisting the religion to your likings.
I think the best way to solve this issue is, If you are a male that is interested in polygamy, Get a spouse from the onset that is okay with it. Men should make their intention clear from the onset. If you have plans to marry more than one wife, tell you woman you intend to marry from the beginning and if she is not down with it, find someone else who is
@@Coderesource I meant that some Muslim men aren't certain if they would marry more wives, most believe the first might just be the last but people change just like decisions do. Secondly, her consent isn't important but informing her of an intention to marry again is more of an act of kindness (it might ease the hurt or give her room to take a decision about it). I comment in peace 🙂.
@@saniabdul3279 True. That is what is intended. To give her room to decide if she want to be part of it. I feel it is goes a long way to voice it out as a male even if you don't have the intention to marry more wives so that if there is change in the future, you would have already addressed that
@@Coderesource well..a few men inform ladies they date about their possibility of getting married to more than one wife since they are Muslims, though they might not intend to get married to more than one woman.
A lot of men do not understand the concept of consent and are capable of putting women through the emotional distress they themselves would not be able to tolerate.
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent. Allah said: فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. Surat al-Nisa 4:25 Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102 Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public. Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ Announce the marriage. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian. Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said: نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so. Ibn Qudamah writes: فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 And Ibn al-Qayyim writes: أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet. Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113 This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act. Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter. Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said: هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them. Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136 This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158 In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children. Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
As salamualakum waratulahi wabarakatuhu you are correct and the ones who says. No should not shame the one who says yes or wants to practice it just my opinion
@@sakinahkennedy107 Absolutely my mother and step mothers are one of those women. I can't imagine to shame them for their choice but my opinion is very clear and I have the right to express it in my opinion polygamy is equal to shirk. Just as their is one divine there should be one soulmate/husband/wife. Whoever chooses otherwise it's their choice.
@@sakinahkennedy107 Pertinent point... Notice how Insaani literally equates the practice to "shirk" astaghfirullah!!! Imagine Allah gives us PERMISSION in HIS HOLY BOOK to perform "shirk"!!! Just boggles the mind the extent some people will go to in order to criminalise a GOD-GIVEN RIGHT, while they pretend they have "no problem" with it...
@@husseinhassan6832 if accepting male sexual immortality in the name of polygamy is understanding the Deen, then sorry brother the Islam is either for males or male Muslims have a different Islam for themselves in that case I have no interest in knowing or understanding that sort of below my dignity Deen.
I had a neighbour who found out her husband went back to Somalia behind her back and got a second wife. My neighbour went mental to the point where she was taken to the hospital and their 3 kids were taken by the Children's Aid Society in Toronto because she could not care for them anymore and the husband just did not care.
@Ass Hole SubhanAllah Ur words, your judgmental words will come to haunt you. If this same issue does not happen to you sister, then your daughter or even your mother. Fear Allah.
@@salaahkhayr2398 The world doesn't have a 4:1 ratio to make that possible lol. But I'm sure you're right that alhamduillah that's not true (but it has a kernel of truth).
@@schreingeiss lol i'm talking about muslim men. And also, did you just said Alhamdilillaah we are not engaging in something that the prophet himself and his sahaaba were into?? damn!!! itmt we are blaming israel fro our issue lol.
As a man I can attest we have been guilty of manipulating and emotionally blackmailing for polygamy, it's not only unhealthy for women it's unhealthy for men too. I have never seen a workshop on polygamy before, which is a shame.
@@designcalligraphy7395 is it beautiful for all your various children from different marriages? Are your wives best friends? Do all your in laws x2 love you? Good for you then.
@@targaryenblood Its only beautiful for him and the last woman that joins in until he brings another one then shes in the same conundrum as the first wife lol
And really just take it in and work on it. We all should be a working progress. Achieve growth in many aspects - emotionally/mentally, physically, not just spiritually.
@@sositasosita4135 funny thing though .... if people matured properly spiritually they'd almost automatically do so emotionally and mentally. That's the whole point of this religion. It's the outside + the inside elevated.
Absolutely. We also need a discussion on Narrastic mother’s or parents. This is effecting many members of our communities, and little do people know it’s a personality disorder.
If that is your struggle, you be patient upon it, and make dua that Allah softens her heart. What other advise were you looking for in dealing with a harsh and cruel mother ?
@@UnknownSend3r don’t demean someone else’s issue. It’s a big deal dealing with parents who don’t act like guardians but something else. This person needs wisdom,understanding,patience and mental support n relativity. Make dua yes but seek help too
Subhanallah there are men in the UK who just want to do 'sunnah'. So they marry 2 and 3 and 4 while they cannot afford it. The woman is on benefits and when she is pregnant by the man she takes her pregnant self in her hijab to the local council while she has told them that she's unmarried and single but she stands there clearly a Muslim woman and pregnant. Then when it's too much for them they give talaq. So we get more single Muslim mothers who are broken. Where is the gheerah of these males? They are not even men. You want to do sunnah brother? Go and pray tahajjud, fast sunnah fasts, become a hafiz of Quran, sponsor 100 orphans or 1 if you can, there's a whole list... Pick another sunnah for Allāh's sake. Kmt
Every Muslim woman in Britain how sad is this. Yet they wanna run their “it’s my right to marry more than 1” bro do u even pay the rent for the first or is it the benefits.
insha allah if i get married, and my husband either approaches me with wanting to have a second wife, or goes behind my back and does it anyway, I know myself well enough to know I can't handle it and I will most likely leave. The Prophet (SAW) was the most perfect human being who ever lived, do you really think that he went behind the backs of his wives and married another in secret?? If he didn't, why would the men of this time do this? It is so upsetting really to hear that men have been doing this to their wives. May Allah increase our iman, and ease the pain of women in this situation
So true sister. We know from the prophets seerah that his wives were jealous of each other at times but never did that make the prophet go behind their backs. He was always open and just in his treatment of his wives.
I think no sister should say polygamy is not for me ....! Every person involve in polygamy require a strong mature , emotional intelligence , especially for the man but women needed too . When a sister complain for polygamy not done right its on her point of view or Islamic ? A lot of a man fail in not supporting their wife went they want to marry another , they making them feel guilty , bad faith ... etc . Men have abused polygamy in the wrong way and lot of sisters suffering from that and want to stood against that , and it’s a very very thin line to be crossed . Even if it’s done right do you think women really get to be ok with polygamy?? .
@@omar_ibndemba2075 i dont think so because women, from my experience, get very jealous when their partners talk to another woman, even if they are mature! i think its hard to accept that your partner is having relations with another woman, even if it halal, let alone having children with them! in this case, like the sisters in the video stated, it takes a very special kind of person to deal with polygamy on both the women's perspective, as well as the men.
@masuma yasmin,,,think before commenting,, getting divorced with children,,who do you think will marry you after that?? Perhaps you are a teenager commenting on adult page
Another point Fatima bint Muhammad salalaahu alayhi wasalam was not the kind od woman who could accept polygyny for herself so our Prophet Muhammad salalaahu alayhi wasalam specifically told Ali so that he would not hurt her heart by marrying another woman while he was married to her and Ali radiallahuan only married multiple times after her death. So no woman needs to feel burdened to accept polygyny if she is honest enough with herself that she cannot live in it. Barakallahu feekum sisters for another great episode. ❤️
No no no. This hadith many people misinterpreted it subhaanallaah. The prophet did prevented him from getting married NOT because of POLYGAMY. Not because that would hurt Fatima if he married a second wife. But because the woman he wanted to marry was the daughter of abu jahl. And we know the amount of torture he gave the prophet. So, fatima wasn’t ok for her husband to marry the daughter of an enemy of Islam. This is the real story stop twisting things fear Allaah.
@@twalibul3ilm917 There are other interpretations, but even if we say yours is correct: it would not have been haram for Sayidna Ali (RA) to marry her. Hence, something halal can still cause a great deal of harm if undertaken without wisdom or akhlaq. Hence, the "but it's halal!" argument--which 90% of the pro-polygamy case is based on--falls apart. You should also be careful about twisting things and fearing Allah, as we all should.
@@schreingeiss That's not an interpretation but a fact. The Noble Prophet Pbuh forbade Ali RA to not marry the daughter of his enemy as his wife beside Fatima RA, he didn't forbid polygyny. Besides, Ali RA had slave(s) who he could have sex with.
As an orthodox, Muslim man, I agree with every single point you made 100%. It is very clear from the religious text that polygamy is an exception to the usual form that the institution of marriage takes, with VERY strict criteria and DIRECT warnings to the men-folk. Some people talk about it like it is encouraged, completely ignoring the threats of punishment Allah makes in the Qur'an for those who get it wrong. For those who ignorantly think it is a "sunnah" because the prophet PBUH had a polygamous marriage: if it was sunnah, then go and marry the same number that the prophet PBUH married - you cannot practice the polygamy that the prophet PBUH practiced, because it wasn't designed for you to emulate, in the same way that the specific laws mandated on the wives and the household of the prophet PBUH is not "sunnah" and is uniquely applicable to the household of the prophet PBUH. Also it was circumstance, not sunnah - the prophet PBUH was in a monogamous relationship with Khadija until she passed away - follow THAT "sunnah"!! It's circumstance, not sunnah.. Also, a huge portion of those taking on subsequent wives do so through haram means: inappropriate communication/intimacy with a woman you are not a mahram to, lying to your family, your wife your community... Lying and deception is a MASSIVE haram, why do people take it so lightly?! Hell is hot. Its ironic how a woman can be blackmailed into accepting a bad set-up under the guise of "religion" by the same sinful man who broke the rules of that same religion to get involved with this new lady, and through lying left, right and centre! You've built a marriage on haram? No wonder there's no barakah And it's fraught with stress for all those involved. It's not a slight to the religion to criticise the deliberate mal-practice of an aspect of it. However, it is devil's work and an insult to the faith to justify mal-practice and falsely brand it as Islam. It trumps the most distasteful of caricatures, in terms of insult to Islam and harm. Barak Allahu feekum sisters. Stay strong
@@Therealdeal101 Plus, nobody will hide what they feel good about. If they're hiding it it's because their heart knows something wrong is happening. Wabisah ibn Ma’bad reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to me, “Have you come to ask about righteousness and sin?” I said yes. The Prophet clenched his fist and struck his chest, saying, “Consult your soul, consult your heart, O Wabisah. Righteousness is what reassures your soul and your heart, and sin is what wavers in your soul and puts tension in your chest, even if people approve it in their judgments again and again.”
I (LaYinka) delete comments that are derogatory. There are plenty of comments I don't agree with, and they're still up. Come with adab, and you're clear. Simple.
Please, it appears that you have daughters, Masha Allah, can you make an episodes about raising muslim daughters in west how to equip them with real life skills and islamic values .
@@HonestTeaTalk i agree with alot of what all the women said. I do think it could have been more balanced. I would have like to hear the good and bad from both sides. It was mostly about the negative reactions from polygamy. Which i agree does exist. But like i said good show would love to hear more from the Other side or more from positive relationships dealing with polygamy as well as the negative experiences.
I'm a fifteen year old muslim girl and the reason for my 6 months - 1 year depression was because of (terrifyingly) my faith, Islam. By the help of god, I'm still recovering alhamdullah. I had what you could say as an existential crisis. In the quran, it is made clear that our purpose was to worship him and do good on earth. But what was my purpose as a woman? I always felt like I was less than man, sometimes even less than an animal, despite being told I was equal to a man in the sight of god. It was bittersweet, one moment I was told how islam lifted woman up, a second later, it crushed those ideals. I was stuck. I cried myself to sleep each night, seeking refuge from satan. I would tell myself how I was worse than satan, how could I question the laws of god, the laws of the universe? Satan himself probably hadn't done that! How blasphemous! Crying and pleading with my mom, and no matter what she told me, no matter how much she sugarcoated it. It wouldn't ease my conscience. It reached to the point where I was doubting the authencity of my religion astagfiruallah. The only thing that kept me going was hearing the quran being read, and reminded of how it's the proof. I swept across every religious video, every article. They mostly blamed it on western influence and repeated the same answer like a broken record. It pisses me off how they never stopped blaming western influence for women wanting to be treated like humans. It never sat right with me how something god had made lawful (polygamy) could harm a marriage and destroy someone's mental health like that. I didn't doubt the verses of polygamy. I questioned the INTERPRETATION. As someone had mentioned before in a previous comment. Polygamy was to help woman in times of war, famine, widows and such. It's not some special right for entitled men. (Grow tf up) Women are not a luxury that you could have, they're humans like you. Next, it's also not a sunnah just because the prophet did it. The prophet was excluded from among all men to have more than 4 for certain reasons and such. That's after the death of his first wife who he had been in a monagamous relationship with. If you're smart, you wouldn't emulate the prophet in how many wives he's had since it's been made clear 100% that he was prescribed different rules regarding marriage in the QURAN. You should emulate his character and how he performed rituals. If we were to emulate the wives of the prophet as well regarding their marriage we'd fall in error. Since the prophet's wives had different rules regarding modesty and their marriage as well ( can't remarry after prophet's death.) Please use your brain, and study the Quran. So when you stand before your lord, you wouldn't say such and such has misguided me. Whatever scholar or sheikh you've trusted with your fate, be it heaven or hell, won't save you. You'll be questioned alone. Fear god in every living soul, their despair caused by you, may be your gate to hell. In conclusion, I just wanted to say to all the muslim women suffering god hasn't forsaken you. You're not crazy, you're not overly emotional, your feelings are valid, you matter. Your justice WILL be delivered, be it in this world or the next. 💙
Hi there, this was an interesting read! You’re super eloquent, allahuma baarik. I wanted to echo what you’ve said about being depressed & having an existential crisis. I’m 22 now, and when I was 15-16, I also experienced the same thing (an existential crisis). Now looking back, I’ve come to learn that if you’re sincere, Allah will guide you through your years. Your brain is still developing (even mine is rn) so it’s probably going to be an emotional rollercoaster. But if you ground yourself in your deen, you’ll look back at yourself in a positive way! Stay patient, there are better days to come 😊
As a man I think we need to take more responsibility on the emotional intelligence and maturity side of things and a lot more things from a manliness perspective. The sisters hit the nail on the head here Allahumma Barik. Polygamy is a sunnah, but let's focus on how to walk before we learn to run. Many monogamous marriages I know arent reaching its full potential, fulfil the rights of the first spouse before you worry about another.
subhanaALLAH i was propolygamy and my husbans hated it, he tried to break me down and build me up to make me the jealous type, what kind of man doesnt want a polygamous wife???majnun
glad muhmmad hijab and ali made an hour long video on this dissecting it, not out of hate for the sisters but setting right from wrong becuase clearly from the comments that were made on this video, the people who watch this sister are as lost as the sisters making the video, may Allah guide all of us. you love saying " the problem is in the way they go about polygamy not polygamy" yet you don't actually speak about the problems, you speak about the inherent institution of polygamy. lets take an example of one of the comments, saying polygamy is cultural and how it truamatized her living in a polygamous household, i love how she gave her personal experince of one household and thne genaralized and what's funny is that, that wasn't the problem. the problem is how she talked about how the women were fighting each other, she didn't say the hubsnad didn't provide or how he inappropriatly got to marry them, nope, her problem is that the co wives simply hated each other as they wanted to be the only wife....do you not see the problem? the problem is not the institution of polygamy, it's of modern women who would rather sell their soul and go to hell eternally (she herself said they resort to even do sehr) rather than accept being in a marriage with co wives. and what these sisters are doing is only adding fuel to the fire. btw it's not like a marriage between one man and one woman is without it's problems, so what? do we now say "why Allah have you only allowed us to be in a relationship only within a marriage?" again many people are in relationships for years, they get married and within a few months they get divorced, so is the problem with the people or with the institution of mariage? to the point, why focus on polygamy? so what if someone was sneeky or didn't take care of all the woman's right? what does that only happen in a polygamous marriage? so it doesn't happen in a one on one marriage? so, why aren't you talking against marriage or saying how it's unfair? you are talking about polygamy and doing all this dance becuase what you truly don't like is polygamy in of itself, you as many other women don't want to share her husband with other woman, even if her husband was providng all her needs physical and mental. which btw is fine and is one of the natural reactions, even some of the prophet's wives had such a reaction at certain points for a certain period of time. but after all the dust settled it was still a valid way of marriage and they accepted it. they didn't start preaching against it even after the prophet peace be upon him died. do you think men these days want to even get married? it's a HUGE investment and getting a divorce which may not be finacially dammaging to a woman, will totally destroy a man. yet they still do it even though they may dislike it or even hate it, because Allah told us this was the way. ultimately, many liberal "muslims" (and i do it in brackets because they literaly preform reda as you will see with the example i will give next) say similar things as the sister said above, "this is abuse, this is control using what you say as being against what god say" which is true. yes, you shouldn't be going out with makeup on, that's not me being controlling by saying Allah said you can't. just like it wouldn't be controling if or "spritual abuse" if my wife that is totally capable of going to work and getting a big salary, stayed home, maybe getting friends over to talk over some teaand doing her duties, then goes to me and tells me "pay up for the house expenses god commanded so" i can't say it's spritual abuse, becuase god literally comanded it, it's not her job to go out and get money for the house, it's mine.
@@MH-bf4uu maybe some after we talk in depth and realise the problem they are falling into, but in the video they are wrong. you can watch the video that mohammad hijab made, they weren't hating on the sisters, they just explained each point they made and if it made sense or if they were missing something that actually makes it problamatic. look non of us are perfect, even mohammad hijab made mistakes and was corrected and so on. what is most important is intent, do i think the intent of the sisters is to hurt the ummah or go against Allah, nope i do not think that at all. what i do think happened is that as we all do sometimes, they got lost in the sause by not looking at the topic from a rational point of view and personal dishonesty which is not as bad as it sound because again we all go through it. and getting corrected in a constructive way is good. may Allah guide us all
Mohammed hijab said it was allowed to go behind the wives back, and we know from hadiths that marriage is public. Also , when a man is to provide for his family’s, and then he struggles because of secret marriages , another wife has to start working . Then we also have to think about benefits when he dies or it something happens , only the first wife is entitled to any compensation, compared to being in a sharia country in which all his wives and children are entitled. If we are talking about enforcing a sharia law nikkah contract in a western world , impossible.
@@serinac4419 what u just did is called a strawman. the strawman is that M.hijab said that you do not need to do a public marriage and that if you do marry two wives you for sure won't be able to keep up and the wife would need to pick up the slack and finally there is no way for more than one wife to inherit the husband. mohammad hijab just said that you do not HAVE to tell your wife, to make a marriage public and to make ishhar u don't need to tell everybody you ever known as a man even ur parents don't need to know otherwise all the mail sahaba who went in the fotohat and continued to live in those countries would need years from initially wanting to marry a woman until he sends a message to his parents and a reply that they got it. when you do ish'har only those around the area need to know and the walli of the woman that's it. again NOBODY who supports what Allah has made halal says to marry multiple women when you can't afford to support multiple families, M.hijab would be the first to say this is unmanly behaviour and sinful. as for sharia in the west stfu about the sharia in the west that point showcases your massive amount og hypocracy. marrying 1 or 100 women in the west it has nothing to do with the sharia or preserving the rights of the Muslims, they only follow their own laws. so it's okay to have western marriage and divorce laws when it is convenient for women but when the inheritance laws isn't to your liking now suddenly you can't have such a marriage, disgusting hypocracy and narrcissm. nevermind the fact that while those other unjust laws are very difficult to manover around and in fact almost impossible and easily exploited by women, Muslim women including those that wear the niqab and act all religious, the inheritance laws in western countries allow give your money to whoever u want to inherit you as long as you don't leave an extremely low amount to your specific family members. meaning even if i had one wife who was very shitty and trapped me in the marriage and lead to my early death i can still put in my well that 90% of my money goes to that one cousins she hates so much while the other 10% is split between here and other family members. and if we speak directly about the matter then u can write ur well to be inline with sharia whether it's inheritance to the children wives and female family members which default western laws don't give them money but sharia wise it's obligatory
If only sisters knew the heavy consequences of acting on their jealousy (which is from the devil). Or the heavy consequences of talking back or disrespecting their husbands.
@@jubairomar2676 that has absolutely nothing to do with what i said.... i made a statement and you felt a type of way and switched it around instead of taking the sincere advice. i think you should watch your ego and ask yourself why you were so triggered. subhanallah
@@ANa-qt7tt Because treating wives justly also depends on how they behave. If the woman is disobedient and rebellious, it'd be almost impossible to treat her like the way you treat the other wife(s).
@@ANa-qt7tt And your statement is one sided. Men will not be the majority in Jahannam for mistreating their spouse. The same isn't the case with women. Most Muslimah will struggle to get past once they are asked about their husbands on Judgment Day. The harshest warnings regarding marital issues are given to the muslimahs.
@@jubairomar2676 again, has nothing to do with my initial statement.... NOTHING you have said has made what i said less relevant. i wasn't sending for anyone in particular ( i made a point that is very clear stated in the quran ) as i said you clearly are triggered for some reason , i think u should ask yourself why are deflecting what i've said. maybe it's the shaytan whispering in your ears . may allah protect us from ignorance and ego. asalamu alaykum
These day Men, should tell the women before he marry them of his intentions to possibly marry multiple wives so she could opt not to Marry if she doesn’t want to be in this type of relationship.
Yes and sister women dont know they can state in their marriage contact That theu dont want this.. Why not state this is what i am thinking or may want before you marry the 1st wife. If its agreed in a healthy manmer than thats great.. Theu dont wish to agree to that as they feel irs there right.. I wouldnt marry such person as its not for me and something I can uphold
If it's not in the nikah contract he doesn't need to say . So Aaliyah saying " morally" he should tell his wife, Is wrong . Our morals are based on Quran and sunnah . We can not say morally something is wrong or right because of our emotions .
I am senegalese. Polygamy is part of our culture and religion but I grew up being traumatized by the idea of living in polygamous household. Polygamy here in modern days can be described with 5 words : Constant war between the wives. Women come to the point where they forget that they are muslims and that this world is just a journey; they spend the rest of their lives competing and trying to beat one another : Who's going to be the favorite ? Who's going to have more children and the most successful kids ? How to destroy my co-spouse or how to make her divorce so I could be the only one ? These questions are unfortunately the first priorities for women in my country to the point where violence, abuse on the co-spouses kids, manipulation and even sihr are often involved.Meanwhile the man just watches his wives ruining their lives for him and thinking that he is doing just like the Prophet(saws). I agree with everything you said in the video.I think many women would avoid depression, trauma, faith loss and suicidal behaviors if they were aware of their rights and could manage emotional abuse. Feminism begins with seeking knowledge. The more knowledgeable a women is, the less vulnerable she is. Reason why, unfortunately, a lot of men don't appreciate having such spouses.
(2:256) famously declares "There is no compulsion in religion, the right direction is clearly distinguished from the wrong." Faith is an intensely personal issue and plainly each person should be allowed to find their own path in life.You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. It was narrated from al-Miswar ibn Makhramah that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib proposed marriage to the daughter of Abu Jahl, when he was already married to Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). When Faatimah heard about that, she went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said to him: Your people are saying that you do not get angry for the sake of your daughters, and ‘Ali is going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl. Al-Miswar said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stood up and I heard him when he bore witness, then he said: “I gave a daughter of mine in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn ar-Rabee‘; when he spoke he told me the truth and when he made me a promise he fulfilled his promise. Faatimah is a part of me, and whatever hurts her hurts me. By Allah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah and the daughter of the enemy of Allah will not be joined together as wives of one man.” So ‘Ali abandoned that proposal. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3110; Muslim, 2449.
It happened to me, I was devastated and betrayed and my husband told me he didn't do anything wrong because he is allowed 4 wives and he can marry them in secret if he wants. The hardest part for me, was trying to figure out how he could go build a new life and abandon the one he already created with me. He hurt me so bad, I couldn't help but wonder how is this halal? Well needless to say it destroyed my marriage and my friendship with my husband. I'm healing and focusing on myself and my children. Its not fair and I wouldn't recommend any woman to accept that treatment. We all deserve better.
Update: I'm no longer with my ex husband but a "Jinn" can to me for marriage and helped me leave my ex husband, so now I'm with a Jinn husband who more loyal to me then human male and this Jinn is crazy about me!
It hurts me like I'm directly affected when I see polygyny being done wrong with a misrepresentation of our Deen. And you're so right @Sumayah, they play that "religious" card like that's how Allah says it should be done. Astagfirullah. Whatever happened with being compassionate towards the first wife⁉️ The discourse is over flogged, sadly in the wrong direction too.
Say for argument sake the husband did sit the wife down to discuss the potential second wife but she wasn't having any of it . Then she is asking for divorce if he gets a second wife . What then? Maybe he has a valid reason like his wife can't give him kids or even intimacy problems.
@@NorthPhilly-zr7xc Yeah and? Allah made us like that. He also made Hoor al ayn VIRGINS in jannah for a reason, i think we know what Allah had in mind for men. Do you really think he made them to say 'check her personality out bro'
@@Ihavemadeit999 When was this ever a secret? 😂 Yeah and? Allah made us like that. He also made Hoor al ayn VIRGINS in jannah for a reason, i think we know what Allah had in mind for men.
@@razer0072073 Hoors are for women and men.Hoors can be male and a female too,you arent rly that educated on the hoor topic either and want to bark at me?you think Allah made hoors just for men?You guys are only his creation - nothing less and nothibg more.Hoors also are usually talked to ab for people that havent got married yet in thid dunya so they can have hope in Jannah,you can still ask for them when you are married here but a lot of men said they might just be with thekr wives in jannah.Either way hoors can be female and a male for BOTH men and women .hoors arent only for men,Allah doesnt have anything for just men sinse Islam was revealed to us because MEN were doind so much haram,Allah doesnt create just for men and leave women out.Stop thinking islam is about men you guys arent that high,you are just his creation with flaws and everything😩Dude get educated and then come talk in a womans space
Men make their wife feel guilty and shame for saying no to him remarrying, because she strongly believes that she can't handle it emotionally and psychologically. She is made to feel like she is selfish and ungrateful when all she wants is to protect herself, her dheen and her children from going through it. It's her marriage too. She needs to feel safe, secure and heard too. For someone who is practicing and loves Allah and not against polygyny as it's Allah's law and it's mubaah, she is accepting of it, but doesn't want it for herself. If men can't respect a good marriage and take it for granted and just shrugs her feelings off and cannot give her that support, it's a disaster. What's the marriage for anyways if you are going to break one to have another. Doesn't make sense.
I agree with your points but say they husband discussed the idea but the first wife can't still except it but the husband has a valid reason like maybe his wife can't give kids or even they have intimacy problems.
@@Naz-ut6qz this is common; he tries to discuss the issue and maybe he has needs that she doesn’t fulfil, but she won’t discuss it. A man cannot remain in that position and maybe some choose divorce and others choose a second wife. We mustn’t assume that he hasn’t tried to discuss it with her though
I don’t agree with bullying the first wife and making her feel as though she is doing something wrong by feeling sad, or hurt. If the husband did discuss it, at length with his first wife and she still feels a way about it, it is his right to still go through with the second marriage. He also has to understand that his first wife has the right to divorce him if she finds that the situation is just too hard on her mentally. It doesn’t mean that she disagrees with what Allah has ordained, it just means that is something she struggles with as we all have our struggles. Allah knows what is our hearts.
So many men keep saying Allah made it halal. Yes, that's a law that created an exceptional *option* for people who choose it willingly. Allah also made women with an innate nature that hates the idea of sharing her husband. It's not a law or an option, it's the basic jealousy that any human feels towards their spouse if they're healthy and normal. So why is that any less important? Or are women's feelings not Allah's creation? If we accept that Allah does everything with wisdom (which all Muslims presumably do), we might see that Allah created a natural check to limit unnecessary polygamy. And before anybody comes with some foolish statement about how feminism is the reason women dislike it, read the story of Lady Umm Salama (RA) and the Prophet SAW's proposal to her. She rejected it initially and one of her reasons was that she was a jealous person. The Prophet SAW didn't start some silly diatribe about how she was brainwashed by feminism or had lack of iman. He acknowledged her feelings as valid and told her he would pray to Allah to ease her jealousy. That's the example of our beloved, but one most of these commenters don't concern themselves with. There's also the fact that Allah created us in roughly a 1:1 ratio, and that Prophet Adam had Lady Hawa and no others. Allah clearly made monogamy the norm.
Something halal is destroying the Muslim sisters!... Allah said: You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. 129 from Qur'an... Why do Muslims ignore this verse from Qur'an?!
@@bashbash8279 Allah didn't say "emotional" No one ignore that verse, in fact that verse makes it easier for men that they don't need to be absolute just.
Does anyone else talk about sexual health in these situations as well? I know of so many women who have had polygamous husbands and then getting incurable STI. Even children being born with HIV subhanallah. Something completely unacknowledged. Imagine being a chaste woman never being with anyone other than your halal husband and getting HIV.
Bull bull and more bull... You are trying to draw a correlation between the spread of STD's and polygyny. STD's are spread by irresponsible reckless sexual lifestyles. Desist with this bull. I personally know of people who are in monogamous marriages and still contracted STD's... (FOR REAL) Can I now draw correlations between STD's and monogamy???
@@razakza HIV OR Chlamydia would be uncommon to get from the other wives if everybody watches their health. However UTIs are very common and doesn't necessarily get contracted from sex only. So let's say wife A is a clean freak and takes care of her body really well. Wife B and/or wife C are from a village in a 3rd world nation where hygiene and sanitary aren't a priority. Let's say Wife B or Wife C goes to a public restroom and doesn't properly clean the seat. She contracts a UTI. Husbands has sex with her, then Boom, all the other wives get it too. That's just one example. I've seen some couples get Hepatitis C, although uncommon transmitted sexually, it still can happen. Honestly, polygamy is a practice where an unhealthy house is established. Children can grow to resent father. Father barely spends time with his children. I used to be shocked as a kid seeing some of my madrassah classmates talk about not seeing their dad for 1 year because he did with his other family in Egypt. It's really messed up
Absolutely @Aliyah. Any feeling of insecurity, emotional imbalance and mental disturbance resulting from polygyny gone wrong would certainly affect spirituality. You can't worship your Lord with an unsettled mind going through such depth of emotional roller-coaster.
If the first wife has a problem with husband supporting a second wife, then you can worship all night and all day it’s not going to help you. Your jealousy going to put all your worship to waste. Shaitaan became jealous and only disobeyed Allah once and all his worship didn’t help him.
To be honest i worshipped Allah best in the two years i was going through pain, grief ,the grief that made me bend over physically. I the knife pain in my heart made me rush to my creator. I prayed salat with a cobcebtration I didn't know was possible. I prayed quaran and got a feeling i never knew about. I learnt so many new duas to help me abd i realised that my heart had been attached to the wrong thing. It was bitter sweet. That doesnt mean it was solved, it meant i changed but therexr days when everything comes back. To those of you r in pain it will get better. It wilk with Allah's help. But you have to make a decision. No need for trolls to input
@@Therealdeal101 bro my husband was and has been verbally abusive for many years i am glad i got to know who he really is. my issue is no longer that he married. My issue is qhy am i still taking care of him. Why am i stilk bathing him. Yet he gets in a wheel chair and visits her a few hrs. .my question is why am i still cpoking for him. My question is why when i try to say anything he screams at me. He doesn't even financially manage us. I am glad i turned to Allah cause my heart needed it. But bro you know what you mean.i am worth more than a glorified unpaid housekeeper. Peace i am done
@@irened8457 What your husband does to you was wrong and Has no justification and if you sticking with hem is highly highly commendable. If it was my sister, daughter and even mother, i would have encouraged them to divorce their husbands. This post is about polygamy that why I assume your trauma had to do with second wife.
I had a friend who became the second wife. She started telling me about the first wife and how she couldn’t cope with Allahs decree. So I asked her if she wouldn’t mind a third wife for her husband she dropped out our friendship. It’s us women, in the name of religion, we enable men to do this to the wife who built them up and made them who they are.
Its a shame how some sisters see it as a sunnah and a right for them to enter into another marriage but when it happens to them its all of a sudden haram smh subhaanAllah
Really are you saying it's haram? Is it always deceptive for a man to marry someone else. If that's the case you have a problem with Allah's legislation. I don't see any other point you are making here
the potential 2nd having the 🙄audacity to tell off the 1st, its *her* life and she dont need to explain why she chose to be with her husband, thats rich 🤣 who is coming into whose picture yeah 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you, thank you so much for this discussion. It will bring a lot of comfort to a lot of people inshaAllah as you are treating it with compassion for women suffering because of it, because it has been done in a wrong way for some of them or simply because the betrayal came out of nowhere. May Allah help us all and comfort us all and grant us Jannah. Allahumma ballighna Ramadan
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
Yaa akhawaati I love you so much for this. I've been really struggling with the Male dominated narrative of this topic on social media nowadays. Such a lack of understanding. We needed this space for women to discuss this! Say it louder for the men at the back 🤝🏻
Along the run, don’t forget to teach women that polygamy is a right for men, and instead of living on your inner feeling, be a bit more open about the laws of Allaah.
@@masuma1 that’s my point. When tackling this subject and make it seems like every man who are polygamous will obviously be an evil, I don’t think that’s a good way of presenting a law of Allaah.
@@twalibul3ilm917 literally NO ONE said or assumed or implied this. It’s your assumption that has caused you to go around trolling sisters in the comments assuming what they’re saying is from a negative perspective ( taking away the men’s right or showing them in a bad light )..... You brothers have no idea the fitna you cause sisters! Allah will question you all!! Why can’t you allow sisters the space to discuss how they feel on this topic? It’s the mans right, it’s the mans right.. you’re not a baby that someone is trying to steal your rights from you... we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life??? READ ABOVE COMMENT AGAIN PLEASE READ TO UNDERSTAND I REPEAT we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life??? Will anyone talk about this right if it didn’t affect another persons life?????????? please USE REASONNNNN USE REASOOONNNNNNN PLEASE WE HAVE INTELLECT WE ARE NOT ANIMALS I’m saying this to you because I’ve seen you under so many comments invalidating sisters experiences and antagonizing them! Fear Allah! Fear Allah who you mention when speaking about rights! Fear Allah He is a witness over all things! You know what these sisters are saying is NOT what you have been commenting all over this channel! May Allah forgive me and you and all the believers, Amin we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life??? DONT FORGET THIS IS THE MESSAGE GOD BLESS
@@miriams3769 yes 👏🏻 have they also asked themselves the fulfillment of the rights 1 wife have on their husband to 1st be her protector (where is the protection when he lies and expects her to obey like a slave) be provider be taking care of her needs in ALL areas if he cant even do that for 1 wife and the 1st wife knows and is already living with a lack & she can overlook his flaws it doesnt mean if He claims his needs unfulfilled he can just get another wife to ‘fulfill’ it so where is the consideration and empathy and kindness and love for her so the intention is just His nafs is above it all? but none of the other requirements apply? 🤷🏻♀️
@@radhia21 Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: Zayd ibn Thaabit said: The husband is the master (sayyid) according to the Book of Allaah, and he recited the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord [sayyid] (i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25] ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Marriage is slavery, so be careful with regard to whom you give your daughter for enslavement.” In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are prisoners with you.”
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent. Allah said: فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. Surat al-Nisa 4:25 Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102 Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public. Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ Announce the marriage. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian. Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said: نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so. Ibn Qudamah writes: فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 And Ibn al-Qayyim writes: أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet. Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113 This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act. Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter. Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said: هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them. Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136 This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158 In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children. Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
I advice sister to write in their marriage contract that if he takes another wife she can leave the marriage without drama. I wrote in my contract 15 years ago , I don’t wanna cry and yell just leave period.
Honestly, this doesn't work. If a man wants to take a second wife he will. I know a few people who put it in their contract and their husbands still remarried. If anything "banning" something will make him want to do it more.
@@kikim9231 no you dont understand. You cannot ban them from doing it. All you can write in the contract is that you can divorce if he remarries. The thing is many men remarry and then make if difficult for the first wife to leave because it's not seen as something 'wrong' despite what the first wife wants.
I was getting to know a brother for the purpose of marriage and when I asked him about polygamy in the future his response was "I don't know." Excuse me, it's either a yes or no. Still he kept on saying he doesn't know, so that put me off. At least he was being honest, unlike some men who lie from the beginning.
Excellent discussion. As a young Muslim man, I think this discussion is really helpful especially for us "men" because we should not cause distress and pain to our beloved wives. Even if we go for polygamy, it should be done in a way that does not cause her pain like that.
More brothers need to be involved and male scholars need to openly speak up about this. There is a sense of entitlement that brothers have and misuse the deen to 'right' a wrong, meaning covering up an affair by a second marriage. This is not from the deen. This is abuse and the trauma is brushed under the carpet. Many famous scholars have given harmful advice to the wife when they discover the lies and deception.
Your last statement hit the nail on the head I can never forget this man I don’t watch peace tv after that day!!!!!!!! What advice he gave a woman seeking his advice after her husband betrayed her and married again lying to her and deceiving her the man told her on national TV well international cause I watched it in Canada, he told the woman to FEAR ALLAH!!!! I was lost?!!! Who is lacking fear of Allah this woman seeking your advice or her husband? May Allah grant us all understanding, Amin
@@miriams3769 This is what is know as spiritual abuse. It’s when someone uses the religion to manipulate, trap and control an individual, especially when they’re not even in the wrong.
@@bashbash8279 I have the same experience as you and I question everything I've been taught of Islam. Islam is not from God. A loving merciful and just God would not allow something that is harmful done to you specially after you made so many duas to remove this painful torment and you're told to fear Allah and be patient. Islam is written for the benefit of men it's abusive and inhumane. These sisters are trying to find solutions or blame it on men not practising the Deen correctly but there's no way to practice it because of the source. Just listen to every season they talk it's depressing because that's the reality of a Muslim women why would God depress a pious women and say it's a test? Why isn't god testing the men on restraining by making polygamy haram as a test . The things you have to do as a Muslim women is way more than of a man and you're both being tested but not in the same way
Shaikh Al-Fawzān stated: “So a man is able to marry a free single woman (if she agrees), and it is allowed for him to marry up to four. The benefits of polygamy are numerous both for the husband and his wives - and these benefits are not concealed from the person who has true insight, because if a man was restricted to just one woman whilst there are numerous women in a society, then many women will be deprived of husbands.” He continued: “Men have to take on the responsibility of maintenance and care over the women, whilst the women are looked after. So the woman is in an advantageous position because she is maintained, cared for, and is given a dwelling to live in as well as the fulfilment of passions. So this is to her advantage and benefit also, so she does not remain single, deprived of a (loving, caring and responsible) husband.”
@@manhajal-anbiyah5765 women can pay their own food and shelter brother ,and there are a lot of single young brothers , make sure they get married first .
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent. Allah said: فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. Surat al-Nisa 4:25 Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102 Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public. Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ Announce the marriage. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian. Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said: نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so. Ibn Qudamah writes: فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 And Ibn al-Qayyim writes: أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet. Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113 This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act. Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter. Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said: هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them. Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136 This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158 In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children. Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
@@zaintheexplainer4847 Or the deteriorating quality of women. You guys aren't exactly the "paragons of piety" that women used to be. If rejecting holy matrimony makes you happy then that says more about you than it says about other people.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته Best advice I heard was this - " Are you going to allow this man to be the reason you are prevent from entering Jannah" Like the sister said tawakkal. Put your trust in Allah. Then choose what is best for your deen and mental health.
Al Humdulillah! I’m glad you said that. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has given us 2 beautiful examples of marriage (by Allahs Mercy & Will) and how it can and should be in either Monogamy or Polygyny
I'm in a polygynous marriage as the second wife. The polygynous sphere is full of oppression Olympics. Both women being shamed for different reasons. The first wife for having a perfectly human reaction to the news and the second wife for being a " sidechic" and ruining a marriage. It's a very nuanced topic and 30 minutes can't cover it. There should be a part 2 to this.
@@lifewithshaheeda Yes it's very sad to see the lack of support between women, really it annoys me so much bc we're suppose to understand it better but put our feelings on a pedestal and don't try to be compassionate. We are part of our problems.
@@manalmorsi6527 Yes, Alhamdulillah, it was done with her in every step of the way and I made sure everything was done to ease her emotions. And after marriage, I've made sure to accommodate her the space and grace to heal. I'm not trying to force a friendship on her or anything to make her feel pressured to heal "faster". I'm just staying in my lane.
@@manalmorsi6527 getting out of a marriage takes more than just getting up and leaving. Our husband is very fair, maa shaa Allah. So i don't think it's the pain from the marriage but from personal wounds showing up due to this. So I think being afforded the privilege and space by our husband for her to heal as long as it takes, is the right way to go.
Wow you sisters were spot on about everything. Especially the lack of emotional maturity from the man who pursues a second wife. Allah is just. That is all I can say.
So what? We ditch polygamy? Because women can’t control their inner feelings and jealousy? So instead of teaching women about the good effect of polygamy, let’s blame men because women can’t take it. Wowwww
@@masuma1 sounds like insecurity honestly u prefer him marrying someone less threating to u, to the point that she wouldn't be able to have children 😂 not getting on u but that's kind of funny
@@stacycarlton2056 but honestly though isn’t that’s what polygamy for? To support women? Men often would never go for divorced women? Or women’s husbands who died and they have children who can’t support themselves. Or poor women? What’s the point of practicing it if all men go for young girls who are virgins? It defeats the purpose of “taking care” of them and more like just doing it for lust... It’s not for lust and I care about my sexual health. Not tryna get STIs which is not discussed about in polygamous relationships. I hope you get picked lol 😂 Good luck .😉
Multiplied Shukran my sisters. Thanks for helping me come up with a name. Yes, I gave consent, but then I went through a phase: "emotions in turbulance". I've said it a 1001 times, Its not about the other woman, nor the secret marriage. Its about the emotions the wife goes through ALONE! My ex did not understand that I needed to be heard, seen and comforted. I wanted both of us to sit in the space and fight for our marriage first, before the dymamics of another woman, and other children. After fighting and drowning in invisibility...I took a walk! I was completely exhausted...I opted for things money can't buy: the love of my children, my name and sanity.
I choose to be in a monogamous, loving, considerate, mutually respectful marriage. If my husband ever took a another wife behind my back, it would show me who he really is and I refuse to be with someone with a character like that. If he told me he wanted to, then he has autonomy over his own life so he can. But I also have autonomy over my own life and how I want to live so I'd leave and not feel guilty. I'd find somone who shared my values or be single. Men who want to be in polygamy should seek out women who want the same. They're out there!Islam does not oppress anyone in any way, emotionally, mentally or otherwise. That's my take on it 😊. Good topic.
You’re all wrong. Is it not immoral for a man to marry a second wife. Where is the resilience? The submission to the will of Allah? The children? You’re not special, and if your man marries another wife, it doesn’t mean he betrayed you. Modern feminism has corrupted yall minds.
@@Eastonwest71 exactly I find it surprising that some sisters think there are men who are monogamous by nature. There is no such thing. Every man would want sexual intercourse with as many women as possible, that's how Allah has created us. It's even in the Quran.
Please sisters please include a discussion on manipulation secrecy bullying surrounding this halal lifestyle that many people practice. Please many are suffering and this needs to be discussed. Many have also left the deen. Many have suffered mental illness because women are constantly being judged pressured and they see women from other faiths having freedom of expression and opinion and they don't This needs to be discussed more often.
@Ass Hole YOu are mistaken about one thing, in Islam men are the provider and whatever the women earn it belongs only to her., and also if men want their women to be good to them they should also be good to the woman. As the prophet saw said, " the best of you is he who is best to his wife", so you cant expect a woman to be good to her husband if he mistreats her. what do men think when they are taking a second do they ask the woman openly? instead of hiding it and using " obey your husband is fard as an excuse!. We are all human and women are not slaves they do not belong to men they belong to Allah: who created them. So men should respect the creation of Allah.
Women are emotional being they more relay upon their emotional rather logical side. Freedom of expression? They're talking stupidity loudly if you more care about freedom in this duniya rather than eternal life then fear allah and his hell fire.
Much needed discussion sisters good on you, polygamy has its benefits and wisdom, but this has been tainted with the deciete, lies and betrayal people are doing in the process. Yes its sunnah but when was lying and cheating part of our deen. Do it correctly or don't take that avenue, also one is recommended for you so why overlook this brothers.
@@Sunny-yl4rm yes exactly. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) married Lady Khadijah (peace be upon her) and was solely married to her. After her death, he (pbuh) had multiple wives but the reasons for marrying were not because he had a desire for multiple women. It was to have connections with other tribes and also he (pbuh) married divorcees.
Assalam alaikum warahmatllah wabarakat,, I personally love you sisters,, in my opinion I believe that Allah never burdens a soul except in its own potential.so if this happens to any of our sisters,, just remember you have potential to deal with it. Whether you stay in the marriage or get out of it, no matter the decision you make,, Allah will provide for you what is actually best for you.it's all about accepting the decree of Allah upon us, and embracing it.in a way we feel its not gonna take us away from Allah subhanah wa ta'ala. And always remember to make a sincere dua to the Almighty. You never know,, Allah might actually receive it, and grant you a better life fii dunia wal Akhera. Allahuma Amiina
@@Mazzie2022 false. There is n o condition given in the quran for polygamy other than justice. And also, the prophet married divorcees yes, nut in polygamous mariage. Wives must take this sunnah into consideration and not refrain their husbands from marrying divorcees too.
You jealous? Can't handle competition? You're all about women empowerment until another woman enters the picture. Btw your husband will have hoor al ayns in Jannah. He also made them VIRGINS. I think we all know what Allah had in mind.
@@razer0072073 Go and ask your mum if she’s okay with your pops taking a second wife. If she shows disapproval, quote to her exactly what you’ve stated to the sister above.
@@channabiryan My mum's not muslim and two what's wrong with with stating what men will have in jannah and that's unlimited intercourse with virgins in jannah, afterall these are Gods words why should we be ashamed. Also to add to this our prophet marrying Aisha at the age of six was perfect and justified.
@@channabiryan I don't have sisters neither do i want any. Quran 4:34 is justified for a reason. Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah. As for women of whom you fear rebellion, convince them, and leave them apart in beds, and beat them. Then, if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely, Allah is the Highest, the Greatest.
Thank you for this talk sisters. May Allah bless you. I've personally seen what polygamy done in the wrong way can harm lots of people. It actually caused my parents divorce as my Dad kept it secret that he was marrying another wife again and was using religion to justify why my mum should be okay with it. In my culture having multiple wives is so common that i don't know a lot of men that don't have more than one wife. From seeing all the stress and emotional distress my mum had to go through in the name of polygamy, i do not ever wish my future husband to ever have more than one wife. Also i feel like some men only indulge in polygamous marriages for the sake of it and not for a logical reason. Yes polygamy is accepted in Islam but their are conditions that come with it and a man should ask his wife if she feels comfortable or not as it can affect her emotionally and spiritually. Lastly, using religious blackmail is just wrong .
A man doesn't have to ask anyone, he can take another wife whenever he wants without asking anyone. It's your mother's fault for being jealous as women's jealousy is from the devil.
Do you think that is wise really? Most men will love there families andnot want to lose their respect and you might find it easy to blame the woman for human reactions, but if the mans family and children turn against him then it is him that will ultimately lose. There are things you can't replace in life. Its not wise what you are suggesting. Being open and mature enough for discussions will end up being better even for the mans future. When the dust is settled thats when people realise what they had, once trust is gone you dont get it back.
No there is no such condition as asking permission from first wife to marry second. Well, it'll be better if a man tell his wife. That's all. Did your father ever abused/mistreated your mother after his second marriage and she became distressed or she was distressed just because of the idea that your father had second wife.
Assalamualaikum, I really appreciate how this topic is being brought to light - outlining the issues whilst still clarifying that Islam’s permissibility of it (these are not mutually exclusive). May Allah reward you guys. How healthy and beneficial would it be if men had a conversation about it like this too - talking about the behind the scenes that doesn’t get mentioned when polygamy is marketed amongst men. I do wish a lot more was said about the children who live in polygamous homes and the amount of issues they often have. A lot of these children need therapy too, often have abandonment issues, daddy issues, commitment/trust issues, dependency issues, depression etc (the list goes on) but thank you La Yinka for bringing them up. Some awareness/advice on how the children are able to get up from this is much needed, as these traumas often seep into their own future choices when it comes to marriage, relationships with others and their own life experiences. Keep up the good work. May Allah put barakat in everything you do and keep you all steadfast. Ameen.
@Ass Hole please don’t disregard what I said based on an assumption you have that all the children that have been through this don’t have any issues. Have you spoke to ALL of them? I know personally individuals who are the children of a polygamous marriage ‘gone wrong’ and they suffer from all the things I listed. I didn’t just say it from thin air. Everyone’s experience is different. But in the case I’m describing which is a polygamous marriage done wrong, these kids mostly don’t come out about it because it’s an taboo topic you just don’t know where to start. You don’t want people to judge your family dynamic/your problems/your faith. It’s often something you have to go through by yourself or with your siblings. That’s why people need to bring light to it, as many people are unaware/oblivious to it but learning about it (it’s impact on some children) is always a good starting point. Many Arabic dramas have depicted and shown the light children of the negligent polygamous dad who married in secret and everything went sour from then. Not a source but my point is, it’s not a new phenomenon. Many cultures already exposed to this and often say to the women “Allah ya3eenik” “may god help you” “I could never put through with that” instead of providing actual support. And the woman ends up having to stay in the marriage and not getting a divorce bc the man makes it so hard for her. Divorce isn’t all evil sometimes it better. It’s better it be from a broken home than to live in one. That’s why Allah made it halal...bc sometimes it’s actually beneficial. Sometimes it helps to have another man step up and play the good husband and father role that another man wasn’t able to fulfil.
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent. Allah said: فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. Surat al-Nisa 4:25 Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102 Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public. Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ Announce the marriage. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian. Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said: نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so. Ibn Qudamah writes: فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid. Source: al-Mughnī 7/83 And Ibn al-Qayyim writes: أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet. Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113 This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act. Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter. Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said: هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them. Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136 This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery. Ibn Taymiyyah writes: وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse. Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158 In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children. Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
@@dontbeasecondwife5549 also i dont understand why you would promote ant-polygamy if if permissible in islam, are you a muslim hater or something? just curious
This made me cry. Absolutely spot on. I’m in this and can relate to every single word you’ve said. SubhanAllah. Jazakhallahu khairan sisters, you are doing incredible things. Alhamdullilah
@Food faith and motherhood, may Allah make it ease for you. I’m in this as well and it’s very new to me and I’m very saddened. May Allah make it ease for us all. Hang on there InshaAllah we will get through one way of another.
@@bashbash8279 ⚠️not necessarily! 👉🏾 The institution of marriage is not unjust but some people involved will/can be unjust and not ‘polygamy’ / ‘monogamy’ per say. ⬇️ After all the Ayah for polygamy is clearly to help both the men and women so that should never bring about injustice. Humans do that. ♥️ May Allah grant all my sisters ease SubhanAllah, Allah made our deen easy and people make it hard on us and sometimes we do it ourselves. ✴️ May Allah grant you sisters and every sister struggling the strength to hang on to your faith and sanity, the strength to fall apart and pick yourself back up, the strength to restrain yourself from loosing your cool, allow you to forgive yourself, patience throughout your life’s journey, ease and goodness from where you least expect, joy upon joy and by Allah’s mercy entrance into Jannah, Amin.
@@rahmaabdi4574 ♥️ May Allah ease your affairs dear sisters. ⚠️Allah knows don’t ever forget! He loves you 70x more than your mother and there’s no one who loves you more than your mother in this life, no man will ever come close! So deep this👉🏾 Allah loves you 70x more than the one you think loves you the most. ‼️ Also Allah is the changer of hearts. Today he can make your husband love you Tomorrow he may change his heart away from you But guess what? ☝🏽 Allah does whatever He wants ♥️ And He chose to love you! And me too 😆🤩😉🥰😍😊♥️ ✴️ Hold on to Allah We are returning to the One who loves us most!!!! He knows how we feel deep inside, the things you can’t express He knows. I want you to fall in love with Allah 😉 May He ease all your affairs Amin ♥️♥️ @food faith and motherhood
If my husband did this it would be grounds for immediate divorce. Its his right, of course...but divorce is my right too. I was recently told about a man in our community who did this to his wife. He lied to her married someone secretly and his first wife and kids only found out years later. How horrible.
You just made that up. Its haram to just divorce him and tbh woman cannot divorce a man just like that. Its haram. You did not show sufficient reason to divorce him. Either you are a Muslim or not. You cannot just make religion up for yourself.
@@dom3073 It’s not haram to divorce. Women have the right to divorce. If she can’t handle it then she may leave. Btw if she’s forcefully held to that marriage, she’s mentally left the guy anyway.
May Allah bless you sisters And thank you for mentioning the children, nobody talks about the children in polygamy. From my personal experience as a girl that grew up in polygamy marriage, it was a traumatic experience, very toxic it affected me a lot. As a result I have trust issues and anger issues.
After more than nine years, I felt I am understood for the first time. Thank you so much. I am first wife who was put into this position 9 years ago, one month into my third child, being away from my country, any of my relatives and friends, I had no one but Allah... I struggled for many years all by myself... My husband has been patient with me during all these ups and downs of our marriage to the best of his ability... But the damage was done and it was sooo hard to heal... I still can't say I am healed... My deepest wound during all of these are my children... They were neglected emotionally while I was trying to heal myself and my husband wasn't ever available emotionally for my children... That's something hurts me sooo much and blame myself for not being able to give them emotional support that they needed... Now everything seems like back to normal but we , as a couple, never are same again. At least that's how I feel.
@Ass Hole if he doest it behind the wives back he is *your @ name* Also he violated her right which is haram,if she put it in the contract and he does it anyways AND behind her back,he didnt only violate and went against the wife but also he went against Allah :)
Allah said: You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. 129 from Qur'an... Why do Muslims ignore this verse from Qur'an?!
@@bashbash8279 Wallahi i don’t know.i know this verse which lets me see who knows the real deal and who doesnt .Men scream 4 wives over lust but dont know ab this verse,only if muslims read the Quran..😩(especially men)
This is so selfish view .. me me me and just me. What about your sisters in Islam ? Don’t they also have right to be married ? Why are we so selfish? Where is that when you wish to others what you wish to yourself ?? May Allah helps this lying fake selfish ummah Ameen
By only speaking about negative experiences, you are negatively framing polygamy in our eyes. Please can you speak also about positive examples of polygamy? Why for example did the Prophet (pbuh) choose that for himself?
Because he was a Prophet. Our Prophet saw was the perfect example of how a muslim should be. Therefore he naturally was capable of being just between his wife’s and fulfill all the requirements of polygamy according to Islam. In fact, our Prophet saw chose monogamy for himself as well. Additionally the sisters did not try to make Polygamy seem as something bad they rather acknowledged the fact that quite a lot of brothers abuse their right to polygamy by treating their wife’s unjust or dismissing their rights. This does not mean that there are not successful polygamous marriages, I am sure there are a lot.
The positive examples are those cases where polygamy were for good purposes like marrying a widowed/divorced women with kids to take care of them, poor and orphaned women with no one to help them...
He (SAW) actually didn't choose it for himself. Allah guided him to his post-prophethood marriages because they had benefit for the ummah. Before prophethood (as what might be called a "private citizen") his personal choice was monogamy.
He didn't marry again untill his first wife passed away.. Yes the women he married were of those who in today's world are tarnished and he could do just which many just can't. There lust drive's them to Th at and the idea of it sounds good without thinking can i financially mentally, emotionally and physically give.. and take...
The prophet Muhammad sws did not choose more than one wife. It was Allah swt who ask ed the prophet to do this as an example of how to treat more than 1 wife ect. The prophet married once untill she passed away.. More than one wife has its benefits if all parties agree and undestand their role and it's works fairly In today's world that is hard to come by most men marry because they can not fairly or equally treated ectt It's a difficult practice for both a man and a women Good on those who are happy and content with it and those should fear who do it for sexual desires only and no intention of staying with them or treating then justly
That is what happened to me exactly! My husband took a second wife behind my back! I had no idea that he was married until 3 weeks later. He never told me he had taken another wife I found out from a phone call from his second wife to our home phone. When I approached him and asked him if he had indeed taken another. Wife he looked me in my face and said no. It’s when I told him that she had called the house phone and we spoke and I asked her who she was, “she said she was your wife. Then he said yes I am married! (Smh) I almost lost my mind it took me 2 years to regain my mental health and i was very depressed and very sad for so long. It’s was more because it was done behind my back. and then he lied to my face. What’s crazy is because I truly thought back then at that time that we had a great marriage and relationship.
I watched this series "3 wives one husband" on netflix about a polygamist community in USA and it was interesting at showing what it was like for just a couple families. They say it is far, far from easy, the man has to expand to become more generous, kind, helpful, forgiving, and the man didn't have time for anything else but look after his families. I feel that polygamy is only for those who feel it is for Allah, for growing spiritually & serving their community even more. If it is not for these reasons it may likely be an ego wish, a distraction from seeing themselves, and something that could just increase pain and dis-ease. May all receive infinite blessings and mercy
Polygamy marriages are corruption... """And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. From Quran surah Nisa"""... Muslim ummah keep telling others don't follow your desires, women are desires!. But desires can be very powerful. They can hold sway over the mind and lead a person away from reality. When a person follows desires and submits to them, without giving consideration to the guidance received from God, he goes astray. Following of desires is directly linked to misguidance. To understand the effect of desire it is important to analyze what desire does to human intelligence. It puts a curtain over the eyes of the mind. It makes a person so attached to its target that reality is overlooked. The conditions to understand reality include an objectivity to it. It means acceptance of reality whether palatable or bitter, whether it is for personal gain or against it. These conditions are not in line with the dictates of desire. In another verse Almighty Allah puts forth this truth in even stronger terms. He calls desire the god of some human beings. He says: Have you seen him who has taken his desire to be his god? (Q 25:43). Such a god has been condemned in the strongest terms in Hadith. The Prophet (s) has said: There is no god under the sky that has been worshipped other than Allah that is worse than the desire. (Taken from Tafsīr Namūne). No other deity is as despicable as the human being’s own desire. Imam al-Sādiq (a) says: Be apprehensive of your desires in the same way as you are apprehensive of your enemies. For there is no greater enemy for human beings than their own desires and what their tongues reap (Al-Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, 2: 336.) Following of desires is often not recognized for the lowly quality it is. It can be masqueraded as freedom, having fun, being with the masses, etc. It clads a veil over the person as well as others who are exposed to him. Only those who have insight and reflect on reality are able to see through it. This verse reminds us of the danger! Polygamy marriages come under desires!Polygamy marriages are corruption... Destroying the frist marriages!. Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2813 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Muslim """And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. From Quran surah Nisa"""... Muslim ummah keep telling others don't follow your desires, women are desires!. But desires can be very powerful. They can hold sway over the mind and lead a person away from reality. When a person follows desires and submits to them, without giving consideration to the guidance received from God, he goes astray. Following of desires is directly linked to misguidance. To understand the effect of desire it is important to analyze what desire does to human intelligence. It puts a curtain over the eyes of the mind. It makes a person so attached to its target that reality is overlooked. The conditions to understand reality include an objectivity to it. It means acceptance of reality whether palatable or bitter, whether it is for personal gain or against it. These conditions are not in line with the dictates of desire. In another verse Almighty Allah puts forth this truth in even stronger terms. He calls desire the god of some human beings. He says: Have you seen him who has taken his desire to be his god? (Q 25:43). Such a god has been condemned in the strongest terms in Hadith. The Prophet (s) has said: There is no god under the sky that has been worshipped other than Allah that is worse than the desire. (Taken from Tafsīr Namūne). No other deity is as despicable as the human being’s own desire. Imam al-Sādiq (a) says: Be apprehensive of your desires in the same way as you are apprehensive of your enemies. For there is no greater enemy for human beings than their own desires and what their tongues reap (Al-Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, 2: 336.) Following of desires is often not recognized for the lowly quality it is. It can be masqueraded as freedom, having fun, being with the masses, etc. It clads a veil over the person as well as others who are exposed to him. Only those who have insight and reflect on reality are able to see through it. This verse reminds us of the danger! Polygamy marriages come under desires! Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 62 :: Hadith 157 Narrated Al-Miswar bin Makhrama: I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, "Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me."... Even Prophet Muhammed pbah didn't give permission to his daughters husband to take a second wife!
@@bashbash8279 even the prophet sallallahu aleyhi wa salam and it’s ok. Like a mother cannot love her children equally. A man has to treat and show them equally, but he doesn’t has to love them equally like the prophet also didn’t.
@@bashbash8279 “But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one” full verse in Quran an nisa (4:3) these are restrictions, it is still obligated upon you to do everything equally between the wives and be just but if you can't then marry only one.
Good discussion. I like how you mentioned that womens feelings are wiped from the table when talking about this. Like "it doesnt matter how you feel. Its halal." No, thats not how this works. Halal doesnt mean obligatory. Its allowed BUT not a must. So going behind your wife's back and marrying another is just cheating no matter the tag you put on it. Because lying/deceit is also not part of our deen. How are you gonna use haram to do something halal? Can one pay sadaqa from money made from selling alcohol? Use your brain.... Yes, Im biased when it comes to polygamy. Have seen it gone wrong way to often. I dont believe many (if any in this day and age) can hold that big responsibility and do it justice (many cant even do right by one wife🤦♀️). Like you guys said its mostly 'boys' anyway who want the benefits but cant take the responsibilities. Im not married yet but before I do in sha Allah it will be discussed and my preferences are set.
Btw you have the right to mention in marriage contract that you don't want polygynous relationship. If he so wants it later, he has to ask your permission and if you don't agree, he can't remarry or he has to divorce.
@@shahee6579 because we women were shown time to time by men who did it wrong. Tired of seeing sisters broken hearts because their husbands stabbed then behind their back.🤷🏽♀️
Sister, I can understand your pain. I am totally with your side that we men should speak to you prior to polygamy. May Allah guide you sisters and protect you from evil eyes. Remember, you have so many Muslim brothers in this world who have real empathy for you all sisters. May Allah guide all Muslim men so that they can understand their life partners.
Dudes in the comments mad because women don’t want to deal with polygamy. It’s their right to leave you if they choose just like it’s your right to take a second wife. Some of y’all would make horrible husbands anyway. You’re that arrogant to not care about how your wife feels. That’s fine a man like me would be right there to comfort your wife😂😂😂
These are interesting and poignant concepts that definitely should be explored further. I'm a revert who brought up the topic to my husband, he at first had many hangups because he takes his responsibility as the head of household very seriously. However, after many discussions and studying the religion closely, we both realize what a blessing a second (or more if financially possible) can be for our household, iman and for the women who choose to join us for the benefits they would attain. Our outlook has less to do with his need for multiple female attention and more to do with our intention to build a tribe of individuals who can bud together and share companionship. Our children are quite ok with it, even excited at the idea of having more than one maternal figure around. We are totally open about our concerns and discussions. And I am always involved in discussions with potential mates who may enter the household long term. We are friends with the women who are showing interest, and completely open. I wish more women who are interested could feel comfortable exploring the topic with their men. And more men could be overt with these discussions, not doing it secretly. For the record, neither of us entered the marriage with the intent of becoming polygamous. I was not even Muslim when we married. In fact, I used to be very jealous. I pray Allah helps those who struggle with this issue, and Allah knows best.
I couldn't be in that triangle relationship, and I left and divorced him, it's been years and am still dealing with my children and the trauma they've been going through , adults can get over it but children go through so much trauma.
@Ass Hole and lustfully dating around and finding a second wife isn't a selfish desire. Ew, grow up, heal, something is wrong with you. How dare you shame women for having a divorce when that is their god given right.
@Ass Hole your explains the kind of person you're, may Allah show your a light you're totally in darkness, I am human with heart and feelings, Muslim women are not objects, they're humans and until men like your are thinking or doing the shameful actions. And misintereperting this beautiful deen. You're the reosan why our women and youth are leaving Islam. Show me where in the Quran and Sunna is saying destroy existence family for your lust and abandon them , shame on your. My children are not suffering because of my decision, they're suffering because their father resigned his responsibilities and choose his desires Islam is just , Allahu akbar .
@@nevertrustjinns8375 may Allah make easier for you sis , I am sure you will go true this inshallah , time is healer, pray remember Allah loves you and will look after you, it's his loss , that he couldn't see your worth, you're worthy of love .
@@duskydamsel672 Selflove :accept forgive yourself and move on If you want love ❤️ someone please give 100% LOVE ❤️ TO ALLAH AND YOU WILL FEEL THE CHANGES INSIDE YOUR HEART 💜.
Tunisia has the highest divorce rate in the Arab world, with around half of all marriages ending in divorce, and guess what? it's the only Arab country to forbid polygamy
I think we need to as men have these discussions of having another wife before we get married to sisters and discuss it thoroughly so there isn’t any confusion or heartbreak...may allah guide us in this matter aameen
Men simply don't do this because telling a woman before marriage that you want a polygamous marriage will most likely make her run away. So they would rather deceive women, marry them, then force polygamy on them so now the women are stuck with it and don't have a choice. May Allah keep such deceiving vicious men away from every Muslim sister.
it takes a very mature strong man to be able to lead in polygamy and I'm talking about just straight up masculine energy. A fearless man and assertive man. And it takes a very strong mature woman to accept polygamy. What makes polygamy hard is the society that we live in. A lot of guys here are boys, not men, but boys.
There is a misconception that men say don't have to discuss any of it with their wife. Telling your wife and discussing it are two different things. Many men already found a women and discussed marriage with the second woman before ever even having a discussion about polygamy with the wife.
I lost faith because of the ruling of polygamy. Most times men marry secretly. So I will never marry a Muslim man. Well I'm not Muslim anymore I guess. It's such a shame. On top of having my doubts about my faith because of this issue, we just found out that my dad has been "married" to someone from the Philippines for 5 years. My family is in shambles, I'll take out my hijab and I don't think I can stay in this community anymore.
So when Allah (swt) tested you to see if you believed you just gave up and failed. Such a shame.... a man or your father is not God to cause you to lose your faith because they have flaws. You have bigger issues to resolve than polygamy or your father second marriage. The world out there is unforgiveable you're not going to find better than Islam out there. I hope you realize that and return back to the Path that the Creator is pleased with before its too late.
@@PaPa-ko1vg her family has fallen apart because of her fathers deception, this has impacted on the sister seriously, perhaps some other calamity that Allah swt has so far protected you from would cause you yourself to fall apart for a while, may Allah save us all from that fate, Lets be more merciful to the sister, she clearly needs kind words and those of advice, dealing with her harshly especially at her time of weakness will achieve only negative
I'm really sorry to hear what your father has put you and your family through, it must be devastating to have found this out, especially after so many years, this level of deception particularly from someone you hold dear, is likely to make you question what you can actually trust and 'who' and bring about feelings of such confusion, anger and resentment. Sister, when you read the Quran, which implore you to do, if not in its original form in your mother tongue, the absolute and overwhelming theme is justice, justice for women, children, men, non Muslims, orphans, animals, justice towards our own selves, and a constant reminder of Allah's mercy and kindness, be sure that any sort of behaviour that is contrary to justice and kindness is not from our beautiful religion, Muslims are held to the highest moral conduct, however do not look to Muslims to teach you about Islam they are human and humans will always err, rather look to the Quran and sunnah themselves. Your father concealing his other family especially for all these years was a deception and a cruelty, which part of the religion of Islam propagates that this should be the manner in which men conduct their marriages? I challenge you sister to produce such a commandment from Allah swt, it does not exist. If the behaviour your father conducted himself with, is not propagated by Islam, why are you placing the blame on it? why do you allow satan to cause you to fall into destruction by misguiding your thinking when you are surely smarter then his plots? step back for a minute and look at what is happening here and ask yourself, do it make any sense sister? If you allow this hardship to destroy the truth that YOU KNOW in your heart, that THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH SWT AND HIS LAST MESSENGER IS PROPHET MUHHAMMED MAY THE PEACE AND BLESSING OF ALLAH BE UPON HIM, you will suffer this blow ( finding out about your father) then one after the other, living a life without the remembrance of Allah is no kind of life to live, and then ultimately you will end up in the hell fire, so you will achieve only destruction upon destruction, i hope that you will choose better for yourself and remember... everyone will be rewarded according to what they have earnt, if your father has committed evil, if he has unjustly caused you and your family suffering then be sure that Allah swt will call him to account for the evil he has done, but rejecting Allah swt on the basis of your fathers actions or on a topic you don't understand and that isn't even relevant to you since you are not married, makes no sense whatsoever and will not be accepted from you as an excuse on the day of judgement. Have patience with the things you do not yet understand, not understanding is ok, we do not have Allah's infinite knowledge and wisdom, sometimes we just have to trust in him.. Take a deep breath sister and realise this world is full of evils and hardships this will not be your first rodeo hang on to the truth! and it could be worse, sister, when I was a pregnant I found out my husband had not long been out of jail for attempted murder, I find this out after the state got involved following the police being called to yet another incident where my husband was abusing me in the street, again whilst pregnant, I recall how he would raise his hand so as to strike me and when he slammed his fist down on my legs bruising them he claimed I just bruise easily, his family would bully me and gossip about my family of whom they had never actually met! I caught his friends sending him porn videos and would catch him constantly looking at other women despite being a very attractive woman myself, when I left the marital home and refused to return, due to the authorities threatening to remove my child if i did due to domestic violence inflicted upon me but also my husbands long and very violent criminal history ,he stole my belongings, including items which belonged to my parents, and expensive items which were gifted to me by my family, and slandered me to people, this is a very short explanation of several years of hell I have been put through by husband, i am now a single mother, who has and continues to raise her child alone, after giving birth to my son, I contracted sepsis twice, sepsis is a life threatening condition it was a scary experience, shortly after giving birth my father who was at the time dying, was killed by some hospital staff who removed his oxygen mask so he suffocated to death, thereafter they denied doing so, ( I was present) don't i have more right then you to say, oh i think I'll just not do this religion thing anymore? the whole point of faith sister, is to believe despite what hurdles you face in life, alhamdulliah many many many have hard it harder then both you and I just recently, look at the state of the world, some of us Muslims are being slaughtered, have no shelter no food, no safety. I hope you find your way back to the path of truth my beautiful sister, I don't want you to suffer anymore then you already have. xxxx
@Bob Bob The sad thing is, he is the one who taught us Islam. I used to pray 5 times a day. I'm in a very weak point of my imaan. If the polygamy you're talking about can be practiced without getting consent/informing the wife, then no, I won't accept lying and cheating. If men want to marry a second wife, MARRY A WOMAN WHO ACCEPTS POLYGAMY IN HER LIFE. No woman HAS to accept polygamy in her life. My mother is a Muslim, but she doesn't HAVE to let my father practice it. Imagine the STDs, the virus right now, the children who are not seeing their father every night, the women who have been put under a situation where their money (their husbands money) is now going to other women without their consent. Marry a women who accepts it, and if she doesn't DIVORCE, it ain't that hard. Let her go and let her find a man who won't lie to her. But no, most men who do this are too narcissist to do that.
@@narcissistlovepolygamy6221 I don't know how to DM someone on UA-cam, please feel free to reach out to me if you do. Only the injured will understand the true impact of the injury. Your username is true. NARCISSIST love polygamy. And not polygamy per se (the one done with consent and is equal and just) its the one done BEHIND your back, the one with lies and cheating, the one with injustice (because how can you be just if one of your wives doesn't know you're banging another woman?) They are narcissists, they do not divorce their wife and let them find a man who will treat them better, they lie to her and keep them in an abusive marriage.
I think the 2nd wife is also liable. If she is going to be second Wife and does not ask and makes sure her husband to be has told her first wife, she is responsible for doing it wrong as well. She should also be kind towards another woman.
@@hyrunnisa997 only if both families don't meet, bride to be parents and extended family and groom to be parents and extended family. So, if he is not taking his dad or any male relative to talk to her dad and any female relative to talk to her mother, that's already odd. Who marries without making sure the future husband is a person of good character? Who's parents won't make sure the groom is of good character? And even if she has no family (extreme situation) she can always ask for the Sheikh to be her Wali and make sure he is a good, trusted person.
@@maribelninoderivera9690 this happens to converts alot. And sometimes she doesn't know she should ask a sheikh or imam. Especially if she sort of just learned Islam on her own.
My husband married another woman without telling me. And this woman is my friend and she knows me.... what kind of woman accepted a proposal’s of man that she knows well of his wife
Amazing episode. Thoughtful. I think brothers can help other brothers who come to them with ideas of getting a second wife. I hope this reaches out to many who really need to hear this. Imam Shadeed Mohamed is good example of a Scholar who speaks about this topic extensively.
These women are smart! The kind of women that I personally would like to surround myself with. Thank you for your honesty in my quest to learn more about Islam and the facet of polygyny within the religion.
This is such an important talk. Specially being a Muslim women in todays world. We are already struggling with SO much. When I was committing to islam I really tried finding answers on this topic because it did confuse me but the UA-cam male shaikh attitude and a smirk and the way most of them talk about women broke my heart and made me blood boil and question so much until I found a real shaikh and he talked about it the most beautiful of ways and that cleared my mind. Some of these shaikhs are also 'boys' at heart just like sister mentioned. We really need more people to talk about it in a realistic way.
I am from Pakistan. And yes you are right. Its tough for men. I have a son and I worry about him. This society is not easy for any believer whether man or woman. Basically I do know a few polygamous men in my area and the way they practice it is just cruel. And nobody, not even the religious scholars of our area talk about it in a decent way. Infact the moment somebody gets religious this is the only sunnah they want to start. The times we live in. The extremely fitnah times where it is already so hard for a believer to survive. We need to be more careful about how we can make it easier for women and men.
Yes ofcoarse. But if it to be practiced. It should be done in the right way. With the right intentions. People can help each other. One person's life cannot be saved by killing another.
you are doing a fantastic job. as a woman i feel everything you discussed..... very empathetic.... realistic.... no sugar coating .... one of the best discussions i have seen online
I love you guys. I almost married a man with a wife. Today i broke it off with him and from now on am never speaking to a married man. Thank you, i dodged a bullet.
Haven’t heard the show yet. But my view has always been it’s not just about ‘oh I’m allowed’ etc. Brothers need to realise in bringing the new wife, if the first is not happy- ALOT could go downhill. Her mental health and imaan. You can’t make a sole decision about something that will affect other peoples life too! They have a say about their life too. Some sisters may be accepting and strong for it, but for others it is a downhill spiral. I know of sisters who ended up removing hijab and eventually the family too, because it affected her mental health that much !
Furthermore, fair treatment is a condition of polygamous marriages, (04:03) however, it continues that no matter how hard a man tries, he cannot be just (04:129), which again suggests the desirability of a monogamous community as a principle of creation (51:49).
No, the verse goes on to say how you should behave and act even tho no one can be 100% fair and just. You folks should make sure to always complete that verse, not stop halfway
When brothers use their head and think about it deeply they'll see and realise that most are not capable of looking after more than one family/wife properly. The financial obligations, time, emotional support, chores etc in supporting a wife and kids (yes kids, we men often forget a second wife will bring more kids) is very challenging... But most of us guys don't think with our heads. Straight up, real talk.
@@sexisntlove3153 4 wives and welfare! That is the reality of some of these guys. They can't financially take care of all the wives but they want more. I think some guys were used to having more than one girlfriend in jahiliya and thought in Islam having more than one wife was somehow the same, not realising that in the Deen the man is required to LOOK AFTER his wives and kids.
Have you seen muhammed hijab and Ali dawahs response to this video? If not please go and see it then delete this and your other abominations you are potentially destroying the lives of families and children giving such misguided advice.
How are these women destroying lives by addressing issues within the Muslim community? If mental health means anything to you? I'm sure you wouldn't feel at all comfortable if your mother, sister or daughter was treated the same way? You'd protect them right because you love them dearly! It's their channel and they're having a healthy debate. Go leave comments on the Mohammed Hijab video. I found Mohammed Hijab and Ali Dawah to be rude throughout the video.
@@JC-pe2gd Are you a Muslim? If no I don’t expect u to understand. Muslims watch shows like this thinking their views are based on islam. Their show is disguised as Islamic but their advice is not. And I wouldn’t have any problem with my mother or sister being in a polygamous relationship so long as the man could manage it. And I have close family members who are in polygamy.
I would really like the sisters to bring the answer to “How to do Polygamy the right way?” Like how is it that Allah has ordained? And what are the do’s and the don’ts
asking women to tell you about polyny is asking a child how to do parenting. it's like asking a fish how to fish. you don't do that.. these women gotta STFU, this topic triggers them to irrational levels to the point where they're flirting with kufr. just watch muhammad hijab's recent video on it. these women do a great job exposing themselves
salams, In my opinion , it's not a special kind of man which makes it work, it's a certain type of women which makes it work. 1/ No point in destroying your previous marriage for a new one. 2/ if you love someone it hurts to see your loved one upset. 3/ doing something which you know will destroy someone's happiness does not have love for them . 4/ going behind your wife's back with another women is cheating and making the women your wife doesn't stop it being a betrayal. It all depends on the women , maybe a women doesn't want a man in her life 24/7 , maybe she wants children and a career. Maybe a divorced women needs support and companionship but wants to be independent.
What a great debate. Mature insightful and very relevant. This needs to be discussed so much more like this. Mashallah well done sisters! This discussion should be compulsory viewing for all men who are considering polygamy and women who are considering being second wives.
Assalaamu alaikum Muslimun wa Muslimahs @ IrFan Farid, in Islam we have polygyny (a Man having More than one Wife) and NOT polygamy (a person having more than one spouse or concubine, aka NOT married). There's a major difference. Anyway, we are supposed have this discussion prior to Nikkah contract being signed (if you do have an actual contract). It's getting increasingly difficult to find a wife these days who follows Quran and Sunnah. You sisters NEED to have an episode discussing Polygyny using examples of how it should be done correctly! Seriously, how many brothers can afford to have multiple wives? No woman or man should be entering into a marriage blindly. May Allah ta ala Azwajl give this ummah Islamic knowledge, wisdom and understanding with certainty and NOT the bid'ah of modernity. [Br. Abdul-Hafiz]
Go and put your mothers, daughters and sisters into polygamy marriages and we'll see how that going down! Finding vulnerable sisters online and forcing and tricking them into polygamy marriages also destroying the first marriages to start a new marriage. Let's start of with your father's taking second wife!
@@NorthPhilly-zr7xc some of these men don't allow their fathers to take a second wife, one guy made his dad divorce the second wife because his mum was hurting. Another guy didn't allow his dad to take a second wife because his mum was so upset!!!
Oppression under any label is still oppression. What isn’t building…= Destruction! 💜Allah & Self over ANY books or Teaching! Oppression in home can NEVER ever work! Rise in Wisdom Courage & Strength! As Salaam Alaikum! Shukran 4 U 3🩵🤲🏾💐
I don’t know why some men are confused or triggered about Plogamy, and how the sisters are discussing it, to make it look like they are against it. 1: They made it clear that it is premisble in Islam 2: most of the men are doing it wrong 3: it is hard for the women due to how ALLAH Created jelousy in them to be tested or the injustice done to them 4: if women choose to leave she will be shamed, call her names like you are not a good muslim or your against ALLAH’S oder blah blah while ALLAH has given women choice to leave or stay, it is a chioce for her as it is a choice for the man to have second wife, she can’t stop a man to have second wife but has a choice to leave or stay, but women are not getting the support if she choose to leave, while man gets encouraged or supported to marry more than one wife, due to that women are getting depressed and suffering mental health. Allah didn’t do unjust to womens’ it is the people and society that are ignoring our rights and feeling and celebrating mens’ Where is the lie.???
Sari Sarah if a woman stipulated in the marriage contract that her husband may not take another wife she has the right to annul the marriage when he still chooses to marry a second.
@@xikibo she has that choice. We know that a woman who asks for divorce with no _valid_ reason, will not smell the scent of Jannah, though it can be smelled from 500 years of travel. If polygamy is truly plaguing her life to the point where it's making her discontent and unhappy all the time, if she's begining to question her self-worth; and just overall if her mental health is deteriorating- she can file for a khul'. For this is a valid reason, her mental and physical health is at stake. While there's those who seek divorce for petty reasons. Yes, there's occasional jealousy; but they're content, YET they seek divorce- the hadith applies to those women. Also if she fears she cannot handle polygamy, she can stipulate a term that forbids the husband from taking another wife while married to her, on her nikkah papers.
This was a lovely discussion. Please also make a video discussion of the positive side of POLYGAMY and it would be lovely if you invite a lady living in a SUCCESSFUL POLYGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP.
Dear sisters, are not any of you critical thinkers? Y'all just agreeing with one another, even when most of the discussion was not in line with Islam. In humility, I'd advise you to take down this video and seek Tauba.
It was great to see comments from brothers as well who understood what the sisters had to say regarding the topic (it was focused more on the problems regarding polygamy in todays time). Men need to realize if a woman has clearly consented to a monogamous relationship from the start, do not expect her to accept a second marriage just because it is allowed. This is a very sensitive topic and it was great to hear a sister’s perspective rather than the stereotypical ‘I’m allowed 4 wives’ and there’s nothing you can do about it stance. Furthermore, if both parties are okay with polygamy thats perfect👍🏻 To all the men watching this video or reading through comments from sisters, please understand that there are many issues in polygamous marriages that need to be discussed from the sisters side of the story. Not all are successful. So please be kind and understanding. JazakAllah khayr! 💕🌸🙏🏻
I have yet to hear from a woman what a good polygamous marriage looks like from their perspective. Even if we look at the example of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) we see that his wives were unhappy with the situation. How would you reconcile this?
We need a big neon sign for this, no problem with polygamy, Allah made it halal, so of course we would never say that it is haram. In the beginning of the video, the sisters made it clear what the issue is. Polygamy done wrong is the issue for all the brothers who are obviously having a difficult time understanding...just hearing what they want then twist it to keep saying that we have a problem with polygamy as Allah has ordained. The fact that these men see nothing wrong with a man treating his first wife like a flavor of the week, a man being sneaky, and disrespectful while seeking a second wife says a lot. Most men can’t handle polygamy in the way that it should be, but can’t hold back from telling a woman how she should conduct herself when it comes to it. A woman knows what her heart can take, and Allah knows what is in her heart. A man can chose polygamy, but the wife doesn’t have to stay if it causing her distress over the way he went about it (if it was the wrong way). We get it, the man doesn’t have to say anything, but if any part of him cared in the least for his wife, he would handle her heart with care when it came to him seeking a second wife. He would listen to her and try to reassure her to make the transition easier. A good Muslim man would.
If a man is willing to not tell you about something as major as him marrying a second wife, then no telling what else he is willing to not tell you. Yet, a woman is told that we shouldn’t have any secrets from her husband, but he can hide a whole family and never tell his wife about it.
I feel as though women are expected to put everyone before herself, while she slowly fades into the background. Smile, and take whatever is thrown at you. If you cry, frown, or say how you feel that doesn’t speak of rainbows and glitter, then you are not a Muslim woman. At least that is how they try to make you feel. You have ask Allah to strengthen you to protect you heart and your mind because some people will trample all over you.
Allah please guide us, have mercy on us, and forgive us.
You sait it all. Thank you.
Women need to start choosing themselves before anyone else.
Feminazis,may Allah protect my brothers from your kind,and also my sister's from abusers.
Beautifully put!
@@masuma1 Fear Allah SWT from making up lies about the Noble Prophet Pbuh.
The Prophet pbuh forbid Ali to not marry the daughter of his enemy whilst being married to his daughter. He didn't forbid polygyny.
@@jubairomar2676 Ali just wanted a second wife, The prophet forbid him from marrying a second wife because he knows how much it would hurt his daughter, what hurts her hurts him.
Ali could have just got another woman other than the daughter of their enemies but he didn't.
She's not lying, you lot should stop twisting the religion to your likings.
I think the best way to solve this issue is, If you are a male that is interested in polygamy, Get a spouse from the onset that is okay with it. Men should make their intention clear from the onset. If you have plans to marry more than one wife, tell you woman you intend to marry from the beginning and if she is not down with it, find someone else who is
Not possible because one thing constant in life is change.
@@saniabdul3279 I don't get what you mean here. The most important thing is for your spouse to consent to it.
@@Coderesource I meant that some Muslim men aren't certain if they would marry more wives, most believe the first might just be the last but people change just like decisions do.
Secondly, her consent isn't important but informing her of an intention to marry again is more of an act of kindness (it might ease the hurt or give her room to take a decision about it).
I comment in peace 🙂.
@@saniabdul3279 True. That is what is intended. To give her room to decide if she want to be part of it. I feel it is goes a long way to voice it out as a male even if you don't have the intention to marry more wives so that if there is change in the future, you would have already addressed that
@@Coderesource well..a few men inform ladies they date about their possibility of getting married to more than one wife since they are Muslims, though they might not intend to get married to more than one woman.
A lot of men do not understand the concept of consent and are capable of putting women through the emotional distress they themselves would not be able to tolerate.
When the second wife marriage doesn't work out they run back to the first wife can you believe
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam
Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء
In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent.
Allah said:
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses.
Surat al-Nisa 4:25
Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ
Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102
Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ
Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan
Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ
The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan
Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ
Announce the marriage.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan
Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian.
Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said:
نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ
A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so.
Ibn Qudamah writes:
فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ
If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
And Ibn al-Qayyim writes:
أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ
The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet.
Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113
This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act.
Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter.
Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said:
هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ
This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them.
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136
This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ
As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158
In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children.
Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3)
A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129)
It is clear from this verse that:
First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.
Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done.
Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans.
Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children.
Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
@Sharla Weng women are bought in Islam?! Allah save us
@@bashbash8279 yeah because that's still his wife lol
And women who say a complete NO to polygamy should also be respected for her choice and shouldn't be shamed for this choice.
As salamualakum waratulahi wabarakatuhu you are correct and the ones who says. No should not shame the one who says yes or wants to practice it just my opinion
@@sakinahkennedy107 Absolutely my mother and step mothers are one of those women. I can't imagine to shame them for their choice but my opinion is very clear and I have the right to express it in my opinion polygamy is equal to shirk. Just as their is one divine there should be one soulmate/husband/wife. Whoever chooses otherwise it's their choice.
@@sakinahkennedy107
Pertinent point... Notice how Insaani literally equates the practice to "shirk" astaghfirullah!!!
Imagine Allah gives us PERMISSION in HIS HOLY BOOK to perform "shirk"!!!
Just boggles the mind the extent some people will go to in order to criminalise a GOD-GIVEN RIGHT, while they pretend they have "no problem" with it...
@@insaanietihad-MSB you have no understanding of the Deen
@@husseinhassan6832 if accepting male sexual immortality in the name of polygamy is understanding the Deen, then sorry brother the Islam is either for males or male Muslims have a different Islam for themselves in that case I have no interest in knowing or understanding that sort of below my dignity Deen.
I had a neighbour who found out her husband went back to Somalia behind her back and got a second wife. My neighbour went mental to the point where she was taken to the hospital and their 3 kids were taken by the Children's Aid Society in Toronto because she could not care for them anymore and the husband just did not care.
@Ass Hole SubhanAllah
Ur words, your judgmental words will come to haunt you. If this same issue does not happen to you sister, then your daughter or even your mother.
Fear Allah.
Some this is happening in the UK, sisters suffering in polygamy marriages and social services take the Muslim children...
@Ass Hole I guess that your name says enough about it.
I even think you're not even Muslim just spamming the comments.
He is gonna only care, when the kids would earn money
I'm suffering because of polygamy mentally emotionally and physically...
Out of the 6,236 verses in the Qur'an, the verse on polygamy is the one most brothers memorize haaha. smh!
You know,, right!!
Lol if that was true, most men would be polygamous. Oh but that's not the case lol
@@salaahkhayr2398 The world doesn't have a 4:1 ratio to make that possible lol. But I'm sure you're right that alhamduillah that's not true (but it has a kernel of truth).
@@schreingeiss lol i'm talking about muslim men. And also, did you just said Alhamdilillaah we are not engaging in something that the prophet himself and his sahaaba were into?? damn!!! itmt we are blaming israel fro our issue lol.
@@salaahkhayr2398 Alhamdulillah 'alaa kulli haal. Problem?
As a man I can attest we have been guilty of manipulating and emotionally blackmailing for polygamy, it's not only unhealthy for women it's unhealthy for men too. I have never seen a workshop on polygamy before, which is a shame.
speak for yourself bro. If you are arond bad people, change your horizon. Polygamy is beautiful.
@@designcalligraphy7395 How did you go about it?
@@designcalligraphy7395 is it beautiful for all your various children from different marriages? Are your wives best friends? Do all your in laws x2 love you? Good for you then.
@@targaryenblood Its only beautiful for him and the last woman that joins in until he brings another one then shes in the same conundrum as the first wife lol
I also feel that our scholars need to open a platform for positive workshops on polygamy
If you are hurt by what is said, then it is you who they are talking about.
Yup.
Mmmmmh hmmmmm!!!!!
And really just take it in and work on it. We all should be a working progress. Achieve growth in many aspects - emotionally/mentally, physically, not just spiritually.
Facts
@@sositasosita4135 funny thing though .... if people matured properly spiritually they'd almost automatically do so emotionally and mentally.
That's the whole point of this religion.
It's the outside + the inside elevated.
I would love an episode about dealing with abusive parents. Especially abusive/ narcissistic mothers. Mother/daughter rivalry
Absolutely. We also need a discussion on Narrastic mother’s or parents. This is effecting many members of our communities, and little do people know it’s a personality disorder.
This!
@@africanqueen4943 and that's was driving some kids out of Islam when they leave the household in America here in America Astagfirullah
If that is your struggle, you be patient upon it, and make dua that Allah softens her heart. What other advise were you looking for in dealing with a harsh and cruel mother ?
@@UnknownSend3r don’t demean someone else’s issue. It’s a big deal dealing with parents who don’t act like guardians but something else. This person needs wisdom,understanding,patience and mental support n relativity. Make dua yes but seek help too
Subhanallah there are men in the UK who just want to do 'sunnah'. So they marry 2 and 3 and 4 while they cannot afford it. The woman is on benefits and when she is pregnant by the man she takes her pregnant self in her hijab to the local council while she has told them that she's unmarried and single but she stands there clearly a Muslim woman and pregnant. Then when it's too much for them they give talaq. So we get more single Muslim mothers who are broken. Where is the gheerah of these males? They are not even men. You want to do sunnah brother? Go and pray tahajjud, fast sunnah fasts, become a hafiz of Quran, sponsor 100 orphans or 1 if you can, there's a whole list... Pick another sunnah for Allāh's sake. Kmt
👏🏾👏🏾
That's so heartbreaking. A Muslim woman in hijab pregnant, supposedly single and going to beg the government for money 😢
Every Muslim woman in Britain how sad is this. Yet they wanna run their “it’s my right to marry more than 1” bro do u even pay the rent for the first or is it the benefits.
Sisters, I don’t see Irfan & Jubair Omar under this comment how come? 🤣🤣😂 SubhanAllah May Allah protect us from the Shaitan in human form! Amin
@@miriams3769 Brothers like that are very disingenuous. May Allah hold them to account.
insha allah if i get married, and my husband either approaches me with wanting to have a second wife, or goes behind my back and does it anyway, I know myself well enough to know I can't handle it and I will most likely leave. The Prophet (SAW) was the most perfect human being who ever lived, do you really think that he went behind the backs of his wives and married another in secret?? If he didn't, why would the men of this time do this? It is so upsetting really to hear that men have been doing this to their wives. May Allah increase our iman, and ease the pain of women in this situation
So true sister. We know from the prophets seerah that his wives were jealous of each other at times but never did that make the prophet go behind their backs. He was always open and just in his treatment of his wives.
I think no sister should say polygamy is not for me ....!
Every person involve in polygamy require a strong mature , emotional intelligence , especially for the man but women needed too
. When a sister complain for polygamy not done right its on her point of view or Islamic ?
A lot of a man fail in not supporting their wife went they want to marry another , they making them feel guilty , bad faith ... etc . Men have abused polygamy in the wrong way and lot of sisters suffering from that and want to stood against that , and it’s a very very thin line to be crossed . Even if it’s done right
do you think women really get to be ok with polygamy?? .
@@omar_ibndemba2075 i dont think so because women, from my experience, get very jealous when their partners talk to another woman, even if they are mature! i think its hard to accept that your partner is having relations with another woman, even if it halal, let alone having children with them! in this case, like the sisters in the video stated, it takes a very special kind of person to deal with polygamy on both the women's perspective, as well as the men.
@@omar_ibndemba2075 women don’t have to accept it. If it affects her emotional well being/mental health, she has the right to divorce him. 🤷🏽♀️
@masuma yasmin,,,think before commenting,, getting divorced with children,,who do you think will marry you after that?? Perhaps you are a teenager commenting on adult page
Another point Fatima bint Muhammad salalaahu alayhi wasalam was not the kind od woman who could accept polygyny for herself so our Prophet Muhammad salalaahu alayhi wasalam specifically told Ali so that he would not hurt her heart by marrying another woman while he was married to her and Ali radiallahuan only married multiple times after her death. So no woman needs to feel burdened to accept polygyny if she is honest enough with herself that she cannot live in it. Barakallahu feekum sisters for another great episode. ❤️
No no no. This hadith many people misinterpreted it subhaanallaah. The prophet did prevented him from getting married NOT because of POLYGAMY. Not because that would hurt Fatima if he married a second wife. But because the woman he wanted to marry was the daughter of abu jahl. And we know the amount of torture he gave the prophet. So, fatima wasn’t ok for her husband to marry the daughter of an enemy of Islam. This is the real story stop twisting things fear Allaah.
@@masuma1 yes that’s your right I get it.
@@twalibul3ilm917 There are other interpretations, but even if we say yours is correct: it would not have been haram for Sayidna Ali (RA) to marry her. Hence, something halal can still cause a great deal of harm if undertaken without wisdom or akhlaq. Hence, the "but it's halal!" argument--which 90% of the pro-polygamy case is based on--falls apart. You should also be careful about twisting things and fearing Allah, as we all should.
@@schreingeiss That's not an interpretation but a fact. The Noble Prophet Pbuh forbade Ali RA to not marry the daughter of his enemy as his wife beside Fatima RA, he didn't forbid polygyny. Besides, Ali RA had slave(s) who he could have sex with.
@@schreingeiss He isn't the one twisting things, "niqabi diaries" is
As an orthodox, Muslim man, I agree with every single point you made 100%.
It is very clear from the religious text that polygamy is an exception to the usual form that the institution of marriage takes, with VERY strict criteria and DIRECT warnings to the men-folk. Some people talk about it like it is encouraged, completely ignoring the threats of punishment Allah makes in the Qur'an for those who get it wrong.
For those who ignorantly think it is a "sunnah" because the prophet PBUH had a polygamous marriage: if it was sunnah, then go and marry the same number that the prophet PBUH married - you cannot practice the polygamy that the prophet PBUH practiced, because it wasn't designed for you to emulate, in the same way that the specific laws mandated on the wives and the household of the prophet PBUH is not "sunnah" and is uniquely applicable to the household of the prophet PBUH. Also it was circumstance, not sunnah - the prophet PBUH was in a monogamous relationship with Khadija until she passed away - follow THAT "sunnah"!!
It's circumstance, not sunnah..
Also, a huge portion of those taking on subsequent wives do so through haram means: inappropriate communication/intimacy with a woman you are not a mahram to, lying to your family, your wife your community... Lying and deception is a MASSIVE haram, why do people take it so lightly?! Hell is hot. Its ironic how a woman can be blackmailed into accepting a bad set-up under the guise of "religion" by the same sinful man who broke the rules of that same religion to get involved with this new lady, and through lying left, right and centre! You've built a marriage on haram? No wonder there's no barakah And it's fraught with stress for all those involved.
It's not a slight to the religion to criticise the deliberate mal-practice of an aspect of it. However, it is devil's work and an insult to the faith to justify mal-practice and falsely brand it as Islam. It trumps the most distasteful of caricatures, in terms of insult to Islam and harm.
Barak Allahu feekum sisters. Stay strong
mA, thank you brother.
May Allah bless you for your knowledge, objectivity and empathy.
Secret marriage is wrong but the real question is, “what compelled a man to keep what is halal a secret?”
@@Therealdeal101 It's not halal if it's a secret. Lying is haram, as is secret marriage.
@@Therealdeal101 Plus, nobody will hide what they feel good about. If they're hiding it it's because their heart knows something wrong is happening. Wabisah ibn Ma’bad reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to me, “Have you come to ask about righteousness and sin?” I said yes. The Prophet clenched his fist and struck his chest, saying, “Consult your soul, consult your heart, O Wabisah. Righteousness is what reassures your soul and your heart, and sin is what wavers in your soul and puts tension in your chest, even if people approve it in their judgments again and again.”
I feel like there's some people that watched this episode but didn't really listen to what the sisters are saying
Sad
It's mind boggling.
Exactly!
@@LaYinkaSanni as long as You stop delete comments that doesn’t appease you so that people can really understand our pov.
I (LaYinka) delete comments that are derogatory. There are plenty of comments I don't agree with, and they're still up. Come with adab, and you're clear. Simple.
@@HonestTeaTalk If adab is the standard, there are soooo many more comments that need to be deleted! Btw, mA thank you for your comments in the video.
Please, it appears that you have daughters, Masha Allah, can you make an episodes about raising muslim daughters in west how to equip them with real life skills and islamic values .
Check out our Parenting episode from Season 1.
Yeah i give 5 thumbs up for this topic..
@@HonestTeaTalk i agree with alot of what all the women said. I do think it could have been more balanced. I would have like to hear the good and bad from both sides. It was mostly about the negative reactions from polygamy. Which i agree does exist. But like i said good show would love to hear more from the Other side or more from positive relationships dealing with polygamy as well as the negative experiences.
I'm a fifteen year old muslim girl and the reason for my 6 months - 1 year depression was because of (terrifyingly) my faith, Islam. By the help of god, I'm still recovering alhamdullah. I had what you could say as an existential crisis. In the quran, it is made clear that our purpose was to worship him and do good on earth. But what was my purpose as a woman? I always felt like I was less than man, sometimes even less than an animal, despite being told I was equal to a man in the sight of god. It was bittersweet, one moment I was told how islam lifted woman up, a second later, it crushed those ideals. I was stuck. I cried myself to sleep each night, seeking refuge from satan. I would tell myself how I was worse than satan, how could I question the laws of god, the laws of the universe? Satan himself probably hadn't done that! How blasphemous! Crying and pleading with my mom, and no matter what she told me, no matter how much she sugarcoated it. It wouldn't ease my conscience. It reached to the point where I was doubting the authencity of my religion astagfiruallah. The only thing that kept me going was hearing the quran being read, and reminded of how it's the proof.
I swept across every religious video, every article. They mostly blamed it on western influence and repeated the same answer like a broken record. It pisses me off how they never stopped blaming western influence for women wanting to be treated like humans. It never sat right with me how something god had made lawful (polygamy) could harm a marriage and destroy someone's mental health like that.
I didn't doubt the verses of polygamy. I questioned the INTERPRETATION. As someone had mentioned before in a previous comment. Polygamy was to help woman in times of war, famine, widows and such. It's not some special right for entitled men. (Grow tf up) Women are not a luxury that you could have, they're humans like you. Next, it's also not a sunnah just because the prophet did it. The prophet was excluded from among all men to have more than 4 for certain reasons and such. That's after the death of his first wife who he had been in a monagamous relationship with. If you're smart, you wouldn't emulate the prophet in how many wives he's had since it's been made clear 100% that he was prescribed different rules regarding marriage in the QURAN. You should emulate his character and how he performed rituals. If we were to emulate the wives of the prophet as well regarding their marriage we'd fall in error. Since the prophet's wives had different rules regarding modesty and their marriage as well ( can't remarry after prophet's death.)
Please use your brain, and study the Quran. So when you stand before your lord, you wouldn't say such and such has misguided me. Whatever scholar or sheikh you've trusted with your fate, be it heaven or hell, won't save you. You'll be questioned alone. Fear god in every living soul, their despair caused by you, may be your gate to hell.
In conclusion, I just wanted to say to all the muslim women suffering god hasn't forsaken you. You're not crazy, you're not overly emotional, your feelings are valid, you matter. Your justice WILL be delivered, be it in this world or the next. 💙
Hi there, this was an interesting read! You’re super eloquent, allahuma baarik. I wanted to echo what you’ve said about being depressed & having an existential crisis. I’m 22 now, and when I was 15-16, I also experienced the same thing (an existential crisis). Now looking back, I’ve come to learn that if you’re sincere, Allah will guide you through your years. Your brain is still developing (even mine is rn) so it’s probably going to be an emotional rollercoaster. But if you ground yourself in your deen, you’ll look back at yourself in a positive way! Stay patient, there are better days to come 😊
Felt less than a man? 😂
@@razer0072073 What's so funny?
@@arottencarrot3502 Where's your evidence for your claims?
@@arottencarrot3502 Ignore the ‘men’ who have responded to you. They’re being cruel and heartless.
“Turkey is halal and I might not like turkey” ma sister is preaching 🙌🏽👏🏽Mashallah Layinka
It’s ok if you don’t like it but don’t go around degrading it and looking down on the people who like it.
@@Therealdeal101 nobody is degrading. It’s preference.
Please point to the degradation. I'd like to see the timestamps.
@@Therealdeal101 assumptions were made.... by you.
The “Turkey” analogy wasn’t a like for like analogy.
best point made : ihsaan...women are beings with desires...acknowledging that fact for a man should be the basis of every relationship
As a man I think we need to take more responsibility on the emotional intelligence and maturity side of things and a lot more things from a manliness perspective. The sisters hit the nail on the head here Allahumma Barik. Polygamy is a sunnah, but let's focus on how to walk before we learn to run. Many monogamous marriages I know arent reaching its full potential, fulfil the rights of the first spouse before you worry about another.
Thank you for hearing exactly what we were saying, brother.
Mashaallah , what a comment , especially when it comes from a bro , jazakallah kheir
Thanks a lot
Amen
subhanaALLAH i was propolygamy and my husbans hated it, he tried to break me down and build me up to make me the jealous type, what kind of man doesnt want a polygamous wife???majnun
glad muhmmad hijab and ali made an hour long video on this dissecting it, not out of hate for the sisters but setting right from wrong becuase clearly from the comments that were made on this video, the people who watch this sister are as lost as the sisters making the video, may Allah guide all of us.
you love saying " the problem is in the way they go about polygamy not polygamy" yet you don't actually speak about the problems, you speak about the inherent institution of polygamy.
lets take an example of one of the comments, saying polygamy is cultural and how it truamatized her living in a polygamous household, i love how she gave her personal experince of one household and thne genaralized and what's funny is that, that wasn't the problem.
the problem is how she talked about how the women were fighting each other, she didn't say the hubsnad didn't provide or how he inappropriatly got to marry them, nope, her problem is that the co wives simply hated each other as they wanted to be the only wife....do you not see the problem?
the problem is not the institution of polygamy, it's of modern women who would rather sell their soul and go to hell eternally (she herself said they resort to even do sehr) rather than accept being in a marriage with co wives.
and what these sisters are doing is only adding fuel to the fire.
btw it's not like a marriage between one man and one woman is without it's problems, so what? do we now say "why Allah have you only allowed us to be in a relationship only within a marriage?" again many people are in relationships for years, they get married and within a few months they get divorced, so is the problem with the people or with the institution of mariage?
to the point, why focus on polygamy? so what if someone was sneeky or didn't take care of all the woman's right? what does that only happen in a polygamous marriage? so it doesn't happen in a one on one marriage? so, why aren't you talking against marriage or saying how it's unfair?
you are talking about polygamy and doing all this dance becuase what you truly don't like is polygamy in of itself, you as many other women don't want to share her husband with other woman, even if her husband was providng all her needs physical and mental. which btw is fine and is one of the natural reactions, even some of the prophet's wives had such a reaction at certain points for a certain period of time.
but after all the dust settled it was still a valid way of marriage and they accepted it. they didn't start preaching against it even after the prophet peace be upon him died.
do you think men these days want to even get married? it's a HUGE investment and getting a divorce which may not be finacially dammaging to a woman, will totally destroy a man. yet they still do it even though they may dislike it or even hate it, because Allah told us this was the way.
ultimately, many liberal "muslims" (and i do it in brackets because they literaly preform reda as you will see with the example i will give next) say similar things as the sister said above, "this is abuse, this is control using what you say as being against what god say" which is true. yes, you shouldn't be going out with makeup on, that's not me being controlling by saying Allah said you can't.
just like it wouldn't be controling if or "spritual abuse" if my wife that is totally capable of going to work and getting a big salary, stayed home, maybe getting friends over to talk over some teaand doing her duties, then goes to me and tells me "pay up for the house expenses god commanded so" i can't say it's spritual abuse, becuase god literally comanded it, it's not her job to go out and get money for the house, it's mine.
But the women speaking here aren't wrong. They would probs agree with what you would say
@@MH-bf4uu maybe some after we talk in depth and realise the problem they are falling into, but in the video they are wrong. you can watch the video that mohammad hijab made, they weren't hating on the sisters, they just explained each point they made and if it made sense or if they were missing something that actually makes it problamatic.
look non of us are perfect, even mohammad hijab made mistakes and was corrected and so on.
what is most important is intent, do i think the intent of the sisters is to hurt the ummah or go against Allah, nope i do not think that at all.
what i do think happened is that as we all do sometimes, they got lost in the sause by not looking at the topic from a rational point of view and personal dishonesty which is not as bad as it sound because again we all go through it.
and getting corrected in a constructive way is good. may Allah guide us all
This only shows how strong feminism and the "fear of what others say" has an impact on our sisters
Mohammed hijab said it was allowed to go behind the wives back, and we know from hadiths that marriage is public. Also , when a man is to provide for his family’s, and then he struggles because of secret marriages , another wife has to start working . Then we also have to think about benefits when he dies or it something happens , only the first wife is entitled to any compensation, compared to being in a sharia country in which all his wives and children are entitled. If we are talking about enforcing a sharia law nikkah contract in a western world , impossible.
@@serinac4419 what u just did is called a strawman. the strawman is that M.hijab said that you do not need to do a public marriage and that if you do marry two wives you for sure won't be able to keep up and the wife would need to pick up the slack and finally there is no way for more than one wife to inherit the husband.
mohammad hijab just said that you do not HAVE to tell your wife, to make a marriage public and to make ishhar u don't need to tell everybody you ever known as a man even ur parents don't need to know otherwise all the mail sahaba who went in the fotohat and continued to live in those countries would need years from initially wanting to marry a woman until he sends a message to his parents and a reply that they got it.
when you do ish'har only those around the area need to know and the walli of the woman that's it.
again NOBODY who supports what Allah has made halal says to marry multiple women when you can't afford to support multiple families, M.hijab would be the first to say this is unmanly behaviour and sinful.
as for sharia in the west stfu about the sharia in the west that point showcases your massive amount og hypocracy. marrying 1 or 100 women in the west it has nothing to do with the sharia or preserving the rights of the Muslims, they only follow their own laws.
so it's okay to have western marriage and divorce laws when it is convenient for women but when the inheritance laws isn't to your liking now suddenly you can't have such a marriage, disgusting hypocracy and narrcissm.
nevermind the fact that while those other unjust laws are very difficult to manover around and in fact almost impossible and easily exploited by women, Muslim women including those that wear the niqab and act all religious, the inheritance laws in western countries allow give your money to whoever u want to inherit you as long as you don't leave an extremely low amount to your specific family members.
meaning even if i had one wife who was very shitty and trapped me in the marriage and lead to my early death i can still put in my well that 90% of my money goes to that one cousins she hates so much while the other 10% is split between here and other family members.
and if we speak directly about the matter then u can write ur well to be inline with sharia whether it's inheritance to the children wives and female family members which default western laws don't give them money but sharia wise it's obligatory
if only brothers knew the heavy consequence of not treating each of their wives justly.
If only sisters knew the heavy consequences of acting on their jealousy (which is from the devil). Or the heavy consequences of talking back or disrespecting their husbands.
@@jubairomar2676 that has absolutely nothing to do with what i said.... i made a statement and you felt a type of way and switched it around instead of taking the sincere advice. i think you should watch your ego and ask yourself why you were so triggered. subhanallah
@@ANa-qt7tt Because treating wives justly also depends on how they behave. If the woman is disobedient and rebellious, it'd be almost impossible to treat her like the way you treat the other wife(s).
@@ANa-qt7tt And your statement is one sided. Men will not be the majority in Jahannam for mistreating their spouse. The same isn't the case with women. Most Muslimah will struggle to get past once they are asked about their husbands on Judgment Day. The harshest warnings regarding marital issues are given to the muslimahs.
@@jubairomar2676 again, has nothing to do with my initial statement.... NOTHING you have said has made what i said less relevant. i wasn't sending for anyone in particular ( i made a point that is very clear stated in the quran ) as i said you clearly are triggered for some reason , i think u should ask yourself why are deflecting what i've said. maybe it's the shaytan whispering in your ears . may allah protect us from ignorance and ego. asalamu alaykum
These day Men, should tell the women before he marry them of his intentions to possibly marry multiple wives so she could opt not to
Marry if she doesn’t want to be in this type of relationship.
Yes because women only know their rights and need to be reminded of men’s rights.
@@theperfectfix6124 exactly!
Yes and sister women dont know they can state in their marriage contact That theu dont want this..
Why not state this is what i am thinking or may want before you marry the 1st wife. If its agreed in a healthy manmer than thats great..
Theu dont wish to agree to that as they feel irs there right..
I wouldnt marry such person as its not for me and something I can uphold
Exactly what I did
If it's not in the nikah contract he doesn't need to say . So Aaliyah saying " morally" he should tell his wife, Is wrong . Our morals are based on Quran and sunnah . We can not say morally something is wrong or right because of our emotions .
I am senegalese. Polygamy is part of our culture and religion but I grew up being traumatized by the idea of living in polygamous household. Polygamy here in modern days can be described with 5 words : Constant war between the wives. Women come to the point where they forget that they are muslims and that this world is just a journey; they spend the rest of their lives competing and trying to beat one another : Who's going to be the favorite ? Who's going to have more children and the most successful kids ? How to destroy my co-spouse or how to make her divorce so I could be the only one ? These questions are unfortunately the first priorities for women in my country to the point where violence, abuse on the co-spouses kids, manipulation and even sihr are often involved.Meanwhile the man just watches his wives ruining their lives for him and thinking that he is doing just like the Prophet(saws). I agree with everything you said in the video.I think many women would avoid depression, trauma, faith loss and suicidal behaviors if they were aware of their rights and could manage emotional abuse. Feminism begins with seeking knowledge. The more knowledgeable a women is, the less vulnerable she is. Reason why, unfortunately, a lot of men don't appreciate having such spouses.
Feminism is not the answer. That's an ideology. Islam practiced properly is the answer.
This is what happens when you don't take action for Allah's sake instead of others like the husband...or peers
I can attest to this experience.
“There is no compulsion in religion” [al-Baqarah 2:256]
(2:256) famously declares "There is no compulsion in religion, the right direction is clearly distinguished from the wrong." Faith is an intensely personal issue and plainly each person should be allowed to find their own path in life.You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. It was narrated from al-Miswar ibn Makhramah that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib proposed marriage to the daughter of Abu Jahl, when he was already married to Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
When Faatimah heard about that, she went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said to him: Your people are saying that you do not get angry for the sake of your daughters, and ‘Ali is going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.
Al-Miswar said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stood up and I heard him when he bore witness, then he said: “I gave a daughter of mine in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn ar-Rabee‘; when he spoke he told me the truth and when he made me a promise he fulfilled his promise. Faatimah is a part of me, and whatever hurts her hurts me. By Allah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah and the daughter of the enemy of Allah will not be joined together as wives of one man.”
So ‘Ali abandoned that proposal.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3110; Muslim, 2449.
It happened to me, I was devastated and betrayed and my husband told me he didn't do anything wrong because he is allowed 4 wives and he can marry them in secret if he wants. The hardest part for me, was trying to figure out how he could go build a new life and abandon the one he already created with me. He hurt me so bad, I couldn't help but wonder how is this halal? Well needless to say it destroyed my marriage and my friendship with my husband. I'm healing and focusing on myself and my children. Its not fair and I wouldn't recommend any woman to accept that treatment. We all deserve better.
Watch the men ignore the reality and scream ‘WOMEN ARE AGAINST POLYGNY’ when that’s not even what they’re conveying.
Simple he didn't tear yiu fairly like islam commands that's why nothing wrong with polygamy as long as it with the divine guidance of islam
Update: I'm no longer with my ex husband but a "Jinn" can to me for marriage and helped me leave my ex husband, so now I'm with a Jinn husband who more loyal to me then human male and this Jinn is crazy about me!
@@Trilliman707 put your mother sister and daughters into polygamy marriages frist
@@jannahonlyforgoodpeople1444 what in the world?😶
It hurts me like I'm directly affected when I see polygyny being done wrong with a misrepresentation of our Deen. And you're so right @Sumayah, they play that "religious" card like that's how Allah says it should be done. Astagfirullah. Whatever happened with being compassionate towards the first wife⁉️ The discourse is over flogged, sadly in the wrong direction too.
Say for argument sake the husband did sit the wife down to discuss the potential second wife but she wasn't having any of it . Then she is asking for divorce if he gets a second wife . What then?
Maybe he has a valid reason like his wife can't give him kids or even intimacy problems.
@@NorthPhilly-zr7xc u a real man for admitting this.
@@NorthPhilly-zr7xc Yeah and? Allah made us like that. He also made Hoor al ayn VIRGINS in jannah for a reason, i think we know what Allah had in mind for men. Do you really think he made them to say 'check her personality out bro'
@@Ihavemadeit999 When was this ever a secret? 😂 Yeah and? Allah made us like that. He also made Hoor al ayn VIRGINS in jannah for a reason, i think we know what Allah had in mind for men.
@@razer0072073 Hoors are for women and men.Hoors can be male and a female too,you arent rly that educated on the hoor topic either and want to bark at me?you think Allah made hoors just for men?You guys are only his creation - nothing less and nothibg more.Hoors also are usually talked to ab for people that havent got married yet in thid dunya so they can have hope in Jannah,you can still ask for them when you are married here but a lot of men said they might just be with thekr wives in jannah.Either way hoors can be female and a male for BOTH men and women .hoors arent only for men,Allah doesnt have anything for just men sinse Islam was revealed to us because MEN were doind so much haram,Allah doesnt create just for men and leave women out.Stop thinking islam is about men you guys arent that high,you are just his creation with flaws and everything😩Dude get educated and then come talk in a womans space
Men make their wife feel guilty and shame for saying no to him remarrying, because she strongly believes that she can't handle it emotionally and psychologically. She is made to feel like she is selfish and ungrateful when all she wants is to protect herself, her dheen and her children from going through it. It's her marriage too. She needs to feel safe, secure and heard too. For someone who is practicing and loves Allah and not against polygyny as it's Allah's law and it's mubaah, she is accepting of it, but doesn't want it for herself. If men can't respect a good marriage and take it for granted and just shrugs her feelings off and cannot give her that support, it's a disaster. What's the marriage for anyways if you are going to break one to have another. Doesn't make sense.
I agree with your points but say they husband discussed the idea but the first wife can't still except it but the husband has a valid reason like maybe his wife can't give kids or even they have intimacy problems.
The society and the first wife and her family does that to the second wife too by calling her a home wrecker amongst other things.
@@Naz-ut6qz this is common; he tries to discuss the issue and maybe he has needs that she doesn’t fulfil, but she won’t discuss it. A man cannot remain in that position and maybe some choose divorce and others choose a second wife. We mustn’t assume that he hasn’t tried to discuss it with her though
I don’t agree with bullying the first wife and making her feel as though she is doing something wrong by feeling sad, or hurt.
If the husband did discuss it, at length with his first wife and she still feels a way about it, it is his right to still go through with the second marriage. He also has to understand that his first wife has the right to divorce him if she finds that the situation is just too hard on her mentally. It doesn’t mean that she disagrees with what Allah has ordained, it just means that is something she struggles with as we all have our struggles. Allah knows what is our hearts.
When the man ask for his right, it’s bullying but when women want her rights, it’s called empowerment.
Double standards and hypocrisy
Love how beautifully the sister in the cream hijab spoke so eloquently! Masha Allah!
She's great! She has her own channel @LayinkaSanni
So many men keep saying Allah made it halal. Yes, that's a law that created an exceptional *option* for people who choose it willingly. Allah also made women with an innate nature that hates the idea of sharing her husband. It's not a law or an option, it's the basic jealousy that any human feels towards their spouse if they're healthy and normal. So why is that any less important? Or are women's feelings not Allah's creation? If we accept that Allah does everything with wisdom (which all Muslims presumably do), we might see that Allah created a natural check to limit unnecessary polygamy. And before anybody comes with some foolish statement about how feminism is the reason women dislike it, read the story of Lady Umm Salama (RA) and the Prophet SAW's proposal to her. She rejected it initially and one of her reasons was that she was a jealous person. The Prophet SAW didn't start some silly diatribe about how she was brainwashed by feminism or had lack of iman. He acknowledged her feelings as valid and told her he would pray to Allah to ease her jealousy. That's the example of our beloved, but one most of these commenters don't concern themselves with. There's also the fact that Allah created us in roughly a 1:1 ratio, and that Prophet Adam had Lady Hawa and no others. Allah clearly made monogamy the norm.
See jealousy isn't a valid reason and it needs to be extinguished. Women's jealousy is from the devil.
@@jubairomar2676 as if men don’t posses any negative traits. Men are all angels lmaooo 🥱🤣
Something halal is destroying the Muslim sisters!... Allah said: You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. 129 from Qur'an... Why do Muslims ignore this verse from Qur'an?!
@@bashbash8279 Allah didn't say "emotional"
No one ignore that verse, in fact that verse makes it easier for men that they don't need to be absolute just.
Very good points.
"Turkey is halal, I might not like Turkey !!! " That sums it up for me. how much I love you guys wellah! May Allah reward you a whole bunch
Marriage is not a turkey? And polygamy is NOT halal for you.
@@jubairomar2676 still halal
and I have the right to eat it
BUT MUST IT LIKE IT?
nooooo 🤭😂🤣🤣🤣
@@miriams3769 So, you compare marriage to turkey?
It’s a childish comparison. The analogy doesn’t fit the topic at all.
Love the analogy 👌
Does anyone else talk about sexual health in these situations as well? I know of so many women who have had polygamous husbands and then getting incurable STI. Even children being born with HIV subhanallah. Something completely unacknowledged. Imagine being a chaste woman never being with anyone other than your halal husband and getting HIV.
Tragic and sad 😞
Bull bull and more bull...
You are trying to draw a correlation between the spread of STD's and polygyny.
STD's are spread by irresponsible reckless sexual lifestyles. Desist with this bull.
I personally know of people who are in monogamous marriages and still contracted STD's... (FOR REAL)
Can I now draw correlations between STD's and monogamy???
@@razakza
HIV OR Chlamydia would be uncommon to get from the other wives if everybody watches their health. However UTIs are very common and doesn't necessarily get contracted from sex only. So let's say wife A is a clean freak and takes care of her body really well. Wife B and/or wife C are from a village in a 3rd world nation where hygiene and sanitary aren't a priority. Let's say Wife B or Wife C goes to a public restroom and doesn't properly clean the seat. She contracts a UTI. Husbands has sex with her, then Boom, all the other wives get it too. That's just one example.
I've seen some couples get Hepatitis C, although uncommon transmitted sexually, it still can happen. Honestly, polygamy is a practice where an unhealthy house is established. Children can grow to resent father. Father barely spends time with his children. I used to be shocked as a kid seeing some of my madrassah classmates talk about not seeing their dad for 1 year because he did with his other family in Egypt. It's really messed up
@@ishmaelm1932
Allah clearly sees fit to make it permissible despite you feeling it's "messed up".
@@ishmaelm1932 "Honestly, polygamy is a practice where an unhealthy house is established".. You really need to check
Absolutely @Aliyah. Any feeling of insecurity, emotional imbalance and mental disturbance resulting from polygyny gone wrong would certainly affect spirituality. You can't worship your Lord with an unsettled mind going through such depth of emotional roller-coaster.
If the first wife has a problem with husband supporting a second wife, then you can worship all night and all day it’s not going to help you. Your jealousy going to put all your worship to waste.
Shaitaan became jealous and only disobeyed Allah once and all his worship didn’t help him.
To be honest i worshipped Allah best in the two years i was going through pain, grief ,the grief that made me bend over physically. I the knife pain in my heart made me rush to my creator. I prayed salat with a cobcebtration I didn't know was possible. I prayed quaran and got a feeling i never knew about. I learnt so many new duas to help me abd i realised that my heart had been attached to the wrong thing. It was bitter sweet. That doesnt mean it was solved, it meant i changed but therexr days when everything comes back. To those of you r in pain it will get better. It wilk with Allah's help. But you have to make a decision. No need for trolls to input
@@irened8457 so the second wife made you closer to Allah ﷻ. Wouldn’t you agree that was a good thing?
@@Therealdeal101 bro my husband was and has been verbally abusive for many years i am glad i got to know who he really is. my issue is no longer that he married. My issue is qhy am i still taking care of him. Why am i stilk bathing him. Yet he gets in a wheel chair and visits her a few hrs. .my question is why am i still cpoking for him. My question is why when i try to say anything he screams at me. He doesn't even financially manage us. I am glad i turned to Allah cause my heart needed it. But bro you know what you mean.i am worth more than a glorified unpaid housekeeper. Peace i am done
@@irened8457
What your husband does to you was wrong and Has no justification and if you sticking with hem is highly highly commendable. If it was my sister, daughter and even mother, i would have encouraged them to divorce their husbands.
This post is about polygamy that why I assume your trauma had to do with second wife.
I had a friend who became the second wife. She started telling me about the first wife and how she couldn’t cope with Allahs decree. So I asked her if she wouldn’t mind a third wife for her husband she dropped out our friendship. It’s us women, in the name of religion, we enable men to do this to the wife who built them up and made them who they are.
Its a shame how some sisters see it as a sunnah and a right for them to enter into another marriage but when it happens to them its all of a sudden haram smh subhaanAllah
Selective reading of the Scripture just to maintain an image
Really are you saying it's haram? Is it always deceptive for a man to marry someone else. If that's the case you have a problem with Allah's legislation.
I don't see any other point you are making here
the potential 2nd having the 🙄audacity to tell off the 1st, its *her* life and she dont need to explain why she chose to be with her husband, thats rich 🤣 who is coming into whose picture yeah 🤷🏻♀️
sooooo true
Well-spoken! One of the best talks I've ever listened to about the subject.
Thank you, thank you so much for this discussion. It will bring a lot of comfort to a lot of people inshaAllah as you are treating it with compassion for women suffering because of it, because it has been done in a wrong way for some of them or simply because the betrayal came out of nowhere. May Allah help us all and comfort us all and grant us Jannah. Allahumma ballighna Ramadan
I agree, Alhamdulillah
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3)
A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129)
It is clear from this verse that:
First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.
Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done.
Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans.
Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children.
Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
Yaa akhawaati I love you so much for this. I've been really struggling with the Male dominated narrative of this topic on social media nowadays. Such a lack of understanding. We needed this space for women to discuss this! Say it louder for the men at the back 🤝🏻
Along the run, don’t forget to teach women that polygamy is a right for men, and instead of living on your inner feeling, be a bit more open about the laws of Allaah.
@@masuma1 that’s my point. When tackling this subject and make it seems like every man who are polygamous will obviously be an evil, I don’t think that’s a good way of presenting a law of Allaah.
@@twalibul3ilm917 literally NO ONE said or assumed or implied this. It’s your assumption that has caused you to go around trolling sisters in the comments assuming what they’re saying is from a negative perspective ( taking away the men’s right or showing them in a bad light ).....
You brothers have no idea the fitna you cause sisters! Allah will question you all!!
Why can’t you allow sisters the space to discuss how they feel on this topic?
It’s the mans right, it’s the mans right.. you’re not a baby that someone is trying to steal your rights from you...
we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life???
READ ABOVE COMMENT AGAIN
PLEASE READ TO UNDERSTAND
I REPEAT
we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life???
Will anyone talk about this right if it didn’t affect another persons life??????????
please USE REASONNNNN
USE REASOOONNNNNNN
PLEASE WE HAVE INTELLECT
WE ARE NOT ANIMALS
I’m saying this to you because I’ve seen you under so many comments invalidating sisters experiences and antagonizing them! Fear Allah! Fear Allah who you mention when speaking about rights! Fear Allah He is a witness over all things! You know what these sisters are saying is NOT what you have been commenting all over this channel!
May Allah forgive me and you and all the believers, Amin
we are mainly asking to please consider us when taking your right because it also affects our life???
DONT FORGET THIS IS THE MESSAGE
GOD BLESS
@@miriams3769 yes 👏🏻
have they also asked themselves the fulfillment of the rights 1 wife have on their husband
to 1st be her protector (where is the protection when he lies and expects her to obey like a slave)
be provider
be taking care of her needs in ALL areas
if he cant even do that for 1 wife
and the 1st wife knows and is already living with a lack & she can overlook his flaws
it doesnt mean if He claims his needs unfulfilled he can just get another wife to ‘fulfill’ it
so where is the consideration and empathy and kindness and love for her
so the intention is just His nafs is above it all?
but none of the other requirements apply?
🤷🏻♀️
@@radhia21 Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
Zayd ibn Thaabit said: The husband is the master (sayyid) according to the Book of Allaah, and he recited the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“They both found her lord [sayyid] (i.e. her husband) at the door”
[Yoosuf 12:25]
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Marriage is slavery, so be careful with regard to whom you give your daughter for enslavement.” In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are prisoners with you.”
Betrayal will ruin a relationship entirely.
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam
Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء
In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent.
Allah said:
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses.
Surat al-Nisa 4:25
Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ
Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102
Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ
Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan
Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ
The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan
Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ
Announce the marriage.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan
Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian.
Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said:
نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ
A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so.
Ibn Qudamah writes:
فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ
If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
And Ibn al-Qayyim writes:
أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ
The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet.
Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113
This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act.
Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter.
Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said:
هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ
This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them.
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136
This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ
As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158
In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children.
Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
Following Sunnah isn't betrayal.
@@elite7329 then tell her about it don't be a coward and hide it or... Discuss before marriage it's that simple
@@mariaaziz7442 Yeah I agree. Polygamy is a Sunnah, secret marriages are not.
Yup, Absolutely! I couldn't get over the distrust and deceit, even though I gave consent...I LEFT !!
Very honestly, candidly and gracefully handled topic. Thankyou sumayyah, aaliyah, layinka. God bless.
Honesty n Grace are the terms foreign to these three clowns
I advice sister to write in their marriage contract that if he takes another wife she can leave the marriage without drama. I wrote in my contract 15 years ago , I don’t wanna cry and yell just leave period.
Definitely
Honestly, this doesn't work. If a man wants to take a second wife he will. I know a few people who put it in their contract and their husbands still remarried. If anything "banning" something will make him want to do it more.
@@kikim9231 no you dont understand. You cannot ban them from doing it. All you can write in the contract is that you can divorce if he remarries. The thing is many men remarry and then make if difficult for the first wife to leave because it's not seen as something 'wrong' despite what the first wife wants.
I was getting to know a brother for the purpose of marriage and when I asked him about polygamy in the future his response was "I don't know." Excuse me, it's either a yes or no. Still he kept on saying he doesn't know, so that put me off. At least he was being honest, unlike some men who lie from the beginning.
Yes I did
Excellent discussion. As a young Muslim man, I think this discussion is really helpful especially for us "men" because we should not cause distress and pain to our beloved wives. Even if we go for polygamy, it should be done in a way that does not cause her pain like that.
Thankyou for being human.
Thankyou for being human.
Thank you!
Words are easy to say. Allah will see if your actions match.
Well said. You are one of the few brothers who watched the video and understood.
More brothers need to be involved and male scholars need to openly speak up about this. There is a sense of entitlement that brothers have and misuse the deen to 'right' a wrong, meaning covering up an affair by a second marriage. This is not from the deen. This is abuse and the trauma is brushed under the carpet. Many famous scholars have given harmful advice to the wife when they discover the lies and deception.
Your last statement hit the nail on the head
I can never forget this man I don’t watch peace tv after that day!!!!!!!! What advice he gave a woman seeking his advice after her husband betrayed her and married again lying to her and deceiving her
the man told her on national TV well international cause I watched it in Canada, he told the woman to FEAR ALLAH!!!!
I was lost?!!! Who is lacking fear of Allah this woman seeking your advice or her husband?
May Allah grant us all understanding, Amin
@@miriams3769 This is what is know as spiritual abuse. It’s when someone uses the religion to manipulate, trap and control an individual, especially when they’re not even in the wrong.
I suffering because of polygamy marriages, I'm not ok, I'm destroyed because of my husband... Now I hate Muslim men and Muslim sisters...
@@bashbash8279 I have the same experience as you and I question everything I've been taught of Islam. Islam is not from God. A loving merciful and just God would not allow something that is harmful done to you specially after you made so many duas to remove this painful torment and you're told to fear Allah and be patient. Islam is written for the benefit of men it's abusive and inhumane. These sisters are trying to find solutions or blame it on men not practising the Deen correctly but there's no way to practice it because of the source. Just listen to every season they talk it's depressing because that's the reality of a Muslim women why would God depress a pious women and say it's a test? Why isn't god testing the men on restraining by making polygamy haram as a test . The things you have to do as a Muslim women is way more than of a man and you're both being tested but not in the same way
@@rayanaden1176 If Allaah wants good for a person He Blesses them to understand the Deen! May He want good for you dear sister, Aameen!
"Who start a new business when his first business is going to bankruptcy" MUFTI MENK.
Shaikh Al-Fawzān stated: “So a man is able to marry a free single woman (if she agrees), and it is allowed for him to marry up to four. The benefits of polygamy are numerous both for the husband and his wives - and these benefits are not concealed from the person who has true insight, because if a man was restricted to just one woman whilst there are numerous women in a society, then many women will be deprived of husbands.” He continued: “Men have to take on the responsibility of maintenance and care over the women, whilst the women are looked after. So the woman is in an advantageous position because she is maintained, cared for, and is given a dwelling to live in as well as the fulfilment of passions. So this is to her advantage and benefit also, so she does not remain single, deprived of a (loving, caring and responsible) husband.”
@@manhajal-anbiyah5765 women can pay their own food and shelter brother ,and there are a lot of single young brothers , make sure they get married first .
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam
Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء
In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent.
Allah said:
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses.
Surat al-Nisa 4:25
Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ
Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102
Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ
Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan
Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ
The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan
Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ
Announce the marriage.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan
Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian.
Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said:
نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ
A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so.
Ibn Qudamah writes:
فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ
If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
And Ibn al-Qayyim writes:
أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ
The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet.
Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113
This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act.
Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter.
Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said:
هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ
This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them.
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136
This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ
As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158
In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children.
Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
There are more women benefiting from not having a husband that the ones who do, reflecting on the detoriating quality of men.
@@zaintheexplainer4847 Or the deteriorating quality of women. You guys aren't exactly the "paragons of piety" that women used to be. If rejecting holy matrimony makes you happy then that says more about you than it says about other people.
Can I give you sisters a hug? I love you all. Maa shaa Allah...well spoken👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Best advice I heard was this - " Are you going to allow this man to be the reason you are prevent from entering Jannah"
Like the sister said tawakkal. Put your trust in Allah. Then choose what is best for your deen and mental health.
Muhammad saw remarried after his first wife died. Having one should be sunnah as well as having multiple.
Al Humdulillah! I’m glad you said that. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has given us 2 beautiful examples of marriage (by Allahs Mercy & Will) and how it can and should be in either Monogamy or Polygyny
Jeah. but Its difficult to talk to man about the topic without being called names
I'm in a polygynous marriage as the second wife. The polygynous sphere is full of oppression Olympics. Both women being shamed for different reasons. The first wife for having a perfectly human reaction to the news and the second wife for being a " sidechic" and ruining a marriage. It's a very nuanced topic and 30 minutes can't cover it. There should be a part 2 to this.
And the most painful part is the two women shaming each other for how less of a pain the other endured for the man which is really sad
@@lifewithshaheeda Yes it's very sad to see the lack of support between women, really it annoys me so much bc we're suppose to understand it better but put our feelings on a pedestal and don't try to be compassionate. We are part of our problems.
I hope you situation get better. May Allah grant you ease. Aameen.
@@manalmorsi6527 Yes, Alhamdulillah, it was done with her in every step of the way and I made sure everything was done to ease her emotions. And after marriage, I've made sure to accommodate her the space and grace to heal. I'm not trying to force a friendship on her or anything to make her feel pressured to heal "faster". I'm just staying in my lane.
@@manalmorsi6527 getting out of a marriage takes more than just getting up and leaving. Our husband is very fair, maa shaa Allah. So i don't think it's the pain from the marriage but from personal wounds showing up due to this. So I think being afforded the privilege and space by our husband for her to heal as long as it takes, is the right way to go.
Hypersexual men going crazy in the comments 😂😂😂😂
Wow you sisters were spot on about everything. Especially the lack of emotional maturity from the man who pursues a second wife. Allah is just. That is all I can say.
So what? We ditch polygamy? Because women can’t control their inner feelings and jealousy? So instead of teaching women about the good effect of polygamy, let’s blame men because women can’t take it. Wowwww
@@masuma1 truth sister 👌
Many sisters and her children leave Islam!!!
@@masuma1 sounds like insecurity honestly u prefer him marrying someone less threating to u, to the point that she wouldn't be able to have children 😂 not getting on u but that's kind of funny
@@stacycarlton2056 but honestly though isn’t that’s what polygamy for? To support women? Men often would never go for divorced women? Or women’s husbands who died and they have children who can’t support themselves. Or poor women? What’s the point of practicing it if all men go for young girls who are virgins? It defeats the purpose of “taking care” of them and more like just doing it for lust... It’s not for lust and I care about my sexual health. Not tryna get STIs which is not discussed about in polygamous relationships. I hope you get picked lol 😂 Good luck .😉
Multiplied Shukran my sisters.
Thanks for helping me come up with a name. Yes, I gave consent, but then I went through a phase: "emotions in turbulance".
I've said it a 1001 times, Its not about the other woman, nor the secret marriage. Its about the emotions the wife goes through ALONE!
My ex did not understand that I needed to be heard, seen and comforted. I wanted both of us to sit in the space and fight for our marriage first, before the dymamics of another woman, and other children.
After fighting and drowning in invisibility...I took a walk!
I was completely exhausted...I opted for things money can't buy: the love of my children, my name and sanity.
Masha Allah, great thinking.
Alhamdulillah! I really would like to talk to you.. I am losing my mind.
I choose to be in a monogamous, loving, considerate, mutually respectful marriage. If my husband ever took a another wife behind my back, it would show me who he really is and I refuse to be with someone with a character like that. If he told me he wanted to, then he has autonomy over his own life so he can. But I also have autonomy over my own life and how I want to live so I'd leave and not feel guilty. I'd find somone who shared my values or be single. Men who want to be in polygamy should seek out women who want the same. They're out there!Islam does not oppress anyone in any way, emotionally, mentally or otherwise. That's my take on it 😊. Good topic.
In a nutshell, I share the same way of thinking as you.
Same I could never... but find someone who wants polygamy
Mrs. Traore well said😌
You’re all wrong. Is it not immoral for a man to marry a second wife. Where is the resilience? The submission to the will of Allah? The children? You’re not special, and if your man marries another wife, it doesn’t mean he betrayed you. Modern feminism has corrupted yall minds.
@@Eastonwest71 exactly I find it surprising that some sisters think there are men who are monogamous by nature. There is no such thing. Every man would want sexual intercourse with as many women as possible, that's how Allah has created us. It's even in the Quran.
Please sisters please include a discussion on manipulation secrecy bullying surrounding this halal lifestyle that many people practice. Please many are suffering and this needs to be discussed. Many have also left the deen. Many have suffered mental illness because women are constantly being judged pressured and they see women from other faiths having freedom of expression and opinion and they don't This needs to be discussed more often.
Narcissist
@Ass Hole YOu are mistaken about one thing, in Islam men are the provider and whatever the women earn it belongs only to her., and also if men want their women to be good to them they should also be good to the woman. As the prophet saw said, " the best of you is he who is best to his wife", so you cant expect a woman to be good to her husband if he mistreats her. what do men think when they are taking a second do they ask the woman openly? instead of hiding it and using " obey your husband is fard as an excuse!. We are all human and women are not slaves they do not belong to men they belong to Allah: who created them. So men should respect the creation of Allah.
Women are emotional being they more relay upon their emotional rather logical side. Freedom of expression? They're talking stupidity loudly if you more care about freedom in this duniya rather than eternal life then fear allah and his hell fire.
Much needed discussion sisters good on you, polygamy has its benefits and wisdom, but this has been tainted with the deciete, lies and betrayal people are doing in the process. Yes its sunnah but when was lying and cheating part of our deen. Do it correctly or don't take that avenue, also one is recommended for you so why overlook this brothers.
Is it really sunnah unless it is for widows, divorcees or politics? Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) was in a monogamous relationship most his life.
@@Sunny-yl4rm yes exactly. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) married Lady Khadijah (peace be upon her) and was solely married to her. After her death, he (pbuh) had multiple wives but the reasons for marrying were not because he had a desire for multiple women. It was to have connections with other tribes and also he (pbuh) married divorcees.
Assalam alaikum warahmatllah wabarakat,, I personally love you sisters,, in my opinion I believe that Allah never burdens a soul except in its own potential.so if this happens to any of our sisters,, just remember you have potential to deal with it. Whether you stay in the marriage or get out of it, no matter the decision you make,, Allah will provide for you what is actually best for you.it's all about accepting the decree of Allah upon us, and embracing it.in a way we feel its not gonna take us away from Allah subhanah wa ta'ala. And always remember to make a sincere dua to the Almighty. You never know,, Allah might actually receive it, and grant you a better life fii dunia wal Akhera. Allahuma Amiina
@@Mazzie2022 false. There is n o condition given in the quran for polygamy other than justice. And also, the prophet married divorcees yes, nut in polygamous mariage. Wives must take this sunnah into consideration and not refrain their husbands from marrying divorcees too.
@@masuma1 in that case you can't blame the husband if he divorces you as well.
I will definitely tell my future husband insha allah If you ever want to marry another wife make sure my divorce papers are ready
You jealous? Can't handle competition? You're all about women empowerment until another woman enters the picture. Btw your husband will have hoor al ayns in Jannah. He also made them VIRGINS. I think we all know what Allah had in mind.
@@razer0072073 Go and ask your mum if she’s okay with your pops taking a second wife. If she shows disapproval, quote to her exactly what you’ve stated to the sister above.
@@razer0072073 And go further and ask your sisters too. Let’s hear what they say. Don’t be shy too share their responses.
@@channabiryan My mum's not muslim and two what's wrong with with stating what men will have in jannah and that's unlimited intercourse with virgins in jannah, afterall these are Gods words why should we be ashamed. Also to add to this our prophet marrying Aisha at the age of six was perfect and justified.
@@channabiryan I don't have sisters neither do i want any. Quran 4:34 is justified for a reason. Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah. As for women of whom you fear rebellion, convince them, and leave them apart in beds, and beat them. Then, if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely, Allah is the Highest, the Greatest.
Thank you for this talk sisters. May Allah bless you. I've personally seen what polygamy done in the wrong way can harm lots of people. It actually caused my parents divorce as my Dad kept it secret that he was marrying another wife again and was using religion to justify why my mum should be okay with it. In my culture having multiple wives is so common that i don't know a lot of men that don't have more than one wife. From seeing all the stress and emotional distress my mum had to go through in the name of polygamy, i do not ever wish my future husband to ever have more than one wife. Also i feel like some men only indulge in polygamous marriages for the sake of it and not for a logical reason. Yes polygamy is accepted in Islam but their are conditions that come with it and a man should ask his wife if she feels comfortable or not as it can affect her emotionally and spiritually. Lastly, using religious blackmail is just wrong .
A man doesn't have to ask anyone, he can take another wife whenever he wants without asking anyone. It's your mother's fault for being jealous as women's jealousy is from the devil.
Do you think that is wise really? Most men will love there families andnot want to lose their respect and you might find it easy to blame the woman for human reactions, but if the mans family and children turn against him then it is him that will ultimately lose. There are things you can't replace in life. Its not wise what you are suggesting. Being open and mature enough for discussions will end up being better even for the mans future. When the dust is settled thats when people realise what they had, once trust is gone you dont get it back.
No there is no such condition as asking permission from first wife to marry second.
Well, it'll be better if a man tell his wife. That's all.
Did your father ever abused/mistreated your mother after his second marriage and she became distressed or she was distressed just because of the idea that your father had second wife.
Assalamualaikum, I really appreciate how this topic is being brought to light - outlining the issues whilst still clarifying that Islam’s permissibility of it (these are not mutually exclusive). May Allah reward you guys. How healthy and beneficial would it be if men had a conversation about it like this too - talking about the behind the scenes that doesn’t get mentioned when polygamy is marketed amongst men. I do wish a lot more was said about the children who live in polygamous homes and the amount of issues they often have. A lot of these children need therapy too, often have abandonment issues, daddy issues, commitment/trust issues, dependency issues, depression etc (the list goes on) but thank you La Yinka for bringing them up. Some awareness/advice on how the children are able to get up from this is much needed, as these traumas often seep into their own future choices when it comes to marriage, relationships with others and their own life experiences. Keep up the good work. May Allah put barakat in everything you do and keep you all steadfast. Ameen.
@Ass Hole please don’t disregard what I said based on an assumption you have that all the children that have been through this don’t have any issues. Have you spoke to ALL of them? I know personally individuals who are the children of a polygamous marriage ‘gone wrong’ and they suffer from all the things I listed. I didn’t just say it from thin air. Everyone’s experience is different. But in the case I’m describing which is a polygamous marriage done wrong, these kids mostly don’t come out about it because it’s an taboo topic you just don’t know where to start. You don’t want people to judge your family dynamic/your problems/your faith. It’s often something you have to go through by yourself or with your siblings. That’s why people need to bring light to it, as many people are unaware/oblivious to it but learning about it (it’s impact on some children) is always a good starting point.
Many Arabic dramas have depicted and shown the light children of the negligent polygamous dad who married in secret and everything went sour from then. Not a source but my point is, it’s not a new phenomenon. Many cultures already exposed to this and often say to the women “Allah ya3eenik” “may god help you” “I could never put through with that” instead of providing actual support. And the woman ends up having to stay in the marriage and not getting a divorce bc the man makes it so hard for her. Divorce isn’t all evil sometimes it better. It’s better it be from a broken home than to live in one. That’s why Allah made it halal...bc sometimes it’s actually beneficial. Sometimes it helps to have another man step up and play the good husband and father role that another man wasn’t able to fulfil.
if a man was never caring he'll never be able to properly care for 2 wives
Secret marriages are forbidden in Islam
Abu Amina Elias February 15, 2018 Adultery الزناCharacter الأخلاقImam Ahmad ibn Hanbal الإمام أحمد بن حنبلImam Malik الإمام مالكManners الأدبMarriage النكاحTruthfulness الصدقUmar Ibn al-Khattab عمر بن الخطابWomen النساء
In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
It is a condition of a sound marriage that it be announced and attested to publicly. A secret marriage, which is only witnessed by a few people in private, is disapproved (makruh) at best and unlawful (haram) according to some scholars. It is potentially harmful to those affected by it, as it almost always involves deception or at least gross omission, especially if a man marries an additional wife in secret and without her consent.
Allah said:
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
Marry them with the permission of their families and give them their due as is good, chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses.
Surat al-Nisa 4:25
Scholars have said that this verse prohibits secret marriages without witnesses, by drawing an analogy between a ‘secret mistress’ and a secret marriage.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَمَالِكٌ يُوجِبُ إعْلَانَ النِّكَاحِ وَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ هُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ نِكَاحِ الْبَغَايَا وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ فَنِكَاحُ السِّرِّ مِنْ جِنْسِ ذَوَاتِ الْأَخْدَانِ
Malik obligated announcing the marriage in public. A secret marriage is a type of prostitution. Allah Almighty said: Chaste women, neither fornicators nor secret mistresses. (4:25) Thus, a secret marriage is a type of secret mistress.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/102
Scholars also refer to the statements of the Prophet (s) commanding the announcement of marriages in public.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ وَاجْعَلُوهُ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَاضْرِبُوا عَلَيْهِ بِالدُّفُوفِ
Announce this marriage publicly, conduct it in the mosque, and strike the drums for it.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1089, Grade: Hasan
Muhammad ibn Hatib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
فَصْلُ مَا بَيْنَ الْحَرَامِ وَالْحَلَالِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ
The difference between an unlawful and lawful marriage is the beating of drums and the raising of voices.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1088, Grade: Hasan
Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَعْلِنُوا النِّكَاحَ
Announce the marriage.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066, Grade: Hasan
Based upon this evidence, it is said that a marriage conducted in secret is invalid and annulled, even if it has two credible witnesses and permission from a guardian.
Abu Bakr Abdul Aziz said:
نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ بَاطِلٌ؛ لِأَنَّ أَحْمَدَ قَالَ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْنِ لَا حَتَّى يُعْلِنَهُ
A secret marriage is invalid, as Ahmad said: If he is married with a guardian’s permission and two witnesses, it is not so until it is announced publicly.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
This was also the opinion of Imam Malik. However, most scholars said that a secret marriage is valid if it meets the condition of two credible witnesses and a guardian. It is in legal effect and will not be annulled, although it is disapproved to do so.
Ibn Qudamah writes:
فَإِنْ عَقَدَهُ بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْن فَأَسَرُّوه أَوْ تَوَاصَوْا بِكِتْمَانِه كُرِهَ ذَلِك وَصَحَّ النِّكَاحُ
If the marriage is contracted with a guardian and two witnesses, but he keeps it secret or conceals its attestation, that is disapproved but the marriage is valid.
Source: al-Mughnī 7/83
And Ibn al-Qayyim writes:
أَنَّ الشَّارِعَ اشْتَرَطَ لِلنِّكَاحِ شُرُوطًا زَائِدَةً عَلَى الْعَقْدِ تَقْطَعُ عَنْهُ شُبَهَ السِّفَاحِ كَالْإِعْلَامِ وَالْوَلِيِّ وَمَنْعِ امْرَأَةٍ أَنْ تَلِيَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا وَنَدَبَ إلَى إظْهَارِهِ حَتَّى اُسْتُحِبَّ فِيهِ الدُّفُّ وَالصَّوْتُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ
The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet.
Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113
This disapproval should not be taken lightly. The important point here is that the legal ‘validity’ of an act does not mean it is ethical or morally sound. If some scholars accept the validity of a secret marriage, that in no way implies they are endorsing or encouraging the act.
Nevertheless, many scholars said that such a secret marriage resembles adultery despite being legally valid. Umar ibn al-Khattab was particularly strict about this matter.
Abu al-Zubayr reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, was presented with a marriage which no one had witnessed except one man and one woman. Umar said:
هَذَا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ وَلَا أُجِيزُهُ وَلَوْ كُنْتُ تَقَدَّمْتُ فِيهِ لَرَجَمْتُ
This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. If I had known of it beforehand, I would have stoned them.
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1136
This was a rhetorical threat to indicate the seriousness with which the matter should be taken. If there were no witnesses at all, the consensus of the scholars is that it is an act of adultery.
Ibn Taymiyyah writes:
وَأَمَّا نِكَاحُ السِّرِّ الَّذِي يَتَوَاصَوْنَ بِكِتْمَانِهِ وَلَا يُشْهِدُونَ عَلَيْهِ أَحَدًا فَهُوَ بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَ عَامَّةِ الْعُلَمَاءِ وَهُوَ مِنْ جِنْسِ السِّفَاحِ
As for a secret marriage, the attestation of which is concealed and witnessed by no one, it is invalid according to the prevalent opinion of scholars. It is a type of illicit intercourse.
Source: Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 33/158
In sum, secret marriages without witnesses are unconditionally forbidden in Islam as they resemble adultery. If a secret marriage meets the minimum legal requirements of two credible witnesses and permission of a guardian, then at the very least it is morally disapproved if not unlawful. Believing men who fear Allah would be wise to avoid contracting a secret marriage, especially if they are marrying a second wife behind the back of their first wife, her family, and her children.
Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
@@dontbeasecondwife5549 thank you for sharing🙌🏾🙌🏾
@@dontbeasecondwife5549 bruh too long to read
@@dontbeasecondwife5549 also i dont understand why you would promote ant-polygamy if if permissible in islam, are you a muslim hater or something? just curious
@@JahannamHellfire. ok calm down woman, polygamy is good if you choose the spouse wisely and if you know they will be good for you
This made me cry. Absolutely spot on. I’m in this and can relate to every single word you’ve said. SubhanAllah. Jazakhallahu khairan sisters, you are doing incredible things. Alhamdullilah
May Allah make it easier for you sis X
@Food faith and motherhood, may Allah make it ease for you. I’m in this as well and it’s very new to me and I’m very saddened. May Allah make it ease for us all. Hang on there InshaAllah we will get through one way of another.
Sorry, after hearing so many sisters suffering this just goes to show polygamy is unjust and your husbands are oppressing you...
@@bashbash8279 ⚠️not necessarily!
👉🏾 The institution of marriage is not unjust but some people involved will/can be unjust and not ‘polygamy’ / ‘monogamy’ per say.
⬇️
After all the Ayah for polygamy is clearly to help both the men and women so that should never bring about injustice.
Humans do that.
♥️ May Allah grant all my sisters ease SubhanAllah, Allah made our deen easy and people make it hard on us and sometimes we do it ourselves.
✴️ May Allah grant you sisters
and every sister struggling
the strength to hang on to your faith and sanity, the strength to fall apart and pick yourself back up, the strength to restrain yourself from loosing your cool,
allow you to forgive yourself, patience throughout your life’s journey, ease and goodness from where you least expect,
joy upon joy and by Allah’s mercy entrance into Jannah, Amin.
@@rahmaabdi4574 ♥️ May Allah ease your affairs dear sisters.
⚠️Allah knows don’t ever forget!
He loves you 70x more than your mother and there’s no one who loves you more than your mother in this life, no man will ever come close!
So deep this👉🏾 Allah loves you 70x more than the one you think loves you the most.
‼️ Also Allah is the changer of hearts.
Today he can make your husband love you
Tomorrow he may change his heart away from you
But guess what?
☝🏽 Allah does whatever He wants
♥️ And He chose to love you!
And me too 😆🤩😉🥰😍😊♥️
✴️ Hold on to Allah
We are returning to the One who loves us most!!!! He knows how we feel deep inside, the things you can’t express He knows. I want you to fall in love with Allah 😉
May He ease all your affairs Amin ♥️♥️
@food faith and motherhood
If my husband did this it would be grounds for immediate divorce. Its his right, of course...but divorce is my right too.
I was recently told about a man in our community who did this to his wife. He lied to her married someone secretly and his first wife and kids only found out years later. How horrible.
You just made that up. Its haram to just divorce him and tbh woman cannot divorce a man just like that. Its haram.
You did not show sufficient reason to divorce him. Either you are a Muslim or not. You cannot just make religion up for yourself.
@@dom3073 It’s not haram to divorce. Women have the right to divorce. If she can’t handle it then she may leave. Btw if she’s forcefully held to that marriage, she’s mentally left the guy anyway.
@@nidafatima3266
i mean the women cannot order a divorce. she can want to divorce a man but she cant say "ok this marriage is over" judicially.
@@dom3073 Doesn’t change the fact that she can go to a qadhi and ask for a divorce.
@@dom3073 She can, it's called khula.
May Allah bless you sisters
And thank you for mentioning the children, nobody talks about the children in polygamy. From my personal experience as a girl that grew up in polygamy marriage, it was a traumatic experience, very toxic it affected me a lot. As a result I have trust issues and anger issues.
After more than nine years, I felt I am understood for the first time. Thank you so much. I am first wife who was put into this position 9 years ago, one month into my third child, being away from my country, any of my relatives and friends, I had no one but Allah... I struggled for many years all by myself... My husband has been patient with me during all these ups and downs of our marriage to the best of his ability... But the damage was done and it was sooo hard to heal... I still can't say I am healed... My deepest wound during all of these are my children... They were neglected emotionally while I was trying to heal myself and my husband wasn't ever available emotionally for my children... That's something hurts me sooo much and blame myself for not being able to give them emotional support that they needed... Now everything seems like back to normal but we , as a couple, never are same again. At least that's how I feel.
Also sisters remember in the nikkah contract you can say u dont want him to marry more wives.
@Ass Hole if he doest it behind the wives back he is *your @ name*
Also he violated her right which is haram,if she put it in the contract and he does it anyways AND behind her back,he didnt only violate and went against the wife but also he went against Allah :)
Allah said: You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. 129 from Qur'an... Why do Muslims ignore this verse from Qur'an?!
@@bashbash8279 Wallahi i don’t know.i know this verse which lets me see who knows the real deal and who doesnt .Men scream 4 wives over lust but dont know ab this verse,only if muslims read the Quran..😩(especially men)
@Ass Hole you know exactly my point ,u read the comment.
This is so selfish view .. me me me and just me.
What about your sisters in Islam ? Don’t they also have right to be married ?
Why are we so selfish?
Where is that when you wish to others what you wish to yourself ??
May Allah helps this lying fake selfish ummah Ameen
By only speaking about negative experiences, you are negatively framing polygamy in our eyes. Please can you speak also about positive examples of polygamy? Why for example did the Prophet (pbuh) choose that for himself?
Because he was a Prophet.
Our Prophet saw was the perfect example of how a muslim should be. Therefore he naturally was capable of being just between his wife’s and fulfill all the requirements of polygamy according to Islam.
In fact, our Prophet saw chose monogamy for himself as well. Additionally the sisters did not try to make Polygamy seem as something bad they rather acknowledged the fact that quite a lot of brothers abuse their right to polygamy by treating their wife’s unjust or dismissing their rights. This does not mean that there are not successful polygamous marriages, I am sure there are a lot.
The positive examples are those cases where polygamy were for good purposes like marrying a widowed/divorced women with kids to take care of them, poor and orphaned women with no one to help them...
He (SAW) actually didn't choose it for himself. Allah guided him to his post-prophethood marriages because they had benefit for the ummah. Before prophethood (as what might be called a "private citizen") his personal choice was monogamy.
He didn't marry again untill his first wife passed away..
Yes the women he married were of those who in today's world are tarnished and he could do just which many just can't.
There lust drive's them to Th at and the idea of it sounds good without thinking can i financially mentally, emotionally and physically give.. and take...
The prophet Muhammad sws did not choose more than one wife.
It was Allah swt who ask ed the prophet to do this as an example of how to treat more than 1 wife ect.
The prophet married once untill she passed away..
More than one wife has its benefits if all parties agree and undestand their role and it's works fairly
In today's world that is hard to come by most men marry because they can not fairly or equally treated ectt
It's a difficult practice for both a man and a women
Good on those who are happy and content with it and those should fear who do it for sexual desires only and no intention of staying with them or treating then justly
That is what happened to me exactly! My husband took a second wife behind my back! I had no idea that he was married until 3 weeks later. He never told me he had taken another wife I found out from a phone call from his second wife to our home phone. When I approached him and asked him if he had indeed taken another. Wife he looked me in my face and said no. It’s when I told him that she had called the house phone and we spoke and I asked her who she was, “she said she was your wife. Then he said yes I am married! (Smh) I almost lost my mind it took me 2 years to regain my mental health and i was very depressed and very sad for so long. It’s was more because it was done behind my back. and then he lied to my face. What’s crazy is because I truly thought back then at that time that we had a great marriage and relationship.
Did you divorce him? Does he still have the second wife?
Run you should not trust him anymore
I watched this series "3 wives one husband" on netflix about a polygamist community in USA and it was interesting at showing what it was like for just a couple families. They say it is far, far from easy, the man has to expand to become more generous, kind, helpful, forgiving, and the man didn't have time for anything else but look after his families. I feel that polygamy is only for those who feel it is for Allah, for growing spiritually & serving their community even more. If it is not for these reasons it may likely be an ego wish, a distraction from seeing themselves, and something that could just increase pain and dis-ease.
May all receive infinite blessings and mercy
U spoke truth men have to be careful and equal
Polygamy marriages are corruption...
"""And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. From Quran surah Nisa"""... Muslim ummah keep telling others don't follow your desires, women are desires!. But desires can be very powerful. They can hold sway over the mind and lead a person away from reality. When a person follows desires and submits to them, without giving consideration to the guidance received from God, he goes astray. Following of desires is directly linked to misguidance.
To understand the effect of desire it is important to analyze what desire does to human intelligence. It puts a curtain over the eyes of the mind. It makes a person so attached to its target that reality is overlooked. The conditions to understand reality include an objectivity to it. It means acceptance of reality whether palatable or bitter, whether it is for personal gain or against it. These conditions are not in line with the dictates of desire.
In another verse Almighty Allah puts forth this truth in even stronger terms. He calls desire the god of some human beings. He says: Have you seen him who has taken his desire to be his god? (Q 25:43). Such a god has been condemned in the strongest terms in Hadith. The Prophet (s) has said: There is no god under the sky that has been worshipped other than Allah that is worse than the desire. (Taken from Tafsīr Namūne). No other deity is as despicable as the human being’s own desire.
Imam al-Sādiq (a) says: Be apprehensive of your desires in the same way as you are apprehensive of your enemies. For there is no greater enemy for human beings than their own desires and what their tongues reap (Al-Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, 2: 336.)
Following of desires is often not recognized for the lowly quality it is. It can be masqueraded as freedom, having fun, being with the masses, etc. It clads a veil over the person as well as others who are exposed to him. Only those who have insight and reflect on reality are able to see through it.
This verse reminds us of the danger!
Polygamy marriages come under desires!Polygamy marriages are corruption...
Destroying the frist marriages!.
Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2813
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Muslim
"""And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. From Quran surah Nisa"""... Muslim ummah keep telling others don't follow your desires, women are desires!. But desires can be very powerful. They can hold sway over the mind and lead a person away from reality. When a person follows desires and submits to them, without giving consideration to the guidance received from God, he goes astray. Following of desires is directly linked to misguidance.
To understand the effect of desire it is important to analyze what desire does to human intelligence. It puts a curtain over the eyes of the mind. It makes a person so attached to its target that reality is overlooked. The conditions to understand reality include an objectivity to it. It means acceptance of reality whether palatable or bitter, whether it is for personal gain or against it. These conditions are not in line with the dictates of desire.
In another verse Almighty Allah puts forth this truth in even stronger terms. He calls desire the god of some human beings. He says: Have you seen him who has taken his desire to be his god? (Q 25:43). Such a god has been condemned in the strongest terms in Hadith. The Prophet (s) has said: There is no god under the sky that has been worshipped other than Allah that is worse than the desire. (Taken from Tafsīr Namūne). No other deity is as despicable as the human being’s own desire.
Imam al-Sādiq (a) says: Be apprehensive of your desires in the same way as you are apprehensive of your enemies. For there is no greater enemy for human beings than their own desires and what their tongues reap (Al-Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, 2: 336.)
Following of desires is often not recognized for the lowly quality it is. It can be masqueraded as freedom, having fun, being with the masses, etc. It clads a veil over the person as well as others who are exposed to him. Only those who have insight and reflect on reality are able to see through it.
This verse reminds us of the danger!
Polygamy marriages come under desires! Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 62 :: Hadith 157
Narrated Al-Miswar bin Makhrama:
I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, "Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me."... Even Prophet Muhammed pbah didn't give permission to his daughters husband to take a second wife!
"It takes a man and a half to make polygamy work" !!!!! Nothing short of the TRUTH.
You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives-no matter how keen you are. from Qur'an 129
@@bashbash8279 even the prophet sallallahu aleyhi wa salam and it’s ok. Like a mother cannot love her children equally. A man has to treat and show them equally, but he doesn’t has to love them equally like the prophet also didn’t.
@@someone-uw8fg true that!
@@bashbash8279 “But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one” full verse in Quran an nisa (4:3) these are restrictions, it is still obligated upon you to do everything equally between the wives and be just but if you can't then marry only one.
Good discussion. I like how you mentioned that womens feelings are wiped from the table when talking about this. Like "it doesnt matter how you feel. Its halal." No, thats not how this works.
Halal doesnt mean obligatory. Its allowed BUT not a must. So going behind your wife's back and marrying another is just cheating no matter the tag you put on it. Because lying/deceit is also not part of our deen. How are you gonna use haram to do something halal? Can one pay sadaqa from money made from selling alcohol? Use your brain....
Yes, Im biased when it comes to polygamy. Have seen it gone wrong way to often. I dont believe many (if any in this day and age) can hold that big responsibility and do it justice (many cant even do right by one wife🤦♀️). Like you guys said its mostly 'boys' anyway who want the benefits but cant take the responsibilities. Im not married yet but before I do in sha Allah it will be discussed and my preferences are set.
Btw you have the right to mention in marriage contract that you don't want polygynous relationship. If he so wants it later, he has to ask your permission and if you don't agree, he can't remarry or he has to divorce.
@@muslimahmv I know sis but thanks for the reminder😉
@Stranger Random stranger Where you see me crying? Dont project your feelings on me dude. Go cry in the shower
Yes this was very biased
@@shahee6579 because we women were shown time to time by men who did it wrong. Tired of seeing sisters broken hearts because their husbands stabbed then behind their back.🤷🏽♀️
Sister, I can understand your pain. I am totally with your side that we men should speak to you prior to polygamy. May Allah guide you sisters and protect you from evil eyes. Remember, you have so many Muslim brothers in this world who have real empathy for you all sisters. May Allah guide all Muslim men so that they can understand their life partners.
Dudes in the comments mad because women don’t want to deal with polygamy. It’s their right to leave you if they choose just like it’s your right to take a second wife. Some of y’all would make horrible husbands anyway. You’re that arrogant to not care about how your wife feels. That’s fine a man like me would be right there to comfort your wife😂😂😂
Mental illness in a comment
These are interesting and poignant concepts that definitely should be explored further. I'm a revert who brought up the topic to my husband, he at first had many hangups because he takes his responsibility as the head of household very seriously. However, after many discussions and studying the religion closely, we both realize what a blessing a second (or more if financially possible) can be for our household, iman and for the women who choose to join us for the benefits they would attain. Our outlook has less to do with his need for multiple female attention and more to do with our intention to build a tribe of individuals who can bud together and share companionship. Our children are quite ok with it, even excited at the idea of having more than one maternal figure around. We are totally open about our concerns and discussions. And I am always involved in discussions with potential mates who may enter the household long term. We are friends with the women who are showing interest, and completely open. I wish more women who are interested could feel comfortable exploring the topic with their men. And more men could be overt with these discussions, not doing it secretly. For the record, neither of us entered the marriage with the intent of becoming polygamous. I was not even Muslim when we married. In fact, I used to be very jealous. I pray Allah helps those who struggle with this issue, and Allah knows best.
What made you bring it up sister?
I couldn't be in that triangle relationship, and I left and divorced him, it's been years and am still dealing with my children and the trauma they've been going through , adults can get over it but children go through so much trauma.
I agree with you
Noone care about how polygamy is destroying families.
@Ass Hole and lustfully dating around and finding a second wife isn't a selfish desire. Ew, grow up, heal, something is wrong with you. How dare you shame women for having a divorce when that is their god given right.
@Ass Hole your explains the kind of person you're, may Allah show your a light you're totally in darkness, I am human with heart and feelings, Muslim women are not objects, they're humans and until men like your are thinking or doing the shameful actions. And misintereperting this beautiful deen. You're the reosan why our women and youth are leaving Islam. Show me where in the Quran and Sunna is saying destroy existence family for your lust and abandon them , shame on your. My children are not suffering because of my decision, they're suffering because their father resigned his responsibilities and choose his desires Islam is just , Allahu akbar .
@@nevertrustjinns8375 may Allah make easier for you sis , I am sure you will go true this inshallah , time is healer, pray remember Allah loves you and will look after you, it's his loss , that he couldn't see your worth, you're worthy of love .
MUSLIM WOMEN PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF #selflove is key and move on.
What self love?do u tink it is easy to move on lyk DAT?av u tot about the process and pain that onw goes through
@@duskydamsel672
Selflove :accept forgive yourself and move on
If you want love ❤️ someone please give 100% LOVE ❤️ TO ALLAH AND YOU WILL FEEL THE CHANGES INSIDE YOUR HEART 💜.
Its not haram to get a divorce.
Nobody cares there are many women u think if u fell inlove with someone u can just divorce especially when u get old as a woman u will suffer
Tunisia has the highest divorce rate in the Arab world, with around half of all marriages ending in divorce, and guess what? it's the only Arab country to forbid polygamy
Correlation does not imply causation
interesting.
@@petrichor499 So what it doesn't dismiss it either.
Every episode is better than the previous one! You go girls mashalla. My me time is watching this show ♥️
Ditto 🙌🏻
I think we need to as men have these discussions of having another wife before we get married to sisters and discuss it thoroughly so there isn’t any confusion or heartbreak...may allah guide us in this matter aameen
Men simply don't do this because telling a woman before marriage that you want a polygamous marriage will most likely make her run away. So they would rather deceive women, marry them, then force polygamy on them so now the women are stuck with it and don't have a choice. May Allah keep such deceiving vicious men away from every Muslim sister.
All men are polygamous by nature. In fact if you hear a man saying he is monogamous by Natur he is either lying or he has an unhealthy low sex drive
Ameen. I appreciate the humble brothers sincerely
it takes a very mature strong man to be able to lead in polygamy and I'm talking about just straight up masculine energy. A fearless man and assertive man. And it takes a very strong mature woman to accept polygamy. What makes polygamy hard is the society that we live in. A lot of guys here are boys, not men, but boys.
Umm every human is tested with different things. Polygamy doesn't guarantee someone Jannah or some kind of special status, lol
Not only surviving, but thriving !! 👏🏻👏🏻😌
Can happen and does happen even if its only a small percentage.
There is a misconception that men say don't have to discuss any of it with their wife.
Telling your wife and discussing it are two different things.
Many men already found a women and discussed marriage with the second woman before ever even having a discussion about polygamy with the wife.
I lost faith because of the ruling of polygamy. Most times men marry secretly. So I will never marry a Muslim man. Well I'm not Muslim anymore I guess. It's such a shame. On top of having my doubts about my faith because of this issue, we just found out that my dad has been "married" to someone from the Philippines for 5 years. My family is in shambles, I'll take out my hijab and I don't think I can stay in this community anymore.
So when Allah (swt) tested you to see if you believed you just gave up and failed. Such a shame.... a man or your father is not God to cause you to lose your faith because they have flaws. You have bigger issues to resolve than polygamy or your father second marriage. The world out there is unforgiveable you're not going to find better than Islam out there. I hope you realize that and return back to the Path that the Creator is pleased with before its too late.
@@PaPa-ko1vg her family has fallen apart because of her fathers deception, this has impacted on the sister seriously, perhaps some other calamity that Allah swt has so far protected you from would cause you yourself to fall apart for a while, may Allah save us all from that fate,
Lets be more merciful to the sister, she clearly needs kind words and those of advice, dealing with her harshly especially at her time of weakness will achieve only negative
I'm really sorry to hear what your father has put you and your family through, it must be devastating to have found this out, especially after so many years, this level of deception particularly from someone you hold dear, is likely to make you question what you can actually trust and 'who' and bring about feelings of such confusion, anger and resentment.
Sister, when you read the Quran, which implore you to do, if not in its original form in your mother tongue, the absolute and overwhelming theme is justice, justice for women, children, men, non Muslims, orphans, animals, justice towards our own selves, and a constant reminder of Allah's mercy and kindness, be sure that any sort of behaviour that is contrary to justice and kindness is not from our beautiful religion, Muslims are held to the highest moral conduct, however do not look to Muslims to teach you about Islam they are human and humans will always err, rather look to the Quran and sunnah themselves.
Your father concealing his other family especially for all these years was a deception and a cruelty, which part of the religion of Islam propagates that this should be the manner in which men conduct their marriages? I challenge you sister to produce such a commandment from Allah swt, it does not exist.
If the behaviour your father conducted himself with, is not propagated by Islam, why are you placing the blame on it? why do you allow satan to cause you to fall into destruction by misguiding your thinking when you are surely smarter then his plots? step back for a minute and look at what is happening here and ask yourself, do it make any sense sister?
If you allow this hardship to destroy the truth that YOU KNOW in your heart, that THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH SWT AND HIS LAST MESSENGER IS PROPHET MUHHAMMED MAY THE PEACE AND BLESSING OF ALLAH BE UPON HIM, you will suffer this blow ( finding out about your father) then one after the other, living a life without the remembrance of Allah is no kind of life to live, and then ultimately you will end up in the hell fire, so you will achieve only destruction upon destruction, i hope that you will choose better for yourself and remember...
everyone will be rewarded according to what they have earnt, if your father has committed evil, if he has unjustly caused you and your family suffering then be sure that Allah swt will call him to account for the evil he has done, but rejecting Allah swt on the basis of your fathers actions or on a topic you don't understand and that isn't even relevant to you since you are not married, makes no sense whatsoever and will not be accepted from you as an excuse on the day of judgement.
Have patience with the things you do not yet understand, not understanding is ok, we do not have Allah's infinite knowledge and wisdom, sometimes we just have to trust in him..
Take a deep breath sister and realise this world is full of evils and hardships this will not be your first rodeo hang on to the truth! and it could be worse, sister, when I was a pregnant I found out my husband had not long been out of jail for attempted murder, I find this out after the state got involved following the police being called to yet another incident where my husband was abusing me in the street, again whilst pregnant, I recall how he would raise his hand so as to strike me and when he slammed his fist down on my legs bruising them he claimed I just bruise easily, his family would bully me and gossip about my family of whom they had never actually met! I caught his friends sending him porn videos and would catch him constantly looking at other women despite being a very attractive woman myself, when I left the marital home and refused to return, due to the authorities threatening to remove my child if i did due to domestic violence inflicted upon me but also my husbands long and very violent criminal history ,he stole my belongings, including items which belonged to my parents, and expensive items which were gifted to me by my family, and slandered me to people, this is a very short explanation of several years of hell I have been put through by husband, i am now a single mother, who has and continues to raise her child alone, after giving birth to my son, I contracted sepsis twice, sepsis is a life threatening condition it was a scary experience, shortly after giving birth my father who was at the time dying, was killed by some hospital staff who removed his oxygen mask so he suffocated to death, thereafter they denied doing so, ( I was present)
don't i have more right then you to say, oh i think I'll just not do this religion thing anymore? the whole point of faith sister, is to believe despite what hurdles you face in life, alhamdulliah many many many have hard it harder then both you and I just recently, look at the state of the world, some of us Muslims are being slaughtered, have no shelter no food, no safety.
I hope you find your way back to the path of truth my beautiful sister, I don't want you to suffer anymore then you already have. xxxx
@Bob Bob The sad thing is, he is the one who taught us Islam. I used to pray 5 times a day. I'm in a very weak point of my imaan. If the polygamy you're talking about can be practiced without getting consent/informing the wife, then no, I won't accept lying and cheating. If men want to marry a second wife, MARRY A WOMAN WHO ACCEPTS POLYGAMY IN HER LIFE. No woman HAS to accept polygamy in her life. My mother is a Muslim, but she doesn't HAVE to let my father practice it. Imagine the STDs, the virus right now, the children who are not seeing their father every night, the women who have been put under a situation where their money (their husbands money) is now going to other women without their consent. Marry a women who accepts it, and if she doesn't DIVORCE, it ain't that hard. Let her go and let her find a man who won't lie to her. But no, most men who do this are too narcissist to do that.
@@narcissistlovepolygamy6221 I don't know how to DM someone on UA-cam, please feel free to reach out to me if you do. Only the injured will understand the true impact of the injury. Your username is true. NARCISSIST love polygamy. And not polygamy per se (the one done with consent and is equal and just) its the one done BEHIND your back, the one with lies and cheating, the one with injustice (because how can you be just if one of your wives doesn't know you're banging another woman?) They are narcissists, they do not divorce their wife and let them find a man who will treat them better, they lie to her and keep them in an abusive marriage.
I think the 2nd wife is also liable. If she is going to be second Wife and does not ask and makes sure her husband to be has told her first wife, she is responsible for doing it wrong as well. She should also be kind towards another woman.
Wish for your sister what you want for yourself
What if the second wife didn't know she was a second wife? Sometimes that can happen.
@@hyrunnisa997 only if both families don't meet, bride to be parents and extended family and groom to be parents and extended family. So, if he is not taking his dad or any male relative to talk to her dad and any female relative to talk to her mother, that's already odd. Who marries without making sure the future husband is a person of good character? Who's parents won't make sure the groom is of good character? And even if she has no family (extreme situation) she can always ask for the Sheikh to be her Wali and make sure he is a good, trusted person.
@@maribelninoderivera9690 this happens to converts alot. And sometimes she doesn't know she should ask a sheikh or imam. Especially if she sort of just learned Islam on her own.
My husband married another woman without telling me. And this woman is my friend and she knows me.... what kind of woman accepted a proposal’s of man that she knows well of his wife
Amazing episode. Thoughtful. I think brothers can help other brothers who come to them with ideas of getting a second wife. I hope this reaches out to many who really need to hear this.
Imam Shadeed Mohamed is good example of a Scholar who speaks about this topic extensively.
Mohammad Hijab ?
Yes he destroyed them
Syed ofc
These women are smart! The kind of women that I personally would like to surround myself with. Thank you for your honesty in my quest to learn more about Islam and the facet of polygyny within the religion.
This is such an important talk. Specially being a Muslim women in todays world. We are already struggling with SO much. When I was committing to islam I really tried finding answers on this topic because it did confuse me but the UA-cam male shaikh attitude and a smirk and the way most of them talk about women broke my heart and made me blood boil and question so much until I found a real shaikh and he talked about it the most beautiful of ways and that cleared my mind. Some of these shaikhs are also 'boys' at heart just like sister mentioned. We really need more people to talk about it in a realistic way.
There are many. Specially from the area I come from.
I am from Pakistan. And yes you are right. Its tough for men. I have a son and I worry about him. This society is not easy for any believer whether man or woman. Basically I do know a few polygamous men in my area and the way they practice it is just cruel. And nobody, not even the religious scholars of our area talk about it in a decent way. Infact the moment somebody gets religious this is the only sunnah they want to start. The times we live in. The extremely fitnah times where it is already so hard for a believer to survive. We need to be more careful about how we can make it easier for women and men.
Yes ofcoarse. But if it to be practiced. It should be done in the right way. With the right intentions. People can help each other. One person's life cannot be saved by killing another.
you are doing a fantastic job. as a woman i feel everything you discussed..... very empathetic.... realistic.... no sugar coating .... one of the best discussions i have seen online
I love you guys. I almost married a man with a wife. Today i broke it off with him and from now on am never speaking to a married man. Thank you, i dodged a bullet.
you smart woman.
You be surprised there are women who know his married but still go ahead with it
Haven’t heard the show yet. But my view has always been it’s not just about ‘oh I’m allowed’ etc. Brothers need to realise in bringing the new wife, if the first is not happy- ALOT could go downhill. Her mental health and imaan. You can’t make a sole decision about something that will affect other peoples life too! They have a say about their life too. Some sisters may be accepting and strong for it, but for others it is a downhill spiral. I know of sisters who ended up removing hijab and eventually the family too, because it affected her mental health that much !
Furthermore, fair treatment is a condition of polygamous marriages, (04:03) however, it continues that no matter how hard a man tries, he cannot be just (04:129), which again suggests the desirability of a monogamous community as a principle of creation (51:49).
No, the verse goes on to say how you should behave and act even tho no one can be 100% fair and just. You folks should make sure to always complete that verse, not stop halfway
When brothers use their head and think about it deeply they'll see and realise that most are not capable of looking after more than one family/wife properly. The financial obligations, time, emotional support, chores etc in supporting a wife and kids (yes kids, we men often forget a second wife will bring more kids) is very challenging... But most of us guys don't think with our heads. Straight up, real talk.
@@sexisntlove3153
4 wives and welfare! That is the reality of some of these guys. They can't financially take care of all the wives but they want more. I think some guys were used to having more than one girlfriend in jahiliya and thought in Islam having more than one wife was somehow the same, not realising that in the Deen the man is required to LOOK AFTER his wives and kids.
Have you seen muhammed hijab and Ali dawahs response to this video?
If not please go and see it then delete this and your other abominations you are potentially destroying the lives of families and children giving such misguided advice.
How are these women destroying lives by addressing issues within the Muslim community? If mental health means anything to you? I'm sure you wouldn't feel at all comfortable if your mother, sister or daughter was treated the same way? You'd protect them right because you love them dearly! It's their channel and they're having a healthy debate. Go leave comments on the Mohammed Hijab video. I found Mohammed Hijab and Ali Dawah to be rude throughout the video.
@@JC-pe2gd Are you a Muslim? If no I don’t expect u to understand. Muslims watch shows like this thinking their views are based on islam. Their show is disguised as Islamic but their advice is not.
And I wouldn’t have any problem with my mother or sister being in a polygamous relationship so long as the man could manage it. And I have close family members who are in polygamy.
@@jamdoughnut1873 How about this situation? Hmm explain yourself? The sheikh is absolutely right! ua-cam.com/video/JQWHVsnACfU/v-deo.html
How about this then? ua-cam.com/video/dUUXrGHIYOs/v-deo.html
I would really like the sisters to bring the answer to “How to do Polygamy the right way?”
Like how is it that Allah has ordained?
And what are the do’s and the don’ts
Yes, please!
They won't, and they simply can't
asking women to tell you about polyny is asking a child how to do parenting.
it's like asking a fish how to fish. you don't do that.. these women gotta STFU, this topic triggers them to irrational levels to the point where they're flirting with kufr. just watch muhammad hijab's recent video on it. these women do a great job exposing themselves
@@7LamarOdom well they surely are experts on how it's done wrong
@@7LamarOdom correct
salams, In my opinion , it's not a special kind of man which makes it work, it's a certain type of women which makes it work.
1/ No point in destroying your previous marriage for a new one.
2/ if you love someone it hurts to see your loved one upset.
3/ doing something which you know will destroy someone's happiness does not have love for them .
4/ going behind your wife's back with another women is cheating and making the women your wife doesn't stop it being a betrayal.
It all depends on the women , maybe a women doesn't want a man in her life 24/7 , maybe she wants children and a career. Maybe a divorced women needs support and companionship but wants to be independent.
Of course, as expected, they don’t know anything about male psychology.
What a great debate. Mature insightful and very relevant. This needs to be discussed so much more like this. Mashallah well done sisters!
This discussion should be compulsory viewing for all men who are considering polygamy and women who are considering being second wives.
This is not a debate...
Assalaamu alaikum Muslimun wa Muslimahs @ IrFan Farid, in Islam we have polygyny (a Man having More than one Wife) and NOT polygamy (a person having more than one spouse or concubine, aka NOT married). There's a major difference. Anyway, we are supposed have this discussion prior to Nikkah contract being signed (if you do have an actual contract). It's getting increasingly difficult to find a wife these days who follows Quran and Sunnah. You sisters NEED to have an episode discussing Polygyny using examples of how it should be done correctly! Seriously, how many brothers can afford to have multiple wives? No woman or man should be entering into a marriage blindly. May Allah ta ala Azwajl give this ummah Islamic knowledge, wisdom and understanding with certainty and NOT the bid'ah of modernity. [Br. Abdul-Hafiz]
Polygamy is just like any other marriage, sometimes its good and sometimes it ends up bad.
Go and put your mothers, daughters and sisters into polygamy marriages and we'll see how that going down! Finding vulnerable sisters online and forcing and tricking them into polygamy marriages also destroying the first marriages to start a new marriage. Let's start of with your father's taking second wife!
Its never good
families yeah he's doing alot.of talking
@@NorthPhilly-zr7xc some of these men don't allow their fathers to take a second wife, one guy made his dad divorce the second wife because his mum was hurting. Another guy didn't allow his dad to take a second wife because his mum was so upset!!!
@@Jahannam...Hellfire. smh this is so sad smh these men don't know how to treat woman
Oppression under any label is still oppression. What isn’t building…= Destruction! 💜Allah & Self over ANY books or Teaching! Oppression in home can NEVER ever work! Rise in Wisdom Courage & Strength! As Salaam Alaikum! Shukran 4 U 3🩵🤲🏾💐
I don’t know why some men are confused or triggered about Plogamy, and how the sisters are discussing it, to make it look like they are against it.
1: They made it clear that it is premisble in Islam
2: most of the men are doing it wrong
3: it is hard for the women due to how ALLAH
Created jelousy in them to be tested or the injustice done to them
4: if women choose to leave she will be shamed, call her names like you are not a good muslim or your against ALLAH’S oder blah blah while ALLAH has given women choice to leave or stay, it is a chioce for her as it is a choice for the man to have second wife, she can’t stop a man to have second wife but has a choice to leave or stay, but women are not getting the support if she choose to leave, while man gets encouraged or supported to marry more than one wife, due to that women are getting depressed and suffering mental health.
Allah didn’t do unjust to womens’ it is the people and society that are ignoring our rights and feeling and celebrating mens’
Where is the lie.???
women can choose to stay or leave? what is the source? thx
Sari Sarah if a woman stipulated in the marriage contract that her husband may not take another wife she has the right to annul the marriage when he still chooses to marry a second.
@@xikibo she has that choice. We know that a woman who asks for divorce with no _valid_ reason, will not smell the scent of Jannah, though it can be smelled from 500 years of travel.
If polygamy is truly plaguing her life to the point where it's making her discontent and unhappy all the time, if she's begining to question her self-worth; and just overall if her mental health is deteriorating- she can file for a khul'. For this is a valid reason, her mental and physical health is at stake.
While there's those who seek divorce for petty reasons. Yes, there's occasional jealousy; but they're content, YET they seek divorce- the hadith applies to those women.
Also if she fears she cannot handle polygamy, she can stipulate a term that forbids the husband from taking another wife while married to her, on her nikkah papers.
This was a lovely discussion.
Please also make a video discussion of the positive side of POLYGAMY and it would be lovely if you invite a lady living in a SUCCESSFUL POLYGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP.
Do you know how hard it is to find 3 HAPPY polygamous wives?
Dear sisters, are not any of you critical thinkers? Y'all just agreeing with one another, even when most of the discussion was not in line with Islam.
In humility, I'd advise you to take down this video and seek Tauba.
It was great to see comments from brothers as well who understood what the sisters had to say regarding the topic (it was focused more on the problems regarding polygamy in todays time). Men need to realize if a woman has clearly consented to a monogamous relationship from the start, do not expect her to accept a second marriage just because it is allowed. This is a very sensitive topic and it was great to hear a sister’s perspective rather than the stereotypical ‘I’m allowed 4 wives’ and there’s nothing you can do about it stance.
Furthermore, if both parties are okay with polygamy thats perfect👍🏻
To all the men watching this video or reading through comments from sisters, please understand that there are many issues in polygamous marriages that need to be discussed from the sisters side of the story. Not all are successful. So please be kind and understanding. JazakAllah khayr! 💕🌸🙏🏻
I have yet to hear from a woman what a good polygamous marriage looks like from their perspective. Even if we look at the example of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) we see that his wives were unhappy with the situation. How would you reconcile this?