things we wish we knew before getting married | couple things
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- Опубліковано 8 лют 2022
- This week on Couple Things, we discuss all the things we wish we knew before getting married!
From the obstacles we’ve faced to learning how to love and grow with each other- we cover topics you can talk about with your partner before heading into marriage!
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My marriage therapist professor always ended class with, “marriage is not meant to make you happy, it’s meant to help grow you up and make each of you better. If you are lucky hopefully you get to do that process with your best friend.”
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Never reject open affection....show that love when the other reach to kiss or hug...how would you feel without that....age equals knowledge...
This shook me. This is such honest and healthy content. Like almost sent to my ex. The world has such a distorted view of relationships. It makes me wonder how many couples would flourish if they just committed to the work.
We've been married close to 40 years and this is so good. Yes, marriage is a work in progress. Communication is key. Grace and forgiveness is beautiful. God provides that when asked. Thanks for doing this video~it's often not discussed honestly.
You both are well spoken well-versed, and your detail in conversation could be very useful to a lot of people. I like how candid you are in the preparation you put into your video topics. It’s like you guys are very open and yet still retain your privacy as a couple at the same time
I have to say, I married for the 2nd time when I was 37 and it has been easy from day one. We are 73 now, and we haven’t had one difficult day in our relationship! We are very blessed!
I tell my husband that same thing, I love you but I don't always like you. It sums up marriage, you won't always like each other but your love is what keeps you together through those times. Another great episode. My number one piece of advice to married couples is - pray together, pray together even when you would rather punch them in the face, 😉 God will bless you both.
Yes! The family dynamic is so true. You are marrying into that family experience. Good or bad, its part of who you are today. Also, love is a choice we make every day, even with our spouses. Its not a hole you fall into or climb out. This pod cast would be a great addition to pre-marriage counseling. Great job.
Great video. We had counseling with a group of engaged couples. Our premarital counselor asked how much do you know your fiance? The answers were 80%, 90%, 95%. He stated that the reality is that it is more like 5% which was a real shocker to the group. Been married for 20 years. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. We both come from dysfunction and neglect. It is so true that our family relationships can really affect our marriage. Neither one of us are close to our families so we thought, “this is great, just us, no baggage.” Wrong! There is so much baggage when you come from estrangement and difficult relationships. One thing I wanted to mention that maybe does not get talked about. I really struggled in my marriage for a good 5 yrs. Crying all the time, seeing no hope, wanting to give up. Well, it turned out that my hormones were completely wacked so I did not have the ability to handle stress. Everything just seemed gloomy. Well, once I got that under controll it didn’t matter how many fights we got into, I was happy. I had the ability to handle the stress and see hope. Not to say, it completely resolved everything but it made a huge difference in my mood and perspective. We still work extremely hard at our marriage everyday.
I realize this is old, but how did you straighten out your hormones?
Please do a part 2! I loved the insight! I’m getting married in June and have really enjoyed and learned from the insight and tips and I’d love some more! Love the show by the way!
Y’all should definitely do a reaction to all your answers through pre marital counseling and what you learned
I believe this is one of the best videos you both have done. It is raw and beautiful. Marriage is a beautiful but it is always a work in progress.
Also, just finished the episode. This was such a great one. I took away so many things from it and shared it with my fiancée. Thank you guys! So many good lessons.
Love to see the honesty and how real you guys are. These are some awesome points, and a continue work in progress. Definitely want to see a continuations video.
Shawn, you hit the nail on the head. With every argument worked through, with every event (good, bad, or otherwise), every memory, the love you hold for your spouse is so much deeper. And yes!! That bond grows incredibly deep. At nearly 20 years in, things have not ever been on autopilot...it is a constant relationship of work, understanding, love, sacrifice...etc. But I have found I have loved the journey. And those Phases are REAL. But together is the goal. He is still the one I enjoy laughing with, wasting time with, building new paths, adventuring (and I am not very adventurous), etc. He is my person. Even when I am furious with him, he is the only one I want to talk to about it... maybe not in that moment, but when I am no longer furious. 🤪🤣🤣
PS ...I also realize I sort of married my Dad (qualities he has, not in look or anything, bc my husband looks nothing like my Dad). 🤔🤣🤣 And I do have qualities of my Mom. Some of those phrases she used to use come out of my mouth and I realize how wise she was/is over and over again. 😁💗🤣
I cannot thank you both enough for this episode! This is one of my favorites so far. I so appreciate your honesty about relationships… about YOUR relationship… I’m in my forties and still struggle to break the societal conditioning of what “true love” should look like. Looking forward to Part 2!!!
Wow I haven’t listened to you guys in long time and you’ve definitely come a long way! You sound so mature and more in tune with each other. 🙏🌻❤️
Great job, guys!! Good info! I am 20 years into my marriage and still going strong! I love that you guys said that all marriages are going to take work, and it is not about finding the perfect person to have a perfect marriage with! Keep up the good work! God bless you and those sweet kiddos!
I just loved everything about this podcast💗 you're also the first millennials I've ever heard mention the environment and recycling in a podcast..well done!🍃
Joined the East Fam channel recently, and then this popped up on my feed! I found myself agreeing with everything you said, and love the strength that your marriage has cultivated in each of you individually!! You can tell you are both strong and fit in your relationship due to continued practice and growth 💪💪 My marriage ended after 10 years, but all these things were incredible nuggets that if I am blessed with someone to love again, I will implement in the future ❤❤
Best of 2023 Hands Down favorite podcast! I get so excited when a new one pops us for me to watch after kiddos in bed! Great way to wind down!
Please do a part 2! And an episode on marriage counseling and your experience!
I love your perspective on relationships and marriage! I wish I would have been as wise about this as you are when I was first married.
I love both of you. Your commitment to eachothwr is everything. It's really nice to see a couple grow the way you 2 have. I don't ever see you 2 splitting up!!! Keep going together. Love your babies too!! 💕💕💕
Absolutely LOVED this episode!!!
Part 2 please! Loved this
Loved the wisdom you shared about how to interact with in-laws. Such insight! Loved it.
u guys got the volume on this video just right. I cud hear both of u clearly & as loudly as I needed thru the whole video TY!!
LOVE You Guys!
I have ALWAYS appreciated your honesty. You both have unmistakeably grown, individually & together. But the most fun for me (as a witness) has been seeing how much your 'united' adoration for your children has made you both better people, all the way around.
Yes, definitely do a part 2!
Shawn’s first comment about marriage being easy if it’s the “right person” is so relatable! Plus it was cool to hear because Timothy Keller writes about just that in his book “The Meaning of Marriage” that I’m currently reading!
Can’t wait to hear the second part!!!
Wow...
You two are AMAZING....
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this Episode...Being so HONEST...💗💙💗💙💗💙
I know...It is a Total compromise....
But listening...It s just a Reminder of everything
Couples go through ..
PART 2 PLEASE...❤❤
Great video! Been married for 30 years and still a work in progress.
Absolutely great points!
Shawn, I totally relate to the fact you thought marriage would be easier than it has been. I don’t mean that in a bad way either but I totally get where you’re coming from there!!
You both have a very healthy outlook on marriage. Both people have to be equally involved
Learned so much in this video and laughed multiple times, I love you both!
EXCELLENT episode.
I’m single and still enjoyed this!! Love you two!
Just went through the name change and it was brutal...Hitchswitch was definitely the way to go. 6 months after being married and its all done
What a beautiful and raw discussion about marriage.🙏🏻❤️🌻
My OCD is going wild watching this with the words “couple things” not being centered on the mini marquee! 😂
I am amazed at how much I learn from your podcast. I've been married longer than either one of you has been on this Earth! It definitely has Not been all "Puppies and Rainbows!" And, we both were coming from previous failed marriages. We have been through so much together and I feel that if you agree at the beginning of the Marriage that "Divorce" is Not an Option and can Never be brought up. It forces you to come to a conclusion or sometimes it means the conclusion is that you agree to disagree!
Here are a couple of things that have stuck with me all of these years from our Premarital Counseling:
a): It's easy to "Love" someone, it's much harder to "Like" them. Remember to Always be each other's Best Friend, your spouse MUST Always be your Number One! Your relationship changes so much over the years and there will be times that you feel frustrated by each other, maybe not even like each other! We have all seen friends or family members who become so enveloped in the raising of their children, and don't make time for their relationship, and then the kids grow up and move out. Then, they look at each other and are like "Now What?" I don't even know who you are anymore and to be honest, I don't think that I even like you much. I think that is one of the saddest things that can happen to a couple. They've made it through so many hard times and have been together for 20-30 years and they end up getting divorced and starting all over again! It's so sad and very easily fixed if both of you Always remember that your Partner is your Number One and Best Friend NOT your kids!
When you are having a Disagreement or Discussion, make sure that you "LISTEN" to what your partner is saying! You Don't have to agree with what they are saying, but you Do have to Understand! When it's your turn to speak, make sure that you RESPOND and that you Don't REACT! Makes all the difference in the World!
The "Golden Rule" is that if you choose to get married, the Greatest Gift you each bring to the relationship is Yourself! That is one of the main reasons for Marriage, Respect each other and the Vows you took and Do Not Cheat on your spouse! Trust, Honesty, and Loyalty are so important and it's so hard to get that back once it's been broken! If you get to that point where you are feeling tempted, decide if the relationship can be repaired and what needs to change. (Which can Only happen if the two of you Talk to each other)! If you've already decided that you are Done with the relationship and it is beyond fixing, then leave BEFORE you permanently destroy the relationship.
Shawn and Andrew, I can't believe how mature the two of you are regarding your relationship. It's something that you both should be so proud of. After 30+ Years with my Husband, he is still my Best Friend and my most Favorite Person in the World! Even now, we are still demented and make each other laugh at least once a day! Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times I contemplate his Demise! 😂 But, I wish my 60 year old self could go back 30 year old self and say "Don't sweat the small stuff, everything will end up working out and not only will you have a Best Friend for life, but your Greatest Reward will be your Grandchildren! You will once again learn about a Love that can't be described and it is so much Fun spoiling them rotten in a way that you couldn't with your kids, because you were too busy trying to make them into Good Human Beings! And, the Best part is that you get to give them back!!! 😁 💙💖 😇
Thank You Both so much for sharing your lives with us! 😘
Thanks for sharing it, I feel the recent comments from others is the same that I felt when i hear your stories. Sure, will wait for the second part 😆
Around minute 10, that was really interesting what Shawn described about mindset people have on path to marriage through dating and engagement etc. I never thought about it like that. And also, it brings to mind that I'm dating and engagement, you also aren't dealing with the reality of life very much together... so I wonder how that could be included in courtship more naturally to find a good mate and practice being a good partner.
Please have Carlos and Alexa Penavega on the podcast!!!! They would be great!!
Yes I second that!! :))
Great talk.
You guys are the best!
Great video!
Andrew’s brain is literally a constant jukebox 😂 so funny!!!!!
I would LOVE if you could get into more detail about putting your spouse before your parents/family when opinions and life choices differ. I'm an only child who is very close to my parents and making a decision with my spouse when I know it will upset my parents has been a huge adjustment for me.
I enjoyed your pod cast.
Looking back in time I would have definitely did things differently.
I met my ex husband new years eve 34 years ago. We were married 5 1/2 months later.
Our divorce was final on friday.
We did go to marriage counseling .
I wish we would have waited.
We more then likely would have not ever married.
It is refreshing to see your love for each other.
I love you guys!!
When you were talking about how your wedding day can be the best day or not. I think no matter how you decide to be married I look at it to be on both ends. It's the best and happiest at the same time it's the worst time because of all the stress. You worry about everything from will I wake up in time to start getting things around to OMG what if I have to sneeze while saying your vows. Anything after that day is where you really start an adventure of a lifetime or at least that's your goal.I truly know why or how the word bridezilla came about... LOL You have all your emotions and 15 other people pushing and pulling, wanting to change something you do not want to change, another one crying, another one.... the list goes on.
I also think if you're a young couple and either still a virgin/s or not that experienced in the bedroom and/or shy can be the hardest part to work out, but it's not a deal breaker if you seek out help together. Also, how do you handle it if one wants to bring in toys and the other one isn't sure. Maybe that could be something you can do a podcast on with a sex threapist to help some of our younger couples. Blessings and Love Y'all!
Thank yo SO much! For this episode! I know Mallory is extremely busy between running a business and the book launch and taking her children to the jump park and being pregnant. I really hope you are able to sit down with her and Kyle again!
Love all this advice. Any advice on courting and engagement?
Love this podcast. Going to share it with everyone I know. Not all parents take the kids side.
If you are very very very lucky
We have been married 24 years. When we net the kids were all adults off on their own. We were just us and pets.The baby,children days were past us. We got to travel to Europe twice plus a few other vacations in this hemisphere but the challenges started . We have been through an abdominal aortic aneurysm, a bleeding ulcer and stage 1 colon cancer (Steve), and 2 separate primary breast cancers and then stage 4 breast cancer for me(Catherine). Struggling to help each other through the horrific healthcare issues tries the strongest marriage. But so glad we had each other to face them. You never know what lays ahead. Even the healthiest people can get illnesses. Marriage gets challenged when you least expect it. Life is different after kids leave.
I just got to this comment and I had this weird urge to say: can't imagine how hard it's been for you both, but I truly hope all gets better... keep each other close and keep a tight circle of family and friends since I truly believe we all get our strenght from those we love.
I love you both and your love for each other. Wish I had this!
Great Episode! Love you guys. Do y'all all mind sending the link to the premarital counselor mentioned?
Absolutely LOVED this podcast. You seem to be great partners, and I think young couples will relate and be helped n\by what you are sharing! I pray that Christ is also the center of your marriage. He will fill your hearts with love and peace through the best of times and through the difficult times. 🙏❤️
Love you two
Is there a part 2 of this out already or is it still a work in progress? I would LOVE to hear more as a person that's engaged things you wish you knew. I'm discussing a lot of this with my fiance and we would love to hear more!
Love it
That is so funny about the name change. It was soooo easy in Florida. No issues like that at all, and nothing to do with the county, just the state. lol
25:13 Andrew was right! It was the Znachoes who said "we know how this ends; w/ us together." It's a good point to bring up anyway Shawn😊.
The Bilyeu interview was amazing as well!!
You’re so affectionate with your baby Boy. He cherishes those moments as you know. Well…Andrew too could use some affection . I’m sure he cherishes those moments too. Share the ❤️ love
Marriage is tough!! You have to work at it!! It's a roller coaster ride that has very very high highs and very low lows! That being said, I was eternally grateful that my husband was there for me when I really needed him. I too was there for him when he really needed me. Miscarriages, Deaths in our family, Sometimes, just to sit down and listen when one of really needs to talk from a ruff day. Sometimes it's just as simple as needing a really long Hug! These are the things that are so important, so is communication, compassion, understanding, patience. To me, one of the most important things is LAUGHTER!! Out of all the people in this world, my husband can make Laugh like no one else can! You know the old saying, laughter is the best medicine! It's true! Even when you feel at your worst, like life will never be better, seeing your child laugh, your husband doing silly impressions of your favorite characters always makes me laugh and he knows it to.. after 32 years there is this I feel so safe with you, it's a different kind of love then when you first fell in love! ITS BETTER! I love watching you grow, trust your gut, always communicate, never make a decision without talking first, that includes the kids. It will help when they are teens. Trust me it will, they will still try the old dad said or mom said I could. You just say Let me go ask mom or dad.. you will know by the look in there eye.. There kids, can't blame them for trying you just have to be one step ahead!! Ok long enough.. good podcast!!
Aww Omgoodness this is the podcast episode I’ve been waiting for! Was even more relatable, vulnerable, humorous and especially helpful than I thought it would be :)) Also Shawn you look so beautiful 🙂God bless! ❤️
I got married in October and am in tbe process of changing my name still. It's legally changed with social security and my driver's license but still figuring out the rest. Everything going made it harder to start as well
There is nothing wrong showing resemblance of your parents when you become a parent as long as you had a healthy up bringing of course but Andrew is correct that’s where we learned from.
Are you worried about over doing it on vitamins with athletic greens and care of and all of those types of things?
Can you please share about any experiences you have about close friends marrying someone that you don't get along with or that doesn't like you or vice versa? I've seen this happen and wondering if you have and any thoughts on it.
Love this podcast! I would love to know the name of the premarital counselor the two of you saw in Chicago??
Marriage is a hard especially when money aspect and we got married late, starting a family right away cause of my medical issues.
Hey Andrew and Shawn, can you link or send us the name of the pre marriage counseling person/company you went to? Would love to take part in the same 3 day process with my partner now!
I would imagine it would be harder for the two of you because Shawn is wealthy on her own.
Marriage is a verb, not a noun. ♥️
Who was your premarital counselor? You mentioned you would link him but I don't see it in the description. Thanks!
Who is the therapist that you mentioned? Dr. d?
I'm curious if some of these things are worth doing for us. We have been living together for about 7 years and engaged. We've been renting all of this time and first and foremost, our priority was to buy a home, then get married. After years of hard work, we have now bought a house, in the process of moving in and furnishing. We're going to sit down once we're a bit more settled and plan the wedding 💑 we will be together a decade by the time the wedding comes around, do you think pre martial counselling or some of the other items would still be very valuable ? Open to all feedback 😀
Love is a decision
Did you wait for marriage?
Like , The sound of his chewing makes you crazy?? 😂
My fiancé is also a hoarder that won’t admit it 😂 it’s not overly bad but like why do you have 5 keyboards for your one computer? Get rid of them. You don’t need them. Why do you still have every box from every thing you’ve ever bought. Every cord for things that you don’t even know what they are for lol. So annoying.
Shawn fell into marriage,Andrew would of married Shawn no matter what, he fell into a pot of gold ...
Does anyone know of these companies that help with name changes after getting married? That would be amazing lol
Yes, even if you are independent, you do marry their family and that family baggage. I think society presents a lie about this in the media and entertainment and messaging and heck, culture dating traditions. And yes, I think it's interesting what you say about how you start to resemble your parents when you become a parent. I have been finding this true in my life and am actively working to change it, but realize that we had 20 years of osmosis and all the family genetics and history passed on. So, I think there is a factor of it being biologically downloaded by osmosis. I do believe healing is possible through Christ if needed.
I wonder if Andreaws comment about Shawn turning into her mother has something to do with her weight
That's so ridiculous, who goes to a marriage counseling before being married...
Pre marriage counseling is a thing. A lot of people find it incredibly helpful💜
You only get intamacy if you are very, very good! Perfect men get it.
Are you … anti-vaxx?
How is this relevant? And honestly, it isn't any of our business, no matter who it is. Medical status is only between a doctor and your significant other. Outside of that it really isn't anyone else's business. I am not trying to be rude, but this pandemic has shifted people's entitlement to know every medical thing that may pertain to them. Truth is, people are not entitled to this unless you are their doctor or significant other.
excuse me but velocity girl was just asking they dont have to answer if they dont want to.who are you to tell someone what they can and cant ask????? myob
@@TheMrKristens Exactly. Which is why I asked my doctor before getting the vaccine since he knows my medical history. One of my cousins who is in his early 30s got the vaccine and it gave him multiple blood clots within his body, and had to put on blood thinners as a result.
Politicians, entertainment celebrities, doctors who is not someone's personal doctor, etc. should not be saying everyone should get vaccinated because the reality is many cannot get the vaccine due to medical conditions or allergies to ingredients within the vaccine.
@@v.0624 💗💗💗 Yes, so many underlying, individual medical needs to be considered for ANY medicine (vaccines included). I will not judge someone for the decisions they make for their own health. We all have something going on. Some people have bigger issues than others that may hinder standard procedure. That is ok. They should not have to disclose this to every person they meet as if they were somehow the entire cause of any viral illness. 😕 People should lead with Grace. We are all uniquely created. One size doesn't fit all. 💗💗
Also, someone could have taken other vaccines but decline the current one. Doesn't mean they're anti-vax, they just chose not to, for their own personal reasons, it's nobody's business.