I deal with a lot of colorism when I was dating black men in college and I had to accept that I’m not some men’s preference and that’s ok. I now date men who prefer me. My current boyfriend is a black man who prefers dark skin black women. He is Haitian while I’m Black American. I had to open my options and date outside my culture. Now of course black men from other cultures can be colorist but my advice is to vet ALL MEN and date men who prefer women who look like YOU.
Say the last sentence again for the people at the back 🗣️ I love what you said and it’s so true . Not every man is a colorist but you still need to do your due diligence ❤️
Colourism works both ways . It's just the mainstream media is very bias on this topic. There are light skinned mixed men who prefer brown skinned and dark skinned women. Loads of these men especially in South London. At the end of the day it is down to personal preference, and is a personal choice. Most importantly humbly waiting for your ordained spouse.
Rejection is protection ladies don't forget that. She was fishing for discourse and unfortunately many caught the bait. For generations they were told Becky was taking all the good black men. They get the same black men regardless.
Omg thank you for this I get soooo frustrated when I see bw constantly making videos caring who these men date. Calling them “preferences” and all of that but don’t realize they are just putting them more on a pedestal and making them feel superior to us. We as a whole just need to work on healing out hearts and femininity and attracting the right men and not on who someone is dating.
Loving this discussion…I also really wish more BW would become detached and stop giving more value than necessary to the attention and validation from BM as if they’re the prize or anyone else for the matter. Any form of attention is currency and instead of wasting it on every other group out there for them to turn around and get condescending towards us , we should focus that attention on our group ONLY. Then y’all would see who really run ish. Deep down everyone knows we are the blueprint and therefore we are gatekept the most so that every other group including BM can profit. So we just need to be more selfish and focus on ourselves to change the game being played
This video was needed🎉. How long have darkskinned women been taking about colorism? (We should still talk about it 😢) and black men STILL havent changed. Black men will do whatever they want no matter how many isms we shout, and as a darkskinned women we have to accept that we are not black mens "preference " and accusing them of isms won't change that. And btw i LOVE your channel 😂❤🎉
Black men haven’t changed because they don’t care. In fact, they love colourism because it gives them an excuse to date nonBlack women in the name of “preference”
"we have to accept that we are not black men's preference..." see? that's one of yalls problems right there. social media has conditioned you to believe that all blk males hate you/don't prefer you. AAALLL of the obsessive think-piece threads and videos on how only lightskin blk women are "preferred" and loved by BM and how DS women are "bottom of the barrel" has brainwashed yall to believing automatically that you are not desirable, has brainwashed yall into generalizing all Black men. There's a segment of BM who don't prefer DS women due to colorism, a SEGMENT, not the entire community. Blk ppl like that will never change until they confront their biases and where they came from and the obsessive think piece videos and threads abt colorism were never gon change that amongst the males who do suffer from internalized anti blkness. do not automatically think you are undesirable within the eyes of a Blk male. these obsessive videos and threads on twitter have really come at a cost of Blk women's confidence bc now the assumption has become that BM hate every DS woman *sigh*
Right! It needs to be about self acceptance and going where you are loved but at the same time we need not idolise another group of men as they are still men.
Sis, I do agree with you, however these conversations need to be had, the same way we had it in the workplace. I understand your message is for black women to just focus on themselves and I wholeheartedly agree. However, denying that there is blatant colorism in the entertainment industry, which is then emulated by the average joe, sounds like denying the experience and feelings of many. It is healthy to ask society to question its preferences because many pass actual discrimination for a preference. It’s not being insecure, it is calling out trends and behavior that are hurting the greater society. As I said, the same happened in the workplace in Europe where I grew up. White people were saying they « prefer » to work with other white dudes. That was their preference and they shared similar values and social classes…etc. But we all knew they was more to the story, right? Our society built narrative about dark skinned black women for centuries. We all know colorism is still at play. The game is harder for black women not necessarily because they are insecure, but because they need to find the men that have grown past those stereotypes and fake stories in a way that they will love them for who they are.
It’s not about not talking about it, it’s about putting actions behind the words. Too many DSBW complain about BM being colourist but still exclusively date BM, they complain about these rappers and athletes, but still tune in to whatever they are selling and don’t get me started on how many DSBW support Kim K. Do you know how hard it is it convince BW, dark skin or not, to not support some on like Chris Brown? It should be a no brainer but so many of these women are attracted to him and think that if they show support to him then somehow CB (who doesn’t even know they exist) will like them or men who are similar to CB will like them. These men never will and that’s what DSBW need to get over, not colourism, but these men
I don’t think it’s necessary to keep speaking on. If bw worked on themselves and focused on healing we will attract the right type of men. We need to be more concerned about why we have such promis cuous bw at the forefront. We are letting them represent us and their foul ways but we are only worried about the men. It’s time to take accountability and stop supporting those who play into the stereotypes
When you say that a lot of bw have an inferirority complex, where do you get that from? Earlier in the video, you made a comment about the bw complaining about bm and colorims in relationship to be chronicaly online. Are you taking from this group of people? The stats and studies for American society do show the higher occurence of bm and lighter skinned women. You made a mention of it being just the media. But that is a very important point. The media influences what we do. Associative advertising is a very powerful and dangerous tool. Colorism isnt just about dating preferences. I do agree that bw should stop asking questions like that because they need to stop taking the opinions or desires of these men seriously. They need to realize their worth outside of them. It still doesnt change the fact that many relationships are started on the grounds of colorism despite the many similarities they may find with each other. It may give us a picture into why there are high rates of divorces for these groups of ppl too. You cant build relationships or anything on shaky ground.
No disrespect, but how is the stats that they date lighter or non BW going to change anything. Like she said.....there is nothing anyone can do about what a BM may or may not prefer or how the media portrays us. So why focus and stress yourself about it. We can set our own standards of beauty and go where we are celebrated (no matter the race of man) rather than being forever tethered to men that say with their whole chest that they don't like us. It's really not that difficult
Yes , the comment about inferiority complex was more of a generalising statement based on the actions of black women from what I’ve seen in the media and real life . However, in this context I was referring to the people who constantly talk about these things . Your last sentence is on point as well but my question is what exactly do black women (or as an individual) from pointing out that these relationships may be built on instability (except from raising awareness and acknowledging it) ? The reason I ask is because speaking up about it is one thing but if the parties involved don’t care and don’t want to change , is it worth spending your time dwelling on it ?
@@LPcapricorn1980 you missed the part where I insisted on bw ignoring the desires and wants of these men and creating their own self-worth. I only added the details of the statistics because she stated in the video that many people date or marry similar to their skin tone. If she had said race or culture, I would agree but not on skin tone in the black American society where these stats were gathered. As a Christian myself, I would say God created every man and woman with value. So inherently, we all have value, and women don't have to base their worth on the desires of any group of men.
@@TheCocoaClub I agree with you. I wouldn't go out and make a tweet personally or campaign about these relationships. I was only using that information to point out how I dont think those relationships are truly built on some sort of similarities or commonality except for the commonality that the man desires a lighter skinned woman and she may desire a darker skinned man. I am on the same page with you on the decentering of men. No woman should be basing her self value or worth on what men desire. And bw should most certainly not be doing for bm or anyone. It's good, though, to be aware of the world and what it's trying to tell you and why you shouldn't just fall for it. There is no inherent value in light skin, but the world tells everyone that. People must study why the world tells them that, then learn why the world is wrong on it. Then, live your life against that status quo. Many bm are master manipulators who play a triangulation game on bw. Too many mind games. So if bw aren't aware then they keep falling for it.
I wholeheartedly agree. And pointing these things out as an example of colorist is important for the awakening of other dark skinned black women, that your smaller dating pool is in part because you do not fit the mainstream beauty standard of having light skin, therefore it is important to uplift and promote your own image because of the options and opportunities that come with having pedestalized your own beauty and social visibility. It all feeds in to each other. It’s deeper than just “ oh your just jealous because those men don’t like you” 🙄
In my experience of the UK, a high amount of BM date outside their race including young men and teens. It doesn't bother me as I date who I want, but I wonder how it is for young bw and older who only date BM in the UK outside of certain areas of London and the Midlands. I feel a dsbw has to be very very pretty to get the same compliments her more avg counterparts from other races get. E.g everyone cites the likes of Ryan Destiny as a dsbw beauty, but that is a high standard. Anyway, where I am, I see IR with BM and lots of white grandparents (obvs parents of WW) with mixed children. I rarely see BW with mixed kids. I often see BW with other BW i.e sisters, mothers or friends. I think it's only an issue for those that exclusively BM and therefore centre them and more of a US problem. I think Gen Z and Millenial bw in the UK are not content to sit on the shelf waiting for a BM but there are fewer than bm dating IR. There are black couples obvs esp African. In the end, dsbw will have to open their dating pool if they want to have a partner and aren't experiencing success within. It's just logical.
Tbh it does depend on the ethnicity too. I live in the north of England and Caribbean women statistically date out much more than both African men and women alike.
I agree colorism is ingrained into the minds of both black men and women. But in this scenario. I dont think Black Men center their focus on dating lighter skin women (Only). That's not reality. Not real life.
0:35 a "light skinned blk woman' and a "mixed woman" assuming you mean a half Black woman is the same thing in reality when you consider history, at least to me as i don't make distinctions when i'm talking about a lightskin black girl w 2 blk parents and a lightskin blk girl who is racialized as blk with 1 blk parent. many monoracial blk lightskin women are asked if they're "mixed" anyway so many cannot even tell the difference chile
As a black man the shift came when i change my mindset. 1. Old Mindset; Obessed over the women i find most attractive 2. New Mindset: I prefer the most attractive women, who want me more than want her. That shift in mindset changed the paradigm. Now i focus on women who show extreme interest, who approach me or chase me. An the ones who are my type is the one i go for. Before i was just a mere hunter, going after what looks good, only because she look good an nothing more. Endless myriads of women to choose from. With Ration of diminishing returns. Now its much better. If pretty dark skin slim girls show interest thats what i go for...If only the pretty high yellow slim girls chase me thats who i go for. SHE HAS TO BADLY WANT AND DESIRE FIRST
im black man, my ex wife was 18 when i met her, she is darker skin woman about the same complexion as the girl in one of the pics. How ever she has dreadlocs and she is a dress size 3/4. i do love darker skin women, but doing some introspection when i was a child an older girl took my virginity. This may have some bearing on why i love Dark Skin women today. MOST MEN WHO DONT LIKE DARK SKIN: Were rejected by darker women in their youth. If a man was rejected in junior high and highschool by all dark skin gurls he had a crush on, chances are he is not gonna be so keen to date or even approach darker skin women once he is grown. Emotionally my first intimate Romantic or lustful pleasurable expereinces came from an older dark skin girl. if my first pain and rejections came from them i would not date them. i remember every dark skin girl who approached me and told me i was handsome when i was in junior high and highschool. But i can also say i never been called ugly by other races of women or light skin black girls. The worst treatment and most disrespect and most insulting put downs i have ever received was by dark skin girls. i feel bad for men who never had a dark skin girl show interest in them until he was an adult. he will have too much built up resentment
I deal with a lot of colorism when I was dating black men in college and I had to accept that I’m not some men’s preference and that’s ok. I now date men who prefer me. My current boyfriend is a black man who prefers dark skin black women. He is Haitian while I’m Black American. I had to open my options and date outside my culture. Now of course black men from other cultures can be colorist but my advice is to vet ALL MEN and date men who prefer women who look like YOU.
Say the last sentence again for the people at the back 🗣️ I love what you said and it’s so true . Not every man is a colorist but you still need to do your due diligence ❤️
Colourism works both ways . It's just the mainstream media is very bias on this topic. There are light skinned mixed men who prefer brown skinned and dark skinned women. Loads of these men especially in South London. At the end of the day it is down to personal preference, and is a personal choice.
Most importantly humbly waiting for your ordained spouse.
Women need to focus on their OWN preferences.
Rejection is protection ladies don't forget that. She was fishing for discourse and unfortunately many caught the bait. For generations they were told Becky was taking all the good black men. They get the same black men regardless.
Omg thank you for this I get soooo frustrated when I see bw constantly making videos caring who these men date. Calling them “preferences” and all of that but don’t realize they are just putting them more on a pedestal and making them feel superior to us. We as a whole just need to work on healing out hearts and femininity and attracting the right men and not on who someone is dating.
Loving this discussion…I also really wish more BW would become detached and stop giving more value than necessary to the attention and validation from BM as if they’re the prize or anyone else for the matter. Any form of attention is currency and instead of wasting it on every other group out there for them to turn around and get condescending towards us , we should focus that attention on our group ONLY. Then y’all would see who really run ish. Deep down everyone knows we are the blueprint and therefore we are gatekept the most so that every other group including BM can profit. So we just need to be more selfish and focus on ourselves to change the game being played
This video was needed🎉. How long have darkskinned women been taking about colorism? (We should still talk about it 😢) and black men STILL havent changed. Black men will do whatever they want no matter how many isms we shout, and as a darkskinned women we have to accept that we are not black mens "preference " and accusing them of isms won't change that. And btw i LOVE your channel 😂❤🎉
Black men haven’t changed because they don’t care. In fact, they love colourism because it gives them an excuse to date nonBlack women in the name of “preference”
Just know that some of us BM do go for darkskins, please don’t assume all of us BM are colorists. brownskins and darkskins ❤❤ they are beautiful
"we have to accept that we are not black men's preference..." see? that's one of yalls problems right there. social media has conditioned you to believe that all blk males hate you/don't prefer you. AAALLL of the obsessive think-piece threads and videos on how only lightskin blk women are "preferred" and loved by BM and how DS women are "bottom of the barrel" has brainwashed yall to believing automatically that you are not desirable, has brainwashed yall into generalizing all Black men. There's a segment of BM who don't prefer DS women due to colorism, a SEGMENT, not the entire community. Blk ppl like that will never change until they confront their biases and where they came from and the obsessive think piece videos and threads abt colorism were never gon change that amongst the males who do suffer from internalized anti blkness. do not automatically think you are undesirable within the eyes of a Blk male. these obsessive videos and threads on twitter have really come at a cost of Blk women's confidence bc now the assumption has become that BM hate every DS woman *sigh*
Right! It needs to be about self acceptance and going where you are loved but at the same time we need not idolise another group of men as they are still men.
Omg i havent even started watching yet i just want to say that im loving the consistency!!
Ahhh thank you lovely ❤️Enjoy
To be fair, i agree.
My father is slightly lighter than my mother 🤷🏾♀️
Sis, I do agree with you, however these conversations need to be had, the same way we had it in the workplace. I understand your message is for black women to just focus on themselves and I wholeheartedly agree. However, denying that there is blatant colorism in the entertainment industry, which is then emulated by the average joe, sounds like denying the experience and feelings of many. It is healthy to ask society to question its preferences because many pass actual discrimination for a preference. It’s not being insecure, it is calling out trends and behavior that are hurting the greater society.
As I said, the same happened in the workplace in Europe where I grew up. White people were saying they « prefer » to work with other white dudes. That was their preference and they shared similar values and social classes…etc. But we all knew they was more to the story, right? Our society built narrative about dark skinned black women for centuries. We all know colorism is still at play. The game is harder for black women not necessarily because they are insecure, but because they need to find the men that have grown past those stereotypes and fake stories in a way that they will love them for who they are.
It’s not about not talking about it, it’s about putting actions behind the words. Too many DSBW complain about BM being colourist but still exclusively date BM, they complain about these rappers and athletes, but still tune in to whatever they are selling and don’t get me started on how many DSBW support Kim K. Do you know how hard it is it convince BW, dark skin or not, to not support some on like Chris Brown? It should be a no brainer but so many of these women are attracted to him and think that if they show support to him then somehow CB (who doesn’t even know they exist) will like them or men who are similar to CB will like them. These men never will and that’s what DSBW need to get over, not colourism, but these men
I don’t think it’s necessary to keep speaking on. If bw worked on themselves and focused on healing we will attract the right type of men. We need to be more concerned about why we have such promis cuous bw at the forefront. We are letting them represent us and their foul ways but we are only worried about the men. It’s time to take accountability and stop supporting those who play into the stereotypes
Amazing video!! This needed to be said.
6:06 Agreed! 💯
Omg I love your channel!!
Omg girl you’re back 🎉🎉thank you ❤️
@@TheCocoaClub Np 💕
When you say that a lot of bw have an inferirority complex, where do you get that from? Earlier in the video, you made a comment about the bw complaining about bm and colorims in relationship to be chronicaly online. Are you taking from this group of people?
The stats and studies for American society do show the higher occurence of bm and lighter skinned women. You made a mention of it being just the media. But that is a very important point. The media influences what we do. Associative advertising is a very powerful and dangerous tool. Colorism isnt just about dating preferences.
I do agree that bw should stop asking questions like that because they need to stop taking the opinions or desires of these men seriously. They need to realize their worth outside of them. It still doesnt change the fact that many relationships are started on the grounds of colorism despite the many similarities they may find with each other. It may give us a picture into why there are high rates of divorces for these groups of ppl too. You cant build relationships or anything on shaky ground.
No disrespect, but how is the stats that they date lighter or non BW going to change anything. Like she said.....there is nothing anyone can do about what a BM may or may not prefer or how the media portrays us. So why focus and stress yourself about it. We can set our own standards of beauty and go where we are celebrated (no matter the race of man) rather than being forever tethered to men that say with their whole chest that they don't like us. It's really not that difficult
Yes , the comment about inferiority complex was more of a generalising statement based on the actions of black women from what I’ve seen in the media and real life . However, in this context I was referring to the people who constantly talk about these things . Your last sentence is on point as well but my question is what exactly do black women (or as an individual) from pointing out that these relationships may be built on instability (except from raising awareness and acknowledging it) ? The reason I ask is because speaking up about it is one thing but if the parties involved don’t care and don’t want to change , is it worth spending your time dwelling on it ?
@@LPcapricorn1980 you missed the part where I insisted on bw ignoring the desires and wants of these men and creating their own self-worth. I only added the details of the statistics because she stated in the video that many people date or marry similar to their skin tone. If she had said race or culture, I would agree but not on skin tone in the black American society where these stats were gathered. As a Christian myself, I would say God created every man and woman with value.
So inherently, we all have value, and women don't have to base their worth on the desires of any group of men.
@@TheCocoaClub I agree with you. I wouldn't go out and make a tweet personally or campaign about these relationships. I was only using that information to point out how I dont think those relationships are truly built on some sort of similarities or commonality except for the commonality that the man desires a lighter skinned woman and she may desire a darker skinned man.
I am on the same page with you on the decentering of men. No woman should be basing her self value or worth on what men desire. And bw should most certainly not be doing for bm or anyone. It's good, though, to be aware of the world and what it's trying to tell you and why you shouldn't just fall for it. There is no inherent value in light skin, but the world tells everyone that. People must study why the world tells them that, then learn why the world is wrong on it. Then, live your life against that status quo. Many bm are master manipulators who play a triangulation game on bw. Too many mind games. So if bw aren't aware then they keep falling for it.
I wholeheartedly agree. And pointing these things out as an example of colorist is important for the awakening of other dark skinned black women, that your smaller dating pool is in part because you do not fit the mainstream beauty standard of having light skin, therefore it is important to uplift and promote your own image because of the options and opportunities that come with having pedestalized your own beauty and social visibility. It all feeds in to each other. It’s deeper than just “ oh your just jealous because those men don’t like you” 🙄
I love this video sm
Wise reasoning.
My husband is lighter than me. We are both black. I’m confused about why this is a question 🤦🏿♀️
True, and I see more dsw married.
In my experience of the UK, a high amount of BM date outside their race including young men and teens. It doesn't bother me as I date who I want, but I wonder how it is for young bw and older who only date BM in the UK outside of certain areas of London and the Midlands. I feel a dsbw has to be very very pretty to get the same compliments her more avg counterparts from other races get. E.g everyone cites the likes of Ryan Destiny as a dsbw beauty, but that is a high standard. Anyway, where I am, I see IR with BM and lots of white grandparents (obvs parents of WW) with mixed children. I rarely see BW with mixed kids. I often see BW with other BW i.e sisters, mothers or friends. I think it's only an issue for those that exclusively BM and therefore centre them and more of a US problem. I think Gen Z and Millenial bw in the UK are not content to sit on the shelf waiting for a BM but there are fewer than bm dating IR. There are black couples obvs esp African. In the end, dsbw will have to open their dating pool if they want to have a partner and aren't experiencing success within. It's just logical.
Tbh it does depend on the ethnicity too. I live in the north of England and Caribbean women statistically date out much more than both African men and women alike.
I agree colorism is ingrained into the minds of both black men and women. But in this scenario. I dont think Black Men center their focus on dating lighter skin women (Only). That's not reality. Not real life.
0:35 a "light skinned blk woman' and a "mixed woman" assuming you mean a half Black woman is the same thing in reality when you consider history, at least to me as i don't make distinctions when i'm talking about a lightskin black girl w 2 blk parents and a lightskin blk girl who is racialized as blk with 1 blk parent. many monoracial blk lightskin women are asked if they're "mixed" anyway so many cannot even tell the difference chile
I agree..
My dad is light skin and my mum is dark skin. so...
Excellent video !
Thank you ❤️
lebron wife is not lightskin.
As a black man the shift came when i change my mindset.
1. Old Mindset; Obessed over the women i find most attractive
2. New Mindset: I prefer the most attractive women, who want me more than want her.
That shift in mindset changed the paradigm. Now i focus on women who show extreme interest, who approach me or chase me. An the ones who are my type is the one i go for. Before i was just a mere hunter, going after what looks good, only because she look good an nothing more. Endless myriads of women to choose from. With Ration of diminishing returns. Now its much better.
If pretty dark skin slim girls show interest thats what i go for...If only the pretty high yellow slim girls chase me thats who i go for.
SHE HAS TO BADLY WANT AND DESIRE FIRST
You sound beyond sassy. Get a job or something
im black man, my ex wife was 18 when i met her, she is darker skin woman about the same complexion as the girl in one of the pics. How ever she has dreadlocs and she is a dress size 3/4.
i do love darker skin women, but doing some introspection when i was a child an older girl took my virginity. This may have some bearing on why i love Dark Skin women today.
MOST MEN WHO DONT LIKE DARK SKIN: Were rejected by darker women in their youth. If a man was rejected in junior high and highschool by all dark skin gurls he had a crush on, chances are he is not gonna be so keen to date or even approach darker skin women once he is grown.
Emotionally my first intimate Romantic or lustful pleasurable expereinces came from an older dark skin girl. if my first pain and rejections came from them i would not date them. i remember every dark skin girl who approached me and told me i was handsome when i was in junior high and highschool.
But i can also say i never been called ugly by other races of women or light skin black girls. The worst treatment and most disrespect and most insulting put downs i have ever received was by dark skin girls. i feel bad for men who never had a dark skin girl show interest in them until he was an adult. he will have too much built up resentment