How to Identify + Manage Your Emotional Triggers - Terri Cole

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  • Опубліковано 31 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 138

  • @terri_cole
    @terri_cole  Рік тому +9

    Did this video resonate with you? What are your emotional triggers? How do you protect yourself? Don't forget to grab the free guide for this episode here: www.terricole.com/identify-and-manage-emotional-triggers-guide

    • @alejandronieblas6523
      @alejandronieblas6523 Рік тому

      Hi am Alex this video was very useful thank you am new to your channel I found it very educational

    • @lolajane100
      @lolajane100 Місяць тому

      It does resonate, thank you. What do you do if you accidentally do end up experiencing a trigger? Can you do anything after the fact?

  • @kimmarieburt1313
    @kimmarieburt1313 Рік тому +37

    My older brother picked on me and never apologized sincerely. Now, when someone offends me I remain in relationship with them hoping for them to acknowledge their wrongdoing and say they’re sorry. When they don’t I’m disappointed and I want distance. I don’t want to be in relationship with people who can’t own up when they’ve hurt me.

    • @MaricaIvica
      @MaricaIvica Рік тому

      Maybe he has mental ilness or does not have knowledge. I learned later in life my brother had autism and he differently showed his love/emotions...

    • @symphony357
      @symphony357 Рік тому +1

      A lot of people don't realize they're hurting us. I had explained this to my partner. But from his point of view, he thought I was hurting his feelings. So it's hard to explain oneself to one who doesn't have a lot of empathy.

    • @thefirstprincessofmars
      @thefirstprincessofmars 3 місяці тому

      Experienced something like that myself, this time I rewrote down my standards and check them off

  • @RenukaSakhare-e3v
    @RenukaSakhare-e3v 5 місяців тому +7

    Love your calm, soothing voice....

  • @notesfrombethany
    @notesfrombethany Рік тому +14

    Hello! My name is Bethany. My therapist recommended a few of your videos about managing boundaries. I am so appreciative of your videos and wisdom and advice. Your experience is so helpful, I can’t even tell you.
    Thank you so much, Terri.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +2

      Well hello there Bethany! Thanks for being here ❤️ So glad you're finding the videos helpful!

  • @bouclesbrunes84
    @bouclesbrunes84 Рік тому +11

    Such good content!!! You just justified years of me refusing to watch films about slavery (I am a woman of color) and the news. Both make me feel super anxious and at times sick to my stomach. My husband has been teasing me for years. As you said, I prefer to read about events and will only rarely watch, except if I know I can stop the video if I want to.
    This makes me feel so much better because you have given me the knowledge and tools to set my boundary more clearly. Also, I just learned I might be an empath 🤯😵, which explains so many things!!! Thank you!!

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +2

      I am so glad to hear it ❤️ 🙌 👏 You absolutely can set boundaries around your preferences, especially with things that make you sick to your stomach and anxious. I did a vid a while ago on empaths that you might find helpful: ua-cam.com/video/Qi9wehCxXLY/v-deo.html

  • @Zetos
    @Zetos Рік тому +8

    This is so important for nourishing your friendships and relationships. I had a lot of insecurity issues in my early twenties, and when I started seeing how I was making my partner at the time feel, I began to realize it was me. From that point on, I took ownership over my triggered feelings, and even started to see friendships in a new light. Even when something normal upsets me, I give the other person the benefit of the doubt now and trust that they weren't trying to bother me.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      What an amazing transformation, Zetos 👏👏👏 Thanks for sharing.

  • @MariaTheLioness
    @MariaTheLioness Рік тому +6

    Very thought-provoking! And I find Terri's voice so calming and assuring...it just gives this feeling that everything will be alright and that I'll figure everything out!❤ thank you!❤

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share that, Maria ❤️ It makes me so happy to hear!

  • @symphony357
    @symphony357 11 місяців тому +5

    It's good to be aware of why certain things trigger us. Yet we don't necessarily have to react in the same way every time. We can take a step back and realize what's going on inside us.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  11 місяців тому +1

      Yes! Being aware of our triggers helps us create the space to choose a different reaction. 💕

  • @evamussio7533
    @evamussio7533 5 місяців тому +2

    I share your thoughts about being drunk/sober..! From a very early age I never wanted to feel out of control or at other people's bay xxx

  • @beverlyhogan3682
    @beverlyhogan3682 8 місяців тому +3

    I like the way you normalize the experience of emotional triggers and how you make it clear that it comes from within. You make it easy to see that we can ask others to accommodate us in our management of our triggers but that it is our “side of the street”. As always, THANK YOU!

  • @melliecrann-gaoth4789
    @melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you Terri. I need listen again
    And do the page of questions.
    This week is thanksgiving- i am in Europe but i know this talk is a helpful holiday one.

  • @josephinemackenzie1125
    @josephinemackenzie1125 Рік тому +4

    Great conversation, episode topic. I relate on many levels. Especially with the father daughter topic, and I do the same regarding being around people who are drunk. I am intolerant and choose to protect and prioritize myself.

  • @toddamngus5269
    @toddamngus5269 Рік тому +2

    Thank you for NOT HAVING BACK GROUND MUSIC OR NOISE!!!!!🙏🏼
    This is my first time here.

  • @JamaicanBeauty101
    @JamaicanBeauty101 4 місяці тому +1

    Thank you for sharing. I never thought of making a decision in an environment I didn't like.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  4 місяці тому

      I'm glad it was insightful!

  • @lindagross3386
    @lindagross3386 Рік тому +1

    this episode is so important for me. Thank you for explaning it. My family/sibling triggers were in full action today. I calmly said I would not get invovled. I tried to take care of myself and I think I did. I did call a good friend who helped me with my feeings of anger and pain. It was quite triggering! Thanks you Terri!! I am printing the guide.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +1

      I am witnessing you with compassion *and* joy for taking care of yourself in that way, Linda ❤️

  • @marianapretti2866
    @marianapretti2866 Рік тому +3

    I’ve been learning a lot from you Terri, you have no idea. Thank you very much for making these videos and educating me on how to heal. ❤

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +2

      Thank you for being here, Mariana ❤️ So glad these videos are helping you on your journey.

  • @nilepearl1997
    @nilepearl1997 Рік тому +3

    Very useful. Please we need one for trauma trigger ... Thank you !

  • @angelap.9670
    @angelap.9670 Рік тому +1

    I get triggered by people who do not listen or cut me off when I am speaking. I have struggled with this my whole life. I am just beginning to be more selective about who I speak to, and choose friends that know how to listen. It is hard to find somehow. I am also working on being a better listener. Thank you Dr. Cole. This is helpful.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +1

      You are so welcome, Angela ❤️ And you're not alone. I did a quick video on always being the listener here: ua-cam.com/video/jPgCS4Dosqk/v-deo.html
      And this is one of my favorite ways to set boundaries with interrupters: ua-cam.com/users/shortsypcd-Yeds3A

    • @jb2395
      @jb2395 Рік тому

      "Why they trigger you is about you." Boy, if that isn't the truth. Fantastic and incredibly helpful video. Thanks very much. Love and light to everyone. ❤️

  • @Foodiefoto
    @Foodiefoto Рік тому +3

    Love this episode...I am learning to understand this on a very deep level...thank you!! As a horror film fan...the line "the call is coming from in the house" well that really puts it in perspective...Great episode!

  • @alaletsoalo
    @alaletsoalo Рік тому +1

    Good evening, I am Antoaneta. It is my first time on the channel. Thank you for your generosity. 😊

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Hi there Antoaneta, so glad to have you here! ❤️

  • @AnthonySanchez-oi7kl
    @AnthonySanchez-oi7kl 4 місяці тому +1

    Just wanted to say thank you for your videos and all the knowledge that I gain from them once again thank you

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  4 місяці тому

      So glad my videos are helpful for you ❤️

  • @suziesevra1757
    @suziesevra1757 9 місяців тому

    My triggers are alcohol, domestic violence, yelling, I'm survivor of D/V and I have moved on. Thank God.
    I love ALL your veidos, they've helped me in so many ways.
    Narcissist is a very good topic , & gaslighting.
    Love you Terri.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  9 місяців тому +1

      So glad my videos have helped you ❤️❤️

  • @marilynoverton8142
    @marilynoverton8142 Рік тому +2

    Terri, the distinctions you make are so helpful. Thanks for all your insights.

  • @kimberlytooma9145
    @kimberlytooma9145 Рік тому +2

    Your voice is so soothing ❤

  • @234SUSLU
    @234SUSLU Рік тому +2

    I am so happy for this episode as it supports greatly what I am working on now for myself. I often have walked away from friends because it would trigger me into angered feelings and I just cut the friend off. My recent experience with an incident brought me to the points you are making because your book and these videos have helped me so much I was able to step back and look at myself in a way I have been unable to before. What was my previous life experience or what feelings do I feel that are being triggered without blame to the other. This video clarified that I am on the right track and I am very grateful for all this added assistance. Thank you ever so much

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      I am so happy to hear these tools have been helping you, Susan ❤️ Way to go!

  • @canicebarbone8313
    @canicebarbone8313 8 місяців тому

    This episode is so needed for me. Triggers can start a depressive cycle for me.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  8 місяців тому +1

      I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

  • @lavannyagoradia9694
    @lavannyagoradia9694 6 місяців тому +1

    this is so on point for me. I have so much to thank you for today. I needed this permission so much. Thank you for the wisdom terri. Boundaries!!! here I come!

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  6 місяців тому

      Woohoo, right on!! 🙌🙌🙌

  • @nabaa3
    @nabaa3 Рік тому +2

    This was so helpful! Thank you ❤

  • @elizachouse
    @elizachouse Рік тому +2

    Your videos are very powerful and impactful. Thank you.

  • @theresaramirez6769
    @theresaramirez6769 10 місяців тому +1

    Hello Terry. I'm so glad I found you. It's been very helpful. 😊❤

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  10 місяців тому

      I'm glad you found your way here, too! 💕

  • @f.t.9889
    @f.t.9889 Рік тому +2

    Thank you, Terri, this was a really good video! Very helpful! 😊

  • @michelle88441
    @michelle88441 Рік тому

    Loved this! As always you are spot on. Your book Boundary Boss made such an impact on my behaviors and happiness and my young adult daughters who I shared your wisdom with along the way as I read it. Years ago I had tshirts made for myself and my daughters that simply said “I own My Peace”. No one but you 100%.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      I love this so much, Michelle ❤️ Thanks for sharing and for being here. Grateful you're in my crew!

  • @ReggaeWonderland
    @ReggaeWonderland Рік тому +1

    Thanks so much for your help, but this one prompted me to ask how you can tell the difference between emotional triggers and Trauma/PTSD triggers? And how do you know when it's one or the other?

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +1

      I did a video on this as well! ua-cam.com/video/0EJcJ0sid5k/v-deo.html

  • @deboraharchuleta9896
    @deboraharchuleta9896 Рік тому +1

    Polka-dots are so on trend now!! Great video!!!🎉😂❤

  • @farhiyaabdi1824
    @farhiyaabdi1824 Рік тому

    Learn so much from you already ❤ ready to grow and continue this journey of self-discovery and self-love

  • @carmenl163
    @carmenl163 Рік тому

    Thank you for directing me to this video; it was very helpful. I much better understand the difference now between the various levels of being triggered with the help of the examples you gave. I noticed how the biggest trigger was being around drunk people because you were getting a bit defensive there ("Why would I want to ..."). I notice whenever I feel the need to justify something, that means I am not completely comfortable with this subject. I haven't fully accepted my tapestry, as you put it so beautifully. Thank you very much!

  • @ffreshfields5211
    @ffreshfields5211 Рік тому

    As someone who has experienced stalking, the whispered words "this call is coming from inside the house" in this video scared me 😅 However, thank you very much for uploading this video. It's very helpful, helping us understand things better ❤💕

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +1

      Oh no! I'm so sorry you had that experience, though I'm glad you found the video helpful despite that ❤️

  • @blokebeatz
    @blokebeatz 6 місяців тому +1

    New here 1 year later. Thank you for being here 🎉

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  6 місяців тому

      Welcome! Thank you for watching 💕

  • @andreitad86
    @andreitad86 Рік тому

    Hi Terri 👋… thank you for the wonderful content! Would you be able to do a video specifically about trauma triggers and how to heal or handle them? I’ve had trauma in my relationship with my partner around his ex wife and children and I feel very triggered often and I can’t avoid the situation because they are still in his life. He tries to not trigger me but it continues to happen. How do you handle when you can’t avoid the situation? Thank you!- Andrea

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому +1

      Andrea- you have to get to the original injuries that your partner’s ex situation is triggering. Ask yourself the three Qs: who does the ex remind you of? Where have you felt like this before? How is this interactive dynamic familiar to you? Did you witness something like this growing up? How is the feeling you have about the ex familiar to you? Journal these questions and you might get some insights into what from the past needs your attention. Sending love ❤️❤️

    • @andreitad86
      @andreitad86 Рік тому

      @@terri_cole thank you Terri! 💕

  • @Shanshanmoon
    @Shanshanmoon 11 місяців тому

    I am so Glad I found this channel

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  11 місяців тому

      I am glad you found your way here, too! 💕

  • @stacyfelton8714
    @stacyfelton8714 Рік тому

    Thank you for this video it's helped me understand myself abit more x😊

  • @RubyWahid
    @RubyWahid Рік тому

    Thank you for your calming energy❤

  • @discovery1844
    @discovery1844 Рік тому +1

    Another great video! ❤

  • @mariendelarosa9839
    @mariendelarosa9839 9 місяців тому +6

    My trigger is alcohol. Its hard to have friends because most people consume alcohol.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  9 місяців тому +1

      I feel you ❤️

    • @Laughter17
      @Laughter17 2 місяці тому

      Tell them and if they care for you they will not drink around you 😊

  • @m.c.9676
    @m.c.9676 15 днів тому

    My trigger for now is my husband reminding me of situations that are negative. It is highly upsetting & lose my appetite & go to our bedroom by myself.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  15 днів тому

      I'm so sorry you're dealing with that ❤️

  • @alejandronieblas6523
    @alejandronieblas6523 Рік тому

    Happy to be here

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      I am glad you're here, too! ❤️

  • @inzichte
    @inzichte 9 місяців тому +1

    This will help me ❤

  • @mariposamoreno
    @mariposamoreno Рік тому +1

    loved this

  • @michelleb40
    @michelleb40 Рік тому

    Thank you Teri. I always take something away from your videos.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Thank you for being here, Michelle! ❤️

  • @terrymurray176
    @terrymurray176 21 день тому

    This is awesome - now what

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  19 днів тому

      Did you download the guide that goes along with the episode? www.terricole.com/identify-and-manage-emotional-triggers-guide This might be helpful 💕

  • @sameeraheasley974
    @sameeraheasley974 Рік тому +1

    thank you!

  • @patrickmoffa7922
    @patrickmoffa7922 7 місяців тому +1

    This is why I am single because I do not want to deal with alot of women traumas, and other undesirable behaviors. It is great to be financially sound where I can discern whomever I want to spend my time with.

    • @debrakarr996
      @debrakarr996 6 місяців тому

      I'm a woman wish I had financial stability. I hear you though men are the same way. We've all been damaged it's how you deal with things when they come up. Life is about learning growing and love. We're all made to love and be loved. Some have neither. That's what hurts the most.

    • @debrakarr996
      @debrakarr996 6 місяців тому

      I'm just normally a emotionally being. My heart is to soft that's problem.

  • @kimstrandberg9529
    @kimstrandberg9529 Рік тому

    Loved this and I watch a ton of NPD content. I simply cannot and will not watch UFC, I have a visceral reaction and become very agitiated and need to leave. If I’m out at a pub and it’s on, I can avert my gaze well enough but when the whole place lets out a collective “ooooooohhhhh” I almost feel like throwing up. My inability to handle any kind of violence has become worse with age and motherhood. I didn’t come from an abusive family and didn’t experience physical violence in my NPD marriage but I do think my central nervous system is just shot. Oh and I cry over almost everything now. Good or bad. But I’ve always been like that. 🤷‍♀️

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Kim ❤️

  • @vivianespina5067
    @vivianespina5067 Рік тому

    Love your candidness and insight. Just learned this!!! I’m triggered by sweet loving older ladies. I just want to break down and cry in front and of them.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

  • @v.certain
    @v.certain Рік тому +2

    The empaths watching violent movies part 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

  • @LofiTales21
    @LofiTales21 9 місяців тому +1

    I hate disappointing people because of my parents treated me like poo and not really interested in me. So whenever someone tells me they're upset by what I've done or said it sends me into a spiral of self loaf.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  9 місяців тому

      I see you, Courtney ❤️

  • @sillygirl1139
    @sillygirl1139 Рік тому

    Thank you

  • @destinyinvest364
    @destinyinvest364 Рік тому +1

    When a person try’s to make me feel like I’m dumb !! Or stupid !!! Pay attention to those try to highlight a failure

  • @jiayili437
    @jiayili437 7 місяців тому

    My trigger is narcissistic people and yet, I can't always leave (e.g. workplaces) 😅

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  7 місяців тому +1

      I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 Sometimes it can help to tune into our breath, breathe deeply, and let it anchor us in those moments (if that feels soothing to do).

  • @Brittany-r1q
    @Brittany-r1q Рік тому

    @terri_cole do you have a video on how to stop being so reactive ? If not, can you do one?! Please help lol😅

  • @Wooddweller
    @Wooddweller Рік тому

    6:30 same

  • @rayyjayy274
    @rayyjayy274 Рік тому

    Good morning Terri

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Hi there rayyjay, thanks for being here!

    • @rayyjayy274
      @rayyjayy274 Рік тому

      @Terri Cole aww thank you Terri for commenting! I have been watching your videos and want to day thank you! I recently left a 17 year domestic violence relationship...9 months ago. I had to change my name on my accounts and delete all social media. It's been a very painful process trying to heal from all of the trauma. My ex wasn't recently diagnosed with a personality disorder. Anti Social Personality Disorder. Can you possibly do a video on the effects and how you can heal after being with someone for so long who you now realize Never even loved or cared about you? It is devastating I am doing my best to keep myself together and heal not only for myself but for my two children (this is their father). I'm so broken inside and I have been struggling with alcohol and I don't understand why I am having this problem. I got off of all heavy drugs and now this stupid alcohol has a hold on me. I am so sorry this is so long. I'm not sure how else to contact you! God bless you and thank you for all you do! 🙏

    • @rayyjayy274
      @rayyjayy274 Рік тому

      I meant to say he WAS diagnosed with a personality disorder! Sorry about that!

    • @carmenl163
      @carmenl163 Рік тому +2

      @@rayyjayy274 I hope you are doing better now! 🤗

    • @rayyjayy274
      @rayyjayy274 Рік тому

      @carmenl163 Thank you so much 💗 yes I am. I left and have been in no contact for a little over a year now. I got my driver's license last week! And started working two days ago! I am truly blessed 🙌 and so grateful that I was able to get out of that abusive situation 🙏
      It was the best decision I have ever made for my children and myself. I also went to a psych dr and was diagnosed with PTSD and put on some medication. Which has helped me tremendously! I was having terrible panic attacks and insomnia, and both have significantly decreased if not almost completely gone! Praise God! It can be done if you just have had enough and make a choice and stick with it. Life will get better! I promise it takes time, and it is a journey, but it is so wso worth it! ✨️

  • @rowanstarling3816
    @rowanstarling3816 17 днів тому

    I'm looking for ways to not be triggered by my roommate on a daily basis. This has been going on for over a year now and I've become an angry *itch all the time. I can't move out right now, but I am going to in the next few months. In the meantime, I need to work in my triggers because I am a walking disaster, and I realized that no conversation with her matters. She will never change, and I've tried asking her multiple times to not do certain things that upset me, but she keeps doing them because she is a stoner and forgets... (that is what my son said) I don't care what the excuse is, it's unacceptable and irresponsible. I have cptsd, anxiety and healing from betrayal trauma. I have been in and out of therapy for over a year.

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  17 днів тому +1

      I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength ❤️ That sounds like a really difficult situation and I'm glad you're looking to move out soon. This video on self-soothing may help in tougher moments: ua-cam.com/video/B3TvegfnVg8/v-deo.html But if getting back into therapy is accessible to you, it sounds like having someone in your corner on this, consistently, would be extra helpful. ❤️

  • @nikolchegjeldinovski2762
    @nikolchegjeldinovski2762 6 місяців тому

    Hello everyone!

  • @aledelatorre701
    @aledelatorre701 Рік тому

    What if love relationships trigger you????

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Get into therapy to understand why would be my suggestion. I have a list of tips on finding the right therapist that might help: www.terricole.com/find-the-right-therapist/ Sending you strength ❤️❤️

  • @shaniquawhipple6413
    @shaniquawhipple6413 Рік тому

    I still have an problem of work on your triggers

  • @mariarichards5221
    @mariarichards5221 Рік тому

    hello 💖

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  Рік тому

      Hi Maria, happy you're here! ❤️

  • @simphiwemashaba7848
    @simphiwemashaba7848 Рік тому

    Hello

  • @chickadeeacres3864
    @chickadeeacres3864 8 місяців тому

    I’m triggered by anything that alludes to outdated traditional gender roles, misogyny , and inequality for women. To the point that I think I might be a misandrist!

  • @sonyababb3118
    @sonyababb3118 10 місяців тому +1

    Thank you

    • @terri_cole
      @terri_cole  10 місяців тому

      You're so welcome ❤️

  • @shambamkwanazi67
    @shambamkwanazi67 7 місяців тому

    Hello