HOW TO STOP GIVING YOUR POWER TO OTHERS | Wu Wei Wisdom
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2022
- Learn how to stop giving your power away to others and hold your boundaries ... 👉 WORK WITH DAVID: www.wuweiwisdom.com/therapies...
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☯️ WU WEI WISDOM LIFE LESSONS EPISODE # 168
Do you give your power away to other people easily and find it hard to maintain healthy boundaries?
If you are a people pleaser or a conflict avoider, this teaching is for you.
You’ll learn what stops you from setting and holding boundaries with other people and how you can begin putting your needs first in a way that is authentic and comfortable for you.
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Meet Wu Wei Wisdom co-founders David James Lees (emotional and spiritual health teacher and Taoist monk) and Alexandra Lees (integrative health coach and feng shui designer).
David and Alex's work uniquely applies ancient Eastern wisdom and emotional health practices to modern-day life to create a powerful new paradigm for authentic and abundant living.
Each week, David and Alex discuss your life challenges and offer inspirational ideas and practical tips to help you find balance, harmony and flow (‘wu wei’) in all aspects of your life.
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Disclaimer: This video and any associated advice and comments shared are not a substitute for professional therapy, mental health care, crisis support, medical advice, doctor diagnosis, or professional healthcare treatment. Our videos, podcasts and other website articles and social media posts provide general information for educational purposes only - they are offered as suggestions for you and your professional therapist or healthcare advisor to consider and research.
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VIDEOS TO WATCH NEXT! 👉👉
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▶ How to Stand Up For Yourself (At Work & In a Relationship) ua-cam.com/video/h3G0UHE_MII/v-deo.html
▶ How to Stop Doubting Yourself (100% Know Your Worth) ua-cam.com/video/1Z2nvteUc0g/v-deo.html
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This is the best analogy about the well and how you wouldn't let someone pollute your well and not say anything because your scared of an argument or uncomfortable feelings... you say something and stand up to the polluter and save your well! When it is framed like this it is much more obvious to me how letting people railroad you, bully you, or treat you bad just doesn't make sense because your afraid of confrontation. I'm terrified of someone yelling at me because I get emotional and tears start to flow and I can't get words out right. But I still need to stand up for my well because it is not going to become pure and clear again until I do and I stop those bully polluters in their tracks.
A
You will build strength in your voice to protect your peace. Your well-being is precious, don't let anyone take you for granted or disrespect your time and energy 🙏⚡
As a recovering "people pleaser" I want to thank you both for this "stellar video" that exemplifies one of the Wu Wei principles.
my mom use to call me selfish when I serve myself first..thank u for this
Hi,
You're welcome. Taking care of yourself is essential for being able to support others effectively. Embrace self-care as a vital part of your well-being journey.
Kind Regards,
David
Wow , thank you both. My grandmother is offended I've focused my time and attention on myself more than her. She can be so entitled to my time and attention. She gets free therapy when I'm with her and does not have the listening skills to offer the same back, so it's very one sided. She benefited when I would people please to her protesting, shame, or guilt tripping to have her way. Anywho, this video affirmed me and was very encouraging to hold my boundaries and stand up for myself. I'm changing a codependent dynamic that she's been used to taking advantage of since I was born. Time to take care of myself
Hi Brittany,
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's wonderful to hear that the video resonated with you and affirmed your decision to set healthy boundaries. Changing a long-established dynamic, especially one rooted in codependency, can be challenging, but it's essential for your well-being. Remember, prioritising yourself is not selfish-it's necessary. Stay strong in your journey, and continue to uphold those boundaries with compassion.
If you're looking for more support, consider joining our community: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/
Kind Regards,
David
Here I am crying throughout the whole video realising for the first time in my life that I am not selfish and bad because I stood up for myself. I feel like a heavy weight have been lifted from me and all the guilty feelings washing away. Thank you so much for this golden wisdom ❤️
I've been going through the same thing..
The Lee's are truly gifted and their teachings are a blessing ❤🙏
May God bless you and preserve you from a world of anguish and "human" manipulation.
These 2 are doctors of the soul, AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GROW THROUGH A WORLD OF EMOTIONAL MONSTERS WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO Steal, MAME AND DECAPITATE WHAT GREATNESS GOD HAS MADE INSIDE OF US!!!
That's right. Get rid of toxic people and toxic energy from your life. I did that and that was the most valuable gift I have given myself. Thank You for your insight.
You two are magnificent! You are expressing my spiritual home.
For over 30 years, I have always felt that I didn’t have my own power, since the power belonged to:
- The Law
- The Culture/Society
- The Employer
I have felt so powerless in that time, felt that there was no escape and you two are like a balm to a wound. Thank you so much. 🙏
Keep My Energy Pure... Change My Vibration.
Believe This is Working.
You are one of the Beach Boys. Thank you.
spiritual awareness transcends a situation without needing argument or avoidance
I love how the speakers are so passionate about making people stand up for themselves.
A year ago this time I found this profile. You have trully transformed me! Listened your videos in my most difficult times. Now I no longer need it. Also, have my own channel. But I always like to come back and remind myself of your teachings 🌹
You are so welcome. We are pleased the teachings are helping on your spiritual journey. Kind regards, David.
You are both Phenomenal!!! I so needed this life lesson. I've been stepped on by certain people for years. It's a great analogy as to what I'm going through. I'm taking your lessons listening and writing them down. I'm holding them tight to my heart and soul. And I will continue to live my life this way.
God Bless you both!!! 🙏
Thank you ❤❤❤
Brilliant - so helpful. Have trouble struggling with toxicity from people in the family.
Hi @cheriesmith201,
Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you found the video helpful! Dealing with toxicity, especially within the family, can be challenging. Remember, it's important to prioritise your well-being and establish boundaries that protect your peace and Shen spirit. For more support and to connect with others who might be facing similar situations, feel free to join our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom community at facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. You're not alone, and there's strength in community and shared experiences.
Kind Regards,
David
You guys put the Woooooh Yeah in Wu Wei!!!
Hello, Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest. Why don't you consider joining our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom Community Facebook support group - we answer questions and offer guidance and teachings to our members here: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. Please check out our next LIVE online event. More details here: bit.ly/GTP-Live-Dec-2023. Kind regards, David.
Thankh U for this vid! As a people pleaser using boundaries is difficult but the well terminology helps to see this as something that can potentially harm me or heal me! Let's choose healing versus harm❣️The world become better each time we choose HEAL!
Very useful; thank you very much. I learnt the 'trust your map and compass, not your brain' the
hard way.
Glad it helped! Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest. Why don't you consider joining our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom Community Facebook support group - we answer questions and offer guidance and teachings to our members here: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. Kind regards, David.
Happy good Saturday morning Wu wei wisdom
That’s me, people pleaser. I am trying my best to change, but I always find myself putting others first. I will watch the recommended videos and I pray that I will not betray myself anymore .
Great video, behaviour patterns coming from childhood trauma, I've come a long way since watching your podcasts. At first I found it hard to stand my ground, but the more I do it the easier it becomes. I have lost people through it, and I have found others start to respect me for it. Creating my boundaries has allowed me to feel empowered. I love the new me!!!
As the saying goes, people can only put on us, if we allow it.
A big thank you David and Alex, you are very much appreciated, for all you do to help people change their lives
So inspiring and uplifting! Thank you 🙏 ❤❤❤
Hi @sj2024sj,
We're delighted to hear that you find our content inspiring and uplifting! Thank you for your kind words and for being a part of our community. We hope to continue bringing you content that lifts your spirits and supports your journey.
Kind Regards,
David
This was an awesome 😎 message. Thank you 🙏🏽 ✨💕💫
I remember the very first time I had to betray myself aprox 8 years forced by step mother to apologize to narcissist father for "upsetting him" by speaking my truth about something. been doing it ever since
Excellent Analogies
Thanks both … always good to be reminded of this. Blessings 😊
I find that I can stick up for myself, but as soon as I get push back I have a full on panic attack and try to get out of there as soon as possible. It feels like I have the cognitive sense of worth, but my body doesn't.
Thank you, David and Alex! This was a very powerful and important teaching.
This is PERFECT. Thank you for this message. I needed to hear this today! Many thanks to you both!
Yes I Am Proper Stuck In Comfortablish Self Betrayal. I Don't Understand It I Can't Overcome It. But I'm Not Ignoring It Anymore. My Main Priority Is Observing Myself Right Now. Because Self Blindness Lead Me Here. Wherever Here Is. Here Doesn't Feel Good Though. Which Motivates Self-Study.
This is fab. The well analogy is really useful to imagine. Thank you as ever. ❤️❤️❤️
I havn't a temple or Tai Chi studio or such nearby anymore, so I'm very grateful for your vids. GJ, TYVM.
whoa, prescient too...
Fantastic!!! The perfect help as ever. Tututu. ❤
Hello Dee, Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest. Kind regards, David.
Love you guys, thank you
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest and support. Why don't you consider joining our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom Community Facebook support group - we answer questions and offer guidance and teachings to our members here: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. Kind regards, David.
New sub from Madagascar 🇲🇬 ❤️❤️
Thank you
Great video, gentle reminders of what I need to be doing ❤️
This teaching is so helpul! Thanks a lot Alex and David❤
To keep my water clear is inspiring🙏 I find it difficult to set boundries esp to one person in particular. But I wont escape from confronting him anymore, with friendlyness. At the moment I have the courage to do this only one time a day beause this new behaviour cost quite some energy (false believe?) Maybe in the near future I get used to it and do it more often, hopefully.
Ive been on the Wu Wei path for only a few weeks now but I already notice I cant go back to my behaviour and thoughts/believes from before although I am still very much a beginner.
Hi @arjaloggers4509,
It's wonderful to hear that the teachings are resonating with you and providing inspiration! Setting boundaries, especially with specific individuals, can indeed be challenging, but it's a crucial step in maintaining your "clear water" and honoring your authentic self. Your approach of confronting with friendliness and courage is commendable, and it's okay to take this one step at a time. Energy invested in such significant changes isn't lost; it's part of your growth and adapting to new, healthier patterns.
It's natural for new behaviors to feel energy-intensive at first, as they're not yet your default mode. With practice and time, it will become more intrinsic, and you'll likely find it requires less conscious effort.
The journey on the Wu Wei path is unique for everyone, and noticing changes in your thoughts and behaviors is a positive sign of progress, no matter how new you are to the practice. Keep embracing the journey, and remember, each step, no matter how small, is progress.
If you're looking for additional support or wish to share your experiences with others on similar paths, our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom community is a supportive space to explore: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/.
Kind Regards,
David
May God bless you and preserve you from a world of anguish and "human" manipulation.
These 2 are doctors of the soul, AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GROW THROUGH A WORLD OF EMOTIONAL MONSTERS WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO Steal, MAME AND DECAPITATE WHAT GREATNESS GOD HAS MADE INSIDE OF US!!!
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest and support. Kind regards, David.
@@WuWeiWisdom ❤️
Thank You ☺️
This also reminds me of Gabor Maté's article on "Authenticity Versus Attachment". He says that there is this 'known' about each of us, this authenticity, that unexplainable gut feeling that something is wrong or right. This 'Shen' has this special quality that seems beyond any textbook, any law, any culture, that for me, is worth exploring my inner knowing to the fullest that I am able.
There is one of the dead I Ching says; the Tao that can be spoken is not the true Tao. I think the same could be said for our innate and intrinsic value and worth - Shen. We appreciate you taking your time to watch and comment on our work have a good day! Click 12
Thanks a lot
Thank you 😊
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest and support. Why don't you consider joining our FREE and private Wu Wei Wisdom Community Facebook support group - Over 7,000 members discuss WWW teachings, answer questions and share experiences: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. Kind regards, David.
This is amazing thank you so much! I will practice this ❤
Hi @rhondaurb! I'm thrilled to hear you found the content valuable and are inspired to practice what you've learned. Embracing these practices can truly transform your life. Remember, consistency is key, and every small step counts towards resolving issues and enhancing your well-being. If you ever seek guidance or wish to share your journey, our Wu Wei Wisdom community is here for you. Keep up the great work and believe in your journey!
Kind Regards, David
@@WuWeiWisdomthank you so much David for your lovely message ❤❤🙏🙏
It's all our fault. We've been weak and allowed this to happen to us. How pathetic we've been. We now need to get a grip and pull ourselves together and look after number one from now on. Thank you.
Toxic People give you this indirect thouthgs.
Amazing 👏 🙏💕
Hi @cybermom41,
Thank you so much for your support and kind words! We're thrilled to have you as part of our community for a year now. Your enthusiasm and positive energy are genuinely appreciated. Keep embracing your journey with us, and if you ever want to share or explore more, our Wu Wei Wisdom community is always here for you.
Kind Regards,
David
Sometimes there are kids involved !! Pleas revisit this discussion with the more complicated situation of a real toxic person. Sometimes it is best to back away to keep your well clean.
Are there really toxic people? Or do we create the belief that people are toxic because our inner child is needy? Or is there some combination of both? When we create red light feelings in response to people who criticize, or worse, are they being toxic or is our creation of red light feelings the toxicity? Real question, not rhetorical.
Interesting thought . So ,day you have a toxic (apparently) colleague who appears to want to dig where others don't,what to do then ?
Hello Dana,
It is a difficult question to answer until I know your definition of "toxic." Are you saying criticising is toxic, or the person doing the criticising is "toxic?" or is the person being criticised perceiving it as "toxic?"
You are correct; the inner child does not like being criticised. We call it CCJ (criticising, comparing and being judgemental) in the Golden Thread Process of the Wu Wei Wisdom model and have done several videos on the subject - here's one: ua-cam.com/video/Lu_6Rq0Cqmc/v-deo.html
When you are clear on your definition of toxic, let me know if you want more clarification.
Thank you for your question and interest in our work.
Kind regards,
David.
I'm having trouble reconciling this with your other teachings. Because I control my feelings, no one else has the power to "pollute my well." They might have different ideas than me and they might express them in an obnoxious way. But if I remember they are responsible for themselves, and I am responsible for myself, then I let go of the idea that it's my duty to control them or that I owe them an explanation of my beliefs. "People pleaser" vs "stand up for yourself" is a false dichotomy that stems from wanting to control others. Both options are about reacting to someone else ("make them like me" or "make them respect me") rather than appreciating my own flow (like myself and respect myself).
Hello Brian,
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest.
I agree continuity in the Wu Wei Wisdom teaching is essential.
All our videos are recorded as live, and I may have misspoken. Could you give me the timestamp where I said, "make them like me'' or ''make them respect me"? Because as you said, I teach the opposite: being in your flow by liking and respecting yourself.
I hope I've addressed your question and covered all the relevant points. Thank you again for your question and interest in our work.
David
@@WuWeiWisdom 3:38: "Am I worth standing up for what I believe?" For a long time, I used to believe that any time someone else expressed an opinion, I had a duty to either agree or disagree and to "stand up" and express my opinion. Failure to do so meant that I didn't value myself and the other person didn't value me either. A few years ago, you did a video on boundaries that explained the importance of knowing our own values independently of how we express them to others. I found this very helpful and came to see "soapboxing" as a poor substitute for self-reflection. I can learn from others and they can learn from me. But I'm not going to use others to prove my feelings of self-worth.
This is the other video that seems to make a very different recommendation. I found it very helpful because it took me out of the defensive mode in which compromise was weakness and I had to constantly had to be on the lookout for threats to "my" boundaries: ua-cam.com/video/rqIVrKkA1D4/v-deo.html
@@briancooper9983 Hello Brian,
Thanks for the clarification. I think the confusion is that in this video, at the timestamp of 3:38, I am answering a specific question Alex asked about a person being unable to cope and could NOT stand up for themself in a confrontation situation.
I then expand the question onto the three lies: I'm not good enough, I can't cope, I'm unworthy/unlovable. By grounding yourself in one or all of the inner child's lies, you cannot ground or stand up for yourself from your Shen (truth, honesty and integrity).
Decisions based on Shen (truth, honesty and integrity) are not attacking, defensive or soapboxing your worth; instead, choosing an appropriate response to the situation or person that reflects your authentic nature and flow.
Your value/worth cannot be doubted or questioned because it is intrinsic and unique to each induvial.
I hope I have answered your question fully; if you require more information about is subject, please email me directly at info@wuweiwisdom.com.
Thank you for your thoughtful questions and interest in our work.
Kind regards,
David.
@@WuWeiWisdom Thanks David for taking the time to engage with me on this. It might be that this lesson is simply not for me. I know there are people who will eagerly agree with anyone and they probably should learn the value of being honest about what they believe. Personally, I'm more likely to be judgmental when I should be curious. And yet I'm still haunted by childhood lessons about the hazards of not "sticking up" for myself.
What if holding my ground will just draw me into my x-partner’s drama??? He is a covert narcissist and is always creating situations to provoke my reaction - “supply” for his ill state. I’m in a lose lose - and feel the most self regarding things to do is to choose to lose, as a way to get out of the situation.
So far I have not reacted to his Nate.
I’d appreciate your thoughts on how to hold your boundary in relationship with npd - narcissisticlt disturbed individuals.
Thank you !
Do not engage with them. From my experience It's the only way. It's not easy.
❤❤❤
Hello, Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest. Kind regards, David.
👍👍
Hi @TimCCambridge,
Thank you for the thumbs up! Your support means a lot to us. If there's anything specific you enjoyed or if you have questions, feel free to share. Remember, we're here to assist and support you on your journey.
Kind Regards, David.
❤
Hi @nancyp4851,
Thank you for your love and support! If you ever want to explore more or share your journey, our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom community is always here for you. Together, we can continue to learn, grow, and support each other in resolving issues and achieving harmony.
Kind Regards,
David
😀
GOOD, BUT SOMMANY AD INTERRUPTIONS, WHICH DISABLE THE TRANSMISSION
Hi @studentofabrahamiamavibrat3615,
Thank you for your feedback and for tuning in! We understand how disruptive ads can be to the learning experience. We’re exploring ways to minimize interruptions while still supporting our channel. Your understanding and support mean a lot to us.
Kind Regards,
David
The FIRST AND ONLY way is to stop listening to all these "teachers". Find YOUR OWN METHODS and stop imitating and listening to false prophets that only care aboit MONEY!
…his “bate”
The dude is annoying. "How can you give away your power!?"
Try having to deal with parental abuse since age 3.
"Stop it just stop it"
Like it's that fking easy I'll just listen to this vid and it will all magically go away 🙄
Hi @FNownATss,
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you've faced significant challenges from a very young age. The path to resolving such deep-seated issues can indeed be complex and demanding. While the insights shared here might not resolve everything immediately, they are offered as tools that might help you reclaim some control over your feelings and reactions, step by step. Everyone's journey is unique, and finding what works best for you is important. If you haven't yet, consider joining our free Wu Wei Wisdom community for more support: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/.
Kind Regards,
David
A lot of good theory but not very practical on the "how to", like the title claims to promise. For a guy like this you have to ask specific questions like, one of the classic morally delmatic questions, " if yourwife is dying, and you can't afford the medication she needs. The pharmacist is charging an exorbitant price, so you considers stealing the medicine.
Hi @ebooksmaster,
Thank you for your feedback. I understand that practical guidance is essential. For complex moral dilemmas like the one you mentioned, it’s important to reflect on your values, consider the consequences, and seek a resolution that aligns with your principles and integrity. Specific questions can indeed provide more tailored insights.
Kind Regards,
David
TRY SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF TO A DOCTOR!!!!
Hi @studentofabrahamiamavibrat3615,
It can indeed be challenging to advocate for oneself in medical settings. Remember, you have the right to express your concerns and ask questions about your care. Practicing what you wish to discuss beforehand can really help. If you're looking for support or advice, consider joining our FREE Wu Wei Wisdom community at facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/, where many share similar experiences.
Kind Regards,
David
I'm not ready for withdrawal crash. Help me I'm going crazy I'm saying, doing, seeing, hearing, feeling things that can't be real.
Hello Atanacio, Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch and comment on our videos and work; we appreciate your interest and support. Why don't you consider joining our FREE and private Wu Wei Wisdom Community Facebook support group - Over 7,000 members discuss WWW teachings, answer questions and share experiences: facebook.com/groups/wuweiwisdomcommunity/. Kind regards, David.