Why Other People Don't Treat You As Well As You Treat Them!
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2024
- Have you ever asked yourself, 'Why don't other people treat me as well as I treat them?'
It can be hurtful when you're so kind and caring to people, and yet they disrespect you and take you for granted.
Here's one way to change that. Watch this video to find out how.
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This is my first time visiting your channel and I really like this video. You have a very pleasant voice and style. And your responses to all the comments is heartwarming. I subscribed!
Hello Maggie. Thank you so much for your comment. I have only been running the channel for a few weeks so still learning! Great to connect with you 💙I will be adding more videos 🙂
Prioritizing others needs above yours is giving out more than you have, you will end up feeling empty.
Yes that’s so true, and of course we can’t be fully present for ourselves or for others if we’re feeling empty and depleted. Thanks for your comment Debbie. Good to connect with you. More videos coming very soon 😀
This must be my pattern…wow eye opening
I’ve always been a giver and began to notice that others aren’t giving what I should get back. I’m a little older and wiser I hope. Tired of the unequal ness and how it makes me feel. I’ve been changing.Hoping to find the friendship of a lifetime out there! Not willing to waste anymore time. Reminds me of the old song Landslide. Well I’ve been afraid of changing cause I’ve built my life around you, time makes you bolder even children get older, now I’m getting older too.
…and bitter and resentful 😤
A long time ago I think due to my hearing loss from childhood I was always trying . someone told me that I just try too hard. It is something I was not aware of in myself. After that I ask myself that question. “Am I maybe trying too hard? If so I pull back. Old habits take time to break, however I’m improving and slowly gotten better. It’s good to have someone speak truth into your life!!
Be your own best friend!
I say this all the time. Yes! Thank you for your comment. More videos to come 💕
As the Buddhists say, we have to give to ourselves before we give to others because "you can't pour from an empty vessel."
Yes thats exactly it . Thank you for sharing 🙂
I am coming to realise that with friends and family - the more I give the more they take me for granted and they don't treat me with the respect I have earned. I am now going to prioritise myself and be better at setting boundaries and saying no. Their problems are not mine to solve. I am no longer going to take on more than my fair share.
That's great to hear Leigh. And of course we can do this with great kindness. Good to connect with you. More videos are on their way 🙂
@user-nn5bx4pi6e Lots of self love will help. More videos to come on these topics 🙂
When you stop doing for those people, they just find someone else who will do for them. Boundaries are the best!
Hi Maggie. Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you've discovered the benefits of using some boundaries in your relationships?
What I have found is that people who mistreat you are NARCISSISTS
Agreed.
@@angelameyer3709
6 percent of the people walking the earth are Narcissists. That's a conservative estimate.
Don't blame yourself when narcs take advantage of you. You couldn't have foreseen it, in the beginning.
Givers often attract takers. In a nutshell. Advice from my long gone mum …
Thanks for sharing.
I stopped being the "doer" since there was no reciprocation.
Thanks for commenting. More videos to come and great to connect with you 😀
Me because I become very ill and disable, now I’m all alone with my dog at home🥺🙏🏻🕊
I got very tired of being stolen from, lied to, walked out on when l had a severely sprained ankle, stuff borrowed, never replaced, and zero interest in my interests. Put thought into birthday and Christmas gifts. Did holiday dinners with no help. My answer now? We're CLOSED.
Thank you for taking time to share. More videos to come 😀
Doormats are all lovely people but not all lovely people are doormats.
Very well said 💕
I would NEVER help anyone anymore. I have had my fill of takers. Why should the time and effort I have put into learning skills to help and benefit some lazy person who can’t be bothered and just wants others to do the work, chore for them. Let them do without the help, my time and skills are mine.
I was like that "Amanda", kind and considerate. I was often taken for granted, ignored etc. There is this societal adage : if you are a friend, you will make friends...Wrong! In this lifetime, one will meet users, manipulators, narcissists or people who are just mean! A life lesson, be kind to yourself first and if people don't return your kindness, let them and walk away! The right ones will walk in your life and it won't be a headache to please them, because they will genuinely accept you for who you are.
Thank you for sharing Josée-Karine. As we are kinder to ourselves so we make room for the right people to come into our lives. Great to conenct with you. I have many more videos on the way :-)
Greetings! 😊 I Agree With You 100%...Well Said.👍
@@marleneroseshaw I look forward to your other videos.
You said: "In this lifetime, one will meet users, manipulators, narcissists or people who are just mean!" Add to this the "poor me, helpless me, lost puppy and broken wing" victim types. It's because of this I now realize that we must be more discerning and evaluative of others, rather than worrying about what they think of us.
not all frequencies resonate , you either have integrity or you don’t
Thank you
They also bring people you haven't invited with them making you a third wheel without your knowledge.
Yes :-)
Thank you. So many see kindness as weakness so they will disrespect and walk all over them unless boundaries are put in place. I've known mean people that seemed to be extra nice to the other mean people, seemed like them respected them more. I've tolerated a lot of abuse just to keep people in my life but no more. Thank you
Hello, thank you for sharing. I'll be making more videos on this topic. Great to connect with you 🙂
In my experience, the mean people recognize themselves in the other mean people and feel more comfortable with them. Imagine being a dreadful person and you come upon a beautiful soul. They simply can’t handle it. You are the reflection of what they never can be, and it’s torture for them.
This makes so much sense and perfectly said Thank you @@Maggie-zr2ow
This is so true - they can't cope with nice people because they are not so themselves and often find the kind person somewhat strange, weird even.
We're human beings and nobody's perfect. That's not an excuse for disrespectful behavior. We can only control ourselves
Love that you say nobody’s perfect. But yes, no excuse for disrespect. We can help each other be happier and more fulfilled human beings by setting good boundaries and behaving like loving grown-ups around each other. Thank you for your comment and great to connect with you 😀
This is so true!! My family have no respect for me and when I withdraw contact, they become all defensive and don't understand what it is they are doing. I am always the villain.
I hear you. You're not alone, its a common thing. How can you be the hero for yourself? 🙂
It’s an ongoing situation for me as well. These people are professional victims. I focus on what I can control - my thoughts and reactions. Not easy though.
You are so right; we cannot control other people - but we can control our own thoughts and reactions. Thank you for sharing.
If you look at the biggest possible picture, you can see how these people are prisoners of their own minds. Ultimately, it's best to have a little compassion and step back.
Same here,it’s time to move on,enuf of being with toxics ❤
If someone asks you a favour, you are entitled to refuse, without explanation. How the ‘no’ is received will tell you everything *you* need to know about that person. Also, if you agree to do the favour, it does not put the person asking under any obligation to you. It is a favour, not a trade.
It’s a favour, not a trade. I love that. A new video topic! It’s great to connect with you and thank you for taking time to share your thoughts 😀
Totally agree. Set your stall out about how you want to be treated from the beginning of any relationship, be that personal or work. Trickier with family as you have established your role. When I got my first job, I was very accommodating. First in the door, last out and didn't say no to requests that impacted on my self care and personal life. I was treated like a doormat, with no respect or acknowledgements for my tireless work. When I got my second job, I thought very carefully about what I needed to prioritise and stuck to it. I would arrive early to get a car park space, but I would not start work before my time. Instead, I found a quiet area and read my book, this feed my mind. I left work on time. I worked part-time, and if asked to work extra, I would say yes 1 out of 10 times. I received so much respect and consideration and was even offered a promotion. It's hard to do this, but lots of self-talk and reassurance wins the day.
Thank you for sharing your experience. As you say, lots of positive self-talk and reassurance wins the day! Well done for finding courage to step into your own power :-)
Thank you. As a doormat for many years, I really needed to hear what you had to say. I hope I can emulate what you did in your second job. I like people and when you’re a doormat you begin to resent them. I don’t want to go there anymore.
I always seem to be the initiator in my relationships with women. My Mom would say I was a Leader and had great ideas. I would tell her that I like organizing plans, but I also like to be the recipient of their plans. It usually doesn't happen. I think people get lazy when someone else is always taking the reins. I read somewhere recently that it's good to step back and let people miss you. The old saying, "How can I miss you if you never go away?" is true.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’ll be making a video on this soon. If you are subscribed you’ll get a notification. Good to connect with you. 😀
People are prone to selfishness and take advantage of people’s kindness thinking they will not stand up to them. Often they become shocked when kind people say ‘no’ to being doormats. If someone does something wrong respectfully and assertively tell them. If they don’t like it - walk away. We don’t have to be kind to people who do not appreciate it, but lay our boundaries down hard. Even if it’s family.
Personally, I will help others out if I can and expect nothing and keep my emotional distance until trust is formed.
Thank you for this comment Jude 💙 I wrote my second book: How Kind People Get Tough about finding balance between kindness and being true to self - because so many people struggle with this. Great to connect with you. Many more videos to come 🙂
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Yes, you would have them treat you with respect, kindness because you respect yourself and treat yourself accordingly, but it's with a heavy heart that I see the shift in society that seems to look down on others for being genuinely kind, empathetic and caring for others(regardless of the fact that that kind, caring person sees also to thrir own needs with kindness and self-nurturing). Unlike the norm in decades past, more and more people seem to think less of these "do-gooders", they're suckers, to be taken advantage of and for granted... I've noticed the rise of this phenomena at the same time as we've seen a striking rise in narcissism.😔
Thank you for your comment.
Leave behind the ones that disrespect you. It makes room for others that may enrich your life. I don't mean in monetary terms.
They have to make themselves believe bad things about you so that they can continue to take advantage. Then they get critical or nit picky with you. To soothe their 'guilt'
When I start to treat others exactly the way they treat me, all hell tends to break loose! #justsaying
Oh dear I’m sorry to hear that. And as I say in the video, treating ourselves with lots of self love can often be a good signal to others.
Thanks for commenting. More videos on their way 😀
@@marleneroseshaw I think I'm putting out good signals to others, and numerous people have commented I seem confident (and I am), but I tend to get treated not very nicely at all.
It's amazing how many people can dish out being nasty, but can't take me only just barely scratching the surface of being nasty in return. (Being pleasant or ignoring their horrible behavior only seems to encourage them to continue).
I'm always very pleasant and polite to start, but I almost never get pleasant or polite in return these days. It's frustrating. However, I've talked to a lot of people with the same complaint. They give nice and receive nasty. It's a rough world these days.
I look forward to seeing more of your videos and sharing your wisdom with others.
Thank you. I hear you.
I put healthy boundaries in place for my family and I.. those involved lost their minds.. Still no respect but I'm happier because of these decisions!
Thank you for your comments Holly, and well done for setting those boundaries :-) Sometimes people's feathers get ruffled, but in time they come around - especially if you stay consistent. If not. you'll still feel more self-assured and happier in yourself, and it's great for future relationships too.
They think they don't have to reciprocate. And they do have to or they must go.
Thanks for your comment. I’ll be making more videos on these topics. Great to connect with you 😀
I think that was the key. Letting people know that you are treating yourself well so they can follow suit. I also heard that people can only treat you as good as they treat themselves and it has nothing to do with us. The fact that some people treat us well while others don't makes me wonder if it's the truth.
Hi Theresa thank you for your comments :-) Yes I agree, at the end of the day it comes down to signalling by how we treat ourselves. Plus as you say, if someone doesn't love themselves it makes it harder for them to love others. Another video in the making!
The more people understand your vulnerabilities, the more opportunities they see in you for themselves, esp people who have known you most of their lives...
Thank you for taking time to share. More videos to come 😀
As someone who has been badly bullied as a child and even as an adult, I can’t help but find it very interesting and at times amusing when people who treated me like 💩got extremely angry, offended and threatened and even victimized whenever I turned around and did the EXACT SAME THING TO THEM, it’s like they think that respect is a ONE WAY STREET!!!!
Hello. What you describe is very common - that one way street thing! I’ll be making more videos on these topics. Great to connect with you.
Who was it that said ''hell is other people'' dogs, cats, birds and butterflies generally are usually so much better company as are trees, plants and flowers, Solitude can be bliss. I think when you are happy in your own company other people and their unconscious behaviours matter a lot less.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll be making more videos on this topic. Kind love.
This is what I think: I treat people very well but they don't think so and vice versa.
Thank you for your comment.
I just found this out! I set boundaries and stuck to them, and now my Mom sees me a little better than she used to.
I’m thrilled to hear this! Well done. Boundaries can be challenging but once we put them into place things improve. Great to connect with you 😀
We can’t give what we don’t have!
Yes. So true. Lots of self love 💕
My daughter and I are both empaths. Over the last several months, she’s been crapped on by 3 friends and a boyfriend. I was metaphorically ‘thrown under the bus’ by my friend and it was the final straw. I said to my daughter that it was the end of the line for me and I’m stopping being ‘nice’. It’s got me nowhere and I’m not giving people a second chance anymore. In short, I’ve had to become more like ‘them’ to survive them.
Thank you for your comment
Giving too much makes people uncomfortable, then they treat you bad. Doesn't make sense but that is how it plays out.
Hi, Marlene, I’m a 'people pleaser by nature… for me helping is a pleasure. And you’re right: not all people are responding well… which still surprises me in my age of almost 70. in the last 2 years I had some bad experiences in that direction. What I noticed: generally I’m quite kind to myself, treating me well, rewarding me, BUT: some things don’t function like before, I forget things, dates, sometimes I’m tired during the day and if I don’t get a nap I’m clumsy clumsy… and I started shouting at myself, in a way I’m never shouting to others. Now, that I’ve noticed that, I’ll try to stop that and have more patience with me. I wonder, if that will change something… thank you for sharing! Love from Germany, Monika❣
Hi Monika 🙂 Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you're saying you are impatient with yourself. Am I right? Life is an ever evolving journey and we change all the time. The things we used to find easy may become more challenging, yet we also gain experience and find wisdom too. Self-love is an ongoing practise, every day. Be kind to yourself - you're so worth it! Enjoy the videos and many more to come 💙
People can lose respect for those who are too kind and generous 😢
Yes. Thank you for your comment 😀
But why? I don’t disrespect people who are very kind and generous. Why do others? Is it because their good example puts others to shame and so they belittle them to try and ease their guilt?
@verenamaharajah6082 Those people view kindness as a trick or manipulation, and they disrespect you because they think you're setting them up. That shows you that they're the kind of people who use kindness as a way to manipulate others.
@@verenamaharajah6082 People may seem weak needy gullible easy to take advantage of low self respect weak boundaries
Perfect advice, boundaries and self care, learned that late in life
Thank you! Yes in my experience many people learn this later in life. It's a journey towards evolving and wisdom, and we're all going at our own pace 🙂
I am in the same boat, I lost my job my family and marriage is always on the rocks.
When u set boundaries with ppl who are narcissistic and they were abusing you, they don’t like you becoming wise or have your own voice.
They will threaten you, belittle you, call names and what not.
If u have option to leave the leave if not due to money, kids, job then just remember their souls have been died a long time back.
So you need to protect yours and avoid.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll be making more videos on this topic. Kind love.
I tell others straight how I wish and deserve to be treated , if they do not act on it as I do when others communicate with me directly or indirectly how they also need / value being treated , then I cut them loose .
I enjoy treating others well and with kindness so will not change my ways as that is natural to me . When others treat me with loving consideration and respect I do the same and start off from this premise any way when first meeting others , unless they do not value my time and energy , then I focus that energy else where . Thank you for your wise video content 🥰
Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you’ve found your path. Courage to be you. 💜 More videos are on their way 😀
Spot-on about the power of self-love and boundaries! Setting clear personal boundaries not only enhances how we treat ourselves but also guides others in how they should treat us. 🌟
Yes! Thank you for your comment. Good to connect. 🙂
This advice could not have come at a better time for me personally! A very longstanding friendship has just sadly come to an end through the other person seeming to me to be selfish over me having to cancel a day trip due to ill health. When I laid out all the reasons why, all I got back was no understanding of my health, no sorry your not well etc, etc, just how gutted she was, no one else to go with and wouldn’t go on her own. I just saw selfishness in that and was hurt because we have known each other since 1980, but I’m NOT letting this get me done because I can’t abide selfishness in anyone. So my grateful thanks to you for this advice 🥰🏴
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I have found over the years that some friendships have their time and then the chapter ends. And sometimes people go off, process, grow a little, and come back together. Lots of self-love is super helpful 💙
Thank you for commenting and connecting Rachel. 🙂 I have many more videos to come.
You must of been going to buy her lunch. Lol
I found that treating people well results in them treating me badly. They started well but as time went on they started taking me for granted,. They are not in my life anymore.
Thank you for your comment. As I say in the video self love is a big help too🙂
Just the title made my tears start up.
More videos are here for you, and many more to come. Great to connect with you.
From the scenario, I quickly picked up that the issue was lack of boundaries.
The new info is the subconscious activity... Wow, I never knew that - thank you!❤
Thanks for your comment 😀 More videos to come
I noticed this at work especially. They laugh and talk behind my back a lot more than I do. Even for very small rhings
I'm sorry that you have this experience. Focus on you, love you, and do the things that are right for you.
Some people feel better about themselves if they take advantage of others. I learned this the hard way.I had to cut ties with some people or I would have ended up as their doormat.
The worst experience I had was with a former friend who, as a single mother, struggeled a lot.I helped her as much as I could, but the results were devestating. Not only did nothing change, I was treated badly when I refused to continue helping her, as she was still in need. She had no intention of ever reciprocating a favor and when I cut ties, she talked badly about me behind my back.
I'm sad to hear you had this difficult experience. It sounds like you've learnt a hard lesson there. It can be helpful to point people like this in the direction of professional help as there will be deeper issues to heal. Great to connect with you, and thank you for sharing your experience.
I realized that my people pleasing was reinforcing toxic overreactions from someone i am close to. When i try to get distance from them, they constantly try to (unknowingly) guilt me back to them. Unfortunately direcly after that situation, i got in a relationship and people pleased myself into restricting certain personality traits that i am really proud of and did not want to put in remission. I really value this relationship and am trying to find ways of getting that part of me back, but its like ive been reinforced to not show that part of me. I explained the situation to my significant other, and they want me to be able to be myself, but it is challenging because they are super sensitive. So they are working on their sensitivity and im working on getting that part of me back. Im hoping we can meet somewhere in the middle.
It’s wonderful that you have all this insight and are working on making things better for yourself 💜 From what you say sessions with a therapist could help.
It’s great to connect with you and thank you for taking time to share. More videos to come 😀
What’s wrong with this strategy: Be a good friend, be unselfish and helpful, but if that friend ever doesn’t reciprocate, keeps asking for favors, or otherwise is not interested in you to hang out with, or doesn’t return your property or invite you to a party, ditch them. Don’t keep doing that. How many things did the lady say her ungrateful friend do to her before she said “why is she treating me this way?” The first time my acquaintance did any of the mentioned things, I would say bye. So allowing all that is someone who isn’t very wise and has poor judgement. IMO.
Yes that’s what happened with the lady in the story with several people.
Generally speaking everyone is selfish sad but true.
I'm sending a wish for you to have a happy day.
It’s nothing about what we do, it’s all about the other person behaviour. Not all of us have the same qualities 🤷♀️
Thanks for your comment
I want as many people to benefit from this as possible!
Thank you. I love to help so do share!
It’s great to connect with you and thank you for taking time to comment 😀
Overlooking the fact that deep down many people are by nature, totally selfish and indifferent towards others.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. We cannot control how other people are. We can focus on being very loving and kind to ourselves.
@@marleneroseshaw ; I concur entirely. Mercy and grace begin at home.
Most people are takers, a lot less are givers.
Thank you for your comment
You’re the Best !…….Thank you so much for that information…….Now everything makes sense………Cliff
You are so welcome 🙂 Thanks for commenting. More videos to come ⭐
There are people who actually treat everybody well and are gentle and sweet, no matter who they interact with and how low the other person's self esteem is. They do this genuinely, it's not just a front. Those people are rare and are the only ones I truly love, respect and value. All the rest, the ones you are talking about are less than in my eyes and can go f right off
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Took me a lifetime (38 years at the beginning of realization) and 13 more years to be willing to act fully on it.
My clients come to this realisation at all ages. Often later in life. Fantastic that you reached it. Thank you for your comment. 😀
And there are those that use people and manipulate others very well.
The best thing is to focus on self love
boundaries need teaching at school plus parents are the worst these days and in no position to teach their own kids as they are so selfish themselves
Thanks for sharing. I’ll be making more videos on this topic.
I am amazed. You totally covered it. Thank you.
You are so welcome. Thanks for commenting. It’s a big topic! More videos to come 😀
WHILE i AGREE WITH YOU THAT WE NEED TO RESPECTOURSELVES AND SET BOUNDRIES AS AN ASPECT OF SLEF LOVE, i NEVERTHELESS EXPECT PEOPLE TO SHOW MORAL RESPONSIBILITY AND NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THERS JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN. AND THAT IN MY OPINION IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO. I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS SUBCONSCIOUS AT ALL. tHEY ARE MERRELY BEING MORALLY LAZY.
Hey Marie! I agree with you!
They know exactly what they're doing - they are making their life easier by taking advantage of your open & giving heart, all the while not making any effort to reciprocate or require more of themselves.
Okay. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I remember dating a man in my late teens and his friends had long term girl friends, on nights out girls and boys always separated none of the girls would talk to me, when they talked to each other it was all about previous nights out or future ones, when I tried to join in they would give me the shortest answer possible and talk amongst themselves again. I dreaded these nights out, after a few times I decided to be just as unfriendly not try which is not in my nature at all, I didn’t become friends with them that night indeed I refused to go to anymore of those nights out, but that night quite a few of them kept trying to have a conversation with me, unfortunately by this point I didn’t want to, I prefer to have nice friends.
Thank you for sharing Jenna. Yes you are quite right. Decide on the type of friends you want to have. That way you’ll attract more of them into your life. Great to connect with you. 😀
thats a really good tip. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful. I have more videos in the making 💕
‘boundaries’: a very nonspecific term
Thanks for your comment. Is there a specific topic you would like me to make a video on?
You can find out more about the book: How Kind People Get Tough here marleneroseshaw.com/how-kind-people-get-tough-the-book/
My mother and I have had a tricky relationship. I tend to only stay an hour when I go to visit her and then I get on with other things. Distance as recommended by many therapists over the years. I do this with sibs too. I always go away feeling like the bad guy. My mother still seems to get a little annoyed. She is almost 90, not going to change. Any tips?
Hello Rachel, thank you for sharing. It's hard to feel like the bad guy when you're just trying your best to manage the situation. Families can be so tricky can’t they.
You are wise to recognise that your mother may well not change now at this age. I’m going to be making a video on this very situation next week. If you are subscribed you’ll be notified when it's up. There are also tons of tips and case studies in my book: How Kind People Get Tough.
Great to connect with you :-)
I have a tip for you. I used this myself with my aging mother and family. Ignore the snide remarks and treat them with the contempt they deserve and basically learn to not giving a stuff. Look up on the internet "The art of not giving a f--k." It is very liberating. It doesn't mean you stop caring about things important to you. You've just taken away their power of making you feel bad.
It’s not complicated, just directly ask for what you want. If they say no, then respond appropriately.
Thank you for your comment Jay. It’s not complicated but can take courage. But we can learn how to find that courage 😀 Great to connect with you.
There are things, like kind gestures, kind words, and signs of affection that are not things you should ask anyone. You place boundaries on yourself and people will react. That’s all there is actually, theres a limit to what you can actually ask for.
I was thinking of this very topic today. Thank you!
You are so welcome. Thanks for commenting. More videos to come 💕
This is a lovely video BUT people don't understand boundaries and don't know how to set them. I said to a friend, who has the same problem, that she is too kind, and too generous towards people she has only just met. They want help and so they accept it even though they have no intention of it being a mutually caring relationship.
Hello, yes you are quite right. A lot of people struggle with boundaries. This is what they can learn from personal development, such as books, groups and therapy.
Hmm... this hasnt quiet worked for me though... when i didnt have boundaries etc i was taken advantage of by family etc but when i enforced boundaries in all areas... workplaces, friends, family... i lost jobs as i wasnt being heard or respected for my boundaries, lost friends who didnt want to hear my voice, lost family too. I received more bullying and horrible treatment. So not sure why it hasnt worked for me...
Happened for me also...Best I can say, helped me, was starting w/new people and situations; as the old ones already have a set idea about you, and it could be hard to change.
I agree. Sometimes we need to make space for new relationships with more respectful and kind people. Well done.
That must have been hard for you being taken advantage of. Then more when you set boundaries. Boundaries can be tricky. We need to get them right. They can also lead to things being shaken up. Sometimes we lose people for a while, or they leave our lives altogether - to make room for more respectful people to come in. Keep the faith. Focus on loving yourself. You are worth respect and kindness.
I understand perfectly what you're saying. I think that, in a way, setting boundaries is like losing wright - you soon find out who your real friends are. Some people like the way you are/the way they perceive you as it suits them to do so. You fit a role/need in their life. When things change, it makes them deeply uncomfortable. I think its a subject that needs a lot more exploring.
@@LazyDaisyDay88 thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yes setting boundaries does shake things up. Some people go off for a while, feathers ruffled, and then return. Others aren't 'there' in their awareness yet and so they are no longer part of our lives.
Maybe as you say there is losing - but there is also winning :-)
I will be uploading more videos on this as its one of the main areas of my work as a therapist and in my books. It's so important that we learn to love ourselves so that other people can see that and get that clear message.
thanks you so very much. I'd wondered about this for year.
I'm glad it was helpful. There are many reasons, but this is definietely a big one. I'm happy to connect with you. I'll be creating more videos on this topic 💙
So I have an employee who's 73 and CONSTANTLY insubordinate and disrespectful. Sure I tell my manager and he's written up and nothing happens to him after that. If it were up to ME he'd have been fired a long time ago. Unfortunately it's not up to me. So do I make him respect me? I'm respected by my manager and the other 3 employees. WTF is his problem?
I hear you. What a difficult situation for you. Thank you for sharing. More videos on this topic to come 💕
Very very Valuable Information. Thankyou ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm really glad you found it helpful Sadiya😀 I'll be posting a lot more videos on relationships and living a confident life. And you can sign up to my community here marleneroseshaw.com/join-courage-to-be-you/
Loved this❤
Thank you 💖
Amazing. Sure you must be right
Thank you. Have a wonderful day :-)
Excellent advice . Thank you . Good video . Brief and to the point
Thank you for your comment. Glad you enjoyed it 😀
Beautiful 🤩🙌🏼
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for commenting. More videos to come 🙂
Well presented and true! 🙂👍🏻
Glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting. I’m looking forward to creating more videos 💕
Thank you for sharing.
You’re so very welcome 😀 I’ll be making more videos on these topics. Great to connect with you.
Great initiative. 👏👏👏👏
I think it’s also empathetic versus narcissistic n family of original unconscious patterns trying to heal . As the past always recreates itself to be healed in the present in some shape or form. It’s like being on ur own personal merry go round. You have to get fed up going in circles to want to get off face your grief n life yourself more than seeking approval or the return of love n kindness from others. Takers are the shadow side of givers. Stop giving ur wasting your energy on an empty bucket with a hole in it
I love what you say, yes! People often play out the same patterns until they get fed up - to the point of wanting to change. There's an inner voice that whispers tyou deserve better.' Then we start seeking courage to be our true selves. When we do this we can break generational patterns.
Thank you for your comment. More videos to come 💙
Boundaries!
🙂
Very helpful,❤❤❤
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for commenting. More videos to come 😀
I've come to understand that most people are looking for perceived enhancement of their status through their social contacts. If they think you are kind of ordinary or lowly they don't want to be associated with you. No matter what they say, their dismissive actions will bear this out. You sucking up and grovelling and trying to please them just lowers your social value even more.
Thank you for your comment.
God bless you ✅👍
Thank you Steve. Good to connect with you 🙂
Story of my life. I've never fully understood it
Thank you for your comment. Lots of self-love helps. More videos to come 💕
I like this and I like you! You’re such a pleasant presence😊 subscribed❤i am going to try to work on these suggestions thank you. I always attract ❤friends where I’m the one pulling the weight. It’s like I hardly even come to mind for them! Trying to understand why this is always repeating and how I can attract a different friendship going forward
Thank you for your lovely comment. You may find the video on Why People Take You For Granted helpful. It's here: ua-cam.com/video/QtO6nBCY_tc/v-deo.htmlsi=h-5HlpdboVExWEKP
Plus, think about the values you want in a friend and look out for that in people 🙂
Interesting 😊
How to implement the new habit
More videos coming up on this 😀
Thank you.
So it starts with you!
It really does. Glad you enjoyed it 💕
@@marleneroseshaw thanks💖
I quit hanging around with this couple that would say things mean to me I would call them out, and they would deny deny deny, I know what I heard, my hearing is good, then they say Oh I kidding.
Sometimes people show their negativity in jokey ways without even realising what they're doing. But, regardless of that, your feelings are your feelings, and it's perfectly valid and okay for you to feel them. We can let people know how were feeling but if they're unable or unwilling to change, we can decide what we want to do from that. Put up with it or step away from it.
Humans are disappointed
Sending you a happy day
Kindness= consider other people feelings. Nice= agreeable, pleasant. I have learned to be KIND to everyone, but be NICE only to those worthy.
Thank you for sharing Ruth. More videos to come 😀
In what kind of ways can we love ourselves? What are some tools😊
Hello 🙂Thank you for your question.
There are SO many ways we can be kinder and love ourselves and I have many more videos in the making on this very topic 💙
You can make a start by noticing how you talk to yourself, and be kinder in your thoughts towards yourself. If you subscribe you'll be notified as I make new videos. Great to connect with you!
It's all about self-love and self-respect. And when others see those things in you, they will follow suit.
Thank you for your comment 😀More videos to come.
Yeah, not always. Often times, they just walk away when you become strong and self respecting.
Yes you are right, that can happen. And then we make room for others to come into our lives
Short video, with a simple message
Glad you liked it
It is just not my time i guess. .Ask people who were rattled in the past. .I was known for putting people in their place. you are special not only to me but the world at large as you happen to the world as well. .
Thank you for your comment.
Maybe bcs I'm totally independent and they're weak?
Thank you for your comment. Interesting thought. I’ll be making a video on this soon 😀
Being willing to do anything for anybody puts out that weirdo needy vibe and feels very much "strings attached" because they often hold it over your head.
That’s an interesting point. Thank you. I’ll be making a video on this. Great to connect with you 😀
Yes I have noticed that also. Nice people are not necessarily good people and they have this undercurrent of resentment. They can be very passive-aggressive.
@@kimhesketh2016 That is why I refuse to be a martyr and a people pleaser. I get a lot of pushback from family about it but I think that is very telling in only being seen as valuable if they can get something from me. I don't need people like that in my life.
Why is every other video by therapists, social workers, life coaches projecting the same message of "boundaries"? They make having boundaries sound like a magic wand, but one can state a clear boundary and have it ignored, Then you have to follow the second most trendy message of this brigade of video gurus: WALK AWAY. It's not that these are bad pieces of advice (particularly if one's object of affection is genuinely abusive, not just a mixed bag of good traits and annoying imperfections, which most people are), but why are these same messages being communicated in different vids at the same time? I'm starting to think video therapists have a dearth of original thinking as to content; they are like pop music artists who shamelessly crib from each other. Just like the too broadly used term "narcissist", the term "people pleaser" is being excessively used to describe anyone who wants the simple joy of giving to another human being. What the therapy people need to emphasize is not so much the kindness and pleasing, but the agenda that motivates such seemingly noble behavior.. We can't make or manipulate another person into loving us. >By all means WALK from an abusive person but if he or she is not abusive then you have the responsibility to communicate your feelings to the other person. The basic messages are healthy, but there is this unaddressed thing called "context" that is ignored. Also, I believe that most people who "WALK" (from non-abusive relationships) do so as a last ditch effort, the final desperate manipulation to get the person to beg for them to come back. which does not always happen. woops...
Most of therapists advices on the Internet are broad because its for the understanding of a wide community of people.. If you have a personal session with them, then you will get more specific advices/sights of how to resolve a situation..
Hello, thank you for your comment. Yes this is quite true. Videos are for general information to help people get started on a journey of personal development 🙂
Because there are more and more narcisists among mankind.A subtle degeneration ! A trial will come ! The Heavenly Father will send it soon.
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The reason people do that is because they think they’re better than you and that’s the only reason they do it they feel they are superior which means they are self-centered narcissist don’t Don’t care.
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