Q&A: Dating a non-Christian? Tim Keller
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- Опубліковано 21 лют 2011
- Timothy Keller was born and raised in Pennsylvania, and educated at Bucknell University, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and Westminister Theological Seminary. He is pastor of the Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, which he started in 1989 with his wife, Kathy, and three young sons. Today Redeemer has nearly six thousand regular attendees at five services, a host of daughter churches, and is planting churches in large cities throughout the world
This is a free download from Redeemer.com
i dated a christian we are now married...christ saved me through her.
zombiematt2006 wow
Wow 1 peter at work
zombiematt2006 hallelujah!
praise God
To God be the Glory.. what faith were you prior?
Do not be unequally yoked. I did this twice and I have learned my lesson. Always listen to the Lord and abide by what he says.
@Wanda, what lesson did you learn that you would share with those who are dating a non believer right now?
i can be equally yoked.i jave yetto meet a woman who is as yoked as i am, and i don't find those atttactive. so unequally yoked it is.
What's interesting is that this also applies to Christians dating each other too...
Amen 🙏🏽
You mean what the fear mongering pastor says?
It's hard.. really hard. But I honestly think we as Christians lose our eternal perspective so often! It is better to be single and living and obeying our Lord Jesus than it is to be compromising with non-Christians. Life here is short, eternity is long!!!! Focus on what matters in eternity, not just the now! By God's grace we will 💪🏻
AMEN!!
Thats very true. Amen!
Amen and amen!
so well said
So so true .. so so many Rader to please their flesh... than honor God's word..
my mom has held Christ close to her her entire life. and she was madly in love with my dad, who is atheist or i dont know just doesnt care about anything like that. its caused enormous problems in their marriage. ive witnessed it my whole life and it makes me sad but its inevitable.
my mom is the same way. she was born and raised christian, but dad's side did not live religiously at all. Dad wasn't against her being christian, prayer, and church (at first) but he didn't believe. There were many disagreements between them that grew over the years. Mom tried to maintain going to church and having her christian fellowship, but there were times when dad would let her go and called her beliefs a cult. Mom would still endure and kept joyful for us, but Dad would go deeper into stress. My brothers and I could feel the stress and anger in the air. She prayed for him constanlty, but his heart was too hardened. They have since divorced and can see how much happier they are (especially my dad). They have remained friends on good terms and we join together for holidays. They are both good people, but with different beliefs that eventually created a divide. My mom said before she had married him, that God gave her a blatant sign that my dad was not the one, but she married him anyway. She was warned, did not listen, and had to deal with the years of consequences from that one decision. Thankfully God is faithful and still blessed her with good sons and a friendly relationship with dad.
Wow, crazy but true
Truth! I want my husband to be a person I can spend hours talking about Christ with
Me too! me too lol it's not just me!
Virginia Boyd Christs is not the only conversation on this earth.
Did u find him ??
@@esharenee4186 - Do you have Christ in your life? If not, then you certainly don't understand because He's supposed to be the center of your life as a believer. So to make such a comment makes me wonder...
👏👏👏👏👏👐🙏🙌
I became a believer @18 and have been praying/waiting for my husband but when I turned 33, it was like all the residual unbelief rose up from it not happening & I entered into a relationship w/ an unbeliever. It was short but I’m still experiencing bitterness & pain after a year. Please pray for me! I want to believe in and love/follow God above all and to regain hope.
I married a believer and it was one of the worst experiences in my life and we were both Christians.
I am so sorry for your hurt. I am in the same position. But the pain has drawn me closer to God. He is the only one that can take it from me.
@@thewordologistchannel4574
Pray together with your partner . Lord can fix it as he is the creator. Nothing is impossible for him
How is it going guys
I became a born again christian at 19 and im 33 now as well, struggling with the idea of dating non-christians
Sorry to tell you this, but dating a Christian has the possibility of being a "relationship from hell" as well. That was actually the first guy I dated. He was egotistical, self-centered, selfish, believed that the world revolved around him, and he was a practicing Christian who served as a youth leader. To generalize and say that everything within a Christian society is better is ignorant. Just because you wear the name "Christian" doesn't make you or your life perfect.
i am a Christian and I approve this message
Nothing can be perfect according to our standards of perfection, and I'm sorry to hear about the hurt that you ex has caused. I agree with what you said but I'll add something to it: Just because you wear the name "Christian" doesn't mean you are a Christian. Hope you will meet the real Jesus and people who are mature followers of Christ.
Exactly! the divorce rate among Christians is EXTREMELY high
Christians are humans as well, just because a person becomes a Christian does not automatically make them perfect.
It's also important to note that everyone who claims to be a Christian may not truly be a Christian.. teaching in youth group or church does not make you a real follower of the lord.
it will always be an amazing thing to serve God together :)
He's definitely right. You will clash. It's inevitable. As a person who wrestled with this as a younger man I dated a non Christian woman who I adored. The feeling was mutual. But that one part that was mist precious to me was absolutely foreign and closed to her. You think that passion alone will carry the relationship when you're younger, but it won't. When facing the issues of life each will rely first on their world view, and when worlds collide, there's war.
Brother, I did the same thing when I was younger and ended up with a broken heart and disciplined conscience. You feel like a car running without oil, constantly spinning your mental wheels trying to justify the relationship to the LORD and yourself. God had to pry the woman out of my hands. How? in the middle of it he introduced me to a Christian girl. I felt I could relax and be myself with her. (We've been married 38 years now). The other woman lived far away anyway, and it was such a burden off me when I finally wrote that "Dear Jane" letter.
@@pianomaly9859 happy to hear
I started falling for her 😢 this is gonna hurt so much
sameeee, life is hard
It will hurt waaaaaaaay more if you stay with them and the jaws of life bite you and they have a completely way of handling it.
It's INTERESTING that he's keeps saying SHE, when in all honesty it's a GREAT number of women in the church that have this problem and have trouble letting go of their non-Christian boyfriend.
I think a man asked the question and that's why he said "she"
In my experience, it's more often the women in the church that go for non-Christian men than the men in the church going for non-Christian women. Of course, just because they are in the church doesn't mean they are Christians. If they are more drawn to non-Christians, then it's likely they aren't really.
@@yjk5737
not even real christians in the church now ! ffs, lol.
just because someone claims they are, goes to church, studies the bible, hates homosexuals, if they are drawn to non christians they can still be not "real " christians ? wow.
to listen to some of you "christians" there is no such thing as a real christian. its extremely funny
Lol yeah nar, alot of men are facing the same issue too
I just want a person to talk about my beliefs and connect in way more than romantically but spiritually...
you can talk to me if you want to
Cris Cuéllar We're at the same page. I can't fully express myself to the person that I like. Living in Christ as I grew up in a Christian family, has always been a part of me. When I'm trying to open up myself and telling him about Christ he seemed not to be interested which makes me thought if we'll be together in the future how can we agree on something if we can't agree on the most important thing. That leads me to a realization that maybe it won't work out. I understand it now.
How I would love the same thing God and romance to be flowing out of me and her
Yes. 🙏🙏🙏
crsct
in other words you want to twat on about yourself.
gets dull that does real quick. lol
As a person whs been married over a quarter of a century, I can tell you from experience that world views clash violently in the crucible of marriage . It's not all bliss, and religious beliefs effect every area of marriage including child rearing, finances, social activity and everyday discourse. It's tremedously difficult to navigate these issues with someone who is not like minded.
I needed this comment. I'm wrestling with this right now
today,i'm really in the battle of this issue and i'm so thankful that this message pop-up on my screen. so thank you .)))
How are you now?
It is best to separate yourselves from people that make you and others feel confused and uncomfortable. Money is not important in life.
Wow this really hit home... Thank you for this wisdom
I think that the point of this is that it is pointless to date someone that doesn't share your religious views because eventually it will lead to conflict and friction and they cant grow with you spiritually... which kinda goes against the point of a courtship/union
what an idiotic comment.
Yes you are absolutely correct . You cannot have a life together with a person who doesn"t have Jesus in him/her if going to keep God at the center of your family life. Why should we choose an unbeliever and end up with problems ?
You phrased that so perfectly.Very convicting and truthful and in a way I hadn't considered. Thanks for sharing your experience it made the message so much clearer
Jesus brought my Girlfriend and I together and we have a relationship that is sooo incredibly beautiful BECAUSE of Him.....
standinginthegap4you
give it time lol.
oh, been 9 yrs, hows the relationship? lol. still going ?
Your words are a very encouraging to me. thank you.
To those questioning this answer by brother Tim, or are in a relationship with a non-believer, if YOU claim to be born again and call yourself a Christian? then you MUST follow the Scriptures it is God's Word His mind on the matter. As a Christian ask yourself do you believe God or not? Obey the Scriptures do what God says.
Thank you for sharing this precious wisdom.
....... Valuable Teaching ... Faith Filled Words!
Yes, this explained exactly!
You do not marry a non believer as a Christian. You're better off single. We don't yoke ourselves with non believers. It would be a nightmare to me.
Excellent analogy Tim....So so true brother! God bless your Christ centered ministry
You're right sir.. Lesson learned
Thanx for the video... i found it helpful for my confusion
This is so spot on.
@Mirewood I wasn't there when Jesus came back from the dead, but I've felt His presence after one significant moment in my life that I literally can not ever deny, and that enough gave me all i needed to believe and have faith.
I love this video, thank you!
The best articulation of why you should marry or date a non-believer that I have ever heard
Ephesians 4:15
speaking the truth in love, brother.
That was very on the money. Good talk.
Best explanation of this I heard thus far.
Such a good talk.
I will always encourage other Christians to always WAIT ON THE LORD for someone special, HE WILL PROVIDE....I Testify to this....Our SECURITY MUST ALWAYS be IN HIM.....
@Mirewood
I understand. Thanks
Thank u somuch
"Passion" was your word choice, & I took it to mean "strong desire, violent yearning, burning enthusiasm." These traits WILL find expression in SOME way.
Most people think of "literally" as being synonymous with "materially," & when we speak of spiritual & psychical (soul) topics, literal (of the letter) doesn't apply. However, each soul usually receives according to its primary elements. Yours may be earth.
I feel His touch in my body but also beyond. I hear His Voice as an amplified thought.
The real question is not whether as a follower of Christ you're allowed to date a non-Christian.
The real question is why you would want to? What on earth does a follower of Christ have in common with an enemy of Christ?
That is totally ludicrous, being in love with someone does not involve your religion and many couples can stick up for that. Many people in love do not agree with what the other thinks, but that why you love them because you can get past that because you love them.
lewis king "people" can do what they want. I am talking about biblical theology and followers of Christ.
well there might be nothing in common, but u could help him/she to have something in common eg.faith
and btw they are not the enemy of Christ, they just don't know Christ yet but they are still loved by lord
Yating Chen Of course they are. We all are enemies of Christ until we are reconciled to Him. That's what Romans 5 (and other passages) says.
You're welcome....
Wow! I really like this one. I've been so curious about dating a girl who isn't Christian and here's a great way of knowing if its wrong or not.
in my honest opinion that would be nonsense because to believe one is to deny another. if you really believe Jesus is the way the truth and the light, why expose your children to belief systems that deny Jesus. a non christian is not just an atheist but also a muslim and a buddhist also fall into that category. a few verses you should look at in the bible 2 Corinthians 6:14, 2 Corinthians 6:15-17, 1 Corinthians 15:33. also do a google search see what you come up with be be sure it is scriptural
Im dated a non Christian and it was a relationship from hell...
@Mirewood
See, God has granted me so much in the past few weeks, He has literally answered my prayers...1. a job 2. to stand up for my faith in Jesus Christ 3. my whole financial situation is turning around-not because of politics either, but because of God.
I do appreciate any guidance you have for me. Please continue to lead me, when you can.
I am just not comfortable with the "letting him make mistakes"...I am a retired police officer, (mother) my instincts are to react and preserve
Best explanation on why to not marry a non believer!! So true!!
Actually I had a good experience with it. I was able to fight some urges and clean up my act quite a bit. I decided to stop when I could no longer convince myself to believe based on facts or lack of evidence. I won't debate that topic, everyone's free to choose. But my experience was not bad at all with it
As a non-believer, it would seem quite idiotic of me to pass on a beautiful, lovely woman who happens to be a Christian.
But some do 😆
@LostHemingway
Oh my!! I am so glad that you got back with me. You have given me the real answer. In the meantime, yes I have giving this situation to God. Things are getting better, although he still will not talk to me. I know my son loves the Lord, and I know he will make the right choice, and as a mother I will not dictate, but I know in my heart God has not brought the right lady into his life. Mother's know these things. Thank you so much.
What a great answer
@Mirewood
I understand. I have talked to him since. I see this as a sign that God does have His hand on the situation. All I can do is pray, and support my son, but still take a stand against the other party getting drunk and hanging in bars. I told my son in front of her, that she is not the one for him, and I think he knows that. I let them both know that I did not approve of the relationship on those terms, and that I wanted the best for my son, so at least he did hear me express that.
If you love pulling the burdens of daily life and want to feel alone in a home, marry a nonbeliever. It becomes too much and you start to see him/her as the weight in life. And when you see them as a wight, you start to resent them. Jesus was so right about not being equally yoked. Not egg yolk, but the yoke of pulling together. No one is that strong to pull in life for two. It just is to hard. Will Jesus bring him/her closer? Maybe.
+pigjubby1 I became a Christian while in a committed romantic relationship to an unbeliever. He looked into Christianity and even fasted and prayed but says he received no answer and is challenging my beliefs almost every time we interact. I'm so exhausted, what do I do? I'm also seeking God's will on this and receiving no certain answer.
Pray for him and leave. Leave it for God to change him.
pigjubby1 Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! This morning I explained the issue of fornication to him, why God honours marriage and distinguishes it from boyfriends/girlfriends, how this is illustrated in our lives and much much more through the gracious revelation of God. We tested boundaries today and neither of us detected that we had crossed into sin when we held each other or shared an affectionate kiss but I know I'm playing with fire so when the Spirit told me stop, I stopped, and will continue to stop. As he's now comforted I will also withdraw more physically now and we have an agreement that we're not doing sexual stuff together. The guy already made a covenant with God that he will give his life to Jesus and make Jesus his Lord and Saviour if He just shows Himself in a way he can recognise - "the tiniest hint of proof of his existence". He wants me to stay with him until my bank balance runs out in a couple of weeks (long story, but i'm currently unemployed seeking work). If God hasn't appeared to him by then, we're breaking up and I'm moving out...I got confirmation from a sister saying "see how I did not say "move out"?" She staked her life on this guy coming to Christ and I felt a sense of relief too because while I've shown myself absolutely resolute on ending the unequally yoked fornication relationship in trust of Him and His superior ways, God may be showing us mercy by making a way for us to be together in Him. If it comes down to me needing to leave him, I will leave, and your words will come to pass. Praise be to God I will no longer be denied a life-long commitment through marriage by anyone I become one with ever again. Neither will I ever again be one with an unbeliever. May none of us be deceived or ensnared after we had run such a good race. Thank you for any prayers you felt compelled to make. God edify you and bless you and keep you.
As a man, I will tell you that men will say what it takes to keep the cow that gives free milk.
pigjubby1 Yes. The question is - how do I break up with him in a way that makes him and those who know him more likely to turn to Christ?
It's a very good practical answer by Timothy
It is true!
I'm not married, but have a boyfriend, we don't live together, but been together for 9 years, I recently gave my heart to Jesus Christ, I thought he was ok with it, turns out I'm wrong, I'm getting opposition from him because I won't sleep with him, and, he doesn't care about my faith in Christ, in fact he doesn't believe in anything, he thinks it's all BS, and I can't get to a heart matter with Jesus in his presence. Did I just answer my own question?
I'd say you did answer your own question. 9 years is alot of time and I'm sorry to hear that
Totally agree with him !
Easier said than done. I dated a girl for 4 months. I fell in love with her. We had plenty of discussions about it. I told her i would not marry unless she came to faith. At that point she said she would marry me, but felt she did not want to except the christian lifestyle for herself. She decided to leave and I was heart broken. In retrospect this was the worst decision i have made and the worst time in my life.
I usual don't post, but I hope this helps someone make the right decision.
Are you still heartbroken?
You idolized her sooo its ur lesson
How would you know. You know nothing
Need to put God first in all areas of your life
The law is given first to convict us and show us that we are not awesome. Then, we look to Christ who died to fulfill the law that we could never fulfill. Now, on this side of the Cross, we are free to make Christ the center. The issue is not " it doesnt actually say dont do it". We don't operate from a position of trying to ensure our salvation. WE operate from a position of serving the God who saved us. Making him central (above our spouse). God isn't a genie < he the smartest/loving person.
God help me value what You value.
Solid.
Totally agree
I'm surprised that he didn't say it is WRONG to date someone without faith. A Christian couple are supposed to edify each other spiritually all the time.
@Mirewood
Yes, dating a non-Christian is addressed as not walking in the light, as the scriptures says....God hates sin, and that light should not have anything to do with darkness. So, this is why I feel that it is an issue.
The only thing worse than what happened to you is what would have happened if you had married her. Count yourself blessed, and return to your first Love. Bless you
Like you, I was once ignorant of His Reality. But He graciously made Himself known to me. Few of the things that modern man takes for granted were known to be extant before the 20th century. Though you are several millennia behind, it is not too late. But first, rather than scoffing at the dog whose ears perk up at a sound that "isn't there," concede the possibility of your own deafness to certain frequencies. It's amazing that the blind/deaf adamantly insist that those who see/hear are deluded.
So true !!! its obvious
@Mirewood
I understand. But I think he heard me when I told him in front of her that she told me the relationship was not serious....he paused.. and I directed my comment towards her & she said nothing. I am sure that plays on his heart. I do feel that I may not have anything to worry about. God will bring the right girl into my son's life. As a mother, I do know that she is not the right one. So, I am sure he will be fine. It is just a matter of time before she cheats on him.
behind what you are saying is :
there are people who are MEANT to follow Jesus Christ, and those who dont follow him, just won't?
I broke up with someone whom I loved so much, was 'hardcore' non believer. Eventhough we are not together, even though I can never ever see her or talk to her, I still love her so so much. Is it impossible for her to ever believe Jesus? Will she have to go to hell?
Scherzo Herzo if she doesn’t accept Jesus’s salvation then God won’t force her into his presence if God does that he’d be violating his attributes.
I feel you brother! But my relationship with a non Christian brought me closer to GOD even though we share a different believe. I feel that if we do good on earth and love one another I think we all will be saved. But my country doesn’t allow me marry unless i convert to a Muslim. So I think I rather not get married and just carry on my life with her until I grow old haha.
I LOVE Timothy Keller. Follow a lot of his leadership even though I don't live in NYC. But he mentions the bible doesn't really talk about it. I guess I agree as this text is about marriage but doesn't Nehemiah 13:23-31 apply??
My father is an atheist and my mother a non-denominational christian...42 years later they are still married and I don't recall a single argument over religion in the house.
1 Corinthians says: If you aren't married, don't get married, if you are, stay married."
I think the real question is should you marry a Christian who isn't as spiritually led as you ie believes in Christ but doesn't not worship, lead, and converse in the Word the way you do
Would you consider marrying a Christian like the description you gave??
Yes, I found sometimes you may think you are equally yoked starting a relationship and then find out you are not.
@Mirewood
I do understand that people make their own choices, and I do understand to be there when he makes mistakes. I just feel that it is not a relationship put together by God. That being said, sounds like my son is not walking in all the light. Perhaps he is not, so then my prayers maybe ought to change.
Does this apply to a relationship where one is protestant and the other is Catholic?
I'm a Christian and I've just married a non-believer. God knows we love each other, and wants to help our marriage. I believe God wants to make my husband a Christian too. I'm one of the few Christians my husband knows, should I just forsake him and let him continue being an non-Christian just to make my own life easier? I'm sure it's a lot easier if both are Christians, but God will help us through it- and who knows, maybe my husband will be a believer soon too:)
Hey, if you still have this channel can you tell us how that is going?
@Mirewood
So, my son has only talked to me 1 time since then, and I am sure this girl is the cause of the disconnect between me and my son. As a matter of fact, I have rebuked satan for the interference in my son's life, and JI have asked God to remove her from his life. Now, as a mother my prayers are very serious with God.
I feel that my son is comfortable in the relationship, and I have also asked God to get him up and moving away from the relationship as well.
that's to do with if your already in a marriage.
If you met Jesus, you would be passionate about Him. If you ever heard His Voice or felt His touch, you would understand what all the fuss is about. Bless you
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Cor 7:12-14
this is talking about marriage
One cannot meet with a person who is not there.
NEVER date, court, marry an unbeliever......My precious, loving God IS MY FIRST LOVE AND SHE IS MY SECOND.....
To be an Atheist you also have to maintain that belief on some level even when simple evidence presents itself in creation. TGE natural word itself in all it's beauty order and complexity calls to mind on some level a creator, an independent clause.
@Mirewood How am I an idot or a liar when I have shown fault based of true facts from each of their beliefs? I can't be one when I've used each of theirs, and NOTHING does anything but give me lies.
2 Corinthians 6:14 ►
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Its the Word of GOD folks. Doing what your Father tells you to do may not be pleasant but because he knows best, it will help keep you from sorrow and heartache in the long run. Even I had a hard time with this in the past. GOD bless you all & Thank You for Sharing!
+Austin Molt
Can I ask you this, do you believe that believers should court unbelievers??
@ BlessedByHim
It really is that clear cut! I don't know people are confused on this point!
The woman I marry WILL have a blossoming, close Relationship with God......
lol i actually learned something about my uncle... i didnt know redeemer was started in 89 no wonder i dont remeber anything about Virginia! ( i was born in 88) thanks lol
@Mirewood
I did tell him in private he should considered her going to go to the bars perhaps she may have an alcoholic issue, and it would be wise to test that aspect of the relationship. I have always told him the facts and consequences of unprotected sex. He is well educated in that! Very educated. I even went to the extent of having him be aware that even though she said the relationship was not serious-she would try to get pregnant out of spite.
@Mirewood I'm not holding a double standard, I'm simply finding fault in every single other belief. It does nothing for anyone except bare lies, and does not save me from anything. It does not solve people's own temptations, thoughts, past hurt, finding worht in that you wee created by a wonderful maker in His image. These others don't do a damn thing.
Maybe I'm just not understanding what YOU mean by passion. Have you felt his touch literally, heard his voice in your ear, or are you just more emotionally receptive? Do you think more in abstracts? Do you cry more easily than most? I am not an emotional person. I just probably won't ever understand due to my character... if that's the case, does that mean that God is selective? If that's true, then am I natural Judas? What are your thoughts on predestination?
Bible says "if" you marry a non-believer don't leave them , you could be what brings them to Christ...
Thats wrong.read your bible carefully.it says if u have spouse not if you marry.how can u say dont leave if you marry if their not married yet?
Which is sad because I'd love to find someone who is a moral and good person (no pre marital sex, clubbing, etc) but not be bound to this idea that they have to devote their lives to something they cannot even prove.
I'm a former Christian and I've learned a lot about morality by learning much about human philosophy, and also got some good insight from some Buddhism teachings (which don't involve any deity, just human nature). I'd want to find someone whos moral on their own, not because of God
I learned my lessons - my answer is: 100% no. No way. It is not only problematic for your complete life but also dangerous for your own connection with Jesus. What do you want to become? A believer in Jesus Christ? A true follower? Then don't put you in this situation. You might go not anymore the path of growth in Christ - you might enter another path - the one which leads away from God.
100 % agree with you, I've been experiencing the same thing this past year
I'm from a protestant background and he's Catholic. I really like him. What about that?
I think its not about the denomination but how you both accepted Jesus as saviour in your lives. So dont bother about it move on with the faith in God. You will be succeeded
Yeah I was Roman Catholic but didn't have a persona relationship with Christ until i went to the Presbyterian church. It really just comes down to the individual personal relationship with Jesus and nothing else.
@@kingkang6877 yea. That's what I have been thinking as well.
It sounds like he was saying it’s possible
Has it ever occured to you that your relationships dont' work out because she finds you boring and/or creepy? Most women (including Christian & Catholic) women want to be with a guy who knows how to have a good time & has edge.
But what if that person is willing to accept God and is supportive of your belief in God?
@nessabr00ke
OH THANK GOD
I broke up with a girl that was atheist, and she was really turned on by it