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I truly do appreciate the heart with which Pastor Chandler approached this sermon and I have respect for his humility and honesty. I applaud him for not degenerating into the foolish and clearly unscriptural argument that the blessing of marriage is somehow inextricably linked to spiritual maturity. That argument rings so hollow it barely demands refutation. So I am happy this video does not focus on that. I think, however, there are some misconceptions here that should be addressed. And while I can only speak for myself as a 37 year-old man who is a virgin and who has never been married despite praying and longing for a godly wife, I believe that what I will say reflects the way many feel who are dealing with the pain and difficulty of prolonged singleness. To start, I feel as though he glossed over the difficulty and pain of emotional, physical, and romantic celibacy far too quickly. As a single, the issue isn't that I "believe the worldly lie that I cannot flourish as a real human being without sexual expression;" it isn't that everything would be great if only I didn't see some oversexualized commercials. The issue is that the desire for sexual, emotional, and romantic intimacy is a REAL THING. Of course it is not the most important thing in life nor is it the most joyful thing to attain in life. Only Christ sufficiently provides for us the ultimate end towards which all other longings and desires point. Yet this does not erase the fact that emotional and physical desires, given to us by God, are wholly unmet and unsatisfied in the life of a single person. And this is exponentially true of a person facing truly prolonged singleness (30+). It is not a "lie of the world" to suggest that a person who has been blessed with a God-ordained spouse with whom they can share affection, companionship, sexual intimacy, trials and tribulations, and loving commitment somehow has "nothing better or greater" than the person who goes to bed alone every night, devoid of the emotional affection of a loving spouse, and who must fight a seemingly endless battle for sexual purity from which there is no escape and no satisfaction that is not sinful. To suggest that the single person "lacks nothing" in comparison to the married person in this regard is ludicrous on its face. Furthermore, the assertion that both single and married people must guard against sexual perversion and temptation is, of course, true indeed. Yet the reason why this point is often brought up as an apparent "encouragement" to singles remains a mystery to me. It is no encouragement at all. It essentially amounts to telling a starving person that neither the well-fed nor the starving should consume poison. In other words, it completely misses the central issue. The married person is allowed to access the one expression of sexuality that God has ordained while the single person has literally NO avenue of sexual expression that is not sinful. The married person eats from the marriage banquet that God has given them. They do not know how starvation feels in this regard. They do not know what it is to struggle daily to obey Christ's command to remain sexually holy and pure in thought and action all the while stifling, with a robotic and increasingly embittered stolidity that borders on being inhuman, every ounce of sexual and emotional desire. It is a maddening and vicious battle that someone married in their early 20's has no conception of. But please, let us hear again how single people "lack nothing" when compared to married people. Lastly, I completely understand why people point to Christ and Paul as good examples of how one does not need to be married in order to fulfill God's purpose for your life. And indeed, Christ is our example in all things. We are constantly striving to be more and more like Christ in everything. So on that point I completely agree and understand the heart in which it is said. Yet .... Christ was Christ. Paul was an Apostle. Marriage was no more central or important to their God-given missions than other trivial things such as owning property or having fine meals regularly. The concerns of this earth were wholly trivial to them. Can we truly expect others to treat something like marriage with the same indifference? Yes, I know that Paul said it is better to be single than married, yet seemingly 99% of pastors and Christian UA-camrs who reference 1st Corinthians 7 are married and were clearly unwilling to take Paul up on his advice. Do we believe for a moment that any one of these people would give up their spouse in order to have "more focus on saying yes" like singles apparently have? Not. At. All. Ultimately, we would be better served to realize that God does not promise happiness on earth, but rather joy eternal in heaven. We are never promised a spouse, or told we will be protected from cancer, or persecution, or starvation. Quite to the contrary, we are told that we will endure suffering. As a christian, be prepared to suffer in the flesh in obedience and righteousness out of love for Christ who suffered for us on the cross. And pray to God for the grace to be content in your suffering. Say THAT ... and you will at least be honest with singles.
Amen. This is etremely well articulated and highlights my sentiments towards Chandler's message. I wish he would have brought a person of prolonged singleness up to speak about their experience rather than picking individuals that specifically align with his own conceptualization of the single experience and quoting the, perhaps isolated, instances of their contentment. All this does is continue the message of shame I feel as a single person for not being "holy" enough to be completely satisfied in Christ and platonic Christian friendship. Unfortunately, Chandler's message felt more invalidating than encouraging to me (a 30yo single) as it missed the opportunity for sincere compassion.
Yeah, his sermon basically amounted to "Suck it up! You think going home to a loving wife and kids is all fun and games? I wish I could spend more time fighting sexual urges and contemplating whether or not I'll leave a lineage!".. I also don't buy it at all what he started to imply, which is that somehow married people aren't capable of being as holy as single (yet looking) people. Unless you're an actual Monk dedicated to living a life of sacrifice, the idea that being single makes you closer to God is actually more ridiculous than the idea of being married brings you closer to God (which makes way more sense).
For any single person watching this who might feel discouraged: But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33, NASB)
Felt like the majority of this message just ignored singles like me who are straight up lonely, unwanted by others, feel ugly according to what the world says about them.
Hey friend. I get what you mean. I've been single my whole life, I'm 24. I've never even held hands, let alone kissed or had sex. God's been working with me soooo much, and I'm really grateful for that. I kept asking him and asking him, and when I really prioritize his way in my life, he sees it. So he works with me more, and more. He's opened my eyes to so many valuable lessons that have really helped me in my struggles. I've desperately wanted my wife for years. I have a friend who just turned 18, and got married 2 weeks later. I've said no to women who I was attracted to, but weren't healthy for me. I've dealt with hardcore rejection. It feels like everyone around me has a significant other, and I'm constantly a third wheel. It really sucks. But what God taught me is - and I believe this is one of this pastor's main points is in this sermon - that my single status is a gift in itself, in its own way. This doesn't mean that I should necessarily want to stay single! It doesn't mean that it doesn't have unique struggles! But it is a stage in my life - just like childhood, old age, and hopefully, newlywed. And as such, I should treat it with the same gratitude and reverence as any life stage, because God sees fit for me to be single now. That means I can leverage that - ESPECIALLY the struggles. I feel lonely, unwanted, sexually imprisoned? Just like any trials, these are unique opportunities for me to draw closer to God. And he definitely has used these in my life to teach me fascinating depths of truth and love. It's a mistake to think that a spouse will solve our internal problems. Only God can truly do that. A spouse is a wonderful thing to cherish, enjoy, and invest ourselves into. But they should never be where we place our faith for our "salvation". That includes "salvation" from feeling ugly or lonely or unwanted. Finding a spouse is not the answer to that - knowing who we are as God's perfect creation is. We are beautiful, breathtaking, unique works of art. You are valuable, desirable, and wonderful. You don't need a spouse to tell you that, because God already did. Once we understand ourselves under God, then we can be truly ready to receive another soul to partner with. Singleness is our opportunity to grow in that quest. I hope this helped you. Stay strong, and stay close to our Father. God bless you!!
I believe that the single life is a big battle that marrieds don’t have a clue about. But what adds insult to injury is the second class status and treatment that come from the church community. They are the very people that are supposed to embrace us . The bible says in Psalm 68 verse 6 6God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. Singles are a part of the church family and should be receiving the same amount of support and inclusion as the rest of the members of the congregation. It’s simply not happening and sadly for this those that are guilty of doing this to their single brothers and sisters will be judged in the end. God sees everything
In addition to battling with strong sexual urges and frustration, the biggest challenge of being single is seeing happy couples everywhere. It just makes me very depressed.
@ oaklandsoldier8250 If God wanted us to battle with sexual urges and frustration all the time , he would not allow us to get married at all. We should not postpone marriage so much , as we do now. We are just playing with fire , battling useless battles against something natural .
I really enjoyed this sermon, but I can speak for me and plenty of others who attend baptist churches I feel outcasted and condemned by married couples. Its so hard for me to relate with my married friends at my church due to the fact that most have not experienced the things i have been through. Then I get double condemned because I have a son out of whitlock. I wish more baptist churches would start single classes for singles or divorced people. Some just don't understand why I am 33 and single, but then when I have given my testimony i feel even more judged for what I have experienced in my life. I do love my baptist church but I wish I could relate with others.
I see it in Pentecostal churches also. I think this is a problem in the western church at large. Singles are shunned and viewed as being lesser than married couples. This is not how God views Christian singles nor wants them to be treated. It’s funny that singles who really desire marriage or are later in age and waiting for a spouse, are often told not to make marriage an idol. But when singles attend church the focus is all on marriage and families. I find the church has made an idol of marriage. The damage done is that Christians seek a spouse and their own will instead of seeking God and His will. It becomes about a race down the aisle instead of serving God and furthering His kingdom
I'm 57 and never married. In all those years, I have had nothing said to me by married Christians I'm familiar with that would encourage me to marry. Every one has said, "I should have waited", "I didn't know what I was getting into", "You don't truly know anyone until you start living with them" or "Marriage is nothing like I thought it would be." I didn't matter if the person was young and in their early 20s or a more mature professional Christian. It is always the same thing. As a single, I have been approached by plenty of single men and it becomes evident that they have underlying insecurities that they think their significant other will solve. The problem is, it is impossible for me to fix the damage caused by sexual molestation, the fact your father showed no acceptance or any number of other situations that the man is hiding because he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm sure single Christian men are having similar experiences. I personally had to give up the "right" to be angry at God for being single, I had to give up the "right" to be miserable because I was single. When I gave up those rights, God miraculously took away every feeling of the gnawing loneliness.
I wish Matt focused more on the struggles of singleness. it’s a lonely world and as someone who always grew up and found community in the church as someone who is older and single I don’t get that anymore. there no place for singles in the church. Not outreach from the church to the community. It’s sad when the world embraces singles more than gods people
This was incredibly encouraging. I don’t feel robbed by God for being single, but often times I feel “broken” because I have a hard time cultivating those relationships.
If I’m completely honest, part of me does feel robbed by God, but then I just descend into self loathing saying to myself that I don’t have what I feel like I need because I’m not good enough and don’t deserve it. Ultimately I know God is right and I am wrong, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
The problem is the church treats singles as the second class of the church or to the point where they do not matter. It is very hard to go to church since the church focus mostly on married people. Even married people treat singles like they do not matter as much. There is a reason why a lot of single people do not go to church, they do not feel like they are part of the church. I am single and I honestly do not like going to church anymore because of this reason.
I really don’t like getting into the comment threads too much because no one is really every persuaded by debate, however I would say that if the reason a person is going to church is for anything other than the training and building of their faith and the fellowship of the body then we’re probably going with an incorrect heart. Just a thought.
@@howtobible6575 Listen to what he is saying. He is saying that he doesn't like going to church because of how he feels that singles are treated. Can you listen with compassion ? Yes, there is the truth, but we are not robots. We are not animated robots (body + spirit). We have feelings which often are influenced by our experiences and surroundings (body + soul + spirit). Yes we need good doctrine, sound doctrine, but these singles who have hurt and who have disappointment need help in allowing the truth to filter into each and every area of their lives. The truth from the word of God...and not just positive thinking (Psalms 139).
b c_39 I waited 2 days to ensure my heart was in the correct place. First, I have intentionally abstained from used inflammatory, subjective, emotional words to avoid any reading into my words and applying an emotion to it that is not present. Second, We read over and over in scripture how the human heart and emotion fails to be the proper litmus test for truth. Our “feelings” cannot be used unless they fall within the context of the Word of God. As believer we should be conformed to the image of Jesus. Jesus life sought after the Fathers heart in all things. To misplace our reasons to be in the congregation is to misplace our worship. If we begin to identify by whatever ministry of the church we are a part of, singles, young married, life groups, parents, we fail to see the bigger picture, which is a that we are worshippers of the living God. If we are not that first then everything we do after that is doomed to fail and be corrupted because it’s not fully based on Jesus.
@@howtobible6575 I did not imply at all by my statement that "feelings" and "emotions" were to be received as the truth. The truth is objective, not subjective. Our feelings are open to being influenced by our experiences and our surroundings. I stated that singles who have hurt need help in allowing the truth to filter into each and every part of their lives. And yes, If one believes that they are called to a particular congregation, they should remain in that congregation or the place God has called them. Feelings are not to be used to determine where we serve or where we do not serve.
As a single, never-married man in his 50s, I can empathize. But living abroad, I get asked my status once, then it doesn't matter to most people in many cultures. I love going to church outside America, it is so different. Tired of Southern Baptist churches in the US especially as they are the most condemning of singles.
33, involuntarily single for 10 years. Saved 7 years ago, prayed incessantly for wife, active church member, successful in life except this one most important thing. No answer, no peace, no support, no prospect in sight. Had to leave church a few months ago because of the physical and psychological torment of the world around me being saturated with a blessing that I cannot attain. Singleness is a gift??? Not only is that a gross misinterpretation, it is ludicrous on its face, and condescending. Can you name another "gift" that makes its recipient long for death?
why do people get married if Paul mentioned he was trying to keep us from having anxieties about marriage? I love going to church but then when I get there I a reminded that I am an outcast, that the church in general is marriage and family oriented. Women feel like you are a threat to their men because you are single, we cant win . And if and when I get married I will have so much empathy for singles because I truly know how they feel.
ellekatrina he never said it was to keep us from anxieties he said if you can stay single do it because then your sole focus would be on the Lord read 1st Corinthians 5-7 I think are the verses hope this helps. God Bless.
Totally agree about feeling like threat, same here, sister! 🙌 For me this obstacle and that church is more family oriented turns me down and at times I don't feel like going to church at all. 😐
@@SintijaKeire I feel ya sister. I've not gone to church the past few weeks because of this reason, married people don't get it, even when you try to open up and explain it.
@@ellekatrina1900 yeah, I watch sunday sermons online at the moment because of covid, but again this isn't right that we have to feel this way in church just because we aren't married. It's not like we are second class Christians.🙄 Btw, I found a blog post regarding this subject which really encouraged me :thesinglestable.blog/2020/03/08/an-open-letter-to-the-church-regarding-singleness/ Maybe it will encourage you too, as there are a lot of singles out there, who feels the same! 🤗🙌🙏B
I'm a single man in my 40s with bipolar 2 so I'm accepted in church like peanut butter on a tuna sandwich. Single = strike one, mental illness = strike 2, being rejected by the frozen chosen = strike three and I'm out of church with no intent of ever going back
@@godisholy7067 I'm single and have Bipolar 1. I quit church because there was never any offer of friendship whatsoever. Church doesn't like that your single and really doesn't like that you are Bipolar, in addition. I love God, but, honestly, I really don't get why Christians hate me so much cause I have Bipolar.
I’m glad he called out how married couples try to set up single friends all the time. I will say I appreciate when they do. The issue I have though is that those same couples will always say how you are being too desperate when you date, but when you turn down someone they try to set you up with, they say you are too picky...
I have been single for so long( never married) and do not like it. I don't understand this and the church treats us like outcast. I hate going to Sunday morning church or any church events because they are all family events. We can't have sex and are giving a sex drive. It is lonely and difficult and no helpmate.
Rejoice the Lord will bless you like in Isaiah 56:3-7.... 3 Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say, “The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.” And let no eunuch complain, “I am only a dry tree.” 4 For this is what the Lord says: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant- 5 to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever. 6 And foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord to minister to him, to love the name of the Lord, and to be his servants, all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it and who hold fast to my covenant- 7 these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Did you hear that "To them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters.".....fight the fight and run the race.....God has LOVE for you waiting at the finishing line....
@@jimdeal5825 How do you know if "christoph righteous" has a special gift of celibacy ? How does what you quote apply to him ? A eunuch has no sex drive anymore . Normal men have normal sex drive . What's wrong with the way God makes men ??
@@jimdeal5825 Amazing how the church intentionally silences the natural sexual urges that people have . What a huge hypocrisy ! As if the Bible silenced these things ! As if the Lord did not what we are made of ! How I hate that !
@@framboise595Christ himself was tempted and yet did not succumb to the temptation of the Flesh so that He could be the Living Sacrifice for ALL HUMANITY.
Exactly lol. I’ve noticed that. They didn’t stay single and yet they say it’s a gift, yea there’s honestly no place for singles in the church. Churches barely have singles ministries
There are a few things that need to be examined with your statement. Just off the cuff though if you sat and studied this sermon you will realize that Pastor Matt was not saying “don’t get married… it’s stressful” Marriage is a beautiful responsibility. But we must be aware of this. Are you prepared? Are you ready to be held accountable for your spouse’s spiritual growth? Are you ready to take upon yourself the brunt of the work? I say this not as a discouragement but as a reality we must consider. What’s the point of marriage if not to image Christ’s sacrificial love?
Women have been so threatened by me that they’ve spread lies. I’m including the pastors wives here. The environment is so toxic and destructive. I’m not giving up but love for my Father
I get that too. I love my baptist church, but I feel so condemned being 33 single and i have a son. people don't understand because they don't know my story. they don't know what i have been through and seen in my life.
@@angelasantana9288 still not helpful when I'm 37 and heard every canned ham answer out there. Oh well I've got the victory or I'm just numb to it...... today at least. I feel like Gods given me promises and after 15 years honestly I'm just tired and weary. I really dont care if I get married now. I've never been married. I have no children and I've always been alone so I dont need a husband. Im not worried about that. Im just trying to reconcile Gods promises and my reality or accept I didn't hear from God. Its past being about marriage. I'm grappling with my belief of Gods faithfulness if anything right now 🎢🎢🎢
Amanda Evans I know sometimes it is very hard to trust in God and his promises for us because we are put through seasons of waiting that take a lot of perseverance and patience. However, remember that God never changes and his faithfulness is not something that simply alters over time! Nope! If it is in his plans for you to marry, than he will allow it to happen, maybe not when you desire it most, but when he knows that you are emotionally and mentally ready. Most likely you need to focus on him first and grow more dependent on him because after all, that is the most important of all things. Knowing who he is and persevering in your faith! Remember that Abraham and Sarah got a promise from God and even though it took decades for that promise to be fulfilled, God remained faithful and stayed true to his promise even when they were beginning to doubt! Either way, little side note my dad didn’t get married to my mom until he was around 41 so there’s still hope for you! It’s all In God’s hands! “I waited and waited and waited some more; patiently, knowing God would come through for me then, at last, he bent down and listened to my cry” Psalm 40:11! I will keep you in my prayers dear sister! And remember: don’t idolize marriage and relationships, make God your number one priority! ❤️ and do not lean on your own understanding, lean on his (Proverbs 3:5-6)! Much love!
@@AVL-Tree I just wanted to thank you for providing a solid, genuine answer to this man's question. There are a lot of questions for new believers that go unanswered and the one he asked was one I struggled with for years until a mentor came into my life and provided a similar answer. Matthew 6:33 is a cornerstone verse in my faith.
At about 29:15 Matt mentions unhealthy relationships between singles saying: "Develop emotionally healthy skills to grow in your relationship." Are there any book suggestions to help better guide someone who is seeking to grow in this area?
Not all people who are single and older are struggling with some type of sexual sin. 🙄 I know more married people struggling with sexual sin than single.
Although seemingly heartfelt, this perspective just seems like a lot of spin to justify a conservative ethic and killjoy, which falls heavily on LGBTQ+ people especially since under this ethic, singleness and celibacy are demanded for life. Even if the Church were to reform so as to actually be inclusive of single people (and not as an isolated appendage to the greater Church body), this approach still seems wanting. After all is said and done to create a more inclusive Church, inevitably, singles are left to cope on their own...I should know.
Please don't get sucked in to that leftist propaganda!..the left have a deep hatred for Christianity veiled in a false virtue. Read the Bible it transcends all of the current day culture war nonsense and is the only real truth.
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I truly do appreciate the heart with which Pastor Chandler approached this sermon and I have respect for his humility and honesty. I applaud him for not degenerating into the foolish and clearly unscriptural argument that the blessing of marriage is somehow inextricably linked to spiritual maturity. That argument rings so hollow it barely demands refutation. So I am happy this video does not focus on that. I think, however, there are some misconceptions here that should be addressed. And while I can only speak for myself as a 37 year-old man who is a virgin and who has never been married despite praying and longing for a godly wife, I believe that what I will say reflects the way many feel who are dealing with the pain and difficulty of prolonged singleness.
To start, I feel as though he glossed over the difficulty and pain of emotional, physical, and romantic celibacy far too quickly. As a single, the issue isn't that I "believe the worldly lie that I cannot flourish as a real human being without sexual expression;" it isn't that everything would be great if only I didn't see some oversexualized commercials. The issue is that the desire for sexual, emotional, and romantic intimacy is a REAL THING. Of course it is not the most important thing in life nor is it the most joyful thing to attain in life. Only Christ sufficiently provides for us the ultimate end towards which all other longings and desires point. Yet this does not erase the fact that emotional and physical desires, given to us by God, are wholly unmet and unsatisfied in the life of a single person. And this is exponentially true of a person facing truly prolonged singleness (30+). It is not a "lie of the world" to suggest that a person who has been blessed with a God-ordained spouse with whom they can share affection, companionship, sexual intimacy, trials and tribulations, and loving commitment somehow has "nothing better or greater" than the person who goes to bed alone every night, devoid of the emotional affection of a loving spouse, and who must fight a seemingly endless battle for sexual purity from which there is no escape and no satisfaction that is not sinful. To suggest that the single person "lacks nothing" in comparison to the married person in this regard is ludicrous on its face.
Furthermore, the assertion that both single and married people must guard against sexual perversion and temptation is, of course, true indeed. Yet the reason why this point is often brought up as an apparent "encouragement" to singles remains a mystery to me. It is no encouragement at all. It essentially amounts to telling a starving person that neither the well-fed nor the starving should consume poison. In other words, it completely misses the central issue. The married person is allowed to access the one expression of sexuality that God has ordained while the single person has literally NO avenue of sexual expression that is not sinful. The married person eats from the marriage banquet that God has given them. They do not know how starvation feels in this regard. They do not know what it is to struggle daily to obey Christ's command to remain sexually holy and pure in thought and action all the while stifling, with a robotic and increasingly embittered stolidity that borders on being inhuman, every ounce of sexual and emotional desire. It is a maddening and vicious battle that someone married in their early 20's has no conception of. But please, let us hear again how single people "lack nothing" when compared to married people.
Lastly, I completely understand why people point to Christ and Paul as good examples of how one does not need to be married in order to fulfill God's purpose for your life. And indeed, Christ is our example in all things. We are constantly striving to be more and more like Christ in everything. So on that point I completely agree and understand the heart in which it is said. Yet .... Christ was Christ. Paul was an Apostle. Marriage was no more central or important to their God-given missions than other trivial things such as owning property or having fine meals regularly. The concerns of this earth were wholly trivial to them. Can we truly expect others to treat something like marriage with the same indifference? Yes, I know that Paul said it is better to be single than married, yet seemingly 99% of pastors and Christian UA-camrs who reference 1st Corinthians 7 are married and were clearly unwilling to take Paul up on his advice. Do we believe for a moment that any one of these people would give up their spouse in order to have "more focus on saying yes" like singles apparently have? Not. At. All.
Ultimately, we would be better served to realize that God does not promise happiness on earth, but rather joy eternal in heaven. We are never promised a spouse, or told we will be protected from cancer, or persecution, or starvation. Quite to the contrary, we are told that we will endure suffering. As a christian, be prepared to suffer in the flesh in obedience and righteousness out of love for Christ who suffered for us on the cross. And pray to God for the grace to be content in your suffering. Say THAT ... and you will at least be honest with singles.
Arcanon10 SO GOOD!! Thank you!!
Very well said, I could not agree more!
THIS!!!!!
Amen. This is etremely well articulated and highlights my sentiments towards Chandler's message.
I wish he would have brought a person of prolonged singleness up to speak about their experience rather than picking individuals that specifically align with his own conceptualization of the single experience and quoting the, perhaps isolated, instances of their contentment. All this does is continue the message of shame I feel as a single person for not being "holy" enough to be completely satisfied in Christ and platonic Christian friendship.
Unfortunately, Chandler's message felt more invalidating than encouraging to me (a 30yo single) as it missed the opportunity for sincere compassion.
Yeah, his sermon basically amounted to "Suck it up! You think going home to a loving wife and kids is all fun and games? I wish I could spend more time fighting sexual urges and contemplating whether or not I'll leave a lineage!"..
I also don't buy it at all what he started to imply, which is that somehow married people aren't capable of being as holy as single (yet looking) people. Unless you're an actual Monk dedicated to living a life of sacrifice, the idea that being single makes you closer to God is actually more ridiculous than the idea of being married brings you closer to God (which makes way more sense).
For any single person watching this who might feel discouraged:
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33, NASB)
Felt like the majority of this message just ignored singles like me who are straight up lonely, unwanted by others, feel ugly according to what the world says about them.
Hey friend. I get what you mean. I've been single my whole life, I'm 24. I've never even held hands, let alone kissed or had sex.
God's been working with me soooo much, and I'm really grateful for that. I kept asking him and asking him, and when I really prioritize his way in my life, he sees it. So he works with me more, and more. He's opened my eyes to so many valuable lessons that have really helped me in my struggles.
I've desperately wanted my wife for years. I have a friend who just turned 18, and got married 2 weeks later. I've said no to women who I was attracted to, but weren't healthy for me. I've dealt with hardcore rejection. It feels like everyone around me has a significant other, and I'm constantly a third wheel.
It really sucks.
But what God taught me is - and I believe this is one of this pastor's main points is in this sermon - that my single status is a gift in itself, in its own way. This doesn't mean that I should necessarily want to stay single! It doesn't mean that it doesn't have unique struggles! But it is a stage in my life - just like childhood, old age, and hopefully, newlywed. And as such, I should treat it with the same gratitude and reverence as any life stage, because God sees fit for me to be single now.
That means I can leverage that - ESPECIALLY the struggles. I feel lonely, unwanted, sexually imprisoned? Just like any trials, these are unique opportunities for me to draw closer to God. And he definitely has used these in my life to teach me fascinating depths of truth and love.
It's a mistake to think that a spouse will solve our internal problems. Only God can truly do that. A spouse is a wonderful thing to cherish, enjoy, and invest ourselves into. But they should never be where we place our faith for our "salvation".
That includes "salvation" from feeling ugly or lonely or unwanted. Finding a spouse is not the answer to that - knowing who we are as God's perfect creation is. We are beautiful, breathtaking, unique works of art. You are valuable, desirable, and wonderful. You don't need a spouse to tell you that, because God already did.
Once we understand ourselves under God, then we can be truly ready to receive another soul to partner with. Singleness is our opportunity to grow in that quest.
I hope this helped you. Stay strong, and stay close to our Father. God bless you!!
I believe that the single life is a big battle that marrieds don’t have a clue about. But what adds insult to injury is the second class status and treatment that come from the church community. They are the very people that are supposed to embrace us . The bible says in Psalm 68 verse 6
6God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
Singles are a part of the church family and should be receiving the same amount of support and inclusion as the rest of the members of the congregation. It’s simply not happening and sadly for this those that are guilty of doing this to their single brothers and sisters will be judged in the end. God sees everything
In addition to battling with strong sexual urges and frustration, the biggest challenge of being single is seeing happy couples everywhere. It just makes me very depressed.
@ oaklandsoldier8250
If God wanted us to battle with sexual urges and frustration all the time , he would not allow us to get married at all.
We should not postpone marriage so much , as we do now. We are just playing with fire , battling useless battles against something natural .
@@framboise595 Useless battle yes I will add unnecessary since the church could do so much more to help .
I really enjoyed this sermon, but I can speak for me and plenty of others who attend baptist churches I feel outcasted and condemned by married couples. Its so hard for me to relate with my married friends at my church due to the fact that most have not experienced the things i have been through. Then I get double condemned because I have a son out of whitlock. I wish more baptist churches would start single classes for singles or divorced people. Some just don't understand why I am 33 and single, but then when I have given my testimony i feel even more judged for what I have experienced in my life. I do love my baptist church but I wish I could relate with others.
Bro you’re not alone. Everything you said was spot on.
@@danielnepomuceno4761 i like your style sir
I see it in Pentecostal churches also. I think this is a problem in the western church at large. Singles are shunned and viewed as being lesser than married couples. This is not how God views Christian singles nor wants them to be treated. It’s funny that singles who really desire marriage or are later in age and waiting for a spouse, are often told not to make marriage an idol. But when singles attend church the focus is all on marriage and families. I find the church has made an idol of marriage. The damage done is that Christians seek a spouse and their own will instead of seeking God and His will. It becomes about a race down the aisle instead of serving God and furthering His kingdom
I'm 57 and never married. In all those years, I have had nothing said to me by married Christians I'm familiar with that would encourage me to marry. Every one has said, "I should have waited", "I didn't know what I was getting into", "You don't truly know anyone until you start living with them" or "Marriage is nothing like I thought it would be." I didn't matter if the person was young and in their early 20s or a more mature professional Christian. It is always the same thing. As a single, I have been approached by plenty of single men and it becomes evident that they have underlying insecurities that they think their significant other will solve. The problem is, it is impossible for me to fix the damage caused by sexual molestation, the fact your father showed no acceptance or any number of other situations that the man is hiding because he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm sure single Christian men are having similar experiences. I personally had to give up the "right" to be angry at God for being single, I had to give up the "right" to be miserable because I was single. When I gave up those rights, God miraculously took away every feeling of the gnawing loneliness.
I wish Matt focused more on the struggles of singleness. it’s a lonely world and as someone who always grew up and found community in the church as someone who is older and single I don’t get that anymore. there no place for singles in the church. Not outreach from the church to the community. It’s sad when the world embraces singles more than gods people
This was incredibly encouraging. I don’t feel robbed by God for being single, but often times I feel “broken” because I have a hard time cultivating those relationships.
If I’m completely honest, part of me does feel robbed by God, but then I just descend into self loathing saying to myself that I don’t have what I feel like I need because I’m not good enough and don’t deserve it. Ultimately I know God is right and I am wrong, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
One of the best sermons on singleness!!!
The problem is the church treats singles as the second class of the church or to the point where they do not matter. It is very hard to go to church since the church focus mostly on married people. Even married people treat singles like they do not matter as much. There is a reason why a lot of single people do not go to church, they do not feel like they are part of the church. I am single and I honestly do not like going to church anymore because of this reason.
Hi
I really don’t like getting into the comment threads too much because no one is really every persuaded by debate, however I would say that if the reason a person is going to church is for anything other than the training and building of their faith and the fellowship of the body then we’re probably going with an incorrect heart. Just a thought.
@@howtobible6575 Listen to what he is saying. He is saying that he doesn't like going to church because of how he feels that singles are treated. Can you listen with compassion ? Yes, there is the truth, but we are not robots. We are not animated robots (body + spirit). We have feelings which often are influenced by our experiences and surroundings (body + soul + spirit).
Yes we need good doctrine, sound doctrine, but these singles who have hurt and who have disappointment need help in allowing the truth to filter into each and every area of their lives. The truth from the word of God...and not just positive thinking (Psalms 139).
b c_39 I waited 2 days to ensure my heart was in the correct place. First, I have intentionally abstained from used inflammatory, subjective, emotional words to avoid any reading into my words and applying an emotion to it that is not present. Second, We read over and over in scripture how the human heart and emotion fails to be the proper litmus test for truth. Our “feelings” cannot be used unless they fall within the context of the Word of God. As believer we should be conformed to the image of Jesus. Jesus life sought after the Fathers heart in all things. To misplace our reasons to be in the congregation is to misplace our worship. If we begin to identify by whatever ministry of the church we are a part of, singles, young married, life groups, parents, we fail to see the bigger picture, which is a that we are worshippers of the living God. If we are not that first then everything we do after that is doomed to fail and be corrupted because it’s not fully based on Jesus.
@@howtobible6575 I did not imply at all by my statement that "feelings" and "emotions" were to be received as the truth. The truth is objective, not subjective. Our feelings are open to being influenced by our experiences and our surroundings. I stated that singles who have hurt need help in allowing the truth to filter into each and every part of their lives. And yes, If one believes that they are called to a particular congregation, they should remain in that congregation or the place God has called them. Feelings are not to be used to determine where we serve or where we do not serve.
As a single, never-married man in his 50s, I can empathize. But living abroad, I get asked my status once, then it doesn't matter to most people in many cultures. I love going to church outside America, it is so different. Tired of Southern Baptist churches in the US especially as they are the most condemning of singles.
How many singles on the Church elder board at Village Church? Deacons, other leaders?
33, involuntarily single for 10 years. Saved 7 years ago, prayed incessantly for wife, active church member, successful in life except this one most important thing. No answer, no peace, no support, no prospect in sight. Had to leave church a few months ago because of the physical and psychological torment of the world around me being saturated with a blessing that I cannot attain. Singleness is a gift??? Not only is that a gross misinterpretation, it is ludicrous on its face, and condescending. Can you name another "gift" that makes its recipient long for death?
Fully understand.52 never married I know what you’re talking about. The church is where this issue should be resolved for each individual.
Thank you, Matt. Thank you.
why do people get married if Paul mentioned he was trying to keep us from having anxieties about marriage?
I love going to church but then when I get there I a reminded that I am an outcast, that the church in general is marriage and family oriented. Women feel like you are a threat to their men because you are single, we cant win . And if and when I get married I will have so much empathy for singles because I truly know how they feel.
ellekatrina he never said it was to keep us from anxieties he said if you can stay single do it because then your sole focus would be on the Lord read 1st Corinthians 5-7 I think are the verses hope this helps. God Bless.
@@valoraboveall5793 it's hard to just "focus on the Lord". Smh.
Totally agree about feeling like threat, same here, sister! 🙌
For me this obstacle and that church is more family oriented turns me down and at times I don't feel like going to church at all. 😐
@@SintijaKeire I feel ya sister. I've not gone to church the past few weeks because of this reason, married people don't get it, even when you try to open up and explain it.
@@ellekatrina1900 yeah, I watch sunday sermons online at the moment because of covid, but again this isn't right that we have to feel this way in church just because we aren't married. It's not like we are second class Christians.🙄
Btw, I found a blog post regarding this subject which really encouraged me :thesinglestable.blog/2020/03/08/an-open-letter-to-the-church-regarding-singleness/
Maybe it will encourage you too, as there are a lot of singles out there, who feels the same! 🤗🙌🙏B
I'm a single man in my 40s with bipolar 2 so I'm accepted in church like peanut butter on a tuna sandwich. Single = strike one, mental illness = strike 2, being rejected by the frozen chosen = strike three and I'm out of church with no intent of ever going back
lance williams the church ostracizes the very ones that need love from the church
@@godisholy7067 I'm single and have Bipolar 1. I quit church because there was never any offer of friendship whatsoever. Church doesn't like that your single and really doesn't like that you are Bipolar, in addition. I love God, but, honestly, I really don't get why Christians hate me so much cause I have Bipolar.
@@godisholy7067 therefore, the church is no different than the world. If anything, it's worse
@@oaklandsoldier8520 Keep searching for a great church but more importantly NEVER let people interfere with your relationship with God.
I feel for ya but that's a broad brush to paint every church with so I hope you find a good one brother.
I’m glad he called out how married couples try to set up single friends all the time. I will say I appreciate when they do. The issue I have though is that those same couples will always say how you are being too desperate when you date, but when you turn down someone they try to set you up with, they say you are too picky...
I have been single for so long( never married) and do not like it. I don't understand this and the church treats us like outcast. I hate going to Sunday morning church or any church events because they are all family events. We can't have sex and are giving a sex drive. It is lonely and difficult and no helpmate.
Rejoice the Lord will bless you like in Isaiah 56:3-7....
3 Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say,
“The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.”
And let no eunuch complain,
“I am only a dry tree.”
4 For this is what the Lord says:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose what pleases me
and hold fast to my covenant-
5 to them I will give within my temple and its walls
a memorial and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that will endure forever.
6 And foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord
to minister to him,
to love the name of the Lord,
and to be his servants,
all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it
and who hold fast to my covenant-
7 these I will bring to my holy mountain
and give them joy in my house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and sacrifices
will be accepted on my altar;
for my house will be called
a house of prayer for all nations.”
Did you hear that "To them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters.".....fight the fight and run the race.....God has LOVE for you waiting at the finishing line....
christop righteous agreed.
@@jimdeal5825
How do you know if "christoph righteous" has a special gift of celibacy ?
How does what you quote apply to him ? A eunuch has no sex drive anymore .
Normal men have normal sex drive . What's wrong with the way God makes men ??
@@jimdeal5825
Amazing how the church intentionally silences the natural sexual urges that people have .
What a huge hypocrisy ! As if the Bible silenced these things ! As if the Lord did not what we are made of !
How I hate that !
@@framboise595Christ himself was tempted and yet did not succumb to the temptation of the Flesh so that He could be the Living Sacrifice for ALL HUMANITY.
Not sure if leading off with eunuchs is a great approach. Maybe throw that in the middle....just sayin.
I would love to attend this church one day.✊🏾🙏🏾 but I’m in Ohio
W.hy do marry preachers always preach to Singles why not to get marry, if its so stressful why do you get marry yet tell us not to get marry
Exactly lol. I’ve noticed that. They didn’t stay single and yet they say it’s a gift, yea there’s honestly no place for singles in the church. Churches barely have singles ministries
There are a few things that need to be examined with your statement.
Just off the cuff though if you sat and studied this sermon you will realize that Pastor Matt was not saying “don’t get married… it’s stressful”
Marriage is a beautiful responsibility. But we must be aware of this. Are you prepared? Are you ready to be held accountable for your spouse’s spiritual growth? Are you ready to take upon yourself the brunt of the work? I say this not as a discouragement but as a reality we must consider. What’s the point of marriage if not to image Christ’s sacrificial love?
i'm single and in a relationship with Jesus
Same
Women have been so threatened by me that they’ve spread lies. I’m including the pastors wives here. The environment is so toxic and destructive. I’m not giving up but love for my Father
I get that too. I love my baptist church, but I feel so condemned being 33 single and i have a son. people don't understand because they don't know my story. they don't know what i have been through and seen in my life.
I want the lord help me find a Godly girl
What did you get married at 19?
Not helpful.
Hehe😂 Nopi! I’m pretty sure he actually got married at 25 or something like that!😂
@@angelasantana9288 still not helpful when I'm 37 and heard every canned ham answer out there. Oh well I've got the victory or I'm just numb to it...... today at least. I feel like Gods given me promises and after 15 years honestly I'm just tired and weary. I really dont care if I get married now. I've never been married. I have no children and I've always been alone so I dont need a husband. Im not worried about that.
Im just trying to reconcile Gods promises and my reality or accept I didn't hear from God. Its past being about marriage. I'm grappling with my belief of Gods faithfulness if anything right now
🎢🎢🎢
Amanda Evans I know sometimes it is very hard to trust in God and his promises for us because we are put through seasons of waiting that take a lot of perseverance and patience. However, remember that God never changes and his faithfulness is not something that simply alters over time! Nope! If it is in his plans for you to marry, than he will allow it to happen, maybe not when you desire it most, but when he knows that you are emotionally and mentally ready. Most likely you need to focus on him first and grow more dependent on him because after all, that is the most important of all things. Knowing who he is and persevering in your faith! Remember that Abraham and Sarah got a promise from God and even though it took decades for that promise to be fulfilled, God remained faithful and stayed true to his promise even when they were beginning to doubt! Either way, little side note my dad didn’t get married to my mom until he was around 41 so there’s still hope for you! It’s all In God’s hands! “I waited and waited and waited some more; patiently, knowing God would come through for me then, at last, he bent down and listened to my cry” Psalm 40:11! I will keep you in my prayers dear sister! And remember: don’t idolize marriage and relationships, make God your number one priority! ❤️ and do not lean on your own understanding, lean on his (Proverbs 3:5-6)! Much love!
@@angelasantana9288 Thanks for your kind words, prayers and reminder of Gods words. Much love💞
Amanda Evans you’re very much welcome!🥰💓 God bless you!
Is Paul's gospel being distorted here? You pick and choose certain group of singles but Jesus said they are all the same.
I wish life was just simple as "focusing on the Lord". What the hell does that even mean? Smh.
@@AVL-Tree I'll try. But I have suicide everyday on my mind.
@@AVL-Tree I just wanted to thank you for providing a solid, genuine answer to this man's question. There are a lot of questions for new believers that go unanswered and the one he asked was one I struggled with for years until a mentor came into my life and provided a similar answer. Matthew 6:33 is a cornerstone verse in my faith.
I hate being a single man. It truly sucks
Me too, but let's not give up on the hope that we have in Jesus Christ, and continue to wait on the Lord. God is good and full of grace.
✝️
Jesus Loves YOU...
At about 29:15 Matt mentions unhealthy relationships between singles saying: "Develop emotionally healthy skills to grow in your relationship." Are there any book suggestions to help better guide someone who is seeking to grow in this area?
It’s called the gift of suffering, so choke back the tears and let the bitterness harden you just a little more every day.
Subscribed
Not all people who are single and older are struggling with some type of sexual sin. 🙄 I know more married people struggling with sexual sin than single.
Read my profile.
33 always been single.
Nuff said.
This is so empty and hallow and disingenuous
Exactly. And so fallacious.
Although seemingly heartfelt, this perspective just seems like a lot of spin to justify a conservative ethic and killjoy, which falls heavily on LGBTQ+ people especially since under this ethic, singleness and celibacy are demanded for life. Even if the Church were to reform so as to actually be inclusive of single people (and not as an isolated appendage to the greater Church body), this approach still seems wanting. After all is said and done to create a more inclusive Church, inevitably, singles are left to cope on their own...I should know.
Why are you here? Jesus didn't care about "inclusivity".
@@JonathanSaxon Jesus cared about everyone. Don't breed hatred and indifference.
he talked about singles being included in the church. Did you watch till the end?
@@steflondon88 No he didn't.
He didn't care about the Pharisees very much now did he.
Please don't get sucked in to that leftist propaganda!..the left have a deep hatred for Christianity veiled in a false virtue. Read the Bible it transcends all of the current day culture war nonsense and is the only real truth.