I'm gonna have to make a playlist to show to my conservative Christian relatives. So far it's this, that FANDOM documentary on D&D in general and literally any clip of Matt Mercer being a sweetheart
@@calebdouglas2512 I love that! I did that with my family with some other fandoms im in and it actually made them understand me wayyy better. I hope it works out!!!
Sounds like you tend to play somewhere with high celings and sparsly furnished rooms... Otherwise, I'd bring something less unwieldy, like a rondell dagger, or a Gladius...
@@aloseman I'm in USA and it's pretty bad .I guess there are some pretty decent things you can learn but it's kind of like "how to talk to people nicely and stay calm while doing so"
@@aloseman it’s also not a class taught in all schools, or even in every state. When I was completing my Teacher Preparation program for my state, Social Emotional Learning as a classroom objective was very new, and when I asked my professors about what that looks like in the classroom l, it seemed like even they weren’t sure. I have little doubt it is useful, but as a new teacher trying to integrate it into a curriculum, concrete examples and lesson plans steeped in those practices were next to non-existent at the time.
Send this to your teacher. Tell them that it's a DnD-themed video, but is basically just universal teamwork advice. They could show it in class, or add the best bits to their own lecture.
"It's inevitable that conflicts will arise" Me: (nods) "I think a lot of us don't really have the emotional or social tools to navigate conflict in a healthy way" Me: (nods intensify)
I think a lot of the people on social media asking for "help" are perfectly aware that they need to communicate. Their asking online is A, a way to find out if their worries are valid (and/or if other viewpoints exist in a reference group they trust) and B, what words to use when voicing their concerns. Finding words for emotions is really hard and if you aren't prepared, it's easy to get steamrollered and not be able to stand your ground.
I sat in on a convention panel in which "professional" GMs counseled solving in-game issues with in-game retaliation. It was truly cringe. I felt bad for all the newb DMs there that might take that bad advice to heart and create short-lived toxic tables that would only serve to drive people away from the hobby. Thank you so much for your video. Breath of fresh air.
I want to believe that that *could* work, but I feel like the scenario in which it does would be very, *very* niche. Group of close friends, informed this is what would be happening, actually talking about what/why/how to improve to avoid further retaliation if not prior to the initial instance of in-game "justice" for out-of-game problems... maybe worked into the lore somehow, ie "the gods sense that you are not doing all that you can to help [the party/yourself/said god reach their goals through you] and demand you work things out with your party" for flavor. But again, it would be super niche, and wouldn't work if the natures of the players and their closeness/trust in each other was lacking, as the moment someone takes it personally is the moment it completely falls apart. Videos like this are definitely much appreciated compared to stuff that is essentially saying to punish/attack your players...
That advice can only work in the very distinct context of "Your in-game actions were selfish and screwed over the party. Now reap the consequences of screwing up the party. This bad outcome was a direct result of You Doing The Thing We Warned You Not To Do. When will you learn, when will you learn, that your actions have consequences." In no other scenarios does it work, and in particular it only works here because, surprise, the DM talks to the player out of character and lets them know what they did was not okay.
@@Blaire_Shoe if it’s in game issues why wouldn’t there be in game retaliation? It depends on the issues honestly. So I don’t see this as heavily cringe. If the party is infighting then the enemy has more time to prepare. If there is someone that decides to steal from the group or do evil acts throw them in a dungeon and have in game consequences. Now rules should already be set. So everyone should know the expectation of role playing and what can and cannot be done.
@@donaldpreston4422 they're talking about in-game consequences for out of game actions. For example, DM and player had a disagreement over a person they both wanted to date, or over something one of them said while drunk. Next session, DM drops a tarrasque on the player's character, or some other deadly Deus ex Machina.
My dm will do this for everyone. He tends to know my turn is "go up to monster, swing, spend a ki, flurry of blows", and yet he still tells me when I'm on deck. I love that tho cuz if by chance something happens I can change up my play. Our combat is rather quick but we have a Bob at the table who either thinks on deck is his turn and starts telling us his turn or is so lost in the game he isn't sure what to do..... he is a barbarian and forgets he has rage and reckless attack. Sad thing is he rolled very well for stats and he has t he highest intelligence at the table in characters only..... still a great guy and it's rather funny for the rest of us that he seems lost, even tho I'm pretty sure out of the group I'm the new guy to d&d. Heck I just went over his stats and found out he didn't level up his character 3 sessions ago and is still on level 5 (we are level 6 now) without using his asi/feat and I'm not sure he picked a subclass.
Great and helpful video! I really like the acknowledgment that conflict can occur without one singular wronging/wronged party because of various playstyles or communication gaps.
The commentary about Avoiding Essentializing is _super_ important for more than just role-playing, or even just communication. If you can strip that out of your thinking in general, it'll lead to a lot less personal negativity and anxiety and prevent communication problems from even starting.
Yes! This is a cognitive behavioral therapy element too, I know it as "labeling." Like telling yourself you're a dumb person when you made one forgetful mistake. It's not constructive, only destructive! So I like it in this context too, of taking care not to do that to other people willy nilly
@@joshuafurtado2299 I understand why you find that annoying, but at the end of the day him talking about a game system he likes while at the table isn't harming anyone. I'm sure it's probably because RPG's are something he's very interested in, and he just wants to share his knowledge because it makes him feel happy to talk about his passion. If I was in your situation, I'd take a step back and just tell myself that, and try not to get so worked up about it if I can help it. Maybe humour him even and ask about it outside of the session, so that it's spoken about less at the table itself, and is less disruptive. Changing the rules to suit one person however, that's different, it actively harms your play experience. If they're close friends and you think that the DM will only take his side and bend the rules, then yeah, I think your best option is to leave. Even if you convince the DM not to do that anymore, it will probably cause a rift between them and their friend.
@@joshuafurtado2299 right I see what you mean, I seem to have misunderstood your first message. I thought he was simply comparing the two systems in casual conversation at the table when things happened (which would've been annoying yes but like I said harmless), not trying to bend the rules of 5e so that they match pathfinder. I'd suggest that if you bring up the topic with him or the DM, try and frame it in a non-accusatory way like Ginny says. Instead of "it's not pathfinder stop bringing it up" maybe "we should give DM more space to run the campaign, give him a chance to try without being micromanaged even if he makes mistakes", ie; he won't keep jumping in to spell out the rule systems. He's likely to want to change his behaviour if he thinks it might be bothering his friend than bothering you (no offence)
The only thing worse than conflict at the table is the lack of it; when players or DMs keep their issues to themselves and end up dropping out of the game, never saying why. The person with the problem never gets resolution or the chance to be heard. The person causing the problem never gets the opportunity for self-reflection or change. I've done the disappearing act myself and I later came to realize it was a pretty selfish thing to do. Even worse than someone dropping out, is someone dropping a vague message about their dissatisfaction before ghosting you!
Yeah, if you don't know that you're upsetting someone, you can't address the issue. I had this issue once where another player got upset about the rogues forming their own clique and sneaking off in the night, and she talked to me about it. Well, she more yelled at me about it. And cursed. Lots of cursing.
This hits close to home, because I left my D&D group just two weeks ago. It was because of some in-character conflit between me and another player that turned personal. I was irritated enough after that, but I was willing to let it slide and be civil about it as long as we could find a good solution for it roleplay-wise - but then, a few days after the session, the guy started openly shit-talking me (not me the character, but me the person) in our party's group chat, not taking any responsibility for the fight and pushing all the blame on me (all while making some very uncalled-for remarks about me as a person), and I was done. I don't let anyone talk to me like that, and I couldn't imagine staying in the same group as him if this was the kind of dynamic we were gonna be having in the future. It sucked - we've been playing this campaign for close to a year now, and I hate that I had to leave it like this - but I know where my personal line is, and he crossed it one too many times. Meanwhile, our dungeon master didn't do anything - she definitely read the messages, but she didn't say anything at all until _days_ after I had already left the group. And even then, she didn't really make any kind of statement about it. I'm not surprised though. That Guy is her boyfriend, and he had been getting special treatment all campaign long. The entire time it felt like he thought of himself as the main character of the group, and our DM definitely did everything in her power to support that assumption. It was an exhausting group to play in even before it went toxic like that, not gonna lie.
This sounds almost exactly like what a friend of mine is going through in her other D&D group (though admittedly with less out-of-game shit-talking, if I’m getting the full story). One of the other players is the DM’s girlfriend and there have been many instances where this player’s character actively worked towards sabotaging my friend’s character (the most egregious of which is setting him up to get sent to jail), along with seemingly having information about the setting/NPCs that none of the other players have and the DM frequently having extended social interactions with his GF’s character while the other players were ignored/sidelined for the entire conversation (there was one instance that lasted over an hour). It’s not just the GF that seems to be targeting my friend’s character either. At some point, my friend’s character was able to befriend a gazer, but then was forced by the group (mostly by the GF) to get rid of him, accusing the gazer of spying on them. The DM a few sessions later then described them finding some dead gazers on their way to a beholder and basically outright said that one of them was my friend’s character’s gazer. (She was so upset about that detail that our group unanimously agreed that if she ever played him again at our table, he would just automatically have his gazer familiar.) As it sounded to me that the problem involves both the DM and the GF, I have encouraged her to try talking with the only other player in the group to see if he too has noticed and taken issue with the seeming special treatment that the GF is getting, but since they’re supposedly nearly finished the adventure (they’ve been “almost finished” for nearly a month now), she figured she’d just tough it out and just not join up if/when they start up a new game. Now that I’ve written it all out, it’s possible, based on the DM’s and GF’s actions, that talking with them about the differential treatment might not actually lead anywhere, so I can see where she’s coming from regarding just quietly finishing the game and never coming back. That said, I still think it might be worth it to make her issues known if for no other reason than for the DM and GF to have that complaint (I can’t think of another word rn) in mind if similar comments are made by someone else in the future. Or, at least I hope that’s what would happen, idk. Maybe they’ll just end up thinking that she’s being too sensitive and not reflect on their actions whatsoever, who knows 🤷♀️😒?
Oof, I'm so sorry. But maaaajor props to you for making the choice that felt healthy for yourself, even though it's such a disappointment to walk away from a game. I hope you find another game soon that is a much better fit
"Ensign! What color flag be waved on mast yonder?" "Sir! I say, 'tis crimson of color." "And 'low that?" "Be it scarlet, true." "And the last?" "I daresay it be mahogany, if it please Sir." "Steady on. Nothing to tarry o'er here."
Glad that you had the courage to extricate yourself from that toxic gaming environment. May you soon find a fun, pleasant group with whom you can enjoy role play.
As one who's both played and DMed with problem players, this is what I've learned. 1. Set expectations right from the get go. Be clear and level headed when conveying these expectations. The table needs to come first, and harmony is the goal. When everyone works together, we all win. When everyone agrees to a set of basic conduct rules, you should be good. If certain people cannot stay within those lines, then problems will arise. 2. When conflict arises, remain level headed. This is the hardest part, especially when you're taking offense at something. Trust me, finger pointing and shouting solve nothing and only fixes blame. 3. Try to handle things privately when you can. Be as diplomatic as you can. I the problem persists, then handle it publicly. Sometimes it's the only way. Some people honestly don't hear themselves in the moment. Hell, I know I've tripped up more than my share. I'd expect you to call me out. 4. When you want to talk about issues, pick neutral ground. Removing the perception of "territory" is key. I like to take the problem party out for a beer and discuss the issue along with what may be going on in their lives. Getting context is important. Removing the atmosphere of conflict can sometimes lead to a helpful dialogue. If you're uncomfortable with one-to-one conversations like this, maybe bring along another player who can help arbitrate. 5. Develop tools for clear communication. I'm a visual guy, so I use visual tools. I also stand when I DM so everyone can see my body language. Initiative it tracked via wooden clothespins on top of my DM screen (with Character names on them). When people can see their turn, they're usually ready for it. I use natural language when describing things to build better comprehension. Immersion is improved with better comprehension of the moment. 6. Draw a line. If the problem persists, you have to decide when things are basically making things less than fun. Matt Colville once said that no gaming is better than bad gaming. I never understood that until it was true. It is better to remove or leave toxic people, relationships or situations than let things fester. You may save friendships in the long run. I've had to remove more than one player from my table. A smaller, tighter knit group who respects everyone else is better than a larger problem group. Heck, you may even want to try games as small as one-to-one or two-to-one, so long as everyone is cool with it. 7. As an addendum to #6, if you cannot find a DM to suit you, maybe you're the DM you're looking for. Take a turn at The Big Chair and develop your own stories. Sometimes the perspective from the other side of the screen is what you need. Essentially, be the DM you'd like to play under. Trust me, it's an eye opener. Lastly, thanks for this. I'll bet you've had to deal with some shit, and I'll also bet you're more diplomatic than I am. Stick with it. You're doing much better at it than I did at your age, which is fantastic.
Well said. Id add to the list by saying that sometimes the gm has to swallow pride if the players arent too happy with some aspect of the game. If a player or players are saying something is wrong, take the negative criticism as what it is, extremely insightful, and a great tool to help you do better as gm in the future. Dont take it personal, and if it feels like youre being personally attacked for being a bad gm or player, try to ignore the fact you feel attacked, and dont react to that idea, it wont help to be defensive. You can ask for more information, ask if players have specific issues, and examples, and ask if they have any ideas on how to fix it. No one person is “right” , it HAS to be a cooperative effort where everyone leaves happy. I have this issue often when trying something new, and sometimes players have to tell me yes/no on certain things, and I always leave on a happy note; “thank you for your advice, and patience. Ill work on the changes so the next game is even better”. This is why i always have a peer review after each game, it is a space where such criticisms can be aired fairly and openly. Same for giving praise too, everyone NEEDS to hear some praise every once in a while, the gm and the players too. (And yes, as gm, i hear more negative feedback on average, because players just want to improve their situation, this is normal. Its nice to hear what is good about your gm’ing, but its even more helpful to use negative feedback as a tool. It doesnt mean youre bad at all, its just human nature. The only thing to consider is if players are giving HONEST feedback, or if theyre just trying to “get ahead”. A good saying is “it is easier to justify getting something you want,” meaning if someone is complaining that theyre not getting what they feel they deserve, dont be afraid to talk about it and maybe compromise, but realize that players will always see things from their perspective (like wanting more level up, more loot, etc.) Sometimes they just assume they know something they dont, like how much treasure they “should” have, but they dont always know how to gm or run a game at all, so theyre opinions are likely only based on their past experiences. This is why its so good to set those early expectations.)
@@daveshif2514 This is the reason why I do "campaign pitches". I'll write down three concepts in a few sentences each. The players vote for the campaign they want. Rule changes are discussed pre-game and voted on. I also have the players recount the events of the previous session. This measures engagement and tells me what they're into. Its also a helpful reminder.
" I use natural language when describing things to build better comprehension." Please provide an example of this. I'm always seeking to improve my descriptions.
@@commandercaptain4664 In other words, I use references that the players can relate to in simple language. To describe how dark something is, I might say "It's really dark. Like you're in a room with no windows and the power went out.", or "The smell of rot is somewhere, but it's hard to trace it. Like something in the fridge has spoiled, and you KNOW it's in there, but you just can't find it". Use language the players can relate to. Describe it to them, not "the characters". Trust me, the characters will react appropriately.
8:20 In my experience, people who consider themselves "brutally honest", are generally more interested in the brutality. Honesty can hurt, but how it's being delivered doesn't need to be delivered harshly.
Yup. It helps to take criticisms with a grain of salt, because people will ALWAYS have a bias towards benefitting themselves. I have to tell people a lot of times “no the thing you think you want to do or have isnt actually helpful for the game because it isnt fair to others, and that could hurt the game long term”. Esp when players want to make new content like spells, sure its great fun, but it does have to be semi fair to others
Talking to your players/GM like an adult is the best advice. It solves so many problems. But I totally agree that many people lack the skills to have those conversations in a manner that does not escalate into yelling or hurt feelings. Giving people tools to better navigate those conversations is a great idea for a video! 😁
"Many of us spend more time with our dnd parties then we do with our families." Shout out to all the dms and players who play with their families ♡ I dm for my 2 sisters ♡
I dm for my mom, stepfather, sister, and fiance. I have a group with my sister, fiance and sister's friend too, and usually a group with just friends/acquaintances/strangers too, but at this time I don't have a game like that going on.
I DM'd a oneshot campaign with my boyfriend and his siblings a couple days before I had to move back in with my parents to finish my last semester at Uni. I hope to make it into a long term campaign on the weekends when I get back :)
This is good advice. If I may add one more, be very careful of tryiing to use in-game actions/consequences for interpersonal conflicts. Talk to the person, player to player--don't have your character try to murder their character. It can be tempting to look at your resources and see all the spells and attacks you can use, when you're much likelier to have a productive solution by communicating with the player.
@@the.rest.is.confetti Sometimes you hear horror stories (from forums, etc). Just like all other human interaction, thing can go off the rails in a hurry. Healthy adult communication is a skill that takes time and dedication to grasp, but it's the best way forward most of the time.
I actually did this once (tried to hit the other character with a club) when my boyfriend dragged me into a one-shot with his co-workers and one of them roleplayed something as a joke that I took as sexual violence. Obviously the game didn't continue and I think I have a much better grasp of my own boundaries and how to communicate them now, but...well, I'm not proud of how I acted but it was a good D&D lesson for me.
You're legit sharing things taught in college level interpersonal communications class. AWESOME quality and content, and I'm saving this for future reference as a teacher!
I literally just got done creating my first character ever for a oneshot campaign, just to get a taste of D&D, and my goodness was this great to hear. I've been watching tutorial videos for hours on how to create a character/fill out a character sheet, but this is the first video I've seen with real-world advice and actual social situation scenarios. Thank you so much for this, Ginny! I wish you and your channel the best of luck in the future and I'm sure I'll be around for more :D
"[puns] are in beta" lmao That shot me back to when I had a warforged bard that would say this or some version every time their "Hideous Laughter" would fail
Same. A lot of people I know who won't address conflict directly will start talking behind people's backs and lashing out and like, I understand conflict management is a skill to be honed, but that doesn't change the behaviors being incredibly immature. Sometimes you need to just tell them to cut the crap and say what's bugging them.
... although Ginni's choice of adjectives diminished the point. The speaker needs to respect everyone else and many have not been taught how some words are not used in polite situations. It is just as important as sexual jokes or ethnic jokes that should be well considered before using them.
I think what she meant by not Adult is that it's not nuanced. Often, the answer is healthy communication, but players might not know that, or they might not how to do that. Responding with "Have you tried talking to them like an Adult?" can be putting unhealthy expectations on someone who just doesn't have that kind of communication experience, someone who doesn't have the ability to talk to someone "like an adult". In my experience, everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have, they just often need different tools or to learn a different way to use them.
I am ashamed I laughed at the Ad pun. That aside... thank you so much, Ginny. This is the practical advice we, as a community, all need. Personally. I've looked for advice on reddit about a player that may be called a problem player. I've been stressing for weeks about the conversation that I know I'm going to have to have as GM. Thank you. Also, nice set and lighting. And nice ad read. Thanks for making it entertaining.
My party is made up of people who are so different that you'd think they wouldn't get along, but they are really good at translating their differences into a good party dynamic and it makes for some hilarious games
Yes! A carrot can work better than a stick. Use something (inspiration or bonus xp) to reward players who are always ready with their actions, show up on time, help other players, etc.
Omg. These would have been very helpful guidelines when i had the worst depressive episode of my life and didn't have the ability to clarify or change effectively based on the feedback i got.... keeping this in mind going forward!
In my opinion, the way you can tell when everyone is actually super comfortable, is when your character can *destroy* another in some emotional conflict, verbally, and no one mistakes this for being anything more than roleplay. I recall a time that our Bugbear Warlock suggested to my Shadar-kai Rogue, that we kill everyone inside this building (including children) because they are lizardmen. And she said something like, "Yes, well I would love to kill every ugly, stupid bugbear I run into as well but some of them are not that bad, or at least I thought." Everyone was shocked for a moment, but then we all laughed and moved on, and it was well understood that this was a character interaction and not any kind of attack on the player. It really filled me with confidence that we were all on the same page.
I’m a psych major about a year away from getting my Bachelor’s degree, and a lot of what I have been learning recently is about how to talk to clients, certain phrases to avoid or ones you should use often, etc, and your advice uses a LOT of these skills. It’s actually uncanny.
Stuff said around a table I was there for over the last 25 years. (I'm so old t-t) Most of these got resolved peacefully through conversation. (A few of these are actually a DM side problem) "Can you stop talking over me when I try to RP?" "That depends, can you stop trying to get us killed by antagonizing the NPC that one-shot the monster you missed on a nat 19?" "He's annoying and keeps killing shit for us!" (DM Npc kept intervening and being the main star) "Stop rushing me during my turn!" "You always take SO LONG!" "Then stop changing the whole battle map or getting in the way of my best spells. At this point, it's like you do it on purpose." (Player thought spells were op and was looking for a way to cause conflict around that) "You never do shit in combat!" "I literally buffed everyone during my turns, you just always forget you have them." "You keep killstealing my enemies!" "What is this, 2nd edition with a Bribe the DM with Food clause? Get lost." "Why do you keep redoing your math every roll? It's going to be +7 Until we gain 3 levels!" "Stop questioning how I do things!" "Then stop getting it wrong!" (the player was cheating and someone tried to be smooth about it) "I never have any chance to shine anywhere!" "You literally never pay attention to anything happening ever, you're always talking to people on your phone!" "This is my house!" "Geographical location doesn't change the fact that you don't pay attention" "Why do you have to make your character a [slur for being LGBTQ]?" "You'll never get to know the answer to that, Dave." (Not actually called dave)
Super great advice, Ginny. One of the things I often notice is that most people consider tabletop roleplaying to be like... a monolithic activity. Something akin to say... soccer. In reality, TTRPGs are like "sports." There are all different kinds, from soccer to cricket to freakin' chess. So many people wanna just play a TTPRG that they don't really stop to think if what they're looking for is in alignment with what the GM or other players are aiming for. And even if most everyone is on the same page, TTRPGs allow for literally an infinite number of ways they can be played or otherwise experienced, so players (and the GMs!) can have widely different preferences for what takes up "screen time." It's a lot to have to navigate, and working on some of the skills and using the tips you mentioned I think can do a great job for creating the collaborative atmosphere AND help foster the inevitable compromises everyone has to make so that everyone can enjoy the game as much as possible. It's amazing that such a stupidly complex hobby ever took off! But maybe that's why we love it so much? Because when it's great, it's the best. And it's only ever great when you conjure those moments with others.
Well said. It IS like sports. Even if we all like the same “sport”, we might not all enjoy watching the same “teams” playing. The group you play with is just as important if not more than the game itself. If the group doesnt mesh well, the game wont work. Doesnt mean anyone is wrong, we just all like the same sport in a different way
I've never seen anyone apply reasonable real world advice on roleplaying this well and in a very digestible way. The next time I run a group I plan to peruse your videos for reminders. Thank you.
Great video as always Ginny. The DM is absolutely a leadership position. They're at the head of the table, everyone is following their lead. It's one of the things that makes the position so challenging, but also very rewarding. Cultivating your people handling/ conflict management skill set transfers directly to real life! Another benefit of this hobby. Thanks again.
Jesus Christ I needed to hear someone on this website say these words I've actually seen younger people argue that it's hard for some people to be confident and confront a problem, and that should justify a DM punishing their friends in game over out of game drama. Please, for the love of God, just talk to your friend like an adult.
I wish I’d seen something like this last year - I was one of those problem players. Got booted from two groups (that had complete player overlap, so the problem carried from one to the other) because I had some poor behavior and also didn’t know how to bring up issues that were bothering me before they got out of hand. If I or the DM or other players had been able to see advice like this, I wonder if things might have gone differently. (And yes, I’m working on minimizing the issues on my end, for the future). Thank you for making these great videos!
As a DM myself, I have to say that it is absolutely a leadership position. While you're not solely responsible for everyone's having a good time and having fun, if you don't put any work into making that happen, you're completely capable of preventing any of it from happening.
some much of what you say is so psychologically healthy, ginny, thank you! and i love how you acknowledge that sometimes no one (even you) doesn't always get it right! you feel like a ordinary but good D&D player, someone anyone would want at their table
I am *SO GLAD* I've come across your channel the past couple of days. I've been playing D&D since 2nd edition/Advanced, and your content is SO. SPOT. ON. Having your videos as a resource years ago when I first got into the hobby would have given me a lot of help to making sure my and my friends' experiences were more positive. Please keep this up, this is such a benefit to the overall tabletop community and works so well cross-game.
This not only great for D&D but a fantastic approach for helping to resolve problems in any group dynamic. They should use this as instructional material for management in workplaces.
Just gatta say...I love your sponsorship skits! I don't play DnD so I wasn't going to watch this video but I decided to make sure to watch your sponsorship promotion before clicking off. They are always so creative and entertaining! Which is almost never the case in other people's sponsorship promotions.
A lot of other channels' ideas about monsters and classes and adventures are all fun and I watch a lot of them, but I think Ginny's videos on the social dynamics of the table are some of the most practically useful things UA-cam has to offer a D&D player.
This is such an important video!! I always get anxiety with confrontation but communication in D&D (and everywhere else) is crucial. I have convos about home games with my DM and fellow players almost constantly. Running things by one another keeps people comfortable and grows trust! Recently, I’ve come across situations where folks aren’t interested in listening to others’ concerns and choose to push blame instead of listening and working with everyone, but sadly, that’s how life goes sometimes. Sometimes people just aren’t meshing and need to leave. Remembering that D&D is a *game* and is *for fun* means that if someone isn’t enjoying themselves, they can and probably should move on to other tables and other party members!!
Don't remember if I've said it before but . . . . . OK, I'll admit, I LOVE your adverts. The imaginative format, extremely old-timey intros (WAY older than me), the over the top hammy performances, etc., all give me good hearty laugh.
Psych major here! Something that can be useful during the solution-finding phase is taking turns listing possible solutions to the problem. It's important that each person doesn't judge or criticize the other's ideas. Once both parties feel like they've stated all their ideas, however strange they may seem, going through and listing pros and cons of each potential solution helps narrow down what path you both will take in the future.
Excellent video. I played with a group, and ran games for them, where they would bring outside personal issues into the game trying to kill or ruin someone else's character. I didn't realize until I played with a non toxic group how messed up it was. You give really great advice.
This is fantastic guidance to help people verbalize their feelings and approach conflict with grace. Plenty of married couples can benefit from this video...
I thank Ginny for this video so much. A lot of the advice in this video not only is helpful when facing conflict in a D&D setting but, are also good communication and problem resolution tips in general. Also, I am someone who left my 1st D&D group mostly due to schedule conflict but, partly due to them not being a right group for me. There's no shame in having to walk away from a group.
I wish I had this video about a year ago when there were some conflicts going on at the table I play at! This is beautiful, I adore it thank you so much! Conflict isn't just on one person, it involves more than one and as adults we all need to be able to communicate with one another in the best way we can!
Im happy to see this kind of content for dnd! More ppl need the tips to do the social aspect of running a game. I always say “people just want you to talk to them like theyre your friends, just have fun, even if theyre not your friends treat them like youve been friends for years. And, everyone needs to respect each other in game; the gm works hard on the game and needs respect, but the players also work hard on their characters and the gm should respect their characters too. Neither side is more important, it has to be a 50/50. If the gm wouldnt want players trying to wreck their world, the gm shouldent do the same thing to the pc (unless that is what they wanted ofc).”
I live in a Co-Op and we use the practice of Restorative Meditation to handle conflicts. This is literally the same process simplified, so I’d highly recommend looking it up to feel more comfortable addressing intra-table conflicts.
Wow Ginny That was really insightful of you I have been through conflicts myself even though I am fairly new to the hobby, only started playing since summer 2019 I left a group, even though it had friends of mine, went back to give it another chance. Another issue rose with another friend and I literally cut that connection completely So your advice in this video really brings it home and it is a serious issue I started DM'ing myself and found another group to play with as well My point is even your video contextualising these issues at least validates the events which truly leave a sour taste to say the least These communication skills transcend gaming tables to any social group and should hopefully strengthen the community Kudos and thank you 🌹
1. Love your look today! The hair is so minty fresh. 2. Thanks for posting this! This came up in a recent group I DM'd. It was pretty hot, but talking through it like adults helped to calm it down and this is such an important thing to do as adults, but especially around any table of friends.
This is really great. I've played with online rpg groups before and each time there was at least one player who drove me nuts. And I never really got up the guts to address it. I've had similar problems with my irl friend games though thankfully to a lesser extent. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for taking the time to teach us all how to be the adults we know we need to be. We may have never developed this skill, and this kind of video helps. I really like your upbeat, compassionate real talk. Keep it up!
"Have you tried talking to them like a godamn adult?" is, in fact, my first response as well - and I appreciate that's where Ginny starts as well! She's good people.
Great advice. I had a really good discussion with my group about some concerns recently. I found that asking for a conversation after a really good session worked really well, because I could emphasize that I wanted to keep the dynamic as good as it was during that session.
Thank you for having the patience to explain this- online forums often get reduced to the most salient point, but “talk like adults” often isn’t received well because… well, the internet. I’ll be linking to this video often, I think!
When I watch your videos like this, I feel very grateful that Covid stopped me from joining a D&D group that was dysfunctional before Session 0 even started. But, it also helps me know how to identify and (hopefully) deal with such issues in the future!
This is very good advice. I can see instances where despite your best efforts, the other person just isn't having it and becomes defensive and adversarial. As you mentioned, there are instances where offensive jokes, unwanted touching, or disrespect of physical boundaries can get a new person booted on the spot. However, as you said, in most cases, some private respectful discussion can often help resolve problems.
I'm lucky to be in a group with my chosen family, and another with my biological family+. Of course, that does not mean we're never going to run into conflict, but we all have a good foundation talking to one another and if we ever do run into bigger issues we can't resolve right away, I'll be sure to bring them back to this. So far, they've been loving your videos that I showed them before our brand new campaign :)
I am planning on watching this a third time and taking notes. There's a lot of good info in here that applies outside of D&D as well! Thanks for the thoughtful and insightful videos.
Came across your videos over the weekend and been watching a bunch. Really like what you're doing with exploring the social side of D&D to complement the umpteen videos I've watched about the mechanical side. Nice informative stuff and thanks for sharing them.
This actually helped calm me down about confrontation. I am incredibly anxious in social situations and as the group GM for a couple games this was very insightful. I may have extreme anxiety or form of autism and so I struggle with forming the right phrases to conversation.
your look for the video is so pretty! the minty hair, necklace, and floral top, so pretty :) also thank you for the tips! I always have trouble being a leader as a DM, always working on doing better 💕
Thank you for making this video. I know pretty much all the points you are making and I have often repeated them myself to players, but there is definitely a difference between knowing something and doing something. So, it is always helpful to have a reminder and a bit of a push for those things. You talking about this in such a succinct way was what I needed to motivate me to send a message to a player whose actions have really been bugging me. You're awesome and keep doing what you do
Yeah, someday those puns will go from prototype to fish. They'll get beta & betta.
thank u dannyboy for the smile
thank u
Huh?
@@kelly_seastar A functional prototype of a product is often called a beta version, and betta is a breed of fish.
I refuse to acknowledge how funny this is I politely request that you speak no more
*Points* corner, now.
Ginny is slowly evolving from “Cool Cosplay Gal" to “D&D Mom" and I'm here for it!
I wonder what her mega-evolution will look like
@@jeroen92 neo-somnoven ginny
@@jeroen92
Cool Cosplay Gal --> D&D Mom --> Goddess of Fantasy
“In my games, player characters have a maximum of 1 HP.”
Cool D&D Mom
"Life advice loosely disguised as D&D advice" is EXACTLY what I was thinking before you said it
Another great entry in the "actually D&D can be a vector to be a better person" canon.
Also Bob sounds like a real jag.
Fuckin' Bob!!
I'm gonna have to make a playlist to show to my conservative Christian relatives. So far it's this, that FANDOM documentary on D&D in general and literally any clip of Matt Mercer being a sweetheart
@@GinnyDi Don’t worry, gang, I’ll talk to him. We Bobs all know each other.
@@calebdouglas2512 I love that! I did that with my family with some other fandoms im in and it actually made them understand me wayyy better. I hope it works out!!!
@@Alansaurus that's awesome! Any effort to better help you and your family understand each other is a win in my book
"Honesty isn't an excuse to be unkind"
-Ginny Di
I really like that a lot.
If only the internet had a forum sticky...
Good comment
@Scott's Precious Little Account what the fuck are you talking about?
"Better armed for potential future issues"
My decision to bring my greatsword to game night has been validated
Sounds like you tend to play somewhere with high celings and sparsly furnished rooms...
Otherwise, I'd bring something less unwieldy, like a rondell dagger, or a Gladius...
To be perfectly honest, I’ve always preferred an apache pistol for close quarters combat. But you do you
@@meikograveyard I prefer dual wielding a dagger and M1911 for the best of both worlds.
If we’re being honest, I prefer 2 sharpened #2 pencils and a crisp SAT test
This taught me more about anything than the stupid social emotional learning course we take in school every year.
You get an emotional learning course in school? That seems helpful. May I ask what country you're in, and what the class is like?
@@aloseman I'm in USA and it's pretty bad
.I guess there are some pretty decent things you can learn but it's kind of like "how to talk to people nicely and stay calm while doing so"
@@aloseman it’s also not a class taught in all schools, or even in every state. When I was completing my Teacher Preparation program for my state, Social Emotional Learning as a classroom objective was very new, and when I asked my professors about what that looks like in the classroom l, it seemed like even they weren’t sure. I have little doubt it is useful, but as a new teacher trying to integrate it into a curriculum, concrete examples and lesson plans steeped in those practices were next to non-existent at the time.
Send this to your teacher. Tell them that it's a DnD-themed video, but is basically just universal teamwork advice. They could show it in class, or add the best bits to their own lecture.
"It's inevitable that conflicts will arise"
Me: (nods)
"I think a lot of us don't really have the emotional or social tools to navigate conflict in a healthy way"
Me: (nods intensify)
This really isn't just about TTRPGs. This is really good conflict management advice in general, applicable to almost any situation.
TTEPG? What does E stand for there? I'm genuinely just curious
@@GirishManjunathMusic it was a typo.
@@MatthewSmith-pv6gd alright, good to know!
I think Ginny recognizes that, based on her comment at the end about “general life advice disguised as D&D advice” 😄
I think a lot of the people on social media asking for "help" are perfectly aware that they need to communicate. Their asking online is A, a way to find out if their worries are valid (and/or if other viewpoints exist in a reference group they trust) and B, what words to use when voicing their concerns. Finding words for emotions is really hard and if you aren't prepared, it's easy to get steamrollered and not be able to stand your ground.
I sat in on a convention panel in which "professional" GMs counseled solving in-game issues with in-game retaliation. It was truly cringe. I felt bad for all the newb DMs there that might take that bad advice to heart and create short-lived toxic tables that would only serve to drive people away from the hobby. Thank you so much for your video. Breath of fresh air.
I want to believe that that *could* work, but I feel like the scenario in which it does would be very, *very* niche. Group of close friends, informed this is what would be happening, actually talking about what/why/how to improve to avoid further retaliation if not prior to the initial instance of in-game "justice" for out-of-game problems... maybe worked into the lore somehow, ie "the gods sense that you are not doing all that you can to help [the party/yourself/said god reach their goals through you] and demand you work things out with your party" for flavor. But again, it would be super niche, and wouldn't work if the natures of the players and their closeness/trust in each other was lacking, as the moment someone takes it personally is the moment it completely falls apart. Videos like this are definitely much appreciated compared to stuff that is essentially saying to punish/attack your players...
That advice can only work in the very distinct context of "Your in-game actions were selfish and screwed over the party. Now reap the consequences of screwing up the party. This bad outcome was a direct result of You Doing The Thing We Warned You Not To Do. When will you learn, when will you learn, that your actions have consequences." In no other scenarios does it work, and in particular it only works here because, surprise, the DM talks to the player out of character and lets them know what they did was not okay.
@@Blaire_Shoe if it’s in game issues why wouldn’t there be in game retaliation? It depends on the issues honestly. So I don’t see this as heavily cringe. If the party is infighting then the enemy has more time to prepare. If there is someone that decides to steal from the group or do evil acts throw them in a dungeon and have in game consequences. Now rules should already be set. So everyone should know the expectation of role playing and what can and cannot be done.
That's terrible advice. In-game actions get in-game consequences. Out of game actions get out of game consequences. Always.
@@donaldpreston4422 they're talking about in-game consequences for out of game actions. For example, DM and player had a disagreement over a person they both wanted to date, or over something one of them said while drunk. Next session, DM drops a tarrasque on the player's character, or some other deadly Deus ex Machina.
I actually really like the “It’s Alice’s turn, Bob is up next” idea for combat - might help with speeding up looking up spells time.
Matt does this with Cadeuses cuz he never knows what spells to use lol.
And then talisen says ‘oh no that messed up what I was going to do’ and spends 3 minutes looking anyway
And we still love him, Talisen is the best kind of Bob.
My dm will do this for everyone. He tends to know my turn is "go up to monster, swing, spend a ki, flurry of blows", and yet he still tells me when I'm on deck. I love that tho cuz if by chance something happens I can change up my play.
Our combat is rather quick but we have a Bob at the table who either thinks on deck is his turn and starts telling us his turn or is so lost in the game he isn't sure what to do..... he is a barbarian and forgets he has rage and reckless attack. Sad thing is he rolled very well for stats and he has t he highest intelligence at the table in characters only..... still a great guy and it's rather funny for the rest of us that he seems lost, even tho I'm pretty sure out of the group I'm the new guy to d&d. Heck I just went over his stats and found out he didn't level up his character 3 sessions ago and is still on level 5 (we are level 6 now) without using his asi/feat and I'm not sure he picked a subclass.
It's the kind of simple advice that makes me wonder why it's not in any DM Guide.
Great and helpful video! I really like the acknowledgment that conflict can occur without one singular wronging/wronged party because of various playstyles or communication gaps.
Careful, if you keep showing up on my favorite D&D channels, you’re gonna make me want to listen to your D&D podcast
@@MortimerSeptimus that's the plan :)
@@SarahZ now you have to do a game. I live for your video essays
Or personalities clashing or annoying behavior or personal flaws....
The commentary about Avoiding Essentializing is _super_ important for more than just role-playing, or even just communication.
If you can strip that out of your thinking in general, it'll lead to a lot less personal negativity and anxiety and prevent communication problems from even starting.
Yes! This is a cognitive behavioral therapy element too, I know it as "labeling." Like telling yourself you're a dumb person when you made one forgetful mistake. It's not constructive, only destructive! So I like it in this context too, of taking care not to do that to other people willy nilly
As someone with severe anxiety who is terrible at taking on conflict, this was very helpful. Thank you!
Just take a couple of IRL Barbarian levels!
@@joshuafurtado2299 I understand why you find that annoying, but at the end of the day him talking about a game system he likes while at the table isn't harming anyone. I'm sure it's probably because RPG's are something he's very interested in, and he just wants to share his knowledge because it makes him feel happy to talk about his passion. If I was in your situation, I'd take a step back and just tell myself that, and try not to get so worked up about it if I can help it. Maybe humour him even and ask about it outside of the session, so that it's spoken about less at the table itself, and is less disruptive.
Changing the rules to suit one person however, that's different, it actively harms your play experience. If they're close friends and you think that the DM will only take his side and bend the rules, then yeah, I think your best option is to leave. Even if you convince the DM not to do that anymore, it will probably cause a rift between them and their friend.
@@joshuafurtado2299 right I see what you mean, I seem to have misunderstood your first message. I thought he was simply comparing the two systems in casual conversation at the table when things happened (which would've been annoying yes but like I said harmless), not trying to bend the rules of 5e so that they match pathfinder. I'd suggest that if you bring up the topic with him or the DM, try and frame it in a non-accusatory way like Ginny says. Instead of "it's not pathfinder stop bringing it up" maybe "we should give DM more space to run the campaign, give him a chance to try without being micromanaged even if he makes mistakes", ie; he won't keep jumping in to spell out the rule systems. He's likely to want to change his behaviour if he thinks it might be bothering his friend than bothering you (no offence)
The only thing worse than conflict at the table is the lack of it; when players or DMs keep their issues to themselves and end up dropping out of the game, never saying why.
The person with the problem never gets resolution or the chance to be heard.
The person causing the problem never gets the opportunity for self-reflection or change.
I've done the disappearing act myself and I later came to realize it was a pretty selfish thing to do.
Even worse than someone dropping out, is someone dropping a vague message about their dissatisfaction before ghosting you!
Yeah, if you don't know that you're upsetting someone, you can't address the issue. I had this issue once where another player got upset about the rogues forming their own clique and sneaking off in the night, and she talked to me about it. Well, she more yelled at me about it. And cursed. Lots of cursing.
Ah, but that is conflict, of the most insidious sort.
This hits close to home, because I left my D&D group just two weeks ago.
It was because of some in-character conflit between me and another player that turned personal.
I was irritated enough after that, but I was willing to let it slide and be civil about it as long as we could find a good solution for it roleplay-wise - but then, a few days after the session, the guy started openly shit-talking me (not me the character, but me the person) in our party's group chat, not taking any responsibility for the fight and pushing all the blame on me (all while making some very uncalled-for remarks about me as a person), and I was done.
I don't let anyone talk to me like that, and I couldn't imagine staying in the same group as him if this was the kind of dynamic we were gonna be having in the future.
It sucked - we've been playing this campaign for close to a year now, and I hate that I had to leave it like this - but I know where my personal line is, and he crossed it one too many times.
Meanwhile, our dungeon master didn't do anything - she definitely read the messages, but she didn't say anything at all until _days_ after I had already left the group. And even then, she didn't really make any kind of statement about it.
I'm not surprised though. That Guy is her boyfriend, and he had been getting special treatment all campaign long.
The entire time it felt like he thought of himself as the main character of the group, and our DM definitely did everything in her power to support that assumption.
It was an exhausting group to play in even before it went toxic like that, not gonna lie.
This sounds almost exactly like what a friend of mine is going through in her other D&D group (though admittedly with less out-of-game shit-talking, if I’m getting the full story). One of the other players is the DM’s girlfriend and there have been many instances where this player’s character actively worked towards sabotaging my friend’s character (the most egregious of which is setting him up to get sent to jail), along with seemingly having information about the setting/NPCs that none of the other players have and the DM frequently having extended social interactions with his GF’s character while the other players were ignored/sidelined for the entire conversation (there was one instance that lasted over an hour).
It’s not just the GF that seems to be targeting my friend’s character either. At some point, my friend’s character was able to befriend a gazer, but then was forced by the group (mostly by the GF) to get rid of him, accusing the gazer of spying on them. The DM a few sessions later then described them finding some dead gazers on their way to a beholder and basically outright said that one of them was my friend’s character’s gazer. (She was so upset about that detail that our group unanimously agreed that if she ever played him again at our table, he would just automatically have his gazer familiar.)
As it sounded to me that the problem involves both the DM and the GF, I have encouraged her to try talking with the only other player in the group to see if he too has noticed and taken issue with the seeming special treatment that the GF is getting, but since they’re supposedly nearly finished the adventure (they’ve been “almost finished” for nearly a month now), she figured she’d just tough it out and just not join up if/when they start up a new game.
Now that I’ve written it all out, it’s possible, based on the DM’s and GF’s actions, that talking with them about the differential treatment might not actually lead anywhere, so I can see where she’s coming from regarding just quietly finishing the game and never coming back. That said, I still think it might be worth it to make her issues known if for no other reason than for the DM and GF to have that complaint (I can’t think of another word rn) in mind if similar comments are made by someone else in the future. Or, at least I hope that’s what would happen, idk. Maybe they’ll just end up thinking that she’s being too sensitive and not reflect on their actions whatsoever, who knows 🤷♀️😒?
Oof, I'm so sorry. But maaaajor props to you for making the choice that felt healthy for yourself, even though it's such a disappointment to walk away from a game. I hope you find another game soon that is a much better fit
"Ensign! What color flag be waved on mast yonder?"
"Sir! I say, 'tis crimson of color."
"And 'low that?"
"Be it scarlet, true."
"And the last?"
"I daresay it be mahogany, if it please Sir."
"Steady on. Nothing to tarry o'er here."
Glad that you had the courage to extricate yourself from that toxic gaming environment. May you soon find a fun, pleasant group with whom you can enjoy role play.
As a DM named Bob listening to this in the background, I feel personally attacked. /s
you're one of the good Bobs!!
We got this!
There's a lot more good Bob's than bad ones. Sideshow Bob not withstanding.
,,, not all Bobs!
Same!
"F*cking Bob!" 🤣😂 I am HERE for a Short about all the ways that he pissed off the rest of the group, lol!
I feel like I was tricked into therapy and I am here for it.
can confirm; this is exactly what a lot of therapy is like.
As one who's both played and DMed with problem players, this is what I've learned.
1. Set expectations right from the get go. Be clear and level headed when conveying these expectations. The table needs to come first, and harmony is the goal. When everyone works together, we all win. When everyone agrees to a set of basic conduct rules, you should be good. If certain people cannot stay within those lines, then problems will arise.
2. When conflict arises, remain level headed. This is the hardest part, especially when you're taking offense at something. Trust me, finger pointing and shouting solve nothing and only fixes blame.
3. Try to handle things privately when you can. Be as diplomatic as you can. I the problem persists, then handle it publicly. Sometimes it's the only way. Some people honestly don't hear themselves in the moment. Hell, I know I've tripped up more than my share. I'd expect you to call me out.
4. When you want to talk about issues, pick neutral ground. Removing the perception of "territory" is key. I like to take the problem party out for a beer and discuss the issue along with what may be going on in their lives. Getting context is important. Removing the atmosphere of conflict can sometimes lead to a helpful dialogue.
If you're uncomfortable with one-to-one conversations like this, maybe bring along another player who can help arbitrate.
5. Develop tools for clear communication. I'm a visual guy, so I use visual tools. I also stand when I DM so everyone can see my body language. Initiative it tracked via wooden clothespins on top of my DM screen (with Character names on them). When people can see their turn, they're usually ready for it. I use natural language when describing things to build better comprehension. Immersion is improved with better comprehension of the moment.
6. Draw a line. If the problem persists, you have to decide when things are basically making things less than fun. Matt Colville once said that no gaming is better than bad gaming. I never understood that until it was true. It is better to remove or leave toxic people, relationships or situations than let things fester. You may save friendships in the long run. I've had to remove more than one player from my table.
A smaller, tighter knit group who respects everyone else is better than a larger problem group. Heck, you may even want to try games as small as one-to-one or two-to-one, so long as everyone is cool with it.
7. As an addendum to #6, if you cannot find a DM to suit you, maybe you're the DM you're looking for. Take a turn at The Big Chair and develop your own stories. Sometimes the perspective from the other side of the screen is what you need. Essentially, be the DM you'd like to play under. Trust me, it's an eye opener.
Lastly, thanks for this. I'll bet you've had to deal with some shit, and I'll also bet you're more diplomatic than I am. Stick with it. You're doing much better at it than I did at your age, which is fantastic.
Well said. Id add to the list by saying that sometimes the gm has to swallow pride if the players arent too happy with some aspect of the game. If a player or players are saying something is wrong, take the negative criticism as what it is, extremely insightful, and a great tool to help you do better as gm in the future. Dont take it personal, and if it feels like youre being personally attacked for being a bad gm or player, try to ignore the fact you feel attacked, and dont react to that idea, it wont help to be defensive. You can ask for more information, ask if players have specific issues, and examples, and ask if they have any ideas on how to fix it. No one person is “right” , it HAS to be a cooperative effort where everyone leaves happy.
I have this issue often when trying something new, and sometimes players have to tell me yes/no on certain things, and I always leave on a happy note; “thank you for your advice, and patience. Ill work on the changes so the next game is even better”. This is why i always have a peer review after each game, it is a space where such criticisms can be aired fairly and openly. Same for giving praise too, everyone NEEDS to hear some praise every once in a while, the gm and the players too. (And yes, as gm, i hear more negative feedback on average, because players just want to improve their situation, this is normal. Its nice to hear what is good about your gm’ing, but its even more helpful to use negative feedback as a tool. It doesnt mean youre bad at all, its just human nature. The only thing to consider is if players are giving HONEST feedback, or if theyre just trying to “get ahead”. A good saying is “it is easier to justify getting something you want,” meaning if someone is complaining that theyre not getting what they feel they deserve, dont be afraid to talk about it and maybe compromise, but realize that players will always see things from their perspective (like wanting more level up, more loot, etc.) Sometimes they just assume they know something they dont, like how much treasure they “should” have, but they dont always know how to gm or run a game at all, so theyre opinions are likely only based on their past experiences. This is why its so good to set those early expectations.)
@@daveshif2514 This is the reason why I do "campaign pitches". I'll write down three concepts in a few sentences each. The players vote for the campaign they want.
Rule changes are discussed pre-game and voted on.
I also have the players recount the events of the previous session. This measures engagement and tells me what they're into. Its also a helpful reminder.
" I use natural language when describing things to build better comprehension."
Please provide an example of this. I'm always seeking to improve my descriptions.
@@commandercaptain4664 In other words, I use references that the players can relate to in simple language. To describe how dark something is, I might say "It's really dark. Like you're in a room with no windows and the power went out.", or "The smell of rot is somewhere, but it's hard to trace it. Like something in the fridge has spoiled, and you KNOW it's in there, but you just can't find it". Use language the players can relate to. Describe it to them, not "the characters". Trust me, the characters will react appropriately.
Not only is this such good advice, but your hair looks AMAZING in this video!
Truth. It visually was all very well composed.
8:20 In my experience, people who consider themselves "brutally honest", are generally more interested in the brutality. Honesty can hurt, but how it's being delivered doesn't need to be delivered harshly.
absolutely
it's either that or they're trying to justify or cover for being unwilling or ignorant about communicating in a better way
Yup. It helps to take criticisms with a grain of salt, because people will ALWAYS have a bias towards benefitting themselves. I have to tell people a lot of times “no the thing you think you want to do or have isnt actually helpful for the game because it isnt fair to others, and that could hurt the game long term”. Esp when players want to make new content like spells, sure its great fun, but it does have to be semi fair to others
This used to be me, and I agree wholeheartedly. Kind and clever honesty have worked out much better.
Talking to your players/GM like an adult is the best advice. It solves so many problems.
But I totally agree that many people lack the skills to have those conversations in a manner that does not escalate into yelling or hurt feelings.
Giving people tools to better navigate those conversations is a great idea for a video! 😁
"Many of us spend more time with our dnd parties then we do with our families."
Shout out to all the dms and players who play with their families ♡
I dm for my 2 sisters ♡
i dm for my little brother and two of our cousins!
I dm for my mom, stepfather, sister, and fiance. I have a group with my sister, fiance and sister's friend too, and usually a group with just friends/acquaintances/strangers too, but at this time I don't have a game like that going on.
I DM'd a oneshot campaign with my boyfriend and his siblings a couple days before I had to move back in with my parents to finish my last semester at Uni. I hope to make it into a long term campaign on the weekends when I get back :)
Yeah, me and my brother take turns DMing for each other. And sometimes my brother's best friend.
True
The DM has to control the table and talk to the players like adults.
Good video
8:48 What I love about this tweet is that it is brutally honest about how brutal honesty isn't always the best.
Such an important video. So many people just don't know what to do when they're told "just talk to them." Thank you for making this.
This is good advice. If I may add one more, be very careful of tryiing to use in-game actions/consequences for interpersonal conflicts. Talk to the person, player to player--don't have your character try to murder their character. It can be tempting to look at your resources and see all the spells and attacks you can use, when you're much likelier to have a productive solution by communicating with the player.
Oh dear god, people *do* that?
@@the.rest.is.confetti Sometimes you hear horror stories (from forums, etc). Just like all other human interaction, thing can go off the rails in a hurry. Healthy adult communication is a skill that takes time and dedication to grasp, but it's the best way forward most of the time.
I actually did this once (tried to hit the other character with a club) when my boyfriend dragged me into a one-shot with his co-workers and one of them roleplayed something as a joke that I took as sexual violence. Obviously the game didn't continue and I think I have a much better grasp of my own boundaries and how to communicate them now, but...well, I'm not proud of how I acted but it was a good D&D lesson for me.
Meanwhile, if in-character conflict arises, it's OK to go out of character to discuss how you both want the conflict to resolve.
Bob is my favorite player. He’s reliable, engaged, and has a really good sense of humor.
You're legit sharing things taught in college level interpersonal communications class. AWESOME quality and content, and I'm saving this for future reference as a teacher!
For real. As someone with a comms major that focused on interpersonal and conflict resolution, it makes me want to bust out my textbooks again
I literally just got done creating my first character ever for a oneshot campaign, just to get a taste of D&D, and my goodness was this great to hear. I've been watching tutorial videos for hours on how to create a character/fill out a character sheet, but this is the first video I've seen with real-world advice and actual social situation scenarios. Thank you so much for this, Ginny! I wish you and your channel the best of luck in the future and I'm sure I'll be around for more :D
Ginny: ‘talk to them like an adult’
Me, who is 15: ah yes, adult, I know how to do that
I play with people in their late twenties/early thirties. You're okay, trust me.
@@0coffeEAddict0 as someone in their mid 20s, I have no idea what I'm doing, send help
"[puns] are in beta" lmao
That shot me back to when I had a warforged bard that would say this or some version every time their "Hideous Laughter" would fail
I might have came here for dnd content, but I stayed for the ads (the content is amazing too btw), they make me smile every time
That's not only great D&D advice, it's great life advice! How to give and accept feedback and communicate better. Great video!
"Have you tried talking to them? Like a Goddamn adult?" - I actually think that is a very helpful instinct and very Adult.
Honestly yes. People forget that you cam just deal with things by talking to your players and addressing problems.
Same. A lot of people I know who won't address conflict directly will start talking behind people's backs and lashing out and like, I understand conflict management is a skill to be honed, but that doesn't change the behaviors being incredibly immature.
Sometimes you need to just tell them to cut the crap and say what's bugging them.
I've been known to ask my spouse if I'm a DM or a kindergarten teacher because sometimes I can't tell.
... although Ginni's choice of adjectives diminished the point.
The speaker needs to respect everyone else and many have not been taught how some words are not used in polite situations. It is just as important as sexual jokes or ethnic jokes that should be well considered before using them.
I think what she meant by not Adult is that it's not nuanced. Often, the answer is healthy communication, but players might not know that, or they might not how to do that. Responding with "Have you tried talking to them like an Adult?" can be putting unhealthy expectations on someone who just doesn't have that kind of communication experience, someone who doesn't have the ability to talk to someone "like an adult". In my experience, everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have, they just often need different tools or to learn a different way to use them.
Another amazing video! But I gotta say I love your ads, I never skip them because they are so well thought out, clever, and punny xD
I am ashamed I laughed at the Ad pun.
That aside... thank you so much, Ginny. This is the practical advice we, as a community, all need. Personally. I've looked for advice on reddit about a player that may be called a problem player. I've been stressing for weeks about the conversation that I know I'm going to have to have as GM.
Thank you. Also, nice set and lighting. And nice ad read. Thanks for making it entertaining.
This video made the phrase, "Role for diplomatic initiative" pop into my head.
My party is made up of people who are so different that you'd think they wouldn't get along, but they are really good at translating their differences into a good party dynamic and it makes for some hilarious games
Some of us can only be so lucky. Happy for you!
This feels like a detention video. Which means it's probably well needed.
As DM, everybody who shows up on time gets a free dm inspiration.
Yes! A carrot can work better than a stick. Use something (inspiration or bonus xp) to reward players who are always ready with their actions, show up on time, help other players, etc.
This advice is honestly great for both D&D and general conflict resolution
my heart swells at how kind and thoughtful your videos are 💗💗
Omg. These would have been very helpful guidelines when i had the worst depressive episode of my life and didn't have the ability to clarify or change effectively based on the feedback i got.... keeping this in mind going forward!
In my opinion, the way you can tell when everyone is actually super comfortable, is when your character can *destroy* another in some emotional conflict, verbally, and no one mistakes this for being anything more than roleplay.
I recall a time that our Bugbear Warlock suggested to my Shadar-kai Rogue, that we kill everyone inside this building (including children) because they are lizardmen. And she said something like, "Yes, well I would love to kill every ugly, stupid bugbear I run into as well but some of them are not that bad, or at least I thought."
Everyone was shocked for a moment, but then we all laughed and moved on, and it was well understood that this was a character interaction and not any kind of attack on the player. It really filled me with confidence that we were all on the same page.
I’m a psych major about a year away from getting my Bachelor’s degree, and a lot of what I have been learning recently is about how to talk to clients, certain phrases to avoid or ones you should use often, etc, and your advice uses a LOT of these skills. It’s actually uncanny.
Being a leader at your table as the DM is super important!
just leaving a little comment to boost the algorithm so this reaches more people...
thank you for making this video!
Stuff said around a table I was there for over the last 25 years. (I'm so old t-t) Most of these got resolved peacefully through conversation. (A few of these are actually a DM side problem)
"Can you stop talking over me when I try to RP?"
"That depends, can you stop trying to get us killed by antagonizing the NPC that one-shot the monster you missed on a nat 19?"
"He's annoying and keeps killing shit for us!"
(DM Npc kept intervening and being the main star)
"Stop rushing me during my turn!"
"You always take SO LONG!"
"Then stop changing the whole battle map or getting in the way of my best spells. At this point, it's like you do it on purpose."
(Player thought spells were op and was looking for a way to cause conflict around that)
"You never do shit in combat!"
"I literally buffed everyone during my turns, you just always forget you have them."
"You keep killstealing my enemies!"
"What is this, 2nd edition with a Bribe the DM with Food clause? Get lost."
"Why do you keep redoing your math every roll? It's going to be +7 Until we gain 3 levels!"
"Stop questioning how I do things!"
"Then stop getting it wrong!" (the player was cheating and someone tried to be smooth about it)
"I never have any chance to shine anywhere!"
"You literally never pay attention to anything happening ever, you're always talking to people on your phone!"
"This is my house!"
"Geographical location doesn't change the fact that you don't pay attention"
"Why do you have to make your character a [slur for being LGBTQ]?"
"You'll never get to know the answer to that, Dave." (Not actually called dave)
That last one hits home. Great advice, and a great way to rebuttal such a rude question
That last one is... Oh my
Super great advice, Ginny. One of the things I often notice is that most people consider tabletop roleplaying to be like... a monolithic activity. Something akin to say... soccer. In reality, TTRPGs are like "sports." There are all different kinds, from soccer to cricket to freakin' chess. So many people wanna just play a TTPRG that they don't really stop to think if what they're looking for is in alignment with what the GM or other players are aiming for. And even if most everyone is on the same page, TTRPGs allow for literally an infinite number of ways they can be played or otherwise experienced, so players (and the GMs!) can have widely different preferences for what takes up "screen time." It's a lot to have to navigate, and working on some of the skills and using the tips you mentioned I think can do a great job for creating the collaborative atmosphere AND help foster the inevitable compromises everyone has to make so that everyone can enjoy the game as much as possible.
It's amazing that such a stupidly complex hobby ever took off! But maybe that's why we love it so much? Because when it's great, it's the best. And it's only ever great when you conjure those moments with others.
Well said. It IS like sports.
Even if we all like the same “sport”, we might not all enjoy watching the same “teams” playing. The group you play with is just as important if not more than the game itself. If the group doesnt mesh well, the game wont work. Doesnt mean anyone is wrong, we just all like the same sport in a different way
I've never seen anyone apply reasonable real world advice on roleplaying this well and in a very digestible way. The next time I run a group I plan to peruse your videos for reminders. Thank you.
Literally 90% of the "how do i deal with this?" questions i see online can be answered with the thumbnail alone, so this is a VERY important video
Great video as always Ginny. The DM is absolutely a leadership position. They're at the head of the table, everyone is following their lead. It's one of the things that makes the position so challenging, but also very rewarding. Cultivating your people handling/ conflict management skill set transfers directly to real life! Another benefit of this hobby. Thanks again.
Jesus Christ I needed to hear someone on this website say these words
I've actually seen younger people argue that it's hard for some people to be confident and confront a problem, and that should justify a DM punishing their friends in game over out of game drama.
Please, for the love of God, just talk to your friend like an adult.
I wish I’d seen something like this last year - I was one of those problem players. Got booted from two groups (that had complete player overlap, so the problem carried from one to the other) because I had some poor behavior and also didn’t know how to bring up issues that were bothering me before they got out of hand. If I or the DM or other players had been able to see advice like this, I wonder if things might have gone differently. (And yes, I’m working on minimizing the issues on my end, for the future).
Thank you for making these great videos!
As a DM myself, I have to say that it is absolutely a leadership position. While you're not solely responsible for everyone's having a good time and having fun, if you don't put any work into making that happen, you're completely capable of preventing any of it from happening.
some much of what you say is so psychologically healthy, ginny, thank you! and i love how you acknowledge that sometimes no one (even you) doesn't always get it right! you feel like a ordinary but good D&D player, someone anyone would want at their table
I am *SO GLAD* I've come across your channel the past couple of days. I've been playing D&D since 2nd edition/Advanced, and your content is SO. SPOT. ON. Having your videos as a resource years ago when I first got into the hobby would have given me a lot of help to making sure my and my friends' experiences were more positive. Please keep this up, this is such a benefit to the overall tabletop community and works so well cross-game.
This not only great for D&D but a fantastic approach for helping to resolve problems in any group dynamic. They should use this as instructional material for management in workplaces.
This isn't even just advice for dnd, this is actually really helpful with other inter-personal conflicts as well.
It is wonderful to see how little Ginny has grown up. There can be a healthy balance of maturity and fun that all can enjoy.
I love the way you spoke about GM responsibility this time. This is a great way of looking at the responsibilities of the GM and the players.
This video should’ve been titled how to communicate issues with friends period. Very intuitive and fit every situation!
Just gatta say...I love your sponsorship skits! I don't play DnD so I wasn't going to watch this video but I decided to make sure to watch your sponsorship promotion before clicking off. They are always so creative and entertaining! Which is almost never the case in other people's sponsorship promotions.
A lot of other channels' ideas about monsters and classes and adventures are all fun and I watch a lot of them, but I think Ginny's videos on the social dynamics of the table are some of the most practically useful things UA-cam has to offer a D&D player.
This is such an important video!!
I always get anxiety with confrontation but communication in D&D (and everywhere else) is crucial. I have convos about home games with my DM and fellow players almost constantly. Running things by one another keeps people comfortable and grows trust!
Recently, I’ve come across situations where folks aren’t interested in listening to others’ concerns and choose to push blame instead of listening and working with everyone, but sadly, that’s how life goes sometimes. Sometimes people just aren’t meshing and need to leave. Remembering that D&D is a *game* and is *for fun* means that if someone isn’t enjoying themselves, they can and probably should move on to other tables and other party members!!
Don't remember if I've said it before but . . . . .
OK, I'll admit, I LOVE your adverts.
The imaginative format, extremely old-timey intros (WAY older than me), the over the top hammy performances, etc., all give me good hearty laugh.
Psych major here! Something that can be useful during the solution-finding phase is taking turns listing possible solutions to the problem. It's important that each person doesn't judge or criticize the other's ideas. Once both parties feel like they've stated all their ideas, however strange they may seem, going through and listing pros and cons of each potential solution helps narrow down what path you both will take in the future.
Excellent video. I played with a group, and ran games for them, where they would bring outside personal issues into the game trying to kill or ruin someone else's character. I didn't realize until I played with a non toxic group how messed up it was. You give really great advice.
Ginny is now one of the measured and brilliant DMs I aspire to be. This is just a great video. Algorithm, do your thing!
This is fantastic guidance to help people verbalize their feelings and approach conflict with grace. Plenty of married couples can benefit from this video...
I thank Ginny for this video so much. A lot of the advice in this video not only is helpful when facing conflict in a D&D setting but, are also good communication and problem resolution tips in general. Also, I am someone who left my 1st D&D group mostly due to schedule conflict but, partly due to them not being a right group for me. There's no shame in having to walk away from a group.
I wish I had this video about a year ago when there were some conflicts going on at the table I play at! This is beautiful, I adore it thank you so much! Conflict isn't just on one person, it involves more than one and as adults we all need to be able to communicate with one another in the best way we can!
Im happy to see this kind of content for dnd! More ppl need the tips to do the social aspect of running a game. I always say “people just want you to talk to them like theyre your friends, just have fun, even if theyre not your friends treat them like youve been friends for years. And, everyone needs to respect each other in game; the gm works hard on the game and needs respect, but the players also work hard on their characters and the gm should respect their characters too. Neither side is more important, it has to be a 50/50. If the gm wouldnt want players trying to wreck their world, the gm shouldent do the same thing to the pc (unless that is what they wanted ofc).”
Genuinely the only channel where I look forward to the ad spots. Thanks for this Ginny! It's spot on advice and so needed
I live in a Co-Op and we use the practice of Restorative Meditation to handle conflicts. This is literally the same process simplified, so I’d highly recommend looking it up to feel more comfortable addressing intra-table conflicts.
Wow Ginny
That was really insightful of you
I have been through conflicts myself even though I am fairly new to the hobby, only started playing since summer 2019
I left a group, even though it had friends of mine, went back to give it another chance. Another issue rose with another friend and I literally cut that connection completely
So your advice in this video really brings it home and it is a serious issue
I started DM'ing myself and found another group to play with as well
My point is even your video contextualising these issues at least validates the events which truly leave a sour taste to say the least
These communication skills transcend gaming tables to any social group and should hopefully strengthen the community
Kudos and thank you 🌹
1. Love your look today! The hair is so minty fresh.
2. Thanks for posting this! This came up in a recent group I DM'd. It was pretty hot, but talking through it like adults helped to calm it down and this is such an important thing to do as adults, but especially around any table of friends.
This is really great. I've played with online rpg groups before and each time there was at least one player who drove me nuts. And I never really got up the guts to address it. I've had similar problems with my irl friend games though thankfully to a lesser extent. Keep up the great work!
I was really impressed by the ad break! The style was super unique and so refreshing! Made me consider kobold press more seriously!
Thanks for taking the time to teach us all how to be the adults we know we need to be. We may have never developed this skill, and this kind of video helps. I really like your upbeat, compassionate real talk. Keep it up!
"Have you tried talking to them like a godamn adult?" is, in fact, my first response as well - and I appreciate that's where Ginny starts as well! She's good people.
Great advice. I had a really good discussion with my group about some concerns recently. I found that asking for a conversation after a really good session worked really well, because I could emphasize that I wanted to keep the dynamic as good as it was during that session.
This is the most wholesome d&d channel I've seen so far
Keep it up, queen
Wow I just have to say that mustard dress complimented your hair so well! This video had some amazing advice!
Thank you for having the patience to explain this- online forums often get reduced to the most salient point, but “talk like adults” often isn’t received well because… well, the internet. I’ll be linking to this video often, I think!
This is such an insightful video, you cover so much in the short time, and it needs to be required watching for ANY group activity/game.
When I watch your videos like this, I feel very grateful that Covid stopped me from joining a D&D group that was dysfunctional before Session 0 even started. But, it also helps me know how to identify and (hopefully) deal with such issues in the future!
This is very good advice. I can see instances where despite your best efforts, the other person just isn't having it and becomes defensive and adversarial. As you mentioned, there are instances where offensive jokes, unwanted touching, or disrespect of physical boundaries can get a new person booted on the spot.
However, as you said, in most cases, some private respectful discussion can often help resolve problems.
I'm lucky to be in a group with my chosen family, and another with my biological family+. Of course, that does not mean we're never going to run into conflict, but we all have a good foundation talking to one another and if we ever do run into bigger issues we can't resolve right away, I'll be sure to bring them back to this. So far, they've been loving your videos that I showed them before our brand new campaign :)
As always sponsorship skit is top tier! Also this whole video was so thoughtful and clearly comes from a compassionate and grounded placeb:)
I am planning on watching this a third time and taking notes. There's a lot of good info in here that applies outside of D&D as well! Thanks for the thoughtful and insightful videos.
Came across your videos over the weekend and been watching a bunch. Really like what you're doing with exploring the social side of D&D to complement the umpteen videos I've watched about the mechanical side. Nice informative stuff and thanks for sharing them.
There is so much to learn about communication in this video, not just for DnD!
Not only is this good advice for games, but generally good advice on working conflicts as a whole. Well done.
This actually helped calm me down about confrontation. I am incredibly anxious in social situations and as the group GM for a couple games this was very insightful. I may have extreme anxiety or form of autism and so I struggle with forming the right phrases to conversation.
your look for the video is so pretty! the minty hair, necklace, and floral top, so pretty :) also thank you for the tips! I always have trouble being a leader as a DM, always working on doing better 💕
Thank you for making this video. I know pretty much all the points you are making and I have often repeated them myself to players, but there is definitely a difference between knowing something and doing something. So, it is always helpful to have a reminder and a bit of a push for those things. You talking about this in such a succinct way was what I needed to motivate me to send a message to a player whose actions have really been bugging me. You're awesome and keep doing what you do