Regarding birth care the amount of times as an ICU nurse we used to give blood to Jehovah’s Witnesses mother’s post birth in the middle of the night after their husbands had gone home was so frequent bc while they love their faith, they preferred their lives and being their for the children that they’d just given birth to was more. Like they would refuse blood at other times of their lives especially once their children were old enough to care for themselves, but they recognised the danger t time of birth & when their kids were older but they able to disassociate from their own lives at that point (btw it was only done in ICU bc of the size of the hospital I was in & of course bc by the time husband had left the mothers lives were in true danger after the amount of haemorrhaging. Then of course in the morning the husbands would return and say see I told you she didn’t need blood 🙄 the amount of miracles that occurs at hospitals once men are out of the picture is truly amazing
I’m from one of the ultra orthodox Jewish communities. These interviews heal me. Leaving feels so isolating but hearing about others who left makes me feel so much less alone
You’re definitely not alone. Thank you for sharing. If you’d ever be interested in sharing your story, please reach out. Cultstoconsciousness@gmail.com ❤️
@@jennifercornman1291modesty. After a woman marries, her hair is supposed to be just for her husband, only he rarely sees it and it’s usually cut so short at that point, it’s not very attractive anyways. I’m also from one of those communities and left..
Another ex hasidic woman here but am in London so there are a lot of things that are the same but there are a few things that will differ. The way my family kidnapped my daughter because I left was barbaric. The things myself and my 3 kids experienced leaving these kind of communities is horrific…. It’s been almost ten years now since having any contact with my own family as they supported my abusive ex husband after I finally got an injunction and manage to leave. Thank you for bringing these cults, closed communities or extreme religions to light because I know so many people who would love to know what it’s like from the inside. Sara, thank you for your bravery. From a fellow ex-hasidic person who is sending you love across the ocean ❤️💪🏼
Ultra orthodox woman here. Just want say that not knowing about sex till 48 hours before the wedding is but only wrong, but against the law In Judaism. It's so sad for me to hear all the experiences from woman, not even knowing that it's against Judaism...
Fantastic interview! Dr glass’s testimony really resonated with me. The sacrifice she made and the reasons she gave hit home. Now I’m off to read her book.
This was so fascinating. Every time a guest comes to share their story we get a little more information a little more insight a little more perspective.
Yes! It’s so interesting the way our guests make up the pieces to a puzzle and I feel like a detective trying to find the bigger picture while honoring the nuance of each situation.
I live near in Atlantic City, but I’m very familiar with the Lakewood/ Tom’s River area (I work at Joint Base McGuire/ Dix/ Lakehurst, and my mother in law is from exit 109. The women look so scared or “dead inside”. I’m glad Dr. Glass is out and free.
I really enjoyed this podcast. I am so happy for Sara for living the life she wanted and was able to keep her kids with her. She is a very strong lady and I wish her all the best in her life.
I grew up in a hassidic community and developed a deep appreciation for the interviews conducted, as they serve as a source of solace and solidarity. It is comforting to realize that I am not the sole individual who has navigated the system and ultimately decided to depart. Acknowledging the inherent challenges associated with leaving, I extend my utmost respect and admiration to those who have embarked on this transformative journey and emerged as courageous individuals.
Listen. I was raised in a liberal-leaning Episcopal church. I grew up knowing gay people and understanding that they live normal lives like everyone else. I was a teenager in the open-minded 90s. And it was STILL extremely difficult to come to terms with being gay myself. I can only imagine what that process is like within the context of a high-control religion. Dr. Glass's courage is amazing!
I had hoped doctors were better by now. In the 80s I was a twenty-something young woman who wanted my tubes tied. I never wanted children. My doctor wouldn’t because I “might change my mind.” Spoiler alert - I did not!
Im a pretty modest person but when I had my babies all bets were off! I cannot imagine being worried about being covered up while delivering and my husband or family not being in the room?? I would feel more exposed then in that paper gown! I feel so deeply sad for her. Birth can be a beautiful experience and they took that from her
I think the fact that this lady didn't know about or have any facts about the physicality of marriage and was still in love with a woman shows that homosexuality is something people are born with and not a life style choice. I'm so glad she's found a safe place.
Well, I understand why your hypothesis will come to that conclusion, but it’s actually incorrect. As babies do not have a sexual preference and neither do toddlers. In the east societies which are heavily segregated between men and women. Women and men both do not become attached and long for the opposite sex like they would in a normal setting. And therefore going through late adolescence in puberty with their hormones, who is around them for them to be attracted to, but the same sex. So perhaps it is not something you need that you’re born with, The evidence shows that it’s who you are around during late adolescence and through puberty.
As a nurse- we often want to help those that are different than us, but have been met with push back in the past and are now jaded. Plus, we are taught to be respectful of views/beliefs different than ours. Nursing is a lot of putting your emotions aside and helping your patient with their medical condition. One could be accused of pushing their own will on someone in a compromised position. 🤷♀️ its very difficult.
I use to work in Lakewood as a nurse. I use to always advocate for my patients and thankful for progressed Rabbis. I am Reform Jewish. Breaks my heart no one spoke up for you during medical needs.
thank you so much for sharing this story. I am from a modern orthodox community - I can relate to some of what was shared. I am so happy that Sara is thriving now!
40:45 this whole story made me tear up, it’s so unfair and I’m SO SO mad that there are still women going through things like this. Sara you are so strong and I’m sure your story is going to help many in the same situation. ❤
It's just so wrong & infuriating that any adult would be in a position to "require" permission from another person (the rabbi, spouse) for their own medical decisions & treatment. Eff these power hungry freaks! That's not about "God's will." It's a load of 💩! Medical staff needs to be trained & expected to get consent from the patient. This should be a minimum requirement.
I totally agree!!!!!! She is the one living in her body, she should decide!!! It made me so mad that she had to go through more time in labor with the epidural wearing off because the husband didn't want to bother the rabbi!!!
I don’t know anyone in my community that asks a rabbi about epidurals in childbirth. Personally I never had one and don’t want anyone sticking anything into my spine. I have had pitocin. Without having to ask a rabbi.
Amazing woman and she’s leading a good healthy life. Love to see it. I am familiar with living a strict religious life and the emotinal journey is the most difficult thing to digest. It’s so intangible yet overtaking. It takes so much courage to be your own woman in the midst of religious mess and harm. Thank you to the both of you for this discussion.
This is SO true!! Even coming from regular society (raised catholic but not really practicing), it is expected of you to have a boyfriend, get married, have children, a big house, a dog and send happy Christmas cards every year…. Until you meet THAT person. I thought I was STRAIGHT until I met my now wife, because of how repressed my feeling were. (Imagine the shock). But I’m the happiest I have ever been. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a LGBTQ+ female doctor with tattoos too! You rock. :)
All the married lesbians I know are either divorced or one is transitioning to being male. Divorce rates and domestic violence is very high for lesbian couples. As is loneliness levels and dissatisfaction with life specifically related to sexuality and generally due to social isolation while aging. Lesbians also have very high infidelity rates. May your happiness come without all of this pain and you return to the church where you are unconditionally loved while turning from sin.
Thank you for sharing your story!! I have three sisters and mom that I don't have a relationship with. As you said, "I'm too far gone" from the LDS religion and tried for many years. I took matters into my own hands and said I'm done. It's powerful to stand for your truth no matter what others, especially those who are supposed to be closest to you, say or think about you. Your story is such an important one and really appreciate it. ❤❤❤
"because you walked out in the middle of the film", funny line, but also an indication of the kind of relationship mom and daughter have, which is so amazing after what she went through.
Another fantastic interview, thank you so much for doing this! Sara: I am so glad that you are now living the authentic life that is truly you, and that your children are doing so well. Congratulations to you. I can’t wait to read your book, and I will be on the lookout for the book about the “Messy Middle”! Shelise, you are the best interviewer ever. I was so glad to hear you explain why it is so common for people to fall into an addiction when they leave a high control life. Thank you so much to both of you!
I've never missed an episode, and this was by miles my favorite❤ I struggle with addiction myself, and this is the first time I've seen a survivor say or admit to this. She was bright, thoughtful and insightful. ❤❤
love her suggestion that we not just assume people are following all the rules. Her idea that the nurse could have asked her if she wanted the medication anyway on the DL makes me wonder if I have made assumptions like that with my own clients and not given them the choices they deserved. Love the perspective. Great video as always.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you Shelise for having this platform. I just downloaded Sara's audiobook. You both are a strong, brave women. ❤
Oh no! This really hurts to hear. I was forced into learned helplessness by my Munchausen mother, then discarded to the street at 15. I knew sweet fuck all about almost everything and am lucky not to have been killed immediately by a predator or scooped into a cult. By 19, I was totally battle scarred. I felt a million years old. But I was just a baby. Hearing about another queer person being sent to the wolves like that, especially one who is a lesbian and therefore repulsed by the D, having to be married to a man and because she wasn't given any sexual support, taking a miscarriage as God's anger for craving her girlfriend? Brutal. I'm so sorry. By 19, I had years of street life and an abortion under my belt. I couldn't have cared for a baby. By 23, I had a girlfriend I failed to recognize as one because I generally ended up with men and back then there were confusing subculture rules delegitimizing bisexuality. I hurt her really badly by being confused and dismissing our relationship. I hate all this wretched pain and loss and my heart absolutely keens for this 19 year old baby, losing her baby, while denying the love that she needed to heal. I'm so sorry for the girlfriend, too. How heartbreaking! Consensual squeezes to you both. All my aged queer love!
Wow! Thank you for sharing all of that. Sending love to YOU too! If you’re ever interested in sharing here, I’d love to hear more of your story. We have a link to our guest application in our about section ❤️
I live in an ultra orthodox community and I absolutely love my life. I use birth control when I want it, I gave birth with ptocin and an epidural, I went to college and practice medicine. I believe that when it’s done right, religion is beautiful. I believe that when things are taken to an extreme (as in her community), it can do real harm. It’s all about nuance and finding an appropriate balance. That being said, not everyone needs to be rescued :)
@yaelisakov4477 same here! I am part of an ultra Orthodox community and love my life as well! I am happy and fulfilled, as are my children, and we do not need to be rescued! Like Shelise mentioned many times during the interview, this was Sara's story, not a story of the ultra Orthodox community in general
I met my first boyfriend when I was eighteen in college. It was almost love at first sight. My mother always equated sex before marriage as terrible as becoming a drug addict. This was 1972. My boyfriend knew I had never even kissed a boy before. He was so patient and gentle. This was during the height of recreational sex and one night stands and no commitments . My boyfriend was so thoughtful that when we finally had intercourse it didn’t hurt at all. I didn’t realize my hyman had broken until I woke up and saw blood on the sheets. I was so embarrassed I frantically cleaned up everything while my boyfriend was asleep in a different bed (he only had a twin bed but there was an extra bed in his suite.) That was over fifty years ago and I remember the live I felt for him and how attracted I was to him. In the end, after three years he broke my heart. He only got married when he was fifty yrs old. After he broke up with me I only went out with guys who loved me more than I loved them. Until I met my second husband who I also instantly feel in love with. When you’re in love it makes a huge difference
My first sexual intercourse happened when I was nearly 18 in the 1970s.As I recall it now, the pleasure was derived from pleasing my boyfriend not about having an orgasm. Since then I have had many different make lovers and I can recall only once when one if them asked me what I liked. I didn’t know how to answer because I never thought about it. I don’t ever recall having an orgasm during sex. I only know what one feels like because they have been so jarring that I was awakened from my solitary sleep.
Such a fascinating story, I’m so proud of Sara she has survived so much trauma and the way she told her life experiences was compelling. I truly wish her so much happiness and peace in her life and the same to her 3 children, although it sounds like her children will succeed because they have a mother like Sara ❤
Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope that if anyone is struggling, can hear this and find the courage to speak and act for their own well-being.
Stories like this are so heartbreaking. I am Jewish and to be honest with you the ultra-orthodox have always scared me in the same way my Catholic grandmother scared me. Why would I sign up for a religion that perceives me as less than and having to seek permission for living my true self. Nah I think I'll stick to my radical feminist version of Judaism. Just put the book on my TBR shelf.
What a journey from captivity to freedom. So many twists and turns. So much suffering and also awakening. I am glad you Sara was able to find yourself and your tribe and that your kids are with you and live a life in which they also can be themselves in full. Sara, you are leaving a great legacy in your kids's lives, a legacy of courage, self-love, truth, empathy, and sensibility. Thank you for your very honest testimonial. Your story is not an easy one to express. You are a brave woman! I have learned so much from the human experiences you shared so eloquently. Bless your heart! It was very beautiful that, in spite of your many struggles inside the community, you still talk about some people you met with respect and affection. That is great you do not carry any bitterness. It is another way of staying free of heavy loads which do not belong to you, after all. I want to read your book and learn more from your story. Thank you! It was a privilege to listen to you. It touched me very much.
So she was basicly a married single mom. She had to do everything. Provide finically be the breadwinner and be the primary parent. That dynamic rarely works. The parent doing it all eventually starts resenting the other one. I had 3 under 3 and can’t imagine having to do all that.
Sara, thank you for sharing your story. I commend you for your courage and honesty. I look forward to reading your book and the second book too, about your recovery. Shelise, thanks for a very powerful interview, as always.
I grew up in the same part of Brooklyn that she was speaking of and although I am no longer religious, I remember everything that I would see. Very young not even 18-year-old girls already married with at least two children, or husbands walking in front of their wives, as if they were above them. So,so much.
I love these talks. No matter how hard they are to hear the endings always bring hope and love and lightness. So many of your guests have been driven to great places by their desire to live to their full potential and it is so cool to see! I'm sitting here trying to think how many guests you've had on with Dr. in front of their name. Amazing!
Oh my goodness this was such an incredible treat! I read kissing girls on Shabbos, or rather listened to Sara on audible and it was an experience that I don't have the words to describe! I am beyond excited and delighted that she's writing another book! So looking forward to read it 😍
I love the title of this book. Her story about her wedding night, reminded me of Marie Antoinettes wedding night. Men can just get a divorce, No problem! She is still unable to live her own life. Prison! And of course a knee or elbow will cause men to go crazy. It's the women's fault. Same culty scene.
What a sad reality that the people in the medical field don’t treat women like humans. Treating women like breeding cattle is so disrespectful! So much power to this woman’s perseverance.
@@hi-kb3hb I wasn’t specifically speaking about the community. I wasn’t specifically speaking about your experience. That’s wonderful that you have that experience. I’m speaking generally about women. Not just in this community.
I think it's important to remember this & that it's not just in religious cultures. In general, women's pain is treated/ like at very differently than a man's pain. If a man & woman each present at the ER with the SAME symptoms & pain levels, the man will be looked at as more serious than the woman. It's horrible. I was recently in the ER after a surgery where there turned out to be a complication. They finally admitted me (after hours of Hell w/ little support) to an observation floor. As my first nurse walked into the room and looked at me she said "oh, she's on the wrong floor! She's pre-septic." Thanks to her quick thinking, I was transferred and there they found out I did indeed have sepsis w/ a whole host of other problems. I'm OK now (still heading) but *everyone* agreed that if a man had walked in as sick as I was, he would have been treated differently. IT. SHOULDN'T. BE. THIS. WAY!
Can we talk about how much Sara is glowing?! You can really tell she's living life to the fullest now and hearing her story almost brought me to tears a few times. I've been raised in a very catholic household - not particulary high control but strict and very toxic nonetheless. The stigma around queerness was so high and when i found out i was queer i felt very ashamed... I'm 30 now and i'm finally exploring a romantic relationship with another woman. Never thought that would happen honestly. 😅 I couldn't be happier but it has been a hard path to walk on. Hearing Sara talk about her experience was so relatable and therapeutic... I'm so greatful that this channel exists. ✨💖🌈
I cannot imagine the guilt trips imposed oon the women. What a heavy, unforgiving load to carry. I wonder how these men would feel if the tables were turned? How would they feel not being allowed to receive medication for pain? How awful!
Sara’s story is so powerful and inspiring. She went from that hospital bed where she was giving birth to her daughter, isolated and alone, to a year later divorcing her husband, taking that first step on her journey to authenticity and freedom. Her strength and resilience and commitment to providing her children a better future are truly admirable.
As a none Jewish person I found this so beautiful and powerful. Sara was so honest and appears to be happy with being her true self. Congratulations to both Sara and the team for this post.
kudos for you, sara, for pushing pushing pushing to continue your education, learning that vocabulary, processing painful information you really needed to hide from to survive, and STILL moving forward to find yourself and protect your children. (run on sentence. lol) i honor you.
Is there a high rate of suicide among women in these high control groups? I only ask because I have such compassion for these women. Her speaking about addiction and her chosen sober family at the end touched me.
@@CultstoConsciousness Yes, that is a great question. I am Jewish but not Hasidic. Suicide is taboo and a disgrace in Judaism. Perhaps that is why you never hear of religious Jews commiting suicide . Perhaps it is happening but covered up. On the other hand, the secular press abounds with stories about "off the derech" Jews who kill themselves after leaving the religion. Groups like Footsteps have done wonders to help those who leave and prevent their suicides.
I am Jewish and Hasidic and I can remember 1 suicide attempt of a young guy, not more than that. Have in mind that some stuff she said are against Jewish law, like not knowing till 48 hours before her wedding about sex... I am married, to a man my parents suggested, but I made the decision to marry, happily married, we have a great relationship as well as intimate relationship. We have 2 kids, and never has anyone put pressure on me to do something I don't want, or the opposite... And we are in contact with a rabbi to ask questions about Judaism. I was shocked to listen to this interview, and wish her all the best!
Wow! Dr. Glass...I hope you see my comment. I just ordered your book and I cannot wait to read it. I grew up in New Jersey in Monmouth County. I was brought up Catholic and I knew of Jewish people but they attended a reformed temple. A year ago, I moved to Lakewood, NJ and I was not prepared. When I encountered Ultra Orthodox or Hasidic people in the stores, I was looked at as being disdain and I them. I remember VERY clearly this woman in the Brick Target with many children and a younger daughter had this flaming red hair that was so etheral and stunning. I said to the woman, "I just have to say, your daughter's hair is the most beautiful I had ever seen." She grabbed her daughter and other children and ran away from me. Now, I am a 60 year old woman and I was shocked that she thought I may do something to her. After that encounter, I was so angry and was determined not to go near these people EVER again. I would only shop on saturdays, IYKYK. Thank you for opening my eyes. I look forward to receiving your book.
Recovering Catholic here. As someone who works in health care, we are taught to RESPECT religious traditions. If we suspect a woman is being abused, we need to have her consent to help her. Until she is ready for help, there is nothing we can do.
I'm going to make an admission here ... when i was pregnant i was studying psychology. At that point in the classes we were discussing serial killers and i had some kind of visceral reaction to listening to and participating in conversation with my big belly. I felt like, for sure, my baby was going to hear all of that. I legit put headphones on belly during that class. Not directly related to religion (but maybe subconsciously it was because of how i grew up) but now - i totally feel weird about the fact that i did that 😂
I think it makes sense you did that! Your baby could hear, so it makes sense you wanted to protect your little one.. felt the same way when I was pregnant
Not weird at all! I think what happened in Sara’s case was that she was told her baby could somehow become infected by just the mention of gay rights because of sin. I totally believe our little ones can be affected my mama’s mood, stress hormones or environment.
I appreciate her pointing out that the Messy Middle can continue indefinitely; I long for a neat After shot of my departure from the first half of life, but often feel stuck in the Messy Middle. I'm very inspired and motivated by this conversation, in particular. Still striving, Thank you!
I live near this community and am also a social worker. The problem with offering members of thia community choice is that we are then sued for antisemitism. True Story
Im from this community/ its not necessarily true. Most kids are raised in a warm lovely home .. theres abuse all over .. and i wont deny that theres none in out community bit its a small percentage which unfortunately is not easy to notice @christinabeck9316
I appreciated the interview and my heart goes out to her and others in this high control group ❤ A common theme I notice with ultra religious/ultra conservative groups is the obsession with sex and the rules and control around it…. sexuality is such a gift and sad to see how much people in these groups are missing out 😢
I’m from Brooklyn and the Hasidic Jewish community has always intrigued me. Even though members of that community are my neighbors, I was almost invisible to them. That community seems impenetrable and completely insular.
Regarding birth care the amount of times as an ICU nurse we used to give blood to Jehovah’s Witnesses mother’s post birth in the middle of the night after their husbands had gone home was so frequent bc while they love their faith, they preferred their lives and being their for the children that they’d just given birth to was more. Like they would refuse blood at other times of their lives especially once their children were old enough to care for themselves, but they recognised the danger t time of birth & when their kids were older but they able to disassociate from their own lives at that point (btw it was only done in ICU bc of the size of the hospital I was in & of course bc by the time husband had left the mothers lives were in true danger after the amount of haemorrhaging. Then of course in the morning the husbands would return and say see I told you she didn’t need blood 🙄 the amount of miracles that occurs at hospitals once men are out of the picture is truly amazing
weird she doesnt sound or look at all like she came from a Hassidic family. She has a village type nyc accent
I’m from one of the ultra orthodox Jewish communities. These interviews heal me. Leaving feels so isolating but hearing about others who left makes me feel so much less alone
You’re definitely not alone. Thank you for sharing. If you’d ever be interested in sharing your story, please reach out. Cultstoconsciousness@gmail.com ❤️
I’m wondering why you have to wear wigs? What is the purpose of?
So God can't see your uncoverd head@jennifercornman1291
@@jennifercornman1291modesty. After a woman marries, her hair is supposed to be just for her husband, only he rarely sees it and it’s usually cut so short at that point, it’s not very attractive anyways.
I’m also from one of those communities and left..
@ thank you. You should think about telling your story. I would love to hear your story.
Kissing Girls on Shabbat is the most kickass title 😩💅
❤
Kickass book too!
I thought so too 😂
Yes, I love the title ❤
Great conversation. Dr. Glass tells her story so honestly and clearly, and her voice is so soothing, I imagine she's a great therapist.
Another ex hasidic woman here but am in London so there are a lot of things that are the same but there are a few things that will differ. The way my family kidnapped my daughter because I left was barbaric. The things myself and my 3 kids experienced leaving these kind of communities is horrific…. It’s been almost ten years now since having any contact with my own family as they supported my abusive ex husband after I finally got an injunction and manage to leave. Thank you for bringing these cults, closed communities or extreme religions to light because I know so many people who would love to know what it’s like from the inside. Sara, thank you for your bravery. From a fellow ex-hasidic person who is sending you love across the ocean ❤️💪🏼
Ultra orthodox woman here. Just want say that not knowing about sex till 48 hours before the wedding is but only wrong, but against the law In Judaism.
It's so sad for me to hear all the experiences from woman, not even knowing that it's against Judaism...
It’s not the religion, these woman have deep seated issues . Do u really think they are at peace now or ever?…
Fantastic interview! Dr glass’s testimony really resonated with me. The sacrifice she made and the reasons she gave hit home. Now I’m off to read her book.
This was so fascinating. Every time a guest comes to share their story we get a little more information a little more insight a little more perspective.
Yes! It’s so interesting the way our guests make up the pieces to a puzzle and I feel like a detective trying to find the bigger picture while honoring the nuance of each situation.
As someone from Brick, NJ and is very familiar with the surrounding communities of Lakewood and Toms River, I’m so happy that Dr. Glass is thriving.
I live near in Atlantic City, but I’m very familiar with the Lakewood/ Tom’s River area (I work at Joint Base McGuire/ Dix/ Lakehurst, and my mother in law is from exit 109.
The women look so scared or “dead inside”.
I’m glad Dr. Glass is out and free.
Im one of the women that live in Lakewood. I am thriving, fullfilled, and we lead a happy, fulfilling life. I dont feel dead inside.
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
I’d buy that as a bumper sticker.
❤
I really enjoyed this podcast. I am so happy for Sara for living the life she wanted and was able to keep her kids with her. She is a very strong lady and I wish her all the best in her life.
I grew up in a hassidic community and developed a deep appreciation for the interviews conducted, as they serve as a source of solace and solidarity. It is comforting to realize that I am not the sole individual who has navigated the system and ultimately decided to depart. Acknowledging the inherent challenges associated with leaving, I extend my utmost respect and admiration to those who have embarked on this transformative journey and emerged as courageous individuals.
Listen. I was raised in a liberal-leaning Episcopal church. I grew up knowing gay people and understanding that they live normal lives like everyone else. I was a teenager in the open-minded 90s. And it was STILL extremely difficult to come to terms with being gay myself. I can only imagine what that process is like within the context of a high-control religion. Dr. Glass's courage is amazing!
I am a 25yo secular woman, my doctor also told me they wouldn’t fix something that happened to my vulva until after my next kid. We deserve better!
That is so beyond crazy to me to hear this 🫣🙏❤️
That’s awful, I’m so sorry to hear this. Get another doctor!
Find another doctor immediately. They don't have to, but someone will be willing to
I had hoped doctors were better by now. In the 80s I was a twenty-something young woman who wanted my tubes tied. I never wanted children. My doctor wouldn’t because I “might change my mind.”
Spoiler alert - I did not!
It sounds like theres a part of the story missing? Otherwise: A shame!
This was such a thoughtful, interesting discussion, as usual for this channel. Thanks to you both. 💐😊
Glad you enjoyed it!
Oh I am so excited she is going to write a book about the recovery! I think we need more of those.
Can we please leave this hymen myth behind? Not everyone has one, for some people it "breaks" by itself, gently, naturally without you even knowing.
I wasn’t aware of that
It is 2024, almost 2025!!!!! How is this myth still believed??
Yeah, and I think the hymen exists so that, when you're a baby pooping yourself, you won't get poop in your vagina. It's obsolete post-infancy.
And some people, like me, have a nearly imperforate hymen, and need surgery in order to have sex.
I think i never had one
Brings me delerious joy that Sara was able to find her true self and true joy. You go girl!
Im a pretty modest person but when I had my babies all bets were off! I cannot imagine being worried about being covered up while delivering and my husband or family not being in the room?? I would feel more exposed then in that paper gown! I feel so deeply sad for her. Birth can be a beautiful experience and they took that from her
I think the fact that this lady didn't know about or have any facts about the physicality of marriage and was still in love with a woman shows that homosexuality is something people are born with and not a life style choice. I'm so glad she's found a safe place.
Well, I understand why your hypothesis will come to that conclusion, but it’s actually incorrect. As babies do not have a sexual preference and neither do toddlers. In the east societies which are heavily segregated between men and women. Women and men both do not become attached and long for the opposite sex like they would in a normal setting. And therefore going through late adolescence in puberty with their hormones, who is around them for them to be attracted to, but the same sex.
So perhaps it is not something you need that you’re born with,
The evidence shows that it’s who you are around during late adolescence and through puberty.
As a nurse- we often want to help those that are different than us, but have been met with push back in the past and are now jaded. Plus, we are taught to be respectful of views/beliefs different than ours. Nursing is a lot of putting your emotions aside and helping your patient with their medical condition. One could be accused of pushing their own will on someone in a compromised position. 🤷♀️ its very difficult.
I use to work in Lakewood as a nurse. I use to always advocate for my patients and thankful for progressed Rabbis. I am Reform Jewish. Breaks my heart no one spoke up for you during medical needs.
thank you so much for sharing this story. I am from a modern orthodox community - I can relate to some of what was shared. I am so happy that Sara is thriving now!
What a raw and incredible interview. This one hit harrrrrrd.
40:45 this whole story made me tear up, it’s so unfair and I’m SO SO mad that there are still women going through things like this. Sara you are so strong and I’m sure your story is going to help many in the same situation. ❤
It's just so wrong & infuriating that any adult would be in a position to "require" permission from another person (the rabbi, spouse) for their own medical decisions & treatment. Eff these power hungry freaks! That's not about "God's will." It's a load of 💩!
Medical staff needs to be trained & expected to get consent from the patient. This should be a minimum requirement.
I totally agree!!!!!! She is the one living in her body, she should decide!!! It made me so mad that she had to go through more time in labor with the epidural wearing off because the husband didn't want to bother the rabbi!!!
I don’t know anyone in my community that asks a rabbi about epidurals in childbirth. Personally I never had one and don’t want anyone sticking anything into my spine. I have had pitocin. Without having to ask a rabbi.
Yea thats what project 25 aims for...
USA is 🤏 close to having a real Handmaids Tale
This! The very reason why women's health should not be decided by old men!
@@More13Feenplease stop making this about politics....
Amazing woman and she’s leading a good healthy life. Love to see it. I am familiar with living a strict religious life and the emotinal journey is the most difficult thing to digest. It’s so intangible yet overtaking. It takes so much courage to be your own woman in the midst of religious mess and harm. Thank you to the both of you for this discussion.
This is SO true!! Even coming from regular society (raised catholic but not really practicing), it is expected of you to have a boyfriend, get married, have children, a big house, a dog and send happy Christmas cards every year…. Until you meet THAT person. I thought I was STRAIGHT until I met my now wife, because of how repressed my feeling were. (Imagine the shock). But I’m the happiest I have ever been. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a LGBTQ+ female doctor with tattoos too! You rock. :)
Love this ❤️🙌
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All the married lesbians I know are either divorced or one is transitioning to being male. Divorce rates and domestic violence is very high for lesbian couples. As is loneliness levels and dissatisfaction with life specifically related to sexuality and generally due to social isolation while aging. Lesbians also have very high infidelity rates. May your happiness come without all of this pain and you return to the church where you are unconditionally loved while turning from sin.
@@louis-vd3uroh be quiet
It’s such a joy to listen to Sara talking, how insightful and calm and inspiring she is. I am sure she is an excellent therapist ❤
Sorry you went through this thank you for sharing your experience and spreading awareness ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story!! I have three sisters and mom that I don't have a relationship with. As you said, "I'm too far gone" from the LDS religion and tried for many years. I took matters into my own hands and said I'm done. It's powerful to stand for your truth no matter what others, especially those who are supposed to be closest to you, say or think about you. Your story is such an important one and really appreciate it. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing that. Absolutely heartbreaking that they aren’t able to see you for your heart and not your beliefs or lack thereof. ❤️
"because you walked out in the middle of the film", funny line, but also an indication of the kind of relationship mom and daughter have, which is so amazing after what she went through.
Agreed!
Another fantastic interview, thank you so much for doing this! Sara: I am so glad that you are now living the authentic life that is truly you, and that your children are doing so well. Congratulations to you. I can’t wait to read your book, and I will be on the lookout for the book about the “Messy Middle”! Shelise, you are the best interviewer ever. I was so glad to hear you explain why it is so common for people to fall into an addiction when they leave a high control life. Thank you so much to both of you!
I've never missed an episode, and this was by miles my favorite❤ I struggle with addiction myself, and this is the first time I've seen a survivor say or admit to this. She was bright, thoughtful and insightful. ❤❤
I can’t believe that was only 1.20 hr long! Far out! So deep. Such a good interview
love her suggestion that we not just assume people are following all the rules. Her idea that the nurse could have asked her if she wanted the medication anyway on the DL makes me wonder if I have made assumptions like that with my own clients and not given them the choices they deserved. Love the perspective. Great video as always.
Thank you so much for your story, Dr. Sarah 🎉❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you Shelise for having this platform. I just downloaded Sara's audiobook. You both are a strong, brave women. ❤
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Incredible Interview ! Raw and gripping, in a good way !
This was just brilliant on so many levels. Thank you!
Oh no! This really hurts to hear.
I was forced into learned helplessness by my Munchausen mother, then discarded to the street at 15. I knew sweet fuck all about almost everything and am lucky not to have been killed immediately by a predator or scooped into a cult.
By 19, I was totally battle scarred. I felt a million years old.
But I was just a baby. Hearing about another queer person being sent to the wolves like that, especially one who is a lesbian and therefore repulsed by the D, having to be married to a man and because she wasn't given any sexual support, taking a miscarriage as God's anger for craving her girlfriend?
Brutal. I'm so sorry. By 19, I had years of street life and an abortion under my belt. I couldn't have cared for a baby.
By 23, I had a girlfriend I failed to recognize as one because I generally ended up with men and back then there were confusing subculture rules delegitimizing bisexuality. I hurt her really badly by being confused and dismissing our relationship.
I hate all this wretched pain and loss and my heart absolutely keens for this 19 year old baby, losing her baby, while denying the love that she needed to heal.
I'm so sorry for the girlfriend, too. How heartbreaking!
Consensual squeezes to you both. All my aged queer love!
Wow! Thank you for sharing all of that. Sending love to YOU too! If you’re ever interested in sharing here, I’d love to hear more of your story. We have a link to our guest application in our about section ❤️
Liked. Shared. Commented. Sent the algorithm to rescue everyone from ultra orthodox communities.
I live in an ultra orthodox community and I absolutely love my life. I use birth control when I want it, I gave birth with ptocin and an epidural, I went to college and practice medicine. I believe that when it’s done right, religion is beautiful. I believe that when things are taken to an extreme (as in her community), it can do real harm. It’s all about nuance and finding an appropriate balance. That being said, not everyone needs to be rescued :)
@yaelisakov4477 same here! I am part of an ultra Orthodox community and love my life as well! I am happy and fulfilled, as are my children, and we do not need to be rescued! Like Shelise mentioned many times during the interview, this was Sara's story, not a story of the ultra Orthodox community in general
I met my first boyfriend when I was eighteen in college. It was almost love at first sight. My mother always equated sex before marriage as terrible as becoming a drug addict. This was 1972. My boyfriend knew I had never even kissed a boy before. He was so patient and gentle. This was during the height of recreational sex and one night stands and no commitments . My boyfriend was so thoughtful that when we finally had intercourse it didn’t hurt at all. I didn’t realize my hyman had broken until I woke up and saw blood on the sheets. I was so embarrassed I frantically cleaned up everything while my boyfriend was asleep in a different bed (he only had a twin bed but there was an extra bed in his suite.) That was over fifty years ago and I remember the live I felt for him and how attracted I was to him. In the end, after three years he broke my heart. He only got married when he was fifty yrs old. After he broke up with me I only went out with guys who loved me more than I loved them. Until I met my second husband who I also instantly feel in love with. When you’re in love it makes a huge difference
My first sexual intercourse happened when I was nearly 18 in the 1970s.As I recall it now, the pleasure was derived from pleasing my boyfriend not about having an orgasm. Since then I have had many different make lovers and I can recall only once when one if them asked me what I liked. I didn’t know how to answer because I never thought about it. I don’t ever recall having an orgasm during sex. I only know what one feels like because they have been so jarring that I was awakened from my solitary sleep.
Thank you for sharing your story, Sara! And congrats on breaking free of the oppression of your previous life.
Such a fascinating story, I’m so proud of Sara she has survived so much trauma and the way she told her life experiences was compelling. I truly wish her so much happiness and peace in her life and the same to her 3 children, although it sounds like her children will succeed because they have a mother like Sara ❤
Dr. Sara is a beautiful person .Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope that if anyone is struggling, can hear this and find the courage to speak and act for their own well-being.
Stories like this are so heartbreaking. I am Jewish and to be honest with you the ultra-orthodox have always scared me in the same way my Catholic grandmother scared me. Why would I sign up for a religion that perceives me as less than and having to seek permission for living my true self. Nah I think I'll stick to my radical feminist version of Judaism. Just put the book on my TBR shelf.
What are you doing to effectively help the women in Hasidic Jewish communities?
What a journey from captivity to freedom. So many twists and turns. So much suffering and also awakening. I am glad you Sara was able to find yourself and your tribe and that your kids are with you and live a life in which they also can be themselves in full. Sara, you are leaving a great legacy in your kids's lives, a legacy of courage, self-love, truth, empathy, and sensibility. Thank you for your very honest testimonial. Your story is not an easy one to express. You are a brave woman! I have learned so much from the human experiences you shared so eloquently. Bless your heart! It was very beautiful that, in spite of your many struggles inside the community, you still talk about some people you met with respect and affection. That is great you do not carry any bitterness. It is another way of staying free of heavy loads which do not belong to you, after all. I want to read your book and learn more from your story. Thank you! It was a privilege to listen to you. It touched me very much.
So she was basicly a married single mom.
She had to do everything. Provide finically be the breadwinner and be the primary parent.
That dynamic rarely works.
The parent doing it all eventually starts resenting the other one.
I had 3 under 3 and can’t imagine having to do all that.
Sara, thank you for sharing your story. I commend you for your courage and honesty. I look forward to reading your book and the second book too, about your recovery. Shelise, thanks for a very powerful interview, as always.
Thank you, Batya!
Thank you for sharing this it's fascinating to learn these things and also can be heartbreaking. I bought and ordered the audiobook immediately.
Thank you, Sara and Shelise and Jonathan for sharing this beautiful video, I really enjoyed it and learned from it. Can't wait for part 2 :)
I love you as a person. I am so proud you did this interview. Where I grew up. I grew up around a lot of Orthodox Jewish people.
I grew up in the same part of Brooklyn that she was speaking of and although I am no longer religious, I remember everything that I would see. Very young not even 18-year-old girls already married with at least two children, or husbands walking in front of their wives, as if they were above them. So,so much.
I love these talks. No matter how hard they are to hear the endings always bring hope and love and lightness. So many of your guests have been driven to great places by their desire to live to their full potential and it is so cool to see! I'm sitting here trying to think how many guests you've had on with Dr. in front of their name. Amazing!
I cried when she talked about hwr miscarriage. I wanted to go back in time and just hug and comfort that young girl.
Oh my goodness this was such an incredible treat! I read kissing girls on Shabbos, or rather listened to Sara on audible and it was an experience that I don't have the words to describe! I am beyond excited and delighted that she's writing another book! So looking forward to read it 😍
I love the title of this book. Her story about her wedding night, reminded me of Marie Antoinettes wedding night. Men can just get a divorce, No problem! She is still unable to live her own life. Prison! And of course a knee or elbow will cause men to go crazy. It's the women's fault. Same culty scene.
What a sad reality that the people in the medical field don’t treat women like humans. Treating women like breeding cattle is so disrespectful! So much power to this woman’s perseverance.
im a women from her community and it is not true. I am perfectly content, and it some ways we are treated better
@@hi-kb3hb I wasn’t specifically speaking about the community. I wasn’t specifically speaking about your experience. That’s wonderful that you have that experience. I’m speaking generally about women. Not just in this community.
@@kylerellese8882 oh, I understand. im sorry that you feel that way :(
I think it's important to remember this & that it's not just in religious cultures. In general, women's pain is treated/ like at very differently than a man's pain. If a man & woman each present at the ER with the SAME symptoms & pain levels, the man will be looked at as more serious than the woman. It's horrible. I was recently in the ER after a surgery where there turned out to be a complication. They finally admitted me (after hours of Hell w/ little support) to an observation floor. As my first nurse walked into the room and looked at me she said "oh, she's on the wrong floor! She's pre-septic." Thanks to her quick thinking, I was transferred and there they found out I did indeed have sepsis w/ a whole host of other problems. I'm OK now (still heading) but *everyone* agreed that if a man had walked in as sick as I was, he would have been treated differently.
IT. SHOULDN'T. BE. THIS. WAY!
@@rumbleinthekitchen_Amy agreed. This was exactly my point. This is a sad reality in general.
I can't even imagine having to ask a man, who has never and will never give birth, if it is okay for me to have an epidural & Pitocin. Insane.
I like your final words of wisdom to not be part of the problem but be part of the solution by letting someone know they can talk to you.
Brilliant interview, very important topic!! Thanks for sharing your story with us ❤
Can we talk about how much Sara is glowing?! You can really tell she's living life to the fullest now and hearing her story almost brought me to tears a few times. I've been raised in a very catholic household - not particulary high control but strict and very toxic nonetheless. The stigma around queerness was so high and when i found out i was queer i felt very ashamed... I'm 30 now and i'm finally exploring a romantic relationship with another woman. Never thought that would happen honestly. 😅 I couldn't be happier but it has been a hard path to walk on. Hearing Sara talk about her experience was so relatable and therapeutic... I'm so greatful that this channel exists. ✨💖🌈
I cannot imagine the guilt trips imposed oon the women. What a heavy, unforgiving load to carry. I wonder how these men would feel if the tables were turned? How would they feel not being allowed to receive medication for pain? How awful!
سيشعرون بالجنون سيفقدون عقولهم حتماً
actually, judaism encourages healthy respectful marriages, and if a woman is really being abused, she is also encouraged to divorce.
This is so good, so inspiring. Thank you for being so brave and vulnerable, your life is a light of hope for others. Sending love.
I’m so glad you got your PhD. Brava! Living your own true self.
What a great success you are, Sarah! What a great story of finding yourself!
What a story…thank you for sharing! This world can be messed up.
I just bought your book and I can't wait to read it!! Thank you for sharing your story💕
Sara’s story is so powerful and inspiring. She went from that hospital bed where she was giving birth to her daughter, isolated and alone, to a year later divorcing her husband, taking that first step on her journey to authenticity and freedom. Her strength and resilience and commitment to providing her children a better future are truly admirable.
So vulnerable and real. Thank you for sharing.
As a none Jewish person I found this so beautiful and powerful. Sara was so honest and appears to be happy with being her true self. Congratulations to both Sara and the team for this post.
kudos for you, sara, for pushing pushing pushing to continue your education, learning that vocabulary, processing painful information you really needed to hide from to survive, and STILL moving forward to find yourself and protect your children. (run on sentence. lol) i honor you.
„I gave my self to god“ is code for I tryed to endure any abuse in silence and convince myself to everything is ok.
Commenting to support your amazing pod. Thank you wonderful, brave Dr. Glass.
I loved Beatrice’s episodes too!
Is there a high rate of suicide among women in these high control groups? I only ask because I have such compassion for these women. Her speaking about addiction and her chosen sober family at the end touched me.
Great question! I’ll save this and ask her when we go live.
@@CultstoConsciousness
Yes, that is a great question.
I am Jewish but not Hasidic.
Suicide is taboo and a disgrace in Judaism. Perhaps that is why you never hear of religious Jews commiting suicide . Perhaps it is happening but covered up.
On the other hand, the secular press abounds with stories about "off the derech" Jews who kill themselves after leaving the religion. Groups like Footsteps have done wonders to help those who leave and prevent their suicides.
I am Jewish and Hasidic and I can remember 1 suicide attempt of a young guy, not more than that.
Have in mind that some stuff she said are against Jewish law, like not knowing till 48 hours before her wedding about sex...
I am married, to a man my parents suggested, but I made the decision to marry, happily married, we have a great relationship as well as intimate relationship.
We have 2 kids, and never has anyone put pressure on me to do something I don't want, or the opposite... And we are in contact with a rabbi to ask questions about Judaism.
I was shocked to listen to this interview, and wish her all the best!
@@keashablew7728 no there's absolutely not. If something it's the other way around
I had no idea so many leave the community. I live near but not in Hasidic community. I would love to hear other interviews from this sect.
She is literally naming towns around me!
Ordering the book for my library!❤
Sara is fascinating. Loved this.❤
Excellent interview. Learned a lot!
Wow! Dr. Glass...I hope you see my comment. I just ordered your book and I cannot wait to read it. I grew up in New Jersey in Monmouth County. I was brought up Catholic and I knew of Jewish people but they attended a reformed temple. A year ago, I moved to Lakewood, NJ and I was not prepared. When I encountered Ultra Orthodox or Hasidic people in the stores, I was looked at as being disdain and I them. I remember VERY clearly this woman in the Brick Target with many children and a younger daughter had this flaming red hair that was so etheral and stunning. I said to the woman, "I just have to say, your daughter's hair is the most beautiful I had ever seen." She grabbed her daughter and other children and ran away from me. Now, I am a 60 year old woman and I was shocked that she thought I may do something to her. After that encounter, I was so angry and was determined not to go near these people EVER again. I would only shop on saturdays, IYKYK. Thank you for opening my eyes. I look forward to receiving your book.
Recovering Catholic here. As someone who works in health care, we are taught to RESPECT religious traditions. If we suspect a woman is being abused, we need to have her consent to help her. Until she is ready for help, there is nothing we can do.
I have been truly captivated by this story, I hope to her from Sara again in the future. Thank you for sharing.
I'm going to make an admission here ... when i was pregnant i was studying psychology. At that point in the classes we were discussing serial killers and i had some kind of visceral reaction to listening to and participating in conversation with my big belly. I felt like, for sure, my baby was going to hear all of that. I legit put headphones on belly during that class. Not directly related to religion (but maybe subconsciously it was because of how i grew up) but now - i totally feel weird about the fact that i did that 😂
I think it makes sense you did that! Your baby could hear, so it makes sense you wanted to protect your little one.. felt the same way when I was pregnant
Not weird at all! I think what happened in Sara’s case was that she was told her baby could somehow become infected by just the mention of gay rights because of sin. I totally believe our little ones can be affected my mama’s mood, stress hormones or environment.
I appreciate her pointing out that the Messy Middle can continue indefinitely; I long for a neat After shot of my departure from the first half of life, but often feel stuck in the Messy Middle. I'm very inspired and motivated by this conversation, in particular. Still striving, Thank you!
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Wow Sara - what a courageous woman you are!! Bravo to you 👏🏻
Just ordered your book on Audible ❤
Thank you Dr Sarah for all the information you provided
Thanks!
She is just gorgeous! I’m so happy for her! Amazing story!
I live near this community and am also a social worker. The problem with offering members of thia community choice is that we are then sued for antisemitism. True Story
As someone who left, very true. They believe theirs is the only way and you will be looked at as evil for meddling.
The abuse and neglect that goes on is so sad. Their teachers are not certified or trained to spot it. It gets swept under the rug.
It’s not every where it’s in maybe in 5%
@@christinabeck9316.
Im from this community/ its not necessarily true. Most kids are raised in a warm lovely home .. theres abuse all over .. and i wont deny that theres none in out community bit its a small percentage which unfortunately is not easy to notice @christinabeck9316
Not directly related to this video but her voice is so calm and soothing and full of emotion ❤❤❤❤
Looking Beautiful today . Been missig your show . And Thank you to your guess.
Thank you! Getting back on track with more interviews 😁
Such a moving interview
Thank you! I appreciate how this one focused a little more on the female/ education, but I love all of your videos.
I appreciated the interview and my heart goes out to her and others in this high control group ❤
A common theme I notice with ultra religious/ultra conservative groups is the obsession with sex and the rules and control around it…. sexuality is such a gift and sad to see how much people in these groups are missing out 😢
I’m from Brooklyn and the Hasidic Jewish community has always intrigued me. Even though members of that community are my neighbors, I was almost invisible to them. That community seems impenetrable and completely insular.
As usual, fantastic interview, thanks to both of you
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This is so fascinating. Thank you Sara for being so vulnerable and honest on your journey.
Cults are so bizarre and sick.