What she said.... at the end... about best way to speak the ending of a relationship.... made me weep for the truth and honesty and sacredness in the tone and the words. Stunning. Absolutely stunning.
This is the most amazing and insightful, thought provoking talk I have heard regarding couples and relationships. It's enlightening. Thank you both for it.
Esther, I have been watching your videos for a very long time, but this video really got to me. You are incredible! I am also Belgian so that got me watching in the first place but your words get right into my heart. I have just remarried at age 68 and have entered into this (4th) marriage with a very different set of values thanks, to an extent, to having listened to you. Thank you. You are truly amazing. PS. My first two marriages were great to start off with, my third lasted 25 years and was wonderful but my husband sadly passed away which broke me. He was fantastic. He was a Belgian Jew - I am Christian. My current marriage is so different but beautiful. I want to make this wonderful man happy. He makes me happy. These words are completely insufficient but obviously impossible to go into further in this space. 😊
Esther Perel is an empathetic, observant, well-educated genius. Thank you, Esther, and thank you Chris, for bringing us her wisdom. I'm sure she and her book help thousands of people. hugs to you both!
Some genius !! According to YOU !?? I don't agree at all she is absolutely NO genius !! She writes a book of the typical French way of looking at sex , and marriage ..she paints a B's look at a marriage " sounds really word , and totally out landish , throwing " words around , and screwy "word pictures" that are so far from reality !! It's rediculous !! She is rediculous !! Her take on the whole thing is stupid ..French ..oh yeah !! Sure is , and NOT NEW !!! BUT WHAT DO STUPID AMERICANS KNOW ABOUT THE CRAZY FRENCH !!! SORRY BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH OF HER BS !!!
@@lilypowell1123 What's your problem? U have this rude comment on the other video too! She's not French like your mother, she grew up in Belgium, not France (maybe she speaks French)! Ester is amazing! Marriage takes a lot of work, determination, patience! (I was married for 10 years - together for12 yrs) and raised my 3 step kids ages 3, 9, & 10 yrs. old for 12 years, and I helped/supported financially my 6 nephews & nieces for their college tuition, books, allowances in the Philippines for 4-6 years, while I worked full-time, and attended night school for pre-nursing classes. Dr. Ester is not stating infidelity/affair is acceptable. Spouses go through a lot in marriage, they need to communicate, trust, and love, etc. If the wife still loves the husband and able to forgive him for his affair, and still wants to work out the marriage and move on then so be it. If not, then they'll go their separate ways! She can't help all marriages. At the end, it's the couples decision!
She's German🤦 If you're going to have such a deep and hateful opinion make sure you know where your insults are coming from. Raised in Belgium and having both parents from German backgrounds, that BOTH spent 5yrs in concentration camps & BOTH were the ONLY survivor's in their family, you have to expand your mind to really think how she was raised!? Their beliefs?! Their love language?! Position's in the family!? AGAIN try and expand what you've known and believed your whole life, to learn something possibly better than you knew existed 💜
She is amazing because she is cutting through all the layers of morality and emotional truisms and gets to the real meaningful issues. She is helpful because once you can accept reality instead of projection or denial etc, you can start your healing. Whatever it means for you or the other, apart or together or something in between, the most important part is to be joyful in your life. Without judgement or shame. That will definitely always be part of it. It’s not a positive thing to keep a secret that you know will fundamentally hurt and potentially cause harm to many people in your life. The secret becomes a land mine. We are starting from a place of dishonesty already because much of what is taught as ideal or expected in relationships is a setup for failure in all but the rarest cases. It is sad that many only reach the point of complete honesty because they have been blown apart by groundwork that they could not see but from a distant perspective is unavoidable. Till death do us part is a very sacrificial oath, and not to the true health of either person so bound. We are very hard on ourselves with little logical reasoning a lot of the time. When this gets bound up in cultural norms and religious traditions it becomes very difficult to understand or accept when the ideal fails that it is okay to move forward or end the relationship. We need to be more careful when we promise something we don’t know how to give because all experiential life is subjective. Personally I think we should throw Morality into the trash bin and allow ourselves the decency to be honest with others and ourselves. Staying in a relationship to save someone a broken heart is just another form of dishonesty. The pain we suffer in secret is the pain we may eventually pass onto others but without any context or understanding. This can ruin lives in so many ways. She is on the right track with her insight and empathy as well as being able to explain nuance to audiences in a non threatening, non judgmental manner. I wish more therapists could have just half of her grace and wit. The world would be a much healthier place.
how well you put your thoughts. i agree, the level of wisdom and enlightenment she reached are very high. when she talks it feels like the veil of vagueness and abstraction that covers things disappears and you see everything so clearly and objectively!! she's mind blowing!! I understand why a man would spend 30-35 years next to such a woman! she is extraordinary!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. One statement was glaringly true for me, "We are starting from a place of dishonesty already because much of what is taught as ideal or expected in relationships is a setup for failure in all but the rarest cases." Having read that I am reminded of the skills I have learned from Susan Campbell, PhD in her book "Saying What's Real." Her philosophy is, like Esther's, is eye-opening. If we weren't trained to be such liars, we may have better relationships all the way around.
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Esther is such a beautiful speaker , so passionate, so articulate, and I love her accent too. Her book is great. I am enjoying reading it. Thank you Esther
I admire your knowledge, expertise and ...your charming personality. I have also Polish background am so proud of it. First time I heard your accent I was sure must be something in it I recognised. 😁
Betrayal is heartbreaking but when relationships become violent it’s our moral responsibility to remove ourselves from the relationship & protect ourselves, it’s the right thing to do . It’s the only thing to do !
Perel said that "Betrayal comes in many forms. Indifference. Contempt. Neglect. Violence." Wow. Very insightful, because there are plenty of actions one spouse does to the other, that bring infidelity to the union, where no sex was involved (yet). Sad. Tragic. That's life, sometimes.
I love esther, her work, her delivery, her approach, her opinions and knowledge, I am not sure if I've seen (heard, read) anything by her that I didn't like. But this interview was hands down, the BEST 60+ mins I've seen with her in an interview format conversation, well, ever. I wish it could have gone on indefinitely. Embarrassing truth, I didn't even know who Chris was before watching this. But I do now! Highly impressive interview.
John Smith exactly!! And that’s what I was looking for, with Jesus, we realize our flesh is weak by our desires but we lean on Him for our strength, and chose to live by faith and trust the Lord will give us a way out of sin if we ask him. But we have to desire to chose his way and not our own
My 44 plus year marriage story would read like a long novel. Among every thing else you can imagine there was infidelity on both sides.We split up for 3 years and went back and started all over again. We left the past inthe past. These last 25 years have not been easy but so with it! It just gets better and better. I am so glad we decided to reconnect and move forward.!
Wow, u really inspire me. Im currently going thru separation from 15years with my husband recently discovered there's someone else and we too have been there but this past stint was so different and wonderful best ever then a blow caused my depression inevitably and he shutdown and became numb. Im crushed and though livid over his ability to replace me so fast n easy so to speak, i have no desire or intent to give up but just dont know what to do
Wow just wow ! What an absolute needed interview for me. My wife and I are going thru a crisis and I think I am now ready to accept and work to rebuild our marriage. I hope my wife can also feel it too.
Dear Mr Perel, thank you so much for the time and energy placed into this book and the talks which accompany it. For years it had been bothering me that seemingly good upstanding love-able people can turn in an instant and resolve to such a "hateful" crime. Until I was that person, for which-ever reason i did it. Then for a decade i beat myself up for this "crime". I my understanding and acceptance of the human spirit had change over the years and i to have come to understanding that the action of cheating and being cheated is unacceptable but not wrong - for exactly unacceptable for exactly the reasons you mentioned in the the talk and it definitely don't make it less hurtful. For years though we are taught to hurt other by means of cheating is a crime and should be punished in the most serve way as possible and I owned up to my crime and even though i did not get killed physically i killed myself and every other possible relationship there after because of the notion that I am such a bad person. It was such a revelation to listen to the talk and see that someone else did the write about it and talks about it in the bigness that it is
Cheating on someone is the worst thing one can do in a relationship. It is the most pain you can cause another. Good for you that you beat yourself up for it
I love you Esther Perel. Thank you! I think there are some relationships worth fighting for and there are some worth letting go of. In the end, the decision to leave or stay is yours.
When someone wants to go, release them no matter the depth of your pain and disappointment. Pour your ability to love into someone who will reciprocate in a way that matches yours.
Ingaging in infidelity doesent mean they want to go its just a weakness a lack of vision for the future a refusal to control our thought life., it causes so much pain.
What about talking? Why the affair? What could be healed? What about the good things together? Could be the marriage saved? Please wait, don’t rush, separation to sort things out, If not Then let it go & move forward?
My sister just discovered her husband has been cheating for over 10 years. Listening to Esther is helping me to help my sister as she goes through this difficult process.
Giang Hoang I know of another who went through that. She stayed with him. But I do wonder why he told her...regarding... I've just off loaded this on you. He feels relieved, her heart and mind is shattered...her past and maybe her future. I hope for the best outcome. It truly does affect the spouse, children, extended family and anyone who learns of this. Maybe they need to keep it between themselves if they want to remain married or they'll have to face judgement and opinions of others.
I love the way Chris at the end kissed her hand you don't see that anymore it's a respect for a woman. Chris got great since of humor and his guest as well they both been very understanding to each other and gave each other time to express themselves. Great questions from the audience and I have to give Chris credit for picking the best ones and his guest to answer them.
Ester, as always invaluable in sharing her knowledge and experience on relationships. She informs in a way that empowers us to raise our own bar and do better in all our relationships. I’d love to here what a behavioural psychologist would have to say about Chris’ body language.
Esther is an amazing speaker and truly has helped me look at relationships in such a positive way. She looks at each situation objectively to help couples face the challenges they experience. That genuine concern for both people involved in the relationship gives both parties a chance to learn and grow individually.
Sometimes you only need one person to change the trajectory in your life. For me today it's her. So glad I found her. 🙏 5 yrs late on this post lol glad it's here.
As Esther Perell says, sometimes things hurt, but that doesn't mean they're 'wrong'. Every change hurts. Every broken expectation hurts. Interesting to ponder about what pushes people to tell their spouse about an affair: coming clean being a selfish reason. I like how she cuts right through the BS, bless her for having a clear sight.
Getting Jacked ...It’s simple though, before you DO something think about the consequences. Why do ALL of the people who have committed adultery that I have ever known deeply regret it? Why do people cry & beg for forgiveness? Beg their betrayed partner to stay?
I know im late the party, but i dont think coming clean is being selfish. I personally believe when a wayward goes through the actual thrill seeking and attention they get from an affair, this is the justification stage or as she said it feeling "alive" stage. Once the fog wears off that you see the dissappointment of the affair happens, if that is the case, its more of the guilt stage that hits. And then you realize the problems that he/she was going through in this moment of weakness should have been given to the person that has always had their backs from the beginning and was always their from the start to support them in their worst moments.
I believe most marriages ( 60-70 % in America ) happen not because of being in love with the person, but because of other reasons - belief that you have to be married after dating for few years, you are scared to be alone, belief that you need someone to pay your bills and buy you a house, belief that all your friends are married, so if you want to fit in the circle of your friends, you have to be a part of a couple, it's convenient to have a companion to come home to, habit of having someone to have sex with, belief that " my income and his income will get us better lifestyle", belief that my parents know best and I will trust them to find me a person to marry ...so I'm actually shocked that marriages last as long as they do, and I can totally see that being married for all these wrong reasons would easily lead to infidelity...as deep down you feel that the person you are married to is not "the one", so part of you wants to escape the marriage and continue search for your soulmate, at least that's how I see it...
If you're that mentally feeble and malleable then do the bare-minimum decent thing and don't drag innocent people into your black hole of uncertainty's orbit while you figure your shit out at their expense. If you fail to self-actualize in any meaningful way: DON'T ENTER COMMITMENTS THAT REQUIRE TRUST, HONESTY AND FIDELITY. And if you do, take full responsibility and ownership for the inevitable harm and damage you will undoubtedly cause.
At last, it is about broken hearts. He is doing great and releases some female passion in her. In a good, healthy, amuzing way. Good interview. Thanks. 🥂
"this is deep and it makes me uncomfrotable but i want to know more, but i shouldnt be too curious," his words and body language speaks about how he feels. We must keep in mind his father Mario Cuomo former Governor of New York was a deeply religious man and that can explain why Chris Cuomo might feel uncomfortable. Esther is intelligent, educated, and gives great insight to this topic and living in such changing world from vs to the ones our parents have been living in. With such high rate of divorce, her insight helps to understand both sides of the spectrum. She doesnt give an answer per say but gives posibilities and understanding to the individual especially because every relationship is so different.
Yes He pulls us in w his funny mix of self-awareness and at the same time, not quite getting it... He unecessarily made the conversation about his own values / hangups and judgments.
Very true! Our strength to resist temptation comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. His word is the blueprint for our time on earth- the fact we have freedom of choice is what many have difficulty with. When left to their on will they fall- which is why we have to consistently resist our will and intentionally chose God’s will. Nonetheless, interesting conversation
What an enlightening and entertaining interview. Esther is brilliant. Chris did an outstanding job as interviewer making this topic a bit more approachable.
An amazing, articulate, beautiful and intelligent lady. Love her. He's a very charming, professional and charismatic interviewer who has done a really good job.
this video actually make me open minded, there is always a cause for anything ever happened, maybe we just have to face the real matter instead just being judgement of the idea of infidelity. Definitely gonna read the book.
I made a journal for 2 years with statements an conversations between my husband and me..because I thought I was going mad with paranoia..very clever gaslighting, 😭
her sense of presence has such clarity, within the realm of great change in relationships to oneself, and other. how great to be alive to see this time of exploring, life and love.
Im sure he has alot of woman thinking of being with a smart good looking man its only normal out. In the world its not easy. Dont hurt to admire looks. Clean looking sharp dress man. And handsome very.
She is amazing and I am so happy of that I had opportunity to discover her new way of thinking about relationships between people. She gives me new point of view. Thank you,Estel.
A great author ! What would make her great is that she really have understood things totally ,and perfectly. Honestly, there is nothing to add to what she says , because she has made her words as an amazing piece of art ,gathering the best words to use ,and the best articulation with the best and the right thoughts , with the pretty accent, which cover her ideas with the beauty of the voice . She really deserves to be something very important ,and to have a very high position. Society needs so much people like her !
Josie is a liar, and probably did everything he suspected, if not more before he confronted her. And somewhat successfully, scapegoated him into regretting catching her
I think this is Esther’s best interview so far, I think this s£&t ain’t for the weak, love is a constant work and learning, most people just see things black and white.
42:12 this motto is one of the many reasons why people can’t commit. The other half doesn’t fit all the archetypes... and therefore you spend your years trying to find someone who can. It’s like trying to find perfection. The thing is, your other half may not fit all your buckets, and that’s okay!! So long as they try their best and show up to work in a loving relationship to the best of their ability.
One of the best interview i've watched on youtube. Chris was funny and overall an amazing interviewer. Esther as always was epic. i love that she mentioned Viktor Frankl. why am i not surprised.
Ms Perel, I agree with every statement you have said. My experience has shown your truth and mine to be totally compatible. Thank you for these messages. Thank you. Thank you, Chris for doing this interview. This is such an important topic and will prove to be even more so going forward with all of the technology that has moved into our relationships. I consider this the BEGINNING of a very important discussion. big ty to you both
OMG, Chris ….obviously this show is old….but This is like a stand up or sitting… comedy show! …it doesn’t really matter because the subject is timeless and you are killing me with your humor, responses & very personal reactions. We know you so well Chris, also because you allowed us to know you. Thank you, this is very entertaining even if the subject is very serious 👍🇫🇷🇺🇸
Watch Cuomo on CNN - he is true and gives things to you as they are - great journalist / legal. Especailly entertaining when he has his big brother on (who happens to governor of NY)
Infidelity is actually really really common i came across so many guys who were looking to sleep with other people. Relationship is no joke the work that you have to put into it is very real
Her accent though - I could listen all day. In fact, I am doing ....❤️ It's telling that the audience is captured in a perfect silence. So many people out there can relate to this. She really is an articulate, beautiful genius.
I love her as a talker, but man I also love the interviewer! Watched a couple of Perel's videos and this is one that really brings new subjects on the table. Really a great interviewer who adds to the convo, lets her talk and is funny.
I know it would be easier for us all to believe that, when we do something that ‘we’ consider wrong, that we’re gonna find someone to tell us we did nothing wrong, but human nature is an emotional ride. The person who wants forgiving, in most cases believe in fidelity at all other times except when they are not doing something that they themselves also believe is wrong AND hurtful. I don’t believe in telling others which is right, but I do believe that no matter which way you live, that is up to you, but if you know the other person doesn’t live that way or would be hurt, reveal yourself to them and let them choose. I have friends who claim not to believe in fidelity, but it is only at certain times and when it is not at the deficit of themselves. Forgiveness and communication are huge factors in relationships. Forgiveness, when you really do have someone who’s made a genuine mistake and is capable of working to fix as a team; and communication, to be able to communicate to the other person your needs, so that lack of, cannot be a reason listed for cheating, as defined by both people before one of them cheats. Like the piña colada song. If you both could just tell each other your needs; but sadly, lack of communication and behaviors go way back before two people have even met-sorry antifreudians.
Esther- you are an amazing speaker- so pragmatic, so helpful, so honest and fair! Bought your book which is very helpful. Your videos are extremely valuable. Thank you!!
Let's not ask "is this right or wrong", let's ask "how do we deal with a painful situation without bringing punishment, vilification and condemnation into the picture"
Wow! He cheated and brought a painful situation. I brought punishment, vilification and condemnation. Took my pound of flesh and kicked him to the curb. If there’s any hope he can be a decent partner to his next, “victim,” it’ll be because of me.
Friends of mine -after MANY years of living together - got married. Their contract was to re-convene their contract every year on their anniversary. They are now a solid 38 yrs together.
@@thekiwisqu33z34 there are advantages to being married - from the top of my head: for children, for tax or insurance reasons, better mortgage conditions etc.
People pretend too much to be perfect at the beginning of relationships..we all need to be more honest and stop people pleasing..thank you for bringing all this to our observation….🤗
Hi! Im from India. My mother said the very same thing to me as told by Esther in this video. We had this discussion approximately 13 years ago, im 27 now. She told me not to feel disheartened if that happens, one person cannot fulfill all needs.
If somebody is not complete for someone doesn't mean he/she will be complete for other ,u don't have to decide their value u just have to leave them they will find somebody who will find them complete
Beautifully said:"a marriage that ended did not fail".Jack Gilbert said the same thing in his poem "Failing and flying: BY JACK GILBERT Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew. It's the same when love comes to an end, or the marriage fails and people say they knew it was a mistake, that everybody said it would never work. That she was old enough to know better. But anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Like being there by that summer ocean on the other side of the island while love was fading out of her, the stars burning so extravagantly those nights that anyone could tell you they would never last. Every morning she was asleep in my bed like a visitation, the gentleness in her like antelope standing in the dawn mist. Each afternoon I watched her coming back through the hot stony field after swimming, the sea light behind her and the huge sky on the other side of that. Listened to her while we ate lunch. How can they say the marriage failed? Like the people who came back from Provence (when it was Provence) and said it was pretty but the food was greasy. I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph
What she said.... at the end... about best way to speak the ending of a relationship.... made me weep for the truth and
honesty and sacredness in the tone and the words. Stunning. Absolutely stunning.
A deep "cut" will always leave a horrible "scare"..always !
Wow!!! She nailed it, broke it down into so many pieces, until there's nothing left! Everything makes so much sense!!
This is the most amazing and insightful, thought provoking talk I have heard regarding couples and relationships. It's enlightening. Thank you both for it.
Esther, I have been watching your videos for a very long time, but this video really got to me. You are incredible! I am also Belgian so that got me watching in the first place but your words get right into my heart. I have just remarried at age 68 and have entered into this (4th) marriage with a very different set of values thanks, to an extent, to having listened to you. Thank you. You are truly amazing. PS. My first two marriages were great to start off with, my third lasted 25 years and was wonderful but my husband sadly passed away which broke me. He was fantastic. He was a Belgian Jew - I am Christian. My current marriage is so different but beautiful. I want to make this wonderful man happy. He makes me happy. These words are completely insufficient but obviously impossible to go into further in this space. 😊
"When you pick a person, you pick a story." So True! Love this woman xxx
She's wise. That's a declining trait in our species.
“A story” is a nice way to replace “a baggage”.
Esther Perel is an empathetic, observant, well-educated genius. Thank you, Esther, and thank you Chris, for bringing us her wisdom. I'm sure she and her book help thousands of people. hugs to you both!
Some genius !! According to YOU !?? I don't agree at all she is absolutely NO genius !! She writes a book of the typical French way of looking at sex , and marriage ..she paints a B's look at a marriage " sounds really word , and totally out landish , throwing " words around , and screwy "word pictures" that are so far from reality !! It's rediculous !!
She is rediculous !! Her take on the whole thing is stupid ..French ..oh yeah !!
Sure is , and NOT NEW !!!
BUT WHAT DO STUPID AMERICANS KNOW ABOUT THE CRAZY FRENCH !!!
SORRY BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH OF HER BS !!!
@@lilypowell1123 What's your problem? U have this rude comment on the other video too! She's not French like your mother, she grew up in Belgium, not France (maybe she speaks French)! Ester is amazing! Marriage takes a lot of work, determination, patience! (I was married for 10 years - together for12 yrs) and raised my 3 step kids ages 3, 9, & 10 yrs. old for 12 years, and I helped/supported financially my 6 nephews & nieces for their college tuition, books, allowances in the Philippines for 4-6 years, while I worked full-time, and attended night school for pre-nursing classes. Dr. Ester is not stating infidelity/affair is acceptable. Spouses go through a lot in marriage, they need to communicate, trust, and love, etc. If the wife still loves the husband and able to forgive him for his affair, and still wants to work out the marriage and move on then so be it. If not, then they'll go their separate ways! She can't help all marriages. At the end, it's the couples decision!
Chris is a well-educated genius, too. Cultured, seasoned, refined intellect
She's German🤦 If you're going to have such a deep and hateful opinion make sure you know where your insults are coming from. Raised in Belgium and having both parents from German backgrounds, that BOTH spent 5yrs in concentration camps & BOTH were the ONLY survivor's in their family, you have to expand your mind to really think how she was raised!? Their beliefs?! Their love language?! Position's in the family!? AGAIN try and expand what you've known and believed your whole life, to learn something possibly better than you knew existed 💜
@@moonbeam7815 LMFAO! This didn't age well.😂😃😄
Mrs Esther Perel, Thank you for lending your amazing skills to the world. I have learned so much from you.
She is amazing because she is cutting through all the layers of morality and emotional truisms and gets to the real meaningful issues. She is helpful because once you can accept reality instead of projection or denial etc, you can start your healing. Whatever it means for you or the other, apart or together or something in between, the most important part is to be joyful in your life. Without judgement or shame. That will definitely always be part of it. It’s not a positive thing to keep a secret that you know will fundamentally hurt and potentially cause harm to many people in your life. The secret becomes a land mine. We are starting from a place of dishonesty already because much of what is taught as ideal or expected in relationships is a setup for failure in all but the rarest cases. It is sad that many only reach the point of complete honesty because they have been blown apart by groundwork that they could not see but from a distant perspective is unavoidable. Till death do us part is a very sacrificial oath, and not to the true health of either person so bound. We are very hard on ourselves with little logical reasoning a lot of the time. When this gets bound up in cultural norms and religious traditions it becomes very difficult to understand or accept when the ideal fails that it is okay to move forward or end the relationship. We need to be more careful when we promise something we don’t know how to give because all experiential life is subjective. Personally I think we should throw Morality into the trash bin and allow ourselves the decency to be honest with others and ourselves. Staying in a relationship to save someone a broken heart is just another form of dishonesty. The pain we suffer in secret is the pain we may eventually pass onto others but without any context or understanding. This can ruin lives in so many ways. She is on the right track with her insight and empathy as well as being able to explain nuance to audiences in a non threatening, non judgmental manner. I wish more therapists could have just half of her grace and wit. The world would be a much healthier place.
Hera Hagstoz 01
how well you put your thoughts. i agree, the level of wisdom and enlightenment she reached are very high. when she talks it feels like the veil of vagueness and abstraction that covers things disappears and you see everything so clearly and objectively!! she's mind blowing!! I understand why a man would spend 30-35 years next to such a woman! she is extraordinary!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. One statement was glaringly true for me, "We are starting from a place of dishonesty already because much of what is taught as ideal or expected in relationships is a setup for failure in all but the rarest cases." Having read that I am reminded of the skills I have learned from Susan Campbell, PhD in her book "Saying What's Real." Her philosophy is, like Esther's, is eye-opening. If we weren't trained to be such liars, we may have better relationships all the way around.
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Please try to be more succinct.
Yeap im currently sucked into the esther perel black hole and im loving it! Learning heaaaaps from her
Been in it for the last 3 days😂😂😂I thought I was tripping 😆
Saaaammeee! Somehow she's great to binge on!
Shannon dobbs what else from her have you enjoyed?
Same
Have you noticed she is not married?
Esther is such a beautiful speaker , so passionate, so articulate, and I love her accent too. Her book is great. I am enjoying reading it. Thank you Esther
Yes, she IS eloquent and it is alluring
I admire your knowledge, expertise and ...your charming personality. I have also Polish background am so proud of it. First time I heard your accent I was sure must be something in it I recognised. 😁
39:08 "Divorce used to be the stigma but now it's choosing to stay when you can leave." Well said!
That created a rise in my spirit!! Why was is so profound for you?
So beautifully explained.
Betrayal is heartbreaking but when relationships become violent it’s our moral responsibility to remove ourselves from the relationship & protect ourselves, it’s the right thing to do . It’s the only thing to do !
Stellar yoga Arts And betrayal equals distrust forever...that does not make a true honest relationship
Perel said that "Betrayal comes in many forms. Indifference. Contempt. Neglect. Violence." Wow. Very insightful, because there are plenty of actions one spouse does to the other, that bring infidelity to the union, where no sex was involved (yet). Sad. Tragic. That's life, sometimes.
I love esther, her work, her delivery, her approach, her opinions and knowledge, I am not sure if I've seen (heard, read) anything by her that I didn't like. But this interview was hands down, the BEST 60+ mins I've seen with her in an interview format conversation, well, ever. I wish it could have gone on indefinitely. Embarrassing truth, I didn't even know who Chris was before watching this. But I do now! Highly impressive interview.
This may speak some truths but she has not mentioned the spiritual side of love including the sexual spirituality .
John Smith exactly!! And that’s what I was looking for, with Jesus, we realize our flesh is weak by our desires but we lean on Him for our strength, and chose to live by faith and trust the Lord will give us a way out of sin if we ask him. But we have to desire to chose his way and not our own
Really enjoyed this interview. Esther is such a dynamic thinker and speaker. Chris did a great job facilitating a rich conversation.
My 44 plus year marriage story would read like a long novel. Among every thing else you can imagine there was infidelity on both sides.We split up for 3 years and went back and started all over again. We left the past inthe past. These last 25 years have not been easy but so with it! It just gets better and better. I am so glad we decided to reconnect and move forward.!
debra Jones mgtow is the best
debra Jones nnbxbbhdgdckxhxih d xmmll444rrrrrrtgjhhj
Wow, u really inspire me. Im currently going thru separation from 15years with my husband recently discovered there's someone else and we too have been there but this past stint was so different and wonderful best ever then a blow caused my depression inevitably and he shutdown and became numb. Im crushed and though livid over his ability to replace me so fast n easy so to speak, i have no desire or intent to give up but just dont know what to do
can I ask you why you chose to be in a monogamus relationship? I am just asking because I am still figuring it out for myself...
@@bethanyswindle1225 she is great !!
She is amazing and her eloquence and grace and conviction make most interviewers look like baffoons.
Wow just wow ! What an absolute needed interview for me. My wife and I are going thru a crisis and I think I am now ready to accept and work to rebuild our marriage. I hope my wife can also feel it too.
This is a fantastic presentation! She is so deep and sees such a wide spectrum of views that are woven together so well.
She is a wonderful Counselor and I hope to emulate her in my own work to help married couples and their relationships.
Absolutely agree!!
I am so happy to find Esther Perel podcasts and presentations. Esther is genius and has an amazing way to deliver the message ! I adore her accent.
Esther’s writing beautifully captures the dialectic, the drama, the daring to go where most people would go silently. If at all.
Dear Mr Perel, thank you so much for the time and energy placed into this book and the talks which accompany it. For years it had been bothering me that seemingly good upstanding love-able people can turn in an instant and resolve to such a "hateful" crime. Until I was that person, for which-ever reason i did it. Then for a decade i beat myself up for this "crime". I my understanding and acceptance of the human spirit had change over the years and i to have come to understanding that the action of cheating and being cheated is unacceptable but not wrong - for exactly unacceptable for exactly the reasons you mentioned in the the talk and it definitely don't make it less hurtful. For years though we are taught to hurt other by means of cheating is a crime and should be punished in the most serve way as possible and I owned up to my crime and even though i did not get killed physically i killed myself and every other possible relationship there after because of the notion that I am such a bad person. It was such a revelation to listen to the talk and see that someone else did the write about it and talks about it in the bigness that it is
Cheating on someone is the worst thing one can do in a relationship. It is the most pain you can cause another. Good for you that you beat yourself up for it
I love you Esther Perel. Thank you! I think there are some relationships worth fighting for and there are some worth letting go of. In the end, the decision to leave or stay is yours.
Word! Preach!
Life is about fulfilling happiness. If letting go bring you happiness go for it.
When someone wants to go, release them no matter the depth of your pain and disappointment. Pour your ability to love into someone who will reciprocate in a way that matches yours.
Yes
I’m happy that my family
Brilliant.
Ingaging in infidelity doesent mean they want to go its just a weakness a lack of vision for the future a refusal to control our thought life., it causes so much pain.
What about talking? Why the affair? What could be healed? What about the good things together? Could be the marriage saved? Please wait, don’t rush, separation to sort things out,
If not
Then let it go & move forward?
“Ultimately, it is the quality of our relationships that will determine the quality of our lives”...So true...
My sister just discovered her husband has been cheating for over 10 years. Listening to Esther is helping me to help my sister as she goes through this difficult process.
Giang Hoang I know of another who went through that. She stayed with him. But I do wonder why he told her...regarding... I've just off loaded this on you. He feels relieved, her heart and mind is shattered...her past and maybe her future. I hope for the best outcome. It truly does affect the spouse, children, extended family and anyone who learns of this. Maybe they need to keep it between themselves if they want to remain married or they'll have to face judgement and opinions of others.
Giang Hoang sendings her some love sis
Belgiun not French
Lily Powell 😂 She’s not French. Sounds like you’re biased by some personal baggage.
@@lilypowell1123 she has stated either in this or another interview that she has a french accent but is Belgian.
She is amazing in her ability to clarify and elucidate a very difficult subject. Wonderfully done, Cudus to Esher.
I love the way Chris at the end kissed her hand you don't see that anymore it's a respect for a woman. Chris got great since of humor and his guest as well they both been very understanding to each other and gave each other time to express themselves. Great questions from the audience and I have to give Chris credit for picking the best ones and his guest to answer them.
Esther Perel and Chris Cuomo I am so thankful I was able to watch this dialog about such a hurtful matter. This conversation is an eye opener
54:02 is straight FIRE! Esther has a way to speak so compassionately and assertively that is unmatched.
I have learned so much after listening to Esther’s conferences, interviews, her book, etc. THANK YOU ESTHER'!!!!!!!
Infidelity is a symptom of an internal conflict. I love listening to this woman since I share her opinions.
That is not always true.
Sometimes the affair is about one self - not their spouse.
Such a charming, intelligent and extraordinarily articulate person. Very informative interview! Many thanks, Esther Perel.
Wow. So glad I came across this. Her goal was to help people rethink what we feel and what we’ve been taught about infidelity and I definitely have.
Ester, as always invaluable in sharing her knowledge and experience on relationships. She informs in a way that empowers us to raise our own bar and do better in all our relationships.
I’d love to here what a behavioural psychologist would have to say about Chris’ body language.
Esther is an amazing speaker and truly has helped me look at relationships in such a positive way. She looks at each situation objectively to help couples face the challenges they experience. That genuine concern for both people involved in the relationship gives both parties a chance to learn and grow individually.
Sometimes you only need one person to change the trajectory in your life. For me today it's her. So glad I found her. 🙏 5 yrs late on this post lol glad it's here.
As Esther Perell says, sometimes things hurt, but that doesn't mean they're 'wrong'. Every change hurts. Every broken expectation hurts.
Interesting to ponder about what pushes people to tell their spouse about an affair: coming clean being a selfish reason. I like how she cuts right through the BS, bless her for having a clear sight.
As a therapist you would have to take this nonjudgmental perspective.
Yea. It’s simple though. Before you make a decision, can you deal with the potential consequences? Proceed after you find your answer
Most spouses want to know.
Getting Jacked ...It’s simple though, before you DO something think about the consequences. Why do ALL of the people who have committed adultery that I have ever known deeply regret it? Why do people cry & beg for forgiveness? Beg their betrayed partner to stay?
I know im late the party, but i dont think coming clean is being selfish.
I personally believe when a wayward goes through the actual thrill seeking and attention they get from an affair, this is the justification stage or as she said it feeling "alive" stage.
Once the fog wears off that you see the dissappointment of the affair happens, if that is the case, its more of the guilt stage that hits.
And then you realize the problems that he/she was going through in this moment of weakness should have been given to the person that has always had their backs from the beginning and was always their from the start to support them in their worst moments.
I have seen several of her talks, and she is brilliant.
I believe most marriages ( 60-70 % in America ) happen not because of being in love with the person, but because of other reasons - belief that you have to be married after dating for few years, you are scared to be alone, belief that you need someone to pay your bills and buy you a house, belief that all your friends are married, so if you want to fit in the circle of your friends, you have to be a part of a couple, it's convenient to have a companion to come home to, habit of having someone to have sex with, belief that " my income and his income will get us better lifestyle", belief that my parents know best and I will trust them to find me a person to marry ...so I'm actually shocked that marriages last as long as they do, and I can totally see that being married for all these wrong reasons would easily lead to infidelity...as deep down you feel that the person you are married to is not "the one", so part of you wants to escape the marriage and continue search for your soulmate, at least that's how I see it...
If you're that mentally feeble and malleable then do the bare-minimum decent thing and don't drag innocent people into your black hole of uncertainty's orbit while you figure your shit out at their expense. If you fail to self-actualize in any meaningful way: DON'T ENTER COMMITMENTS THAT REQUIRE TRUST, HONESTY AND FIDELITY. And if you do, take full responsibility and ownership for the inevitable harm and damage you will undoubtedly cause.
Exactly! The problem is people who also make you doubt your choice and use any knowledge they learn about your spouse’s cheating against you.
Ever was thus.
Europeblue- bravo,true❤❤❤❤
At last, it is about broken hearts. He is doing great and releases some female passion in her. In a good, healthy, amuzing way. Good interview. Thanks. 🥂
"this is deep and it makes me uncomfrotable but i want to know more, but i shouldnt be too curious," his words and body language speaks about how he feels. We must keep in mind his father Mario Cuomo former Governor of New York was a deeply religious man and that can explain why Chris Cuomo might feel uncomfortable. Esther is intelligent, educated, and gives great insight to this topic and living in such changing world from vs to the ones our parents have been living in. With such high rate of divorce, her insight helps to understand both sides of the spectrum. She doesnt give an answer per say but gives posibilities and understanding to the individual especially because every relationship is so different.
Yes
He pulls us in w his funny mix of self-awareness and at the same time, not quite getting it...
He unecessarily made the conversation about his own values / hangups and judgments.
Very true! Our strength to resist temptation comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. His word is the blueprint for our time on earth- the fact we have freedom of choice is what many have difficulty with. When left to their on will they fall- which is why we have to consistently resist our will and intentionally chose God’s will. Nonetheless, interesting conversation
What an enlightening and entertaining interview. Esther is brilliant. Chris did an outstanding job as interviewer making this topic a bit more approachable.
An amazing, articulate, beautiful and intelligent lady. Love her. He's a very charming, professional and charismatic interviewer who has done a really good job.
Its an amazingly written book by my favourite researcher on relationships. She is one person whom has poured enlightenment into my life.
I love the way Esther Perel is explaining the things about the reality that is really going on nowadays and how to deal with it xxx
this video actually make me open minded, there is always a cause for anything ever happened, maybe we just have to face the real matter instead just being judgement of the idea of infidelity. Definitely gonna read the book.
Love this talk!! Esther is always the best! So insightful!! Chris is sooo funny!! He made the talk even more enjoyable!! Love both of them!
WRONG SHE'S JUST A TYPICAL FRENCH NUT !!!
Belgian* … I guess I like nutty people then😊
I made a journal for 2 years with statements an conversations between my husband and me..because I thought I was going mad with paranoia..very clever gaslighting, 😭
her sense of presence has such clarity, within the realm of great change in relationships to oneself, and other. how great to be alive to see this time of exploring, life and love.
The best host among her interviews. Great job. And she's getting more incredible than ever.
Being in love is not for the weak
Terri Odessky amen
A battlefield plagued with land mines.
Love make you dumb
HAHA! Truer words have NEVER been spoken. LOL!
No such thing as love. More like attachment
Her tone of voice is astounding. She’s super smart and extremely charming. Her accent just makes everything sexy.
Im sure he has alot of woman thinking of being with a smart good looking man its only normal out. In the world its not easy. Dont hurt to admire looks. Clean looking sharp dress man. And handsome very.
Look at my daughter's book ciarra cavallro brain waves. Very true also like. The way people think
Lorraine. Lacarra Claras
Can't we talk about the content of what she's saying rather than sexualizing her "accent"?? ...
She is amazing and I am so happy of that I had opportunity to discover her new way of thinking about relationships between people. She gives me new point of view. Thank you,Estel.
A great author ! What would make her great is that she really have understood things totally ,and perfectly. Honestly, there is nothing to add to what she says , because she has made her words as an amazing piece of art ,gathering the best words to use ,and the best articulation with the best and the right thoughts , with the pretty accent, which cover her ideas with the beauty of the voice . She really deserves to be something very important ,and to have a very high position. Society needs so much people like her !
These two are so fun to watch together ... great chemistry - great interview! Thank you!
Darris B. Nelson ñ
great minds
Yes, very challenging for Chris to communicate that he’s open to being with her without upsetting his now ex wife
Josie is a liar, and probably did everything he suspected, if not more before he confronted her. And somewhat successfully, scapegoated him into regretting catching her
Any Chris Cuomo interview is a success! He is brilliant (and stunning!)
I think this is Esther’s best interview so far, I think this s£&t ain’t for the weak, love is a constant work and learning, most people just see things black and white.
You are absolutly right i am in one of the best relationships i have ever had, and let me tell we are happy, but aint easy sometimes
42:12 this motto is one of the many reasons why people can’t commit. The other half doesn’t fit all the archetypes... and therefore you spend your years trying to find someone who can. It’s like trying to find perfection. The thing is, your other half may not fit all your buckets, and that’s okay!! So long as they try their best and show up to work in a loving relationship to the best of their ability.
I love when Esther Perel smiles without showing the teeth.
it's a mischievous smile
One of the best interview i've watched on youtube.
Chris was funny and overall an amazing interviewer.
Esther as always was epic.
i love that she mentioned Viktor Frankl.
why am i not surprised.
Ms Perel, I agree with every statement you have said. My experience has shown your truth and mine to be totally compatible. Thank you for these messages. Thank you. Thank you, Chris for doing this interview. This is such an important topic and will prove to be even more so going forward with all of the technology that has moved into our relationships. I consider this the BEGINNING of a very important discussion. big ty to you both
One thing I like from the Cuomos is their eloquence, elegant speech, assertiveness
OMG, Chris ….obviously this show is old….but
This is like a stand up or sitting… comedy show! …it doesn’t really matter because the subject is timeless and you are killing me with your humor, responses & very personal reactions.
We know you so well Chris, also because you allowed us to know you. Thank you, this is very entertaining even if the subject is very serious 👍🇫🇷🇺🇸
This is a brilliant interview. The guy is fun. The lady is refreshing to listen to.
Watch Cuomo on CNN - he is true and gives things to you as they are - great journalist / legal. Especailly entertaining when he has his big brother on (who happens to governor of NY)
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This woman is so highly intelligent. I must find this book.
“I don’t think anything of if I just ask the questions” 😂 Such an interesting topic and great interview! Also chris is the whole package
He REALLY is!
Infidelity is actually really really common i came across so many guys who were looking to sleep with other people. Relationship is no joke the work that you have to put into it is very real
The talk was insightful and engaging. Also, the host drove the conversation in an enjoyable manner!!
Fascinating interview. Even though I am 76 and a widow, I may read the book 😍. She has such an insightful way of looking at relationships.
This is the longest conversation but very informative video I have ever seen. What a relief.
This is so good. Omg this lady knows her stuff and is on point. Good therapist here. Thank you!
what a great, great interview... 👍👍👍👍🌹 respect to both of them
Her accent though - I could listen all day. In fact, I am doing ....❤️
It's telling that the audience is captured in a perfect silence. So many people out there can relate to this. She really is an articulate, beautiful genius.
He could have taken the effort to introduce Esther Perel and her body of work. Esther is brilliant!
I love her as a talker, but man I also love the interviewer! Watched a couple of Perel's videos and this is one that really brings new subjects on the table. Really a great interviewer who adds to the convo, lets her talk and is funny.
33:14 This part about feeling alive always sticks in my mind.
I know it would be easier for us all to believe that, when we do something that ‘we’ consider wrong, that we’re gonna find someone to tell us we did nothing wrong, but human nature is an emotional ride. The person who wants forgiving, in most cases believe in fidelity at all other times except when they are not doing something that they themselves also believe is wrong AND hurtful. I don’t believe in telling others which is right, but I do believe that no matter which way you live, that is up to you, but if you know the other person doesn’t live that way or would be hurt, reveal yourself to them and let them choose. I have friends who claim not to believe in fidelity, but it is only at certain times and when it is not at the deficit of themselves. Forgiveness and communication are huge factors in relationships. Forgiveness, when you really do have someone who’s made a genuine mistake and is capable of working to fix as a team; and communication, to be able to communicate to the other person your needs, so that lack of, cannot be a reason listed for cheating, as defined by both people before one of them cheats. Like the piña colada song. If you both could just tell each other your needs; but sadly, lack of communication and behaviors go way back before two people have even met-sorry antifreudians.
What a profound woman. And I love her humor too.
Esther I am getting obsessed with your work.... it builds my strength on the reality you putting us through...
the best talk with Esther that I hear till now. Thanks for the questions
I love this dialogue. I’ve never been married but I am a testament how a fractured marriage can be reconstructed through two people are resilient!
It comes down to respect for yourself and others
I’ve looked at this interview several times since it was first published and each time I find a gem of insight.
Esther- you are an amazing speaker- so pragmatic, so helpful, so honest and fair! Bought your book which is very helpful. Your videos are extremely valuable. Thank you!!
Wonderful lecture on marriage and family counseling. Esther’s book is on my “must have, gotta read” list. Thank you for sharing.
Let's not ask "is this right or wrong", let's ask "how do we deal with a painful situation without bringing punishment, vilification and condemnation into the picture"
Wow! He cheated and brought a painful situation. I brought punishment, vilification and condemnation. Took my pound of flesh and kicked him to the curb. If there’s any hope he can be a decent partner to his next, “victim,” it’ll be because of me.
I love this talk. Chris Cuomo is a great interviewer. I’m really enjoying this conversation and learning from it.☕️
Friends of mine -after MANY years of living together - got married.
Their contract was to re-convene their contract every year on their anniversary. They are now a solid 38 yrs together.
That's pretty friggin cool
@@thekiwisqu33z34 there are advantages to being married - from the top of my head: for children, for tax or insurance reasons, better mortgage conditions etc.
This was thoroughly beautiful. ♥ So refreshing Esther Perel. THANK YOU for these dialogues.
Thank you Esther, I can finally truly move on from my "failed" marriage knowing that I did not "fail".
She's so Good to listen to... So smart & beautiful in every way
I am married 35 years and people clap. The marriage could have been bad but people clap for longevity
So true
One of the best interviews I've seen in a long long time.
People pretend too much to be perfect at the beginning of relationships..we all need to be more honest and stop people pleasing..thank you for bringing all this to our observation….🤗
Sounds like someone who cheats lol it's not hard.
Hi! Im from India. My mother said the very same thing to me as told by Esther in this video. We had this discussion approximately 13 years ago, im 27 now. She told me not to feel disheartened if that happens, one person cannot fulfill all needs.
Sonali Gupta -Your mother is wise
Wow! Your mom has an open mind! Grace and honor to her... I applaud you for being her son!
If somebody is not complete for someone doesn't mean he/she will be complete for other ,u don't have to decide their value u just have to leave them they will find somebody who will find them complete
Deep interview! Great topic which requires to be defined, thank you both Esther and Chris!🙏
LOVE to hear Chris comments on this more personal subject. 🤗
He’s sooo personable.
Beautifully said:"a marriage that ended did not fail".Jack Gilbert said the same thing in his poem "Failing and flying:
BY JACK GILBERT
Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end,
or the marriage fails and people say
they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
said it would never work. That she was
old enough to know better. But anything
worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that
anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her
like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph
This interview is the bomb, in a good way. I love her different perspectives on infidelity.
Loved this. Great interview and loved Chris wit and Esthers just amazing and a true professional in her work 💖
I love you to!!! This is amazing. Humor also makes it that much engaging