Why Emotional Abusers PREFER People-Pleasers
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
- Maybe, you're too nice. You fawn. You'll do anything to keep the peace...or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It's easier for them and they don't care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relationship in your life. When you do, you can take steps to change the patterns.
There's nothing wrong with being nice, but TOO NICE can set you up for emotional abuse. Listen to the 10 Whys. Emotional abusers--Hijackals--are emotionally lazy, so they prefer people-pleasers who are already trained and groomed to defer to them and their views, wants, and demands.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
What happens when you're taught to be too nice
Why Hijackals® expect--and prefer--you to fawn over them
What fawning is in a relationship with a narcissistic person
10 WHYS Emotional abusers prefer people-pleasers
Unconscious habits of respond to people who are emotionally abusive
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
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#peoplepleasing #boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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I love that Dr Shaler, I am realizing, I don’t really like them! Why the heck, I spent so much time getting them to like me?
I get that!
I was told to be nice all the time and I feel like a doormat. There is no balance in my life.
Me too
Thank you for this information! The sad part is that what we were taught as children no longer works because our world has changed! 😢 I think these people were always here but more hidden and explained away better! The saddest part is we might have let the pendulum swing too far the other way and now we are still unbalanced! 😢It’s harder to please people now because there so much anger in our society! My world is more narrow but I live in peace! People are exhausting to figure out why it doesn’t feel good!
I would complain to my hijackal mother, it goes nowhere, it is narcissistic supply for her! Emotional sickos!
Hi Dr Shaler
Great topic I learned I had to people please as a kid It was expected I'm getting better at not doing this I'm polite but I say No a lot now to things And people that try to drain my energy
Bitter truth, felt as if you’re telling my relationship story. I was devastated, did fawning in my whole relationship and he cheated later on.
I grew up with a Narc Mother where we were not allowed to say No ever or have any boundaries...so it was easier for total control.
AMAZING REALISATIONS ABOUT THESE DEVASTATING RELATIONSHIPS AND MY OWN FAWNING! I SUSPECT MY NEW ART TEACHER IS A HIJACKAL, HOW DO I FIND THEM, NOW I'M AFRAID I WON'T BE ABLE TO DRAW BECAUSE I'LL BE SO AFRAID OF HIS DISAPPROVAL! BUT MY SISTERS WERE MY MAIN DIFFICULTY! I DON'T LIVE WITH THEM AND I DON'T SEE THEM VERY OFTEN BUT YOUNGEST MORE OFTEN AND I'M REALISING HOW MANY OF THEM I'VE HAD IN MY LIFE! I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE!
Thank you for sharing another great video. It was so helpful!
this was extremely triggering wow
Thank you
I have him in his own bedroom now so he can’t do anything to me for the complete night as he tries to turn on me in the middle of the night when I’m half asleep and then he runs out of the bed and runs across the fields for a few weeks coming in and out of the house in the middle of night and creeping about the house robbing or whatever acting like a victim still roaring insults from the doors ignoring resonsponsibility and everything
What about making them leave
Such a good question! I just kicked mine out cuz I own the house and couldn’t leave. I’d have left at least a year ago if this wasn’t the case. I finally told a friend’s Dad & he came with me to kick him out & give him two nights to gtfo. He’s almost gone, just has a few things left to pick up & he’ll be out of my life. I feel so pathetic that I couldn’t do it myself but I’m so happy it’s done & I finally have my own permission to be in my home where I want when I want. I’ve even rearranged the furniture. I wish I could see his face when he sees how I’ve changed things when he comes to pick up the last of his things but I will not be seeing him as he does this. A mutual friend is helping by making sure we don’t have to see each other.
I just wish I could stop beating myself up about the situation, both past & present. I let him almost bankrupt me! So ashamed 😢
I wish you luck getting yours to leave. You can do it 💪 Have a friend back you up or get an order of protection & have the police take him out. Do whatever you have to do. You’re so much better off without him.
Take care of yourself🌸
What another ways to have affair or cheat without having no sex?
Perhaps it may fall in the domain of emotional affairs.
I stopped buying the bussload of bs and stopped agreeing with everything. not disagreeing. just listening and nodding and then turning back to my computer. That move got me locked out of sex for 4 years with the excuse that I was too aggressive when suggesting intimacy. I learned that he would never be vulnerable with me and lay with me. Tool used against me. The rage and anger were still free. The unexpected WHAT?? Said what wrong? Who said what wrong? All equal the same thing. Packed up 2 days before Christmas ~ and not well, left and Sighed with relief ever to this day
❤1-3-6 months 😂🎉
This has helped me do very much….thank you Dr!! I can’t wait for your book🩷🌸🩷