I agree immensely, because of the psychological trauma proven to cause memory loss. I myself did not remember an abusive figure in my life at 13 until I was 21.
I’m sorry for your suffering. May I ask, what year did they start to abuse children? I can’t find this info anywhere. Only dates of publishing but that’s not the same thing.
My heart goes out to Philip. There's an Irish proverb that I really love, "Let the laughter of your children be your revenge." I hope you can find peace, 😢.
100% get Philip’s anger. Why should anyone be gaslit in to forgiving adults who should be protecting them and instead harmed them? Justice should be done. Philip, we see you, we support you in you fight and we applaud your activism and art. May success be yours and, in time, a measure of peace too.
It’s long past time these religious groups and “schools” lost not only their tax-exempt statuses; but all of the social and legal privileges that allow such abuse to happen and perpetuate.
The scary thing is a lot of Catholics especially will argue that kids can't go through the sacraments properly without going to Catholic school. When we know now how often those schools were involved with covering up if not perpetuating the abuse. Hold those schools and churches to high standards especially around child protection and it might be ok, but too often its not
No churches should be tax exempt. They don’t even have to show their charitable contributions. Long past time we got rid of all relgions, cults and scams.
Trust me we don’t want their tax money. Ever heard of taxation without representation? I don’t want these loony toones having any say whatsoever in our already messed up government
I’ve known someone who grew up in this cult. At age 40 he is definitely still struggling to adapt to a normal life but is a really beautiful person inside. Breaks my heart whole masses of people would willingly commit such evil to children and especially in the name of Christ.
Oddly enough, I find this wonderful man’s vulgar language absolutely refreshing. What he (&others) have gone through deserves accurate language because the scenarios of abuse is worse than the words used to describe it. Thank you for being raw and honest. The world needs to know it all…the bad, the worst and the unimaginable horror that God’s precious children have endured.
I can excuse some profanity, but not this much. He is educated enough to know it's not appropriate in this kind of public setting. The constant use of the F word as an all purpose adjective is unnecessary and disrespectful to listeners. He can be raw and honest without it.
@@creativeplanetjanet I think him using the F word has also to do with him talking German on a daily basis. Here in Germany it’s pretty common to swear and say the F word, even in front of kids or on radio and television. It’s not really considered obscene or profane.
@@christinamaria5301 I think it's pretty much the same here in the USA. I'm just really disappointed to see how much profanity is used today in common speech. UA-camrs might consider controlling the rampant use of vulgar language on their channels. It would spread some kindness and respect. Others would be influenced too.
@@georgegeorge9793 Of course his story was my main focus and important enough to continue listening despite the offensive language. More people need to know and be aware his kind of abuse is happening. The excessive profanity is not helpful. More people might listen if he controlled that better. It would help his and this channel's credibility.
"The monsters that kiss you goodnight" what a powerful title. It's just so brilliant. This story is one of the most awful retellings of a cult story I have ever seen on this or any other channel. I almost didn't make it through it. I could not imagine actually living it. It's just awful. I don't know how he has made it thru this, but he somehow came out the other side a better person than the people who raised him.
I know the guest knows all this but just to say: I’m horrified by the abuse and psychological damage that it caused. This person is a a strong, courageous, generous, and a very intelligent human. Thank you for sharing your story and making fellow survivors feel less lonely. Thank you Shalise for the work you do and to allow your guests to express themselves as they feel comfortable.
'my parents having sex with me' I wish nobody would ever have to think about anything like that, much less saying it. Disgusting people. Chills down my spine.
@@LeticiaWorboys The thing about calling it rape is at the time that's not a word you have. It's not a word that exists in your vocabulary or culture so you naturally even as an adult use that language because to use the R word (rape) you will have your ass handed to you. Full stop no doubts. So you use the language you used to explain it to yourself as a child out of habit a lot of the time.
I worked at a day care where we didn’t know a child was being beaten until his shirt rode up. Scars all over his back. Yeah. Abusers hide their abuse because deep down they know they’re in the wrong.
@@ShannonBartkowicz yes and no. Child services stepped. The family was doing well. Then their CS rep quit. And they weren’t assigned to another. So it happened again.
I'll never understand the statutes of limitation laws around CA. Sometimes a victim doesn't even realize what happened to them until way beyond the statutes of limitations has passed. Makes ZERO sense!
@supme7558 Fortunately, people are presumed innocent until proven guilty in the U.S. and many other places. If there's no evidence, it's extremely unlikely that someone will be convicted of a crime. So extending the statute of limitations shouldn't hurt any innocent people accused of these crimes, which is rare to begin with.
@@supme7558 How do you know what she’s saying is not true? Have you been abused? Yes, unraveling young childhood sexual abuse takes time, often years, to unravel, When you’re young and learning what is normal and abuse becomes part of your normal, you dont realize its wrong - often for a long, long time. The idea of false memories is such a small part of the equation when you look at the broader numbers here. I didn’t fully realize I was abused until well into my 30s. While he wasn’t put away for what he did to me, he was for kids far younger than me. Pedophiles dont stop at one person. They’re habitual.
Children of God still has 1500 members online in 80 countries. So sadly this cult is still doing damage today. The community is mostly online, but these things are happening in homes instead of communes today.
As a survivor you do NOT have to forgive your abuser/abusers unless that somehow benefits YOU. It is entirely possible to move forward without forgiving abuse. If that's what you choose to do then do it and keep your power, if you CHOOSE not to? That's your own powerful choice too. You do YOU.
You are totally right survivors do not have to forgive their abusers thank you for saying that for years I was lead to believe that I had to forgive them but I don't feel the need to
I love his direct way of speaking and cool accent. Such a strong human being. I'm horrified by how many innocent children have endured this sort of stuff. No one deserves this. Praying for healing.
The lack of emotion/matter of factness/emotional detachment of what we endured at the hands of a cult is so misunderstood. Thank you for sharing your story!
I find that to be true of traumatic experiences as a whole too. People don’t understand that the emotional detachment is necessary for our survival because the traumas are too painful to feel, and if we were to feel them all the time it would be very literally incapacitating… 😞
@@MaineCoonMama18 I know you’re replying to that other person, but yeah, I’m with you on this one. Their comment is uninformed - which I say from personal *and* professional experience. I have complex trauma/PTSD and secondary structural dissociation (not an uncommon combination), and I’m also a qualified counselor in three fields, one of them being mental health counseling. I’d be interested to know the other persons sources too…
I think that's a survival mechanism. I'm also that way about my childhood. It's just something that happened to me. I can stand back and look and talk about it matter of factly without emotion. I think it's a healthy and important mechanism in order to share your story without it destroying you every time you do share.
Thank you for being so open and genuine, Phillip. This was a great interview, thank you Shelise. Also, you dont have to apologize Phillip, your coping skills are valid.
One of my trauma cope mechanisms is to listening about other survivors stories. And yours is a tough one! I wish we can change the laws for the good of all victims! ❤
What a story! This made my stomach tie itself up in knots. It's disconcerting to realize how many children are severely abused in the name of religion. But this one really takes the cake. This is just a pdfile club with with a religious sauce poured over it. I don't have connections but I do hope the statue of limitations will get on the agenda in governments everywhere. And I'm honestly glad to hear that Phil turned his life around for the better, given the circumstances he started out with.
"it's ok to be really angry and love someone else at the same time" Thank you for saying this!! I always say it's ok to love someone and to also hate their actions.
I follow this channel a long time but as a fellow German konnte ich mich so krass reinfühlen in all das, was du erzählt hast, Philipp. Ich danke dir für deine Offenheit, deine Kunst und die Hoffnung, die du gibst❤
I am from India. I am a Hindu. We as Hindus are aware of this cult and most of us have been wary of conversions by these missionary cults. But to think that a devilish culture exists within this cult, is so disgusting and disturbing. A revelation!!! I am so grateful for you to have exposed this. So so so brave of you. Stay strong Philip!!! You rock!! 🎉
Almost all of these are hard to listen to, but this one in particular was just...beyond horrific. "Evil" doesn't even cover it. I don't even know how to react other than to say my heart goes out to him and all the victims. The fact that anyone involved in this abuse was allowed to live--much less roam--free is horrible. Philip is unbelievably strong.
Not too long ago I heard someone say one of the reasons they doubted the story of an alleged victim was because her tone of voice when recounting the events she went through was too nonchalant and that she basically wasn’t emotional enough. That made me so mad. That’s the reason why this poor guy felt the need to explain his demeanor in this video and like the interviewer said it’s actually quite common for people who’ve experienced trauma. It’s especially true for those that have been abused over prolonged periods of time. I’ve gotten many comments myself over the years about how people were shocked by how calm I would seem when recounting my own story of abuse growing up. I still struggle with severe spells of dissociation and depersonalization. Nothing irritates me more than people making speculations on the validity of someone’s story based solely on they think the person should act. It is problematic for a multitude of reasons. It’s one of the reasons I cannot stand most of these “body language expert” channels on UA-cam especially ones that cover true crime. It’s nothing but pseudoscience that is sadly still often used by law enforcement even though it’s been responsible for putting away countless innocent people.
Thank you for speaking out Phillip, I went through sx abuse as a child and find it hard to talk about it but telling people has been the biggest corner I’ve turned with the trauma. I’ll purchase your book.
In Australia they changed the law so their is no statute of limitations on child abuse AND you can be prosecuted if you commit the offence in another country. It's shocking to gear other developed nations don't do the same thing.
It's good to see that Philip survived it all and now doing so well. Abuse is more common than society think. The most victims would never speak about about it. Thank you for exposing this evil cult.
Thank you sir for telling your story. I have a friend I found out grew up in this cult. I am properly horrified at what she is not telling me 😢 so thank you for helping me understand her a little better.
So glad he got out. It's unreal what he had to go through. I love what he said about the dangers of "loving the person anyways" or "forgiving them" even after they have done horrible things to you. No. Just no. Religion is a human-made, socially engineered construct. If I'm not mistaken, religion initially starts out as a cult before becoming "culturally accepted" and turned into their own "sect". I believe they were crafted with the intent to subdue, silence and control.
Wow 😞 My heart goes out to him.. no child should ever have to endure this kind of abuse. Hard to fathom this kind of sh*t actually goes on:( So glad he was able to escape and reclaim his life. Thank you Shelise, for having him on to share his story 🫶🏻 Happy Holidays to you and Jonathan (and Oscar;)) 🙏🏼💕
It's really good to see people from the second generation of COG members doing well and living fulfilling lives in spite of their horrific childhoods. Bravo Phil! Keep up the great work!
Your work here is incredibly important. It gives people who went through similar things hope and the feeling of not being alone, and for people like me who have grown up so far away from anything alike that it is almost unfathomable it opens eyes so we can see and thus make us empathize and more alert
such a great story teller, despite the gruesome subject matter 😒😵 hopefully you are now at peace , wishing you the best in life ...liebe Grüße aus Berlin, Deutschland 💗❤️🇩🇪
I really enjoyed this conversation… I’ve been listening every night to an episode since finding this channel a few weeks ago. Thank you Shelise for giving these men & woman a place to tell their stories. This man is amazing!!
I am not from a cult but very grateful for people like you guys for openly speaking about difficult situations and how to escape and deal with them. It matters a lot to so many!
As a sexually abused kid by a member of my family, it was not my parents, it was a cousin, when I was 7, I totally understand that feeling of third person that I’ve lived all of my life, also the disgust at the thought of touching a kid that way (I am a teacher and super protective of kids). Also as a « survivor » of a cult, not in the same way as you, I joined in as a young adult at a very difficult time of her life, was not there long, only a couple of months, but came out bruised mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and sexually, I also can understand so much of what you’re saying. Cults are so subversive and not addressed enough. I never tried to bring the woman who abused me or the man in charge of the cult who also abused me in court because I thought that saving myself was more important than battling a system that would bruise me even more in trying to have them punished. It was a self-preserving act to let it go to live. At fifty-one, I realize how it has impacted my life in very positive and negative ways. My empathy and work with people victim of trauma is so very important to me and I try to make a difference. But I’ve never been able to build a stable relationship with anybody because I have deep trust issues. Sending both of you in this interview my highest regards and deep regrets of what you’ve been through. My heart feels for you because I know some of the pain you’ve been through. The courage it takes to rebuild or build yourself. That is why I work with trauma people because as I always say, I have loads of empathy for them, but no pity. I listen and feel for what they’ve been through, but am also the one who will push them to stand up and walk because I know they can do it and there stands their true salvation. 💖💖💖
My heart goes out to you Philip! This question about “how they could they do that?” I understand so much! I went through very similar things with my Stepfather. I’m familiar with monsters that kiss you good night! Our best revenge is to be as far from them as possible. Keep thriving! You deserve the best in life!❤
I hope you don't mind my posting this here (I found these words on your website as I was consuming your talent) and holy wow, your words move me to tears, "What was once broken can be made whole. Through suffering comes introspection. By understanding hate we learn the value of love. Fear is necessary to galvanise courage. Art is all of life at its worst and at its best. it is nothing and yet everything. Art is the living flesh that came to reside among us. That is why humanity fears and exalters it simultaneously. It is the deity we can see, touch and feel. The god in us all." you are an absolutely INCREDIBLE artist and human being! Thank you for sharing yourself with us Philip!! It was my greatest honor to have listened to you today!!
Fantastic individual. Thank you for the rawness of your story. Your honesty is beautiful and heart wrenching. May you find all the healing and peace you deserve.
I can't even imaging the horrors you went through, and my heart breaks by only thinking of it, but I'm glad of the adult that you have become! I'm happy to see you have a family of your own and you are able to keep living a happy and prosperous life, and get time to help others. You are an inspiration! My best wishes to you, your wife and children! Quick question, is your friend ok? The one who you left with the first time.
@phil-seibel that is one way of coping, but if he is deppressed it won't be a good one long term. Glad you are in contact with him still as you may be able to be an example of healing for him.
I am so sorry for you & all children who survived horrific abuse 😢! I think you were inspired to come up with the title of your book! 'The Monsters Who Kiss You Good Night' fits every child who was abused. SO much trauma! Crying & talking about your abuse is healing! ANY organization that takes away your individuality, separates you from your nuclear family, you're isolated from the outside world, where conformity & obedience is demanded, where violence is common & where only certain people have rights, it's a cult. It's so evil! More needs to be done to investigate these secretive groups. So many 'Christians' don't even know Jesus or what He taught or modeled! They need to read & focus on the New Testament, especially how much He loved children. He said "Of such are the Kingdom of Heaven." His harshest condemnation was for those who hurt children. He said, "Anyone who so much as touched a hair on the head of these little ones, who are mine, it would be better for them if a stone were tied around their neck & they were thrown into the sea!" Also, boarding schools, military schools & reform schools should be done away with, or at least highly monitored! Thanks for being so brave telling your story! ❤
Phillip, I'm so sorry for the horrors you experienced. Statutes of limitation for abuse must be abolished. And thank you for sharing your art and for offering art to help others. May you always be surrounded with love and kindess.
Wow! This was a tough one. I have no idea how he survived. The legal system is so corrupt, and I truly think it is meant to protect the perpetrators not the victims. He is also an inspiration as how he has taken his survival and transformed it into a beautiful community.
Thank you for sharing your story and I can't wait to see your art. I love that you are also advocating changing international laws that protect abusers. I don't know how I didn't think about that before.
It’s still amazing to me how evil these supposed saintly people can be. I’m convinced religion was invented for nefarious purposes, a way to control the masses, social manipulation or something . IDK but these stories just break my heart
Early religion was humans doing what we do best, trying to control and explain the world around them. We do it with science now, but then you live in an area that has a lot of earthquakes, you don't know tectonic plate theory. So it becomes oh its Posideon striking the ground with his trident. So now you have a reason but also a method of control. But when organised religion comes in its about sex, money and power especially for men
@@nickywaldont fool yourself woman use the acotipes of religion for power just as much ..even the preachers wife lives high on the hog compared to the peons
WOW!! Just as Phillips T-shirt says unnecessary evil. I would also add demonic🤬 I’m so sorry you had to endure so much abuse!. I hope more survivors speak out. It’s so important to expose these evil disgusting crimes. It makes me so enraged that these cults still exist.😡 I’m so glad Philip survived this horrific upbringing.. Immersing yourself in all these positive things and projects is truly Inspirational . As far as I can see you have the victory.! Justice will come 🙏🏽🫶🏽thank you for getting the word out shelise your amazing.🤗🫶🏽
Finding this channel has been so amazingly eye opening. Truly. No more blind support or turning away from the evils of these cults/religious groups. I see these SURVIVORS with no victim mindset. They are FIGHTING every day for their freedom and the freedom of those who are still trapped in these horrible situations. I’m so proud of him. Wow. You are an incredible interviewer, letting them do all the talking and at their own pace. Genuinely inspiring and touching stories. I pray for these survivors that their strength WILL in the name of all things bright and good, help others to overcome their suffering in these cults. I know they are making a difference. This channel is so important. Thank you ❤
I feel the same way about my trauma as he does! When I recount what had happened to me, it feels like I'm talking about another person. Like it happened to me in another life. Glad I have somebody to relate to
I agree there should not be a statute of limitations on abuse. No matter what country. Art heals. I find being crafty and creative and it is so healing
My stomach did flips listening to this. I am so so so very sorry he had to endure that level of abuse. He seems to be fighting to stay sane and leveled. He was SO BRAVE to come out here and speak his truth!! I hope that his story gets to other victims. Maybe it will give them hope and faith that a person can overcome this and become a SURVIVOR. I am sending very positive energy his way!!! I wish nothing but blessings and peace. I can’t imagine how he felt. The scary part is that this is still happening to other children. These people are sooo dangerous!!! I’ll shut up now…we are rooting for you buddy!!! Congratulations on making a family. You seem like you’re an amazing person. Take care!
I absolutely love what Phil is doing with art and activism! He seems like a truly amazing person. I definitely won't be able to read his book, but I think it's genius that he wrote a horror story based on his absolutely horrific childhood.
You are incredible. You knew that all you went through is absolutely wrong and you resist all these cruelty and fighting them from day one. You never secum to these horrific acts. You were very wise to assess situation and decide what to do inorder to stay alive.
Shalise, you have such a beautiful and compassionate way of asking questions and letting us see the multidimensional lives that these people have lived and suffered!! All the while, it is not a hopeless thing, but rather one of change, freedom and hope! You rock!!!
Phillip! Thank you for sharing your journey through such agony. I'm inspired by you. So glad you have your sense of humor intact... Especially after all you have endured!
@Cults to Consciousness sorry I'm so behind some of your episodes are too hard to watch. 32yrs of abuse makes some of these hard to watch but, through your channel I've realized I'm not alone no matter the religion they all treat us the same. Thank You for helping me even if it's too hard to face at the time. ❤ to you and your whole family I grew up IFB/IBLP. CSA as well as the mental I walked away from all of those people because of your channel I know I can heal.
When I was a teenager, in the 70,the Children of God passed out their pamphlets in my hometown. I could never understand what was be written but received many of them including The flirty fishy one. I was a young mother and they invited me to the home they had, I remember it was clean and had no furniture. We prayed in circle and they seem kind and interested in my life, but they said they raised their children communal.I knew I wouldn’t want to raise my child that way and never went back as the years have gone by I’ve realized I dodged a bullet.
Been watching his and Daniela's talks as a survivor myself from The Children Of God cult, to see if I identify myself in their journey. I was born to a single mom, was a very sad and quiet child, I wasn't vocal and didn't argue about anything, but I always felt discipline was waaay to harsh for the kids. My mom, started acting weird, so she was accused of being out of it. As a teenager, I couldn't stand her either, so I as soon as I turned 16 I moved to another unit. I was also abused at 12 years old by my brother's dad. It was not until I was 23 that I left. My mom got worse with time after she left the cult, I knew she wasn't normal but I didn't know what she had, I just thought she was crazy. It was not until I was almost 30 that I found out she had schizophrenia, and it just got worse though the years after we left the cult . So my main struggle in life hasn't been only recovering from the abuse and the cult, dealing with my mom for my entire life until this day, has been the most difficult for me. Only those who have had to care for a family member who has schizophrenia knows how much it sucks the life out of you. So much so that I don't even want to be in a relationship, much less marry or have kids of my own, ('I'm now 38) as she already has sucked and continues to suck any form of peace and joy I have left in me. It's the kind of thing it's hard to heal from cuz you'r continually dealing with it on a daily basis. She had no one to go to when she left because when she joined the cult at age 21 she cut all ties with her own family and her own parents died without knowing what happened to her, if she even was dead or alive. She is now in touch with her sister, but my mom is now basically like a 3 year-old child, because of so much brain damage from the all the crisis she underwent through the years, specially after we left. At some point she lived on the streets, almost died several times. I feel like I've been living in survival mode, looking after her and trying to make ends meet for the both of us. I think she already had this before she joined the cult, from my research but when she left we had no support system, so she gradually couldn't cope, she felt stable and secure inside, but she really struggled to make ends meet after we left. After I left I struggled real bad, So I can relate to Phil in this sense, I wasn't living with her, eventually after a few years I started working as and English teacher and did so for many years, and other side hustles. If I were to write a book about my story, the main focus of my struggle would be dealing with a mentally ill parent, being raised by a single mentally it mom in a cult, and caring for her after leaving. Definitely, after leaving the cult things got worse for me with her as supposed to getting better. I feel like many people who left had it easier in a way, that they only had to deal with themselves as suppose to dealing with themselves and caring after a mentally ill family member. Which to me was 20x worse. I would be a different person if I didn't have to look after her and if hadn't gone through all the trauma I did with her. The only help she gets from the government nowadays is the medication, but she has no financial help, and I can't afford to put her in a home, so It feels like my life revolves around her. Finding healing and meaning to continue going is the hardest thing for me. People who don't have to deal with a mentally ill family member for life don't know how privileged they are, regardless of weather they were raised in a cult or not. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't gone completely insane myself, or not tried ending my life. I do detach myself from most people I meet, as I don't feel like I fit in or relate to anyone I meet. I have yet to meet someone personally who deals with with what I do. I feel extremely isolated from other's realities, I don't know what it's like to have a normal life, it feels like I live in another planet. When you deal with a mental illness that is this heavy, growing up in this cult is the last thing in your mind.
It is very important this survivor tells the truth about all the abuse he has experienced as a human being. No fiction. Only the facts citing all the specifics. Why? So, the abusers are fully exposed! Criminals should not be allowed to silence their victims.
I'm not brave enough or strong enough to keep listening, my heart is breaking for you hearing even a tiny bit. Thank-you for your strength and I wish you the happiest rest of your life that you can have.
My story is not quite as bad as yours, but I live in Australia and I’ve had to move away after receiving death threats and the police are making lots of fun as you pointed out. They are not going to help as I was adopted by Freemason family and my biological mother, Wass From the Hillsong church as I knew that both of my mothers had mental illnesses. They put my life in danger and threaten to kill me and my family. I’ve been forced to move to Cannes and I’m writing a book about it as we speak so thank you for your support. I will continue to share and support others that have been through childhood. Abuse, isolation, whether it’s sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse it is wrong, and I am very grateful for you speaking out and may we all find peace and joy in our lives together.
Hi Shelise 👋. I'm 22 hours late to the party here, thanks to living in Australia and thanks to UA-cam with notifications. I've just started listening, a few mins in, and just want to say " are you ok?". This has got to get to anyone,and i love you (healthy way, not eeeek way). I'm just concerned. Please take care. ❤❤❤
Thank you, Lisa❤️ I took some time for self care afterwards and I’m currently in hawaii with my husband, so I’m doing very well! You’re sweet to care/ask. Happy Holidays!
There should be no statute of limitations for abuse. Period
I agree immensely, because of the psychological trauma proven to cause memory loss. I myself did not remember an abusive figure in my life at 13 until I was 21.
It took me 15 years for a buried memory to come up. There isn't a statute of limitations where I live.
Especially child abuse
There isn't a statue of limitations for such crimes inthe UK.
Absolutely
I was raised in this cult untill i was 9. Then, fortunately, my whole family decided to leave. I still struggle today, almost 40 years after.
I’m sorry for your suffering. May I ask, what year did they start to abuse children? I can’t find this info anywhere. Only dates of publishing but that’s not the same thing.
My heart goes out to Philip. There's an Irish proverb that I really love, "Let the laughter of your children be your revenge." I hope you can find peace, 😢.
Omg, what a BEAUTIFUL proverb, this just made me cry ❤
Mmmm - and if you don’t have children??
@@stephaniesamra7960 Then you try to bring joy to the people around you and to others. You really have to ask this?🤨
I love that!
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing 🩷🙏🏼
Didn't mind the cussing. He is telling his truth, let him do it how he wants.
I truly appreciate that you just give your guests the floor to speak freely.
and the way in which Shelise does not hurry guests , but listens so intensely and supports so genuinely. Shelise is simply AWESOME.. 💗💛
100% get Philip’s anger. Why should anyone be gaslit in to forgiving adults who should be protecting them and instead harmed them? Justice should be done. Philip, we see you, we support you in you fight and we applaud your activism and art. May success be yours and, in time, a measure of peace too.
Very well said!
It’s long past time these religious groups and “schools” lost not only their tax-exempt statuses; but all of the social and legal privileges that allow such abuse to happen and perpetuate.
The scary thing is a lot of Catholics especially will argue that kids can't go through the sacraments properly without going to Catholic school. When we know now how often those schools were involved with covering up if not perpetuating the abuse. Hold those schools and churches to high standards especially around child protection and it might be ok, but too often its not
Yes like 50 years ago thank you
No churches should be tax exempt. They don’t even have to show their charitable contributions. Long past time we got rid of all relgions, cults and scams.
This is horrifying. 😢
Trust me we don’t want their tax money. Ever heard of taxation without representation? I don’t want these loony toones having any say whatsoever in our already messed up government
I’ve known someone who grew up in this cult. At age 40 he is definitely still struggling to adapt to a normal life but is a really beautiful person inside. Breaks my heart whole masses of people would willingly commit such evil to children and especially in the name of Christ.
Oddly enough, I find this wonderful man’s vulgar language absolutely refreshing. What he (&others) have gone through deserves accurate language because the scenarios of abuse is worse than the words used to describe it.
Thank you for being raw and honest. The world needs to know it all…the bad, the worst and the unimaginable horror that God’s precious children have endured.
I can excuse some profanity, but not this much. He is educated enough to know it's not appropriate in this kind of public setting. The constant use of the F word as an all purpose adjective is unnecessary and disrespectful to listeners. He can be raw and honest without it.
@@creativeplanetjanet
I think him using the F word has also to do with him talking German on a daily basis. Here in Germany it’s pretty common to swear and say the F word, even in front of kids or on radio and television. It’s not really considered obscene or profane.
@@christinamaria5301 I think it's pretty much the same here in the USA. I'm just really disappointed to see how much profanity is used today in common speech. UA-camrs might consider controlling the rampant use of vulgar language on their channels. It would spread some kindness and respect. Others would be influenced too.
@@creativeplanetjanet I find it interesting that you focus on his use of language rather than on the abuse he describes.
@@georgegeorge9793 Of course his story was my main focus and important enough to continue listening despite the offensive language. More people need to know and be aware his kind of abuse is happening. The excessive profanity is not helpful. More people might listen if he controlled that better. It would help his and this channel's credibility.
Ok this guy is awesome! “I’m using his real name. I don’t give a f, he can sue me.” Good for him!
When he said that I thought "damn right, Mr. Badass 👏🏽👏🏽"
"The monsters that kiss you goodnight" what a powerful title. It's just so brilliant. This story is one of the most awful retellings of a cult story I have ever seen on this or any other channel. I almost didn't make it through it. I could not imagine actually living it. It's just awful. I don't know how he has made it thru this, but he somehow came out the other side a better person than the people who raised him.
Yes!!! And the content is brilliant!
I know the guest knows all this but just to say: I’m horrified by the abuse and psychological damage that it caused. This person is a a strong, courageous, generous, and a very intelligent human. Thank you for sharing your story and making fellow survivors feel less lonely. Thank you Shalise for the work you do and to allow your guests to express themselves as they feel comfortable.
'my parents having sex with me' I wish nobody would ever have to think about anything like that, much less saying it. Disgusting people. Chills down my spine.
Truly disgusting, I agree. I think instead of everyone calling it sex with a child we should call it for what it is. Rape! Sex is too nice of a word.
Very true!!@@LeticiaWorboys
@@LeticiaWorboys The thing about calling it rape is at the time that's not a word you have. It's not a word that exists in your vocabulary or culture so you naturally even as an adult use that language because to use the R word (rape) you will have your ass handed to you. Full stop no doubts. So you use the language you used to explain it to yourself as a child out of habit a lot of the time.
I worked at a day care where we didn’t know a child was being beaten until his shirt rode up. Scars all over his back. Yeah. Abusers hide their abuse because deep down they know they’re in the wrong.
I see alot of people who think they know ..like everything is a mystery to solve alot of its made up for attention
@@supme7558 I beg your pardon?
Poor little boy, I hope you were able to call the police and get him help and hopefully away from his abusers..
@@ShannonBartkowicz yes and no. Child services stepped. The family was doing well. Then their CS rep quit. And they weren’t assigned to another. So it happened again.
@@katwitanruna That is so sad, poor kids
I'll never understand the statutes of limitation laws around CA. Sometimes a victim doesn't even realize what happened to them until way beyond the statutes of limitations has passed. Makes ZERO sense!
Not true and somtimes these false memories are not real ..id rather protect innocent people period
@supme7558 Fortunately, people are presumed innocent until proven guilty in the U.S. and many other places. If there's no evidence, it's extremely unlikely that someone will be convicted of a crime. So extending the statute of limitations shouldn't hurt any innocent people accused of these crimes, which is rare to begin with.
@@supme7558 How do you know what she’s saying is not true? Have you been abused? Yes, unraveling young childhood sexual abuse takes time, often years, to unravel, When you’re young and learning what is normal and abuse becomes part of your normal, you dont realize its wrong - often for a long, long time. The idea of false memories is such a small part of the equation when you look at the broader numbers here. I didn’t fully realize I was abused until well into my 30s. While he wasn’t put away for what he did to me, he was for kids far younger than me. Pedophiles dont stop at one person. They’re habitual.
Children of God still has 1500 members online in 80 countries. So sadly this cult is still doing damage today. The community is mostly online, but these things are happening in homes instead of communes today.
So awful!
As a survivor you do NOT have to forgive your abuser/abusers unless that somehow benefits YOU. It is entirely possible to move forward without forgiving abuse. If that's what you choose to do then do it and keep your power, if you CHOOSE not to? That's your own powerful choice too. You do YOU.
You are totally right survivors do not have to forgive their abusers thank you for saying that for years I was lead to believe that I had to forgive them but I don't feel the need to
I love his direct way of speaking and cool accent. Such a strong human being. I'm horrified by how many innocent children have endured this sort of stuff. No one deserves this. Praying for healing.
The lack of emotion/matter of factness/emotional detachment of what we endured at the hands of a cult is so misunderstood.
Thank you for sharing your story!
I find that to be true of traumatic experiences as a whole too. People don’t understand that the emotional detachment is necessary for our survival because the traumas are too painful to feel, and if we were to feel them all the time it would be very literally incapacitating… 😞
@@TheNurseWhoLovedMe89thats the grift everyone says thatvand i find it to be lies
@@supme7558 Oh, so you have extensive personal or professional experience with trauma, PTSD and dissociation? Do tell.
@@MaineCoonMama18 I know you’re replying to that other person, but yeah, I’m with you on this one. Their comment is uninformed - which I say from personal *and* professional experience. I have complex trauma/PTSD and secondary structural dissociation (not an uncommon combination), and I’m also a qualified counselor in three fields, one of them being mental health counseling. I’d be interested to know the other persons sources too…
I think that's a survival mechanism. I'm also that way about my childhood. It's just something that happened to me. I can stand back and look and talk about it matter of factly without emotion. I think it's a healthy and important mechanism in order to share your story without it destroying you every time you do share.
Thank you for being so open and genuine, Phillip. This was a great interview, thank you Shelise. Also, you dont have to apologize Phillip, your coping skills are valid.
Coping skills are amazing! Ptsd wouldn't let me tell this story
I am absolutely speechless. This man is stronger than words can even describe. Sending him and his family so much love❤
For all those who are recovering from abuse while reaching back to help others I applaud your courage and determination
One of my trauma cope mechanisms is to listening about other survivors stories. And yours is a tough one! I wish we can change the laws for the good of all victims! ❤
I love hearing stories from other survivors too it's truly helpful for me cope with my own trauma
Amen
What a story! This made my stomach tie itself up in knots. It's disconcerting to realize how many children are severely abused in the name of religion. But this one really takes the cake. This is just a pdfile club with with a religious sauce poured over it. I don't have connections but I do hope the statue of limitations will get on the agenda in governments everywhere. And I'm honestly glad to hear that Phil turned his life around for the better, given the circumstances he started out with.
I’m going to check in my state’s policy SOL. We the people are going to have to change the statute of limitations by getting involved .
Being able to talk about this is an incredible act of bravery. He went through hell.
This was a hard listen, but hearing him hardily laugh and talk about his family and craft with such joy was so healing and warming
"it's ok to be really angry and love someone else at the same time" Thank you for saying this!! I always say it's ok to love someone and to also hate their actions.
Thats it exactly!!
Every COG interview I hear is so appalling and astonishing. It's all so horrific. COG, in my opinion, is one of the worst of the worst cults.
I really appreciate the uncensored conversation - thank you for the raw truth and emotions. This is wild
We need to start an International Tribunal on Crimes Against Children.
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
Well said
That you're even functional is incredible. You have such strength.
I follow this channel a long time but as a fellow German konnte ich mich so krass reinfühlen in all das, was du erzählt hast, Philipp. Ich danke dir für deine Offenheit, deine Kunst und die Hoffnung, die du gibst❤
I am from India. I am a Hindu.
We as Hindus are aware of this cult and most of us have been wary of conversions by these missionary cults.
But to think that a devilish culture exists within this cult, is so disgusting and disturbing. A revelation!!!
I am so grateful for you to have exposed this.
So so so brave of you.
Stay strong Philip!!! You rock!! 🎉
Almost all of these are hard to listen to, but this one in particular was just...beyond horrific. "Evil" doesn't even cover it. I don't even know how to react other than to say my heart goes out to him and all the victims. The fact that anyone involved in this abuse was allowed to live--much less roam--free is horrible. Philip is unbelievably strong.
So glad this guy has wrote a book and spoke out about those monsters...they don't deserve a good happy life after what theyve done....pffft vile....
And well done for using their names as well they shouldn't have anonyminity....they're a danger to children
Not too long ago I heard someone say one of the reasons they doubted the story of an alleged victim was because her tone of voice when recounting the events she went through was too nonchalant and that she basically wasn’t emotional enough. That made me so mad. That’s the reason why this poor guy felt the need to explain his demeanor in this video and like the interviewer said it’s actually quite common for people who’ve experienced trauma. It’s especially true for those that have been abused over prolonged periods of time. I’ve gotten many comments myself over the years about how people were shocked by how calm I would seem when recounting my own story of abuse growing up. I still struggle with severe spells of dissociation and depersonalization. Nothing irritates me more than people making speculations on the validity of someone’s story based solely on they think the person should act. It is problematic for a multitude of reasons. It’s one of the reasons I cannot stand most of these “body language expert” channels on UA-cam especially ones that cover true crime. It’s nothing but pseudoscience that is sadly still often used by law enforcement even though it’s been responsible for putting away countless innocent people.
Such a raw and real interview. Philip is such an amazing human.
❤
Thank you for speaking out Phillip, I went through sx abuse as a child and find it hard to talk about it but telling people has been the biggest corner I’ve turned with the trauma. I’ll purchase your book.
❤️
Phil, this is a survivors story. You are my hero.
God bless you, Shelise, for shedding light on these atrocities. Prayers for the victims.
In Australia they changed the law so their is no statute of limitations on child abuse AND you can be prosecuted if you commit the offence in another country. It's shocking to gear other developed nations don't do the same thing.
Australia really seems to be going after religious abuse and it's great
Meh its abused
It's good to see that Philip survived it all and now doing so well. Abuse is more common than society think. The most victims would never speak about about it. Thank you for exposing this evil cult.
Thank you sir for telling your story. I have a friend I found out grew up in this cult. I am properly horrified at what she is not telling me 😢 so thank you for helping me understand her a little better.
Just ordered his book. It is an honor to support him and his voice ❤
So glad he got out. It's unreal what he had to go through. I love what he said about the dangers of "loving the person anyways" or "forgiving them" even after they have done horrible things to you. No. Just no.
Religion is a human-made, socially engineered construct. If I'm not mistaken, religion initially starts out as a cult before becoming "culturally accepted" and turned into their own "sect". I believe they were crafted with the intent to subdue, silence and control.
Wow 😞 My heart goes out to him.. no child should ever have to endure this kind of abuse. Hard to fathom this kind of sh*t actually goes on:( So glad he was able to escape and reclaim his life.
Thank you Shelise, for having him on to share his story 🫶🏻 Happy Holidays to you and Jonathan (and Oscar;)) 🙏🏼💕
It's really good to see people from the second generation of COG members doing well and living fulfilling lives in spite of their horrific childhoods. Bravo Phil! Keep up the great work!
Your work here is incredibly important. It gives people who went through similar things hope and the feeling of not being alone, and for people like me who have grown up so far away from anything alike that it is almost unfathomable it opens eyes so we can see and thus make us empathize and more alert
❤️ thank you
YES, absolutely!!
such a great story teller, despite the gruesome subject matter 😒😵 hopefully you are now at peace , wishing you the best in life ...liebe Grüße aus Berlin, Deutschland 💗❤️🇩🇪
I really enjoyed this conversation… I’ve been listening every night to an episode since finding this channel a few weeks ago. Thank you Shelise for giving these men & woman a place to tell their stories. This man is amazing!!
Thank you for your support! Welcome to C2C advocacy 🙌
As a survivor of cult sexual abuse as a child myself, my heart is with you. Thank u for speaking out so all our voices can be heard🙏🏻❤️
I really respect Phillip for surviving and coming back and contributing to others' escaping and recovering. You have become an incredible person.
I am not from a cult but very grateful for people like you guys for openly speaking about difficult situations and how to escape and deal with them. It matters a lot to so many!
As a sexually abused kid by a member of my family, it was not my parents, it was a cousin, when I was 7, I totally understand that feeling of third person that I’ve lived all of my life, also the disgust at the thought of touching a kid that way (I am a teacher and super protective of kids).
Also as a « survivor » of a cult, not in the same way as you, I joined in as a young adult at a very difficult time of her life, was not there long, only a couple of months, but came out bruised mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and sexually, I also can understand so much of what you’re saying. Cults are so subversive and not addressed enough.
I never tried to bring the woman who abused me or the man in charge of the cult who also abused me in court because I thought that saving myself was more important than battling a system that would bruise me even more in trying to have them punished. It was a self-preserving act to let it go to live.
At fifty-one, I realize how it has impacted my life in very positive and negative ways. My empathy and work with people victim of trauma is so very important to me and I try to make a difference. But I’ve never been able to build a stable relationship with anybody because I have deep trust issues.
Sending both of you in this interview my highest regards and deep regrets of what you’ve been through. My heart feels for you because I know some of the pain you’ve been through. The courage it takes to rebuild or build yourself. That is why I work with trauma people because as I always say, I have loads of empathy for them, but no pity. I listen and feel for what they’ve been through, but am also the one who will push them to stand up and walk because I know they can do it and there stands their true salvation. 💖💖💖
Thank you for what you do as well ❤️
Thank you for sharing as a man. We need men to share truthfully and couragously🌹
My heart goes out to you Philip! This question about “how they could they do that?” I understand so much! I went through very similar things with my Stepfather. I’m familiar with monsters that kiss you good night! Our best revenge is to be as far from them as possible. Keep thriving! You deserve the best in life!❤
I hope you don't mind my posting this here (I found these words on your website as I was consuming your talent) and holy wow, your words move me to tears,
"What was once broken can be made whole. Through suffering comes introspection. By understanding hate we learn the value of love. Fear is necessary to galvanise courage.
Art is all of life at its worst and at its best. it is nothing and yet everything. Art is the living flesh that came to reside among us. That is why humanity fears and exalters it simultaneously. It is the deity we can see, touch and feel. The god in us all."
you are an absolutely INCREDIBLE artist and human being! Thank you for sharing yourself with us Philip!! It was my greatest honor to have listened to you today!!
So impressed with how many (still super high quality) videos you’re producing lately ❤
Yes, great content.
🥰 that’s so great to hear! You have no idea. Thank you!🙌
Fantastic individual. Thank you for the rawness of your story. Your honesty is beautiful and heart wrenching. May you find all the healing and peace you deserve.
I can't even imaging the horrors you went through, and my heart breaks by only thinking of it, but I'm glad of the adult that you have become! I'm happy to see you have a family of your own and you are able to keep living a happy and prosperous life, and get time to help others. You are an inspiration! My best wishes to you, your wife and children! Quick question, is your friend ok? The one who you left with the first time.
@phil-seibel that is one way of coping, but if he is deppressed it won't be a good one long term. Glad you are in contact with him still as you may be able to be an example of healing for him.
This was one of the hardest interviews I have listened to. My heart goes out to you Philip
Thankyou so much to both of you. I grew up in the children of god in India at the same time as Philp so his story resonates deeply.
By my favorite interview. Your flat out approach to the horrors you survived and the power you took back is the most amazing story. Keep creating❤
I am so sorry for you & all children who survived horrific abuse 😢! I think you were inspired to come up with the title of your book! 'The Monsters Who Kiss You Good Night' fits every child who was abused. SO much trauma!
Crying & talking about your abuse is healing!
ANY organization that takes away your individuality, separates you from your nuclear family, you're isolated from the outside world, where conformity & obedience is demanded, where violence is common & where only certain people have rights, it's a cult. It's so evil! More needs to be done to investigate these secretive groups. So many 'Christians' don't even know Jesus or what He taught or modeled! They need to read & focus on the New Testament, especially how much He loved children. He said "Of such are the Kingdom of Heaven." His harshest condemnation was for those who hurt children. He said, "Anyone who so much as touched a hair on the head of
these little ones, who are mine, it would be better for them if a stone were tied around their neck & they were thrown into the sea!" Also, boarding schools, military schools & reform schools should be done away with, or at least highly monitored! Thanks for being so brave telling your story! ❤
Phillip, I'm so sorry for the horrors you experienced. Statutes of limitation for abuse must be abolished. And thank you for sharing your art and for offering art to help others. May you always be surrounded with love and kindess.
Wow! This was a tough one. I have no idea how he survived. The legal system is so corrupt, and I truly think it is meant to protect the perpetrators not the victims. He is also an inspiration as how he has taken his survival and transformed it into a beautiful community.
Thank you for sharing your story and I can't wait to see your art. I love that you are also advocating changing international laws that protect abusers. I don't know how I didn't think about that before.
It’s still amazing to me how evil these supposed saintly people can be. I’m convinced religion was invented for nefarious purposes, a way to control the masses, social manipulation or something . IDK but these stories just break my heart
Early religion was humans doing what we do best, trying to control and explain the world around them. We do it with science now, but then you live in an area that has a lot of earthquakes, you don't know tectonic plate theory. So it becomes oh its Posideon striking the ground with his trident. So now you have a reason but also a method of control. But when organised religion comes in its about sex, money and power especially for men
Thats common sense
@@nickywaldont fool yourself woman use the acotipes of religion for power just as much ..even the preachers wife lives high on the hog compared to the peons
I don't know which is worse the mother molesting her child or the step father. Thank you for sharing your story. Children should be innocent.
Wow! What a genuinely awesome human being! Definitely one of my favorite of your guests ♥️
WOW!! Just as Phillips T-shirt says unnecessary evil. I would also add demonic🤬 I’m so sorry you had to endure so much abuse!. I hope more survivors speak out. It’s so important to expose these evil disgusting crimes. It makes me so enraged that these cults still exist.😡 I’m so glad Philip survived this horrific upbringing.. Immersing yourself in all these positive things and projects is truly Inspirational . As far as I can see you have the victory.! Justice will come 🙏🏽🫶🏽thank you for getting the word out shelise your amazing.🤗🫶🏽
Finding this channel has been so amazingly eye opening. Truly. No more blind support or turning away from the evils of these cults/religious groups. I see these SURVIVORS with no victim mindset. They are FIGHTING every day for their freedom and the freedom of those who are still trapped in these horrible situations. I’m so proud of him. Wow. You are an incredible interviewer, letting them do all the talking and at their own pace. Genuinely inspiring and touching stories. I pray for these survivors that their strength WILL in the name of all things bright and good, help others to overcome their suffering in these cults. I know they are making a difference. This channel is so important. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot ❤️ these survivors are truly inspirational and the channel wouldn’t exist without them!
Holy shit that was wild. I'm glad he is recovering from such a traumatic childhood, that would have broken many people.
I feel the same way about my trauma as he does! When I recount what had happened to me, it feels like I'm talking about another person. Like it happened to me in another life. Glad I have somebody to relate to
He did such a great job explaining dissociation!
Meh
Yes! I agree & just left a comment too about that when I saw yours! I've not heard it in such a way!
I agree there should not be a statute of limitations on abuse. No matter what country.
Art heals. I find being crafty and creative and it is so healing
My stomach did flips listening to this. I am so so so very sorry he had to endure that level of abuse. He seems to be fighting to stay sane and leveled. He was SO BRAVE to come out here and speak his truth!! I hope that his story gets to other victims. Maybe it will give them hope and faith that a person can overcome this and become a SURVIVOR. I am sending very positive energy his way!!! I wish nothing but blessings and peace. I can’t imagine how he felt. The scary part is that this is still happening to other children. These people are sooo dangerous!!! I’ll shut up now…we are rooting for you buddy!!! Congratulations on making a family. You seem like you’re an amazing person. Take care!
This was an incredible episode
I can relate to so much of what he's saying. It's wild how the same tactics get used in so many different ideologies.
This is so horrible, I feel awful for the trauma this man went through. The abuse so many children go through is heartbreaking.
I absolutely love what Phil is doing with art and activism! He seems like a truly amazing person. I definitely won't be able to read his book, but I think it's genius that he wrote a horror story based on his absolutely horrific childhood.
@phil-seibel You're welcome, I'll have to check that stuff out!
If you believe him
@supme7558 If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. Phil & everyone on this channel have been through too much already.
@@supme7558Hmmmm .... what kind of life do you come fro???
@@supme7558Your evil
You are incredible. You knew that all you went through is absolutely wrong and you resist all these cruelty and fighting them from day one. You never secum to these horrific acts. You were very wise to assess situation and decide what to do inorder to stay alive.
Shalise, you have such a beautiful and compassionate way of asking questions and letting us see the multidimensional lives that these people have lived and suffered!! All the while, it is not a hopeless thing, but rather one of change, freedom and hope! You rock!!!
That’s so kind of you. Thank you!
I love that Phil has taken a terrible situation and turned it into a beautiful way to help others.
Im so sorry you had to go through all off that! You are doing an amazing job!!
Phillip! Thank you for sharing your journey through such agony. I'm inspired by you. So glad you have your sense of humor intact... Especially after all you have endured!
@Cults to Consciousness sorry I'm so behind some of your episodes are too hard to watch. 32yrs of abuse makes some of these hard to watch but, through your channel I've realized I'm not alone no matter the religion they all treat us the same. Thank You for helping me even if it's too hard to face at the time. ❤ to you and your whole family I grew up IFB/IBLP. CSA as well as the mental I walked away from all of those people because of your channel I know I can heal.
❤️❤️❤️ put yourself first. We will be here when you’re ready
I’m so sorry. No one deserves this. Absolutely horrific
This is such a heart wrenching story. Thank you for being willing to share. My heart is broken in million pieces for you.
When I was a teenager, in the 70,the Children of God passed out their pamphlets in my hometown. I could never understand what was be written but received many of them including The flirty fishy one.
I was a young mother and they invited me to the home they had, I remember it was clean and had no furniture. We prayed in circle and they seem kind and interested in my life, but they said they raised their children communal.I knew I wouldn’t want to raise my child that way and never went back as the years have gone by I’ve realized I dodged a bullet.
@phil_seibel , you're a brave amazing person, a winner! May life give you compensation. Bless you!
Been watching his and Daniela's talks as a survivor myself from The Children Of God cult, to see if I identify myself in their journey. I was born to a single mom, was a very sad and quiet child, I wasn't vocal and didn't argue about anything, but I always felt discipline was waaay to harsh for the kids. My mom, started acting weird, so she was accused of being out of it. As a teenager, I couldn't stand her either, so I as soon as I turned 16 I moved to another unit. I was also abused at 12 years old by my brother's dad. It was not until I was 23 that I left. My mom got worse with time after she left the cult, I knew she wasn't normal but I didn't know what she had, I just thought she was crazy.
It was not until I was almost 30 that I found out she had schizophrenia, and it just got worse though the years after we left the cult . So my main struggle in life hasn't been only recovering from the abuse and the cult, dealing with my mom for my entire life until this day, has been the most difficult for me. Only those who have had to care for a family member who has schizophrenia knows how much it sucks the life out of you. So much so that I don't even want to be in a relationship, much less marry or have kids of my own, ('I'm now 38) as she already has sucked and continues to suck any form of peace and joy I have left in me. It's the kind of thing it's hard to heal from cuz you'r continually dealing with it on a daily basis. She had no one to go to when she left because when she joined the cult at age 21 she cut all ties with her own family and her own parents died without knowing what happened to her, if she even was dead or alive.
She is now in touch with her sister, but my mom is now basically like a 3 year-old child, because of so much brain damage from the all the crisis she underwent through the years, specially after we left. At some point she lived on the streets, almost died several times. I feel like I've been living in survival mode, looking after her and trying to make ends meet for the both of us. I think she already had this before she joined the cult, from my research but when she left we had no support system, so she gradually couldn't cope, she felt stable and secure inside, but she really struggled to make ends meet after we left.
After I left I struggled real bad, So I can relate to Phil in this sense, I wasn't living with her, eventually after a few years I started working as and English teacher and did so for many years, and other side hustles.
If I were to write a book about my story, the main focus of my struggle would be dealing with a mentally ill parent, being raised by a single mentally it mom in a cult, and caring for her after leaving. Definitely, after leaving the cult things got worse for me with her as supposed to getting better. I feel like many people who left had it easier in a way, that they only had to deal with themselves as suppose to dealing with themselves and caring after a mentally ill family member. Which to me was 20x worse. I would be a different person if I didn't have to look after her and if hadn't gone through all the trauma I did with her. The only help she gets from the government nowadays is the medication, but she has no financial help, and I can't afford to put her in a home, so It feels like my life revolves around her.
Finding healing and meaning to continue going is the hardest thing for me. People who don't have to deal with a mentally ill family member for life don't know how privileged they are, regardless of weather they were raised in a cult or not. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't gone completely insane myself, or not tried ending my life. I do detach myself from most people I meet, as I don't feel like I fit in or relate to anyone I meet. I have yet to meet someone personally who deals with with what I do. I feel extremely isolated from other's realities, I don't know what it's like to have a normal life, it feels like I live in another planet. When you deal with a mental illness that is this heavy, growing up in this cult is the last thing in your mind.
It is very important this survivor tells the truth about all the abuse he has experienced as a human being. No fiction. Only the facts citing all the specifics. Why? So, the abusers are fully exposed! Criminals should not be allowed to silence their victims.
I love this man's personality & ability to conquer life in general. I will be supporting him. Thank you for this interview.
I'm not brave enough or strong enough to keep listening, my heart is breaking for you hearing even a tiny bit. Thank-you for your strength and I wish you the happiest rest of your life that you can have.
My story is not quite as bad as yours, but I live in Australia and I’ve had to move away after receiving death threats and the police are making lots of fun as you pointed out. They are not going to help as I was adopted by Freemason family and my biological mother, Wass From the Hillsong church as I knew that both of my mothers had mental illnesses. They put my life in danger and threaten to kill me and my family. I’ve been forced to move to Cannes and I’m writing a book about it as we speak so thank you for your support. I will continue to share and support others that have been through childhood. Abuse, isolation, whether it’s sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse it is wrong, and I am very grateful for you speaking out and may we all find peace and joy in our lives together.
Thank you for sharing your horrific story. You are such a courageous soul. I can't even begin to imagine this level of abuse..😢
Hi Shelise 👋. I'm 22 hours late to the party here, thanks to living in Australia and thanks to UA-cam with notifications. I've just started listening, a few mins in, and just want to say " are you ok?". This has got to get to anyone,and i love you (healthy way, not eeeek way). I'm just concerned. Please take care. ❤❤❤
Thank you, Lisa❤️ I took some time for self care afterwards and I’m currently in hawaii with my husband, so I’m doing very well! You’re sweet to care/ask. Happy Holidays!
Amazing interview. Thank you for sharing your story.