Spiritual Abuse: Mary's Story (Part 1)

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  • Опубліковано 3 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 65

  • @michaelar4867
    @michaelar4867 3 роки тому +5

    I remember when I was younger, my last year going to a UPC youth convention my youth pastor's wife forgot to bring his suits for church. The conference was about 5 hours away from home. When she realized what she forgot she began shaking and crying.. obviously terrified to tell him. I lost all respect for him in that moment (although I didn't have much considering some of his comments in youth class). It really broke my heart for her. I didn't notice that kind of abuse being super common in my church, but there was a lot of secrecy and spiritual abuse that I experienced.

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  3 роки тому +2

      I'm sorry you experienced spiritual abuse. It's never a good sign when a wife is afraid of her husband. I hope she is safe and not a victim of domestic violence. Sadly that type of thing exists in the Christian community as well. I wish more pastors would address it.

    • @michaelar4867
      @michaelar4867 3 роки тому +2

      @@ResponsibleFaith thank you for the reply. I've found your videos very helpful. It seems like a lot of what I went through as a teen, was similar to your story in a lot of ways. I currently go to a much less strict UPC church, but I do keep a bit of a distance from getting too involved. I'm a lot better than I was about 5 years ago, but still healing ❤

  • @knit2getherinlove
    @knit2getherinlove 4 роки тому +8

    I can relate to the 12 YO girl being “openly rebuked” in front of the entire congregation. I was about 22 when I had on a pair of knitted leg warmers under my denim skirt. A brown-noser in the church (these toxic churches encourage tattle-tales) said to me in front of the Pastor’s wife “Sister Cathy! Are you wearing pants????!” As if knitted leg warmers look like pants! The Pastor’s wife said to the tattletale, “Does it look like she is wearing pants to you?” That is all it took. I went to my seat thinking it was all over. The service started with an opening prayer. I was then asked to step to the front of the church, and face the congregation. Then the Pastor’s wife went on a screaming tirade on my leg warmers being worldly and sinful and the ‘very appearance of evil’! The whole thing was about 20 minutes of everyone looking at me too scared to say anything. No one spoke up to my defense, but after service several people said TO ME, not the abusive person, “that wasn’t right.”

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому +4

      That was so abusive and wrong of her! I'm sorry you had to experience that, things like that happen far too often and the people in the congregation do nothing. They've been groomed for abuse with the idolatrous elevation of the status of the "ministry" within their churches. An instant open rebuke to that pastors wife was in order but nobody had the courage! At 22 we were all just trying to express ourselves by trying to find our own "look" and style within the rigid confines of their rules and then to be attacked for that is just awful. Leg warmers! What a nasty person she was.

    • @ke6264
      @ke6264 Рік тому

      I have seen children rebuked in front of entire congregations

  • @xeeng1
    @xeeng1 3 роки тому +5

    This whole thing hurt my heart so bad...

  • @dcharrison3
    @dcharrison3 2 роки тому

    I left the UPC in the fall of 1980, so before the time period mentioned here. I had gone off & on since at least the time I was 4-5, now 63. I left at 21. I remember the Westberg' from the 60' & 70's. Elder was our minister.

  • @jenniferrothenbach1584
    @jenniferrothenbach1584 2 роки тому +2

    This is so crazy this about people I know and I believe it! 🥺🥺🥺 some of this stuff is exactly what I went through too.

  • @jenniferrothenbach1584
    @jenniferrothenbach1584 2 роки тому +1

    Omg so I grew up in a independent Pentecostal church and I knew the youngs he preached for the church I attended as a child. 😲😲😲 Ms. Mary did you know the Rodiguez family from there? I think they were Sunday school teachers and youth leaders in the church in Junction city kanas. He moved to Texas and took over the home mission works in McAllen Texas and over the missions in Mexico. He is like best friends with my former pastor.

  • @Perennialmillennial
    @Perennialmillennial 4 роки тому +11

    Keep up the great content! Former UPCI PK kid and these videos help me so much!! Love your channel and work.

  • @shirleyross4314
    @shirleyross4314 4 роки тому +7

    They always try to convence you that it's just in your head or the devil is talking to you.

  • @TorrinCooper
    @TorrinCooper 3 роки тому +3

    Love what your doing sharing these videos to help people in abusive relationships!

  • @murrayritter
    @murrayritter 9 місяців тому

    Our old UPCI church was big on a letter of recommendation LOL

  • @murrayritter
    @murrayritter 9 місяців тому

    I gained a lot of weight trying to fast at my old UPCI church. Always saying we were bad in a million hundred ways so I would eat a big meal and try to fast but couldn’t do it. Wish I had been smarter. I have ptsd from that church. New UPCI church is loving but they see me as difficult and having rough edges. I don’t like how the UPCI teaches forgiveness. They say forgiveness cuts through it all but they don’t understand the memory doesn’t recover as quickly.

  • @shirleyross4314
    @shirleyross4314 4 роки тому +7

    When you're so good to a church and everything you do is for your love for our Lord and savor Jesus Christ it can be so disturbing to have them shun you.

  • @chelseabrown9314
    @chelseabrown9314 4 роки тому +9

    Probably one of my favorite videos of yours! It had me captivated. She is a strong woman for sure!

  • @Michael-mp9xr
    @Michael-mp9xr 4 роки тому +6

    just switching to another church isn't going to fix anything because they are all like this.

    • @Godisgoodhonestly
      @Godisgoodhonestly 2 роки тому

      Not ALL of them are like this. My church would not tolerate that at all. My bishop and pastor would definitely call them out as nice as possible.😀

    • @musicguy9101
      @musicguy9101 2 роки тому

      @Angela Allen EXACTLY!

  • @shawndabowman1645
    @shawndabowman1645 4 роки тому +5

    They will call pastors if u show up at another church and see if pastor gave you permission

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому +2

      Yes, I've heard of several situations like that! It's the weirdest thing, such a sense of ownership and control.

  • @judybaird7842
    @judybaird7842 4 роки тому +5

    I know the story of Junction City well. Was told by a different pastor to not say anything. I was in the same group of churches. I am still conflicted about things because of it. But at least now I’m learning more about what the Bible says and this is what lead me here.

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому +3

      I'm sorry to hear that you were a part of that group of churches. I know how damaging an environment like that must be. It will take time to sort through it all and figure out what is a matter of normal Christianity and what wasn't. Wishing you peace and healing on your journey.

  • @jonathantucker5000
    @jonathantucker5000 3 роки тому +1

    I was told by a pastor that if I get remarried I could not be saved. The pastor also told me if my parents went to hell it was on me and they were the ones responsible for bringing me to a UPC church and raising me in it. This Pastor tried to be little me b4 I left the UPC

  • @chardie007
    @chardie007 3 роки тому +1

    I am praying about being Baptized at Cornerstone United Pentecostal Church in Watsonville, California. The People seem very friendly and The Pastor is very caring and loves people. It seems like a very welcoming Church.

  • @Mari-B
    @Mari-B 4 роки тому +5

    Watched and moving to Part 2. 💝

  • @KimNEm3
    @KimNEm3 4 роки тому +4

    Sounds more like the pastor had a lust problem. So sorry for all you went through. 😢

  • @damecommander868
    @damecommander868 3 роки тому +3

    I went to this church for over 20 years. I would love to share my story and path to healing.

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  3 роки тому

      Feel free to send me an email and share some of your story with me. I'd love to hear it. My email is deannajonorton@gmail.com

  • @breannawilliamson9787
    @breannawilliamson9787 3 роки тому +1

    Oh my gosh. I love that cat.

  • @CKoinonia1
    @CKoinonia1 4 роки тому +2

    For those interested, you can read some of Mary's story at www.spiritualabuse.org/experiences/upci/marys_part1.html - The link to part two, as well as her blog writings, are in this article.
    You can also watch some additional videos that Mary did for me during the time her former church in Junction City was going through a huge scandal. You won't see her face in these. ua-cam.com/video/558AE6IJVDI/v-deo.html

  • @HANA-mw1rf
    @HANA-mw1rf 4 роки тому +2

    I would love to see more victim stories like these.

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому

      I'm currently editing one (#MeToo #ChurchToo) and hope to have it posted soon. There is a current case going through the courts related to the UPCI church (Madison, Wisconsin) the lady I interviewed grew up in. blogs.spiritualabuse.org/2019/08/07/a-day-of-reckoning-for-calvary-gospel-church/?fbclid=IwAR0Fgjsme0epguuVvvRLoZeZXDJo2kyTVEkFQGsxd8prye9ZZ9514VkcN60

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому

      madison.com/ct/news/local/govt-and-politics/stolen-childhoods-women-allege-they-were-sexually-abused-as-kids/article_22c01351-890d-5bac-8790-d701b1f31c3a.html

  • @swilson7674
    @swilson7674 4 роки тому +5

    Ive noticed that all these people that were abused in some form or another, were all dedicated and wanted to serve the Lord and their neighbor. Safe to say they are Christians. So what do you call the pastors or church members that abused them etc.? Are some of these pastors Christians? I think its a valid question.

  • @shadowdweller-ps.9119
    @shadowdweller-ps.9119 4 роки тому +4

    Oh that poor woman!!!

  • @cynthiagrathler2676
    @cynthiagrathler2676 4 роки тому +6

    This sounds like what I went through!! Wow. Who would have thought. It always the women fault it seems.

    • @nicksanders9148
      @nicksanders9148 2 роки тому

      i know! i think these people should take a tip from Jesus!

  • @paulaoyedele2081
    @paulaoyedele2081 4 роки тому +1

    I have spent 17 years working through my many concerns of what happened in my 12 years at UPC. Thankfully I have developed a loving heart towards them now, which was not the case for the first 5 years after leaving. I strived to be perfect too much to the point of phariseeism.
    No one is perfect, not me and not you. Jesus taught that in order to help get rid of a fault in others, you must get rid of the fault in yourself first.
    Not every UPC/Apostolic Pastor or person is a bad apple. Everything you face there, you can also face in a Salvation Army/Anglican/Baptist or evangelical church as well. Where people are....there will be problems because each person is dealing with their inner issues from the lives the lived prior and during conversion. No two people and issues are alike. One person may deal with issues stemming from an alcoholic father. Another may deal with issues stemming from a home where parents divorced.
    Another may deal with a controlling manipulative parent or spouse.
    Then gather us all together in a church setting and we will wrestle with these issues as God puts us through trials and tribulations to perfect a Christ-like character in us. I will fail in one area and you will fail in another.
    Please remember what Jesus said to Paul on the road to Damascus. Paul was on a witch hunt to persecute Christians.
    Jesus arrested him spiritually that day with a blinding light and words to never forget.
    "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me".
    But Paul was persecuting Christians not Jesus.....but that is not how Jesus sees it.
    In as much as you did it to the least of these my brethren, you are doing it to me.
    As believers we have moved into the arena of accusing, condemning and no longer loving.
    In 1999ish I was attending a small ...micro...church in a town of 3000. My Father hated my mother and I going to a Pentecostal UPC church. We were persecuted in the home, my business went under, our Pastor started persecuting his own congregants,....I was so stressed out.
    One day overwhelmed by all of this, plus my own personal insecurities....the devil started whispering in my ear....."you are a loser, nothing will get better, you will never get victory.....just end it....thoughts pummelled my mind just go over into the closet...step inside tie this nylon around your neck and end it". I sat on the floor of closet and said God I cannot handle this anymore.
    What I heard back that day shocked me to the core....but also taught me about him. God said "Pray for the Pastor and his wife"...."say what"? I thought. I said "God do you hear me ..."I don't want to live no more and you want me to pray for them"....are you kidding me.
    But on the floor of that closet, I met a God that I obviously barely knew. I did not know his heart for all of us as believers.
    I said okay God but I do not understand. I prayed for them....struggling at first....but then it ended up in the sweetest fellowship with my and *our* maker. He put love in my heart for them....they left and moved away some months later. I would love to say that our relationship was healed...but sometimes our persecutors are our promoters in time.
    Even recently, I was reading in John chapter 17....the prayer Jesus prayed for all believers who will ever believe in him.
    Jesus wants ALL believers to be one in unity and love.
    My advice STRIVE for Love....his kind of love.
    Am I perfect....no....but I press towards the mark of the high calling in Christ. A work in progress.

    • @sandigrace2271
      @sandigrace2271 2 роки тому

      Saul was hauling men, women, and children to prison; and causing some to be killed.
      Do you really think helping abused believers to heal is persecuting anyone?!
      The FIRST step toward my being able to forgive folks at my previous church, was to admit to myself that they were wrong. Sounds simple and easy, but too often we put folks on a pedestal and cannot imagine them being wrong. So we join in with them and abuse and doubt ourselves.
      Please prayerfully read 3 John. There is a time for naming those in leadership who do evil so we can warn and help other believers.

  • @longstreet2740
    @longstreet2740 4 роки тому +3

    UPCi ( Oneness .. Anti Trinitarian ) caused me to doubt my salvation, not so much on their standards, but theology of Water Baptism as essential for Salvation, because the Waters of Baptism serve as some sort of a conduit of the 'Blood of Christ' and the Holy Spirit ... Campbellites ( Church of Christ teach almost the same, except for 'Jesus Name' ) . This was merely from reading their literature, after having a false tongues experience ( I believe all the tongues .. gibberish.. is false..no matter how sincere ) .. I was influenced by a false spirit false jesus which robbed me of my peace. Avoid Oneness Churches like the plague .

  • @UnAshamed2010
    @UnAshamed2010 4 роки тому +2

    I had a similar experience with the two missions trips that I took....

  • @anitawade1747
    @anitawade1747 3 роки тому +1

    Not all churches are like these. There are some good ones. This is awful and should never happen, but there are places/churches that love people and are not this way.

    • @sandigrace2271
      @sandigrace2271 2 роки тому

      Thank God for that!!! Someday I hope He leads me to one. Meanwhile, I will trust Him.

    • @ke6264
      @ke6264 Рік тому

      They did stuff like this to my mom it’s more common than you think and happens a lot

  • @cathygrant1823
    @cathygrant1823 4 роки тому +2

    There are "Charletons" in every Faith! YOU have to STUDY the WORD of God and rightly divide the word. I will live for Jesus Christ.

  • @theforce10001
    @theforce10001 4 роки тому +2

    Why would pastors have to get involved in this type of thing?? Sheeesh You don’t have head lice “this is all in your head”
    😂😂😂

  • @onenesswithJesus
    @onenesswithJesus 3 роки тому

    this said that we must Pray to the Lord and wait for his answer when it comes to joining Churches, even thoe the Lord said to us Not to go to any church in our area because He did not want us to be like them. that said a lot about how Churches are not Preaching the Real Jesus Paul tell us about this #1 Buildings are not the Church #2 we are the Church the Spirit dwells in us the people Not Buildings made from the hand of Men. a Church that is not preaching repentance and Obedience to the Commandments of the Lord is not the true Church of Philadelphia. a church that does not teach to go and make Disciples is not preaching the Real Jesus. a Church that does not Teach that Sin and Sickness goes one and one does not have the discernment of the word and the Spirits because sickness and Sin goes together all Sickness is due to Sin it is written. any Church that does not believe the word does not believe in Jesus because Jesus and the word are the same. John 1:
    said Jesus is the Word that became Flesh. Period no other way but Jesus/ the word way. P/S this is a good example when Jesus said we believe in Doctrine of Men instead of the Doctrine of God / ABBA Father, which is the real Doctrine that leads to Salvation. it is beautiful when we gather and Worship the Lord as one. and to Service to others but we Don`t need a building for that we can find Like minded Christians and gather in a house and do all that a Church does. by the way Christianity is not a Religion but a way of Life when the old Man the Sinner dies with Jesus and Rise with Jesus as a new Born Man. We are to walk with our hearts full of Love for Jesus/ Father and for our Neighbor because the Lord said Loves Conquers everything. We must keep Ephesians 6:12 For wed are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. NLT= Bible I like KJV but NLT is easier English to understand. I used both for Translation.

    • @sandigrace2271
      @sandigrace2271 2 роки тому

      What about the blind man Jesus healed? "Who sinned, this man or his parents," they asked Jesus. Neither. The man was born blind so God would be glorified.
      Why does James say, "IF they have committed sins they will be forgiven," talking about the sick folk who call for the elders to pray for them.

  • @shirleyross4314
    @shirleyross4314 4 роки тому

    I don't believe older men should try marrying young ladies unless completely no young man around who can do God's will in marriage. That's just my belief.

  • @ruking9593
    @ruking9593 3 роки тому +1

    Not in the KINGDOM OF GOD... CHRISTIANS don't talk or live like this..if their false,, their not Christians... please please don't call them His name

  • @deborahzamora5475
    @deborahzamora5475 3 роки тому +1

    Yeshua Jesus is no respector of persons.. he loves us all equally no person man or woman is more important .. each child of God is Cherished and so Loved .. the Abuse in that place was demonic and grieves the Holy Spirit ... he and they all will stand before a living God and give an answer .. abuse and control is not the Love of God .. don’t follow their poison.. get out of it think for your self love yourself enough to protect yourself and your family he is a cult !

  • @shellminyard6890
    @shellminyard6890 4 роки тому +1

    Ok I just have to say about this head lice thing. This is a prime example of saints in the church going to the pastor every crisis in ur life! I were an adult! Over the counter lice medications would have done the trick had u just treated it
    Not gone to the pastor Bam! Ur done
    Welcome to adulthood Sorry if that sounds mean but cmon

    • @ResponsibleFaith
      @ResponsibleFaith  4 роки тому +6

      Ok...if you paid attention she was a very young adult who was being groomed to obey her pastor (far too common) and was heavily pressured into the situation that led to the head lice. If you think it's that simple, you don't get it. Pastoral overreach and control is very real and leaves people feeling dependent on pastoral "wisdom" and unsure of themselves when they shouldn't be. That's a big reason I have this channel; to encourage people to set healthy boundaries with Christian leadership. Thanks for the "welcome to adulthood" comment followed by the faux apology. It is mean, but then again you knew that or you wouldn't have added the "sorry".