Is it Your Fault Your Child is a Narcissist?
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- Опубліковано 22 чер 2024
- 0:00 Intro
0:46 The complicated question
2:13 Causes of narcissism
3:50 What research says about preventing extreme narcissism
5:17 A message of hope for parents
8:10 Review: tools for preventing unhealthy narcissism
Is it Your Fault Your Child is a Narcissist?
Many causes contribute to unhealthy narcissism in children, both genetic and environmental. In this video, I review how parents do and don't influence their kids’ personality development, as well as provide some options for anyone worried about how their kids might turn out. I also offer some hope: there’s help available for parents dealing with these concerns.
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Thank you, Dr. Malkin. Since going no contact with my ex, I've feared his 5 yr old daughter might one day become a narcissist too. Your video gives me hope for her.
So glad to hear that!
Great video Dr Malkin! So many parents need to hear this message ❤
Thank you!
Not many experts seem to recognise the genetic component so thank you for that . If there is a genetic component it is so obvious to those of us living with this problem. For years I blamed myself that my adult son seemed to be narcissistic but as you pointed out there were signs pre school and there wasn't any help available then. I can now see patterns in our extended family . I feel sympathy for him as he has been born with a difficult temperament and will try to keep on trying to have a healthy interaction with him even though it is challenging.
I’d imagine that substance abuse starting at an early age and addiction wouldn’t help matters either.
Thank you for that information
So many times I’ve blamed myself and my husband for not doing things differently
We have 2 adult children and they are polar opposites
It’s not easy and you hope the difficult child outgrows the behavior but they don’t.
Difficult personality traits, easy to anger and never will discuss anything to resolve the issue
Which we are willing to do.
It’s much harder on the individual who goes through life this way
I'm so glad you did this video. Thank you 😊
Ps: please do consider an additional video on this topic.
My ex husband is a covert narc -no question, and he left us when our kids were in middle school. Now one of our sons mimics some of his npd behaviors.
BUT our son shows empathy and had a much healthier and happier childhood than his wounded father.
I think our so. Is not npd but just trying behaviors on (he is 19). Only doubt he’s going to grow up to be a full-fledged narc. But I would benefit from any suggestions you have for how one might constructively rRespond to or reflect back his sometimes self-centeredness -without shaming him - and definitely without making any reference to the person who is his father.
Please consider a Part Two on how to relate to narcissistic tendencies in our kids.
Thank you for your excellent work.
My eldest child, a daughter, is, I have come to believe, a narcissist. She is now 45 years old. She was not what I would call a difficult child - until she reached her teen years. Then, she became, almost overnight, very mean-minded towards myself and her siblings. Talking to her about what was wrong was met with grunts or another explosive outburst.
When she was 19 she got involved with a man old enough to be her father, and that was the start of string of relationships with older men, none of which have worked out. Now, she has decided that all men are a waste of space, except for her father to whom she is, and has always been, devoted.
Her father is, in my opinion, a covert malignant narcissist, and our marriage ended principally due to physical abuse; one of these attacks involved half-strangling me and he might of succeeded if my eldest daughter had not fought him off. She was only about 10 years old at the time.
I think witnessing this attack and a few others may have trauma bonded her to her father and, rather than seeing him as unsafe she views me as the unsafe parent. After all, if I can not protect myself, how can I protect her? Indeed some of her more recent verbal attacks on me have been along the lines of me failing to protect her.
Despite a few periods when our relationship has settled into calmer waters, I am now at the point where I do not think I can ever have an emotionally healthy relationship with her, and I am working on letting go. Its not easy letting go of an adult child that you love with all your heart, and you desperately want to help. I feel though, while she remains in close contact with her father, I have to be realistic that it isn't going to happen.
I hope this helps others with similar experiences and who are struggling with finding a way forwards.
Thank you for this video.
Thank you ! ❤
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You’re so welcome!
Great video!
i think, that when a child is not being met on their needs, emotional needs, they will tend to be more narcissistic, and i`ve experineced that getting help and support in my parenting, seeking out when there is struggle , to help me figure out what is it that my child needs that i haven`t been able to meet. Its difficult to meet their needs when not having support to see them and help to focus on what needs have to be met,. and as mostly important , help to figure out what do i need, make sure that i have my safe secure attachment relationships maintained, so that i get my emotional needs met too, super important, that the parent assure to have their own needs met before taking on the job to meet their children needs. its so much easier for the adult to be a safe and secure caregiver when that is in place. so happy to have been able to understand this with the help i got from pregnancy and many years after she was born, i was lucky that i got the COS and TIK courses before she started school at age 6, and a lot of emotional support for my self , and her ,supporting a healthy emotional development during her 5 first years.. but given all that help, theres still many struggles to handle, im glad that you put out there about the temperament, being more resisting ang arguing, im still working out to figure how to speak properly to her when she is like that, now i got something to make me want to stop more easily, when thinking her temperament is likely making her more to handle, and when knowing that, i can easily adust myself some more in the interaction and maby not get that triggered and upset. thank you for your very helpful video, i love the length of it,easy to follow what you say 🙂
Huge thank you. 💖. Any ball park age of "child" or age too late ie 27 yrs for hope ? Hope my question is understandable !!! & Very happy Christmas 🎄 & New year too to you
Actually, in some ways I think its my fault because I spoiled him. I over compensated because his narcsissitc dad died from cancer so kind of spoiled him due to that. I tried to also not, but he was such a good kid and now he is a rager as an adult when doesn't get his way, also lies and manipulates and is demanding and nasty now, also dating a narcissist. Also, lacks empathy, which he wasn't like that before, I don't know, maybe its also hereitary, I heard as well, his dad was like this...I don't know but it sure is heartbreaking.
No not always. This is the pint of balanced parenting. Especially in separation. You accept it yet seek to come together in the best interests of the children Mental wellbeing.. the parent eith care leads and the non resident parent supports. And you just try mett in the middle somewhere on behaviour and attitudes
You may, not everyone is like you. My ma thinks in her own mind that she6 always treated me & my sis the same. 57 later... I'm still waiting- Both of them are narcs!!!!
Made me think of Dr. James Fallon.
Good Question. Is it the adult child's fault they married one?
Am I a narcissist?
Can you point me to a source of trustworthy resources for help?
Is there any explanation yet for why some people have "difficult" or challenging, reactive temperaments? E.g. from a epigenetic perspective> because there was trauma along the way of the ancestors in some form and that influenced the genotype in the offspring..¿?
What if you can’t get enough resources and support!!? And drowning yourself….
Nah, transformational process. We all will go through this.
The key is finding value honor and respect, much love
Do you mean developmental process? I've written extensively about this. This video is about when it goes beyond typical developmental stage.
Dr. Malkin, do you consider narcissism a character disorder? How about echoism?
This is wrong. Construe my character as you see fit, but it's wrong.
What’s wrong? Explain.
@@CraigMalkin Thank you for the engagement.
I'm afraid I cannot provide you with discursive counter-argumentation on this point as I'm not qualified to interpret biological factors in relevant studies, but I would invite you to consider alternatives to my disagreement as being simply emotional.
On the one hand, I do find the interpretative leeway provided in this video to abusive parenting upsetting and concerning, but I do understand you are not defending abusive parenting, and as far as I understand my own motives, this is also not the basis for my strong disagreement.
Instead if you would, I'd suggest you take a very serious look at the legitimacy of biological factors in the developmental prognosis of narcissism, equipped with your no-doubt superior qualifications and competency to your advantage, to see if you could conceivably find errors in the method or premise of the relevant studies - I think the problem resides there.
I'm sure you're acquainted with "the viscosity of science" as some have phrased it and I believe this could well apply disproportionately to a number of psychiatric disorders including NPD. So far as I understand it, certain paradigmatic views linger beyond their expiry date, as it were, in part due to the referential structure of science. This is what I suspect is going on with the continued insistence on the biological basis for personality disorders, as opposed to neurologically oriented psychiatric conditions where the biological basis appears to be more relevant.
If you excuse the cheesy analogy I'm about to make: it seems comparable to that of attributing a car's brand the basis in determining the outcome of a vehicle collision; indeed a Toyota would crumble up differently than a Ford, but the crumbling of high-velocity colliding vehicles is--I argue--more appropriately attributed to the collision rather than the brand of the car.
This is simultaneously an admission of some* relevance to the biological basis of NPD, though it is certainly still mostly a critique. You still have to crash your car, whatever the brand, to end up with a crumbled vehicle.
Certainly nobody has to agree with me here, I'm just expressing my opinion, knowing full well I'm doing so against somebody more qualified than myself. But if you want to entertain a bit of a back and forth here that is most welcome by me.
@@emil5884 wow your word salad looks so tasty.
@@TheBroSplitlol 🙂
@@CraigMalkin I really enjoyed your video on this topic . You seem to be one of very few who are this close to the truth of how narcissist's are indeed formed. Why am I so fascinated with this topic? I happen to have a background in Psychology but more importantly have had the opportunity to raise my ( now adult) twins who both displayed different forms of narcissism ( on reflection ) recorded from as early as 2 months old. My ex- Fiancé, (their biological father) and the 2nd born twin have absolutely identical forms of Narcissistic behavior and patterns to the letter, it's astonishing. So far, I definitely see a case for a Biological disposition being the major factor here. I also would enjoy talking to you about my hypothesis on the other contributing factors relating to environment being a casual factor. my hypothesis actually could account for why not everyone with a bad environment turns out Narcissistic. There's a lot of misinformation out there. But really glad to have seen your video... Thank you