This channel is so underrated. I have been in therapy for 8 years, and no one has explained the inner child and accessing them as well as you. Well done.
Wow I had to block a friend of 30 years yesterday.. they did the “I need you to move on from this, I have”… when I expressed my feelings in a loving way - 1st time ever conflict was initiated by me with a boundary and boom.. I can’t believe they dismissed me and my feelings. It keeps happening. I am so alone and so scared to trust 😢
I am getting better at recognising toxic people around me so I avoid those people; the difficult ones to spot are family members because we’ve always known them; the biggest shock to me was realising an aunt was a narcissist- I always considered her to be like an older sister; I am drastically reducing time spent with her. She was always ‘baiting’, not happy for my accomplishments, would trigger me to cry by bringing up dead family members but doing this so subtly it took me until now to catch on to what she was doing. She also never acknowledged my birthday which was weird; I always rang her and gave her gifts on hers.
I think my aunt is also a narc, she’s very negative and barely ever says anything positive to me. I have a younger cousin that lived with her and my cousin has permanently cut off my aunt and other family members. Even though I am 42 it makes me sad how evil family members can be. Atleast I can say I’ve always tried to be kind and caring to my nephews and my niece. Also I said happy birthday to my aunt yet she has no idea when my birthday is.
I completely resonate - i also attracted toxic people because of my family scapegoating me!! I always self sabotaged myself & didn’t believe i deserve happiness or to be treated with live & respect.... because i thought toxicity was normal 😢 after 4 decades im finally NO CONTACT & its been a long dark road to self advocacy 🙏🏽🐞🙏🏽
I came home with awards most artistic. Most athletic. There wasn't much response. I can't remember my parents making a big deal about anything good that I was doing. My father gave me a really hard time when I was growing up and my mother was complicit. I get enraged at them both just like I did when I was younger into adolescence. Unadulterated rage
Thank you Mary, I appreciate your videos on scapegoating processes. This one is very good as well because I cannot change others but I can change me, and working on healing old limiting believes is the key. System update! perfect, "The solution is to become your own loving parent," is how Adult Children of Alcoholics describes The Solution.
What you said it's true, the only way to prevent to re-enter in a toxic relationship is to do the work to heal ourself, our inner-child, our deep rooted limiting self-beliefs. I have noticed it in myself. You know what is a healthy vs unhealthy behaviour when you really knows it, when you have re-learnt what a loving and mature one looks and feels like. It may takes years but it is doable. We can succed in putting that chapter behind. Thank you so much Mary for your content, it is soothing and helpful. On another note, that color looks great on you.🤩 ❤
Great video thank you Mary, have had huge changes in relationships /friendships over last few years and it is a continual journey. Can feel lonely when circle becomes much smaller. You are looking fabulous 😍😘
Same! However I still have one a very old relative who is destitute w health issues. I do what I can to keep her fed and housed with boundaries and lots of self care. Love your channel BTW, spread the good word about these issues for us scapegoats! :-)
Ok, but what can I do to protect myself? At my workplace there is a person acting in a very toxic ways, to almost every other worker and I can easily see the very same patters that my family of origin has. So, what can I do, here and now, in my workplace enviroment, to not become yet another narcissists scapegoat?
Mary, I found myself thinking of you many times throughout the holidays & hoping you were remaining steady as possible & w caring, decent people. My belief is that my situation & that of many others will only be managed not “all healed, right, fixed, it’s over now, get going now, et al.” I have read studies of chimps and humans that support this. I so want to manage my trauma as best I can and it’s worth putting energy in to be a good manager of my trauma. You are a great help to me in doing that. Your bravery and honesty in explaining your own experience is the greatest of all credentials for the job, to me. There is no one for me to discuss this with. I once had a young “fully credentialed” therapist tell me she would no longer see me because my experiences were too traumatic for her to hear. This was devastating to me. After that - no more talking, only stuffing and profound loneliness. Point being you are such a help. And this discussion today is a huge issue for me. I’ve no proper boundaries & it’s been a misery to this moment. Apologies for a long comment.
I experienced this too, after spending time over and over to trust, open up, and be left ..... It's a challenge to find a good therapist I feel its someone who has been there themselves, done their own ongoing healing that can help.
Thanks again for a very insightful video. I had an observation as I was going through the childhood trauma element. It is very complex and individual but I found that I used to 'right off' everything as bad from my early years. This had the effect of making me feel guilty because it wasn't all bad - it never is! So I went back and found little reminders of the good times from my childhood. Like places, items, toys etc. This had the effect of bringing me back to a more balanced view of what happened. I can also see how people manipulated me with more precision. THAT helps me now in meeting new people. Hope that helps :))
Voluntary re integration for those like myself with Dissociative Identity Disorder I use a helpful technique when triggered by asking myself when did I first feel a certain way and then ministering to that part of me or in my case as a Christian I ask Jesus to heal my inner child xx Love your work
Thank you. Your presentation of this matter in a calm demeanor is very helpful Mary. I sometimes walk away from information as it could sound very hateful.
Happy New Year Mary! Wishing you the very best this year and beyond. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Update: this was the first Christmas where I really felt at home with myself :)
Happy 2023 Mary, and thank you for this latest video. The imagery evoked by the rescuing of inner child from the unhealthy sad confusing past they’re stuck in, was powerful for me. These days, while I still have much repair work to do, are much better times to bring inner child into.
I don't think that I actually LIKE my inner child! There is a very nice photo of me with our dog who was my rescuer and I like that inner child but generally I feel that my inner child was freckly and rabbit-toothed with a big round face. Hardly the look of a superbrain child which is actually what was inside her-me.😞
Very interesting Mary, Thankyou. Everything you say resonates with my own experiences. I would be interested to know more about inner child work and gaining self compassion. So glad you are airing this subject, especially in relating your personal history, Your aproach really helps dispel some of the shame that I think lots of us carry. Blessings to you and your gentle strengthx
I journal everyday. I have for 10 years. I've got my emotional landscape down pat :). I've also worked on my inner critic, so my internal voice is very nurturing now. I have to say I looked around at Christmas and I was like Oh I'm not being abused by anyone!!!! :) However, I have no relationships whatsoever. I have no friends or family relationships. Would there be a limiting belief there...
Thank you for all these videos and resources. I have been on a two year journey to unveil my resentment and anger which is rooted in being the family scapegoat and a 10 year journey to rebuild my health which has deteriorated from an autoimmune disease. I have more tools and language than ever and am so close to feeling like my best self. EMDR helped me a ton with the past but your videos are speaking to me in my now. I have been low contact for awhile without realizing why but am learning to establish even stronger boundaries. I would be interested in your low contact video so I have more validation and insight and appreciation for where I need to go from here. I would also be curious about your thoughts on the use of the silent treatment. This has been a reaction to my boundaries and for the first time I am realizing how intentful this strategy has been for my entire life and the damage it has played into my psychological and emotional well being. Many people say well you wouldn't want to talk to him (father) anyway, but that's not the point. Withholding attention, connection, communication on purpose is different. Happy New Year and thank you for blazing a trail for many of us who have been completely misunderstood.
I am on low contact with a toxic aunt and cousin; I only see them at family get togethers and after saying hello I tactfully get busy talking to others; she is a social butterfly so doesn’t particularly want to talk to me anyway as she suspects I ‘have her measure’. I only ring if she has previously rung then I cut it short by pretending that another call is coming through, I say I will call back, then don’t. She is not a texter so I don’t text her- I strictly give her the same effort and energy (almost nothing) she gives me. I used to ‘overgive’ with everyone whether they deserved it or not - hangover from my childhood where I had to ‘perform’ to feel worthy.
So how do we not get into a toxic workplace? I’ve been searching high and low to try and find specific job interview questions that can help me screen these bad bosses before I step foot into another toxic workplace. I’m constantly going from job to job due to these narcissistic manipulators. Anyone know what are some good interview questions to ask them to try and get an insight into seeing how they will be before I go through another traumatic and emotionally draining experience?
Good point. It seems all we can do is to run and hide, then run and hide, again and again and again, for the rest of our lives, whenever we meet another toxic person. Which are so many walking in this world.
I've heard this same perspective from so many "well meaning" folks over the years, but it always causes me to have thoughts like... So, others treat me like crap because others treated me like crap, so now I need to work on myself because I've been attracting it all along? Ok, great, yea... In my experience, the only way to keep toxic assholes out of your life, is to recognize them when they show up (cuz they will, A LOT), and then run the other way as soon as you see it. Which of course, makes this a super fun world to be a part of. Yeppers, aren't you glad you get to be here for this experience? What the heck were we thinking when we chose to incarnate into this mess anyway? What was so bad about being a part of Source, that we thought this would be a good idea? Pretty sure something just doesn't add up here...just sayin
This comment is profound to me. I believe just as you in all you said. Always think I’m alone in this and half crazy if not full on crazy. This was so validating to me. Blessings to you. ♥️
My challenge right now is how to think about my family of origin. 🤬 I’m still very angry at them.🤬 My rational mind knows that this abuse is generational and my family was previously abused, but I can’t seem to dissolve the anger I feel towards them. If I’m not feeling anger for them, I feel flat when I think about them. Is the anger really grief that hiding behind the anger? Ugh, it’s all so twisted up. Anyone have any insights for me?
I cut my toxic brother from my life. He has neglected my parents appallingly. My mum is in hospital. I can't tell you the situation i felt when the hospital told him that since he was not Inn the next of kin list he would have to contact myself or my father to get health updates about our mother.. I laughed like a drain.😂
![How do I live with the hurt? [of family rejection & contempt]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TfssvVeL2_A/mqdefault.jpg)
This channel is so underrated. I have been in therapy for 8 years, and no one has explained the inner child and accessing them as well as you. Well done.
Thank you so much ☺️
Same here. 100%
she's brilliant,
Wow I had to block a friend of 30 years yesterday.. they did the “I need you to move on from this, I have”… when I expressed my feelings in a loving way - 1st time ever conflict was initiated by me with a boundary and boom.. I can’t believe they dismissed me and my feelings. It keeps happening. I am so alone and so scared to trust 😢
Sounds like a culling (been there)
You’re upleveling
You’re paving the way for new healthy people 👍🌺🌺
Thank you for sharing this as my experiences are the very same. It helps to hear from others. ♥️
@@rs5570 I’m so sorry you’re going through the same, love to you Internet stranger and fellow family scapegoat I assume too? ❤️🙏
For me to have self-respect is apparently perceived as a destructive threat to my family and old "friends." Have had to cut them off.
@@rubberbiscuit99 it’s unbelievable isn’t it.. so painful. Love to you Internet stranger
I am getting better at recognising toxic people around me so I avoid those people; the difficult ones to spot are family members because we’ve always known them; the biggest shock to me was realising an aunt was a narcissist- I always considered her to be like an older sister; I am drastically reducing time spent with her. She was always ‘baiting’, not happy for my accomplishments, would trigger me to cry by bringing up dead family members but doing this so subtly it took me until now to catch on to what she was doing. She also never acknowledged my birthday which was weird; I always rang her and gave her gifts on hers.
Hi andersd..yes, that is weird behaviour. It's a good job you sussed her out though!😊
I think my aunt is also a narc, she’s very negative and barely ever says anything positive to me. I have a younger cousin that lived with her and my cousin has permanently cut off my aunt and other family members. Even though I am 42 it makes me sad how evil family members can be. Atleast I can say I’ve always tried to be kind and caring to my nephews and my niece. Also I said happy birthday to my aunt yet she has no idea when my birthday is.
I completely resonate - i also attracted toxic people because of my family scapegoating me!! I always self sabotaged myself & didn’t believe i deserve happiness or to be treated with live & respect.... because i thought toxicity was normal 😢 after 4 decades im finally NO CONTACT & its been a long dark road to self advocacy 🙏🏽🐞🙏🏽
yep
I don’t associate with toxic people I keep my distance from them and I don’t even care what they say or want.
I came home with awards most artistic. Most athletic. There wasn't much response. I can't remember my parents making a big deal about anything good that I was doing. My father gave me a really hard time when I was growing up and my mother was complicit. I get enraged at them both just like I did when I was younger into adolescence. Unadulterated rage
Thank you Mary, I appreciate your videos on scapegoating processes. This one is very good as well because I cannot change others but I can change me, and working on healing old limiting believes is the key. System update! perfect, "The solution is to become your own loving parent," is how Adult Children of Alcoholics describes The Solution.
What you said it's true, the only way to prevent to re-enter in a toxic relationship is to do the work to heal ourself, our inner-child, our deep rooted limiting self-beliefs. I have noticed it in myself. You know what is a healthy vs unhealthy behaviour when you really knows it, when you have re-learnt what a loving and mature one looks and feels like. It may takes years but it is doable. We can succed in putting that chapter behind.
Thank you so much Mary for your content, it is soothing and helpful.
On another note, that color looks great on you.🤩 ❤
thank you very much 🥰
Great video!
I will definitely seek the help and healthy boundaries I deserve. I'm glad I ran into your channel. Keep up the amazing work!!!
You look really lovely in that colour! Thanks for the great video.
Great video thank you Mary, have had huge changes in relationships /friendships over last few years and it is a continual journey. Can feel lonely when circle becomes much smaller.
You are looking fabulous 😍😘
Same! However I still have one a very old relative who is destitute w health issues. I do what I can to keep her fed and housed with boundaries and lots of self care. Love your channel BTW, spread the good word about these issues for us scapegoats! :-)
Fantastic work amazing so glade i found you
Aww 🥰 thank you Vanessa
I love you so much! Thank you so much for your help and compassion! 🫂 🙏🏼☝🏼🙌🏼
Nice Color for you!
Problem is, that the Inner Child is often not accessible because of psychological Defenses.
Schema Therapy can help with that!
Joyful new year to You Mary ! and your Listeners 🙂 .
Ok, but what can I do to protect myself? At my workplace there is a person acting in a very toxic ways, to almost every other worker and I can easily see the very same patters that my family of origin has. So, what can I do, here and now, in my workplace enviroment, to not become yet another narcissists scapegoat?
Mary, I found myself thinking of you many times throughout the holidays & hoping you were remaining steady as possible & w caring, decent people. My belief is that my situation & that of many others will only be managed not “all healed, right, fixed, it’s over now, get going now, et al.” I have read studies of chimps and humans that support this. I so want to manage my trauma as best I can and it’s worth putting energy in to be a good manager of my trauma. You are a great help to me in doing that. Your bravery and honesty in explaining your own experience is the greatest of all credentials for the job, to me. There is no one for me to discuss this with.
I once had a young “fully credentialed” therapist tell me she would no longer see me because my experiences were too traumatic for her to hear. This was devastating to me. After that - no more talking, only stuffing and profound loneliness. Point being you are such a help. And this discussion today is a huge issue for me. I’ve no proper boundaries & it’s been a misery to this moment.
Apologies for a long comment.
Thank you
Can a therapist ethically do that to a patient? It seems to be a direct violation of their ethical code.
Do try to find another therapist- it could take about 4 or 5 before you find a strong helpful character who will benefit you.
I experienced this too, after spending time over and over to trust, open up, and be left .....
It's a challenge to find a good therapist
I feel its someone who has been there themselves, done their own ongoing healing that can help.
@@skyeblu817 indeed, but not always x
Thanks again for a very insightful video. I had an observation as I was going through the childhood trauma element. It is very complex and individual but I found that I used to 'right off' everything as bad from my early years. This had the effect of making me feel guilty because it wasn't all bad - it never is! So I went back and found little reminders of the good times from my childhood. Like places, items, toys etc. This had the effect of bringing me back to a more balanced view of what happened. I can also see how people manipulated me with more precision. THAT helps me now in meeting new people. Hope that helps :))
Voluntary re integration for those like myself with Dissociative Identity Disorder
I use a helpful technique when triggered by asking myself when did I first feel a certain way and then ministering to that part of me or in my case as a Christian I ask Jesus to heal my inner child xx
Love your work
💓
Hi Angie, I have also asked Jesus to show me where I still need healing which has been eye opening x
Thank you. Your presentation of this matter in a calm demeanor is very helpful Mary. I sometimes walk away from information as it could sound very hateful.
Happy New Year Mary! Wishing you the very best this year and beyond. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Update: this was the first Christmas where I really felt at home with myself :)
Awww thank you. I’m delighted to hear that. The whole season can be SOoo triggering.
Well done 🥰
Happy 2023 Mary, and thank you for this latest video. The imagery evoked by the rescuing of inner child from the unhealthy sad confusing past they’re stuck in, was powerful for me. These days, while I still have much repair work to do, are much better times to bring inner child into.
Thank you, delighted to hear of your brilliant recovery work & insights 🥳👍👍
Mary, thank you! Awesome truth. 😁
Thank you Mary, your video is great resource and you teach me how to calm inner child.
I don't think that I actually LIKE my inner child! There is a very nice photo of me with our dog who was my rescuer and I like that inner child but generally I feel that my inner child was freckly and rabbit-toothed with a big round face. Hardly the look of a superbrain child which is actually what was inside her-me.😞
Thank you!
Very helpful. Thank you so much.
Very interesting Mary, Thankyou. Everything you say resonates with my own experiences.
I would be interested to know more about inner child work and gaining self compassion.
So glad you are airing this subject, especially in relating your personal history, Your aproach really helps dispel some of the shame that I think lots of us carry.
Blessings to you and your gentle strengthx
Thank you. Here's a facebook live I recorded on inner child work that may help you facebook.com/scapegoatchildrecovery/videos/821091585097830
@@scapegoatchildrecovery Oooo Thanks Mary, I hadn't seen that on your channel! Great
I journal everyday. I have for 10 years. I've got my emotional landscape down pat :). I've also worked on my inner critic, so my internal voice is very nurturing now. I have to say I looked around at Christmas and I was like Oh I'm not being abused by anyone!!!! :) However, I have no relationships whatsoever. I have no friends or family relationships. Would there be a limiting belief there...
well done. sometimes we go through a barren period before the next phase. we're clearing out the old and allowing in the new. we're recalibrating.
I am the same, I am becoming my own best friend and my dog 🐕 ❤ is healing
Thank you for all these videos and resources. I have been on a two year journey to unveil my resentment and anger which is rooted in being the family scapegoat and a 10 year journey to rebuild my health which has deteriorated from an autoimmune disease. I have more tools and language than ever and am so close to feeling like my best self. EMDR helped me a ton with the past but your videos are speaking to me in my now. I have been low contact for awhile without realizing why but am learning to establish even stronger boundaries. I would be interested in your low contact video so I have more validation and insight and appreciation for where I need to go from here. I would also be curious about your thoughts on the use of the silent treatment. This has been a reaction to my boundaries and for the first time I am realizing how intentful this strategy has been for my entire life and the damage it has played into my psychological and emotional well being. Many people say well you wouldn't want to talk to him (father) anyway, but that's not the point. Withholding attention, connection, communication on purpose is different. Happy New Year and thank you for blazing a trail for many of us who have been completely misunderstood.
I am on low contact with a toxic aunt and cousin; I only see them at family get togethers and after saying hello I tactfully get busy talking to others; she is a social butterfly so doesn’t particularly want to talk to me anyway as she suspects I ‘have her measure’.
I only ring if she has previously rung then I cut it short by pretending that another call is coming through, I say I will call back, then don’t.
She is not a texter so I don’t text her- I strictly give her the same effort and energy (almost nothing) she gives me. I used to ‘overgive’ with everyone whether they deserved it or not - hangover from my childhood where I had to ‘perform’ to feel worthy.
So how do we not get into a toxic workplace? I’ve been searching high and low to try and find specific job interview questions that can help me screen these bad bosses before I step foot into another toxic workplace. I’m constantly going from job to job due to these narcissistic manipulators. Anyone know what are some good interview questions to ask them to try and get an insight into seeing how they will be before I go through another traumatic and emotionally draining experience?
Good point. It seems all we can do is to run and hide, then run and hide, again and again and again, for the rest of our lives, whenever we meet another toxic person. Which are so many walking in this world.
I've heard this same perspective from so many "well meaning" folks over the years, but it always causes me to have thoughts like...
So, others treat me like crap because others treated me like crap, so now I need to work on myself because I've been attracting it all along? Ok, great, yea...
In my experience, the only way to keep toxic assholes out of your life, is to recognize them when they show up (cuz they will, A LOT), and then run the other way as soon as you see it. Which of course, makes this a super fun world to be a part of. Yeppers, aren't you glad you get to be here for this experience?
What the heck were we thinking when we chose to incarnate into this mess anyway? What was so bad about being a part of Source, that we thought this would be a good idea? Pretty sure something just doesn't add up here...just sayin
Everyone has their own journey. Even if someone else walked with you in the time of trauma, your experience and theirs could be entirely different
This comment is profound to me. I believe just as you in all you said. Always think I’m alone in this and half crazy if not full on crazy. This was so validating to me. Blessings to you. ♥️
I wish I could run from every toxic workplace.
My challenge right now is how to think about my family of origin. 🤬 I’m still very angry at them.🤬 My rational mind knows that this abuse is generational and my family was previously abused, but I can’t seem to dissolve the anger I feel towards them. If I’m not feeling anger for them, I feel flat when I think about them. Is the anger really grief that hiding behind the anger? Ugh, it’s all so twisted up.
Anyone have any insights for me?
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
What if the toxic person is my daughter?
I cut my toxic brother from my life. He has neglected my parents appallingly. My mum is in hospital. I can't tell you the situation i felt when the hospital told him that since he was not Inn the next of kin list he would have to contact myself or my father to get health updates about our mother.. I laughed like a drain.😂
Thank you!