Sommelier Reviews Jeppson's Malört (Holiday Special!)
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- 'Tis the season to enjoy great holiday beverages...and also evil concoctions like Jeppson's Malört from Chicago. Happy Holidays, I guess.
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Malort, these pants aren’t going to shit themselves.
Lmao
Malort, when you want to unfriend someone in person
Tastes like a product of a gypsies cure.
Good stuff
"Malort! Tastes like being picked on in the 5th grade!" -Carl Jepson IV
It goes perfect with surströmming. You should try!
Oh christ... the man would have to be into self flagellation.
Your channel is how I discovered this nectar
I mean to me it tastes EXACTLY like acetone smells, so it's not the WORST, but still not great either.
I’m really here for the comments, and they did not disappoint
As somebody who has been on the wrong end of a malört bottle, that taste never leaves your palette. If you have COVID, just drink malört and you'll be able to miraculously taste sadness again.
Too true
Lmao
Also, palette is for paint and palate is for flavors.
I have Covid right now and I have to take this awful medicine called Paxlovid. It creates a taste in your mouth that doesn’t leave and the only thing I can compare it to is Malort. It’s so nasty. I’m not religious but if there is a hell, I imagine that you are forced to take this awful medicine all day and chase it with Malort. 😭
@@agoogolofgeese the malört is powerful enough that it's somehow not a typo
Legend has it Jeppson's was allowed to make Malort during Prohibition because the government thought no one would drink it for pleasure. The "unusual botanical" is Swedish Wormwood.
Isn't wormwood slightly psychoactive?
No. It just purges you of internal parasites. The whole "psychoactive" thing is a bit of a myth that came about from commonly being adulterated with crazy and poisonous things like copper salts that 19th century bottlers used in absinthe because there were no regulatory bodies to stop them.
@@mefirstyoulater very interesting, thanks
@@mefirstyoulater lol copper salts? You mean arsenic salts?
Copper salts have been confirmed as an adulturant. Probably as a colorant. Turpentine. Methanol. All sorts of fun things wound up in absinthe during the 19th century.
I mean, this is a liqueur whose tagline used to be, "Tastes like the day Dad left" and "When you need to unfriend someone in person".
dont forget: "Tonight's the night you fight your dad"
@@a2rudeboy These can't be real. Are these real? hahahahahahaha
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fernet Branca did an ad campaign with lines like "2000 people are having sex right now, and you are looking at an ad. Life is bitter."
My favorite proposed Malort tagline was "These pants aren't gonna shit themselves"
Malort: if youve ever wondered what biting into a freshly stained deck would taste like, yes
close!
More like diesel fuel/cocain and stomach acid.
Don’t forget rotten mustard
More like burnt pencil erasers combined with bile.
It's like having a tear gas cannister sprayed down your throat.
I once spilled some malort on the kitchen floor and my dog tried to lick it up, yelped, then fled the room. My wife walked in and said the dog just ran in the living room, threw up, ate it, and is now licking his butt and asked what happened. I just said he tasted some malort and was trying to get thy taste out of his mouth.
That literally made me laugh out loud like a crazy person! And I’ve never tasted it; I only know it by reputation.
im crying currently
What a ride.
Poor dog. 🤣
The dog asked what happened? After everything else he just did?
Local bar serves it and their comment about it is, "Drink Malort, fight your dad!" I think people in Chicago just make you drink it to laugh at the face of horror you make when you drink it.
As an ancestral Chicagoan, yes, that is exactly why. I know some people that enjoy it. They are to be feared.
This
spot on. i'm from chicago and that's how i was introduced to malort. they weren't even friends of mine--i just walked back into the party i was at after finishing a cigarette and these guys that were there gave me a shot. after i drank it they were all staring at me like they were trying to hold back laughter and i was like, "what? you guys think it's really that bad?" ...Well, at least that's what I wanted to say, but before i could finish my sentence the taste hit me like a freight train. it starts off innocently enough. it's the taste you get right AFTER drinking it that's the killer. creeps up the back of your throat and just invades your skull. its taste is honestly somewhat reminiscent of bug spray or like, antiseptic spray. no joke.
it’s a rite of passage similar to the bullet ant gloves worn by a specific tribe but the Malort is much worse.
The Malort commercial is amazing! "It taste like demons!!!"
As someone from the Chicago area: this exists so we can make people from out of town drink it, only thing that washes this out is cytronówka (basically everclear, honey, and lemon)
yea but the chicago dog I had afterwards was one of the best things I've ever had, so maybe it all balances out in the end.
Yeah but then after a while your group of friends starts unironically drinking it... I always tend to think of malort as a team building exercise. Sorta like how ww2 got everyone to team up against the germans so too will everyone come together to shit on malort after a round of malort.
@@hunterjohnson8999 yep, exactly how it starts. The origin story I'm spreading is that the rise of Malort was generated by a bet made between a bartender and the owner at Simon's to see if this challenging product could be pushed. As with many controlled substances, the first ones are free.
I am so glad no one made me try this when i was in chicago... We have some fucked up shit in germany but this seems to be worse
Its spelled “Cytrynówka”, Polish Lemon Liquor, and yes, it will get the taste of Malort out of your mouth
Drinking Malort straight out of the bottle for several months is what got me through a dark depression. When you drink this shit enough, it makes the rest of your life not seem so bad I guess. This is not even a joke, I did this for real and it did help me. lol
Weirdest possible flex.
@@justincoleman3805 cry for attention and wanting people to think better of him when he's obviously full of shit*
Are you sure it wasn't causing the dark depression?
@@Crashster hes just doing this shit for attention i bet its 100% made up.
@@nickmcdonald3083 who cares its funny.
"Not your neighborhood skunk, highway skunk. Roadkill."
Had me dying, lmao.
Everybody: THAT'S TOO MUCH IN THE GLASS FOR YOUR FIRST TIME!
haha, exactly
I had it for the first time months ago, and was like "That's awful...let me do another shot...that's not that bad.."
Also, at room temperature?
Thought the same thing!
There was plenty of things I wanted to yell at him, but that certainly was one of them....
Jeppson lost his sense of taste to medical reasons. He could still taste malort. True story
allegedly...
@@GreedyOrange According to his Wikipedia page, his sense of taste was dulled by years of smoking so he enjoyed stronger tasting liquors. So @Gerome Ponch was mostly correct.
when I saw the size of the glass he poured... I became worried for his health lmao
This man deserve so much more attention
YES he does
Completely agree. It’s comedy gold. He reminds me of Tim from schitts creek
27K views is a fuckin crime.
I want to see this shit at 2.7 million.
Just discovered him tonight, every video has me rolling!
Just found him a few minutes ago, but I’m glad I found him lmao
My favorite thing about Malört is how all of the advertising since it was invented has mentioned that most people hate it when they first try it. A product that dares people to consume it is such a funny concept.
Invented? Liquor with wormwood (Bäsk and Absinthe) is about 1000 years old. Old medeval medicine.
@@andvil01 I was talking about the specific recipe of Jeppson's Malört (which isn't even the original kind of malört). Perhaps I should have said "developed" or "produced" instead of "invented."
@@stockicide Ok, so this is an abomination of the original drink from Europe?
I'm convinced that Malort is just a practical joke that went too far.
Oh that's exactly what it is
It’s literally that
IIRC the guy who invented it killed his tongue smoking and this was the only flavor he could taste in liquor
@@mythical_pizza allegedly...
Like the Biden "Presidency" for instance?
I was given Malort in college and I was already drunk and I gagged and shouted ‘This tastes like This Old House!’ And I stand by that assessment to this day.
(sad Bob Vila noises)
@@SvendleBerries “This is Bob Villa for Sears Craftsman, and definitely not for Malort”
It does does taste like the great depression lol
Having only watched two of your reviews, this and everclear, i've come to the conclusion your subscribers are sadists :-)
Same here, also wondering why he spits, surely you can't get the full taste if you keep spitting it out.
I live Chicago area, and I have a shot of this every time something significant happens in my life. It's a reminder to see that life is bitter and sweet, but at the end it still sucks 😂😂😂
That’s beautiful. You’re a monster.
Poetry
Malört: like drinking hairspray while licking a 9-volt battery
Like licking black pepper off a rubber tire.
Malört: When it's time to fight your dad.
You gotta have something to drink when the Bears are your team....
I've gotten used to it. It's like a drinkable pine-sol.
to me it’s always reminded me of cologne, like when you walk into a cloud of terrible cologne and you get a mouthful.
I’ve always said its like pouring your least favorite booze in an ash tray and letting it sit out on a real muggy summer day AND then finally drinking it out of the ash tray.
Kinda. I get rotted grapefruit rinds, though. It's not bad with 50/50 as a mixer.
I wanna try it
Totally unrelated, but you have one of the coolest profile pics I've ever seen.
This review was everything I had hoped it would be - and so much more. Thank you!!! Also, I feel the need to give some defense of our proud liquor - Despite the bile-based overtones and EXTENDED aftertaste, the more times you try it, the more palatable it becomes. Or maybe it's just that your taste buds start giving up...
Elderflower is very much an acquired taste. Malort is nice on my palette, but the aftertaste is still rank.
I’ve never tried it, but my brother likes it. He likes everything.
Fun story: the same night I tried Malort when I was visiting Chicago, my best friend wrote his address in sharpie on my forearm because it was pretty much guaranteed I would get lost on my own. Bottoms 🤮 up.
I watched this and slammed a shot while watching. When he went to the water I said out loud "that aint gonna help" and lo and behold: nope. Its clearly the best spirit around.
"Do you hate yourself? This is a drink for you.
Do you hate others? This is a drink for them."
Yep, lauged out loud. Good stuff!
I think the best description I found of this was it "tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak."
Honestly, if they don't steal that for their marketing I'm going to be really disappointed.
My brother actually likes Malort. He gets a bottle every year for himself
Same here. It’s actually good!
I sipped on a few glasses of it much to a former friend’s dismay. It’s quite pleasant up front and has a bit of a vulcanized rubber aftertaste. It’s only unpleasant when I quit drinking it.
...LITERALLY HOW?
Well, it's cheap...
Chicago's answer to Durian fruit.
As a Chicagoan, yeah, pretty much.
We go to Singapore and Malaysia all them time. Durian is God's gift as a food, but smells like Satan's unwiped ass.
"no way to get out of it"
I feel bad laughing 😂
The "unusual botanical" is Audrey II. Feed me, Seymour!
Everything he said is exactly what i felt and thought the only time i had the displeasure of being tricked into drinking this vile liquid by my Chicago "friend".
Mallort: For when you really feel like fighting your step-father.
During Prohibition, Malört was still able to be made as a medicinal spirit because the authorities in Chicago believed that it was impossible that anyone would drink this crap for pleasure.
You're doing it all wrong! You gotta take a shot of it with a tallboy of Old Style to wash it back - the Chicago Handshake. Also, no one from Chicago actually eats deep dish, all about that tavern style!
Thats how I was introduced to it. I've never been mad at someone for buying me a drink before XD
Chicago is a dump
Lots of people eat deepdish in Chicago. Just not everyday like tavern pizza obviously. Love the Mallort combos.
@@J155P Gurantee this guys from nowhere.
@@ShotgunSeanny My man defending our city
I had tears in my eyes laughing when you took that first swig.
Anyone that wants a reference for the taste, it’s very similar to those “bitter strips” of paper that a lot of high school science classes used for teaching genes. Another similar taste is your ear wax
Yes!!! People think I’m joking when I say it “tastes like black licorice and ear wax,” but that’s dead-on exactly what it tastes like!
Having willingly tried malort...ear wax is a really good description
So I take it it tastes like receipt paper from cashiers?
The best way to describe Malört is "irredeemable". There is absolutely nothing you can do with Malört to make it any better, it only ruins anything it touches.
A creation so vile, it could only be made in Chicago.
Is it that bad? Damn, now I want to try it.
@@2313rafa yes. It is that bad. It tastes like you licked a dirty burning tire in a puddle located in a parking lot covered with unknown chemicals.
@@2313rafa It’s fine. The traditional way to drink Malort is to chase it with an Old Style beer, a shot and a beer combo we call the Chicago Handshake. It’s no worse than drinking cheap vodka and chased with a cold beer the bitter taste doesn’t linger.
"let's give it another swirl" , love it!.
God, I haven’t laughed this long at a UA-cam channel is so long. I legit watched every single video
As someone from Chicago, I would say it tastes like something triple distilled through a used diaper filled with Indian food.
If you want festive drinks, you should maybe review Advocat: a drink that the Dutch consider to be something for sad lonely old women, and the British consider part of a well-rounded Christmas.
I can still taste my first Malort shot from 5 years ago while watching this. 🤮
Malort, when you need to unfriend someone in real life.
"It's bile. It's like a grizzly bear's bile after he's eaten a lot of baby seals". If that's not descriptive...
XD You gonna put a PO Box for people to send you stuff to review?
In the works!
@@unemployedwineguy Southie Mouthwash next!
@@unemployedwineguy that is a.. BOLD.. choice, sir.
Anyone else get cowchop nostalgia?
every day i miss cow chop
My man knows his biles and rotten... “botanicals”.
Malort: When you want to experience the taste of death and feet.
Malort was my brothers favorite drink. He quit drinking.
Malört is just swedish for Wormwood, and it's pronounced 'mall-eurt'
But in Chicago we say Ma-lort
Malort will be the alcohol I leave out of the locked liquor cabinet for my kids to try when they are teens. Just so they end up hating alcohol and never want to drink.
It's like each sip sent you into a new dimension of insanity
@RekietaLaw mentioned your review in today's live stream. To me Malort tastes like Pine Sol mixed with mineral spirits.
I haven't laughed this hard in all of 2020. That was the greatest.
Oh man you did it too soon. It can't get much worse than Malort.
I lost it when he said “fish stew” 😂💀
I love how all the top rated videos on his channel are the ones that cause him the most pain
My Chicago friend socked me with this on a visit once. My recollection is that it tastes like a tire fire.
Malort is a bitter (bäsk liquor). Eat some landjaeger sausage, or other greasy food first, then take a drink... it will suck less.
I actually have a tolerance for malort, and don't find it too nasty. I think it may have something to do with having to use chlorhexidine mouthwash which is by far much worse than malort.
... and yes, as a Chicagoan I have sent office interns down to the local tavern and recommended they try a shot of it. No regrets, they deserved it.
Hey now let's not be unfair to Chernobyl water now
Malort. Because those pants aren’t going to shit themselves.
When me and my friends first started drinking they hyped it up and gave me a shot trying to trick me. My reaction was "Eh, it's alright". Then they explained that it's supposed to be awful and the joke is to get other people to drink it. So naturally, I poured myself another.
You're a beast!
@@WrightWorld Lol not really. I was just a stupid 21 year old who wanted to get drunk.
MAlort! I'll Have Another!
I actually like malort, probably my favorite high percentage alcohol to be honest.
Not sure whether this is a brag or a confession.
Ah Malort, how to unfriend someone in person.
Highway skunk is shockingly accurate, because it really does have that old skunk stank but you can almost taste the melted rubber and oil from the skidding tire on the pavement. It lingers the same way as well. Not just your mouth but your whole head.
You've watched this more than once. Admit it.
my favorite description of Malort is from Ordinary Sausage: "It tastes like earwax and hate."
Please let me order you a box of Malört marshmallows so you can review them on your channel. I can't think of a more wonderful Christmas treat than Malört + marshmallow.
Malört is wormwood (Artemisia absinthium) is used in Bäsk or Besk (Bitter) akvavit in Sweden and Denmark and in Absinthe all over the world. Malört, with swedish ö, it's closer to the nordic Bäsk. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%C3%A4sk
So several months after being made aware of the existence of Malort by this review a buddy of mine who was in Chicago for work actually brought some back and had me try it, and I actually kind of liked it! It's definitely bitter, but where I was expecting bug spray it really reminded me more of a really dry grapefruit flavor. Doesn't have any real smell to speak of though. Would probably work well in a cocktail with something sweet to balance out the bitterness.
This. I think it's more hype than bite. Intensely bitter and loads of grapefruit pith. But that's it. Nothing actually foul.
you know it will be awesome since the prefix is mal -
the same as mal-odorous, mal-icious, mal-ignant
In Hindi (probably Sanskrit too), mal means dirt or filth.
This review was a Christmas gift in itself. I'm in TEARS right now. Must share with my food group. Thank you!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂
On my 22nd birthday I got ID’d at this bar and since it was my birthday they gave me a free shot of Malört. Definitely was completely blindsided by the taste of burning rubber but, understood why it was a free shot lmao.
I'm so glad I reccomended this (and apparently many others) and you actually did a review of it! So funny. Thank you for suffering through it 😂 I had the same reactions when I first drank it and when I read "unusual botanical" on the bottle
I think it tastes like gasoline or aspirin
I’m dying of laughter! Absolute legend
quote from thrillist "While Malort means "wormwood" in Swedish, the Russian translation of the word is "Chernobyl." The infamous nuclear power plant was named after the native wormwood fields that once grew there... you know, before the whole radiation thing." so smelling like stagnant pond water near Chernobyl fits perfectly.
Being from Chicago, I felt I had to try Malort just once. And yes, it will only be once. I believe I have the flavor locked in: it is rotten grapefruits, fermented in turpentine for a very, very long time...though your inclusion of bile is very accurate, and it may be an additional ingredient. I'm not sure what's worse, the actual taste of Malort, or the fact that the putrid flavor sticks in the back of your throat for about 20 minutes, and absolutely nothing will get rid of it. Trying it once is way more than enough.
Yep, grapefruits. It's the most straightforward component here. The bilious notes finish it out.
I wonder if they make durian wine. I bet you'd love that.
I've never tried this one, but many Swedish spirits are made with malört, so this was fun to watch!
Lmmfao yesterday was my 44th Birthday and today my Father gave me a shot of Malort Damn it was terrible. Definitely a prank I'll play on someone else. The worst drink I have ever had. My Father got me with the best prank ever 🤣🤣🤣
I got this for my friend's birthday. He promptly evacuated his lunch and all trust he had in me.
I was young and new to the job and out to lunch, my older partner was imbibing Malort, I asked what that was he said it was a bitter for digestion. He gave me a shot, I think he was disappointed that I liked it. He looked at me and said nobody likes Malort. I asked why are you drinking it? He said that he liked it but I am not supposed to. This was 1978 I never looked back a Chicago classic.
When people ask where all the leaded gasoline went...
Still pond water near Chernobyl 😂! It really is disgusting. To me it tastes like I imagine distilled grass and dandelions would taste like. The only purpose of this liquor is for the ultimate penalty shot in bar games.
Malört: "If a cigarette had diarrhea."
You don't know it's bad. You spit it out. You need to swallow it to truly appreciate the awfulness.
2 things:
1.)Malort pairs nicely with Stiegel Radler. A shot in half a pint of grapefruit radler is delicious.
2.) The "unusual" botanical is wormwood. The reason it taste the way it does is Carl Jeppson was a chain cigar smoker and needed something he could taste through his 20 stogies a day
And in Swedish, wormwood is called "malört" :)
i was making my own bitters once and when i tasted the wormwood i was like - whoa, this is pretty much the only thing in malort. i also second the radler pairing
@@ScreamingTemple I feel like the grapefruit pith/seed flavor overwhelms the wormwood honestly. At least when you compare it to other wormwood forward beverages.
Okay, I just started the video, and I immediately lost it to, "C'mon, how bad could it be? :)" Oh, boy. Oooohhhh, booooy. That's some foreshadowing if I've ever seen it.
*EDIT* - I watched the rest of the video, and I was not disappointed. A friend tried to get me to take a 2nd shot, and, I swear to God, I said, "No. No, I don't hate myself that much."
*EDIT 2* - I've laughed so hard for so long, I'm now dizzy. Ironically, this is about as dizzy as I felt from drinking Malort.
But honestly, it's pretty good.
Its not...
If you say anything but dirty socks and gasoline, you ain't a real sommelier
This was absolutely BRILLIANT!! Laughed sooo hard, it's all true 😂😂 thank you Brad & Sara. Honor!
Nick Rekieta sent me here
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time 😂😂😂
You're so funny, man. Rekieta law brought me here.
I've never seen anything so cute as that sweatshirt.