This helped me have such a big realization. I always looked back at my childhood and wondered if I blocked out the abuse. I couldn't remember ever being abused, but I must have right? Then he said a lot of the times BPD is caused by being an emotional mismatch with a parent and not feeling understood. And boom there it was, that to me is profound.
Yes I just never had enough time with my Dad as he had to work very hard, I was more raised by older siblings who did their best but not really their job. I would do chores and help my Dad to have time with him but I think this made me think love was transactional, I would have to do things in order to be appreciated. Learning to appreciate yourself for who you are and not what you can do for people is a big step in a positive direction.
I think the "parent" role can extend to other authority figures in a child's life too. One of my friends was recently diagnosed with it and upon reflection, he realised that a lot of it was due to his relationship with teachers and other pupils at his school. He gone to a very strict Catholic school and he'd grown up with a huge amount of shame about being gay. He'd been badly bullied by both teachers and pupils, and had all the religious shame too.
I cried when he said he doesn't allow the word manipulative on his unit, it's one of the things that makes me swallow everything I want to say or do for fear of being told that.
I couldn't agree more - by definition a personality disorder is a long standing pattern of behaviors that don't just appear at 18! My only concern is that with the diagnosis of BPD, many practitioners will avoid treating. I have worked with children and adolescents in the past and now only with adults in a private psychiatry practice. I have seen these traits start early and think there is a lot of wasted time that could be used to change outcomes for these kids.
This person is too good to be true for a borderline patient. I am really suspecting if he secretly has BPD or not:D Jokes aside best damn insight about BPD i have ever seen. 13/10 would listen again
I also meant to say that throughout the years, we have sought help for our daughter from various therapists who she fooled into thinking that she had it all together. During one of her dark or depression-like stages at age 15, during her regular appt with the psychiatrist who wrote the rx for her ADD meds, I expressed to him my concerns with her behavior and how I strongly believed that she was very depressed. The doc calls her into the room and asks her, "Do you feel like hurting yourself?" (she answered "no"), and, "Are you thinking of killing yourself?" (she answered "no"). Then he turned to me and said sarcastically, "She's fine". Expressing concerns to our daughter's therapists, teachers, to our family and close friends, the usual response was that she was just a 'normal teenager' pushing boundaries, that she wasn't trying hard enough and that her behavior was a stage that would pass. It didn't. The point being, is that when parents DO actively seek help for their child, their concerns are often minimized and/or completely dismissed.
@Destiny Luv Not only flawed, but it hurts the very person providers swore to protect. A good doctor is one who includes the family and close friends in the evaluation, to get their perspective and a well rounded picture of what is going on with the patient. The system is quick to demonize parents without looking at the bigger picture. I have nothing to hide. Interview anyone who knows me and our daughter well. But please, get my daughter the help she needs.
Wednesday 09.02.22, my one had another appointment at the hospital for her treatment. She came out just after about 15 min. The doc didn't call me in as usual and my girl told me we can go. I went in nevertheless. The psy told me she's getting better and therefore her appointments will be now every two weeks instead of weekly. Thursday 11.02.22, round 8 in the evening - my girl was gone. She had hung herself from the clothes hanger knob behind her door. She was 17 💔 Pls, please don't accept whatever they will tell you. I hope that you will get the help she needs and this wish is for everyone else out there having themselves BPD or a loved one. Wishing u all the best !
Dr. Aguirre, thank you so much for this information. Our daughter does not have an official diagnosis, but it strongly looks like BPD. We've had major challenges with her from the time she could walk; it became out of control at age 13. She's now 23. She says she is 'toxic' and has tremendous fear about abandonment. She will not get help. I feel that if she doesn't get help soon, her inattention to self-care and risky behavior is going to end her life. As a parent, we feel so desperate to help her somehow, but we are left to watch her get sadder, more helpless and self-loathing. We have put on hold our retirement plans of moving to another State and into a smaller house, because we can not bring ourselves to leave her in this helpless and unhealthy state of mind. The only option would be for us to take her with us. I don't see how healthy this would be for any of us but there doesn't seem to be any other options. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
I wish all therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists would watch your video. I was diagnosed having BPD. It's unfortunate that patients diagnosed having BPD are not wanting to be treated and are overlooked. Thank you for this video. I learned so much.
My therapist gaslighted me, broke confidentiality and when I confronted her and wanted to cut back on sessions a bit she got me kicked off case management. I knew no one would believe me. The mental health system recreates the conditions that cause borderline to begin with.
this is so true... there were two times in my youth that i was hospitalized and informally diagnosed with BPD, however they were always reluctant to entertain the idea of BPD, and so would put "mood disorder not otherwise specified" and "major depression". i no longer can receive free treatment, as i am well over the age of 18 now. everything i have learned so i can get a better grip on this, i have had to teach myself. i think if i would have been treated for it specifically when i had the chance, i would not have been so delayed in my recovery and life.
i also feel i should mention that i was around the age of 5 or 6 when the symptoms began, and started self harming at the age of 10. early intervention is KEY.
+TerrifyingSpaceMonkey As I just posted I find it nearly impossible to believe this is not always the case. The psychiatrist cannot state this as fact or no parent will risk bringing in their children. I get it, it's a catch-22, but it doesn't excuse the truth.
Requesting prayers, for a family who has a daughter with BPD (according to all I know about it, and what I've read and watched recently on it), her parents, and wisdom, guidance and discernment on how to approach them with this new knowledge.
I was diagnosed with BPD in 2020. I am going to be 54 in a week. I grew up with diagnosis of ADHD and "SEvere Anxiety neurosis"... and struggled all my life. I am NOT a manipulative person. I eschew "drama and manipulation". I have critically LOW self esteem.. and high frustration . My Dysregulation is off the charts. Yet I identify iwth a lot of the BPD markers... why? I wasn't "Abused' .. sexually or physically.. but I had trauma in other ways... and I found that OPRAHS book WHAT HAPPENED TO YOu and BODY KEEPS THE SCORE were extremely helpful
Body keeps Score is a profound book on trauma and physical reality. Being a Plural System by a product of Dissociative Identities, we found that book to be the "holy grail" of trauma effects and life after.
This is an amazingly simple and insightful talk on BPD my 17 and a half year old was just almost diagnosed with it. The only reason he wouldn't diagnose him is because he's not 18 this helps me to explain some of the confusion that I see about him thank you so much for your amazing message your work is so important!
Thanks for your posting.Wow,this guy is really charming.He really can make people lough.I wish, i can come to his lecture oneday.I love his presentation.Best.
Bpd needs to be renamed. It is an attachment trauma. Research has shown children with disorganized attachment later on develop what we call BPD. The name of this disorder borderline is offensive to the individual who suffers from it. It is an attachment trauma period
100% agree that the DSM needs to move with the research and appropriately name the disorder. I'm self studying academics like Gabor Matè, Blaise Aguirre, and Dr Daniel Fox. I have many years of lived experience. I also believe it is attachment issues at the core of BPD. From what I experienced, I believe my mum had undiagnosed BPD, her mum was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and my step Sister at one stage in her life thought she had bipolar I was told by a Psych Nurse, "You scored high on BPD, but because you have managed to get an education (I did this after trauma therapy as an adult) and managed to hold down jobs and your self harm is not as bad as others they had seen. They said it would be to my detrement to have a diagnosis of BPD." They said it would impact my life due to the way BPD is viewed. They basically said I would regret it if I pursued a diagnosis. I can't get life insurance anyway, and I'm 37, still use self harm to cope, at times alcohol. In the last two years I've split up with my Husband who was arrested for domestic abuse, two other guys I met I broke up with, had 3 months off work sick and I am addicted to sleeping tablets. I'm in group DBT at present, but I know I need 121 therapy. Would a diagnosis mean a cure.. no, but limbo is just as distressing. Maybe let's work on reducing the stigma and work on defining the presentation severity. Diagnosed with BPD traits that have a high risk of disorder. Instead, diagnose with attachment disregulation and treat before it turns into a disorder that impacts socioeconomic areas of an individuals life.
@@keylzuk I work on an inpatient psych floor. It’s hard to reduce the stigma when your coworkers believe it is behavior based and the individual is doing it for attention. There is not much training on the job and even those going to school for psych feel the same. It is much more complicated then that. I have bpd traits do not self harm and have been working the same job for 12 years. I get triggered by issues around abandonment and rejection. Mine has to do with trauma and not having an early bond with my mom. I could use dbt but providers don’t take insurance and you need to pay out of pocket insurance may reimburse some it’s expensive a pain in the neck and they only reimburse at the rate they deem necessary not what the providers charge. Therapy is expensive with high deductibles 2,000 before they pay anything and coinsurance where they only cover 60 percent. I would be better off not working on state insurance HUSKY
@Erica Blaschke Aguirre gave a great example in another video regarding the comment made around BPD sufferers being attention seekers. He said the parents of a girl who was self harming claimed she was attention seeking. When he asked the girl how long she had been self harming for, she said 2 years. He asked the parents, how long have you known? They said a month.. It is complex. Often, it can be hard to diagnose as it can also present as CPTSD, depression, anxiety etc. Another example Aguirre makes is this.. People can't understand why anyone would want to hurt themselves. So he says this.. if a person feels that bad that cutting themselves is preferable to the psychological pain they are going through..what must the pain be like for them? Another very good way of highlighting the agony felt. The behaviour is a consequence of the overwhelming feelings that take over. No one would choose that for attention. There are much safer, healthier ways to be noticed. I can't imagine how hard it must be to work in an in-patient unit, but I do know those feelings. Unless you have been through them and are constantly battling them, it's hard to understand. We need to help children who struggle with emotional regulation before they become adults. How we do this and fund it is a question that is not easy to answer.
Enjoyed your lecture, thanks. Working in outpatient psychiatry in medical center, lots of these types of cases. These videos are important for so many of us in the profession and who experience BPD. Thank you for posting.
My Wife and I have been together for 11 years and married 3 years. She has now asked to divorce and wants to leave me. Many arguments in our home where I couldnt put up with her bizzare behaviour. Her childhood was horrendous. Our marriage has been both initially intense and loving at the start then gradually got worse over the years, moving from caring and loving moving to interrogating me intensively about other women at my work and then turning against my parents and then losing all her friends and making up new friends. No level of shopping was enough and that was another struggle. Self image problems and talking about suicide on a regular basis. Its so sad as I wanted to start a family. I feel I should get help myself to help my healing and understand the disorder.
No kids? Then leave! Work with a therapist so you don't accidently choose another partner similar to this last one. You are not a therapist. You can't be good enough to make this work, no one can. She has significant healing to do before she can be in a relationship that doesn't destroy the other person.
Great video. Bpd is understandably very hard to diagnose in children. I can look back now at everything I experienced in my childhood and understand how it was the bpd. But I can also understand how difficult it could’ve been to diagnose me at the time. Especially because yes, we are bright, and any doctor I went to when I was younger would get blinded by that in me and thought I was fine. I also didn’t like opening up to them so I never fully divulged anything. I basically just went through the motions to get out. Btw, I don’t find anything wrong w being good manipulators, but i don’t like how ppl like to label us as such w bad connotation when it’s been my experience that most all humans are very manipulative. I think it’s just as much human nature to be so as anything else. I think most others don’t like that ppl w bpd tend to be so good at manipulating. But I also agree that we aren’t always intending to manipulate anyway but end up doing so because of our inability to properly regulate our emotions. We’re just tryna alleviate the feelings at any cost.
I look back at mine and see how at least my mom had BPD, and if my dad didn't have it he had something similar. But I'll never say this to either of them because they'll just deny it because in their minds they were great parents.
BPD is an honest demon. Manipulative people do not get caught. Failure to manipulate attains the status of “one who tries to manipulate”. The weaker actor is treated as strong to bring down the stage. Cut Sampson’s hair, that we may love him once he is chained. Diagnose the character and ensure the audience to allow the word “fire!” to be spoken, limiting themselves from the projections of danger.
I am thankful for this video but also incredibly sad that my country has very little funding for treating anyone unless they want to end the pain permanently. I dream of getting help
Also...this idea of waiting until I was 18...seriously?!?!?! Urgh! I was on lithium for two years that did not help at all because of my "bipolar" diagnosis. So much could have been avoided had I been diagnosed with the proper issue at 16.
It was somebody’s job to place this video within my eye sight - based on my most recent viewing history. I’m 10x more likely to buy hygienic products that consist of mostly white and blue colors vs brownish or yellow colors. But we’re “bad” for being manipulators, “okay.”
This is honestly one of my favorite videos ever. I'm 16 years old, and I have major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and I self harm. I've been inpatient 3 times, and during my second hospitalization they told my mom I had BPD, but that they couldn't diagnose me because I wasn't 18. Since then I've been working with a LCSW for 6 months now, and she has given my mom the book "Walking On Eggshells: How To Deal With Someone With BPD". My current therapist is treating me for BPD, and teaching my mom how to handle me, and yet I can't be diagnosed. It really hurts... because I WANT the diagnosis. I feel like they are all just dangling the diagnosis in front of me, but not giving me permission to have it. Thank you for this video, it gives me hope.
+The Recovering Butterfly I had the same book given to me but when they really should have done is give me a ticket out of my mother's reach. If your mom cannot figure out how to handle you on her own, I'd say you've made it past caterpillar, you've grown your pretty wings, you're sixteen...2 years to lift off.
The LABEL is not so powerful but instead the awareness of your therapist. Appreciate she "gets" the truth about your life and is able and willing to help out. You are luckier than many....mostly people get to the therapist much too late if at all. Also those labels are for billing and insurance, it's a business contrivance, so please just be concerned about how well you are communicating to the therapist and the people in your life and just try to get stronger about getting your own needs met and moving into a meaningful future for YOU. I just noticed this response is 3 years old but I won't erase this now. Hope things worked out there and for you....
Self loathing, self-denial or self harm are all symptoms of masochism; a result of continual invalidation/neglect and or childhood abuse(mostly females). As is abandonment rage. Which is a natural defense mechanism resulting from being trapped at a young age in these circumstances, & is nothing to be ashamed of. All Cluster B's have control issues and can exude sadistic/and or masochistic tendencies. However, this does not require these symptoms to be acted out in a literal sense.
I got diagnosed with BPD, but then never told about DBT. Instead i was given normal talk therapy. Then later I was told CBT is **the** treatment for BPD. Yeah, that went just as well as it did when Marsha tried, aka didn't help at all. I'm grateful to everyone putting info about BPD & DBT online because otherwise I would have never found out DBT existed and would not be getting effective treatment.
I had to wait till I was 18 for my bpd diagnosis too. I was in an ED unit when I was 16/17 and because I didn't have that diagnosis they ended up making me so much worse. Too many people think that having a diagnosis/being labelled, is a negative thing, however it's vital to get the correct treatment. Bpd is very specific when it comes to treatment. Often the wrong treatment will make it worse as opposed to doing nothing
I was so sad at 60 to be diagnosed, not because i had it, but of how different my life could have been had it been diagnosed as a teen. I believe mine started around 14-15. Thats when self harming started...SO SUPPORTIVE OF EARLY INTERVENTION. THERE SHOULD BE TRAINING, FOR TEACHERS.
The life you WOULD have lived is a planet in a solar system of infinite imagination. We treat dogs better than children. A dog bite over a human that bites.
Joyce Aldrich: same thing happened to me. Crazy female psychiatrist labeled my Bi Polar and had me on 5 or 6 meds. I could hardly remember my own name. Can't believe I kept my job...totally agree on all your points. The skills are not that easy to use when your triggered. Having a psychologist/counsellor is far better than any shrink for assistance!!!
I really don't know what to do! My hole life i have been constantly trying to make things better, but to no a vale. I don't want the rest of my life to be as unbearable as this. I turn 30 at the end of 2013... (thank you for giving some dignity to bpd.)
I agree absolutely. I had a woman crying in my NAMI meeting that her doctor refused to diagnose her daughter with BPD and start treatment because she hadn't developed all the traits yet. It seems that the standard medical protocol is to wait until they are having risky sex, taking drugs, cutting themselves, and generally messing up their lives beyond repair before we begin treatment. IMHO the cause of BPD is affect instability. During the transition to toddler the person never learned how to use the impulse control in their higher brain. Without the natural break to the limbic system taking in its dominate position in the growing brain a series of manipulative coping mechanisms developed. This is IMHO the root of most personality disorders.
Well that is a sticky wicket. We are talking about toddlers here. There are serious ethical implications to scientific experiments on toddlers. To do a true study of the development of emotional regulation you would have to essentially attempt to induce lifelong affect instability in toddlers as you experimental group. I dont think anyone would ever approve of such an evil study. So we are left with theory. The prevailing theory is that the parental bond serves as the "emotional thermometer" for the toddler. The parent, especially the mother, helps sooth the toddler when the toddlers limbic system has taken over, temper tantrum. Over time the parent needs to sooth less and less as the toddler learns through the soothing to regulate their emotions better and better as the higher brain begins to take a more dominate role. Without that parental bond, without that emotional thermometer, the person can become developmentally stuck. This is why BPD parents will more frequently create BPD or cluster B in general kids. They are generally bad parents because they lack the emotional maturity to serve as the emotional thermometer for the child. A pwBPD I know was literally yelling at her 2 year-old kid who was throwing a temper tantrum because he wanted chicken nuggets. This tendency for the BPD parent to emotionally disregulate when their child emotionally disregulate serves as a positive feedback. Rather than the parent being the emotional break the parent becomes an emotional gas peddle. Bottom line a parent has to teach the toddler how to regulate their emotions. A parent who doesn't do this or lacks the capability to do it themselves, see BPD parrent, risks creating a cluster B adult.
PLEASE, i wish so much to get help with bpd in a place like you describe as i feel really quite hopeless getting the right help in the UK. Everything you said resonates with me and i need to be understood to make my own personal progress. So often people give up, label as manipulative or suggest that your problems are not bad enough to warrant help.
God this is me to a T. When I was hospitalized for a second time at 17 I was told afterwards that I had bpd traits but I believe that it's gotten worse . I have been out of therapy since I'm at college and don't have time cz I live there. But I've been in therapy for around 5-6 years for depression and self harm but no help from DBT not yet ...oh well...I just feel like it's never going to get better lol love life
He works with pretty extreme cases who are repeatedly hospitalized, and I appreciate the call to get them help. However, I think we have to consider the "chicken and egg" dilemma especially for children who are earlier in the diagnostic process. If you say everything is because the "egg" (the child) is diseased, then you take away any responsibility to examine the role of the family in creating the problems, and therefore helping to solve the problems. The "chicken" - the adults - can also take responsibility for offering a better environment, helping the child affirm their areas of wellness, and develop independence.
And not let parents get away with abusing their kids and brainwashing the kids into thinking it's all normal. Like me. When I was a kid my parents hit me, and my sister has always known our parents hit us. She doesn't deny that part. But when I said I didn't want to be around our parents anymore because they were and still are abusive, she cursed me out and broken contact with me because I was "just being mean and a drama queen because we were never abused" WTF?! There's this pervasive notion where I live that "if it doesn't leave a mark, it ain't abuse" I wish I was making this up.
@@jacqslabz It sounds like narcissistic abuse and your sister is an enabler. She can’t see the abuse because that would mean something is wrong with her parents. Not all abuse is physical. Emotional neglect and invalidation , gas lighting, conditional love are subtle signs of abuse like when a parent is a covert narcissist or has these traits. Ptsd and trauma does not fit into a nice box like in the dsm. My mom had narcissistic traits she appeared well intentioned on the outside while the focus was on her daughters anger and behavior problems. But no one saw the real problem the dysfunctional toxic family and inter generational trauma where the parents play the victim and put their efforts into fixing their child instead of looking at themselves and how they contributed to their child problems created them
I was accused of being a Narc, which I honestly considered since I have such low thoughts about myself so why not throw that in there too. I researched because I would never want to be a narc, and absolutely want to fix any of those interpersonal traits because they harm people and I want to prevent myself from ever harming anyone intentionally or not. Trying to fit myself into that construct just didn’t add up (I tried lol). I now feel that I am BPD and I was actually called a narc BY a narc, trying to gaslight me because they knew I had such a low self image. Such a strange situation I’m still trying to more fully uncover
10:50 - on Manipulation: So many therapists have told me that our daughter is "just manipulating you" when I see that she's having trouble and needs help in the moment and I help her in her explosion moment. "Coercing" is more of what manipulation means, when there's some "talking someone into something to get what they want" type-of -thing. Yes?
You can find lots of therapy places online, some with group classes, some where you can sign up with a dbt therapist (virtually). For us, it's so hard to find a local inperson therapist for our daughter we might have to go the virtual route.
My son needs to be evaluated and no one accepts my insurance. Forget about a sliding scale or out of pocket. It’s still too much. You can’t even get help for your child. I’ve spent days trying to find help. I’m in north Jersey.
@ 36 min he mentions that there is no proof that medications add capacity to help people manage emotion regulation. I am just finding that after 2 years of Ketamine infusion therapy to manage my MDD and GAD, (I'm 62 years old), and after starting to decrease the number of infusions - increasing the time gap between infusions, that I am able to experience pain, hurt, anger and frustration WITH depression and anxiety being at a MUCH lower level, and experience these emotions at a lower level so, I don't get blinded by them. In other words, I'm far more receptive to trying talk therapy again, BECAUSE of the infusions, after promising myself for 25 years I would never try psychotherapy again. I believe this is because the half life of Ketamine is only around 8 hours I think? So I think for ME anyway - Ketamine was the one drug that helped me to realize that not only am I borderline, but ALSO that I'm willing to trust the Psychotherapy process again. I have realized this in the past two weeks since the date of the post.
What do you get when you put two borderlines on a single unit? A unit...because isn't that what typically happens in inpatient units anyway? BPD is super common and I'm assuming suicide attempts probably land people with BPD in inpatient units pretty often...
This sucks, had it all my life and and I had to wait until I was in my 50s to find out I had BPD. Long time to go through all this bullshit. My family still doesnt get it, and they won't read about it. Fuck it.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 20 years ago I am 51 years old now and suffered most of my life with depression and Anxiety was diagnosed by a psychologist at the age of 40 it was borderline personality disorder and and by most recently by a professor was diagnosed with Bpd and bipolar disorder both of them personally I do not think I have Bpd I do not show any of the signs I don’t fear abandonment I don’t have loads of relationships and certainly not jumped into bed with anybody I don’t know I’ve had four relationships in my entire life I don’t drink smoke or gamble no self harm and I certainly do not like to be centre of attention the one thing I’m guilty of is quick mood snap in one minute like them next minute I don’t but that is the one only one I can think of
Anxiety is your god. Society is your idol. There is nothing wrong with you. Walk freely. Open your eyes. Receive what it is that you desire. Pity is not your ending.
Invalidation is a huge component for BPD & highly sensitive ppl...that causes post tramatic stress, when your caretaker ignores you time after time...that is creating PTSD,,,& when you try to talk to them...they ignore you & tell you you are being "too sensitive"...again...more emotional invalidation...eventhough it is very subtle it is huge...makes a highly sensitive person feel like they don't exist....and that is depersonalization. Causes the victim a diminished sense of self...or they feel like they don't exist at all and are dead or a ghost. That leads to panic attanks with psychotic features as well.
if this is what I BPD child is like I have never been BPD in childhood. So how could I be BPD at all? I was the most placid child in my family. My sister threw tantrums. My brother and I did not dare. How do you challenge a wrong diagnosis? IF someone cannot diagnose me right why would I trust them to treat me? THE ONLY thing I can come up with is Prozac gave me BPD. 15 years on and off. OR it is just bipolar.l think they don't really know what the hell is wrong. YEARS ....
I think it is all my fault. I adored my sweet son when he was born and my sweet girl as well. He came second of 4. I was a nurse, worked nights, and then weekend nights 12 hour nights so I could work while they slept. . But when he was 14vminths or so he was especially sensitive and would cry and pull on my legs and say, "take off the blue pants mommy." (scrubs). As he grew up, he was a super friendly little guy and would go to anybody.. . It kinda hurt my feelings but i thot maybe he was just well adjusted??mm and now I just think he never really attached to me, and I should have quit my job and been there during those early years. I hate myself for that. . . He's a loving and kind 30 year old now and still sensitive but he has struggled in launching and failed to thrive.... now he has the diagnosis of bpd, and I'm pretty sure it's my fault ..
It's so hard when parents do what they think they should... you were just working to support your kids. I had a dad who worked about 60 hours a week, we never saw him but to him that was "being a good supporter" because he grew up in the 50's and that's what his dad did too. As long as you spent good time with him when you were home, that's what matters :)
So many clinicians came to me and said i have someone w multiple personality in my office (they were seeing splitting today im a librarian tomorrow im a cowgirl) transpose gender as needed.
Oh how I wish you could call southwest bahavioural here in Phoenix az. Tried to get my granddaughter evaluated for bpd but they won't even consider it because she's 10. I'm so fustrated
My mother consistently bashed me as a baby. I was placed with different foster carers then placed back with her. She would get drunk with her mother. They would leave me in my own mess for hours, severe neglect not knowing when anybody would be back to care for me. I needed physiotherapy on my little spine because they wouldn’t pick me up a enough. It was only when she left marks after hitting me age 4 that they took me away. That and spending time with 10 different foster parents probably contributed to my BPD. You think 🙃😂😎
at 14 I cut on myself, showed my mother, was taken to a psych ward and was somehow diagnosed with schizophrenia. now, at 30, I've been an evil split black borderline serial killer since age 19...I mean, it is obviously fake, isn't it? I don't remember being a serial killer but the serial killer remembers being raped by her father at age 2-14. I still live with my father, too :O)
The jezzabel spirit acts like bpd .. she comes from the root of rejection and loneliness. She's all the characteristics of borderline .. I did DBT .. it can help you maintain the behavior traits . But then for me I had personalities manifest and scared everyone in my life away.. I have renounced a spirit of jezzabel and borderline traits which I call jezzabel. Well she's gone , she takes men over too as she has actually entered the Christian church and having a hay day .. I know many people will think oh religious crap and I'm crazy .. but that's ok because someone else might look into it for themselves and be delivered. No more behavior modification. Just Jesus helping me daily . This did not happen in church btw .. so nope just me and God dealing with my demons and her she's the big one .. she is also the one who sacrificed babies and watched it happen just a sick woman .. she worshipped baal , ya know like the temple baal they erected in New York and now they're sacrificing babies eh ....I mean that's what the law passed was about. They celebrated baby killing lit up in pink ...
I know what a Jezebel spirit is nut never compared it to a disorder. I look into it. Thanks for the info. Also a Jezebel spirit is the same as a narcissist.
These things are meant to describe the same status of an absence of love. Hate, folly, or fear. Replace love with one and you have become the many. Love gives all to the greater love and none to the taker.
Don't we all do things "to regulate how we feel in the moment"? Thoughts, actions and feelings are intertwined in every human being. This so-called "distinction" between BPD and non-BPD patients is simplistic nonsense. These psychiatrists need to be replaced by clinicians with training in hard neuroscience. We need objective medical tests and brain scans, not these DSM checklists and subjectively determined "disorders." This isn't medicine - it's crap.
heal the trauma this is horrible you have kids that have attempted suicide and you dont let them see their family for love and support You find they dont reattempt security for two bpd pts everyone laughing ha ha ha then you find everyone actually does well together as a unit. you know nothing about this disorder and i think its cruel how you talk about patients. you have no empathy. they are all responding to their own personal war zone. why are you going to medicate a kid for pinching when her families chaos is the obvious problem and shes reacting to her environment trying to control the only intense thing she can, her pain. so many things youve said are just horrible. i hope youve educated yourself since 2011. i sure wouldnt want you for a dr. you just lock kids up medicate them and make fun of them
I couldn't disagree more. Everyone has traits of various personality disorders in teenage years, but most grow out of those traits. That is one reason it is not diagnosed in teenage years. He should know that. This lecture makes me question this agency.
This helped me have such a big realization. I always looked back at my childhood and wondered if I blocked out the abuse. I couldn't remember ever being abused, but I must have right? Then he said a lot of the times BPD is caused by being an emotional mismatch with a parent and not feeling understood. And boom there it was, that to me is profound.
Yes I just never had enough time with my Dad as he had to work very hard, I was more raised by older siblings who did their best but not really their job. I would do chores and help my Dad to have time with him but I think this made me think love was transactional, I would have to do things in order to be appreciated. Learning to appreciate yourself for who you are and not what you can do for people is a big step in a positive direction.
@@Adam-xs3ng horrible illlness, , my son's young life was very badly impacted by someone I married with BPD, I constantly regret that decision
I think the "parent" role can extend to other authority figures in a child's life too. One of my friends was recently diagnosed with it and upon reflection, he realised that a lot of it was due to his relationship with teachers and other pupils at his school. He gone to a very strict Catholic school and he'd grown up with a huge amount of shame about being gay. He'd been badly bullied by both teachers and pupils, and had all the religious shame too.
It's more about trauma maybe you didn't identify your trauma but for some it's abuse which is one form of trauma
I cried when he said he doesn't allow the word manipulative on his unit, it's one of the things that makes me swallow everything I want to say or do for fear of being told that.
The best manipulators are never caught out of love and happiness for long
Pp
this was 40 minutes of validation. you just put 24 years of my life into one video. thank you.
I couldn't agree more - by definition a personality disorder is a long standing pattern of behaviors that don't just appear at 18! My only concern is that with the diagnosis of BPD, many practitioners will avoid treating. I have worked with children and adolescents in the past and now only with adults in a private psychiatry practice. I have seen these traits start early and think there is a lot of wasted time that could be used to change outcomes for these kids.
What a sweet guy. He loves teenagers when everyone else hates them
I’m so glad that this professional is the one talking about BPD and helping patients. He’s humorous, empathetic, and very calming.
This person is too good to be true for a borderline patient. I am really suspecting if he secretly has BPD or not:D Jokes aside best damn insight about BPD i have ever seen. 13/10 would listen again
this man made me feel loves. watch his video "havimg a life worth living " he is great
I also meant to say that throughout the years, we have sought help for our daughter from various therapists who she fooled into thinking that she had it all together. During one of her dark or depression-like stages at age 15, during her regular appt with the psychiatrist who wrote the rx for her ADD meds, I expressed to him my concerns with her behavior and how I strongly believed that she was very depressed. The doc calls her into the room and asks her, "Do you feel like hurting yourself?" (she answered "no"), and, "Are you thinking of killing yourself?" (she answered "no"). Then he turned to me and said sarcastically, "She's fine".
Expressing concerns to our daughter's therapists, teachers, to our family and close friends, the usual response was that she was just a 'normal
teenager' pushing boundaries, that she wasn't trying hard enough and that her behavior was a stage that would pass. It didn't. The point being, is that when parents DO actively seek help for their child, their concerns are often minimized and/or completely dismissed.
Oh, God❣ Thank you 🙏❣. It is SO difficult!
@Destiny Luv Not only flawed, but it hurts the very person providers swore to protect.
A good doctor is one who includes the family and close friends in the evaluation, to get their perspective and a well rounded picture of what is going on with the patient.
The system is quick to demonize parents without looking at the bigger picture.
I have nothing to hide. Interview anyone who knows me and our daughter well.
But please, get my daughter the help she needs.
She has an early attachment trauma which we call bpd. Attachment trauma start at a young age. When misattunement
Coregulation is an attachment trauma.
Wednesday 09.02.22, my one had another appointment at the hospital for her treatment. She came out just after about 15 min. The doc didn't call me in as usual and my girl told me we can go.
I went in nevertheless. The psy told me she's getting better and therefore her appointments will be now every two weeks instead of weekly.
Thursday 11.02.22, round 8 in the evening - my girl was gone.
She had hung herself from the clothes hanger knob behind her door.
She was 17 💔
Pls, please don't accept whatever they will tell you.
I hope that you will get the help she needs and this wish is for everyone else out there having themselves BPD or a loved one.
Wishing u all the best !
Dr. Aguirre, thank you so much for this information. Our daughter does not have an official diagnosis, but it strongly looks like BPD. We've had major challenges with her from the time she could walk; it became out of control at age 13. She's now 23. She says she is 'toxic' and has tremendous fear about abandonment. She will not get help. I feel that if she doesn't get help soon, her inattention to self-care and risky behavior is going to end her life. As a parent, we feel so desperate to help her somehow, but we are left to watch her get sadder, more helpless and self-loathing. We have put on hold our retirement plans of moving to another State and into a smaller house, because we can not bring ourselves to leave her in this helpless and unhealthy state of mind. The only option would be for us to take her with us. I don't see how healthy this would be for any of us but there doesn't seem to be any other options. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
I wish all therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists would watch your video. I was diagnosed having BPD. It's unfortunate that patients diagnosed having BPD are not wanting to be treated and are overlooked. Thank you for this video. I learned so much.
My therapist gaslighted me, broke confidentiality and when I confronted her and wanted to cut back on sessions a bit she got me kicked off case management. I knew no one would believe me. The mental health system recreates the conditions that cause borderline to begin with.
this is so true... there were two times in my youth that i was hospitalized and informally diagnosed with BPD, however they were always reluctant to entertain the idea of BPD, and so would put "mood disorder not otherwise specified" and "major depression". i no longer can receive free treatment, as i am well over the age of 18 now. everything i have learned so i can get a better grip on this, i have had to teach myself.
i think if i would have been treated for it specifically when i had the chance, i would not have been so delayed in my recovery and life.
i also feel i should mention that i was around the age of 5 or 6 when the symptoms began, and started self harming at the age of 10.
early intervention is KEY.
+TerrifyingSpaceMonkey As I just posted I find it nearly impossible to believe this is not always the case. The psychiatrist cannot state this as fact or no parent will risk bringing in their children. I get it, it's a catch-22, but it doesn't excuse the truth.
Exactly
Requesting prayers, for a family who has a daughter with BPD (according to all I know about it, and what I've read and watched recently on it), her parents, and wisdom, guidance and discernment on how to approach them with this new knowledge.
I was diagnosed with BPD in 2020. I am going to be 54 in a week. I grew up with diagnosis of ADHD and "SEvere Anxiety neurosis"... and struggled all my life. I am NOT a manipulative person. I eschew "drama and manipulation". I have critically LOW self esteem.. and high frustration . My Dysregulation is off the charts. Yet I identify iwth a lot of the BPD markers... why? I wasn't "Abused' .. sexually or physically.. but I had trauma in other ways... and I found that OPRAHS book WHAT HAPPENED TO YOu and BODY KEEPS THE SCORE were extremely helpful
Body keeps Score is a profound book on trauma and physical reality. Being a Plural System by a product of Dissociative Identities, we found that book to be the "holy grail" of trauma effects and life after.
This is an amazingly simple and insightful talk on BPD my 17 and a half year old was just almost diagnosed with it. The only reason he wouldn't diagnose him is because he's not 18 this helps me to explain some of the confusion that I see about him thank you so much for your amazing message your work is so important!
Thanks for your posting.Wow,this guy is really charming.He really can make people lough.I wish, i can come to his lecture oneday.I love his presentation.Best.
Bpd needs to be renamed. It is an attachment trauma. Research has shown children with disorganized attachment later on develop what we call BPD. The name of this disorder borderline is offensive to the individual who suffers from it. It is an attachment trauma period
I believe you are correct.
I 100% agree with your statement! How did they even come up with that name!!
100% agree that the DSM needs to move with the research and appropriately name the disorder. I'm self studying academics like Gabor Matè, Blaise Aguirre, and Dr Daniel Fox. I have many years of lived experience. I also believe it is attachment issues at the core of BPD. From what I experienced, I believe my mum had undiagnosed BPD, her mum was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and my step Sister at one stage in her life thought she had bipolar I was told by a Psych Nurse, "You scored high on BPD, but because you have managed to get an education (I did this after trauma therapy as an adult) and managed to hold down jobs and your self harm is not as bad as others they had seen. They said it would be to my detrement to have a diagnosis of BPD." They said it would impact my life due to the way BPD is viewed. They basically said I would regret it if I pursued a diagnosis. I can't get life insurance anyway, and I'm 37, still use self harm to cope, at times alcohol. In the last two years I've split up with my Husband who was arrested for domestic abuse, two other guys I met I broke up with, had 3 months off work sick and I am addicted to sleeping tablets. I'm in group DBT at present, but I know I need 121 therapy. Would a diagnosis mean a cure.. no, but limbo is just as distressing. Maybe let's work on reducing the stigma and work on defining the presentation severity. Diagnosed with BPD traits that have a high risk of disorder. Instead, diagnose with attachment disregulation and treat before it turns into a disorder that impacts socioeconomic areas of an individuals life.
@@keylzuk I work on an inpatient psych floor. It’s hard to reduce the stigma when your coworkers believe it is behavior based and the individual is doing it for attention. There is not much training on the job and even those going to school for psych feel the same. It is much more complicated then that. I have bpd traits do not self harm and have been working the same job for 12 years. I get triggered by issues around abandonment and rejection. Mine has to do with trauma and not having an early bond with my mom. I could use dbt but providers don’t take insurance and you need to pay out of pocket insurance may reimburse some it’s expensive a pain in the neck and they only reimburse at the rate they deem necessary not what the providers charge. Therapy is expensive with high deductibles 2,000 before they pay anything and coinsurance where they only cover 60 percent. I would be better off not working on state insurance HUSKY
@Erica Blaschke Aguirre gave a great example in another video regarding the comment made around BPD sufferers being attention seekers. He said the parents of a girl who was self harming claimed she was attention seeking. When he asked the girl how long she had been self harming for, she said 2 years. He asked the parents, how long have you known? They said a month.. It is complex. Often, it can be hard to diagnose as it can also present as CPTSD, depression, anxiety etc. Another example Aguirre makes is this.. People can't understand why anyone would want to hurt themselves. So he says this.. if a person feels that bad that cutting themselves is preferable to the psychological pain they are going through..what must the pain be like for them? Another very good way of highlighting the agony felt. The behaviour is a consequence of the overwhelming feelings that take over. No one would choose that for attention. There are much safer, healthier ways to be noticed. I can't imagine how hard it must be to work in an in-patient unit, but I do know those feelings. Unless you have been through them and are constantly battling them, it's hard to understand. We need to help children who struggle with emotional regulation before they become adults. How we do this and fund it is a question that is not easy to answer.
Enjoyed your lecture, thanks. Working in outpatient psychiatry in medical center, lots of these types of cases. These videos are important for so many of us in the profession and who experience BPD. Thank you for posting.
My Wife and I have been together for 11 years and married 3 years. She has now asked to divorce and wants to leave me. Many arguments in our home where I couldnt put up with her bizzare behaviour. Her childhood was horrendous.
Our marriage has been both initially intense and loving at the start then gradually got worse over the years, moving from caring and loving moving to interrogating me intensively about other women at my work and then turning against my parents and then losing all her friends and making up new friends.
No level of shopping was enough and that was another struggle. Self image problems and talking about suicide on a regular basis.
Its so sad as I wanted to start a family. I feel I should get help myself to help my healing and understand the disorder.
No kids? Then leave! Work with a therapist so you don't accidently choose another partner similar to this last one. You are not a therapist. You can't be good enough to make this work, no one can. She has significant healing to do before she can be in a relationship that doesn't destroy the other person.
This video is soooo good.
Thank you for banning the M word.
Great video. Bpd is understandably very hard to diagnose in children. I can look back now at everything I experienced in my childhood and understand how it was the bpd. But I can also understand how difficult it could’ve been to diagnose me at the time. Especially because yes, we are bright, and any doctor I went to when I was younger would get blinded by that in me and thought I was fine. I also didn’t like opening up to them so I never fully divulged anything. I basically just went through the motions to get out.
Btw, I don’t find anything wrong w being good manipulators, but i don’t like how ppl like to label us as such w bad connotation when it’s been my experience that most all humans are very manipulative. I think it’s just as much human nature to be so as anything else. I think most others don’t like that ppl w bpd tend to be so good at manipulating. But I also agree that we aren’t always intending to manipulate anyway but end up doing so because of our inability to properly regulate our emotions. We’re just tryna alleviate the feelings at any cost.
I look back at mine and see how at least my mom had BPD, and if my dad didn't have it he had something similar. But I'll never say this to either of them because they'll just deny it because in their minds they were great parents.
BPD is an honest demon. Manipulative people do not get caught. Failure to manipulate attains the status of “one who tries to manipulate”. The weaker actor is treated as strong to bring down the stage. Cut Sampson’s hair, that we may love him once he is chained. Diagnose the character and ensure the audience to allow the word “fire!” to be spoken, limiting themselves from the projections of danger.
I am thankful for this video but also incredibly sad that my country has very little funding for treating anyone unless they want to end the pain permanently. I dream of getting help
Also...this idea of waiting until I was 18...seriously?!?!?! Urgh! I was on lithium for two years that did not help at all because of my "bipolar" diagnosis. So much could have been avoided had I been diagnosed with the proper issue at 16.
Thank you. I’m crying. No one else advocates for us.
thank you, u dont know how helpful this is! so powerful
I love this man. He makes my soul feel safe. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
It was somebody’s job to place this video within my eye sight - based on my most recent viewing history.
I’m 10x more likely to buy hygienic products that consist of mostly white and blue colors vs brownish or yellow colors.
But we’re “bad” for being manipulators, “okay.”
This is honestly one of my favorite videos ever. I'm 16 years old, and I have major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and I self harm. I've been inpatient 3 times, and during my second hospitalization they told my mom I had BPD, but that they couldn't diagnose me because I wasn't 18. Since then I've been working with a LCSW for 6 months now, and she has given my mom the book "Walking On Eggshells: How To Deal With Someone With BPD". My current therapist is treating me for BPD, and teaching my mom how to handle me, and yet I can't be diagnosed. It really hurts... because I WANT the diagnosis. I feel like they are all just dangling the diagnosis in front of me, but not giving me permission to have it. Thank you for this video, it gives me hope.
+The Recovering Butterfly I had the same book given to me but when they really should have done is give me a ticket out of my mother's reach. If your mom cannot figure out how to handle you on her own, I'd say you've made it past caterpillar, you've grown your pretty wings, you're sixteen...2 years to lift off.
Lesbi Loving the diagnosis doesn't matter. The treatment is what matters. Seems like you're getting good treatment.
The LABEL is not so powerful but instead the awareness of your therapist. Appreciate she "gets" the truth about your life and is able and willing to help out. You are luckier than many....mostly people get to the therapist much too late if at all. Also those labels are for billing and insurance, it's a business contrivance, so please just be concerned about how well you are communicating to the therapist and the people in your life and just try to get stronger about getting your own needs met and moving into a meaningful future for YOU. I just noticed this response is 3 years old but I won't erase this now. Hope things worked out there and for you....
Donr worry i feel the same way
Self loathing, self-denial or self harm are all symptoms of masochism; a result of continual invalidation/neglect and or childhood abuse(mostly females). As is abandonment rage. Which is a natural defense mechanism resulting from being trapped at a young age in these circumstances, & is nothing to be ashamed of. All Cluster B's have control issues and can exude sadistic/and or masochistic tendencies. However, this does not require these symptoms to be acted out in a literal sense.
This is the only clinician that talk about PwBPD like they’re human beings
I got diagnosed with BPD, but then never told about DBT. Instead i was given normal talk therapy. Then later I was told CBT is **the** treatment for BPD. Yeah, that went just as well as it did when Marsha tried, aka didn't help at all. I'm grateful to everyone putting info about BPD & DBT online because otherwise I would have never found out DBT existed and would not be getting effective treatment.
Very clear & to the point for me, thank you very much
Thank you so much for posting this video! We need more people like this speaker.
I had to wait till I was 18 for my bpd diagnosis too. I was in an ED unit when I was 16/17 and because I didn't have that diagnosis they ended up making me so much worse. Too many people think that having a diagnosis/being labelled, is a negative thing, however it's vital to get the correct treatment. Bpd is very specific when it comes to treatment. Often the wrong treatment will make it worse as opposed to doing nothing
I was so sad at 60 to be diagnosed, not because i had it, but of how different my life could have been had it been diagnosed as a teen. I believe mine started around 14-15. Thats when self harming started...SO SUPPORTIVE OF EARLY INTERVENTION. THERE SHOULD BE TRAINING, FOR TEACHERS.
The life you WOULD have lived is a planet in a solar system of infinite imagination. We treat dogs better than children. A dog bite over a human that bites.
DBT should be taught in elementary schools to all kids, just here and there during the day. That way it would be an automatic thing in society!
Joyce Aldrich: same thing happened to me. Crazy female psychiatrist labeled my Bi Polar and had me on 5 or 6 meds. I could hardly remember my own name. Can't believe I kept my job...totally agree on all your points. The skills are not that easy to use when your triggered. Having a psychologist/counsellor is far better than any shrink for assistance!!!
This is a great overview
Bless this man.
Joyce we feel ur pain...its not easy for many to understand....what it feels like to be bpd.
I really don't know what to do! My hole life i have been constantly trying to make things better, but to no a vale. I don't want the rest of my life to be as unbearable as this. I turn 30 at the end of 2013... (thank you for giving some dignity to bpd.)
I agree absolutely. I had a woman crying in my NAMI meeting that her doctor refused to diagnose her daughter with BPD and start treatment because she hadn't developed all the traits yet. It seems that the standard medical protocol is to wait until they are having risky sex, taking drugs, cutting themselves, and generally messing up their lives beyond repair before we begin treatment.
IMHO the cause of BPD is affect instability. During the transition to toddler the person never learned how to use the impulse control in their higher brain. Without the natural break to the limbic system taking in its dominate position in the growing brain a series of manipulative coping mechanisms developed. This is IMHO the root of most personality disorders.
IskurBlast How would one typically not learn or bypass development of impulse control as a toddler?
Well that is a sticky wicket. We are talking about toddlers here. There are serious ethical implications to scientific experiments on toddlers. To do a true study of the development of emotional regulation you would have to essentially attempt to induce lifelong affect instability in toddlers as you experimental group. I dont think anyone would ever approve of such an evil study.
So we are left with theory. The prevailing theory is that the parental bond serves as the "emotional thermometer" for the toddler. The parent, especially the mother, helps sooth the toddler when the toddlers limbic system has taken over, temper tantrum. Over time the parent needs to sooth less and less as the toddler learns through the soothing to regulate their emotions better and better as the higher brain begins to take a more dominate role.
Without that parental bond, without that emotional thermometer, the person can become developmentally stuck. This is why BPD parents will more frequently create BPD or cluster B in general kids. They are generally bad parents because they lack the emotional maturity to serve as the emotional thermometer for the child.
A pwBPD I know was literally yelling at her 2 year-old kid who was throwing a temper tantrum because he wanted chicken nuggets. This tendency for the BPD parent to emotionally disregulate when their child emotionally disregulate serves as a positive feedback. Rather than the parent being the emotional break the parent becomes an emotional gas peddle.
Bottom line a parent has to teach the toddler how to regulate their emotions. A parent who doesn't do this or lacks the capability to do it themselves, see BPD parrent, risks creating a cluster B adult.
11:00 THANK YOU! Oh God thank you.
PLEASE, i wish so much to get help with bpd in a place like you describe as i feel really quite hopeless getting the right help in the UK. Everything you said resonates with me and i need to be understood to make my own personal progress. So often people give up, label as manipulative or suggest that your problems are not bad enough to warrant help.
God this is me to a T. When I was hospitalized for a second time at 17 I was told afterwards that I had bpd traits but I believe that it's gotten worse . I have been out of therapy since I'm at college and don't have time cz I live there. But I've been in therapy for around 5-6 years for depression and self harm but no help from DBT not yet ...oh well...I just feel like it's never going to get better lol love life
Look into Dr Daniel Fox.
Specialized in BPD ... He's got also a workbook to download.
Wishing you all the best !
He works with pretty extreme cases who are repeatedly hospitalized, and I appreciate the call to get them help. However, I think we have to consider the "chicken and egg" dilemma especially for children who are earlier in the diagnostic process. If you say everything is because the "egg" (the child) is diseased, then you take away any responsibility to examine the role of the family in creating the problems, and therefore helping to solve the problems. The "chicken" - the adults - can also take responsibility for offering a better environment, helping the child affirm their areas of wellness, and develop independence.
And not let parents get away with abusing their kids and brainwashing the kids into thinking it's all normal. Like me. When I was a kid my parents hit me, and my sister has always known our parents hit us. She doesn't deny that part. But when I said I didn't want to be around our parents anymore because they were and still are abusive, she cursed me out and broken contact with me because I was "just being mean and a drama queen because we were never abused" WTF?! There's this pervasive notion where I live that "if it doesn't leave a mark, it ain't abuse" I wish I was making this up.
@@jacqslabz
It sounds like narcissistic abuse and your sister is an enabler. She can’t see the abuse because that would mean something is wrong with her parents. Not all abuse is physical. Emotional neglect and invalidation , gas lighting, conditional love are subtle signs of abuse like when a parent is a covert narcissist or has these traits. Ptsd and trauma does not fit into a nice box like in the dsm. My mom had narcissistic traits she appeared well intentioned on the outside while the focus was on her daughters anger and behavior problems. But no one saw the real problem the dysfunctional toxic family and inter generational trauma where the parents play the victim and put their efforts into fixing their child instead of looking at themselves and how they contributed to their child problems created them
I was "prosecuting" the Narc (NPD), while suddenly discovering I'm the BDP!!! Shall I panic now?!
I know the feeling sigh
Wow I did the same thing, searching for why he acts the way he does for years and come to find out I have bpd. Truly amazing and sad at the same time
I was accused of being a Narc, which I honestly considered since I have such low thoughts about myself so why not throw that in there too. I researched because I would never want to be a narc, and absolutely want to fix any of those interpersonal traits because they harm people and I want to prevent myself from ever harming anyone intentionally or not. Trying to fit myself into that construct just didn’t add up (I tried lol). I now feel that I am BPD and I was actually called a narc BY a narc, trying to gaslight me because they knew I had such a low self image. Such a strange situation I’m still trying to more fully uncover
Same.. Wow!
very insightful ,,, ty
10:50 - on Manipulation: So many therapists have told me that our daughter is "just manipulating you" when I see that she's having trouble and needs help in the moment and I help her in her explosion moment. "Coercing" is more of what manipulation means, when there's some "talking someone into something to get what they want" type-of -thing. Yes?
Loved this video. 💕
Manipulation is different to being calculated.
Fifty fifty? Is a child responsible for the adult behaviour now?
What can a 68 year old do who thinks he has this disorder but can’t find a doctor who is interested enough to look into it? I fit all the criteria.
I'm in the same boat. 62 here.
You can find lots of therapy places online, some with group classes, some where you can sign up with a dbt therapist (virtually). For us, it's so hard to find a local inperson therapist for our daughter we might have to go the virtual route.
My son needs to be evaluated and no one accepts my insurance. Forget about a sliding scale or out of pocket. It’s still too much. You can’t even get help for your child. I’ve spent days trying to find help. I’m in north Jersey.
There are online therapy places now for dbt therapy
Any correlation between tourettes and bpd?
People are hypocrites. Everyone who hates teenagers hate themselves because they were once teenagers.
@ 36 min he mentions that there is no proof that medications add capacity to help people manage emotion regulation. I am just finding that after 2 years of Ketamine infusion therapy to manage my MDD and GAD, (I'm 62 years old), and after starting to decrease the number of infusions - increasing the time gap between infusions, that I am able to experience pain, hurt, anger and frustration WITH depression and anxiety being at a MUCH lower level, and experience these emotions at a lower level so, I don't get blinded by them. In other words, I'm far more receptive to trying talk therapy again, BECAUSE of the infusions, after promising myself for 25 years I would never try psychotherapy again. I believe this is because the half life of Ketamine is only around 8 hours I think?
So I think for ME anyway - Ketamine was the one drug that helped me to realize that not only am I borderline, but ALSO that I'm willing to trust the Psychotherapy process again. I have realized this in the past two weeks since the date of the post.
What do you get when you put two borderlines on a single unit?
A unit...because isn't that what typically happens in inpatient units anyway? BPD is super common and I'm assuming suicide attempts probably land people with BPD in inpatient units pretty often...
This sucks, had it all my life and and I had to wait until I was in my 50s to find out I had BPD. Long time to go through all this bullshit. My family still doesnt get it, and they won't read about it. Fuck it.
I love him great doctor
Brilliant
I wish I got diagnosed earlier than 20 . I'm 51now and still having issues with my bpd
diagnosed at 29. been struggling since i was born
I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 20 years ago I am 51 years old now and suffered most of my life with depression and Anxiety was diagnosed by a psychologist at the age of 40 it was borderline personality disorder and and by most recently by a professor was diagnosed with Bpd and bipolar disorder both of them personally I do not think I have Bpd I do not show any of the signs I don’t fear abandonment I don’t have loads of relationships and certainly not jumped into bed with anybody I don’t know I’ve had four relationships in my entire life I don’t drink smoke or gamble no self harm and I certainly do not like to be centre of attention the one thing I’m guilty of is quick mood snap in one minute like them next minute I don’t but that is the one only one I can think of
Look into C-PTSD and see if you can identify with the traits. The 2 disorders are very similar and often misdiagnosed.
Anxiety is your god. Society is your idol. There is nothing wrong with you. Walk freely. Open your eyes. Receive what it is that you desire. Pity is not your ending.
I hate I have this condition. I hate myself and I feel that my life is stolen from me.
I HATE that I am borderline. I also have PTSD and addictions. Its lonely and painful and pathetic. Is this what hell feels like?
🙁 same
Invalidation is a huge component for BPD & highly sensitive ppl...that causes post tramatic stress, when your caretaker ignores you time after time...that is creating PTSD,,,& when you try to talk to them...they ignore you & tell you you are being "too sensitive"...again...more emotional invalidation...eventhough it is very subtle it is huge...makes a highly sensitive person feel like they don't exist....and that is depersonalization. Causes the victim a diminished sense of self...or they feel like they don't exist at all and are dead or a ghost. That leads to panic attanks with psychotic features as well.
Very well analysed !
Well done
Im from germany. My parents didn't get help for my brother ...
if this is what I BPD child is like I have never been BPD in childhood. So how could I be BPD at all? I was the most placid child in my family. My sister threw tantrums. My brother and I did not dare. How do you challenge a wrong diagnosis? IF someone cannot diagnose me right why would I trust them to treat me? THE ONLY thing I can come up with is Prozac gave me BPD. 15 years on and off. OR it is just bipolar.l think they don't really know what the hell is wrong. YEARS ....
I think it is all my fault. I adored my sweet son when he was born and my sweet girl as well. He came second of 4. I was a nurse, worked nights, and then weekend nights 12 hour nights so I could work while they slept. . But when he was 14vminths or so he was especially sensitive and would cry and pull on my legs and say, "take off the blue pants mommy." (scrubs). As he grew up, he was a super friendly little guy and would go to anybody.. . It kinda hurt my feelings but i thot maybe he was just well adjusted??mm and now I just think he never really attached to me, and I should have quit my job and been there during those early years. I hate myself for that. . . He's a loving and kind 30 year old now and still sensitive but he has struggled in launching and failed to thrive.... now he has the diagnosis of bpd, and I'm pretty sure it's my fault ..
It's so hard when parents do what they think they should... you were just working to support your kids. I had a dad who worked about 60 hours a week, we never saw him but to him that was "being a good supporter" because he grew up in the 50's and that's what his dad did too. As long as you spent good time with him when you were home, that's what matters :)
@@dimpletoadfoot8631 I appreciate that. Thank you.
So many clinicians came to me and said i have someone w multiple personality in my office (they were seeing splitting today im a librarian tomorrow im a cowgirl) transpose gender as needed.
Opinions...Are people with 1. undiagnosed BPD and no insight 2. BPD diagnosed with insight capable of raising children ?
Intervention?
Oh how I wish you could call southwest bahavioural here in Phoenix az. Tried to get my granddaughter evaluated for bpd but they won't even consider it because she's 10. I'm so fustrated
John Gunderson is responsible for telling psychiatrists to NOT take BPD patients. Nice, doc.
What i can find it?
Seriously?
He was concerned about the pwBPD becoming drugged up and lost under the meds.
My mother consistently bashed me as a baby. I was placed with different foster
carers then placed back with her. She would get drunk with her mother. They would leave me in my own mess for hours, severe neglect not knowing when anybody would be back to care for me. I needed physiotherapy on my little spine because they wouldn’t pick me up a enough. It was only when she left marks after hitting me age 4 that they took me away.
That and spending time with 10 different foster parents probably contributed to my BPD. You think 🙃😂😎
Oh goodness... I send you a big hug
Bow down
still not much change.
7:10
at 14 I cut on myself, showed my mother, was taken to a psych ward and was somehow diagnosed with schizophrenia. now, at 30, I've been an evil split black borderline serial killer since age 19...I mean, it is obviously fake, isn't it? I don't remember being a serial killer but the serial killer remembers being raped by her father at age 2-14. I still live with my father, too :O)
try and find me
The jezzabel spirit acts like bpd .. she comes from the root of rejection and loneliness. She's all the characteristics of borderline .. I did DBT .. it can help you maintain the behavior traits . But then for me I had personalities manifest and scared everyone in my life away.. I have renounced a spirit of jezzabel and borderline traits which I call jezzabel. Well she's gone , she takes men over too as she has actually entered the Christian church and having a hay day .. I know many people will think oh religious crap and I'm crazy .. but that's ok because someone else might look into it for themselves and be delivered. No more behavior modification. Just Jesus helping me daily . This did not happen in church btw .. so nope just me and God dealing with my demons and her she's the big one .. she is also the one who sacrificed babies and watched it happen just a sick woman .. she worshipped baal , ya know like the temple baal they erected in New York and now they're sacrificing babies eh ....I mean that's what the law passed was about. They celebrated baby killing lit up in pink ...
I know what a Jezebel spirit is nut never compared it to a disorder. I look into it. Thanks for the info. Also a Jezebel spirit is the same as a narcissist.
These things are meant to describe the same status of an absence of love. Hate, folly, or fear. Replace love with one and you have become the many. Love gives all to the greater love and none to the taker.
did you seriously just say lock up them up for the rest of their lives
There are no doctors like this in the real world. In the real world this person would be fired immediately.
Don't we all do things "to regulate how we feel in the moment"? Thoughts, actions and feelings are intertwined in every human being. This so-called "distinction" between BPD and non-BPD patients is simplistic nonsense. These psychiatrists need to be replaced by clinicians with training in hard neuroscience. We need objective medical tests and brain scans, not these DSM checklists and subjectively determined "disorders." This isn't medicine - it's crap.
Parents parents I say it’s abuse from caregivers/parents bottom line
heal the trauma this is horrible you have kids that have attempted suicide and you dont let them see their family for love and support
You find they dont reattempt
security for two bpd pts everyone laughing ha ha ha then you find everyone actually does well together as a unit. you know nothing about this disorder and i think its cruel how you talk about patients. you have no empathy. they are all responding to their own personal war zone. why are you going to medicate a kid for pinching when her families chaos is the obvious problem and shes reacting to her environment trying to control the only intense thing she can, her pain. so many things youve said are just horrible. i hope youve educated yourself since 2011. i sure wouldnt want you for a dr. you just lock kids up medicate them and make fun of them
So get that 11 year old into a stable environment problem solved 🤗
I couldn't disagree more. Everyone has traits of various personality disorders in teenage years, but most grow out of those traits. That is one reason it is not diagnosed in teenage years. He should know that. This lecture makes me question this agency.
Does NOTHING to address the trauma.
A JOKE