I love that Tasha is designing her side of the partnership around her needs and concerns rather than conforming the relationship to the ideals of others.
My husband and I got married a year ago. We decided not to have a wedding because it was too expensive and we needed to make some home repairs. I didn't have a big party but I have a brand new kitchen (I literally didn't have one before) . It makes sense to think about things financially. Having money problems doesn't make for a super-happy-fun-time in a marriage anyways.
Kathryn White You are so right. I've always thought it was so stupid to spend so much money on a wedding. That money could be used for exactly the kinds of things you said.. a new kitchen, a new bathroom or a swimming pool makes so much more sense. Besides divorces are so recurrent nowadays you might still be recovering from that huge huge expense but already be divorcing...
My plan is to not have a wedding either, or a formal reception! Like, my boyfriend and our friends and I may go out to dinner, but neither of us have enough family to justify a wedding or reception (I'm estranged from a family of narcissistic abusers and his family is broken). And I absolutely don't see the appeal in inviting a bunch of friends of his mom's and grandma's that we don't know just for the sake of having guests--the wedding should be for us not for making others happy. His mom isn't too happy about it but we sure will be when we have the extra cash for home repairs and schooling~ ;)
Zenny Abanales depends on how you value marriage. My religious beliefs are against cohabitation and for the commitment of marriage, but that's the beauty of America, you can do what you want.
One Big Happy , dear you can never make all peole happy. You and your family are happy and convinced that you are doing the right thing for you, and that is all that matters! Have a happy life!
I am 25 and have never considered a financial downside to marrying if you have a fiscally responsible spouse. CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO about the concepts you mentioned in the video? You said do research but I never heard of estate tax, loan repayment (outside of the military) etc, basically let us know some key concepts where to start. You and your family are so inspiring, thanks for sharing!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't listen to the negativity. You're an amazing example of self growth and so brave to mention the times in your life where you didn't make the right decision. Thank you for braking gender, race and country related stereotypes. And congrats on Yale! Keep up the great content!!! So much love to you and your amazing family! (sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language)
MANY people get married and find themselves in deep, deep do-do, I mean toxicity & misery to which financial stress and struggles can be a big contributor. Tasha and her partner are conscious, thoughtful & intentional about how they choose to live. I cannot applaud that enough!!
I once had a boss who divorced his wife so their son could get a certain college scholarship. Nothing in their life changed except the legal papers and now they plan to stay separated in the eyes of the government for similar reasons. I see this and then I see people signing legal marriage licenses with friends to inherit health insurance. Very interesting times for sure. Great video 💁🏻♀️
Even in the past people have gotten married to strangers for the green cards and other benefits it holds. The only problem with incentivizing is that the benefits may be harmful for specific situations or the act may be performed for the benefits rather than for the act itself.
My gut reaction to reading the story of your boss was that it’s morally wrong but I don’t find Tasha and Joseph’s situation wrong. It’s certainly thought-provoking and I wonder if your boss’s situation would be considered fraud or not. Would the scholarship still be granted if the fund was aware of the situation? What’s the difference between a couple never getting married for financial benefit versus a couple divorcing to experience the same benefits? So interesting.
Sandy G 323 honestly the college loan and scholarship system is fraud. Just a complete scam. If colleges are going to take advantage of people then people have to take advantage of colleges.
This video is very funny in an interesting way for me... I am from Germany and my parents haven't been married for most of my life. They decided to get married a couple of years ago because all of the benefits regarding taxation and inheritance. But they raised me with the opinion that you don't need to be married to be committed to one another and that they knew they want to spend their life together so they didn't need that "acknowledgement" of their relationship by society. I understand and fully respect that for some people it is important to be married but there shouldn't be a pressure to marry because that's just what couples eventually do :) Everyone should just do want they want, it's their relationship and not ours, is what I'm trying to say I guess :)
Thank you for posting this! Even I, coming from a more conservative European country than Germany, find all this puritanism ridiculous. I respect that marriage can be important to some people, but this doesn't mean that one absolutely needs a legal contract to demonstrate commitment.
These comments are ridiculous and show how un-educated people are. When you get married, you are (among other things) financially bound to your partner. If you get married and your partner racks up debt you are (in most cases) responsible for that debt too. Comments saying 'marriage is about love not finances' are not grounded in reality.
Jo Gill - kind of funny that you think the younger generation thinks that marriage is only about money when marriage as a financial contract is literally the most traditional stance possible. The entire history of marriage was founded on financial security for both parties - a source of income for women (who traditionally would have had few outlets through which to independently earn money) and a source of inheritance security for men (who would be able to contractually purchase a virgin for exclusive use and therefore know that the first-born, who would inherit, would be biologically theirs). In fact, many people believed it was dangerous or foolish to use love as any kind of criteria for choosing a spouse. It wasn't until the enlightenment-based revolutions had occurred (American, French, etc) that people began to view love and marriage as potentially compatible ideas, and it didn't really ramp up until the industrial revolution made it possible for people to get married without financial assistance (read: approval) from their parents. Also, every study done on the subject has concluded that couples who openly discuss their financial issues and concerns with each other are much happier and far less likely to divorce. And, for the record, the generation with the highest divorce rate is boomers - in fact, over the past 20 years, while the national divorce rate has declined, the divorce rate for boomers has increased by 2-3x.
Hi everyone! While we of course support open debate and disagreements in our comments section, we know that this is a personal and divisive topic that can bring out heated responses. If you leave a hateful or offensive comment, it will be immediately deleted, so don't waste your time! -C
First and foremost, i really just followed this channel because I just turned 29 and I still feel like I don't have my finances together (oddly enough I have an accounting degree.) But I really enjoy the videos! And you guys make the information so relatable. And girl, wear your ring and throw your relationship a giant party. Have friends dressed in the same dress and get a cake with catering. You don't need a wedding to celebrate love!
For some people (mostly people where one person makes substantially more money than the other) there are major tax advantages. Not all employers allow benefits to be shared with a non-married domestic partner.
Insurance benefits and legalization in the case of a Non-American are big ones. In addition, funeral rights, power of attorney in emergency health settings, death and inheritance, visitation rights in prison and in hospitals, military benefits, and parental recognition are all benefits to marriage. There are a lot of ways to arrange some of these things for non-married couples to qualify (such as a living will and advance directive), but getting married can insure this things otherwise.
Mostly for State allotted benefits. Something that wasn't discussed here is that legal marriage can actually provide more financial security as well, especially for families that opt to only have one working partner. They definitely shouldn't be pushing that not getting married is the way for everyone to go because it works out best specifically for them, because it doesn't work out that way for everyone.
In my country, there are some benefits to being married, like easier access to mortgages and other types of credits. Also, there's no such thing as power of attorney, so my partner cannot take medical decisions for me, if need be, I would have to call my father. We also have limited disposition of our goods after death, you can only will a small portion of your estate, the rest, by law, would go to family. Having children is also easier if you are married (not the baby-making part, obviously, but administrative shit).
As a Canadian, yes. When she said she had "only" $20,000 in debt after her undergrad I was not shocked but it still, my entire degree only cost $25,000.
I always planned on being a spinster, but I've found myself in a relationship for about a year now. My partner and I live together, and recently we've been talking about buying a house (which is now on hold because we no longer have to move). He's a fair bit older than me and has just gone through a divorce. Neither of us wants to get married and we're very open and honest about it. We're also both very logical, and during our discussions about buying a property, we decided that when we do buy something together that we will have a contract written up just in case things take a bad turn and we break up. The idea is that we write the contract in good faith, while we are not bitter towards one another so that it keeps it fair. Obviously, we're not planning on breaking up but we're just going to cover that base anyway - much like a marriage contract would but without the mess of a marriage.
Don't get a mortgage on the house if you don't have a legal contract of what would happen to it should one of you leave the house or stop paying the mortgage or go bankrupt. Make sure to talk it threw with a good attorney before making a decision as such.
Me and my fiancee plan on doing similar things. At one point I didnt wanna go back to college because it seemed like too much of a hassle and I didnt really wanna shell out another 5gs on it just to end up a stay at home in a few years or own my own business. But he told me I should do it anyways because it safeguards my future in case we broke up or in case something ever happened to him. Same with him he was gonna let me use his line of credit to buy a cheap car and have me pay him back but I didnt wanna risk it in case we broke up, or in case he ended up needing that money down the road and then couldnt use it because he hit his limit. Relationships need to be rational not just passionate.
This is very interesting, because in Canada, partners who are common-law (live together 12 consecutive months) are taxed almost the same as married couples. Common-law is sometimes worse, because you can miss out on certain credit benefits which are only allocated to married persons!
thatjillgirl here is a good article that answers your question: www.moneysense.ca/save/taxes/romantic-roommates-at-tax-time/ Basically, it's simply illegal to lie on your tax return, so you must claim common-law status
Thank you for talking about this! So many people get emotional about marriage, especially when religion is involved. I love how you look at it clinically and break down the pros and cons. Marriage isn't always right and it isn't for everyone. Thanks for explaining the ins and outs of this!
This video is SO helpful. I am 23, single and just finished my undergrad and am in no rush to find a partner and get married. Much of this information was told to me by my mom who works with finances. Marriages isn't just about love, it's also a financial commitment that both parties should discuss and be ready for. Money is an issue that is fought over in marriages and relationships in general. More young people, males and female, need to learn about this and discuss these things with their partners or view it even if they are single.
I'm glad you chose to showcase different point of views and relevant topics on your channel! I've never thought about things this way, thank you for planting a seed (:
Thanks Ashley! Yes, I agree that there is more than one right way to live a good life. Hopefully the more people are exposed to other perspectives the more open-minded they will become.--Tasha
Seriously they arent saying 'never get married' shes literally just explaining that its not for everyone and to think about it rationally not just with your heart. Marriage is a huge deal and divorce rates are at 50% so its something people need to be way more serious about. Look at your needs and wants and talk an accountant to see how it will affect you. Maybe the benefits outweigh the risks for you. But ive seen divorce and its nasty in the end when it comes down to the money especially when debt is involved.
I'm not so sure about the intelligent part. She's book smart, but not street smart. If you search her other videos on her channel, she confesses she is a million dollars (yes, a million dollars) in debt. Somehow she is absolutely sure she will pay it back, and refuses to give up the huge house in the very expensive neighborhood she lives in. Also uses some very convoluted logic to justify her many stupid financial decisions. I simply can't take any of her advice seriously because of that.
She is intelligent but not smart in many things. I do hope that in the future she will learn more and have a happy life. The nice university education and job etc never bring happiness to us ladies. Right now she thinks those things are everything.
You all obviously aren't subscribed to her channel. That "million dollar debt" video is old. They talk about their debt and how they made mistakes, how they've set goals and have already paid off a large chunk of debt in just a year. People shouldn't speak poorly about those they do not know.
OMG! I love this! Thank you for putting this out there! Finally, someone who understands that Marriage is a financial decision too. Seriously, you have to understand what Marriage means beyond just commitment. I absolutely love this! I will marry the one I love when I want and when I feel that that is what I need. 😊😙
This is a perspective. This is one perspective, out of thousands of perspectives. Let people live the life that works best for them. Take what people say, understand, and grow from that.
Wow I cant beleive people would say that she is just a "place holder". How disgusting. Great video as always TFD. Millennials are getting married less and less and i think its a good thing for a whole host of reasons.
I am a regular subscriber of One Big Happy (it's how I found this video) and the comments came from both sides of the coin- Tasha and Joseph (her partner) handled them gracefully of course but it was really gross to see how hateful people can be over old customs.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for doing this video, I will be subscribing to your page. My own partner and I have the same struggles. We get a lot of push-back from my family about his race ( im white and he's Latino) and also a lot of religious sneering about living together without marriage. We've both felt like uncomfortable with the idea of a legal marriage for various reasons as well as found it to be poor financial decision. I hadn't even been aware of domestic partnerships or tax penalties. Thanks.
Love this very rational discourse on marriage. As a Brit who fell in love with an American, we formalised our commitment to one another through marriage in order to stay living in the same country as we are both self employed people unable to get a work sponsored visa. In all honesty, if we were the same nationality we may not have ever formalised our relationship in this way, but I'm happy we did and it's nice to have the long term stability that marriage between two nationalities offers. Thanks for shedding light on this topic for others who might be considering alternative ways to be in a committed relationship.
You guys did hear her mentioning being previously married right? I don't think y'all did based on these comments, so she's probably not against marriage she did it,and was taken advantage of or it didn't work out ,and now she's smarter and more cautious .many people have these fairytale dreams of being proposed to ECT, once it happens and it's with someone who does not have your best interest at heart you realize that it's not all that it's cracked up to be .majority of divorce people that I've talked to always say they'll never get married again despite their current relationship status
I definitely will marry Joseph when the time is right (probably in another five years or so). There still are legal benefits that you can't contract around. But being married before does impact my decision to not marry. First, I'm not desperate to boost my self-esteem by showing that I could snag a man and get him to marry me. Whether people want to admit it or not, women are definitely pushed to believe that. Second, because I've already been married I know what marriage feels like and so I know for certain that this isn't any different. Third, I actually feel even more secure in our relationship because I know how strong our commitment is because it's what holds us together and not the fact that we are bound by law. --Tasha
Y'all need to chill. They have a right to talk about this topic. It is a very important one people need to educate themselves more on this because it is part of marriage. I know of someone whose spouse put her into deep debt and now she and her kids are all suffering the consequences. Had she had more knowledge on the subject maybe all of this could have been avoided. Another thing, all of these people saying thay being legal cohabitants is a bad thing for the children?!?! I get that the parents have to think about their kids but they also need to think about their own needs and their own interests. They do have a life to live. Chances are the kids don't even care whether or not mommy and daddt are married
My aunt and uncle didnt get married until my cousin was 10ish. They both had divorced parents and they had a lot of divorced friends and they saw how hard it was and didnt want that for their lives.
If you don't crunch the numbers before you get married, it certainly will happen if you get divorced. Besides things for dealing with next of kin health crisis (which lawyers can draw up paper work for you to have as much say as a spouse), and health insurance, I don't see how marriage is a must have anymore for secular people.
To elaborate on crunching the numbers, it also makes sense to add the cost of divorce just to see if/when it happens. I've been married twice, divorced twice, and refuse to ever sign a legal document no matter how much I love someone. The money could be put towards more important and meaningful things.
Actually, this makes a great case for signing legal documents upfront that will determine what happens if you split up. Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to have things like wills and powers of attorney.--Tasha
I totally agree .Marriage and divorce are a means for many parasites of society to make a living , lawyers , wedding planners , reastaurants , etc etc ...I am naver again going to do it .How stupid !!
Wow, so being married is the only way to stay together. I have been with my boyfriend for more than 14 years and we are more committed to each other than couples who I have met that are married. I also believe in God which means I do not judge others and their decisions. She has reasons for not getting married just as I have reasons for not getting married. Live and let live.
Marlen Valarezo we were together for 15 years before we got married. We finally got married after I had emergency sergary and he realised that he had no legal rights. He has no debt and I only have 5000 left from college loans so we looked at what was the cheapest way to get the legal paperwork done and getting married was the cheapest easiest and funnest way for use. If I didn't need the sergary then we would definitely still be unmarried. The one benefit I like most about being married is that his nieces get to call me their auntie finally!
that is interesting that you bring up the legal rights when you had emergency surgery, which for me is an important reason in pro side of the marriage pro/cons list. however they did mention that legally you can get around that with a medical power of attorney. I am wondering if you considered that and found it wasn't appropriate in your situation or not... not to judge you, I'm just curious about medical power of attorney/ vs marriage and how suitable it is as as an alternative
I don't believe in any form of deity, and I don't judge others for their decisions either ^^ Whatever the reason, it is always nice to hear others being good and lovely people. :)
Thanks so much for your knowledge and Input!!! married or not, it's SO important for people to communicate their expectations of what they want with each other. people can be married and still not know that.
My mother got married in the middle of my college experience and effectively ruined my financial aid in the process, because now she makes "too much money."
People! Keep in mind where she is coming from! That woman is an example for all of us! She has made a life for hershelf. Strong and capable and damn smart when it comes to her finances. And she is only looking out for her family
Fascinating, fantastic video. As a 24-year-old single woman, I had assumed all the typical things about marriage like that you automatically should do it for insurance reasons. What does intimidate me is what happens if I buy a home or get a certain amount of money before marriage or if he does, as well? I know Chelsea loves the idea of pre-nups. I’ve also read articles claiming that if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married. It’s a lot to think about.
you're gonna find articles for and against every situation, prenup, no prenup whatever you do, it's good to be informed and then to make a decision on what you feel is right for your relationship.
The "if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married" is flawed logic. If you never plan on cheating, getting divorced, etc, then why would a pre-nup be a problem? Pre-nups are only unappealing to the party who intends to break the agreement. Don't let some manipulative man try to talk you out of basic protections with some BS "But don't you love/trust/etc me enough to not need one??" line.
My partner and I love in Switzerland, and here too it’s is not cheap to be married. Not mentioning big culture of staying at home wifes. In here too it’s cheaper to be in domestic partnership for various reason. I liked this subject. Thank you girls.
I've been considering this, too. Mainly because of my own debts. It's not horribly excessive but it's excessive when you don't make a lot. I don't want to join my bad credit with anyone else's. I also don't intend to have children so something like buying a house might not be in my plans either, but I'll give that one some more thought. And...in that unfortunate event that things do go sour in the relationship, you don't have to go broke with the court fees. I feel I've encountered a lot of "You HAVE to do XYZ thing because you just have to!" and I don't want to get married just because "that's what you do". I'm not writing off marriage entirely, just that I'm keeping my options open. Thanks so much for this video!
I'm so glad that now, at 30, I'm thinking about things like this. I wish I had a clue when I had 2 children and married in my early 20s. I have a lot to muck through, but at least now all of my decisions are educated ones!
So I'm in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend up here in Canada and it's very frustrating, because we must claim to be common-law after living with each other for 12 months by CRA, but RCMP at 6 months, and Social Welfare at 3 months, and ICBC at 2 years. There's nothing definitive about it, and I hate how it forced my relationship to escalate financially (particularly nerve-racking since he did his taxes for the first time last year, after 7 years of nothing). But it's interesting to see how our mess compares with the US variations of domestic partnership/common-law.
Why is anyone upset about anyone else's decision not to get married? Why do you care, it's not your life? If you want to be married, then just get married. A UA-cam video won't stop you.
I cannot fathom how there can be any negative feedback to this upload. It's not like it's taking a crap on monogamy, just advising caution when legally combining finances - including mention of instances where legal marriage might be beneficial.
Thank you for this topic, and Tasha is such a wonderful lady! I don’t get how people say “this is a unique financial situation”, can’t you take home the advice to thoroughly research the financial aspects of marriage where you live, at the time you have to make this decision? The concrete tax code may not be applicable even to Tasha in 6 months.. Also, to people blabbing about love and commitment - marriage is a legal contract, with legal implications. If you need a piece of paper to keep your partner committed, I got bad news for you 🤷♀️ And to people who say that love is sacrifice, “even financial” - enjoy the government sucking you dry. Several thousands dollars per year, which is the financial loss Tasha and her family will experience if married is much better saved towards a goal, college, house, investment or business, and will serve her children much better than “knowing mommy and daddy are committed”. Just my two cents. I am loving how a sensible financial decision sparks such outrage. Usually means you’re doing something right:) Subbed to Tasha’s channel as well, much love and luck to you both!
I can't believe how many people, in the comments in particular, believe you should marry because of religious or spiritual reasons(divorce rates proves it's rarely a strong enough motivator to stay) when the whole affair becomes unreligious the moment you have to sign a LEGAL document. A commitment to each other, whether in a holy place or not, with promises made before god and/or family without the acknowledgement of the government is far greater a commitment. You can be sure then no on is committing to the marriage simply due to potential financial gain at the expense of the other. You can even have a wedding and ring, just keep the government out of it. I'd rather use the system(s) imposed on us for our benefit, if I know i'm going to die in the near future, marriage might be beneficial to ensure my long term partner and love of my life receives everything I own when I pass.
GROWN 👏🏽 ASS 👏🏽 COUPLE 👏🏽. Mad props for being so thorough and intelligent about financial planning. So many people don't consider the legal framework around it. Guess this is what happens when lawyers get together. =D
Thanks! And yes, we definitely look at everything from a legal perspective. And we both have finance backgrounds too so that plays into every decision we make.--Tasha
Thank you for making this video! I myself by law am married but trying to get divorced. It has been extremely hard and stressful filing paperwork for taxes, etc considering I’m no longer with my partner... I wish I would have known this before getting married but I was young(18) and in love but I’ve definitely learned! Thank you!
LOVE this video! My partner and I are engaged and domestic partners but we both also do IBR on our student loans and getting married and/or filing together as a married couple would definitely affect that. I just wonder about how filing separately in taxes plays a role in this. Anywho - this is such an important discussion to have in a relationship. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide their commitment and how that manifests whether it's through a formal marriage or something else. I really appreciated Tasha's perspective and am gonna check out her channel, as well as Chelsea's comments on immigration because there are so many elements that are a part of deciding to get married beyond love.
Hi! IBR is another reason, among many, why we are better off not being married. Under REPAYE (the newest IBR) they count your spouse's income even if you file separately. Plus filing separately sucks because you lose a lot of valuable deductions. --Tasha
WOW. This is definitely some thought provoking stuff. Good job both of you ladies for laying out this subject and discussing it in a clear and objective manner. More of this please TFD!
Thanks so much to you both for presenting this topic openly! I'm currently engaged and have been since 2011! I have been trying to weigh all the pros and cons, since we have already waited so long.
Appreciate this interesting perspective! Love that you are exploring all types of relationships and how money can inform such major life decisions. I liked it!
This is very informative! I believe she did what was best for her situation like everyone else. Married or Not decide what is best for you and your partner. I for one is married legally because the timing and the situation was right but I know other couples who are fully committed to each other and do not need a document telling them they are bind together. :)
Thank you for this video! All my parents have ever done throughout my first 18 years is fight about finances, so I am really not interested on getting married anytime within my 20s or 30s. Marriage is a huge commitment that a lot of people don't seem to understand.
Stumbled across this after watching another my first FD video. I'm in a relationship with someone who I could certainly see myself with for a while though I've never thought of marriage as a life-step for me. Recently I've started researching marriage to see why that is usually a "next step" in these kinds of situations and the issue of finances has re-confirmed that we don't need to marry. For one, I don't want our taxes to increase due to our combined incomes. But watching this has added a whole slew of reasons to avoid marriage while providing options (such as domestic partnership and PoA)! I really appreciated this video! You both clearly know what you're talking about and are super inspirational. Glad to have two new informational channels to follow!
You go girl! I'm always surprised to hear how marriage is still so common in the US. I live in the province of Quebec, Canada, I am a woman in my 20s and I feel absolutely NO pressure from society to get married. People here only get married if they want to, and it is very common to have a life partner and have kids without being married. It is almost a rare thing to have a wedding in my generation. For us, a committed relationship is just as good as a wedding and we won't regard a couple differently based on whether they are married or not. Anyways, thanks for the video! It is always helpful to research financial implications of such a big decision.
This is ridiculous, I can't believe what I am hearing... We live in Germany with my husband and here you actually get massive tax discounts if you are married, health care benefits, not to mention the benefits and support you get if you have kids. Somehow it makes me sad that the "traditional" family structure is not supported in the US.
What a great video! I heve never thought the costs (beside the wedding costs) of being in a marriage. I don't live in US, and I've always thought that being married is cheaper. The laws are obviusy diffrent here in Brazil and you are declared domestic partners if you share expenses for more than 2 years and it is the same, you have the same rights, as if you were married. It's odd, but it's how it works. But I'll for sure look it up on the tax differences after seeing this video! Obs.: in Brazil, the only downside of not being legally married is that you cannot change your name (have the same last name as your spouse). I believe , since I've watched Friends and Mike Crap Bag episode, it's fairly easy to chance your name in the US, so that's the strongest reason for me to get marry now.
As a young woman who is in a relationship and strongly feel that marriage is down the road, this video was so helpful! I’m rethinking if my student debt works well with the idea of marriage or if there would be a better financial decision for myself and my significant other. Thank you for this!! I would have never thought marriage was a potential tax penalty if it weren’t for this video.
Choosing a domestic partnership over marriage is something I have long considered. However, I live in Oregon, where opposite sex domestic partnerships and common law marriages are not possible. Even if you have registered as domestic partners in another state, I believe Oregon just treats you as married, tax-wise. I'm wondering if I have any other options (besides moving to Washington).
Especially as someone on disability (in BC, Canada), this is totally also a disability justice issue. You can lose partial or all your funding if you become married and would have to reply completely on the income of your spouse. My partner and I are both on disability and live in a city about as affordable as LA or New York. Getting married would decrease our monthly income which is already below the poverty line to an even more unsustainable amount.
I am so grateful for videos like this. We had our weddig in the beginning December with only eight people. It will be beneficial for us financially in the long run (in Hungary) but we couldn't afford a party now. We also have student loans, a baby on the way and the pressing issue of getting a bigger place. Everybody knows this but we recieved so much hate and anger about our small ceremony. It made me so happy to know that I am not alone with this problem. Thank you! :) (Now I'm gonna check out One Big Happy.)
I'm so sorry to hear about the push back you are getting about your decision. But situations like that let you know who your real friends are. Just keep living life on your own terms!--Tasha
This was amazing and deeply inspiring to watch. Thank you so much for making this video. It put the concept of marriage into modern terms that I wasn't able to articulate before. Thanks ladies and stay strong, savvy, and intelligent!
Thank you for discussing this topic! Marriage is something my partner and I have been debating when it came to the financial or even practical benefits. Times have changed, and videos like this definitely help us to make more informed decisions :)
It would be great if you could make a video on health insurance for non married, but committed partners and/or single people. Neither me nor my partner wish to get married, but in my field of work it is hard to receive any type of insurance. I have no idea where to begin in my research to find a way around it, so any help would be amazing!
Some companies cover domestic partners under insurance. I've worked for two employers who offered that benefit. Unfortunately it varies from employer to employer.--Tasha
Can I make a suggestion? Instead of calling the subtitle of the video "Why you might not want to get married," maybe say "Why I chose not to get married." That way the focus is more about sharing YOUR personal decision and your experience and what works for your lifestyle.
Guyana!!! Yes... I keep watching your videos and saying that girl is so so Haitian. I asked in the comments and you said you weren't connected to Haiti. So happy to pinpoint what it is. You're from the carribean, you have that creole vibe. This is why you kept reminding me of my fellow Haitians...
As a man I was only aware of the negatives of marriage from a male's perspective but getting it from a female's perspective really widen my view. Thank you a lot and I hope you guys live happily together, I feel like the best thing people should do with their life is what's best for them instead of following the norm. I'm glad with what you guys are doing 😁
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now, and the talk of marriage has come up frequently. I am so grateful that you made this video because while I was aware that marriage was not the only option when it came to committed relationships, it never crossed my mind that I could pursue anything aside from the status quo. While we probably won't get married anytime soon because we're still young (I just turned 20!), we will definately do more research before making a final decision together. Thank you!
yesss speaking from someone who went through something similar as you, TAKE YOUR TIME! There is no rush and if you guys are meant to be together you will :)
I appreciate Tasha's openness in describing her situation so that we can understand the reasoning why getting married may not be the best option sometimes. This is also why tax professionals or tax programs figure out whether it would be better for a married couple to file individually or jointly. You just need to get the most bang for your buck.
Ah, jeez, this adds a whole 'nother layer to the financial acrobatics I would have to pull to get married to my partner. We've decided that before we walk down the aisle, we're going to speak to a financial planner since we're both on our way back to school and need to keep all of this kind of stuff in mind. Thanks for the video! I hadn't even thought about income based repayment as a financial obstacle for us.
When you file separately you loose access to certain deductions. Married filing separate is the worst filing status, particularly if you itemize.--Tasha
UVA-Wise costs right now $9k for tuition, room& board, and student services per semester . That's the full cost if you don't have the Pale Grant, plus returning students get $500 grant if you keep above a 3.0 gpa each semester. A degree is a degree. It's so affordable, it blows my mind when I hear how much debt others went into for the same degree that I have. I hope this info is helpful to those scared of college debt.
My mom and my dad didn't get officially married. My mother was in a similar situation, but with her chronic illness instead of school. They had the ceremony and file as partners, but are not legally married. It did get them kicked out of the church when they found out, but outside of that, it works well for them. He is able to get his loan repayment program and she is able to get her healthcare and they just tell people they are married. If you ask, she calls him her husband, and it doesn't matter to anyone else if they have paperwork, that's their business. If my partner would be okay with that, I'd probably do the same thing.
One of the most important things that Tasha recommended is to educate yourself, because marriage is not necessarily more expensive for everyone. If your partner is going to stay at home with the kids, then that partner is a tax write off. However, if the marriage puts you into a higher tax bracket, it very well may cost you more in taxes and interest on student loans, etc. Just educate yourself. And obviously, you can still get married even if it will cost you financially.
Thinking about marriage? Here are 5 questions you should ask your partner before tying the knot: ua-cam.com/video/09MXBjOOdu4/v-deo.html.
I love that Tasha is designing her side of the partnership around her needs and concerns rather than conforming the relationship to the ideals of others.
My husband and I got married a year ago. We decided not to have a wedding because it was too expensive and we needed to make some home repairs. I didn't have a big party but I have a brand new kitchen (I literally didn't have one before) . It makes sense to think about things financially. Having money problems doesn't make for a super-happy-fun-time in a marriage anyways.
Kathryn White You are so right. I've always thought it was so stupid to spend so much money on a wedding. That money could be used for exactly the kinds of things you said.. a new kitchen, a new bathroom or a swimming pool makes so much more sense. Besides divorces are so recurrent nowadays you might still be recovering from that huge huge expense but already be divorcing...
My plan is to not have a wedding either, or a formal reception! Like, my boyfriend and our friends and I may go out to dinner, but neither of us have enough family to justify a wedding or reception (I'm estranged from a family of narcissistic abusers and his family is broken). And I absolutely don't see the appeal in inviting a bunch of friends of his mom's and grandma's that we don't know just for the sake of having guests--the wedding should be for us not for making others happy. His mom isn't too happy about it but we sure will be when we have the extra cash for home repairs and schooling~ ;)
You don't have to spend a fortune. Just go to the courthouse and have a family dinner.
What if they don't want to be married, Victor?
Zenny Abanales depends on how you value marriage. My religious beliefs are against cohabitation and for the commitment of marriage, but that's the beauty of America, you can do what you want.
It was so great sitting down and chatting with TFD about this. Thanks for sharing our story!--Tasha
One Big Happy , dear you can never make all peole happy. You and your family are happy and convinced that you are doing the right thing for you, and that is all that matters! Have a happy life!
Tasha, thank you so much for sharing! You are such an inspiring role model!
I am 25 and have never considered a financial downside to marrying if you have a fiscally responsible spouse.
CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO about the concepts you mentioned in the video? You said do research but I never heard of estate tax, loan repayment (outside of the military) etc, basically let us know some key concepts where to start. You and your family are so inspiring, thanks for sharing!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't listen to the negativity. You're an amazing example of self growth and so brave to mention the times in your life where you didn't make the right decision. Thank you for braking gender, race and country related stereotypes. And congrats on Yale! Keep up the great content!!! So much love to you and your amazing family! (sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language)
My mom is from Guyana 🎉🎊❤️
Thank you for sharing your story!!
MANY people get married and find themselves in deep, deep do-do, I mean toxicity & misery to which financial stress and struggles can be a big contributor. Tasha and her partner are conscious, thoughtful & intentional about how they choose to live. I cannot applaud that enough!!
Thanks! --Tasha
Agreed!!
I once had a boss who divorced his wife so their son could get a certain college scholarship. Nothing in their life changed except the legal papers and now they plan to stay separated in the eyes of the government for similar reasons.
I see this and then I see people signing legal marriage licenses with friends to inherit health insurance. Very interesting times for sure.
Great video 💁🏻♀️
Even in the past people have gotten married to strangers for the green cards and other benefits it holds. The only problem with incentivizing is that the benefits may be harmful for specific situations or the act may be performed for the benefits rather than for the act itself.
My gut reaction to reading the story of your boss was that it’s morally wrong but I don’t find Tasha and Joseph’s situation wrong. It’s certainly thought-provoking and I wonder if your boss’s situation would be considered fraud or not. Would the scholarship still be granted if the fund was aware of the situation? What’s the difference between a couple never getting married for financial benefit versus a couple divorcing to experience the same benefits? So interesting.
Sandy G 323 honestly the college loan and scholarship system is fraud. Just a complete scam. If colleges are going to take advantage of people then people have to take advantage of colleges.
This video is very funny in an interesting way for me... I am from Germany and my parents haven't been married for most of my life. They decided to get married a couple of years ago because all of the benefits regarding taxation and inheritance. But they raised me with the opinion that you don't need to be married to be committed to one another and that they knew they want to spend their life together so they didn't need that "acknowledgement" of their relationship by society. I understand and fully respect that for some people it is important to be married but there shouldn't be a pressure to marry because that's just what couples eventually do :) Everyone should just do want they want, it's their relationship and not ours, is what I'm trying to say I guess :)
Thank you for posting this! Even I, coming from a more conservative European country than Germany, find all this puritanism ridiculous. I respect that marriage can be important to some people, but this doesn't mean that one absolutely needs a legal contract to demonstrate commitment.
These comments are ridiculous and show how un-educated people are. When you get married, you are (among other things) financially bound to your partner. If you get married and your partner racks up debt you are (in most cases) responsible for that debt too. Comments saying 'marriage is about love not finances' are not grounded in reality.
fact
AnyasMamaIsHere can't Americans get a sort of legal agreement that separates your finances (including income and debts) from your spouse's?
Rozamunduszek might be able to do something in a prenup but I’d be curious to see how that plays out in court, I’m no lawyer.
Marriage was in the past almost fully financial ^^
Jo Gill - kind of funny that you think the younger generation thinks that marriage is only about money when marriage as a financial contract is literally the most traditional stance possible. The entire history of marriage was founded on financial security for both parties - a source of income for women (who traditionally would have had few outlets through which to independently earn money) and a source of inheritance security for men (who would be able to contractually purchase a virgin for exclusive use and therefore know that the first-born, who would inherit, would be biologically theirs). In fact, many people believed it was dangerous or foolish to use love as any kind of criteria for choosing a spouse.
It wasn't until the enlightenment-based revolutions had occurred (American, French, etc) that people began to view love and marriage as potentially compatible ideas, and it didn't really ramp up until the industrial revolution made it possible for people to get married without financial assistance (read: approval) from their parents. Also, every study done on the subject has concluded that couples who openly discuss their financial issues and concerns with each other are much happier and far less likely to divorce. And, for the record, the generation with the highest divorce rate is boomers - in fact, over the past 20 years, while the national divorce rate has declined, the divorce rate for boomers has increased by 2-3x.
Hi everyone! While we of course support open debate and disagreements in our comments section, we know that this is a personal and divisive topic that can bring out heated responses. If you leave a hateful or offensive comment, it will be immediately deleted, so don't waste your time!
-C
Well, if you delete comments that dont suit your narrative, it only shows you intolerance towards thoughts and views that do not align with yours.
You can disagree with someone without being hateful or offensive about it.
I’m just glad someone is finally saying this, that it doesn’t make sense financially to get married, it’s not often talked about by women.
You will still read it
eaudrey18 Except that "hateful" is very subjective as well. Subjective is the word. Not "opinionated", you used that wrongly.
First and foremost, i really just followed this channel because I just turned 29 and I still feel like I don't have my finances together (oddly enough I have an accounting degree.) But I really enjoy the videos! And you guys make the information so relatable. And girl, wear your ring and throw your relationship a giant party. Have friends dressed in the same dress and get a cake with catering. You don't need a wedding to celebrate love!
So glad you enjoyed the video! And yes, there will be a party...just let me get my teenager through college first, lol.--Tasha
Another question: why SHOULD we get married?
For some people (mostly people where one person makes substantially more money than the other) there are major tax advantages. Not all employers allow benefits to be shared with a non-married domestic partner.
Insurance benefits and legalization in the case of a Non-American are big ones. In addition, funeral rights, power of attorney in emergency health settings, death and inheritance, visitation rights in prison and in hospitals, military benefits, and parental recognition are all benefits to marriage. There are a lot of ways to arrange some of these things for non-married couples to qualify (such as a living will and advance directive), but getting married can insure this things otherwise.
Mostly for State allotted benefits. Something that wasn't discussed here is that legal marriage can actually provide more financial security as well, especially for families that opt to only have one working partner. They definitely shouldn't be pushing that not getting married is the way for everyone to go because it works out best specifically for them, because it doesn't work out that way for everyone.
In my country, there are some benefits to being married, like easier access to mortgages and other types of credits. Also, there's no such thing as power of attorney, so my partner cannot take medical decisions for me, if need be, I would have to call my father. We also have limited disposition of our goods after death, you can only will a small portion of your estate, the rest, by law, would go to family. Having children is also easier if you are married (not the baby-making part, obviously, but administrative shit).
For financial reasons, or because you want to ^^
Is anyone else saddened (no longer surprised) at Americans and the sheer magnitude of student debt
As a Canadian, yes. When she said she had "only" $20,000 in debt after her undergrad I was not shocked but it still, my entire degree only cost $25,000.
Damn, one more reason I wish I was Canadian
@@maggiebookworm me too. i paid my loan off in a couple years of working.
Higher ed is treated like a commodity here.
I always planned on being a spinster, but I've found myself in a relationship for about a year now. My partner and I live together, and recently we've been talking about buying a house (which is now on hold because we no longer have to move). He's a fair bit older than me and has just gone through a divorce. Neither of us wants to get married and we're very open and honest about it. We're also both very logical, and during our discussions about buying a property, we decided that when we do buy something together that we will have a contract written up just in case things take a bad turn and we break up. The idea is that we write the contract in good faith, while we are not bitter towards one another so that it keeps it fair. Obviously, we're not planning on breaking up but we're just going to cover that base anyway - much like a marriage contract would but without the mess of a marriage.
That's a great idea! I'm a huge fan of cohabitation agreements.--Tasha
Don't get a mortgage on the house if you don't have a legal contract of what would happen to it should one of you leave the house or stop paying the mortgage or go bankrupt. Make sure to talk it threw with a good attorney before making a decision as such.
A mortgage is a legal contract. As long as both parties are on the note, both parties would be obligated to pay the mortgage.--Tasha
Me and my fiancee plan on doing similar things.
At one point I didnt wanna go back to college because it seemed like too much of a hassle and I didnt really wanna shell out another 5gs on it just to end up a stay at home in a few years or own my own business. But he told me I should do it anyways because it safeguards my future in case we broke up or in case something ever happened to him.
Same with him he was gonna let me use his line of credit to buy a cheap car and have me pay him back but I didnt wanna risk it in case we broke up, or in case he ended up needing that money down the road and then couldnt use it because he hit his limit.
Relationships need to be rational not just passionate.
This is very interesting, because in Canada, partners who are common-law (live together 12 consecutive months) are taxed almost the same as married couples. Common-law is sometimes worse, because you can miss out on certain credit benefits which are only allocated to married persons!
it's true!!! big difference between USA ans canada
tldr; stay single if you're Canadian and want to pay low taxes 😉
Because socialist countries are prisons
I'm curious now: How do they verify that you are long-term partners living together as opposed to just roommates?
thatjillgirl here is a good article that answers your question: www.moneysense.ca/save/taxes/romantic-roommates-at-tax-time/
Basically, it's simply illegal to lie on your tax return, so you must claim common-law status
Thank you for talking about this! So many people get emotional about marriage, especially when religion is involved. I love how you look at it clinically and break down the pros and cons. Marriage isn't always right and it isn't for everyone. Thanks for explaining the ins and outs of this!
This video is SO helpful. I am 23, single and just finished my undergrad and am in no rush to find a partner and get married. Much of this information was told to me by my mom who works with finances. Marriages isn't just about love, it's also a financial commitment that both parties should discuss and be ready for. Money is an issue that is fought over in marriages and relationships in general. More young people, males and female, need to learn about this and discuss these things with their partners or view it even if they are single.
This is amazing. I have found Tasha to be extremely inspirational. What a lot to go through and to come out of it so successful! There's hope ☺️
Thank you! And yes, there is always hope!--Tasha
I'm glad you chose to showcase different point of views and relevant topics on your channel! I've never thought about things this way, thank you for planting a seed (:
Great video very interesting subject. Disappointed in some of the negative comments. It's ok to have varying opinions. Calm down people.
Thanks Ashley! Yes, I agree that there is more than one right way to live a good life. Hopefully the more people are exposed to other perspectives the more open-minded they will become.--Tasha
Seriously they arent saying 'never get married' shes literally just explaining that its not for everyone and to think about it rationally not just with your heart.
Marriage is a huge deal and divorce rates are at 50% so its something people need to be way more serious about.
Look at your needs and wants and talk an accountant to see how it will affect you. Maybe the benefits outweigh the risks for you. But ive seen divorce and its nasty in the end when it comes down to the money especially when debt is involved.
What a beautiful, intelligent woman!
I'm not so sure about the intelligent part. She's book smart, but not street smart. If you search her other videos on her channel, she confesses she is a million dollars (yes, a million dollars) in debt. Somehow she is absolutely sure she will pay it back, and refuses to give up the huge house in the very expensive neighborhood she lives in. Also uses some very convoluted logic to justify her many stupid financial decisions. I simply can't take any of her advice seriously because of that.
Tabbylover55, what video?
+Tabbylover55 someone can have a high IQ and be indulgent. Plenty of low IQ people budget well.
She is intelligent but not smart in many things. I do hope that in the future she will learn more and have a happy life. The nice university education and job etc never bring happiness to us ladies. Right now she thinks those things are everything.
You all obviously aren't subscribed to her channel. That "million dollar debt" video is old. They talk about their debt and how they made mistakes, how they've set goals and have already paid off a large chunk of debt in just a year. People shouldn't speak poorly about those they do not know.
Marriage is a LEGAL CONTRACT, have u forgotten that people?!?!
I felt like this comment was directed at people in the comments ^^
OMG! I love this! Thank you for putting this out there!
Finally, someone who understands that Marriage is a financial decision too. Seriously, you have to understand what Marriage means beyond just commitment.
I absolutely love this!
I will marry the one I love when I want and when I feel that that is what I need.
😊😙
This is a perspective. This is one perspective, out of thousands of perspectives. Let people live the life that works best for them. Take what people say, understand, and grow from that.
I was definitely one of the people who assumed that getting married meant benefits and tax breaks, so thanks for the heads up on that haha. :)
Wow I cant beleive people would say that she is just a "place holder". How disgusting. Great video as always TFD. Millennials are getting married less and less and i think its a good thing for a whole host of reasons.
I am a regular subscriber of One Big Happy (it's how I found this video) and the comments came from both sides of the coin- Tasha and Joseph (her partner) handled them gracefully of course but it was really gross to see how hateful people can be over old customs.
And what's really sad is I deleted the really bad comments. There were lots of racial slurs involved. 😟--Tasha
UA-cam should ban those accounts. So dissapointing that people would say something like that. Cheers to you and your beautiful family!
The customs aren't even that old! Not sure why people are choosing to die on this hill.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for doing this video, I will be subscribing to your page. My own partner and I have the same struggles. We get a lot of push-back from my family about his race ( im white and he's Latino) and also a lot of religious sneering about living together without marriage. We've both felt like uncomfortable with the idea of a legal marriage for various reasons as well as found it to be poor financial decision. I hadn't even been aware of domestic partnerships or tax penalties. Thanks.
Great information. Thank you! Not everyone thinks alike, and that is okay, but it’s not okay to be unkind. Some of these comments.... 🙄
Very informative video I never even considered the cost of being married.
Love this very rational discourse on marriage. As a Brit who fell in love with an American, we formalised our commitment to one another through marriage in order to stay living in the same country as we are both self employed people unable to get a work sponsored visa. In all honesty, if we were the same nationality we may not have ever formalised our relationship in this way, but I'm happy we did and it's nice to have the long term stability that marriage between two nationalities offers. Thanks for shedding light on this topic for others who might be considering alternative ways to be in a committed relationship.
You guys did hear her mentioning being previously married right? I don't think y'all did based on these comments, so she's probably not against marriage she did it,and was taken advantage of or it didn't work out ,and now she's smarter and more cautious .many people have these fairytale dreams of being proposed to ECT, once it happens and it's with someone who does not have your best interest at heart you realize that it's not all that it's cracked up to be .majority of divorce people that I've talked to always say they'll never get married again despite their current relationship status
I definitely will marry Joseph when the time is right (probably in another five years or so). There still are legal benefits that you can't contract around. But being married before does impact my decision to not marry. First, I'm not desperate to boost my self-esteem by showing that I could snag a man and get him to marry me. Whether people want to admit it or not, women are definitely pushed to believe that. Second, because I've already been married I know what marriage feels like and so I know for certain that this isn't any different. Third, I actually feel even more secure in our relationship because I know how strong our commitment is because it's what holds us together and not the fact that we are bound by law. --Tasha
Y'all need to chill. They have a right to talk about this topic. It is a very important one people need to educate themselves more on this because it is part of marriage. I know of someone whose spouse put her into deep debt and now she and her kids are all suffering the consequences. Had she had more knowledge on the subject maybe all of this could have been avoided.
Another thing, all of these people saying thay being legal cohabitants is a bad thing for the children?!?! I get that the parents have to think about their kids but they also need to think about their own needs and their own interests. They do have a life to live. Chances are the kids don't even care whether or not mommy and daddt are married
My aunt and uncle didnt get married until my cousin was 10ish. They both had divorced parents and they had a lot of divorced friends and they saw how hard it was and didnt want that for their lives.
If you don't crunch the numbers before you get married, it certainly will happen if you get divorced.
Besides things for dealing with next of kin health crisis (which lawyers can draw up paper work for you to have as much say as a spouse), and health insurance, I don't see how marriage is a must have anymore for secular people.
Loved how open she was!
Thanks!--Tasha
Wow she’s a badass
Thanks!--Tasha
canonicallydead ikr!😱 full ride to Yale?! Damn😏
To elaborate on crunching the numbers, it also makes sense to add the cost of divorce just to see if/when it happens. I've been married twice, divorced twice, and refuse to ever sign a legal document no matter how much I love someone. The money could be put towards more important and meaningful things.
Actually, this makes a great case for signing legal documents upfront that will determine what happens if you split up. Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to have things like wills and powers of attorney.--Tasha
I totally agree .Marriage and divorce are a means for many parasites of society to make a living , lawyers , wedding planners , reastaurants , etc etc ...I am naver again going to do it .How stupid !!
@Athanasia Art Just love what you did there, calling honest hard working people parasites. Bravo.
Bro I'm a one and done person. Once is good for me. Getting married in October ✌
Unlike a lot of these comments, I really enjoyed this video!! Thanks
Thanks for watching!--Tasha
Wow, so being married is the only way to stay together. I have been with my boyfriend for more than 14 years and we are more committed to each other than couples who I have met that are married. I also believe in God which means I do not judge others and their decisions. She has reasons for not getting married just as I have reasons for not getting married. Live and let live.
Marlen Valarezo we were together for 15 years before we got married. We finally got married after I had emergency sergary and he realised that he had no legal rights. He has no debt and I only have 5000 left from college loans so we looked at what was the cheapest way to get the legal paperwork done and getting married was the cheapest easiest and funnest way for use. If I didn't need the sergary then we would definitely still be unmarried. The one benefit I like most about being married is that his nieces get to call me their auntie finally!
that is interesting that you bring up the legal rights when you had emergency surgery, which for me is an important reason in pro side of the marriage pro/cons list. however they did mention that legally you can get around that with a medical power of attorney. I am wondering if you considered that and found it wasn't appropriate in your situation or not... not to judge you, I'm just curious about medical power of attorney/ vs marriage and how suitable it is as as an alternative
I don't believe in any form of deity, and I don't judge others for their decisions either ^^
Whatever the reason, it is always nice to hear others being good and lovely people. :)
Thanks so much for your knowledge and Input!!! married or not, it's SO important for people to communicate their expectations of what they want with each other. people can be married and still not know that.
My mother got married in the middle of my college experience and effectively ruined my financial aid in the process, because now she makes "too much money."
People! Keep in mind where she is coming from! That woman is an example for all of us! She has made a life for hershelf. Strong and capable and damn smart when it comes to her finances. And she is only looking out for her family
Thanks!--Tasha
Fascinating, fantastic video. As a 24-year-old single woman, I had assumed all the typical things about marriage like that you automatically should do it for insurance reasons. What does intimidate me is what happens if I buy a home or get a certain amount of money before marriage or if he does, as well? I know Chelsea loves the idea of pre-nups. I’ve also read articles claiming that if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married. It’s a lot to think about.
you're gonna find articles for and against every situation, prenup, no prenup whatever you do, it's good to be informed and then to make a decision on what you feel is right for your relationship.
The "if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married" is flawed logic. If you never plan on cheating, getting divorced, etc, then why would a pre-nup be a problem? Pre-nups are only unappealing to the party who intends to break the agreement. Don't let some manipulative man try to talk you out of basic protections with some BS "But don't you love/trust/etc me enough to not need one??" line.
My partner and I love in Switzerland, and here too it’s is not cheap to be married. Not mentioning big culture of staying at home wifes. In here too it’s cheaper to be in domestic partnership for various reason. I liked this subject. Thank you girls.
I've been considering this, too. Mainly because of my own debts. It's not horribly excessive but it's excessive when you don't make a lot. I don't want to join my bad credit with anyone else's. I also don't intend to have children so something like buying a house might not be in my plans either, but I'll give that one some more thought. And...in that unfortunate event that things do go sour in the relationship, you don't have to go broke with the court fees. I feel I've encountered a lot of "You HAVE to do XYZ thing because you just have to!" and I don't want to get married just because "that's what you do". I'm not writing off marriage entirely, just that I'm keeping my options open.
Thanks so much for this video!
She's just so open and professional. I can see why she got so many offers. My smart cousins are like that and everybody loves them.
i love learning even more non-traditional ways of doing life! u are both so inspiring!!
I'm so glad that now, at 30, I'm thinking about things like this. I wish I had a clue when I had 2 children and married in my early 20s. I have a lot to muck through, but at least now all of my decisions are educated ones!
I love her openness to her situation. Very candid! I liked this video.
Loved this video! So conversational, open, and informative! I appreciate both of your transparency
So I'm in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend up here in Canada and it's very frustrating, because we must claim to be common-law after living with each other for 12 months by CRA, but RCMP at 6 months, and Social Welfare at 3 months, and ICBC at 2 years. There's nothing definitive about it, and I hate how it forced my relationship to escalate financially (particularly nerve-racking since he did his taxes for the first time last year, after 7 years of nothing). But it's interesting to see how our mess compares with the US variations of domestic partnership/common-law.
Oh my gosh! Love y’all and love the one big happy fam! Glad to see you collab.
Why is anyone upset about anyone else's decision not to get married? Why do you care, it's not your life? If you want to be married, then just get married. A UA-cam video won't stop you.
I cannot fathom how there can be any negative feedback to this upload. It's not like it's taking a crap on monogamy, just advising caution when legally combining finances - including mention of instances where legal marriage might be beneficial.
Thank you for this topic, and Tasha is such a wonderful lady!
I don’t get how people say “this is a unique financial situation”, can’t you take home the advice to thoroughly research the financial aspects of marriage where you live, at the time you have to make this decision? The concrete tax code may not be applicable even to Tasha in 6 months..
Also, to people blabbing about love and commitment - marriage is a legal contract, with legal implications. If you need a piece of paper to keep your partner committed, I got bad news for you 🤷♀️
And to people who say that love is sacrifice, “even financial” - enjoy the government sucking you dry. Several thousands dollars per year, which is the financial loss Tasha and her family will experience if married is much better saved towards a goal, college, house, investment or business, and will serve her children much better than “knowing mommy and daddy are committed”. Just my two cents.
I am loving how a sensible financial decision sparks such outrage. Usually means you’re doing something right:) Subbed to Tasha’s channel as well, much love and luck to you both!
This was a really interesting topic, thank you for sharing! Honestly I hadn't even thought of this before
I can't believe how many people, in the comments in particular, believe you should marry because of religious or spiritual reasons(divorce rates proves it's rarely a strong enough motivator to stay) when the whole affair becomes unreligious the moment you have to sign a LEGAL document. A commitment to each other, whether in a holy place or not, with promises made before god and/or family without the acknowledgement of the government is far greater a commitment. You can be sure then no on is committing to the marriage simply due to potential financial gain at the expense of the other. You can even have a wedding and ring, just keep the government out of it.
I'd rather use the system(s) imposed on us for our benefit, if I know i'm going to die in the near future, marriage might be beneficial to ensure my long term partner and love of my life receives everything I own when I pass.
GROWN 👏🏽 ASS 👏🏽 COUPLE 👏🏽.
Mad props for being so thorough and intelligent about financial planning.
So many people don't consider the legal framework around it.
Guess this is what happens when lawyers get together. =D
Thanks! And yes, we definitely look at everything from a legal perspective. And we both have finance backgrounds too so that plays into every decision we make.--Tasha
I love your final few sentences about prioritizing making a life that is best for you and your kids rather than a social expectation
Thank you for making this video! I myself by law am married but trying to get divorced. It has been extremely hard and stressful filing paperwork for taxes, etc considering I’m no longer with my partner... I wish I would have known this before getting married but I was young(18) and in love but I’ve definitely learned! Thank you!
I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I know how hard that is. Good luck!--Tasha
I had subscribed to OBH about a year ago and just did subscribe to TFD. Thank you, both of you ladies for sharing the info with the rest of us!!!!
LOVE this video! My partner and I are engaged and domestic partners but we both also do IBR on our student loans and getting married and/or filing together as a married couple would definitely affect that. I just wonder about how filing separately in taxes plays a role in this.
Anywho - this is such an important discussion to have in a relationship. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide their commitment and how that manifests whether it's through a formal marriage or something else. I really appreciated Tasha's perspective and am gonna check out her channel, as well as Chelsea's comments on immigration because there are so many elements that are a part of deciding to get married beyond love.
Hi! IBR is another reason, among many, why we are better off not being married. Under REPAYE (the newest IBR) they count your spouse's income even if you file separately. Plus filing separately sucks because you lose a lot of valuable deductions. --Tasha
One Big Happy Gah! So much info to be aware of. Thank you!!! Literally watching one of your videos now. ☺️
Love this content... there’s not enough of it on UA-cam!!! Intelligent, real, and informative, and interesting. Keep it comin!
Best video ever made for my personal life...showed this to my parents to have them better understand my choices. It finally worked 😊
WOW. This is definitely some thought provoking stuff. Good job both of you ladies for laying out this subject and discussing it in a clear and objective manner. More of this please TFD!
Thanks so much to you both for presenting this topic openly! I'm currently engaged and have been since 2011! I have been trying to weigh all the pros and cons, since we have already waited so long.
Appreciate this interesting perspective! Love that you are exploring all types of relationships and how money can inform such major life decisions. I liked it!
This is very informative! I believe she did what was best for her situation like everyone else. Married or Not decide what is best for you and your partner. I for one is married legally because the timing and the situation was right but I know other couples who are fully committed to each other and do not need a document telling them they are bind together. :)
Thank you for this video! All my parents have ever done throughout my first 18 years is fight about finances, so I am really not interested on getting married anytime within my 20s or 30s. Marriage is a huge commitment that a lot of people don't seem to understand.
Tasha, you are so vulnerable and strong. I love seeing your content so much. Thanks for being an inspiration.
Stumbled across this after watching another my first FD video. I'm in a relationship with someone who I could certainly see myself with for a while though I've never thought of marriage as a life-step for me. Recently I've started researching marriage to see why that is usually a "next step" in these kinds of situations and the issue of finances has re-confirmed that we don't need to marry. For one, I don't want our taxes to increase due to our combined incomes. But watching this has added a whole slew of reasons to avoid marriage while providing options (such as domestic partnership and PoA)!
I really appreciated this video! You both clearly know what you're talking about and are super inspirational. Glad to have two new informational channels to follow!
You go girl! I'm always surprised to hear how marriage is still so common in the US. I live in the province of Quebec, Canada, I am a woman in my 20s and I feel absolutely NO pressure from society to get married. People here only get married if they want to, and it is very common to have a life partner and have kids without being married. It is almost a rare thing to have a wedding in my generation. For us, a committed relationship is just as good as a wedding and we won't regard a couple differently based on whether they are married or not. Anyways, thanks for the video! It is always helpful to research financial implications of such a big decision.
A well made video, I could see why the title would confuse people. Everyone should watch the actual video without commenting.
This is ridiculous, I can't believe what I am hearing... We live in Germany with my husband and here you actually get massive tax discounts if you are married, health care benefits, not to mention the benefits and support you get if you have kids. Somehow it makes me sad that the "traditional" family structure is not supported in the US.
THANK YOU for making this video for those of us that enjoy listening to different perspectives. 🙌🏼
What a great video! I heve never thought the costs (beside the wedding costs) of being in a marriage. I don't live in US, and I've always thought that being married is cheaper. The laws are obviusy diffrent here in Brazil and you are declared domestic partners if you share expenses for more than 2 years and it is the same, you have the same rights, as if you were married. It's odd, but it's how it works.
But I'll for sure look it up on the tax differences after seeing this video!
Obs.: in Brazil, the only downside of not being legally married is that you cannot change your name (have the same last name as your spouse). I believe , since I've watched Friends and Mike Crap Bag episode, it's fairly easy to chance your name in the US, so that's the strongest reason for me to get marry now.
Very interesting topic. Thanks for your work 👍
Having a ring really helps when your pregnant going to clinicsect.
As a young woman who is in a relationship and strongly feel that marriage is down the road, this video was so helpful! I’m rethinking if my student debt works well with the idea of marriage or if there would be a better financial decision for myself and my significant other. Thank you for this!! I would have never thought marriage was a potential tax penalty if it weren’t for this video.
Choosing a domestic partnership over marriage is something I have long
considered. However, I live in Oregon, where opposite sex domestic
partnerships and common law marriages are not possible. Even if you have
registered as domestic partners in another state, I believe Oregon just
treats you as married, tax-wise. I'm wondering if I have any other options (besides moving to Washington).
Especially as someone on disability (in BC, Canada), this is totally also a disability justice issue. You can lose partial or all your funding if you become married and would have to reply completely on the income of your spouse. My partner and I are both on disability and live in a city about as affordable as LA or New York. Getting married would decrease our monthly income which is already below the poverty line to an even more unsustainable amount.
Holy crap. . I had no idea about this. Thank you so much for this video
I am so grateful for videos like this. We had our weddig in the beginning December with only eight people. It will be beneficial for us financially in the long run (in Hungary) but we couldn't afford a party now. We also have student loans, a baby on the way and the pressing issue of getting a bigger place. Everybody knows this but we recieved so much hate and anger about our small ceremony. It made me so happy to know that I am not alone with this problem. Thank you! :) (Now I'm gonna check out One Big Happy.)
I'm so sorry to hear about the push back you are getting about your decision. But situations like that let you know who your real friends are. Just keep living life on your own terms!--Tasha
She is so smart and eloquent and beautiful!!! Yale Law School wow goals. This is great.
This was amazing and deeply inspiring to watch. Thank you so much for making this video. It put the concept of marriage into modern terms that I wasn't able to articulate before. Thanks ladies and stay strong, savvy, and intelligent!
Thank you for discussing this topic! Marriage is something my partner and I have been debating when it came to the financial or even practical benefits. Times have changed, and videos like this definitely help us to make more informed decisions :)
It would be great if you could make a video on health insurance for non married, but committed partners and/or single people. Neither me nor my partner wish to get married, but in my field of work it is hard to receive any type of insurance. I have no idea where to begin in my research to find a way around it, so any help would be amazing!
Some companies cover domestic partners under insurance. I've worked for two employers who offered that benefit. Unfortunately it varies from employer to employer.--Tasha
I'M GUYANESE TOO! #represent
big up lol
This was FASCINATING!!! Thank you so much making this video!
Can I make a suggestion? Instead of calling the subtitle of the video "Why you might not want to get married," maybe say "Why I chose not to get married."
That way the focus is more about sharing YOUR personal decision and your experience and what works for your lifestyle.
yay, new video! much love from Germany 🇩🇪🤗
I really liked this video!
Guyana!!! Yes... I keep watching your videos and saying that girl is so so Haitian. I asked in the comments and you said you weren't connected to Haiti. So happy to pinpoint what it is. You're from the carribean, you have that creole vibe. This is why you kept reminding me of my fellow Haitians...
As a man I was only aware of the negatives of marriage from a male's perspective but getting it from a female's perspective really widen my view. Thank you a lot and I hope you guys live happily together, I feel like the best thing people should do with their life is what's best for them instead of following the norm. I'm glad with what you guys are doing 😁
Amazing video. Thank you so much! TFD Always brings on the most fantastic guests.
Thanks!--Tasha
Awesome video, I’ve never thought about this or heard from your guest but I just subbed to her channel. Thanks for posting!!
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now, and the talk of marriage has come up frequently. I am so grateful that you made this video because while I was aware that marriage was not the only option when it came to committed relationships, it never crossed my mind that I could pursue anything aside from the status quo. While we probably won't get married anytime soon because we're still young (I just turned 20!), we will definately do more research before making a final decision together. Thank you!
yesss speaking from someone who went through something similar as you, TAKE YOUR TIME! There is no rush and if you guys are meant to be together you will :)
I appreciate Tasha's openness in describing her situation so that we can understand the reasoning why getting married may not be the best option sometimes. This is also why tax professionals or tax programs figure out whether it would be better for a married couple to file individually or jointly. You just need to get the most bang for your buck.
Ah, jeez, this adds a whole 'nother layer to the financial acrobatics I would have to pull to get married to my partner. We've decided that before we walk down the aisle, we're going to speak to a financial planner since we're both on our way back to school and need to keep all of this kind of stuff in mind. Thanks for the video! I hadn't even thought about income based repayment as a financial obstacle for us.
That's really smart to consult a financial planner before you get married. That way you can make a fully informed decision.--Tasha
If u married and file separately the spouse income is not considereed (for government loan. Not commenting on yale)
When you file separately you loose access to certain deductions. Married filing separate is the worst filing status, particularly if you itemize.--Tasha
One of the things people should also get from this video is college education and student loans is the biggest scam ever.
UVA-Wise costs right now $9k for tuition, room& board, and student services per semester . That's the full cost if you don't have the Pale Grant, plus returning students get $500 grant if you keep above a 3.0 gpa each semester. A degree is a degree. It's so affordable, it blows my mind when I hear how much debt others went into for the same degree that I have. I hope this info is helpful to those scared of college debt.
My mom and my dad didn't get officially married. My mother was in a similar situation, but with her chronic illness instead of school. They had the ceremony and file as partners, but are not legally married. It did get them kicked out of the church when they found out, but outside of that, it works well for them. He is able to get his loan repayment program and she is able to get her healthcare and they just tell people they are married. If you ask, she calls him her husband, and it doesn't matter to anyone else if they have paperwork, that's their business. If my partner would be okay with that, I'd probably do the same thing.
One of the most important things that Tasha recommended is to educate yourself, because marriage is not necessarily more expensive for everyone. If your partner is going to stay at home with the kids, then that partner is a tax write off. However, if the marriage puts you into a higher tax bracket, it very well may cost you more in taxes and interest on student loans, etc. Just educate yourself. And obviously, you can still get married even if it will cost you financially.
This was so candid and on point
Thanks a lot for feeling comfortable enough to share this information :)
PS: your necklace is so pretty :')