My husband and I got married a year ago. We decided not to have a wedding because it was too expensive and we needed to make some home repairs. I didn't have a big party but I have a brand new kitchen (I literally didn't have one before) . It makes sense to think about things financially. Having money problems doesn't make for a super-happy-fun-time in a marriage anyways.
Kathryn White You are so right. I've always thought it was so stupid to spend so much money on a wedding. That money could be used for exactly the kinds of things you said.. a new kitchen, a new bathroom or a swimming pool makes so much more sense. Besides divorces are so recurrent nowadays you might still be recovering from that huge huge expense but already be divorcing...
My plan is to not have a wedding either, or a formal reception! Like, my boyfriend and our friends and I may go out to dinner, but neither of us have enough family to justify a wedding or reception (I'm estranged from a family of narcissistic abusers and his family is broken). And I absolutely don't see the appeal in inviting a bunch of friends of his mom's and grandma's that we don't know just for the sake of having guests--the wedding should be for us not for making others happy. His mom isn't too happy about it but we sure will be when we have the extra cash for home repairs and schooling~ ;)
Zenny Abanales depends on how you value marriage. My religious beliefs are against cohabitation and for the commitment of marriage, but that's the beauty of America, you can do what you want.
These comments are ridiculous and show how un-educated people are. When you get married, you are (among other things) financially bound to your partner. If you get married and your partner racks up debt you are (in most cases) responsible for that debt too. Comments saying 'marriage is about love not finances' are not grounded in reality.
Jo Gill - kind of funny that you think the younger generation thinks that marriage is only about money when marriage as a financial contract is literally the most traditional stance possible. The entire history of marriage was founded on financial security for both parties - a source of income for women (who traditionally would have had few outlets through which to independently earn money) and a source of inheritance security for men (who would be able to contractually purchase a virgin for exclusive use and therefore know that the first-born, who would inherit, would be biologically theirs). In fact, many people believed it was dangerous or foolish to use love as any kind of criteria for choosing a spouse. It wasn't until the enlightenment-based revolutions had occurred (American, French, etc) that people began to view love and marriage as potentially compatible ideas, and it didn't really ramp up until the industrial revolution made it possible for people to get married without financial assistance (read: approval) from their parents. Also, every study done on the subject has concluded that couples who openly discuss their financial issues and concerns with each other are much happier and far less likely to divorce. And, for the record, the generation with the highest divorce rate is boomers - in fact, over the past 20 years, while the national divorce rate has declined, the divorce rate for boomers has increased by 2-3x.
I once had a boss who divorced his wife so their son could get a certain college scholarship. Nothing in their life changed except the legal papers and now they plan to stay separated in the eyes of the government for similar reasons. I see this and then I see people signing legal marriage licenses with friends to inherit health insurance. Very interesting times for sure. Great video 💁🏻♀️
Even in the past people have gotten married to strangers for the green cards and other benefits it holds. The only problem with incentivizing is that the benefits may be harmful for specific situations or the act may be performed for the benefits rather than for the act itself.
My gut reaction to reading the story of your boss was that it’s morally wrong but I don’t find Tasha and Joseph’s situation wrong. It’s certainly thought-provoking and I wonder if your boss’s situation would be considered fraud or not. Would the scholarship still be granted if the fund was aware of the situation? What’s the difference between a couple never getting married for financial benefit versus a couple divorcing to experience the same benefits? So interesting.
Sandy G 323 honestly the college loan and scholarship system is fraud. Just a complete scam. If colleges are going to take advantage of people then people have to take advantage of colleges.
I love that Tasha is designing her side of the partnership around her needs and concerns rather than conforming the relationship to the ideals of others.
One Big Happy , dear you can never make all peole happy. You and your family are happy and convinced that you are doing the right thing for you, and that is all that matters! Have a happy life!
I am 25 and have never considered a financial downside to marrying if you have a fiscally responsible spouse. CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO about the concepts you mentioned in the video? You said do research but I never heard of estate tax, loan repayment (outside of the military) etc, basically let us know some key concepts where to start. You and your family are so inspiring, thanks for sharing!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't listen to the negativity. You're an amazing example of self growth and so brave to mention the times in your life where you didn't make the right decision. Thank you for braking gender, race and country related stereotypes. And congrats on Yale! Keep up the great content!!! So much love to you and your amazing family! (sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language)
MANY people get married and find themselves in deep, deep do-do, I mean toxicity & misery to which financial stress and struggles can be a big contributor. Tasha and her partner are conscious, thoughtful & intentional about how they choose to live. I cannot applaud that enough!!
This video is very funny in an interesting way for me... I am from Germany and my parents haven't been married for most of my life. They decided to get married a couple of years ago because all of the benefits regarding taxation and inheritance. But they raised me with the opinion that you don't need to be married to be committed to one another and that they knew they want to spend their life together so they didn't need that "acknowledgement" of their relationship by society. I understand and fully respect that for some people it is important to be married but there shouldn't be a pressure to marry because that's just what couples eventually do :) Everyone should just do want they want, it's their relationship and not ours, is what I'm trying to say I guess :)
Thank you for posting this! Even I, coming from a more conservative European country than Germany, find all this puritanism ridiculous. I respect that marriage can be important to some people, but this doesn't mean that one absolutely needs a legal contract to demonstrate commitment.
Hi everyone! While we of course support open debate and disagreements in our comments section, we know that this is a personal and divisive topic that can bring out heated responses. If you leave a hateful or offensive comment, it will be immediately deleted, so don't waste your time! -C
As a Canadian, yes. When she said she had "only" $20,000 in debt after her undergrad I was not shocked but it still, my entire degree only cost $25,000.
First and foremost, i really just followed this channel because I just turned 29 and I still feel like I don't have my finances together (oddly enough I have an accounting degree.) But I really enjoy the videos! And you guys make the information so relatable. And girl, wear your ring and throw your relationship a giant party. Have friends dressed in the same dress and get a cake with catering. You don't need a wedding to celebrate love!
This is very interesting, because in Canada, partners who are common-law (live together 12 consecutive months) are taxed almost the same as married couples. Common-law is sometimes worse, because you can miss out on certain credit benefits which are only allocated to married persons!
thatjillgirl here is a good article that answers your question: www.moneysense.ca/save/taxes/romantic-roommates-at-tax-time/ Basically, it's simply illegal to lie on your tax return, so you must claim common-law status
Y'all need to chill. They have a right to talk about this topic. It is a very important one people need to educate themselves more on this because it is part of marriage. I know of someone whose spouse put her into deep debt and now she and her kids are all suffering the consequences. Had she had more knowledge on the subject maybe all of this could have been avoided. Another thing, all of these people saying thay being legal cohabitants is a bad thing for the children?!?! I get that the parents have to think about their kids but they also need to think about their own needs and their own interests. They do have a life to live. Chances are the kids don't even care whether or not mommy and daddt are married
My aunt and uncle didnt get married until my cousin was 10ish. They both had divorced parents and they had a lot of divorced friends and they saw how hard it was and didnt want that for their lives.
If you don't crunch the numbers before you get married, it certainly will happen if you get divorced. Besides things for dealing with next of kin health crisis (which lawyers can draw up paper work for you to have as much say as a spouse), and health insurance, I don't see how marriage is a must have anymore for secular people.
Wow I cant beleive people would say that she is just a "place holder". How disgusting. Great video as always TFD. Millennials are getting married less and less and i think its a good thing for a whole host of reasons.
I am a regular subscriber of One Big Happy (it's how I found this video) and the comments came from both sides of the coin- Tasha and Joseph (her partner) handled them gracefully of course but it was really gross to see how hateful people can be over old customs.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for doing this video, I will be subscribing to your page. My own partner and I have the same struggles. We get a lot of push-back from my family about his race ( im white and he's Latino) and also a lot of religious sneering about living together without marriage. We've both felt like uncomfortable with the idea of a legal marriage for various reasons as well as found it to be poor financial decision. I hadn't even been aware of domestic partnerships or tax penalties. Thanks.
For some people (mostly people where one person makes substantially more money than the other) there are major tax advantages. Not all employers allow benefits to be shared with a non-married domestic partner.
Insurance benefits and legalization in the case of a Non-American are big ones. In addition, funeral rights, power of attorney in emergency health settings, death and inheritance, visitation rights in prison and in hospitals, military benefits, and parental recognition are all benefits to marriage. There are a lot of ways to arrange some of these things for non-married couples to qualify (such as a living will and advance directive), but getting married can insure this things otherwise.
Mostly for State allotted benefits. Something that wasn't discussed here is that legal marriage can actually provide more financial security as well, especially for families that opt to only have one working partner. They definitely shouldn't be pushing that not getting married is the way for everyone to go because it works out best specifically for them, because it doesn't work out that way for everyone.
In my country, there are some benefits to being married, like easier access to mortgages and other types of credits. Also, there's no such thing as power of attorney, so my partner cannot take medical decisions for me, if need be, I would have to call my father. We also have limited disposition of our goods after death, you can only will a small portion of your estate, the rest, by law, would go to family. Having children is also easier if you are married (not the baby-making part, obviously, but administrative shit).
I always planned on being a spinster, but I've found myself in a relationship for about a year now. My partner and I live together, and recently we've been talking about buying a house (which is now on hold because we no longer have to move). He's a fair bit older than me and has just gone through a divorce. Neither of us wants to get married and we're very open and honest about it. We're also both very logical, and during our discussions about buying a property, we decided that when we do buy something together that we will have a contract written up just in case things take a bad turn and we break up. The idea is that we write the contract in good faith, while we are not bitter towards one another so that it keeps it fair. Obviously, we're not planning on breaking up but we're just going to cover that base anyway - much like a marriage contract would but without the mess of a marriage.
Don't get a mortgage on the house if you don't have a legal contract of what would happen to it should one of you leave the house or stop paying the mortgage or go bankrupt. Make sure to talk it threw with a good attorney before making a decision as such.
Me and my fiancee plan on doing similar things. At one point I didnt wanna go back to college because it seemed like too much of a hassle and I didnt really wanna shell out another 5gs on it just to end up a stay at home in a few years or own my own business. But he told me I should do it anyways because it safeguards my future in case we broke up or in case something ever happened to him. Same with him he was gonna let me use his line of credit to buy a cheap car and have me pay him back but I didnt wanna risk it in case we broke up, or in case he ended up needing that money down the road and then couldnt use it because he hit his limit. Relationships need to be rational not just passionate.
I'm not so sure about the intelligent part. She's book smart, but not street smart. If you search her other videos on her channel, she confesses she is a million dollars (yes, a million dollars) in debt. Somehow she is absolutely sure she will pay it back, and refuses to give up the huge house in the very expensive neighborhood she lives in. Also uses some very convoluted logic to justify her many stupid financial decisions. I simply can't take any of her advice seriously because of that.
She is intelligent but not smart in many things. I do hope that in the future she will learn more and have a happy life. The nice university education and job etc never bring happiness to us ladies. Right now she thinks those things are everything.
You all obviously aren't subscribed to her channel. That "million dollar debt" video is old. They talk about their debt and how they made mistakes, how they've set goals and have already paid off a large chunk of debt in just a year. People shouldn't speak poorly about those they do not know.
This video is SO helpful. I am 23, single and just finished my undergrad and am in no rush to find a partner and get married. Much of this information was told to me by my mom who works with finances. Marriages isn't just about love, it's also a financial commitment that both parties should discuss and be ready for. Money is an issue that is fought over in marriages and relationships in general. More young people, males and female, need to learn about this and discuss these things with their partners or view it even if they are single.
This is a perspective. This is one perspective, out of thousands of perspectives. Let people live the life that works best for them. Take what people say, understand, and grow from that.
Thank you for talking about this! So many people get emotional about marriage, especially when religion is involved. I love how you look at it clinically and break down the pros and cons. Marriage isn't always right and it isn't for everyone. Thanks for explaining the ins and outs of this!
I'm glad you chose to showcase different point of views and relevant topics on your channel! I've never thought about things this way, thank you for planting a seed (:
You guys did hear her mentioning being previously married right? I don't think y'all did based on these comments, so she's probably not against marriage she did it,and was taken advantage of or it didn't work out ,and now she's smarter and more cautious .many people have these fairytale dreams of being proposed to ECT, once it happens and it's with someone who does not have your best interest at heart you realize that it's not all that it's cracked up to be .majority of divorce people that I've talked to always say they'll never get married again despite their current relationship status
I definitely will marry Joseph when the time is right (probably in another five years or so). There still are legal benefits that you can't contract around. But being married before does impact my decision to not marry. First, I'm not desperate to boost my self-esteem by showing that I could snag a man and get him to marry me. Whether people want to admit it or not, women are definitely pushed to believe that. Second, because I've already been married I know what marriage feels like and so I know for certain that this isn't any different. Third, I actually feel even more secure in our relationship because I know how strong our commitment is because it's what holds us together and not the fact that we are bound by law. --Tasha
To elaborate on crunching the numbers, it also makes sense to add the cost of divorce just to see if/when it happens. I've been married twice, divorced twice, and refuse to ever sign a legal document no matter how much I love someone. The money could be put towards more important and meaningful things.
Actually, this makes a great case for signing legal documents upfront that will determine what happens if you split up. Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to have things like wills and powers of attorney.--Tasha
I totally agree .Marriage and divorce are a means for many parasites of society to make a living , lawyers , wedding planners , reastaurants , etc etc ...I am naver again going to do it .How stupid !!
Wow, so being married is the only way to stay together. I have been with my boyfriend for more than 14 years and we are more committed to each other than couples who I have met that are married. I also believe in God which means I do not judge others and their decisions. She has reasons for not getting married just as I have reasons for not getting married. Live and let live.
Marlen Valarezo we were together for 15 years before we got married. We finally got married after I had emergency sergary and he realised that he had no legal rights. He has no debt and I only have 5000 left from college loans so we looked at what was the cheapest way to get the legal paperwork done and getting married was the cheapest easiest and funnest way for use. If I didn't need the sergary then we would definitely still be unmarried. The one benefit I like most about being married is that his nieces get to call me their auntie finally!
that is interesting that you bring up the legal rights when you had emergency surgery, which for me is an important reason in pro side of the marriage pro/cons list. however they did mention that legally you can get around that with a medical power of attorney. I am wondering if you considered that and found it wasn't appropriate in your situation or not... not to judge you, I'm just curious about medical power of attorney/ vs marriage and how suitable it is as as an alternative
I don't believe in any form of deity, and I don't judge others for their decisions either ^^ Whatever the reason, it is always nice to hear others being good and lovely people. :)
Thanks Ashley! Yes, I agree that there is more than one right way to live a good life. Hopefully the more people are exposed to other perspectives the more open-minded they will become.--Tasha
Seriously they arent saying 'never get married' shes literally just explaining that its not for everyone and to think about it rationally not just with your heart. Marriage is a huge deal and divorce rates are at 50% so its something people need to be way more serious about. Look at your needs and wants and talk an accountant to see how it will affect you. Maybe the benefits outweigh the risks for you. But ive seen divorce and its nasty in the end when it comes down to the money especially when debt is involved.
Love this very rational discourse on marriage. As a Brit who fell in love with an American, we formalised our commitment to one another through marriage in order to stay living in the same country as we are both self employed people unable to get a work sponsored visa. In all honesty, if we were the same nationality we may not have ever formalised our relationship in this way, but I'm happy we did and it's nice to have the long term stability that marriage between two nationalities offers. Thanks for shedding light on this topic for others who might be considering alternative ways to be in a committed relationship.
OMG! I love this! Thank you for putting this out there! Finally, someone who understands that Marriage is a financial decision too. Seriously, you have to understand what Marriage means beyond just commitment. I absolutely love this! I will marry the one I love when I want and when I feel that that is what I need. 😊😙
I can't believe how many people, in the comments in particular, believe you should marry because of religious or spiritual reasons(divorce rates proves it's rarely a strong enough motivator to stay) when the whole affair becomes unreligious the moment you have to sign a LEGAL document. A commitment to each other, whether in a holy place or not, with promises made before god and/or family without the acknowledgement of the government is far greater a commitment. You can be sure then no on is committing to the marriage simply due to potential financial gain at the expense of the other. You can even have a wedding and ring, just keep the government out of it. I'd rather use the system(s) imposed on us for our benefit, if I know i'm going to die in the near future, marriage might be beneficial to ensure my long term partner and love of my life receives everything I own when I pass.
I've been considering this, too. Mainly because of my own debts. It's not horribly excessive but it's excessive when you don't make a lot. I don't want to join my bad credit with anyone else's. I also don't intend to have children so something like buying a house might not be in my plans either, but I'll give that one some more thought. And...in that unfortunate event that things do go sour in the relationship, you don't have to go broke with the court fees. I feel I've encountered a lot of "You HAVE to do XYZ thing because you just have to!" and I don't want to get married just because "that's what you do". I'm not writing off marriage entirely, just that I'm keeping my options open. Thanks so much for this video!
So I'm in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend up here in Canada and it's very frustrating, because we must claim to be common-law after living with each other for 12 months by CRA, but RCMP at 6 months, and Social Welfare at 3 months, and ICBC at 2 years. There's nothing definitive about it, and I hate how it forced my relationship to escalate financially (particularly nerve-racking since he did his taxes for the first time last year, after 7 years of nothing). But it's interesting to see how our mess compares with the US variations of domestic partnership/common-law.
My partner and I love in Switzerland, and here too it’s is not cheap to be married. Not mentioning big culture of staying at home wifes. In here too it’s cheaper to be in domestic partnership for various reason. I liked this subject. Thank you girls.
Thanks so much for your knowledge and Input!!! married or not, it's SO important for people to communicate their expectations of what they want with each other. people can be married and still not know that.
I cannot fathom how there can be any negative feedback to this upload. It's not like it's taking a crap on monogamy, just advising caution when legally combining finances - including mention of instances where legal marriage might be beneficial.
Fascinating, fantastic video. As a 24-year-old single woman, I had assumed all the typical things about marriage like that you automatically should do it for insurance reasons. What does intimidate me is what happens if I buy a home or get a certain amount of money before marriage or if he does, as well? I know Chelsea loves the idea of pre-nups. I’ve also read articles claiming that if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married. It’s a lot to think about.
you're gonna find articles for and against every situation, prenup, no prenup whatever you do, it's good to be informed and then to make a decision on what you feel is right for your relationship.
The "if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married" is flawed logic. If you never plan on cheating, getting divorced, etc, then why would a pre-nup be a problem? Pre-nups are only unappealing to the party who intends to break the agreement. Don't let some manipulative man try to talk you out of basic protections with some BS "But don't you love/trust/etc me enough to not need one??" line.
People! Keep in mind where she is coming from! That woman is an example for all of us! She has made a life for hershelf. Strong and capable and damn smart when it comes to her finances. And she is only looking out for her family
My mother got married in the middle of my college experience and effectively ruined my financial aid in the process, because now she makes "too much money."
I'm so glad that now, at 30, I'm thinking about things like this. I wish I had a clue when I had 2 children and married in my early 20s. I have a lot to muck through, but at least now all of my decisions are educated ones!
LOVE this video! My partner and I are engaged and domestic partners but we both also do IBR on our student loans and getting married and/or filing together as a married couple would definitely affect that. I just wonder about how filing separately in taxes plays a role in this. Anywho - this is such an important discussion to have in a relationship. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide their commitment and how that manifests whether it's through a formal marriage or something else. I really appreciated Tasha's perspective and am gonna check out her channel, as well as Chelsea's comments on immigration because there are so many elements that are a part of deciding to get married beyond love.
Hi! IBR is another reason, among many, why we are better off not being married. Under REPAYE (the newest IBR) they count your spouse's income even if you file separately. Plus filing separately sucks because you lose a lot of valuable deductions. --Tasha
GROWN 👏🏽 ASS 👏🏽 COUPLE 👏🏽. Mad props for being so thorough and intelligent about financial planning. So many people don't consider the legal framework around it. Guess this is what happens when lawyers get together. =D
Thanks! And yes, we definitely look at everything from a legal perspective. And we both have finance backgrounds too so that plays into every decision we make.--Tasha
This is ridiculous, I can't believe what I am hearing... We live in Germany with my husband and here you actually get massive tax discounts if you are married, health care benefits, not to mention the benefits and support you get if you have kids. Somehow it makes me sad that the "traditional" family structure is not supported in the US.
Especially as someone on disability (in BC, Canada), this is totally also a disability justice issue. You can lose partial or all your funding if you become married and would have to reply completely on the income of your spouse. My partner and I are both on disability and live in a city about as affordable as LA or New York. Getting married would decrease our monthly income which is already below the poverty line to an even more unsustainable amount.
Thank you for this topic, and Tasha is such a wonderful lady! I don’t get how people say “this is a unique financial situation”, can’t you take home the advice to thoroughly research the financial aspects of marriage where you live, at the time you have to make this decision? The concrete tax code may not be applicable even to Tasha in 6 months.. Also, to people blabbing about love and commitment - marriage is a legal contract, with legal implications. If you need a piece of paper to keep your partner committed, I got bad news for you 🤷♀️ And to people who say that love is sacrifice, “even financial” - enjoy the government sucking you dry. Several thousands dollars per year, which is the financial loss Tasha and her family will experience if married is much better saved towards a goal, college, house, investment or business, and will serve her children much better than “knowing mommy and daddy are committed”. Just my two cents. I am loving how a sensible financial decision sparks such outrage. Usually means you’re doing something right:) Subbed to Tasha’s channel as well, much love and luck to you both!
You go girl! I'm always surprised to hear how marriage is still so common in the US. I live in the province of Quebec, Canada, I am a woman in my 20s and I feel absolutely NO pressure from society to get married. People here only get married if they want to, and it is very common to have a life partner and have kids without being married. It is almost a rare thing to have a wedding in my generation. For us, a committed relationship is just as good as a wedding and we won't regard a couple differently based on whether they are married or not. Anyways, thanks for the video! It is always helpful to research financial implications of such a big decision.
As a young woman who is in a relationship and strongly feel that marriage is down the road, this video was so helpful! I’m rethinking if my student debt works well with the idea of marriage or if there would be a better financial decision for myself and my significant other. Thank you for this!! I would have never thought marriage was a potential tax penalty if it weren’t for this video.
Can I make a suggestion? Instead of calling the subtitle of the video "Why you might not want to get married," maybe say "Why I chose not to get married." That way the focus is more about sharing YOUR personal decision and your experience and what works for your lifestyle.
Thank you for this video! All my parents have ever done throughout my first 18 years is fight about finances, so I am really not interested on getting married anytime within my 20s or 30s. Marriage is a huge commitment that a lot of people don't seem to understand.
Stumbled across this after watching another my first FD video. I'm in a relationship with someone who I could certainly see myself with for a while though I've never thought of marriage as a life-step for me. Recently I've started researching marriage to see why that is usually a "next step" in these kinds of situations and the issue of finances has re-confirmed that we don't need to marry. For one, I don't want our taxes to increase due to our combined incomes. But watching this has added a whole slew of reasons to avoid marriage while providing options (such as domestic partnership and PoA)! I really appreciated this video! You both clearly know what you're talking about and are super inspirational. Glad to have two new informational channels to follow!
Thank you for making this video! I myself by law am married but trying to get divorced. It has been extremely hard and stressful filing paperwork for taxes, etc considering I’m no longer with my partner... I wish I would have known this before getting married but I was young(18) and in love but I’ve definitely learned! Thank you!
This is very informative! I believe she did what was best for her situation like everyone else. Married or Not decide what is best for you and your partner. I for one is married legally because the timing and the situation was right but I know other couples who are fully committed to each other and do not need a document telling them they are bind together. :)
My mom and my dad didn't get officially married. My mother was in a similar situation, but with her chronic illness instead of school. They had the ceremony and file as partners, but are not legally married. It did get them kicked out of the church when they found out, but outside of that, it works well for them. He is able to get his loan repayment program and she is able to get her healthcare and they just tell people they are married. If you ask, she calls him her husband, and it doesn't matter to anyone else if they have paperwork, that's their business. If my partner would be okay with that, I'd probably do the same thing.
I've questioned for years if I want to get married legally simply because I dislike the government involvement in marriage. This is a very thought provoking video and I'm glad to have found it!
I appreciate Tasha's openness in describing her situation so that we can understand the reasoning why getting married may not be the best option sometimes. This is also why tax professionals or tax programs figure out whether it would be better for a married couple to file individually or jointly. You just need to get the most bang for your buck.
I am so grateful for videos like this. We had our weddig in the beginning December with only eight people. It will be beneficial for us financially in the long run (in Hungary) but we couldn't afford a party now. We also have student loans, a baby on the way and the pressing issue of getting a bigger place. Everybody knows this but we recieved so much hate and anger about our small ceremony. It made me so happy to know that I am not alone with this problem. Thank you! :) (Now I'm gonna check out One Big Happy.)
I'm so sorry to hear about the push back you are getting about your decision. But situations like that let you know who your real friends are. Just keep living life on your own terms!--Tasha
Thanks so much to you both for presenting this topic openly! I'm currently engaged and have been since 2011! I have been trying to weigh all the pros and cons, since we have already waited so long.
One of the most important things that Tasha recommended is to educate yourself, because marriage is not necessarily more expensive for everyone. If your partner is going to stay at home with the kids, then that partner is a tax write off. However, if the marriage puts you into a higher tax bracket, it very well may cost you more in taxes and interest on student loans, etc. Just educate yourself. And obviously, you can still get married even if it will cost you financially.
As usual I love your new video which makes so much sense. As a law practitioner myself, I do witness many instances where marriage is not good for finances. For example, in Mauritius where I'm from, to be eligible for a reduction of Registration Duty (which is 5% of the purchase price) on the purchase of a house/apartment/bare plot of land for the first time, both partners can each benefit for 1 property each whereas if you're married, it's 1 property only per married couple. Worst is if your spouse owned anything before the marriage, you still can't benefit from the tax reduction being a married couple. Same thing for housing loans and eligibility criteria for affordable housing. Let alone the waste of money a wedding celebration represents.. The marriage nowadays may well be over before the debt for the wedding celebration has been repaid!! Finally, I really cant figure out why would one not like this video?? It's very informative and very sincere!
This video is definitely important for anyone who has a large amount of debt from law school, med school, grad school, or is considering marrying someone with a large amount of school debt.
What a great video! I heve never thought the costs (beside the wedding costs) of being in a marriage. I don't live in US, and I've always thought that being married is cheaper. The laws are obviusy diffrent here in Brazil and you are declared domestic partners if you share expenses for more than 2 years and it is the same, you have the same rights, as if you were married. It's odd, but it's how it works. But I'll for sure look it up on the tax differences after seeing this video! Obs.: in Brazil, the only downside of not being legally married is that you cannot change your name (have the same last name as your spouse). I believe , since I've watched Friends and Mike Crap Bag episode, it's fairly easy to chance your name in the US, so that's the strongest reason for me to get marry now.
There are pros and cons depending on where you live. In the Netherlands you submit your taxes together just with a domestic partnership. Your benefits from the government such as unemployment, rental and health insurance benefits are affected or even cut all together if the other partner makes more. Even if you don't have a contract but you have a child and live together after 1year you are considered domestic partners. If you are not married you need to make a will at the notary about who gets what after the death of one or both. From 2018 you are your own legal entity after marriage which means that your debts and earnings remain yours unless you have a prenup that says otherwise.
You may have to make lots of calls and get lots of rejections from some pastors, but religious folks who want to have a ceremony and be "married" without the legal marriage, there are ministers out there who will understand your situation and will conduct the ceremony. Some ministers will do it, but their denomination won't, so you might not get to have the ceremony in the church building, (some denominations don't let the minister decide that) but the minister will still do it.
As a man I was only aware of the negatives of marriage from a male's perspective but getting it from a female's perspective really widen my view. Thank you a lot and I hope you guys live happily together, I feel like the best thing people should do with their life is what's best for them instead of following the norm. I'm glad with what you guys are doing 😁
UVA-Wise costs right now $9k for tuition, room& board, and student services per semester . That's the full cost if you don't have the Pale Grant, plus returning students get $500 grant if you keep above a 3.0 gpa each semester. A degree is a degree. It's so affordable, it blows my mind when I hear how much debt others went into for the same degree that I have. I hope this info is helpful to those scared of college debt.
Guyana!!! Yes... I keep watching your videos and saying that girl is so so Haitian. I asked in the comments and you said you weren't connected to Haiti. So happy to pinpoint what it is. You're from the carribean, you have that creole vibe. This is why you kept reminding me of my fellow Haitians...
I’m curious about this because I don’t live in the US. Isn’t there some kind of option in the US for someone to marry and still be financially independent? I’m getting married in a couple of months (I live in Spain) and we both agree the best way to go is to marry with what is called in spanish “separación de bienes”, which basically means we are legally married but our finances are completely independent. That way we get the benefits of being married (like getting days off work if one of us is sick or being able to apply for things like adoptions in certain countries where they require X years of marriage) but we are still individuals for finance and properties. So if one of us starts a business the other one has 0 claim to it, or more importantly, if one of us goes bankrupt (he works freelance and I am a doctor) the other one doesn’t get prosecuted. We can still share a bank account for day to day expenses and buy a house with both names on the mortgage so really it is just practical and logical to do so. Isn’t there something similar in the US?
Interesting info but this doesn't apply to most western countries outside of the USA. Most still treat couples the same regardless of legal marriage and separation is still pretty much the same after a long term relationship in terms of assessment. I'm married to an Australian Divorce Lawyer and the only thing that costs us more than not being married is paying the actual wedding. People need to be careful that if they file their taxes as a "single" that they could run the risk of heavy fines or penalties if this is not the case. It would be recommended that you get sound advice from both a quality lawyer and accountant before making a long term decision to do so or you could risk it costing more in the long run. Laws and tax regulations are always changing so be careful of what you read on the Internet. ☺
Amy T I was just about to comment this! Their domestic partnership sounds like our De Facto which is essentially the same as marriage (legally, and in terms of finances).
So the other big problem here in the U.S. is that the tax code actually penalizes married couples in some cases. I'm assuming that's not the case in other countries.--Tasha
Yeah, I’m in Canada and if a couple is living together and have kids together there is no really way to get away from the common-law tax situation which is also as bad financially as being married. In Canada both partners have to sign and submit an agreement that states they are basically roommates and nothing more. And if they share kids then it gets extra complicated. Still, it’s less hassle than being married I’m sure.
I wonder how that would work in the US. This is an example of a working woman who has found a loophole in the specific loan aid that she has. It's really sad when people can't get married because otherwise they couldn't afford to support themselves, but the alternatives are to make tuition cheaper or to put a cap on the amount of educational loans allowed for each student. Also, just so you know, not all aid programs in the US are like this. People who receive government aid toward their housing can receive surprise visits to make sure that they don't have a live-in significant other if they claim to be single.
I was never someone who planned on getting married, but then my partner got accepted to grad school in Canada, and the only way for us to stay together and for me to work (without having a job ahead of time, which I didn't) was for us to get married. It's not something I talk about- I don't wear a ring and we had the smallest "wedding" we could possibly have without making both of our moms sad- but it's made the immigration process so much easier. So Chelsea- I definitely understand the power and sway of a Government Approved relationship for immigration purposes! When we eventually move back to the states we weren't planning on getting divorced, figuring that would automatically be a waste of money… but now I'm thinking we shouldn't write it off but instead take a clear-sighted look at the laws where we're living and decide if staying married is as advantageous for the next phase of our life as it was for this one. It's freeing to know that marriage is a tool, not what defines our relationship or our feelings for each other.
I'm not yet in this situation (I'm 23 and consider myself waaaaay to young for marriage) I can totally understand! Where I'm from, the Netherlands, not marrying is not strange or uncommon. My parents were never married and so many of my friends' parents were never married. I know so many amazing couples who love each other, have kids, pets, houses and are still together after 35 years, but never got married. My own parents ended up separating and might not be the best example, but they were in an 18 year relationship and then went their own separate ways without the drama of lawsuits and it immensely helped them move forward. They are great friends now. I think there is value in marriage, but I also think there is value in committing to each other in 'relationship' name only.
WOW. This is definitely some thought provoking stuff. Good job both of you ladies for laying out this subject and discussing it in a clear and objective manner. More of this please TFD!
Choosing a domestic partnership over marriage is something I have long considered. However, I live in Oregon, where opposite sex domestic partnerships and common law marriages are not possible. Even if you have registered as domestic partners in another state, I believe Oregon just treats you as married, tax-wise. I'm wondering if I have any other options (besides moving to Washington).
Thank you for discussing this topic! Marriage is something my partner and I have been debating when it came to the financial or even practical benefits. Times have changed, and videos like this definitely help us to make more informed decisions :)
Thanks so much for this video. My boyfriend and I celebrated 15 years together in May and I have no plans to get married. We're committed to each other (see: 15 years) and our lives are intertwined in many ways. While we pay into a shared account for things owned jointly, the rest of our money is ours to do with as we please. Thus, if he wanted to take out $60,000 in loans, that was his choice to make. Not something we fought over, and something I would be resentful of, still. Mostly no one hassles us about not being married, though I have noticed when someone else is getting married, there is a lot of talk about the relationship not being "real" or "deep" until the couple was married. I'm pretty happy with the level of "real" and "deep" we have going on, so I'm okay to not get married just to find out if what they say is true.
I love this! I am not married either for financial reasons. We are committed, engaged and have two beautiful children. We plan to eventually have a commitment ceremony of some sort , however a large party is not a part of our current financial goals so it will wait. I do get some pushback from family but most people are ok with it.
My mom and dad has a ceremony but didn’t get legally married. The ceremony was because they were religious. But, with her being disabled and my dad having old felonies from a rebel youth, marriage was a bad fiscal idea. She’s loose disability if she got married In WA. And with kidney failure, diabetes, and post stroke brain trauma she physically couldn’t work nor my dad work enough to afford her medical care. I grew up in a section 8 trailer (a better trailer after she married my dad - he is step but I don’t call him step) If she’d gotten legally married she would’ve died when she lost medical. Not only is it not the best emotional choice, sometimes in the USA the rules are setup to literary punish people in specific income classes for getting married.
I totally appreciate where she's coming from and we are free to make out own decisions. therefore, no one has the right to judge her for she did what she believes is the right thing to do for her. Correct me if i'm wrong. She didn't give much explanation for the difference it makes to be married. plus, she and her partner both have massive debt that's easier to pay back as a not married person. I personally value marriage from a religious stand point and consider it to be a vocation of two souls coming together to create a family in the eyes of God. Therefore, it would never cross my mind to commit to someone without marriage. and that would be the right thing to do for myself and my beliefs. period.
Hi Rita, I completely understand and respect that your focus is on being married in the eyes of God. So it's important to realize that Christians married for centuries before the organized church or the government got involved. So no, I do not believe that the government needs to recognize a marriage in order for it to be recognized by God.--Tasha
Yes, i don't disagree with your point, but If a person doesn't get the importance of a christian marriage at Church and it's spiritual value as a vocation then i can't help them. However, there's a huge financial side to marriage which support your decision. people marry for selfish reasons while others don't marry due to mistrust and old wounds. ultimately, we all have different opinions and we shape our life based on our decisions, successes and mistakes. I wish you and your family the best and as long as love and security is there then that's all you need. peace.
Sure, but if a couple feels that the religious aspects of marriage are important to them, they could just have the religious ceremony. You don't have to sign a legal document in order to be married from a religious standpoint. The ceremony is what you do for your marriage to be recognized by your religious community. The legal document is what you do for your marriage to be recognized by your government. The two do not have to go hand in hand.
Ah, jeez, this adds a whole 'nother layer to the financial acrobatics I would have to pull to get married to my partner. We've decided that before we walk down the aisle, we're going to speak to a financial planner since we're both on our way back to school and need to keep all of this kind of stuff in mind. Thanks for the video! I hadn't even thought about income based repayment as a financial obstacle for us.
When you file separately you loose access to certain deductions. Married filing separate is the worst filing status, particularly if you itemize.--Tasha
Thank you so much for this video!! It’s so important that we educate ourselves about the practical aspects of marriage as well as the emotional...also I think it’s kind of strange that anybody could call your (or anybody’s) commitment to a partner into question when you have a child together...surely caring and loving for a child as a partnership is the biggest commitment you can possibly make? And a much more important thing to work together on than your marriage status? Besides, i think it’s very clear that you’re not arguing against just being very up front about the practical implications. Thanks Tasha and TFD
Thinking about marriage? Here are 5 questions you should ask your partner before tying the knot: ua-cam.com/video/09MXBjOOdu4/v-deo.html.
My husband and I got married a year ago. We decided not to have a wedding because it was too expensive and we needed to make some home repairs. I didn't have a big party but I have a brand new kitchen (I literally didn't have one before) . It makes sense to think about things financially. Having money problems doesn't make for a super-happy-fun-time in a marriage anyways.
Kathryn White You are so right. I've always thought it was so stupid to spend so much money on a wedding. That money could be used for exactly the kinds of things you said.. a new kitchen, a new bathroom or a swimming pool makes so much more sense. Besides divorces are so recurrent nowadays you might still be recovering from that huge huge expense but already be divorcing...
My plan is to not have a wedding either, or a formal reception! Like, my boyfriend and our friends and I may go out to dinner, but neither of us have enough family to justify a wedding or reception (I'm estranged from a family of narcissistic abusers and his family is broken). And I absolutely don't see the appeal in inviting a bunch of friends of his mom's and grandma's that we don't know just for the sake of having guests--the wedding should be for us not for making others happy. His mom isn't too happy about it but we sure will be when we have the extra cash for home repairs and schooling~ ;)
You don't have to spend a fortune. Just go to the courthouse and have a family dinner.
What if they don't want to be married, Victor?
Zenny Abanales depends on how you value marriage. My religious beliefs are against cohabitation and for the commitment of marriage, but that's the beauty of America, you can do what you want.
These comments are ridiculous and show how un-educated people are. When you get married, you are (among other things) financially bound to your partner. If you get married and your partner racks up debt you are (in most cases) responsible for that debt too. Comments saying 'marriage is about love not finances' are not grounded in reality.
fact
AnyasMamaIsHere can't Americans get a sort of legal agreement that separates your finances (including income and debts) from your spouse's?
Rozamunduszek might be able to do something in a prenup but I’d be curious to see how that plays out in court, I’m no lawyer.
Marriage was in the past almost fully financial ^^
Jo Gill - kind of funny that you think the younger generation thinks that marriage is only about money when marriage as a financial contract is literally the most traditional stance possible. The entire history of marriage was founded on financial security for both parties - a source of income for women (who traditionally would have had few outlets through which to independently earn money) and a source of inheritance security for men (who would be able to contractually purchase a virgin for exclusive use and therefore know that the first-born, who would inherit, would be biologically theirs). In fact, many people believed it was dangerous or foolish to use love as any kind of criteria for choosing a spouse.
It wasn't until the enlightenment-based revolutions had occurred (American, French, etc) that people began to view love and marriage as potentially compatible ideas, and it didn't really ramp up until the industrial revolution made it possible for people to get married without financial assistance (read: approval) from their parents. Also, every study done on the subject has concluded that couples who openly discuss their financial issues and concerns with each other are much happier and far less likely to divorce. And, for the record, the generation with the highest divorce rate is boomers - in fact, over the past 20 years, while the national divorce rate has declined, the divorce rate for boomers has increased by 2-3x.
I once had a boss who divorced his wife so their son could get a certain college scholarship. Nothing in their life changed except the legal papers and now they plan to stay separated in the eyes of the government for similar reasons.
I see this and then I see people signing legal marriage licenses with friends to inherit health insurance. Very interesting times for sure.
Great video 💁🏻♀️
Even in the past people have gotten married to strangers for the green cards and other benefits it holds. The only problem with incentivizing is that the benefits may be harmful for specific situations or the act may be performed for the benefits rather than for the act itself.
My gut reaction to reading the story of your boss was that it’s morally wrong but I don’t find Tasha and Joseph’s situation wrong. It’s certainly thought-provoking and I wonder if your boss’s situation would be considered fraud or not. Would the scholarship still be granted if the fund was aware of the situation? What’s the difference between a couple never getting married for financial benefit versus a couple divorcing to experience the same benefits? So interesting.
Sandy G 323 honestly the college loan and scholarship system is fraud. Just a complete scam. If colleges are going to take advantage of people then people have to take advantage of colleges.
I love that Tasha is designing her side of the partnership around her needs and concerns rather than conforming the relationship to the ideals of others.
It was so great sitting down and chatting with TFD about this. Thanks for sharing our story!--Tasha
One Big Happy , dear you can never make all peole happy. You and your family are happy and convinced that you are doing the right thing for you, and that is all that matters! Have a happy life!
Tasha, thank you so much for sharing! You are such an inspiring role model!
I am 25 and have never considered a financial downside to marrying if you have a fiscally responsible spouse.
CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO about the concepts you mentioned in the video? You said do research but I never heard of estate tax, loan repayment (outside of the military) etc, basically let us know some key concepts where to start. You and your family are so inspiring, thanks for sharing!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't listen to the negativity. You're an amazing example of self growth and so brave to mention the times in your life where you didn't make the right decision. Thank you for braking gender, race and country related stereotypes. And congrats on Yale! Keep up the great content!!! So much love to you and your amazing family! (sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language)
My mom is from Guyana 🎉🎊❤️
Thank you for sharing your story!!
MANY people get married and find themselves in deep, deep do-do, I mean toxicity & misery to which financial stress and struggles can be a big contributor. Tasha and her partner are conscious, thoughtful & intentional about how they choose to live. I cannot applaud that enough!!
Thanks! --Tasha
Agreed!!
This video is very funny in an interesting way for me... I am from Germany and my parents haven't been married for most of my life. They decided to get married a couple of years ago because all of the benefits regarding taxation and inheritance. But they raised me with the opinion that you don't need to be married to be committed to one another and that they knew they want to spend their life together so they didn't need that "acknowledgement" of their relationship by society. I understand and fully respect that for some people it is important to be married but there shouldn't be a pressure to marry because that's just what couples eventually do :) Everyone should just do want they want, it's their relationship and not ours, is what I'm trying to say I guess :)
Thank you for posting this! Even I, coming from a more conservative European country than Germany, find all this puritanism ridiculous. I respect that marriage can be important to some people, but this doesn't mean that one absolutely needs a legal contract to demonstrate commitment.
Hi everyone! While we of course support open debate and disagreements in our comments section, we know that this is a personal and divisive topic that can bring out heated responses. If you leave a hateful or offensive comment, it will be immediately deleted, so don't waste your time!
-C
Well, if you delete comments that dont suit your narrative, it only shows you intolerance towards thoughts and views that do not align with yours.
You can disagree with someone without being hateful or offensive about it.
I’m just glad someone is finally saying this, that it doesn’t make sense financially to get married, it’s not often talked about by women.
You will still read it
eaudrey18 Except that "hateful" is very subjective as well. Subjective is the word. Not "opinionated", you used that wrongly.
Is anyone else saddened (no longer surprised) at Americans and the sheer magnitude of student debt
As a Canadian, yes. When she said she had "only" $20,000 in debt after her undergrad I was not shocked but it still, my entire degree only cost $25,000.
Damn, one more reason I wish I was Canadian
@@maggiebookworm me too. i paid my loan off in a couple years of working.
Higher ed is treated like a commodity here.
First and foremost, i really just followed this channel because I just turned 29 and I still feel like I don't have my finances together (oddly enough I have an accounting degree.) But I really enjoy the videos! And you guys make the information so relatable. And girl, wear your ring and throw your relationship a giant party. Have friends dressed in the same dress and get a cake with catering. You don't need a wedding to celebrate love!
So glad you enjoyed the video! And yes, there will be a party...just let me get my teenager through college first, lol.--Tasha
This is very interesting, because in Canada, partners who are common-law (live together 12 consecutive months) are taxed almost the same as married couples. Common-law is sometimes worse, because you can miss out on certain credit benefits which are only allocated to married persons!
it's true!!! big difference between USA ans canada
tldr; stay single if you're Canadian and want to pay low taxes 😉
Because socialist countries are prisons
I'm curious now: How do they verify that you are long-term partners living together as opposed to just roommates?
thatjillgirl here is a good article that answers your question: www.moneysense.ca/save/taxes/romantic-roommates-at-tax-time/
Basically, it's simply illegal to lie on your tax return, so you must claim common-law status
Marriage is a LEGAL CONTRACT, have u forgotten that people?!?!
I felt like this comment was directed at people in the comments ^^
Y'all need to chill. They have a right to talk about this topic. It is a very important one people need to educate themselves more on this because it is part of marriage. I know of someone whose spouse put her into deep debt and now she and her kids are all suffering the consequences. Had she had more knowledge on the subject maybe all of this could have been avoided.
Another thing, all of these people saying thay being legal cohabitants is a bad thing for the children?!?! I get that the parents have to think about their kids but they also need to think about their own needs and their own interests. They do have a life to live. Chances are the kids don't even care whether or not mommy and daddt are married
My aunt and uncle didnt get married until my cousin was 10ish. They both had divorced parents and they had a lot of divorced friends and they saw how hard it was and didnt want that for their lives.
If you don't crunch the numbers before you get married, it certainly will happen if you get divorced.
Besides things for dealing with next of kin health crisis (which lawyers can draw up paper work for you to have as much say as a spouse), and health insurance, I don't see how marriage is a must have anymore for secular people.
Wow I cant beleive people would say that she is just a "place holder". How disgusting. Great video as always TFD. Millennials are getting married less and less and i think its a good thing for a whole host of reasons.
I am a regular subscriber of One Big Happy (it's how I found this video) and the comments came from both sides of the coin- Tasha and Joseph (her partner) handled them gracefully of course but it was really gross to see how hateful people can be over old customs.
And what's really sad is I deleted the really bad comments. There were lots of racial slurs involved. 😟--Tasha
UA-cam should ban those accounts. So dissapointing that people would say something like that. Cheers to you and your beautiful family!
The customs aren't even that old! Not sure why people are choosing to die on this hill.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for doing this video, I will be subscribing to your page. My own partner and I have the same struggles. We get a lot of push-back from my family about his race ( im white and he's Latino) and also a lot of religious sneering about living together without marriage. We've both felt like uncomfortable with the idea of a legal marriage for various reasons as well as found it to be poor financial decision. I hadn't even been aware of domestic partnerships or tax penalties. Thanks.
Another question: why SHOULD we get married?
For some people (mostly people where one person makes substantially more money than the other) there are major tax advantages. Not all employers allow benefits to be shared with a non-married domestic partner.
Insurance benefits and legalization in the case of a Non-American are big ones. In addition, funeral rights, power of attorney in emergency health settings, death and inheritance, visitation rights in prison and in hospitals, military benefits, and parental recognition are all benefits to marriage. There are a lot of ways to arrange some of these things for non-married couples to qualify (such as a living will and advance directive), but getting married can insure this things otherwise.
Mostly for State allotted benefits. Something that wasn't discussed here is that legal marriage can actually provide more financial security as well, especially for families that opt to only have one working partner. They definitely shouldn't be pushing that not getting married is the way for everyone to go because it works out best specifically for them, because it doesn't work out that way for everyone.
In my country, there are some benefits to being married, like easier access to mortgages and other types of credits. Also, there's no such thing as power of attorney, so my partner cannot take medical decisions for me, if need be, I would have to call my father. We also have limited disposition of our goods after death, you can only will a small portion of your estate, the rest, by law, would go to family. Having children is also easier if you are married (not the baby-making part, obviously, but administrative shit).
For financial reasons, or because you want to ^^
I always planned on being a spinster, but I've found myself in a relationship for about a year now. My partner and I live together, and recently we've been talking about buying a house (which is now on hold because we no longer have to move). He's a fair bit older than me and has just gone through a divorce. Neither of us wants to get married and we're very open and honest about it. We're also both very logical, and during our discussions about buying a property, we decided that when we do buy something together that we will have a contract written up just in case things take a bad turn and we break up. The idea is that we write the contract in good faith, while we are not bitter towards one another so that it keeps it fair. Obviously, we're not planning on breaking up but we're just going to cover that base anyway - much like a marriage contract would but without the mess of a marriage.
That's a great idea! I'm a huge fan of cohabitation agreements.--Tasha
Don't get a mortgage on the house if you don't have a legal contract of what would happen to it should one of you leave the house or stop paying the mortgage or go bankrupt. Make sure to talk it threw with a good attorney before making a decision as such.
A mortgage is a legal contract. As long as both parties are on the note, both parties would be obligated to pay the mortgage.--Tasha
Me and my fiancee plan on doing similar things.
At one point I didnt wanna go back to college because it seemed like too much of a hassle and I didnt really wanna shell out another 5gs on it just to end up a stay at home in a few years or own my own business. But he told me I should do it anyways because it safeguards my future in case we broke up or in case something ever happened to him.
Same with him he was gonna let me use his line of credit to buy a cheap car and have me pay him back but I didnt wanna risk it in case we broke up, or in case he ended up needing that money down the road and then couldnt use it because he hit his limit.
Relationships need to be rational not just passionate.
What a beautiful, intelligent woman!
I'm not so sure about the intelligent part. She's book smart, but not street smart. If you search her other videos on her channel, she confesses she is a million dollars (yes, a million dollars) in debt. Somehow she is absolutely sure she will pay it back, and refuses to give up the huge house in the very expensive neighborhood she lives in. Also uses some very convoluted logic to justify her many stupid financial decisions. I simply can't take any of her advice seriously because of that.
Tabbylover55, what video?
+Tabbylover55 someone can have a high IQ and be indulgent. Plenty of low IQ people budget well.
She is intelligent but not smart in many things. I do hope that in the future she will learn more and have a happy life. The nice university education and job etc never bring happiness to us ladies. Right now she thinks those things are everything.
You all obviously aren't subscribed to her channel. That "million dollar debt" video is old. They talk about their debt and how they made mistakes, how they've set goals and have already paid off a large chunk of debt in just a year. People shouldn't speak poorly about those they do not know.
This video is SO helpful. I am 23, single and just finished my undergrad and am in no rush to find a partner and get married. Much of this information was told to me by my mom who works with finances. Marriages isn't just about love, it's also a financial commitment that both parties should discuss and be ready for. Money is an issue that is fought over in marriages and relationships in general. More young people, males and female, need to learn about this and discuss these things with their partners or view it even if they are single.
This is a perspective. This is one perspective, out of thousands of perspectives. Let people live the life that works best for them. Take what people say, understand, and grow from that.
Thank you for talking about this! So many people get emotional about marriage, especially when religion is involved. I love how you look at it clinically and break down the pros and cons. Marriage isn't always right and it isn't for everyone. Thanks for explaining the ins and outs of this!
This is amazing. I have found Tasha to be extremely inspirational. What a lot to go through and to come out of it so successful! There's hope ☺️
Thank you! And yes, there is always hope!--Tasha
I'm glad you chose to showcase different point of views and relevant topics on your channel! I've never thought about things this way, thank you for planting a seed (:
You guys did hear her mentioning being previously married right? I don't think y'all did based on these comments, so she's probably not against marriage she did it,and was taken advantage of or it didn't work out ,and now she's smarter and more cautious .many people have these fairytale dreams of being proposed to ECT, once it happens and it's with someone who does not have your best interest at heart you realize that it's not all that it's cracked up to be .majority of divorce people that I've talked to always say they'll never get married again despite their current relationship status
I definitely will marry Joseph when the time is right (probably in another five years or so). There still are legal benefits that you can't contract around. But being married before does impact my decision to not marry. First, I'm not desperate to boost my self-esteem by showing that I could snag a man and get him to marry me. Whether people want to admit it or not, women are definitely pushed to believe that. Second, because I've already been married I know what marriage feels like and so I know for certain that this isn't any different. Third, I actually feel even more secure in our relationship because I know how strong our commitment is because it's what holds us together and not the fact that we are bound by law. --Tasha
To elaborate on crunching the numbers, it also makes sense to add the cost of divorce just to see if/when it happens. I've been married twice, divorced twice, and refuse to ever sign a legal document no matter how much I love someone. The money could be put towards more important and meaningful things.
Actually, this makes a great case for signing legal documents upfront that will determine what happens if you split up. Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to have things like wills and powers of attorney.--Tasha
I totally agree .Marriage and divorce are a means for many parasites of society to make a living , lawyers , wedding planners , reastaurants , etc etc ...I am naver again going to do it .How stupid !!
@Athanasia Art Just love what you did there, calling honest hard working people parasites. Bravo.
Bro I'm a one and done person. Once is good for me. Getting married in October ✌
I was definitely one of the people who assumed that getting married meant benefits and tax breaks, so thanks for the heads up on that haha. :)
Wow, so being married is the only way to stay together. I have been with my boyfriend for more than 14 years and we are more committed to each other than couples who I have met that are married. I also believe in God which means I do not judge others and their decisions. She has reasons for not getting married just as I have reasons for not getting married. Live and let live.
Marlen Valarezo we were together for 15 years before we got married. We finally got married after I had emergency sergary and he realised that he had no legal rights. He has no debt and I only have 5000 left from college loans so we looked at what was the cheapest way to get the legal paperwork done and getting married was the cheapest easiest and funnest way for use. If I didn't need the sergary then we would definitely still be unmarried. The one benefit I like most about being married is that his nieces get to call me their auntie finally!
that is interesting that you bring up the legal rights when you had emergency surgery, which for me is an important reason in pro side of the marriage pro/cons list. however they did mention that legally you can get around that with a medical power of attorney. I am wondering if you considered that and found it wasn't appropriate in your situation or not... not to judge you, I'm just curious about medical power of attorney/ vs marriage and how suitable it is as as an alternative
I don't believe in any form of deity, and I don't judge others for their decisions either ^^
Whatever the reason, it is always nice to hear others being good and lovely people. :)
Great video very interesting subject. Disappointed in some of the negative comments. It's ok to have varying opinions. Calm down people.
Thanks Ashley! Yes, I agree that there is more than one right way to live a good life. Hopefully the more people are exposed to other perspectives the more open-minded they will become.--Tasha
Seriously they arent saying 'never get married' shes literally just explaining that its not for everyone and to think about it rationally not just with your heart.
Marriage is a huge deal and divorce rates are at 50% so its something people need to be way more serious about.
Look at your needs and wants and talk an accountant to see how it will affect you. Maybe the benefits outweigh the risks for you. But ive seen divorce and its nasty in the end when it comes down to the money especially when debt is involved.
Unlike a lot of these comments, I really enjoyed this video!! Thanks
Thanks for watching!--Tasha
Love this very rational discourse on marriage. As a Brit who fell in love with an American, we formalised our commitment to one another through marriage in order to stay living in the same country as we are both self employed people unable to get a work sponsored visa. In all honesty, if we were the same nationality we may not have ever formalised our relationship in this way, but I'm happy we did and it's nice to have the long term stability that marriage between two nationalities offers. Thanks for shedding light on this topic for others who might be considering alternative ways to be in a committed relationship.
Very informative video I never even considered the cost of being married.
OMG! I love this! Thank you for putting this out there!
Finally, someone who understands that Marriage is a financial decision too. Seriously, you have to understand what Marriage means beyond just commitment.
I absolutely love this!
I will marry the one I love when I want and when I feel that that is what I need.
😊😙
Great information. Thank you! Not everyone thinks alike, and that is okay, but it’s not okay to be unkind. Some of these comments.... 🙄
I can't believe how many people, in the comments in particular, believe you should marry because of religious or spiritual reasons(divorce rates proves it's rarely a strong enough motivator to stay) when the whole affair becomes unreligious the moment you have to sign a LEGAL document. A commitment to each other, whether in a holy place or not, with promises made before god and/or family without the acknowledgement of the government is far greater a commitment. You can be sure then no on is committing to the marriage simply due to potential financial gain at the expense of the other. You can even have a wedding and ring, just keep the government out of it.
I'd rather use the system(s) imposed on us for our benefit, if I know i'm going to die in the near future, marriage might be beneficial to ensure my long term partner and love of my life receives everything I own when I pass.
She's just so open and professional. I can see why she got so many offers. My smart cousins are like that and everybody loves them.
I've been considering this, too. Mainly because of my own debts. It's not horribly excessive but it's excessive when you don't make a lot. I don't want to join my bad credit with anyone else's. I also don't intend to have children so something like buying a house might not be in my plans either, but I'll give that one some more thought. And...in that unfortunate event that things do go sour in the relationship, you don't have to go broke with the court fees. I feel I've encountered a lot of "You HAVE to do XYZ thing because you just have to!" and I don't want to get married just because "that's what you do". I'm not writing off marriage entirely, just that I'm keeping my options open.
Thanks so much for this video!
So I'm in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend up here in Canada and it's very frustrating, because we must claim to be common-law after living with each other for 12 months by CRA, but RCMP at 6 months, and Social Welfare at 3 months, and ICBC at 2 years. There's nothing definitive about it, and I hate how it forced my relationship to escalate financially (particularly nerve-racking since he did his taxes for the first time last year, after 7 years of nothing). But it's interesting to see how our mess compares with the US variations of domestic partnership/common-law.
Loved how open she was!
Thanks!--Tasha
My partner and I love in Switzerland, and here too it’s is not cheap to be married. Not mentioning big culture of staying at home wifes. In here too it’s cheaper to be in domestic partnership for various reason. I liked this subject. Thank you girls.
Thanks so much for your knowledge and Input!!! married or not, it's SO important for people to communicate their expectations of what they want with each other. people can be married and still not know that.
I cannot fathom how there can be any negative feedback to this upload. It's not like it's taking a crap on monogamy, just advising caution when legally combining finances - including mention of instances where legal marriage might be beneficial.
Fascinating, fantastic video. As a 24-year-old single woman, I had assumed all the typical things about marriage like that you automatically should do it for insurance reasons. What does intimidate me is what happens if I buy a home or get a certain amount of money before marriage or if he does, as well? I know Chelsea loves the idea of pre-nups. I’ve also read articles claiming that if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married. It’s a lot to think about.
you're gonna find articles for and against every situation, prenup, no prenup whatever you do, it's good to be informed and then to make a decision on what you feel is right for your relationship.
The "if you’re getting a pre-nup, you shouldn’t bother getting married" is flawed logic. If you never plan on cheating, getting divorced, etc, then why would a pre-nup be a problem? Pre-nups are only unappealing to the party who intends to break the agreement. Don't let some manipulative man try to talk you out of basic protections with some BS "But don't you love/trust/etc me enough to not need one??" line.
People! Keep in mind where she is coming from! That woman is an example for all of us! She has made a life for hershelf. Strong and capable and damn smart when it comes to her finances. And she is only looking out for her family
Thanks!--Tasha
My mother got married in the middle of my college experience and effectively ruined my financial aid in the process, because now she makes "too much money."
Wow she’s a badass
Thanks!--Tasha
canonicallydead ikr!😱 full ride to Yale?! Damn😏
I love your final few sentences about prioritizing making a life that is best for you and your kids rather than a social expectation
I'm so glad that now, at 30, I'm thinking about things like this. I wish I had a clue when I had 2 children and married in my early 20s. I have a lot to muck through, but at least now all of my decisions are educated ones!
LOVE this video! My partner and I are engaged and domestic partners but we both also do IBR on our student loans and getting married and/or filing together as a married couple would definitely affect that. I just wonder about how filing separately in taxes plays a role in this.
Anywho - this is such an important discussion to have in a relationship. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide their commitment and how that manifests whether it's through a formal marriage or something else. I really appreciated Tasha's perspective and am gonna check out her channel, as well as Chelsea's comments on immigration because there are so many elements that are a part of deciding to get married beyond love.
Hi! IBR is another reason, among many, why we are better off not being married. Under REPAYE (the newest IBR) they count your spouse's income even if you file separately. Plus filing separately sucks because you lose a lot of valuable deductions. --Tasha
One Big Happy Gah! So much info to be aware of. Thank you!!! Literally watching one of your videos now. ☺️
GROWN 👏🏽 ASS 👏🏽 COUPLE 👏🏽.
Mad props for being so thorough and intelligent about financial planning.
So many people don't consider the legal framework around it.
Guess this is what happens when lawyers get together. =D
Thanks! And yes, we definitely look at everything from a legal perspective. And we both have finance backgrounds too so that plays into every decision we make.--Tasha
This is ridiculous, I can't believe what I am hearing... We live in Germany with my husband and here you actually get massive tax discounts if you are married, health care benefits, not to mention the benefits and support you get if you have kids. Somehow it makes me sad that the "traditional" family structure is not supported in the US.
I love her openness to her situation. Very candid! I liked this video.
Especially as someone on disability (in BC, Canada), this is totally also a disability justice issue. You can lose partial or all your funding if you become married and would have to reply completely on the income of your spouse. My partner and I are both on disability and live in a city about as affordable as LA or New York. Getting married would decrease our monthly income which is already below the poverty line to an even more unsustainable amount.
Thank you for this topic, and Tasha is such a wonderful lady!
I don’t get how people say “this is a unique financial situation”, can’t you take home the advice to thoroughly research the financial aspects of marriage where you live, at the time you have to make this decision? The concrete tax code may not be applicable even to Tasha in 6 months..
Also, to people blabbing about love and commitment - marriage is a legal contract, with legal implications. If you need a piece of paper to keep your partner committed, I got bad news for you 🤷♀️
And to people who say that love is sacrifice, “even financial” - enjoy the government sucking you dry. Several thousands dollars per year, which is the financial loss Tasha and her family will experience if married is much better saved towards a goal, college, house, investment or business, and will serve her children much better than “knowing mommy and daddy are committed”. Just my two cents.
I am loving how a sensible financial decision sparks such outrage. Usually means you’re doing something right:) Subbed to Tasha’s channel as well, much love and luck to you both!
You go girl! I'm always surprised to hear how marriage is still so common in the US. I live in the province of Quebec, Canada, I am a woman in my 20s and I feel absolutely NO pressure from society to get married. People here only get married if they want to, and it is very common to have a life partner and have kids without being married. It is almost a rare thing to have a wedding in my generation. For us, a committed relationship is just as good as a wedding and we won't regard a couple differently based on whether they are married or not. Anyways, thanks for the video! It is always helpful to research financial implications of such a big decision.
i love learning even more non-traditional ways of doing life! u are both so inspiring!!
As a young woman who is in a relationship and strongly feel that marriage is down the road, this video was so helpful! I’m rethinking if my student debt works well with the idea of marriage or if there would be a better financial decision for myself and my significant other. Thank you for this!! I would have never thought marriage was a potential tax penalty if it weren’t for this video.
Can I make a suggestion? Instead of calling the subtitle of the video "Why you might not want to get married," maybe say "Why I chose not to get married."
That way the focus is more about sharing YOUR personal decision and your experience and what works for your lifestyle.
Thank you for this video! All my parents have ever done throughout my first 18 years is fight about finances, so I am really not interested on getting married anytime within my 20s or 30s. Marriage is a huge commitment that a lot of people don't seem to understand.
Stumbled across this after watching another my first FD video. I'm in a relationship with someone who I could certainly see myself with for a while though I've never thought of marriage as a life-step for me. Recently I've started researching marriage to see why that is usually a "next step" in these kinds of situations and the issue of finances has re-confirmed that we don't need to marry. For one, I don't want our taxes to increase due to our combined incomes. But watching this has added a whole slew of reasons to avoid marriage while providing options (such as domestic partnership and PoA)!
I really appreciated this video! You both clearly know what you're talking about and are super inspirational. Glad to have two new informational channels to follow!
Best video ever made for my personal life...showed this to my parents to have them better understand my choices. It finally worked 😊
Thank you for making this video! I myself by law am married but trying to get divorced. It has been extremely hard and stressful filing paperwork for taxes, etc considering I’m no longer with my partner... I wish I would have known this before getting married but I was young(18) and in love but I’ve definitely learned! Thank you!
I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I know how hard that is. Good luck!--Tasha
This is very informative! I believe she did what was best for her situation like everyone else. Married or Not decide what is best for you and your partner. I for one is married legally because the timing and the situation was right but I know other couples who are fully committed to each other and do not need a document telling them they are bind together. :)
My mom and my dad didn't get officially married. My mother was in a similar situation, but with her chronic illness instead of school. They had the ceremony and file as partners, but are not legally married. It did get them kicked out of the church when they found out, but outside of that, it works well for them. He is able to get his loan repayment program and she is able to get her healthcare and they just tell people they are married. If you ask, she calls him her husband, and it doesn't matter to anyone else if they have paperwork, that's their business. If my partner would be okay with that, I'd probably do the same thing.
I've questioned for years if I want to get married legally simply because I dislike the government involvement in marriage. This is a very thought provoking video and I'm glad to have found it!
I appreciate Tasha's openness in describing her situation so that we can understand the reasoning why getting married may not be the best option sometimes. This is also why tax professionals or tax programs figure out whether it would be better for a married couple to file individually or jointly. You just need to get the most bang for your buck.
I had subscribed to OBH about a year ago and just did subscribe to TFD. Thank you, both of you ladies for sharing the info with the rest of us!!!!
I am so grateful for videos like this. We had our weddig in the beginning December with only eight people. It will be beneficial for us financially in the long run (in Hungary) but we couldn't afford a party now. We also have student loans, a baby on the way and the pressing issue of getting a bigger place. Everybody knows this but we recieved so much hate and anger about our small ceremony. It made me so happy to know that I am not alone with this problem. Thank you! :) (Now I'm gonna check out One Big Happy.)
I'm so sorry to hear about the push back you are getting about your decision. But situations like that let you know who your real friends are. Just keep living life on your own terms!--Tasha
Thanks so much to you both for presenting this topic openly! I'm currently engaged and have been since 2011! I have been trying to weigh all the pros and cons, since we have already waited so long.
One of the most important things that Tasha recommended is to educate yourself, because marriage is not necessarily more expensive for everyone. If your partner is going to stay at home with the kids, then that partner is a tax write off. However, if the marriage puts you into a higher tax bracket, it very well may cost you more in taxes and interest on student loans, etc. Just educate yourself. And obviously, you can still get married even if it will cost you financially.
As usual I love your new video which makes so much sense. As a law practitioner myself, I do witness many instances where marriage is not good for finances. For example, in Mauritius where I'm from, to be eligible for a reduction of Registration Duty (which is 5% of the purchase price) on the purchase of a house/apartment/bare plot of land for the first time, both partners can each benefit for 1 property each whereas if you're married, it's 1 property only per married couple. Worst is if your spouse owned anything before the marriage, you still can't benefit from the tax reduction being a married couple. Same thing for housing loans and eligibility criteria for affordable housing. Let alone the waste of money a wedding celebration represents.. The marriage nowadays may well be over before the debt for the wedding celebration has been repaid!!
Finally, I really cant figure out why would one not like this video?? It's very informative and very sincere!
One of the things people should also get from this video is college education and student loans is the biggest scam ever.
A well made video, I could see why the title would confuse people. Everyone should watch the actual video without commenting.
This video is definitely important for anyone who has a large amount of debt from law school, med school, grad school, or is considering marrying someone with a large amount of school debt.
What a great video! I heve never thought the costs (beside the wedding costs) of being in a marriage. I don't live in US, and I've always thought that being married is cheaper. The laws are obviusy diffrent here in Brazil and you are declared domestic partners if you share expenses for more than 2 years and it is the same, you have the same rights, as if you were married. It's odd, but it's how it works.
But I'll for sure look it up on the tax differences after seeing this video!
Obs.: in Brazil, the only downside of not being legally married is that you cannot change your name (have the same last name as your spouse). I believe , since I've watched Friends and Mike Crap Bag episode, it's fairly easy to chance your name in the US, so that's the strongest reason for me to get marry now.
Loved this video! So conversational, open, and informative! I appreciate both of your transparency
There are pros and cons depending on where you live. In the Netherlands you submit your taxes together just with a domestic partnership. Your benefits from the government such as unemployment, rental and health insurance benefits are affected or even cut all together if the other partner makes more. Even if you don't have a contract but you have a child and live together after 1year you are considered domestic partners. If you are not married you need to make a will at the notary about who gets what after the death of one or both. From 2018 you are your own legal entity after marriage which means that your debts and earnings remain yours unless you have a prenup that says otherwise.
You may have to make lots of calls and get lots of rejections from some pastors, but religious folks who want to have a ceremony and be "married" without the legal marriage, there are ministers out there who will understand your situation and will conduct the ceremony. Some ministers will do it, but their denomination won't, so you might not get to have the ceremony in the church building, (some denominations don't let the minister decide that) but the minister will still do it.
As a man I was only aware of the negatives of marriage from a male's perspective but getting it from a female's perspective really widen my view. Thank you a lot and I hope you guys live happily together, I feel like the best thing people should do with their life is what's best for them instead of following the norm. I'm glad with what you guys are doing 😁
UVA-Wise costs right now $9k for tuition, room& board, and student services per semester . That's the full cost if you don't have the Pale Grant, plus returning students get $500 grant if you keep above a 3.0 gpa each semester. A degree is a degree. It's so affordable, it blows my mind when I hear how much debt others went into for the same degree that I have. I hope this info is helpful to those scared of college debt.
Guyana!!! Yes... I keep watching your videos and saying that girl is so so Haitian. I asked in the comments and you said you weren't connected to Haiti. So happy to pinpoint what it is. You're from the carribean, you have that creole vibe. This is why you kept reminding me of my fellow Haitians...
I’m curious about this because I don’t live in the US. Isn’t there some kind of option in the US for someone to marry and still be financially independent? I’m getting married in a couple of months (I live in Spain) and we both agree the best way to go is to marry with what is called in spanish “separación de bienes”, which basically means we are legally married but our finances are completely independent. That way we get the benefits of being married (like getting days off work if one of us is sick or being able to apply for things like adoptions in certain countries where they require X years of marriage) but we are still individuals for finance and properties. So if one of us starts a business the other one has 0 claim to it, or more importantly, if one of us goes bankrupt (he works freelance and I am a doctor) the other one doesn’t get prosecuted. We can still share a bank account for day to day expenses and buy a house with both names on the mortgage so really it is just practical and logical to do so. Isn’t there something similar in the US?
Interesting info but this doesn't apply to most western countries outside of the USA. Most still treat couples the same regardless of legal marriage and separation is still pretty much the same after a long term relationship in terms of assessment. I'm married to an Australian Divorce Lawyer and the only thing that costs us more than not being married is paying the actual wedding. People need to be careful that if they file their taxes as a "single" that they could run the risk of heavy fines or penalties if this is not the case. It would be recommended that you get sound advice from both a quality lawyer and accountant before making a long term decision to do so or you could risk it costing more in the long run. Laws and tax regulations are always changing so be careful of what you read on the Internet. ☺
Amy T I was just about to comment this! Their domestic partnership sounds like our De Facto which is essentially the same as marriage (legally, and in terms of finances).
So the other big problem here in the U.S. is that the tax code actually penalizes married couples in some cases. I'm assuming that's not the case in other countries.--Tasha
Yeah, I’m in Canada and if a couple is living together and have kids together there is no really way to get away from the common-law tax situation which is also as bad financially as being married. In Canada both partners have to sign and submit an agreement that states they are basically roommates and nothing more. And if they share kids then it gets extra complicated. Still, it’s less hassle than being married I’m sure.
sound advice!
I wonder how that would work in the US. This is an example of a working woman who has found a loophole in the specific loan aid that she has. It's really sad when people can't get married because otherwise they couldn't afford to support themselves, but the alternatives are to make tuition cheaper or to put a cap on the amount of educational loans allowed for each student.
Also, just so you know, not all aid programs in the US are like this. People who receive government aid toward their housing can receive surprise visits to make sure that they don't have a live-in significant other if they claim to be single.
Tasha, you are so vulnerable and strong. I love seeing your content so much. Thanks for being an inspiration.
Oh my gosh! Love y’all and love the one big happy fam! Glad to see you collab.
I was never someone who planned on getting married, but then my partner got accepted to grad school in Canada, and the only way for us to stay together and for me to work (without having a job ahead of time, which I didn't) was for us to get married. It's not something I talk about- I don't wear a ring and we had the smallest "wedding" we could possibly have without making both of our moms sad- but it's made the immigration process so much easier. So Chelsea- I definitely understand the power and sway of a Government Approved relationship for immigration purposes! When we eventually move back to the states we weren't planning on getting divorced, figuring that would automatically be a waste of money… but now I'm thinking we shouldn't write it off but instead take a clear-sighted look at the laws where we're living and decide if staying married is as advantageous for the next phase of our life as it was for this one. It's freeing to know that marriage is a tool, not what defines our relationship or our feelings for each other.
She is so smart and eloquent and beautiful!!! Yale Law School wow goals. This is great.
I'm not yet in this situation (I'm 23 and consider myself waaaaay to young for marriage) I can totally understand! Where I'm from, the Netherlands, not marrying is not strange or uncommon. My parents were never married and so many of my friends' parents were never married. I know so many amazing couples who love each other, have kids, pets, houses and are still together after 35 years, but never got married. My own parents ended up separating and might not be the best example, but they were in an 18 year relationship and then went their own separate ways without the drama of lawsuits and it immensely helped them move forward. They are great friends now. I think there is value in marriage, but I also think there is value in committing to each other in 'relationship' name only.
WOW. This is definitely some thought provoking stuff. Good job both of you ladies for laying out this subject and discussing it in a clear and objective manner. More of this please TFD!
Tasha is one smart, experienced woman. Holy crap. So eloquent.
Choosing a domestic partnership over marriage is something I have long
considered. However, I live in Oregon, where opposite sex domestic
partnerships and common law marriages are not possible. Even if you have
registered as domestic partners in another state, I believe Oregon just
treats you as married, tax-wise. I'm wondering if I have any other options (besides moving to Washington).
Thank you for discussing this topic! Marriage is something my partner and I have been debating when it came to the financial or even practical benefits. Times have changed, and videos like this definitely help us to make more informed decisions :)
This was a really interesting topic, thank you for sharing! Honestly I hadn't even thought of this before
Thanks so much for this video. My boyfriend and I celebrated 15 years together in May and I have no plans to get married. We're committed to each other (see: 15 years) and our lives are intertwined in many ways. While we pay into a shared account for things owned jointly, the rest of our money is ours to do with as we please. Thus, if he wanted to take out $60,000 in loans, that was his choice to make. Not something we fought over, and something I would be resentful of, still.
Mostly no one hassles us about not being married, though I have noticed when someone else is getting married, there is a lot of talk about the relationship not being "real" or "deep" until the couple was married. I'm pretty happy with the level of "real" and "deep" we have going on, so I'm okay to not get married just to find out if what they say is true.
I love this! I am not married either for financial reasons. We are committed, engaged and have two beautiful children. We plan to eventually have a commitment ceremony of some sort , however a large party is not a part of our current financial goals so it will wait. I do get some pushback from family but most people are ok with it.
Great video! It's very important to consider that societal norms aren't the only way to live our lives.
Having a ring really helps when your pregnant going to clinicsect.
My mom and dad has a ceremony but didn’t get legally married. The ceremony was because they were religious. But, with her being disabled and my dad having old felonies from a rebel youth, marriage was a bad fiscal idea.
She’s loose disability if she got married In WA. And with kidney failure, diabetes, and post stroke brain trauma she physically couldn’t work nor my dad work enough to afford her medical care.
I grew up in a section 8 trailer (a better trailer after she married my dad - he is step but I don’t call him step)
If she’d gotten legally married she would’ve died when she lost medical.
Not only is it not the best emotional choice, sometimes in the USA the rules are setup to literary punish people in specific income classes for getting married.
I totally appreciate where she's coming from and we are free to make out own decisions. therefore, no one has the right to judge her for she did what she believes is the right thing to do for her. Correct me if i'm wrong. She didn't give much explanation for the difference it makes to be married. plus, she and her partner both have massive debt that's easier to pay back as a not married person. I personally value marriage from a religious stand point and consider it to be a vocation of two souls coming together to create a family in the eyes of God. Therefore, it would never cross my mind to commit to someone without marriage. and that would be the right thing to do for myself and my beliefs. period.
Hi Rita, I completely understand and respect that your focus is on being married in the eyes of God. So it's important to realize that Christians married for centuries before the organized church or the government got involved. So no, I do not believe that the government needs to recognize a marriage in order for it to be recognized by God.--Tasha
Yes, i don't disagree with your point, but If a person doesn't get the importance of a christian marriage at Church and it's spiritual value as a vocation then i can't help them. However, there's a huge financial side to marriage which support your decision. people marry for selfish reasons while others don't marry due to mistrust and old wounds. ultimately, we all have different opinions and we shape our life based on our decisions, successes and mistakes. I wish you and your family the best and as long as love and security is there then that's all you need. peace.
Sure, but if a couple feels that the religious aspects of marriage are important to them, they could just have the religious ceremony. You don't have to sign a legal document in order to be married from a religious standpoint. The ceremony is what you do for your marriage to be recognized by your religious community. The legal document is what you do for your marriage to be recognized by your government. The two do not have to go hand in hand.
Ah, jeez, this adds a whole 'nother layer to the financial acrobatics I would have to pull to get married to my partner. We've decided that before we walk down the aisle, we're going to speak to a financial planner since we're both on our way back to school and need to keep all of this kind of stuff in mind. Thanks for the video! I hadn't even thought about income based repayment as a financial obstacle for us.
That's really smart to consult a financial planner before you get married. That way you can make a fully informed decision.--Tasha
If u married and file separately the spouse income is not considereed (for government loan. Not commenting on yale)
When you file separately you loose access to certain deductions. Married filing separate is the worst filing status, particularly if you itemize.--Tasha
Thank you so much for this video!! It’s so important that we educate ourselves about the practical aspects of marriage as well as the emotional...also I think it’s kind of strange that anybody could call your (or anybody’s) commitment to a partner into question when you have a child together...surely caring and loving for a child as a partnership is the biggest commitment you can possibly make? And a much more important thing to work together on than your marriage status? Besides, i think it’s very clear that you’re not arguing against just being very up front about the practical implications. Thanks Tasha and TFD