I don't feel like anyone has seen me as intimidating. It always feels like they don't care and just ignore me. I've been trying that 4% rule since that video came out. Some days felt really bad and like nothing got better, but overall, it seems to have helped make some progress. Thank you!!
@Wes I get told that I'm Dangerous, because I hold folks accountable, specially after working them out, Narcissists absolutely hate me and by that I mean, I can tell them what they are thinking or even what they are about to say.
My current boss(just for five more days) has a little slide foxy temper. She is always right and it look's like her plan's are always half hide behind a curtain. I had a little argument with her in July and she took it like a scandal which was far from my intension's. I caught her a little bit out of plan at that time so she really felt threatened by me. Well I blended in so we build a great set of work thrust, but that doesn't change her in any way so that is why I'm leaving on the upcoming friday. When it come's to personal relationships all of mine that I have been through with passing the status of „the intimidator“ have been already ended at that point and from that moment on are like a slowly dieing flame as we ended looking much like the perfect strangers. As a conclusion I think that INFJ can be intimidating, but the tention of such kind a relationship's burn's me as well so to be the intimidator is un unhealthy condition meaning of one-sided relationship most of the time. On the other side this is a well working mechanism to surround yourself with the right people who can appreciate you for who you are.
Oh Lordy. Again and again and again. I make women think and men feel. Nobody is completely comfortable with me unless they are extremely centered and self aware within their own personality. Some of my best friends tell me that if they didn't know me better they would find me intimidating. But SigmaINFJ is correct. Those that can hold their own with an INFJ really appreciate their strength of character, wisdom and integrity.
I think everyone should be intimidated. If anyone buys this trait, they have told themselves they are also compatible or incompatible for whatever reason. The best thing to do for me is to find a level of caring for the people around you. #ad
The true INFJ is the most chilled, down to earth, loving, tolerant person. Looks calm on the outside but there is a hurricane of emotions in the inside.
I tell people they are made of glass all the time.which is different than lifting the rock on their head and looking at the worms.most mundanes dont understand
Same, why i don't go anywhere don't like random evil getting on my board , no patience for these ..
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That only works with the people not being true to themselves. Ironically a trait that's much more common in the infj, perhaps why they spot it so much. What we hate most in ourselves and all that. Pretending for the sake of others', then getting mad and breaking down, then blaming them for our own poor behavior to keep the messiah complex XD. Sound familiar? >:).
I have friends and family who worry about me meeting the wrong types or people or dating the wrong women as if I haven’t studied and observed them a million times over before I ever said hello. I just chuckle at the fact they think my good nature means I am naive to people’s nature.
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@@Viper4ever05 The outward appearance, versus internal. But there are always those who know the game better.
Elder INFJ here 👵 I grew up feeling invisible and spent the greater part of my life feeling feared and misunderstood. Nobody got me, not even family. Whispers of me being demon possessed, witchy, and the like, reached my ears often. Thanks to research, the expansion of knowledge and beautiful people like you, I am blessed in my golden years to have a deep understanding and appreciation for who I am as well as having healthy, sustaining relationships. Thank you for what you do 💜 To all my INFJ family: I love you!! In an outside the box kinda way 😉
As an INFJ, I approved this video and I am so happy to see this because I experienced it myself multiple times. All my childhood, I was depressed, misunderstood and always felt something was off. Now I understand that's because I am meant to be outside of the box, not in it.
Same Frank. I still try to fit in the box so i can be like others, but it doesn't work. My current life looks SOOOO MUCH different than most people i know. I'm learning to accept that now.
If someone doesn't like me immediately, or calls me intimidating, I know that they're shady people--hiding their true nature and the type to harm others (physically, emotionally, thieves, manipulators, narcissists). Every single time. I don't have to use my super-power. They reveal themselves. I had a supervisor once who hated me at first sight. I tried to tell other people he was a pathological liar and a Bad person. No one believed me he was so great a liar. He turned out to be a rapist. So I've learned to respect my super-power. I know that it reveals people for who they really are, and has saved me from getting involved in bad situations with bad people. Trust your instincts; trust that when someone immediately dislikes you as an INFJ, there's a reason for it, and stay away from them.
True. I never thought anyone was intimidated because most people don't like to admit that they're intimidated. I've only had one person admit that they were.
It's like this, I will give people several chances to do the right thing and when they don't, I resign myself to the fact they will never change, I move on and then they act so surprised that I did.
I've been referred to as "All Seeing" by several people. It's actually quite embarrassing, but at least I've discovered what it is about me - a mild-mannered and polite person - that intimidates others. Basically, we INFJs use our intuition and judgement to read and understand people on a level so deep, it makes them feel exposed.
true. in my experience, though, people who do not WANT to be read or exposed go ballistic when it happens, and it's often hurtful and in some cases terrifying. they don't have to be strong in order scare the hell out of me. violence is violence.
I understand people so well that they start to just talk to me about themselves and their problems. It makes me feel better that I'm doing what's right to be a good friend.
INFP here. INFJs are possibly the cutest, most adorable type. Some OCD tendencies sometimes, definitely intense. I'm definitely not following INFJ schedules most times and don't feel sorry about it but INFJ understands because they're kind of nerdy like me and know about MBTI lol. Keep being you INFJs, lots of love! Finish your chores then come chill and have a good time.
It's not OCD, it's knowing things need to be in a certain order and the consequences if it's not. Very capable of relaxing and letting others make their own mistakes and see the consequence, as long as it doesn't affect us, though.
@@frankievalentine6112 Unhealthy INFJs are often not putting priorities straight and in the right order, which is why they can be manipulated by loved ones to order their life poorly. Keep your head up and maintain possibility of independence.
@@mec0013 I can relate to this. I'm guilty of overprioritizing a failing relationship and don't focus enough on tending to other matters of importance. The ship is sinking and I'm failing to abandon ship. I'm going down brother...I'm going down.
The worst is intimidating people who are technically above you in a social hierarchy. Bosses, managers, supervisors, coaches. I've had this issue my entire life and..... It's sucks. People think you're up to something for some reason. Like you have ulterior motives. I've could be doing the same thing as everyone else, even trying harder, or performing better, but I'm always targeted . I saw someone else say this in the comments people think you are "sus". I am up to nothing, simply an introvert trying my best and living my life.
I just realized from watching this video that people just don't trust people who don't fit into their box. It's ironic because trying to fit in is "sus" to me. Acting like someone you're not is "sus". ^_^ It's all about wearing their mask at the end of the day. It's a mislabel to only credit those who fit into their mold and shut the door on people who don't. The other reason is because a lot of people only trust people who won't hold up the mirror that they've been dodging all their life and allow them to live in hiding.
Literally… it’s infuriating. I lost jobs in my 20s due to this delusional distorted mind set of superiors. They would also mess with my pay. It was pathetic. I couldn’t of been a nicer, hard working, engaging worker if I tried
People always treat me like I am extremely sus, like they just think I’m up to no good or something. Like they can’t just accept that I’m just living my life, I must be “up to something.”
@@futuristicvibes2643 - it means that other people (specifically the ones who think you are suspect - 'sus'), are the ones actually up to something they know you wouldn't approve of, and they know they will eventually get caught.
Most of the times I've been "intimidating" is when I am simply being myself, and make decisions that differ from whomever I'm with - groups or individuals. I don't deliberately try to "think outside of the box." When it comes to "the box" (which differs from region to region) I simply (1) see it's existence and (2) acknowledge the box's right to exist and (3) continue to make my own choices, some of which fit into the box and many of which don't. Which brings me to point (4) the box is not an obligation. This drives some people crazy. It angers and scares others - a lot of people are afraid of independent thinkers. And we INFJs are definitely that. We can't read another person's mind, but it often comes across to me like maybe the intimidated person could be harboring insecurities of his/her own. Who knows? For my own part, I attempt to practice FE and make my choices with a good attitude as much as possible - in or out of the box. If I practice the "Golden Rule " when dealing with others, that matters the most; the "box" will be here with or without my being inside or outside of it.
Oh yes! Don't mess with the soft-spoken, quiet one. My life-partner calls it "Oh, you did that thing, hmm..." I would never ever be able to physically hurt anyone. In my life, I've never even raised my voice in anger. You'll know that I'm really, really angry when I take a quiet moment, and then speak. If I get massively punched by any authority figure - be it teachers, doctors, anyone at all - I will punch back. But never in any raging, screaming, illegal sense. I simply look at them, analyse them, and present them with their faults. After many years of thought I've understood why people really hate it. Anyone who is visibly emotional can be easily dismissed. But someone who logically, calmly present you with the all those tell-tale detailed facts that prove you are a bad person - in front of everyone... Well, that's not a way to make friends. But popularity has never been important to me. Independence and acting right is crucial.
Wow, I never thought about how people may not have ever experienced someone seeing them for real because our type is so rare. Really helps me better understand why I see people being so intimidated by me. Thanks for the insight
@@siadoors7388 POV: I guess they don't need to claim it maybe it resonates some of their attitude and behaviour that is why they are claimin' that they one of em. Mindset and mentality should matter. Salute. Peace out.🤜🤛🤜🤛🤜🤛
i got voted most intimidating in high school. i also was never in just one group in high school and i think that is why i was so intimidating, because i could be involved with everyone but also nobody at the same time and it makes people uncomfortable. nobody thinks they really know me or they don't think they can get to know me so they dont... annoying! lol
I was told I was intimidating by multiple people at my 10 year reunion. It was super surprising!! I'm 5'1 !! That stuck with me. I thought it was so weird.
Same, my freshmen year I was popular as fuck in every group, once I realized everyone was so godamn fake, I cut them all off and became a huge loner with like one person I truly fucked with, and it sent me spiraling into depression cuz I realized that the whole fucking world is literally just playing a role cuz of their own insecurities, authenticity is EXTREMELY RARE in this world where everyone except me feels the need to conform to a certain belief system
I never thought about it as intimidating! But it makes sense now! I noticed sometimes people have a huge negative reaction about me and I thought it was just them being a**holes! It’s like they just wanted to mute me! I always though “I am being too much” or “maybe I didn’t express myself well”. And I shut up myself or tried to be more “soft” and quiet. But then people lose respect of me, or they lose interest in me and what I was saying! And it was so frustrating! Now, knowing this intimating aspect I understand this kind of situations! WOW!
Yes! I always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing, but I feel like I don’t say things different than anybody else. Ive always thought it was some sort of flaw within myself and I needed to change.
I always have mixed feelings about being intimidating as an INFJ. On the one hand it's flattering knowing someone is scared of you or something mysterious about you, but on the other hand is just very isolating and depressing. Not everyone wants to be around people with eyes that can see into their soul and mind. On top of that, I've always felt like I had very little confidence in groups and so if it's not my own fear in social situations, it's the fear I project onto other individuals in order to protect myself. No I wasn't abused or molested I just grew up in a very tumultous household. One day I hope to have more friends. INFJs are such incredible people with big minds and big hearts, but they're also extremely frail. I wish the world was a place INFJs can call home sometimes but I figure we have to be the ones that change it.
We are the ones that need to create the environment and the rules that are custom-made for us. We are out-of-the-box because our calling is to change things! We need to embrace who we are.
I grew up and spent young adult life thinking exactly the same way you do. I am much older now, and have come to terms with myself. I believe you will. I am a typical INFJ unique self, I can't help but being me and if people are bothered by me, well, they also have their unique self with strengths and weaknesses. It's not that either one is more superior. I learned to respect the differences and leave it like that, accept it as is, making no judgment of it. Also, I learned how to tame my intuition. I share my insight only when the people present can handle it. We can learn skills to cope with our fears and others' fears. Use your Ti/Te, not Fe/Fi. We INFJs have 50% use of each cerebral hemisphere and our thinking ability is greatly underestimated.
I feel that it’s partly,.. because, people are uncomfortable, when they are really,…SEEN.. without being able to hide those parts they choose to hide. We LOOK, without distraction, and FEEL, the truth. No hiding option.
I can read most people pretty quickly, sometimes just making eye contact and watching them interact with anyone else for a few minutes. I wondering how does that person know I just "read" them? I can see them losing their composure. The more shallow the person, the easier it is.
My best friend often tells me that I scare her because she feels like I could just walk out of her life at any moment and I wouldn’t care. I do feel bad that I somehow gave her that impression, but it’s just in my nature to keep my deepest intentions and desires to myself!
I resonate with this. My closest friend tells something similar. She says she can't imagine me not being part of her life, but she thinks I on the otherhand could just easily move forward my life with or without her. It got me thinking, INFJs care tho, sometimes too deeply, but don't show those deeper emotions easily.
Have I been considered intimidating as an INFJ ? I have been considered intimidating before, and I have been careful enough not to use it against people. Instead, I have used it to get things changed for the better once I got the attention of whom needed to hear from me. Once a positive change has taken place, everyone benefited from it rather than just myself. My aim is not to be difficult, yet, to be useful instead. I always say " If your gonna complain about something, have a good idea or suggestion ready to submit in order to solve that problem".
I say something similar! Infj here as well. Mine is “you can bitch and complain all you want; just be doing something about it”...consequently i bitch and complain a lot because i’m always doing something about it 😅😂
I don’t know if I come off as intimidating, but so much throughout my whole life people have told me I seem “mean” or they didn’t know how to talk to me, when I’ve never even talked to those people before. When they get to know me, they realize that their original thoughts were wrong. Is that intimidation? Or is it a part of our personality type where we tend to be more blunt or straight to the point? Lol. It’s something I’ve always disliked because I wanted to be approachable to others.Another thing I’m sure many of us can relate to is feeling like we don’t fit in anywhere, but the older we get the more we realize we don’t want to fit in. We see how others act towards each other and it’s perplexing. I would never want to dumb myself down or lie to others just to fit in. If people don’t accept me as I am then I’m happier on my own 😊
I've been told this as well and I think it's because people can sense that we're observing and analyzing them even without knowing them and it's scary, just as pointed out. I remember having a male colleague who I felt might have been an INFJ as well and feeling strange, as though I was looking at a mirror. We never spoke but whenever we came across each other we would look at each other intently as though we were trying to figure each other out and it was a bit unsettling but made me realize that this is likely how I make other people feel as well.
@@windingstars I think you’re right, I remember being like 13 or something and I was with my friends family, her mom was talking to another woman and I was just watching them talk. The woman must’ve got uncomfortable with me and said “what are you staring at kid??” I was so confused because all of us kids were looking at them, but I was the only one she said something to. I still think of it sometimes when I catch myself looking at people lol I always look away fast
@@nightelve123l0v3 gurrlllll me tooo!!!!! People will look at me and automatically get tight. Or hear me speak and get superrrrrr uncomfortable I don’t know what it is….I hate it but LOVE IT AT THE SAME TIME that people get that bothered and uneasy
It took me 30 years before I realized how intimidating I can be. What saves me these days is I can very consistently go into a situation and seriously not give a s**t. About anything or anyone, just no immediate s**ts given no matter what I actually think going in. Maybe in a while, you'll flip my giving a s**t bit and then you get what you want/deserve, but until then the tiger sleeps and is really happy sleeping and everyone should relax because sleeping. I had to learn how to do that.
I’m constantly dimming myself because I know I make people feel so uncomfortable. It takes about a year of close interactions before they really believe I don’t have some secret agenda. So frustrating! Like being myself is almost repulsive to people.
As an INFJ, over the years people have stumbled over me and my personality. They try to label me as confused, or misfortunate because my life does not look like theirs and their social circles, so I just stare at them while they look scared by my responses. I’ve sensed that it does intimidate them because it demonstrates a level of strength and awareness so rarely seen.
This makes sense. While some people will model their life for the sake of modeling their life to look like other people's lives, INFJs need to know why they're doing anything and look at whether it aligns with their values. When we present a mindset or response that seems "unconventional" only by their narrow definition of the word, it scares them. But it did make me realize that I need to get to know more people who value uniqueness rather than admonish it.
Before I learned that I am an INFJ, I thought I was broken. I would buck social trends and saw people who jumped on that bandwagon as lacking the ability of free thinking. That made my school age years really tough. Yes, it is still a bit of a challenge, especially if I'm ignored or left out. I've taken note that is because my introversion gives people the notion that I am unapproachable. They are pleasantly surprised when the learn how kind I am. Then there are those who have managed to upset me, and I turn into Mt Vesuvius. I get the typical "What a jerk" remark.
Never understood why people at work and elsewhere confronted me , sometimes in a threatening way , when i felt I’d done nothing to cause a problem. Now I know !
Every friend I've ever had has told me in the beginning they were terrified to even say hi to me and i'm one of the most passive, accepting, and open minded people on the planet lmao now they give me a hard time about "why do you always have to be right?" and I reply "trust me, its both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I do really hope I am wrong"
Powerful video! Now Ii understand more when a choleric person reacts strongly to me! They fear loss of control. Abusers do this a lot. They see you as having power over them. I dated an abuser who told me I was very deceiving to him. He thought I was soft, pliable and meek, but then learned I had power in my softness. Deceptive! he growled. I could never figure out what I was doing to him. One thing is I would not deviate from principle and he thought I would cave in to his control. Same with a principal. She was very abusive but claimed I was controlling. In fact I was told by the superintendent to make up problems to help her feel good about herself. I would not lie. I resigned. This pattern keeps repeating with people that I find powerful. Never thought of the idea that they could be fearful of my essence. That in itself is empowering. Thank you for helping me not feel guilt and shame. Never could figure it out. I am so quiet. Grateful for your presentation.
The thing is, as INFJs, we can see through people's intention, and then decide whether to scare ppl or not by choosing to either withold our knowledge or keep quiet and keep observing aka that stare
I've been going a lot of depression lately and these videos have helped me. Seeing people I care about going down the wrong path and dealing with bad things has been draining. Thank You.
We get accused of having poor social skills, but in fact we can see right through all of the play acting that goes on and that passes for social skills. 100% authentic people who are not play acting refuse to play all those games with people. Therefore we spend a lot of time alone. People really hate it when you can see right through their façade. At work I call the vast majority of the coworkers "Posers" because they are not what they put themselves out to be. We always have the option to play dumb which I am good at, but I would really rather not play games like that. I consider it a big waste of mental energy on something that isn't even real.
We give off a very intense vibe. That alone scares people. Many INFJs also have ocean eyes, as it were, which freaks some. At the same time, we can come off as aloof and oh so cold.
What?! Where did you learn that tid bit about the eye color? My eyes are blue/green, labeled green on my birth certificate and drivers license but my husband has always maintained that that is wrong and they are blue green. Funny how I never thought about it that way until he pointed it out lol
@@reemalzubaidy6037 I love your comment, night ocean lol Yeah, there's definitely a flaw in the idea infj only have light colored eyes. I thought about it after I commented. I'm half Mexican, could have had black or brown eyes like my mom
Yes! Im quiet and rapidly stereotyped as the typical introvert or queen B 🙄. Then, people freak out when I do things “out of character,” oh when I’m really just being myself (like take the leadership role in a big group, guide people, school them, be genuinely nice and handle social gatherings, etc) I’m always told I’m intimidating but I don’t see how. I’m 5’2” & about a buck thirty, so I highly doubt its my build. I find that I’m a lot louder staying quiet than if I’m literally loud.
Silence speaks a language that words cannot. When you can control your emotions and everyone around you is panicking, they look at you like your a literal psychopath😂
I feel exactly this way too! It's like my little old self scares people of all ages and positions. It's kinda cool and sad at the same time. Putting my SE out is the skill I'm trying to master for this. Love you Wenzes! I keep coming back to your videos for reminders 💜☺️
Your words set me free 🦅 Thank you! I’ve always noticed this part of myself. I will not hide my true self any longer nor keep pretending to enjoy being in the box when in reality want to be somewhere else. At times I also used to keep myself quiet because I knew that whatever I had to say would challenge the people around me. I now shamelessly practice speaking my truth. I understand people at such a deep level that I know who I do not want to be around to psychologically protect myself because of the things they have been through. In my past, I noticed when people project their insecurities and I straight up want to walk away because of how toxic it can be. Gratefully I’m not in that situation anymore. I am manifesting people who enjoy being and thinking outside the box. CHANGING THE NARRATIVE, and BEING MYSELF 🤟🏽🌿
Great job on this, i love it, i think at least 90% of people cant stand to hear the truth, and that is what we are confronting them about, it is truly amazing that they think we are so clueless to the world and what is going on, i have to laugh at the look on their faces when we do put them in their places, they are speechless most of the time.
For me I'm just not out here running around being a complete asshole telling ppl left and right the truth about themselves. But if they push me to the point or don't respect my boundaries... I'm sorry not sorry I gotta let these truth bullets fly 🤷🏾♂️. Real story I told my own Father the truth about himself when I was like 21 (I'm 27 now) and til this day he says either nothing or one to two words to me when we're in the same room together. Crazy thing is I didn't even get to say what I really wanted to say to him that was on my heart. I simply asked him questions he couldn't answer that left him stuttering, speechless. He simply said "Fuck you" and hung up the phone.
I stood in the shadows for many years shining my light on people I spent a lot of my time shrinking myself to allow others to be seen I have so much love I can feel people's pain I can sense they're inadequacies and I try so hard to live people but I've learned that when we let our guard down People want so badly to know what makes us so powerful that they break us down so that they can take our lives guard your life
As an INFJ, I approve this video. I once tried to help a friend to organize his time to do homework, but when I told him about his schedule and all the things that he wouldn’t want me to take out from his current schedule. He freaked out lol. Also to INFJ out there, you are just overthinking about how others can be intimidated by you. Please be yourself❤️❤️❤️
The people who try to fool you, when they look in your eyes and see that you know. It scares people when you show them who they are without their barriers. They can have layers and layers of lies and pretense's, but you are a mirror of their true self. Usually, those types of people don't like their true selves, or they don't want anyone to know that part of them. How frightening it must be for someone who pretends to be kind and sweet to see in you that you are not fooled in the least and see right through their act to the truth. In my experience, this makes people afraid or in some cases angry. For this reason, I do not make friends very easily, but I do try to be kind to everyone. I can count on one hand the number of people I truly see as a friend I trust. It does not help that I am quite tall for a woman, and I can be inside my own head much of the time so I seem standoffish and unapproachable. I work in retail, so I've had to learn how to make myself easier to talk to and less intimidating, as I truly want to help people.
This is the reason why I become an existentialist and wanted to pursue psychology. The profoundness and shallowness of life always hit my mind and disturbed others by my simple remarks that can induced intimidations to them when I put a healthy discourse and they interpret it as arguments attacking them subconsciously. So sadt as an INFJ.
It is. There is another video explaining that us INFJs holding a mirror up to people can bring up past traumas that they actively avoided in order to cope. People who ineffectively cope with trauma (especially avoidants) will consistently fail to show up in discourse. There's literally nothing we can do in those situations. We have no choice but to allow ourselves to grieve the loss.
I have always found myself being upset or frustrated with people when they didn't actually understand me. I often feel like I'm the one who always understands them.
Just by being myself, I get accused of a plethora of things from insecure people projecting on me. Being an INFJ is a unique experience, but damn it can be exhausting.
I was told by a counselor that I have a very intimidating presence when I walk into a room, especially when people first meet me. I did not take it as a compliment.
@4:39 - 5:11 - Wow, you really nailed that. Seriously. I never heard it put that way, but it makes so much sense. I can remember as a young girl being on the set of a movie with Kathy Bates and Fairuza Balk just a matter of feet away from me. I remember sitting there watching them interacting with each other, the crew, and the fans who would go up to them for autographs. I remember also watching the crew, and noted in particular how there seemed to be this vibe on the set. Like you said, it was like a box. A very well-defined box. Kathy Bates and Fairuza Balk were nice enough, that was not the issue. But it was a clearly defined social structure in which there was a hierarchy, and many of the people seemed caught up, and proud of the fact, that they were climbing the ladder of that same hierarchy. It seemed like a bizarrely pretentious and egotistical place to be, and I just felt like I was observing everything that was going on inside the box from outside the box, and I did not feel like I wanted it or needed it. If anything, I felt like entering into that world would put me in a box that I did not want to be in, because I saw through the reality of that box and I wanted to get away from it as fast as I could! I think you are so right that most people want to play by the rules of being inside that box - be it the box of fame or whatever societal structure they feel makes them feel secure. It makes them comfortable, and they don't want anyone to shake that up because then suddenly they cannot define their security or worth by something outside of themselves. They instead have to look within. And the world of the inner psyche can be more scary than any wild, dark forest in the most remote part of the world. No more rules. No more structure. No more society to lean on and tell you that you are ok. Just who you are, faults and all. INFJ's dwell in that wild forest. We cross over into society just fine, but we understand it and prefer to leave it for the wild.
Thanks, Wenzes; While I have not considered myself intimidating, there was an instance that a good friend said I came across as very imtimidating to others. I was shocked!
This is so true! So many people are trying to be something they aren't and are trying to get people to like them and we just don't give a shit. The narcissists hate this about us because we are who they wish they could be.
I am always surprised when I run into old acquaintances from school when they tell me I always seemed intimidating and we're afraid to approach me. In highschool I was extremely shy and did my best to be invisible. So it is strange to hear people say that.
Yes! You just explained what I’ve been feeling my entire life and it’s getting stronger as I age. 🙌✌️ I’m truly an INFJ I never thought of myself being intimidating to others but I am. 💙 I’m letting it out!!
People never tell me that i look intimidating or is intimidating but i know they considered me intimidating. I still remember the face that they made when didn't expect the reaction i gave to them.
I’ve been betrayed once and confronted the person so calmly, by highlighting the fear they were hiding and the discomfort that wasn’t on the table, but me being an infj, I see all angles of the table
What you said around the 8:00 mark is something I recently developed. I realized that everyone wears their insecurities out loud in the world and they think they are hiding it, but if you can step outside your own self and ask why would a person talk, or act like this? And it's so glaringly obvious what they think they are hiding and you really can stop a person in their tracks when they try and play that social hierarchy game on you.
Even though I was shy and quiet and never got into trouble in high school, people were lowkey scared of me because I could see right through them. They would always complain that I was too honest and blunt, and my keen perception of their behaviour would make them feel uncomfortable. After a while some people stopped asking me for my opinion because they were afraid of the truth. Makes a lot of sense now.
The worst mistakes of my life were made after I had stepped into someone else's box and was still operating under their system instead of my own. This includes my closest family, friends and aquaintances. The great lesson which wenzes has helped to point out, is to become aware of this dynamic and don't even get that far into their life. Be the star of my own show and let others either dis me or join me. No wonder my goal has been just to be comfortable-- no frills, just not uncomfortable.
"Enigma" and "INFJ" are almost synonymous. People tend to fear what they can't understand, so because of this enigmatic personality, the INFJs naturally become intimidating.
"they see what kind of rules they play by, that they shouldn't play by"... it makes people aware of who they really are.. and sometimes they don't, do not like it
I love this! Thank you for this video. I decided that some people thanked me and others became reactive but I am kind on purpose every day. Who ever doesn't like me, I welcome their exit with respect, understanding, and grace.
For years people said you're a infj and I just never knew what they meant. UA-cam for whatever reason recommended this video today. I've felt like this my whole life and now at 40 I find out there's a name for it and apparently it's rare... great
IM AN INFJ and is so good to hear someone say it’s not wrong to be you, it’s not your fault, I read this quote once… “sweet girl it wasn’t that you weren’t enough, it’s your energy… it ask others to rise up, and not everyone is willing to go where they would grow” To me was a life changing cus it’s true, we don’t have to feel guilt, cus we never make this things to make feel bad someone, we are people willing to help that’s it.
I don’t know if people get intimidated by me, however, i seem to get a lot of people who want to intimidate and or push their will on to me. Even worse, i get people telling me how i should live...when clearly their way of living isn’t working out for them. It’s as though they want to control me and only get more frustrated when they realize they cant and no amount of “leverage”, supposed coercion, material offers, or spiritual “guarantees” will work on me.
Yes. It is all true. I am in a constant search for orthogonal perspectives without realizing how strange it can be for people who are living "by the book".
Yea people don't like us Empaths or INfjs, recently we were called out for being (narcissists) people are not open to different , thing was the person saying this was immature and was showing narcissist traits themselves 🤣🤣💕💕
I grew rather tired of people, even total strangers, telling me their problems and secrets. Who needs to tote luggage for other people when they throw it at you without warning?
just found out I'm an INFJ I always intimidated people around me and as a kid, it drove my peers away so I leaned into it. Kids thought I was scary and adults found me oddly mature.
At university after getting to know some people over a short time I was able to uncover a lot of their fears. Some of them were scared of being judged for their accent, others were scared of looking smart and being judged because of it, others were struggling with sexual orientation. Inevitably, I did approach them as a friend to console them, but I was just met with awkward fear and distancing thereafter. I've learned that personal issues I see in people should never be brought to light to them. Personal matters are internalized for a reason.
It's been explained to me; by friends of time's past, that I've made others uncomfortable. Simply 'cause they couldn't quite gauge me. I was considered highly unpredictable. I've always found it difficult to express my self especially since there wasn't enough patience to allow me to express my self. And ironically, it was suggested that I needed to express my self more often so others wouldn't feel so damned uncomfortable in my presence. I've found it simultaneously sad and funny for times I've gotten to understand who someone was then it dawns on 'em I'm a stranger as if I hadn't tried for having been shutdown throughout several attempts. A silent witness an invisible listener. In some ways I didn't mind that but then the problem with this is when it came to being framed for an ideal of who I was not. I've been referred to as suspect. I've been told flat out I wasn't liked for the way I happened to look (stare) My presence seemed to be someone else's concern to trouble over. Always been an experience no matter where I've been and worked as I've traveled since I was 16 searching for someplace which doesn't exist but within my self. Always those who feel I'm somekind of threat to whatever it is they feel insecure over and here I am just wanting to live in peace and not looking to get in anyone's way. Unfortunately, some deem it necessary to go out of their way to get into mine. Sometimes it's due to someone who realizes they're seen beyond their own presentation and is worried as to what I'll do with this information. And unless it's something terribly wrong, I could careless as that it's none of my business until it's made my business. Sometimes it's due to someone with resentment towards my work ethics. People who don't care to move, don't like people who do. Didn't think much of it then but to go in and do the best I can. Whatever task may be set before me I'm compelled to get it done as I once was appreciated for not only the qaulity of work done but the efficiency of which I was able to complete any given task. And this created a great deal of issues for me in the work place as that I related to physical labor as a gym and a form of therapy others saw it differently. Sometimes it's due to how I choose not to conform as others are gathered around narcissistic points of view in which case I am considered rude for not wanting to participate in pretending to be in awe of shit and so then I'm fine with rude. I find it difficult not to express at least that much of my disapproval if I were to hang for long in such crowds. However these matters are no longer concerns as I am here on my island of self and have been for the longest time now.
I work for an electric utility. During Superstorm Sandy we worked 21 consecutive days of 16-20 hours each day (a small feat compared to what Drs and nurses did for COVID) My role was some emergency management, running the storm room and providing people with information for answering to customers, companies, executives and regulators. All short notice and all needed asap. I was working in a small conference room where the company executives were pending most of their time, only because that’s where the last accessible computer was. They even took a call from president Obama in that room. Mid way through the 3 rd week the President/COO and my VP came to me to let me know that they noticed that through the chaos and demands (occasionally a bit testy) we experienced all day long they noticed my demeanor never changed. Same calm from day 1 to day 21.
People think I avoid eye contact because sometimes I am shy. But the real reason is because, simply looking them in the eye puts them at a serious unfair disadvantage because I can read them so easily. It's almost like mind-reading. If I look at people in the eye for too long they get freaked out, one even said petrified. And not strangers but close friends or even partners. I feel like INFJs have the ability to heal others or cause immense irreversible damage.
I get told this all the time. We have to embrace it. I have tried to change it and I cannot. I have asked why do u think I am intimidating and I am told it is because I am so blunt and truthful
Have you been considered intimidating as an INFJ?
I don't feel like anyone has seen me as intimidating. It always feels like they don't care and just ignore me.
I've been trying that 4% rule since that video came out. Some days felt really bad and like nothing got better, but overall, it seems to have helped make some progress. Thank you!!
@Wes I get told that I'm Dangerous, because I hold folks accountable, specially after working them out, Narcissists absolutely hate me and by that I mean, I can tell them what they are thinking or even what they are about to say.
My current boss(just for five more days) has a little slide foxy temper. She is always right and it look's like her plan's are always half hide behind a curtain. I had a little argument with her in July and she took it like a scandal which was far from my intension's. I caught her a little bit out of plan at that time so she really felt threatened by me. Well I blended in so we build a great set of work thrust, but that doesn't change her in any way so that is why I'm leaving on the upcoming friday. When it come's to personal relationships all of mine that I have been through with passing the status of „the intimidator“ have been already ended at that point and from that moment on are like a slowly dieing flame as we ended looking much like the perfect strangers. As a conclusion I think that INFJ can be intimidating, but the tention of such kind a relationship's burn's me as well so to be the intimidator is un unhealthy condition meaning of one-sided relationship most of the time. On the other side this is a well working mechanism to surround yourself with the right people who can appreciate you for who you are.
Oh Lordy. Again and again and again. I make women think and men feel. Nobody is completely comfortable with me unless they are extremely centered and self aware within their own personality.
Some of my best friends tell me that if they didn't know me better they would find me intimidating.
But SigmaINFJ is correct. Those that can hold their own with an INFJ really appreciate their strength of character, wisdom and integrity.
I think everyone should be intimidated. If anyone buys this trait, they have told themselves they are also compatible or incompatible for whatever reason. The best thing to do for me is to find a level of caring for the people around you.
#ad
The true INFJ is the most chilled, down to earth, loving, tolerant person. Looks calm on the outside but there is a hurricane of emotions in the inside.
💯
Agreed, sometimes I scare myself by how calm I can be under so much pressure
💯 accurate
There's nothing called true' infj.. There can be 2 infj who is completely different
Yup that's how I am
Plain and simple, my ability to see right through people and figure them out easily scares the sh*t out of them 🤣
I tell people they are made of glass all the time.which is different than lifting the rock on their head and looking at the worms.most mundanes dont understand
Same, why i don't go anywhere don't like random evil getting on my board , no patience for these ..
That only works with the people not being true to themselves. Ironically a trait that's much more common in the infj, perhaps why they spot it so much. What we hate most in ourselves and all that. Pretending for the sake of others', then getting mad and breaking down, then blaming them for our own poor behavior to keep the messiah complex XD. Sound familiar? >:).
I have friends and family who worry about me meeting the wrong types or people or dating the wrong women as if I haven’t studied and observed them a million times over before I ever said hello. I just chuckle at the fact they think my good nature means I am naive to people’s nature.
@@Viper4ever05 The outward appearance, versus internal. But there are always those who know the game better.
The more authentic I am, the more intimidating I look to people‼️
Don’t let that stop you. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep people warm.
@Rhonda J so true, but sometimes you have to abide by certain behaviors, for example, when you're at work.
@@rhondaj3154 Yess‼️Exactly! Thank you!
i feel a lot of Albanians can be infj. were more empathetic
Elder INFJ here 👵 I grew up feeling invisible and spent the greater part of my life feeling feared and misunderstood. Nobody got me, not even family. Whispers of me being demon possessed, witchy, and the like, reached my ears often. Thanks to research, the expansion of knowledge and beautiful people like you, I am blessed in my golden years to have a deep understanding and appreciation for who I am as well as having healthy, sustaining relationships. Thank you for what you do 💜
To all my INFJ family: I love you!! In an outside the box kinda way 😉
so glad you discovered about being an infj
Love you to
💜💜💜
❤
I'm glad you graced the earth
Because we are blunt. People know if they screw up and we catch them, we WILL call them out on it.
As an INFJ, I approved this video and I am so happy to see this because I experienced it myself multiple times.
All my childhood, I was depressed, misunderstood and always felt something was off.
Now I understand that's because I am meant to be outside of the box, not in it.
Same Frank. I still try to fit in the box so i can be like others, but it doesn't work. My current life looks SOOOO MUCH different than most people i know. I'm learning to accept that now.
Facts!
👏👏👏👏👏
@@circe... you don’t have to fit in a box. You are beautiful as yourself
@@anangrysliceofpie3935 ❤❤ I appreciate you. Same to you. #2022HUG
"It is not on you to protect people from the truth"
This is true.
We protect people by giving them the truth.
Yes, but who will protect us? ^_^
If someone doesn't like me immediately, or calls me intimidating, I know that they're shady people--hiding their true nature and the type to harm others (physically, emotionally, thieves, manipulators, narcissists). Every single time. I don't have to use my super-power. They reveal themselves. I had a supervisor once who hated me at first sight. I tried to tell other people he was a pathological liar and a Bad person. No one believed me he was so great a liar. He turned out to be a rapist. So I've learned to respect my super-power. I know that it reveals people for who they really are, and has saved me from getting involved in bad situations with bad people. Trust your instincts; trust that when someone immediately dislikes you as an INFJ, there's a reason for it, and stay away from them.
Oh the familiarity! Thank you for the reminder!
“That’s why we’re intimidating, although we know what’s going on in that box.. we don’t need it” very interesting and nicely put Wenzes.
Yea and we don’t care what’s in the box because the thought of being in a box is suffocating.
True. I never thought anyone was intimidated because most people don't like to admit that they're intimidated. I've only had one person admit that they were.
It's like this, I will give people several chances to do the right thing and when they don't, I resign myself to the fact they will never change, I move on and then they act so surprised that I did.
Don’t allow others to weaken your superpowers. Ignore their shaming and continue intimidating! 💪😎
You said it!! 🙌💪😆🤭
I've been referred to as "All Seeing" by several people. It's actually quite embarrassing, but at least I've discovered what it is about me - a mild-mannered and polite person - that intimidates others. Basically, we INFJs use our intuition and judgement to read and understand people on a level so deep, it makes them feel exposed.
true. in my experience, though, people who do not WANT to be read or exposed go ballistic when it happens, and it's often hurtful and in some cases terrifying. they don't have to be strong in order scare the hell out of me. violence is violence.
I relate too,and I find it extreme to be called that.....Only God is All seeing
I understand people so well that they start to just talk to me about themselves and their problems. It makes me feel better that I'm doing what's right to be a good friend.
Most powerful thing ever said
Jonesy so true
INFP here. INFJs are possibly the cutest, most adorable type. Some OCD tendencies sometimes, definitely intense. I'm definitely not following INFJ schedules most times and don't feel sorry about it but INFJ understands because they're kind of nerdy like me and know about MBTI lol. Keep being you INFJs, lots of love! Finish your chores then come chill and have a good time.
Aww
It's not OCD, it's knowing things need to be in a certain order and the consequences if it's not. Very capable of relaxing and letting others make their own mistakes and see the consequence, as long as it doesn't affect us, though.
@@frankievalentine6112 Unhealthy INFJs are often not putting priorities straight and in the right order, which is why they can be manipulated by loved ones to order their life poorly. Keep your head up and maintain possibility of independence.
@@mec0013 I can relate to this. I'm guilty of overprioritizing a failing relationship and don't focus enough on tending to other matters of importance. The ship is sinking and I'm failing to abandon ship. I'm going down brother...I'm going down.
❤❤❤😚😚😚😚
The worst is intimidating people who are technically above you in a social hierarchy. Bosses, managers, supervisors, coaches. I've had this issue my entire life and..... It's sucks. People think you're up to something for some reason. Like you have ulterior motives. I've could be doing the same thing as everyone else, even trying harder, or performing better, but I'm always targeted . I saw someone else say this in the comments people think you are "sus". I am up to nothing, simply an introvert trying my best and living my life.
I just realized from watching this video that people just don't trust people who don't fit into their box. It's ironic because trying to fit in is "sus" to me. Acting like someone you're not is "sus". ^_^ It's all about wearing their mask at the end of the day. It's a mislabel to only credit those who fit into their mold and shut the door on people who don't. The other reason is because a lot of people only trust people who won't hold up the mirror that they've been dodging all their life and allow them to live in hiding.
Literally… it’s infuriating. I lost jobs in my 20s due to this delusional distorted mind set of superiors. They would also mess with my pay. It was pathetic. I couldn’t of been a nicer, hard working, engaging worker if I tried
People always treat me like I am extremely sus, like they just think I’m up to no good or something. Like they can’t just accept that I’m just living my life, I must be “up to something.”
One of the strangest phenomenons in the world...makes you wonder what they're actually up to themselves.
Same :) And all I’m doing is staring at the sky and doing whatever makes me happy 😂
Yeah… what’s up with that??! I don’t get it
@@futuristicvibes2643 - it means that other people (specifically the ones who think you are suspect - 'sus'), are the ones actually up to something they know you wouldn't approve of, and they know they will eventually get caught.
@@lisarice4402
Correct.
They know you'll see right through them.
You can train a tiger to follow you, but never forget that a tiger is hunter.
INFJ is like a Tiger.
Haha I love this. INFJ usually has the upper hand, even when they seem not to.
I freaking love this analogy as well a lot! And it damn well fits too.
Nah, tiger is a completely controlled ball making it's own choices, not suddenly breaking down.
Big factsssss loveeee this analogy
Like a miniature angry tiger >:). Cute, but lacking in efficiency at what they're trying to do in most cases XD
I like being an INFJ. I enjoy being "RARE"
Most of the times I've been "intimidating" is when I am simply being myself, and make decisions that differ from whomever I'm with - groups or individuals. I don't deliberately try to "think outside of the box." When it comes to "the box" (which differs from region to region) I simply (1) see it's existence and (2) acknowledge the box's right to exist and (3) continue to make my own choices, some of which fit into the box and many of which don't. Which brings me to point (4) the box is not an obligation.
This drives some people crazy. It angers and scares others - a lot of people are afraid of independent thinkers. And we INFJs are definitely that. We can't read another person's mind, but it often comes across to me like maybe the intimidated person could be harboring insecurities of his/her own. Who knows?
For my own part, I attempt to practice FE and make my choices with a good attitude as much as possible - in or out of the box. If I practice the "Golden Rule " when dealing with others, that matters the most; the "box" will be here with or without my being inside or outside of it.
I've been doing the exact same thing that you mentioned for the past 5 years. Yet still we seem like an enigma to some, which definitely scares them.
I like your words, Linda.
We seem to trigger people Soo much!
@@TheParez love this. yes!
What you said about people's fears/insecurities resonated with me very deeply
People are scared of being judged.
Of being Seen, Heard, Felt. Yes. Thus the fear of judgment.
I dislike being misjudged which happens far too often. What I like is when I am being seen, heard, felt for being me.
Oh yes! Don't mess with the soft-spoken, quiet one. My life-partner calls it "Oh, you did that thing, hmm..." I would never ever be able to physically hurt anyone. In my life, I've never even raised my voice in anger. You'll know that I'm really, really angry when I take a quiet moment, and then speak. If I get massively punched by any authority figure - be it teachers, doctors, anyone at all - I will punch back. But never in any raging, screaming, illegal sense. I simply look at them, analyse them, and present them with their faults. After many years of thought I've understood why people really hate it. Anyone who is visibly emotional can be easily dismissed. But someone who logically, calmly present you with the all those tell-tale detailed facts that prove you are a bad person - in front of everyone... Well, that's not a way to make friends. But popularity has never been important to me. Independence and acting right is crucial.
Indeed.
Wow, I never thought about how people may not have ever experienced someone seeing them for real because our type is so rare. Really helps me better understand why I see people being so intimidated by me. Thanks for the insight
How is it rare look how many videos and comments from people claiming
@@siadoors7388 POV: I guess they don't need to claim it maybe it resonates some of their attitude and behaviour that is why they are claimin' that they one of em. Mindset and mentality should matter. Salute. Peace out.🤜🤛🤜🤛🤜🤛
@@siadoors7388 I think it appeals to the ego, why else would it matter so much?
i got voted most intimidating in high school. i also was never in just one group in high school and i think that is why i was so intimidating, because i could be involved with everyone but also nobody at the same time and it makes people uncomfortable. nobody thinks they really know me or they don't think they can get to know me so they dont... annoying! lol
i can't believe they would even have that in a HS yearbook!
It was the exact same for me lol
People used to say I'd flit from group to group, blending in like a chameleon lol
I was told I was intimidating by multiple people at my 10 year reunion. It was super surprising!! I'm 5'1 !! That stuck with me. I thought it was so weird.
Same, my freshmen year I was popular as fuck in every group, once I realized everyone was so godamn fake, I cut them all off and became a huge loner with like one person I truly fucked with, and it sent me spiraling into depression cuz I realized that the whole fucking world is literally just playing a role cuz of their own insecurities, authenticity is EXTREMELY RARE in this world where everyone except me feels the need to conform to a certain belief system
I never thought about it as intimidating! But it makes sense now! I noticed sometimes people have a huge negative reaction about me and I thought it was just them being a**holes! It’s like they just wanted to mute me! I always though “I am being too much” or “maybe I didn’t express myself well”. And I shut up myself or tried to be more “soft” and quiet. But then people lose respect of me, or they lose interest in me and what I was saying! And it was so frustrating!
Now, knowing this intimating aspect I understand this kind of situations! WOW!
Yes! I always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing, but I feel like I don’t say things different than anybody else. Ive always thought it was some sort of flaw within myself and I needed to change.
I relate to that so much and i thought i was the only person who is feeling like this
I always have mixed feelings about being intimidating as an INFJ. On the one hand it's flattering knowing someone is scared of you or something mysterious about you, but on the other hand is just very isolating and depressing. Not everyone wants to be around people with eyes that can see into their soul and mind. On top of that, I've always felt like I had very little confidence in groups and so if it's not my own fear in social situations, it's the fear I project onto other individuals in order to protect myself. No I wasn't abused or molested I just grew up in a very tumultous household.
One day I hope to have more friends. INFJs are such incredible people with big minds and big hearts, but they're also extremely frail. I wish the world was a place INFJs can call home sometimes but I figure we have to be the ones that change it.
yes, a place to call home would be nice
stand strong
i am facing the same dilemma. Isolated ... then detached
We are the ones that need to create the environment and the rules that are custom-made for us. We are out-of-the-box because our calling is to change things! We need to embrace who we are.
I grew up and spent young adult life thinking exactly the same way you do. I am much older now, and have come to terms with myself. I believe you will. I am a typical INFJ unique self, I can't help but being me and if people are bothered by me, well, they also have their unique self with strengths and weaknesses. It's not that either one is more superior. I learned to respect the differences and leave it like that, accept it as is, making no judgment of it. Also, I learned how to tame my intuition. I share my insight only when the people present can handle it. We can learn skills to cope with our fears and others' fears. Use your Ti/Te, not Fe/Fi. We INFJs have 50% use of each cerebral hemisphere and our thinking ability is greatly underestimated.
Pursue your interest,there you will find not only friends but your soul group.
I feel that it’s partly,.. because, people are uncomfortable, when they are really,…SEEN.. without being able to hide those parts they choose to hide. We LOOK, without distraction, and FEEL, the truth. No hiding option.
This hit so hard. 🥺😭 I was taught to suppress and keep my mouth shut. This actually made me cry. Thank you for sharing!
I can read most people pretty quickly, sometimes just making eye contact and watching them interact with anyone else for a few minutes. I wondering how does that person know I just "read" them? I can see them losing their composure. The more shallow the person, the easier it is.
My best friend often tells me that I scare her because she feels like I could just walk out of her life at any moment and I wouldn’t care. I do feel bad that I somehow gave her that impression, but it’s just in my nature to keep my deepest intentions and desires to myself!
I resonate with this. My closest friend tells something similar. She says she can't imagine me not being part of her life, but she thinks I on the otherhand could just easily move forward my life with or without her. It got me thinking, INFJs care tho, sometimes too deeply, but don't show those deeper emotions easily.
Infj here...calm appearance all the time that,s what scares people
We don,t do in purpose it,s just the way we are!!!
Good video
🤣😍so true so simple for us but not for others
Have I been considered intimidating as an INFJ ? I have been considered intimidating before, and I have been careful enough not to use it against people. Instead, I have used it to get things changed for the better once I got the attention of whom needed to hear from me. Once a positive change has taken place, everyone benefited from it rather than just myself. My aim is not to be difficult, yet, to be useful instead. I always say " If your gonna complain about something, have a good idea or suggestion ready to submit in order to solve that problem".
I say something similar! Infj here as well. Mine is “you can bitch and complain all you want; just be doing something about it”...consequently i bitch and complain a lot because i’m always doing something about it 😅😂
I don’t know if I come off as intimidating, but so much throughout my whole life people have told me I seem “mean” or they didn’t know how to talk to me, when I’ve never even talked to those people before. When they get to know me, they realize that their original thoughts were wrong. Is that intimidation? Or is it a part of our personality type where we tend to be more blunt or straight to the point? Lol. It’s something I’ve always disliked because I wanted to be approachable to others.Another thing I’m sure many of us can relate to is feeling like we don’t fit in anywhere, but the older we get the more we realize we don’t want to fit in. We see how others act towards each other and it’s perplexing. I would never want to dumb myself down or lie to others just to fit in. If people don’t accept me as I am then I’m happier on my own 😊
I've been told this as well and I think it's because people can sense that we're observing and analyzing them even without knowing them and it's scary, just as pointed out.
I remember having a male colleague who I felt might have been an INFJ as well and feeling strange, as though I was looking at a mirror. We never spoke but whenever we came across each other we would look at each other intently as though we were trying to figure each other out and it was a bit unsettling but made me realize that this is likely how I make other people feel as well.
This the one
@@windingstars I think you’re right, I remember being like 13 or something and I was with my friends family, her mom was talking to another woman and I was just watching them talk. The woman must’ve got uncomfortable with me and said “what are you staring at kid??” I was so confused because all of us kids were looking at them, but I was the only one she said something to. I still think of it sometimes when I catch myself looking at people lol I always look away fast
You literally explained how I feel every dam day.
@@nightelve123l0v3 gurrlllll me tooo!!!!! People will look at me and automatically get tight. Or hear me speak and get superrrrrr uncomfortable I don’t know what it is….I hate it but LOVE IT AT THE SAME TIME that people get that bothered and uneasy
you are the fairy godmother for every INFJs. Thank you 🦋
It took me 30 years before I realized how intimidating I can be. What saves me these days is I can very consistently go into a situation and seriously not give a s**t. About anything or anyone, just no immediate s**ts given no matter what I actually think going in. Maybe in a while, you'll flip my giving a s**t bit and then you get what you want/deserve, but until then the tiger sleeps and is really happy sleeping and everyone should relax because sleeping. I had to learn how to do that.
After hearing this I will never hold back anymore🥺🥺🥺 I’ve always been afraid that I might be making people uncomfortable😞😞😞
I’m constantly dimming myself because I know I make people feel so uncomfortable. It takes about a year of close interactions before they really believe I don’t have some secret agenda. So frustrating! Like being myself is almost repulsive to people.
As an INFJ, over the years people have stumbled over me and my personality. They try to label me as confused, or misfortunate because my life does not look like theirs and their social circles, so I just stare at them while they look scared by my responses. I’ve sensed that it does intimidate them because it demonstrates a level of strength and awareness so rarely seen.
This makes sense. While some people will model their life for the sake of modeling their life to look like other people's lives, INFJs need to know why they're doing anything and look at whether it aligns with their values. When we present a mindset or response that seems "unconventional" only by their narrow definition of the word, it scares them. But it did make me realize that I need to get to know more people who value uniqueness rather than admonish it.
Before I learned that I am an INFJ, I thought I was broken. I would buck social trends and saw people who jumped on that bandwagon as lacking the ability of free thinking. That made my school age years really tough. Yes, it is still a bit of a challenge, especially if I'm ignored or left out. I've taken note that is because my introversion gives people the notion that I am unapproachable. They are pleasantly surprised when the learn how kind I am. Then there are those who have managed to upset me, and I turn into Mt Vesuvius. I get the typical "What a jerk" remark.
Never understood why people at work and elsewhere confronted me , sometimes in a threatening way , when i felt I’d done nothing to cause a problem. Now I know !
I conquer.
Every friend I've ever had has told me in the beginning they were terrified to even say hi to me and i'm one of the most passive, accepting, and open minded people on the planet lmao now they give me a hard time about "why do you always have to be right?" and I reply "trust me, its both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I do really hope I am wrong"
Powerful video! Now Ii understand more when a choleric person reacts strongly to me! They fear loss of control. Abusers do this a lot. They see you as having power over them. I dated an abuser who told me I was very deceiving to him. He thought I was soft, pliable and meek, but then learned I had power in my softness. Deceptive! he growled. I could never figure out what I was doing to him. One thing is I would not deviate from principle and he thought I would cave in to his control. Same with a principal. She was very abusive but claimed I was controlling. In fact I was told by the superintendent to make up problems to help her feel good about herself. I would not lie. I resigned. This pattern keeps repeating with people that I find powerful. Never thought of the idea that they could be fearful of my essence. That in itself is empowering. Thank you for helping me not feel guilt and shame. Never could figure it out. I am so quiet. Grateful for your presentation.
The thing is, as INFJs, we can see through people's intention, and then decide whether to scare ppl or not by choosing to either withold our knowledge or keep quiet and keep observing aka that stare
I've been going a lot of depression lately and these videos have helped me. Seeing people I care about going down the wrong path and dealing with bad things has been draining. Thank You.
our time will come. Keep at it bro you're doing great. keep fighting the good fight
Me too, man. Sometimes eveything just have to burn. Let's burn with it and reborn. God bless you!
I commend you
We get accused of having poor social skills, but in fact we can see right through all of the play acting that goes on and that passes for social skills. 100% authentic people who are not play acting refuse to play all those games with people. Therefore we spend a lot of time alone. People really hate it when you can see right through their façade. At work I call the vast majority of the coworkers "Posers" because they are not what they put themselves out to be. We always have the option to play dumb which I am good at, but I would really rather not play games like that. I consider it a big waste of mental energy on something that isn't even real.
We give off a very intense vibe. That alone scares people. Many INFJs also have ocean eyes, as it were, which freaks some. At the same time, we can come off as aloof and oh so cold.
What?! Where did you learn that tid bit about the eye color? My eyes are blue/green, labeled green on my birth certificate and drivers license but my husband has always maintained that that is wrong and they are blue green. Funny how I never thought about it that way until he pointed it out lol
I’m from Iraq my eyes are pitch black maybe night ocean
@@reemalzubaidy6037 I love your comment, night ocean lol Yeah, there's definitely a flaw in the idea infj only have light colored eyes. I thought about it after I commented. I'm half Mexican, could have had black or brown eyes like my mom
@@bloodorangemoon yeah piercing eyes could have any color as long as the intensity is is there
Yes! Im quiet and rapidly stereotyped as the typical introvert or queen B 🙄. Then, people freak out when I do things “out of character,” oh when I’m really just being myself (like take the leadership role in a big group, guide people, school them, be genuinely nice and handle social gatherings, etc) I’m always told I’m intimidating but I don’t see how. I’m 5’2” & about a buck thirty, so I highly doubt its my build. I find that I’m a lot louder staying quiet than if I’m literally loud.
Silence speaks a language that words cannot. When you can control your emotions and everyone around you is panicking, they look at you like your a literal psychopath😂
I feel exactly this way too! It's like my little old self scares people of all ages and positions. It's kinda cool and sad at the same time.
Putting my SE out is the skill I'm trying to master for this.
Love you Wenzes! I keep coming back to your videos for reminders 💜☺️
Your words set me free 🦅
Thank you! I’ve always noticed this part of myself. I will not hide my true self any longer nor keep pretending to enjoy being in the box when in reality want to be somewhere else. At times I also used to keep myself quiet because I knew that whatever I had to say would challenge the people around me. I now shamelessly practice speaking my truth.
I understand people at such a deep level that I know who I do not want to be around to psychologically protect myself because of the things they have been through. In my past, I noticed when people project their insecurities and I straight up want to walk away because of how toxic it can be.
Gratefully I’m not in that situation anymore. I am manifesting people who enjoy being and thinking outside the box.
CHANGING THE NARRATIVE, and BEING MYSELF 🤟🏽🌿
Love it!!!
Great job on this, i love it, i think at least 90% of people cant stand to hear the truth, and that is what we are confronting them about, it is truly amazing that they think we are so clueless to the world and what is going on, i have to laugh at the look on their faces when we do put them in their places, they are speechless most of the time.
For me I'm just not out here running around being a complete asshole telling ppl left and right the truth about themselves. But if they push me to the point or don't respect my boundaries... I'm sorry not sorry I gotta let these truth bullets fly 🤷🏾♂️.
Real story I told my own Father the truth about himself when I was like 21 (I'm 27 now) and til this day he says either nothing or one to two words to me when we're in the same room together. Crazy thing is I didn't even get to say what I really wanted to say to him that was on my heart. I simply asked him questions he couldn't answer that left him stuttering, speechless. He simply said "Fuck you" and hung up the phone.
I stood in the shadows for many years shining my light on people I spent a lot of my time shrinking myself to allow others to be seen I have so much love I can feel people's pain I can sense they're inadequacies and I try so hard to live people but I've learned that when we let our guard down People want so badly to know what makes us so powerful that they break us down so that they can take our lives guard your life
Samson and Delilah 😂
We tend to speak the truth. Even about ourselves. That old saying "The truth hurts" rings true.
As an INFJ, I approve this video. I once tried to help a friend to organize his time to do homework, but when I told him about his schedule and all the things that he wouldn’t want me to take out from his current schedule. He freaked out lol. Also to INFJ out there, you are just overthinking about how others can be intimidated by you. Please be yourself❤️❤️❤️
The people who try to fool you, when they look in your eyes and see that you know. It scares people when you show them who they are without their barriers. They can have layers and layers of lies and pretense's, but you are a mirror of their true self. Usually, those types of people don't like their true selves, or they don't want anyone to know that part of them. How frightening it must be for someone who pretends to be kind and sweet to see in you that you are not fooled in the least and see right through their act to the truth.
In my experience, this makes people afraid or in some cases angry. For this reason, I do not make friends very easily, but I do try to be kind to everyone. I can count on one hand the number of people I truly see as a friend I trust. It does not help that I am quite tall for a woman, and I can be inside my own head much of the time so I seem standoffish and unapproachable. I work in retail, so I've had to learn how to make myself easier to talk to and less intimidating, as I truly want to help people.
Hands down the BEST INFJ video out there!
As well as being intimidated, it is also the attitude of "how dare you" bring a new "acceptability"
It's scary how accurate this is, especially the analogy about the box and how we "pretend" to be part of it
This is the reason why I become an existentialist and wanted to pursue psychology. The profoundness and shallowness of life always hit my mind and disturbed others by my simple remarks that can induced intimidations to them when I put a healthy discourse and they interpret it as arguments attacking them subconsciously. So sadt as an INFJ.
It is. There is another video explaining that us INFJs holding a mirror up to people can bring up past traumas that they actively avoided in order to cope. People who ineffectively cope with trauma (especially avoidants) will consistently fail to show up in discourse. There's literally nothing we can do in those situations. We have no choice but to allow ourselves to grieve the loss.
I have always found myself being upset or frustrated with people when they didn't actually understand me. I often feel like I'm the one who always understands them.
Just by being myself, I get accused of a plethora of things from insecure people projecting on me. Being an INFJ is a unique experience, but damn it can be exhausting.
I was told by a counselor that I have a very intimidating presence when I walk into a room, especially when people first meet me. I did not take it as a compliment.
@4:39 - 5:11 - Wow, you really nailed that. Seriously. I never heard it put that way, but it makes so much sense. I can remember as a young girl being on the set of a movie with Kathy Bates and Fairuza Balk just a matter of feet away from me. I remember sitting there watching them interacting with each other, the crew, and the fans who would go up to them for autographs.
I remember also watching the crew, and noted in particular how there seemed to be this vibe on the set. Like you said, it was like a box. A very well-defined box. Kathy Bates and Fairuza Balk were nice enough, that was not the issue. But it was a clearly defined social structure in which there was a hierarchy, and many of the people seemed caught up, and proud of the fact, that they were climbing the ladder of that same hierarchy.
It seemed like a bizarrely pretentious and egotistical place to be, and I just felt like I was observing everything that was going on inside the box from outside the box, and I did not feel like I wanted it or needed it. If anything, I felt like entering into that world would put me in a box that I did not want to be in, because I saw through the reality of that box and I wanted to get away from it as fast as I could!
I think you are so right that most people want to play by the rules of being inside that box - be it the box of fame or whatever societal structure they feel makes them feel secure. It makes them comfortable, and they don't want anyone to shake that up because then suddenly they cannot define their security or worth by something outside of themselves. They instead have to look within. And the world of the inner psyche can be more scary than any wild, dark forest in the most remote part of the world. No more rules. No more structure. No more society to lean on and tell you that you are ok. Just who you are, faults and all. INFJ's dwell in that wild forest. We cross over into society just fine, but we understand it and prefer to leave it for the wild.
Thanks, Wenzes; While I have not considered myself intimidating, there was an instance that a good friend said I came across as very imtimidating to others. I was shocked!
This is so true! So many people are trying to be something they aren't and are trying to get people to like them and we just don't give a shit. The narcissists hate this about us because we are who they wish they could be.
Initimidating... They say because I am being too honest 😐
As an ACTUAL INFJ, this is so relatable to me.
You need boundaries to survive sanely.
I am always surprised when I run into old acquaintances from school when they tell me I always seemed intimidating and we're afraid to approach me. In highschool I was extremely shy and did my best to be invisible. So it is strange to hear people say that.
Yes! You just explained what I’ve been feeling my entire life and it’s getting stronger as I age.
🙌✌️ I’m truly an INFJ I never thought of myself being intimidating to others but I am. 💙 I’m letting it out!!
People never tell me that i look intimidating or is intimidating but i know they considered me intimidating. I still remember the face that they made when didn't expect the reaction i gave to them.
I’ve been betrayed once and confronted the person so calmly, by highlighting the fear they were hiding and the discomfort that wasn’t on the table, but me being an infj, I see all angles of the table
What you said around the 8:00 mark is something I recently developed. I realized that everyone wears their insecurities out loud in the world and they think they are hiding it, but if you can step outside your own self and ask why would a person talk, or act like this? And it's so glaringly obvious what they think they are hiding and you really can stop a person in their tracks when they try and play that social hierarchy game on you.
Even though I was shy and quiet and never got into trouble in high school, people were lowkey scared of me because I could see right through them. They would always complain that I was too honest and blunt, and my keen perception of their behaviour would make them feel uncomfortable. After a while some people stopped asking me for my opinion because they were afraid of the truth. Makes a lot of sense now.
The worst mistakes of my life were made after I had stepped into someone else's box and was still operating under their system instead of my own. This includes my closest family, friends and aquaintances. The great lesson which wenzes has helped to point out, is to become aware of this dynamic and don't even get that far into their life. Be the star of my own show and let others either dis me or join me. No wonder my goal has been just to be comfortable-- no frills, just not uncomfortable.
"Enigma" and "INFJ" are almost synonymous. People tend to fear what they can't understand, so because of this enigmatic personality, the INFJs naturally become intimidating.
"they see what kind of rules they play by, that they shouldn't play by"... it makes people aware of who they really are.. and sometimes they don't, do not like it
I love this! Thank you for this video. I decided that some people thanked me and others became reactive but I am kind on purpose every day. Who ever doesn't like me, I welcome their exit with respect, understanding, and grace.
For years people said you're a infj and I just never knew what they meant. UA-cam for whatever reason recommended this video today. I've felt like this my whole life and now at 40 I find out there's a name for it and apparently it's rare... great
Loss of control and intimidation vs. "doing something wrong"... lightbulb moment! Thank you
IM AN INFJ and is so good to hear someone say it’s not wrong to be you, it’s not your fault, I read this quote once… “sweet girl it wasn’t that you weren’t enough, it’s your energy… it ask others to rise up, and not everyone is willing to go where they would grow” To me was a life changing cus it’s true, we don’t have to feel guilt, cus we never make this things to make feel bad someone, we are people willing to help that’s it.
All my life (56) years, I have been inflicted with fake people, who describe me as ‘unusual’ ‘different’ - it’s very lonely at times..
I don’t know if people get intimidated by me, however, i seem to get a lot of people who want to intimidate and or push their will on to me. Even worse, i get people telling me how i should live...when clearly their way of living isn’t working out for them. It’s as though they want to control me and only get more frustrated when they realize they cant and no amount of “leverage”, supposed coercion, material offers, or spiritual “guarantees” will work on me.
@nmercenary: Precisely the story of my life🤣😂🙄🤬
we attract narcissists
This is so scary...you are an amazing teacher. Your info/knowledge on people like us is priceless. I've I've so confused for so long.
Thing is I'm so glad I'm INFj and we are blessed, and happy on my path we are genuine, lovely video needed to hear this I'm re assured that I'm ok👍👍👍👍
I'm an INFJ and I don't think people are scared of me but can't figure me out
You are helping a lot of people with what you're doing...
Yes. It is all true. I am in a constant search for orthogonal perspectives without realizing how strange it can be for people who are living "by the book".
Very important video. We see beyond the mirror.
Yea people don't like us Empaths or INfjs, recently we were called out for being (narcissists) people are not open to different , thing was the person saying this was immature and was showing narcissist traits themselves 🤣🤣💕💕
When empath is being called a narc or psychopath, it is quite an indicator that everything went south long ago )
@@harbinger465 is it cos the narc knows the infj knows what they are... so they attempt protecting ...
@@cv6176 people just are using wrong words for wrong purpose
When you understand them...it's easy to imitate them...
I know I'm preaching to the choir but it's just narcs trying to shift the blame from them to us (INFJ's)
Perfect timing for the current phase of my life. You’ve helped me in so many ways. God bless you Wenzes. 🙂
I've been told I'm intimidating. I pretty much just embraced it.
I grew rather tired of people, even total strangers, telling me their problems and secrets. Who needs to tote luggage for other people when they throw it at you without warning?
just found out I'm an INFJ I always intimidated people around me and as a kid, it drove my peers away so I leaned into it. Kids thought I was scary and adults found me oddly mature.
At university after getting to know some people over a short time I was able to uncover a lot of their fears. Some of them were scared of being judged for their accent, others were scared of looking smart and being judged because of it, others were struggling with sexual orientation. Inevitably, I did approach them as a friend to console them, but I was just met with awkward fear and distancing thereafter. I've learned that personal issues I see in people should never be brought to light to them. Personal matters are internalized for a reason.
Back then people were more open with there issues. people knew how to open up and talk abought things now it's discouraged.
It's been explained to me; by friends of time's past, that I've made others uncomfortable.
Simply 'cause they couldn't quite gauge me.
I was considered highly unpredictable.
I've always found it difficult to express my self
especially since there wasn't enough patience to allow me to express my self.
And ironically, it was suggested that I needed to express my self more often
so others wouldn't feel so damned uncomfortable in my presence.
I've found it simultaneously sad and funny
for times I've gotten to understand who someone was
then it dawns on 'em
I'm a stranger
as if I hadn't tried for having been shutdown
throughout several attempts.
A silent witness
an invisible listener.
In some ways I didn't mind that
but then the problem with this is when it came to being framed
for an ideal of who I was not.
I've been referred to as suspect.
I've been told flat out I wasn't liked for the way I happened to look (stare)
My presence seemed to be someone else's concern to trouble over.
Always been an experience
no matter where I've been and worked
as I've traveled since I was 16 searching for someplace
which doesn't exist
but within my self.
Always those who feel I'm somekind of threat to whatever it is they feel insecure over
and here I am just wanting to live in peace
and not looking to get in anyone's way.
Unfortunately, some deem it necessary to go out of their way to get into mine.
Sometimes it's due to someone who realizes they're seen
beyond their own presentation
and is worried as to what I'll do with this information.
And unless it's something terribly wrong, I could careless as that it's none of my business
until it's made my business.
Sometimes it's due to someone with resentment towards my work ethics.
People who don't care to move, don't like people who do.
Didn't think much of it then
but to go in and do the best I can.
Whatever task may be set before me
I'm compelled to get it done
as I once was appreciated for not only the qaulity of work done
but the efficiency of which I was able to complete any given task.
And this created a great deal of issues for me in the work place
as that I related to physical labor as a gym and a form of therapy
others saw it differently.
Sometimes it's due to how I choose not to conform
as others are gathered around narcissistic points of view
in which case I am considered rude for not wanting to participate in pretending to be in awe of shit and so then I'm fine with rude.
I find it difficult not to express at least that much of my disapproval if I were to hang for long in such crowds.
However these matters are no longer concerns
as I am here on my island of self
and have been for the longest time now.
This explains why I get so many " raised eyebrows" most of the time. In a lot of ways people react to us like looking in a mirror.
This energy is real the over thought process may very well be what saves us from lots but also deprives us of so many experiences ( frustrating)
I work for an electric utility. During Superstorm Sandy we worked 21 consecutive days of 16-20 hours each day (a small feat compared to what Drs and nurses did for COVID) My role was some emergency management, running the storm room and providing people with information for answering to customers, companies, executives and regulators. All short notice and all needed asap. I was working in a small conference room where the company executives were pending most of their time, only because that’s where the last accessible computer was. They even took a call from president Obama in that room. Mid way through the 3 rd week the President/COO and my VP came to me to let me know that they noticed that through the chaos and demands (occasionally a bit testy) we experienced all day long they noticed my demeanor never changed. Same calm from day 1 to day 21.
It's freeing to hear someone encouraging you to being you to the fullest w/ understanding. Thanks
I'm an infj, and whenever I ask people what their first impression of me was, probably 90% of the time they will say intimidating.
People think I avoid eye contact because sometimes I am shy. But the real reason is because, simply looking them in the eye puts them at a serious unfair disadvantage because I can read them so easily. It's almost like mind-reading. If I look at people in the eye for too long they get freaked out, one even said petrified. And not strangers but close friends or even partners. I feel like INFJs have the ability to heal others or cause immense irreversible damage.
Yes! That!
I get told this all the time. We have to embrace it. I have tried to change it and I cannot. I have asked why do u think I am intimidating and I am told it is because I am so blunt and truthful