Dealing with Self Confidence Issues on the Spectrum | Autism Experiences
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- Опубліковано 3 лют 2022
- Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs, Discussions, and Bunnies on your feed!
Self confidence is something a lot of people on the spectrum struggle with so I thought it would be a good topic to bring up. Today I am sharing my struggles with my own self confidence and what I have done that has seemed to help me. What do you do to help with self confidence issues?
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Hi Claire, low self-esteem and no self-confidence are with me since I remember. I'm feeling worthless all of the time. But despite that, other people's judgment and opinions never affected me. Bullying at school, and mobbing at work, are painful, but I consider it more painful to change who I am because of them. I'm me, despite everything or everyone.
Yes Pass we like you for you around here!
@@WoodshedTheory Thank you Claire.
Yeeeaaaaah gotta earn those monies tho
I’m with you on what you said, me too, apart from that peoples judgement and opinions of me affect me. Having being in a narcissistic relationship for 13yrs didn’t help and I have had suicidal thoughts quite a lot. Still, I’m fighting, I’m still here but it’s so bloody hard. Sorry for the negative things I’ve said, I was just being honest, sorry
A lot of what helped me with my self confidence is to learn to be kind to myself. I know I'm a good person, I know I'm capable, I know my self worth, and I know that struggling with things doesn't make me less. I'll allow myself to mess up, cause I know it's not a reflection of who I am as a person, and that everybody else messes up too. Sure I have those moments where I'll feel bad about myself, but at the end of the day, everyone does, and everyone has self doubt at some point. It's okay, we are not screw ups, we are all awesome :).
Yes learning to be kind to yourself is difficult but once learned it helps so much
I've had low self esteem for as long as I can remember. I don't hear a ton of autistic UA-camrs chat about this. I really appreciate your transparency!
Thanks Whitney your support means a lot
Thank you for this one. I find self-confidence a hugely awkward balancing act.
I find myself constantly buffeted around by other people's expectations (and often finding that I can't meet them) - sometimes I manage to reach a level of comfort with my *own* expectations of myself and can start to feel comfortable with myself, but because we are social creatures and have to interact with others, it starts to get tangled up again (particularly with family). If I get too confident that I'm meeting my own standards, I find I become less receptive to others and it becomes isolating.
Lots of interesting insights here - I think I'm going to have to learn the art of "balancing" a lot more.
Yes balancing is key - but I also have bad balance 😅
Wow when you said "I did feel like I was working harder than other people at life," that's EXACTLY how I felt all through middle school up into adulthood. I too thought that I was a much harder worker than everyone, because I was putting so much thought and effort into literally everything compared to my peers. So I then thought that I was holding myself to a higher standard than everyone, as you stated. Thank you for this video!
Thanks for your comment it’s good to relate to others
Same here I was going to comment this but you said it. I always had a superiority complex. I think differently and thought everyone else was stupid and that life wasn't fair to me. I saw others succeeding with little effort while I struggled even though I knew I was smart, I just didn't get why I struggled so hard. I got like straight 100's in math at school. Yet, I failed socially at everything. Well now that I know I am autistic, I don't feel better than everyone. I know I am different and I know I struggle for a reason. It's humbling.
I was diagnosed last September at the age of 41 with Autism and an alphabet of mental health diagnoses. I really appreciate you speaking about your experiences, observations, concerns, worries, troubles, successes, and wins. Also I recognize how brave you are to share your inner world of thoughts and feelings with us. Thank you for sharing as much as you do. I can see that you are touching so many people who are struggling with similar issues. You are awesome, Lady, from my heart I mean that. It takes a great deal of inner strength to question yourself, look at yourself analytically without tearing yourself down, in order to recognize your patterns and see which ones may be leading you further away from the growth you seek. And it takes an amazing amount of courage to let yourself be vulnerable and show emotions. I hope all that makes sense. 😁😘❤️
Thank you Jessica for your kind words. I know it’s all worth it if I’m helping others. Glad to have you as a viewer
I think learning I was on the spectrum, if anything, increased my confidence. As the dust from that continues to settle, it continues to grow.
We don't like you because you are superman, Claire, but because we see you are trying to be. That is what we can identify with. 😁
Thanks I agree the further I am into diagnosis the better I feel about myself
So agree!
I really get what you mean about feeling better than other people. I'm ashamed to say it but I have an arrogant streak that does feel better than other people. At the same time I obviously can't meet my own standards and therefore also dislike myself.
For me, as long as I'm not content with myself or my place in life then I'm constantly trying to improve, which makes me feel better. The trick is to not be brought down emotionally by my own high standards. It's a balancing act. I'll admit, I had a similar embarrassment when I realized that some of the high standards I was aspiring to were well below NT's when they don't even try.
"Autism is a superpower" always seemed so dumb to me. "Historically speaking, autistic people have brought more to the table in medicine, science, and engineering than neurotypical people. We are the ones who push things forward as far as technology goes." That makes much more sense to me. I mean that in a mind-blown, epiphany, puts my whole career in perspective way. Thank you Claire.
I’m glad that resonated with you
Yay!
Yay yay it’s the Philip Yay!
You are appreciated beyond measure.
Thanks Brigid ❤️
Felt all this very deeply, especially learning who to trust and who has your best interests at heart. Thank you.
Thanks for your support Andi happy to have you here!
Did you make your sweater? Your videos are awesome. The pace works for me. With my auditory processing issues, often I have a hard time following what others say, but I never have issues processing what you say. I'm similar in how I used to feel special, together, gifted and confident before I realized I was autistic. Realizing I'm autistic and being honest with myself about what I struggle with knocked my confidence way down, especially when combined with the burnout I was experiencing a few years ago. I've recovered from burnout and have had some of my poems accepted for publication recently, so my confidence is rebuilding, and now I combine it with a more realistic understanding of my capabilities and limitations, and I accept them. Our different brains are so cool! Also, thank you for sharing such healthy talks with us!
Hi my friend - I did make it! Thanks for your encouragement - I try to edit the videos to you the pace so I’m glad it still works for you
Yeah, the guilt at not knowing is very real for me too. Especially because we are sophisticated people. I blame most of my family being autistic, and my mother being very manchousen syndrome on top of that making me reject all diagnosis'. Also a toxic masculinity in the working class. I do think some sophisticated people around me, particularly educators realized I'm autistic, but Unsophisticated people will Never get it unfortunately, and neither will my family. But I'm more happy with myself post diagnosis, it's ongoing.
Yes there are so many factors that weigh in.
Good morning Claire. This is a big thing for me as well, and has been for as much of my 54 years as I can recall. It’s better now that I am self-diagnosed. At least I understand some of the root causes of why I feel so different.
Yes! Diagnosis, even self diagnosis is very important. It brings a lot of clarity and I believe, relief.
I was just "professionally" diagnosed, at age 53. I consider self-diagnosis to be totally valid, though, as that's where I began some months ago. The final report issued by the Psychologost agreed SO closely with what I had determined on my own. But given that I had been attributing so many of my problems in life to the wrong cause(s), I was determined to get an objective opinion before commiting myself to the idea that Autism is at the root of essentially every aspect (negative AND positive) that I have encountered in my life.
I know for me the constant discovery of how everything ties back to my neurodiversity is sometimes overwhelming
Awesome video!!! You spoke so well about your challenges. I just hope you know that not only ASD individuals feel what you feel, but everyone has those feelings at some point in their life. You are an inspiration to this grandma of an ASD grandson. Thank you!
Thanks Martha that is so sweet your grandson is lucky to have you
I love that i can juat choose to change how I think and deal with any concept. I have had very rigid and negative thought patterns but with a little help, i changed it. We can always decide to change who we are. We are pretty much required to thoughtfully adopt what we find to be aligned with our values.
i am glad you had a change
haven't even started the video yet, but your hair colour looks fun. :)
EDIT:
I have pretty low self esteem but I also have very high expectations on myself and how I perform especially morally/socially.
As in I know I am pretty smart and have the potential to be very capable, but I also have a hard time concentrating or forcing myself to do something that I am not interested in is really extremely hard. Like all the bs they try in school to motivate you just made me just feel cheated and manipulated to not study what I want to study.
I felt like my "lazyness" and inability to stay focused on things that aren't my interest made me bad human because I was a constant underachiever.
However... at the kind of Perfectionism I hold/held myself there was no way that I could even achieve half of it. I could never be anything else but an underachiever. I couldn't win. it made me think stuff like "why should I even try if I can't do it good anyway" which made me feel like a total failure.
I still feel like that often, but I am trying hard to be a bit more friendly towards myself.
Being kind to yourself is so important,
Yet sometimes it’s the most difficult think to do
Measuring your 'value' in terms of numbers / productivity / earnings is a capitalist construct designed to keep you subservient the system. It has nothing to do with how 'good' you are as person. I found out I'm AuDHD about the same time as you & I'm still, like you, getting my head round it. I'm making progress bit by bit & this sounds like you are too. IMO you are heading in the right direction. I'll keep watching 🙂
Thanks friend I am happy to have people like you here with me
I like how you say AuDHD... I can use that word too! Thanks!
This is probably the most autistic comment ever, but... WE ARE BEST FRIENDS NOW. 🤣 I've been struggling recovering from a major burnout and your videos have been so helpful in making me feel like I am not alone in this journey of discovery. My self confidence has been so rocked lately that this video was particularly needed. So yes, we are friends now, even if you don't know it yet 🤣
dude i will be your best friend :)
This one resonates like a sore thumb can throb.
Before Corona I was working on my weight although the weight loss might have also been my depression. I must say it doesn’t help that Austin(my autism) doesn’t like movement anymore. I can work on eating less but you won’t loose anything with out also exercising.
I definitely had more confidence before the diagnosis. I worked as a service engineer for a while and I would always think I can work more tickets then anyone why is everyone so slow or am I just that fast. Not realizing that it was contributing to me being in a constant state of autistic burnout.
Also I’m my own worst critic, I don’t really care so much what others think. Underachieving on the work floor. Loosing another friend. Missing bills because of executive dysfunction. I’m hard on myself for those facts. It really helps to have someone in your corner that goes “yeah but you do have autism”.
it is so helpful i think to have a friend remind you that you have autism, esp if you are late diagnosed. i get really down on myself from internalized ablism
I’ve heard someone (can’t remember where exactly lol) saying that autism is missing what others catch, and catching what others miss. If that makes any sense
ahh i like that
Just found your channel and so happy to have landed on this one first, it's *hitting* me - I can never find the words to describe what you've said here, so thank you
i am so glad to have you here
You are not a loser!
Thanks Harold, I know it was just to illustrate the theme of the video
Thank you for this video, I definitely struggle with the dichotomy of either feeling vastly superior to others (which brings so much shame) OR feeling like the worst most despicable thing ever. Building actual self-confidence instead takes so much time and effort and seeing others do it gives so much more strength ❤
OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALSO A YARN GIRL ❤
Heck yes I am a yarn girllll
I have learned confidence with time and experience. But a lot of things take time and gradual exposure.
Good point
I have struggled with this in the past as well. I do better in this regard in comparison to the past. I am not sure if this is a function of surviving the adversity of the last seven years or just wisdom that comes with age since I am now 50. It is my hope that it is the later because then you will feel more self-confident as times moves on.
I have found the more time the better
Hi l am now waiting my first psch appt at 52, your channel and journey is hope l can be myself again on the asd. Thanks
i hope we can encourage you - it's a hard journey but a good one
Always good to see you I'm just going to say you know I think your great I couldn't do my own channel but maybe some day thanks for sharing this really helped me think about something's I'm feeling too lately 🙏💜
I understand the lonely feelings when you’re on the spectrum. Always glad to have you here Wendy
You don't talk in a slow way in your videos, but you're not too quick either. I'd say your pace is just right! My dad and husband have both worked in broadcasting and have said that to be understandable they were taught to slow right down and almost over-pronounce everything they say. They were taught to enunciate everything. In my own case I find that many UA-camrs just garble and for people with processing issues, that's a problem. You have the balance right between the traditional and newer approach and do a great job. Thank you
I think from all the years of speech therapy I try my best to annunciate
Were you ever not able to speak? I have a non verbal 26 year old son, he was diagnosed as global delay, my husband and I feed, bathe, clothe, everything for him. He used to line up his Cheerios, trucks, raisins, etc. I wonder if he's autistic! A girlfriend asked if he was autistic. She used to work with autistic kids. Since then, I realize I'm autistic and see it in some of my kids, grandkids, sibling, mother.
You are very pretty!
Thanks for your support
Thank you 💕 This is something I struggle with.
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much for this. I relate to everything and I haven’t gotten to hear similar experiences before.
That makes me so happy! I’ve been able to connect with so many like people :)
I was diagnosed the moment I was born. I got told it wouldn't be as severe growing up but it's like a lot of things overwhelm me a lot and me and my mom got abandoned not too long ago and have been helping my mom get on her feet. But sometimes I don't feel confident talking to management in general even tho they're so nice and I know I'm one of the best workers at my job
I understand feeling less at a job, I always felt that I could get let go at any moment and it was hard not to live in fear (even though I was going a good job)
@@WoodshedTheory it can be frustrating like crazy. Especially when ur nervous ur nerves could overwhelm u at any moment.
I pretty much gave up on ever finding friends, let alone a relationship. I thought I had those things in the past but now I think those people were either using me for cheap entertainment or felt sorry for me!
i hope you find the relationships you are looking for
Thankyou 🙏✨
thank you!
I thank you for existing exactly how you are! Thank you for giving all this content to us.
I’m also struggling with being my own boss. I might have to take a part time to survive.
Oh, and for numbers, stabilize yourself in terms of income, even if it’s a humble life, then you can churn out into the universe, and it will build and build.
I totally get it - thank you for your support
I will wear pjs to the grocery store and basically anywhere, I mean not to a restaurant but I also wouldn't go to a restaurant really anyway so it's a moot point. The only place that I don't think I should wear pjs to is work if that's not acceptable. If other people have a problem with my attire they can shove it
i used to never wear pjs outside and now i wear them all the time
Hi Claire my name is Ryan I really like your inspiring advice I'm a person who is autistic in my childhood I had a lot of anger issues until 9 for most of my life if this makes sense I felt like my goals don't align with my values or my goals or my don't align with reality sometimes I've wanted to work more hours towards full time my i feel that I have to keep a straight face sometimes and hide my low confidence and low self esteem your video is so inspiring to me thank you
Hi, I’m new to your channel and I’m on the spectrum too :)
Welcome welcome welcome
this is so helpful thank u
Glad it was helpful!
I love your videos ❤
thansk Erin
what caused you to get a diagnosis ? and by the way you look beautiful, I didnt even know that I had low self esteem before I had my diagnosis, I finally understand more of my life thankfully, and Im willing to hear what my hubby tells me when I'm being too caring and it's too much for me to take on like during work issues. Thank you for this video
I saw a ted talk UA-cam video about a woman who got diagnosed later in life and it sounded exactly like me. I was always treated as a drama Queen when I was younger so I wanted a professional to evaluate me
I've never seen or met someone that acts exactly like me. I would love to chat!
Hey new friend twin! Let’s chat!
Keep going just how you are things build up over time. p.s. I can finish most of your sentences before you…
Amazing - clairvoyant
I don't feel like I bring value to the table.
I’m so sorry you feel like that. I hope this changes for you as everyone does bring value.
Sometimes other people are the issue tho
that is fair