A Message for Both Estranged Mothers and Children
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- This was a very very difficult video for me to record. I have been facing my own feelings about this topic as my children and grandchildren get older and shape their lives. We are a very close family and there is strong communication. But I've personally realized how much i have projected my own desires and lifestyles into the relationships and saw a quote today that impacted me so strongly!!
It was a short exerpt from a book by Kahil Gibran. This video was my response. I just wanted to share. How do you feel about this conversation. PLEASE PLEASE be gentle with me and anyone who comments. This is one of the deepest conversations I think we can have together if you are a mother, or an estranged child.
Here is the quote I read in the video
Kahil Gibran - On Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
********************
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I did the best I could with what I had at the time.😢
Absolutely
Same here. My adult sons don’t consider what I went through and the lack of support. I did the best I could considering so many unfortunate circumstances that I had to deal with. Stay strong!!
Estrangement has become an epidemic. I heard a statistic that 1 in 4 families are dealing with this. Many times the adult children just go no contact without any explanation. Very trying times.
There is always a reason that toxic parents do not want to face. A child would not leave a loving, kind parent just like that
@@luluandmeow people go missing every day, not necessarily from having toxic parents.
@@luluandmeowSome children have mental health issues & personality disorders that cannot be resolved
@@anniefrances9412yes and there’s not much you can do since they are adults
We must accept that children can be cruel, and heartless too. Let them go, if that is what they want. You can't reach a stone cold heart, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try.
Thank you lovely Lady ❤
I’m wondering why there exists this phenomenon where an overwhelming amount of adult children are estranged from their parents. My husband and I are going through an estrangement with one of our daughters, who has cut us out of her life about two years ago. Trying to make sense of what has happened I have come to the conclusion that this is a trend amongst a vast number of adult children. Has there ever been a time in history where this has occurred ? My mum and I had our difficult times. Sometimes we would be estranged, but never for more than a month or so. I couldn’t cut my mum out of my life even if I wanted to. It would be excruciatingly painful. Yet this current generation are able to cut their parents off. As you said, Margaret, they have their reasons. Our daughter has refused to tell us why she’s doing this. I’m familiar with The Prophet. Thank-You so much for reading it to us today. Those words are comforting and wise. I think I’ll print them out, keep them with me and try very hard to be content with not ever knowing why our lovely daughter has cut us off.
Catherine . Keep asking. There is a reason. DShe may find It difficult to Tell you. And no, this "current generatión" are all not able to cut off their parents. That is unfair!
My adult son and his wife have very nastily cut us out of their life. They have our only grandchild. They have been so abusive to me after I helped them raise my grandchild. I have always tried not to interfere and boss them around, so to speak. I have moved on in my life after 3 years of grief.
It does seem to be a trend...and it seems popular as well. We humans should respect those who gave us life and cared for us. It's an act of love. In other countries parents are revered.
Your daughter is fully independent and that is an accomplishment on your part.
In my experience miscommunication is often at the root of estrangement... and then there is pride. I hope they do not struggle when we are no longer around, and there is no possibility for reconciliation. I wish all you wonderful mums happiness x
Very beautiful, Margaret, the reading is from The Prophet that you shared.
I was reminded by my faith that our children are loaned to us to raise so they can fly solo as adults.
Just yesterday, I observed a Swallowtail bird flying in and out of her nesting home feeding her babies. She saw me observing from the balcony and went into guarding mold. I stepped out of sight of her and thought , God, as mothers human and animals,we are here to give birth,protect,feed,feather our nest,teach, and love our babies to fly solo into their adulthood.
No longer a parent and child relationship but an adult to adult relationship. Choosing to be friends or not.
Giving and doing our best to raise our child(ren) is what matters and brings peace to our soul. We make mistakes and learn from them.our children will do the same.
Peace to all.❤❤❤
I have only one child. I realized as he progressed through his teens I needed to prepare for the empty nest. I spent a year with Gibran’s “Children” at my fingertips before the inevitable day of his flying the nest came. It served me well. As my son moved through his 20’s we had the ups and downs parents and adult children often experience. I kept going back to Gibran’s words to guide me. When my sons first child was preparing to leave home I referred him to Gibran’s “Children”. Over the years my son has become my best friend. He is now 54 and I am 75. Gibran’s wisdom has served us well. And just have to add no parent our grandparent is perfect. We all make mistakes along the way. Everyone give yourself some grace in this.
Thanks for your help. i suffer every second. I wish I could just let it go.
It's a painful reality 😢
To carry on living a good life and find happiness wherever we can is important.
Stay positive, some things are not forever.
Bless you so much 💓
I. Ane across this poem a few weeks ago and I sent it to my mom. It is beautiful and true. My favorite part is the so he lives the bow that is stable. I have to say I love my children and do not regret having them. They are very good but I have come to understand if you want a carefree life do not have children. Having children is worry without end but it is also experiencing so many little happy moments that give you joy like you have never felt before but yes parenthood is not a carefree state.
My late sister found her four daughters were not the joy she hoped for. She relished her first Christmas alone.
I agree.❤
From Christmas of 2021 until June, 2022, my adult daughter ghosted me completely. Until my grandson was graduating middle school, and she texted, asking if I'd like to join them for brunch. I went, of course; we've been able to manage cordiality for the children's sake (now ages 19 and 16, respectively). But, she severed ties with my son, her only brother, his fiancee and their child. That little boy is also my grandchild, and, I cannot forget the hurt and pain she has inflicted on a loving brother and an innocent child. She's a cruel woman. This has changed me in a way I can never be the same. Yes, it's extremely common and a blight on our society. Thank you SO much for addressing this, Margaret..we are suffering. 😞 Hugs. Rosemarie ❤
ohmygosh, i feel this. it's soul-crushing. i'm so sorry
I’m going through this as well and it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ll never understand how they can be so cruel and it’s heartbreaking to see how many families are going through this love and strength to all ❤
❤
That’s women’s tragedy: believing motherhood gives intrinsic value to their life. When will women understand life has to be seized by oneself and enjoyed ? Mothers included? We are all useful in this life, mother or not. When will women drop their naïveté and illusions about motherhood and accept reality for what it is? Take responsibility for your own enjoyment of life and stop demanding extra status and respect. Nowadays, motherhood is a choice in the western world. Stop creating the dramas your kids want to get away from. Exactly. They do not owe you anything. And if they express gratitude, it is not because you have more value than any other being. It is just because you “performed” certain things well, which we all do, one way or another. Said by a 62 years old woman.
I am not a mother, but I did owe my mum who refused to give me up when she was in an asylum. She discharged herself and set about keeping a roof over our heads and giving Sis and me the best future she could. You are correct in that mothers have to seize a future for themselves, my mum being proof of that having been periodically shut away spanning a period of 40 years because of misdiagnosis, she went on to further her education and prove her highly intelligent brain. Together we made her final years to 103 the happiest time of our lives.
@@jennywren8937 and if motherhood is one’s bliss, then I’m all for it, as long as one is fully aware of the personal choice involved in it, and not imposing an added value view of one’s choice to the rest of the world. I’m also all for gratitude like you do, for the parents who like your mother, have demonstrated real talent or discernment in taking the responsibility of raising children.
yes!
This topic is what drew me to you Margaret. I think of you now as a Death Dula & someone who helps a LOT of women grapple with their losses. ❤THANK YOU❤
Heart hurts but you go on 💕
I’m dealing with that too… It’s sad but I’ve come to the realization that there is nothing I can do to change that. I have my own relationship with both and to be honest it’s easier for me. I don’t have to take sides or listen to supposed grievances on various family situations, holidays, etc. I grew up in a family with 2 sisters and yes we had our squabbles and hurt feelings but we never would say that the relationships were toxic.. I guess that’s “social media” again providing the latest trend🤷♀️
This was in reply to another comment about sibling estrangement…
Well, when your children ghost you, it's for a reason. Maybe you don't realise what you've done. I was raised by a narcissistic Mother. The world revolved around her, and she made my life hell. I'm in therapy and slowly going no contact. I have no desire to be near her. She did enough damage to me.
yes. in those situations estrangement is the most viable option. it of course has its costs, but self-preservation is the priority.
@@jmsl_910 I wish things were different, but it's my only option.
I’m 55 and have dealt with my mother being a narcissist my whole life! I went no contact 14 years ago and that was the best decision I ever made! I also went to therapy and my therapist told me to never reconnect if I wanted peace! She is a horrible person, if only I could tell the stories! The only good thing that came out of that relationship was it taught me how to be a good mother and show unconditional love for my 3 sons. We have a great relationship with each other! I would never have a relationship with my sons like I have with my mother! Stay strong!! Going no contact is the only way to keep yourself healthy!❤
@@elizabethpiper5826 Thank you so much! you get it!
Thank you for this. I have an adult child who is mentally ill. He doesn't work and is running out of his grandfather's trust money. It is so hard to just listen to him without trying to help with ideas he doesn't want to hear. He comes and he goes. Thank you for this helpful listening. This was very helpful. I will let go.
Bonnie. All you can do is let go. It is very sad. Nothing you can do. Without professional help he will continúe onthis trajectory. Mental illness is a dreadful burden.
Understanding mental illness takes some handling. All suggestions, however well meant, can be overwhelming to someone who is already overburdened in mind. Of course you will need specialist guidance, and I know from experience that this is hard to find. Meanwhile, quietly gaining trust and being around to listen is a start, since mental illness is so complex. Best wishes.
My heart goes out to you regarding your son. Mental illness is a horrible sickness. I do hope things improve for you and your son gets the help he needs.
@@jennywren8937 No layperson is in Any position to "handle" mental illness. And there are plenty of excellent mental health professional out there. Get the best, check out the APA if in the U.S. Mind you, their services are expensive.
Good Evening Margaret, I am late with this post, but I am now seeing your Message for both Estranged Mothers and Children. I too have been suffering from this development in my life. I am the mother of four sons, four grandsons and two granddaughters. When I realized what was happening, no Happy Christmas, no Happy Birthday Mom, when I always texted or call them. I started texting on a different level. Every Monday and Friday I would text something uplifting, I would get a response but that is it. After listening to you and reading the other women's posts, I have made up my mind to let them alone, I am no longer going to be doing anymore texting. Thank so much as always.
I was told to always remember that my new born son was only on loan to me, by a very wise friend I have always held this belief, and I am lucky that I am still in my children's lives, in one case thanks to a wonderful daughter in law. But I think that it is a little unfair to assume that all estrangement is the result of mistakes by the parents. It seems to be a trend fanned by social media. Several of my friends are dealing with estrangement and they were all good parents. Our parents never had this to deal with, and they were able to have a greater influence on their children as a result.
Mary. Family problems have always existed. Always. People falling out with offspring/parents/relatives. And I dont think anyone is saying It is always the parents' fault. There are complex and complicated factors at play. Estrangements can and do happen where there are mental health issues, drugs, alcohol abuse etc. But leaving aside these issues, where there is a solid, steady foundation the family Will survive falling-outs and rows.
@@doloresaquines1529 I can't agree with you, I personally know several families who are dealing with estrangement, they have all provided loving supportive homes for their children. Also previous generations were not subjected to the influence of drugs to the same extent. I think it is much harder for families now.
@@doloresaquines1529 Unfortunately Dolores not always the case, my friends who are dealing with estrangement have been good parents who have provided a solid and supportive home. The heartbreak their children have caused is so sad to see.
Much love to you Margaret Manning! You are a treasure to all who listen & Hear! BIG Hug from Idaho to You Lady M
Thanks for listening
You know Margaret what your saying is true in many ways but If it is ok for me to take it a step further I think that children need to accept their parents as they are and we need to accept our children as they are. I think part of the estrangement issue is parents expecting things from their kids and kids expecting things from their parents. I have come to realize that my children are not mine they are Gods children. I carried them and raised them but ultimately he has a purpose and a plan for their lives. Sometimes people just do not connect personality wise and that can happen between a mother and daughter or mother and son or son and dad and daughter and dad. So I think we can love our kids they can love us but sometimes we may only be able to handle being around each other for short periods. I think also it is about learning how to express our thoughts to one another if we are disappointed and each person working on what they need to. Otherwise you just go through life being hurt bitter and downcasted and that is not good for our kids or for us. I am 56 and my older daughter and I still talk but we have had our issues and struggles. Many times it is because of expectations we each have of the other and when those are not met hurt and offense take place. So the thing is truly we all should accept one another for who we are but many times as people we do not extend that grace to one another and that proposes the problems. Or we do not work through and forgive and let go of past hurts. If we hang on to those those can cause a divide also.
It is a powerful message. However I am the one who cut off contact because my son and his wife are abusive. I feel awful that my son turned out this way but I cannot have him in my life. I wish him well
Kate. You took the correct course of action. It is devastating that he turned out to be abusive. Who knows the reasons why.
One of my late sister's children was, and still is, very toxic. She gave my sister such hell that Sis happily helped her pack her bags ready for departure to Canada. I've heard that she rules her poor unfortunate husband with a rod of iron, and her sister keeps in touch out of 'duty'. I wouldn't.
🥰
Look. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, or parent. That is not the question here. Imperfections are part of humanity. We are not taliking about that either. Parenting oof the steady kind is all that is needed. Steady. And no, giving constant gifts and goodies is not good parenting, or doing "everything" for them either. Children see through that sort of stuff! Steady means being there for them emotionally. Steady means not yelling one minute and then buying a toy as a repentance for the yelling. Children remember that stuff. Respect is a two way street. And parenting is hard work. And no, it has nothing to do with "perfection".
Politics and religión are divisive forces. Do not let them destroy your relationships. Keep those issues, and related issues, off the table. Life Will run more smoothly. I assure you!
My mother loved me but didn't like me, was over bearing and wanted to live her life through me. I spent my life looking to be liked and approved of by her. She sadly passed last year, when I was 60. I moved away but was never estranged. Only now am I able to breathe, but feel I have so little time. I am pleased I didn't fight it as I have no guilt, however, I am trying to make sense of what was in her head and lost opportunities.
Children are strangers that you need to get to know not clones or extensions of yourself. I didn't have children and my brother didn't have them too.
Rozzi. What a kind heartfelt post. And sad too.
My only child my daughter never calls but once in awhile. It might be months. Most of the time it’s a text. Now we hardly ever see our only grandson. He the only one we’ve got. It’s so heartbreaking.Most of the time I try to just let it go, but sometimes it really gets to me. I was so close to my mother. My daughter was close to me growing up. And my grandson was so close to us growing up.
Vicky. that is so hard, but.... has she said why she is not much in contact with you. Does she live very far away? And if so, can you go visit her?
Very moving and powerful. Thank you for your message. I have been estranged from my daughter but we are now trying to heal.
You are so welcome
Such wise words. Please parents, do not use your children as pawns to punish grandparents, do not manipulate them, force on them an education path, professional path, etc. they do not wan.t Be kind and loving, that's your job. Even when parents are stuck in a loveless relationship, even when you don't like your children, be supportive. The trouble with being forced to flee cruel, toxic parents is that children end up leaving everything behind, including loving grandparents, cousins and other kind relatives, this is what toxic people/parents force you to do, to get away and unfortunately isolate yourself from the whole family.
Well stated Lulu. It is such a sad scenario. when there is toxic dysfunction.
Thank you again Margaret ❤
This came at a time when for some reason my estrangement was being particularly painful - I desparately needed a hug from my beautiful daughter. Well, I'm going to put this poem on my fridge door where I"ll see it every day and this will be my hug. Thank you Margaret for this wonderful gift! God bless and hugs!❤
if theyre brought up with love, values, respect, responsibility they should love and honor their parents. Be grateful to those who gave them life. Love their parents, and not jusge them, because they will also be judged by their own. They should remember their parents and call to ask how they are and let them know that they're well. Children are somethimes angry at parents for protecting them and trying to keep them from falling into bad situations! Ive heard people say that they survived their teen or young adult years because their mother or parents were there to protect and advice them and kept them from harm.
What a powerful presentation. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
I am blessed to have 2 adult children who put up with my bossiness....lol. I've raised 2 bossy children just like me, it's become a family joke. I realize I am very fortunate, I see them and they call me frequently. They are successful wonderful humans. Perhaps it helped that as a single Mother I prayed every night that they would grow up to be good humans and God heard my prayers!
Thank you Margaret for this beautiful reminder of what life is about. The Prophet is my all time favourite book, I discovered it not long after my husband and I parted after a long difficult marriage. There are many messages in the book, I turn to it when I feel stuck and find strength in it's pages. Thank you Margaret, just what I needed right now ❤
Wonderful to hear that Helen. Thank you for sharing.
My parents were far from perfect, I cannot imagine choosing not to forgive them for their shortcomings or what my shame would be beyond this life for judging them too harshly and alienating them based on lies that I believed and false conclusions I made. Family should mean something and people, especially adults, should be capable of thinking critically, analyzing family situations, and forgiving their parents rather than throwing them away like trash.
Even the worst parents in the world didn't become that way in a vacuum. To excise a parent from one's life is to willfully murder them in your heart though the parent's lifetime of pain and confusion is far greater, and lasts for much longer, than if their life had been literally taken by the murderer. I don't know if there is anything more cruel than one murdering their own parent(s) in their heart.
One day everyone will know that God is real and they will know that he meant what he said. Children will know the pain they caused their parents and parents will know the pain they caused their children. Nothing will remain hidden, all things will be revealed.
I am fortunate to have a good relationship with my son and my DIL. My son was adopted, and I think that contributed to the issues we had when he was growing up. For ten years he really didn’t like me. He was fine with my husband, but I was the parent who guided and disciplined.
Once he was an adult, things improved. I decided I should not give him advice unless he asked for it. He was an adult, after all. We raised him to be able to run. His own life. When he met his biological mother, it was at our house. For a time he had a relationship with his half siblings. He soon realized his good fortune in being adopted, and told my mother how lucky he was to have been raised by us.
I stay out of their business. Totally. I will have an opinion, of asked. We are very involved with our grandchildren. And I think it’s because we stay out of their business. I have two close friends who didn’t do that. And neither has a great relationship with their sons, nor their now nearly grown grandchildren. I thank they in my prayers often. They taught me the best lesson, and I listened.
Thank you for this. It is so powerful.
Thanku for this❤️😘
Sixy and me my daughter choose to not to speak to me or my siblings over her cousin that she didn't even know well before I left I did say we will speak about the situation tomorrow no phone call or contact so I am fine with what my daughter wants no contact .😊
I feel your tenderness and how keenly you feel about this topic. Thank you for making us aware that some people hearts are hurting because of estrangement in their lives❤️
It is indeed an epidemic. Garrison Keillor said, " there is not a deeper wound than one inflicted bt a beloved child".
How beautiful - thank you, Margaret ❤️
You are so welcome
😢Thank you! I needed this
My late father in law read this poem at my infant son’s christening. How wise he was and I was blessed to have been his daughter in law. Thank you for sharing Margaret… poignant reminder for myself as my first grand daughter has just arrived.
How lucky you were to be part of his family 🥰
I remembered the first time I found his book: printed and put that up on my wall! Thank you for helping me revisit that wisdom. Thank you
I posted a recent comment about the disconnection from my daughter, which has occurred due to her father actively engaging Parental Alienation words/actions/tactics. This occurred originally when she was 13 years old, and she went to live with him and her Stepmother after a crisis! She is now 29 years old and she has lived out of my life for longer than she lived with me! I still to this day feel traumatised and distressed by this, but I can’t change it!
Someone replied to my post saying that I had obviously been a very bad mother and that my daughter was lucky to have her father save her from me !!!! 😩😩😩😢😢 Whoever you are,,,,HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME! You don’t know me, my daughter or her narcissistic father! Your words are/were cruel!,
I am glad to listen to 60 and me! These comments are more supportive and positive AND other comments make me see this is actually a common problem…..disconnection between a mother and her child. It’s actually a Death that occurs, even though your child is still alive! Time does NOT heal all wounds! You simply limp forward to still exist (even when you don’t want to); and get on with life? "…………….Sorry for the Waffle, but all of this forever remains raw to me.
Thank you so much for leaving your comments. You shouldn’t feel bad. You did and are doing the best you can. It sounds like you had a very complex situation and it’s not anyone’s right to criticize you. I don’t like that happening on all the social channels these days. People just don’t understand your situation. But I wish you well and I hope that you get some strength from now that you’re not alone.
@@sixtyandme Yes, it was a very complex situation that occurred with my daughter when she was 13 1/2 yo! I took the advice from a number of Professionals as to how I should deal with it all. That, was the beginning of the End in our relationship! Plus, her father got involved and that was the nail in the coffin for me. It only got worse from there after she went to live with him! I cannot change the Past; I could Never change his aggressive abusive narcissistic controlling behaviour. And they were the reasons I left him! But he always threatened me and has succeeded in his threats. It is now 16 years later and she is a 29 yo adult! I can’t see any likelihood of any reconciliation! I will only ever be a Birth Mother! But frankly, there are even many times I regret that and she was a very deliberately and planned baby! Too much heartache, pain, struggles to even just try to find my own recovery?? ❤️🩹
@@camillestephenson5428 Camille, this is the downside of sharing our thoughts on public platforms. Sometimes hurtful remarks are as a result of pain and anger, so best not allow that person to affect you. It's hard, especially when it's out of the blue from a stranger, and when you are already feeling tender. I am not a mum, and thankful for it, but I loved my mum so much that when she passed much of my soul went with her. All these losses we suffer in later life are what we share here♥️
It’s the non understanding that is so painful ❤
Zdrill. Yes! That is exactly it. One needs to know why, or at least be given some kind of reason, no matter how apparently irrational, unclear or groundless.
Im glad my daughter lives in LA and I'm retired in Danbury, CT.She has a temper but we get along. I visit her every couple of yrs.
A little distance in this case, it’s probably for the best. Take care of yourself. Have a really lovely summer.
There are givers and takers in life, in relationships. Sometimes that's just a part of a two way close relationship that keeps it working; and each person gains from their role and are happy. The taker is dependant on the support of the giver and the giver gains a sense of satisfaction by being needed by the taker. But sometimes the 'neediness' of the taker becomes too much for the giver, so they withdraw. Nothing intended from the withdraw but to have their own space and room to breathe, be independant and care for themselves.
Not everyone 'needs' to have close contact with others to thrive and grow, we are all different, we are all individuals ❤
I agree with you completely
My beautiful, sweet, and wise mother kept this poem in her bedroom wall... thank you Margaret ❤
You are so welcome
Thank you for sharing this, Margaret. This poem is timely for us soon-to-be Empty Nesters, too. ❤️
You are so welcome!
My mother died and I did not go to her funeral. Why? Because the entire universe was about her. You lose the right to say what about me when you have a child. My mother never got that memo.
Did she leave you in her will ... I wonder? Sounds like your Mom may have been a Narcassist , which stems from being overly spoilt or neglected , I hope your heart heals with time .
Thank you, Margaret. That was powerful and so true. I was wondering, if someday, you could address the problem of being a parent of two siblings who are estranged from each other, (not from me.) It’s difficult for me to find what my role is in that situation. I try to hear both sides and stay neutral because I love them both and they are both intelligent, successful adults, but for many reasons, they do not speak to each other. I would like, someday for that to change, but I also have to prepare myself for the possibility that it won’t. Have you ever seen anything on that topic in your research? Thank you.
Well, User, the reasons, whatever they are, lie at the heart of the Matter. As their mother you are emotionally Close to them, which makes being an objetive moderator difficult. Perhaps a wise relative might help, or an outside mediator.
My husband had four siblings, and was close to only one sister. Only the other day I said how pleased I was when we met, that I had found a 'proper' family😮 My father in law was lovely, but passed prior to our marriage, and had been the mainstay of a family who not only had very little in common, but some actually disliked each other! It seemed a natural process to me that they ventured their own ways, and nothing new having worked on many ancestry investigations. Launched into adulthood, they have new paths to explore, and you are so fortunate that you still have both around.
@@jennywren8937 Thank you for your response. Your perspective was insightful and made me feel that not only am I not alone in this, but that you are completely right. I have both of them around. I need to think more on that positive and not only on the negative aspect of their relationship. Thank you.
@@doloresaquines1529 You really hit the nail on the head very concisely. It's just that it breaks my heart. I have often thought that they could use sibling counseling and wish that they would want to. Thank you for taking the time to respond. It helps.
@@EvaRaymer Bless you! I do understand.
In my faith … my children were always “on loan.” I believed that. And as they are now parents themselves … that reality applies to them. It’s humbling. It’s necessary. And for most of this reading this … it’s past time. Just know you are far from unique or alone. It’s why Margaret’s “calling” exists.
Love … so much love to each of you❤️
How people treat you is never a personal attack on you,but a relfection of what's happening inside them.
Sadhguru ❤
We all find that perfect peace.
Namaste.😮
Very wise words 🥰
for a fresh perspective: i'm a 59 year old woman who cut out my parents & siblings when i was 18
it was a well-thought out exit & i had counseling to guide me through it
i don't regret my choice
it was necessary for me to save myself
I hear you JM. You knew What you were doing. It is difficult to dislodge the idea of the "sacred family".
I did the same. I'm 58 and I never regretted leaving my abusive and very cruel parents. But I am now very sorry I left my kind and loving grandparents, aunt and cousins and baby sister behind too. For years I never gave them much of a thought as the trauma my parents gave me was so deep, I buried it, I had no therapy or support whatsoever. By leaving I hurt my grandparents, who died just a couple of years later, and I miss their love and kindness so much because I never found true love anywhere else, I never wanted a family or children of my own. But I love animals and being creative and I hope I will make good friends to get old with. As for my parents, it's their loss, they could have had a lovely kind daughter to care for them and they assumed they could mistreat me and oppress me forever. Life without a good family around me has been tough, people see you're vulnerable and this encourage bullying. I try to keep positive and remind myself that it wasn't my fault and that I had to leave. But yes, desperately sorry I hurt my grandparents especially.
@@luluandmeow We all have regrets of one kind or another Lulu, it's inevitable being imperfect people in an even less perfect world. You left to obtain peace and happiness, and in our late years there's no better way than sharing your life with nature and your best animal friends. ♥️
Wanting NOT to be or do what our parents did is codependency and enmeshment. I found that eye opening but its true, sometimes our sisters, children choose not us and we're hurt but one day we wont hurt and it will come to them too if they ever come back ,we've moved on .
Thanks Margaret for this and I appreciate your open mindedness. My parents would never have understood this quote. Me being raised by authoritarian type of parenting (cult like) is definitely detrimental to the child on becoming their best self. When I was younger, I never understood why I felt that some thing was "off" in our family when growing up but now I understand. Narcissistic parents...the emotional neglect and putting on a front that all is good. I do understand the psychological repercussions now but still hold a lot of anger. I was never allowed to be myself, the career I wanted was not accepted and my creative side was never acknowledged or encouraged. (I am working on things I enjoy doing now). Folks get training when starting a new job, or driving lessons to drive a car but for the most important job, raising children there is no guidance.
Well stated, Penny! And you are not alone.
Very good advice.
Glad it was helpful!
thank you, Margaret
My ex husband caused many problems after l divorced him, l rarely see my children who are adults.Never see them Christmas mothers day birthdays.
I know it’s very hard, Shila please take care of yourself. I know it’s impossible to put the past behind it but try to find a new line for yourself. You deserve it.
@@sixtyandme Thank you Margaret.
Beautiful beautiful quote by Kahil Gibran. And it's really beautiful to see how it has been understood by you. But some parents would never understand this quote and therein lies some of the frustration on a child's part. Also, the culture now encourages children to just leave, cut out contact etc. for that reason alone. So where is the solution? It's painful not to be seen or understood, and if I had lived in this younger generation I might have left my parents too. Such a complicated issue. And your comment, "give your parents a break for what they "did", assumes the parent learned and aren't doing the painful things anymore, but sometimes they are still "doing" the things and so a decision gets made. It's sad, maybe it will take both sides getting older and getting some perspective. It's sad.
I agree Mystic that the issue is complex and complicated. It is not a "modern" issue either. Estrangements have always existed. All that said, communication is the key, whether at a family level, business level or any other level. And respect, above all respect. I don't think the culture encourages children to leave. It is normal for children once grown up to fly the nest. However, that is entirely different from estrangement. I left home once I had concluded my studies, went to work abroad in fact, but absolutely kept in contact with my late parents, and there were no mobiles or email back then either! Then again my parents (wish they were still around) had a light hand on the reins, and therein lies the secret. Sure we had the odd blowout, which is quite normal. My Dad and I were very alike and the sparks sometimes flew! L. But there was no bitterness.
Another aspect we might forget is that there are posters from a variety of demographics on here (countries, continents, milieus), and therefore their family dynamics will be very different.
I have said this in another post: politics and religion, and related topics, can be very divisive forces. Each person's viewpoint needs to be respected, not "it's my way or the highway" approach.
And then quite a lot of people are not good at handling confrontation and the (probably) daft silly issue gets blown out of all proportion and leads to the "my way or the highway".
@@doloresaquines1529 Great insights. I do believe that the culture encourages this though... I've read/seen it countless times on all kinds of platforms, mabe we read different mediums ;) That's another thing, information can be very fragmented on the internet, once you read one sort of article, that's all the algorythm feeds you. And information can be global now, attitudes are more global, in my opinion. I remember growing up (in the US anyway), in my experience, the only time you were encouraged to leave a relationship is when you were being physically hurt, otherwise you should work it out etc.
@@mysticshining Mystic. I read, when I have time, on precisely these topics. Pretty clued in about It all. Well balanced mature minded adult offspring Will not suddenly cut off loved ones because some loony on the net tells them It is a good idea. And yes I know all about the DV scenario. Thankfully much has change. I am in Europe. But I would not venture to comment on how these issues are vewed in say India, África, Sputh Asia etc. I Travel quite a bit work related, see a lot hear a lot. I dont think anywhere has a Monopoly on dysfunction, but maybe different in USA. Only been overe there a few times,to DC. I did like It!
@@doloresaquines1529 That's great, we're all informed as we can be (or want to be) on this complex issue :)
Thank you xo
I cd a done better!
Thanku dear❤
So beautiful.
Thank you!
This is totally mind blowing, downright practical advice .The best till date.Thank you and I do pray for you
You are so welcome
I don't have children. Two of my friends live with the pain of children who have gone their own ways to the point of ignoring their parents. Not "estranged." Not estranged yet simply don't want to be bothered with an aging parent. Yes, I know one should not count on the child as support or even to send a card at Christmas. Don't count on your children -- let them be free. Sure. But why are they still 'kids' at the age of 40? Kids who have grown wings and created their "own" lives totally unaware that imperfect their parent loves them.
The 'kids" I speak of are successful, financially OK, their parents were decent and loving. Imperfect? Probably. So lucky "kids" live with no obligations because they don't "belong" to their parents. So they belong to themselves. How wonderful for them.
And Margaret -- may I say that I love that reading. Gibran gives us the truth. It will be helpful to many parents. But I'm sure that somewhere in his texts there is something about kindness and the past that could be read to the "kids" who will soon be living in the future that their parents cannot enter.
Oh my heart!!! It’s forever broken 😢
If I just knew why?
It the end of each day I like to reflect upon events. Last evening you were very much in my thoughts Margaret, knowing that part of you will always be part of all your offspring, wherever they may be, you are there too. ❤
Thanks for sharing!!
🏴 What Mgt is reading is very helpful for the non beliver that don’t recognise God . God gives and God takes away . They were Gods before they were ours , he is the creator of all . Accept and move on, however have hope and keep praying. What Some of this i reconise as biblical . 😁