The Most Ridiculous Sword "Defense"? (I Can't Even...)

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 752

  • @NigmaSuperZo
    @NigmaSuperZo 2 місяці тому +695

    There is an old army joke in Russia about all those "secret spetsnaz martial arts" :
    To engage in hand-to-hand combat, a spetsnaz soldier must lose his assault rifle, pistol, knife, sapper blade, waist belt and helmet. Find a clean field with not a single stone or stick lying around. And enter into a tough fight with the goofball as incompetent as he is.

    • @willtherealrustyschacklefo3812
      @willtherealrustyschacklefo3812 2 місяці тому +51

      For the most part yes that's true, although the special forces branches of military would actually have the most possibility to end up in that sort of situation, it's just generally not gonna happen.

    • @davehart1027
      @davehart1027 2 місяці тому +14

      If your trading blows. You messed up

    • @davehart1027
      @davehart1027 2 місяці тому +4

      @NigmaSuperZo sword and shield, defend your people, don't strike anyone with your sword,, if your a Knight you would be intimate enough, I'm still trying to process power struggles and politak stuff

    • @littlekong7685
      @littlekong7685 2 місяці тому +25

      The Russian martial training also makes certain cultural assumptions, pain and injury endurance are as widely trained as attacking, apparently very little is in avoiding, deceiving, or retreating from harm. A Russian soldier is expected to attack, endure, or deflect and attack. But this means feints, and distance openers are ignored as an option generally, but that also features into their combat mindset, if their main weapon is lost, pistol is empty, don't fall back to reload or rearm, advance with your knife and keep going.

    • @Scugzerker
      @Scugzerker 2 місяці тому +19

      @@davehart1027 I hope you mean intimidating... intimate means something else ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • @dmwanderer9454
    @dmwanderer9454 2 місяці тому +622

    What I love about demo's like these is they assume either the user has super speed or the attacker isnt gonna react

    • @Candlemancer
      @Candlemancer 2 місяці тому +139

      20th level fighter vs CR 1/8 bandit. He has 4 attacks per round so he can do all that nonsense.

    • @reptiloidmitglied2930
      @reptiloidmitglied2930 2 місяці тому +51

      Since I played a character with a Sandevistan* in Cyberpunk these instructions became much more relateable 😅
      *From the players perspective: up to 80% time slow for your opponents while you move with normal speed;
      from the NPCs perspektive: someone is moving really fast and mows down other people

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +135

      100% needs super speed to pull off.

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому +15

      ​@Skallagrim you Canadians dont have superpowers yet either??? Dang no wonder everyone is talking about western empire in collapse.

    • @leth5540
      @leth5540 2 місяці тому +14

      ​@@Candlemancerpretty sure operator is a Wizard and coughed out the Haste on him, so it's actually 5 attacks... Also it's pretty obvious, that Rogue person is Staggered, possibly Confused too.😂

  • @argledotorg
    @argledotorg 2 місяці тому +742

    That looks like Grade A bullshido

    • @VikingTeddy
      @VikingTeddy 2 місяці тому +49

      If your teachers are out of shape, and look like they spend half their time at the pub. Better just do a 180 at the door.

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому

      99% vertainty this is just russians being hilarious while Americans and all their raging xenophobia take hilarious sarcastic memes and think "OMG THE FOREIGN ADVERSARY IS GENUINELY THIS INSANE!!!!"

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому +7

      ​@VikingTeddy or stay to have a great time getting drunk with people who love comedy. Ever been to Russia? Lovely people over there if youre a tourist. You may even end up in a meme video like this one, laughing your butt off.

    • @VikingTeddy
      @VikingTeddy 2 місяці тому +10

      @@nowayjosedaniel Never been unfortunately. But for like a decade, this Russian backpacker would show up in my city and play bagpipes on the street. He hitchiked from Vladivostok to St.Petersburg yearly and toured europe with no money.
      He'd always find someone who'd let him crash, and when he didn't, he survived by piping on the streets and camping in the woods. Coolest dude I ever met.

    • @NicholasNappi
      @NicholasNappi 2 місяці тому +5

      Yup 👍 I just can’t stop laughing at how absolutely stupid this looks

  • @n0tthemessiah
    @n0tthemessiah 2 місяці тому +371

    I'm always dodging strange and barely effective sword strikes by being an exceptionally jiggly boi

    • @kynaston1474
      @kynaston1474 2 місяці тому +8

      This gets my vote for best comment!

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому +1

      Russia exports jiggly boi memes while Americans take their xenophbia to such an extreme level that the memes become serious biznez ww3.

    • @dbKneecapped
      @dbKneecapped 2 місяці тому +29

      ​@@nowayjosedaniel That's a weird comment about Americans and xenophobia when I've seen you replying to multiple people with "You Americans", or "west bad" in some sort of variation.
      Just pointing that out before I proceed to ignore you forever, I'd rather not turn Skall's comment section into a political shit slinging contest.

    • @Khazar321
      @Khazar321 2 місяці тому +14

      ​@@nowayjosedaniel a troll profile picture and all comments are troll opinions.. hilarious dude, hope you're happy with your career.

    • @krikeydial3430
      @krikeydial3430 2 місяці тому +12

      If you jiggle fast enough you become incorporeal.

  • @cameronshank9257
    @cameronshank9257 2 місяці тому +161

    The first clip looks like an A.I. interpretation of a sword fight.

    • @thecardboardsword
      @thecardboardsword 2 місяці тому +6

      AI Darth Maul: "You wanna swordfight me?"

    • @Jamlord2061
      @Jamlord2061 Місяць тому

      that one guy from the judgement series “HA!”

  • @schonnj
    @schonnj 2 місяці тому +158

    The Skeletor "What?!" was perfectly timed.

  • @DemianX6x6x6X
    @DemianX6x6x6X 2 місяці тому +134

    ''contactless'' fighting, proceeds to (weirdly) hug his opponent

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому

      If it's off by a single atom, it's contactless. Shame you Americans cant even see. What kind of standard vision do you have over there? Something as blind as 20/20?

    • @konstantin3374
      @konstantin3374 2 місяці тому +25

      It's not fighting, it's sexual assault at that point.

    • @bringmemyflail1321
      @bringmemyflail1321 2 місяці тому +5

      It's a perfectly normal hug where he is from. How dare you judge his culture.

    • @andreydoronin6995
      @andreydoronin6995 2 місяці тому +8

      Contactless fighting is an old meme in the Russian community. There were some schools that taught various esoteric techniques based on controlling the chi energy which can be used basically like the blood bending from Avatar the Last Airbender. The actual lore is pretty grim though, the masters would often abuse the students physically and emotionally to make them basically vegetables that would fall unconscious every time the master would raise his hand, making an illusion of their "technique" (aside from his friends who would play fake students when the school is still small).

  • @johntheknight3062
    @johntheknight3062 2 місяці тому +867

    In Russia the blade aligns you.

    • @samlevi4744
      @samlevi4744 2 місяці тому +31

      The irony of the accuracy.

    • @gunslingersymphony5015
      @gunslingersymphony5015 2 місяці тому +52

      "In Soviet Russia, art martials you!"

    • @CursedLink666
      @CursedLink666 2 місяці тому +12

      In Russia, CQC remembers the basics of you.

    • @DavidIvan-AC
      @DavidIvan-AC 2 місяці тому +3

      @@johntheknight3062 bruh lol

    • @Монс-й1ь
      @Монс-й1ь 2 місяці тому +3

      ​@@CursedLink666 The Wonder of You

  • @johannestetzelivonrosador7317
    @johannestetzelivonrosador7317 2 місяці тому +298

    Me going into the video: surely it can't be worse than log combat
    Me after the video: it's worse than log combat

    • @angusmuir6180
      @angusmuir6180 2 місяці тому +23

      Log... combat...? Is this something I should know about?

    • @Candlemancer
      @Candlemancer 2 місяці тому +90

      @@angusmuir6180 "self defense" by... basically dropping a log on your unnaturally compliant atacker? Don't ask why you're being attacked while carrying around a log but not the axe you presumaby used to cut said log.

    • @reptiloidmitglied2930
      @reptiloidmitglied2930 2 місяці тому

      ​@@angusmuir6180Search for "Skallagrim log" and you get the answer.
      I won't tell more about it because that's something you have to see yourself.

    • @arandomcomp2427
      @arandomcomp2427 2 місяці тому +14

      It's a video small reacted before of guy teaching how to hit a guy attacking with a sword while you are carrying a huge sword.
      Title is fake sword combat ( skull loses it )
      The video is quite a trip.

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +91

      The wriggle dance sure is. The rest is surprisingly alright, for the most part.

  • @Nushnark
    @Nushnark 2 місяці тому +102

    That first one looks like a bard and a swashbuckler in DnD tried to do a sword choreography perfomance, but both rolled a 1.

  • @rooroo9216
    @rooroo9216 2 місяці тому +59

    1:40 “the defender does his seductive snake manoeuvre then…” 🤣🤣🤣

  • @Deathbystrudel
    @Deathbystrudel 2 місяці тому +196

    I'm not surprised this is tagged as Systema. Those of us who do unarmed martial arts all know it's bullshido. You could find something more effective from Master Ken.

    • @theaikidoka
      @theaikidoka 2 місяці тому +51

      Master Ken is a deliberate parody, these guys are serious. Ken wins.

    • @gehlesen559
      @gehlesen559 2 місяці тому +6

      Russian Grandmaster.

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +66

      That's why I was so surprised to also see some reasonable techniques shown.

    • @GuitarsRockForever
      @GuitarsRockForever 2 місяці тому +19

      Master Ken is legit, the best of all, worst of none.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 2 місяці тому +9

      Looks like a good "systema" for an instructor to separate fools and their money.
      -
      edit: To clarify, I am referring to the 'wiggle defense'.

  • @devin5201
    @devin5201 2 місяці тому +25

    The other guy looks like a dark souls enemy getting parried and going "wooooah how'd you do that?"

  • @masonmario495
    @masonmario495 2 місяці тому +22

    Saw the wiggle in the thumbnail and immediately thought "this is gonna be systema bullshit, isn't it?"

  • @ticijevish
    @ticijevish 2 місяці тому +20

    I absolutely love the types of self-defense techniques that only work if the attacker is moving in slow-motion, while the "victim" is normal speed. Helps me train for the days my super-speed finally kicks in.

    • @Vlad_Tepes_III
      @Vlad_Tepes_III 2 місяці тому +1

      Until you fight someone else with superspeed.

    • @ZemplinTemplar
      @ZemplinTemplar Місяць тому +1

      Well said. It's utterly ridiculous. Childish mall ninja level nonsense.

  • @youremakingprogress144
    @youremakingprogress144 2 місяці тому +16

    Thank you so much for making the point that technique needs to be tested against people who don't also train in that technique, who don't know how it's expected to work, and who aren't invested in reinforcing what you think you know.

  • @sadclownsad9396
    @sadclownsad9396 2 місяці тому +88

    I feel like you generally dont want to rub your upperbody agains a sword

    • @TomiTapio
      @TomiTapio 2 місяці тому +5

      "use your ribcage as a contact area, don't let foe do a full strike"

    • @DryFrankie
      @DryFrankie 2 місяці тому +14

      Don't try to tell me how to live my life/die my death.

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому +2

      Jiggly bois unlock power levels you Americans cannot even imagine yet.

    • @xMingan
      @xMingan 2 місяці тому +6

      no kink shaming, bro, come on

    • @gjigaqaquj
      @gjigaqaquj 2 місяці тому +3

      But what if im really itchy during the fight. Like deathly itchy

  • @Nirakolov
    @Nirakolov 2 місяці тому +12

    "The enemy cannot use their sword, if you impale yourself on their sword"

  • @Nightmare-pj4fg
    @Nightmare-pj4fg 2 місяці тому +271

    The ultimate defense against a blade when you’re unarmed . . .
    🏃 🏃 🏃

    • @Candlemancer
      @Candlemancer 2 місяці тому +31

      But everyone knows you run faster with a knife

    • @karloswald407
      @karloswald407 2 місяці тому +43

      @@Candlemancer so then just make sure you always carry two knives, so you can outrun an attacker with just one knife

    • @SyntheticFuture
      @SyntheticFuture 2 місяці тому +12

      ​@@Candlemancerand unlike running with scissors running with a knife is perfectly save 😄

    • @lucasanderson1516
      @lucasanderson1516 2 місяці тому +5

      I have an even more ingenious defense for if you're unarmed against a weapon...
      arm yourself

    • @kleinerprinz99
      @kleinerprinz99 2 місяці тому +13

      @@lucasanderson1516 so true, a book, rolled up journal, a jacket, an umbrella, a chair, anything you can grab .. its funny that Jackie Chan movies even though its meant to be comedy and he did have to retry certain things several times is still more realistic and helpful than anything else you see trying to teach you self defense, because he uses the environment and gets beat up too, there is no "free" self defense with the risk of harm if someone is intend on harming you you have to be as fierce

  • @LordReginaldMeowmont
    @LordReginaldMeowmont 2 місяці тому +127

    Looks like something Steven Seagal would teach lmao.

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +59

      Too much effort. :D

    • @fwiffo
      @fwiffo 2 місяці тому +22

      Steven Segal could do this sitting down!

    • @SirPraiseSun
      @SirPraiseSun 2 місяці тому +8

      @@fwiffo while downing bagels

    • @javierpatag3609
      @javierpatag3609 2 місяці тому +7

      Doesn’t he live in Russia now?

    • @SirPraiseSun
      @SirPraiseSun 2 місяці тому +8

      @@javierpatag3609 ok fine while eating Blini

  • @procow2274
    @procow2274 2 місяці тому +40

    This is worse than normal bullshido because sharp pointy things

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +13

      Yup, the cost of failing to pull it off is a little higher...

  • @greghenrikson952
    @greghenrikson952 2 місяці тому +22

    I've used this defense many times in HEMA bouts, but the judges are biased against me!

  • @shinomori69
    @shinomori69 2 місяці тому +111

    Ahhh systema. Never fails to get a chuckle out of me.

    • @R_lulu
      @R_lulu 2 місяці тому +5

      NGL I read systerna, and my mind went to cisterna

    • @erikcrouch7881
      @erikcrouch7881 2 місяці тому +4

      That bunch of bullshido puts off big Detroit Urban Survival Tactics energy.

  • @locke03
    @locke03 2 місяці тому +236

    Give the rates of alcohol abuse in Russia, maybe the assumption is that one or both combatants are drunk out of their minds?

    • @weswolever7477
      @weswolever7477 2 місяці тому +53

      Vod ka jutsu?

    • @olencone4005
      @olencone4005 2 місяці тому +30

      That would certainly explain the attacker's incredibly bad balance.... :P

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому +8

      Okay cool, now compare to alcohol abuse in the states, especially among minors.

    • @NicholasNappi
      @NicholasNappi 2 місяці тому +19

      As a Russian guy myself I agree. These guys most likely had two too many shots of vodka.

    • @NicholasNappi
      @NicholasNappi 2 місяці тому

      @@weswolever7477lol

  • @KanaraVeluna
    @KanaraVeluna 2 місяці тому +5

    Hey Skall, you might have minsunderstood thefirst clip there. The technique the guy with the saber uses is an russian saber technique meant to slice your opponent's nipple, which leaves him incapacitated and probably flabbergasted as well.

  • @guyfawkes5012
    @guyfawkes5012 2 місяці тому +9

    just seeing the thumbnail i knew it was systema, its uniquely ridiculous haha

  • @Safill
    @Safill 2 місяці тому +2

    Skall, I havnt seen that *concern* meme in at least 10 years. Why are you unlocking memories?

  • @jamesodwyer4181
    @jamesodwyer4181 2 місяці тому +8

    "How did we get here?!"
    I dunno mate, I'm just along for the ride

  • @mksmike
    @mksmike 2 місяці тому +5

    I remember watching a sensei seth video a couple years ago where he tried systema and his conclusion was that it was a good exercise to complement other martial arts since it helps you relax your body
    but also that systema is not particularly useful by itself.

    • @Jossandoval
      @Jossandoval 2 місяці тому +2

      On the same level then synchronized artistic swimming then, nice!
      ... As a fighting style, not as an artistic expression or physical exercise. Synchronized swimming has systema beat in those two fields.

    • @mksmike
      @mksmike 2 місяці тому

      @@Jossandoval I don't know, you should probably see the video for yourself if you have nothing better to do.

  • @markfarmer7534
    @markfarmer7534 2 місяці тому +17

    The instant the blades touch, one of them completely ragdolls every time. Sometimes even bending their body to expose their neck and entirely looking away from their opponent. I think this strategy only works if your opponent is so intimidated by you, they assume they are going to lose from the beginning.

    • @olencone4005
      @olencone4005 2 місяці тому +1

      In anime, the winner of a duel is often determined in the stare-down before their blades are even drawn. In real-life tho... ehhh, not so much hehe! :P

  • @XathexX
    @XathexX 2 місяці тому +66

    Charitable take: In training sometimes we work on one aspect at a time. Example: A drill that is to train relaxed flowing motion may not be "effective" in any way but still may help you learn balance and relaxed movement without tension. The context you may not see doesn't make the video. Where the teacher explains that this is not a fighting technique but rather a training drill.
    I train in Aikido and our sword practice is not at all the same as Kendo or Kenjutsu. This is because the purpose is to teach alignment, balance, extension & projecting power. It is said practice unarmed as if you have a weapon and weapons as if you are unarmed. Posture alignment, blending moving off the line of attack should be nearly identical either way.

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому

      Not just that, but Americans love to see anything Russia or China and their xenophobia goes off to such an extreme that they start assuming everyone ther re must be a ritraded ape and then take themselves as serious as ww3.

    • @tristanswain7107
      @tristanswain7107 2 місяці тому +13

      The problem with training a technique that is 'for balance' not actual combat is muscle memory, you are likely going to use it instinctually leaving you in a bad position

    • @Ikworsu
      @Ikworsu 2 місяці тому +14

      "I train in Aikido". . . You lost me there, you cannot drop a red flag that massive while talking about practices at martial arts.

  • @GarGhuul
    @GarGhuul 2 місяці тому +3

    Makes me think of an anecdote about the live-action Street Fighter movie, with Raul Julia. Apparently at first they trained and choreographed the fight scenes with the actors pretty much all using the same overall style. Until someone pointed out that was the opposite of the point with Street Fighter “The World Warriors.”

  • @CosmicVelocity3
    @CosmicVelocity3 2 місяці тому

    Another great lesson. As much as I dislike reaction videos (which is the category I would put this in) your insights are priceless. Do not open your defense by ridiculing the opponent. And most of all: honor and respect him. That is the lesson to be taken from this vid. Bows to you, sir.

  • @Gottaculat
    @Gottaculat Місяць тому +1

    I'm so happy you mentioned the Jim Carey on SNL bit, because that was the first thing I thought when I saw that ridiculous snake thing.

  • @shanelyon414
    @shanelyon414 2 місяці тому +11

    Yes, I really see the Sagat side of the story, great scar if you live. Because if that is a real sabre, it’s pointy and SHARP, sabres are meant to slice after all.

  • @olencone4005
    @olencone4005 2 місяці тому +14

    That wiggle-jiggle video totally reminded me of some bunk martial arts video from a few years ago. The sensei of a dojo claimed to have a "perfect ki defense" that was so great no one could even land a punch on him -- he had all these videos showing this, as his students came at him and completely whiffed as the sensei used his "ki" to casually evade their strike, usually followed by him doing some hand wave Naruto "ki" thing that caused the students to literally go flying. A real martial artist signed up for his class, pretending to have no skill, and promptly KO'd the sensei in their first sparring, because "ki" isn't a real thing if you're not in an anime -- which pretty much ended all the hype around him :P

    • @julietfischer5056
      @julietfischer5056 2 місяці тому +4

      Puts me in mind of another black belt who also claimed to use this power. When his students could see him do his trick, they fell over. When they couldn't see him, nothing happened.
      Of course, he had a rationalization, but it was one that made his supposed super-power useless: the slightest change in the target could negate his energy. Moving the tongue, or twitching a toe, or shifting weight. We move _all the time_ in some way or another (and I don't mean breathing or heartbeat). {As I type this, I am suddenly aware of my blinking and other movements.}

    • @Darca1n
      @Darca1n 2 місяці тому

      @@julietfischer5056 There's lots of other things that you become very aware of when pointed out too, that you usually don't think about.
      Like how your breathing is now manual, rather than automatic, because now you're thinking about it.

    • @julietfischer5056
      @julietfischer5056 2 місяці тому

      @@Darca1n- Or you're aware that you're breathing and some dumb little part of you decides that the cue to hold your breath so now you have to think about it.

  • @zacjohnson9076
    @zacjohnson9076 2 місяці тому

    These are my favorite style of video besides reviews! Reacting to sparring and providing good insight is great.

  • @ShinoSarna
    @ShinoSarna 2 місяці тому +23

    As far as I know, Systema is based around rolling with the punches, so your hypothesis makes sense.

    • @Skallagrim
      @Skallagrim  2 місяці тому +27

      Which makes sense in case of unarmed attacks, although it's odd to put so much emphasis on it. Normally it's a way to mitigate damage when your defense has already failed... to use it as seemingly the primary defense doesn't compute in my brain.

    • @VulpeRenard
      @VulpeRenard 2 місяці тому +17

      @@Skallagrim The guy I've trained under since 2002 is certified to teach Systema under Vladimir Vasiliev (the Spetsnaz one, not the ballet one), who I've met, moved with, and have heard a lot more about from my instructor. Now at the school I train at, my instructor doesn't teach direct Systema, but at times will talk about incorporating it into close-quarters fighting, usually in BJJ, trapping, and close-range knife/pistol (using, not defending against).
      The hypothesis on "rolling with the punches" is a pretty accurate take on the general application of the stuff as we've been adapting it. It's a lot about moving with force in odd ways similar to Aikido or in some cases visually, maybe even drunken boxing. Most of the time whenever we work it in (which isn't often, admittedly), it's in the guise of grappling, not dealing with an incoming strike. Imagine someone trying to grapple with your shoulder or shirt collar and shrugging them closer to you with a limp shoulder roll vs digging in and tying up directly. The result isn't going to be someone magically falling over like their bones disappeared, but if they're expecting you to meet force with force and you momentarily fold, you can probably get him to stumble forward a step where you can leave something hard like a knee, elbow, or the top of your head in the path of their much softer, squishier parts.
      Unfortunately, the allure of "Top Secret Foreign Special Forces Fighting System that the US Government Tried to Steal" coupled with the various practitioners who brought it over to the west kind of created this kind of Jeet Kune Do situation where certain people have claims over what the "Real Systema" is and how much that can be marketed, now you've got stuff like "Healing Punches" or whatever that's supposed to mean. At this point, the small handful of popular videos/gifs have just made it the butt of of most "bullshido" forums.

    • @krivdik
      @krivdik 2 місяці тому +9

      @@Skallagrim I have also been trained in Systema, that was following the Ryabko school for 4 years. And yes there were also alot of teacher around, that had their own "versions" and were very vocal about, coming up with large variety of moveset, that were realy head scratching.
      What I learned and still remember to this day is, that it taught me proper body movement, posture(mine was terrible when I started), feeling of strengh - as weird as it sounds, but basicaly hit soft with hard, hit hard with soft (soft on soft does nothing, hard on hard - you will likely get yourself injured or break bones), what we focused on was movement, reading of oponent, being able to relax, redirection of force and using it againts your oponent, using as little strength for maximum effect, submissions, control of opponent, grabling, how to get out of these situations too and general agility more than just brute strength, punches, kicks etc.
      It is a System afterall, it should cover all aspects. Including training with weapons, unarmed, improvised weapon (whatever you find in your pockets). Multiple opponents (this was realy hard, and what we learned was, that people would mostly just freeze or get stuck, and had no idea what to do, they would shut down and get overwhelmed, even though that training may seem pointless, what it did teach is,,move move move, even if that defense may be suboptimal, it is better that just freezing in place and getting yourself killed).
      Another thing I got out of it is I learned how to be calm, even when in stressful situation, reading movement of people and general geometry of ones body (weakpoints, locks, throwing somebody out of balance etc.) It is not perfect and even my teacher told me, in order to make this practical in full, go and learn other martial arts, not just to complement the foundation from systema, but it can also provide you with broad overview of what works and what doesn't for you which I think was generaly a good mindset to have.

    • @SirPraiseSun
      @SirPraiseSun 2 місяці тому +1

      systema is based around rolling out your braincells

    • @eln5343
      @eln5343 2 місяці тому

      Wasn't the initial intended application of systema surviving interrogation? (Not 100% sure if I rember that right.)

  • @robo1540
    @robo1540 2 місяці тому +4

    i love your tiny gauntlet cursor its so awesome

  • @sw-gs
    @sw-gs 2 місяці тому +43

    Just like Steven "I will sit on chair now" Seagal.

  • @bassemb
    @bassemb 2 місяці тому +2

    Ah yes, the ol' "I have unlimited action points per turn versus your one action point". AKA the Flash Delusion.

  • @davefletch3063
    @davefletch3063 2 місяці тому +7

    He was wearing that sexy chainmail shirt he borrowed from Frodo

    • @BarsusDraco
      @BarsusDraco 2 місяці тому

      "Mithril..."
      ~Dwarf whose name I've forgot

  • @C_F_M
    @C_F_M 2 місяці тому +6

    I get a feeling the flat slapping is to prevent injury, I know that's been a thing in history across many cultures

  • @nonenone762
    @nonenone762 2 місяці тому +10

    As a russian i'm amused😀. How about to make video about russian slapping contests?

  • @MrSchism
    @MrSchism 2 місяці тому +2

    When the master's ego is greater than his skill, his legacy remains a full cemetery; he just knows the names on the graves.

  • @Spoondogg
    @Spoondogg Місяць тому +2

    *wiggles across the blade and takes you down while my torso is sliding into two separate pieces*

  • @knightofastora1324
    @knightofastora1324 2 місяці тому +3

    They're probably striking with the flats for safety reasons. I mean they're clearly using steel weapons and there isn't single piece of protective gear in sight in most of these clips. Even if the edges are dull you could still easily fracture bone if you strike with the edge or spine.

  • @mrgoober6320
    @mrgoober6320 2 місяці тому +3

    The quintessential bullshido move is: "you overcommit to a strike and then I counter". Anybody who tries to show off by doing this is immediately suspect.

  • @AlexArthur94
    @AlexArthur94 Місяць тому +1

    It was hilarious listening to him try to be diplomatic about the first clip!

  • @DeruwynArchmage
    @DeruwynArchmage 2 місяці тому +4

    It’s cool how the guy demonstrating the technique gets 3+ moves for every 1 his opponent gets.
    I.E. “This is how The Flash/Spider-Man kicks your ass.”

  • @FirstLast-wk3kc
    @FirstLast-wk3kc 2 місяці тому +8

    "Contactless". It's about flipping telekinetic powers

  • @LJCyrus1
    @LJCyrus1 2 місяці тому +1

    My first thought was "maybe this is some kind of training for if you have armor?"
    But then I wondered why they weren't training in armor.

  • @andywilson8698
    @andywilson8698 2 місяці тому +3

    Id like to see a video of a smallsword parring ridicoulus weapons (like a great sword, or two hand axe)!!! Hope said its possible !!!

  • @IsisLBz
    @IsisLBz 2 місяці тому +6

    I'm just an observer of sword arts... the arm position and edge of the Saber the kid's holding against Mr Bushido, he'd also likely have lost his head, or at least had his throat slit/ deep gouge with diagonal upward slash, I mean... like... the Saber is right under his chin😵🙄

    • @gokbay3057
      @gokbay3057 2 місяці тому

      Yeah, I also have no experience with a sword but I feel like instead of continuing with the thrust/draw cut? that he got going he could just swing his arm to the right to do a cut at the other guys chest or head/neck.

  • @guntertorfs6486
    @guntertorfs6486 2 місяці тому +17

    I bet he kills it on the dance floor though.

  • @W4iteFlame
    @W4iteFlame 2 місяці тому +7

    Attacker should be unfamiliar with a concept of using tools for this to work, not only weapons

  • @ShadeScarecrow
    @ShadeScarecrow 2 місяці тому +21

    Ah yes, let me deflect this sword with the body part that contains most of my vital organs...

    • @Tar-Earendil
      @Tar-Earendil 2 місяці тому

      😃👍
      Absolutely! 😆🤣

    • @Монс-й1ь
      @Монс-й1ь 2 місяці тому

      "Igor, stop that blade!"
      "Instructions unclear" *takes off enemy weapon by jumping on blade and turning himself into the pin cushion*

  • @j.troydoe1278
    @j.troydoe1278 2 місяці тому +43

    I will just throw a pommel

  • @Eckister
    @Eckister 2 місяці тому +1

    "parry it with the spine. the spine of the blade, not your own spine!" ah ... I really should start watching the whole thing before executing instructions, huh?

  • @Tavish_cat
    @Tavish_cat 2 місяці тому +3

    new bard technique: The seductive dodge

  • @sybransnoeck6987
    @sybransnoeck6987 2 місяці тому +8

    Aikido by saber wielding wodka cossacks?

  • @DarknessProphet
    @DarknessProphet 2 місяці тому +2

    "What would be your Street Fighter theme song?"
    "Snoop Dogg's Wiggle, of course."

  • @Arachnia_Sea
    @Arachnia_Sea 2 місяці тому +1

    I'm reminded of a story about my husband back in his Navy days. He was on leave and just bought a magazine and was heading out to dinner. He passes an alley that a guy jumps out with a knife and stabs him. Due to the magazine in his jumper, the blade deflects then gets stuck in the fabric. See Reply for continued

    • @Arachnia_Sea
      @Arachnia_Sea 2 місяці тому +1

      Rest of the story, fast forward to the police showing up to my husband having the assailant on the ground and he's kicking his ribs in. They're about to arrest him, but he turns to where they can see the knife still stuck in his uniform. They immediately reassess and asked if he was alright...he was pissed because he had to get the jumper repaired or replaced

  • @bringmemyflail1321
    @bringmemyflail1321 2 місяці тому +14

    This is a traditional Russian Mating Dance. These two have four sons together.

  • @mitsuhide03
    @mitsuhide03 2 місяці тому

    Its been a while man. I know you had a big weight loss journey, your looking good! Good job man.

  • @mackwild4496
    @mackwild4496 2 місяці тому

    Hey man! You are looking pretty slimed down! As someone who has been strugggggling with weight loss, just wanted to say great job! Even if it's unintentional, your looking great!.

  • @dogperson-wi9xl
    @dogperson-wi9xl 2 місяці тому +4

    These techniques work if your opponent drops their controller.

  • @phma
    @phma 2 місяці тому +22

    Lol have you never seen this before? you should see his neck vs knife defence. It's like someone used kung pow as an instructional movie.

  • @Devin_Laugherin
    @Devin_Laugherin 2 місяці тому +7

    ah yes, famous russian cosplay tin-slapping, looks like they never grown out of the 90s, in a lot of senses

    • @TheSpadaLunga
      @TheSpadaLunga 2 місяці тому

      nah all these bullshidoes already died in Russia, even videos that Skall shows have really shitty quality

  • @filmandfirearms
    @filmandfirearms Місяць тому +1

    That blade looks like a Cossack saber. Given how much Cossacks love swordplay and how much it is a part of their culture, I can only imagine this guy is exiled from whatever city or village he is originally from. Flankirovka might be impractical, but unlike whatever that was, it's not meant to be practical, and it actually has some vague connection to real combat use

  • @CreepyMF
    @CreepyMF 2 місяці тому +2

    Looked more like dancing at some point rather then martial arts, this was very funny.

  • @Tennouseijin
    @Tennouseijin 2 місяці тому +1

    GM: A guy attacks you with a sword *rolls d20* he hits. What do you do?
    Player: I block the attack with my ribs!

  • @mattlambert3118
    @mattlambert3118 Місяць тому +1

    Russian masters taught people the legendary snake saber dodge in effort to shorten the bread lines.

  • @justharrison6862
    @justharrison6862 2 місяці тому

    I found this video to be very calming and heartwarming

  • @Vegetyus
    @Vegetyus 2 місяці тому +3

    Probably giving them more credit than is deserved, but the striking with the flat may be a safety convention for sparring/demonstration in this system. Doesn't necessarily seem like a good idea from a development of muscle memory point of view, but it's the only way I can think of that it could make sense. I don't know how consistently they did that in the videos.

    • @stevene6482
      @stevene6482 2 місяці тому +3

      I was thinking that as a “gotcha” possibility too. If the swords are blunted though, you might as well just tap with the edge.

  • @slackerpope
    @slackerpope 2 місяці тому

    Way to play this one straight, good stuff.

  • @mmilerngruppe
    @mmilerngruppe 2 місяці тому

    You should inspect some tricks from ВЫЖИВАЛОВО, my favorite is how to protect yourself in the woods from a bear with a vacuum cleaner.

  • @Jyval
    @Jyval Місяць тому +1

    These moves may work if your opponent is blackout drunk... and in Russia he most likely is

  • @DudokX
    @DudokX 2 місяці тому +23

    whats with Russian martial arts and the "contactless" bs. They already did it in systema that was popular like 10-15 years ago where guy in the video was always barely touching people who fell down for no reason
    Like imagine if the guy with the sabre did what the hero in Deluge movie did in the duel. no chance of any of this

    • @christopherreed4723
      @christopherreed4723 2 місяці тому

      A variation of the other kind of Russian martial arts video where practitioners demonstrate how hardcore they and their techniques are by practising with live blades?

    • @budgetcommander4849
      @budgetcommander4849 2 місяці тому +5

      Seems like propaganda to me. "Russian military is so strong, they don't even need to block!"

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому

      ​@budgetcommander4849 It's amazing that american xenophobia is so intense, and you guys propagandized to such an insane degree, that anytime you see Russia or China do anything, you assume it cant be a fun meme or some out of context video - but a full throttle deeply serious religious belief from mentally handicapped subhuman ape foreigners who dont know how the most basic components of real life work.

    • @nowayjosedaniel
      @nowayjosedaniel 2 місяці тому

      Occams Razor dude. What is more likely?
      1.) Everyone too foreign from you is a suicidal subhuman ape who doesnt know how anything works
      2.) Theyre the same as any other human, except you're so propagandized that you cant see straight.

    • @konstantin3374
      @konstantin3374 2 місяці тому

      Well these people make money out of it, presenting this bullshit as patriotic activity for youth and either getting govt backing or fools who pay to be taught that crap.
      We have Sambo for real people though.

  • @Eraiyna
    @Eraiyna 2 місяці тому +1

    Reminds me of that gunkata from that one movie I can't remember. There's a series of predictable movements and firing maneuvers that can be countered by moving very specially to dodge all the gunfire. Or something. Ahahahaaa.

  • @gehlesen559
    @gehlesen559 2 місяці тому +9

    You need to see the Russian Grandmaster. You just need to. Trust me.

  • @HanleiHess
    @HanleiHess 2 місяці тому +22

    You always know how to make good content!

  • @ZeroXSEED
    @ZeroXSEED 2 місяці тому +1

    Bro trying to steal taichi's homework and changed it a bit and expecting it to be super effective

  • @lordofuzkulak8308
    @lordofuzkulak8308 2 місяці тому +1

    21:10 - don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard something similar said about chess; sometimes grand masters find it trickier to play against newcomers to the game than players with moderate or more competency precisely because the novice hasn’t learnt that you’re ‘supposed’ to react to move X with move Y and don’t fall for traps that more experienced players would because they don’t even realise there was bait there they were supposed to take, and in general are more unpredictable in how they play. Doesn’t necessarily mean they stand a chance against a grand master, and said master would probably still wipe the floor with them quickly.

  • @reka10
    @reka10 2 місяці тому

    I was waiting for this. The moment I saw it I thought of Skall taking the piss out of it.

  • @davidgeldner2167
    @davidgeldner2167 2 місяці тому +1

    My face to your blade style

  • @Afganro
    @Afganro Місяць тому

    Good content one of my favorite- one day I gonna move to Canada

  • @ianbowden2524
    @ianbowden2524 2 місяці тому +3

    Love you small

  • @dayel11
    @dayel11 2 місяці тому +2

    Speaking of machete, i found a very nsfw video on reddit some times ago, where some douches, both armed with machetes, stares and shout at each other for a while, then when they start whacking they end up in a brawl that last 5 second, one of the dude fall, get up and pick up his hand from the ground before walking away.
    The other see the scene while walking away in the other direction and check if he still has both hands.
    Real blade fights are not really forgiving.

  • @Crangaso
    @Crangaso 2 місяці тому +44

    LMFAO - doing this will get your johnson cut off

    • @robertb6889
      @robertb6889 2 місяці тому +1

      It's the "cock-block" technique.

    • @Amy_the_Lizard
      @Amy_the_Lizard 2 місяці тому +1

      If you're LUCKY. If you're unlucky, you get disemboweled.

  • @jdennis7221
    @jdennis7221 2 місяці тому

    Would love to see Skall and the gang try to recreate some of these moves in a sparring context. You know, for science.

  • @danguillou713
    @danguillou713 2 місяці тому

    Makes me think of Quicksilver in the best X-Men movie. If the world is moving in slow motion compared to you, you can do anything you want. (Humming "If I could save time in a bottle...")

  • @darwinjones2059
    @darwinjones2059 2 місяці тому

    The moment you said it was Systema I started cackling like a madman, you have no clue how deep the rabbit hole goes

  • @zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba0
    @zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba0 2 місяці тому +1

    The Bullshido is strong in these ones.

  • @realah3001
    @realah3001 Місяць тому +1

    I too defelect sword strikes with my rock hard abs

  • @player1_fanatic
    @player1_fanatic 2 місяці тому +1

    Loving the badger badger meme at the start.

  • @baltulielkungsgunarsmiezis9714
    @baltulielkungsgunarsmiezis9714 2 місяці тому +1

    I was laughing so uncontrolably for this.

  • @aryanahr7887
    @aryanahr7887 2 місяці тому

    Your puzzled face watching the 'sus' techniques makes this video worth it 😁
    Oh, the Sagat comment made me lold hard. 🤣

  • @somethingsomethingsomethingdar
    @somethingsomethingsomethingdar Місяць тому

    Finally my pop and locking skills from the 2000’s have found a use! No one can touch me now.

  • @kingfish4575
    @kingfish4575 2 місяці тому +1

    "Peter, what is this...???"😂