Exactly! 😂 I'm not completely clueless but I don't understand what people mean when they talk about this "processing" concept. Was hoping he'd explain it.
@@DonnaAndCats im sure he does explain it in the original video, its just that whoever is clipping these clips and titling them hates him because what the hell is this loll
Something that I've experienced with more passive therapists is that it's actually the passivity itself that helps with processing. It's not the right modality for everyone, as with every therapy modality, but it seemed to be effective for me for a few reasons: 1. A big part of the issues I was facing at the time stemmed from not being listened to and feeling squashed under others' opinions and expectations. Having someone who a) listened without attempting to interrupt or correct me without hearing me out first, b) did not express opinions about me or even others that implicated my worth or value and c) showed that they had absolutely no expectations of me. I feel like the term "safe space" has been overused, but I think it genuinely applies here for me. There was a level of emotional safety I experienced in therapy that I really benefitted from because I had it nowhere else. That, in itself, helped me to process what I was feeling and experiencing because I wasn't trying to smoosh those feelings down or sugar coat them or otherwise hide the reality of them to myself. 2. While they were more passive (e.g. they didn't give instructions or advice unless solicited, they spoke less than I did) they weren't like a total brick wall. They'd ask questions that were non-confrontational, but that still induced introspection and naturally resulted in self reflection. They were usually simple questions, sometimes just asking for elaboration or clarification, but they all required a level of introspection in order to answer. That's also where a lot of the processing happened - just understanding what was going on and why, and therefore, what to do next, which lead to progress. By being passive, _I_ had to find the answers, which was kind of important because the issues I was dealing with were in _my_ head. I just finally had the space to actually do it when in that particular environment. In my case, I was (and I suppose still am) pretty capable of introspection and didn't have a hard time doing it, it just needed prompting sometimes, and I think that's why this modality worked for me. For people who aren't inclined to introspect or shy away from it (e.g. out of fear, out of not knowing how, etc.) a passive therapist might indeed be useless. If you need more strong or forward prompts or instructions, a therapist who doesn't give that to you just doesn't help much. I feel like it would be nice to have more clarity from healthcare and mental healthcare providers about how they operate and who their methods are likely to benefit. Like, you wouldn't want to go to a doctor who doesn't believe in prescribing nicotine patches if you're seeking medical help to quit smoking. Similarly, you wouldn't want to see a more passive therapist if you want help figuring out what introspection and processing even look like for you. Conversely, I would feel really uncomfortable and wouldn't benefit much from a very actively involved therapist because of my history. In other words, passive therapists are legitimately helpful to a lot of people, but can't be helpful to everyone, and I think that the broader lack of discussion about this modality leads to both clients and therapists being unaware of when it's not suited to a particular circumstance. More openness about how therapists (and other healthcare and healthcare-adjacent providers) prefer to provide their services would be helpful to everyone involved.
Such sharp insights on what's lacking in mental health services. 💎👍🏻 I believe it's keen observations like these that have prompted businesses to provide solutions for problems like these, like BetterHelp. I haven't used the platform myself, but the services and flexibility they allow seem to be really good for people to figure out who they can connect with better. *I'm not trying to promote, the comment made me think of that.
Yeah it would be good if therapy keeps developing this century and returns to some of these key questions. -- about what happens, what works, and how it might vary for people. The vagueness of therapy & these disagreements about fundamental things makes it hard to navigate sometimes as a patient/consumer/member of society. I just wish "therapy" as a project would kinda accept it's in the dark ages Vs physical medicine ... Lots of good stuff is happening but also lots of meh ...and time & 💰, not to mention emotional investments into hit & miss treatment. Somehow the fuzzyness of this situation, now in 2020s world, manages to often be deflected back towards sick people - ie adding to the stigma!
This is a very well written comment! So true, therapy is not one size fits all! I also wish this was a specification therapists gave before starting. Until that happens, maybe we can ask therapists about this during the initial consultation or phone call. Perhaps some therapists would also be able to give a more or less involved approach based on what the client asks for, if the client knows which they prefer.
Yes there are many therapy methods. Some of them are active (like cbt) and some are more passive (like psychodynamic). They are for different problems, have different outcomes. No licensed therapist can tell you what to do or give advice. If they do, run away, and always check their licence. I don't know how it works in the US. In my country they need to be in a therapists society. There's no really "vagueness". You can learn about each type and choose one, or do a test, before seeking a right therapist. It's best to make 3 appointments to 3 different people in the chosen type and then choose the one you felt best about.
@@OCEAN_OF_FOXESwould you be willing to share which is "your country"? First time I've heard that recommendation to try 3 different therapists in a chosen modality. I'd be interested in looking more into the country-wide structure :)
My therapist asked me a lot of the right questions. I'd say the therapy was 90% questions and 10% intervention. I learned a lot about myself in that time, which was very healing.
For all three of you, he mentioned it in a full video somewhere. Way most humans did it back in the day was farming. So today, gardening, animal tending, etc.
Absolutely agreed. I try to take an active approach with my patients and help them through their struggles. Sometimes they need to really sit through their feelings. But sometimes we got to help them.
@@yeyenico1151Check out Meditation for Emotional Processing (title was something like this) from this channel. Around 2.5 months in I see significant change, worth investing time. Cheers!
Yes, but even fewer would have done so. Meaning, OP is likely wrong about his suggestion being the “better” title. Even if it would’ve been more accurate and appropriate.
@@kintsugikameThis might be more of an American perspective because they likely have those thoughts with everything medically related... The idea of a medical professional in countries with free healthcare not prioritizing your health isn't really an initial assumption most of the time.
Well in the UK if u get therapy via the NHS then it's usually a course which is set to a certain amount of weeks/months. Like Dr K always says, there's high demand so not like therapist are short of clients. @@kintsugikame
That's why I stopped journaling. I'm just venting pages after pages but without really feeling it while writing, all anger and sadness repeat themselves... it's even more like highlighting all bad parts. What helps me more is writing down what felt comfortable, and what emotions I felt + active processing via meditation or jigsaw puzzling or while cleaning the house.
Journaling is not helpful for me either. I'm writing and writing on and off for decades and find no relief. I tried my hardest to find something helpful about it but couldn't. I am realizing that there comes a point that no matter what the mental health community tells me, sometimes it just doesn't work for me. And that gets me off my own back.
You can tell them that you feel like they are taking too passive of an approach for you. If things don't change, then you could still leave. Either way, best of luck finding one who works better for you.
Oh man this is what i was trying to explain to my last therapist and she got the impression that there were things we couldn't discuss at all. I was just not wanting to get stuck fixating and venting without any progress.
What happened happened and that won't change. If you know what happened you are better equipped to deal with future iterations of that problem. That being said you still have to deal with the baggage from the original problem.
Knowing the problem is the first step to solving it. Of course things that happened can't be changed but you can change your current and future behavior and mentality when encountering future problems.
What's the point of going to therapy, about a specific issue, if you are unwilling to open up about said specific issue? To a therapist of all people! Maybe this is too coldly logical take but I don't get it. Paying a lot of money to go see a therapist, only for the interaction to go like a comedy sketch: "So, what's bothering you?" "...nothing..." Like dude, might as well stay home and save the money at that point.
Teaching adults to process and validate their childhood experiences and emotions (good and bad) will give them tools to process emotions at the current time!
Yes!!! So glad you voiced this! I’ve seen a “passive “ therapist and it was the worst experience ever! I mean what was I even paying for? She actually berated me when I decided to stop the sessions and said that I was abandoning her! Seriously wtf? So unprofessional 🤬
While I fully agree a therapist shouldn't tell a patient what they should or shouldn't do with their life. That doesn't mean they can't provide options, choices, a directon for patients to go. There's a diffrence between guidance and pushing.
Yeah seriously, what a waste of time and money to go to somebody who will just sit there and listen to you talk without offering any guidance or helping your solve the problem, which is their *job* I hear therapists are taught this way but it sounds like an excuse to be lazy. Reframing doing nothing as “taking a passive approach”
@@HyperLuigi37It's excuse to not take any responsibility, as their mental health is more important than patients. For me personaly rather infuriating.
There's a difference between guidance/assisting someone in taking an active role in their life and directing someone. Listening is only one part of therapy but at some point, people need the permission and guidance to take action.
Oh my gosh! I remember having a therapist that was like that and I finally sat there and told them please tell me what to do in this situation. Talk to me like I'm your sister or somebody that you care about and you want me to do the right things. They looked at me like they were frustrated that I was going to make them actually work for their money.😢
Thank you for emphasizing this, Dr. K. So many do not have emotional awareness to problem solve their own solutions; it’s important that therapists offer different perspectives that will lead to better outcomes.
Therapy isn’t just about solving problems, but about learning how to trust and create a safe space for the inner child and that takes years- when the new neuropathways are created- we finally become the healthy adult which is the breakthrough after 3 years
Ive heard the neuropathways thing. I don't believe it. Our brains were created to work a certain way. To see threats and negatives. Progress is not linear. Even on your best day ever you could have a big fall. Neuropathways suggest that you've actually changed your brain. Well, if on a good day you have a bad time, is there really progress? I think it's like drinking 8 glasses of water a day or 2000 calories for weight maintenance. Both have been debunked.
The therapist I have right now takes a kind of "passive" approach where he asks me questions to get me thinking about what I'm feeling and then lets me figure out what the answers are myself, and why and how those feelings got there. I'm glad I have someone who I can work with so well
1st week of therapy: *Sadly trauma dumps 2nd week of therapy: *Angrily trauma dumps 3rd week of therapy: Therapist: How do you feel? Me: Idk, I kinda just stopped feeling after our last session. 😐
I think a passive approach to therapy is not always or often the best for someone with adhd. When you kinda have trouble with priority it’s really challenging to figure out what to do with that blank cheque as a patient
Having this 15 yrs ago when I started to try to help myself thru traditional resources would have saved me 15 yrs of wasted time / energy / sanity & the impact of piling on a sense that *I* was doing something wrong bc my therapists never did anything helpful.
If I go to a therapist I want strategies to help me with to get over things if they just listen I think to myself WHY IS HE WASTING MY TIME AND MONEY. I want to move on I NEED HELP. My mind automatically thinks he is useless! I will quit seeing him. Talking about trauma stirs up the same emotions that keep you stuck in the loop of reliving it! I’m glad you said it. I think being passive is damaging and an embarrassment to the lack of skills on the therapists behalf.
What helped me get through my emotions, although might not be applicable here, is that I realize that emotions fluctuate. I could be really hurt/sad/frustrated that I don’t have any friends in one instance and then the next day, I feel content that I am independent and look forward to trying to make friends. In a more simple example, I could feel angry that someone cut me off while driving and a couple hours go by and I reflect on that initial feeling and I realize it doesn’t affect me any more All this to say, I have used venting as a strategy to get another person’s perspective but at the end of the day, the only persons perspective that helps me is my own.
Absolutely true, venting isn't the perfect solution everyone likes to think it is. I have a really good friend who I often call up to talk when I have a problem and want to vent. But the thing I've noticed is I could literally talk about my feeling about something, we'd get through it, and after like 30 minutes I'd want to talk about the same thing again
My therapist took a more proactive approach of asking the right questions after she had a good picture of me and the problems that I had/still have. As someone else said, asking the right questions to provoke thoughts from a particular perspective or focusing on certain aspects of a patient's circumstances or mindset can set them on the right course in therapy for the next session.
This is my problem with my current therapist. I've been seeing him for a year and right now it's just a place for me to vent and try to introspect, but that's not what I want. I can introspect all day long, but what I NEED is someone to help me locate my blindspots. I need more engagement, more helping me find the right questions to ask myself. I feel like I get none of that and any progress I've made so far I don't think has had to do with my therapy. I think I'm gonna try somebody else.
I've experienced this too, so frustrating. Have you told them that that is what you're needing and wanting? If they can meet that, it would at least spare you having to reexplain everything to someone else. Hope you figure out something that works for you!
I have this problem often, it always felt like I was going in circles with my therapist or we were just chatting like two normal people I was actually getting more frustrated/ depressed that it wasn't really working for me and just asked to be suggested for a medication evaluation instead. 😭😩
In my experience, the trouble with receiving counseling is that in the beginning I really wasn’t able to articulate any particular goals I wanted to achieve. Part of me was so accustomed to not being heard it really hadn’t occurred to me that I had the right to agency over my own path through life or counseling. I had no idea what to expect, which left me vulnerable to my therapists in ways that didn’t help my recovery. The first one had video cameras to record my sessions, and I had no idea how uncomfortable that would make me feel and no idea that I had the right to refuse to be filmed. I was a child and it was the seventies. A lot of the ways people treated children would be frowned upon today, for very good reason, especially regarding counseling services. A lot of people these days still haven’t learned the importance of questioning authority figures, which I find quite tragic. (How many more generations need to suffer preventable trauma before we all learn the importance of facing our deepest fears?)
When you're disconnected from your emotions, because that's how you've learned to cope with them, it's a very slow process to find out how to know what you're feeling, then you can process them. I think therapist should do better at helping patients figure out how to know what they're feeling and to recognize when they're doing something like avoiding feelings. I had been avoiding feelings for years and it took a long time to recognize when I'm doing that, what my behaviors are around that and how to catch myself doing that.
For me it helped that my therapist would offer a little guided meditation at the start of each session, to settle into my body and help with the transition of everyday life to therapy talk
That is why I pretty much gave up on therapy and went to UA-cam, got a question, type it in the search bar, and there is your answer. (Of cause it you might have to collectively look at a few videos before you make a decision and diagnosis) and then decide what is the next best acceptable course of action for you. Eg: acceptance, grey rock, changing your boundaries, etc.
You are so right. One could see a therapist and end up taliking and yapping, Spending your money just to talk about something till the cows come home. Processing your emotions is a more practical way to heal, and doesn't require years of getting to know your therapist. Tapping is very good, I found that quite helpful.
Exactly! I’m in therapy since ten years. TEN. Finding a new therapist is so hard though… feels like having a job interview only to get on their waiting list…
People usually want to have the truth delivered to them, however, they get frustrated whenever they got the harsh truth and usually get mad at the message deliver 😅
@@drjp4212 which is disgusting excuse for a profession that has claimed to understand the mind so well. What is the real world but a constant series of hard truths?
@@rtmordecai1it's actually the patient's job to process emotions. Therapists don't magically have all the answers to fix your life, you have to take responsibility for your own healing.
@@rw5622 lol, knowing absolutely nothing about me, that’s some actual horseshit. Haha. i’m not talking about doing the processing for me, but if I come for weeks and weeks, and months, and your advice is you “just have to find a way to motivate,” and then the answer for me is that I need to find the right therapist. Lol, sounds like some of my therapists needed to find a career or the back bone to actually educate their client and risk them walking away.
@@drjp4212they don't have to deliver it if they're good enough at their job to ask the right questions to get you there on your own. Once you've been walked through it a few times, you will either start to pick up on it and do it yourself, or the therapist can tell you that's what they have been doing to guide you, and teach you how to ask yourself those same questions. That's what you're supposed to learn from a role model or parent growing up, but a lot of us didn't have good examples to look at. For these people, therapy SHOULD be about training your brain to follow different neural pathways. Not solidifying the ones you have already built up (that clearly aren't working for you) and blindly trying to go forward from there. For those lucky enough to have those skills, but are having a hard time applying it to a new situation as an adult, let them have the lazy ones who just want a paycheck to listen to their venting because that's all they need.
Sounds like those therapists were just more interested in racking up hours than actually helping if they basically just stare back at them for two years
A good therapist helps guide you to a place where you figure things out. They dont give you the answers, they smartly guide you to that breakthrough in a way that you get there yourself.
I mean, "when Venting doesn't work" would have been a perfectly good title. I feel like if he has someone helping with titles he needs to get someone else.
@@steggopotamusFunny or sad thing is this is EXACTLY the team / person who is doing this that he needs for this ‘mission / purpose / vision’. This content creation game has its rules and if u dont follow them , your business suffers. We can complain about it or accept it. A certain amount of clickbait is needed , but in THIS case obviously the title is pretty ridiculous and misleading
@@JW0121 yeah, except people unsub if titles stop working. And my title is perfectly fine for what it needs to be. A psychologist doesn't need to lean so hard into clickbait as anyone else.
I had to heal from my past by doing several twelve steps programs, and an extensive amount of inner work. I did not learn how to regulate my emotions growing up, therefore it was even harder learning how to do it as an adult. Meditation calmed me down a lot, and it gave me the ability to sit with painful emotions, without judgment, criticizing, blaming, or shaming myself. First I had to learn how to show up for myself and love myself before I could P.A.U.S.E and address my emotions in a healthy way!! Recovery is a Choice. ❤🧘🏻✌🏻
Processing is important, because then people that receive that kind of therapy tend to vent EVERYTHING out without a filter thinking is the Best way to express themselves.
I found the exercise of pausing and writting out the anxiety mess helped me process the anxiety which used to end up with me anxious wound up and no outlets working to when they came pausing once I realize it write out and then I can process the anxiety enough my bad coping mechanism of curl up and internally scream shuts down and I can get myself to do other tasks. But that's just a tool to help guide me to process it.
I was raised by a father who keeps venting his feelings and does nothing to change the situation he complains about. It nothing bad is going on, he will find something - politics etc. Now I’m fixing it in myself with some progress. Since my wife doesn’t accept it, and I respect her opinion about that problem, I forced myself at the beginning and now I really don’t like that part of myself and want it to go away.
Sometimes venting helps to connect with others and a way to reflect things. Of course it still needs courage to take the big jump and do the things you figured out during sharing your struggles. I find it very human to vent. Sometimes you need other people to figure out how you feel on the inside.
Passive is not really the way…. Revealing options and asking questions along with that is a better way. Leave the revisits to the patient. Help them to save their time and use energy well by supporting to articulate emotions and issues and find options to resolve or foresee outcomes to a certain extent. Help to live better!
Yes correct, why do we feel this way, is there a way to understand. Therapist should teach this universal prayer : God grant me the serenity To ACCEPT the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the WISDOM to know the difference Not just to recite but understand
Feel free to correct me if and where i may be wrong- but, based on my understanding- Not everyone processes emotions at the same speed or makes the same progress- that's like judging a fish by it's ability to climb a tree; a lot of people won't process until they're ready, and sometimes a more passive role is the only way to help someone reach a breakthrough
I had ‘Therapy’ on and off for decades. It got me no where because I just waired for them to ask me questions. I didn’t know what I should be talking about. Well, I’m figuring out now I likely have CPTSD from emotional neglect since I was an infant as well as possible ADHD And avoidance issues. My life feels like and total waste sometimes. There so much its just overwhelming.
I am so lost. I use to be so well kept. But I have like these deep set angers with my family. Before in my life I use to just confront everything and have a clear conscious. But now it's like. I've reached my breaking point.And I now have to make a choice between running away or continuing to tolerate what they keep doing to me. I ran away. And I don't know how to release the anger. It's like I keep arguing with them in my head or something. Cause usually I'd let that emotion out.
Feel you... there's a healthy option despitw running away and confrontation - setting boundaries. If they don't respect your boundaries, walking away is not running away, it's healthy protection.
Your anger is so huge because people hurt you and you let them hurt you by not setting proper boundaries for yourself. Or expectations weren't met? It's painful when you'd wish you have a close, loving family, and family couldn't offer that.
I really would like to ask some therapist some day what he/she would do if for example surgeon will give him scalpel and told him that he is the only one person who can heal himself and surgeon is there only to guide him thought the process of being a better person
i’m sorry but healing the mind is different than the body. The fact of the matter is that therapy isn’t about telling you what to do, it’s about teaching you to know what to do. The reason why we as therapists don’t tell you what to do it, because we’re also teaching personal responsibility, and we’re trying to help you make the decision that is most authentic to you, and if I tell you what to do, that’s the decision I wanted, not what you wanted, and you could end up resenting me for it. Listen, the fact of the matter is that, it wouldn’t be that difficult to completely tell you what to do all the time, except for the fact that that would be extremely abusive and controlling, and we don’t want to do that to you. We care enough about you to not want to completely take ownership of you like that. Dr. K is not a therapist and he has had zero training and therapy, he’s a psychiatrist with good advice, but zero psychological training. There’s a reason he didn’t explain to you how to process emotions, but I as a therapist can. He didn’t say it in the video, so I guess I’ll fill in the blanks, processing emotion healthily is when we are able to process the event that happened, like actually say it out loud, and be able to do it in a way that doesn’t trigger us. That’s how EMDR works, EMDR works in the way that it utilizes techniques to be able to allow you to say what happened, and relive the experience, however, you’ll be reliving it in a way that doesn’t trigger you as much. Throughout the sessions, in the beginning, it’ll be extremely triggering and overtime it’ll become less triggering, and the emotions will be less painful. Someone can practice EMDR at home by looking at some thing in the room to the left of them, and looking at some thing in the room, to the right of them, without moving their head. While telling the story of what happened, try to look back-and-forth at the objects without moving your head and you’ll find yourself feeling calmer while you say what happened. Overtime you’ll be able to process things that were very very difficult to even think about and as you process and you’ll be able to let them go out slowly, but surely. this is just one technique however, and counselors are trained in a variety of techniques to help you feel safe and stimulate the vagus nerve while you’re processing and letting go of emotions and painful experiences rather than venting them, which just causes you to relive it.
There are enough people with issues to keep them making money indefinitely. They need to step up and do their jobs in a more action oriented way so people can heal.
It's probably not even an editor, but one of the automated programs that cuts down long-form content into short-form. It still needs someone to check it's actually a full thought or the title matches which seems to be left out more and more.
One of my biggest pet peeves of therapy is the "figure it out" mentality of the therapist. Just tell me what you want me to realize, or we will be here forever. I'm usually thinking not on the same page and reading a completely different book. 😂
True. This famous pop star, Rosé, said in several interviews that her album was like therapy because she got to get all of her emotions out. And I'm just here thinking "That's not therapy. Therapy is about processing your emotions. I think you still need to go to therapy, girl."
That’s literally what my therapist said about letting me figure it out just asking me the right questions. I honestly don’t even know if it works. And idk what to look for in a therapist
I had the honor, privilege, and opportunity to work under Dr. Marsha Linehan and I was shocked at how “cut throat” she was with her therapy. She would not accept splitting or judgement in her sessions. There was nothing passive about what she did and she is a juggernaut for mental wellbeing for a reason. Stop accepting intolerance; especially if someone is being intolerant of themselves
My second therapist noticed i was very uncomfortable opening up so she started telling me about herself. But she kind of never stopped. It started to feel like she should be the one paying me for therapy. I had to bail.
This has always been something that's confused me about venting. I don't see how it helps at all, it just makes you feel bad for drudging up shit that hurts, and everyone else pity you
Exactly. I’m coming up on 2 years in CR and I have been working my butt off to “fix” myself with this program even through homelessness. Technically, I can’t fix myself, only God can do that. And I’m still not finished, but I have come a long way. I tried traditional therapy before that and it didn’t do a thing. Maybe it helped slightly. But it did more harm than good.
If you're going to use automation to cut down long-form to short-form content, you still need someone to do quality assurance. This one doesn't even have the full video link attached.
Catharsis is really useful but not enough, is what we do with those emotion. How do we processe them? Well, that process is kind unique for each one, is not that there is one universal answer or a single straightforward answer that will easly solve your problem.
So, what's the difference between processing and simple understanding them? Because I call myself out alot these days but I still do the negative self talk and feel the confusing feelings
I used to “think” my feelings A LOT, but then I learned that processing your emotions is not about intellectualizing them, and more about noticing where you feel then in your body, what stories are they replaying and getting better at becoming aware of them. It’s like training a new muscle that you didn’t even knew you had. And with enough practice (awareness) the confusing feelings and even the negative self-talk will begin to fade into the background and you’ll feel more at peace. It’s kind of like neutralizing acid
I was in therapy for four to five years and my third therapist (appreciate the betrayal last year, a shout out) was the first to tell me about ACE'S and turns out I fit 9 of 10 criteria. Did she or any of the others ask or even mention trauma? No. I learned on my own.
Emotions are always about something. This culture finds emotions to be this inconvenience but they don't emerge in a vacuum. They indicate traumas and places where our lives need to change. Simply talking about them without doing anything to change the patient's situation or relationships does nothing to resolve those emotions.
This is mostly why people stop therapy. There is also an issue of figuring out why in therapy but not ‘what now’. Good therapists, like in every other profession, are hard to find.
I don't know what will be best for you, this is just what I do. I try to locate the feeling in my body, put my hands there (if that feels safe and good) and breathe into it. I might end up crying, moving, journaling, any number of things. The most important part seems to be just allowing whatever is coming up to exist without judging myself for it (assuming it isn't harming me or anyone else). Often for me, I need to do some reparenting of the inner child. When it's really bad, I like to have a therapist, friend or animal companion for support. If it's deep sadness, it usually takes doing this many times. But it does start to ease. Hope you're able to find your way through it.
If the patient is supposed to figure out everything on their own, doesn't this render the therapist pointless? The patient is processing stuff but the therapist should monitor the process and help navigate by asking the right questions.
This wasn’t “how to process your emotions” this was “why processing emotions is important”
Correct
Exactly! 😂 I'm not completely clueless but I don't understand what people mean when they talk about this "processing" concept. Was hoping he'd explain it.
Seriously!
@@DonnaAndCats im sure he does explain it in the original video, its just that whoever is clipping these clips and titling them hates him because what the hell is this loll
@@DonnaAndCatsYeah how is journaling not a type of processing?
I see this happen with almost >everyone< not just therapists. I'm genuinely happy someone with a bigger platform made this point.
Because unlike others, Dr K actually care about the patients. There's plenty of people who work for money or prestige. I've known a few sadly.
@@atdepth000 Lol what has that got to do with anything?
@@Bloodark124 You slow? It's literally the title of the video
@@atdepth000 And what has that go to do with my first comment? How are you even slower than that?
He just wants to know for himself so that it will help him.
Something that I've experienced with more passive therapists is that it's actually the passivity itself that helps with processing. It's not the right modality for everyone, as with every therapy modality, but it seemed to be effective for me for a few reasons:
1. A big part of the issues I was facing at the time stemmed from not being listened to and feeling squashed under others' opinions and expectations. Having someone who a) listened without attempting to interrupt or correct me without hearing me out first, b) did not express opinions about me or even others that implicated my worth or value and c) showed that they had absolutely no expectations of me.
I feel like the term "safe space" has been overused, but I think it genuinely applies here for me. There was a level of emotional safety I experienced in therapy that I really benefitted from because I had it nowhere else. That, in itself, helped me to process what I was feeling and experiencing because I wasn't trying to smoosh those feelings down or sugar coat them or otherwise hide the reality of them to myself.
2. While they were more passive (e.g. they didn't give instructions or advice unless solicited, they spoke less than I did) they weren't like a total brick wall. They'd ask questions that were non-confrontational, but that still induced introspection and naturally resulted in self reflection. They were usually simple questions, sometimes just asking for elaboration or clarification, but they all required a level of introspection in order to answer. That's also where a lot of the processing happened - just understanding what was going on and why, and therefore, what to do next, which lead to progress. By being passive, _I_ had to find the answers, which was kind of important because the issues I was dealing with were in _my_ head. I just finally had the space to actually do it when in that particular environment.
In my case, I was (and I suppose still am) pretty capable of introspection and didn't have a hard time doing it, it just needed prompting sometimes, and I think that's why this modality worked for me. For people who aren't inclined to introspect or shy away from it (e.g. out of fear, out of not knowing how, etc.) a passive therapist might indeed be useless. If you need more strong or forward prompts or instructions, a therapist who doesn't give that to you just doesn't help much.
I feel like it would be nice to have more clarity from healthcare and mental healthcare providers about how they operate and who their methods are likely to benefit. Like, you wouldn't want to go to a doctor who doesn't believe in prescribing nicotine patches if you're seeking medical help to quit smoking. Similarly, you wouldn't want to see a more passive therapist if you want help figuring out what introspection and processing even look like for you. Conversely, I would feel really uncomfortable and wouldn't benefit much from a very actively involved therapist because of my history.
In other words, passive therapists are legitimately helpful to a lot of people, but can't be helpful to everyone, and I think that the broader lack of discussion about this modality leads to both clients and therapists being unaware of when it's not suited to a particular circumstance. More openness about how therapists (and other healthcare and healthcare-adjacent providers) prefer to provide their services would be helpful to everyone involved.
Such sharp insights on what's lacking in mental health services. 💎👍🏻 I believe it's keen observations like these that have prompted businesses to provide solutions for problems like these, like BetterHelp. I haven't used the platform myself, but the services and flexibility they allow seem to be really good for people to figure out who they can connect with better.
*I'm not trying to promote, the comment made me think of that.
Yeah it would be good if therapy keeps developing this century and returns to some of these key questions. -- about what happens, what works, and how it might vary for people.
The vagueness of therapy & these disagreements about fundamental things makes it hard to navigate sometimes as a patient/consumer/member of society.
I just wish "therapy" as a project would kinda accept it's in the dark ages Vs physical medicine ...
Lots of good stuff is happening but also lots of meh ...and time & 💰, not to mention emotional investments into hit & miss treatment.
Somehow the fuzzyness of this situation, now in 2020s world, manages to often be deflected back towards sick people - ie adding to the stigma!
This is a very well written comment! So true, therapy is not one size fits all! I also wish this was a specification therapists gave before starting. Until that happens, maybe we can ask therapists about this during the initial consultation or phone call. Perhaps some therapists would also be able to give a more or less involved approach based on what the client asks for, if the client knows which they prefer.
Yes there are many therapy methods. Some of them are active (like cbt) and some are more passive (like psychodynamic). They are for different problems, have different outcomes.
No licensed therapist can tell you what to do or give advice. If they do, run away, and always check their licence. I don't know how it works in the US. In my country they need to be in a therapists society. There's no really "vagueness". You can learn about each type and choose one, or do a test, before seeking a right therapist. It's best to make 3 appointments to 3 different people in the chosen type and then choose the one you felt best about.
@@OCEAN_OF_FOXESwould you be willing to share which is "your country"? First time I've heard that recommendation to try 3 different therapists in a chosen modality. I'd be interested in looking more into the country-wide structure :)
My therapist asked me a lot of the right questions. I'd say the therapy was 90% questions and 10% intervention. I learned a lot about myself in that time, which was very healing.
Now explain the process of processing our emotions! 😢
This right here. Like just say how to process
Yeah ._. I wan’t expecting that kind of clickbait from doctor K if I’m being honest
For all three of you, he mentioned it in a full video somewhere. Way most humans did it back in the day was farming. So today, gardening, animal tending, etc.
Its weird, you just have to acknowledge your emotions and not supress them
@@proboywantaghdo you remember what the topic was? So I can look here or Twitch?
Absolutely agreed. I try to take an active approach with my patients and help them through their struggles. Sometimes they need to really sit through their feelings. But sometimes we got to help them.
"when venting doesn't work" would have been a better title for this video
You're right. People would click on this hoping to know how to process emotions, like I did
@@yeyenico1151exactly
@@yeyenico1151Check out Meditation for Emotional Processing (title was something like this) from this channel. Around 2.5 months in I see significant change, worth investing time. Cheers!
Yes, but even fewer would have done so.
Meaning, OP is likely wrong about his suggestion being the “better” title.
Even if it would’ve been more accurate and appropriate.
Why do I sense an amongus joke there LOL
my mind immediately goes to "$120+ per week for 3 years because the therapist wanted to be passive"
its free in sweden lol
@@simonrockstream it might be free to the patient, but the therapist still has incentive to drag it on as they still get paid per session
@@kintsugikameThis might be more of an American perspective because they likely have those thoughts with everything medically related...
The idea of a medical professional in countries with free healthcare not prioritizing your health isn't really an initial assumption most of the time.
@@scalpingsnake must be nice 😩
Well in the UK if u get therapy via the NHS then it's usually a course which is set to a certain amount of weeks/months. Like Dr K always says, there's high demand so not like therapist are short of clients. @@kintsugikame
That's why I stopped journaling. I'm just venting pages after pages but without really feeling it while writing, all anger and sadness repeat themselves... it's even more like highlighting all bad parts. What helps me more is writing down what felt comfortable, and what emotions I felt + active processing via meditation or jigsaw puzzling or while cleaning the house.
Great insights!
By jigsaw puzzling do you mean literally working on a jigsaw puzzle?
Journaling is not helpful for me either. I'm writing and writing on and off for decades and find no relief. I tried my hardest to find something helpful about it but couldn't. I am realizing that there comes a point that no matter what the mental health community tells me, sometimes it just doesn't work for me. And that gets me off my own back.
I so agree with that. They sit on the pedestal and let us vent without making us process our emotions
this short just made me realize that ive been with the wrong damn therapist for 2 years 😭
It's hard to find a good therapist, I Dont blame you
I had one for 10 before I knew.
You can tell them that you feel like they are taking too passive of an approach for you. If things don't change, then you could still leave. Either way, best of luck finding one who works better for you.
Was he the rapist?
Glad you realized now. Now you can fix the situation.
Oh man this is what i was trying to explain to my last therapist and she got the impression that there were things we couldn't discuss at all. I was just not wanting to get stuck fixating and venting without any progress.
I always be sayin “Knowing the problem doesn’t mean it’s easier to solve.” And yet I also believe that “It is what it is “
What happened happened and that won't change. If you know what happened you are better equipped to deal with future iterations of that problem. That being said you still have to deal with the baggage from the original problem.
Knowing the problem is necessary to start solving it
Knowing the problem is the first step to solving it. Of course things that happened can't be changed but you can change your current and future behavior and mentality when encountering future problems.
What?
I can easily see it taking 3 years for a person with severe trauma and/or an avoidant attachment to open up. I'm glad they kept going.
What's the point of going to therapy, about a specific issue, if you are unwilling to open up about said specific issue? To a therapist of all people! Maybe this is too coldly logical take but I don't get it. Paying a lot of money to go see a therapist, only for the interaction to go like a comedy sketch:
"So, what's bothering you?"
"...nothing..."
Like dude, might as well stay home and save the money at that point.
Teaching adults to process and validate their childhood experiences and emotions (good and bad) will give them tools to process emotions at the current time!
Yes!!! So glad you voiced this! I’ve seen a “passive “ therapist and it was the worst experience ever! I mean what was I even paying for? She actually berated me when I decided to stop the sessions and said that I was abandoning her! Seriously wtf? So unprofessional 🤬
While I fully agree a therapist shouldn't tell a patient what they should or shouldn't do with their life. That doesn't mean they can't provide options, choices, a directon for patients to go. There's a diffrence between guidance and pushing.
Yeah seriously, what a waste of time and money to go to somebody who will just sit there and listen to you talk without offering any guidance or helping your solve the problem, which is their *job*
I hear therapists are taught this way but it sounds like an excuse to be lazy. Reframing doing nothing as “taking a passive approach”
@@HyperLuigi37It's excuse to not take any responsibility, as their mental health is more important than patients. For me personaly rather infuriating.
There's a difference between guidance/assisting someone in taking an active role in their life and directing someone. Listening is only one part of therapy but at some point, people need the permission and guidance to take action.
Oh my gosh! I remember having a therapist that was like that and I finally sat there and told them please tell me what to do in this situation. Talk to me like I'm your sister or somebody that you care about and you want me to do the right things. They looked at me like they were frustrated that I was going to make them actually work for their money.😢
Thank you for emphasizing this, Dr. K. So many do not have emotional awareness to problem solve their own solutions; it’s important that therapists offer different perspectives that will lead to better outcomes.
Thank you! A one sided conversation gets nothing done and just feels awkward in my opinion.
Yes, very good point ....we need to move forward....so important
Therapy isn’t just about solving problems, but about learning how to trust and create a safe space for the inner child and that takes years- when the new neuropathways are created- we finally become the healthy adult which is the breakthrough after 3 years
Ive heard the neuropathways thing. I don't believe it. Our brains were created to work a certain way. To see threats and negatives. Progress is not linear. Even on your best day ever you could have a big fall. Neuropathways suggest that you've actually changed your brain. Well, if on a good day you have a bad time, is there really progress? I think it's like drinking 8 glasses of water a day or 2000 calories for weight maintenance. Both have been debunked.
The therapist I have right now takes a kind of "passive" approach where he asks me questions to get me thinking about what I'm feeling and then lets me figure out what the answers are myself, and why and how those feelings got there. I'm glad I have someone who I can work with so well
I love how he tells us how to process our emotions
Did he?😮
1st week of therapy: *Sadly trauma dumps
2nd week of therapy: *Angrily trauma dumps
3rd week of therapy:
Therapist: How do you feel?
Me: Idk, I kinda just stopped feeling after our last session. 😐
I think a passive approach to therapy is not always or often the best for someone with adhd. When you kinda have trouble with priority it’s really challenging to figure out what to do with that blank cheque as a patient
Having this 15 yrs ago when I started to try to help myself thru traditional resources would have saved me 15 yrs of wasted time / energy / sanity & the impact of piling on a sense that *I* was doing something wrong bc my therapists never did anything helpful.
If I go to a therapist I want strategies to help me with to get over things if they just listen I think to myself WHY IS HE WASTING MY TIME AND MONEY. I want to move on I NEED HELP. My mind automatically thinks he is useless! I will quit seeing him.
Talking about trauma stirs up the same emotions that keep you stuck in the loop of reliving it!
I’m glad you said it. I think being passive is damaging and an embarrassment to the lack of skills on the therapists behalf.
This!!
What helped me get through my emotions, although might not be applicable here, is that I realize that emotions fluctuate. I could be really hurt/sad/frustrated that I don’t have any friends in one instance and then the next day, I feel content that I am independent and look forward to trying to make friends.
In a more simple example, I could feel angry that someone cut me off while driving and a couple hours go by and I reflect on that initial feeling and I realize it doesn’t affect me any more
All this to say, I have used venting as a strategy to get another person’s perspective but at the end of the day, the only persons perspective that helps me is my own.
If more therapists were like Dr. K people wouldn't rely so much on Life Coaches and influencers.
he isn’t a therapist and has no training in therapy
@@lalaishappyyy He does.
Life Coaches SMH
Embracing those emotions after is the way I process it
Absolutely true, venting isn't the perfect solution everyone likes to think it is. I have a really good friend who I often call up to talk when I have a problem and want to vent. But the thing I've noticed is I could literally talk about my feeling about something, we'd get through it, and after like 30 minutes I'd want to talk about the same thing again
My therapist took a more proactive approach of asking the right questions after she had a good picture of me and the problems that I had/still have. As someone else said, asking the right questions to provoke thoughts from a particular perspective or focusing on certain aspects of a patient's circumstances or mindset can set them on the right course in therapy for the next session.
This is my problem with my current therapist. I've been seeing him for a year and right now it's just a place for me to vent and try to introspect, but that's not what I want. I can introspect all day long, but what I NEED is someone to help me locate my blindspots. I need more engagement, more helping me find the right questions to ask myself. I feel like I get none of that and any progress I've made so far I don't think has had to do with my therapy.
I think I'm gonna try somebody else.
I've experienced this too, so frustrating. Have you told them that that is what you're needing and wanting? If they can meet that, it would at least spare you having to reexplain everything to someone else. Hope you figure out something that works for you!
I have this problem often, it always felt like I was going in circles with my therapist or we were just chatting like two normal people I was actually getting more frustrated/ depressed that it wasn't really working for me and just asked to be suggested for a medication evaluation instead. 😭😩
Maybe creative therapy would work better to express your feelings, better than talking?
THANK YOU
In my experience, the trouble with receiving counseling is that in the beginning I really wasn’t able to articulate any particular goals I wanted to achieve. Part of me was so accustomed to not being heard it really hadn’t occurred to me that I had the right to agency over my own path through life or counseling. I had no idea what to expect, which left me vulnerable to my therapists in ways that didn’t help my recovery. The first one had video cameras to record my sessions, and I had no idea how uncomfortable that would make me feel and no idea that I had the right to refuse to be filmed. I was a child and it was the seventies. A lot of the ways people treated children would be frowned upon today, for very good reason, especially regarding counseling services. A lot of people these days still haven’t learned the importance of questioning authority figures, which I find quite tragic. (How many more generations need to suffer preventable trauma before we all learn the importance of facing our deepest fears?)
I remember you talk about gardening and also people recommend knitting and doing other things with your hands
When you're disconnected from your emotions, because that's how you've learned to cope with them, it's a very slow process to find out how to know what you're feeling, then you can process them. I think therapist should do better at helping patients figure out how to know what they're feeling and to recognize when they're doing something like avoiding feelings. I had been avoiding feelings for years and it took a long time to recognize when I'm doing that, what my behaviors are around that and how to catch myself doing that.
For me it helped that my therapist would offer a little guided meditation at the start of each session, to settle into my body and help with the transition of everyday life to therapy talk
Finally someone says it!
Patients leave they don't get better...
Love your videos and all the free resources you provide!!!
That is why I pretty much gave up on therapy and went to UA-cam, got a question, type it in the search bar, and there is your answer. (Of cause it you might have to collectively look at a few videos before you make a decision and diagnosis) and then decide what is the next best acceptable course of action for you. Eg: acceptance, grey rock, changing your boundaries, etc.
You are so right. One could see a therapist and end up taliking and yapping,
Spending your money just to talk about something till the cows come home.
Processing your emotions is a more practical way to heal, and doesn't require years of getting to know your therapist.
Tapping is very good, I found that quite helpful.
I read a tweet related to this saying something like "It's so funny to see when therapists don't know what to do when you become fully self aware."
Yes youre absolutely right
So how to process?
I think he has a video about it
I've watched your full video. Amazing 🙌🏻
Exactly!
I’m in therapy since ten years. TEN.
Finding a new therapist is so hard though… feels like having a job interview only to get on their waiting list…
In 10 years you'd probably find other therapists despite huge waiting lists
Talk about ventilating emotions for years and having not one of the several therapists I had even begin to teach me to process a thing. Just wow!
People usually want to have the truth delivered to them, however, they get frustrated whenever they got the harsh truth and usually get mad at the message deliver 😅
@@drjp4212 which is disgusting excuse for a profession that has claimed to understand the mind so well. What is the real world but a constant series of hard truths?
@@rtmordecai1it's actually the patient's job to process emotions. Therapists don't magically have all the answers to fix your life, you have to take responsibility for your own healing.
@@rw5622 lol, knowing absolutely nothing about me, that’s some actual horseshit. Haha. i’m not talking about doing the processing for me, but if I come for weeks and weeks, and months, and your advice is you “just have to find a way to motivate,” and then the answer for me is that I need to find the right therapist. Lol, sounds like some of my therapists needed to find a career or the back bone to actually educate their client and risk them walking away.
@@drjp4212they don't have to deliver it if they're good enough at their job to ask the right questions to get you there on your own. Once you've been walked through it a few times, you will either start to pick up on it and do it yourself, or the therapist can tell you that's what they have been doing to guide you, and teach you how to ask yourself those same questions. That's what you're supposed to learn from a role model or parent growing up, but a lot of us didn't have good examples to look at. For these people, therapy SHOULD be about training your brain to follow different neural pathways. Not solidifying the ones you have already built up (that clearly aren't working for you) and blindly trying to go forward from there. For those lucky enough to have those skills, but are having a hard time applying it to a new situation as an adult, let them have the lazy ones who just want a paycheck to listen to their venting because that's all they need.
Sounds like those therapists were just more interested in racking up hours than actually helping if they basically just stare back at them for two years
Thanks!
A good therapist helps guide you to a place where you figure things out.
They dont give you the answers, they smartly guide you to that breakthrough in a way that you get there yourself.
Wonderful to hear this from Dr. K. !!! ❤I totally agree. And what about the cost of those 2.5 wasted years in therapy? Please address that, too
I love this channel so much 💚
These titles are very misleading lately
Yea, they are less correct on summing up what the video will be about and more click baity
I mean, "when Venting doesn't work" would have been a perfectly good title. I feel like if he has someone helping with titles he needs to get someone else.
@@steggopotamusFunny or sad thing is this is EXACTLY the team / person who is doing this that he needs for this ‘mission / purpose / vision’. This content creation game has its rules and if u dont follow them , your business suffers. We can complain about it or accept it. A certain amount of clickbait is needed , but in THIS case obviously the title is pretty ridiculous and misleading
@@JW0121 yeah, except people unsub if titles stop working. And my title is perfectly fine for what it needs to be. A psychologist doesn't need to lean so hard into clickbait as anyone else.
I had to heal from my past by doing several twelve steps programs, and an extensive amount of inner work. I did not learn how to regulate my emotions growing up, therefore it was even harder learning how to do it as an adult. Meditation calmed me down a lot, and it gave me the ability to sit with painful emotions, without judgment, criticizing, blaming, or shaming myself. First I had to learn how to show up for myself and love myself before I could P.A.U.S.E and address my emotions in a healthy way!!
Recovery is a Choice.
❤🧘🏻✌🏻
Processing is important, because then people that receive that kind of therapy tend to vent EVERYTHING out without a filter thinking is the Best way to express themselves.
I found the exercise of pausing and writting out the anxiety mess helped me process the anxiety which used to end up with me anxious wound up and no outlets working to when they came pausing once I realize it write out and then I can process the anxiety enough my bad coping mechanism of curl up and internally scream shuts down and I can get myself to do other tasks. But that's just a tool to help guide me to process it.
This is really hard to read with no punctuation or structure
Wow, my daughter and I were discussing this, and how she claimed just talking & venting was too passive
I was raised by a father who keeps venting his feelings and does nothing to change the situation he complains about.
It nothing bad is going on, he will find something - politics etc.
Now I’m fixing it in myself with some progress. Since my wife doesn’t accept it, and I respect her opinion about that problem, I forced myself at the beginning and now I really don’t like that part of myself and want it to go away.
Sometimes venting helps to connect with others and a way to reflect things. Of course it still needs courage to take the big jump and do the things you figured out during sharing your struggles. I find it very human to vent. Sometimes you need other people to figure out how you feel on the inside.
Passive is not really the way…. Revealing options and asking questions along with that is a better way. Leave the revisits to the patient. Help them to save their time and use energy well by supporting to articulate emotions and issues and find options to resolve or foresee outcomes to a certain extent. Help to live better!
Yes correct, why do we feel this way, is there a way to understand. Therapist should teach this universal prayer :
God grant me the serenity
To ACCEPT the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the WISDOM to know the difference
Not just to recite but understand
I’ve had a few passive Pysch’s but I move on quickly.
Dr Marks was just talking about "if you can't label your emotions ... then label your emotions!"
Feel free to correct me if and where i may be wrong- but, based on my understanding- Not everyone processes emotions at the same speed or makes the same progress- that's like judging a fish by it's ability to climb a tree; a lot of people won't process until they're ready, and sometimes a more passive role is the only way to help someone reach a breakthrough
I had ‘Therapy’ on and off for decades. It got me no where because I just waired for them to ask me questions. I didn’t know what I should be talking about. Well, I’m figuring out now I likely have CPTSD from emotional neglect since I was an infant as well as possible ADHD And avoidance issues. My life feels like and total waste sometimes. There so much its just overwhelming.
I recently realised you sometimes sound exactly like jordan peterson and now i cannot unhear it 😂
I am so lost. I use to be so well kept. But I have like these deep set angers with my family. Before in my life I use to just confront everything and have a clear conscious. But now it's like. I've reached my breaking point.And I now have to make a choice between running away or continuing to tolerate what they keep doing to me. I ran away. And I don't know how to release the anger. It's like I keep arguing with them in my head or something. Cause usually I'd let that emotion out.
Feel you... there's a healthy option despitw running away and confrontation - setting boundaries. If they don't respect your boundaries, walking away is not running away, it's healthy protection.
Your anger is so huge because people hurt you and you let them hurt you by not setting proper boundaries for yourself. Or expectations weren't met? It's painful when you'd wish you have a close, loving family, and family couldn't offer that.
They are taking your money whil being passive.
I really would like to ask some therapist some day what he/she would do if for example surgeon will give him scalpel and told him that he is the only one person who can heal himself and surgeon is there only to guide him thought the process of being a better person
i’m sorry but healing the mind is different than the body. The fact of the matter is that therapy isn’t about telling you what to do, it’s about teaching you to know what to do. The reason why we as therapists don’t tell you what to do it, because we’re also teaching personal responsibility, and we’re trying to help you make the decision that is most authentic to you, and if I tell you what to do, that’s the decision I wanted, not what you wanted, and you could end up resenting me for it.
Listen, the fact of the matter is that, it wouldn’t be that difficult to completely tell you what to do all the time, except for the fact that that would be extremely abusive and controlling, and we don’t want to do that to you. We care enough about you to not want to completely take ownership of you like that. Dr. K is not a therapist and he has had zero training and therapy, he’s a psychiatrist with good advice, but zero psychological training. There’s a reason he didn’t explain to you how to process emotions, but I as a therapist can.
He didn’t say it in the video, so I guess I’ll fill in the blanks, processing emotion healthily is when we are able to process the event that happened, like actually say it out loud, and be able to do it in a way that doesn’t trigger us. That’s how EMDR works, EMDR works in the way that it utilizes techniques to be able to allow you to say what happened, and relive the experience, however, you’ll be reliving it in a way that doesn’t trigger you as much. Throughout the sessions, in the beginning, it’ll be extremely triggering and overtime it’ll become less triggering, and the emotions will be less painful. Someone can practice EMDR at home by looking at some thing in the room to the left of them, and looking at some thing in the room, to the right of them, without moving their head. While telling the story of what happened, try to look back-and-forth at the objects without moving your head and you’ll find yourself feeling calmer while you say what happened. Overtime you’ll be able to process things that were very very difficult to even think about and as you process and you’ll be able to let them go out slowly, but surely. this is just one technique however, and counselors are trained in a variety of techniques to help you feel safe and stimulate the vagus nerve while you’re processing and letting go of emotions and painful experiences rather than venting them, which just causes you to relive it.
@@lalaishappyyythank you. That was thoroughly helpful. 😊
Most therapists merely want to make money and will keep the client returning.
There are enough people with issues to keep them making money indefinitely. They need to step up and do their jobs in a more action oriented way so people can heal.
Who ever makes these misleading titles isnt Dr K. Its their editor who ever that is. Dont get mad at Dr K chat
It's probably not even an editor, but one of the automated programs that cuts down long-form content into short-form. It still needs someone to check it's actually a full thought or the title matches which seems to be left out more and more.
One of my biggest pet peeves of therapy is the "figure it out" mentality of the therapist. Just tell me what you want me to realize, or we will be here forever.
I'm usually thinking not on the same page and reading a completely different book. 😂
True. This famous pop star, Rosé, said in several interviews that her album was like therapy because she got to get all of her emotions out. And I'm just here thinking "That's not therapy. Therapy is about processing your emotions. I think you still need to go to therapy, girl."
That’s literally what my therapist said about letting me figure it out just asking me the right questions. I honestly don’t even know if it works. And idk what to look for in a therapist
I had the honor, privilege, and opportunity to work under Dr. Marsha Linehan and I was shocked at how “cut throat” she was with her therapy. She would not accept splitting or judgement in her sessions. There was nothing passive about what she did and she is a juggernaut for mental wellbeing for a reason. Stop accepting intolerance; especially if someone is being intolerant of themselves
@@Acatapoltergeist Wow
so what's the full video? because this didn't answer the question
My second therapist noticed i was very uncomfortable opening up so she started telling me about herself. But she kind of never stopped. It started to feel like she should be the one paying me for therapy. I had to bail.
I still think improving takes time
This has always been something that's confused me about venting. I don't see how it helps at all, it just makes you feel bad for drudging up shit that hurts, and everyone else pity you
Now explain us on how to process our emotions, wtf dr K
Exactly. I’m coming up on 2 years in CR and I have been working my butt off to “fix” myself with this program even through homelessness.
Technically, I can’t fix myself, only God can do that. And I’m still not finished, but I have come a long way. I tried traditional therapy before that and it didn’t do a thing. Maybe it helped slightly. But it did more harm than good.
If you're going to use automation to cut down long-form to short-form content, you still need someone to do quality assurance. This one doesn't even have the full video link attached.
Yes I do know... And thanks
Yesssss
So, where is the full video for this clip?
Catharsis is really useful but not enough, is what we do with those emotion. How do we processe them? Well, that process is kind unique for each one, is not that there is one universal answer or a single straightforward answer that will easly solve your problem.
Link to full vid?
So, what's the difference between processing and simple understanding them?
Because I call myself out alot these days but I still do the negative self talk and feel the confusing feelings
I used to “think” my feelings A LOT, but then I learned that processing your emotions is not about intellectualizing them, and more about noticing where you feel then in your body, what stories are they replaying and getting better at becoming aware of them.
It’s like training a new muscle that you didn’t even knew you had. And with enough practice (awareness) the confusing feelings and even the negative self-talk will begin to fade into the background and you’ll feel more at peace. It’s kind of like neutralizing acid
I think you should start a course for therapist. I have been to 4 of them, for more than 1 year, still not working out for me
I was in therapy for four to five years and my third therapist (appreciate the betrayal last year, a shout out) was the first to tell me about ACE'S and turns out I fit 9 of 10 criteria. Did she or any of the others ask or even mention trauma? No. I learned on my own.
Where is the full vod!!! Please help i cant find it. (Please just tell me the video title since youcant post links in YT)
“Self love isnt enough”
Emotions are always about something. This culture finds emotions to be this inconvenience but they don't emerge in a vacuum. They indicate traumas and places where our lives need to change. Simply talking about them without doing anything to change the patient's situation or relationships does nothing to resolve those emotions.
This is mostly why people stop therapy. There is also an issue of figuring out why in therapy but not ‘what now’. Good therapists, like in every other profession, are hard to find.
So how do I process the sadness?
IDK bro, it takes time
I don't know what will be best for you, this is just what I do. I try to locate the feeling in my body, put my hands there (if that feels safe and good) and breathe into it. I might end up crying, moving, journaling, any number of things. The most important part seems to be just allowing whatever is coming up to exist without judging myself for it (assuming it isn't harming me or anyone else). Often for me, I need to do some reparenting of the inner child. When it's really bad, I like to have a therapist, friend or animal companion for support. If it's deep sadness, it usually takes doing this many times. But it does start to ease. Hope you're able to find your way through it.
If the patient is supposed to figure out everything on their own, doesn't this render the therapist pointless? The patient is processing stuff but the therapist should monitor the process and help navigate by asking the right questions.
Exactly! The therapist should be a guide so the person can discover and act independently
WHERE IS THE FULL VIDEOOOOOO
So, how we due process our emotions ?
I been in therapy for 5 years now.
Where is the full video? Not linked...