New Teen Placement! First 48 Hours
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
- Join the Be The Village Community and access FREE resources: www.bethevillagecommunity.com We've accepted a new teen placement! In this video I talk about what we do within the first 48 hours to create a safe and supportive environment for them.
0:00 Intro
2:18 Shopping
6:31 Groceries
9:42 Connecting
12:19 Other Tips
13:55 Appointments
16:02 What’s Next
There is always a need for ❤LOVING❤, 💪SUPPORTIVE💪, and 🕒PATIENT🕒 foster parents who will ⚖ADVOCATE⚖ for the kids placed in their home. We hope that by us sharing our journey as a foster family, that it inspires others to learn more. Contact your county, foster care agency or visit www.adoptuskids.org to learn more.
⭐ Please consider granting wishes to children who are in foster care by visiting One Simple Wish: www.onesimplewish.org/giving/... ⭐
Connect with us on our social media platforms and check out relevant links: linktr.ee/bethevillage
Be The Village
P.O. Box 348
Maineville, OH 45039
The fact that Miss A's parents still trust you with her is so wonderful, it's such a beautiful example of being child and family centered in foster care, it warms my heart every time you mention her
Right? They clearly respected her parents and their family so much. You can never have too many people to love a kid and it’s a happy side effect of this horrible situation of being in care is getting an extra set of adults to love on that kid.
I just have to say thank you for taking the foster placements feelings into account. I was in foster care and my experience was nothing like what you do in your home. I wish it had been. I truly believe how foster parents treat placements plays a huge role in how they turn out later in life. If they feel loved and valued they have more of a chance of valuing themselves and are less likely to become statistics.
When a child or teen is put into foster care it's a huge change in their life and they need support. In my case I had foster parents who broke all my CDs in half because it wasnt Christian music, I was forced to go to church 3 times a week, I had to wear clothes I was not comfortable in, the list goes on. I remember one time needing paper for school and it turned into an argument. I was a foster child, I didnt have my own money to buy it or I would have but was made to feel like a burden over paper. To this day I dont like asking anyone for anything and I'm now in my 30s. Not just because of that situation but many others.
To see how much you care about your placements and how willing you are to take their feelings into account is a breath of fresh air. I truly believe that any foster child who is lucky enough to be placed with you will feel loved and valued and know that they are safe. I hope other foster parents see your videos and do what you do to make the foster childs life a little easier. Thank you again for what you do!
Oh heather. Thank you for sharing your story, your experience is the reason I wanted to start this journey and share it for others, so we might inspire someone who was inclusive and understanding to become a foster caregiver.
I appreciate your affirmations and I see you, I hear you, and you did not deserve to be treated that way.
💕💕💕 you’re enough and you’re loved.
Having Miss A there is going to be wonderful for the new teen 💕
I was about to coment this! It must be so reassuring for them so see another teen who was in foster care with the family and still has such a good relationship with everyone❤️❤️
I recently strongly started considering taking in some foster teenagers who need a temporary place to stay. I am a single professional female that works from home with my dog, Jilly. I'd love to chat live if you're ever open to that. Thank you for sharing your journey here! -Candice
I was never placed in Foster Care as a teen, but rather was put into a Children's Home by my parents in order to give me what was called 'a short sharp shock' [but with no 'end date'] as my relationship with my parents had broken down.
This was many years ago and I was very lucky in that it was a nice children's home [for its day]. Here I am 46 years later. I have followed you since Miss A first came to your home, [I had a different account at first but re-subscribed under this new one straight away] and am still to this day interested in the care of children who need to leave their family home for many varied reasons and sometimes undetermined lengths of time.
*All* your advice makes a lot of sense to me, but I was especially struck by the weight you place on working out who - if anyone - have previously been important/good siblings/relatives and/or mentors to the teen, and trying to maintain those relationships in this new situation. Back in the day that was something that I really missed out on, and I felt so adrift because of it.
Thank you so much for the acknowledgment 🥰
I adopted my sons best friend out of foster care. What I have learned with my experience. Never make them feel them feel their a paycheck. I do feel if foster you get paid very well. Also what I learned they come to you with clothes and belongings in a trash bag...Provide them with a tote bag not a trash bag...
Food as you mentioned was a big thing...let them know if their hungry help themselves to anything
The trash bags really is dreadfull most foster kids I've had there entire belongings have come in trash bags. Every child that has come to my home has when they left had voting in actual luggage and their other belongings in large zip bags I buy in IKEA. To me trash bags must signify to the child that what they own is worthless and trash. Even if their belongings are broken worn or too small etc. They are still their belongings and having being removed from their families that is all they have left to hold onto so their belongings are precious to them.
I also adopted my son's best friend..and the first time he stayed the night he nearly ate himself sick..come to find out the children in his home fought over food a lot..the child had real needs but when he tried to bring things to the mom's attention..he would be told to stop attention seeking. It was sad. My boys are now 19. They call themselves "Brothers from another mother that's now my mother!"❤️
Im also in my first 48h with my first placement 😍 baby boy 7mo
🙌🏼 best of luck to you!!
You know we have the dollar tree and I don’t want it to sound cheap but it could be fun to say here’s $25 pick out 20 items they could pick out snacks they have brand-name chocolates and chips and pick out some crafts and pick out some thing from the make up area their own shampoo or some eyeshadow body wash a body scrubby, hair clips… it’s like A kid in a candy store!!!!
Many people who don’t foster are happy to help when I get new placements, I’m so lucky that all I have to do is ask and needs are met
Excellent advice as usual.Thank you for sharing.
Wishing you all the best in this new adventure! 😁💛
That’s awesome that you show the child that they don’t have to worry about food! My husband grew up being hungry sometimes and that has really effected him as an adult. Out pantry has to be always stocked. I can’t to a pantry challenge because it makes him too uncomfortable and he needs to go out and buy more food. Sounds like your foster kids are really lucky to be in your home!
Excited for you and your family. Glad the youth had somewhere safe to land.
Congratulations hope it all goes well. I’m sure you will make them feel welcome, safe and wanted.
I'm so glad that you have a placement t again.
Always very informative video thanks Whitney I’m so excited that you finally got another placement your an amazing foster family keep up the amazing work love Sarah x
You are so informative and helpful while also staying respectful and kind. Lots of people could learn from you 🖤
So glad Miss A is there. I'm sure she will be a big help for you guys.
So happy you're back Fostering again. Glad that Miss A is with you guys for the summer ❤❤❤
Just a fan & so happy 😃 to see this video 👍😇👏🤩💞!!!!!
How you handle those first days has a great impact on how the rest of their stay goes.
We are in the process of getting licensed in the hopes of adopting an older child. Maybe 12 and up. We're excited! We have a 24 year old daughter that we adopted when she was 5. Challenging? You bet. Would we do it again? In a heart beat!💗
Great tips! Thank you!
It will b nice for Ms A to be around & can be helpful. This new teen will be comfortable because u & John r wonderful people
Congrats on your new placement! When I am on the side of feeling burnt out, listening to you helps. Dealing with a tough social worker with no end in sight. ❤️
I just love your videos! You were one of my guides when I first started my foster journey, and I cannot thank you enough!!!
Thank you so much for the kind words!! 🥰
So happy that you finally have a new placement!
This is a random comment but I used to regularly watch and comment on your videos until about a year ago and then I got really busy because I started PA school and I was too busy studying. Now I’m in my clinical year so I have more time to watch and it’s funny because this video popped up and i remember commenting a year ago how DCS system varies by state and it especially sucks in Arizona and now I’m on my first rotation and it’s inpatient psych where there’s a kid’s unit where a lot of the kids are under DCS system and already in my limited experience (I’m mostly on the adult unit)I can confirm I was right! Makes me want to volunteer possibly as a CASA to help out.
Wow, full circle!
You are amazing. We keep tossing around the idea of fostering and your tips help
So glad our perspective can help guide your decision! Wish you the best of luck, whichever path you choose.
I am happy your family has another chance to have a placement~What a caring place for a child(ren) to be while 'things' are getting worked on.
I suppose it is possible, depending on the situation, the child(ren) may need dentist/doctor appointments, which would add to your busy-ness.
So exciting
In our state (Iowa) each child gets a yearly allowance stipend to buy new clothes. When they first come into care its usually double what it is for a child that's been in care.
Keep all receipts and give to your caseworker. If or case worker thinks it's reasonable they'll cut a check
This was a great video --- great information!!
Thank you 🥰
I really wish so much that I had a foster family like you when I was foster care. You are such a wonderful person, and you care. It shows in your videos. Thank you for showing that change in the system.
Ahhhhhhhh!! I love and missed you and yours! My heart breaks for the kiddo in care but they at least fell into your hearts and home. I geeked out at work when I saw the picture of Miss A and couldn't wait to get home to see if you had a new video. ❤️❤️❤️
This comment gets an A++++ for see Siri it’s 🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼
@@BeTheVillageCommunity I never got that leather backpack but I hope it went to a good home. 😎
Yay!!!! So happy to read you have another teen under your loving care. I know whether they are with you for a week or years you will make a positive impact on their life.
hello watching from Philippines.
I am also a foster parent in a Philippines
Teens are the 👌
You are amazing! Thank you for all you do.
I’ve always loved to watch but I recently had my 14 year old Grandson move in with me. So I’m just really taking your advice
Oh wow! Best of luck!
Maybe get an activity or project to do at home to do with the new child. They may open up about things and allow trust to develop. Maybe allowing them to have a notebook to allow them to express themselves and know that it’s private and they can share if they want. I hope your stocked up on spicy chips and oatmeal crème pies. I think there is a ice cream too now.
another great nonprofit in the cinicnnati area is transform! they give gender affirming wardrobes to trans and nonbinary youth at no cost to their families. with a disproportionate percentage of lgbtq+ youth in foster care, thought it'd be good info for you in case you come across anyone who could benefit from their services!
I had no idea! Thank you SO much for mentioning them!
That is such a great initiative. One of my main motivations for getting into foster care was because I wanted to help all the LGBTQIA+ teens that just get kicked out of their house and onto the streets for who they are. So projects like this warm my heart.
@@laartje24 is this a common reason that teens are in foster care? 😢
@@aroundthemiddle2112 I don't have the exact numbers, but I have seen and heard these stories many times within the LGBTQIA community. They either end up in foster care or find their place in (shadow) kinship, (LGBTQIA) shelters or try and make it on their own. But that is now way for a teen/adolescent to live. I so much wish them a happy and accepting family.
I'm sorry to hear that. It was not okay. I hope you are in a good healing space today! Much love ❤️
I wonder if Miss A thinks it will be fun to have another teen in the house. I'm sure fun for the little kids too. Good luck with the new foster child.
She does 😊 and they already have bonded within this first week!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity Ah! I was going to send your own advice back to you, something on the lines of 'Can you reach out to Miss A? Maybe she can help you and John by giving the teen newly in your home some words of reassurance', etc, but it's already done!
I honestly really like your website and the way you bring people together and share resources, but I couldn't help but notice that a piece of the village was missing on your site, the community, those of us who aren't directly fostering kids, but are on the sidelines wanting to help foster families and foster kids out. I think we could really benefit from both recourses on how foster care works and on ideas on how we can help out, like community projects, where can we donate clothing and toys, what places need mentors for teens, how can we support foster families, etc. I love that you address these things at your UA-cam channel, so why not on your website ;)
That will definitely be apart of the next phase when you roll out the forums! It’ll have a dedicated section for ways of getting involved. We will also consider highlighting a section for community, but really it’s a limited amount of resources we would really put out for that. I will figure out how we can make it work!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity That sounds great!
With Miss A staying with you this summer I would love to hear for perspective on things (not necessarily on camera) so for example this video is the first 48 hours what is the first 48 hours like from a placements perspective. What She thinks foster parents can do to make that transition easier etc
I really enjoyed this video! Your videos are always super informative. Sounds like y'all have a full house!
I think a video for the new website would be awesome!
Also - that accordion file is super cute. Where is it from?
If I had to guess… target. It’s been awhile lol
@@BeTheVillageCommunity hahaha it’s super cute!
Could you give an update on Miss As basement suite? I’d love to see it all done :)
Next video 😉
So the binder thing is good. But when I was a foster kid we had what was called the "yellow jacket" and it was literally a yellow folder with my whole life and history in it. But nothing about who I actually was. I used to be so embarrassed of that folder cause I felt like my entire existence was boiled down to a few pages in an ugly dingy yellow folder.
Totally hear that. We make sure any child in our care knows that the paperwork doesn’t define them.
Hi!
💗
Our agency suggests a binder for each placements paperwork and when you mentioned the accordion folder it got me thinking if that is easier to manage, like if there's a reason you chose that over a binder? Would love to know!
Grab and go, no hole punches, each section is a different category. Both work though!
Are you still doing respite? This sounds like a longer placement. I want to do respite and would love to hear more about it!
a lot of good tips thank you - has having miss a in the house helped new teen settle in at all?
It hasn’t hurt!
This might be a dumb question but can you do a video at some point about showing affection to the kids in your care and how you navigate that? For example, I worked with kids in many settings, mostly kids with special needs, and you’re not supposed to kiss them, hug them, etc. We did have some kids who really enjoyed being hugged and then there were rules around only giving “side hugs” (some of these kids came from traumatic backgrounds as well and a full on hug was triggering for them in different ways). It just made me wonder if there were regulations around that sort of thing in foster care and how that is navigated, especially when you have kids of your own.
That’s a really good question! I’ll see if I can navigate it 🤞🏼
For older kids I would go with consent. Ask if they need a hug talk with them. I know it's hard because teenagers but really just being open and letting them know you are there is big. Trauma can make them not want to be touched so If you notice upset just being in the same room and reading a book can be helpful. Trauma parenting is hard!!!
@@ashleywilliams2239 absolutely, I agree I would go with consent for older kids. I was thinking more along the lines of little kids, like kids around the same age as Darcy or a little older. Kids who still might need that comfort/affection but maybe it wouldn’t be appropriate to hug and kiss them, even though you would your own children and they would see that. Or even older kids who may be developmentally delayed.
I love your videos I want to foster also you've inspired me a lot I was wondering have you ever gotten a child come to your home that you felt maybe didn't need to be removed from their parents?
From our personal experience, no. But I do hear it happening all the time.
Hi miss you guys tell miss A hi
Whitney, as a foster parent are you allowed to contact the child’s parents after placement and speak to them or do the social workers frown on that and insist you only speak to them?
Are foster parents allowed to help the birth parents with the issue that got their kid removed? For example, let’s say the child was removed because the home they lived in had a severe hoard and there were damages to the home from that hoard and the kiddo was removed because the location was unsafe due to things. And you as a foster parent had a background in organization and decluttering and carpentry skills. Would the foster care placement team have an issue with a foster parent donating their time to help the parent get things in order to speed up reunification or do they only want you putting your time into helping the child??
I hate to give such an empty answer, but it really just depends on the case. Contact should be encouraged and supported when appropriate. As for being a mentor to the parents or additional support, again I would say yes but I don't think this is common practice. With your specific example, I'm unsure of what the steps would be there.
What do you do when placed kids want to do or see things that are not appropriate for them, but that they might have been allowed to at home, due to neglect, etc. Does saying they need supervision or restriction cause resentment in the child, that you are treating them like babies, or that since their parents allowed it, who are you to say no, etc? I have watched a few of your vlogs and I haven't seen the issue of anger be mentioned yet. Also, I did see one in regard to the failed placement and wonder, since your kids are so young, how they draw the line between keeping what they value separate from foster child use and being expected to share? Also, what would happen if the non foster girl and the placed child didn't get along?
You're just such an amazing soul 💛 got to say I would have a mini panic if someone asked me to make an extra lasagna LOL 😆 xoxox
🤣🤣🤣
How do you deal with school? In my area school gets out around June 20. especially in MS/HS classes are done early June, they just do reviews and then exams. Do you delay school a few days while you get everything else set up (ie buying what they need/setting up their room, medical appointments especially if they will be switching schools.
Keeping the child in school is a big priority. It is up to the foster parent and case team to make sure they get there with limited or no gaps. Luckily, in our area, school has been out :)
Could you share the workshop that helped with your emotional intelligence. Super interested in the possibility of finding a virtual option for my agency
Send me a DM on instagram. I can definitely share more.
When you have kids in your home and they are really close with a grandparent are they allowed to call them on the phone and talk to them if they want and are they able to see there grandparents if its ok with the caseworker if they can’t be placed with them? I’ve been wondering how you go about that
Yes!
Question: when you first get a child are you told the reasonings as to why they have been removed from there family and past traumas?? I hope they do tell you bc then maybe you can avoid certain situations that can be triggering to them ya know what i mean
Yes! You do get some history or context of the situation, at least where we are.
For many teens, video games are really important for them. Do you have any consoles?
It's a shame that any county uses the foster family basically as a cash machine or credit card that first month. Even though they are eventually reimbursed, it places a burden on them for a period of time. IMO, they should provide an adequate voucher ahead of time in order for the foster parents to get ready for their new placement.
I completely agree. It may limit how many families can step up. Not to mention, treatment homes probably require more support up front.
Instead of jumping to fear, frustration, or pain, which is what anger is, jump to curiosity, as a foster care provider.
what's your advice for a first time foster parent? I'm just starting the process and getting used to all the paperwork! any advice would be helpful!
Hi Jessica! I have been a foster mom for 2 years now. I have a 2 year and a 3 year old. I would suggest to keep an open mi d about what the care for your child/ children you get ( for example, visits, school, any additional care, etc) will look like. I wish I would have really asked about siblings/ where the siblings are/ what the relationship looks like because this is a major part of that care for the placement. The children I have in my home met my placement preference, but I wasn't really prepared for them having siblings. Decorate their room age appropriate, but simple enough to where you can customize eventually. Also, I would HIGHLY suggest just taking it day by day with the children you take in. The whole process/ system can be really stressful, so don't forget to enjoy your time with them! Greetings from Missouri!
Patience, flexibility, and compassion will take you far. Do what you can to build relationships withe the primary family. Unless there is a strong reason not to, consider all ages/genders/etc.
If they want all unhealthy foods are you to follow that? Or does it have to be balanced meals?
We provide a good mix.
If it s a kid in age of periods, how do you introduce the subject? I think i remember you creating a hygiene basket with toothbrush 3tc? I just cant imagine having to ask " have you had your periods yet?"
Not a foster carer, but I would put a mix of period products in a drawer/cabinet/shelf/etc in the bathroom (or wherever makes logical sense in your home), make it known that they are available, and then let them know they can ask you for refills, or an entirely different product, no questions asked. Maybe add an age appropriate educational book if they are too shy to ask questions.
what would happen if your biological kids don't like/get along with one of your foster kids?
We would work through it
What is your advice for stealing and missing things in your house
How do you handle this?
Hasn’t happened. Though, as a trauma informed parent, you address the hurt behind the behavior. Uncovering why they would feel the need to do that. Then address THAT.
You had mentioned in a video a bit ago
This other teen was Miss A since she isn’t foster can she be in a video if she wants to?
Yes, if she wants to.
Do you keep all paperwork for the children AFTER they leave your home? Do you reuse your accordin file for each child or do you have a different one & a spefic accordin file stay in that childs file after they leave?
When a child leaves our home, all the documents are destroyed and we have it ready for the new placement!
Are 5andbelow here in nj has stuff that cost up to $30
Oh that’s wild!
I heard that recently the store carries products that cost more than five dollars as well. That's a huge disappointment. It used to be a lot of fun to go there with kids. They had all kinds of things and you knew ahead of time that nothing cost more than five bucks.
I had a question about your own children under 18. Will agencies accept a vaccine exemption form for religious reasons?
I hope they don't. People with those unfounded fears shouldn't be doing this important work. And why would it be okay to give vaccines to foster care kids but too dangerous to give your biological kids? I guess the foster kids don't matter as much to you? I don't think the foster care system would want to place kids in a home where kids aren't vaccinated. What religion would not allow preventative medical care anyway? I think it's probably just a loophole and not religious beliefs. Or maybe there's a Church of the Online Conspiracy Believers, lol. No mainstream religion has anti-vaccine beliefs. I have never heard of a religion that believes a vaccine is a sin.
I think education in this area would overcome the fear these people have. Over 98% of medical doctors are fully vaccinated, which should tell you something. They are educated in this area and they know vaccines are safe and effective. If there were real dangers you would know because physicians wouldn't be vaccinated. And virtually all of them are. It's sad that people spread lies online about vaccines. Vaccines have saved millions of lives.
@@mygirldarby such intolerance.
I’m in process of being approved to be a foster parent, do you have a video or list of recommendations of things to already have on hand already or just tips for the process?
How's Ms As new Job ?
She’s enjoying making that money!
Do you think it matters whether you go to a place like Target vs Five Below first?
Not necessarily, as long as it’s a conversation
@@BeTheVillageCommunity How do you navigate this? Giving realistic expectations about what is possible but also not making the kid feel like they aren't worth it, or they are only worth cheep stuff.
I noticed you're using they/them pronouns for the new teen placement. Is the child non binary or are you using neutral pronouns to keep their identity private? Thanks for the amazing tips!
They do it to keep the child's identity private (:
It’s to maintain privacy/confidentiality 😊
Could be both at the same time honestly ;) but primarily to protect their identity.
Please ensure you stay within the per dime because I went all out and went crazy buying stuff, and did not get reimbursed for all of what I spent. To be honest, I went way over board being a first time foster mom, so don’t do that. They really don’t need much. Treat them like your own kids and the way you would buy for them and that should be ok.
Not sure if this is directed at me or in general… but just in case :) We are make sure we make financial choices we are comfortable with regardless of the per diem.
I’m not a huge fan of “they don’t need much”, I hear what you’re saying but it could be misconstrued. If you look at one simple wish you can see how a little extra can really make the difference for that child.
I was thinking if you buy "too much" couldn't that be hurtful to their family, specially if they themselves are not able to buy lots of things? Some might be happy too that their child gets new clothes as example. Of course every family has their own views about this and every child has their individual needs too, depending on what they come with
“They don’t need much” is actually super harmful. Foster kids sometimes come into care with literally nothing. No clothes, school supplies. Nothing. Obviously don’t spend more then what your able to. But foster kids are still children and they do need things. And deserve to have things