People don’t want to see the truth that sex is a very intimate thing. It’s not just something casual that you do for fun. And you’re probably gonna catch feelings, a baby or a disease eventually.
Yeah, that's the weird part. I really don't get how people can lay with someone they barely even know. I'm not even gonna sit shoulder to shoulder with some rando unless it's really crowded.
@@kurosan0079 I have a female friend who says it’s easier to sleep with a stranger than with somebody who you know. Because there’s less expectation and awkwardness apparently.
@@pyrokatarina Exactly, they are imprinted to see strangers as wild thrills and the committed man as the one who is partially emasculated as he follows the rules laid out for him.
Yes we needed to move away from the evil misogynistic rules of the Abrahamic religions that restricted women and stopped them from being equal to men. But we took it too far. The freedom to Stand up for yourself, do as you want, say no and walk away from a man, does not mean you should never intend on staying.
@@t-virusterrance4734 Everyone gets lonely Terrence. Humans are incredibly social creatures, which is why the Internet took off so much. The difference is that some people are more okay with being alone/without face to face interaction than others.
@@Cardinal_claw That is 100% false, no matter what your programming is. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. However, you humans don't seem to understand the difference. One must be ignorant to assume everyone is the same way. TERRANCE OUT
What really frustrates me is when people get into casual relationships but have expectations of a committed relationship. Also, sex is not and can never be casual. It's in fact the most non-casual thing you can do with another human being. The fact that we even refer to it as casual sex is a huge oxymoron which is evidence of the complete cognitive dissonance within the modern idea of relationships. Many people wouldn't even let a stranger drive their car, but somehow, sex with a stranger isn't a big deal.
I had a roommate who started sleeping with tons of girls after he broke up with his GF. Went through them like candy even though he called it "dating" but I was just beyond disgusted with his behavior.
The main problem about casual relationships, is that they will never be the same as real relationships, it's a completely different feeling when it comes to having sex to the person you're in love with, compared to the person you're just physically attracted to.
I also don't really agree with the notion that women regret having casual sex more often, I think women just are more likely to focus on it and compulse on it than men, whereas when men do feel regret, they often just learn to live with it.
@@sindelscat9336I agree with this, although I think it's not so much learn to live with as intentionally forget the details. You just push it to the back of your mind and it fades away. I am not sure women can do that.
Of course they aren't the same as real relationships lol, they aren't supposed to be. Besides, people in "casual" relationships very usually carry some kind of trauma from "real" relationships, either from their own or inherited.
I'm not a woman so I can't speak to their experiences, but this trend is also shitty for a good amount of men looking for a stable relationship. Shitty all around. Of all the things to pursue in terms of gender equality, why die on this hill?
I think its especially bad because women will get hooked on trying to catch the Hugh Heffner instead of realizing he probably doesn't want them and they would be much happier being more realistic about it. Better to be with a guy who wants the same as them than a guy who doesn't care about them that way whose just wasting their time
I have *never* liked the whole hookup culture BS. I've been called a prude so many times because of this but honestly I've seen what "casual" relationships are like and I'm not missing anything. They unnecessarily complicate things and it just isn't worth it. I've always been the type of person who needs a strong connection with someone before we do anything physical, problem today is people want instant gratification and have no paitence. I need to get to know someone first.
Some people didn't want to be in loyal, committed relationship and hence made this whole hook up culture. It just sounds like we r animasl. Just seasonly mate then part ways. Progressing backwards. But I never understood how someone who so addicted to sx can suddenly stop hooking up after being in relationship. Habits die hard.
I’m a young woman in my 20s and hookup culture/ casual dating is the precise reason why I have never had a serious relationship, all of my relationships have always lasted a couple of dates because when I establish boundaries and refuse to put out so early in a relationship all the men simply lose interest once they realize I’m not going to open my legs after the second date. It makes me feel kinda insecure at times because I have to state that I’m in my 20s and have never had a real boyfriend before, but I’m definitely far from the only person with this experience man or woman alike.
im a guy almost 20 its a problem on all sides ive been treated the same way by guys and girls they only have one thing on their mind and its kind of a plague on the "dating" scene right now its just sex and thats all people care about ive never been able to get into something serious with someone because they werent ever serious about me im pretty sure some didnt even really listen to anything i said they just tell you what you want to hear they get what they want or they dont point is their leaving soon and you just became a number and youre left all confused its sad this is what is normal now.
I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend maybe I'm weird but I prefer to build a good relationship 1st and then sex not have sex and hope for a relationship that's just backwards.
Unfortunately there are alot of women who will dangle sex like a carrot for several several dates and most men just don't have the patience for that anymore. In our eyes, there's a guy who didn't have to do any of that who you gave it up to because your attraction for him was so high. In the male perspective these days, if you make us wait it means you're not that interested. It sucks but that's just the way it is now.
As a man I hate hookup culture with a burning passion. It gives both men and women serious insecurity (inside and outside hookup culture). It also gives both men and women serious insecurity about their choice of partner It reduces emotions and reduces sex to an exchange instead of a bonding mechanism. it gives people serious trust issues. it doesn't solve or it increases loneliness it makes a lot of people jaded and negative about life it's heavily correlated with partner disloyalty and the sex doesn't even seem that good most of the time It just sucks and I wish it would die
Fuckin hate it I want our generation to find love I hope and pray this sickness taking over society doesn’t prevent me from falling in love getting my one day happy little family
Sex not in the context of trying to have a child is supposed to be about mutual affection and pleasure. My main problem with casual sex is that because neither side has much of any investment in the other person it’s more about your own pleasure. And it’s basically just masterbation at that point.
It just "oh,he is hot and handsome" , "she is pretty and hot " . That' it. That's the basic idea of this kind of relationship. You r there by face value. Literally.
Casual relationships have a tendency to fall apart considering the fact that they're not serious or even committed to stay together for a long period of time. I can see why it being risky. We appreciate your insights on this.
The moment I realized that these kinds of things have gone too far is when I was at a bar with a couple of my friends and a stranger complimented me by saying that I am beautiful and immediately apologized in case I would take it as a harassment. Absolutely crazy
Yeah alot of people are increasingly becoming socially inept (both men and women). Even as a woman, my attempts at befriending other women as a grown adult, often runs the added risk of my simple acts of kindness being misinterpreted as sexual advances. It's WILD!!! Even tho I'm hetrofluid, nowadays, I've decided to conceal my sexual orientation from people, ESPECIALLY women. Most of them (in London) seem to think people (Men or Women) who are attracted to women are always attracted to them. Like bit**h, I've got a type, FOH with that entitled mess.
In my criminal defense practice, I've seen several cases where a young woman felt pressured into intimacy, but could not articulate how her partner pressured her. In fact, careful examination of all the victim's interviews shows that her partner asked whether she was ok with this or that every step of the way; and in some cases, the young woman was the one in the more active role, by her own testimony. Yet somehow these women did feel pressured. My guess is, it was "the culture" - the woman wanted to be seen by her girlfriends, classmates, peers of all kind as fun and cool rather than old-fashioned and boring. And to many young women today, it means easily engaging in intimate encounters.
it's another way in which men and women are different. strong and independent women still find it hard to just say no. as we're realizing, even consent with this generation isn't enough.
@@willdegra317 it's really more about teaching young people to listen to themselves in order to withstand peer pressure. I think our society did a really good job with smoking; alcohol is not too far behind, as the message "you don't have to drink" is very much out there, as well as the alternatives. Young people know that smoking and drinking are nothing but choices. But when it comes to sex, there is currently, as well as for the last 15 years maybe, a lot of brainwashing, with not enough discussion about the normalcy and the benefits of not engaging in intimacy too easily.
The frustrating thing is that in the situations you described, it's not the man's fault and in no way should it be considered "gRape". He was considerate enough to ask if she was ok with it, these feelings of nervousness go both ways but men's feelings/intentions are never considered. It's a witch hunt environment at this point, this is why men aren't interacting with women anymore.
@@BigHomieSteveTheMetalHead exactly. So even if the case resolves favorably, the man goes through months of severe restrictions, osctracism, and insane stress. And I'm not even focusing on the Title IX proceedings in the U.S. schools, which is its own separate nightmare.
When we quickly engage in physical intimacy, we sometimes remain in unhealthy relationships for longer than we should. It’s easier to see clearly when you aren’t physically intimate with someone. If you love someone before sharing your body, you know you are with them for the right reasons.
Especially because we bind ourselves chemically to that person. Hormones play a huge role in sex, oxytocin and other feel good hormones are released during the act so I wouldn’t be surprised if getting in multiple relationships constantly could be considered an addiction.
Never thought of that... my ex basically told me I had to do it or we only be considered friends. I wasn't ready and I stayed so much longer thinking it all get better but I finally had the courage to leave over 2 years later. My current boyfriend is just never going to push anything and just wants me to feel comfortable
Love isn't real. Everyone talks about it but no one seems able to define it. You can be very fond of someone or infatuated with someone. These feelings are clearly defined. We know what they look like and what they feel like. But love? Nope. It's just a feel good bs concept. A dream really. A fantasy.
I can’t imagine having sex with someone that I can’t even talk about my feelings with. That would mean I’m too scared about getting petty judgement from someone I’ll never see again, but I’m ok with them sticking their body part in me and potentially giving me life altering consequences?
My takeaway from this and my own experiences: Casual relationships teach useful information, while casual sex desensitizes most people to one of the greatest tools in a marriage’s arsenal.
Are you talking about dating Casually without sex for a while? I think that's fine but not if she's dating or sleeping elsewhere. There's something really degrading about romancing a woman away from her current Casual D***'. I'm not accusing you of anything but the current dating cultural talk tries to tell women they can have everything at once.
Ehhhh, I siagree on the first part. The only thing casual relationships have taught us it that they don't work out and lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings when having sex
@@jice7074I think casual dating can be without sex. It can be dating how many people you want, having fun doing things in a companion type way, without the physical intimacy that happens in the bedroom. My grandma did that. When her husband decided he wanted her to be exclusive with him, he asked and she agreed. They got married not long after and stayed together until she died this year.
I think we should go back to when the norm was people having sex within relationships Casual sex will always be around, which I think is fine, I think the problem is that it became the new normal. A lot of us women have abandoned dating apps and they've now become sausage fests. The idea that you have to sleep your way into hopefully (highly unlikely) getting a relationship is such a bad deal for women, but the alternative is to tell them you don't sleep with guys you're not in a relationship with and then they very quickly ghost you and move on to someone easier. It honestly sucks out here. Dating apps are the worst and have definitely escalatd this problem, I'd rather meet someone organically.
@@sweetpeaj1952idk about that…. Majority of men tend not to have a good time on dating apps. In fact statistics show that women hold the most power to dating apps…. For every 100 women I swipe right on all it takes for one women to swipe right, she gets a a match instantly just from opening the app it self. Plus don’t forget as men we have to start the conversation an we have to be clever about how we do it.
men barely get any matches women are the ones with hundreds of likes and matches, the men yall are talking about is a very tiny percentage of men.@@sweetpeaj1952
@@sweetpeaj1952for a certain subset of men and only the top few percent of those men looks wise though, the stats on the apps and amount of sexless men going up massively in the last decade has proven that.
It's certainly made it hard in the dating world, I'm gay and I swear 90% of the guys I see are just looking to hook up. It always feels a bit soulless at this point. I love sex as much as the next person but it feels so weird and gross these days.
Same; I’m bi and it feels that way with being into men. It’s almost as if the sex is the primary takeaway from the relationship and being with another person romantically is just an optional perk. It feels ass-backwards (pun intended).
Thats just it. I tried being a playboy and sleeping with any girl that would just be willing to sleep with me and that is exactly how I felt after a few. Just soulless.
Well it did at least move us away from the Abrahamic religions, which are pure evil. A watered down version of them is fine but they are so horrifically misogynistic that women's lives are still much better in the west now then they are in any of the countries that still have strict religious marriages and rules like we used to have. As we see sticked Abrahamic religions return to the UK, we are also seeing massive increases in misogynistic comments, sexual assaults, rapes, and sexual assaults of children. I remember my gran telling me about how several of her friends where raped when they where young women. It's just that because it was out of wedlock no one admitted it had happened. It's not that rape has gotten more common or anything because of women claiming rape when it wasn't. it's just that it's now reported. We needed to move away from religious marriages but still maintain the idea of long term partners.
I always felt like casual relationships were a bit degrading.... Like a temporary rental of a hole. I remember having this long conversation one night after a game with this guy on my adult softball team. He asked me to come back to his place and I said no then he asked for my number and i said no. He seemed so confused and in the moment I couldn't find the words to say how cheap he made me feel because in this culture it's really not out of line to suggest casual sexual encounters. It felt like after getting to know each other a little he thought well she's good enough for tonight. I managed to tell him that I didn't think we were looking for the same thing and every game after that was a little awkward. I'm married now to a man who opens doors for me most of the time and couldn't be happier.
Omg yess!! Whenever guys ask me to come over or if they can pick me up to go to their house I feel so insulted. 1. Do I look that easy or that type of girl? 2. Am I just being used for your pleasure tonight? Absolutely disgusting I don’t even bother texting back or sometimes I just block
I've had this happen as well. It's like they get to know you a little and it seems fine to them to have sex because having sex is not an act of intimacy for them. It's bizarre and you're right. It's hard to bring up this discrepancy in conversation.
Literally I get this. I had a guy invite himself over to my house I think by the second date. And I said no, would rather meet at a bar or do an activity or whatever. He couldn't work out why that was a problem. For girls, going back to your or their house is an invitation for sex and don't want to be seen as easy or to be used. But that's hard putting that into words by a first date! " No your can't come to my house as I don't want you to assume I'm putting out so early! " 🙄 Ugh
There's a friend of mine who cries all day long & then hookup with anyone that breaths in her direction on weekends. She don't even ask their names & still wonders why her life is such a mess🥴
Casual sexual encounters/permitted promiscuity, lack of morales, broken families/lonely kids, and pornography are a detriment to society. It’s so saddening.
@@Gabry4777 that’s weird, I’m an atheist 🤨are you saying homosexuality cannot lead to fulfilling monogamy? That’s homophobic af. And what the hell does Darwinism have to do with how society views one of the most intimate parts of humanity? If you wanna argue fine but come on, ya gotta be more open minded than that to get anywhere.
@@christiebrechbill3230 everything you said is Godophobic christianophobic and logicophobic af. I’m really offended that you would be so close minded. Are you saying that people can’t believe in God? Are you saying people can’t use logical principles to come to the conclusion that evolution is horse shit? How dare you.
I think people took sex positivity in the wrong direction. Instead the movement should've promoted and normalized sex education, the risk of sex such as pregnancy or hiv, listening to your gut in sexual situations, learning to say no and not be fearful, going to the doctor (like gynecologist) knowing when a person is personally ready to have sex or if they even wanted to have sex at all, sexuality, personal sex morals ect. Americans have a terrible relationship with sex compared to other countries who have healthier views on sex and they have no issues with it. The sex positivity movement took...a terrible turn. Instead of Americans being ashamed of sex and knowing nothing about it, they are now too sexual...while knowing nothing about it. 🤦♀️
Not always There’s a lot of people that deserve that, but are not with someone that give them that. Sometimes it’s the case of good people being in toxic relationships.
This was an incredibly well made video. It was concise and informative. Last year when I was 22 I used to argue with my ex girlfriend non-stop about these topics, but unfortunately I didn’t have the historical knowledge to understand, and contextualise how on earth a 19 year old ends up as a hardcore feminist, who genuinely believes that sleeping with as many men as possible and engaging in sadomasochism is somehow not only “liberating” but also morally correct. Thanks to your video I now understand the sexual revolution is to blame, and the re-wording everything as “consent”. Thank you so much for informing me about this stuff. I now feel even more inclined to stay in church, and only ever date a girl there, who actually has chastity, modesty and sanity. One final point I wanted to add, is that I am a Christian (as you can tell) and my hardcore feminist ex-girlfriend still claims to this day I was the first man who ever treated her right. Coincidence? I think not. The sexual revolution has caused generation z to become a complete shambles of traumatised and impulsive individuals, with zero self control…
That’s not real feminism, trust me, the feminism you’re seeing in the mainstream isn’t even real feminism. I know this because i’m actually in feminism spaces- this is not what they preach lmao
Well, after you are married, everything is changed and you are paying for ALL OF THE MEALS because you do groceries and all the cooking. I'm a feminist and my husband is but damn, it ALWAYS ends like this.
@@marthalynx7941I'm married and this is not my experience. I do most of the cooking and groceries comes from the joint account (we don't keep track of who is paying for what). I wouldn't say I or my wife are feminists, but we definitely aren't conservative or traditional either.
Listening to the woman in the Cut video talk about how nervous she was makes absolute sense to me. It's normal to be very anxious about making yourself both physically and emotionally vulnerable to someone you don't actually know. It's insane to me that people think that trust and good communication aren't necessary for the most physically vulnerable act a human being can ever do. Reducing sex to a leisure activity is not only profoundly dishonest, but it also sets people up for failure and unhappiness.
I'm 22 and still a virgin, not because I'm saving myself for marriage or anything like that, but because I believe sex is not something to be taken lightly, and should only be done with someone you have a connection with, like a long term partner
That sounds reasonable. But tbh, long term relationship and marriage aren't so different things. People postpone an official marriage, but live in an unofficial one. I think it's alright, just everyone try to talk with your spouse what means what to you :) I appriciate talking very high, but I guess, it's not always very easy in practice 😅
In high school I saw my classmates have their first relationships and messy breakups. I knew I was avoiding a lot of unnecessary drama and stress. I'd rather get to know someone first, before even conceiving the idea of sleeping with them. For myself, it's so much easier that way. It's self protection.
Even as a straight guy, I remember getting that "ick" feeling when I slept with somebody I didn't know. They're worlds apart when comparing that feeling to the one I have when it's with my, now wife, after being together for 20 years.
I'm glad I didn't fall into this trap before meeting my partner. I always knew sharing any type of physical intimacy with someone meant a lot to me and I couldn't share it with anyone. I had to wait for the right person who loved me as a person and not only fancied my appearance.
Honestly you did it best. I thought I could trust this man, but he gave me an std. ugh… i should’ve stayed single. so I’m just focusing on god and me right now and keep waiting for the right person. Im so lost ugh
I wish all these conversations about the repercussions and effects of casual sex for women came out when I was younger. Now I’m older and wiser, with a very high body count and had to learn these lessons the hard way along the way. No casual sexual experience I’ve ever had has been worth the resentment I feel towards myself now. Please young ladies respect your bodies and realize the most beautiful and best sexual experiences are going to be with people who you care about and care about you.
100% down to see more young women give themselves up to increasingly less worthy men, for increasingly shaky reasons. Yall wanted this society, let's revel in it!
These were your choices, you didn’t need these conversations. You needed to make better decisions. If casual sex isn’t for you, you should have made the choice to choose lesser partners
3:11 This is the main reason why I don't aim for casual relationships. I know I form bonds and feelings towards people quickly, and I also know that sex complicates things tremendously.
One of the joys of sex is the progressive exploration of another person's sexuality, body, mind, soul. This can never be achieved with casual sex. It needs work, effort, and ultimately love. Nothing is more erotic than the mutual desire to make each other happy.
I love that you pointed out the risk to men and women. I don’t see this being healthy for society overall regardless of gender. There’s too much room for miscommunication and regrets.
I'm grateful my mom was insistent and blunt. Men and woman will always be different, there is good in it and there is bad in it. Dont be an idealist, navigate reality with what you can control. That's all.
Men and women are different 100% but what the whole Conservative and Christian establishment believes of women and men bs and it's good the liberals threw it out
Casual relationships have ruined things for the people that want real relationships. Unfortunately, for many, porn is the only sex ed they'll get. I can only speak for American society here, but America seems to hate having honest conversations if it makes someone uncomfortable. In this case, boundaries that could once be communicated no longer are. It's tough to have talks about intimacy when two people don't know, or refuse to, talk about their likes, dislikes, and so on.
My opinion is: if you are an adult, take a responsibility for everything you do. If you agree to have sex, and never said "no" or "stop" you can't expect other person to read your mind or "read the signs" or whatever. Not everyone is master in body signs and sometimes they don't know you that well. What you do to or with someone has to be your responsibility and your decision, you can't blame it on the other person lacking mind reading, seeing that you are uncomfortable or "kind of pursuing" you to have se with them. Own your decisions. Also, on the other side, be sure that person with you is really into it. If you have doubts, or something in your head is nagging you, stop and be sure. There are people who will do things that they don't want to simply to please others. You don't want to be such person. Be sure the other person is into it. And don' t do anything you really don't want to no matter what others do, or society pressures you to do. You do you.
@@antbanks415I mean that makes sense… how am I a man supposed to read the mind of the women I used to sleep with? They would tell me stop an I would slide out an check in them. It’s just that simple it’s only due to the female mindset that they think us men are supposed to be Professor Xavier or something. It doesn’t work like that at all.
That aziz ansari controversy boggled me. I remember arguing with feminists on that and their excuse boiled down to women not actually being capable of actually giving consent because of how they can be pressured or pitied into sex. I told them if they lacked the capability to properly consent to anything and thus could retroactively revoke it then they have made a greater argument against women being allowed to vote than any misogynist ever could. Honestly my friend was more pissed than I was because, in her words "i have had guys try and guilt me or pity me into sleeping with them. As someone who has been raped, those guys never raped me. I slept with them because I chose to."
For me it became more about impressing my friends than me actually wanting to hook up with different females, since coming to that conclusion I’ve worked my way back to Jesus to be honest I’m happier I’m currently in the early stages of a relationship and I have decided to take sex off the table, this is the best time I’ve had with the opposite sex, I look forward to the phone calls and texts😂😂 I can see a future with her, I’m 26 and I realized what I wanted from life is a family, My advice is even if you’re not religious the best place to find a life partner is within religion 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
Wouldn’t that just be straight up lying pretending to be religious to date someone who actually cares about their religion? I’m not religious and I wouldn’t build a relationship on a lie of pretending to share her beliefs
Even at 18 living in Oxford, England, it's insanely hard. I'm a monogamous man, I don't like sleeping around. Never been a fan. But what I recently noticed about birth control is how much it mentally alters women. As soon as someone I was chatting too took it she was repulsed by me. It broke my heart. We live in a world which runs of cheap and easy dopamine, which is a major shame as you need to put so much yet so little effort into finding a partner. Hope you can all learn something from this comment
Birth control actually changes how women detect pheromones. Lots of women report no longer being attracted to their partner when they stop taking it. Just in case you didn’t know!
Hey, Albert! I am slightly older (in my early 20s), but already married, and I am a woman. But I wanted to give you a little advice, since you wrote comment about this topic. It's true, woman's preferences can be affected by the pill, including preference of men. If you are really serious about not sleeping around and instead committing yourself to one woman, and I think it's preferably a wife, you should stop thinking that preventing unwanted pregnancy is something only she should deal with. You could learn more about natural family planning - and you could be more involved in the prevention of pregnancy, as it requires discipline and understanding from both of you. But yes, it also involves abstinence on certain days. I have never taken the pill, but I can give you some ideas why girls in your life may be more difficult after starting taking it. It has lots of negative effects, from headaches, to low libido (just think about it - to eat a pill for having sex which potentially reduces your desire to have sex ) to weight gain. And all of this lays on her shoulders, only she has to deal with it, just so the boyfriend may potentially not inconvenience himself with condom (not talking about cases when a woman takes the pill to relieve pain). It feels unfair, and in my view it is.
@@laurengaskell2098 I think you're completely right. Not to brag or boast but I'm slightly above the average 18 year old in terms of physicality as of this year. I heard when women get on birth control they tend to settle for anyone or someone who seems significantly less dominant. This is what I've heard from other friends experiences. It's still left me quite broken if I'm honest with you. I have nights where I can't sleep. You have everything one second and the next you have nothing. Breaks me man.
Yes and it's not like this was the 1st time this has been tried. There's a reason society goes Quacker after one of these episodes. There's dozens of STD/STIs that exist now that didn't exist 100 years ago and is probably the main reason there's such an infertility issue. Adultery and infidelity, even during a time of no boundaries, is still the most destructive thing that can happen in a relationship. It's such a betrayal of trust and you just can't come back from that.
I would like to point out, that Infertility is caused by many different things, and that STDs have always existed. the only reason there are more of them "Now" than 100 years ago, was because Medical technology has advanced in the 100 years since Chemical weapons where Banned in Geneva Conventions, who's to say that in another 100 years from today that another 30 STDS are found? it's the same thing with autism, it's not that Autism is Infectious or is caused by vaccines, as some Conspiracy theorists might claim, Medical Technology has advanced since Donald Triplett was diagnosed with Autism in 1943.
This might be your best video yet, this was pretty insightful and brought up quite a few questions we should all have about the sex positive society we're being funneled into
8:07 I'm a woman. When I was in highschool a couple of years ago, we had, in my year level alone, 6 accounts of girls accusing their boyfriends of rape. of the SIX, only ONE of them was legit. The other 5 girls would come forward in their own times admitting they wanted to ruin their ex's lives, or get them expelled, or ruin their new relationships, or that they were wrongly influenced by other girls around them to say that. Two of them almost DID get expelled and the only reason they didn't is because of all the girls in my year level going to the senior school office and protesting against their expulsion because we understood the characters of those guys, the situations going on, and the girls even saying they just wanted to get back at them. You know what those five girls did? Make it practically impossible for me to trust other woman who tell me they've been sexually assaulted. Because in the back of my mind, the statistic is overwhelmingly in the favour of malicious intent. Of course I listen to them and show them love and kindness, but I can't say I ever believe them until proven guilty because of how much I've seen guys lives be ruined over this more than girls. Anyway, that's the only point I wanted to address: We live in a time where more people are taking advantage of the MeToo movement without consequence. And that's not fair to real victims and it's not fair to guys either.
@@trublacking8572yeah but this is so stupid in itself. There's lots of attractive people out there but you wouldn't go jump in bed with them after just talking to them for 5 minutes. I think this is just a lie that's been propagated to help the sexual revolution. In all my life I have never come across any woman who has had this experience of seeing someone attractive and immediately wanting to get in bed with them. I'm sorry I think that's just fake news. It's bs that was shoved into movies and TV shows and it's not real life.
fundamentally, anyone you decide to partner with is a stranger - regardless of how many years you’ve been with the person. People change and/or evolve.
You know what I think played a great role in sexual development of many girls born around 1995-2000? Sex and the city. I don't think it's a bad tv show for fully grown adults. But if you start watching it at around 14 years old or whenever you are still not fully developed and have very little experience, this show (and probably many more like it) can really mess up your mind. It shows a very surface level of relstionships, normalizes casual sex and many partners, it even glorifies having many sexual partners as if it was an indicator of persons attractiveness...
I don't know, I've watched all the series in my teens with huge expectations but only found an overwhelming feeling of despair and soul-crushing emptiness of the characters and the setting that only grew with every episode. Revisited it again in my 30s and it still hurts to watch except for the atmosphere of 90s New York City
I'm fascinated by this conversation as someone who's on the asexual spectrum, I can't quite organize all the thoughts i have on this but it's just so weird to me, I can't put myself in non-ace peoples shoes when it comes to the idea of "casual relationships"
A lot of people are trying to cheat the system of not getting their hearts broken. So they downplay certain experiences in hopes to get ahead of it when it’s only hurting themselves more. Consistently involving yourself in meaningless sex doesn’t devalue you as a person but it surely shows how you feel about yourself a lot of times.
I am aware that I am a bit off topic but I needed to get this off my chest It seems pretty simple to me. If casual sex for women is bad then it is also unethical for men to do it. Each time they engage in casual sex with women the tendency to create more dysfunctional relationships Rise. This annoyed me with the red pill too. Those alphas had no problem in creating less valueable women instead of promoting a society in which men actually increase their value by taking the value from women. People are making excuses for men because it’s in their „nature“ to sleep around but there could be so many arguments being made on statistics and studies that show increased violence potential and so on. If women are supposed to get restrictions for their own good maybe men should get other restrictions too. Instead violent potential gets actively encouraged by mens rights activists It also promotes the idea as if attachment is the only problem with hookups. STDs It also annoys me that it seems like a black and white. So many times people equate hookup culture with feminism and while it did correlate these two ideas can coexist but be independent from each other. You can give women the same rights as men and still as a society shun casual sex but it should be the same for all because most men need women two have sex. This leads to the next problem. Gay people get left out of this equation or even hated when gay people could also start to live with less hookups. If casual sex is bad for people then maybe we should across the board discourage it without taking away any rights or marginalizing groups. It’s not actually that difficult
It’s that path that has me considering going back to church or taking an educational course to meet serious ppl. I’m 35, and 2020 was supposed to be my “get my life together” year and the last 4 years got wasted by unforeseen events. Just dealt with tragedy, managing to many responsibilities and got a new job. All of this on the other side of 30 🤦🏽♀️ when it’s crunch time for women. But real talk, I’ll admit I am more immature than other women my age and have all my life been a late bloomer for anything. 🤣😂 I was a month late, mom had me via c-section. 🤣😂
If you have that level of self awareness, I’m sure you will be fine. Everyone is on a different timescale and not everyone has the same goals. Getting a new job doesn’t sound like a waste of time.
@@tomcoop9750 I probably should have organized my sentence right 😂 Nah my new job isn’t a waste. It’s just that it wasn’t part of my original plan, it was added on as an emergency because i had to leave my old job. And I was dealing with tragedy, family issues, financial issues and starting over with a new job all at once. I’m elated to be here but the starting over part held me up a bit with finding love. It’s like I want to find love but dang I can’t manage. But you right things will fall into place.
The Sexual Revolution did a number on me. I started being sexualized by others at 11 years old (I was a busty curvy teen) I never really had much sex drive or libido so avoiding the Sexual Revolution for me was pretty easy early on. I felt immense pressure to engage in it from others tho, and at the middle of my 20s by myself. I was now avoiding it because I didn’t want to deal with it and I started to pressure myself. I participated 3 times in hook up culture just so I could have a taste at what the Sexual Revolution was like. Gave it three tries for good measure 😂 I concluded it was not for me. I felt like what initially was meant as a liberation of women, ended up being a sentence for many women. High libido amongst women is rare by itself, but the thing they almost always forget to mention is that these women, that are out there enjoying themselves to the max, hooking up and not having emotional issues are most likely also very emotionally and mentally smart women who are secure in themselves, confident and most likely single. So of course for them, engaging in emotionally draining "situationships" is easy. They themselves aren’t conflating sex with emotions. BUT most women haven’t decentered men and centered themselves enough to participate in hooking up/casual dating with no emotional consequences. To any woman that might still participate in it, I have some questions: Do you really do it because you enjoy it? Do you really get satisfied? Does it make you feel like you own yourself? Or does it feel like others use you? Does it feel fair to you? Literally ask yourself all this. Cause are you really doing it for yourself? Or do you just want to be chosen?
The women with the high sex drive are the outliers, as you said But I wouldn't say that is because they center themselves and decenter men I think they actually center men a lot A lot of women participate in it because they got rejected or feel low self-esteem, so they think a man desiring to have sex with them will restore that, so they run after that attention from men, they want to be desired a lot That is why I will say they actually center men a lot
my female friend told me she does it cause its fun. as a guy can i ask for advice where is a good place to meet women who also value love and monogamy?
Wow this is a really interesting take. I appreciate the detail you went through on this issue. As a female who did participate in the "I can have casual sex too" wave while I was in my 20s, I'd have to say I quickly learned for myself two critical things 1) to be comfortable with my own body to know what my sexual boundaries are and be able to communicate them to my partner beforehand. 2) that feelings for casual hookups or even "open relationships" do get uncomfortable for some people. There are those in which both in the relationship are okay with it but I've found oftentimes one of the people in the relationship (deep down) really isn't. And that's when things turn to guilt, regret, hurt, etc. Knowing yourself, your boundaries, have the courage to express them, and (most importantly) as a society we heed them when told to us. This is what we really need to focus on as a society (for everyone).
I’m a 24 virgin and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had men and women ask me out but I know they want too hookup. And honestly I don’t regret it that I rejected them because honestly I don’t know their sexual history or preference. But I have had women bragging how many body counts they’ve had and shame me for being a virgin.
I'm sorry if you got shamed over it. I'm a virgin too, older than you, I think it's good for me (for now), makes it easier to live alone, as I have not found a darling of my own. I don't go around talking about it, but if it comes up, I don't lie or anything. It's just how it is. I don't remember anyone shaming me or anything, usually it's just not a source of a long conversation 😅😄 I haven't been on an actual date or had a boyfriend, but I did have a little dash of romance for me, or maybe just a closeness with a man of my liking. Whatever it was, it was nice.
I grew up believing that physical intimacy is something that you want to share only with a loved one. Growing up, I was confronted with "sex is a need like food and drink", "you need it regularly", "men and women can't get along anyway so take what you can get" etc. I never understood this attitude. To this day, it disgusts me. I don't know how you are supposed to enjoy using another person and being used in return, or why it's so difficult to respect your partner. Happily married Catholic here. And I never heard nuns or priests saying that sex is dirty or anything like that.
Feminism: - making a sandwich for a man while you get to know him -> terrible sin - sleeping with dozens of men who are increasing disgusted by your promiscuous behavior -> power Back to subject: Great video. Very interesting angle regarding the loss or absence of language. Is that in Louise Perry's book?
I'm GenX, we benefitted from women believing that promiscuity was empowering. Unlike GenZ though, women didn't have easy access to men out of their league for meaningless sex. Imagine the damage done realizing you're never good enough for a relationship with men you thought were in your range.
@@willdegra317 , you were no better, you were just part of the now-slimming destructive upper group accessing se*. I'm of the older Millennial, and I remember from my high school se* ed class our female teacher being very happy with identifying the young stud among us to make sure he uses condoms with all the ladies. That was pre-apps / social media. The course, given by one of you younger Gen-X, tackled exclusively sex and 0 about the importance of relationships. In essence, there has been a downward spiral promoting promiscuity, with a hidden truth that the sex is also not distributed equally, leading to an isolation of some greater and greater volume of men. That was true back in your time too: you were just not one of those men. You likely created many isolated men of your own era. (And I'm not exactly speaking for myself. My own story is: I'm not promiscuous, and I have never wanted non-committed sex and that was my problem: many young women directly approached me, but the ones I ended up entertaining all turned out to be wh*rish and destructive, leaving me in no better state until I matched with a good one that could support me through some traumas I had.)
Both are terrible. It's not a sin but grown males should know how to make sandwiches and cook for women. Secondly, the women who are sleeping with promiscuous men are just as disgusting as those men which is why they don't see that as a problem with that and see that as empowering. Any woman who came from a good home won't say males like hugh hefner and males with high body counts are husband material. I mean look at all the Genx males who sleep around looking for young women, spreading disease, creating fatherless homes, and ending up in nursing homes. Hookup culture doesn't benefit anyone.
I have to say that I've been a viewer of this channel for a while now. And the growth that I've seen here, not just in this channel but also in the quality of your ideas and your ability to analyze them rationally and truthfully is really cool. I have really enjoyed your body of work here, so thank you!
Can I say I hate one night stands? My ex has them and when we were together he used to say he hated them too but after he moved to Thailand… hell everything changed I believe his true self came out… And it’s honestly horrible, he literally told me he doesn’t respect any of those women, and I personally hate him for having casual sex. I value sex with feelings, sex for love, sex as a way to love someone. I think there’s nothing good in one night stands What I don’t understand is why men like him think it’s ok to have casual sex but judge women who do it At the end of the day, no one wants or trusts someone who has causal sex, no matter if you’re man or woman
Because of the different relationship men have with sex compared to women. Men and women have different standards for each other (not just talking about sex) for biological and societal reasons
you can't understand that because you choose to ignore everyone telling you the reason why. Drop the feminism and look at reality. Do men have lower standards than women? of course we do. Are women as 'interested' in sex as we are? no. no one tells women they have to like men who most women like, but a man has to meet higher standards just to be considered. a woman who every man had is nothing special, and she often doesn't even value herself (this is possible in rare instances, like winning the lotto).
@@darrellwilliams9168that doesn't mean it is right. Double standards should not be accepted. If you are judging women doung casual sex, you shoukd judge men doing casual sex and vice versa
@@Gabry4777 I didn’t say it was right I just acknowledged it is a double standards. Just like women judge guys height and income. We look for different things in each other and have different standards for each other. Whether it’s right or wrong wasnt my point
I’m a sex therapist and would never suggest anything like that one therapist. Society has taboos for a reason, when we start moving the goalpost on what’s acceptable it will continue to be pushed. A “willing” drugged partner can easily lead to the need for more stimulation and ultimately rape. Think about it, porn probably put the kink in their minds and now thats not satiating - they need more thus acting out the fantasy. The drive doesn’t lessen, it increases. I want to also note, I speak to young women all the time about getting rid of society’s pressure to “have sex like a man” and follow what they want. Which, I’ve found, is usually monogamy with a committed partner.
I’m curious, what are your thoughts on the rise and acceptance of kink in popular culture? There seems to have been a shift where if you’re not into something kinda freaky you’re just a boring, old-fashioned prude. I’m not just talking about the existence of kink (I know it’s been around since the dawn of man.) But specifically how “vanilla” people are now shamed for being vanilla, when before people were shamed for being kinky and called “degenerates.”
In response to 8:44, the answer to this issue is pretty clear. Someone does something during sex that makes you feel uncomfortable, or you don’t like it, it hurts, whatever it may be… you then say, “Hey, I don’t like that. Can we do something else?” Then they say “Oh! Yes, of course. What would you like?” Now, if that person doesn’t listen and continues to do the thing you asked them to stop doing, THAT should classify as assault because they clearly do not have your consent. Not so gray anymore. Honestly, the answer to most of these issues is to have clear, open and honest communication with your partners and being receptive and empathetic towards each other. That’s the piece we’re still missing in a lot of cases.
True, I agree but as simple as that is people still struggle to do that in casual hook up situations, people know what to do, but they still don't do it
I used to have a "casual relationship" with someone. I tried it for the first time and realized it was not for me. I am not even sure if I have fallen in love with him or if I was just in a vulnerable state that I got so attached to him. He got confused with my behavior and even told me to go to a psychiatrist. I will never be in that kind of set-up again. I date for marriage, and I don't want to be vulnerable physically and mentally with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
I think the problem with the "only consent matters" framework is that it's highly indicative of a deeper issue western society has today - feelings = truth. Rules and norms are viewed as merely oppressive (which they have and can be) but I think we're realising that these things protect people too. And if we decide to abide by more objective social norms, say, related to sex... following any sort of code requires a sort of self discipline. Which sadly seems like a lot of us are not really interested in. Therefore it's okay to induldge in whatever perverse kink we have all in the name of cOnSeNt 😂
The problem is, what is your solution? Do we create moral tribunals that determine if a sexual act was morally correct and punish those who break the moral code? And morally correct according to who? The only way to establish a society like that is to return to religious integrism. Secular moralism is what some feminists seem to want and it simply doesn't work.
I would never tell anyone how to live their lives. _However_ , for those - both male and female - who would argue that promiscuity and a casual attitude towards physical intimacy are an important part of a normal and healthy human life, I would like to ask of them the question: in this so-called “healthy” practice, how often is alcohol involved? And what is the importance of alcohol in these experiences? Surely, something considered healthy would not regularly involve - or even require - a known psycho reactive toxin. I don’t know the scientific answer to those questions, but my instinct is that alcohol is a vital player in the vast majority of promiscuous lifestyles, for both men and women. So much so that it has added a whole new dimension to the conversation over consent.
Outside of legal or faith-based frameworks, how do we define what constitutes “good sexual behaviour / sexual morality”? Because at that point, it’s completely subjective and difficult to build consensus so we fall back on the ‘insufficient’ consent framework. Interesting video though! 🤔
I think the point is that consent on it's own isn't enough. We should keep consent but also discourage sexual behaviours that we know most often lead to negative affects later on
Faith infused framework was never faith based to begin with. It was always biologically motivated. Sex and the pleasure derived from it is a chemical reaction to encourage humans to breed. Sex is an activity meant to result in reproduction. All the edifice that's been built up to prevent that reproduction from happening doesn't change the reality that you shouldn't be having sex with someone who you don't intend on breeding with, which is why sex and relationships are intrinsically linked. A set of nominal standards by which we judge exactly who it is we *do* want to breed with. It doesn't matter if you don't want kids. It doesn't matter if you can't have kids. It doesn't matter if You've already had 5 kids. None of that matters. At the end of the day, you should not be having sex with someone who you don't intend on breeding with. That will be the most satisfying and fulfilling sex, and it will also be the most stable and happy relationship.
I 100% agree, but its also best to marry that person first since children that grow up in a married household tend to come out better than children who dont@@briarblack7437
This is a problem that reaches far more areas than sexuality, because there is this problem of people wanting an absolute, one-size-fits-all Standards to Standardize All Standards. The idea of consent is that it is subjectice enough so, IN THEORY, people would negotiate and work out based on their own particularities. But of course it doesn't work, because people don't want to negotiate and work stuff out. They want the advantages of an absolute, overarching system of morality with little wiggleroom for context (so getting all answers is quick and easy) but also the advantages of an opposite system (so the answers feel fairer). It's the epitome of wanting to have a cake and eat it too. That's why marriage wasn't so bad in the past, because everyone subscribed to a traditional set of rules above their own particularities, so in case of conflict there was a one and true solution everyone should adapt to. Without this traditional set of rules, everyone has to adapt to each other on ever-changing and ill-defined protocols. That's why consent doesn't work.
I’m not sure when or how I found your channel but you’ve become one of my favourite UA-camrs so thank you for all that you do, and most of all being you.
im not even conservative and i agree some things didnt need to change this is just a genuine negative for anyone who wants a real relationship this kind of lifestyle isnt sustainable for anyone its just gonna make people more miserable in the end.
I’ve felt this way for the longest time but I’ve never spoke up about it cus of how “normalized” it’s been. Thank you so much for this vid🤍 & thank the Lord that I ain’t the only one🙏
The thing is, casual sex hurts men just as much as it hurts women. Any self respecting person would not have many sexual partners because they value sex as a bonding experience and have better sex with someone they trust completely, ie choose your partners carefully with intent to marry.
huh... i never thought about it like this... i really like how eloquently you put it: because of the sexual revolution, women may make choices that they felt pressured into doing or regret later, AND the absence of previous ideals made it so that the woman felt un-taken care of, AKA "assaulted" it's quite true that taking away certain ideals and vocabulary literally takes away the ability for people to voice their concerns and thoughts, so they have to resort to using more extreme language!
That is the reason why sex education is so important! So women from a young age can learn that is ok to say NO, and men from a young age learn that NO means NO. Women is much more emotional than men, but that does not make of us victims, as long we are able to set your own boundaries, we should be fine. Society almost forces you to get married and procreate, but not everyone wants to get married or have kids and that's is ok. Casual or established relationships are both fine as long as we make it clear from the start and it suits each person needs. The issue with casual relationships is that most of the time 1 wants more than the other and even if they know what the other wants, they keep playing along hoping something will change. This kind of situations are part of life, and it can happen with a job, a friendship and many other things on a daily basis. Conclusion, it is good to have boundaries but also respect someone else's boundaries, after all we are not all the same.
“I shall be commencing this manoeuvre in 3, 2, 1!” 😂😂😂 You are hilarious and yet so spot on with your observations. I watched Louise Perry on Triggernometry and like you, she put forth her points in a non-aggressive and well-informed way.
As a guy who pretty easily caught feelings with anyone I'd slept with in the past, I honestly can't even relate to the casual sex mentality. It's such an exposed, intimate, potentially embarrassing experience just taking your clothes off in front of someone, let alone the two of you doing it together and then making love. How can anyone NOT catch at least some feelings handing over that amount of trust to someone?
I think, relationships are worth the risk 😉 But as in everything in life, things go in waves. If when you feel the desire rising in you, and see the signs around you, don't be afraid to look around :) Inner closeness first, then physical closeness. Or possible at the same time. That's how I feel comfortable, in all human relationships, not just this kind of ones 😉
I swear Patience! Your channel is so 100% common sense it soothes my brain! Every video you make EVERY video I’m like “I agree!!!!” You need to be in government! Like you need to be like the Common Sense Minister ❤ as a mother of a boy, I feel exactly the same as the mother in the Piers Morgan clip I’m terrified for my son
Looking for quality gentleman for a marriage is frowned upon for no good reason. The word gentleman has a definition with a code of conduct. I have no idea who decided this was what all women wanted to erase this word along with chivalry. No one got my vote for it. Sexual liberation sounded like a scam and still does. There is something beautiful in knowing you’re with someone who also isn’t “experienced” in sex but appreciates learning each others bodies as well as they do their personalities. Connecting without fear or doubts because it’s a shared experience in lovemaking. There’s a huge difference with that and sleeping around. As someone else mentioned the risks of casual sex never seemed appealing to me. I like being valued and adored by someone who adores me. He values me because I am a lady.
As a non Hugh Hefner man, it has made it very difficult. There is a ton of stigma attached to abstinence and religious morals. Even as a Christian I went against my morals and hooked up as a teenager/20yo just to look cool and like I was experienced. It seems that women now conditioned to expect men to only want sex and that men are conditioned to view women as sexual pleasure. I'm sure there are some good things that have come from the sexual revolution but I'm hitting my mid 20s and I don't see the positives
Another problem with all of this is that many men don’t want to use protection, and because women feel forced to follow, it can lead to more single mothers, as many causal relationships don’t lead to marriage
The main problem of immediately having sex without protection is the massive spread of STIs there’s multiple forms of birth control, giving up a child for adoption is optional and abortion is easily accessible in most western countries so nobody becomes a mother unless they actively choose it long term
Not really because women hold the key. No one is putting a gun to her head to let him do it without a condom or die (unless it's rape which is a bigger problem because rape is rape regardless of the rapist had the decency to use a condom), so it's the woman who doesn't value her body enough to say no if there is no condom and the refuse to accept the consequences of devaluing her body for a man that doesn't care about her. I ran out of birth control recently and my husband still wants sex. I give him the warning that I have no birth control and that he has the choice of wearing the condom, not having sex, or consenting to a baby. Those are the options. There's no magical other option where we can have sex with no consequences. There is a consequence or you don't have sex. Women need to enforce those consequences instead of saying, "Oh no, my body is doing exactly what I knew it was going to do! This is the fault of the guy I said yes to and not me!" You have to protect yourself and sometimes that means putting your foot down. If you advertise for free books and someone goes and takes your diary which is among the books, you can't get made they picked up a book you said was free and took it home simply because it was your diary. You shouldn't put your diary with the free books if you didn't want it taken. In the same way, if you want men to use protection, stop saying yes to the men who don't want to use protection. It's protection or no. Not protection, maybe a yes anyways if you ask very very nicely.
Just wanted to say I really appreciate the amount of thought and time you put into your videos, it's clear you really research the topic before making a video and because of that they are very insightful. You always give me something to think about after watching.
I don't want to make my argument sound one sided but I also think sexual revolution is also the reason why it results to abortion, women can experience depression, anxiety and it can have psychological effect on them
as a little girl i heard this rhetoric that "well, you have to go through a lot of heartbreaks to meet the right one" and what a bunch of bullshit that is. absolutely disgusting i dont agree with having casual relationships or sex at ALL, this has never been a thing in any kind of society until sexual liberation happened
I desperately wish that society tried holding men to more strict sexual values and ethics rather than encouraging women to pursue sex like men. Would've been a lot healthier if we encouraged the men to be selective of their partners and that not every sexual whim needs to be listened to
🤷🏾♂️The hard truth is that a lot of people don't really have anything to offer the opposite gender except for sex. That's why a lot of women, who can actually really like a guy, will make him wait months for sex to prolong his desire for her as long as possible because that pursuit of a sexual experience is the only interesting thing about them
I've been waiting so bad for someone to make a concise video about this! I'm 24 and I've never had casual sex or a one night stand. If I don't get to know someone first, I just can't get attracted to him, as a straight woman. Only man I've slept with is my partner with whom I've been for 4 years. I've been called prude and a loser a lot but I couldn't care less.
As a guy I've tried not to get too physical and ironically that caused several women to lose interest. It's almost that they expect men to go after sex and when a guy doesn't, then it's not normal. Or they think because you aren't trying to get too physical then you don't like them. When in reality a guy's willingness to have sex is not a great indicator that he really likes that person.
Correct, sexual attraction is part of the package of a successful long term relationship, but not all. A guy won't commit to a girl if all he cares is sex.
The old terms are stated at 00:56
Those words arent sufficient either. Sexology needs to make a comeback
Feminists don't think things through and that's why they have a lot more in common with socialism than anything related to freedom.
Your one example which a very very very very very very very rare case doesn't mean two people consenting to something should be stopped
People don’t want to see the truth that sex is a very intimate thing. It’s not just something casual that you do for fun. And you’re probably gonna catch feelings, a baby or a disease eventually.
Yeah, that's the weird part. I really don't get how people can lay with someone they barely even know. I'm not even gonna sit shoulder to shoulder with some rando unless it's really crowded.
@@kurosan0079 I have a female friend who says it’s easier to sleep with a stranger than with somebody who you know. Because there’s less expectation and awkwardness apparently.
I find that hard to believe lol. I can barely have a conversation when meeting someone new, forget sex lmfao. @@AutomaticDuck300
@@AutomaticDuck300wait till she comes to you crying how her relationship failed, wondering why the guy left her
@@pyrokatarina Exactly, they are imprinted to see strangers as wild thrills and the committed man as the one who is partially emasculated as he follows the rules laid out for him.
There are going to be a lot of lonely people. Like most things in society, we swing from one extreme to the other.
Mentally strong individuals don't get lonely.
TERRANCE OUT
Naw bro, before the revolution everyone was winning.
Yes we needed to move away from the evil misogynistic rules of the Abrahamic religions that restricted women and stopped them from being equal to men. But we took it too far. The freedom to Stand up for yourself, do as you want, say no and walk away from a man, does not mean you should never intend on staying.
@@t-virusterrance4734 Everyone gets lonely Terrence. Humans are incredibly social creatures, which is why the Internet took off so much. The difference is that some people are more okay with being alone/without face to face interaction than others.
@@Cardinal_claw That is 100% false, no matter what your programming is. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. However, you humans don't seem to understand the difference. One must be ignorant to assume everyone is the same way.
TERRANCE OUT
What really frustrates me is when people get into casual relationships but have expectations of a committed relationship. Also, sex is not and can never be casual. It's in fact the most non-casual thing you can do with another human being. The fact that we even refer to it as casual sex is a huge oxymoron which is evidence of the complete cognitive dissonance within the modern idea of relationships. Many people wouldn't even let a stranger drive their car, but somehow, sex with a stranger isn't a big deal.
I had a roommate who started sleeping with tons of girls after he broke up with his GF. Went through them like candy even though he called it "dating" but I was just beyond disgusted with his behavior.
@@spinlok3943
🤮
Weirdest and most bizarre thing I’ve heard is people saying they don’t kiss their hook-ups cause it’s too intimate….? 😅
@@lauvie6528exactly like wtf
I can have sex with someone I don’t see a relationship with. But I must say casual sex isn’t the most satisfying
The main problem about casual relationships, is that they will never be the same as real relationships, it's a completely different feeling when it comes to having sex to the person you're in love with, compared to the person you're just physically attracted to.
I also don't really agree with the notion that women regret having casual sex more often, I think women just are more likely to focus on it and compulse on it than men, whereas when men do feel regret, they often just learn to live with it.
@@sindelscat9336I agree with this, although I think it's not so much learn to live with as intentionally forget the details. You just push it to the back of your mind and it fades away. I am not sure women can do that.
Of course they aren't the same as real relationships lol, they aren't supposed to be. Besides, people in "casual" relationships very usually carry some kind of trauma from "real" relationships, either from their own or inherited.
@@David.7.8.6 maybe not
@@wweghorstgoldbridgesgreatest yup
I'm not a woman so I can't speak to their experiences, but this trend is also shitty for a good amount of men looking for a stable relationship. Shitty all around. Of all the things to pursue in terms of gender equality, why die on this hill?
Agreed! A lot of women assume that because the other half of society has a penis that all they want is sex when that simply isn't true.
I think its especially bad because women will get hooked on trying to catch the Hugh Heffner instead of realizing he probably doesn't want them and they would be much happier being more realistic about it. Better to be with a guy who wants the same as them than a guy who doesn't care about them that way whose just wasting their time
because the very basis of feminism depends on this.
Pretty solid question if you ask me.
@@willdegra317modern feminism sure..
I have *never* liked the whole hookup culture BS. I've been called a prude so many times because of this but honestly I've seen what "casual" relationships are like and I'm not missing anything. They unnecessarily complicate things and it just isn't worth it. I've always been the type of person who needs a strong connection with someone before we do anything physical, problem today is people want instant gratification and have no paitence. I need to get to know someone first.
I think you’d sing to a different tune meeting Tyrone on a “slow” night 😉
@@terrorbilly1 tell me you’re kidding
I'm the same
Same here 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Some people didn't want to be in loyal, committed relationship and hence made this whole hook up culture.
It just sounds like we r animasl. Just seasonly mate then part ways. Progressing backwards.
But I never understood how someone who so addicted to sx can suddenly stop hooking up after being in relationship.
Habits die hard.
I’m a young woman in my 20s and hookup culture/ casual dating is the precise reason why I have never had a serious relationship, all of my relationships have always lasted a couple of dates because when I establish boundaries and refuse to put out so early in a relationship all the men simply lose interest once they realize I’m not going to open my legs after the second date. It makes me feel kinda insecure at times because I have to state that I’m in my 20s and have never had a real boyfriend before, but I’m definitely far from the only person with this experience man or woman alike.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. It's frustrating, but I know casual sex isn't something I could be comfortable with.
im a guy almost 20 its a problem on all sides ive been treated the same way by guys and girls they only have one thing on their mind and its kind of a plague on the "dating" scene right now its just sex and thats all people care about ive never been able to get into something serious with someone because they werent ever serious about me im pretty sure some didnt even really listen to anything i said they just tell you what you want to hear they get what they want or they dont point is their leaving soon and you just became a number and youre left all confused its sad this is what is normal now.
I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend maybe I'm weird but I prefer to build a good relationship 1st and then sex not have sex and hope for a relationship that's just backwards.
Im the same way but a guy. Wish you the best
Unfortunately there are alot of women who will dangle sex like a carrot for several several dates and most men just don't have the patience for that anymore. In our eyes, there's a guy who didn't have to do any of that who you gave it up to because your attraction for him was so high.
In the male perspective these days, if you make us wait it means you're not that interested. It sucks but that's just the way it is now.
As a man I hate hookup culture with a burning passion.
It gives both men and women serious insecurity (inside and outside hookup culture).
It also gives both men and women serious insecurity about their choice of partner
It reduces emotions and reduces sex to an exchange instead of a bonding mechanism.
it gives people serious trust issues.
it doesn't solve or it increases loneliness
it makes a lot of people jaded and negative about life
it's heavily correlated with partner disloyalty
and the sex doesn't even seem that good most of the time
It just sucks and I wish it would die
Amen my friend.
Fuckin hate it I want our generation to find love I hope and pray this sickness taking over society doesn’t prevent me from falling in love getting my one day happy little family
95% of men aren't participating in it
Sex not in the context of trying to have a child is supposed to be about mutual affection and pleasure. My main problem with casual sex is that because neither side has much of any investment in the other person it’s more about your own pleasure. And it’s basically just masterbation at that point.
It just "oh,he is hot and handsome" , "she is pretty and hot " . That' it. That's the basic idea of this kind of relationship.
You r there by face value. Literally.
This is also why porn is rather bland.
Agree.
You get to use another person without giving f about them.
@@pasindudinusha6507 yeah. That’s terrible. Might as well just masterbate at that point and not have to bother finding someone
Casual relationships have a tendency to fall apart considering the fact that they're not serious or even committed to stay together for a long period of time. I can see why it being risky. We appreciate your insights on this.
95% of men aren't participating in it
The moment I realized that these kinds of things have gone too far is when I was at a bar with a couple of my friends and a stranger complimented me by saying that I am beautiful and immediately apologized in case I would take it as a harassment. Absolutely crazy
I've seen this often too.
Yeah alot of people are increasingly becoming socially inept (both men and women). Even as a woman, my attempts at befriending other women as a grown adult, often runs the added risk of my simple acts of kindness being misinterpreted as sexual advances. It's WILD!!! Even tho I'm hetrofluid, nowadays, I've decided to conceal my sexual orientation from people, ESPECIALLY women. Most of them (in London) seem to think people (Men or Women) who are attracted to women are always attracted to them. Like bit**h, I've got a type, FOH with that entitled mess.
95% of men aren't participating in it
In my criminal defense practice, I've seen several cases where a young woman felt pressured into intimacy, but could not articulate how her partner pressured her. In fact, careful examination of all the victim's interviews shows that her partner asked whether she was ok with this or that every step of the way; and in some cases, the young woman was the one in the more active role, by her own testimony. Yet somehow these women did feel pressured. My guess is, it was "the culture" - the woman wanted to be seen by her girlfriends, classmates, peers of all kind as fun and cool rather than old-fashioned and boring. And to many young women today, it means easily engaging in intimate encounters.
it's another way in which men and women are different. strong and independent women still find it hard to just say no. as we're realizing, even consent with this generation isn't enough.
@@willdegra317 it's really more about teaching young people to listen to themselves in order to withstand peer pressure.
I think our society did a really good job with smoking; alcohol is not too far behind, as the message "you don't have to drink" is very much out there, as well as the alternatives. Young people know that smoking and drinking are nothing but choices.
But when it comes to sex, there is currently, as well as for the last 15 years maybe, a lot of brainwashing, with not enough discussion about the normalcy and the benefits of not engaging in intimacy too easily.
The frustrating thing is that in the situations you described, it's not the man's fault and in no way should it be considered "gRape". He was considerate enough to ask if she was ok with it, these feelings of nervousness go both ways but men's feelings/intentions are never considered. It's a witch hunt environment at this point, this is why men aren't interacting with women anymore.
@@BigHomieSteveTheMetalHead exactly. So even if the case resolves favorably, the man goes through months of severe restrictions, osctracism, and insane stress. And I'm not even focusing on the Title IX proceedings in the U.S. schools, which is its own separate nightmare.
Why do men have to recieve punishment for the idiocy of females?
When we quickly engage in physical intimacy, we sometimes remain in unhealthy relationships for longer than we should. It’s easier to see clearly when you aren’t physically intimate with someone. If you love someone before sharing your body, you know you are with them for the right reasons.
Especially because we bind ourselves chemically to that person. Hormones play a huge role in sex, oxytocin and other feel good hormones are released during the act so I wouldn’t be surprised if getting in multiple relationships constantly could be considered an addiction.
@@mr.spaghettios788very true
Never thought of that... my ex basically told me I had to do it or we only be considered friends. I wasn't ready and I stayed so much longer thinking it all get better but I finally had the courage to leave over 2 years later. My current boyfriend is just never going to push anything and just wants me to feel comfortable
@@mr.spaghettios788it’s also released when you get a hug
95% of men aren't participating in it
Sex without love is completely unappealing. So I never could understand how anyone could do some thing that intimate after just meeting a person.
Love isn't real. Everyone talks about it but no one seems able to define it. You can be very fond of someone or infatuated with someone. These feelings are clearly defined. We know what they look like and what they feel like. But love? Nope. It's just a feel good bs concept. A dream really. A fantasy.
@@treacherousjslither6920 who hurt you?
@@treacherousjslither6920 I respectfully disagree.
@@laurelin3422 love dont exist in women especialy this days they "love" under condition so its not a love
I completely agree with you.
I can’t imagine having sex with someone that I can’t even talk about my feelings with. That would mean I’m too scared about getting petty judgement from someone I’ll never see again, but I’m ok with them sticking their body part in me and potentially giving me life altering consequences?
Exactly.
95% of men aren't participating in it
My takeaway from this and my own experiences:
Casual relationships teach useful information, while casual sex desensitizes most people to one of the greatest tools in a marriage’s arsenal.
You just eloquently put my thoughts into words.
Are you talking about dating Casually without sex for a while? I think that's fine but not if she's dating or sleeping elsewhere. There's something really degrading about romancing a woman away from her current Casual D***'. I'm not accusing you of anything but the current dating cultural talk tries to tell women they can have everything at once.
Ehhhh, I siagree on the first part. The only thing casual relationships have taught us it that they don't work out and lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings when having sex
@@jice7074I think casual dating can be without sex. It can be dating how many people you want, having fun doing things in a companion type way, without the physical intimacy that happens in the bedroom. My grandma did that. When her husband decided he wanted her to be exclusive with him, he asked and she agreed. They got married not long after and stayed together until she died this year.
@@AaarandomYeah but that was a long time ago, the world has changed quite drastically since their day I'm sure.
I think we should go back to when the norm was people having sex within relationships Casual sex will always be around, which I think is fine, I think the problem is that it became the new normal.
A lot of us women have abandoned dating apps and they've now become sausage fests. The idea that you have to sleep your way into hopefully (highly unlikely) getting a relationship is such a bad deal for women, but the alternative is to tell them you don't sleep with guys you're not in a relationship with and then they very quickly ghost you and move on to someone easier. It honestly sucks out here. Dating apps are the worst and have definitely escalatd this problem, I'd rather meet someone organically.
I so agree. Online dating is hook up heaven for men
Maybe if they only want each other. @@sweetpeaj1952
@@sweetpeaj1952idk about that…. Majority of men tend not to have a good time on dating apps. In fact statistics show that women hold the most power to dating apps…. For every 100 women I swipe right on all it takes for one women to swipe right, she gets a a match instantly just from opening the app it self. Plus don’t forget as men we have to start the conversation an we have to be clever about how we do it.
men barely get any matches women are the ones with hundreds of likes and matches, the men yall are talking about is a very tiny percentage of men.@@sweetpeaj1952
@@sweetpeaj1952for a certain subset of men and only the top few percent of those men looks wise though, the stats on the apps and amount of sexless men going up massively in the last decade has proven that.
It's certainly made it hard in the dating world, I'm gay and I swear 90% of the guys I see are just looking to hook up. It always feels a bit soulless at this point. I love sex as much as the next person but it feels so weird and gross these days.
Same; I’m bi and it feels that way with being into men. It’s almost as if the sex is the primary takeaway from the relationship and being with another person romantically is just an optional perk. It feels ass-backwards (pun intended).
Thats just it. I tried being a playboy and sleeping with any girl that would just be willing to sleep with me and that is exactly how I felt after a few. Just soulless.
@@Nexol13 yes!!!! I love when a conversation begins with nudes lol like not even a hi, how are you? Just instant nudes 🤣🥴
@@TheMr.H yeah same here!!! At this point I need to like the person a little first and get to know them a bit! It makes them way more attractive too
SEXUAL HARASSMENT LOL.
Undoubtedly it has made society 1000 times worse.
DOUBLEDOWN STANDARD SERIOUSLY,
@@brandonscott5544?
Well it did at least move us away from the Abrahamic religions, which are pure evil. A watered down version of them is fine but they are so horrifically misogynistic that women's lives are still much better in the west now then they are in any of the countries that still have strict religious marriages and rules like we used to have. As we see sticked Abrahamic religions return to the UK, we are also seeing massive increases in misogynistic comments, sexual assaults, rapes, and sexual assaults of children. I remember my gran telling me about how several of her friends where raped when they where young women. It's just that because it was out of wedlock no one admitted it had happened. It's not that rape has gotten more common or anything because of women claiming rape when it wasn't. it's just that it's now reported. We needed to move away from religious marriages but still maintain the idea of long term partners.
@@brandonscott5544 No, whores should be shamed whether it's male or female.
@@HeyImLuciousor you could mind your business
I always felt like casual relationships were a bit degrading.... Like a temporary rental of a hole. I remember having this long conversation one night after a game with this guy on my adult softball team. He asked me to come back to his place and I said no then he asked for my number and i said no. He seemed so confused and in the moment I couldn't find the words to say how cheap he made me feel because in this culture it's really not out of line to suggest casual sexual encounters. It felt like after getting to know each other a little he thought well she's good enough for tonight. I managed to tell him that I didn't think we were looking for the same thing and every game after that was a little awkward. I'm married now to a man who opens doors for me most of the time and couldn't be happier.
If you reach a door before him do you open it for him too?
@@globalnationalismyoutubelol yes
Omg yess!! Whenever guys ask me to come over or if they can pick me up to go to their house I feel so insulted.
1. Do I look that easy or that type of girl?
2. Am I just being used for your pleasure tonight?
Absolutely disgusting I don’t even bother texting back or sometimes I just block
I've had this happen as well. It's like they get to know you a little and it seems fine to them to have sex because having sex is not an act of intimacy for them. It's bizarre and you're right. It's hard to bring up this discrepancy in conversation.
Literally I get this. I had a guy invite himself over to my house I think by the second date. And I said no, would rather meet at a bar or do an activity or whatever. He couldn't work out why that was a problem. For girls, going back to your or their house is an invitation for sex and don't want to be seen as easy or to be used. But that's hard putting that into words by a first date! " No your can't come to my house as I don't want you to assume I'm putting out so early! " 🙄 Ugh
I find it fascinating that people have a harder time communicating vs having sex with a complete stranger
Absolutely insane
There's a friend of mine who cries all day long & then hookup with anyone that breaths in her direction on weekends. She don't even ask their names & still wonders why her life is such a mess🥴
That part. Beyond puzzling.
95% of men aren't participating in it
Casual sexual encounters/permitted promiscuity, lack of morales, broken families/lonely kids, and pornography are a detriment to society. It’s so saddening.
You forgot homosexuality, atheism and darwinism🙄😑
@@Gabry4777”evolution” is the biggest lie. They got the whole world teaching a lie of course you can convince people of any kind of bullshit.
@@Gabry4777 that’s weird, I’m an atheist 🤨are you saying homosexuality cannot lead to fulfilling monogamy? That’s homophobic af.
And what the hell does Darwinism have to do with how society views one of the most intimate parts of humanity?
If you wanna argue fine but come on, ya gotta be more open minded than that to get anywhere.
@@christiebrechbill3230 I was ironic.
@@christiebrechbill3230 everything you said is Godophobic christianophobic and logicophobic af. I’m really offended that you would be so close minded. Are you saying that people can’t believe in God? Are you saying people can’t use logical principles to come to the conclusion that evolution is horse shit? How dare you.
"I shall be commencing this maneuver "😭😭😭
😂
I think people took sex positivity in the wrong direction. Instead the movement should've promoted and normalized sex education, the risk of sex such as pregnancy or hiv, listening to your gut in sexual situations, learning to say no and not be fearful, going to the doctor (like gynecologist) knowing when a person is personally ready to have sex or if they even wanted to have sex at all, sexuality, personal sex morals ect.
Americans have a terrible relationship with sex compared to other countries who have healthier views on sex and they have no issues with it. The sex positivity movement took...a terrible turn. Instead of Americans being ashamed of sex and knowing nothing about it, they are now too sexual...while knowing nothing about it. 🤦♀️
Exactly
95% of men aren't participating in it
We should also probably make the romance books more realistic because 'true love' happens to hard working people who have good values
What?
Not always
There’s a lot of people that deserve that, but are not with someone that give them that. Sometimes it’s the case of good people being in toxic relationships.
95% of men aren't participating in it
This was an incredibly well made video. It was concise and informative.
Last year when I was 22 I used to argue with my ex girlfriend non-stop about these topics, but unfortunately I didn’t have the historical knowledge to understand, and contextualise how on earth a 19 year old ends up as a hardcore feminist, who genuinely believes that sleeping with as many men as possible and engaging in sadomasochism is somehow not only “liberating” but also morally correct.
Thanks to your video I now understand the sexual revolution is to blame, and the re-wording everything as “consent”. Thank you so much for informing me about this stuff. I now feel even more inclined to stay in church, and only ever date a girl there, who actually has chastity, modesty and sanity.
One final point I wanted to add, is that I am a Christian (as you can tell) and my hardcore feminist ex-girlfriend still claims to this day I was the first man who ever treated her right. Coincidence? I think not. The sexual revolution has caused generation z to become a complete shambles of traumatised and impulsive individuals, with zero self control…
I'm a Christian too, so congrats you're one too and thinks that way 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
95% of men aren't participating in it
"You can't seem to pay for your own meal, tho" LMAO. This hyper-feminist culture is laced with the same amount of double-standards as in the past.
That’s not real feminism, trust me, the feminism you’re seeing in the mainstream isn’t even real feminism. I know this because i’m actually in feminism spaces- this is not what they preach lmao
You need the gym
Well, after you are married, everything is changed and you are paying for ALL OF THE MEALS because you do groceries and all the cooking. I'm a feminist and my husband is but damn, it ALWAYS ends like this.
@@marthalynx7941I'm married and this is not my experience. I do most of the cooking and groceries comes from the joint account (we don't keep track of who is paying for what).
I wouldn't say I or my wife are feminists, but we definitely aren't conservative or traditional either.
Lol just find a woman who doesn’t mind paying
Listening to the woman in the Cut video talk about how nervous she was makes absolute sense to me. It's normal to be very anxious about making yourself both physically and emotionally vulnerable to someone you don't actually know. It's insane to me that people think that trust and good communication aren't necessary for the most physically vulnerable act a human being can ever do. Reducing sex to a leisure activity is not only profoundly dishonest, but it also sets people up for failure and unhappiness.
I'm 22 and still a virgin, not because I'm saving myself for marriage or anything like that, but because I believe sex is not something to be taken lightly, and should only be done with someone you have a connection with, like a long term partner
Yeh, but that's your opinion.
That sounds reasonable. But tbh, long term relationship and marriage aren't so different things. People postpone an official marriage, but live in an unofficial one. I think it's alright, just everyone try to talk with your spouse what means what to you :)
I appriciate talking very high, but I guess, it's not always very easy in practice 😅
95% of men aren't participating in it
In high school I saw my classmates have their first relationships and messy breakups. I knew I was avoiding a lot of unnecessary drama and stress. I'd rather get to know someone first, before even conceiving the idea of sleeping with them. For myself, it's so much easier that way. It's self protection.
Same
Even as a straight guy, I remember getting that "ick" feeling when I slept with somebody I didn't know. They're worlds apart when comparing that feeling to the one I have when it's with my, now wife, after being together for 20 years.
I'm glad I didn't fall into this trap before meeting my partner. I always knew sharing any type of physical intimacy with someone meant a lot to me and I couldn't share it with anyone. I had to wait for the right person who loved me as a person and not only fancied my appearance.
Honestly you did it best. I thought I could trust this man, but he gave me an std. ugh… i should’ve stayed single. so I’m just focusing on god and me right now and keep waiting for the right person. Im so lost ugh
what do you mean? consent is key for all relations to work@ville__
95% of men aren't participating in it
I wish all these conversations about the repercussions and effects of casual sex for women came out when I was younger. Now I’m older and wiser, with a very high body count and had to learn these lessons the hard way along the way. No casual sexual experience I’ve ever had has been worth the resentment I feel towards myself now. Please young ladies respect your bodies and realize the most beautiful and best sexual experiences are going to be with people who you care about and care about you.
these facts were known throughout time, throughout the world. You just grew up under the school of feminism that told you these were myths.
100% down to see more young women give themselves up to increasingly less worthy men, for increasingly shaky reasons. Yall wanted this society, let's revel in it!
Hey. You doing ok? I read the resentment part, so I thought I should ask.
These were your choices, you didn’t need these conversations. You needed to make better decisions. If casual sex isn’t for you, you should have made the choice to choose lesser partners
@@erikaeric8313I think she knows that now. No need to beat her while she's down.
3:11 This is the main reason why I don't aim for casual relationships. I know I form bonds and feelings towards people quickly, and I also know that sex complicates things tremendously.
One of the joys of sex is the progressive exploration of another person's sexuality, body, mind, soul. This can never be achieved with casual sex. It needs work, effort, and ultimately love. Nothing is more erotic than the mutual desire to make each other happy.
95% of men aren't participating in it
I love that you pointed out the risk to men and women. I don’t see this being healthy for society overall regardless of gender. There’s too much room for miscommunication and regrets.
95% of men aren't participating in it
I'm grateful my mom was insistent and blunt. Men and woman will always be different, there is good in it and there is bad in it. Dont be an idealist, navigate reality with what you can control. That's all.
95% of men aren't participating in it
Men and women are different 100% but what the whole Conservative and Christian establishment believes of women and men bs and it's good the liberals threw it out
Casual relationships have ruined things for the people that want real relationships.
Unfortunately, for many, porn is the only sex ed they'll get. I can only speak for American society here, but America seems to hate having honest conversations if it makes someone uncomfortable. In this case, boundaries that could once be communicated no longer are. It's tough to have talks about intimacy when two people don't know, or refuse to, talk about their likes, dislikes, and so on.
95% of men aren't participating in it
My opinion is: if you are an adult, take a responsibility for everything you do. If you agree to have sex, and never said "no" or "stop" you can't expect other person to read your mind or "read the signs" or whatever. Not everyone is master in body signs and sometimes they don't know you that well. What you do to or with someone has to be your responsibility and your decision, you can't blame it on the other person lacking mind reading, seeing that you are uncomfortable or "kind of pursuing" you to have se with them. Own your decisions. Also, on the other side, be sure that person with you is really into it. If you have doubts, or something in your head is nagging you, stop and be sure. There are people who will do things that they don't want to simply to please others. You don't want to be such person. Be sure the other person is into it. And don' t do anything you really don't want to no matter what others do, or society pressures you to do. You do you.
Period.
If people accepted to have responsibilities and abide by them, they wouldn't be trading marriage for hookups in the first place, you know.
No or stop lol
@@antbanks415I mean that makes sense… how am I a man supposed to read the mind of the women I used to sleep with? They would tell me stop an I would slide out an check in them. It’s just that simple it’s only due to the female mindset that they think us men are supposed to be Professor Xavier or something. It doesn’t work like that at all.
The problem with modern society, is less emphasis on accountability / making responsible decisions to more victimhood/blaming an exterior force
"I SHALL BE COMMENCING THIS MANEUVER IN 3-2-1!" 🤣🤣🤣
That aziz ansari controversy boggled me. I remember arguing with feminists on that and their excuse boiled down to women not actually being capable of actually giving consent because of how they can be pressured or pitied into sex. I told them if they lacked the capability to properly consent to anything and thus could retroactively revoke it then they have made a greater argument against women being allowed to vote than any misogynist ever could.
Honestly my friend was more pissed than I was because, in her words "i have had guys try and guilt me or pity me into sleeping with them. As someone who has been raped, those guys never raped me. I slept with them because I chose to."
For me it became more about impressing my friends than me actually wanting to hook up with different females, since coming to that conclusion I’ve worked my way back to Jesus to be honest I’m happier
I’m currently in the early stages of a relationship and I have decided to take sex off the table, this is the best time I’ve had with the opposite sex, I look forward to the phone calls and texts😂😂
I can see a future with her, I’m 26 and I realized what I wanted from life is a family, My advice is even if you’re not religious the best place to find a life partner is within religion 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
Would you recommend joining a church group just to meet someone?
Where did you meet her? I struggle to find anything
Wouldn’t that just be straight up lying pretending to be religious to date someone who actually cares about their religion? I’m not religious and I wouldn’t build a relationship on a lie of pretending to share her beliefs
95% of men aren't participating in it
“Above all things, guard your heart.” -Proverbs
Even at 18 living in Oxford, England, it's insanely hard. I'm a monogamous man, I don't like sleeping around. Never been a fan. But what I recently noticed about birth control is how much it mentally alters women. As soon as someone I was chatting too took it she was repulsed by me. It broke my heart. We live in a world which runs of cheap and easy dopamine, which is a major shame as you need to put so much yet so little effort into finding a partner. Hope you can all learn something from this comment
Birth control actually changes how women detect pheromones. Lots of women report no longer being attracted to their partner when they stop taking it. Just in case you didn’t know!
Hey, Albert! I am slightly older (in my early 20s), but already married, and I am a woman. But I wanted to give you a little advice, since you wrote comment about this topic.
It's true, woman's preferences can be affected by the pill, including preference of men. If you are really serious about not sleeping around and instead committing yourself to one woman, and I think it's preferably a wife, you should stop thinking that preventing unwanted pregnancy is something only she should deal with. You could learn more about natural family planning - and you could be more involved in the prevention of pregnancy, as it requires discipline and understanding from both of you. But yes, it also involves abstinence on certain days.
I have never taken the pill, but I can give you some ideas why girls in your life may be more difficult after starting taking it. It has lots of negative effects, from headaches, to low libido (just think about it - to eat a pill for having sex which potentially reduces your desire to have sex ) to weight gain. And all of this lays on her shoulders, only she has to deal with it, just so the boyfriend may potentially not inconvenience himself with condom (not talking about cases when a woman takes the pill to relieve pain). It feels unfair, and in my view it is.
@@laurengaskell2098 I think you're completely right. Not to brag or boast but I'm slightly above the average 18 year old in terms of physicality as of this year. I heard when women get on birth control they tend to settle for anyone or someone who seems significantly less dominant. This is what I've heard from other friends experiences.
It's still left me quite broken if I'm honest with you. I have nights where I can't sleep. You have everything one second and the next you have nothing. Breaks me man.
Another _INCREDIBLY_ balanced treatment by you--SOOO refreshing to have a voice on the Internet! 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Yes and it's not like this was the 1st time this has been tried. There's a reason society goes Quacker after one of these episodes. There's dozens of STD/STIs that exist now that didn't exist 100 years ago and is probably the main reason there's such an infertility issue. Adultery and infidelity, even during a time of no boundaries, is still the most destructive thing that can happen in a relationship. It's such a betrayal of trust and you just can't come back from that.
I would like to point out, that Infertility is caused by many different things, and that STDs have always existed. the only reason there are more of them "Now" than 100 years ago, was because Medical technology has advanced in the 100 years since Chemical weapons where Banned in Geneva Conventions, who's to say that in another 100 years from today that another 30 STDS are found?
it's the same thing with autism, it's not that Autism is Infectious or is caused by vaccines, as some Conspiracy theorists might claim, Medical Technology has advanced since Donald Triplett was diagnosed with Autism in 1943.
This might be your best video yet, this was pretty insightful and brought up quite a few questions we should all have about the sex positive society we're being funneled into
8:07 I'm a woman. When I was in highschool a couple of years ago, we had, in my year level alone, 6 accounts of girls accusing their boyfriends of rape. of the SIX, only ONE of them was legit. The other 5 girls would come forward in their own times admitting they wanted to ruin their ex's lives, or get them expelled, or ruin their new relationships, or that they were wrongly influenced by other girls around them to say that. Two of them almost DID get expelled and the only reason they didn't is because of all the girls in my year level going to the senior school office and protesting against their expulsion because we understood the characters of those guys, the situations going on, and the girls even saying they just wanted to get back at them.
You know what those five girls did? Make it practically impossible for me to trust other woman who tell me they've been sexually assaulted. Because in the back of my mind, the statistic is overwhelmingly in the favour of malicious intent. Of course I listen to them and show them love and kindness, but I can't say I ever believe them until proven guilty because of how much I've seen guys lives be ruined over this more than girls. Anyway, that's the only point I wanted to address: We live in a time where more people are taking advantage of the MeToo movement without consequence. And that's not fair to real victims and it's not fair to guys either.
So true
I worked hard to be a professional and I can just lose it in one interaction. Nah, bro, im good.
The next man can get accused, not me.
Having SX with strangers is weird.
It because they are attractive to them is reason the do with strangers
@@trublacking8572yeah but this is so stupid in itself. There's lots of attractive people out there but you wouldn't go jump in bed with them after just talking to them for 5 minutes. I think this is just a lie that's been propagated to help the sexual revolution. In all my life I have never come across any woman who has had this experience of seeing someone attractive and immediately wanting to get in bed with them. I'm sorry I think that's just fake news. It's bs that was shoved into movies and TV shows and it's not real life.
@@trublacking8572You edited your comment and it still gave me a stroke reading it, lol
fundamentally, anyone you decide to partner with is a stranger - regardless of how many years you’ve been with the person. People change and/or evolve.
Yeah It’s very strange
You know what I think played a great role in sexual development of many girls born around 1995-2000? Sex and the city. I don't think it's a bad tv show for fully grown adults. But if you start watching it at around 14 years old or whenever you are still not fully developed and have very little experience, this show (and probably many more like it) can really mess up your mind. It shows a very surface level of relstionships, normalizes casual sex and many partners, it even glorifies having many sexual partners as if it was an indicator of persons attractiveness...
I don't know, I've watched all the series in my teens with huge expectations but only found an overwhelming feeling of despair and soul-crushing emptiness of the characters and the setting that only grew with every episode. Revisited it again in my 30s and it still hurts to watch except for the atmosphere of 90s New York City
I'm fascinated by this conversation as someone who's on the asexual spectrum, I can't quite organize all the thoughts i have on this but it's just so weird to me, I can't put myself in non-ace peoples shoes when it comes to the idea of "casual relationships"
A lot of people are trying to cheat the system of not getting their hearts broken. So they downplay certain experiences in hopes to get ahead of it when it’s only hurting themselves more. Consistently involving yourself in meaningless sex doesn’t devalue you as a person but it surely shows how you feel about yourself a lot of times.
I am aware that I am a bit off topic but I needed to get this off my chest
It seems pretty simple to me. If casual sex for women is bad then it is also unethical for men to do it. Each time they engage in casual sex with women the tendency to create more dysfunctional relationships Rise.
This annoyed me with the red pill too. Those alphas had no problem in creating less valueable women instead of promoting a society in which men actually increase their value by taking the value from women. People are making excuses for men because it’s in their „nature“ to sleep around but there could be so many arguments being made on statistics and studies that show increased violence potential and so on. If women are supposed to get restrictions for their own good maybe men should get other restrictions too. Instead violent potential gets actively encouraged by mens rights activists
It also promotes the idea as if attachment is the only problem with hookups. STDs
It also annoys me that it seems like a black and white. So many times people equate hookup culture with feminism and while it did correlate these two ideas can coexist but be independent from each other.
You can give women the same rights as men and still as a society shun casual sex but it should be the same for all because most men need women two have sex.
This leads to the next problem. Gay people get left out of this equation or even hated when gay people could also start to live with less hookups.
If casual sex is bad for people then maybe we should across the board discourage it without taking away any rights or marginalizing groups. It’s not actually that difficult
Thank you❤
It’s that path that has me considering going back to church or taking an educational course to meet serious ppl.
I’m 35, and 2020 was supposed to be my “get my life together” year and the last 4 years got wasted by unforeseen events.
Just dealt with tragedy, managing to many responsibilities and got a new job. All of this on the other side of 30 🤦🏽♀️ when it’s crunch time for women.
But real talk, I’ll admit I am more immature than other women my age and have all my life been a late bloomer for anything. 🤣😂 I was a month late, mom had me via c-section. 🤣😂
If you have that level of self awareness, I’m sure you will be fine. Everyone is on a different timescale and not everyone has the same goals. Getting a new job doesn’t sound like a waste of time.
The game is rigged against men. My game I mean the legal system. Women are incentivized to break the marriage contract.
I met my husband at a church social group. Neither of us are exactly traditional Christians, but we had common traditional values.
Women in the church are a bunch of used of whores don't fall for the narrative
@@tomcoop9750
I probably should have organized my sentence right 😂 Nah my new job isn’t a waste. It’s just that it wasn’t part of my original plan, it was added on as an emergency because i had to leave my old job. And I was dealing with tragedy, family issues, financial issues and starting over with a new job all at once. I’m elated to be here but the starting over part held me up a bit with finding love. It’s like I want to find love but dang I can’t manage. But you right things will fall into place.
The Sexual Revolution did a number on me.
I started being sexualized by others at 11 years old (I was a busty curvy teen) I never really had much sex drive or libido so avoiding the Sexual Revolution for me was pretty easy early on. I felt immense pressure to engage in it from others tho, and at the middle of my 20s by myself. I was now avoiding it because I didn’t want to deal with it and I started to pressure myself. I participated 3 times in hook up culture just so I could have a taste at what the Sexual Revolution was like. Gave it three tries for good measure 😂 I concluded it was not for me. I felt like what initially was meant as a liberation of women, ended up being a sentence for many women.
High libido amongst women is rare by itself, but the thing they almost always forget to mention is that these women, that are out there enjoying themselves to the max, hooking up and not having emotional issues are most likely also very emotionally and mentally smart women who are secure in themselves, confident and most likely single. So of course for them, engaging in emotionally draining "situationships" is easy. They themselves aren’t conflating sex with emotions. BUT most women haven’t decentered men and centered themselves enough to participate in hooking up/casual dating with no emotional consequences.
To any woman that might still participate in it, I have some questions: Do you really do it because you enjoy it? Do you really get satisfied? Does it make you feel like you own yourself? Or does it feel like others use you? Does it feel fair to you? Literally ask yourself all this.
Cause are you really doing it for yourself? Or do you just want to be chosen?
Hey. Just wanted to say I hope you’re doing ok out there.
The women with the high sex drive are the outliers, as you said
But I wouldn't say that is because they center themselves and decenter men
I think they actually center men a lot
A lot of women participate in it because they got rejected or feel low self-esteem, so they think a man desiring to have sex with them will restore that, so they run after that attention from men, they want to be desired a lot
That is why I will say they actually center men a lot
my female friend told me she does it cause its fun. as a guy can i ask for advice where is a good place to meet women who also value love and monogamy?
Wow this is a really interesting take. I appreciate the detail you went through on this issue. As a female who did participate in the "I can have casual sex too" wave while I was in my 20s, I'd have to say I quickly learned for myself two critical things 1) to be comfortable with my own body to know what my sexual boundaries are and be able to communicate them to my partner beforehand. 2) that feelings for casual hookups or even "open relationships" do get uncomfortable for some people. There are those in which both in the relationship are okay with it but I've found oftentimes one of the people in the relationship (deep down) really isn't. And that's when things turn to guilt, regret, hurt, etc.
Knowing yourself, your boundaries, have the courage to express them, and (most importantly) as a society we heed them when told to us. This is what we really need to focus on as a society (for everyone).
I’m a 24 virgin and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had men and women ask me out but I know they want too hookup. And honestly I don’t regret it that I rejected them because honestly I don’t know their sexual history or preference. But I have had women bragging how many body counts they’ve had and shame me for being a virgin.
I'm sorry if you got shamed over it. I'm a virgin too, older than you, I think it's good for me (for now), makes it easier to live alone, as I have not found a darling of my own.
I don't go around talking about it, but if it comes up, I don't lie or anything. It's just how it is.
I don't remember anyone shaming me or anything, usually it's just not a source of a long conversation 😅😄
I haven't been on an actual date or had a boyfriend, but I did have a little dash of romance for me, or maybe just a closeness with a man of my liking. Whatever it was, it was nice.
I grew up believing that physical intimacy is something that you want to share only with a loved one. Growing up, I was confronted with "sex is a need like food and drink", "you need it regularly", "men and women can't get along anyway so take what you can get" etc.
I never understood this attitude. To this day, it disgusts me. I don't know how you are supposed to enjoy using another person and being used in return, or why it's so difficult to respect your partner.
Happily married Catholic here. And I never heard nuns or priests saying that sex is dirty or anything like that.
Feminism:
- making a sandwich for a man while you get to know him -> terrible sin
- sleeping with dozens of men who are increasing disgusted by your promiscuous behavior -> power
Back to subject: Great video. Very interesting angle regarding the loss or absence of language. Is that in Louise Perry's book?
I'm GenX, we benefitted from women believing that promiscuity was empowering. Unlike GenZ though, women didn't have easy access to men out of their league for meaningless sex. Imagine the damage done realizing you're never good enough for a relationship with men you thought were in your range.
@@willdegra317 , you were no better, you were just part of the now-slimming destructive upper group accessing se*.
I'm of the older Millennial, and I remember from my high school se* ed class our female teacher being very happy with identifying the young stud among us to make sure he uses condoms with all the ladies. That was pre-apps / social media. The course, given by one of you younger Gen-X, tackled exclusively sex and 0 about the importance of relationships.
In essence, there has been a downward spiral promoting promiscuity, with a hidden truth that the sex is also not distributed equally, leading to an isolation of some greater and greater volume of men.
That was true back in your time too: you were just not one of those men. You likely created many isolated men of your own era.
(And I'm not exactly speaking for myself. My own story is: I'm not promiscuous, and I have never wanted non-committed sex and that was my problem: many young women directly approached me, but the ones I ended up entertaining all turned out to be wh*rish and destructive, leaving me in no better state until I matched with a good one that could support me through some traumas I had.)
Both are terrible. It's not a sin but grown males should know how to make sandwiches and cook for women. Secondly, the women who are sleeping with promiscuous men are just as disgusting as those men which is why they don't see that as a problem with that and see that as empowering. Any woman who came from a good home won't say males like hugh hefner and males with high body counts are husband material. I mean look at all the Genx males who sleep around looking for young women, spreading disease, creating fatherless homes, and ending up in nursing homes. Hookup culture doesn't benefit anyone.
So called traditional males:
- financially providing for a woman and cooking meals for her while getting to know her
Toxic masculinity:
- sleeping with dozens if girls no string attached --> power
- emotions beside anger --> terrible sin
I have to say that I've been a viewer of this channel for a while now. And the growth that I've seen here, not just in this channel but also in the quality of your ideas and your ability to analyze them rationally and truthfully is really cool. I have really enjoyed your body of work here, so thank you!
Casual relationship dehumanizes people and the human connection. No matter how hard people try to deny it, sex is not something casual.
Can I say I hate one night stands? My ex has them and when we were together he used to say he hated them too but after he moved to Thailand… hell everything changed
I believe his true self came out…
And it’s honestly horrible, he literally told me he doesn’t respect any of those women, and I personally hate him for having casual sex. I value sex with feelings, sex for love, sex as a way to love someone. I think there’s nothing good in one night stands
What I don’t understand is why men like him think it’s ok to have casual sex but judge women who do it
At the end of the day, no one wants or trusts someone who has causal sex, no matter if you’re man or woman
Because of the different relationship men have with sex compared to women. Men and women have different standards for each other (not just talking about sex) for biological and societal reasons
you can't understand that because you choose to ignore everyone telling you the reason why. Drop the feminism and look at reality. Do men have lower standards than women? of course we do. Are women as 'interested' in sex as we are? no. no one tells women they have to like men who most women like, but a man has to meet higher standards just to be considered. a woman who every man had is nothing special, and she often doesn't even value herself (this is possible in rare instances, like winning the lotto).
@@darrellwilliams9168that doesn't mean it is right. Double standards should not be accepted. If you are judging women doung casual sex, you shoukd judge men doing casual sex and vice versa
@@Gabry4777 I didn’t say it was right I just acknowledged it is a double standards. Just like women judge guys height and income. We look for different things in each other and have different standards for each other. Whether it’s right or wrong wasnt my point
@@Gabry4777 exactly
I’m a sex therapist and would never suggest anything like that one therapist. Society has taboos for a reason, when we start moving the goalpost on what’s acceptable it will continue to be pushed. A “willing” drugged partner can easily lead to the need for more stimulation and ultimately rape. Think about it, porn probably put the kink in their minds and now thats not satiating - they need more thus acting out the fantasy. The drive doesn’t lessen, it increases. I want to also note, I speak to young women all the time about getting rid of society’s pressure to “have sex like a man” and follow what they want. Which, I’ve found, is usually monogamy with a committed partner.
I’m curious, what are your thoughts on the rise and acceptance of kink in popular culture? There seems to have been a shift where if you’re not into something kinda freaky you’re just a boring, old-fashioned prude.
I’m not just talking about the existence of kink (I know it’s been around since the dawn of man.) But specifically how “vanilla” people are now shamed for being vanilla, when before people were shamed for being kinky and called “degenerates.”
This is interesting because from what I've seen sex therapists are always the ones pushing non monogynous and sexually taboo behaviour.
In response to 8:44, the answer to this issue is pretty clear. Someone does something during sex that makes you feel uncomfortable, or you don’t like it, it hurts, whatever it may be… you then say, “Hey, I don’t like that. Can we do something else?” Then they say “Oh! Yes, of course. What would you like?”
Now, if that person doesn’t listen and continues to do the thing you asked them to stop doing, THAT should classify as assault because they clearly do not have your consent. Not so gray anymore.
Honestly, the answer to most of these issues is to have clear, open and honest communication with your partners and being receptive and empathetic towards each other. That’s the piece we’re still missing in a lot of cases.
True, I agree but as simple as that is people still struggle to do that in casual hook up situations, people know what to do, but they still don't do it
You make TOO much sense.
I made a standard for myself that if I ever have sex, it has to be with a woman whom I can at least see myself having a future with.
I agree. I’m doing the exact same.
I used to have a "casual relationship" with someone. I tried it for the first time and realized it was not for me. I am not even sure if I have fallen in love with him or if I was just in a vulnerable state that I got so attached to him. He got confused with my behavior and even told me to go to a psychiatrist. I will never be in that kind of set-up again. I date for marriage, and I don't want to be vulnerable physically and mentally with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
I think the problem with the "only consent matters" framework is that it's highly indicative of a deeper issue western society has today - feelings = truth. Rules and norms are viewed as merely oppressive (which they have and can be) but I think we're realising that these things protect people too. And if we decide to abide by more objective social norms, say, related to sex... following any sort of code requires a sort of self discipline. Which sadly seems like a lot of us are not really interested in. Therefore it's okay to induldge in whatever perverse kink we have all in the name of cOnSeNt 😂
The problem is, what is your solution? Do we create moral tribunals that determine if a sexual act was morally correct and punish those who break the moral code? And morally correct according to who?
The only way to establish a society like that is to return to religious integrism. Secular moralism is what some feminists seem to want and it simply doesn't work.
I would never tell anyone how to live their lives.
_However_ , for those - both male and female - who would argue that promiscuity and a casual attitude towards physical intimacy are an important part of a normal and healthy human life, I would like to ask of them the question: in this so-called “healthy” practice, how often is alcohol involved? And what is the importance of alcohol in these experiences? Surely, something considered healthy would not regularly involve - or even require - a known psycho reactive toxin.
I don’t know the scientific answer to those questions, but my instinct is that alcohol is a vital player in the vast majority of promiscuous lifestyles, for both men and women. So much so that it has added a whole new dimension to the conversation over consent.
Outside of legal or faith-based frameworks, how do we define what constitutes “good sexual behaviour / sexual morality”? Because at that point, it’s completely subjective and difficult to build consensus so we fall back on the ‘insufficient’ consent framework. Interesting video though! 🤔
I think the point is that consent on it's own isn't enough. We should keep consent but also discourage sexual behaviours that we know most often lead to negative affects later on
Faith infused framework was never faith based to begin with. It was always biologically motivated. Sex and the pleasure derived from it is a chemical reaction to encourage humans to breed. Sex is an activity meant to result in reproduction. All the edifice that's been built up to prevent that reproduction from happening doesn't change the reality that you shouldn't be having sex with someone who you don't intend on breeding with, which is why sex and relationships are intrinsically linked. A set of nominal standards by which we judge exactly who it is we *do* want to breed with.
It doesn't matter if you don't want kids. It doesn't matter if you can't have kids. It doesn't matter if You've already had 5 kids. None of that matters. At the end of the day, you should not be having sex with someone who you don't intend on breeding with. That will be the most satisfying and fulfilling sex, and it will also be the most stable and happy relationship.
God up on His Throne does mighty face palm. "Duh, that's what I've been telling everyone Mia."@@Miajij2
I 100% agree, but its also best to marry that person first since children that grow up in a married household tend to come out better than children who dont@@briarblack7437
This is a problem that reaches far more areas than sexuality, because there is this problem of people wanting an absolute, one-size-fits-all Standards to Standardize All Standards. The idea of consent is that it is subjectice enough so, IN THEORY, people would negotiate and work out based on their own particularities.
But of course it doesn't work, because people don't want to negotiate and work stuff out. They want the advantages of an absolute, overarching system of morality with little wiggleroom for context (so getting all answers is quick and easy) but also the advantages of an opposite system (so the answers feel fairer). It's the epitome of wanting to have a cake and eat it too.
That's why marriage wasn't so bad in the past, because everyone subscribed to a traditional set of rules above their own particularities, so in case of conflict there was a one and true solution everyone should adapt to. Without this traditional set of rules, everyone has to adapt to each other on ever-changing and ill-defined protocols. That's why consent doesn't work.
I’m not sure when or how I found your channel but you’ve become one of my favourite UA-camrs so thank you for all that you do, and most of all being you.
Like my parents told me about conservatism: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Took me a decade to realize that.
im not even conservative and i agree some things didnt need to change this is just a genuine negative for anyone who wants a real relationship this kind of lifestyle isnt sustainable for anyone its just gonna make people more miserable in the end.
Chesterton’s fence
95% of men aren't participating in it
I’ve felt this way for the longest time but I’ve never spoke up about it cus of how “normalized” it’s been. Thank you so much for this vid🤍 & thank the Lord that I ain’t the only one🙏
The thing is, casual sex hurts men just as much as it hurts women. Any self respecting person would not have many sexual partners because they value sex as a bonding experience and have better sex with someone they trust completely, ie choose your partners carefully with intent to marry.
Preach!
huh... i never thought about it like this... i really like how eloquently you put it: because of the sexual revolution, women may make choices that they felt pressured into doing or regret later, AND the absence of previous ideals made it so that the woman felt un-taken care of, AKA "assaulted"
it's quite true that taking away certain ideals and vocabulary literally takes away the ability for people to voice their concerns and thoughts, so they have to resort to using more extreme language!
That is the reason why sex education is so important! So women from a young age can learn that is ok to say NO, and men from a young age learn that NO means NO. Women is much more emotional than men, but that does not make of us victims, as long we are able to set your own boundaries, we should be fine. Society almost forces you to get married and procreate, but not everyone wants to get married or have kids and that's is ok. Casual or established relationships are both fine as long as we make it clear from the start and it suits each person needs. The issue with casual relationships is that most of the time 1 wants more than the other and even if they know what the other wants, they keep playing along hoping something will change. This kind of situations are part of life, and it can happen with a job, a friendship and many other things on a daily basis. Conclusion, it is good to have boundaries but also respect someone else's boundaries, after all we are not all the same.
“I shall be commencing this manoeuvre in 3, 2, 1!” 😂😂😂 You are hilarious and yet so spot on with your observations. I watched Louise Perry on Triggernometry and like you, she put forth her points in a non-aggressive and well-informed way.
As a guy who pretty easily caught feelings with anyone I'd slept with in the past, I honestly can't even relate to the casual sex mentality. It's such an exposed, intimate, potentially embarrassing experience just taking your clothes off in front of someone, let alone the two of you doing it together and then making love. How can anyone NOT catch at least some feelings handing over that amount of trust to someone?
Who else is waiting for the comments that haven't watched the video but already criticizing it?
you know it
I stopped looking for relationships a while ago, guess i was right to avoid the risk
I think, relationships are worth the risk 😉
But as in everything in life, things go in waves. If when you feel the desire rising in you, and see the signs around you, don't be afraid to look around :)
Inner closeness first, then physical closeness. Or possible at the same time. That's how I feel comfortable, in all human relationships, not just this kind of ones 😉
@@pohjanvanamo
Idk, its more impossible now more than ever
Just can't change it
I swear Patience! Your channel is so 100% common sense it soothes my brain! Every video you make EVERY video I’m like “I agree!!!!” You need to be in government! Like you need to be like the Common Sense Minister ❤ as a mother of a boy, I feel exactly the same as the mother in the Piers Morgan clip I’m terrified for my son
Looking for quality gentleman for a marriage is frowned upon for no good reason. The word gentleman has a definition with a code of conduct. I have no idea who decided this was what all women wanted to erase this word along with chivalry. No one got my vote for it. Sexual liberation sounded like a scam and still does. There is something beautiful in knowing you’re with someone who also isn’t “experienced” in sex but appreciates learning each others bodies as well as they do their personalities. Connecting without fear or doubts because it’s a shared experience in lovemaking. There’s a huge difference with that and sleeping around. As someone else mentioned the risks of casual sex never seemed appealing to me. I like being valued and adored by someone who adores me. He values me because I am a lady.
This video was very insightful, as someone who tried the hookup culture and didn’t like it. This vid really spoke to me
As a non Hugh Hefner man, it has made it very difficult. There is a ton of stigma attached to abstinence and religious morals. Even as a Christian I went against my morals and hooked up as a teenager/20yo just to look cool and like I was experienced. It seems that women now conditioned to expect men to only want sex and that men are conditioned to view women as sexual pleasure. I'm sure there are some good things that have come from the sexual revolution but I'm hitting my mid 20s and I don't see the positives
There are no positives and the people who push for the sexual revolution don't seem to understand how contradictory their own beliefs are.
Another problem with all of this is that many men don’t want to use protection, and because women feel forced to follow, it can lead to more single mothers, as many causal relationships don’t lead to marriage
women make better decisions in a patriarchy. when given the most freedom they've ever had -- well, we see the results
Those can’t say to the guys no sex if they are not using protection?
I tell men if you don’t want to wear a condom, don’t get mad about the summons for child support later. Just because it “feels better”.
The main problem of immediately having sex without protection is the massive spread of STIs there’s multiple forms of birth control, giving up a child for adoption is optional and abortion is easily accessible in most western countries so nobody becomes a mother unless they actively choose it long term
Not really because women hold the key. No one is putting a gun to her head to let him do it without a condom or die (unless it's rape which is a bigger problem because rape is rape regardless of the rapist had the decency to use a condom), so it's the woman who doesn't value her body enough to say no if there is no condom and the refuse to accept the consequences of devaluing her body for a man that doesn't care about her.
I ran out of birth control recently and my husband still wants sex. I give him the warning that I have no birth control and that he has the choice of wearing the condom, not having sex, or consenting to a baby. Those are the options. There's no magical other option where we can have sex with no consequences. There is a consequence or you don't have sex. Women need to enforce those consequences instead of saying, "Oh no, my body is doing exactly what I knew it was going to do! This is the fault of the guy I said yes to and not me!" You have to protect yourself and sometimes that means putting your foot down.
If you advertise for free books and someone goes and takes your diary which is among the books, you can't get made they picked up a book you said was free and took it home simply because it was your diary. You shouldn't put your diary with the free books if you didn't want it taken. In the same way, if you want men to use protection, stop saying yes to the men who don't want to use protection. It's protection or no. Not protection, maybe a yes anyways if you ask very very nicely.
Personally, I could never get intimate with someone I didn’t have plans of having a serious relationship with.
Just wanted to say I really appreciate the amount of thought and time you put into your videos, it's clear you really research the topic before making a video and because of that they are very insightful. You always give me something to think about after watching.
STDs worry me the most.
This should be taught in society more.
I don't want to make my argument sound one sided but I also think sexual revolution is also the reason why it results to abortion, women can experience depression, anxiety and it can have psychological effect on them
as a little girl i heard this rhetoric that "well, you have to go through a lot of heartbreaks to meet the right one" and what a bunch of bullshit that is. absolutely disgusting i dont agree with having casual relationships or sex at ALL, this has never been a thing in any kind of society until sexual liberation happened
I desperately wish that society tried holding men to more strict sexual values and ethics rather than encouraging women to pursue sex like men. Would've been a lot healthier if we encouraged the men to be selective of their partners and that not every sexual whim needs to be listened to
Unfortunately, women don't choose the men who already hold themselves to this naturally.
This should be shown in high school. It’s soo good
🤷🏾♂️The hard truth is that a lot of people don't really have anything to offer the opposite gender except for sex. That's why a lot of women, who can actually really like a guy, will make him wait months for sex to prolong his desire for her as long as possible because that pursuit of a sexual experience is the only interesting thing about them
Yes, and having to keep your legs shut until marriage would naturally create a need to develop one's personality.
I have not seen any of your videos in quite a while. UA-cam has not been good to you. I'm glad you are back
Let's have some of that "Archaic stuff" back 😂
If everyone just said "who cares" we would have live in such an advanced world.
Everything would regress and collapse on itself with everyone having that attitude
These casual relationships disgust me. It only serves to make you sad, miserable and lonely.
True love is much more fulfilling 😊
I've been waiting so bad for someone to make a concise video about this! I'm 24 and I've never had casual sex or a one night stand. If I don't get to know someone first, I just can't get attracted to him, as a straight woman. Only man I've slept with is my partner with whom I've been for 4 years. I've been called prude and a loser a lot but I couldn't care less.
As a guy I've tried not to get too physical and ironically that caused several women to lose interest. It's almost that they expect men to go after sex and when a guy doesn't, then it's not normal. Or they think because you aren't trying to get too physical then you don't like them. When in reality a guy's willingness to have sex is not a great indicator that he really likes that person.
Correct, sexual attraction is part of the package of a successful long term relationship, but not all. A guy won't commit to a girl if all he cares is sex.