Issues at home like the one sherms was sharing never have a simple solution. Maybe Dan hasn’t been in anything remotely similar before so he thinks it’s selfish. Obviously, it would be ideal to not trigger a negative reaction from your family member that may hurt someone in the family. But what if said family member is already hurting someone in the family aka you? Physical harm is not the only form of significant harm. It seems sherms has selflessly tried her best sacrificing all her life to protect the family, and for once did something for herself and was proud of it (I’m really proud of you too sherms). Sucks to hear someone think of it as selfish.
I wanna add that my relationship with my mom is better now! I didn’t know how to protect my peace but now that I’ve put my foot down (it was a really tough process), my relationship with me mom has been healthier ❤
Dan's view in describing it as 'selfish' if a child knows their confrontation will result in the parents' physical outburst, with all do respect, is quite a bad take tbh. This 'logic' only incentivises bad parenting styles as the parent learns to exert control over a child by throwing objects or breaking glass to achieve short-term compliance. Parents, of all demographic, are adults and should know not to act in this manner especially when you're the primary caregiver. Maintaining harmony in the household is important, but if your children has to tiptoe around your outburst to achieve harmony, its certain they'll feel emotionally unsafe at home and develop avoidant attachments styles to their parents. As a social worker, the effects are real. I've encountered numerous young adults who've broken contact with their parents once achieving financial independence because having carried negative parent-child attachment styles due to guilt-related parenting strategies - as they feel the best way to achieve their personal security is to distance themselves from insecure attachments.
2:05 Honestly? At first, it's *nothing.* But as I thought about it... *1 - do not make your ego become your demons in life. And 2 - When you are at your lowest point, do not give up. There will be forces above you that will guide/help you to change for the better.* As I am approaching my 30s ('97 boy here), all the mistakes I made *actually happened in my teens (Primary 5/6 and all of secondary school).* I was shy in my teens, and thus I made a false perception of the adult life I wanted to have during my teens, which caused my shy, overconfident, egotistical (mostly through lies) and depressionist attitude to hurt any chances of making good relationships with the people around me (especially the time I *squandered (i.e. missed out) an opportunity* to have a good conversation *with a crush I had* in secondary school). And because of my attitude in my teens, I was literally a *wreck* coming into my 20s (Entering NS, Poly, entering the workforce). Whilst my schoolmates (from Secondary 4/5 and ITE) are working hard to fulfil their dreams and aspirations *(be it entering a prestigious university, good academics on their dream courses, good paying job, enter command school, etc.),* *I was left behind, at my lowest point of my life, and OH BOY it's about to get worse from here.* I was spending way too much of my energy in my early 20s *fixing the mistakes I made in my teens* (be it missing out on crypto, not apologising for being a bully/creepy stalker, etc.), that at one point, I completely *gave up* and contemplated *to commit suicide* [which thankfully I didn't]. Therefore, as I prepare to enter my 30s in a few years, these are the things I would say to my teens and 20s. (Sidenote: Every day when I wake up, for the first few minutes, I put both my hands together and pray, to thank God [or whatever religion you follow] for allowing me to live and to repent and forgive my mistakes.) Quotes that I lived by: - "You are not born to be lucky, *you are just lucky to be born here."* - Unknown. (Sometimes *luck plays a role* in helping you in what you want in life, but the people in the top 5-10% in our lives know that it's all about *putting in the effort* if you want to achieve your dreams.) - "First impressions *last.* if you start behind the 8 ball, *you will never get in front."* - Harvey Specter, from the TV show Suits. [Should have listened to that.] - “The best time to plant a tree was *20 years ago.* The second best time is: *right now.”* - Chinese Proverb. Great podcast to wind down after a long day. DKP, fighting!
to maintain peace at home at the sake of one's wellbeing is called sacrifice, and unwilling sacrifice is suffering. so how long should/could Sherms suffer for the sake of the family's peace? That's how victims usually suffer in silence because they don't wanna be the "disruptive" one.
May I play a devil's advocate here. Maybe Dan feels like it's bad to start a conflict at that moment to protect your personal space. Creating a "negative" atmosphere in the family. but sometimes its also important for some families to break out of this vicious cycle to improve their rs. sadly, parents or someone with seniority will always dismiss you off no matter how you explain. that's Sherms in this case to stand up for herself to protect her mental space. I do agree that if there is conflict, there should also be de-escalation after everything has been aired out and cool down. of cos these conflicts shouldn't escalate physical altercation. In sherms case, i feel the mum shouldnt slam doors or use any of gaslighting ways to prove her point. thats also passive aggressive violence too. That equally does hurt the family dynamics if left unsolved. its normal to have conflicts but if its neccessary but its not a excuse to abuse each other. 👍 there is no need to paint a perfect picture of harmony when itself is laced with toxicity, be it intentionally or not. I had problems saying no to my parents last time. We had a bad fight when i was older. but that got my thoughts and feelings understood. That did not break my family's dynamics and yet they respected me more and we got slightly closer too!
I guess I get both Sherm and Dan's. pov, thought it is not the best course of action or best mindset, but some of us do think that way. We just afraid of upsetting other people, and messing up the peace, even at the cost at our own sanity. Im the youngest child and always play as the mediator in the family. My family member will have their sudden burst of emotions at time, be it anger, pouting, argument, crying or what not. We just never talk about our actual problem unless it's the last last stage. Now that I grow older, I realise all these mindsets comes from my conflict avoidance, I have 0 skill of confrontation as I have always be a people pleaser. Want to get my parents' validation, acquaintances' compliments, etc. If you are like me, lmao the moment I start to put myself first before the rest of your family or anybody else is such a motivating and life changing moment for me. It might be selfish, but lol I need to be selfish this one time because I have never been doing so. LOL the amount of time I need to psycho myself that my needs matters too, and people shouldn't cross this line. Sherm's counsellor is not that bad lol, it's just the words that she need to hear to overcome that very thing she is afraid of. I hope there is someone say that to me back then XD
I think Dan’s view about Gen Z’s being entitled, and parents telling them they’re special or important is coming off a little too biased. It could be due to some bad interactions with Gen Z’s, but I don’t think it’s as general a case for him to speak unto it like that.
This feels like the first time i disagree with Dan's opinion: 17:30 Feels like a mash of victim-blaming and enabling the negative behavior of the mother.
Issues at home like the one sherms was sharing never have a simple solution.
Maybe Dan hasn’t been in anything remotely similar before so he thinks it’s selfish.
Obviously, it would be ideal to not trigger a negative reaction from your family member that may hurt someone in the family. But what if said family member is already hurting someone in the family aka you? Physical harm is not the only form of significant harm.
It seems sherms has selflessly tried her best sacrificing all her life to protect the family, and for once did something for herself and was proud of it (I’m really proud of you too sherms). Sucks to hear someone think of it as selfish.
I wanna add that my relationship with my mom is better now! I didn’t know how to protect my peace but now that I’ve put my foot down (it was a really tough process), my relationship with me mom has been healthier ❤
love u girlie
Dan's view in describing it as 'selfish' if a child knows their confrontation will result in the parents' physical outburst, with all do respect, is quite a bad take tbh. This 'logic' only incentivises bad parenting styles as the parent learns to exert control over a child by throwing objects or breaking glass to achieve short-term compliance. Parents, of all demographic, are adults and should know not to act in this manner especially when you're the primary caregiver.
Maintaining harmony in the household is important, but if your children has to tiptoe around your outburst to achieve harmony, its certain they'll feel emotionally unsafe at home and develop avoidant attachments styles to their parents.
As a social worker, the effects are real. I've encountered numerous young adults who've broken contact with their parents once achieving financial independence because having carried negative parent-child attachment styles due to guilt-related parenting strategies - as they feel the best way to achieve their personal security is to distance themselves from insecure attachments.
2:05 Honestly? At first, it's *nothing.* But as I thought about it... *1 - do not make your ego become your demons in life. And 2 - When you are at your lowest point, do not give up. There will be forces above you that will guide/help you to change for the better.*
As I am approaching my 30s ('97 boy here), all the mistakes I made *actually happened in my teens (Primary 5/6 and all of secondary school).* I was shy in my teens, and thus I made a false perception of the adult life I wanted to have during my teens, which caused my shy, overconfident, egotistical (mostly through lies) and depressionist attitude to hurt any chances of making good relationships with the people around me (especially the time I *squandered (i.e. missed out) an opportunity* to have a good conversation *with a crush I had* in secondary school).
And because of my attitude in my teens, I was literally a *wreck* coming into my 20s (Entering NS, Poly, entering the workforce). Whilst my schoolmates (from Secondary 4/5 and ITE) are working hard to fulfil their dreams and aspirations *(be it entering a prestigious university, good academics on their dream courses, good paying job, enter command school, etc.),* *I was left behind, at my lowest point of my life, and OH BOY it's about to get worse from here.* I was spending way too much of my energy in my early 20s *fixing the mistakes I made in my teens* (be it missing out on crypto, not apologising for being a bully/creepy stalker, etc.), that at one point, I completely *gave up* and contemplated *to commit suicide* [which thankfully I didn't].
Therefore, as I prepare to enter my 30s in a few years, these are the things I would say to my teens and 20s.
(Sidenote: Every day when I wake up, for the first few minutes, I put both my hands together and pray, to thank God [or whatever religion you follow] for allowing me to live and to repent and forgive my mistakes.)
Quotes that I lived by:
- "You are not born to be lucky, *you are just lucky to be born here."* - Unknown. (Sometimes *luck plays a role* in helping you in what you want in life, but the people in the top 5-10% in our lives know that it's all about *putting in the effort* if you want to achieve your dreams.)
- "First impressions *last.* if you start behind the 8 ball, *you will never get in front."* - Harvey Specter, from the TV show Suits. [Should have listened to that.]
- “The best time to plant a tree was *20 years ago.* The second best time is: *right now.”* - Chinese Proverb.
Great podcast to wind down after a long day. DKP, fighting!
to maintain peace at home at the sake of one's wellbeing is called sacrifice, and unwilling sacrifice is suffering. so how long should/could Sherms suffer for the sake of the family's peace? That's how victims usually suffer in silence because they don't wanna be the "disruptive" one.
May I play a devil's advocate here. Maybe Dan feels like it's bad to start a conflict at that moment to protect your personal space. Creating a "negative" atmosphere in the family. but sometimes its also important for some families to break out of this vicious cycle to improve their rs. sadly, parents or someone with seniority will always dismiss you off no matter how you explain. that's Sherms in this case to stand up for herself to protect her mental space. I do agree that if there is conflict, there should also be de-escalation after everything has been aired out and cool down. of cos these conflicts shouldn't escalate physical altercation. In sherms case, i feel the mum shouldnt slam doors or use any of gaslighting ways to prove her point. thats also passive aggressive violence too. That equally does hurt the family dynamics if left unsolved. its normal to have conflicts but if its neccessary but its not a excuse to abuse each other. 👍 there is no need to paint a perfect picture of harmony when itself is laced with toxicity, be it intentionally or not.
I had problems saying no to my parents last time. We had a bad fight when i was older. but that got my thoughts and feelings understood. That did not break my family's dynamics and yet they respected me more and we got slightly closer too!
I guess I get both Sherm and Dan's. pov, thought it is not the best course of action or best mindset, but some of us do think that way. We just afraid of upsetting other people, and messing up the peace, even at the cost at our own sanity.
Im the youngest child and always play as the mediator in the family. My family member will have their sudden burst of emotions at time, be it anger, pouting, argument, crying or what not. We just never talk about our actual problem unless it's the last last stage.
Now that I grow older, I realise all these mindsets comes from my conflict avoidance, I have 0 skill of confrontation as I have always be a people pleaser. Want to get my parents' validation, acquaintances' compliments, etc. If you are like me, lmao the moment I start to put myself first before the rest of your family or anybody else is such a motivating and life changing moment for me.
It might be selfish, but lol I need to be selfish this one time because I have never been doing so. LOL the amount of time I need to psycho myself that my needs matters too, and people shouldn't cross this line.
Sherm's counsellor is not that bad lol, it's just the words that she need to hear to overcome that very thing she is afraid of. I hope there is someone say that to me back then XD
1:13 omg that self high five. I felt it 😢😂
I want to hear the disagreement side why they cut Alison off
I swear that ad damn irritating but i watch all the way,well done lol
30:51 Dan trying not to laugh and judge hahahahaha😂😂😂😂
Alison's trick to continuously order green tea after the first drink-
Boss looking at the bill 'green tea qty x 15' HUH????
Like Chris Rock told his daughter Lola, "nobody outside this door cares about you".
Madddd how do they get so good at doing ads
Wahhhhhhhh super Ad delivery......
I heard that John Paul injured his right thumb trying to off his phone alarm in the morning, how is the thumb currently.
can yall do a epidsode talking abt mbti
Mr "Counsellor" Dan ~ lol
I think Dan’s view about Gen Z’s being entitled, and parents telling them they’re special or important is coming off a little too biased.
It could be due to some bad interactions with Gen Z’s, but I don’t think it’s as general a case for him to speak unto it like that.
Im a GenZ (2003) raised by a late boomer and an early GenX, and I feel like a Millenial :0
nice episode!
Hello I'm gen z 😂 can u guys talk about relationships since you all married right give us tips 😂 I think jp should be the main guy to give the tips
Why win at life when you can quit
Sounds like an advice
Hi from tele
Who is Limbo Singh? 👳🏿♀️
talk about horoscopes!
try learning genz slangs!! skibidi rizz
gen alpha or gen z lmao
Algoooooooooooooooo
first
the curel ad tho....
This feels like the first time i disagree with Dan's opinion:
17:30 Feels like a mash of victim-blaming and enabling the negative behavior of the mother.