It's hard to forgive when you feel betrayed by someone who you though cared about you because it also involves re-structuring how you see them. It's really tough.
OMG .. yuuup... But to the other reply to this comment... I was betrayed by sister brother cousin and mother... I don't want to forget them all together. .. I am hurt but I unconditionally love ..
thank you. Ive been struggling for years, always dwelling on the past, and have needed to hear these things, you are totally on point. My plan is to make a habit of listening to this frequently until it sinks in 100%
I don’t think forgiving means forgetting. It means coming to peace with what was and moving on. You’ll remember it and that’s okay, but the memory will no longer be able to hurt you. Think of the memory as soil. Now, you’ve planted your seed. You can move on.
Unforgiveness is like ones own personal Hell. Its like a cancer that we ourselves hold the cure to. We owe it to ourselves to forgive. By doing so we set ourselves FREE! :-)
Actualized.org That's a little sad to read,,,I thought it was part of your higher cause too. This art of self-help /motivation is all about helping others, wanting solutions and ways to self empower. But, I guess it doesn't matter the why....it's still great stuff, delivered in a very direct and helpful way.
Butterfly Productions It's about the beauty of understanding. Whether that understanding helps someone isn't important. Some understandings are beautiful even though they are useless.
I struggle so much..I try to forgive my parents and I’m aware of the roots of their abuse towards me. I am tired of being angry and resentful. But just talking to them triggers the anger in me again.
thanks for all the life-altering videos. really appreciate your work. sometimes, forgiving is about learning how to forgive yourself. my ex used my computer to look for other people, physically assaulted me twice, withheld the fact that he was hiv positive and cheated on me countless times. every time these things happened, i was stupid and inexperienced enough to just go back to him. he apologized for some of the things done, but not for everything. now i have to learn to forgive myself.
I stopped drinking three weeks ago and now twenty years of hurt and bitter resentment is boiling up that I had "forgotten"... I have soooo much forgiving to do
You can have goals, dreams and ambitions and still get madly hurt in a relationship. In fact, that is the reason why, it's because the person you are dating is close to you and has access to your deepest emotions. Being wronged by a stranger would be completely different and not have as much or any impact.
This video was great in trying to figure out how to forgive. Great this he breaks down 1/2 hearted and full forgiveness. The concepts are simple, but executing them is not as simple. I love the thought of needing forward momentum in your life in order to get over the petty stuff quickly!!
When a person does the same thing over and over. And you forgive them over and over. And they keep doing this same thing over and over. It's time to move on. You have to realize that things will never change and they will never change. You can love them and you can leave them. And if you want you can forgive them. But you certainly have to leave them. Because they will destroy you.😪
Thank you so much for all your videoes. It illuminates my heart and enlightens my mind. Baby steps, that's what I'm learning everyday. Best wishes to you. Love from Hong Kong.
The question was: how to forgive? Your answers were: A. Forget. Ok but how to forget? B. Make a decision to forgive. I know i have no point in hating but i still remember and hate. Thanks for this 16 mins.
forgiving doesn't mean you have to build some sort of relationship with that person. i believe you can forgive and let myself go away from that hurt and the person.
I think the reason some relationships must be severed is for the sake of forgiveness. Logically, it's healthy to be mindful of not being hurt again by others and that can mean finding the strength of remembering certain horrors without an emotional charge. It's not easy... but the main reason for severing certain relationships is for the very reason that people don't change the behavior all too often. If they never change the behavior, you'll be stuck in a merrygoround of "forgiveness" but it's not forgiveness anymore. It's enabling. You're going to have to forgive to be able to function. Therefore, removing the culprit out of sight, is the only way if they are not going to change.
Hi Mark what you wrote makes sense. I'm in a relationship where we dated long time ago and reveleaved to be back and with emotions around 3 years ago. But we know ourselves and been quite close for 1 years now too. Being a person that was so much hurt in the past and afraid of this person for so long, words never came easy in the moments of distrust and soon discussions were the daily routine rather than flow of life. Eventually we both have mutual feelings but are eager to explore other areas to succeed in life and even be happy. It is not the easiest way to do the forgiveness of my self or his but as you mentioned is now a way to enable me to be a better person first and then go to the next step if we are indeed to stay together and be each others companion's no matter what we sign up to. Your words along with the video above made me sit down and cry with me and talk to me. Thank you.
+Mark Trujillo Hi Mark, You make a lot ofsense, it's been 16 months and still seeing my ex wife kills me, flares anxiety and ruins any progress i make. I've watched several of this guys videos and he seems to be completely devoid of emotion. How can you forgive and forget when the person is around and feels nothing for the pain they cause? Just saying sorry doesn't cut it. Anyway, I just thought it was cool to read something i agree with. Take it easy dude
I really thought I had forgiven my partner but I realize I became fearful and empty inside. Your video has really touched me... I hope I can have the strength and courage to follow your advice.
Imho the missing ingredients in this presentation are the real meaning and practical steps of letting go. Firstly you have to allow yourself to process the hurt inside of yourself/your body and let it move through you. Then you become able to re-frame the situation and develop an understanding of the other and their weakness. In that way you stop projecting the wrong onto the other and dissolve the issue between you. Secondly: Unless you are WILLING to consider that whatever was 'done to you' might have been part of your curriculum and thereby done for (!) you / your growth. You need a soul perspective to do this and some real humility. If you continue to insist that you are right about what happened all your decision making is mental and doesn't deal with the energies you keep trapped in your cellular memory. I recommend researching Radical Forgiveness (C) Namaste
Forgiveness, reconciliation and trust are three separate issues. Forgiveness relates to the past, reconciliation relates to the present, and trust relates to the future.
Something you avoided to say about forgiveness (not really sure why you did it) It's a good thing to forgive EVERYBODY. Why? Two reasons. The first one would be that if you forgive somebody you start moving the wrong from them to yourself. I'm not saying herevyou should blame yourself and that's it, but i'm daying you should take responsibility and reflect on yourself. Think about what you did that might have made that person cause harm to you. That causes growth. The second argument is that you don't actually forgive others to do them a good. You don't hurt them by staying mad at them in the first place. You forgive others because you want to give yourself peace of mind. THAT right there is of utmost importance :)
In my honest oppinion forgiving others and yourself is the best thing to do to SKYROCKET your own development and that's the first thing i teach my students before they learn meditation and how they can do it. Also for the more health oriented individuals out there, maybe you have heard of psychoemotional diseases. Yep. Actually not forgiving someone slowly builds up a void in your heart, which will later in your life manifest as depression or more severe heart problems.
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” -Thomas S. Szasz quotes (Hungarian psychiatrist and Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus at State University of New York Health Science Center in Syracuse, b.1920)
Forgiveness is huge. I feel you can forgive but you can also still keep your boundary. Allow to send love and allow to be you. But let go of the hurt and forgive yourself and continue to keep your boundary.
Hell yeah. Especially when dealing with a narcissist. You let them know or show them you forgive them then they take a mile. They don't understand boundaries.
I do want to forgive. I need to forgive. I dont have any other option by now. But.... for me, forgiving seens like, or implies, letting go with with very basic values of mine. In my case the other side doesnt care and doesnt see what she did as wrong at all, which further complicates the healing process. And here I am, 56 YO 28 years suffocating with this pain about somthing I cant change. And worse, hurt people hurt people.
I don’t forgive people ever but my recent relationship I realised what love really is, because I was betrayed in the worse way ever, I could never say how I was betrayed to friends or family, for weeks leaving was never an option because of how I felt about them they were remorseful sorry was stated a thousand times, for me it wasn’t enough but I knew walking away was worse based on how I felt, day by day it getting easier i want to forgive and that’s my aim to do so but it gonna take time
I have some major questions: 1) what about reoccurring events that require forgiveness? This set of advice is made for 1 time actions I think 2) what about forgiving in a situation when my foundation has been damaged? Forgiving/forgetting would mean that I have to get rid of a piece of myself in order to proceed. That choice is a really tough one, and forgetting something which is a fundamental aspect of yourself is very tough. One could question if this is worth it at all.
That's pretty interesting. There are so many levels of forgiveness. And off course, forgiveness goes along with other qualities like wisdom, justice or happiness. Forgiveness is necessary, once we also need to be forgiven by others at some point. Most important. There is no limit. There is nothing that can't be forgiven. It's a spiritual quality. Some can do better than others, but surely, it's a desireble virtue.
What if the wrong they did caused damage and pain that is still ongoing. It's hard to forget where the current pain came from. Like if a loved one abused you and now you're blind in one eye. How can you forget that you are now blind in one eye and it's due to the deliberate actions of a person, not an accident, not born that way. They may feel bad for what has happened, but it doesn't change the reality of the consequences of their act against you.
Pledging to not think about something is fine..... however it’s much easier said then done. Even if you want to forgive someone once they have betrayed you it’s very difficult to not think about
You're confusing the concepts of forgiveness with reconciliation here. Forgiveness is simply wishing someone who harmed you well. It is overcoming a wrong, not forgetting it, and certainly not keeping the wrongdoer in your life. We should always try to forgive, but reconciliation (blank slate) may not be healthy if they are liable to harm you again or unable/unwilling to repair the damage done.
Great vid,I was in a relationship a while back that I thought was going really well, I felt really strongly about the guy, thought he felt the same, it was passionate etc. But he ended things quite abruptly and for a long while now I've has that 'revenge forgiveness' which I know is wrong. This has helped me realise a few things, thanks.
thank you for the insights and perspective shared. I find it very practical, logical and helpful. I was searching amongst your videos for thissparticular topic, as I have taken a decision to cut someone off from my life, because of the toxic behaviour they constantly display and I lost hope and strenght in their ability to repair that. anyhow, although im cutting them off, I feel the need to forgive the person, so I dont carry the pain and resentment around, although the person is gone. I think your advice is applicable in this situation as well, not only when u want to have a relationship sorted out. thank u again.
How do you forgive people for other than insults that you gave as examples ? For example, killing your son and not being forgiving about it? Committing fraud or slander that causes you to lose your job and become homeless ? etc, etc, etc. Should you just forgive like nothing has happened and have thanksgiving dinner with such a person ?
something missing you know, when said that we can have limit for forgiveness. i kinda find that hurting me more. so i choose to take no limit in forgivenes
Hi, i saw one of your videos about neurosis and i ve been taking psycholigical attention for threat my neurosis, but because of my neurosis, the last months living whit my ex girlfriend i became so stressed, frustrated and angry, honestly i was completely out of control whit my emotions and i started to be really bad whit her, to the point where i became verbally abusive whit her all time fighting, she decide to leave and go back to her country, now she is in new jersey im from mexico city, when she left we realize we still loving each other so much, we both cried for ruin our relationship, we both promise each other be better persons for be together in a future. i tried to keep a long distance relationship but the things became really complicated, i was completely defeated for be abandoned and one day just my emotions took control of my self and i sent some messages insulting her. She blocked contact whit me, i didnt call or message her in a month and just somedays ago i sent a message explaining about my recent discovered neurosis and trauma, and how much i love her and how im so sorry but honestly i dont know if she can forgive me. I really believe that people deserve second chances, no body is perfect, but for sure people can change and the only reason im working in my self its for the love i have whit my exgirlfriend. Im really defeated, just last night i was walking home a little bit drunk and i was not able to stop crying, and this last week ive benn crying a lot, is so painful feel this.
I see that various comments are asking how you forgive someone you don't want to a relationship with. One option is to use Tough Forgiveness ( ua-cam.com/video/THYuQu3TLlQ/v-deo.html ) which is where we negotiate the terms around any possible reconciliation. Also, the method The Four Steps to Forgiveness ( ua-cam.com/video/IEWNkJnKD6o/v-deo.html ) assumes the we can forgive and not have to reconcile (What is Forgiveness? ua-cam.com/video/SWhCUMnVHGg/v-deo.html )
Realize that you are not a victim, and forgiveness already lies inside you. You forgave before and will forgive after, so keep that in mind. Focus on things that are good, like school, or something that you like to do and keep your heart rested on that. X
I understood the comments and understand the importance of forgiving forgetting I think is the hardest issue. I feel comming to terms with it and being able to think about it without malace is more important than forgetting and depends on the problem. forgetting some things can let you not identify the signs that predicted the poor behaviour or situation which could lead to repeat episodes. forgetting may be important to main a relationship but if the trust has gone should you?
Girl I knew since 6th grade.. she just got out of a 20yr. marriage & we started dating for a few weeks... then one night she went back to have sex with her ex-husband while I was at home cooking dinner for her. This blew my mind for awhile.. but she says she is sorry. I thought I have forgiven her until now; thanks to this video I can give her "true" forgiveness. :)
I forgave my daughter for a major transgression, then she repeated the hurt over and over again. She has no acknowledgement or remorse of the pain she causes me and justifies her actions.
What you people are talking about is actually FORGETTING not FORGIVING. Letting Go and forgetting? You can never forget what someone did to you. People will always hurt each other and argue because they are DIFFERENT. It's not only what I said or did, but how the other person understands it too. Everyone has their own opinion and their own thinking, so no matter how much time I spend thinking will it hurt someone, It still can, because it's not just how I do it, but it's how you understand it. For me something can be a joke, but for you it may be an insult right? So everyone is different and people don't understand each other and that's why they will always argue and hurt each other.Even I argue sometimes with my own family members. We all argue like i said. But we forgive family members, why? Think about it... Because LOVE wins, not PRIDE. The problem is that people don't forgive because of their PRIDE. Everyone wants to be happy, not sad. And people don't want to be wrong so they won't be sad. They start lying to themselves. They only look at THEIR side of the argument. For example: you tell your secrets to someone, he tells them to someone else. It's his fault right? He doesn't know how to keep secrets and told them to other people. But it's also YOUR fault, because you told him your secrets. But pride will say to you that you were right and he is wrong. People don't want to be wrong so they start lying to themselves blaming others. Nobody is wrong and nobody is right. PRIDE doesn't let you put yourself in the other person's shoes. To be able to really forgive someone, you have to understand them. Everyone has their right to do what they did, to be the way they are. But Pride doesn't let you put yourself in their place. PRIDE is the ENEMY. Pride makes you think that you were right and they were wrong. Pride says: Don't forgive him! He's wrong, you were right! And the other person's pride does the same. So THAT is why people don't forgive each other and stop being together. Not only will you start forgiving people when you let go of that pride, but you will start learning new things too. Because nobody is right and nobody is wrong. And when you Let go of that Pride you can put yourself in their place , and understand people , why they did what they did. And after that when you learn how to let go of pride, and understand them, people will no longer be ABLE TO HURT you.
This was exactly whats happening to me, sinking and being still because I am stuck in the past and not able to forget the wrong. I was amazed by the video and wondered how you know this so well. I didnt get the trick though, is it just to move one and have a purpose ?
Konika Chawla Hi Konika, you might want to read my post of today….as it addresses what you are saying. Compassion and forgiveness are necessary for our own healing and ability to meet each day to live fully in the moment with joy and without fear. It doesn't mean we forget, but most people had damaged childhoods and Love can go a long way. Also, unforgiveness can make us ill, as any negativity held on to can become toxic in our body. Seek to understand! Love and healing to your situation!
Me and my wife has had quite a few issues in the past. The 1st time any of this happened I forgave her. And we moved on. The 2nd time I tried to forgive her and I did to an extent. At this point I didn't truly trust her anymore. But it went on to happen a 3rd and a 4th and a 5th time. And how can you truly forgive someone when they keep doing the same thing over and over and over. How do you repair what once was.
Okay, but what if you decide to forgive someone, and decide to forget, but the other person occasionally seems to bring the subject up, even if it makes you uncomfortable, and suddendly does not seem truly sorry for what happened?
Which means, all of a sudden, I am still confronted with the memories of those events, and its not the memories so much that hurt. But the way the person speaks about it or doesnt seem to understand my discomfort. Or not understanding why I felt this way in the first place. Even though they said sorry about it.
@@PedroDias-hj2jy If they don't seem to understand then it might be the case that they said sorry because they were sorry they upset you, or because they did what they thought you wanted them to do, not because they comprehended what the issue was. Maybe communicate with them as much as you can? Make it clear that you don't feel understood, then see how it goes from there, if it's healthy to keep in contact or not, etc?
@@dightxiii8578 Thank you! To me its clearly the first, its a bit of a awkward situation and I'm quite over it, tried communicating, no changes. She ended the relationship and I respected the decision and moved on haha
@@dightxiii8578 imagine a girl is with you. Leaves you without explanation, goes to your friend, without telling him I was with her. Then it is over with him and she goes back to you, and only then, when HE tells you what happened, without any previous knowledge of you being with her, you both find out you have/had feelings and got involved with the same person. Its a bit of fucking around no lol. But i decided to forgive, but she kept talking about this dude, even after the relationship. His pain was valid but mine was not, somehow..
How do you forgive someone if what they are doing is happening day after day. I really do my best, but nothings changing. I really want everything to be fine. My dads pretty abusive towards my mom. He blames all his problems on her. He violent both verbally and physically toward her; she has no self esteem he has belittled her so much, she believes she worthless. She's told me that i'm her only friend. He has cheated on her. He tries to control her by telling her he is leaving and going to stay with the person he cheated with. I wish my mom would leave him maybe she could be happy. I just want all my anger i'm feeling to disappear; my anger is building up and won't stop. I've wished so many times god would kill him, or somehow he would leave and stop hurting my mom. He has heart failure now, so karma a bitch now for him. You might say i'm horrible for hoping my father would die. Living in my reality day by day its worse then anyone could imagine.
Bro what you did please tell me too man ...i am struggling alot to forgive someone fucking hell i hate her so much ...want to chop her into little pieces😥😥😥😥
The thing people don't seem to really grasp is, once you've actually forgiven something, when you remember the event you remember it from a lesson learned standpoint. The pain that was once involved in the memory is really gone. If you still feel the pain, you haven't truly forgiven and you need to work on that. And being able to remember the negative events in your life without the pain is truly a gift. Everyone needs to learn how to forgive for real, for everything. I'm learning everyday, and my life gets better.
@@brianhyde5900 I hurt my son verbally as he had hurt me over time plus someone else I care deeply about. because of my anger I now don't have him in my life.
arts, that's so sad. But you know, its never too late to work through your anger constructively and productively and resolve the causal issues. That's a vital first step, for only then will you be able to face the people that provoked you to anger without responding predictively in exactly the same way you did before. Only then will you be able to ask for forgiveness and be seen by the other, as genuinely driven to do so. You can do it. :)
If you liked this video, I highly recommend you watch these videos too: 1) Letting Go Of The Past - How To Get Over The Past In Minutes 2) What Should I Do With My Life - How To Find Your Passion For Life 3) Self Control - How To Develop Self-Control To Create An Amazing Life 4) Positive Thinking - The Key To Thinking Positive
Forgiving someone feels great, it feels like you're physically removing bad energy from your body. Forgiveness is my worst trait, I hang on to things for years and years. It feels dreadful to hang on to so much baggage and finally letting it go feels as if you can fly.
@@NEbluefire I was looking and hoping that I'd see a comment like yours. It honestly makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone. Some people hurt me in the past and still don't care. Not everyone deserves to be forgiven, especially if they enjoyed hurting you
You can breakup AND forgive someone while moving forward without them. You kinda said it like you can't do both. I can forgive my ex, we can even still be cool, but we will never be together again.
But you can let someone go (a friendship or a relationship, etc) and still forgive them for the wrong they did to you on their part. You shouldn't let them go but still hold on to what they did to you. Forgiveness is for yourself and to end your suffering.
You can forgive without forgetting. You cannot deny what happened. You can try and understand why the person did what they did but you should not forget. Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. Inevitably the relationship will change
It's hard to forgive when you feel betrayed by someone who you though cared about you because it also involves re-structuring how you see them. It's really tough.
true, then the answer would be to not fully forgive. If it's not reparable let things go. Forget the person altogether, if possible.
OMG .. yuuup... But to the other reply to this comment... I was betrayed by sister brother cousin and mother... I don't want to forget them all together. .. I am hurt but I unconditionally love ..
How do you truly forget when that special person knows he or she did wrong yet think you did wrong "projecting " the behavior 🤔
Same here. Forgave a cheater 25yrs ago and come to find out that he was still cheating 32yrd later. Is hard.
@@torri4777 I’m there too lol I guess we can’t fully forgive
thank you.
Ive been struggling for years, always dwelling on the past, and have needed to hear these things, you are totally on point.
My plan is to make a habit of listening to this frequently until it sinks in 100%
I don’t think forgiving means forgetting. It means coming to peace with what was and moving on. You’ll remember it and that’s okay, but the memory will no longer be able to hurt you. Think of the memory as soil. Now, you’ve planted your seed. You can move on.
😢
Asking myself am I in that space right now to move on?
"Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed all the time. It's just not worth it."
-American History X
Unforgiveness is like ones own personal Hell. Its like a cancer that we ourselves hold the cure to. We owe it to ourselves to forgive. By doing so we set ourselves FREE! :-)
It took so long for me and I'm so late with this video lol....BUT it is so true!
I HAVE TO LEARN THAT HATING SOMEONE SOULD NEVER BE AN OPTION AND THE FORGIVENESS IS ABOUT LETTING GO AND TAKING THINGS NON PERSONABLE.
It is very compassionate that you made these videos for those of us in pain.
Not really. I'm just enjoying my art. My motivations have little to do with helping the needy.
Actualized.org That's a little sad to read,,,I thought it was part of your higher cause too.
This art of self-help /motivation is all about helping others, wanting solutions and ways to self empower.
But, I guess it doesn't matter the why....it's still great stuff, delivered in a very direct and helpful way.
Butterfly Productions It's about the beauty of understanding. Whether that understanding helps someone isn't important. Some understandings are beautiful even though they are useless.
I struggle so much..I try to forgive my parents and I’m aware of the roots of their abuse towards me. I am tired of being angry and resentful. But just talking to them triggers the anger in me again.
I can relate to you totally!
Still working on it myself...
thanks for all the life-altering videos. really appreciate your work. sometimes, forgiving is about learning how to forgive yourself. my ex used my computer to look for other people, physically assaulted me twice, withheld the fact that he was hiv positive and cheated on me countless times. every time these things happened, i was stupid and inexperienced enough to just go back to him. he apologized for some of the things done, but not for everything. now i have to learn to forgive myself.
Yes, self-forgiveness can be important. Sounds like he's a real scum-bag. Never go back to him.
I stopped drinking three weeks ago and now twenty years of hurt and bitter resentment is boiling up that I had "forgotten"... I have soooo much forgiving to do
You can have goals, dreams and ambitions and still get madly hurt in a relationship. In fact, that is the reason why, it's because the person you are dating is close to you and has access to your deepest emotions. Being wronged by a stranger would be completely different and not have as much or any impact.
This video was great in trying to figure out how to forgive. Great this he breaks down 1/2 hearted and full forgiveness. The concepts are simple, but executing them is not as simple. I love the thought of needing forward momentum in your life in order to get over the petty stuff quickly!!
When a person does the same thing over and over. And you forgive them over and over. And they keep doing this same thing over and over. It's time to move on. You have to realize that things will never change and they will never change. You can love them and you can leave them. And if you want you can forgive them. But you certainly have to leave them. Because they will destroy you.😪
Thank you so much for all your videoes. It illuminates my heart and enlightens my mind. Baby steps, that's what I'm learning everyday. Best wishes to you. Love from Hong Kong.
Thank you so much Leo. I've come back to this video many times and it's just helps me so much in my life.
The question was: how to forgive?
Your answers were:
A. Forget.
Ok but how to forget?
B. Make a decision to forgive.
I know i have no point in hating but i still remember and hate.
Thanks for this 16 mins.
forgiving doesn't mean you have to build some sort of relationship with that person. i believe you can forgive and let myself go away from that hurt and the person.
I think the reason some relationships must be severed is for the sake of forgiveness. Logically, it's healthy to be mindful of not being hurt again by others and that can mean finding the strength of remembering certain horrors without an emotional charge. It's not easy... but the main reason for severing certain relationships is for the very reason that people don't change the behavior all too often. If they never change the behavior, you'll be stuck in a merrygoround of "forgiveness" but it's not forgiveness anymore. It's enabling. You're going to have to forgive to be able to function. Therefore, removing the culprit out of sight, is the only way if they are not going to change.
Hi Mark what you wrote makes sense. I'm in a relationship where we dated long time ago and reveleaved to be back and with emotions around 3 years ago. But we know ourselves and been quite close for 1 years now too. Being a person that was so much hurt in the past and afraid of this person for so long, words never came easy in the moments of distrust and soon discussions were the daily routine rather than flow of life. Eventually we both have mutual feelings but are eager to explore other areas to succeed in life and even be happy. It is not the easiest way to do the forgiveness of my self or his but as you mentioned is now a way to enable me to be a better person first and then go to the next step if we are indeed to stay together and be each others companion's no matter what we sign up to. Your words along with the video above made me sit down and cry with me and talk to me. Thank you.
RivaJazz that meant a lot to me. I needed that. Thank you
+Mark Trujillo Hi Mark, You make a lot ofsense, it's been 16 months and still seeing my ex wife kills me, flares
anxiety and ruins any progress i make. I've watched several of this guys videos
and he seems to be completely devoid of emotion. How can you forgive and forget
when the person is around and feels nothing for the pain they cause? Just
saying sorry doesn't cut it. Anyway, I just thought it was cool to read
something i agree with. Take it easy dude
Mark Trujillo ...and you realize the merry go round was the problem, so you get off and get on the Galaxy Twister!
I really thought I had forgiven my partner but I realize I became fearful and empty inside. Your video has really touched me... I hope I can have the strength and courage to follow your advice.
I understand all of this and I'll get there one day.
I was jus looking for a tennis song but I'll take this
Imho the missing ingredients in this presentation are the real meaning and practical steps of letting go. Firstly you have to allow yourself to process the hurt inside of yourself/your body and let it move through you. Then you become able to re-frame the situation and develop an understanding of the other and their weakness. In that way you stop projecting the wrong onto the other and dissolve the issue between you. Secondly: Unless you are WILLING to consider that whatever was 'done to you' might have been part of your curriculum and thereby done for (!) you / your growth. You need a soul perspective to do this and some real humility. If you continue to insist that you are right about what happened all your decision making is mental and doesn't deal with the energies you keep trapped in your cellular memory.
I recommend researching Radical Forgiveness (C)
Namaste
DRISHANA1 looks like you're following Leo for a while!
lora linky: No, I came across this youtube quite accidentally via keyword. I work with Radical Forgiveness though.
I must say, I really do appreciate the video content you’re putting out, thank you, it helps a lot.
Forgiveness, reconciliation and trust are three separate issues. Forgiveness relates to the past, reconciliation relates to the present, and trust relates to the future.
Something you avoided to say about forgiveness (not really sure why you did it) It's a good thing to forgive EVERYBODY. Why? Two reasons. The first one would be that if you forgive somebody you start moving the wrong from them to yourself. I'm not saying herevyou should blame yourself and that's it, but i'm daying you should take responsibility and reflect on yourself. Think about what you did that might have made that person cause harm to you. That causes growth. The second argument is that you don't actually forgive others to do them a good. You don't hurt them by staying mad at them in the first place. You forgive others because you want to give yourself peace of mind. THAT right there is of utmost importance :)
In my honest oppinion forgiving others and yourself is the best thing to do to SKYROCKET your own development and that's the first thing i teach my students before they learn meditation and how they can do it. Also for the more health oriented individuals out there, maybe you have heard of psychoemotional diseases. Yep. Actually not forgiving someone slowly builds up a void in your heart, which will later in your life manifest as depression or more severe heart problems.
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” -Thomas S. Szasz quotes (Hungarian psychiatrist and Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus at State University of New York Health Science Center in Syracuse, b.1920)
"A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire ;)
Actualized.org I think your answer is kind of self-defeating :P .... no offence ;)
Aloy Cipto We'll forgive Szasz for that,
They crossed boundaries that make my stomach turn
Forgiveness is huge. I feel you can forgive but you can also still keep your boundary. Allow to send love and allow to be you. But let go of the hurt and forgive yourself and continue to keep your boundary.
Hell yeah. Especially when dealing with a narcissist. You let them know or show them you forgive them then they take a mile. They don't understand boundaries.
i forgive someone who betrayed me within a month and it felt great, no heavy weight dragging me.
I do want to forgive. I need to forgive. I dont have any other option by now. But.... for me, forgiving seens like, or implies, letting go with with very basic values of mine.
In my case the other side doesnt care and doesnt see what she did as wrong at all, which further complicates the healing process. And here I am, 56 YO 28 years suffocating with this pain about somthing I cant change. And worse, hurt people hurt people.
12:00 key point! I honestly feel this way as well. I see this with people everyday at work.
I don’t forgive people ever but my recent relationship I realised what love really is, because I was betrayed in the worse way ever, I could never say how I was betrayed to friends or family, for weeks leaving was never an option because of how I felt about them they were remorseful sorry was stated a thousand times, for me it wasn’t enough but I knew walking away was worse based on how I felt, day by day it getting easier i want to forgive and that’s my aim to do so but it gonna take time
I have some major questions:
1) what about reoccurring events that require forgiveness? This set of advice is made for 1 time actions I think
2) what about forgiving in a situation when my foundation has been damaged? Forgiving/forgetting would mean that I have to get rid of a piece of myself in order to proceed. That choice is a really tough one, and forgetting something which is a fundamental aspect of yourself is very tough. One could question if this is worth it at all.
That's pretty interesting. There are so many levels of forgiveness. And off course, forgiveness goes along with other qualities like wisdom, justice or happiness. Forgiveness is necessary, once we also need to be forgiven by others at some point. Most important. There is no limit. There is nothing that can't be forgiven. It's a spiritual quality. Some can do better than others, but surely, it's a desireble virtue.
What if the wrong they did caused damage and pain that is still ongoing. It's hard to forget where the current pain came from. Like if a loved one abused you and now you're blind in one eye. How can you forget that you are now blind in one eye and it's due to the deliberate actions of a person, not an accident, not born that way. They may feel bad for what has happened, but it doesn't change the reality of the consequences of their act against you.
Pledging to not think about something is fine..... however it’s much easier said then done. Even if you want to forgive someone once they have betrayed you it’s very difficult to not think about
Thank you for all of these videos...
This video brought me so much peace ☮️
You're confusing the concepts of forgiveness with reconciliation here. Forgiveness is simply wishing someone who harmed you well. It is overcoming a wrong, not forgetting it, and certainly not keeping the wrongdoer in your life. We should always try to forgive, but reconciliation (blank slate) may not be healthy if they are liable to harm you again or unable/unwilling to repair the damage done.
Omg this video changed the game. Thank you so much
Great vid,I was in a relationship a while back that I thought was going really well, I felt really strongly about the guy, thought he felt the same, it was passionate etc. But he ended things quite abruptly and for a long while now I've has that 'revenge forgiveness' which I know is wrong. This has helped me realise a few things, thanks.
thank you for the insights and perspective shared. I find it very practical, logical and helpful. I was searching amongst your videos for thissparticular topic, as I have taken a decision to cut someone off from my life, because of the toxic behaviour they constantly display and I lost hope and strenght in their ability to repair that. anyhow, although im cutting them off, I feel the need to forgive the person, so I dont carry the pain and resentment around, although the person is gone. I think your advice is applicable in this situation as well, not only when u want to have a relationship sorted out. thank u again.
How do you forgive people for other than insults that you gave as examples ? For example, killing your son and not being forgiving about it? Committing fraud or slander that causes you to lose your job and become homeless ? etc, etc, etc. Should you just forgive like nothing has happened and have thanksgiving dinner with such a person ?
If you forget what happened, giving your abuser a "clean slate", then you didn't learn anything.
Wow. This helped me ALOT. Ty
If you do not eat very well and do not exercise,meditation too, it will be very difficult to forget, you need your energy up.
something missing you know, when said that we can have limit for forgiveness. i kinda find that hurting me more. so i choose to take no limit in forgivenes
Dammit!! You’re right! Thank you!!!
Forgiving the unforgivable is so hard
Saved my life.
Hi, i saw one of your videos about neurosis and i ve been taking psycholigical attention for threat my neurosis, but because of my neurosis, the last months living whit my ex girlfriend i became so stressed, frustrated and angry, honestly i was completely out of control whit my emotions and i started to be really bad whit her, to the point where i became verbally abusive whit her all time fighting, she decide to leave and go back to her country, now she is in new jersey im from mexico city, when she left we realize we still loving each other so much, we both cried for ruin our relationship, we both promise each other be better persons for be together in a future. i tried to keep a long distance relationship but the things became really complicated, i was completely defeated for be abandoned and one day just my emotions took control of my self and i sent some messages insulting her. She blocked contact whit me, i didnt call or message her in a month and just somedays ago i sent a message explaining about my recent discovered neurosis and trauma, and how much i love her and how im so sorry but honestly i dont know if she can forgive me. I really believe that people deserve second chances, no body is perfect, but for sure people can change and the only reason im working in my self its for the love i have whit my exgirlfriend. Im really defeated, just last night i was walking home a little bit drunk and i was not able to stop crying, and this last week ive benn crying a lot, is so painful feel this.
Forgiveness invites further wrongdoing.
This is brilliant. Thanku for everything ur saying. Much love to u ❤❤❤
Luv ya, Leo.
I see that various comments are asking how you forgive someone you don't want to a relationship with. One option is to use Tough Forgiveness ( ua-cam.com/video/THYuQu3TLlQ/v-deo.html ) which is where we negotiate the terms around any possible reconciliation. Also, the method The Four Steps to Forgiveness ( ua-cam.com/video/IEWNkJnKD6o/v-deo.html ) assumes the we can forgive and not have to reconcile (What is Forgiveness? ua-cam.com/video/SWhCUMnVHGg/v-deo.html )
But how can one move on from something that is subconsciously there ?
Thank YOU!
I would love to hear what you have to say about how to let go and get over a broken heart
Realize that you are not a victim, and forgiveness already lies inside you. You forgave before and will forgive after, so keep that in mind. Focus on things that are good, like school, or something that you like to do and keep your heart rested on that. X
Thank you for these wise words.
super cool idea, thank you Leo
I understood the comments and understand the importance of forgiving forgetting I think is the hardest issue. I feel comming to terms with it and being able to think about it without malace is more important than forgetting and depends on the problem. forgetting some things can let you not identify the signs that predicted the poor behaviour or situation which could lead to repeat episodes.
forgetting may be important to main a relationship but if the trust has gone should you?
Thank you very much for this video.
Girl I knew since 6th grade.. she just got out of a 20yr. marriage & we started dating for a few weeks... then one night she went back to have sex with her ex-husband while I was at home cooking dinner for her. This blew my mind for awhile.. but she says she is sorry. I thought I have forgiven her until now; thanks to this video I can give her "true" forgiveness. :)
I forgave my daughter for a major transgression, then she repeated the hurt over and over again. She has no acknowledgement or remorse of the pain she causes me and justifies her actions.
I loved it so much 💜 can't thank you enough
U are helping me so much Luke thank u so much xxxx
I forgave them but they didn't forgive me. It is sad..
Insightful video. I'll give it a try.
You're golden Leo !
Please leave me and I forgive You
Nice Vid I really needed to see this, thank you.
Thank you
If I take time to be angry, I won’t have time to work. --Jack Ma
your amazing ...its amazing how much trust i put in what you say lol i think id listen to any think you have to say your really good thank you
Don't trust me blindly. This isn't a religion. Go test everything you're told and verify for yourself.
One thing that I learned from this video is that Leo does not understand true forgiveness whatsoever.
What you people are talking about is actually FORGETTING not FORGIVING.
Letting Go and forgetting? You can never forget what someone did to you.
People will always hurt each other and argue because they are DIFFERENT.
It's not only what I said or did, but how the other person understands it too.
Everyone has their own opinion and their own thinking, so no matter how much time
I spend thinking will it hurt someone, It still can, because it's not just how I do it,
but it's how you understand it. For me something can be a joke, but for you it may be an insult right? So everyone is different and people don't understand each other
and that's why they will always argue and hurt each other.Even I argue sometimes with my own family members. We all argue like i said. But we forgive
family members, why? Think about it... Because LOVE wins, not PRIDE.
The problem is that people don't forgive because of their PRIDE.
Everyone wants to be happy, not sad. And people don't want to be wrong so they won't be sad. They start lying to themselves. They only look at THEIR side of the
argument. For example: you tell your secrets to someone, he tells them to someone else. It's his fault right? He doesn't know how to keep secrets and told them to other people. But it's also YOUR fault, because you told him your secrets.
But pride will say to you that you were right and he is wrong. People don't want to
be wrong so they start lying to themselves blaming others. Nobody is wrong and
nobody is right. PRIDE doesn't let you put yourself in the other person's shoes.
To be able to really forgive someone, you have to understand them. Everyone
has their right to do what they did, to be the way they are.
But Pride doesn't let you put yourself in their place. PRIDE is the ENEMY.
Pride makes you think that you were right and they were wrong.
Pride says: Don't forgive him! He's wrong, you were right!
And the other person's pride does the same. So THAT is why people don't forgive each other and stop being together.
Not only will you start forgiving people when you let go of that pride, but you
will start learning new things too. Because nobody is right and nobody is wrong.
And when you Let go of that Pride you can put yourself in their place , and understand people , why they did what they did. And after that when you learn how
to let go of pride, and understand them, people will no longer be ABLE TO HURT you.
Revenge is the best way to forgive.
This was exactly whats happening to me, sinking and being still because I am stuck in the past and not able to forget the wrong. I was amazed by the video and wondered how you know this so well. I didnt get the trick though, is it just to move one and have a purpose ?
Konika Chawla Hi Konika, you might want to read my post of today….as it addresses what you are saying. Compassion and forgiveness are necessary for our own healing and ability to meet each day to live fully in the moment with joy and without fear. It doesn't mean we forget, but most people had damaged childhoods and Love can go a long way. Also, unforgiveness can make us ill, as any negativity held on to can become toxic in our body. Seek to understand! Love and healing to your situation!
i must say you have mastered this buisness!
You are amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I dedicate much of my improvements to you and of course God, who brought you to me. 😍thank you 😀😀😀
This is so helpful! Thank you :-)
Any other advice to help with being r###ed and robbed all your savings that left me homeless 2 year's?
thank you so much
Forget the wrong.
Me and my wife has had quite a few issues in the past. The 1st time any of this happened I forgave her. And we moved on. The 2nd time I tried to forgive her and I did to an extent. At this point I didn't truly trust her anymore. But it went on to happen a 3rd and a 4th and a 5th time. And how can you truly forgive someone when they keep doing the same thing over and over and over. How do you repair what once was.
Okay, but what if you decide to forgive someone, and decide to forget, but the other person occasionally seems to bring the subject up, even if it makes you uncomfortable, and suddendly does not seem truly sorry for what happened?
Which means, all of a sudden, I am still confronted with the memories of those events, and its not the memories so much that hurt. But the way the person speaks about it or doesnt seem to understand my discomfort. Or not understanding why I felt this way in the first place. Even though they said sorry about it.
@@PedroDias-hj2jy If they don't seem to understand then it might be the case that they said sorry because they were sorry they upset you, or because they did what they thought you wanted them to do, not because they comprehended what the issue was.
Maybe communicate with them as much as you can? Make it clear that you don't feel understood, then see how it goes from there, if it's healthy to keep in contact or not, etc?
@@dightxiii8578 Thank you! To me its clearly the first, its a bit of a awkward situation and I'm quite over it, tried communicating, no changes. She ended the relationship and I respected the decision and moved on haha
@@dightxiii8578 imagine a girl is with you. Leaves you without explanation, goes to your friend, without telling him I was with her. Then it is over with him and she goes back to you, and only then, when HE tells you what happened, without any previous knowledge of you being with her, you both find out you have/had feelings and got involved with the same person. Its a bit of fucking around no lol. But i decided to forgive, but she kept talking about this dude, even after the relationship. His pain was valid but mine was not, somehow..
@@PedroDias-hj2jy Aw, I'd imagine that would feel really rough, glad to hear you've moved on from it. Wishing you all the best :)
I suppose if I beat the crap outta them wouldn't really be the right thing to do !!!???
This is all in the Bible. "forgive them because they really don't know what they are doing" Luke 24 34
How do you forgive someone if what they are doing is happening day after day. I really do my best, but nothings changing. I really want everything to be fine. My dads pretty abusive towards my mom. He blames all his problems on her. He violent both verbally and physically toward her; she has no self esteem he has belittled her so much, she believes she worthless. She's told me that i'm her only friend. He has cheated on her. He tries to control her by telling her he is leaving and going to stay with the person he cheated with. I wish my mom would leave him maybe she could be happy. I just want all my anger i'm feeling to disappear; my anger is building up and won't stop. I've wished so many times god would kill him, or somehow he would leave and stop hurting my mom. He has heart failure now, so karma a bitch now for him. You might say i'm horrible for hoping my father would die. Living in my reality day by day its worse then anyone could imagine.
Not to sound dramatic, but this video may have just saved my life.
Kevin_S550 I'll dramatize with you...
I pray it did💞
Bro what you did please tell me too man ...i am struggling alot to forgive someone fucking hell i hate her so much ...want to chop her into little pieces😥😥😥😥
@@aashm2193 do you have hope that things with her could have happened in a different way?
Me too ✌️💞
Thank you!
The thing people don't seem to really grasp is, once you've actually forgiven something, when you remember the event you remember it from a lesson learned standpoint. The pain that was once involved in the memory is really gone.
If you still feel the pain, you haven't truly forgiven and you need to work on that. And being able to remember the negative events in your life without the pain is truly a gift. Everyone needs to learn how to forgive for real, for everything.
I'm learning everyday, and my life gets better.
Amen! The emotional charge is gone.
Genuine candour.
Yes, hurt people hurt people. Heal thyself from hurt and you won't hurt and hurt poeple
@@brianhyde5900 I hurt my son verbally as he had hurt me over time plus someone else I care deeply about. because of my anger I now don't have him in my life.
arts, that's so sad. But you know, its never too late to work through your anger constructively and productively and resolve the causal issues. That's a vital first step, for only then will you be able to face the people that provoked you to anger without responding predictively in exactly the same way you did before. Only then will you be able to ask for forgiveness and be seen by the other, as genuinely driven to do so. You can do it. :)
If you liked this video, I highly recommend you watch these videos too:
1) Letting Go Of The Past - How To Get Over The Past In Minutes
2) What Should I Do With My Life - How To Find Your Passion For Life
3) Self Control - How To Develop Self-Control To Create An Amazing Life
4) Positive Thinking - The Key To Thinking Positive
Forgiving someone feels great, it feels like you're physically removing bad energy from your body. Forgiveness is my worst trait, I hang on to things for years and years. It feels dreadful to hang on to so much baggage and finally letting it go feels as if you can fly.
@@NEbluefire totally agree .
Same here, it’s like if I was ever able to come into power then punish all offenders.
@@NEbluefire I was looking and hoping that I'd see a comment like yours. It honestly makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone. Some people hurt me in the past and still don't care. Not everyone deserves to be forgiven, especially if they enjoyed hurting you
We have a similar story in our channel, feel free to check it out.
I’m tryyyyying (screaming) lol. 😝
You can breakup AND forgive someone while moving forward without them.
You kinda said it like you can't do both.
I can forgive my ex, we can even still be cool, but we will never be together again.
But you can let someone go (a friendship or a relationship, etc) and still forgive them for the wrong they did to you on their part. You shouldn't let them go but still hold on to what they did to you. Forgiveness is for yourself and to end your suffering.
Great point, just because the person ends a relationship/friendship, does not mean he cannot truly forgive.
I let a friend go and that felt so good 👍 like she never existed was pleasing to me.
Every time I am upset I watch your videos and they instantly make me relaxed. Thank you Leo :-)
Cool, thanks!
You can forgive without forgetting. You cannot deny what happened. You can try and understand why the person did what they did but you should not forget. Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. Inevitably the relationship will change
I agree
This really helped me. I feel like a 2ton weight was lifted off my shoulder just in the time of watching the video.
How please let me know as well i have been suffering alot ..how did you manage to forgive someone ??