Why You Can't Make Any Important Decision In Your Life
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Reddit Post
2:09 - What is a right decision?
7:20 - Measuring successful decisions based on consequence
10:41 - Society conditions perfection
14:42 - Society conditions a fear of making wrong decisions
18:21 - Can you end up screwed in life?
18:58 - Make the best decision you can today
22:26 - Samskara
26:30 - Meditation
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"Society doesn't reward competence, it rewards speed to competence." I NEVER thought of it that way, but it's so true.
My first electronics professor had a great way to account for this. He held an optional final exam with content from the entire course, and if you scored above your class average on the exam, he would raise your grade by a letter. If you scored below your class average, he would lower it by a letter. I thought it was a neat idea
@@Cobras7111 That's very interesting, actually.
@@Cobras7111 doesn’t seem fair if it were mandatory
Society starts rewarding when you become competent. You're not rewarded (relatively speaking punished) for being incompetent in the mean time. A reasonable choice I have to say.
@@aninova5597 "Optional final exam"
Reminds me of Alan Watts: The Story of the Chinese Farmer:
"Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.” The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”"
"Whatever happens... happens."
- Spike, Cowboy Bebop
Maybe
The thing about a no hit run in a game gave me a thought:
Thousands and thousands of years ago, people had to live off the wilderness and make life-or-death decisions constantly. They were basically playing that game, only one life and all it took to end it was one wrong encounter with an animal or one drink from the wrong water. Only the people that were smart enough or lucky enough would survive, and millions of years of evolution trained us recognize those situations and get out of many of them through instinct alone.
But now, most the decisions we face aren't life or death. We won't literally die if we pick the wrong major, or if we fail at school or go bankrupt, but because we're told those things will affect the rest of our lives the stakes can still feel just as high. I wonder if on some level, decisions paralysis comes from feeling like you have to make a life or death decision while not being able to rely on instinct to get you through it, or not having any immediate consequences to inform us of how good the decision actually was.
Hello and welcome to what is hopefully my last attempt and completing gta v without taking any damage
I’ve been doing that COVID-19 zero damage playthrough, still clean so far.
yeah I have this idea that industrialization and modern lifestyles have shifted more quickly than evolution can keep up so we have these leftover instincts that should be applied to things like bears but w no bears around in modern life what freaks us tf out instead are things like academics
This is a good point I haven't thought of. That's probably why big decisions that don't kill us feel so thrilling. Like. "Wow I just did that, that just happened, and I'm still alive!"
@@valeriev1876 I remember that constantly, "What life is most like that of our ancestors who were molded by tens of millions of years of evolution?" It's a guiding force in my life actually... My theory is that we would not have evolved to be chronically unhappy/depressed, or to be somehow miserable doing what is necessary to survive, so mimic that and you'll be happy. Basic things like similar diet, tons of exercise but also community and a purpose as high and important as surviving and making sure your loved ones do. Those are a lot harder to mimic. I've often wished to just time travel even if it would mean an early death, but the that's more due to plain escapism. I don't know how to deal with this modern lifestyle, I wasn't made for it. None of us really are.
Little practical tip that helped me with this: Take a very small, insignificant decision, p.e. what to eat tonight or if you want to buy chocolate vs gummy bears. Give yourself exactly 30 seconds to make your decision, and then stick with it no matter how unhappy you might feel about it afterwards, alea iacta est. It will slowly give you the identity of a person who can make decisions instinktively and not overthink them unneccesarily (
This sounds pretty useful actually. I'm definitely trying this out 👀
Its a word haha.
Is it just me or are these newer videos becoming more and more relatable
A lot of people struggle with these things
There arent many topics covered that you wont find relatable. We all arent so different from one another
What is most personal is most universal.
My spouse has a saying:
"Pick something, even if it's wrong."
Someone in the chat at 2:54 nailed it perfectly: "there's no right or wrong, you can't see the future"
It's a very simple answer, but maybe because its very simplicity that we tend to overlook them.
Yes, like the poker game example. You can't see the future, you can just make a probabilistic assumption based on how much information you have. So, if what you've chosen in the moment was the right choice in your mind but at the end the consequences were bad then did it made your choice wrong? I mean, yes it did, but you couldn't have known that it was gonna be the wrong decision. So who is to blame or what is to blame? Is it really bad to make wrong choices that you can learn from?
'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat
- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
What there *IS* is "probably right" and "probably wrong"
And usually when the probability is high enough, people just round the probability to 100%
And overthinking says hello
I think this is why we replay games we love. We know the story and the mechanics, so it is easy to min/max our builds and do each quest perfectly. But in life, everything is essentially a blind run. Sure you may carry over general skills you learn over time, but in reality, anything can change or take you out of that comfort zone at any minute. That said, blind playthroughs can be a lot of fun in their own ways for different reasons. Maybe people Will criticize you and call you a noob, but you have gained something genuinely valuable in doing them: the experience for its own sake.
Wow, no wonder autistics are especially scared of adulthood. We need that predictability or we get overwhelmed.
I actually made progress on my dissertation last night, and this morning while walking the dogs I realized that what was holding me back was fear about making choices (but you know, this is my research so I kinda have to) that would lead to unnecessary/wasted work. I'm guessing that's one of the things this video will cover, and how I'm going to watch. Always a pleasure watching your videos! 💚
Same bro I was just talking about this yesterday
you won't know how long it takes until you do the thing
HOLY SHIT ME TOO
I’m almost officially a year late finishing my thesis and I realized this EXACT thing not too long ago
@@robbiedozier2840 best of luck to you! I have found talking about the research and having people ask me questions has helped immensely with thinking through the logistics of my study and framing. For whatever that's worth 💚🤷🏽😂
I see it as how fast can one fail and can one avoid big (moral) mistakes? Also, can I turn a failure into progress through awareness, turning a wall into a step for my foot?
I think the answer to the 27:00 question is something like "The only way to make the wrong decision is to make no decision." I think that is because no decision is the only result that leaves your life 100% outside of your own hands.
Edit: I'm seeing a lot of replies saying stuff like "the choice to make no decision is still a choice" which I agree with. To clarify I meen that if you make no decision, including deciding not to make a choice, your life is out of your hands. The error is in the original wording choice of 'choice' rather then 'result' which I've since corrected, so just bad wording on my part.
I've never liked this because the somewhat negative wording just adds to the pressure in the moment. The 1hp run comparison works sooo much better for me, since I actually have experience for example, continuing to fight a Dark Souls boss even after I take hits - even enough hits that I feel like I'm wasting my time/resources continuing the run
Yeah, you are right AND if you don't make the decision, the decision will anyway be made, with your input or not, because entropy is like that.
Choosing to not do anything is also a decision. I could argue there are situations where doing nothing is a good decisions. Especially ones where I am anxious, trying to solve other people problems to feel approved of..I’ve realized to not do anything. That I am not wholly responsible for other people’s happiness. Doing nothing was definitely the right choice. But that’s ofc how I look at it.
that sounds good -- post it on the subreddit!
I agree with what you've put into quotes. However, if you make the decision to not make a decision, you are choosing something. In my experience, it's usually doesn't turn out a positive result to not choose unless you have other decisions to prioritize on top of that. Best to avoid decision fatigue and put your priorities in order to attend to as much as possible while safeguarding your mental health.
I "beat life" at 20. Started school early, graduated high school early, got a bachelor's in 3 years, a few months before I could even drink. My parents put forth a huge pressure to keep A grades. Pushed me into Honors classes without my choice. I was placed into the International Bachelorette program. Guess what I did? Flunked out of those honors classes and the IB program.
Did it matter? No. Those classes were just speed-running normal classes. Half the students who were in the IB program didn't use the college credits nor did they couldn't towards their degree for college. We think pushing our kids to be faster and better will help them and maybe it does for some, but speedrunning is one thing, and wanting them to speed run it perfectly. Being a #1-speed runner in life is hard and impossible.
Once I was able to make my own decisions in life I was smarter, more adept at dealing with my life, and overall happier. I may not learn as much in a short time now and do get the feeling I waste time, but I know who I am and what I can be if I tried.
I feel you on that, a lot of students drop out of IB (including me) because we didn't even want to be there, our parents did. Speed running everything out of anxiety of "being behind" is probably the worst thing anyone can do.
"It's 'gotta go fast' instead of 'do it right'."
A month ago I voluntarily quit my job without having another one, and I made that decision thinking to myself that I could be doing my worst decision of my life or the best, who knows. I just told to myself that I would fail as many times as necessary in interviews and tests until I got another job. Oh boy, did I fail lots of times. And because of that I have no regrets, I learned how to improve my speech and other skills because of that experience, that was absolutely worth and will serve me well in the future.
So yeah, just like Dr. K said, take as many health pots you can and keep tanking life, thats how it works. You will fail sometimes and you will succeed other times, its just important to take a decision and be prepared to handle failure.
I'm in the same boat here. I'm in a job that makes me absolutely miserable, for almost three years...I would love to quit but have parents that would be on my ass all day if I were to actually do it
Did you find a new job eventually?
I certainly tried the whole “perfect 1HP run” life early on, but I made a few pretty serious mistakes. Like running into the acid in Half-Life. Stuff I carried the shame of for decades. But now, in my late thirties, I wouldn’t change a single one of those mistakes, because each of them shaped who I am today, and I’m proud of that person. I’m not perfect, I’m not special, and I’m not the best at anything. And I’m totally fine with that.
Such a coincidence that today I've decided to pursue my studies in college despite having huge anxiety that I might be fail but I still feel determined to do it. Instead of being in a cycle of doubts and fear, I choose to take a leap of faith and believe in myself that I have a potential. This is a first time I feel like there's a huge responsibility on me and now I finally have goals again. Your videos have been helping me a lot to boost my motivation and make my mental health better so, thank you so much.
Good luck on your journey! Keep at it college can be so overwhelming with anxiety, I was diagnosed with anxiety and ptsd some years back and college gave me my fair share of breakdowns and panic attacks.
I was overworking the hell out of myself on top of sleep deprivation. Try to learn to balance everything so you’re not feeding you’re anxiety more and more ammo.
I literally fought with myself today and googled why I can’t make decisions, whether it’s because of my depression/anxiety or what. Come on UA-cam and this Dr.K video is up. Also I wonder if the “I am that” meditation helps with acceptance because I’m at a loss at how to feel better when I understand the theory of my issues but still not getting better. I hope this makes sense
welcome
Practice and theory are not the same thing, you can't just understand the theory and go thinking you gonna get better. Knowing it only helps to know why, and that it's something that is bad for you. You need to put in action those things, but the worst part is: every type of this things is in MOST cases about habits, and it's almost impossible to just 'delete' an habit from your brain, you need to put new habits and never ever let it go back to the old ones, because your brain remember it. So you need to do the meditation for months, you need to exercise and do a lot of others stuff that will bring results in months and when the results come you can't stop. That's why people are always fighting things, they get there, they relax, they need to go back and start again.
"If you're 23 and graduating from college"
I'm finna be 23 and starting lmao
Same yo 😭
@@antidevgodot we got this tho 💪 what do you plan on going to school for?
Going on 30, setting this year as the year that I go back. I went back once at 23 and everyone made fun of how much older I was than them, I can only imagine how bad it's going to be now. My biggest fear is that by the time I've graduated or made it anywhere in a career that I'll be too old and no one will be interested in dating me... but I've been saying this for 6 years now, the situation isn't going to get any better.
Tbh we often forget that college IS for everyone after high school. Really all it is is a place of knowledge and networking on a specific field or topic.
I think at the core of this is that most people do not have the time available to change career paths entirely. Adjacent moves don't often make things better. So by the time your 30 and your stuck starting over it gets immeasurabley harder purely because now you've thrown out 10 years doing what ultimately amounted to nothing
That's how game development looks like. You don't know which game idea you should go with. You just think about the ideas you're most passionate about, then make short prototypes of those ideas. Find out which ones are funny to make and play, then see if other people are hyped as well. If they're not, keep repeating that loop of finding what you want to make, and what other people need.
I believe this is also what Dr K often says. It's about doing something that makes you feel good, and at the same time it gives value to other people.
A quick additional note: Don't argue with other people about ideas, any kind ideas. What you see in your mind, and what other people see in theirs is utterly different, even when you hear exactly the same words.
I think one of the reasons we fear "getting behind" and suffer is the current idolization of wealth we have in our capitalist society. Like, the OP's fear of "running out of time" probably stems from the societal pressure we have to start earning as much money as fast as possible. Like, we aren't allowed to mess up because it'll hurt our qualifications to getting a job in the best case, and will completely derail our ability to get a well-paying job in the worst(and most likely) case. Does this make sense?
@@xenonsan3110 That's the thing though, most people Can't recover completely from messing up because of the lacking support nets capitalism encourages. The stakes are artificially high, and especially if you want to get into college and have an okay amount of debt, you need to get at least B's in ur classes, take some APs, AND do some extracurriculars. Like, capitalism enforces comparison to your peers bc that's how companies get the best workers. Now, i'm not saying that comparison and striving for excellence is a bad thing, in fact it's vital, however making the stakes directly impact a person's ability to live a dignified life is too much.
@@xenonsan3110 Yea same, I'm currently a sophomore that got a full ride via National Merit, so I personally don't have experience with this. However, one thing I did realize is that while GPA doesn't matter for other jobs after college, oftentimes people can't even get a good work experience. For example, some people I know have to take part time jobs so they don't get buried under debt(not just college, just making rent is rough for a bunch). Anyways, I'm not 100% against capitalism, but I do think there needs to be a safety net bc for some of my friends, it was failing a single semester that led to their entire lives falling apart.
At least for me is about make my dreams become true before the day of my death, which can be in any moment
@@raimundomisenecalvo1610 Respectable, what are some of your dreams?
@@xenonsan3110 No worries. And yea same
I chose in the spring with my husband that we wanted to try for a baby (31 weeks pregnant now). We actually made this same decision right before Covid, but changed our minds to wait until we were vaccinated. I thought like three years ago we would start trying the next year (so before the first time we did end up deciding to try). It is such a hard decision to make, since having a child effects every facet of your life, and forever, especially if you want to and have the privilege to choose to be a stay at home mom like I’ve always wanted.
But that’s just it. I know I have always wanted to be a mom, and I’d have to make the decision at one point or another. Not ever actually making the decision to go ahead and get pregnant, when I’ve always wanted to be a mom, would not be the right decision for me. Just knowing that you’ve been thinking about something you want for long enough, while being aware of the consequences, and planning if necessary, is usually going to mean you should go ahead and push forward with your decision.
I've always suffered from decision paralysis but it's gotten a lot better since I realised not making a decision is also a decision with consequences. It's harder to see those consequences as you won't be criticized for not making a decision anywhere near as much as you are if you make the wrong decision, but frequently the long term effects of indecision are worse than picking the wrong option. If you pick wrong you at least gain data and can hopefully course correct and make better decisions in the future, whereas if you don't pick at all you'll be safer in the moment but learn nothing and eventually end up filled with regret and unfulfilled dreams.
My dear old dad used to tell the story of the donkey that was tied between two bales of hay and couldn't decide which to eat and so starved to death. Do something, even if it's wrong.
The 1 hp run comparison helped me more than ANYTHING else I've heard about this. That really grounds me and helps me understand it from an area where I have way more success making decisions as well as enough failure and paralysis to know what it feels like to break through that paralysis too. Thanks a TON Dr. K.
I captained my HS robotics team to Internationals and then we completely flopped there, and ever since I've struggled on anything engineering/project-like, but that was like 80-90% of my identity so I've been totally paralyzed ever since. I'm trying to go back to school years and years later now, and sometimes this feeling of making the wrong choices (possibly again) feels like it's ripping me to shreds and that my chest is gonna implode some days.
I know that feeling! From Dark Souls! I just never put it together - thank you for helping me make the connection so I can apply the experience I already have in my hobby to my other hobbies and life pursuits!
damn, i wish you luck, this is ultra relatable to me. i also flopped after some failures, and now i jsut can´t start anything, i hope we can get throught this.
"I captained my HS robotics team to Internationals"
Not trying to make you feel good or anything, but you sounded so cool there hahahaha I wish I did something like that in HS. Bet you've learned a lot (and maybe still can learn) from that experience. :)
And yeah, I got some of this feeling from DS too. The cycle of suffer/learn/thrive was stressful for me at the beginning, but after some time it became almost therapeutic, as if I just needed to be more patient with myself and respect the process of gitting gud. (.............damn, I needed some of this in my life right now, thanks)
Great game tho.
@@Selknurk Eh, one of the other things I need to work on is not making my past self put to be greater than I was - it only makes it harder to accept my current self (who can barely put a lego set together without breaking down) and how I got here. I go back and forth between thinking my past self was amazing and deserved all the credit and that I was a fraud and fake who's always been pathetic and was entirely being carried by family and friends, and neither is true. Suffice to say though there are MUCH smarter people who just don't have as nice sounding of a claim.
And yeah the most important thing seems to be to just practice and get messy - to just make boss runs even when you know this won't be "THE" run.
Thank you Dr.K this made me see the bigger picture. I struggled after barely graduating highschool. Doing in the now and not planning everything ahead, is important to not be paralyzed by what i didn’t achieve or will achieve yet. Being Perfect wont help you in real life. The best decision today is doing anything instead of nothing. And if it goes wrong adjust and if u can’t change anything let it be and don’t focus on what could have been.
This was interesting because I realized that when it comes to things like choosing which class to take, or deciding how to go about doing an assignment, I have an easy time just jumping right in and doing it. And if it doesn't work out like I thought, I adjust without even thinking that that's what I'm doing. But when it comes to decisions like, what do you want to eat, or watch, or buy, etc., I am paralyzed with indecision. And for me, I know it's because as the youngest in my family, I got used to my opinion mattering less than those who are older than me. It's a really hard thing to reverse that kind of conditioning once you become an adult and suddenly your opinion has weight. I still look to others to have the final say, even though I've been an adult for many years now. There may be a reason why this person became paralyzed with indecision at a young age, just as I was/still am. I'm curious as to what that could be.
I relate about being so used to your opinion not mattering that now that I'm an adult im super not used to it! Somehow even though i have been conditioned to fear failure as part of this grades system, school is somewhat of a comfort blanket - even if you submit the assignment 10 days late, no one actually cares but if you mess up at work, a collapsed building actually kills people...
It looks like this vid got unprivated, does anyone know why it went private in the first place?
The best decision is evaluated based on your goals, values and knowledge at a given moment. The part which I feel is left out in this video, is that often a good decision is to wait because that way you can get more information and make a better decision later. Yes, often it can be done as an iterative process where you try things out and gain experience that way. But if you're buying a TV and you can only ever afford one (hypothetically), you spend your time by talking to your friends and looking on the internet trying to pick the best TV out there. The trick is that there is no limit to this information gathering and can take as much time as you want to put into it, which in turn results in a different "reasonable" type of paralysis.
That's exactly why he doesn't talk about it. Its not helping for anybody who cant even push himself to make a decision. Saying that just wait and find information, then when is the end goal? Until time running out? When is it?
It's regret and fear of missing out on a greater option. What helped me with decision making, is that when you put everything on a pedestal and realize that they are almost at the same height, they just weigh different numbers. So they value similar, and they are all viable in life. And the other thing is that you get to pick your poison. So instead of not knowing where you are going, might as well aim somewhere where you'd rather be. Make good choices daily and learn from the bad choices, that way it'll get easier to choose.
This is hilariously good timing. I'm half way into graduate school and need to decide by next month whether I'm going to pursue a PhD or graduate with a Master's and do something else. Having a hell of a time making the choice - hopefully this video can illuminate things.
I literally learn the fact that a bad start could lead to a good end from a video game. I’m always a perfectionist, but Sekiro teached me, as long as I can get the boss, I am good. A terrible start does not mean anything. Or it is actually the opposite. I’ve never perfectly get the boss, all the first kills were always imperfect with all kinds of stupid mistakes. That was such a lesson. Never forget it.
Been really loving all the YT content as a conscious work from homer!! Keep it up!
I remember always being really self-conscious about being slow at working. When I was 11, I was the last out of a class because I was still finishing up my work. The teacher made some sort of comment about it, and that feeling of shame has stuck with me ever since. I remember getting comments on my assignments in English and occasional bad grades because I only wrote half a page when my peers were writing 2 or 3. Even later on in life, I was always rushed to get work done (which was especially annoying when working in a kitchen) It's only because I thought methodically about everything and second guessed myself a lot, I couldnt help it. To be fair, this mentality was rooted in my perfectionism, which is not ideal, either.
Omg I remember doing math worksheets in class and constantly peering over my friends worksheets to not be last.
Wow! Understanding that to be able to climb new mountains you have to digest your sum-scars that were inflicted upon you through earlier moments in life is the single most powerful concept I’ve learned for my future moving into 2022. Thank you 🙏 Dr.K!
I've taken a class where the professor actually structured the final such that it was divided into sections roughly corresponding to topics covered in midterms, and that acing the corresponding sections cancels out the midterm grades. It's not a hard grading scheme to implement and if I end up teaching a class with midterms I'd do the same.
This really helped calm me down. For the past 2 years I have been thinking about what to study at university, and I ended up thinking my way to complete confusion. I then got the advice of writing my thougts down to help give them structure, which helped, but after some months I still ended up with a 35 page document that made me confused again. But now I have come to the conclusion that I will continue into my second year of civil engineering, knowing it has it's downsides, but also equally has great potential to develop into something I could enjoy.
im glad somebody is here to talk to us/others about this stuff. totally wish i had this when i was still in high school lol...anyway! just do what you will, you'll probably screw up, but so will others - if people are highlighting what has gone wrong in your life when theres a pile of things you've done right, their opinion doesn't matter anyway.
Thank you Dr K. I've been paralyzed in making a decision to move back home to my family all the way across the country. After watching this video I finally uploaded some resumes to some jobs back home. This feels like the first big step finally getting back home. It's been 2 years since I've seen my family. Your videos are helping me out of my anxiety paralysis.
I rephrased right and wrong mindset to "Can i do better" since the right and wrong mindset messed up my decison making. I got rid of the wrong and thought only 1 correct awnser exists when in fact. Many decisions can be both right and wrong. Using that mindset is limiting my ability to progress. Now i hold onto any awnser regardless of right or wrong. I apply it and see if i get results. I see things like a jig saw puzzle instead of a 1 puzzle piece to represent the big picture.
This is one of my favourite videos from healthygamer so far, outstanding! Much appreciation for this one
When I saw this pop up on my feed, I had to scream "Yess" because this is the video I NEEDED today. I have to make a choice for which country I'm going to move to for my Master's degree or if I should stay in my home country for grad school. Tysm Dr. K.
It's weird that this video was missing for the past 3 days
This is really interesting. I definitely appreciate Dr. K giving the scientist approach to finding the sournce of the samskara. As someone who is spiritual in religious, I can definitely get on board with a lot of the Buddhist mentality discussions, but I don't believe in reincarnation. As someone who has this same problem, it's been very helpful to talk through the outside perspective of making a right or wrong decision.
Thank you, Dr. K 🙏🏼 Your insight steadies me so often these days
"The answer you know of right now is the right answer." - RM
As a college student making what feel like terrifying monumental decisions about the trajectory of my life/career on a consistent basis, this quote has been my lifeline lately & wow, this video encapsulates all my thoughts about it so perfectly.
I used to teach first-year writing at a university. If I had had this video back then, I would have shown it to every first-year class I taught.
I'm okay with making mistakes and not being at the same level as my peers, what scares me is explaining it to someone, like college interviews or prospective job interviews, I have a fear of being judged or even more, like mocked or ridiculed..
I'm okay with figuring things out in my own time and step-by-step growth, but fear of judgement has even stopped me from making friends.
I make so many wrong choices… Living with them is the greatest source of my sufferings. The truth is: EVERY CHOICE YOU MAKE IS THE WRONG CHOICE. Why???? Because there is always going to be a more optimal choice in retrospect because hindsight is 20/20. You will be able to conceptualize how your life could have been more fulfilling on a different path or how you could have had less suffering.
We who are critical and good at planning must resign ourselves to the fact that we always make the wrong choice, It is the price for the gift of good discrimination.
Awesome perspective lmao. Reminds me of a meme I saw once "I always assume the worst is gonna happen, that way I'm either right or pleasantly surprised."
26:00 Samskara; Processing traumas that did not happen:
In my experience as children we can sometimes pick up traumas from our parents in the habits and processes they used to live their lives that may have been inherited from the people around them, especially if they didn't have the tools to process these things themselves.(not to say this is the case all the time)
I personally have never been poor but sure picked up the mentality from a parent, whom I hypothesise, might have picked up that mentality from a relative who lived through war.
Thank you DR.K for making a Video on this topi I myself struggle from this so much! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I noticed something while meditating. Our problems are so small, that we must not think about them too much. Just pick one, and see what happens, and change if we don't like. Event if we can't go back in time. We can still live with whatever left after doing something. We pay too much attention to others, we think that, others will criticize us if we make a wrong choice. We are influenced my the society. In reality, it really does not matter.
I've always loved the idea of rapid prototyping and reiteration in any kind of development work, it's really interesting to equate that idea with living in the present. It's like the idea continuous growth and compound interest, it gives you the best results.
I went for the things I wanted and that did lead to bad consequences I couldn’t get out of and even rn I’m in a situation I thought I wanted, but now that I have it I don’t like even one bit and there’s no way out in the foreseeable future. I’ve already suffered 5 years of it and it’s not going away.
This video came out in the right moment, thx Doctor K
Please talk more about "fantasy traps". I got really curious now!
Holy shit your explanation of perfection and schooling just rocked me.
The reddit posts is one of the better things that have happened to this channel
True! I think all of the content is fantastic, but responding to the reddit posts and interviewing regular people are by far the most valuable!
In Quebec, we have CEGEP colleges which are minimum two years of education between high school and uni. It’s meant to be a time of “discovery” but if you realize that your very specific program that you chose at 16 isn’t for you, you will have to stay in school at least another semester or year to get your prerequisites done for your new program. For context, I chose international business (highly specific and kind of random), but realized that communications was more fit. Even if I just did one semester of IB I would still have to delay my graduation by a year because because of random prerequisites that I could easily take at the same time. So guess who’s a graduate of a meaningless international business pre-university degree… just because I couldn’t fathom feeling behind compared to my peers. We put so much pressure on kids to make these decisions and give them no freedom to explore!!
Thank the gods for this video, I needed something like this. TY
This is one of those information that needs to be spread to every human being that wants to improve! It is how you become free of suffering (or reduce it significantly) and actually improve your life.
I think it's more likely that the conditioning to fear making choices is something that has come from the parents rather from the society. Maybe a combination, but how the parents raise the kids usually has a much bigger impact on the type of persons the kids grow up to be than what anything else has.
I am so thankful for this channel I could cry
I feel seen by the poster of this question. I totally get this fear, and it’s really affecting me at this time of my life. It’s tough!
Thank you somuch, it is liberating.
At this point, having watched a couple dozen of Dr. K’s videos, I like to try to anticipate the direction and the destination he’s going to take and reach based on the post he chooses to address.
I needed this, thank you Dr K
I think the axis that I measure the quality of a decision is on intentionality as well as authenticity. It's more of a continuum/graph. But I'd say the only truly "wrong" decision is when it's either not intentional or not authentic/in line with your duty. And when I say authentic, I basically mean congruent with who you are.
This really said a lot about society.
For me, the right decision is something that gives me what I want. And the wrong decision gives me something different from what I want and may sometimes backfire according to plan
Things like GPA need to be abolished. Objectively, they are a fundamentally broken metric that do not measure the competence of a student. A student could have a very rough mental patch adjusting to something in their life alongside starting college, yet if they pass the final exam with the same marks as someone that was consistent, you'd still have 1/2 or 2/3rds their GPA, and be considered significantly lesser than thus.
I had a professor in college who said, "of all the jobs I've ever had, not one of them has asked me what my GPA was... sometimes I wish they would ."
Barley considering my college major at 20 …17 was way too early for me and pushed by strict parents that right/wrong decision does evolve from
This always bothered me back in school. We're supposed to fail and learn but the scores were calculated into the final grade.
Also, this is for a really niche audience, but it seems like the samskara, that ball of undigested feelings, is really similar to the "mental demons" in cultivation novels. It's really wild seeing that same concept pop up in multiple cultures!
In germany i studied the in the old magister artium system in university. We had mid term exams and final exams, between that all 1(A) or 6(F) you cought didnt count at all. During this period the Bachelor/Master progamm was introduced where everything influenced the final results. While the "Magisters" where doing "party animals" because we did not have to give a f*** until it really got serious, the bachelors where under constant stress and pressure not making any mistakes.
Three things I am trying is, first, try to learn something I think is hard but will not be consequential to my entire life (like learning D&D). This is for the self steem boast.
Secondly: Not seeing me quiting as failure, as long as I do it for a good reason. I quit my nursing course since I was getting constantly sick and bringing sickness to my family. My health is very poor but it's still the most improtant thing I have. I am also going to use this time to gain weight and study for another course and...
3: Course correct my life choices.
I like economics and politics and want to work with that but I have no knowledge on how is the day to day work of a bureaucrat. So it's best to learn the basics, study math and sciences and read works from people that work with that, hear them talking, etc...
I know I want to help people and use my life experience to do so. I know it's going to hurt. Bit since I already try something I learned that I was more capable than I thought, I am more social than I thought. I know the things I don't like and the people I want to surround myself with. And to learn those things and REALLy try to be aware is more improtant to me than making the right choice on the get go.
Adapting to another major is a really HARD thing to do, even if the majors seem close. Switching from physics to machine learning took me 3 years of hard work, and during the first year I had a lot of trouble understanding basic subjects while attending lessons with people who were 3-4 years younger than me. Nevertheless, I'm happy that I decided to switch, and falling behind for a couple of years was totally worth the price)
This video came at the perfect tine since i was trying to figure out what my dad would want for christmas
thanks for sharing!
What I am is the decision making thing? Am I understanding? Like I come to a cross roads and have to decide between left and right - I am the decision. Both because I am making the decision and because if you look at all the decisions they tell you something about me. Like the making of the decisions and the who I am fit together snugly.
I really Dont understand the " I am that" meditation, I just tried it and thought I understood it, applied it to a decision in my life as well as some other things, but I truly did not feel any sense of understanding or anything of value, if anyone else knows help would be much appreciated, thank you.
These are some of the most unique videos that make me genuinely laugh, and at the end I can feel a heavy weight being lifted of my shoulders.
Thank you for the warmth that you share, God bless♥️🙏
Our education system was designed for industrialization. It's design for factory work. It's not designed for a post-industrial society.
14:28 I just watched Ren's money game part 3 and it really closely connects when dr K says "I've won. Succeeded at 28 instead of 40". Both this video and the money game music video hits hard...
"Try your best to not be screwed"
this is really insightful
Havent watched dr. K in so long, but I’m glad how applicable this one is to me
Love this. I think gamers compartmentalize gaming to be able to make mistakes but real life is much more stressful. It takes more planning in life but ultimately just send it lmao
46 seconds... I'm confused because I don't remember pressing send on my reddit draft then I realize this isn't me. As personal as a problem may be to a person, you may not be the only one who suffers with it.
Mood. I've not sent at least two messages on reddit. They're either drafts or erased.
For what it’s worth, we don’t don’t even decide when we start *existing*. No one decides they will be born, it just happens some day out of no where. In that sense, wouldn’t the same be true for all other things in life that are just as or even more complicated than birth?
This came at such a good time. I've been debating so hard on weather to finish my electrical apprenticeship and go join the French foreign Legion, or just leave everything and go join now.
"I am that"
"Tat tvam asi"
I love watching Dr. K's videos so much man
Every decision results in a loss, the option that you didn't pick. I think it gets easier when you understand that and embrace the losses.
According to Annie Duke, author of "How to Decide", a good decision is one that comes from a good decision making process, and a good decision making process is one that gives good outcomes *on average*.
Note that: 1. We absolutely do care about outcomes. That's why we make decisions in the first place. 2. However, any one outcome in isolation could have been the result of luck. It's unwise to think of an isolated decision as being "good" or "bad" based strictly on its outcome. Since luck is involved, the most you can do is attempt to improve the *average* of your decisions' outcomes.
grades starting to sound alot like classes. you get good high grades? you're above those with lower grades and thus starts the power struggle
In Denmark we have 3 chances at tradeschool (unless we find a company who'll pay for us to get into one), and I find that scary, because I have many interests.
I used to think that I could solve problems by thinking, but to find a good career, it is best to try and do the things, if possible.
I can always get a job, but I'm scared that I might try to become a horticulturist, landscaper and carpenter, and then discover that what I really wanted was to become a smith. That's just an example.
I chose horticulture half a year ago, but I'm not sure it's for me.
Watched Audition, an Asian movie on Love and Hardship. Taught me a lot, watch with your kids… a truly heartfelt experience. 💎🙏
That is why I don't participate in the race of life. After my apprenticeship I haven't worked for half a year because I think I made the wrong decisions everywhere. Now I have training in carpentry and actually want to do something scientific, but the realisation to this fact has only settled in half way through my apprenticeship so I didn't stop. At least there is always a option z.
For me it's fear making choices and therefore living a life that won't match to the expectations of the life/experiences I want in my mind.
What is a right decision, what is a wrong decision? I like to think of it like this - there is no such thing as perfection, but there are some things that are perfect for a specific purpose. A screwdriver for example is perfect for the specific task of screwing. So I think that something that can help people with decision paralysis would be to have a clear idea of what purpose their decisions are made for - what is the goal? If the goal is simply to make a lot of money, or if it's to be artistically fulfilled... as long as you know your goal you can narrow down the choices significantly to whatever feels the most 'right' for you.
This is really helpful. Just dawned on me that this is the biggest single issue I have to address.
It’s so funny that these two meditation are almost exactly what I did at the age of 15 sat my boarding school windowsill. I don’t know anything about buddhism and hinduism. I explained it to my self with (online retellings and oversimplifications) of carl jung’s map of the Soul. The shadow being all the parts of your self that you reject about your self and you give power to by rejecting it. The only way to “tame” it is to actually listen and try to understand that part of your self. Even if the things that the shadow believes aren’t objectively true, it’s the only truth for the shadow.