Toddler Tantrums? This has worked SO well for us!
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2024
- Toddler Tantrums? This has worked SO well for us!
#howtotalktolittlekids #terrible2s #heyshayla #boundrysettingage
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I started reading listening to "How to talk so little kids will listen" and it has been a GAME CHANGER in our house!
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Lots of things that are counterintuitive like don't say "good job", or "be careful" or talking MORE about what they want even though they can't have it
Instead of "terrible 2s" I've learned to look at it as "the boundary setting age!" and I LOVE this shift for talking to my toddler!
These things all sounded crazy to me, but after putting some into practice I honestly couldn't believe how much it changed our struggle and changed my relationship with my toddler!
I hope this video helps you and I'd love to know anything that has worked with your child!
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Chapters
00:00 Terrible Twos?
00:10 How to talk to your toddler
01:06 Acknowledge your toddlers needs and wants
03:41 Get into your toddlers world
04:42 We rearranged the house
06:32 Play Pretend!
08:19 Tend to the child who will remember...?
09:03 Including the new child
10:24 Other family member do the same
11:09 Having inanimate objects talk
11:41 Treat your toddler with respect and understand that they have feelings
12:17 Acknowledge their experience to avoid a toddler tantrum
12:54 3 Counter-intuitive ways to talk to your toddler
13:29 “you did it!” Another way to say "good job"
14:12 Don't say “Be careful!” to your toddler
14:25 Leaning into what they want to avoid a toddler tantrum
14:49 Parenting Book Recommendations
17:00 Danish Way of Parenting- Boundary setting age
19:56 What has helped you?
Baselayer: www.heyshayla.com/iksploryt Discount code: HEYSHAYLA
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I read somewhere "They aren't giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time" and that really resonated with me. My babe is only 8 months old but I'll still say that in my mind when he's feeling fussy or having a hard time settling.
Love this so much
LOVE THAT!
So freeing to escape the mentality that kids are deliberately causing us grief.
Exactly. My mom told me before havin kids. They are victims of the « terrible twos » they aren’t bad❤️❤️people tend to get real negative around that. It is hard but they are having a hard time❤️
This is gold. Yes. Reframing it to realize they're struggling, and expressing that to you because they trust you and feel safe to let you know how they feel instead of suppressing it (and blowing up later) is a mindset that has helped me immensely.
Using First and Then statements has been my biggest life saver. For example, my daughter might be having a tantrum because she wants to go outside but she needs to get dressed/put on shoes. I can say “First get dressed, Then outside” and it snaps her out of the tantrum. We repeat it several times while we get dressed and the. ALWAYS follow through. Once they learn that you will follow through with the sequence of events it is soooo helpful.
Yeeeeeees
Parents who play pretend with their children don't realize what a wonderful impact they make. My mom always played pretend with me- I remember so vividly, and I'm convinced she's the reason I excel with my creative writing, and anything that really involves creativity and problem-solving. My parents made a lot of mistakes [they were very young when I was born], but I'll always remember her saying "Let's pretend..." This is something I can't wait to share with my daughter, who will be here in April!
Was your daughter born? Congratulations !
“Their job is to test our boundaries and our job is to enforce them” is what I try to remember. It’s not manipulative or malicious, they’re really just trying to figure out the rules of the road 🤷🏼♀️ the biggest blessing for me has been seeing a therapist who primarily works with new moms. I’m able to work on my own emotional regulating and try to model that.
I love that idea!!
"Parenting is a lot of unlearning all of these habits you've learned" Now that just hits home. Also the bit about modelling the behaviour you want to see is soooo true! These two together make parenting so much fun but also so challenging.
😊😊p😅😅😅😊o😊😊
This is exactly what I needed! Something I say when I can’t understand my 23 month old is “show me” and he stops being frustrated and walks me to whatever he needs or whatever so that I understood and then I give him the words. That has been helpful for us. I also read the whole brain child and no drama discipline- they are good! I actually learned from my kid at like 18 months that acting like I didn’t understand him rather than acknowledging him and saying no, ended up being worse. They really do just want to be understood!
Exactly!!!
Such a powerful truth! Don't all people just want to be understood? I feel like children remind us of just how to be good people in so many of life's common situations.
"SHE ACCEPTED A PRETEND POPSICLE" I love it.
I love telling my toddler “wait! What are the clues telling you?” And he’ll be like “oh steam! It’s hot!” and in addition to barefoot shoes I love “do you feel safe?” whenever we’re at the playground and I start getting nervous.
I loved watching this! Thank you so much for putting it together. I share some of the same favorite parenting books as you. I love the humble way you bring all to light! Thank you! And good luck on your parenting adventures!!!
Yep. Treating children like they are their own human, not just a part of yourself is key. Because as they grow up that turns into a balanced, respectful adult relationship/friendship.
Ending statements with okay was something massive I had to unlearn when I worked with little kids. Instead of saying "let's put our shoes on now, okay?" Just say "we need to put our shoes on." By adding the okay, you've made it a question and the option to say "no." That's where the options are great like you said "blue or white shoes."
Love all these tips!! A trick I use is to always give a heads-up when we are leaving somewhere. e.g., "Hey honey, we are going to leave soon, do you want to stay on the swing or go down the slide again before we go"
I think what hit me the most was that parenting is a mirror. Thank you for that reminder I needed that today.
I know you’ve talked about Montessori ideas and creating “yes” zones but I worked with a really smart children’s photographer once and she did the same philosophy for getting great photos of the kids. Handing them blocks or trains or other aesthetic “on theme” items to play with in front of the camera instead of just trying to make a toddler sit still and smile which we all know is a recipe for disaster 😂 She got the greatest images that way so it’s something I’m doing anytime I try to take photos of my daughter!
Book recommendation for raising siblings: "Siblings without Rivalry." I heard a summery on this book a while back, and I think it is RIGHT up your alley, Shayla! It shares a lot of practical tools around how you can foster friendship in their relationship rather than jealousy or competing for your attention. Definitely check it out!!
Omg yes!!!!!! Thank you!!!
Just about to comment about this book! It's by the same authors as "How to Talk" I have applied a lot of the techniques, and my preschooler hasn't ever shown more than fleeting jealousy of our 9 mo old
Involve them in everything and let them help even when the task takes longer!!!
Another huge reminder is “Every mess can be cleaned up so let them be messy “ !!
You're not just a better mom, you're a better communicator. You are utilizing these skills with your children now but they are exactly the way you should be interacting with adults also.
My husband and I have been fighting a lot since having our baby why? Because he doesn't take the time to see and acknowledge my struggles and listen and see things from my perspective. All we want as humans is to be see and heard and understood.
HAHAAHAH When you said Aliyah (sorry forgot the spelling) says "Be careful, oh no I'm not supposed to say that." 😂😂😂
The part you talk about making her apologise but you shouldn't. I learnt that we can help them say it like "It can be hard to find your apology voice now. I will use it for you."; "I'm sorry, I really wanted that and it came out as a hit." or something along these lines.
Just discovered you, I’m a new momma of two under two. An 18 month old and a one month old. Loving how you focus on real honest advice, not just what looks good or product placement. Thank you for what you do!!! I’m making a reading list. Hope these are on audible cause let’s be honest I have no time to read haha
Watching these video's and hearing you say 'it's a lot of unlearning' makes me SO grateful for my own mom, who did all this. Now with my toddler, it's natural for me to do these things and there's very little unlearning to do. So far things go pretty smoothly and I have tons of extra mindspace to be mindful of certain 'extra' aspects I want to teach him.
So parents who do struggle with the unlearning, take heart! Your child will benefit greatly from it, AND have it so much easier raising their children when time comes. You are investing not only in yourself, not only in them, but even in the generation after that.
Thanks for this video- I have older kids, 2 girls aged 7 and 4.5yo. I must say my mum's tip when they were younger was - TALK TALK TALK to the kids. I laugh now cos the negotiation skills of both of my kids are on POINT 🤣
LOVE all of this! Checking out your book recommendations. Your parenting journey feels so relatable to me, thank you so much for sharing 😊
All of this is an excellent reminder! I love the leaning into what they are asking for or want! Definitely going to try that! Thank you!!
I love it all! You said so much that I can learn from to do with my toddler!
Aww, I'm so impressed! You are such a great mom.
Got the book from the library soon as I heard you recommend it in another video, excited to read! Love how real you are; it’s refreshing :-) thanks for sharing what you’re learning!
You are doing a great job and so relatable! Thanks for trying to be the best mom you can be and sharing about it. 🙏🏼🙌🏼
Thank you for sharing this video! So helpful
This is so helpful! Thank you so much! What an amazing job you are doing, mama!
So insightful! And thank you for the book recommendations - adding all of them to my reading list :)
Janet Lansbury’s “Unruffled” podcast has been life changing for me. She is all RIE😊. I will be checking out some of these books too! Love your channel
Yeah i have only listened to 1 minute of this video but just sounds like all the stuff janet lansbury says
This is such an incredible vide thanks so much for sharing ! Super encouraging and Def will get the book 💕
I have not watched your videos for a while and I am definitely comming back! And checking the podcast. This is so helpful and nice "from one mom to another".
Thank you for these book recs! you are amazing!! love youuu!!
Thanks for sharing. It's helpful to hear these basic tips/principles. There are so many opportunities to apply them!
Love this video. I’m gonna watch it 100 more times and check out those books!
I am so so so relieved and happy and many emotions to have found your channel 😭
Your videos come in so clutch- seriously always at the perfect time 😅
Super helpful! The boundary setting age..so true. Revisiting this type of video would be interesting as the kids grow. Loved it!
This channel is gold
So much good information here! Thank you for sharing
The thing when you acknowledge their 'wants' and share the experience - those was very interesting to know. Also thank you for book recommendations. That's ALWAYS appreciated.
I loved all of this and you!!
i NEEDED this video today as a mama of a toddler i’ve been struggling a bit! Thank you for uplifting me and helping me to understand my toddler better 💖🙏💖🙏
Shayla, thank you for the Cliff notes version and your examples. I am reading this book right now and it's mindblowing. I cant recommended it enough!
I LOVE that book!
I'm going to have to try the pretend role/playing "game"... my little one is not verbal yet, and not sure he'd get it, but maybe is time to just try it... I love how you put it, "acknowledging not only their feelings but also their experience". Also, great pointers/book highlights.
Thanks for your videos Shayla, they're great!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I love it and I really appreciate it ! Such good advice ❤️
Omg I loveeee this video. Every tactic you mentioned will be my new go to! Every single one. My son is only 9 months but I swear he’s a 9 month old toddler. I totally agree with calling the nap early when you realize it won’t happen to avoid getting upset because I’ve been there. Had to do this today.
Can’t wait to hear your podcasts on these topics!
I LOVE this video. Having my mother (our childcare) and my husband watch this. I feel this is all so important to help our toddler be the best she can be ❤
Great video thank you. I definitely get down on their level and talk calmly and talk with them about what they’re going thru so they understand that I’m on their side trying to help - it sure is a wild ride. Good luck!
Love it!
Pretending is agreat idea.
And indeed, regulating our emotions while parenting is one of the hardest things!
I love your channel. Thank you for being so real about the challenges of parenting! It’s a joy and a journey all at once. I am so in love with my 12 month old baby girl and have tried to remind myself of constantly that she is having her own experiences and try to lead her and help her where I can. It makes parenting enjoyable when you view it like this. Thank you for the resources and sharing your experiences! ❤
Thanks so much, you’re just 3 month ahead of me so it’s really helpful
Totally IN this season of life right now!! My first-born is 3 and I just had my second in August. These suggestions totally validated how I've been trying to guide my toddler through all these things.
I just watched this because the title made me so interested, but I just have to say you are such a good mom!
❤
I swear you keep changing the game for me 😂❤ thank youuuuuu!!
Love love love love love love love LOVE this video so much!!!! Mothers empowering mothers, love it! Gentle/Positive parenting is my favorite thing to learn about now that I am a new momma. ❤
I want to read all of these books now! Thanks for taking the time to summarize and share.
I really appreciate all the book recommendations!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience. Very inspiring content shayla 💚🧚🏽♀️
This was very helpful and makes total sense. A lot I already know but like you said at the end it’s about looking in the mirror and changing those habits. I’m really struggling with my 2 year old as he is testing the boundaries and I’m struggling to regulate my emotions. The whole needing to be calm through his feeling is something I’m working on and this video was beautiful insight and reminder to ensure how important it is to do so. I hope I haven’t damaged my son already by getting upset but motherhood is a process and trying to be better at it each day… these videos of yours really help so thank you 🙏🏼
I needed this. Thank you
Wow this was so great! my son is 15 months so we're just starting the toddler phase and this has given me some great ideas. I've always tried to do the watch your head, watch your feet thing but you gave lots of great advice. Thanks Momma!
Great video! So many helpful tips!
This whole video is gold🙌
This is such a great video. I work in early childhood development and teach respectful and conscious parenting in South Africa, having the outlook that you do and being curious to learn these approaches and how to relate to yourself and your kiddo is one of the biggest factors in nurturing the lifelong relationship that we have with them. You mentioned RIE and with the amount that you have read I feel like you may know quite a bit about the philosophy already but I always recommend Janet Lansbury's No Bad Kids - I'm not sure if someone has already mentioned it in the comments but its one even I refer back to over and over again.
No but i just added it to my list!!! Thank you!
Omg pretending!!! Mind blown!!! I’m totally going to use that! Thanks!
I just love every video you put out! I’m a mom of 2 under 2 so I feel like we’re in a very similar place in life 😭 thanks for sharing all your tips! ♥️
This is so playful, your like a really smart kid who is mindful around them lol my baby is only 2 1/2 months but ive already been noticing how im talking to her and i do say good job and be careful etc which is fine but im trying to get a head start on re programming myself so when its time its easier for me to also share with my hubby and also keep things chill at the get go. This is awesome, love your videos your an awesome mom!!
My friend just sent me this video… it’s my first time watching Shayla’s content and I’m loving her non-curated/non-rehearsed approach to videos, it’s very sincere.
A couple of other must-read recommendations are Mindset by Carol Dweck and Outside Kids in an Inside World by Steven Rinella.
This has really stopped me in my tracks and made me think, thank you for sharing! I have a 15m old and a 2m old and as we enter the toddler stage during a transition to having a new sibling, I have been tested beyond what I could ever have imagined. This reframing helps so much and I want to start implementing a lot of it now as I'm sure it will be so beneficial in navigating this season (and the ones yet to come!)
Also currently reading this book and agree that it's brilliant! I've just ordered two of the other books you've recommended on audible
Ur an inspiration, as always
Hahaha loved everything about this video! As a nanny to a newly 2-year-old, I'm excited to add some of these tips to my arsenal. One thing I do is if she has a tantrum, I try to always help her calm down, rather than repeatedly telling her why we can't do something and drawing out the tantrum. Often she just needs to be soothed with some calm music and her teddy bear, and that helps to reset the mood and minimize lengthy tantrums. She now understands that I can help her to calm down, and that is our routine
I love how organic you are.
You have two kids!!! Omg I watched you when I was pregnant with my little one and she’s 14 months now! Congrats! Your videos helped me so much
Hahahah sure do 😂😂🙌🙌
I always get the best advice from ur videos.. thanks a lot
Facts! Parenting is a lot of unlearning and self reflection. It can be a lot. But one day at a time. And a whole lot of grace.
This is also so funny on timing. I was just listening to Jennifer Kolari on connected parenting, which her technique seems pretty similar to the main book you discussed.
Love this 🙌🏼 ❤
I watched the parenting book section multiple times, thank you! And as someone who lives in a state with snowy, cold winters I can’t wait to read there’s no such thing as bad weather!
It's SO good - Canada
I also interviewed the author on mypodcast!! The book is SO good!!
My son is 2 months and I already get “oh I guess I’m not supposed to say that” and this is only the beginning
😂😂😂
One of my favorite parenting books is 'unconditional love' by Alfie Kohn. 10/10 recommend . Also the whole brain child is great for understanding kids brains
This helped so much😢, my baby has been doing so many tantrums and I’ve basically done all the “don’ts” from this video. I will start doing all your tips starting tomorrow ☺️Can’t wait for my baby’s reaction and hopefully change in behavior. Will update❤
How did it go? I’m in your situation right now! I want to read the book first as there are a lot of tips
this is a good inbetween of whats out there as 'gentle' parenting or from what others gather to mean - no consequences and consequnecial parenting. which is not the case but I think you made a clear distinctions about how to explain and help the child learn and have agency to a degree wtihout it being chaotic.
Love this. Most of these techniques I knew but the pretend popsicle idea and talking inanimate objects are great tools I'm going to try.
Thank you, love this. Really gives me inspiration and practical tips for how I want to be when I get to that stage with my wee'un.
Book recommend: the book you wish your parents had read and your children will thank you for reading
This was incredible!!!! I have be struggling with my toddler and my families disciplinary methods and opinions. I do many of these things with my daughter and found some new ones to add.
- you did it instead of good job
- be careful on the steps so you don’t fall
- stay on the side walk or when you see cars grab someone’s hand
- occasional time out but explaining before and after
- giving options
I’m excited to add some of these things
- when she’s hurt acknowledging what happened
- instead of I don’t understand you saying what I do hear
- imaginary alternatives when we she can’t have what she wants
I swear I really needed to hear this 😅 it’s only been 4 mins into the video ❤
I definitely think following through with whatever you say is crucial! But I loved your video! 😊
I absolutely love to hear you talk about the things you read because I feel so much more validated in the fact that I don't it all "like it's supposed to be done". I've read a lot of the same books but I'm like you in a lot of ways. I'm still going to say Good Job sometimes (even though I understand the reasoning behind maybe saying something different). I've told my daughter that when she throws things it makes Mama upset (even though apparently that causes co-dependency). It's so hard to be in this middle ground of being so thankful for this 'new' information that you can get behind but also not being 100% sure it all works for you. You give me the confidence to do what's best for us even in this realm of parenting information that feels like you're going to scar your child forever if YOU DON'T DO IT EXACTLY LIKE THIS! lol
Best quote of the video: "Parenting is a lot of unlearning our habits." SO TRUE. I didn't realize how bad I was at regulating my emotions until I had a toddler hahaha.
I learned so many things in this video! Right after you mention the book, I got it on auditable lol
It’s a slow start so stick with it!
Omg the pretend popsicle alternative is magic!!!!! Never heard that took before. Thank you!
This is soooo good.
Also, when you talk to them about what they like about the thing you told them no about, you're demonstrating sympathy for their disappointment and therefore allowing them to express that they're sad. I let the bond that it has created with my kids. I never got onto my kids (my kids are 4, 2, and 1) whenever they cried or screamed when we left the park ( Yes, other parents stared. It was hard. Lol). Every time we went, it got better and better because they realized that they weren't alone in their disappointment, we can go to the park multiple times. It was so sweet for them when we pulled up to the park and looked at me like, "Wow! We're back! Mom can be trusted." ❤️
I love this toddler communication video. Please share more! 😄
The author is going to be on my podcast!!!
@@heyshayla excellent!!!
love this
Watching to be a better aunt (if possible 😂😉) great advice!
So helpful thank you!
I feel like I’m also where you’re at in trying to learn how to help my own 2 year old. We took the pacifier away recently and nighttime has been a struggle. When she cries or wines I say “do you want me to help you relax? Would you like me to sing to you or hold you” so instead of telling her to stop crying or calm down I’m giving her a distraction to help her to calm down. It’s made such a huge difference. I’m definitely taking some tips from this video
This is so perfect for us right now. My first is 3. My second is 2. And my third is a couple months old. We are going through sooo many big emotions all at once. We play pretend sometimes but never even realized how it could benifit in so many other times. I wave my hands around pretending to do magic to "help" my child do something they've suddenly "forgotten" how to do. These are wonderful tips! Thank you!
I really like this!
Found it all super helpful and eye opening!