I just realized that…my part of it was trying to find safety in someone else…… not that’s it’s wrong to want to feel safe in a relationship but the wounded part of me wanted to find safety in someone who wasn’t acting safe. We all know consistency, effort, respect, honesty, vulnerability, are essential and bare minimum to a healthy relationship….. I think if I truly felt safe in myself and secure in myself I wouldn’t have tried to make it work with someone who wasn’t displaying behaviors that were showing they aren’t ready for a loving relationship…. I wouldn’t have seen that as a challenge to control them
@@sheemery2024 I understood everything you said except the last part when you said you wanted the challenge to control them. Could you explain further please? Thank you 🤍💞💞💞
Perfectly said. Been there too over 2 years ago. Never again but at least now I know it was a lesson and blessing in disguise to finally start healing my own issues.
Thank you! Matthew Hussey once said, “Staying with an Avoidant Partner who you hope will change, only enables the cycle.” I walked away from my avoidant ex a few weeks ago. Still hurts like hell but I believed ending the cycle gave us each our best chance to grow and heal. Thank you for validating this decision!
I didn't know about attachment styles until I was recently discarded three months into a relationship. Her reasonings over text were that she didn't have time to date anyone, and she was feeling feelings that she couldn't handle. Some BS excuses that she couldn't even talk to me about. I thought it was going great and was becoming something real. I'm going on almost two months post discard, and it's still so painful. I got back on the dating apps, and I came across her, and it ripped open the wound completely. Im feeling like everything was a lie. Adding insult to injury, she has a picture on there that I took of her. I've dived into UA-cam videos, learning about attachment styles, a lot of videos have helped me understand the dynamics and how it wasn't my fault, but your videos are actually helping me look inward and what I need to work on! This is bringing up past abandonments. My mother is a CN, and when my mom and dad separated, he was still living in the basement. She gathered me and my siblings when we were kids. I was 10 at the time, to the table telling us that he needed to move out. I just remember sitting there quiet and sad. She was always a rage monster. You couldn't have any of your own opinions with her. She called him in the kitchen and told him that we all voted that he had to leave. there was no "vote," of course. He did leave after ripping the countertop off. For years and years as an adult, he still tells me and my sisters how we voted him out of the house. so, looking back on it, I have an abandonment wound about him leaving, and then i'm also blaming myself for it because he's saying it's my fault that he left. Wow, I have a lot of work to do 😬
That comment omg?!? That shit is my new mantra… “If they go away… and work on themselves and get really good, with their pain and they release thier shame, and they start showing up as someone who loves themselves… That is going to be a direct mirror to you, where you haven’t done that.” (done the work) You can throw all these other “coaches” away.
You're not alone with this. I wanted my avoidant partner to pick me over other things in life but she chose to push me away instead of acknowledging me. Between my anxiety over why she was pulling away and her life stresses, the relationship broke. I should have given her space and focused on my recent accomplishments.
The avoidant's behavior is tantamount to assault against the other person. It is soft narcissism. Let's call it what it really is and stop dancing around the truth!
My SP and I have managed to trigger each other in spite of the distance. Grabbing on to those triggering moments has been enough to show the path to healing.
Thank you for these videos! They’ve been invaluable in processing a few things that were blindspots for me. I wonder if you could enlighten us on what to do about or “How to stop over - explaining" when a fearful avoidant gets upset continues to make incorrect assumptions and perceive things wrongly…. I have wasted hours and hours going around in circles needlessly. One of your videos has only just switched on the light for me regarding this. It’s a pattern I’ve found myself repeating, and need to stop…. how do we get over being misunderstood quickly but efficiently, and remain compassionate. Thank you so much!
Nothing You attract all types of attachment styles It's only an issue if you continue a relationship after you realize that they are toxic They pull away as a manipulation to hook you😅
you dont know there avoidant when you first meet..they act normal ..its 6mnths on or less that you start to feel the distance..usually there dumped soon after..and roll on to the next..
Where you have both anxious and avoidant tendencies within the same relationship/situationship as well as different people bring one or the other out of you depending on the situation
I have been searching for exactly this. I want to work on attachment style training. You are perfect for this goal. I don’t want to attract the style of people any longer. Please help!!?
how do we deal with it when we’re both fearful avoidants and also live together? like long term partner/fiance/husband. i do not wish to leave nor do i want to push him in to a corner. i can see myself in him in every way and its so triggering daily 😅 i am so frustrated with this and my life so far and have no idea how to voice my feelings in general. do you recommend if i have trust/communication/emotional intimacy issues with men i should see a male therapist?
V difficult for me to answer this in a comment on here. Sounds like a complex emotional situation I suggest you working through with a coach or therapist. Trust the process, things will become clear. Ask for clarity x
Is it alright when secure empath meet another secure empath? Would it be too emotional or. I mean is it normal that guy male is brave and strong but also really empathic altruistic person . 🤔
I just realized that…my part of it was trying to find safety in someone else…… not that’s it’s wrong to want to feel safe in a relationship but the wounded part of me wanted to find safety in someone who wasn’t acting safe. We all know consistency, effort, respect, honesty, vulnerability, are essential and bare minimum to a healthy relationship….. I think if I truly felt safe in myself and secure in myself I wouldn’t have tried to make it work with someone who wasn’t displaying behaviors that were showing they aren’t ready for a loving relationship…. I wouldn’t have seen that as a challenge to control them
Whoohooo you got it!
@ thank you
@@sheemery2024 I understood everything you said except the last part when you said you wanted the challenge to control them. Could you explain further please?
Thank you 🤍💞💞💞
Good story! 😏👍
Perfectly said. Been there too over 2 years ago. Never again but at least now I know it was a lesson and blessing in disguise to finally start healing my own issues.
Thank you! Matthew Hussey once said, “Staying with an Avoidant Partner who you hope will change, only enables the cycle.” I walked away from my avoidant ex a few weeks ago. Still hurts like hell but I believed ending the cycle gave us each our best chance to grow and heal. Thank you for validating this decision!
😮 same here we gotta talk 😢 hugs 🫂
And you grow into selfish and arrogant person then? Or what?
I didn't know about attachment styles until I was recently discarded three months into a relationship. Her reasonings over text were that she didn't have time to date anyone, and she was feeling feelings that she couldn't handle. Some BS excuses that she couldn't even talk to me about. I thought it was going great and was becoming something real. I'm going on almost two months post discard, and it's still so painful. I got back on the dating apps, and I came across her, and it ripped open the wound completely. Im feeling like everything was a lie. Adding insult to injury, she has a picture on there that I took of her.
I've dived into UA-cam videos, learning about attachment styles, a lot of videos have helped me understand the dynamics and how it wasn't my fault, but your videos are actually helping me look inward and what I need to work on! This is bringing up past abandonments. My mother is a CN, and when my mom and dad separated, he was still living in the basement. She gathered me and my siblings when we were kids. I was 10 at the time, to the table telling us that he needed to move out. I just remember sitting there quiet and sad. She was always a rage monster. You couldn't have any of your own opinions with her. She called him in the kitchen and told him that we all voted that he had to leave. there was no "vote," of course. He did leave after ripping the countertop off. For years and years as an adult, he still tells me and my sisters how we voted him out of the house. so, looking back on it, I have an abandonment wound about him leaving, and then i'm also blaming myself for it because he's saying it's my fault that he left. Wow, I have a lot of work to do 😬
That comment omg?!? That shit is my new mantra…
“If they go away… and work on themselves and get really good, with their pain and they release thier shame, and they start showing up as someone who loves themselves…
That is going to be a direct mirror to you, where you haven’t done that.” (done the work)
You can throw all these other “coaches” away.
Agreed! 😊
You are a breath of fresh air, Corri! Just you talking from the heart from a place of experience. Much love ❤
Thank you for being here ❤️
I was attracted to a beautiful, self-reliant & independent woman, that's all I knew at the time.
Seriously helpful little clips !!!! Truly thank you 💚💚✨️
I wanted him to choose me, but I wasn't choosing myself. Ive done what I mostly feared: I left him and it feels liberating.
You're not alone with this. I wanted my avoidant partner to pick me over other things in life but she chose to push me away instead of acknowledging me. Between my anxiety over why she was pulling away and her life stresses, the relationship broke. I should have given her space and focused on my recent accomplishments.
Another excellent video. Thank you so very much.❤
Simp
The avoidant's behavior is tantamount to assault against the other person. It is soft narcissism. Let's call it what it really is and stop dancing around the truth!
I do think it can very often lean into narcissism too x
My SP and I have managed to trigger each other in spite of the distance. Grabbing on to those triggering moments has been enough to show the path to healing.
Thank you for these videos! They’ve been invaluable in processing a few things that were blindspots for me. I wonder if you could enlighten us on what to do about or “How to stop over - explaining" when a fearful avoidant gets upset continues to make incorrect assumptions and perceive things wrongly…. I have wasted hours and hours going around in circles needlessly. One of your videos has only just switched on the light for me regarding this. It’s a pattern I’ve found myself repeating, and need to stop…. how do we get over being misunderstood quickly but efficiently, and remain compassionate. Thank you so much!
That’s a good idea!! X
Nothing
You attract all types of attachment styles
It's only an issue if you continue a relationship after you realize that they are toxic
They pull away as a manipulation to hook you😅
Exactly what happened to me
you dont know there avoidant when you first meet..they act normal ..its 6mnths on or less that you start to feel the distance..usually there dumped soon after..and roll on to the next..
There's signs: love bombing, crossing boundaries, not meeting their family, they don't talk about feelings, etc.
Amazing you will be doing videos in avoidants I have a disorganised attachment style that I'm working through
What is a disorganized attachment style?
@@ceciliamac4283oscillating between both anxious and avoidant
Where you have both anxious and avoidant tendencies within the same relationship/situationship as well as different people bring one or the other out of you depending on the situation
@ I see. Thank you for explaining 🤍🫶🏼
@ no worries, I happen to have this attachment style so have first hand experience of what a nightmare it can be 😅
You are the best coach, ciao from italy
Omg 😳 truth
I have been searching for exactly this. I want to work on attachment style training. You are perfect for this goal. I don’t want to attract the style of people any longer. Please help!!?
Working to attract my person. I want to be my best to not bring any past negativity or as much work into my next relationship. I know it takes work.
@@jasonoaks-g1s focus on yourself vs focusing on attracting someone to you.
how do we deal with it when we’re both fearful avoidants and also live together? like long term partner/fiance/husband. i do not wish to leave nor do i want to push him in to a corner. i can see myself in him in every way and its so triggering daily 😅 i am so frustrated with this and my life so far and have no idea how to voice my feelings in general. do you recommend if i have trust/communication/emotional intimacy issues with men i should see a male therapist?
V difficult for me to answer this in a comment on here. Sounds like a complex emotional situation I suggest you working through with a coach or therapist. Trust the process, things will become clear. Ask for clarity x
Is it alright when secure empath meet another secure empath? Would it be too emotional or. I mean is it normal that guy male is brave and strong but also really empathic altruistic person . 🤔
What the hell the "loving yourself" means??? Being selfish and arrogant?
Setting boundaries, stop abandoning and neglecting yourself, parenting yourself, prioritizing your needs, to name a few things
@@mgn1621 I do all these things when I do not love anybody.